4 years ago
Happy Thanksgiving Sugars!

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Happy Thanksgiving Sugars! In true holiday fashion, let’s highlight what to be thankful for in the Sugar Bowl…

Veteran Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies That Give Back

The Sugar Bowl wouldn’t be as sweet if it weren’t for Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies who go out of their way to provide advice and guidance to newbies.

Sugary Sweet Daddies

Here’s to the men who find satisfaction in spoiling women. The road to finding your ideal arrangement can be littered with one or more POTs that turn out to be Salties or Splenda Daddies. Not all men that seek the Sugar lifestyle get it right the first time, but the most generous and beneficial Daddies had to learn through trial and error.

Safer Dating

There is no guarantee in life—let alone dating. With the advent of new technology in internet safety, we are thankful to have been able to implement the Verified Dating feature this past year. Next year, a brand new feature will be introduced to make dating on SeekingArrangement even safer.

What are you thankful for?

What has the Sugar Bowl brought you this year?


Leave a Reply

208 Responses to “Happy Thanksgiving Sugars!”

  1. DorkyGuy says:

    The new blog topic is up.

  2. DorkyGuy says:

    @Tlaxseea~ SA has a sister site that is more geared toward relationships that may be a better fit. It is SeekingMillionaire.

  3. flyer says:

    @Tlax – “Is SA just for mutually beneficially relationships or can REAL LOVE or some type of relationship be formed like gf/bf ?”

    At the substantial risk of sullying the good name of SD’s, yes real love can be found here, but do not count on it.

    Odds – less than IRL but better than the singles bar, especially if you are looking for an older mate.

  4. Tlaxseea says:

    How do I choose who to meet on SA ?

    I’m looking to settle down with an older man someday, have kids, marriage.
    I am a younger woman and have always been attracted to older men.
    I’ve never dated before because of school/work but now that I’m finished with school I would like to start dating more (one of my goals for the new year).

    Is SA just for mutually beneficially relationships or can REAL LOVE or some type of relationship be formed like gf/bf ?

  5. Butterfly says:

    GTT, I completely agree with all of the above :) Just saying.

    Congrats Richard!!

  6. sweetie says:

    Welcome back, Richard! :)
    Good luck with the arrangement. Now spill the beans, mister!

  7. Richard says:

    @flyr – “One of the mistakes we men make is thinking that women are constant in their emotions and needs.”

    You can say that again! The other mistake we make is trying to apply logic to their words and actions, especially in regards to relationships. Of course, that’s what makes it interesting.

    Hello to everyone! Been so busy haven’t had time to catch up on the blog recently. Also entered a lovely (fairly local) arrangement, so canceled my SA account.

  8. onyx_percula says:

    @ gtt_envy — You already started a relationship with this lady, you don’t txt/talk that often without one. In the oh so true words from FlyR, things change. Best strike while the iron is hot 😉

    Go see her, be open and honest. Let her decide what the time spent will be, be available.

  9. flyr says:

    @GTT – There are times when a man needs to let the little head take the lead, reserving the big head for the E&E effort should it be needed.

    One of the mistakes we men make is thinking that women are constant in their emotions and needs.

  10. SugarySpicey says:

    Switching out my email address, so I figured I’d go into moderation purgatory now …

  11. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx –

    The new job is definitely keeping me crazy busy/exhausted, but when I go to Istanbul next month I’ll probably meet up with my original Austrian who started all my sugar dating exploration, and perhaps make a side trip to Paris at the end of my trip to meet my kinky Austrian doctor – I have a thing for Austrians if you can’t tell. Brazil in a few weeks and I might meet up with the Columbiab I met in Vegas, though that’s still up in the air as the South America trip might be just a two day whirlwind. But at home, no romantic life for me at all right now, work, work, work!

  12. sweetie says:

    Gtt, when a lady asks you to go see her, you must comply. Don’t over think it, who knows how talking face to face might go? Just go with the flow and see what vibes she gives you. Perhaps it’s all texting suspense, or perhaps there’s place for something more. Be clear about your intentions, if you end up having any.

  13. gtt_envy says:

    Interesting turn of events!! What would you do?

    So, I’ve talked to a young woman about 15 years my junior for 4 months. Through my last arrangement we still talked, but never anything real sexual except in the beginning, usually the dialogue was just like being friends. 5-6 text messages a day almost everyday since August. Music, movies, travel, kids, work, economy, etc etc share pics, videos, daily blurbs.

    The only thing that really stopped us from starting a arrangement was me already being in one and I don’t juggle nor do I have the time for more than 1 special girl anyway. She is a first timer and has since gotten off the site altogether last month saying “Everyone was creepy, felt like a contract, with offers for hotel and a paltry sum of $$”

    Well, last night I did my “Have a great weekend :)” text to which she replied:

    “You have to come see me. I can’t stop thinking about you………I don’t want anything from you and just think we would have a blast together.” and she started to send me very provocative pics

    I’m sort of on the ropes as to how to proceed. I guess I’m fearful she will end up being batshit crazy or something. I would be lieing if the this was a terribly erotic feeling at the same time. I’m sure I would still give her “stuff” anyway I just don’t want anyone getting hurt emotionally.

    Thoughts?

  14. Jersey Darling says:

    I’d imagine it would be exhausting cycling through that many potentials. Personally, I don’t really consider someone a potential until we’ve met and agreed on an arrangement. But I also don’t discuss potentials often. Prefer to keep my cards close to my chest 😉

    Regarding the workplace, not with a ten foot pole. It’s simply not worth tarnishing my professional reputation/livelihood.

  15. sweetie says:

    @Daisy,

    The first time you post it takes awhile, but you should be ok now. Your post has probably appeared earlier while you were waiting for it. That’s how things go with first timers, they get buried and lost. Why don’t you repost your questions? We’re more than happy to help, if we can.

    @Onyx, I see. Yeah, nothing wrong with keeping your ass covered. However, you do seem to fall for the ladies a lot, or at least easily. :) Good luck with the live-in. I hope it works!

  16. gtt_envy says:

    Onyx I think you like the chase I can’t imagine going through women at the rate you do……unless you are embellishing a little.

  17. Daisygirl says:

    Does anybody know how long it takes for comments here to actually show up here? I made a post two days ago and still not here… ???

    Anyone going to Toronto Party? I am!!! Sure hope all this money spent to get there will pay off!

  18. DorkyGuy says:

    @OP~ Will the live-in SB be ok with you having other SBs? If not, I think you might have a live-in girlfriend

  19. onyx_percula says:

    @ sweetie — I am or was or something, lol. SB#1 is getting more and more distant. My gut tells me she is realizing she is in love with her last SD and wants him just as he wants her back. We haven’t met in 3 weeks and I don’t expect to see her for another two… There is a fair chance too she is preparing for a move for law school too.

    The live-in to be SB is kind of a special deal really. I need the home care for my elderly mother, she needs an education and a lover. Sounds like a match to me 😀

    The pot SB I am seeing for the second time just kind of happened. She had me hooked before I knew it.

    I guess bottom line as happy as I was with SB#1, that relationship has changed and I am pretty sure its not “fixable”. Love doesn’t die, it just gets repressed and forgotten, hidden just beneath the surface waking to be awoken again. If that’s not it, or even if you chooses me there is a fair chance she will leave to go to law school. LTR I don’t suceed with.

    So I’m left with the classic choice… do you pass by people that interest you and miss out or do you at least connect?

  20. sweetie says:

    onyx, sorry

  21. sweetie says:

    Oxyx, I thought you were getting rid of the harem, not adding to it. How’s your wonderful SB doing? Not enough for you?

  22. Butterfly says:

    ahhh….workplace dating. Very risky! Hopefully it does become a moot point :) I personally don’t like entering into them, not unless I know I’m ready to look for a job at a moment’s notice. Which, I’m usually not. But it’s so tempting sometimes….even if it’s just casual sex. But the other guy is sr HR….I wouldn’t touch that situation with a 10′ pole. …at least until it’s not a problem lol

    Congrats on the live-in SB! Hope it works out! And what’s there to be careful about with the pot SB?? lol Fall for her and fall hard and enjoy the ride! lol hope that works out for you too 😉 gl!!

  23. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — From your trip to Vegas, about how a man and woman touch when they want each other.

    Honestly I would be happy with one, if I can find one that quenches all of the desires.

    A time for a love life with the new job?

  24. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx deary, you area serial womanizer :) what were my words you were thinking of?

  25. onyx_percula says:

    @ Butterfly — The only issue is that its a rather risky situation. Her current BF is a senior person in HR. He could make some real problems for both of us if we were to start seeing each other. I didn’t pull the trigger because of the whole workplace dating thing in the first place. She is VERY tempting, short petite long dark hair with bright blue eyes, and one of those irresistible fun personalities. But…

    There is something akin to negative unemployment in my fields of specialty. Been getting some incredible interesting approaches the last few weeks. Two of them also contacted my boss, which is ideal as we have worked as a team for the last few years. We are going to start the process so in a month or two the whole situation of workplace dating could be mute.

    ———

    The new to be a live-in SB is spending week after next with me. She will be staying with me in my home, give her a feel for how things will be for her.

    Meeting a pot SB for a second date. The first was great. Got to be careful with this one, I could fall for this one. Sweet fun super smart, and the electricity was palpable! She is that rare combination of carefree elegant classy and sexy all at once. I thought of Spicey’s words as we were standing close saying goodnight, my hand on her hip, hers on my chest, the touches were perfect. I’m not sure who is seducing who, lol!

  26. Exotic SB says:

    Morning sugars – happy weekend to all of you xo

  27. Butterfly says:

    “You need to get over the concept that the site is in any exclusive. Think of it as a vast bar in an edgy neighborhood with abundant populations of males on the hunt for something that’s missing in their life. There’s college guys, young attorneys, bussboys dressed up for a night out(some wearing dresses) , a rocket scientist or two, a number of politicians who feel they are entitled to free sugar, lots of married voyeurs teetering on the edge of the bowl or living life vicariously through the harvest of pictures of what might have been. Somewhere in the testosterone laced soup there are a few sane men looking for a truly mutually beneficial relation based on mutual respect and care on multiple levels. Of course there’s also Anthony Weiner in the mens room taking pictures to impress someone.

    The other view is that it’s like fishing . Catchable edible fish probably make up .00005% of the volume of the ocean, but a well baited and tended hook often brings home dinner.”

    well, that was amazingly said!!! 😀 just sayin

    Thanks, exotic, for the welcome!

    @onyx–loved the work story!! I wonder if you were meant to hear as well….

  28. sweetie says:

    Oh, this is cute… I have my own support group :) Thank you, all!

  29. flyr says:

    Swee – update your profile and then go cold turkey for a week . A watched POT never heats properly to the boiling point. ………

  30. onyx_percula says:

    @ sweetie — Hang in there babe.

  31. sweetie says:

    Devi, time will tell. For now, I’ll just browse aimlessly.

  32. DancingDevi says:

    @Sweetie – I was there, and about to take a break, when a pot SD (you know, an actual potential, rather than a potentially potential, hah!) appeared. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you decided to take a break, only to have someone awesome materialize out of the cyberæther. Life tends to work like that, imo – you only find what you’re looking for when you’ve decided you’re not going to be actively looking that hard for it anymore.

  33. onyx_percula says:

    @ DorkyGuy — It helps to go unnoticed when her and her friend are talking about the fight it caused… I was sitting in the break area when the two of them sit at the table behind me. Apparently I’m invisible, lol. Or I was meant to hear, 😀

  34. DorkyGuy says:

    @OP~ How did you find out about their morning sex conversation? The NSA has nothing on you! 😛

  35. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — But I didn’t get it, well not yet any way 😉

  36. sweetie says:

    Noob, hehehe, I think I’ll watch Three Amigos today.

    As a downer, I don’t seem to get excited anymore when I see a new email in my inbox. ??? Maybe time to call it a day on SA?

  37. flyr says:

    @ Jersey “@Flyr – that analogy you painted ”

    I only wish I had taken the time to edit it a little more carefully .

    As they say – “great red wine increases the passion and dissolves inhibitions”……

  38. Exotic SB says:

    @Onyx – when you got it, you GOT IT 😉

  39. Natalia says:

    @Flyr – that was pretty brilliant. I’ll have to post it somewhere as a reminder for myself to keep myself grounded!

