7 years ago
Screening for Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies

image

If you’re on SeekingArrangement.com, then you’ve come to a meeting place in which the desired destination for all is a mutually beneficial arrangement with a genuine sugar(s).

It’s common for sugars to make arrangements with people they’d otherwise never come across outside the online dating Sugarbowl. Many sugars say they’re more flexible having long distance relationships with a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby, and many specifically seek a sugar outside of their local area.

Despite the lack of a TSA agent to accompany you on all first sugar meets, you can still use some common-sense and sugar-tested approaches to help you screen a potential SD or SB before letting them through your arrangement gates.

Here are some modern truths about screening Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies you meet online:

Opting to Upload a Sugar Profile Photo

Over 95.4% of Sugar Babies have a picture posted on their profile. Yet only 58.5% of Sugar Daddies post a picture on their profiles. Sugar Babies can use SeekingArrangement for free as long as they have at least 1 uploaded and approved photo. Since all active Sugar Daddies (i.e., those that can send and receive messages) are premium members, they have the option of not including a profile picture.

While there are many reasons a sugar may or may not post a profile pic, here are some ways many sugars examine a photo to screen their potentials:

Detecting Fake Photos

Many sugars have noticed a correlation between very professional looking photo’s or ‘glamor shots’ and fake sugar. In order to verify whether a sugar photo is a genuine picture of a SD or SB and not an image snagged somewhere from the interwebs, many sugars use reverse image search services such as TinEye. A reverse image search can help you determine whether a profile pic is of a real person, or rather just a stolen image found online.

Recognizing Manipulated Photos

We’ve heard from many sugars who’ve wondered whether an SD or SB photo has been photoshopped or ‘touched-up’. One way to spot a manipulated photo is to zoom in on the image and look at the actual pixels. Pan the image while zoomed in and look for any distortions in the pixel layout and natural pattern. Yet unfortunately, if a photo’s been touched up with a skilled hand, it may be difficult if not impossible to detect its alteration.

Sugar Daddy Pat Down

Once you’ve decided to meet a potential sugar in-real-life (IRL), the sugar screening process can become more direct. With a chance to sit down with your potential and go over questions, as well as viewing them in-person, you may have all the opportunity you need to give the green or red light…

Yet getting physical with a sugar before an arrangement is a touchy subject in the Sugarbowl. Many sugars prefer their pre-arrangement dates be kept hands-off, yet many others are more comfortable with being physical on the 1st meet, depending on the chemistry. For sugars who know they’re not willing to be physical on a 1st meet, it may be wise to indicate that preference beforehand.

What is your screening process for potential Sugar Daddies or Sugar Babies like?

Leave a Reply

387 Responses to “Screening for Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies”

  1. Michael Alleycat says:

    New blog

  2. Midwest SB says:

    Shay – I detest the $$ allowance for x number of meets theory. Detest it! I have goals and bills and it will take X amount of money to cover this. In return, I intend to give you my undivided attention when we are together; I will make special arrangements for our meeting dates; I will give you fireworks every time…physically, mentally or both and I will keep the arrangement drama free. Bottom line. I have not been overwhelmed with too many meets per month. In fact, what I have learned is that these men are busy and don’t have the ability to meet frequently. My allowance request does not vary according to the person or the request, nor do my terms.

    SDCE – Are things to remain the same or evolve over time? Is everyone expected to approach sugar the same way regardless of their personal situation? If you want to reflect to true arrangements, perhaps you can consider the days when married men had “kept” women as a socially open and accepted practice. What about other countries (Jamaica) where a man’s wealth is determined by the number of ladies he can keep- all expenses paid? Just because I don’t agree with P4P simply because it gives a lady a serious disadvantage does not mean it’s not for everyone. Just because you insist on test drives and P4P does not mean you should or shouldn’t be regarded as an SD…so don’t fuss if a girl doesn’t accept your P4P offer as if she can’t get anything better. If I get turned away because I won’t back down from my preferences, I consider it a favor. So far, this theory has worked very successfully for me. I believe there is room here for opinions, points of view, several “right” ways to be in an arrangement. Wouldn’t you agree?

    OC – Have you been experimenting with Mr. Smiley? Just kidding…hilarious “Love” observation!

  3. third world country SB says:

    That’s how high-end hotels work in some places (in the case of the US, most of them). When I check into a budget hotel in my third world country, I see the room before I rent it, check to make sure everything works, scrutinize the bed for bugs, etc. Even if I am staying for a week, I only pay a day at a time, and in cash, because I don’t necessarily trust the hotel to deliver if I pay in advance.

    Pay per meet means you are getting treated like a budget hotel. But how to develop the reputation that established hotels have as a SB? Review sites are for escorts, not SBs…

    But unlike with established hotels, a SD has to “decide” that you can be trusted. There aren’t hundreds of thousands of satisfied customers before him (I hope!) to confirm that you are trustworthy. A budget hotel can’t really pretend to be a luxury hotel, but a fake SB / escort can sure dress up like a real, high-class SB.

    So I see the dilemma for SD’s. I don’t think any SD who chooses not to provide an allowance right away is automatically fake. I think it should be something that starts happening in a few months though, because after that, there really is no excuse.

    That being said, if a monthly allowance is what you want, don’t compromise. You’ll get it.

  4. Lily says:

    Hotels require a chunk of money held on a credit card before they give you a key.

    They don’t let those without the ability and/or willingness to pay get by with much, using this method.

    I’m wondering if us SBs should start doing the same? Like, “I’ll just keep this Rolex of yours under my pillow until you are ready to settle up, and then, if you play fair, I’ll give it back to you.”

  5. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Do I choose the cheaper of two equal SBs? Yes

    Do I shell out for the perfect SB? I mustn’t because then I am sick. I’ve lost control of my financial situation and am headed for doom.

    I’m always having to pass on SBs that are out of my budget, regardless of how good they might seem. I have to consider only whatever SBs are compatatible with my budget.

  6. Shay says:

    @ SD that was traveling in Central Europe –

    sure, but that’s a copout. I asked those questions to gather input from others. I’m not *really* asking what is the answer for me. I’m asking what is the answer for you.

    So clearly a fair amount of the SBs are considering value for their time and stuff. How about the SDs?

    Let’s say you had two SBs who were close to identical in terms of beauty, temperament, wit, intelligence, flexibility, dependability, and so on. But one cost 2x more than the other. Does the price factor into your decision on which one you take? (and let’s say you can’t have both. Don’t cheat :P)

    Then what if there is one perfect SB who costs 3x more than someone who was merely “adequate” and asking for an amount within the normal range of what you’d want to spend. Do you shell out for the perfect SB? If you do, how much more expensive would she have to be before you don’t?

    Ok, maybe this isn’t a fair question because even an SD is operating with limited resources and everyone will have some kind of budget. So then my real question is, how often has your budget (if ever) kept you from someone that you perceived to be a “superior” quality of SB? And how often have you compromised what you want specifically to take a budget SB (ha).

  7. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Shay says:
    November 28, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    Michael Alleycat said it’s a business arrangement but I was thinking of it as an alternative relationship with structure and pre-set boundaries. Having rules about what one party is or isn’t allowed to do doesn’t make it business or impersonal and certainly not heartless.

    -> it is an alternative relationship with structure. Similar to business you must be strict, most especially in the early weeks and months, that its terms are adhered to or you will get used and ripped off.

    The other questions are probably pondered by everyone ad infinitum. Like what is the meaning of life? You will get a sense of what’s right (for you) through trial and error over time.

  8. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    I’ve been in hotels. Recently even.

    They are legitimate businesses with reviews and licenses and inspections. Even with all that going for them, I still paid when I checked out and then only for the time I was there.

    Did you read the article in the NY Times refered to earlier? April 2009 linked on the SA homepage. It tells a completely different story form what’s pretended here on the blog by people who are not even members of SA, have never had or been able to keep an arrangement, and sometimes can’t even get their boyfriend to show them any interest.

  9. Shay says:

    It’s been only a few days so it’s no surprise I guess that I should be confused about how everything is supposed to work …

    Michael Alleycat said it’s a business arrangement but I was thinking of it as an alternative relationship with structure and pre-set boundaries. Having rules about what one party is or isn’t allowed to do doesn’t make it business or impersonal and certainly not heartless.

    SD Guru said that SBs will choose their SDs based on a combination of financial reward and personal attraction/compatibility. But how do I put a number on something like that? How do I define that X person is compatible enough that I would be their SB for 2k/mo but Y person requires 6k/mo.

    Then I read blogs from SBs who can’t stand to be with their lovers. If he makes you squeamish and you need/want the $, I don’t get why they don’t take the hrly rate of a callgirl (what SD Guru calls the “pro mentality”, right there in action 😀 ). I don’t say that as a mean thing. I have no hate for a working girl.

    Am I not supposed to want to sleep with these men ?? am I ripping someone off if I enjoy it too much?? how will I relate to others if one of the primary relationships in my life (because it is a relationship ffs) has been purchased? what happens if I meet an SD that I really enjoy being around but he isn’t that wealthy and can’t afford to compensate me?

    oh yea and why do I want this arrangement, personally? I guess there are certain aspects of the dynamic that are appealing to me (low time and emotional demands, structure, defined roles, power exchange). Financially the numbers don’t really crunch in my favour unless I found some super generous benefactor which seems unlikely given the scarcity. Now that someone told me I could get an “allowance” of thousands of dollars a month I guess I want it, idk it seems hot for some reason … but I hope I don’t start to think of all these pots as numbers and I hope that they don’t think of me as just a number :)

  10. Bela says:

    Continental – I agree with you. Where I currently live, an allowance like that would be sufficient. Although I have a full time job with no children, so my situation may be different.

    Alleycat – I think you did well :) You get a cookie!

  11. NYC SB says:

    Continental – that was her previous handle but to avoid confusion with me she changed it … This explains the “new sd” reference … All clear to me

  12. I am kinda torn with this – yes, this is a business arrangement with rights and obligations on both parties, stick to the agreement or you are out the door.

    BUT I have always had an open home – all are welcome here, and that approach has always been great for us. We have had many great times through unexpected guests.

    I told her this afternoon that I would strongly prefer it if she came alone, maybe next time she can bring her daughter, but not now. This time, we have too much catching up to do.

  13. ContinentalTravel says:

    Msdiiva:

    If I remember correctly, was your previous handle NYCSB? Does that mean you’re in NYC? 1500-2000 would be very low in NYC, unless you only meet once a month. On the other hand, 1500-2000 would be reasonable in smaller cities. If your sugar relationship lasts for a few years, it wouldn’t be a bad way of helping yourself get through a particular stage of life. (school, early career, divorce, etc).

  14. carebear says:

    Michael-I agree with Lily. Too much relationship-y stuff going on with no relationship/strings/sex. Not cool.

    Ddub you finally have mail

  15. Lily says:

    Insoooomnia. jet-lag. Ugh. 5am & no sleep yet.

    Michael – you know how I feel about this ‘arrangement.’

    with this gal, you are not getting an SB, you are getting a traditional gf with all the ‘life happens’ reasons/excuses for not having sex that men deal with. As a genuine SD paying her an allowance, you deserve less ‘complications’ & more boom-boom. First she was ill, then her daughter’s boyfriend was causing drama, did I mention she called in sick multiple times?, now she wants to bring her kid as a sex shield. No, I’m not giving her the benefit of the doubt. Sorry. But you’re the one who has previously compared arrangements to business agreements. If this were business and she was always finding excuses to not perform, especially the very first month on the job, how long until she’d get fired?

    Give her another month, to quell your conscience, but let her know that you would like her to come visit alone during these very first visits to your
    home, but maybe down the line her daughter could come, once you’ve figured out what are some fun things a young lady could do on her own in the area, for the hours when your daughter’s at school & you & this ‘SB’ would be enjoying the daytime privacy. Don’t feel shy about asserting that out loud, just as she probably has no qualms about accepting your allowance while she’s been basically a platonic buddy.
    You got enough friends. You don’t gotta hire this girl to be your friend. You want a fun, easy breezy sugar relationship. Somewhere between the dreaded booty call arrangement and this (nearly sexless) pseudo IRL girlfriend-type situation.

  16. TexaSugah says:

    Michael – Oh well then I think that it’s fine then. She probably just figured that it was ok since she met your daughter.

    I wouldn’t sweat it. If you want to make mention of it, I seriously doubt she would be offended.

    Have a great time!

  17. Bela says:

    Alleycat – Did you talk to her about bringing her daughter? Maybe it was just a communication issue. Of course, not to be too naive, maybe she wants to play house. Have the two of you talked about what she’s said to her daughter about you?

  18. Michael Alleycat says:

    my daughter thinks it is an IRL relationship. She has met my #2 (didn’t like her very much) plus she met my Canadienne SB from a few months ago. She stayed here several times and was not a problem with my daughter.

  19. TexaSugah says:

    Michael – I agree with Midwest.

    I’m 36 and my son is 6 and mildly autistic (no behaviors just the speech issue). He wouldn’t care about what’s happening, I just would feel.. odd.

    But I guess, if your relationship is moving in the happy family direction.. why not. I guess the question is “what does your daughter think is going on?”

  20. Michael Alleycat says:

    Midwest – having her here when my daughter was here was just a logistics thing. Couldn’t get her a sleepover, it was a school night.

    My SB could pass for an IRL relationship, she is 37, I am 49 (give or take). She has 2 grown daughters.

  21. Midwest SB says:

    Michael – I would NEVER bring my child (regardless or age or intent) to an SD visit. It is supposed to be all about “our time” and you cannot do much when the kiddos are around. In addition, she should have at least waited until you invited her daughter. OTOH, you may have sent her mixed messages in inviting her into your home with your daughter.

  22. Michael Alleycat says:

    Bevamply = be amply

  23. Midwest SB says:

    I have one question…Does it matter if it’s that he’s indecisive, a PJ, a wannabe or a normal guy that changed his mind? We all want something different and supposedly there is someone for everyone (I’ve seen proof!), so hold out for Mr. Right SD!

    ATDN – If it bothers you, I would trust your instincts.

    Happy Sunday sugars! I had a truly amazing reconnect while in FL! Some funny stories (that will remain inside jokes) and a little thawing out. Actually watched Wizard of Oz for the first time in a while…good stuff!

    Nice to see you Gail & Yaz! Yes, you too OC… Hope the girls will be hotter than ever!

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Holy Happiness Sugars! I can actually feel the LOVE coming back to the blog. I was just saying to Guru this morning or was it last night… How can we get that loving feeling back? Not that the blog isn’t fun and sugar’y 24/7 but dang it has been a tough sugar year for many. The days of stepping out of your sugar comfort zone to forgive and forget is what makes this place sugar-ific. Some of the loveliest men and women have graced this blog and many still do.

      Being a sugar or looking for sugar is daunting at best. A friendly place to find solace and a warm welcome, there is no better place than here on the blog.

      Thank you Midwest for the shout-out, means a lot Ü to me. This has been a long interesting year. But looking ahead things look much brighter. Ha! I am still getting use to the girls. Dang if it already seems to be a possible golf swing handi-cap! I can live with that Ü

  24. Michael Alleycat says:

    Ok people here is my WTF question of the week.

    So, my #1 has been sick for a month, I visited her 3-4 times (she lives 100 miles away), sent flowers, took her out for lunch, met one of her daughters who is 19, offered to pay some of her medical bills, talked to her every 2-3 days giving lots of support, paid her allowance etc etc. No fun times for 4+ weeks, but I’m patient.

    Anyway, she’s better now, coming tomorrow for an overnight stay. Yay! We have some catching up to do, shevhas promised will bevamply rewarded. She’s met my daughter so thats all cool. But she wants to bring her daughter along to keep my daughter company. I was planning on lots of personal time while my daughter is at school but that won’t happen. I’m just like, WTF? She arrives Monday, leaves Tuesday. She is really close with her daughter, but I’m like – we have lots of catching up to do, and I dint want to play happy families just yet.

    Comments?

  25. Arcadia SB says:

    Back from a refreshing Thanksgiving weekend with the family. Now gotta catch up on all the blog conversation! I hope everyone had a warm wonderful Thanksgiving in the US, and those outside the US had a nice weekend :)

  26. Michael Alleycat says:

    C’mon Lily that was only 3 posts? Jetlag get you or something?

  27. NYC SB says:

    Muse is away from the computer… she might chime in this week… :) and of course she only thinks of me!

  28. BiBaby says:

    @Lily,

    I remember the call! Yes, you do care, I only can imagine the bill! But it was great to hear your voice and definitely a wonderful thing. :)

    Still learning to navigate the waters. I am just surprised that men in their 50’s & 60’s play these games like they do. At that age I plan to be quite matter of fact….life is too short to do otherwise IMHO.

    Ok, I’ll bite on the blogger question…. I’ll confess, I have always wondered what ToughLove looks like. No photo to put to the name so the mystery will have to remain however, at least for a little while, but for me witty engagement is a bit like foreplay so I’ll admit to be a wee bit curious…

  29. TexaSugah says:

    Hey OC – Thanks for the compliment. I just started dating IRL and I tell you what.. that attention is doing wonders for me. WOW I guess my ex did more of a job on me than I thought.

    I wonder if I should look around for a back up sweetie. Mine is great but.. honestly, I need a little more green to get over this hump AND he’s not able to see me much =-(.

    I just ran into an old pot that never took off. He’s from SD4me. He never met anyone. He uses his home phone number which I traced. The house is HUGE. Hmmm maybe I need to call him. LOL

    Lily – hear, hear!! Great pep talk. Yeah I’m going to give him a ring after reading that. That talk was like a half time locker room deal.

  30. Bela says:

    Unfortunately, immaturity knows no age. If they’re like that when there 19, they’ll be like that when they’re 90.

  31. Lily says:

    Before I go to sleep, because alleycat LOVES 😉 when I post in rapid fire style…

    something upbeat & fun! I had a naughty and silly dream about Michael Alleycat (under whichever name) last night. Mmmmmmmm! Nice flashbacks today….!

    Fess up, have any of y’all ever dreamed of any blogger? I guess it helps that I know what this guy looks/sounds like, but still….? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

    If Muse doesn’t pipe up & say ME (to make wifey jealous or whatever!), then I’m gonna be shattered!

  32. Lily says:

    FIND satisfaction. iPhone typo.

    Btw, I’ve btdt too (gotten tricked by a scammer who was dangling the arrangement carrot to get a girl like me, and then morph into a PoofDaddy. Anyone remember my red coat story? Very first SD experience, too…).

    Actually, more than once. :( (heart pangs as I remember Eurosexy….Guru’s cardinal rule about feelings for a married man got proven yet again, all up & down my heart….boy did I end up totally empty handed and bummed out).

    I hope you don’t feel like I sound condescending towards you. My phone bill for last month is proof that I do actually care!

  33. Lily says:

    It’s not indecision, it’s that they want a pushover to walk all over.

    They simply cannot get by with such shenanigans with higher-end escorts
    (who are able to be VERY fetching company, both in and out of the
    bedroom, much like many of us SBs). They wanna feel like a master-of-the-universe-for-a-day with a ‘total package’ girl like us, who are rapt with undivided attention for them, and their choices are a gf (too messy, or they simply just can’t score dates/sex with the kind of woman they most want without offering moolah), an escort (several hundred per hour, so that adds up mighty fast for quality time doing things besides a quick boom-boom
    & good luck trying to get her to skip condoms) or an SB.

    Like guru said, they want girlfriend sex without the girlfriend. They want high-priced-call-girl ‘badda-bing’ sex appeal and moxy, without the steep hourly rate.

    No condoms + lower expenditure = pushover SB.

    Don’t be a pushover ‘SB.’ the guys who are tricking you into performing as one are supercreeps, but from now on, that’s over, right BiBaby?

    We all wanna see you treated right & fund satisfaction in the sugarbowl! Hugs.

  34. BiBaby says:

    ATDN,

    It could be an open marriage (I have one on my end…its not cuckoldery as my husband is free to tell me NO at any time, and I will honor his request. He has never, ever asked to do so and I believe never will so long as I am honest with him what I’m doing….which I have and always will be so…)….BUT my only fear is what if the wife changes her mind WHILE you’re there??

    I would really be wary until I got to know an SD if the “my wife is fine with it” theory is true. True story, one of my potentials (who stood me up for a lunch meet) said his wife was OK with his need for variety, she’s in her 50’s too…as Lily said “blah blah blah blabbidy blah” (love that!)…and yet he kept moving our times to meet. I wound up stood up and he never called for like a month. Thought he MIGHT be dead. Then out of the blue a short email saying how sorry he was to stand me up but his wife had found out, so he’d deleted his profile and was sending the email from work (both true). Obviously he’d forgotten he’d told ME she was 100% aware and ok with it but equally obviously, I found out that was a lie.

    I would want to know, and ask him, how many times before this scenario has been attempted with a SB of his and if so, how did it play out? Now there’s no guarantee of honesty but without *some* experience, how do we know the fantasy will play out as expected? I can think of several things I’ve FANTASIZED about doing but I’m 99% certain that the reality would either fall short, wind up messy, or end up hurting someone involved. Watching you two play indoor sports might sound sexy to her in a way, and generous caring about his wellbeing, but until you’re in the thick of things, there’s NO way to know if the reality will be as equally appealing to her once begun. Just my two cents from my own experiences.

    DW,
    Bi-baby, if you were checking into a hotel for 2-3 days, would you want to pay by the hour?

    *****
    So I assume your point is that if an SD plans on staying the entire time, he won’t be asking to break it down first, correct?

    To answer your question on the hotel, it’s obvious some people apparently only stay in the hotel long enough to use the bed and leave. I would want to pay by the hour if I wasn’t sure if I liked the hotel well enough to stay a few days, but in my mind, I should have know that before checking in! I imagine the allegory is they don’t want to pay for breakfast the next morning if they plan to be gone by then.

    Indecision is an indicator of immaturity, and that’s sad to find in a 50-something year old man. *sigh*

  35. Lily says:

    How do you view a profile if you have no SA account? I can’t remember & I wanna check some of these bloggers’ profiles out (who have poster their # & invited us to look, of course).

  36. NYC SB says:

    Its different when a couple decides to be in an open marriage … this seems like the woman is unable and its her only option to keep her husband… i wouldn’t be ok with it

  37. another totally different name says:

    He says his wife has some sort of physical disability that prevents her from being able to have sex with him, so they agreed that this was a good solution.

    It seems like it might be really awkward. Maybe not, though? I have dated people in open marriages IRL and met their spouses, and that wasn’t too weird.

