4 weeks ago
Chemistry: How to Tell if it’s There, and What to Do if it’s Not

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You’ve been messaging back and forth with a potential Sugar Baby or Daddy for a while now, and it seems like this has all the makings of a perfect arrangement. They’ve read all your favorite books, know how to make you laugh, and the conversation flows effortlessly. It’s finally time to set up a Meet and Greet, and you agree to meet at the new Italian restaurant you’ve meant to try. But what happens if you realize things aren’t quite what you expected them to be?

 

As interested as you may be in them, occasionally sparks just don’t fly. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, while other times you may find yourself searching for clues to what they’re thinking. If you’re not sure the chemistry is there, ask yourself these questions:

 

Is their phone king?

 

Your date should want to talk to you, not to their friends. It’s always rude to spend too much time on your phone during a date, and if they never seem to put their phone away, it may be a sign that the two of you are missing some chemistry.

 

How’s the conversation?

 

First-date jitters are normal, and there’s bound to be some small talk as you get to know one another. If the conversation never moves beyond her favorite movie or how much he loved “Infinite Jest,” though, it’s probably time to move on.

 

Are they selfish?

 

Once you get past the small talk (or maybe as soon as it begins), in which direction do they take the conversation? If they spend most of the M&G talking about themselves and rarely think to ask about you, this arrangement may be dead on arrival. The same goes for if they can’t let you get a word out without interrupting or jumping ahead to the point you were about to make.

 

What to do if there’s no chemistry

 

Sometimes people’s nerves get to them, and they aren’t their best self on an M&G. Trust your instincts if you feel like someone has a heart of gold underneath it all and take the time to get to know them better. If you can just tell that an arrangement wouldn’t be right, though, keep the following in mind:

 

Be classy.

 

Ghosting is a reportable offense on SeekingArrangement.com, not to mention being just plain rude. If you realize partway through an M&G that there’s no potential, be friendly and finish the date in style, rather than making up an excuse to use the restroom and disappearing out the back door. Don’t leave them with both the dinner bill and a reason to report you.

 

Keep reportable Salt in mind.

 

We take the safety of our members seriously at SeekingArrangement, and our team works around the clock to make sure Sugaring is a positive experience for everyone involved. In most cases, if an arrangement doesn’t work out, it will simply be because you aren’t compatible with one another. For reportable behavior — which is against our Terms of Service or doesn’t fit with the mission of the site — check out The SeekingArrangement Guide to Reportable Salt.

 

Move on.

 

Don’t feel down if you’re just not hitting it off with a potential arrangement. Not every M&G is going to lead to the perfect arrangement, but there’s plenty of potential on SeekingArrangement.com. Start a conversation with someone new, and you’ll be well on your way to finding your perfect arrangement.

 

 

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54 Responses to “Chemistry: How to Tell if it’s There, and What to Do if it’s Not”

  1. Anonymous says:

    The initial meet and greet is important to determining whether or not there is enough of a connection to go to the next phase. I start off paying about $700 – $800 for a couple of dates to make sure things are good and to build a good rapport before committing to a $ 4000 monthly allowance.

    The feedback I have received is that the pay for play allowance and the monthly is fairly generous and I have never been asked for more.

    • Anonymous says:

      4000 a month is a good allowance no one should complain about this amount even 700 to 800 per meet should make most happy

  2. Clueless (I guess) SD says:

    If you are meeting weekly, 2000 per month

  3. Clueless (I guess) SD says:

    Always – it is just the gentlemanly thing to do.

  4. Anonymous says:

    should men buy dinner on the first meet ???

  5. Anonymous says:

    what is a average allowance for a woman

  6. Anonymous says:

    when is the best time to be on line

  7. bells. says:

    the comments on here all talk about how the 23 year olds and under 25 all dissapar or go ghost. Im here to say that the men do it too. I cant tell you how many times ( EVERY SINGLE TIME ) to be exact have a man flake on me. its hard enough being afican american. Some of us just deserve more. I always offer to pay for dinner the first night as well. Never met anyone on this site. just texing for months and video chats and emails that never go off the screen or internet.

    BOGUS! and im few of 23 year olds who actually needs college paid for im a premium member and live up to my standards. plus I would never ask you for money, that part is implied sugar daddy. and what happen to consistency if i wanted to have a one night stand i would charge way more than dinner and a movie. can we at least get to know each other. there will be plenty of time for sex.

    • Know your worth says:

      ADVICE FOR ALL THE SB’S THAT ARE READING THIS: you need to start asking for money. communicate effectively, filter people by income (they better be able to afford you), let your expectations be known from the jump. That way, if they don’t align, you don’t invest too much time in someone. You should always try to meet ASAP because people will forget you and be flakey. You should never pay for a meal. They should pay for your UBER (not your train ride) and should compensate you for your time at the very least. IF not, then they’re not good and you move on to the next.