    @onyx – Thank you for taking the time to check it out and the comments!! Your work story is something else, too! Hilarious!

  40. Jersey Darling says:

    @Flyr – that analogy you painted was perfect! Probably one of the best posts I’ve ever seen on here.

  41. flyr says:

    @ Exotic “FlyR – not sure I read that right” you did

  42. onyx_percula says:

    @ Natalia — Your profile is great. Don’t make any big changes, you have the right “bait” in the water. Chin up dear! It will happen sooner or later.

    @ gentle(man)soul — You are right. I will be 50 next year. I am getting more white’ish hairs than I care for, but can pass for late 30s to early 40s. I’m not especially good looking or buff, dress casually most of the time. But I still date (sugar and IRL) 20’something to 30’something ladies.

    — Funny aside related… So this guy at work who I have always chatted with, got along well with, the last few days has been a total prick to me. Well I finally found out why today… He is dating a lady I was talking to at work, over the weekend during sleepy morning sex she called him by my name… opps!

  43. KD says:

    @ gentle(man)soul – you are so right. I’m 25 my SD is 53, he looks after himself in all ways. Keeps his promises to me always, as do I. When we are together which is generally every weekend, there does not feel like any age difference. I fully appreciate I am very lucky to have found him and let him know every chance I get, he does the same in return. I imagine some people in public might look at us or make comments or whatever but that is their cross to bare not ours. Yes I’ve dated “men” my own or near my age and quite frankly what a total waste of my time. Anyway back to lurk mode I just thought gentle(man)soul’s comments were so dead on.

  44. DorkyGuy says:

    @Flyr~ You are the king of the metaphor! I love your analogies!.

  45. gentle(man)soul says:

    gtt_envy says:
    December 4, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    @gentlemen, even that seems weird to me.

    Yeah , it was . I was trying to be funny to loosen Jj up but it was lame .

    Re: Older SD Younger SB

    Is the name of the game isn’t it -at least from my POV ? I am 60s ,look 50 ,and act 16 , and have related very well to the 20 to 30 yr old age group. My 20 + yr old Babies have treated me very well and I have never felt for a minute that there is a 40 yr old age gap . But I am slim ,fit, reasonably handsome,dress well , perform well ,and take care of my promises . They might not consider me dating material IRL to drag over to meet Mom but they seem to have a great time (or are great actresses ) Some older men are -well -old . If they are obese, unhealthy , can’t perform ,and look like someone’s grandfather then I can see where a 20 yr old would be reluctant to spend time with them .

  46. Exotic SB says:

    Hey Onyx – I am sure you saw I took down my profile?! 😛 I didn’t get your addy from the blog gods – but here – I am mysticalsb @ live.com

    How is everyone else in the sugarbowl?

    BG – can I be your maid of honor 😉 hehe…and what happens if you had a boy, rather than a girl? Lol…I can only imagine the stipulations!

    SS – so happy to hear that your job is going well lady!

    FlyR – not sure I read that right…if I did – hilarious!

    Welcome to Jj and Butterfly and any other new blog fam I have not yet connected with on here! xo

  47. onyx_percula says:

    Speaking of quality versus quantity… This time SBs… I have actually met some of the “best” SBs I ever have in the last couple of months, only to be balanced by a couple of the worst, lol.

    @ Natalia — 5 profile pics are enough. If a pot SD asks after establishing excellent communications, sure txt him one over. No sex’ting before an arrangement or at least you are comfortable with it.

  48. FlyR says:

    apologies the quote was not from Natalia her comment was about the lack of quality in the sugar bowl

  49. FlyR says:

    @natalia “I don’t think too many people come out of Hollywood childhoods very well grounded. I might be wrong, but it seems to me to be a toxic mix of money, power, paranoia, people-pleasing, deceit, and fame. Few adults can handle it well, and most of them do so by living somewhere other than Hollywood these days, from what I see.”

    You need to get over the concept that the site is in any exclusive. Think of it as a vast bar in an edgy neighborhood with abundant populations of males on the hunt for something that’s missing in their life. There’s college guys, young attorneys, bussboys dressed up for a night out(some wearing dresses) , a rocket scientist or two, a number of politicians who feel they are entitled to free sugar, lots of married voyeurs teetering on the edge of the bowl or living life vicariously through the harvest of pictures of what might have been. Somewhere in the testosterone laced soup there are a few sane men looking for a truly mutually beneficial relation based on mutual respect and care on multiple levels. Of course there’s also Anthony Weiner in the mens room taking pictures to impress someone.

    The other view is that it’s like fishing . Catchable edible fish probably make up .00005% of the volume of the ocean, but a well baited and tended hook often brings home dinner.

  50. Natalia says:

    @FlyR – Yeah, I guess I just needed to be reminded of that. I don’t send them either way, but at least now I know how to respond knowing their expectations. Polite but firm.

    @DancingDevi – You’re right, poofing is definitely a phenomenon on here! Thank you for the advice!

  51. DancingDevi says:

    @Natalia – To back up what SugarySpicey said, I go through periods where I frequently get hit with requests for my private photos, to be immediately followed by requests for me to send them more photos (often whether or not I respond at all, or how I respond if I do). If their profile seems worthwhile, then I’ll let them know that I don’t send sexy photos to total strangers ever. Most of the time, they *poof* but the few who respond that they can understand and respect that generally don’t seem to be scamming me for photos. A couple of those just turned into a longer game than most of the fakes, but it’s not you or your pictures or anything except that there are those who see you as a target for exploitation. Other than avoiding them if you’re not inclined to send them sexy photos, I wouldn’t give them another thought.

  52. FlyR says:

    @Natalie “What are these SDs expecting from me?” That you will be stupid enough not send nude pictures. A lot of SB’s send them unsolicited.

    More than a little embarrassing this am as I am making the conversion from MS to Apple. Darn downloaded file is prone to display pictures from a week ago when you want the current photo to show a client . Unfortunately Apple wanted to show the photo of MS Abundant Assets . from sa demonstrating the impact of cold water on hot breasts.

    Older SD Younger SB – Works but you have to find one who finds older men attractive not just a meal ticket. Henry Kissinger always appealed to me as a role model – At 70+ he was constantly in the company of drop dead beautiful / mensa level intellect women .

  53. JazzySB says:

    Guru! I take that birthdate change personally : )
    What will become of my email request when I turn 29 again next month?

    Dorky, I can only remember us on opposing sides once, maybe twice. I’m just more vocal when I’m in disagreement with you, yeah I know, typical. You’re not a broken watch, more like a scientific calculator? Fully functional of course.

    Sugary, I’ve been wondering how your new career has been going. Sounds like a PLETHORA of new adventures coming up.

    Regarding Jj and his age, I think it might be a good idea to try a new age range when screening future potentials. We love the age gap, but to a certain extent. You may enjoy an SB in her 30’s or 40’s. I think the odds of finding a sincere SB increase with age, just my opinion.

  54. Natalia says:

    Butterfly & KmsSB – thank you both. I’m definitely still keeping my hopes up. I know many get discouraged with the process, but I believe I’ll find the right thing at the right time. I’ll just have to trust myself and be honest when I write to these guys. Just have to weed out the bad ones and focus on the good ones, wherever they may be 😉

    Butterfly – I’ll definitely be reading your blog as well soon, since I notice you linked it! I’m going through all the blogs I can find; doing “research.” You can never have enough information and opinions. Plus it’s nice to have someone who’s experiencing similar things, since there aren’t many people to talk to IRL.

  55. SugarySpicey says:

    GTT – he was a BF parading as an SD in the beginning, and a generally sleazy guy. We were never exclusive, but we had drama as if we were. Down with him though.

  56. KmsSB says:

    Natalia..do not feel bad…At this time last year, I had two really great SD, in which neither demanded any sex. I had signed up in August of last year). I lost one, but gained another in a week or so…

    However, this year is proving much more challenging…I have been on, since mid-October. It is so different than last year. Do not give up, though. Sometimes you will get a few gems at once, while other times it proves more difficult. It is the nature of the game, I suppose. Maybe, the holidays are a harder time to meet someone as well? Dunno…

  57. Butterfly says:

    @gtt_envy

    I enjoy all the comedians you mentioned too!! haha!

    @onyx RE changing dynamic of sugar bowl

    ….yeah…there are some ppl looking for different things. The range of what people are looking for is insane.

    with that said, @natalia, don’t give up. Someone will come along who’s looking for what you’re looking for :) I’ve read comment and blogs from people where it took them months. just craft your profile in a way that accurately portrays you and what you want, discourages the types you don’t want, entices the type you do 😉

    if you’re not comfortable, don’t send pix. Or demand pix of them before sending more. There’s a TON of fakers out there. it’s insane. You just gotta push through em.

  58. gtt_envy says:

    @SS, wasn’t he your only SD or was it one of 2?

  59. SugarySpicey says:

    Dorky – The new job is intense. I am surrounded by glamorous things happening, while I write 60 pages business plans and economic impact studies. I promoted myself out of the fun and into the fire. But I love it, London, Istanbul, and Vancouver are on the immediate horizon.

    And yes, Natalia I deleted my blog. I needed to put that time of my life behind me completely. It absolutely infuriated the Pirate (because he’s a narcissist) but I think back on my time with him as the grossest, stupidest, worst time in my life, I wanted no mementos.

  60. DorkyGuy says:

    @Spicey, we need a work update! I hope you are kicking ass!

    “Although Harrison Ford is hot and sexy, 90% of all men are not him.”

    1) Technically, 99.99999998571429% of all men are not him.
    2) Tragically, the same statistic applies to Heather Locklear

  61. Natalia says:

    @Dorky – that’s very helpful. Sex is fine, but ‘only sex’ is not, is the message I was trying to convey. I’ll take a look and see what edits I can make. You’re right, I just recently have made these changes and they are quite negative in nature.

    You guys are right about the fakes, it’s unbelievable at the low quality of men on here (I’m sure it’s same for the women). I was really expecting the crème de la crème when I first joined and have been quite disappointed since. I’m not giving up yet, though.

    @SugarySpicey – did you remove your blog? I’ve looked at it before but it seems to be offline nowadays?

  62. SugarySpicey says:

    Dorkybooboo, I quite liked your joke, it was subtle in the way I like.

  63. SugarySpicey says:

    Natalia: 50-75% of the men on SA are fakes in one way or another. Pics are all they’ll ever get, so they get as many as they can.

  64. DorkyGuy says:

    @gtt_envy~ Tater Salad! Ron White is brilliant!

    @Natalie~ I agree with gtt_envy, your photos look fine! I think you have a great profile.

    The only thing that seems askew… If someone is just skimming your profile, the first thing many people will read is the “do not message me if” list. Eyes gravitate to lists over paragraphs. The first thing I took from the list is that you appear to be looking for a no-sex arrangement, and that may dissuade some quality prospects who may not take time to read more.

    Also, the craigslist comment comes across as unnecessarily negative. Better to leave the comment out than to appear jaded.

  65. gtt_envy says:

    @Dorky, I’m a simpleton and much prefer Russell Peters, Kevn Hart, Ron White, even Eddie Griffin to Dennis Miller lol.

    @Natalie, your pics look fine to me 😉 I would at least want 4-5 pics from them first. Remember if you are a first timer………….the fakes run deep here!!

  66. DorkyGuy says:

    @gtt_envy~ I was trying to make a joke from the two definitions! (Rule #1 of humor… if you have to explain the joke, it wasn’t a good joke, unless you are Dennis Miller)

  67. gtt_envy says:

    @Dorky, tell me you aren’t “That guy!!”, please?

    99% of the world will use the most popular definition of PLETHORA which means: :*** a very large amount or number : an amount that is much greater than what is necessary***

  68. Natalia says:

    @gtt_envy Those are interesting thoughts. These guys are asking for photos right when we begin talking. Nothing has been decided and they want more pictures.

    @DorkyGuy I have a variety of photos but they are all from the past year. Some are close ups and others are full body. All are very normal & accurate photos.. It’s really unnerving that men are asking for more, especially when they haven’t posted any of themselves.

    Why don’t you all take a look and let me know.. I linked my profile to my name.

  69. DorkyGuy says:

    “@ gtt_envy ….. Which if you don’t care about it feeling natural and just want fun there are other sites with a plethora of options at a much cheaper admission price!! …”

    Medical definition of Plethora: “An excess of blood in the circulatory system or in one organ or area”

    Which came first, the plethora or the plethora?