    You are right though, Alleycat, it could totally be drama drama drama. I wouldn’t even consider it if the guy’s info hadn’t been so easy to verify (pretty well-known man). I would think it was some kind of setup…

  38. Michael Alleycat says:

    ATDN – I would totally run. Sounds like a recipe for drama to me.

  39. NYC SB says:

    totally – its called a cuckhold relationship…

  40. SanDiego sb says:

    i havent personally but my friend (this man) on sugardaddie.com who openly tells women that he’s not a sd but wants to just date (annoying i know, but hes one of the rare honest ones on there)

    He met a woman, that was married her husband was ok with it, and she wanted him to meet her husband. and he did! so its not that uncommon. I just personally dont think i could do it lol

  41. another totally different name says:

    Has anyone had SD’s who are married but who are not cheating on their wives?

    One of my old SD’s told me that his wife knew and was okay with it, but I didn’t necessarily believe him. I have just agreed to start an arrangement with a new SD who has told me the same story, but he wants us to meet at his HOUSE, and wants me to stay the night, and his wife will BE there, and he says she is totally fine with it!

    Anyone ever had an experience like this before???

  42. Lily says:

    Dandelion, good point. The true SDs I have met have always been quick at plunking down a month’s commitment asap. Like, usually before I have a chance to ask for it or expect it. The poofy PJs and such are the ones who are “super wary of committing before testing the chemistry, blah blah blah blabbidy blah”

    BiBaby, if a guy even breathes about a 3 digit sum (like, let’s break it down so that the first meet I’ll give you 500-1000 and the rest will come in the future dates), you should turn and run for the hills. It’s the reddest of flags if a guy is on a sugar daddy dating site and yet he’s trying to scrimp and be tight-fisted and reluctant with giving. Whoever explained that they are johns trying to avoid paying the high hourly rate of high-end, quality escorts, but want extended chunks of time/overnight together, the whole GFE that such a high-end call girl is designed to provide…..was dead-on correct.

    Those men are basically con-men when they use this site to lure non-escort girls into (unbeknownst-to-them,) performing as one. It’s disgusting, and you wanna say ‘next’ to those offers of diving into the sack for p4p and wait for a guy who isn’t thinking with his little head. I know it’ll take more searching and making the first contact, and weeding through the riff-raff, but the results are worth it.

  43. NYC SB says:

    Miss diva – if you like him and he provides you with enough then you are not settling … However if you are spending so much then maybe you need some money management lessons :)

  44. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bi-baby, if you were checking into a hotel for 2-3 days, would you want to pay by the hour?

  45. Msdiiva says:

    @ SanDiego SB, WOW 5-10k a month is huge! hope it happens!

    Question: My SD is only doing about 1500, 2000 cash monthly, am I settling? i mean i can always use more cause I spend a lot.
    How do you know what’s fair? does it have to do with age, or how much they make?

  46. SanDiego sb says:

    update on the man i met (former sb lol)

    He was prob the funniest pot i have ever met, we met at a cafe and didn’t stop laughing until we left, which is a BIG plus to me, nothing worse than a man thats super serious all the time to the point where you feel like you cant be yourself.

    To be in southern california and offering 5k-10k a month is a lot, So we will see how it all pans out, we like each other a lot , but we all know how that goes sometimes lol.

  47. Yaz says:

    Oc~ Good to see you back!

    Michael AZ~ Sooooo a “Totally Different Name” was you…..hehe

  48. Yaz says:

    Gail ~ I saw your missed call!
    I will phone you tonight. I have a new phone so I changed numbers. I miss you mama :)

  49. Yaz says:

    Bibaby~ Retail is not the only option. You had a high paying job so I assume you must have years of experience in your field. Compared to a recent college grad who is starting a career, you have a clear advantage. You could look for a decent job, something that will pay way more than retail. But it is up to you. If you want to keep collecting unemployement it is your choice. At the end of the day, you want to be able to not solely depend on a SD’s allowance.

  50. Shay says:

    !!! my profile went live and I already have six emails !!! one of them from someone I favourited !! I wish I would have found this site ages ago!

    It seems like there is only one downside… the three month rule? That is a real bummer. For myself I think 6-18 month range is a lot more ideal…

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Hi Gail! We all miss Miss Penelope (Lisa) and Percy…

      @TexaSugah, you look fab just the way you are. But healthy is good too :)

      @ Shay, welcome and don’t worry about how long it will last or the infamous 3 month rule. Rule-smule just stay in the moment and you will have a much better experience in the sugar bowl. Sugar sprinkles to you! Have fun.

      Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday Funday!
      Anyone have anything exciting coming up for a sugar date or sugar meet this week?

      ~OC

  51. TexaSugah says:

    Hey Lyrenn Congrats on getting a new guy. That is awesome and I applaud you on embracing who you are. Like you, Im not the thin woman but you know.. hey. My guy is into helping me to get healthy, not because he wants me to look different but because he just wants me healthy.

    Good luck with all that.

    Bi – Look into your unemployment benefits first. If they don’t come thru then look at a retail job. WOW things are kinda rough right now. But take what you have learned from your previous position and then use those skills to augment your resume. It’ll work out dear.

  52. Gail says:

    Greetings All…it’s been a long time……….

    Yaz : ) PHONE HOME….LOL…..: )

    Hello Bi-baby….Are you sure you can qualify for unemployment if you are going to school? My daughters was denied a couple months ago for specifically that reason. We are in Calif by the way. Wishing you well : )

    Lisa : ) Just in case you are lurking out there…MISS YOU ON THE BLOG!!! Miss Percy too!!!!

    SFCollegeBaby : ) Enjoy being a sugarbaby YOUR way. I do like reading about your experiences, and definately believe that there are SDs out there that do not require sex to be part of the relationship.

    Back to real life…..toodles too: )

  53. BiBaby says:

    DW,
    No, it didn’t set off alarms because I figured to say NO was to lose the progress I had made towards the arrangement. Apparently if they poof if you insist on a few more dates (without demanding any allowance, just to get to know each other…), they’re not legit and you’re better off without them. I get it. But it was never because *I* was insisting on this, I just figured that is how the system works. I am hearing differently now however.

    As to a job, I’m reapplying for unemployment extension while in school and may likely get it, I’ll know in about a week. If I take a retail job however I lose all my benefits. So I just have to tough it out as the benefit level is way higher than a retail job, since the job I lost was very high paying. It’s just bad timing.

  54. Shay says:

    So now that I have spent some more time on SA reading profiles….. man as someone who has made a light hobby of reading personal ads on dating sites and craiglist, these guys are just phenomenal as a group. Offering money seems like something of a joke. I’ve seen more than a few profiles of men who just seemed so intelligent and fascinating and diverse that I would pay THEM to date me.

    I’m not even sure where to start. I feel intimidated I guess. Did anyone else feel like that in the beginning?

  55. Bela says:

    Survived Thanksgiving, threw an awesome bday party for my girlfriend (who ended up getting engaged at the party!) and am now going to relax today.

  56. carebear says:

    can’t sleep. watching clueless at 4 am, and 15 years later i’m still envious of that rotating closet. and i miss brittany murphy! poor drug addict.

    midwest-hp showings were all sold out =( still anxious!

    for lingerie, my fave dealer is soleil toile, for brands in particular, la perla. never tried foh, but vs falls apart easily with me. i go there for basics. letarte is an excellent swim brand that i highly highly recommend! =D

    Bibaby- hopefully you see how much we all care about your best interest, hang in there friend!

    super excited about my special events going on this week! =D

    ps-heyyy adoc!

  57. Dandelion Wine says:

    See I wanted to have dinner, etc (without allowance yet, still feeling things out) another time before formalizing but neither SD wanted to do that. Both wanted to put the allowance (if you call it that) UP FRONT but wanted also intimacy at that same first actual date
    ———-
    Was there a particular shade of red you were looking for?
    I don’t see how this didn’t set off your alarms.

  58. Lyrenn says:

    Well, I am going to chime in now.

    On the topics of looks, well, different men like different things. That carries over into looks as well. Some men love blondes, some love red heads. I do believe classical beauty is not everything a SD looks for. I for one am not a typical SB beauty. I have a weight issue, I am learning to loose weight and become more healthy, but the fact is, I have a belly. I am 5’4 and weigh in at 180lb. Yup I said it, not shy here. I believe I carry it well, but hey its a fact. I think of myself in terms of cute.

    With that being said, I have been emailing with a number of pot’s that saw my profile and contacted me, not the other way around. Have had 2 1st meeting this week, and had the dreaded allowance talk with each of them.
    Furthermore, tomorrow I begin the phone calls with the SD I am really interested in, who also contacted me, who is a very successful author. Oh yes, I goggled him and my jaw dropped to the ground. Not only cute, but very wealth and contacted me. Of course it could be fake, but the email he used was a personal email threw a isp..so thats a good sign.

    During one email session, I asked him why he contacted me. He said first it was because he liked the way I looked (duh) and after getting to know me a bit said, I had a self confidence of inner beauty that most women he met never had. Yhea the fat girl caught the eye of a primo SD.

    So girls out there who are not model perfect, there is hope.

    I am not sure if it is allowed, and if not please remove it. but if anyone wants to see my profile and what I look like, the number is 555370

  59. Yaz says:

    Will catch up tommorrow. My brain hurts. Hope my previous post makes sense..lol

    Night ladies and gents

  60. Yaz says:

    By the way, re: your current SD situation

    Midwest is right. Maybe you should take a break from the sugar world…..for a little while. I know you need the financial help. We all do. However, you have done a LOT of compromising in your last two SD/SB relationships and they did not turn out too well. Stop. Take a break. In the meantime, try to find a job ( retail is a great start especially during this holiday season) to help pay some of your bills. Yes you can combine school and work. Hell, just a couple of years ago I was working two jobs and going to school full time. It was hell ( I did not have a SD at the time and my mom was the only one supporting us) but I did it and graduated without taking out any loans. Not having a SD is not the end of the world. It is nice to have one but remember the relationship is temporary and, like Guru said, it usually ends sooner than expected.

    Take your mind off the sugar world for a little bit. Take a moment to think about your past experiences in the sugar bowl, re-focus your search, learn to say NO, know what you want or don’t want and know what you will or will NOT accept. You do not want to be the “jaded SB” because of a string of bad sugar relationships.

    In the sugar world, looks and age do matter but only to a certain extent. There are drop dead gorgeous SBs on this site who are still sugarless. Not so gorgeous SBs on this site who have had successful sugar relationships. Young, old, fat, skinny, black, white, asian, you name it, you will find it here. The competition is FIERCE! But don’t you EVER doubt yourself and your self-worth just because a SD poofed on you. His loss.

  61. Yaz says:

    BiBaby~ Thanks for your input. I do like VS fragrances but their lingerie has never really done anything for me…I haven’t had any problems with the FOH bras or corsets that I have purchased…so far! lol

  62. BiBaby says:

    Yaz,

    I love VS simply because my experience with their foundation garments has always been terrific. I’m a 32D and I can NEVER find my size anywhere and when I do, it’s less than flattering.

    I have bought some FOH bras and true story, the last one I put on earlier this month (I bought it because it was Tiffany blue, my fav color..) literally snapped the metal hook when I went to put it on. simply not made for holding up the bosom the way the VS ones are. Most bra manufacturers seem to think if you’re a 30 or 32 band size, you couldn’t possibly have D sized breasts! So it’s great that Victoria’s Secret has a lot of wonderful products that not only fit but look amazing on me, hence my addiction. :)

    Also I just LOVE VS fragrances, but that’s probably because they’re the same company who makes Bath & Body Works products! So it’s a total experience when I shop, I pick up makeup and fragrance usually too while I’m there….

  63. Yaz says:

    Totally off topic

    I was reading Bibaby’s post and I just had to ask the following question.

    Am I the only woman who is NOT that much into VS lingerie?? All the other women in my family are crazy about VS. I have only shopped there twice. Maybe there is something wrong with me? lol

    FOH’s corsets and lingerie always put a huge smile on my face. VS? Meh…

    Just thought I’d ask the SBs…

    Oh FOH stands for Fredericks of Hollywood for those who didn’t know..

  64. Chnd SD says:

    First time SD’er and have gotten a lot of great info from the blog posts. Am looking for some advice. I’ve been emailing a couple of pot SB’s and will probably initiate the first phone calls tomorrow or Monday. In both pot cases, their profiles are kind of sparse on details and info to give me sense of personality. Obviously I want to get some of that on the phone calls, but I’m not sure how much to try to get over the phone vs what to leave for a 1st meet (happy hour/lunch). Any suggestions on how to guide the phone call vs the meet (assuming they get that far)? Should I try to keep a time limit on the call? And in both cases do I leave the expectations conversation until a 2nd meet or just play it by ear? Any advice appreciated!

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Welcome Chnd SD
      I prefer to keep the first telephone contact short and light hearted. First call is to just say hello and to continue to build the trust. Topics could be what you have discussed in emails. If their profiles are sparce, have you had email contact to gain details as to what they enjoy doing or what they are seeking? If not, maybe you could back up a bit and start with an email first. Not saying you need to email endlessly, but I have a hard time talking to complete strangers! Knowing a bit of info about what they enjoy or their passions in life help with the flow of the conversation. Try not to make the call into a drilling of questions, it is as uncomfortable for you as it is for the SB. For me hearing the SDs voice is either the clincher or the kiss of death. I guess it could be the same for the SD, you don’t want to listen to an unpleasant voice for months/years on end.
      Venue is up to you and the time you have available. Many SDs will chime in that with multiple meets it gets time consuming to meet for dinner with each of them, but some enjoy that full on lavish experience. Personally I won’t meet for happy hour. Then again I am not looking for someone who wants to meet where the drinks ever go on special. (joking with you but ahem kinda true). Lunch if you can get away is great, it is less pressure to linger. Also ask them what is convenient for them. It takes two to have a sucessful give and take sugary sugar-ship (mix of sugar/friendship). Again, personally I never talk expectations during initial meets. If it is brought up I tend to let them know that this is all about getting to know each other and to see if there is chemistry. But make the sugar experience your own and we all have trial and errors. You will make less and less errors along the way to your perfect sugar-ship.
      Keep us posted :) xoxo OC

  65. NYC SB says:

    Continental Travel – there are couple of research papers being written on the subject. One of them will finally establish if the “3 month curse” is a failed experiment as guru calls it or just the norm 😉

    Bi baby – I do believe that age and marital status matter … Your younger single counterparts may have more options but that doesn’t make them quality options. Take your time it will happen

  66. ContinentalTravel says:

    Lovely and enlightening posts! I’m glad I stumble upon a blog where people offer thoughtful opinions and incredible life experiences.

    I think people need to keep in mind that finding a suitable SD/SB outside NYC takes A LOT of time. NYC_SB was able to find her ideal SD quickly after her previous breakup because she’s in NYC, and she lives in NYC. I think she reported two in-person screening meets a day (one for lunch, one for drinks after work). That’s a feat difficult to match outside NYC, as the pool is just so much smaller in each metro area, and long distance meets often require weeks of planning in advance.

    On the subject of “don’t settle”, I can’t help by bring up the NY Times article linked by this site. The SD being interviewed, whose relationship with his first SB was coming to an end due to her increasing commitment to her long-distance boyfriend, decided to re-activate his SA account. He had a 25 year old woman contact him, and they met. The impression I got from that was, somehow 25 years is too old for “shy and innocent” to work. Rather sad.

    How the story ended was, he offered $1500, she said it was way too low. So he left it like that. A few weeks later, she came back, and agreed to the amount. Then he said their arrangement could start after his current SB graduates and gets engaged with her boyfriend. I can’t help but wonder: Did the 25 year old grad student really needed to settle for this offer? What other offered did she received, and why did she choose this one. The amount seem rather pitiful based on what I read on this blog.

    It’s unfortunate that this NYT piece was the most serious research I can find. I would love to see more rigorous research done on this subject, by real sociologists.

  67. BiBaby says:

    Wow. Lots of info & advice/input…

    I guess if that many people think age/marital status isn’t an issue, then it likely isn’t? A lot of my issues I think probably link back to proper screening. Maybe some to impatience as well…I don’t really think it’s a lack on my part as I think i have a lot to offer *other* than just looks–I’m a fun and ameanable companion and I really do try to make my SD feel relaxed, awesome and away from the stresses of the world. Its hard to know what to say to one who constantly rehashes the family issues because I’m powerless to help him with them except by trying to get his mind OFF them by having fun, etc. *sigh*

    I’m not complaining past a point, my prior sugar over the past few months has paid this semester’s tuition, books, put new tires on my truck, covered my accident & foot surgery and put a little extra towards my kids’ Christmas. Not to mention pretty outfits or lingere here and there that I love to wear and appreciate. I just wish I could have LONG TERM this sort of situation–I am grateful of what is shared with me but I really truly want ONE SD to enjoy and build a relationship with like that, not having to pickup the hunt every other month because of something that happened I don’t even know what went wrong. Maybe nothing went wrong but I just can’t wrap my mind around how you can do everything right and still have people just poof or wind down without provocation. Perhaps some guys just want variety that much, I dunno.

    I suppose a little more patience is in order…I am currently talking to 2 new pots but maybe I will take it a little slower and see if they’ll agree to an actual no-intimacy date after the 1st meet and follow through. See I wanted to have dinner, etc (without allowance yet, still feeling things out) another time before formalizing but neither SD wanted to do that. Both wanted to put the allowance (if you call it that) UP FRONT but wanted also intimacy at that same first actual date. Both continued for awhile and then just drifted off. So again, it’s hard to know if it’s improper screening on my part or I just suck and don’t know it. :(

    FLSD, Guru and the others who expressed interest or curiosity in what my profile (and my photos) actually looks like, email me at bicentennialsugarbaby at the yahoo and I’ll forward you my profile # for your thoughts. It’s currently hidden and Midwest helped me refine it more but commentary is always welcome from SB’s and SD’s alike.

  68. TexaSugah says:

    Howdy all…

    Finally, I’m back in my space and getting back to some things that I enjoy. Reading the blog.. omg I missed a lot again.

    Michael – I completely agree that introductions can be difficult. I’m recently single, so the whole introducing thing is new.

    I was talking to my “SD” about the future and we were talking about him meeting my family. Strange but since hes wanting me to travel with me and my parents will be with my son, they want to know who I’m with.. the only child syndrome.

    Has anyone else had that happen?

  69. Lily says:

    My favorite part is the “she’s gotta invest more than just her time in meeting me to prove she isn’t in financial straits.”
    Or maybe the confusion about why some of the GFEs he buys falls short of being willing to sleep in his arms or even in the same room as them (because they are emotionally damaged). I think it’s obvious that many can go through with a casual sex act (for money or orgasm or whatever), but snuggling for hours after, or the entire night away, with someone you’ve recently met and may not feel emotionally affectionate towards, are two separate things…
    I would say that there have been very few men I’ve met in sugarland (and non-sugarland!) with whom I could imagine right off the bat enjoy a decent’s night’s sleep/rest with, if they have their body hanging on me or grabbing on me or they are breathing/snoring on me. The desire to entangle your bodies through the night in non-sexual affection is typically reserved for lovers who are, well, in deep affinity for one another. A great sugar relationship may not include that degree of kismet (perhaps shouldn’t?! NSA anyone?), and certainly the more garden variety SD/SB relationships typically don’t. If they were that intense, they probably wouldn’t be very stable as a side dish/garnish to one another’s life and drama would be much more likely to ensue….

  70. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily, inorite! One week he meets 2 pots and complains that one of those doesn’t put out, the next week he discusses “arrangements” with women who are not “money-grubbing”. Is that a bizarro world of sorts?

  71. FLSD says:

    @BiBaby… I don’t think age or marital status are necessarily limiting factors. As many have said already, there are many difference tastes represented. I’m one of those that prefers more life experience….

    I think Midwest offers good advice. As an SD that suffered a tough learning curve, I can second the advice that you need to look within and decide what you really want, what you are prepared to offer, and what is off limits. Then don’t compromise. Many men respect strength and resolve. A good arrangement will come to you when you insist that your core requirements are met reliably. I’ve been through the learning curve from the SD side, I can assure you that success comes, when you ensure your values and requirements are met. Hang in there…

  72. NYC SB says:

    Ooooo michael… Busted lol

    Lily – we are both lucky :)

  73. Sorry, that was me posting under a different name … purely an accident …

  74. @SD Guru – “#1 here Sunday for a couple of days, promising to bake cookies with my daughter. Ummm … stilll not sure what to think of that, even though I suggested it.

    Interesting. Have you introduced other SB’s to your daughter before or is this the first time? As a single parent, introducing a date to your kid is always a tricky proposition whether she’s your SB or not. Good luck!”

    Yes I have introduced other SBs to my daughter. I am very selective about who I introduce her to. I actually don’t find it a tricky proposition to introduce a date to my daughter at all – I simply say “this is someone who I have met, I really like them, they are coming over for dinner / going out / whatever and she will probably stay the night. I’m introducing her to you as it is important to me that you meet the people I like.”

    There has been no problems – in fact, she has been a canary in the coal mine on a couple of occasions with IRLs and SBs. I always ask her if she likes the person I am seeing. She is never negative about them, just discusses shades of positive.

    She has met #1 before, she came her for dinner and my daughter was here. I explained to #1 that I was not trying to play ‘happy families’ through meeting my daughter, but as a single parent, there are logistics to manage. It was ok as #1 is a single parent too.

  75. Lily says:

    NYC SB – so happy for you, birthday girl! He’s a lucky man!

  76. Lily says:

    SD with an ever constant reference to central Europe – you leave us long time blog regulars waiting for some answers to questions from a few days ago in terms of whether you’re harem-building/occasional-paid-encounters-with-many or after a regular long-term relationships with ongoing expectations of mutual benefits from a smaller pool (even just one) of girlies…? You typed a lot about sugars1&2 on your last trip and you gearing up to meet new ones in the US and new ones on your next trip so…. what’s the dealy-o? What makes these recent & soon-to-be compensated encounters actual arrangements of the sort most of us are in/seeking/discussing here on this blog?

  77. NYC SB says:

    I feel like everyone pretty much nailed it :)

    I had an awesome night … Dinner at Mr Chows, followed by vintage wine in the room, followed by tons of foreplay and “making love” … Then breakfast in bed (love room service) and the process will be repeated tonight … Powerful woman has returned 😀

  78. Shay says:

    Hi I am new to the site and to sugar life, I have been reading these blog pages and wow there is a lot of great content and interesting stories being shared here.