      I’m very good at making money on SA. I’m a stripper so I have experience asking for money. I’m used to making a lot. I know my worth and that’s what gives me the confidence that helps me make at least 6k a month from SA excluding dancing. I think I’m going to start a workshop, honestly. But here’s some free advice. Please take it, girl.

    • Know your worth says:

      dyde

      • Know your worth says:

        You should not be paying for your own meal.

        1. He should be paying for your transportation, meal, and your time. At the very least. Point. BLANK.
        2. You should always try to set up a date ASAP (same day or next) so people don’t get flakey or forget you
        3. You should discuss expectations before you even meet so you don’t waste your time. “If we choose to start an arrangement together what does that look like for you…” and allowance range should be discussed ahead of time. I’m not meeting someone 4 times a month for 2k
        4. Filter people by income and lifestyle expectations (under 500k cannot afford this lifestyle)
        5. You cannot be afraid to ask for what you want. Learn how to sell and look up tips on charisma and influencing people, and NLP. You obviously cant ask for 6k to meet up once a month (at least not with most people, and would take a high amount of sales skills) but 4k for four times a month is not unreasonable and anyone who says it is, you can just skip. They’re not for you. But you can’t expect a 21 year-old trust fund baby to give you that much for you to sit at home and play patti cake either. Be realistic

        Know your worth. You’re worth more than you think. I’ve been a stripper for 2 years so I know how to ask for money, know how much my time is worth and I know how much i deserve. With Chase checking as my witness, I’ve not had a month on this site where I make less than 6k excluding what I make from dancing. I’m actually thinking of starting a workshop for this. But for now, take this free advice, please.

    • Know your worth says:

      You should not be paying for your own meal.

      1. He should be paying for your transportation, meal, and your time. At the very least. Point. BLANK.
      2. You should always try to set up a date ASAP (same day or next) so people don’t get flakey or forget you
      3. You should discuss expectations before you even meet so you don’t waste your time. “If we choose to start an arrangement together what does that look like for you…” and allowance range should be discussed ahead of time. I’m not meeting someone 4 times a month for 2k

    • Know your worth says:

      You should not be paying for your own meal.

      1. He should be paying for your transportation, meal, and your time. At the very least. Point. BLANK.
      2. You should always try to set up a date ASAP (same day or next) so people don’t get flakey or forget you

    • Know your worth says:

      3. You should discuss expectations before you even meet so you don’t waste your time. “If we choose to start an arrangement together what does that look like for you…” and allowance range should be discussed ahead of time. I’m not meeting someone 4 times a month for 2k

  8. Anonomously says:

    I’ve had women ask me for anywhere between $200 and $1000 for a first meeting. I thought to myself, this is a joke right and there’s a hidden camera somewhere? There are several reasons why I will not pay for a first meeting.
    1.) I don’t even know if I want to buy it? That’s like paying money to walk in at Neiman Marcus for the privilege of spending your money on something. I don’t know if I like this person if I want to see him for a second time and frankly, I’m the one with the money. All they’re doing is providing their time and getting treated by an old-school Gentleman to a meal at a five-star restaurant. I should pay HER for that?
    -Now if we meet and hit it off, I’ve given a woman $500 and the last one, i purchased a $1,500 Mac Pro, w/a 2 year warranty Before I got the check. In both cases I had no intention or no desire to take it to a physical level and was expecting nothing in return. I genuinely liked and respected these women most importantly, they were self entitled millennial‘s who expected anything except gentlemanly treatment and a nice meal. That made me want to help them all the more. But a woman who wants $500 to meet for dinner is out of her mind.

    2.) And more importantly, I genuinely hope to establish a solid friendship with a woman and see where things go? NO Great friendship ever started with the cash transaction between the two parties. If there’s a second date, that means I like the person and she’ll have no financial issues, and just because someone’s been scanned or been out with a poser before, she’s not going to guilt me into paying to take her out to dinner. That’s ridiculous .

    Last point I want to make is that I’ve only had a few dates on here but I’ve talked to dozens of women on this site and most of them don’t realize that about 30% of the women on here are professionals. They expect to get paid on the first meet because they expect to provide full-service. That’s not what I want and I’m not trying to convince anybody of anything else. What I hate more than anything, what my six friends on here hate more than anything, is a girl who starts yelling and lecturing us about where we are at and why we should fully expect to pay for a first meeting.

    Excuse, the SA Constitution doesn’t stipulate that I should expect to pay hundred dollars to meet someone for the first time. Some of the women on here way over estimate the value of their company for a few hours.

    • Dazed SD says:

      amen brother !! Most of these girls have no clue. If they show class a real SD will always be more than generous, and usually give more than expected.