    @Natalia, is it possible that your profile photos are throwing certain red flags, prompting men to wonder if there is something you are hiding? Do you appear to be different ages in your profile photos? Do the photos not appear to be recent? Are they taken at odd angles, so as to obscure body shape? Do you not have a full length photo that shows your form? Are guys able to tell whether you have large scars or tattoos? Just some ideas off of the top of my head.

  70. gtt_envy says:

    @Natalie botched some of those words hope you got the meaning ;(

  71. gtt_envy says:

    @natialie, as a SD myself I would ask this “Are your pictures excessively processed or in black and white?” When a girl I message has pics like that or they all look vastly different I may ask for more, but I always send 4-5 of myself first.

    My intentions are pure in asking more and I would probably say most guys are just looking for sexy pics. It also depends when they ask for them though.

    I have had times when I could meet someone for 2-3 weeks and to prove I wasn’t a endless emailer or txter I will send $$ just to prove my intentions are true…………..but will sometimes ask for a “surprise pic” in return. That pic is normally something sexy!

    If you have 5 pics that are not overly processed, all recent, I don’t think you should feel the need to send more 😉

    Best of luck in your search!!

  72. Natalia says:

    Hi all,

    Would you all mind taking a look at my question slightly above? I know there’s a delay in posting. I appreciate the input!

  73. SugarySpicey says:

    Although Harrison Ford is hot and sexy, 90% of all men are not him, and over 60 the numbers drop exponentially. Then, when a man says, “I do not force myself on a woman and allow for her decision on intimacy, though it has been fully discussed previously and yes, I am attentive and affectionate toward her comfort.” I know he’s not Harrison Ford. Initiating intimacy, even repeatedly, isn’t forcing yourself, it’s natural, and sexy – and Harrison Ford would know that.

  74. Noob_SD` says:

    Oops … sorry for the double post. “Three Amigos” one of my favorite movies …

  75. Noob_SD says:

    @ gtt_envy ….. Which if you don’t care about it feeling natural and just want fun there are other sites with a plethora of options at a much cheaper admission price!! ……

    You need to listen to El Guapo before using words like plethora …. :-)

    [img]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mTUmczVdik[/img]

    • SD Guru says:

      @Jj
      “My take this time around is if I were to offer 3000 to start, it would not generate any better results, but only more lost expense from the start.”

      What you stated is what I wrote about three years ago in this article in my blog: “the amount of allowance may not be directly related to the quality of the experience.” Feel free to browse other parts of that series.

      I understand this is not your first rodeo, but you seem to have learned several lessons in this “new sugar bowl”. How long ago were your previous sugar relationships?

      @Onyx_Percula
      “I’m seeing more and more dual SB “teams” showing up… Twice the drama half the fun?”

      In most cases, yes. But that won’t stop SD’s from giving them a try.

      “Is the sugar dynamic changing or did I simply miss seeing it before recently?”

      There are all sorts of people looking for all types of things in the sugar world… online only, platonic, BDSM, fetishes, sugar couples, SB duos, bf/hubby, etc etc. As the site has grown in size over time so have these niches.

      @Dorky
      “Purely speculation, but I imagine one of the reasons the budget section is changed is to provide SA more granular data next time they release an infographic.”

      The only thing that’s changed is using words instead of dollar ranges. The underlying categories are the same as before and it’s described in the FAQ. By the way, did anyone notice that you’re supposed to email SA Support to change your profile bday now instead of being able to change it on the fly? I guess that will make it harder for someone to be 29 or 39 forever! :mrgreen:

  76. Noob_SD says:

    @ gtt_envy ….. Which if you don’t care about it feeling natural and just want fun there are other sites with a plethora of options at a much cheaper admission price!! ……

    You need to listen to El Guapo before using words like plethora …. :-)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mTUmczVdik

  77. gtt_envy says:

    @gentlemen, even that seems weird to me.

  78. Noob_SD says:

    @ gtt_envy if you don’t care about it feeling natural and just want fun there are other sites with a plethora of options at a much cheaper

    El Guapo! You obviously don’t know what a plethora is, do you? :-)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mTUmczVdik

  79. gentle(man) soul says:

    @ Jj

    At the initial M&G or sooner , the conversation might go like this :

    Jj ” you seem like exactly the kind of girl I am looking for ! I would like to take you to dinner and have some private time after for x hours at my (hotel ,apartment, parking garage ) to get to know each other better . I am willing to (can afford ) to pay $ for your time and expect intimacy . How do you feel ? ”

    SB ” Harumph ! I NEVER sleep with a guy on the 1st date ! What do you think I am ?? ”

    Jj ” I’m so glad you said that ,for I want to respect you . So we can meet for dinner and drinks and get to know each other . After you are comfortable and are willing to ( whatever —with me ) I would like to begin our Sugar arrangement ”

    SB ” But I need 2X $ to see you ?! ”

    Jj ” I am willing to pay $ and hope that we can have a happy and rewarding relationship “

  80. Jersey Darling says:

    @Gtt, gentleman – I’m in total agreement with what you both wrote. GTT you have a knack for cutting through the fluff lol, and gentle – that was the first thing I noticed about the profile as well and the subsequent comments not aligning.

    I’d say Onyx’s categories are accurate as well. And as far as a woman wanting to sleep with a man 3x her age – would I want to sleep with Harrison Ford? YES PLEASE!

  81. gentle(man) soul says:

    @Jj

    “My last two successful sb were 3000 and 5000 ” “I am retired and pull only 70-100 out of my 2-5 million account ”

    I am having trouble with the math Jj . You are giving over 50 % best case to 90% worst case to your SBs . What do you live on ?

  82. onyx_percula says:

    @ Jj — It sounds like you are looking for someone to agree with you.

    IME there are in a big generalization three types of SBs… (of course there are more, but)

    The “wham bam thank you ma’am” type that juggle multiple SDs prefer P4P deals, want to go out have a good time, go someplace fuck, collect the allowance and leave.

    The “I’m going to go slow” SBs that are the ones that play games around intimacy and try to string out an allowance for as long as possible before the SD ends it.

    The “Yep I’m the real deal” SBs that are the ones that actually are attracted to older men, that do take a little bit of time before being intimate but once they are rock your world. They are the ones that you can have multi year arrangements with.

  83. gtt_envy says:

    @puzzler- many are definitely pro’s, but if you adhere to the motto of “The sugar flows when the panties drop” then I would argue who cares, imo!

    @JL, your profile sucks!! You are repetitive, no picture, and why do you use “lovely lady” 100x? The last line of “I’m JL, I’m real, no fake, no player!” what is that?

    Be more clear, more concise, and you obviously need to communicate a lot more before meeting. If you feel no chemistry on the first date and SEE no chemistry on the second move on.

    Regardless of what this blog portrays I still think it is hard for a man over 60 to have a great SB relationship. I would say you have to go through a lot of dates to find the right one.

    I’m seeing more and more profiles say things like “Would prefer nothing sexual”, “No guys over 40!”, also many more professional type responses too.

    I’m sure your SB is out there somewhere. Maybe stop trying to force what clearly isn’t happening with the current women you have met. Maybe for older SB profiles that will be more apt to find a man in their late 50’s early 60’s desirable.

    This blog argues with me, but I don’t believe ANY early 20 something honestly wants to sleep with someone 3x her age. So, it feeling natural requires a great actress or a older SB imo.

    Which if you don’t care about it feeling natural and just want fun there are other sites with a plethora of options at a much cheaper admission price!! You can get your world rocked for pennies on the dollar no emotional anything though.

    e c c I e

    Back to the profile add a picture and be more direct in your profile. Weekend getaways, musicals, live music, not just repeating (companionship, lovely lady, companionship, fun, enjoy, fun) like your profile currently says. Take out that last line! Lastly, if you have had arrangements in the 2-5k range why are you listed as 1k? Turns a lot off imo.

  84. Natalia says:

    Hello everyone,

    I’m pretty new on here and I have to ask a question I’ve been faced with time and time again. I constantly get asked to send potential SDs pictures. I have 5 photos on my profile and I find it upsetting when I get asked to send more pictures. If someone were to tell me that they want me to verify my identity, I’d be okay with that, but they just ask me for pictures. What worries me about this is that they’re either expecting nude or ‘sexy’ photos and I’m not about to send anything like that to strangers. The other option is they are picture collectors. It especially bothers me when they don’t even have any pictures on their profiles, which is quite often as well.

    Can anyone explain if I’m wrong in making my assumptions or why this may be happening? What are these SDs expecting from me?

  85. onyx_percula says:

    @ puzzler565 — I suspect that a number are pros. At the same time I also think some are legit. That are either couples themselves or friends sugaring together for whatever reason.

  86. puzzler565 says:

    @onyx – I got an email from a duo recently in response to my profile. I had the same question you do – “How does an arrangement work with two SBs?” – and so I politely asked them to tell me more about the relationship they were looking for. Their response made clear that they didn’t have a clue: “We thought we’d just meet a nice man and see how it goes. Text us pics and we’ll send you pics.” My sense is that these are just escorts advertising doubles in another forum.

  87. Jj says:

    Thanks for all the great advise!

    “Subby” thought I knew the reference, but upon investigation am not sure as “way too easy/submissive” or “sub par” ? Maybe both!! Oh well.

    Should state this is not my first “rodeo” and have very pleasant memories, yes with the “gentleman” term. No, I do not provide the allowance up front (I’m nobodies fool) and graduate into it, but a pushover (sucker sob story) none the less. Guess I was lucky my first two times around years past, huh.

    I have never placed a value on a woman and elect for her to tell me what it is she expects in allowance and otherwise. Then it is for me to elect if I would be willing to support. I have had offers from 1500 upward and carefully reviewed them with each pot to ensure satisfaction and agreement. My last two successful sb were 3000 and 5000 with my “treats” extra in gift and cash. My take this time around is if I were to offer 3000 to start, it would not generate any better results, but only more lost expense from the start.

    I do not force myself on a woman and allow for her decision on intimacy, though it has been fully discussed previously and yes, I am attentive and affectionate toward her comfort.

    My experience still shows me that there are doubtful real sb in my area and yes I have accepted attempting to “teach” them to no avail; yep I’m a softie!!! I’m probably “too old” and old fashion.

    Thanks for all the advise and have taken it to heart, but I remain to have my doubts of this “new sugar bowl” and whether I am able to fit in. I am a gentleman, after all!!!

    Jj

  88. onyx_percula says:

    Random thought…

    I think most would agree that in the typical sugar age dynamic the men tend to be the type of men that know how to treat a lady. That most of the men/boys in the age group of the typical SB do not treat a woman like a lady.

    So is it a function of age or an environmental thing?

    If its a function of age, then women rejoice! If its environmental ladies better get yours before we are all gone!

    Another random thought…

    I’m seeing more and more dual SB “teams” showing up. Does anyone have experience with this arrangement? I can see soooooooooooooo many places for drama to erupt it makes me wonder if a real sugar relationship is possible with a FFM dynamic. Twice the drama half the fun?

    More random…

    Seeing a lot more women signing up strictly looking for a BF/Husband. I remember someone posting on the blog a while back saying many of the SDs are looking for the same too.

    Is the sugar dynamic changing or did I simply miss seeing it before recently?

  89. DancingDevi says:

    @Jersey Darling and Exotic SB – thanks! It was a great birthday!

    @flyr – Thanks for doing the heavy lifting (research) and posting some more info to back up my anecdotal evidence! I didn’t know that more had been done specifically with e-readers since my earlier forays into the databases – most of what I found when I was looking into the issue was specifically about monitors and televisions, rather than e-readers.

    I don’t really have much to add to the current discussion of Jj’s profile (best of luck to you though!), but I would like to briefly return and add to the earlier discussion of reading on e-reader versus paper:
    I’ve never had any retention or focus issues with my Kindle (2nd gen, still), but I would suspect that a less sturdy e-ink wouldn’t work so well for me. I do get wrapped up enough in my Kindle, which I use only for pulp/fluff reading (instead of buying and then returning paperbacks to Half Price Books), to try to “turn the page” by flipping my Kindle with my finger! True story. I’ve tried other friends’ newer e-readers and haven’t had the same level of immersion, though, so I would suspect a difference in e-ink tech.

  90. BellaElle says:

    Hey sugar loves,

    I’m new to the crew and would greatly appreciate some profile critique. I’ve had many profile views but few messages.. Where’s the love?