    A lot of the blogs are invite-only to readers tho. How do I meet some SBs and SDs so I can get invited to their blogs? Thanks for any help :)

  79. Lily says:

    BiBaby – I agree with everyone’s advice. KISS – Keep it Simple, Stupid. 😉
    Condoms. Monthly, upfront allowance when both have decided to make things official. The guys you’ve talked to haven’t been willing to do this but that doesn’t mean that no one will. You might have a much harder time getting first meets, but cast your net wider. Send more messages. But then screen a ton, and only move forward to a live meet if he agrees to everything you’ve said you need (in order to feel like the arrangement doesn’t border on sleazy and leave you feeling like an escort).
    Fingers crossed!

  80. Msdiiva says:

    @Midwest SB, yeah it’s amazing that I met him in there. he messaged me even tho I didn’t really have much interest in meeting someone at the time I took a chance after putting him off a few times. I was just glad he had something similar before going on which turned out pretty bad for him, the girl had him in a tough situation, and I made every sweeter lol. but knowing he had experience in the field was good.

    @SD that was travelling in Central Europe, I totally agree with what you said, and these kind of relationships always work out well. my SD didn’t bring up an allowance till this sept. and he didn’t just say I wanna give u an allowance, he just said he wanted to make sure I had a good money flow going, which shows he care. There are some great ones out there.

  81. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    BTW, I will add that some of these women had had successful sugar relationshipships before me. They had plenty of opportunity to have or to seek other sugar relationships while involved with me. Our relationships lasted anyway.

  82. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Sugar Rule: Never get involved with someone that OVERSELLS themselves. You will be miserable and disappointed the entire way.
    —–
    I have had arrangements go on for many months where allowance was never mentioned, even in the per time form. Everything was always tranquil and stress didn’t exist. Money was given in varying amounts at the end of each time we saw each other (to her 😉 ) and everyone was always happy.

    Questions about the SBs financial situation would be asked by me on a regular basis: Finding out what she needed, or what would make life sweeter, or if there was something unusual coming up.

    These are not the grasping, greedy, ungrateful women SDs so often come across in the sugar search. They are the pleasant sort that I want to spend time with and want to give to.

  83. Midwest SB says:

    After catching up a little more…

    Carebear- I really enjoyed Harry Potter!

    Michael – Will there be another #2? Enjoy #1!!! Cookies…love hot, fresh chocolate chip cookies and Breyers vanilla ice cream!

    BiBaby – Sorry if I was too harsh and know that I’m not trying to “kick you when you’re down”. I noticed your comment that you are meeting 100% of men who want weekly meets for a regular allowance. If you are asking the right questions and letting them know your expectations in e-mail or phone call 1,2 or 3, and they tell you they don’t want the same thing, you move on without apologies. When you say you want x and they say no, then you STILL meet them… your done. They know you will bend and they will string you along. When you say thank you, but no thank you and discontinue communication, one of two things will happen…they will either move on to another lady who’s willing to be strung along or they will come back in a few weeks (or days) and be willing to do the allowance route. Either situation is a win-win for all.

    Msdiiva – I’m impressed you found your SD on AM. I thought that was strictly sugar-free. Congrats!

  84. Msdiiva says:

    Also try different sites, I didn’t meet my SD on here, I met him on AM, I feel the more places you try, the better luck you have of finding someone genuine. I don’t think I met anyone on here.

  85. Bela says:

    Morning! Getting ready to head back to the country, but I had to get my addiction in before I start traveling.

    Alleycat – Sorry to hear about #2. Cookies with the daughter? Hmmmm Not to overstep, but how much does your daughter know about #1?

    BiBaby – Not to add to anything, but your story just bummed me out. If you’re having trouble keeping one going, I don’t know what I’m supposed to expect lol

    I know there’s an issue of chemistry. I’m not completely sure if there’s something that you can do that will guarantee continuous chemistry. It’s either there or it’s not and you questioning yourself isn’t going to do any good. You said it yourself, you’re freaking awesome! If he’s too clouded in his personal stuff not to realize that, then it’s obviously his loss.

    Now, if only I could say all that crap to myself and believe it.

  86. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Bi, I would be very interested in someone with the characteristics you list for yourself.

  87. Midwest SB says:

    BiBaby – There’s a saying that goes “Excuses are the tools of incompetence.” You have taken some hard knocks through this process and every mistake has been a learning experience. You have brushed yourself off and tried over and again and I admire your persistence. Marital status and age have NOTHING to do with your results. Say this over and over again and learn from it. I know 30+ married SBs who have had great success finding genuine SDs, so stop using it as an excuse. Your mistake is that you are a) not screening enough and b) accepting the first quasi-reasonable agreement that comes along. I suspect financial hardships have a lot to do with these compromises. STOP! If school has to wait, then let it wait one quarter. If you need to get a job in retail for a while, then do it. This will allow you to make better choices about SDs and will likely find one willing to fund your tuition and then some…with an allowance and then some. Good SDs, like any good relationship, take time to sift through. You came on here certain you could blow everyone away with your beauty, charm, grace, etc and have come to realize that it takes a LOT more to make it work. Step back, re-evaluate (even give yourself a break), find some other source of income for the time being and give yourself time to make this a successful venture. There is someone for everyone and as TLG says…”We all want something different”.

  88. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Msdiiva, That pretty much sums it all up.

  89. Msdiiva says:

    @BiBaby, I agree that you have to wait and give it some time. 2 or 3 weeks is not enough time for you to trust the SD and vice versa. I believe a P4P arrangement is not a bad way to start, until you both get more comfortable with each other than one of you can bring up the monthly allowance. That’s how it worked for me, my SD and I agreed on an allowance but still he doesn’t hand it to me all at once, which I’m glad, cause I would spend it all at once. But he understand when I have an emergency and ask him for it all, he trust me enough to give it to me.
    A lot of guys are A holes, you just have to have a good judgment of character, and not giving up yourself too quickly.

  90. Michael Alleycat says:

    SD rule #1, and as a corollary to Carebear’s rules: never get into an arrangement with someone who sells themselves short. Recipe for disaster, everything is a compromise from that point on.

    Never done it, but have met with a few pots who clearly were. Very unattractive.

  91. Dandelion Wine says:

    BiBaby, honey – I know (of) a woman that started an affair with a billionaire while in her 30’s and married, and then divorced her husband and married the billionaire. So the age and marital status aren’t a dirty stain.
    You need to ask yourself why are you doing this?
    Even if no man wants a married 30 something SB, it doesn’t mean you have to accept their conditions. If you are not getting what you want – WALK.
    By staying and bending you are being desperate. Is whatever they are offering you worth you compromising? And by offering I don’t mean promising, I mean actually delivering.

  92. carebear says:

    SB Rule #1-146: Never sell yourself short. Recipe for disaster.

  93. BiBaby says:

    @DW,

    I’m not *desperate*, I’m more pissed off. Tired of meeting all the requirements and yet running into people who over time for one reason or another don’t feel like keeping their end of the bargain. I’m smart enough to have my bills covered and such, but I don’t like the uncertainty of knowing just when, and apparently IF, I may receive an allowance already negotiated out.

    I may try the let’s-have-2 or 3-dates first approach but honestly SFCollegeBaby’s strategy just plain doesn’t work when you are a mature woman in your mid 30’s. What passes as “cute” and naive and sweet at 19 or even 25 plain doesn’t wash with men once you’re heading towards your 40’s, no matter how young you may LOOK.

    I am likely getting a lot of the quasi-SD’s looking for escorts simply because most of the SD’s who are probably the real deal are not willing to consider a married SB. Again this is dumb as the fact is that an arrangement is supposed to be NSA…and therefore it shouldn’t make a bit of difference if I’m married or not since marriage to the SD is never going to be on the table by the very nature of the relationship.

    But I strongly suspect I am simply by virtue of age and marital status likely fielding very different types of inquiries and potentials than perhaps a single woman 10 to 15 years my junior would be, regardless of how great I may look or how witty I am meeting new people. Simply put, the options greatly narrow once you throw some of these variables in the mix, no matter who you are.

    I believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, you would never see a 35 year old married sugarbaby getting the sweet no-intimacy allowance deal that SFCollegeBaby is getting as an unmarried 20-something. I don’t doubt she’s probably receiving what she claims (why wouldn’t she? I think it’s possible), but on the other hand, I would NEVER believe it if she weren’t extremely young & still single. Men expect more as a woman matures and what’s cutesy and fetching when they are struggling in university at 18 becomes sheer idiocy and a general failure to launch when a woman’s 35 or 40. So comparing her strategy to what I can expect is apples and oranges of the strongest variety IMHO….

  94. Dandelion Wine says:

    BiBaby, don’t take this the wrong way, but stop being desperate. Yeah you got bills and expenses, but don’t let that cloud your judgement. You are getting treated like a hooker or an escort. Make your life simple: 1. There will be no sex without condom, 2. Allowance for the month upfront. The men you’ve spoken with aren’t willing to provide the allowance upfront because they are not SDs, simple as that. They are guys who are looking to go to an escort, but aren’t willing to pay escort rates or settle for “cheaper” escorts, and/or want the girlfriend experience.
    If a legitimate SD doesn’t feel yet he can trust you not to poof, he can take the time to get to know you (no intimacy) over the course of 2-3 dates at a convenient for you location.
    Yeah, it takes time, but meaningful relationships aren’t forged in a matter of two weeks, sharing info about preferred poses and purchases.
    Oh, and to answer your question why he was talking about sleeping with no condom if he wasn’t planning to stick around – had he not made a big feal about some future compromise, would you have believed him that he was planning to stick around after the first couple of times?
    Maybe you should try some of SF college baby’s strategy.

  95. Michael Alleycat says:

    Ohhhh Carebear you are smart enough to do the analytics yourself!! Really.

    In other news, #2 is gone for good. #1 here Sunday for a couple of days, promising to bake cookies with my daughter. Ummm … stilll not sure what to think of that, even though I suggested it.

    SFCollegeBaby – if it’s working for you, you go girl. There is a lot of support here for you, even if it may not be obvious.

  96. Lyrenn says:

    @TLG Yes I am from the South, Texas to be precise, although I now reside in New York. (not NYC) and lol it was only 2 “y’alls”

    I will say that even though I am from a smaller area that by far I like this site more than any other I have tried, I had a meeting with one pot today and meeting with another pot later in the week. I am very happy here, and I do think I’m here to stay lol.

  97. carebear says:

    question: how many active members are there on the site? sd’s and sb’s…..active meaning, lets say, logged on in the last 30 days?

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      you say boobies and Guru comes to play

      Ok, so I’m one of those horny dingbags. Guilty as charged!! :mrgreen:

      @SanDiego SB
      Could this work this work out better since he’d been on the other side of the spectrum?

      Dunno. It depends on whether you believe his story.

      @Lily
      Really, Guru doesn’t bite.

      Right, I’m really harmless. Unless you want me to bite!! 😛

      @BiBaby
      How is a girl supposed to know if a guy is really INTO her vs just trying things out??… Obviously being a swimsuit model with a graduate level education, a great skill for conversation and a knack for indoor activities is not enough to find a good SD…

      I’ve dated Playboy models and Ivy League grads (and everything in between) in the sugar world, but that’s not as relevant as you’d think when it comes to why some arrangements don’t last. I said previously it doesn’t have to do with a lengthy list of “qualities” that a SD wants in a SB because he is not necessarily looking for a girl to take home to meet mom.

      Instead, it could just boil down to a few simple things. I was going to elaborate more about this subject in my blog next week but I’ll discuss it briefly here. I understand not everyone will share my point of view and that’s ok. From a SD’s perspective, whether an arrangement lasts or not could depend on the following:

      1. Is she attractive? (her physical appearance)
      2. Can we get along? (her personality/intelligence)
      3. Is the sex great? (her bedroom skills)
      4. Is she reliable? (can I depend on her)
      5. Is her expectation reasonable? (is she worth it)

      Obviously the answer to the above should be “yes” at the beginning of an arrangement, otherwise the SD wouldn’t want an arrangement in the first place. So the issue is what happens over time, will the answer still be “yes” after a few meetings or a few months? I’ll elaborate more about each point in my blog, but I think this should give you something to think about for now.

      @Michael
      #1 here Sunday for a couple of days, promising to bake cookies with my daughter. Ummm … stilll not sure what to think of that, even though I suggested it.

      Interesting. Have you introduced other SB’s to your daughter before or is this the first time? As a single parent, introducing a date to your kid is always a tricky proposition whether she’s your SB or not. Good luck!

  98. BiBaby says:

    @SDGuru,

    I understand your devil’s advocate position and it is what I am suspecting…he’s just no longer that “into” me. *sigh*. I don’t know what I may have done wrong…intimacy was good (I thought), I listen without complaint to the family drama, keep everything light and fun and he seemed mega interested in me until this last meet. He took a business call pretty much immediately after our “fun time” that lasted an HOUR so I had a hard time doing anything to intrigue him even though I’m sitting there in my nicest VS lingere. He had plenty of time to email daily for over a month but only 2 emails in the past week or so. So yeah, I probably have to look again and so I’ll restart the search, but I’m starting to get worn out trying to figure out who is legit and who is just looking for P4P.

    How is a girl supposed to know if a guy is really INTO her vs just trying things out?? I just plain don’t know. I also don’t understand all the effort getting tested and doing all the wonderful things on the front end just to change your mind without ANY provocation? Ugh.

    As to a monthly due-date allowance, I personally have not met ONE SD, NOT ONE, who will agree to a monthly amount if he’s not meeting X # of times for intimacy. I’ve had 100% of them tell me straight up they will not consider allowance other than a per meet basis because they don’t want to take the chance on paying allowance and having either a “poof” situation before intimacy or paying for the month and something comes up and you can’t get together 2-3x as planned. Mind you this would be due to drama on the SD’s end because I have ALWAYS been available and good to my word on working around the SD’s schedule and I have never refused intimacy once allowance has begun. So I’m not holding out obviously and that’s what makes it all the MORE confusing.

    Maybe I just suck in bed & I don’t know it…hell if I know! My DH and several men before him all say I’m phenomenal at indoor sports but maybe I have no idea what I’m up against out there either. *sigh* It’s not like I’m a do it with the lights on missionary-only no oral kind of SB either….so what the heck IS the expectation I just wonder??? Obviously being a swimsuit model with a graduate level education, a great skill for conversation and a knack for indoor activities is not enough to find a good SD…

    ((sulks))

  99. carebear says:

    Ahhhhh *hollering* yay that sounds awesome! Happy birfday mamacita!

  100. NYC SB says:

    Carebear – not going to paris … My sugar from paris and I are reuniting in the city … You remember the story from sss 😀 birthday sex! Holler

  101. Msdiiva says:

    This is the former NYCSB Changed my name cause I don’t want everyone getting confused.
    @carebear I wish he would take me to Paris lol, he try his best to get adventurous, such as us hitting the casino a lot, NYC all the time, Boston, and even strip clubs(my idea) lol It’s all fun

    @SFCollegebaby Not too sure why everyone not believing what you were saying cause I’m not sure what you said, but either way you should never have to prove yourself to anyone.

  102. carebear says:

    nycsb….paris tonight???? ahhhh!! way jealous!

    i’m going to see harry potter tonight, and i’m totally excited.

    meanwhile, i’m taking a sugar break. too much sugar for a sweet tooth can still give you a tummy ache. ugh.

  103. NYC SB says:

    OC – I think this is my second blog thanksgiving …

    Paris sugar girls – looks like a paris reunion for me tonight 😀

  104. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Lily, I’ll respond to whatever however I want, but always maintain a respectful tone, unlike some others here. It is up to me whether or not I want to email anyone, or give out my info. My point is that people imply that stories like mine are invalid, and it’s getting annoying. That’s it. So thanks for your input.

  105. Lily says:

    SFCollegeBaby – The blog administrators/moderators can see the email address that you put there, but no one else. It’s semi-anonymous. They watch the blog all the time to keep the spam and junk away, so that we can have a clean and sugary arena to chat, so the least we can do is give them a valid way to contact us if they need clarification of any blog issue, rather than just an automatic knee-jerk reaction of blocking or put a hold on all your posts until individually inspected, if there is any unwanted action on the blog that you may be (perhaps inadvertently) a part of.
    Really, Guru doesn’t bite. No need to be so defensive or snippy. If he has a couple of simple questions for you or whatnot, why not take a few seconds to shoot him a line or allow him to email you, so you can continue to be a part of the flow of this forum, and we keep the content of this board to sugar-chat.

    Just sayin’

  106. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Sdguru, it’s nothing personal but I do not really want to share my personal life with someone who seems to doubt what I say, despite knowing me. I have read several comments from people who seem to invalidate my posts without flat out saying it and it is really pretty lame b/c everyone has a diff story here. And also, last time I checked, we were all bloggers with the same access as the next person. However, your ability to see so much info supposedly, and to be able to recall so many blog convos (which is fine b/c I’m always sincere in my posts), tells me that maybe you are affiliated with the site and I do not necessarily want to share my info with the site owner, or manager, or anything else. But if you do own the site, and want to know, I met my wonderful sd on a different site and I could easily promote that site but I’m not here to stir up drama and take away business. I just come here b/c I like to read the blogs here, and whether we meet our sds/sbs here or not, the sugar world is similar for all of us so I figured what harm would it be to come here from time to time.

    I feel that SA blogs can be very un-welcoming though. For this reason, maybe I’ll just stop coming on here, or if I do, I’ll just read, and not say anything. I hate feeling attacked and this site usually does that. I have seen many arguements here and just “drama” for no reason. I don’t have time for that. So good luck everyone and if anyone does have q’s though, and geniunely cares to hear anything new about my stituation, or otherwise, please do let me know and if I come here, I’ll respond.

    Toodles:)

  107. SFCollegebaby says:

    @OCSugarbaby, Thanks:) and I totally get what you are saying and agree.

    @Sdguru, huh? I have never replied to my own posts under different aliasis. NEVER HAVE. I have no clue what you are talking about. And I told everyone about the LA mixup. I don’t have anything to hide and really I’m done defending who I am or replying to things that imply that maybe I am either fake, or worse. I did not come here to debate with people about anything. LOL, I don’t even come on here often. I use diff laptops from time to time, so under “mail (will not be published), if an email address is not saved in there, I’ll just randomly type anything. I didn’t know people monitored that or even cared, so I just use any email address. Furthermore, I am wondering why this site would even allow people to see our email addresses if it says that it will not be published, which implies being anon. And no, I do not care to share my email address here and if you had questions, all you had to do was ask me…rather than tell me to email you when I no longer want or care to…no offense.

  108. SanDiego sb says:

    I wanted to share something with everyone, i guess with some input also, the pot I’m talking to now (meeting tomorrow) seems great , we have the same humor (which is a little rare to find, because most sd’s I’ve talked to dont like sarcasm, BUT, he told me something I don’t think a sd/pot has ever told me, he basically used to be an sb lol for a woman a lonnnnnggg time ago, had some sort of arrangement, she would give him lump sums of money every month and he just happened to be smart with it and invested it in the right way, and..well..is who he is now lol.

    What do you all think? Could this work this work out better since he’d been on the other side of the spectrum?

  109. NYC SB says:

    OC – you say boobies and Guru comes to play :)
    Hope you had an awesome thanks giving!

  110. Bela says:

    lol well that wasn’t at all confusing :)

  111. NYCSB says:

    Thanks for all the advice :) And no it’s not like I want more from him I want things to stay the way they are, I could never see myself committed to him, but I guess I want him to open up more and at least show me if he’s feeling differently than he did before.
    But it’s best I just go with the flow for now, maybe eventually he will, or maybe by the time he does, I’ll be leaving him lol. but thanks a lot, hope everyone had a great turkey day!!

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Good Morning Sugars Ü
      @ Gemi, hey sweetie missed you!
      @ Stephan, awww thanks love.
      @ SD Guru, I do live in Cali where boobies are plentiful, but still my Midwest values will have me keeping the “girls” in check. But ohhh how I will dress them up!

      @ SFCollegeBaby, I understand the No Sex SB/SD arrangement very well. I have had a few. Lovely men, they sought the comfort just as you described. They each had their reasons. Funny story for you… The week before I left for college my dad wanted me to know how to change a tire. So he proceeded to take my tire off to show me, then he made me do the other three! Well, wouldn’t you know it but my first week there I got a flat. I called my dad so happy to tell him about it. He was just thrilled and proud that I was ready and able to take care of myself. I then explained that it was awesome, four guys came running over to change it for me!!! Moral of the story is that we girls can do most things for ourselves but we DO enjoy chivalry.
      Enjoy your SD! He sounds like a wonderful man.

      @NYC SB, there is only 1 the original “Super Sugar Girl” NYC SB-SSG! Maybe we can come up with another one for the newly blogging NYCSB as not to get others confused.

      Welcome new blogger NYCSB! (not to get confused with NYC SB (SSG)

      Have a great day everyone! xoxo OC

      • SD Guru says:

        @NYCSB (the other one)
        I never understood the idea of an SB getting too attach in an arrangement till now… I guess I just want him to show he care about me more.

        In most cases, nothing good can come out of becoming emotionally involved with a married man. From what you described, he obviously cares for you because he has done plenty for you as a SD. Ask yourself what’s more important to you, having an emotional attachment or having him as a SD?

        @SFCollegeBaby
        And thanks for the offer but there is not much to email about, at least not now.

        In that case, could you please submit a valid email addy with your next post so I can email you with some questions I have. I’m still trying to figure out why some people post under different screen names, sometimes even replying to their own posts under different aliases. ❓

        @OCSugarBaby
        But ohhh how I will dress them up!

        Now that’s something I’ve got to see! :mrgreen:

      • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

        @ SD Guru, ahhh okay you can see them whenever you want… hahaha
        @ NYC SB, yes thank you my Thanksgiving was nice. It was my first day out and about without pain meds! Not even a little grumpy, however a lovely glass of Merlot helped. Wow, could this actually be our third Thanksgiving here on the sugar blog?!

        @Lily, well said and lovely to see you!

  112. NYC SB says:

    To answer the question… I am assuming you are in an NSA relationship and I think he is keeping a boundry … If you talk all day every day you cross the line from a “beautiful escape” to the “mundane” … Its best to let it be and not to bring it up … If he wants to keep in touch more often he will reach out … Last thing you want to do is be a pest or become another obligation he needs to tend to

  113. NYC SB says:

    Ps that was no THIS NYC SB :)

  114. Bela says:

    Post-Turkey day and I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about shopping. I might need professional help.