    • Anonymous says:

      It’s a total scam! Some girls on here (certainly not all) want to get paid $100 just to meet over a drink. Are you kidding me?!?!

      And of course these are the same ones that will say there’s no chemistry so no sugar for you…but thanks for the hundred bucks.

      There’s a big difference between a sugar baby and an escort/hooker…getting paid to share a drink is an indication of the latter.

  9. Imajen says:

    I came up in a different time, with different ideas about what could be called “common human courtesy.” However, I did not have the peer pressure, social media, bandwagon socialization that many young people now have to survive.
    It’s got to be somewhat hurtful to have a person with whom you’ve been corresponding suddenly vanish–with the evidence of your goodwill! I hope such experiences turn out to be few, and that they don’t sour you on those of us who actually do show up!
    Imajen
    P.S., Does anyone here fool with profile reviews, anymore? I could use some help! Thanks in advance, just in case..

  10. Anonymous says:

    $1 Is too much if she is a scammer is the point. Meet and greet is free of charge, maybe parking and dinner but gift? Why don’t you make 100 dates and just go around collecting your “gifts”?
    Whaaat? They do that all the time……..Who is a catfish…..

  11. Anonymous says:

    If an SB asks for an advance allowance, just say no.

    • Anonymous says:

      I personally think that a lot of people like to take without putting the effort in. Building a relationship with a sugardaddy on this site is important because he’s not only there for gifts etc, he can actually help you emotionally and since more than likely he’s older than you, he will be giving you enormous amounts of wisdom

  12. Anonymous says:

    “I can go from riding a horse in jeans and boots to heels and a dress with makeup and hair curled like it’s nothing.”

    Of course…but someone needs to provide a horse, lessons, and a variety of outfits and accessories first?

  13. Anonymous says:

    When an SB asks for an advance allowance payment. Just say no. There are just two possible scenarios. You advance the allowance and she disappears OR you refuse the request and she may possibly be upset.

    Always take a risk with the latter option.

  14. Anonymous says:

    When an SB asks for an advance allowance payment. Just say no. There are just two possible scenarios. You advance the allowance and she disappears OR you refuse the request and she may possibly be pissed.

    Always take a risk with the latter option.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Hello there.

  16. Anonymous says:

    If an SB asks for an advance allowance payment. Just say no. There are just two possible scenarios. You advance the allowance and she disappears OR you refuse the request and she may possibly be pissed.

    Always take a risk with the latter option.

  17. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been ghosted loads. Conversations just stop. Not just sb’s under 25 either. What’s wrong with a “thanks but no thanks”.

    • Boo says:

      To a previous comment: Is “old” considered “antiquated” and out-dated and not up to snuff? My bad here, but last time I checked…the majority of snow birds are not “party on” 23 year olds that flock.

      My old school synopsis is, well gee… If everything the youngsters know is old, then God bless the antique business because they just went out of business. What do the youngsters know? Oh yeah…what their mother and fathers taught them… You are to not woto for anything and everyone owes you something and be snide and riude and you will attain more in life…really? How crypling! That is…the new world order right? Like the days of the dark ages and burning books to keep anyone from knowing proper etioquite. You chase them and bless them and they become what you treat hem to be until someone else comes along and sets a new standard.

      You guile the true and hamper the good and reward the crase as if they steward you and then come online to moan and groan of the perils of your sugar life…are you kidding me?

      Treat the good ones like they are “finger liking good” (no pun intended for some kfc joke), but “truth in the matter”…you can play “pretend” or you can ” make, and then believe”, the choice is yours.

  18. luis fernandez says:

    Como hago para poder responder un mensaje…..no encuentro el link para hacerlo???

  19. Anonymous says:

    In my years of being an SD (here and other sites), the flake factor increases exponentially for a POT SB every year under 22. Someone mentioned the “entitled coed” syndrome earlier, but that’s exactly what it is. I mean heck, I created a female profile a year back with my description as 4 ft 8, overweight, 5 kids, seeking substantial, with no pics, and got hundreds of offers (some were bots, “princes” etc).
    Guys, the reason they act entitled is because most guys on here act as enablers to them. Think about the ego rush for a 19 year old college girl that gets hundreds of messages in the first day or 2 from guys’ first messages of offering $$$ pay for play or other things…
    Yet another reason why I never message a less than a month old profile…Let her sort through all that first…

    • bells. says:

      some of us delete and then come back. some of the young ones are actually put together. your statement is true but not all the time. you also have the sugar baby who is 23 with no family, no kids, in school, working 2 jobs who really just need the help. but you all look down on them type of women because they are mostly black. speak for yourself. but im not the woman you are describing here.

  20. Anonymous says:

    “Is their phone king?”

    If she dares to take her phone out even ONCE during the first date, I’m nexting her immediately. I know women don’t have respect for other peoples presence these days, and I don’t tolerate that. I don’t text either, or do business calls if I’m on a date.