    Besos!

    • SD Guru says:

      @Jj
      “I have pampered, entertained and assisted in improving their lives and lifestyle at great capital and emotional expense… but they just continue to finagle for more and provide less and less.”

      I’m sorry to hear about your experience. They continue to finagle things out of you because you let them. See my golden rules in “Tips for Newbies“, especially the first one – Don’t Reward Bad Behavior.

  91. sweetie says:

    Perhaps I’m wrong, but how do you agree to have an arrangement when these Sbs don’t respect you? What exactly do you agree on and how exactly do your meetings go? I don’t make any decisions unless I’ve met the person a few times, he hasn’t freaked me out during any of those, I pay attention to his behavior and words, constantly ask myself if I find him attractive and do I see myself around him, is he weird about his money, does he think this is about sex for money etc. You get the idea, there’re lots of signs to read. What exactly do you do?

  92. SugarySpicey says:

    Jj – darling, you come across as a bit subby, you may not mean to, or want to, or realize that you do; but a woman like me sees it from a mile away, and we get a charge from playing you. You just have to know how to sexualize it to make your SB hot for you.

    When you say “gentleman” too many times, you come across as asking for me to be opposite, “the brat”. I love playing the brat role with a guy, it’s hot. Girls like me like to toy with older men (the rush of the dorky science teacher with the massive hard on for me who gave me A’s all through high school stands out). If you play your cards right the bratty girl can decide to use her powers for good or evil, depending on how you respond to the mind games.
    Stay calm and detached (regardless of what you’re feeling), while staying attentive, physically affectionate, and I COMPLETELY agree with Onyx, wine me and dine me (heavy on the wine) and even the most manipulative of SBs will fuck you, and good, after six weeks.

  93. Butterfly says:

    Thank you so much Onyx 😀 <3 I may not be every woman, but I know what works for most of us and if you already know and use the recipe and it has worked, well, that's proof positive it works 😉

    jj, what onyx says about being very careful when letting a pot sb come around is very true.

    If she is TRULY new to this, she MIGHT need the time and you don't want to pressure her.
    But as the man, you have to be savvy about this and the waters are tricky to navigate.

    You have a lot to offer a woman, don't reveal everything you have to offer her all at once. You don't need to. The discovery of what you can do for your SB and all the things she can value about you (not just your money) is all part of the fun!!! What you offer should be shared with those who have proven they are worthy of it, not squandered on just anyone and all at once. 😉 Yes, be a gentleman and considerate but let it all roll out slowly; keep the journey long. (does that make sense?)

    Think of it this way, a man will get quite bored with me if I pulled out all the sexual stops the first few times we have sex. I'll have nothing new to do. Plus, I'll have nothing in my repertoire to pull out when I want to do something special for my man as a reflection of my appreciation and adoration. If I advertised all I would do for guy (sexually) and all I'm into….well, I'm gonna attract the wrong type of guys. It's a given (if you're legitimate) that you are a gentleman and will spoil and pamper. Advertise something else.

    It's all in your marketing 😉 (and as flyer pointed out: packaging, pricing, etc)

    If you want, you can check out my profile (1856384) and see how I've marketed myself. Don't judge me by your criteria, but think about what kinds of SD's I can attract based off of it and the kinds I discourage/alienate. See how I've let my personality shine through. I'm by no means a pro and it's not perfect…and I'm a SB as opposed to an SD….but the principals are the same. (I just re-vamped it and the edits won't show til tmw, but effectively, it's the same)

    …i hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck!

  94. flyr says:

    If a product is not attracting customers who buy the product may be the product, packaging, pricing, their target customers or their marketing. A number of SB’s could expand the list but you get the idea.

  95. flyr says:

    “.but the SB have to apply and then interview to be a member on the site. And not every SB passes muster. They or extensive in their questioning, or so the site advertises. ”

    I can see the interrogation now – your credit card number please? expiration date? security code? Ok you pass……………..

  96. FatBastardSD says:

    Jj says:

    December 3, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    @FBSD So, in your opinion it comes across as fake? Although it is true in how I feel about a sd/sb relation and have adhered to it in relations, my last true arrangement being over 12 months, before she was enticed to return to a former daddy, and has approached me this time around for a rerun. Or is it you sarcasm?

    Jj:

    Your profile makes you seem pretentious. If your profile text is a reflection of the way you talk to your SB’s then you are probably driving your SB’s away.

  97. Jersey Darling says:

    @Jj – “Ms. Jersey, sorry if it is such an obstruction to refer to one’s self as a gentleman and to be able to back it up.”

    Again, it isn’t my intention to offend but to simply tell you exactly – without filtering – how your profile was just perceived by the type of girl you’d probably like to attract.

    Imagine if a girl says she’s pretty in her profile. Then, instead of saying it once, she says it four times, over and over again. Is it necessary? Is it perhaps even a turn off to hear it so many times, as if that is the only thing upon which she bases her value?

    For a lot of “good” girls, you being a gentleman is a baseline requirement because we only deal with gentleman – but what makes you different than all the gentlemen out there? You said you have no problem attracting pots, but the difficulties you’re running into indicate otherwise – you are attracting pots, but the wrong kind.

    I have additional questions that align with Spicey’s – I need more specific information on what you’re offering, what type of girls you’re targeting, etc.

  98. onyx_percula says:

    @ Jj — To expand on what Butterfly talked about… You will need to be VERY careful “giving her time to come around”. Butterfly has some great advice, I’m just not sure you are tough enough to stick to it.

    As a similar but alternative route… You can get to know your pot SB, give her nice gifts, wine and dine her, spoil her and pamper her WITHOUT an arrangement and full blown allowance. Let her get a taste of what its like to be with a mature man! Chances are pretty good she has NEVER been treated so well by anyone she has dated before unless he was also a SD 😉 Remember its about the experience not the monetary value. Once she has tasted what the sweetness is like she will be glad to let the sugar flow 😉

    BTW, check out Butterfly’s blog (click her name in her post)! Excellent what little I checked out. 😀

    Jj read her receipt for intimacy, its a good read.

    @ Butterfly — Nice blog! It’s funny after reading your receipt for intimacy and your reply to Jj… I was hmm… someone has been reading my secrete sauce receipt!

  99. Butterfly says:

    also, i recently stumbled upon the website, sugarmatchmaking.com. I’ve never used it and don’t know of anyone who has….but the SB have to apply and then interview to be a member on the site. And not every SB passes muster. They or extensive in their questioning, or so the site advertises.

    Maybe this site will discourage the fake SD’s and SB’s and this might help you find the right one. They do match SDs and SBs based off of compatibility….

  100. Butterfly says:

    “For SBs, this means that if you know that you can afford at most a $2500 allowance (for example), only be willing to agree to $2000. Then, budget in the extra $500 as your “generosity money”. If she asks for $500 one month to cover some unexpected bill, then it is budgeted. If she doesn’t ask, then you have the $500 to surprise her with, buy a nice gift, or treat you both to a fun activity. And, DO NOT tell her what you are doing.

    And, your “no” to “yes” ratio needs to be a lot higher. Even if you have the money budgeted, say “no” firmly to at least 2 out of 3 requests. ”

    I agree with most of DG’s other comments too! Wonderful insights!
    But this is an amazing strategy!!! Definitely don’t tell the SB, but this is VERY creative and fair!

  101. Butterfly says:

    I think you’re super sweet! I read your comments on the SA blog.

    Don’t lose hope! There are good SB out there. They are just much harder to find. You’ve got to screen pot SB better and craft your profile in a way that attracts the right type of SB and discourages the wrong type.

    Let your personality shine through. Show a little bit of who you are that makes you a little different than all the rest. Instead of using the word “companionship”, use the word intimacy. Many girls in the new generation take that word to mean friendship. For our generation intimacy is the kind word for sex and is quite acceptable.

    When messaging SB, ask questions about who they are, what they want from an arrangement what they are willing to offer.
    Set up a meet…but then cancel, to test how they react. The true colors of an SB come out eventually.

    Don’t enter an arrangement right away. Maybe give them a partial allowance for the first time, stating trust needs be built in the interim between now and the next allowance.

    Test to she if she is okay with the physical, if you don’t out and out have sex within a month, make sure there are signs it’s leading there. Does she hold your hand, kiss you, rub up against you on purpose? If she kisses you, is there tongue involved and is she comfortable with the kissing. Does she give them freely or initiate some of them? Is she affectionate??

    If she hasn’t given you intimacy and it doesn’t seem things will legitimately progress there, end it.

    If it shows signs of progression and you trust her somewhat, give her one more month….if no more progression, end it.

    Don’t accept too many excuses. Accept the first one. Be very weary of the 2nd one, and anything after that, state you don’t believe she is taking this seriously and dump her.

    idk, come up with a creative allowance. She gets a certain amount the first month, it raises somewhat a 2nd month and the 3rd month she gets the agreed upon number. You can dump her before the 3rd or 2nd payment if necessary. Just stress it is to build trust first and foremost.

    and you must be able to say no! and never reward bad behavior!!! say you are not feeling she is keeping up her end of the bargain and you are strongly considering ending the arrangement. See if she’ll change her tune, if not….drop her. You deserve more and better than that. Never let a SB mistreat you!!!

  102. DorkyGuy says:

    And seriously consider Onyx’s wise advice. Until you gain trust, it is totally ok to start off as P4P and migrate to weekly or bi-weekly. A lot of people regard the monthly allowance to be a foolish thing to do.

  103. DorkyGuy says:

    @JazzySB~ “First, I like what Dorky pointed out “do you realize that these girls are already in a Sugar Baby School? They are! And you are their teacher”

    I am glad we found a point of agreement. Every once in a while, one of my thoughts turns out to be a good one. Even a broken watch is right twice a day!

    @JJ~ I can relate to you, having difficulty saying “no”, and being an easy pushover. You mention that your family perceives you as an easy mark, as does mine!

    Here is a strategy that may come in handy, whether it be with family or with SBs. Conceal how much you can afford. Do not volunteer as much generosity as you can afford… rather, budget in that people will ask you for money above your generosity.

    For SBs, this means that if you know that you can afford at most a $2500 allowance (for example), only be willing to agree to $2000. Then, budget in the extra $500 as your “generosity money”. If she asks for $500 one month to cover some unexpected bill, then it is budgeted. If she doesn’t ask, then you have the $500 to surprise her with, buy a nice gift, or treat you both to a fun activity. And, DO NOT tell her what you are doing.

    And, your “no” to “yes” ratio needs to be a lot higher. Even if you have the money budgeted, say “no” firmly to at least 2 out of 3 requests. If people don’t take the “yes” for granted, they will appreciate it more. It is refreshing to see genuine gratitude in the recipient instead of a look that conveys that they expected it of you. Your generosity deserves genuine gratitude.

  104. SugarySpicey says:

    Jj – I think I may have spoken with you in my blog once upon a time. Here’s my take: are you actively (kissing, touching, petting) seducing your SB? An allowance won’t automatically make a girl aggressive in bed. Next, are your expectations in line with your generosity? Meaning, are you going into arrangements with women who could get more allowance and then feel low balled once they know their market value?

    Tell me more about the arrangement details you’ve negotiated (costs, expected intimacy, and SB hotness on a 1-10 scale) and we might be able to help further.

  105. Jj says:

    @JazzyB: points well taken and I know I am a easy mark, just ask my “wif” and daughter and now my son is in on the act too!!! I guess I will get over the feeling of being a “prick” after a few “no’s” are tossed into the mix. :(

  106. Jj says:

    Ms. Jersey, sorry if it is such an obstruction to refer to one’s self as a gentleman and to be able to back it up.

    I do not know which profile you read but mine states, yes, I am retired and pull only 70-100 out of my 2-5 million account that is the proceeds from the sale of my 45 years of business ownership career.

    I am not having so much difficulty in attracting Pots as yo being taken for an ATM ride as the arrangement is not upheld on her part!!

  107. JazzySB says:

    ^^^^^That was all directed at JJ

  108. JazzySB says:

    I would like to weigh in here, if I may.
    First, I like what Dorky pointed out “do you realize that these girls are already in a Sugar Baby School? They are! And you are their teacher.”
    So true, if they are new SBs then you’re teaching them what behavior is acceptable as an SB for future arrangements as well. I have to reiterate as well:

    >>>>STOP REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR<<<<

    It is not ungentlemanly to say "no". Just as we have every right to say no to a request, SDs have the same right. Ideally, an SB should handle the "no" like a lady.
    SBinMass asked the questions I had, I suspected that you were speaking of intimacy, but it wasn't all that clear. I don't understand how you continue to give allowance or spoiling without intimacy. I get how you could get swindled out of the first month's allowance, but your "girls" must be con artists of Frank Abagnale proportions to get more than one allowance without sex.