    NYCSB – I guess the real question is do you think he would get spooked if you bring up emotion? I know you know how to talk to men :) The only thing is, even if he doesn’t get spooked, do you think that his awareness of how you feel will make him distance himself from you even more?

    Honestly, I don’t know what would be best.

    Alleycat – Best app is to put the phone in an inconvenient location. I get lazy when I get drunk, so it doesn’t take much :)

  115. Zoey says:

    It might very well jeopardize things, because if he isn’t interested in having more with you he probably WILL think that you are getting too attached. I guess you need to ask yourself whether the status quo is hurting you or whether you can accept it. If you can accept it, then do. If not, then you might as well talk to him about it, because even if he does feel that you are too attached and decides to end things, you are better off having to find someone else that better suits your needs than suffering in silence.

    That said, make sure your finances are in order before you talk to him (if you decide to) in case he decides to bail.

  116. NYCSB says:

    So I have a question, I never understood the idea of an SB getting too attach in an arrangement till now. My SD and I have been together for about 8 months, and we have the best of time together. He’s married, with 4 kids, to a woman much older than him. He’s not too old for me either. I’m 21, he’s 32, he’s married to someone who’s in her 40’s. Him and his wife doesn’t have much of a relationship, sleeps in separate bedrooms and they’re basically together for the kids.

    He’s extremely successful with his business so it’s not like he’s with his wife for money, his wife is a stay at home mom. Over the time we’ve grown fond of each other. he treat me extremely well, wine and dine me, expensive gifts, help with everything I need, got me some connects and an internship since I’m in college. Even though I’m seeing someone else (my ex bf whom I’m in love with) I’m also starting to like my SD a lot more too and developing some feelings for him. I would never want him to leave his wife for me, or put his kids or his wife before me, but I guess I just want him to show he care about me more. When we’re not together, he barely keep in touch, unless he’s calling to make plans or such. we talk on aim a lot, I always find myself the one that message him in there, i feel as if i initiate everything. I don’t want him to feel as if I’m smothering him at the same time it wouldn’t hurt if he kept in contact with me when we’re not together.

    My question is, would I jeopardize what we have if I bring this up to him, I don’t want him to get scared thinking I’m getting too into it, when really I don’t feel like I’m asking for much

  117. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Sdguru, well I never come on to create drama. All I did, as I always do is state my opinion. And thanks for the offer but there is not much to email about, at least not now.

    Clarification: Not everyone who wants sex is a horny dingbag. LOL, ok, I think I made it clear what I meant by that but if not…not everyone who is a sugardaddy MUST have sex with his sb. Not every sd thinks that sex is a requirement. Not every guy has to have sex in order to help someone he claims he cares about. That’s all I’m saying. The way people have been talking about this on the blog just reinforces why people look down on the sd/sd thing in the first place. It shoudn’t be a shock that a sb doesn’t have to give her body in order to be taken care of. If sex and money is the absolute only way to go, then why not just become an escort and john? Such contradiction here sometimes! Last pt: not every sb with a great success story is stretching the truth.

    @Carebear, thanks:)

  118. carebear says:

    Well said SF, congrats on your success!

  119. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Sdguru, I have reasons to believe that some of the stories here period, should not be taken for face value. Some of them are ridiculous, and some are just horrible, I’m wondering if the person is just fascinated with telling dramatic stories. I also have reason to believe that many of the guys here want escorts, and not sb, and this is why it is so hard for them to fathom that sex doesn’t necessarily have to be part of a sd/sb relationship. There is such thing as just good company, convo, showing off, and maybe cuddling. Not everyone is a horny dingbag.

  120. SFCollegebaby says:

    It amazes me that people continue to question the no sex issue. Maybe some of us girls ae just that clever and do not have to sleep with anyone for material gain. Also, all this is doing is perpetuating the stereotype that the sb/sd thing is all about sex and money. I am very tired of some of the stupid comments here about that and people doubting the integrity of girls like myself who share a similar experience of a sexless sb/sd relationship. We believe your horror stories and your “wild sex” stories or whatever else, so have some respect and do the same for our amazing stories. Just bc u r a sd who forces sex out of your sb, doesn’t mean the next man will do that. And just bc you are a sb wo MUST sleep with someone to get things, doesn’t mean the next sb has to or wants to.

    Its been 5months in dec. No sex between my sd and I. I have an ocean front apt, my car note paid, allowance, and everything in between. He also gives me gifts and we go on shopping sprees. Sex is not a requirement in this relationship. Oh and you can get dumped or have a short lived rltp in the sugar world even when sex is involved…so spare me.

  121. Gemi says:

    OC!!! :)

    Happy Thanksgiving all!!

    • SD Guru says:

      I hope everyone got their fair share of turkey this evening!!

      @BiBaby
      I have a dear SD I really like but poor thing has had a significant family crisis erupt with one of his kids… Is he politely blowing me off perhaps and I just don’t know it?… he assured me that a per-date allowance would work out in my benefit

      Was he the one that gave you a company check?? I hope I’m completely wrong about him but let me play devil’s advocate and give you a different perspective as food for thought. Here’s the low down on “SD Psychology 101”.

      First, when a SD brings up “family crisis” it could be a convenient excuse to distance himself from the arrangement. It’s similar to when a SB uses her period as an excuse when she’s not interested in sex. It could be a legit reason but it’s difficult to verify and it leaves the other party wondering what the true intention is.

      Second, if a SD is really interested in keeping the arrangement, he will usually try to move heaven and earth to keep his SB despite whatever crisis he may have. Based on your description of the situation I don’t get the sense he is that motivated to continue. And if he sensed that you might be desperate enough to want to continue, then he will do so only under his terms, thus the per date allowance.

      Third, by the same token, you probably can’t compel a SD to continue an arrangement if he doesn’t want to (and the same is true for SB’s). When you have a NSA arrangement it usually means either party can end it for whatever reason. Most people don’t think about the end when they start an arrangement and then they’re caught off guard because it usually happens sooner than expected.

      Recently there were several stories in the blog like yours where the arrangement seemed to start out great but then fizzled out after a few meetings. Why is that? My guess is it doesn’t necessarily have to do with a lengthy list of “quality” that a SD wants in a SB since he is not looking for a girl to take home to meet mom. Instead, it could just boil down to a few simple things. I’ll elaborate more about this subject in my blog.

      @WCSD
      There are situations where P4P does fit, and many situations where it doesn’t.

      I understand most people say they avoid p4p like the plague as if it’s beneath them, but I agree that it really depends on the situation. A monthly allowance may be preferable in most cases, but in some cases like the ones you mentioned a per date allowance may be more suitable. This is another topic I’ll elaborate more in my blog.

      @OCSugarBaby
      still recovering from getting mine back to “full mountain peak Perky again”…

      Congrats!! When are you going to show off those new gravity defying boobs??

      @SFCollegeBaby
      Not everyone is a horny dingbag.

      Of course not everyone is a horny dingbag. But does that mean anyone who desires physical intimacy as part of an arrangement is a horny dingbag? For the record, I have said platonic sugar relationships do exist. Please email me through my blog to discuss your story further. I’d prefer not to drag this blog through unnecessary drama.

  122. adoc says:

    hey all!!

    Hope all is well :) still trying to rack up the year here. All the drama has killed me academicallu so crossing my fingers i get through this semester. My gpa is still good so not too worried – just need to pass !
    avoiding the sugar world- until i can handle it again. In the meantime- ive moved back home for a bit.

    Bibaby- best of luck!! That is stressful- pherhaps you should have a chat to him about how you really need consistency? I wouldnt suggest dropping him at this stage…but maybe look around for something more consistent? Its hard when you need it for school, huh? !

    Lisa

  123. stephan says:

    Hi OCSugarbaby! Good to see you pop in sunshine! Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

  124. WCSD says:

    FLSD – I don’t agree with your statement of ‘P4P is NOT an arrangement’. There are situations where P4P does fit, and many situations where it doesn’t.

    In BiBaby’s situation, it appears that P4P was not a good fit, mainly because it was frequent visits, seems fairly exclusive, and then I agree, she is taking all the risk.

    But if you have a SB who lives in another state (or country), you travel together once every month or two, have no exlusivity going on, and it is purely a ‘if you are available’ arrangement, then a P4P type of situation may really be the best solution. It really depends on the situation and the agreed upon practice between you and the SB. In the end, some SBs are available for a relationship similar to BiBaby (in the frequency, etc.) and some are not. If you both agree to it (as it appears that BiBaby did) then can you really fault one party over the other??

    It starts to sound like the sports athlete (or owner) who enters into a contract, and then complains that they aren’t being paid enough (or are paying too much). Didn’t they both agree to it?

    I find it funny how many people complain about being in a P4P arrangement, when they were the ones to agree about it. As stated by many, everything comes down to risks that you are willing to take. If you agree to a P4P, then you took that risk. If you agree to pay out a month’s allowance and she poofs, you took that risk. Next time adjust either your screening or your acceptable risk level and proceed from there. Don’t complain about being in a situtation that you agreed to be in – in the first place.

    Note: BiBaby, this isn’t directed at you. I know you aren’t complaining that you are in a P4P arrangement, you are just trying to determine your next steps in your process. I don’t have anything to add to the advice already given.

  125. ContinentalTravel says:

    OK, I guess I need to answer the blog question first:
    From an SD’s perspective, a great way to separate pot SBs from escorts or P4Ps is to take things slow. Have a few dinner dates, give a modest amount each time for lost work/baby sitter. Hold off on the intimacy/full arrangement for a while. An escort does not have that kind of patience.

    Oh, I also want to say that allowance is better than pay per meet.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Happy Thanksgiving Sugars Ü
      @ SD who was traveling in Central Europe, I loved your comment about (.)(.) falling off a cliff when you turn 40. Laughed so hard! Not quite 40 myself but still recovering from getting mine back to “full mountain peak Perky again”… Can’t laugh too hard quite yet, still sore.

      Just wanted to pop in and say hello. This is still the sugar-iest place on earth! xoxo OC

  126. FLSD says:

    @Midwest. I totally agree. P4P is NOT an arrangement. P4P puts the SB totally at risk. It’s a bad idea.
    Per visit gives all the leverage to the SD. If an SD is really interested in a win-win relationship, then pay per visit should not even be a part of the conversation.
    BiBaby is already in the situation, though, so how best to help? I still think that even at this stage, communication might bring a resolution – one way or the other… If he will recognize the need, if this isn’t a scam, if he’s a gentleman,(I know… slim chance) he’ll step up and resolve this..

    The real issue though started back at the negotiation…. as you said… allowance.. monthly.. in advance.. with a contingency

    @BiBaby, I also think Michael Alleycat and SD/CE have good suggestions on interim, temporary, work-arounds. The real solution is an arrangement that is a real allowance…

  127. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Bi, I imagine you would have liked to enter into an arrangement that provided you with a monthly allowance in advance, with terms ENFORCEABLE at reasonable COST. Perhaps a written document drawn up with each side in consultation with their lawyers. Maybe a few months allowance in escrow to ensure receipt. Perhaps you could hold an allowance security account in the amount of two months? Maybe 6 months of your rent paid up front. Maybe a 401K funded to provide for you when you turn 40 and your boobs fall off a cliff. Term life on the SD with a prepaid premium of 2 yrs in the amount of $150k…

    How many of these offers have you received during your search? If you had not entered into this current arrangement and received whatever you have thus far, but waited for something else still to come, how would you have paid your bills recently? What is your plan for paying your bills while you are waiting for this ideal arrangement to materialize fully funded?

    Did you get a reasonable allowance for what you did with him thus far? If not, in what ways will you change what you are willing to agree to with the next one to make sure you do?

    Would you describe yourself as worse off and disadvantaged for this experience?

  128. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Bi, I hope it was clear enough by what I said that you need to start looking for other alternatives but at the same time maintain good relations with this one on the chance that it picks up again.

    You also can try to get some make up allowance at some point: now might be the worst time to try; when things cool down and when things resume will be better and better times to try. You could tell him now what’s happening with your bills without even asking for anything; see how he reacts now and later. Mentioning your situation, which is impacted by his situation, without blame, shouldn’t cause a stir; however pressing for compensation now very well could.

    Don’t try some big renegotiation of the terms of your arrangement, especially at this time. When you do try to get some make up allowance, make sure there is something in it for him. Maybe you see other more frequently than usual for a while. Maybe you cook him dinner and save a $250 check. Figure out some things to offer.

    If you both are sharp and sincere, you may find a mutually beneficial way to put things back in good order.

  129. Michael Alleycat says:

    BiBaby – per meet allowance is P4P, no matter how you slice it. No commitment by the SD. I have had a couple in the past and it becomes very whim based, it is not an arrangement or a relationship.

    Get to a regular monthly allowance, asap!!

  130. Michael Alleycat says:

    Roxy – cool photos, and your profile is fine. But yes, get rud of the first paragraph.

    Happy Turkey Day!! Have to get rid of my hangover before I start doing it all over again….

  131. Midwest SB says:

    Happy Thanksgiving Day sugars! Wonder what the turkeys are saying right now..

    Carebear and Michael – get blackberries! Then…step away from the phone! Love the commercial where the guy drops the phone in the urinal…”Really”?

    FLSD- Here, here on the per meet allowance. It’s P4P no matter how you say it and there are now two examples of why it doesn’t work for the SB. It’s a great deal for the SD as he has the carrot dangling in front of you. I don’t think that’s very gentlemanly behavior and sets the wrong tone of what an arrangement should be. Negotiate a monthly allowance, a “due date” and both an in-person and back-up method for receiving said allowance should family drama, illness, etc get in the way.

    TLG – Enjoy your trip!

    Roxy – May I suggest you eliminate your first paragraph in your profile? Genuine SDs will see it as you’re not really serious and wonder if you have a true understanding of an arrangement. As for the PJs (pervy johns) because you are new, you are getting a ton of these. Block them and consider it part of the process. You are a lovely lady and very quirky! You should have some fun with this!

  132. carebear says:

    Michael – here’s your million dollar idea, breathalizer app!

    Happy Thanksgiving all!

  133. The Lone Gunman says:

    GOOOOOOOD MOOOOORNING SUGAR BLOG!!!!!

    It’s Travelling Thursday!!

    Before I fade away until next week:

    @Michael Alleycat–put the phone in a baggie prior to imbibing. Not only can you not send messages (because you can’t touch the screen), but the phone is safe should anything come up after your binge.

    @Gemi–if you think the text/email is dirty, send it to me and I will put it through the TLGometer (regUSPatOff) to see if there is a reaction. 😉

    @Lyren–I hope you are from the South, since that’s a lot of y’alls y’all have to read y’all’s way through. :)

    Happy Thanksgiving to Y’all, and to all a good frisk!

    TLG

  134. FLSD says:

    @Michael Alleycat
    “Airplane Mode” 😉

  135. FLSD says:

    @BiBaby-I think the answer depends on your judgement of the little nuances. There are SDs who do react by withdrawing if the stressor is big enough and important enough. That may be what’s happened here. It’s been just a week… that’s not a lot of time to deal with a major family crisis sometimes… so patience may be in order. A lot depends on what you hear between the lines in your communications with him.

    Stepping back from the immediate question though…. If your situation really requires a steady, reliable allowance, then that’s what you have to negotiate for up front and stick to your position. Allowance based on frequency always puts the sb at a disadvantage and makes the allowance unpredictable. At this point, if exclusivity hasn’t been promised, perhaps having a contingency plan isn’t a bad idea. I suggest that a heart-to-heart with your sd may be in order soon. An arrangement should be a 2-way street and meet both partners needs. While a little compassion may be in order, it sounds like the allowance part of the arrangement may not be set up to meet your real need of a steady reliable allowance. Might be time to talk….

  136. Gemi says:

    Michael Alleycat- Actually, I think there IS one. Now if only there was an iPhone app that could erase whatever dirty/stupid txt or emails that were sent out the night before.

  137. Michael Alleycat says:

    Uuugh – does anybody know if there is an iPhone app that shuts off email and txting functions when you’ve had too much wine?

  138. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Big News!

    NO SEX NO LONGER wrote back.

    I used RESEND to ask her why she never answered and why she changed her profile.

    Because I’m with my family – ehh BS, you managed to solicit me and not write back all within a few hours a few days ago. Doesn’t smell so good. (She logged in multiple times in the interim days as well, ohh and you are writing back NOW!)

    Why would it matter if I changed my profile? – ummm, IDK you went from ‘NO SEX – after all I’m not a hooker’ to ‘you better not be having multiple partners while we are having sex’ Why would that matter?

    NO SEX looks like a con artist. which con she is playing, I haven’t gotten far enough to find out.

  139. Lyrenn says:

    I just want to say that all yall are very very informative. I am kind of new to the sugerland. I have had a gift Daddy in the past a few years ago but left of due to some weird vibes he gave me. I am just now back to looking for a SD and all yall have givein’ me so much to think about. Thank you.

  140. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Bi, its nice that you want to remain loyal, but in the sugar game you always have to have at least one foot pointing towards the next situation. These things simply aren’t stable enough to rely on. One clue in your story tells me this is a newish relationship. No way can you put your trust in it at this point.

  141. Michael Alleycat says:

    Carebear – I introduced a date once as being “a cousin from outta town”. Man did I catch crap over that comment. I probably deserved it too.

  142. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    BiBaby,

    I’m not a SD and don’t really have any advice but I want to offer my sympathy to your situation…. my situation is similar, not because of family drama but because my SD has had some very serious health issues and we’ve not seen one another in over a month. It is completely understandable to me why we haven’t, physically he is unable to. Because my allowance is handed to me in person twice a month, I am now closing in on week 6 with no allowance, and in the exact same boat with the holidays and tuition due in January. I know how it feels!

    We are tentatively supposed to get together after this week, but nothing is set in stone and the uncertainty’s bothering me. I have made the decision to wait, I have waited this long anyway, and he and I do have a great connection that I KNOW is not easy to find in sugarland. I really like him as a person, and am pretty sure it’s mutual. So I’m holding off on doing anything differently for another week. Because of the gravity of his health situation I’m not inquiring about anything allowance related until we have a chance to get together, then I’m going to allow him the space to bring it up and go from there.

    How about your SD? Do you feel the connection is good enough that he’s worth waiting for in the long run? Are you exclusive? I am in a mutual “no other sugars” agreement, which I will continue to honor until I have a clearer sense of how things are going to play out. You said this situation could go on for a month or more… how long is tolerable for you? What if you put a cap on what your personal limit is?

    I kind of feel like with more exclusive sugar relationships, there should be mutual tolerance/understanding and flexibility for life circumstances which may come up… after all, life happens, and I know I would hate to get “dumped” if I were unavailable for a (brief) time due to things outside of my control.

    OTOH, the “arrangement” aspect is with an`expectation that both parties are going to do what they say they are going to do….what they have agreed upon. If one side is unable to hold up their end of things to a point where it’s not working for the other person, I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to communicate this and see what happens.

    Just my opinion! I hope you can get it worked out.

  143. The Lone Gunman says:

    BiBaby:

    I would look for additional sugar to make up for what you are not getting from him right now.

    IF things should get back to a place where you could be together, then make a decision on keeping/ending the additional SD. If not, then you still have an SD who is taking care of you right now, not in some nebulous future time.

    TLG

  144. BiBaby says:

    here’s a question for the SD’s out there…

    How should your SB handle drama on your end? I have a dear SD I really like but poor thing has had a significant family crisis erupt with one of his kids that has prevented much contact in this past week and of course with the holiday we have to be apart. Every time I’ve tried to work around his schedule just hasn’t worked out because of the drama. As far as I know, everything is fine between us but I am lucky if I can get a few emails squeezed out or even a phone call because of the turmoil going on at home.

    I have been lending a supportive ear and I truly understand what’s going on is horribly stressful but given as this may be an ongoing issue for at least a month or more, what should I do? Should I just be patient and hope that our relationship will pick back up? Is he politely blowing me off perhaps and I just don’t know it? I don’t *think* so but it’s impossible to know. I would think some “stress relief” would be welcome given what’s going on at home but I’ve found the opposite, he’s not suggesting any time where that would work in the near future. Worse, he assured me that a per-date allowance would work out in my benefit since he initially wanted to see me all the time but without seeing him, I’m heading into Christmas without sugar and tuition due in another month. *sigh*

    Should I just be patient and hope that things will settle down or could it be said that if he really wanted us to get together again despite the turmoil going on, that a way would have been found? Whenever my own husband gets stressed, he wants *more* of that sort of activity but are there men out there who actually may feel the opposite? I’m not sure what to do…I want to keep the relationship and not stress him but on the other hand, I can’t go weeks on end like this either, we’re going to wind up pen pals that way…

    Advice?

  145. Gemi says:

    Happy Thanksgiving sugars!

    TLG- Watch out for those TSA agents… I’ve heard they are wiley. Have fun and BE SAFE out in the wilds of the water :)

  146. Lily says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to all!

    Dandy wine : we all is (confused). 😉

    Spending the evening with a gal I’ve been tight with for 20 years! I luvs her so, & we haven’t caught up in person in 3 years so I am psyched. Childhood friends that transition into adulthood friends are the bestest.

  147. Yaz says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to all :)

    NYCSB: Happy early bday gorgeous :)

  148. Dandelion Wine says:

    Nom nom nom… Delishus! Nom nom…

    Oh hai Carebear! ^____^

    I made you a cookie but I eated it.

    *sad*

  149. roxy says:

    SD CE: Well, that’s the way I dress. It’s much more demure looking in actuality. Should someone misinterpret my elocution as an invite to place an order well tis a shame that people don’t have a handle on their vernacular then. That being said, I appreciate your perspective and opinion about my advert and hope that it will attract the right person I described I was looking to meet with and I’ll just not let the potential punters get to me.

  150. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Roxy, I don’t see anything to indicate you are a hooker, but maybe some dope could latch onto that get on in the flesh phrase and the second shot with the tights going halfway up to the school girl skirt.

  151. The Lone Gunman says:

    Less than 24 hours now until ‘frisky’ behavior at TSA…. 😉

    TLG

  152. carebear says:

    DW: I can has cheeseburger?

  153. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD travelling in Central Europe says:
    November 24, 2010 at 2:21 am
    Whether someone is desperate doesn’t determine if they are a good person or a good SB.

    SBs who make effort are generally not desperate. The desperate ones tend to be the ones who won’t lift a finger. This is part of how they came to desperation.