    • allumer says:

      It goes both ways. I recently went out with a POT who was off the clock yet was glued to his phone. So it would do good to stop associating being glued to your phone as just women doing it because there are a lot of older people who are very comfortable with technology as well.

    • Anonymous says:

      I would still bring my phone for protection. I would only use it if I go to the bathroom for the person checking on my safety!

  21. Dave jr says:

    Women that have grown up in the “texting age” are afraid to make a scene. No guts. Well, in J’s case you got scammed, she never intended to show up. Learn to SD.
    No money for meeting is THE Golden rule. Take it as a $40 class in what not to do. Western Union? was it? I would also report her, just me. SA won’t actually do anything about her but it will make you feel better.
    As for you my Ghosted friend, I think you did not realize her agenda or she got a look at you and decided to bail. 50 out of 100 here are not worth gripping over so don’t give it another thought and call “next!”.

    • J Harding says:

      Indeed it was a scam. As I had texted and spoken to her infrequently over a couple of months, I took it as an acceptable risk for $40. I am not heartbroken over it, just a little more jaded.

      • Anonymous says:

        $40!!!! You guys are supposed to be Sugardaddies!!!! $40 is what you should be paying for a nice car wash with tip. The nerve of you participating on the Site. Then what about the Wish List. When are the gifts supposed to be purchased. A Real Sugardaddy has the gift waiting to be presented when the Sugarbaby shows up for the date. Or if you feel cheezy, have the waiter present it to her when she sits down to a nice dinner at a beautiful and secure restaurant. I am starting to believe by the comments that you guys are making that you are Catfishing Sugardaddys

      • Anonymous says:

        Yes, we are sugar daddies but don’t like to be scammed the same way women don’t liked to be scammed by men.

        $40 is not going to take any one of us to the poor house. It was just the amount involved in the scam.

      • Anonymous says:

        $1 Is too much if she is a scammer is the point. Meet and greet is free of charge, maybe parking and dinner but gift? Why don’t you make 100 dates and just go around collecting your “gifts”?
        Whaaat? They do that all the time……..Who is a catfish…..

      • Anonymous says:

        Haha, a meet and greet is a job interview. Do you get paid for job interviews? No you don’t. I’ll buy you dinner, we can decide whether to continue or not. Never pay for a meet and greet. If you do you perpetuate serial daters who have no interest in anything but the next paid dinner. 999/1000 that ask for gas money are scammers. SA won’t do a thing about it if you report them. After all, pics of hot SB’s are what drive the profits. Buyer beware!

      • Anonymous says:

        Never pay for a meet and greet. It’s a job interview. Do you get paid to go on a job interview? No, of course not. You also don’t have to acccept the job. If you pay for a meet and greet you perpetuate the success of the serial daters. Some SB’s have no intention of following through and are just getting paid dinners or “gas money” from suckers. 999/1000 who ask for money upfront, or something to show you’re serious are scammers. They’re too many good, genuine SB’s to go that route.

    • J Harding says:

      After reading this I did report, and first got the reply that I should ‘use the reporting system by clicking the button on the user’s profile’. That is difficult when the user has blocked me from the profile! Gave the name info and did get a reply, but of course I will never know what happened. And I wasn’t worried about the $40, as it was something I could afford to lose or I wouldn’t have sent it.

  22. J Harding says:

    I was just ghosted and blocked after a NCNS to first meeting. I had just sent $40 in “gas money”. Ghosting is the norm. I have had it happen to me in the civilian dating world long before texting was around.

  23. Anonymous says:

    I have been ghosted three times in the last nine months. I simply cannot comprehend why a woman cannot simply say by text “thank you but I have changed my mind.” Is that so hard? I like to think that most guys on SA are mature enough to take rejection with some grace and move on. So there is really nothing for the SB to worry about. After all, everything is being done by text, so there is no threat of any kind to the SB. Almost as bad as ghosting is being blocked by an SB after extensive cordial texting back and forth with no indication that there is a problem. Again, why can’t these women summon a modicum of courtesy and simply say ” I have changed my mind, good-bye.”

    • 47SWM says:

      Online dating generally and the pursuit of sugar relationships specifically can magnify bad traits in a person. I recently crossed paths with someone on SA whom I had first met a couple of years previously. Back then, she was a nice girl. Now, she was a walking caricature of an entitled college co-ed.

    • jenny says:

      I have been ghosted my SDs on here before too. Its really not a good feeling, but what can we do :/

      • Anonymous says:

        not much you can do just pick yourself up and carry on it’s a number’s game keep trying until you find someone real

    • Dazed SD says:

      your asking young girls to be respect and polite,,good luck with that !
      Doesn’t work that way sorry to say

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