    As far as your profile goes, I would definitely trim it down a little. You describe, in several different ways, how you're a gentleman. I wouldn't mention it more than once. For two reasons, it screams "I'm a giver" and that will atract the "takers"; SBs will realize very quickly that you are a gentleman by your actions. It does (IMO) make you seem that you are somewhat of a pushover.

    Another tidbit of advice, you may need to restructure your screening process.

  109. Jersey Darling says:

    Jj, I read your profile – here are my initial thoughts, stream of consciousness style. Please do not take offense, I am telling you my literal first impressions as I’m reading your profile right now:

    Annual Income: US$75,001 – $100,000

    This allowance will probably be less than $1K a month.

    Age: 62 years old

    That’s an awfully high age to make that amount. Is he retired? But look at his net worth ($1-2mil, which at his age would need to generate income for the rest of his life if he is retired)? Can he really afford me for a long period of time?

    “I am generous and can be very generous to the right one who enjoys stimulating conversations and just have fun, enjoy life and of course companionship.”

    Companionship. He expects intimacy.

    The rest is too long winded and feels hollow so I don’t finish reading it.

    ——

    In case you don’t follow the blog Jj, I consider myself to be a great lady who truly does seek a gentleman and would love spending time with someone who treats me well. But from your profile, I don’t see anything special – just you repeating over and over that you are a gentleman, which is something that most guys on this site proclaim. What’s going to make me want to spend time with you besides you covering expenses, which you’ve mentioned repeatedly? What are you into besides dinner and drinks? What excites you, what makes you tick? What’s going to make me feel for you and be passionate about you? What is going to make me want to be with you?

    Again, hope that doesn’t come across as harsh – simply my candid thoughts. You seem like you would be what I’m looking for from this site so I’m sure other girls would look for it as well – I’d encourage you to re-write your profile demonstrating your value – besides your money – that would make someone want to be with you.

    Good luck!

  110. KD says:

    Goodness I gather by reading the posts it will take me a bit to have this one moderated and so there is no sense in putting much effort into it. Hi all. I’m a first time baby in a great arrangement right now and after reading much of this blog feeling more blessed by the minute.

  111. Jj says:

    @Onxy

    Thanks, but I have definitely been lacking in the pleasure department of late. I have “worked” to protect myself, but honestly am an easy push, sorry to say. This time around it has become way too much “work” in developing an arrangement relation and this generation is disheartening for always playing an edge, even when it is proven I am a gentleman and generous one as well with their allowance requests.

  112. onyx_percula says:

    @ Jj — I will take a look at your profile a bit later, but now that I know for sure what is not happening I will spout the old crude saying that I tell every one of my pot SBs…

    “The panties hit the floor when the sugar flows” (the female friendly version)

    “The sugar flows when the panties hit the floor” (the make friendly version)

    Then I go on to explain that this is there to protect both people from misuse and abuse.

    As an additional step I will either start out with a P4P arrangement equal to a weeks worth of monthly allowance with the intended goal of gaining trust and going to a monthly allowance. Sometimes I will go half months. I will play it by ear as to when to go to monthly.

    Jj I share your difficulties of SBs failing to keep their agreements and the investment in assets and emotions. Even if the arrangement is upheld at the start doesn’t mean it will continue, one reason for the P4P or half month or even a weekly allowance.

    At the end of the day both are taking a risk the other will not uphold their end of the agreement. So you have to protect yourself at all times, but you can still grow to have a trust. Don’t let being safe kill the enjoyment!

  113. Jj says:

    @SBinMass:

    The arrangement, except intimacy and additional “expenses” are maintained with some missed dates due to “unforeseen circumstances”. The arrangement begins tentative, as is to be expected with someone who “claims” to be new, but deteriorates from there with one excuse after another regarding intimacy and always hedging for something more, $$$ or more shopping. Yes, I have been taken for a “ATM” ride three times now in the last four months, and it is after I have agreed to their allowance level, but never enough; you ladies know how it is done!

  114. SBinMass says:

    @Jj
    What expectation did you set that is now not being met?
    Frequency in meetings?? Sexual activity?? Her dressing or acting a certain way when out and about with you?? Frequent communication (text/email/phone calls)??

    Please be specific so we can advise

    There are so many different aspects of your rant that are confusing-
    “girls”- so multiple SBs are disappointing you?
    “outright cons” – are you providing allowances upfront and never seeing the SBs again?

  115. Jj says:

    @DG: I am definitely going to need to stick with the established boundaries of the arrangement and not be such a pushover due to being a gentleman. Never liked that word “no”! Was not allowed to be spoken within my business as there must always be a positive solution to every business demand.

  116. DorkyGuy says:

    Regarding gentlemanly conduct and chivalry…

    If a man that a girl *respects* is chivalrous, then it makes her feel special.

    If she doesn’t respect you, the chivalrous gesture will be seen as desperation or being a doormat.

    If you want her to enjoy the experience, first establish yourself as someone she should respect. Only then will your gestures make her feel special. As with any relationship, respect comes from having boundaries, not always deferring your own wants and needs, sometimes saying “no”, and calling the other party on their BS.

  117. Jj says:

    @FBSD So, in your opinion it comes across as fake? Although it is true in how I feel about a sd/sb relation and have adhered to it in relations, my last true arrangement being over 12 months, before she was enticed to return to a former daddy, and has approached me this time around for a rerun. Or is it you sarcasm?

  118. Jj says:

    ps: As I stated in my post rant, terms of my expectations are laid out in meeting and her terms, arrangement and allowance as well, before I agree to an arrangement.

  119. FatBastardSD says:

    Jj,

    The poorly written purple prose in you profile tells me that you may be trying to convey an image to potential SB’s that is not accurate. It reminds me of Otto for some reason.

    [/img]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O2ZAQL3tfQ&t=4m17s[/img]

  120. Jj says:

    Thanks DG!!! I truly do have a hard time in saying no to a lovely woman as it expresses ungentlemanly conduct. Yes you are right, I need to get back into my business mindset (owner 45 years, Merchant Metals Trader) and not be such a pushover, but damn it is difficult for me up and until the arrangement is on the verge of failing and I have allowed for the damage to be done to myself. Guess I should admit and put my gentleman conduct on display in behavior toward my girl, but at the same time stand firm against the shenanigans!! I guess I would appear to them as coming across desperate, instead of being a kindly gentleman.

  121. DorkyGuy says:

    Jj, I read through your profile… and it doesn’t sound like you have any expectations for her at all. But in your note above, you are frustrated that they aren’t meeting your expectations.

    The only expectation of her that I found in your profile is found in this line: “as long as you are having fun and enjoying yourself, I will definitely enjoy as well”

    So, if she is having fun and enjoying herself at your expense, you are happy and she doesn’t need to do any more. Am I reading that correctly?

    If your profile text sets the tone for the arrangement, then the result isn’t that surprising.

  122. DorkyGuy says:

    “Meanwhile, I have pampered, entertained and assisted in improving their lives and lifestyle at great capital and emotional expense, as I truly care for how my girl is treated, but they just continue to finagle for more and provide less and less. I REALLY, REALLY FEEL THERE IS A NEED FOR A SUGAR DADDY AND SUGAR BABY SCHOOL”

    Jj, I feel for you, but do you realize that these girls are already in a Sugar Baby School? They are! And you are their teacher.

    Consider this… By your description, when they mistreat you, you continue to reward them. If they mistreat you, they get no negative reinforcement. In fact, they get the same positive reinforcement as if they treated you well. In fact, if they mistreat you, they get the same reward for less effort, so of course they’ll take the path of less effort. You are teaching them to mistreat you.

    I agree with you that the mercenary approach that some folks use in the “sugar bowl” is distasteful. But it’s not just in the sugar bowl. This kind of thing happens in life in general, especially in business (which I am sure you know something about). And just like in real life, you have to have boundaries to protect yourself. If you don’t establish those boundaries and hold firm to them, then people are going to use you, and it’s your own darn fault.

  123. Jj says:

    Great topic @Oxy et al:

    I for one, am sincerely disappointed in this new “sugar bowl”, as it’s so affectionately referred to; at least here in Southwest Florida. My prior experiences were wonderful and benefited a mutual arrangement. Not so with this “new generation”, indeed.

    I am a senior gentleman and a true gentleman at heart. I am not able to take advantage of any woman, no matter how misinformed, misunderstood or out right robber baroness they may be, but this “new sugar bowl” does not even come close to “gold diggers”, but more like outright cons!! These “so called sugar babies” do not know how to or feel it necessary to have their benefactor pleased within *her* arrangement and only feel entitled “to be pampered” without any responsibilities at all. They are most willing to engage in *their* agreement and have it progress tentatively, but never to the level of the agreed arrangement. Meanwhile, I have pampered, entertained and assisted in improving their lives and lifestyle at great capital and emotional expense, as I truly care for how my girl is treated, but they just continue to finagle for more and provide less and less. I REALLY, REALLY FEEL THERE IS A NEED FOR A SUGAR DADDY AND SUGAR BABY SCHOOL so there is a better understanding of the nature of the relations.

    Yes, I have spoke at length with my “girls” about our (read their) agreed arrangement and attempt to find misunderstandings, only to hear they are working on it or through it. I tend to not negotiate, unless it is totally out of line, and just ask for their reality in arrangement allowance. I spell out my expectations and they determine the expected allowance. I do not elect to place value upon someone else and therefore, I decide based upon their expectations; then I make my decision based on my interpreted value of said arrangement. It is all spelled out in my profile *Profile Number 979912 (Sugar Daddy)* which I proudly state is truthful and factual to a fault, so as to not have any misunderstandings. Not one of my “girls” have ever professed as to my authenticity of my profile offering, but none the less, they fail to adhere to their arrangement. I am so confounded, I am thinking that the sugar relation is at serious risk and becoming nothing more than an illicit activity of ill repute.

    Oxy, if you would be so kind to peruse my profile, and anyone else of course, and see if I should tune it somewhat. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure this time around by being to honest and open. Any suggestions would be most appreciated. My membership has been allow to lapse and I am not sure if I should renew and heaven forbid that I attempt SD4me, egad’s.

    Take a peak around Naples, Florida to see of what I speak, and have only agreed to meet five, my current girl is a 3/4 hour drive and it is not going well at all. Jj

  124. onyx_percula says:

    @ SA — Thought for the next blog topic that fits well with the current one… Allowance Creep. I think of this as you have a set amount of allowance, maybe it includes shopping or something else in addition to money. Either way you more or less have a fixed monthly amount of outlay. Creep is simply when your SB comes asking for more than usual. We all know its hard to tell a adored SB no especially when the request can come with story of unexpected expenses or hardship.

  125. FLYR says:

    @ Redpaint But that is just a thought and I better not get too invested in the idea yet haha”

    One additional thought. If I cared for an SB (I probably would not be in the relationship if I did not) I would be hesitant to put her in an apartment or to upgrade her apartment out of concern of what would happen if I withdrew from the relationship. If he really cares he would be making a commitment to not leave you stranded.

    That runs counter to old Jan & Dean song ” She’ll Have Fun Fun Fun Till Her Daddy Takes Her Allowance (T’bird) Away”.

    For nostalgia buffs that song was inspired by Nancy Sanatra, a high school classmate of Jan and Dean. Nancy had a blown 50’s something, two door, pink T’bird which she used to race up and down Sunset Blvd.

  126. DorkyGuy says:

    Purely speculation, but I imagine one of the reasons the budget section is changed is to provide SA more granular data next time they release an infographic.

  127. sweetie says:

    Hi, BG!

    I just logged in and noticed the SD budget section has been changed to words and a pop-up question mark instead of amounts. It’s a bit tacky and unnecessary, I think.