    Setting a tone in these relationships starts at the beginning. Expecting mutual effort helps filter out the ones who are nothing but drains on you. It also turns off many of the rip off artists pretty quickly.
    ———–
    I is confuse.
    So the in demand/hardworking SB regularly wastes her limited time and resources on something with low (if not negative) ROI
    Yet somehow manages to come out ahead,

    But the “lazy” SB gets to the point of desperation yet still doesn’t want to act desperate?

    Please, elaborate.

    Kthanxbi

  154. Bela says:

    Lol Carebear – “Tell them I’m your father.” At least he tried 

    Back in Florida. I feel like I was just here!

    At least I’m with family :)

    Had a date last night that went well, but definitely not going to get too excited. At least the company was nice.

  155. roxy says:

    SD in CE: cheers mate, have posted the number now: 554516

  156. SD that was travelling in Central Europe says:

    Roxy: I have heard from plenty of women that they gets these inquiries. That’s a big part of SA’s activity. First of all don’t get upset, just delete whatever doesn’t apply to you. Second, give out your profile # for people to look at and tell you if you REALLY are not signaling this, and whether you ARE signaling whatever it is you DO want.

    • SD Guru says:

      @NC Gent
      hmmmm some of the most enjoyable non-sexual activities I have done with SBs

      What I really want to know is, how many of those activities were followed by earth shattering sex?? 😆

      @Continental Travel
      If the SD is rich and famous enough to be a household name, I can see a pot SB travelling on her own dime.

      If someone is rich and famous enough to be a household name, does he really need to be a SD? You’d think there are plenty of groupies clamoring for a piece of him just to get their fifteen minutes of fame.

      @Lily
      To All – after how many months do you feel an arrangement is really stabilized

      I’ve said in the past that I wouldn’t consider anything less than three months as a relationship, it’s more like an experiment that didn’t work. Then there is NYC SB’s infamous “three month curse”. Just like any type of relationship, it takes time to build trust and become comfortable in an arrangement. How long that time frame should be is up to each person. But if you can get past the three month mark then it’s more likely to last.

      Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!!

  157. roxy says:

    Hello bloggers. Have a question.
    I’ve been getting a couple messages with men being direct and asking me to meet them at hotels and how much do I charge per hour/night. I thought an arrangement was kinda like faux dating, granted assistance is a part, granted sex is a part but there is some moderate courtship in between right?
    I just don’t appreciate those messages I’m getting. My ad does not imply that that’s what kinda young lady I am at all!!!

  158. carebear says:

    Stories!! I’ll be anxiously waiting by my inbox…

    Was on a date last night and saw one of my top clients, but she didn’t see me, and date says “just tell them I’m your father” I almost spit my drink out. Yeah cause my dad would totally approve of me wearing a dress that tight and heels that high.

    New rule: go in with a ‘story’ and stick to it!

  159. NYC SB says:

    Jdate! Lol carebear … Remind me to tell u a story on that

  160. NC Heels says:

    @carebear
    Excellent idea about the “code words.” Nice to see your profile on JDdate… you look just like your picture! (cough cough)

  161. NC Heels says:

    @Continental Travel
    I think you have a point about being vocal about the age issue. I think I wanted to try and see if I was ok with that age range, but based on that experience, I am leaning toward “no.” I think I knew his pic looked far too young (I mean 10+ years here)

    @SD Travelling in Central Europe
    I think you are right as well. It was not all bad, the late call came before the meeting time, and he was not that late. It was more the misleading pic, age difference, and negative personality that didn’t work for me. There is no getting around the search and screen. It is hard because I know what I want, I get plenty of interest here and elsewhere, but finding a right match has proven quite difficult. A lot of good connections that fizzle after p4p offers and the like…not my style! I suppose it’s the same way for finding a spouse so I know I have to buckle down and do some hard work. I may find a spouse before I find the right SD!

    @NC Gent
    I just want to let everyone know what a gentleman you are and how you’ve suprised me with your kindness and openess… I was not expecting it and it means a lot.

  162. ARCTIC SD says:

    To all my American sugar family south of the Tundra land – HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE THANKSGIVING.

  163. Michael Alleycat says:

    Morning all.

    Having the annual pre-Thanksgiving dinner tonight at home. Cooking for 20 adults & 6 kids. Friends are cooking tomorrow, so tonight is my display of cooking prowess!

  164. ContinentalTravel says:

    @NC Heels
    Now that you know the age of SD you’re comfortable with, maybe you can emphasize it in messaging future SD’s? Let them know that showing up older than their pictures is a deal breaker. For many SD’s, if a pot SD shows up 30 lbs heavier, it would definitely be a deal breaker. So why would it be any different the other way around?

    @Midwest SB
    Rather than a true platonic SD, I believe that a much more common arrangement is where sex happens very infrequently. One SB on this blog talked about having sex with her SD once in 6 months, due to his poor health. Now that’s a story I can definitely believe. For older men, it’s the willingness of sex that counts.

    @SDTICE
    If the SD is rich and famous enough to be a household name, I can see a pot SB travelling on her own dime. The potential for reality TV stardom is just too great to pass. Otherwise, there are just too many fakes on the internet.

  165. yeah that mark guy is a total creep. I had to block him because he messaged me the same thing…ew he is so nasty

  166. Midwest SBl says:

    Lily- were those questions or shameless observations? :-)

    Heading home to see family and warm up! Happy Thanksgiving sugars! I’m so very thankful for how each of you shine wisdom and light on one another!

  167. NC Gent says:

    hmmmm some of the most enjoyable non-sexual activities I have done with SBs:

    Deep sea fishing in Mexico
    Classic rock concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Colorado
    Traveling a week in Europe while combining business with pleasure
    Group dinner in NYC
    Mountain hiking in the Rockies
    Several Ski Trips
    Lingerie Shopping at VS!

    There have been so many unbelievable experiences :)

  168. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    NC Heels,

    We all meet a lot of people that it doesn’t work out with. One of the most common stories women tell of surprise at the first meeting is age – the man being much older.

    You are never going to filter down to only good matches before the first meeting. You are going to have to meet many guys and go through all that effort over and over. No way around it.

    He did some things right, he did some things wrong. He called about being late – how much in touch was he with you leading up to the arrival? Did he give you some advanced notice or call 15 min late and say I’ll be there in 30 min (45 late) ? (My numbers)

    His prodding should be about getting to know you and what your needs are so he can evaluate if he can be helpful to you. There should be some prodding.

    Well you know a little more about the age range you are comfortable with, you have a little more experience, and you are better prepared going forward.

  169. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Whether someone is desperate doesn’t determine if they are a good person or a good SB.

    SBs who make effort are generally not desperate. The desperate ones tend to be the ones who won’t lift a finger. This is part of how they came to desperation.

    Setting a tone in these relationships starts at the beginning. Expecting mutual effort helps filter out the ones who are nothing but drains on you. It also turns off many of the rip off artists pretty quickly.

  170. Lily says:

    A-ha! So by process of elimination…. :) we have again the vocalized opinion that very attractive, young ladies will and should board (overseas!) flights on their own dime just to meet a much older man (who does at least claim to be an SD!) she recently met online.

    I wonder….would the same advice be given to one’s daughter (if one had an adult daughter) to do such a thing…. –and perhaps even congratulate her on being so ‘together’ as to not need her potential new sugar daddy to pay her way…..?

    Guru-of course you may share my popcorn but don’t sit too close, you’ll catch my cough.
    Bela-feeling better, but niggling symptoms still hanging on to irritate me! Grrrr.

    To All – after how many months do you feel an arrangement is really stabilized (past the turbulent early days when you aren’t sure how long it will last?) I feel like 90 days is a ‘test period,’ and will make or break an arrangement.

    To All, again – what’s the most fun activity you’ve done with your sugar outside of bedroom shenanigans? Anyone ever try rock climbing? Swapping books? Playing a classical piece together w/ instruments? Watching tv/movies worth discussing at around the same time and then comparing opinions about it…? Going to film premiers and after parties? Just wondering what an odd sugar I may or may not be… 😀

  171. Member says:

    i would like to report an abuser, but can’t find a better place to do it.

    Profile: Profile Number 342422(Sugar Daddy), Mark 342422.

    HIM:

    Answers like that makes me happy to know my brother who works in an upward position in the government. I have you fucking IP address and know exactly where you are bith. Now just so you know my face and name on here is not me…or is it? Just be sure and know because of your answer I am going to be sure you give that blow job and not only that you will swallow too bitch. Be prepared.

    ME:
    ——————————–
    MESSAGE Dated – 23 November, 2010 05:19pm

    how about you …. when the time is right?

    HIM:
    ——————————–
    MESSAGE Dated – 23 November, 2010 12:44pm

    I have no problem with what you will be needing I just want to be sure you are going to be willing to give the blow job when the time is right. Mark

    • SD Guru says:

      @Lily

      Hint… it’s probably not Torrin! Can I have some of that popcorn? :)

      @SD Traveling in Central Europe

      Let me just say that I have no ties to SA other than I’m also a long time paying member like you. I monitor the blog as an impartial volunteer to keep things under control while fellow SD/SB’s share their experiences and learn from each other. How anyone wants to handle their sugar relationship is really none of my business. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and should be responsible for the choices they make.

      Having said that, when someone comes to the blog to share their experiences, I might ask some questions to get a better understanding of the poster’s thought process and what that person is trying to accomplish. It makes no difference if someone is looking for an occasional encounter or an on-going arrangement. Whatever it is, we shouldn’t pretend it to be something it’s not.

      So, it would be great if you can enlighten us further about your approach to sugar relationships based on your actual, highly active, long time experiences!

      @Midwest SB
      I’ve heard of NO SEX sbs and at this point I believe SF College Baby is one by her SD’s choice.

      While I’m sure platonic SD’s do exist and they’re not an urban legend, I have reasons to believe some of the “no sex” SB stories in the blog should not be taken at face value.

      @Member

      Looks like you’ve found a winner and his profile is full of red flags. Instead of coming to the blog to complain about a particular member, I’d suggest that you go through the proper channel to contact SA. At the bottom of SA’s home page, click on “contact us“. Then you can either click on “contact support” or email feedback@seekingarrangement.com.

      Have a good night everyone!

  172. Bela says:

    I see Lily’s feeling a bit better :)

  173. Gem says:

    Thanks so much everyone! I agree about asking for money before meeting, it was just he would not stop txting and I explained it was pre-paid, was sort of insistang. Anyway, you’re all great!

    Next time I post I will use a different name I see we already have a Gemi :)

  174. Lily says:

    Oh, and I’d be interested to hear the answer to Guru’s questions about how to go from 1 meet to arrangement without it being largely transactional, and if you’re planning ongoing relationships with these two new gals, or just occasional encounters…and since you’re just warming up and planning to extend your harem back at home (as well as the next time you’re abroad), where does that leave the current sugar1 & sugar2. Are you recruiting a whole squad of ladies across the globe? How do those relationships work out in practice as mutually beneficial?

    *sitting down with a tub of popcorn, ready to learn & absorb from a seasoned sugar veteran*

  175. Lily says:

    It’s “large sums of money,” rather than “large some of money.”

  176. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    I don’t know SD Guru? Could it be that I write about actual sugar activity, actual topics, and actual important questions in the blog from the point of view of someone highly active as a long time PAYING member of SA, who promotes the benefits and potential of SA to others, and spends large some of money on a continuing basis in one way or another on the female SBs who join the site?

  177. Lily says:

    I bought my own ticket about half the time when traveling for a date, back when I was looking on traditional dating sites (or kinky dating sites) for a traditional relationship (or, erhm, a Dom). But if a guy wants to be a sugar daddy? Then I keep my credit card tucked away & let him do the honors of treating me every step of the way…

  178. Lily says:

    Oooh, is it the special someone in town again? :)

  179. NYC SB says:

    Lily – great day trading makes this girl happy … Plus hot date tonight … And umm chipotle :)

  180. Dandelion Wine says:

    NC Gent says:
    November 23, 2010 at 6:47 am
    Hi SDtice — you seem well grounded and I agree mostly with what you have to say. Nonetheless, I would never expect (or even knowingly allow) a pot SB to purchase a ticket to see me. In fact, it would likely make me think she was desperate.
    ————
    I’d have to agree. Desperate with a capital D.

  181. Lily says:

    NYC SB – spill it! What was so awesome about the day?

    I’m playing nice, for sure, still snotty with a flu and letting family make chicken soup for me. Hopefully by the time I’m actually heading home, I’ll be all healthy again.

    Then again, I always play nice. *angelic smile*

  182. Now this one isn’t me – I ain’t SDtice

  183. NYC SB says:

    Muse – deal :) I don’t mind sharing

  184. Gemi says:

    Watch out TLG ,the girls are getting slightly frisky in here!

    Blog drama wut?

    things have gotten quiet on the sugar front. methinks it is because of the imminent Thanksgiving day, off with their families playing nice 😉 thats ok, I can wait until after T-day to play and be a little naughty :)

  185. Bela says:

    Meh, delicious…suspicious. Aren’t they interchangeable?

    Okay SD’s. Very important question, so pay attention!!!!

    Xmas gift for my best friend – help!!

    Information you should know about him:
    1. Works overseas
    2. Globe-trotter and very extroverted (so he literally has friends everywhere)
    3. Loves wine
    4. Very fashion-oriented

    Suggestions? If you help me with this, I’ll be your friend forever :)

  186. Muse says:

    NYC SB- how is it every time I pop on here, you’re molesting someone? I can’t turn my back for a second! But you can frisk TLG…on one condition. I get to frisk him too. Extra security as he looks so deli-…um…suspicious….

  187. NYC SB says:

    Best day … In a long time … 😀

  188. Lily says:

    Traveling in Central Europe must be Torrin, all healed up from his broken nose and frustrating lonely nights sleeping alone, after getting hot & bothered dirty dancing (grab-ass play) with female friends. Or ….is it ‘An SD’ who was even further back, who had daggers for me also back then, for some undisclosed reason…..?

    Guru – You know I heartily agree about screening technique #2 and what I think of men who demand that a girl travel to see him for the first time on her own dime. *rolling eyes*

  189. carebear says:

    Re: NC Heels (I’m from NC!) first date….

    How awful is it when you’re on a first date and the other person blurts out “sugardaddy blah blah blah” and everyone in the room goes silent so you can hear a pin drop?

    I KNOW everyone has been through that. It has happened 1 too many times.

    However, I do love replacing the words with pseudo situations like “how long did your relationship with your previous cousin” or “is this your first time on christianmatch.com” hahaha its always priceless to see the look on other peoples’ faces at the table next to you.

  190. NC Gent says:

    Hi NC Heels — my contact is sdjohn40 at the g male place. Looking forward to hearing from you. Feel free to delete this message or forward my email address to her Stephan :)

  191. NC Heels says:

    @SD Guru

    You are right, 1-3 were mediocre to poor at best. He was actually forthcoming with his info (name, birthdate, occupation etc). I was able to verify all of it, so I thought that was a good sign. The date was really not that great though. He was a bit negative and cynical sounding, and almost seemed embarassed himself. Maybe it was just too great a difference in age when it comes down to it. I am not really suprised, but I am beggining to realize how much effort this is really going to take… not too happy about it but that’s the name of the game!

    @NC Gent
    NC support group sounds good…Lord knows I need it now!

  192. NC Gent says:

    NCHeels — there is an ad hoc NC support group here :) Let me know if you are interested in becoming an honorary member!

  193. Bela says:

    Morning! Project Turkey Day Countdown! Bring on the invasion of privacy :)

  194. NC Heels says:

    about my life, situation, etc. Our conversation was decent other than that, but he did not seem that enthusiastic. I sensed he may have been a little uncomfortable with the age difference. He told me he’d contact me in a few weeks after the holiday. I sent him a thank you email, but no reply. I’m thinking this one’s a loss….a little frustrating just because I remember how much effort goes into setting up screening dates, emailing pots, not wanting to die of embarassment when on the date…

    Just wanted to post my experience so far. One down, don’t know how many to go! :)

    • SD Guru says:

      @SD Traveling in Central Europe
      Already made future plans with Sugars1&2 for multi-day visits… My mind is wondering to the next trip and who else I might meet.

      Thank you for sharing your travel adventures with the blog! By meeting pot SB’s during your trip, are you looking for SB’s for an on-going arrangement or for an occasional encounter? Progressing from the first meet to an arrangement is always a hot topic in this blog. Perhaps you can share with us how you handled the arrangement/allowance discussion with sugars 1&2. Have you already entered an on-going arrangement with them or are the multi-day visits part of an occasional encounter? Also, as you meet more pots for your next trip where would that leave sugars 1&2?

      By the way, you reminded me of someone who posted about two months ago under a different name. There are a couple of things that gave you away in your posts, anyone wants to guess what that might be?

      @NC Heels
      I’m thinking this one’s a loss….a little frustrating just because I remember how much effort goes into setting up screening dates, emailing pots, not wanting to die of embarassment when on the date…

      As I’ve often mentioned in the past, the first meet serves 3 main purposes. (1) will he/she show up as planned, (2) will he/she be as advertised in the profile, and (3) will there be compatibility and chemistry to take things further. Anything else that happens is a bonus. In your case he showed up late and didn’t get past #2 and #3, but that’s not surprising considering the 30+ years of age difference. I understand it can be frustrating, but it’s just a first meet so you shouldn’t take it too hard.

      However, imagine how much worse you’d feel if you had been required to put up some effort just to meet as SD Traveling in Central Europe suggested in his post!

  195. NC Heels says:

    So there is talk of screening…. I had my first pot date yesterday. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I am mid 20s and usually like SDs in their 40s, but I opened it up to older because I wanted to give myself more opportunities. The pot is in his upper 50s. His profile pics were probably taken 10+ years ago, but there are other photos of him out there and he looked pretty good so I let that go.

    Well, he shows up late (but did call me to let me know) and to me, he looked a lot older than his pics. He is still a good looking man, but perhaps that age range is just beyond my comfort level. He was a tad aloof, described his issues with committment, just wanting no drama etc… the eye contact was not real great and he spoke too loudly, prodding me for information

  196. NC Gent says:

    Hi SDtice — you seem well grounded and I agree mostly with what you have to say. Nonetheless, I would never expect (or even knowingly allow) a pot SB to purchase a ticket to see me. In fact, it would likely make me think she was desperate.

    Regarding screening, I have all sorts of things I use to screen (e.g., lingerie shots on profile, instant request for phone number, etc), but I have found that a majority of potential SBs that I consider are adept at putting their best foot forward and it isn’t until a few dates that the true colors emerge. It is part of the game, and I have my share of hilarious horror stories as a result of my “failed” screening.

  197. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Things went pretty well in Central Europe after all. My shoes didn’t even come off at the airport. Now that’s smooth. I got off to a slow start, but things picked up.

    Already made future plans with Sugars1&2 for multi-day visits. In the meantime their diets will be much improved. My mind is wondering to the next trip and who else I might meet.

  198. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Some other notes on screening, depending on what sort you are searching for:

    1. A great screen is not offering money for a first meeting. If that first meeting proceeds into a “second” meeting, dollars, dinners and Dior should have been discussed.

    2. An excellent screen is requiring the SB to put up some effort for the first meeting. Buy a ticket, travel some distance, whatever. SBs that make effort tend to be confident they are what you want, and tend to be right about it. They tend to be more reliable, together, and enthusiastic than the typical SA member.

  199. The Lone Gunman says:

    NYC SB: Bring It!!!!

    TLG

  200. NYC SB says:

    im going to frisk TLG at the airport 😛

  201. Bela says:

    I know what you mean about Grand Cayman. When I was with my last SD we rented a house on the other side on the island and loved it but very rarely went to Georgetown.

  202. BiBaby says:

    Bela,

    We should!! I actually went as part of a cruise (twice) and loved it both times. Honduras is amazing as is Grand Cayman, although I found the Caymans a bit commercial with the exception of 7 mile island.

    Girl, the cashew wine there is to DIE for! Sneaks up on you (TLG if you get to bring some grog back, I highly recommend the native cashew wine. Belikin is the local beer and it’s alright I guess…) I do love their chicken & rice dishes, they’re cooked with coconut oil and I swear I gain 5lbs every time I head to the Carribean!

  203. Bela says:

    Bibaby, I’m going with you to Belize! I had fun the last time I went but something tells me I’d have a blast with you.

  204. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Yes, google voice does work. I have international service and unlimited international data. A call to my GV would forward and ring here on my US cell phone as normal back home. A GV voice mail is played “free” as part of the data service :) I’ve had several GV calls and messages.

    I also have Visual Voice Mail which is in fact a data application as well. A caller to my actual US cell leaving a message can be played write on the phone at no cost.

    More appropriately, I have a “European” phone with an inexpensive prepay SIM card from whatever country I am in. Voice and sms are inexpensively done that way with european SBs. The SIM is completely anonymous, and disposable at minimal loss.

  205. NYC SB says:

    Travelling SD – didnt realize google voice worked in europe… i only thought it was available to the US… hmmmm

  206. BiBaby says:

    TLG,
    Where in Belize?? I LOVE that country, but it was getting HOT and dangerous my last visit in January…they’ve had some daytime shootings in the capital (my best friend’s dad still lives there, he’s a doctor) in Belize City as well as near Belmopan.

    My favorite place actually is the Santa Elena twin cities area, closer to Guatamala. Beautiful Mayan ruins and I hear the jaguar preserve is amazing (didn’t get to go last time). Cave tubing is good if you’re a brave soul…never been to the Blue Hole but I bet it would also be terrific! I love the Belizian people so much. :)

    Where in Belize are you headed? And yes, watch out for that TSA shakedown…

  207. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Gemi, Perhaps one of the easiest things to do is put some gentle indications of what you need in your profile. The more specific, the better.

    Now when mR SD is not forthcoming with some hints on his own, just ask him plainly what sort of arrangement, including benefits, he feels comfortable with. He doesn’t have to get specific and concrete – he’s never met you – but he’s got to say something.

    If a guy is not probing you in the early exchanges for what your needs are, I wonder about him. If you are not probing him for what he needs, he should wonder about you.

  208. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Bela, keeping expectations real is very important in reaching a successful arrangement. In fact undershoot. When you two meet he’ll be so thrilled and he’ll shower you with his best efforts and appreciation.

    Its so great a feeling for a gentleman to FINALLY meet someone who’s real. He’s exhausted from all the stuff he’s been through. Let him fall thankfully into your arms.

  209. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Flordia, you are a great potential SB! You are a legit SD’s dream. You just have to work on your skills interviewing prior to putting yourself out.

