7 years ago
Electing a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby Candidate

image

and your sugar nominee’s are…

Just as with the US midterm elections, many Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies are also considering who to elect for a mutually beneficial relationship.

Most sugars are on a continuous campaign to not only find new eligible candidates, but also in promoting their own benefits as a potential sugar in an arrangement.

For those contemplating whether or not to reelect a current sugar daddy or sugar baby, both parties must decide whether they’re still in-line with each others mutual expectations. As Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta recently demonstrated, sometimes it’s necessary to leave a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby when they can no longer comfortably meet your expectations…

Before taking an oath as a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby in an arrangement, here are a few questions to ask:

Are you suited for a sugar relationship?

While having a no-strings-attached (NSA), mutually beneficial relationship may appeal to you for many reasons, this type of dating isn’t for everyone. It’s not uncommon for people to want the benefits of a sugar relationship, without being able to deal with the emotional side of the sugar. Making your expectations clear and upfront is just one of the things many newbie sugars have found some difficulty getting used to.

Do you have the patience?

Especially for Sugar Babies, patience is a must-have in the Sugarbowl (given the estimated ratio of SB’s to SD’s being around 15/1). Yet for anyone sincere about finding exactly what they want in a relationship, not settling for less requires some fortitude. Some Sugar Babies have searched for a Sugar Daddy online for months before having an initial meet, yet as many here on the blog can attest, finding the right sugar is totally worth the wait.

Do you have chemistry?

As many have stated on this blog and in their profiles, chemistry is a must-have in a sugar relationship. While it’s possible to gauge initial interest for a potential online and over the phone, an in-person meet is generally when the real chemistry is either present, or not. Even if a potential sugar proposes an arrangement that fulfills all your stated expectations, if you don’t enjoy being around them, going forward is not recommended by your sugar advisers here on the blog.

Do you have any interesting sugar nominee’s you’re considering?

 

Leave a Reply

258 Responses to “Electing a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby Candidate”

  1. Yaz says:

    SFCollegebaby~ I consider my ex-SD to be pretty hot lol…. 6″5, athletic, salt and pepper hair, clean cut, warm smile and he always smelled oh so nice! ( I LOVE mens cologne) I couldn’t wait to be alone with the man! TMI…..lol
    But yeah it was a great arrangement because he was really good looking and we really enjoyed the time we spent together.

    But don’t just focus on the looks tho because a HOT SD does not always equal to an ideal arrangement.

    Off to bed. Good night sugars :)

  2. SFCollgebaby says:

    Have any of the women here ever had a HOT sd? I’d assume that this would equal and ideal and perfect situation. But I have yet to, so I’m wondering.

  3. SFCollgebaby says:

    @NyGent, well it’s good that you look at it that way. If that really is her past, then sure, no need to judge. That probably came off as harse. If she is/was lying though, it just goes back to the issue of making the rest of the real sbs look bad, that’s all.

  4. Michael Alleycat says:

    New blog subject …

  5. @SD Guru – “Personally I think the notion that women need to be over 30 to be at their sexual peak is over rated (ducking for cover!). ”

    I don’t think it is an issue of being over 30 to be at their sexual peak, I think it is an issue of maturity and awareness the role their sexuality plays in their life. I have found – generally – that women over 30 have an open enthusiasm and joy regarding sex, whereas younger women are still trying to figure it all out, and how it all fits together in their life. I’m not saying that I haven’t had some wonderful romps with younger women in my time, I just enjoy it probably more with older women.

    Just my $0.02.

  6. Yaz says:

    Guru said

    “Personally I think the notion that women need to be over 30 to be at their sexual peak is over rated (ducking for cover!). ”

    Amen to that. In that department, some younger SBs can compete with the mature SBs anyday, anytime :)

  7. Yaz says:

    NYGent~ Oh ok! It seemed to me that you were only focusing on the younger age range. It is always good to broaden your search range once in a while.

    NC~ You do have a point….But while younger SBs might have less responsibilities and constraints, many of them do not have the maturity and experience that come with age..As far as travelling goes, if you are dealing with a college SB she might not always be available to travel… 10+ page papers due, midterms, internships or other extracurricular activities are some of the things that sometimes prevented me from traveling on short notice whenever SD asked me to.