  128. redpaint says:

    Thank you all for the wonderful help!! I will keep this on hold until I feel there is a right time for me to bring it up to my SD! We do share a lot of things with each other so maybe you can say we are pretty close (and comfortable)! and personally I like the idea of inviting him over to my personal space as well :) maybe I can even cook his meals! since he have dinners alone outside most of the time before going back to his family. But that is just a thought and I better not get too invested in the idea yet haha :)

  129. SugarySpicey says:

    Red paint, find a few places that you love, gush about how and why you love them, and suggest that you lease one instead of always getting a hotel room – it’ll save him time that he could spend with you (check ins can take a long time) 😉

  130. Beach_Girl says:

    lol… just got a marriage proposal by message on SA lol… that is hilarious!!! he also wants another kid , a little girl, and that I move in with him next week lol I never had that happen especially since I never met him or talked to him before… not even a wink and already we are getting married! lol. lol just too funny…

  131. flyr says:

    @Redpaint You have received a lot of comments. Some friendly amendments. ..

    Negotiations -I would start with a statement that you are happy with the agreement , you would like to present this as an upgrade opportunity. But only if it make sense to him. This is designed to remove Jersey’s concern that you are rejecting the existing arrangement.

    As someone who has done 2+ decades of business travel the idea of spending time in the apartment of my SB, in her warm arms is awesome assuming some basics are covered- the apartment is an extension of her irresistibly appeal. There’s no traces of Mr Wonderful II . There’s something special about the place.

    You’ll have to make the decision if the SB relationship is capable of being transformed .

  132. puzzler565 says:

    @Jersey. Thanks, I really appreciate your perspective. Lesson learned!

  133. Beach_Girl says:

    Yes, normal to google someone, some people are really good at googling others, I always ask for help… I know If I have me googled, one thing come up and it’s my work for the city I live in and my full adress and phone number… eeekkkk… not giving my real name til I feel comfortable!!!! and google also gives you the option to “get directions” to my house with satellite images… wow… crazy stuff.
    Also, this girl is kind of a ninny to put her real name on SA… just saying!

  134. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!!!
    Welcome to all the new bloggers 😀

  135. Jersey Darling says:

    @GTT, Puzzler- It’s perfectly normal to Google someone and find out what you can especially when screening, but I would never just bring that information up in front of the person screened! What purpose could that possibly serve besides freaking someone out? If someone wants you to know something, they will tell you, and if you’re running your own private background check the smart thing is to keep that to yourself and listen to the other person speak and see if their stories align with what you’ve discovered.

    Secondly, isn’t the purpose of an arrangement for many people to set boundaries? This is in clear violation of boundaries that haven’t even had a chance to be set yet.

    The night after I met one of my SDs and we spent hours together, he texted me a picture of myself later in the night – that I had never sent him – enlarged on a tablet by his bedside. He found it by doing a reverse search on one of the images I gave him.

    Now I knew those images are public – one even went viral – but I was very surprised that he had the audacity to show me the background work he had done. All it accomplished was two things: 1) It let me see he was into me way more than he should have been at that point, giving me negotiating power and making it easier for me to manipulate him (not the other way around), and 2) letting me know that I should keep a guard up rather than relaxing around him.

    Neither option is favorable.

  136. puzzler565 says:

    @onyx, @gtt – fascinating to have such different perspectives! I sense this may be a generational thing – those of us who are older think that putting something on facebook is intentionally publishing it to the world, while those who have grown up with social media somehow compartmentalize: “this is for my friends, this is for my SDs, and it is impolite to look where you were not intended to look.” I may think that that is a very naive perspective – but at least now I’m sensitized to the fact that looking may be offensive to some – and as a pot SD, I have no intention to offend!.

  137. gtt_envy says:

    @Redpaint, as NC GENT said suggesting a “at your place” may work. I know for me I would never ever stay at a SB’s place. There is some imaginary line that has been crossed if she is at my house or I am at her residence. Hotels or BB’s always for me! You seem okay with how it is going though.

    @Puzzler and @Onxy, I disagree with you on this. It’s one thing to google it’s something else to say “Hey I searched for you on Facebook or searched your name on Youtube and found xxxxxx or yyyyyy! Can you tell me about that?”

    Most young people would say “Stalker!” not “Oh sure I understand that is standard business practice would like a background check too?”

    Every SB I’ve talked to they all say “There are so many creeps, old dudes, stalkers, pic collectors, wannabe’s, controlling, want to know everything about me, etc etc”

    Don’t make this more complicated than it is! You aren’t looking for a wife you are looking for noncommittal fun paid at a premium.

  138. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — What’s up babe?

    Blog gods please share my email with Exotic SB.

    @ puzzler565 — Meh don’t let it bother you too much. Seriously anyone especially in a typical SB age range that expects anyone to NOT Google them is either naive or plain old stupid. More importantly if her reaction was genuine then she falls into the benign group, but it could also mean you dodged a bullet.

    Before I even read a message from a pot SB or message one myself I Google and TinEye image search their pictures. Which is a good idea for a new SD to start doing too 😉

  139. sweetie says:

    Regarding paper vs digital, I noticed I don’t do too well remembering facts when I read articles online for school. A printed copy helps a lot.

  140. puzzler565 says:

    Thanks, all. My newbie question has to do with appropriate screening. I have been having a nice email exchange with a pot SB and we seemed to have a lot in common. But then I mentioned things about her that I had learned from her facebook page and from a you tube video she had posted. She got very upset, called me a stalker, and really berated me for Googling her name (which was the same on this site, facebook and youtube.) I would do that simple online search for anyone I was about to hire in my business; is it truly rude or inconsiderate in this context?

  141. NC Gent says:

    @Redpaint — if you suggest that you can stay at your place versus using the money at the hotel, I bet he would be receptive to that. It isn’t going to cost him that much more, and I think you would be signaling that you trust-like him enough to allow him that much into your personal space. As long as you are ok with him being over, I would say you would have a good chance… could say something like… I was thinking that instead of a getting a hotel room when we get together, we could stay at my place. It would allow me to upgrade the my living situation, and it would be a more comfortable setting….. the risk is you are stuck in a higher rent place when the relationship ends.

  142. redpaint says:

    Hi SBinMass

    Thanks for the response! Your suggestion to approach it is greatly of help! And yes worst case scenario is he feel insulted and drops me because I don’t want to lose him… Just wondering how likely will things be the same as before if he rejects my idea…

    He gives me the allowance in two separate times of the month… Usually the start and mid/end of the month… Sometimes he would miss one of them because maybe he gave me close to the end of the month and thought it was for the next month. But I have no issues with this because I don’t feel like I’m being shortchanged in anyway :) he’s been such a great SD to me and plus I don’t want to bring financial matters up that often (telling him on monthly basis, twice, about allowance matters)

  143. redpaint says:

    Hi Jersey Darling

    Thank you so much for your response! I’m happy to say that my SD doesn’t like materialism or brand-consciousness and by the amount of time we spend together I am positive that he knows I’m against that too. He did offer to help me to further my studies abroad for a year when my family didn’t think it’s was financially justifiable but I declined the offer because parents were not very supportive… My point is that he is willing to help in studies or business-related stuff… (with other stories of his previous SBs I heard about) Just not too sure about rentals…

    Another point to note is that housing in my country is very expensive! The cost would be possibly around 80% of what he is giving me now. Since he pays for hotel stays whenever we meet, maybe the money could be invested in the rental so that he can find me whenever he likes and that is also one of the points that I would wish to bring up should I ever have this discussion with him…

    I would still want to stay with him even without the rental allowance, but really hoping it would not affect our relationship should he feel that he’s not giving me enough or that I am asking too much. I guess I would need to carefully think through it! You gave good thoughts for me to ponder now. And what great analogy with the gas prices!! I love it! Very simple to understand!

  144. SBinMass says:

    edit- ‘and we are talking Ebooks vs traditional paper books’
    (probably many other edits needed as well. o well)

  145. SBinMass says:

    @ puzzler- yes ask questions right in the current blog post here. Its always offtopic yet welcome! As you can see we are way off topic with few ppl listing what theyre grateful for within the sugarbowl; and are taking Ebooks vs tradition paper books

    I have a kindle but cant seem to make that ebook transition either, preferring real books. Ive read maybe 3-5 books on my kindle total, its a great tablet though! I use it for web and music mostly (kindle fire)
    I’m a public library regular though, as well as Annie’s Book Stop (new&used books)

  146. SBinMass says:

    Thanks Jersey & NCGent
    @NCGent- Ouch! Given your description; that page does seem like a SB version of the Roosh platform. Two sides to every coin it seems

    I didnt notice redpaint or puzzlers questions, Moderation process, I guess? I think Jersey made some excellent points on the risk you take even asking for new negotiation.
    As for what do to afterwards in a worst case scenario- I would assume the worst case to be- he is insulted by your request and drops you. Then a new SD or great job would be in order, IMO.
    But perhaps you mean some other worst case scenario?

    As to how to approach it (if you decide to even take the risk & ask) I would simply tell him your idea of moving just like you would a friend or nonsugar significant other. Highlight your reasoning for wanting to move and the possible financial difficulties it may incur. His response (just as a friend’s response) will give you an initial heads up to whether it seems he is inclined to help. If he is dismissive of the idea; forget about that financial increase. If he seems supportive of it and gives ideas of how to make it financial feasible; then go from there. Slowly, carefully and gracefully

    *But what’s all this about missing half a month’s allowance?*

  147. TaylormadeSB says:

    How do I add a picture to use for my blog handle?

  148. Jersey Darling says:

    To summarize redpaint’s question:
    My sugar daddy gives what he thinks is appropriate and I decide if it is enough for me to stay – I never liked to “commercialize” our arrangement. I am thinking of moving out and would like help with my rental payment. If I do bring it up, and if things does not work out or he is not willing, will it sour our relationship? I need help on how to deal with it afterwards in the worst case scenario as I really do like him and appreciate him and do not want to lose him…”

    I have a couple of thoughts for you:

    1) Any time you enter a new negotiation, you risk losing what you currently have. Your request sounds reasonable, but if he can’t meet it, will he suddenly feel like he’s not good enough for you? Since you never usually ask for anything, will he suddenly think you’re digging for gold and not want to be with you anymore? Will he think that you’ll only stay with him if he gives you more money?

    2) What are you prepared to offer him for the additional money? What additional value do you bring? If you are asking him to pay more for the same, you’re not demonstrating a good value proposition.

    The points above are cautionary – you can ask, and he may be more than happy to help if his finances afford him that ability and he feels strongly about you. But, as you are smart to realize, asking can cause damage. It depends on how important this is to you. Communication is paramount, and if it will make you unhappy with the arrangement if you don’t get this increase in allowance then you probably need to ask lest it fester and build resentment. But you have a better sense of his likelihood to acquiesce to your request than anyone here will.

    What do you value more, keeping him around or getting more financial assistance?

    For what it’s worth, simple analogy: How do you feel every time gas prices go up? Does it annoy you that you’re paying more for the same thing? You may pay more for it because you don’t have a choice, or you may continue paying more for it willingly because you love road trips so much, or you may get fed up and stop driving as often. Try to gauge how he will react and decide if it’s worth the risk.

  149. NC Gent says:

    Hi Puzzler — well the first thing you need to do (if you haven’t) is make a profile and upgrade the account so that you can send and receive emails. You might want to peruse some profiles a few days before you decide to upgrade. I also recommend that you upload a couple of photos; you can make them private if you need to be discreet. You will also need to decide what you are seeking — you should look at a few of the other SD’s profiles to get a sense of how a profile is written, but ultimately you need to do what works for you. I would message a few SBs that spark your interest, and see where things go. The true SBs aren’t escorts, so they will be care about your appearance and they will want to be “courted” to a certain extent, so be a gentleman at all times. Just because you have money, doesn’t mean you will be successful. But if you are reasonable in your expectations and willing to spoil a woman, you should be fine. Have fun and remember if it sounds to good to be true, more often than not, it is.

  150. puzzler565 says:

    Hi- I posted a question here on 11/30 but, by the time it had been monitored, it was buried in this thread. Could someone take a look at it and give a quick reply? many thanks.

  151. JazzySB says:

    Re Reading e-books vs paperbacks

    My family must be in the minority. Both my kids and I prefer paperbacks to e-books. We all have our own e-readers, we tend to use them for the occasional short read. It could have something to do with our frequent visit to “Half Price Books”. My daughter will load up with 5-10 books at a time, whereas she will only buy a book here and there on her Kindle. She also rereads her paperbacks but has yet to reread an e-book. She could also be influenced by the unconventionality of her school. She attends a very unorthodox charter school that has been a huge blessing to us. We haven’t had to experience the inadequacies like DancingDevi described. I’m happy to say that their approach allows my kids to live up to their full potential.