    Absolutely not about the hotels! They are great meeting places with open public lobby seating and lounges. Nicely furnished and very conducive to TALKING.

    So what’s your native language?

  210. Gemi says:

    TLG – Watch out for TSA. I’ve heard they like to touch junk. A lot of it.

    Traveling C-Europe SD – “Well don’t be totally silent on money. You can get some nods and indications before meeting in a gentle way.” How so? How did your SBs indicate what they were interested in (dollars, dinner or dior (great line btw) ) in such a way that it did not turn you off or think less of them?

  211. Bela says:

    Hmmm maybe I should say that I’m a junior high school dropout with ten kids amd a credit score of 20 to match my dress size.

  212. 1thCentralFLSB says:

    The Google voice seems to be very useful, thank you.

    I may I have missed interpreted myself. I do not mentioned the money until the man was attempting to HAVE IT. I paid for ALL of my expenses, yes I spend a night at a hotel while traveling to meet one of them. That’s quite alright with me, too.

    My other mistaken, I agreed to meet at a hotel; High end, in a lobby. One of a man mentioned that if a lady agreed to meet at a hotel means she is FOR IT? Dose this true or he just makes it up?

    Sorry I’m so frustrated and upset, hope I have not ruin a thing here (:

    Thank you

  213. Bela says:

    Belize!!!! Awesome scuba diving :) Please tell me you’re going to do some diving while you’re there :)

  214. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Earlier today I warned a young highly energetic athlete that I’m a fat, lazy, unmotivated slob with virtually no hair on the top of my head.

    Now she wants to come stay with me at my place for a few days.

    Is ‘I’m an unappealing SD’ as hot a turn on as ‘I’m a bad SB?’ Have I found gold in the hills?

  215. The Lone Gunman says:

    Gemi says:
    Anyway I’m back to Thanksgiving preparations… what are you all up to for Thanksgiving?

    Belize bound on Thursday, and wondering if anyone will be touching my junk when I travel.

    –or after I arrive.

    –or before I leave. 😉

    TLG

  216. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Well don’t be totally silent on money. You can get some nods and indications before meeting in a gentle way.

    Florida, congratulations on being 4 less mistakes away from finding THE ONE!!!

    We ALL go through this. But adjust to what you find out. For example, don’t drive three hours without receiving some semblance of an idea what benefits the fellow might provide, whether your into dollars, dinners or Dior.

    If an SD isn’t indicating something about benefits before the meeting, he’s likely either inexperienced, inept, or insincere. The first two you can educate away, the last you want to avoid.

  217. Gemi says:

    Traveling Europe SD: “People get funny on you. You can’t go back.” Oh I agree. I stay on GoogleVoice the whole time… even though it is slightly more annoying for my non-smart-phone self, I think it is way safer that way.

    And I kind of agree about not asking for anything money-wise too early on. I’ve kept my lips zipped about anything money or financial-wise. Idk, makes me sound more in charge of my life, which I am, rather than needing someone to take charge for me. there has only been one SD who offered to help me out in the past and never thought less of me for accepting his offer of help. I’m not so sure if 85% of the men on this site are like him or would feel the same way. So I keep mum about the financials or the neeeding of help, until we meet and start discussing the arrangement. If it ever gets that far with me, lol.

  218. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Who needs to transition from google voice to real cell? I’ve gone with ladies for months via google voice. It all depends, but add a cushion well after you think you should go “real”. People get funny on you. You can’t go back.

    Something I will tell you ladies is that when you ask for money or something that leads to money in advance before meeting someone, you are very likely to have the respect the fellow has for you downgraded a few notches. You transition into a category like potential ripoff artist and you kill trust. At least for most of the legit fellows looking for legit women, this is going to be true.

    So if you happen to have one of these legit boys on the line (and you can’t know at this point) for the sake of a $20 cell phone recharge are you going to blow the whole deal? Are you going to make him start to think of you as one of those dime a dozen phonies he feels he comes across over 80% of the time on SA?

    Think carefully about what images are projected by what you do early in the communication phase. Its a time to create trust and make the other side feel at ease.

  219. Bela says:

    Tampa bound for me. At least I don’t have to cook.

  220. Gemi says:

    Evening sugars! (and that other Gem SB is not me…)

    And on that note:
    Gem : Yes there are plenty of losers out there who feel that this is an appropriate response to a potential SB. Look at it this way, he answered your question about him: Is he a crass jackass? Yes? Ok, move on. The only thing you can do is just continue to weed the bad ones out. Continue being honest and upfront and get rid of the ones who aren’t with you or treat you like anything less than a lady. There ARE good SDs out there, on this site, looking for GOOD SBs. And another thing, just to help protect you more, use a google voice number for the intial contact and move to your real cell once you feel more comfortable with them. They have a block feature which can be quite useful.

    Anyway I’m back to Thanksgiving preparations… what are you all up to for Thanksgiving?

  221. 1thCentralFLSB says:

    Hello all

    Thank you for the blog, it’s very helpful; especially this one and I only wish that I have come acrossed it ….before…I have make multiple mistakes.

    If not too much out of topic, I’d like to share my mistaken/experienced.

    I recently meet with two differences prospective SD’s. The first; we have been talking and things seem to go alright. We agreed to meet and than I realized my mistakes. We’ve met; he likes me, my personality and the meeting wen well. Neither of us never bring up ‘the arrangement’ prior to the meeting; my first mistaken!

    He mentioned;
    He’s a goo looking person and have no desire to pay to a companion!
    He’s learning and looking for the traditional dating!
    There’s 5:1 women to men ratio in our state!
    And so on. He makes up lame stories of how women approached him and more non-sense.

    I tired to leave and he said we should TALK. Excused me?! Have I not wasted enough of my time for such person? Did I mentioned that I drove 3 hours on a pouring rain night to the meeting place? Yes, I should have done a better job and do the screening. Sigh

    The second one turned out to be nothing as close as a Sugar daddy but rather those who is looking for a cheap sex. Again he never brought up an arrangement despite my attempt. As awkwardly as it was I did brought it up, he then excused me of wanting money! Excused you? My third or fourth mistakes I lost count?

    Again, I wish I have come to the blog and get myself educated before gone out there and make mistake. To be honest, now I’m so discouraged and in doubt if there’s a real SD? Both incidents were months ago but the frustrations have yet subside as I wish. Today I signed in thinking of deleting the account and while I was going through the site I ended up here on this blog. One mistake that I’m so thankful of.

    Taking much of the spaces here, before saying Good bye, If I can, I’m hoping to get in touch with others, all advises recommendation are always appreciated. Not sure if posting an Email here would violating the rule(s)?

    Thank you

  222. Midwest SB says:

    Toughlove – Oh my…Obviously many of us have molded or compromised a little or all of self for the sake of a relationship. Here is the toughest lesson I learned: I lost the true love of my life because I became the woman he wanted me to be…not the one with whom he loved. It is truly a double-edged sword for those in love and also for those who embrace their power. I now have my “haves” and “have nots” for my partner and I. Hope it doesn’t sound strange, but I realize my confidence and power are what the men I know find attractive and it works. My thoughts are a little jumbled, but you truly stirred my soul. Thank you.

    • SD Guru says:

      Beautiful women don’t intimidate me…

      Smart women don’t frighten me…

      Independent women don’t deter me…

      Uninhibited women don’t scare me…

      I say bring on “the list”!! :mrgreen:

      Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!!

  223. Bela says:

    Wow, Tough! This pedestal is awesome, but it is a bit high 😉

    Honestly while I would LOVE to be that woman, I’m far from it. I used my early 20’s to work on myself a lot (not nearly as much of a control freak as I used to be) but still have a long way to go (my trust issues are my current obstacle as well as getting back into my college-age body.)

    I know that feeling of losing yourself, and when I got “myself” back, I found I was fighting to keep it. That was just as exhausting. It took a really, really good friend to remind me that it doesn’t have to be a fight. Letting go, I don’t stress like I used to, try to control every situation, or freak out when things don’t go according to plan.

    The “alpha female” in me takes care of things and when the guy gets intimidated, I don’t get upset. I’ve been told by great guys that I’ll make a great girlfriend, but they always think I’m an awesome friend. Being conscious of my sexuality, professional goals, and family values gives a little more security. I’ve been in both the crappy relationships as well as the dreamy ones and I appreciate them all. They made me who I am so it’s cool.

    Not finding an SD yet doesn’t worry me, because I love my life right now. If I find that great guy that wants to run around with me, that’s just the great icing on an already delicious cake 😉

    Thanks for the post!

  224. Goddess says:

    Thank you Toughlove for that refreshing dose of empathy. It was a delightful read.
    I try to clarify here that though my cleavage is seldom hidden from view, though I have an extensive porn collection and I have dwelled among nudists, I still have standards for myself and for my mate as well. I am not compromising on my core ethical values which are a personal choice of mine, not for anyone else.
    I had this convo recently with a sexually explorative SD. A lot of women are scared to reveal their true desires and fetishes etc. due to the backlash that rather being perceived as a lady in a streets and “freak in the sheets”, one may altogether be perceived as a woman of the night.
    I have been with an SD before, in the truest form of the word which is why I try to find someone out there who may have a similar understanding of the beauty and freedom that comes with such a relationship. The risque and tongue in cheek moments if either or both dare to venture down that path, rather than this cliched “Anna Nicole Smith” view of sugar dating. The #1 rule for me is to not be terribly gregarious when it comes to status quo and keep an open mind. A like minded SD would be quintessential.

  225. NYC SB says:

    Damn tough love … That’s something to reflect upon! Definitely something I struggle with in my dating life … The persona I mold with makes men fall in a second … But when my self sufficient, independent self surfaces they get intimidated … Sigh

  226. ToughLove says:

    @Bela

    I was thinking about your list and this is one of those areas where a part of me really feels sympathy for women. Here you are, intelligent, fun, adventurous, attractive (I’m assuming), and you have an entire LIST of things that you have to leave off the table…until. Until… As a woman moving through the world, not only are you looking for a man with all of the surface qualities you desire (charming, intelligent, successful, handsome, whatever). But, even when you find him, he still has to be MAN enough to fully accept the WOMAN you are. For a lot of women, even when they get the first part right, the second part can be frustrating. And for you, it means a large part of your sexuality is just put on hold. Until… Unfortunately, some guys freak out when a woman if comfortable with her sexuality and all that entails. Some become obsessed little wussbags and treat her proclivities as a sign of everlasting love. Others objectify her as the woman you “date” but not “keep”. (To all of which, I say bull sh*t!)

    At some point, many women abandon being who they are, and focus on being who He wants her to be. When she finds a guy who fits part of her ideal, she asks herself “Is all that other stuff really that important?” Eventually, the LIST gets locked away in a little mental drawer and vanilla becomes de rigueur. It isn’t until later, usually much later, that she realizes she’s given up too much. Her sexuality wasn’t something she could toss in a drawer like last season’s Prada. It’s a living, breathing part of her identity and she could no more lock that away than lock away her own heart. To see a woman truly fulfilled is to see her able to live her list; to see her with a lover who embraces every part of her fully, and not one ounce less; and to see her explore who she was meant to be, reveling in each glorious moment knowing that the joy and pleasure she feels right now is what the universe truly intended. For you, it is my hope that Until comes much sooner, rather than later.

  227. NC Gent says:

    Sorry that happened Gemi — unfortunately, there is a lot of weeding out to do on both sides of the sugar fence. I would respond to him with something along the lines as… “sorry, I don’t consider relationships with men who feel that is an appropriate response.” Then I would move on without giving it any other thought. At least he MIGHT eventually get a clue, and you will have contributed to his education.

  228. Bela says:

    Gemi – Being horrified is just a waste of energy. Maybe you should just expect that you are going to have to run into a few who are not on the same page as you regarding communication and sexual intimacy.

    You never know, maybe it was a test. Seeing how a person will react when different situations occur is nothing out of the ordinary (Think of it, how often have you zoomed in on your guy’s face to look for some type of reaction when you notice a hot chick walk by?) Perv or not, not letting the man get a negative reaction is the best payback. Politely declining the offer and moving on to the next subject is more than enough. If he continues to insist, politely dismiss him. Simple as that.

  229. Goddess says:

    what amazes me are men like this: Sound like you want a dog or servant, not a man. If you want better relations, you need to pay your man money and spoil him. In otherwords, appreciate your man. Don’t treat him like a piece of garbage or atm machine… geeeez.
    This is a clear example of a man who does not belong on this site and angrily emails random sugars because of his frustration at his own inadequacies. This man calls me a hooker even though: #1 I’m celibate, #2 I am looking for only ONE SD and specify that and I’m a college educated business owner who is a member of the National Association of Professional Women 2010-2011.
    If a man has an issue with the concept of sugar dating then why is he even on here???
    PS: I have retouched my photos indeed except my most recent ones. However if you get to the point where you are texting each other then phone pix are an option. My latest bodyshots are untouched. Hurray for Insanity workout!

  230. Bela says:

    Unfortunately yes there’s a list.

    Carebear, the shopping was really good amd believe it or not, but I only bought one the thing for myself!

  231. Gem says:

    I need some help with the screening process. I am wasting too much of my time. How can I get pot SD’s to be direct before we meet IRL? I feel like I am being upfront and direct and asking all of the right questions, yet I just get lied to, and am given whatever answer they think will make me feel happy.
    My latest example is I was out and about unable to put minutes on my phone, and when txting a pot SD I told him I’m nearly out of minutes and he can add some if he wanted to keep chatting.. He added 200 minutes which is 20 dollars. Later online I thanked him and he said “You can make it up to me” I said “How?” He said “Sex talk or pics”
    I was horrified :(

  232. carebear says:

    lily feel better already!!

    Bela, how was christmas shopping??? =) I’m shop-living vicariously through others this season as almost my entire family has canceled christmas.

  233. ToughLove says:

    Yeah, it’s like “Sweety, I need you to get this authorization form signed by a mental health professional before I can take you through my full ‘program'”.
    If only it were that simple.

    A whole list, huh? Nice….

  234. Bela says:

    Yes, being one who doesn’t care for that type of attention, there’s a list of things I hold off on doing until I’m sure that it’s going somewhere. Major bummer because it tends to lead to a very vanilla sex life.

  235. ToughLove says:

    Ah, yesssss! We’ve all gone down that road of doing some things justs a little TOO well and creating a stalker in the process. It’s all fun and games until you have a woman banging on your door at 3 am, pissing off the one already inside… Totally understand you being more selective now. Yet, you never know what will “blow someone’s fuses”.

  236. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Yes morning was accomplished successfully. I have no idea what time, but it was light out and well before 11:30 for sure.

    There’s always another train pulling into the station.

    Speaking of which, my train is not far from sugar2 night 2.

    The central european tour is closing for now and the preview of the new 2011 American tour is opening shortly.

  237. Bela says:

    Apparently that was the first time someone “woke” him that way and after I realized the relationship wasn’t going anywhere I literally couldn’t get rid of him. He later admitted that it was because of what I did.

  238. ToughLove says:

    Pardon the “punked” comment. Spent too much time with the niece and nephew yesterday and I’m still in kid-speak.

  239. ToughLove says:

    @Bela

    Not every man can handle that treatment? Meaning…? (Pausing for reflection.)

  240. ToughLove says:

    @SDTICE
    Man to man, what TLG described does exist. (I hope to God you were joking with that post… And if you were, consider me sufficiently “punked” for this response.)

  241. Bela says:

    For the record, I love waking up my partner that way. Unfortunately I learned that not every man can handle that treatment, so I’m WAY more selective now

  242. ToughLove says:

    @ Bela and SDTICE

    How about early morning? Nothing like waking up to the sounds and sensations of a beautiful woman who decided to start without you. And for a moment, you’re not sure if you’re dreaming or awake. Definitely the best alarm clock ever…

  243. Bela says:

    Awwwww Lily, I’m sorry you’re sick. Hopefully your recovery will be quick.

    Regarding the no sex but still exclusive arrangements…that’s a bit of a challenge. Not trying to sound like a nymph or anything but if i’magreeing to be a companion, I would lime for there to be some type of chemistry. That chemistry, while not an automatic guarantee for sex, would seem to naturally evolve to something more physically intimate.

    This, of course, is just me.

  244. Lily says:

    never ending flu…….. *cough cough*

  245. Midwest SB says:

    Good morning sugars!

    Lovely early Thanksgiving yesterday and I’m still full! Gotta love that turkey…now, where’s my Yoga DVD???

    SDTICE – Sounds like you’ll never have a dull moment with these ladies. I’ve heard of NO SEX sbs and at this point I believe SF College Baby is one by her SD’s choice. I also recall a Canadian SB whose SD didn’t want an intimate arrangement, BUT he also didn’t want her to be with anyone else…hmmmmmm. Needless to say, even though she was given lavish gifts and trips, it didn’t last long. (Neither did the gifts)

    Sorry Gemi, Bela and Michael for the hit and run steamy comment :-) I promise to follow through the next time!

    Networking is going well…thanks to those here and away who are going above and beyond to make sure this next opportunity is an amazing step up! I am truly blessed!

  246. SouthernGent2 says:

    Turkey baby.

  247. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    When you are active in Sugar there are always tales to tell.

    NO SEX wrote me yesterday. She is in the far reaches of the nation of my residence from my perspective but but considering moving to my home town. She’s of course quite hot, intelligent, mature, etal. But looking to be a companion only, NO SEX. Oh and she writes in her profile this is NOT my picture, (but an incredible simulation) for privacy. (My slant)

    Ok, NO SEX thanks and let’s be in touch…always good to make friends in advance.

    NO SEX’s profile today no longer contains NO SEX. 😀 she didn’t write back, but have I had a traumatic impact forcing her to unwillingly bend to the world of SBs who do sleep with their SDs? Will she sell her soul for a new life in a new town? :)

    Perhaps someday NO SEX UNTIL LAST NIGHT and I will have the answers to all this.

  248. Gemi says:

    Good morning sugars!

    Ok thats it, I’ve got nothing….

    Hope ya’ll have a great day!!

  249. Bela says:

    Vulcan logic – I like that :)

    We do get nervous (we even sweat) but usually we’re good at hiding it. Who knows? Maybe it’s just from years of enduring teenage torture. High school girls can be brutal and letting them see you sweat is something you just don’t do. If you can come out (and ahead) of that alive, first dates are about as stressful as a Black Ops Specialist against an enemy’s polygraph.

    I like how you see such potential in people. I hope they both work out for you :)

  250. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    I don’t doubt I did my share of sweating on those first few dates. Sometimes there were other kinds of sweats at other points.

    But you ladies never sweat. Always calm and in control. Cool to the point of Vulcan logic. No stress no anxiety ever 😀

    Sugar1&2 are flawed but with good hearts in the right places. This makes a huge difference; you can live with this and help the person grow. Sugar2 is rough around the edges and its her first time, but she’s making one of the best efforts I’ve ever experienced. Its so rewarding to know I will participate in improving her life right away, and bringing her to the next levels in social and career development.

    Sugar1 is more complex but also with potential. I don’t understand enough about her yet.

    Both will be visiting my home town in the foreseeable future, and I’ll be back 😉

  251. College SB says:

    BiBaby – Creative isn’t really a specific list of XYZ. It’s more a mindset. Having the enthusiasm, lust, and adventure to try new ideas, positions, places, etc. It’s about being spontaneous. Keeping it fun, exciting, and fresh. What the men mean though when they say creative (assuming they’re not into BDSM or are referring to a fetish) is that they don’t want the sex to feel like a chore or a routine. Boring sex is not good sex.

  252. Bela says:

    Allycat, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Thank you!

  253. Michael Alleycat sitting at home in Phoenix, with #1 arriving tomorrow and #2 getting a bit antsy says:

    @Bela
    Hey it’s Sinday night and I am spending time with my true #1, my 12 y.o. daughter. Its great, nothing else is important. 9pm, I have to go and tuck her in, kiss her goodnight and tell her that she is as beautiful as her mother ever was.

    Goodnight all.

  254. Bela says:

    Yay Carebear! What a nice thing to receive!

  255. Bela says:

    Alleycat, if youcan have two and still have nothing happening,there may be no hope for you :p But at leaat everyone’s healthier now. Good luck! I had a date laat night and the poor man was sweet as can be but he was so nervous that he was actually sweating! I agreed to see him again next week but if he’s no better I don’t know if I can be sober around him again.

  256. carebear says:

    dusted off the louboutins for a great first date tonight and he brought me an ipad and coach giftcard yayyyyyy =D

  257. Bela says:

    Very good points. I know what you mean. I hope this one works out for you!

  258. Michael Alleycat sitting at home in Phoenix, with #1 arriving tomorrow and #2 getting a bit antsy says:

    Not much happening here …

  259. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Well, Bela, we are both awake…

    I haven’t given up on it yet, but who? I’ve had a streak of I can’t be woken ups and I can’t sleep with someone touching me’s and I can only sleep in my own bed’s. There are tons of people with these intimacy problems. For many, its a big part of the reason the only relationships they can have are short term and usually arranged.

    Here through SA they can define a relationship with limits they are comfortable with.

  260. Bela says:

    Fabulous time in Nashville :) I think my whole crew needed that. I even got most of my Christmas shopping finished! The holidays don’t seem as scary now.

    Central Europe SD – Are you kidding? Middle of the night sex is the best! Who turns that down?

  261. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    TLG, everybody wants that…it doesn’t exist.

    I want a woman capable of being woken up in the middle of the night for sex.

    Sugar2 is working out just fine. Dinner really stuck to the ribs, and we really stuck to each other. Plans for further visits to each others’ home towns are being articulated.

  262. Bela says:

    I hear the Scooby-Doo is the most reliable.

  263. BiBaby says:

    So do the strawberry fruit roll ups protect better or should I just stick with grape???…

    TLG,
    What constitutes “creative” when a woman is intimate with you? Explain what that might include….is it role playing or scenario or what positions she does?

    I always thought looking & dressing like a Victoria’s Secret model and mixing it up with some cowgirl style positions was enough but then I read something like that…makes me wonder what’s “creative”…

  264. The Lone Gunman says:

    That reminds me…..I also want a woman who is prepared….by bringing her own fruit roll-ups in case I forget mine.

    TLG

  265. NYC SB says:

    i am having a fruit roll up… unintentionally eating one and catching up on the blog… wow

  266. The Lone Gunman says:

    Lately I’ve been asked what I want in my arrangements.

    I want a woman who is into me;
    I want a woman who shows passion for me;
    I want a woman who is creative during intimacy;
    Most of all, I want none of these women to meet and start comparing notes about me.

    TLG

  267. Bela says:

    Sorry Muse, perverting the tasty treat was notmy intention lol

  268. Bela says:

    Actually Dandelion, the dam is for oral sex on a woman so it’s for both the men and the women. Just saying :)

  269. Muse says:

    Thanks a lot, Bela. I’m never going to be able to eat a fruit roll up with a straight face again.

  270. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bela, dam is more for the fellas going down.
    And I am definitely with Alleycat on the high-risk behavior classification.

  271. Gemi says:

    I can’t get the imagery of a using a fruit-roll up during oral sex out of my head now. I’m also trying to imagine the gentleman’s face when I pull out a fruit roll-up and tell him not to worry, it won’t hurt a bit.

  272. Michael Alleycat says:

    You know, that all was a little too much information for a Sunday morning. But since we are on the topic, oral sex with someone who is HiV+ is high risk behaviour. Just my $0.02

  273. Bela says:

    Ugh! Have you ever used a dental dam? A fruit roll-up would be more effective.

  274. Dandelion Wine says:

    WTF!?!
    Do these activists’ partners know that the activists are HIV+ ?
    How about instead of teaching the “spit or swallow” they just uh, I don’t know… either pull out to come or better yet – wear a condom/have the partner wear oral dam?

  275. Gemi says:

    Bela – Good luck!!

    My sugar front is rather busy… lots of potentials, I’ve lost a few to impatience but that is ok… hopefully can get some meets lined up. Its a bit hard, as they are ALL out-of-towners, but most have been nice, and offering to come to me. I would just like a fantastic SD before Chrismats, you know? Santa baby and all that. :)

  276. Bela says:

    Sunday and going early Christmas shopping with my friends in Nashville. I will stay within my budget. I will stay within my budget. I will stay within my budget.

  277. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Sugar2 will be met…

  278. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Sugar1 has returned to the city. Sugar will be met in 30 min. She’s already waiting at the station for my arrival. Finally a stress free meet – she crossed national border with ticket paid on her own. She responds promptly and regularly to all communiction. No red flags to speak of, yellow flags were resolved. We both made great effort to enable the meeting and each have invested in a positive outcome upfront.

    It couldn’t hurt. :shrug:

  279. Sara says:

    vanilla wafers. For sure.

  280. carebear says:

    my brain hurts too much to read. will check back later. you’re welcome for the update.

  281. Zoey says:

    Oh! And I have a comment I wanted to add about the topic of “How risky is oral sex without a condom?” that came up on the last blog.

    I’m not HIV+, but I have a lot of friends who are, and many of them also work in the HIV education/advocacy arena. What they’ve told me, and what most of them practice, is that your risk of transmitting HIV via oral sex is very low, because your stomach acid kills HIV on contact. So the only way to transmit HIV through oral sex is for it to enter cuts in your mouth.

    Therefore, to lower your risk of transmission:
    1) Don’t give unprotected oral sex if you have any cuts or sores in your mouth that you know about.
    2) Don’t brush your teeth within a few hours of meeting someone who you will have unprotected oral sex with (can create micro-cuts that you will not even be aware of).
    3) When someone comes into your mouth, either spit or swallow immediately, but whatever you do, don’t hold that stuff in your mouth. Don’t hold it into your mouth until you can run to the bathroom and spit, don’t hold it in your mouth because you don’t want to ruin the moment. Spit or swallow ASAP. This method has allowed many of my friends who are HIV+ to have unprotected oral sex with partners who are HIV- for years without infecting them.

    I also am not a doctor, but I have been given this information by people who I consider to be very reliable sources- activists who both have HIV (and thus have experience in their personal sex lives with lowering risks as much as possible) and are working on researching and advocating about it professionally. Hope it is helpful to someone! I know it was to me, and I hadn’t heard the “spit or swallow ASAP” thing until quite recently.

  282. Zoey says:

    So, for anyone who is curious…

    I went out with the guy. Met him in the lobby of the five star hotel and had dinner in the hotel’s restaurant. He was a gentleman for the most part, and I think SD traveling in Central Europe was right. The guy just wanted some company, but upon my response, thought the better of his short term goals of getting laid and decided to invest in something potentially longer-term. All we did was have a very nice dinner and talk about ourselves and what kinds of things we were looking for out of an arrangement.

    Mid-meal he gave me his business card. He owns several businesses and mentioned some impressive award credentials. He also mentioned that he had a car, driver, and security personnel waiting outside the hotel to escort me wherever I’d like to go after our dinner was over. Potential alarm bells rang in my head, but I decided to play it by ear and trust my instincts. At least in my city, there are literally cabs everywhere, so I could always jump out and take a cab home at almost any moment.

    Anyway, I googled him (thank goodness for smartphones) while he stepped away for a moment, and confirmed his identity and credentials on several websites, including one third-party news site that could not have been created by him.

    After dinner was over and he had slipped me an envelope full of cash, he invited me to his room “for a kiss.” (Our age difference is quite obvious and he wanted to be discreet about the nature of our relationship.) Thinking back to my determined precaution surrounding the nature of his original intentions, I attempted to decline as gracefully as possible, adding that I thought we should stick to our plans to just have dinner tonight, but that next time I would be more than happy to accompany him somewhere more private.

    Had the driver and security personnel drop me off on a main road within walking distance of my place and waited until I was sure they were gone to proceed home. All in all, glad I went.

    But I’m not sure if there is chemistry. Although I recognize that sometimes it takes me a while to figure that out. This guy is very business-oriented, which I am not. And although he is looking for a travel companion, he seems to be most interested in a SB/travel companion/personal assistant, which I am not interested in being. But he also said that what form our arrangement takes will largely be up to my preferences. So I don’t know. -shrug- I guess I will email him a bit more and try to be more clear about what I am looking for, and if he is game, we’ll try it, and if he’s not game, we won’t.

    Would be really cool to have someone to travel with who spends a lot of time in -city near my hometown- and -country I am currently in that I really love to visit- and -several other countries I’d like to visit- though.

  283. SanDiego sb says:

    just out of curiosity , i know NYC sb used to have her on the list of blogs she followed and she used to be apart of the blogs, has anyone heard from “confessions of a brown skin babe” she stopped her blog and just vanished all together

  284. Lily says:

    most boring: popsicle

    or an ‘after eight’ chocolate minty thing

    Most amazing desert ever? Anyone? Mine is maybe these brownie-type squares that are actually banana flavored with chocolate chunks in it. They were so good, and one of the major/final selling points of a college I was visiting as a high school senior.

  285. BiBaby says:

    most boring: Tapioca pudding…

    ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!

  286. Gemi says:

    Canned Peaches.

    With Heavy Syrup.

  287. Bela says:

    Boring or not, I love plain graham crackers. That said, ask me how much fun I’m having knowing “I’m a bad SB”is a possible turn on. Maybe she needs a spanking. :)

  288. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    DWine, you have a point there! :) Would you believe I have never had one? I should add that to my bucket list…

  289. Dandelion Wine says:

    GESL, anything can be made more exciting with alcohol. Even jello. Jello shots? XD

  290. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Sometimes you just have to ride it all out patiently. This SB was very unreliable and frankly rude about keeping our appointments in the City. Yet another no show no call antic led to overnight bag being left at the front desk of the hotel under the name of [insert SBs false first name] Smith.

    A brief your stuff is at the front desk under the name iSBsffn Smith, goodbye, leads to an I really blew it, “I am a bad SB” 😮 note. The appropriate response, well get on the train and show up in the little if you want this, leads to an on time (actually early) arrival and a delightful time together. Discussions ensue about long term possibilities which the stars have aligned as highly feasible.

    Time will tell.

    -> yes, she actually wrote “I am a bad SB” 😀
    I think I found that hot and a turn on.

  291. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    Ah, but the Pedro Ximenez makes it exciting :)

    For boring dessert, I’d have to say Jell-o. Is that even dessert?

  292. Dandelion Wine says:

    Vanilla ice-cream? That reminds me, let’s hold a contest for the most boring desert!

    I go first: plain Graham crackers.

  293. Bela says:

    impressive

  294. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Vanilla icecream with Pedro Ximenez sherry

    If you would like to leave the restaurant sometime close to the end of your meal, you would need to inform the restaurant at the time the appetizer is served to call the taxi and bring the bill. By the end of the meal enough time would have passed that culturally you could leave. However, asking at this point would cause such confusion as to prevent this possibility. You would of course be talked into waiting until about 12 min after desert is completed to find the waiter, then pay, then call the taxi for which you must wait 25 or more minutes, but the drive will come inside and let the establishment know he is there. The waiter would eventually be informed and ultimately work his way back to your table after conversing several minutes 3 tables over, and inform you the taxi was there. You would then have a minimum of 20 min to decide to get up from your table, say goodbye using a minimum of 5 foreign phrases to pretty much everyone in the place, and finally reach the door where a man with a car will take about several rounds of inquiry to admit he is the taxi driver. Once inside the taxi – which typically proceeds at American speed – you must spend several minutes explaining that you need to go to the most well known point in the center of the city. If he knows where that is, you will be driven without delay, but if not…

  295. Michael Alleycat says:

    Wow. Just heard a radio ad for sugarsugar dot com. “For guys who don’t mind picking up the tab and girls who want to be spoiled’

    Subtle it wasn’t.

  296. Dandelion Wine says:

    SDTICE, we’re holding fingers crossed for you!
    Let the blog know if you need any help choosing desert :)

    In other news, SD’s job just got easier.
    Now the seeker’s status can not only be advertised on SA.com, but also broadcast to
    potential RL SBs in a daring fashion statement.
    Behold, the ultimate SD accessory!

    4.bp.blogspot.com/_FW86_jO7k_A/TNHYPy09d0I/AAAAAAACKkI/Za3ju2joslg/s1600/Simon+Doonan.jpg

  297. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Well things are looking up in Central Europe tonight. A first meet in a major city the other night that became a bit flakey arrived in a lovely boutique town via train a few hours ago and a pleasant time roaming the streets in this fairytale season has already been had…now a fine sit down dinner is underway.

  298. Michael Alleycat says:

    Morning all … hangover this morning as a result of a wake for a friend yesterday. Great person, great party.

    Looks like #1 is well enough to travel this weekend, will be here for a couple of days, arriving tomorrow. Well, actually I have to drive 100 miles to get her. It’s been a while since we have spent some alone time, so looking forward to that.

    Zoey, sounds like you are quite smart. Listen to your instincts and be careful.

  299. NYC SB says:

    5k is good … Given you are able to get it

  300. Bela says:

    I know the feeling

  301. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    As a traveller myself, I think your fellow just wants some company in some form and is happy to find someone to meet. Enjoy and collect some money, but don’t lie to him and say there will be more and take extra money upfront and disappear.

  302. Bela says:

    Zoey – It’s not as complicated as you think. Either Gemi is right and he’s a Rat, or he’s just lonely, doesn’t really know what he wants but just knows he wants companionship.

    You already sound like you’re thinking about going, so trying to talk you out of it might be a waste. If you do, use your common sense and listen to your intuition: Never leave your cocktail, have no more than two, stay in a public area, and leave before the parking lot is empty.

    Good Luck!

  303. Gemi says:

    Morning sugar blog!

    Zoey – personally I wouldn’t go out with him, because in my lowely opinion, that is too much of a switch. And he’s still using money as a lure. Idk, too many girls have been baited by money and found themselves in a bad situation. I think this one has red flag written all over it.

    carebear – LOL @ 15k. Right with you there 😉

    My photos are unretouched… ok except I cropped them. Standard cell-phone pics in a mirror because I wanted to get photos up ASAP and had nothing recent. lol

    So I’ve decided that to facilitate my sugar screening I’m going to start keeping a journal… at least as such so that I can keep track of all the potentials…their “tag names” SA #s and cities. I need to bring some order to the loosey-goosey world of sugar potentials. I’m hoping this will help in the screening process, as then I can keep track of who is legit and who is a baddy.

  304. Zoey says:

    Longtime lurker, finally posting:

    A few days ago, someone messaged me and said he would be flying into my city today, asking me if I would meet him for an hour or two in the evening. I, of course, suspected that this guy just wanted P4P (which I don’t necessarily have a huge problem with, but also wouldn’t have necessarily been interested in). In my response, I asked him to clarify what he was looking for out of those two hours. “A dinner companion? Something else?” Even though I was fairly certain he was looking for sex, his profile seemed to indicate a lot of potential. He spends a lot of time in this city and in another city that I’d love to visit, and is seeking a travel companion. So I wanted to be sure that he was only looking for P4P before I rejected him. In his response, he admitted that the original invite was for sex, but that since we were meeting for the first time, we should avoid sex and just have dinner and chat and see if we got along. He also offered me some cash for my time. Not an arrangement-worthy amount of cash, but having someone offer me cash just to meet him and have dinner is great.

    Anyway the situation is that I am on a medium-term visit to another city (where all this is taking place), so I am not necessarily disappointed if this doesn’t work out long term. Just looking for some fun and spending money and inside tips on the local hotspots. So I don’t really care if this turns into a long term arrangement, otherwise I’d already have decided to ignore this one.

    But, wtf? What would have led this guy to approach me as if I were an escort, and then after a polite inquiry, suddenly change his mind and decide to behave more like a gentleman? Do you think he is trying to trick me into having dinner at his hotel and then sleeping with him? Or do you think it’s possible that he’s had a genuine change of heart?

    I think I am at least going to meet him and see what happens, asserting my boundaries pretty firmly since I am already suspicious. But I am totally bewildered about why someone would switch from “John” mode to “Sugardaddy” mode mid-interaction…

  305. Nico says:

    @ Midwest…..Holy Crap on the visual *sigh*…breathless reading your post. *uhm* Is that wrong….??

  306. Nico says:

    Ditto Michael’s sentiments re: allowance. $5k is a good allowance 😀

    To address the question/concern re: Blue Profiles. I have chatted with men with blue profiles who turned out to be the real deal. Many times their membership expires and they’ve just not gone back one to renew. While I’ll admit, the brightly colored Orange ones attract my attention more, I wouldn’t preclude somebody based on their profile color alone. I would put them through the same ‘screening process’ as I would anybody else 😉

  307. @allowance – depends where you are, how many times / month, what the balance of the relationship is blah blah blah. But all things being equal (and not funky) $5k is nothing sneeze at.

    Carebear – I refuse to say ‘gesundheit’ to you….

  308. Uhhh MidWest? Busy tonight? Ummm … I’m free, if you want to go and tangle up some sheets …

  309. allowance says:

    is 5k a good allownace

  310. Bela says:

    Sigh…..Midwest, I miss you!!!

  311. MissmilanDC says:

    @SD GURU,
    …..He doesnt have any pictures of Jane on his profile but as you scroll down he is tagged in many of hers…So I went to her profile and she has about 5-10 albums from around the world..Rome,Paris,Vegas….Even courtside @ a basketball game plus I know his car and although he doesn’t pop up in every pic she did manage to snag a few…It’s funny because she’s sooooo not discreet about it.She drives his car around campus saying that he brought it for her (Bentley),and I know quite a few people who have been to his house when he was away on business (these are not exactly the type you’d want lingering around)…So after care thought and consideration I think I might just step in line lol.At least,I know I’d genuinely like him,he’s extremely funny,great conversation.
    BTW, I read your blog in it’s entirety the other night,loved ever moment…got some great tips,glad im not the drunken sorority type :)

  312. Midwest SB says:

    SD Guru:
    “By the way, whatever happened to the idea that sex should be hot, passionate, sweaty, and maybe even a bit sloppy and messy?? ”

    There should be a trail of clothing from the door to the bed (if you make it that far), where the sheets take on an unrecognizable form and you are left breathless…as if you’ve just lived out your fantasies again and again.

  313. Midwest SB says:

    Evening sugars…quiet mom weekend for me. Glad I missed the “fun”!

    Blog questions:
    What is your screening process for potential sugar daddies or sugar babies like? I’ve shared my screening techniques ad nauseam as I truly feel it is key to successfully meeting genuine SDs. I will spare it for now unless someone requests it specifically :-)

    Have you ever learned the importance of verifying a potential sugar? Care to share? Absolutely! I’ve found potentials on BDSM sites just by googling an e-mail. I place very little emphasis on pictures and do not ask for them simply because a) I look much better in person than in a photograph and b) I am much more attracted to charm and intellect than I am to daring and dashing! Lastly, I find comfort in being able to link a man to his profession simply because it shows a gesture of good faith to reveal something verifiable.

    Do you know of any other ways to help sugar daddies and sugar babies screen potentials? How to spot a fake photo? How to verify a profile’s claim? Etc.? Many of the sites I knew about are listed in Sunny’s blog (I believe). In addition, Forbes, Zillow.com, Manta.com, and a few other sources are helpful in verifying someone’s sugar potential if you know their real name, business or geographic information. Bottom line…trust your instincts if red flags start to appear. Be safe and meet for a drink or two (not 4 or 10), and get to know him/her better in person. Believe it or not, even the internet can have false information and people of means are very good at hiding their wealth.

  314. Bela says:

    Yaz – I know what you mean. I love dresses (even more so now) but I’m definitely a shoe girl. Don’t get me wrong though. Spending $500 on something that I’ll just end up stepping in doggie poo doesn’t really make much sense to me. Honestly, even when I did have an SD, I didn’t spend more than $150 on a pair of shoes. I just didn’t see the point.

    Stephan – I know you’re aware, but you’re an absolute cutie!!!

  315. Sara says:

    Hey everyone! I hope you all are doing alright (I took a few week hiatus from the sugar world to deal with some stuff)

    I unfortunantly am not so good at screening, however I go with a “better safe than sorry” approach. Meaning, I would rather be TOO skeptical and come across as a bitch, than try to be too polite and end up in a bad situation. I try to ignore men who mention anything sexual in their profile. A physical relationship is implied in this whole process, if you put it out their right away I tend to feel like a hooker (I even had one man email a list of sexual things he was looking for! lol).

    I don’t like to judge men by their membership status. The way I see it, alot of men on here are bussiness men, and a smart bussiness man may not want to spend unecessary money for a membership that is just as useful one level down (Now if it was a FREE membership or something -like on other sites, I might be more concerned).

    As for the photoshopped pictures, I have no problem admitting some of mine have been adjusted (mostly lighting, I have very fair skin and it shows up stark in some pics). I am human. lol. They are all me, all recent, and it isn’t like I make myself thinner or delete major imperfections or something. I am confidant that I look the same when someone meets me in person, so I am not worried about them. lol. My pictures have clearly been taken at home by me, so I would hope no men pass over me simply because of pics.

  316. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    On my journey a screen came to mind today. Women that don’t ask for an SDs picture when he has no viable one on the profile. I don’t remember reading that on my occasional looks at comments.

  317. Yaz says:

    Bela~ I do not own 5 different pair of black shoes but I am guilty of talking myself into buying that oh-so-sexy, would-be-a-great-addition-to-my-wardrobe, just-went-on-sale, little black dress lol…..I am an impulse buyer when it comes to dresses. When people talk about expensive shoes, let’s say a $600 pair of Jimmy Choos, I always mentally wonder how many cute little dresses I could buy with that amount of money haha

    I go to the store to buy a work shirt and leave with a dress :/
    It happens….everytime…
    Having worked in retail in during my undergrad years did not help at all…Luckily I have always found killer dresses at the lowest prices :)

  318. ARCTIC SD says:

    I volunteer to be the umpire………..

  319. carebear says:

    I think we should all check into a laser tag arena and see who takes out who.

  320. Dandelion Wine says:

    Sunny, since the picture is from your camera, maybe you could upload the full resolution version (1.5 MB and up) somewhere and let all the naysayers eat cake. That seems easier than stripping to your skivvies on camera with a stranger. Even then, a fleeting resemblance to a girl in a tiny tiny image wouldn’t exactly settle the debate…

  321. Dandelion Wine says:

    TL, sheesh, what’s your profession? Warren Buffet’s boss ? XD
    Maybe they want your babies for the genius genes, and not the child support 😉 (and to them you could respond as Bernard Shaw did)

    But you also got to keep in mind there are women getting deafened by the ticking of the biological clock.

  322. Bela says:

    Wow!!! Such aggression. I love it :)

  323. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily says:
    November 18, 2010 at 7:33 pm
    What about the opportunity cost of a wealthy man who brings home a wart or blister to his wife and she takes half his assets with her as she walks out the door because of his obvious infidelity?
    ————
    Lily, it’s just money :) I was talking about human life

  324. NYC SB says:

    Guru – she is responsible for my hangover! And yes I get permission to cheat always

  325. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    My profile photo is of a little white kindergarten level man shape inside an orange square.

    I wonder where that tracks?

    Lily the only thing worse than reading your bitch comments on the blog was communicating with you one on one via SA as “pots.” You threw up so many fraud red flags in so few emails that my head spun.

  326. Muse says:

    carebear- Lol

    SD Guru- Well, I know she’s cheating. She just usually has the decency to get permission first (we have a very progressive relationship….)

  327. carebear says:

    Muse n NYC-glad I could entertain. I, in fact, am not the person in my pictures, mor the girl you met earlier this week. I actually sit behind my computer with my glasses and my retainer chatting online with hott studs all day.

    =D

    • SD Guru says:

      Sorry for the hit and run on the blog, that’s all the time I have for now. By the way, whatever happened to the idea that sex should be hot, passionate, sweaty, and maybe even a bit sloppy and messy?? 😯

      @Lily & Sunny

      Drama!!

      @Muse
      Based on the number of times NYC SB has been hung over recently, you should have figured out by now that she’s cheating on you!! :mrgreen:

      @MissMilanDC

      How do you know for sure he is Jane’s SD, and even if he is, how do you know he doesn’t have more than one SB? Maybe you better go get in line! 😛

  328. Bela says:

    MilanDC – Ultimately, only you can be the one to say what you should and shouldn’t do, but be warned that what you do might affect any future Sugar Karma you have.