    Can someone give redpaint some advice? I haven’t any experience in asking more than my allowance.

  152. JazzySB says:

    @SBinMass
    I’ve visited these sites when vetting my potentials. Some of them even have a search function that allows you to search your pot’s name, phone number, nickname etc.
    http://fakesugardaddiesexposed.wordpress.com/
    http://www.mysecretarrangement.com/blog/report-a-fake-sugar-daddy/
    http://fakesugardaddies.tumblr.com/

  153. flyr says:

    @Spicey “GTT – it makes me deeply sad to watch people transition to eBooks, perusing the book collection of a new friend is the best wY to get to know somebody.” so true

    Somehow curling up in bed with someone special and reading is not going to be the same with an iBook. I’m also impressed with the literature that indicates there is a different process involved in electronic books.

    electronic is fine for looking up specific facts but not so good for situational awareness or really absorbing material

    As for the carbon content of books ——- google’s jet fleet contributes thousands of tons of CO2 to the atmosphere every year. A few books are not going to make a difference.

    The KAL crash at San Francisco and a number of others are demonstrating that increasing automation and more electronic displays are not communicating better information (if interested google children of the magenta)

  154. DorkyGuy says:

    @flyr, etc: There is hope for humanity!

    I just saw this in the news last week: [img]http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/books/2013/11/22/kids_teens_still_prefer_books_to_digital_readers.html[/img]

    And another a few months ago: [img]http://www.theverge.com/2012/9/18/3355338/print-books-preferred-to-ipad-ebooks-by-both-parents-and-kids-in[/img]

    How many parents want to read ebooks to their kids at bedtime? No thanks.

    When I think of my youth, I get nostalgic over the print encyclopedia, which is all but gone. I used to pick a volume and just thumb through it for hours.

  155. NC Gent says:

    edit — meant enlightening and entertaining*

  156. NC Gent says:

    @SBinMass — there was a private facebook page for SBs that was created by one of the bloggers from here. She doesn’t blog here any more. The page used to be very active but I don’t know the status of the page now. The SB who created the page used to let me log in with her account and it was extremely enlightening and enlightening to see the SBs talk unfiltered. There were numerous posts on how to string your SD along without being intimate, and how to extract the most from your SD while minimizing the SB effort, etc. About a month ago, an SB posted here about SDs being predatory. I think she got the predatory part right, just not sure she got it right on who was the prey-predator. Bottom line — there are plenty of people with ill intentions on both sides of the sugar bowl. I think women are just better at keeping it more discreet-private, as usual :)

  157. SugarySpicey says:

    GTT – it makes me deeply sad to watch people transition to eBooks, perusing the book collection of a new friend is the best wY to get to know somebody. Having all of our books on a little folder in some device, deleted when additional space is needed for selfies and videos of dancing cats, shows an evolutionary step backward, our literature is a reflection of our culture, and we’re losing it. Regardless of retention, eBooks show a lack of respect for the learning process, driving it to it’s most base and efficient mode possible.

  158. Jersey Darling says:

    @SBinMass, that’s a great question. I’ve never looked for one. Usually when you google advice for women it’s geared toward how to be more attractive to men depending on your goal (sex, love, etc).

    I think usually all women have to do to pick up men is look good. It’s just that we’re not as interested in “banging” as many guys as possible for the least amount of effort while skirting a relationship.

    Now there IS advice (usually in the form of e-books that are a rip off) on how to make a man want to marry you. And books like “The Rules”. But I think that’s about as close as it gets for us…

  159. SBinMass says:

    Are there sites that are the opposite of Roosh? Where women out players?
    Or sites where jilted SBs post and tattle on the fake SDs theyve met along their way?
    -curious-

  160. redpaint says:

    Hi guys! This is my first time posting even though I have been following the blog entries for awhile now, it is really helpful! I have a SD and we have been together for about half a year now. Everything is good and I am very grateful for him! Despite him being twice my age, we really connect well because he is also a funny guy to be with and I hope he likes having me around too! Right now, I am considering on moving out on my own and thinking if I should ask my SD to help support the monthly rental… He is already providing me with a monthly allowance that I am comfortable with and paying for stays whenever we meet and I have never asked him on when he is paying me the allowance because sometimes he gets forgetful and miss half of it for the month… I never liked to “commercialize” it so he gives what he thinks is appropriate and I decide if it is enough for me to stay. If I do bring it up (where I wish he could also pay for my monthly rental or work out an arrangement where he pays most of it and I use some of the allowance he’s giving me to pay the rest), and if things does not work out or he is not willing, will it sour our relationship? I need help on how to deal with it afterwards in the worst case scenario as I really do like him and appreciate him and do not want to lose him… Any experiences on this kind of situations would help too because I am afraid and have been thinking about this for a few weeks already!

  161. gtt_envy says:

    @Flyr, I live on digital mediums and hate books!! Everytime I pick one up I think blech what a waste of paper, space, $$, and time.

  162. flyr says:

    The letters to Scientific American regarding the article (The Reading Brain in the Digital Age: The Science of Paper versus Screens ) discuss how the brain processes information differently (paper vs screen)

    Most of the time I park my car at the nearby library. Kids seem overjoyed to discover that they can pick out a book and take it home. There is hope

  163. flyr says:

    Re Reading

    Even so, evidence from laboratory experiments, polls and consumer reports indicates that modern screens and e-readers fail to adequately recreate certain tactile experiences of reading on paper that many people miss and, more importantly, prevent people from navigating long texts in an intuitive and satisfying way. In turn, such navigational difficulties may subtly inhibit reading comprehension. Compared with paper, screens may also drain more of our mental resources while we are reading and make it a little harder to remember what we read when we are done. A parallel line of research focuses on people’s attitudes toward different kinds of media. Whether they realize it or not, many people approach computers and tablets with a state of mind less conducive to learning than the one they bring to paper.

    Scientific American April 2013

  164. Jersey Darling says:

    Happy Birthday, and thanks for sharing – very interesting! That would have implications on everyone who spends the majority of their day working on a computer.

  165. flyr says:

    “I would hate to see basic requirements done away with, since that would mean less exposure for future students to philosophy, literature, cultural geography, psychology, the rise and development of civilizations, history, sociology, etc.”

    I think it’s also good for students from various schools to interact within the university . Who knows how many computer sciences majors have been saved from terminal Nerdom by a little blond art or philosophy major.

  166. Exotic SB says:

    Happy Birthday Devi! 😀

  167. DancingDevi says:

    Jersey Darling – I do not recall many specifics, in terms of sources. I seem to recall that Al Gore touches upon the science behind it, in his discussion of television-watching in The Assault on Reason. If you read your e-books on an e-book reader, then you will have the same retention (as far as I know) as reading them on paper.

    From what I recall during a dive into the databases after reading Gore’s book: The problem with e-books is that most students don’t have an e-reader with fixed electronic ink. They read their e-books on tablet, monitors, and other screens with a super-fast refresh rate like a television. When the eyes are constantly micro-adjusting for the refresh lines (that are filtered out in our naked vision but show up on films of monitors, etc, quite often), they are not able to focus on the content to the same level. This especially affects those whose memories are visual, since the visual memory of the information is not of the same quality as it would have been if the visual memory was of paper instead of a constantly-refreshing screen.

    Granted, this was a handful of years ago, so my information is definitely outdated and limited. I have seen, however, there be a notable difference in retention rates in students I tutor when I get them to print out something from their e-book document and study that instead of reading the e-book on their computer again. I’ve even started recommending they print out parts in upcoming chapters that I suspect they will have a hard time grasping the concepts presented, and suggest that they just read those instead of the same pages in the e-document. Some of them have even thanked me (!) later for the suggestion, because they felt it helped them wrap their head around something sooner than they would have otherwise. It’s been obvious to me that there’s a marked deficit in retention ability when reading on a screen with a high refresh rate. So, I know there’s science behind it, and I wish I could point you to the studies instead of tossing around some anecdotal evidence, but this is the best I can do right now.

    If I find some time, I’ll see if I can’t dig up what I found in the databases some years ago and point you to those articles and studies. Right now, I need to get back to prep for a birthday celebration (mine!), so I’ll be relatively offline until sometime tomorrow.

  168. Jersey Darling says:

    Devi, I too would be interested in this:
    “assign e-textbooks (which do not provide the same level of cognitive processing and storage that print textbooks do)”

    Do you have a link to a study or recall more of what you’ve read on the subject?

    In school, one of the ways I remembered so much was that with every sentence I highlighted, I re-read it in the process of deciding to highlight it and then read it again as I’d highlight it, essentially meaning I read the same sentence 3 times and, unintentionally, it made it stick. Now that I’m going back to school and *gasp* e-books are around (yet they somehow cost more than buying used books), I’m deciding which way to go.

    (Shocked that I sound old writing this.)

  169. DancingDevi says:

    Ah, in my (second) last example, I forgot to note that the class I was able to sub for the basic theory class wasn’t announced until 4 months before my expected graduation date. This means that I was able to change my area of concentration when I registered for my last graduate semester in that program without spending extra money, overloading my hours in the program, over-scheduling my own mental resources, or taking an extra semester to finish the program. It was only possible because the graduate director for my department made an exception that, in his words, he makes “once every seven years or so.”

    He did it because the circumstances called for it, in order for me to take advantage of an unexpected opportunity to make my program what I wanted and needed it to be instead of what I was told it had to be. That’s flexibility in academia at work – I have yet to be told “No” when I have approached administrative faculty and staff with reasonable, logical, and well-presented arguments for why they should open a seat for me in a class that would otherwise be closed to me.

  170. DancingDevi says:

    @sweetie – I agree that being told which classes I have to take is frustrating, as well as being dis-allowed to take certain classes because it’s not my academic discipline. However, I’ve been very lucky to end up at universities where the faculty and staff have been very creative in finding ways to allow me to study what I want. For example, I wanted to take a Psych of Prejudice class in the Psychology department, which I couldn’t take on my own right but was able to take after talking to some folks in my departments (English and Poli Sci) and the Psych department. Mutli-disciplinary studies are on the ride in academia, which means that some universities are a bit more lenient with other classes subbing for required courses instead of just having a required course list from multiple departments.

    Another example: As a graduate student, I was thrilled and delighted to be accepted at one of the few universities with a well-respect scholar in my field of interest, who further delighted me by agreeing to direct my thesis. The graduate studies director in my department waived the requirement for a basic graduate-level theory class, as I had taken a very advanced theory class as an undergrad at a different university. This allowed me the hours to take a class in my specific field without going over the graduate hours limit for my degree, or spending extra tuition money on taking that specific field class. Taking the class in that specific field allowed me to switch my area of concentration from something I could make work from what was offered to having a concentration in the field I am actually studying, even though it’s still a very rare area of concentration to see in my discipline. I mean, my thesis advisor didn’t even get hired by my university until a few years ago, when he finished his PhD with a dissertation in the specific area of study. As far as I know (and I try to keep up-to-date), there are only three programs in the US and two in the UK who have PhD programs for said specific field within the discipline.

    I would also note that a lot of the freshman/sophomore level requirements are a good thing, in my opinion. If given a choice, most incoming college students in my experience would avoid all the humanities that they aren’t actually getting a degree in. I would hate to see basic requirements done away with, since that would mean less exposure for future students to philosophy, literature, cultural geography, psychology, the rise and development of civilizations, history, sociology, etc.

  171. flyr says:

    Devi

    I agree with you. The entire public school system appears devoted to teaching kids what to think rather than how to think and how to evaluate competing ideas. I’m intrigued with your comments about lower levels of cognition associated with reading from an iPad vs book. Amazon’s a dependent but most of my friends are into electronic books.

    Stanford University was a classic example of group think. James Stockdale’s wildly popular elective course on western Civ was deemed to be “too Eurocentric” by the administration.

  172. flyr says:

    RE Meeting potential SD s IRL

    I have met a couple SB casually but it was more of a casual relationship having sugar added for various reasons.

    You have to define your prey of choice – financially successfully but socially challenged nerds …………successful, married businessmen, attorneys etc ….successful entrepreneurs

    perhaps some of the networking events.

    Let us know if you find something .

  173. sweetie says:

    Devi “After all, a child who has developed critical thinking skills and has had the passion for learning to understand over learning to pass a test is much more likely to grow into a college student taking a Western Civ or Philosophy of Science class just because “it sounds interesting.””

    Agree with you, Devi. That’s what I’ve noticed, too. Plus, being told how to spend my money while in school, does not make any sense to me. Nobody cares if a student wants to take this class because he/she is interested in it, as opposed to having to take it class because it’s required. And the bureaucracy to take that specific class you want is ridiculous. Higher education does not encourage curiosity nor freedom of choice. Perhaps academia thinks students are helpless beings who need babysitting at all times.

  174. DancingDevi says:

    @flyr – I cannot disagree with anything you said in your last comment, but I would say that the education gap starts a lot earlier than post-secondary studies. I mean, we have elementary education that fails to impart critical thinking skills, as well as secondary institutions that have math classes with no basic real math (all calculator, all the time) and assign e-textbooks (which do not provide the same level of cognitive processing and storage that print textbooks do). It’s not just the universities which are lacking in educational content, and I would say that the lacks on lower levels are a bigger issue than universities lacking comprehensive curriculae. After all, a child who has developed critical thinking skills and has had the passion for learning to understand over learning to pass a test is much more likely to grow into a college student taking a Western Civ or Philosophy of Science class just because “it sounds interesting.”

  175. flyr says:

    @Dorkster ” I have heard that among the ultra-wealthy, men are generally awful, because they have so many options. But maybe better education helps.”

    An education which teaches the price of everything and the value of nothing is hardly going to improve the core quality of their lives and the lives of those around them. There was a time when major universities had a core curriculum which included a bit of Western Civ , philosophy etc. The void had been filled with rap music the the current batch of Hollywood heroes who encourage young men to grow up and be known for their honesty, protectors of women and loving husbands and fathers.

  176. TaylormadeSB says:

    I have a question, although I love SA and how it’s made my introduction to this lifestyle a lot easier, I’d like to test my charm in real time 😉
    Does anyone have any advice for meeting potential SDs offline? I live in the SF metro area. I’m new to the area so I’m unfamiliar with popular places. Advice is strongly encouraged :)

  177. Jersey Darling says:

    @Dorky, I’ve also given up on dating. Occasionally I dip my toes into the pool and go on a date or two before I tire of it. Occasionally I find someone good, but rather than dating for the most part I just live my life and pursue my hobbies. If I meet someone during one of them it’s the icing on the cake 😛

    Sadly though it’s also meant I’ve given up on having kids. I don’t want to compromise – I’d rather just live on my own.

  178. DorkyGuy says:

    I would be interested to know about quality of men (as husbands) by demography. My girls’ circle of friends tend to be in the middle income->poor stratosphere, as all of their friends are from public school. I wonder if the quality goes up or down as income increases. I have heard that among the ultra-wealthy, men are generally awful, because they have so many options. But maybe better education helps.

  179. DorkyGuy says:

    “The more I see and hear men talking about their takes on women the less I want anything to do with them.”~Spicey

    Totally agree… Every time I see something like that, I think about my two daughters, and their dwindling options in men. Good men are becoming very hard to find. My oldest has a ring and an adoring husband, but my youngest hasn’t been so lucky. She used to tell me that if she limited herself to only good guys, she would never get to date, because there weren’t any good ones. Now she doesn’t date at all, which may be a good but very sad thing.

    And that’s in the real dating world, not even talking about the sugar world.

  180. Jersey Darling says:

    @flyr, the site is terrible. I’ve known about it for years but not their thoughts on SBs.

    Thing is, girls should be aware this is out there – in general I keep myself informed on pickup tactics because IMO all girls should be aware this exists.

  181. SugarySpicey says:

    Lol, I love that they use 35 as cougar or “older” – I don’t know that you can be a cougar until at least 45. Shows how young and immature the guys writing that shit are. They haven’t yet arrived in their dirty thirties where women realize sex isn’t dirty, shameful, or meant to be kept on lockdown. It isn’t that women over 30 are lonely and desperate, it’s that we’ve realized sex is fun and feels good – those same women expect that their partners have learned the same, and sadly younger men usually have not.

  182. flyr says:

    Good grief Jersey ……….. while I just missed the 0730 opening of the Apple store in Monterey you were out there on the internet diving into the slime at the bottom of the pool.

    Re Older women – the bad ones get badder, the hard ones get harder, but the good ones just get better……….

  183. JazzySB says:

    Those forums are disgusting, to say the least. Every new SB should read them, it’s helpful to know what’s out there, lurking behind those profiles.

  184. ricklad101 says:

    you think thats bad there are worse forums,with guys bragging about keeping their SB allowances at 100 bucks per meet.

  185. Nicole says:

    I’m actually pleasantly surprised by this community–at least so far. I’m very new, joined yesterday. Although I haven’t had much talking time with anyone (or found a particular profile that stands out), I have a lot of confidence in this. So I can’t offer what the Sugar Bowl has given me–at least this year. ;D

    I am thankful for the usual–living to see another productive year, in good health, & in mostly good spirits. Happy (belated) Thanksgiving to all!~

  186. SouthernSB says:

    I’m so glad I got older got myself some self esteem and taught my daughter how to value her worth. She could never get taken advantage by some creep like the guys on those boards. She isn’t a S/B, but IRL a girl has to stay on her game so that she doesn’t end up being some poor girl on welfare, slinging on front street so that she can feed her 4 babies daddies. Thankfully, my daughter did it right. Got her degree, got her ring and is living happily ever after.

  187. SouthernSB says:

    After reading Roosh’s site I now realize that I wasted my youth on cute but poor men, thinking that I could “make” them something.

  188. SugarySpicey says:

    The more I see and hear men talking about their takes on women the less I want anything to do with them. The same men talking tough on that Roosh forum are the sniveling pussies who beg for sex then can’t deliver a solid O to save their life. No wonder women prefer high status men, if you’re going to get banged poorly, at least get something nice out of it. But spending an evening at Applebee’s, going to a bad action flick, then getting humped for three minutes on cheap scratchy sheets gets old after the first time you do it.

  189. Jersey Darling says:

    An interesting line from a commenter that I actually agree with when talking about how difficult it is to get a woman to give you something for nothing:
    “College has been very informative for me in that I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing many attractive (solid 8+) girls who take this mantra to heart. They put their sexuality on total lock down and demand a very high price for it.”

    That is actually true for me, and interesting to see that others do it as well. My price of admission is either 1) a man who’s won my heart (long term relationship), or 2) a man who’s won my brain (arrangement). Otherwise, despite the fact that I am highly sexual, I prefer to remain celibate.

  190. Jersey Darling says:

    So I’ve been spending some time on the dark side of the internet, and came across a forum where fake SDs post in detail the results of their conquests on SA. Here’s one place:
    [img]rooshvforum.com/thread-7768.html?highlight=rich[/i]

    And another thread which I haven’t begun to look at yet with 28 pages of responses:
    [img]http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-21493.html[/i]

    One quote that I found especially shocking was this:
    [quote]3. Cougars resort to blatant whoring

    The older they get, the sluttier and more “sexed up” their profiles and messages get. Most of the time, hardcore messages and borderline explicit profiles are almost always women over 35. Its actually laughable because you are seeing a gold digger who should have gone into retirement put out all the stops to land another whale. She does this by whoring it up.

    Lesson: You dont need hardcore game for older whores, you just need to pay them some attention. They are easier to date not because they are mature and stable, but because they are desperate and lonely. Desperate women are lonely women and lonely women are far lower maintenance because they have no fucking options, not because they are mature and confident. [/quote]

    Now this is all clearly controversial but to those hiding in the rafters who are new and don’t post frequently, remember that you should always keep your awareness up when using this site. Remember that there ARE creeps who will post your photos to male pickup artist boards and escort blogs. This site happens to be one of the best out there (despite my occasional criticisms of it, I still consider it the best out of the others) and is the first place fake SDs tend to go.

  191. flyr says:

    Onyx – congratulations

    One of the great advantages of SA is that you get to spell out your wants in great specificity

  192. Exotic SB says:

    @Onyx – Lmaoooo! Congrats to you! :) Another sub…and MORE! 😉

  193. onyx_percula says:

    I’m out of town meeting a new SB. We are doing a trail arrangement to make sure before… Looks like I found a live-in SB that can help with the home care for my mother, be a SB to me and get everything she is looking for plus. We are going to meet “normally” for a couple of months and really get to know each other before moving her. Background check is good, job references solid, we match up as man and woman. Even though there was no intention and no realiation until meeting but I got yet another subby. lol

  194. puzzler565 says:

    Hi, I’m a newbie SD with some questions – and I can’t quite figure out the way this site works. I have read and appreciated the various “Dos and Don’ts” threads – but the posts in them all stop months or years ago. Where do new questions get asked – at the end of the currently open thread, even if that seems off-topic?

  195. College Brunette says:

    Happy Thanksgiving! *muah*
    <3

  196. flyr says:

    Very quiet, must be massive Turkey OD for the gang and of course the wonders of travel.

    Abby – welcome aboard .

  197. Exotic SB says:

    @Onyx – just wonderful. Gotta take the good with the bad and celebrate the gifts :)

    @Gentle(man) – hello :)

    Anyone else lurking in the sugar bowl this evening?

  198. Abby says:

    Im new and have been doing a lot of reading… very informative. Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving.

  199. gentle(man)soul says:

    @onyx

    Nice !

  200. onyx_percula says:

    What has the Sugar Bowl brought you this year?

    A to Z.

    My long term SB moved to NY shortly after the first of the year, ending a 3 year arrangement. I “rescued” her when she was a tinder 19. She sent me a message of desperation, about to be homeless. I picked her up, put her on her feet and back on the path. We enjoyed much more of a BF/GF like relationship with well defined sugary limits and boundaries. Fast forward 3 years and she has graduated high in her class and landed a 6 figure job.

    I have been searching to replace the hole left from the end of that arrangement. I had to brush a dense layer of rust off the wheels, relearn and remember lessons learned the hard way only to learn and remember them the hard way again. It’s amazing just how quickly we will forget those lessons… I have been scammed, lied to, used and abused. SB#1 has had the most sage advice of the year for SDs IMO “Remember no matter how much you want to, how real it seems, it feels, you simply can’t completely believe someone you are paying. Enjoy what you can and eliminate what doesn’t bring you joy.”.

    At the same time I have met some incredible ladies this year. Made a few arrangements with varying degrees of success. I have a great SB in my #1 now, even though lingering thoughts of a tenuous nature persist between us. I continue to meet pot SBs…

    I have connected with the sugar community as I haven’t before, content in the reassurance and different points of view, ideas and thoughts.

    I have been reminded of the all the things I love about women and unfortunately the things I hate too.

    What are you thankful for?

    I am thankful that I am in great health, better than I have been in years! I am getting back in shape and am damn near size and weight wise where I was at 25, despite being twice that age now.

    I am thankful the hard work and long hours I dedicate to my career and co-workers has given me not only satisfaction but the ability to play in the sugar. The ability to make a difference in a SB’s life, to change things for the better for her and myself.

    I regent the painful experiences I had this year in the sugar bowl, but am thankful it wasn’t as bad as it could be. I’m a sensitive but tough SOB, its a hard mix to pull off.

    I am thankful for a family that is not judgemental of my association with ladies half my age, even offer encourage at times. I am thankful for friends that support, care and aide me, of course they get to live a little bit vicariously through my recounting of “As the Sugar Bowl Turns” on a regular basis for them, lol.

    I am thankful to the wonderful ladies that shared their lives, hearts, minds and bodies with me this year. While a couple took more than they deserved, most shared mutually to both our benefit.

    I’m thankful for the people in the community I have met here!

  201. onyx_percula says:

    Repost from prior blog.

    @ Jersey Darling — Here are two more profiles with nice but still discrete profile pictures. 1841626 1860815

    Happy holiday sugars!

  202. SugarySpicey says:

    Sexy photo Dorky, making me hungry for a cream pie!

  203. SouthernSB says:

    @Dorky Thanks for that one. I have made him my screensaver.

  204. DorkyGuy says:

    Thanks Guru, now I am hungry….!

    Here is one to get the SBs revved up. [img]http://staceybode.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/0003.jpg[/img]

    Talk about gourdgeous!

  205. Jersey Darling says:

    Haha, in before Angela! Happy Thanksgiving all!

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