    Good luck :)

  329. MissmilanDC says:

    HEYYYY SUGAR FAM!!! Happy Friday.
    I’m getting discouraged with the DC Sugar Scene… :(.So far I’ve had a really great pot sd who has backed off a little to take care of family issues,a great pot sd who I haven’t met irl yet (Hopefully,this weekend we’ll see…..) and another pot sd whose sb is an acquaintance of mine….Now the last two are the most promising and I wasn’t sure if I should pursue the third.His SB is a girl who I’ll call jane for confidentiality.
    Jane and I attended the same school for undergrad,we aren’t close friends but I’ve hung out with her and mutual friends once or twice.I added him on facebook not knowing that he was even an SD so when I saw her profile pop up on his it hit me…..this was the guy she’d be seeing for the past year or so.Anyway,he wrote me on fb and we exchanged email/numbers….he’s a great guy and we haven’t met yet,but I still feel like I’m stealing her SD.However,Jane and I aren’t that close,haven’t spoken in over a year,and I didn’t know he was her SD until I came across his profile on SA….so should I feel bad?…I mean he’s a great enough guy,and has an income and net-worth high enough to support a team of SB’s lol…so im not worried,it’s just that she will eventually find out he has another SB….and it’s me…

  330. Sunny SB says:

    @ lily: I am fine with skype and actually would appreciate doing so as it puts my mine to ease..I clicked on your name but it took me to the sign in on SA.. on purple boots is my email link if you would be so kind when you have the time to send me an email I will exchange info and set up a time with you.. and I am so sorry you are fighting the flu.. do hope you get better.. I just want to clear this up as I actually care about my word and not being labeled as fake..I do not have the answers but I know seeing is believing so I appreciate your willingness to even do this so Thank YOU.

  331. Sunny SB says:

    @ Lily: I saw that and I also saw that another picture that I have on my profile that was actually taken a month ago was also tracked back and states it was upload in 2009 and there is no way as it was taken on my computer with my web cam.. I do not have the answer for that but actually I had to pull many of my photos as I do not understand that at all.. so I went to view and check profile pictures of people I actually know in real life.. even know when one of those were taken including who took it.. but can say that the website trackback that is associated with his pic actually has only been on line since February of this year.. but again not only pictures but all sorts of information can be tracked incorrectly if the database clock or calender is not correct.. I do not care what anyone thinks if you have doubts skype me see me in real life and that dispels the misunderstanding. so roll your eyes believe what you will I am done with the issue and have contacted everyone associated with my pics to get written permission to use my own likeness.. and in the future now that I understand track backs I will even take it one step further as it is valid the issue that you bring up but when our pics are not protected they can also be used by others.. I am not quite sure what issues it really brings up but if we allow others to use our names when they post pics we run into privacy issues and open the doors to lots of whack jobs.. so is there an easy answer probably not.. I will say that the time stamp and date on my one of my profile pictures matches my computer clock but I used the picture on my face book profile and tin eye did not track back to that which is the one of me in the white off the shoulder blouse.. yet it tracked back to a photo album of one that I do not know.. when I tried to figure even that out I have no answers but only know that one was taken with my own computer so I am completely baffled and simply do not have the answer.

  332. NYC SB says:

    Wow … Severely hungover …

  333. NYC SB says:

    I was the people! Hahaha

  334. Muse says:

    But, NYC SB, it’s not my birthday. So who are you singing to a la Marilyn Monroe? Should I be jealous?

    Carebear- your Holy Grail quote made me literally lol last night. I had to share it with the people I was with and they quite enjoyed it too.

  335. NYC SB says:

    In a Marilyn Monroe voice

    “Happy bday to you
    Happy bday to you
    Happy birthday Mr President
    Happy bday to you”

  336. Lily says:

    No crap, traveling SD! I live in Europe as well and it’s darned near impossible to find any sugar from this site out there.

  337. Lily says:

    Sunny – still, that photo was one you claimed to have been recently taken, quite recently (to show your own recent fitness results). The original one that tineye found, but un-cropped and in color (whereas yours was cropped and made black & white), was uploaded onto the web in 2008.

    It’s not a big deal, who cares. It’s just kinda lame. I posted an email address above, if you want to write to me and ask me my skype name, we can have a video chat and you can prove you are the girl in that beach pic if you want to and you can see me looking crappy with the flu. :) If you honestly care at all. I really don’t, I just felt like ‘rolling my eyes’ (so to speak) about it.

  338. SD travelling in Central Europe says:

    Hi, I am an SD traveling in central europe right now. Just as tough finding someone as back home in the states. Not many SA members around here.

  339. ToughLove says:

    @DWine
    Believe me, I’m hyper-sensitive to the issue of some women using “child bearing” as a long-term business opportunity, probably to the point of paranoia. Typically, I only use condoms I’ve purchased and opened. I’ve watched several colleagues get financially eviscerated by alimony and child support from multiple marriages, and I viewed their lives as a cautionary tale. It truly sickened me as I repeatedly watched men get married to “the love of their life” and later discover it was just a well executed con. One of the reasons I’ve maintained a lifestyle of “casual acquaintances” is an effort to avoid “the long game”. (If you’ve watched “Intolerable Cruelty” with Clooney and Zeta-Jones, then you know what I mean.) Mentioning my profession in NYC takes some women from “I have a boyfriend” to “Can I have your baby” in minutes. So, um, yeah, I get it.

    Rather, I was referring to a different scenario where women, with much more to lose, resist condom use. I’ll catch up with the blog eventually…

  340. Sunny SB says:

    @ Lily: Before a big thing is made of this you need to understand what tineye does.. and also for everyone as this never proves a person is a fake… but peoples feelings can easily get hurt when assumptions are made. Tin Eye crawls millions of images on the web.. it will go to the earliest source in its database.. if someone uploads to a site before you and this image is now in the tin eye database it will take you to this information which only in some cases only points to the person who took the picture not the person in the picture. I am the person Lily referred to in her post.. I also have pictures that were in my profile pictures that track back to a Nikkonian community of amateur photographers.. and again it tracks back to who took the picture as people often display the photos they took in these various communities on the web.. So I went to tin eye on every pic in my profile, my blogs as well to understand why it is perceived I am faking??? And what does that tell you about every picture you tin eye… simple it is in a data base and does not mean it was stolen from the web.. however it was something that led back to for example adobe stock photos then maybe I would be suspicious.. anyone can look at face in my photos and see they were all me but this seems to go back to the last blog carry over as well that some misinterpreted a post about two different profiles and again that was not me, I was mention due to the fact that I had seen the differences as well. When it comes to identifying fake as far as pictures go.. one needs to understand you may find a pic someone post to track back elsewhere especially if someone else has taken the pic and its not simply a pic from their cell, or in their mirror. Often we become very narrow minded and even in this blog the gang up effect often happens when someone thinks they are making a point. If you doubt I am who I am then simply skype me.. I am me.. due to all this I have removed pictures from my profile and blogs.. and spent late hours talking to three people who the various trackbacks will go to.. who found this funny but I did not. I have permission to use images that have me in them.. and one more thing. If someone uploads your images to photobucket, flicker, or other various online photo communities you may find or soon find that your photo will track back to them.. so use caution when using tin eye to determine if a photo is genuine.. look for alteration instead of simply where the photo was trackbacked at.. (URL) also look for other information that is supplied as with anything it is easy to jump to conclusion. 😉

  341. Bela says:

    HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

    TLG – Your sense of humor makes me smile, because it’s as dorky as mine.

    Carebear – Nothing better than waking up on a Friday morning and reading a Monty Python quote. Thank you 😉

    Michael Alleycat – “Washing my hair?” Hmmmm Was this a last minute date or was it planned? I’ll be honest, I’ve used that line to “punish” guys who wait until Friday morning to ask me out for a date that night (like I couldn’t possibly have had any other plans.)

  342. carebear says:

    “strange women, lying in ponds, giving out swords is NO basis for a system of government!” holy grail

    is it bad that I know this off the top of my head? or worse that I memorized it in my ecclesiology class back in high school?

  343. Michael Alleycat says:

    @NYGent – “recurrent malaria”? I’m sorry, that’s up there with … with … with … well, actually, it’s up there in a class of it’s own!

    That’s even better than “I’m washing my hair” which I actually got once.

    Dude you need to watch more Monty Python to see the humor and get sone great come-back lines.

  344. BiBaby says:

    @NyGent,
    No, I don’t use overly retouched pics, I only have one on my profile that is a professional shot, the rest are all casual shots. However don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater….remember if a potential SB is a professional model or beauty queen, she is going to have the high glamour, “retouched” glitz photos…it comes with being in the biz. I would hope others don’t think I’m a fake because I have photos like that! You aren’t getting bookings without your BEST foot forward and why not include a “best case” photo or two in a profile? But again, I have like 8 pics up so anyone viewing my profile has a strong idea of what I look like well before they meet me. :)

    @WCSD,
    I like your thought process, that in all things we have an inherent risk. I don’t like that I’ve had to take risks in this area, but I’ve minimized them the very best I know how. In the end, you can take every precaution and still die from something else before your time (hit by a bus, food poisoning, slip and fall down the stairs, car wreck…whatever), so in a way when it’s time, it’s time. I try to balance living my life the way I want to with taking the precautions I know I should and not being reckless either in my decisions and hopefully that combination will allow me to have the life I should lead, and the same for my partners.

    @Dandelion wine,
    Scary to read your comment about 60yr olds, but I guess you’re right. The average man I think only lives to about 74? my grandmother is in her late 90’s and my great nana made it to 104. I intend to live to at least 100 and it’s looking likely I will barring fate or a travesty occuring in my life. having beat breast cancer, honestly it’s all gravy now anyway every day I get I am grateful so really in the end, I can’t complain.

  345. NYGent says:

    BiBaby: photos that are too obviously completely retouched are a red flag and big turnoff to seasoned SDs, although they might impress or fool a newbie. I would be careful about going overboard on the retouching, although sounds like you are fairly moderate/conservative in that respect.

    I decided to give my pot from last week who canceled because she “felt a cold coming on” a second chance, even thoough in my experience claims of illness before a first date cancellation are usually bogus. In a followup email she insisted she really WAS sick and in fact home with the flu. So I said ok let’s reschedule when you’re feeling better. She writes back to say thanks let’s get together soon and btw turns out it is “recurrent malaria.”

    I feel much better now and so looking forward . . .

  346. Lily says:

    What about the opportunity cost of a wealthy man who brings home a wart or blister to his wife and she takes half his assets with her as she walks out the door because of his obvious infidelity?

    TLG – sugarbabySA at live if you wanna dish gossip privately

  347. The Lone Gunman says:

    Lily says:

    TLG – how goes the hunt? You’ve been searching for weeks now, no?

    No, I’ve been searching for SBs.

    Sorry, Could not resist. :)

    It’s hit and miss for me right now. Part of it is because my last SB really spoiled me, and makes for a hard act to follow. Part because I’m not particularly concerned with the outcome, since I begin travelling overseas again soon limiting my time to spread sugar around locally until after the first of the year. There’s more, but that’s a subjective judgement that has no place here on the open blog.

    TLG

  348. Dandelion Wine says:

    Let’s also keep in mind that an opportunity cost of STDs is much much lower for a wealthy older man than it is for a less wealthy younger woman.
    For someone who is 60-ish contracting HIV isn’t that big of a deal because they don’t have a whole lot of life left anyway. So they die in 5 years from HIV in the worst case scenario – oh well, that’s only 7-8 years below the average life expectancy anyway.
    A woman in her 20s successfully battling HIV for 15 years would perish in her 40s – losing out on nearly 40 years of god-intended lifetime.

  349. Lily says:

    TLG – how goes the hunt? You’ve been searching for weeks now, no?

  350. Lily says:

    TinEye. Verrrry interesting. I picked out a photo off of one of the girls’ sugar blogs (one she claimed was taken of her by a friend) and put the URL into TinyEye and found out that the image was lifted off of a site called Pure Storm dot com.

    Just lame……..

    I love that most of my sugar sisters are my occasional IRL cohorts –and also my facebook friends. It’s fun to have a glimpse into their real lives.

    One guy and one girl from this blog, whom I’ve been skype friends and facebook friends with for many many moons and have never met IRL, better watch out because I will find a way to hang out with them in person in the next 6-12 months. I kid you not, just hold on to your hat. You probably know who you are. :) mwahahahahaha

  351. The Lone Gunman says:

    Gemi says:
    ..I also avoid photos of SDs that are overtly sexual, sexy or undressed…. sorry TLG!!

    HEY NOW…she asked for that Monokini picture, I swear she did, I do…..;)

    As far as the topic from the prior blog that seems to have spilled over into this one:

    I’ll never have to worry about the pregnancy possibility. I can’t have kids, and my doctor confirmed it years ago. That doesn’t mean that actions that could normally lead to rugrats have lost their allure for me, just eliminates one potentially negative possibility for all participants.

    As for the STD question, I’m with WCSD on this one–you cannot live your life in a bubble, safe from every tremor or shock. You takes your chances with every new day, and every new breath.

    NOW…

    Looks like I am supposed to give out with how I backscatter and enhanced-pat-down the various SB profiles when sorting Bad Terrorist SBs (BTSB) from Happy Fun SBs (HFSB).

    One way is that BTSBs will write you an initial contact like this:

    “call or txt if interested”

    or

    “hey lets chat have yahoo?”

    …and nothing else. They also tend to Write*like TheY Jus gat ouT of abAr n r havug trble frommming sentinses” in every contact attempt..and for some strange reason, keep asking if I want to touch their junk.

    There’s more, but I think you all get the picture.

    TLG

  352. Dandelion Wine says:

    WUT! Stop rooster-blocking me, blog!

    Third time’s the charm : with creative cropping no Photoshop needed!

    www. anvari. org/fun/Misc/The_Art_of_MySpace_Cropping.html

    (no space)

  353. Dandelion Wine says:

    2.) If you get pregnant, I’m just paying my $500 for the abortion and my responsibility ends there. Go take care of the problem. (and what if the girl is a lapsed Catholic and decides to keep the baby or doesn’t believe in abortion? what then?)
    ——–
    Even if the girl is psycho/mega-slut/golddigger, if she decides to keep a baby, there will be child support to pay.

  354. Gemi says:

    Ok I’m back and it appears the blog gods have fans 😉

    So pooey!!! I had a VERY local SD who seemed slightly too-good-to-be-true (high allowance, appeared out of nowhere, etc) contact me wanting to meet up. No photo. So I asked for a photo. Oh but noooo its waaaay too risky for HIM to send little ol’ me a photo. But he’s attractive, I need not worry. RIGHTIO THERE PONCHO. Yeah, so… Thanks for playing, this has been fun but… NEXT!!!
    *sigh* I KNEW it was too good to be true…thank godness it didn’t take a first meet to figure it out.

    Screening potentials… right there at work. No photo, not playing fair, etc… gets you deleted from my view.

  355. stephan says:

    Carebear: blog gods said you have mail =)

  356. carebear says:

    ahem, attention blog gods…..will you please contact me via email…..thank you =)

  357. Gemi says:

    Good evening everyone! Great topic.. I’m at that stage now actually.

    SunnySB made a great point concerning “blue” SDs.. “If they can not afford the cost of a premium membership at least.. then how can they afford to pamper me???” I agree on this 100%. I mean, I’ve hear of “cases” where the guy goes premium a few days later, but on the whole I think these are just average joes looking for a little thrill but are not SDs seeking a SB.

    As far as photos go, anything that looks too perfect normally is fake. I also avoid photos of SDs that are overtly sexual, sexy or undressed…. sorry TLG!! 😉

    haha ok almost time for Big Bang Theory. :) Back on later ladies and gents!

  358. stephan says:

    @Sunny SB: Yes that’s definitely true, you would certainly see plenty of standard SD profiles in many searches (excluding a ‘premium members only’ search), yet the only sugar daddies that can read messages from a sugar baby must be premium/active. That’s a good fix that I’ll add for sure, to: “Since all active sugar daddies are premium…” Great minds for sure. Originally this topic had a much more distinctive ‘screening ala TSA news’ feel, which was its original ‘inspiration’ (lol). I’m just looking for a sugar worthy airport security screening image – or one that gets that across better.

    Thanks for the SA shout-out on the What Every Sugar Baby Should Know blog!

  359. @WCSD – absolutely, this is sales.

  360. WCSD says:

    For me with screening of pics…..I usually ignore glamor (professional in studio type) shots. They are usually faked, or fake profiles. Now some glamor with some regular everyday shots, I can deal with, but the attraction to me is what they look like in an everyday type of environment.

    As for BiBaby’s admission to photoshopping out a zit, or making it a little more tan, etc. I can live with that. Really, we all understand that the pics are going to be in the best light (I mean who puts a pic of them with bed head, and a grumpy face….this is sales! We all need to put our best foot forward).

  361. WCSD says:

    BiBaby –

    My thought on the pregnancy issue – again, this is no different than STDs (in my opinion anyway). Having sex, of any kind (covered or not) poses a risk of pregnancy (and STD). It all comes down to what is an acceptable risk for you and the person you are with. Is a visectomy 100% of the time going to work? No. But you also have a chance of winning the lottery, being hit by a meteor, hit by lightning, tripping off your stairs in the morning too.

    For me, if I get a STD or a woman pregnant based on what I practice, I’m ok with that risk. You can’t live in a bubble your whole life….some risks will always need to be taken, you just should evaluate what you are comfortable with, and proceed from there.

  362. BiBaby says:

    Regarding the new topic subject, I have found that while SB’s put up way more pics than SD’s, the SD’s (as a rule) seem to give out their real name or even email at least waaaaay more than SB’s do. I as a rule of thumb of course use an alternate name when screening and then if an arrangement is reached, will ask to share driver’s licenses. So I see their real name and age and address and they see mine. If you are at the point of intimacy I would think you should be sharing that info (my driver’s license has a PO box on it anyway).

    On photoshopping, I dont’ see the big deal with that or glamour shots. Who cares? If you use a photo that is way too good, chances are that the potential is going to be highly disappointed when they meet you and things may fizzle. My experience with SD photos has been really good, the guys I’ve met actually look way better than their photos. Some have gained weight but the facial features are much more attractive, probably because most men don’t learn as quickly as a woman does how to take an attractive photo, what their best colors are, and don’t have the benefit of makeup.

    I use photos that are flattering but recent, however I don’t see the big deal if you photoshop a zit or a few wrinkles out of a photograph. Who wants to see all that? It depends on the amount of distortion really. I would never personally use a photo of myself that was altered to make me look like I’m 125lbs if I weighed 170. On the other hand, I have been known to “warm” up my skintone to look tanner or digitize out a pimple while scanning a headshot. These are non-structural, lightly cosmetic changes and I think it’s just good manners to utilize them…I don’t WANT to know if a guy has zits that week or if his nose hair is curling out of his nostrils. To me, looks aren’t a big deal as I’m not here for looks when selecting an SD…it’s a nice perk if they’re not Quasimodo in nature but really not necessary. A man’s kindness and generosity is much more important to me.

    I imagine this is a much more heated topic on the SD’s side while seeking a sugarbaby but eventually the truth is going to come out, so to my mind, I wouldn’t get why anyone would use false photos or too much retouching. Hopefully though your personality shines so much through that you get the ultimate compliment (one I like), that your photos don’t do you justice. :)

  363. Sunny SB says:

    @ Stephan: I just got done posting on my blog and was surprised to come here and discover you have chosen a topic that I was just addressing. Good minds think alike! :)
    However I disagree with: Since most sugar daddies are premium members, they have the option of not including a profile picture. In my searches I run across more SD’s who are in blue and not premium members and I often use this in my screening process when one contacts me. If they can not afford the cost of a premium membership at least.. then how can they afford to pamper me???

    I have learned to look for clues in their profiles and I often avoid ones that do not make sense for example make less than 100 k a year and yet list their net worth in the high millions.. I do the math. I also look at certain phrases.. and avoid ones that point to the fact they are looking for a fun time and not interested in things like chemistry which for me is a must. I use the internet to verify some things about a pot but even in the online world many things can be faked including fake web pages.. however once I have a phone number I will do a reverse look up and see if it matches what I know at that point. I have photoshop software so I often will open up a picture that a pot sends to me via email if it gets that far and see if there are locked layers.. as I understand how easy it is to manipulate images. There are many things we can do to be safe out there and women are actually more vulnerable in the sugar bowl which is why we really do need to practice good screening habits and pay attention to our gut.

  364. stephan says:

    Muse!! <3

  365. BiBaby says:

    Hi on the other side! Wanted to reply to Dandelion Wine’s post on last thread about SD’s risking an unwanted baby by not insisting on condoms…

    I agree, why would any SD take a roll of the dice on potentially fathering a kid in a situation outside of what any sane person would want to have? However I’ve heard answers to this while discussing with SD’s that include:

    1.) I’m fixed (vasectomy) and you can’t get pregnant, so if you do, it’s not mine. (false–my uncle fathered a kid after a vasectomy, they are NOT 100%. Needless to say my aunt wasn’t real pleased, esp since the kid wasn’t with her….surprise to all concerned to say the least!)

    2.) If you get pregnant, I’m just paying my $500 for the abortion and my responsibility ends there. Go take care of the problem. (and what if the girl is a lapsed Catholic and decides to keep the baby or doesn’t believe in abortion? what then?)

    3.) I’ll deny it’s mine, esp if you are married/in a relationship. (good luck with that one buckeroo, since DNA proves otherwise if paternity tests are demanded)

    4.) You ARE on birth control, right? (nope, can’t take them, I’ve had breast cancer. But apparently all men assume you are on the Pill. but what if your SB misses a day or worse, she ovulates randomly?)

    and my favorite, but the most frightening reply:

    5.) You can disappear. (true story, one guy I was talking to via email told me a Romanian girl had tricked his friend into an expensive pregnancy situation and he told me if that was him, he’d pay the $5k for a “hit” to off her because it would just be cheaper than a baby and she knew better than to screw him like that. He wrote this like it was the most natural thing in the world and worse, the guy was a doctor! NEEDLESS to say, I never spoke with him again….)

    So regarding the unwanted pregnancy issue, seems a lot of guys have their head in the sand or worse, still consider it a “woman’s problem”…however trust me, the courts see it otherwise.

    Myself, I not only practice withdrawl if we’re uncovered, I use VCF’s as a form of contraception since I can’t take the pill. There are options the woman still has in her control but even those fail. I conceived my daughter while on birth control and never missed a day.

  366. Muse says:

    Stephan! <3

  367. stephan says:

    @Michael Alleycat: Fixed! Thanks for the catch :)

  368. Michael Alleycat says:

    Stephan – spelling! It’s ‘you’re’ not ‘your’

  369. Michael Alleycat says:

    Second!

  370. best_girl says:

    this is my first post on the blog, and i`m starting with a question: how do you european girls deal with distance? I`m from Romania and seems like in our part of the world, not a lot of people look for relationships outside theyr living area.
    By the way, nice to meet you all!

Top