  8. NYGent says:

    Yaz: I may have created a misimpression in that, while it’s true that the 2 SBs I’ve had were both under 25, roughly 35% of all pots I’ve met for dates have been over 30 and roughly 70% above 25. Maybe 5-10% over 35. (I actually keep stats on this!) My normal search range in browsing is 22-34, though occasionally I broaden that to older (not younger).

    • SD Guru says:

      @Michael
      I might be easy, but I am not cheap. I still charge a good rate these days.

      Obviously you’re not the one I’m worried about! 😉

      @Lily
      guys can often go to bed with a woman who is quite physically attractive in their eyes, but whom they don’t exactly jive with on a cerebral level. They still wanna get laid & they like what they see, so they go for it.

      Would it surprise you to know that some women can do the same? 😛

      Of course there are some women who need the stars to align in every way before they will be comfortable enjoying sex with a man. Young ladies are quite often in this state of mind.

      Yes some women do need the stars to align, but it’s not necessarily because of their age.

      But most girls just need to blossom and hit that magical sexual peak to open up and enjoy a fully ripe libido and be the most exciting and giving SB they can be. Meaning they need to be over 30…

      Personally I think the notion that women need to be over 30 to be at their sexual peak is over rated (ducking for cover!). The exceptions aren’t that hard to find! :)

      @ToughLove
      Understand there are actually lots of women out there. (Shouldn’t be stretch if you’re a Vegas, LA, Miami, or NYC SD.) And if she’s not responsive, don’t push. Don’t bribe. Don’t lie. Most importantly, don’t wait. Realize it’s about sorting, not convincing. Let go of the illusion that time and money will make her attracted to you. And move on.

      Welcome back! Maybe you should have a chat with LA/SFCollegeBaby’s SD about that?? :) When it comes to sugar relationships, throwing more money at a problem won’t necessarily solve it. And the corollary is, if a problem can be solved by money then it’s an easy problem to fix.

      @NYGent
      So it turns out this 30-something pot was a bit TOO refined and well preserved. A minimal amount of checking found her on an escort site

      It’s not unusual to find escorts on SA. I’d have suggested that you play it out and see how she approaches a sugar relationship. But I understand if you’re not interested no matter what then there is no need to waste your time. By the way, there is no shame in desiring the twenty something age group. You just got to put up with the typical flaky flighty behavior and figure out how to deal with the BS that usually comes with it (there are exceptions, of course!).

  9. NC Gent says:

    Hi Yaz! There are plenty of super attractive (aka hot) SBs in their 30s and 40s on this site. I used to target the late 20 to late 30 age group but lowered it after some futility. I know this is a generalization and is based upon my limited sampling, but it was very difficult to find an SB that was 30+ that didn’t have a lot of life constraints (aka baggage) and was also willing to travel. At least NYG has the advantage of a bigger pool of local SBs. Oddly enough, the level of maturity does not seem to be directly correlated with age :(

  10. Yaz says:

    No one? Ok I am going back to my corner :(

  11. Yaz says:

    By the way, I too would love to hear what other younger SBs think about this particular topic. AM, NYC, Muse, Carebear, anyone??

  12. Yaz says:

    I am not saying that you should compromise just to find a SB. I know you are not that desperate. All I am suggesting is to maybe change your search criteria and see who catches your eye. Go out on a few dates with the more mature SBs and see what happens.
    After a series of not so great dates with 20 somethings pot SBs you should realize that the problem might be the type of SBs you select….I doubt the problem would be you since I have met you and know you are a genuine and amazing person. You really can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result… ( I stole that quote lol)

  13. Yaz says:

    NYGent~ Here is a question coming from a 20 something year old SB ( since you asked for our input :) )
    Could you by any chance “relax” your search criteria and see what happens? I mean, so far, you have only considered 20-something SBs. Could you possibly include 30 somethings or even dare I say 40 somethings SBs in your search? When I used to have a profile here I would go through other SBs profiles ( just to check out the competition) and I can tell you that they are some early 30s or early 40s SBs who put the younger SBs to shame in the looks dept. Not only that but reading some of their profiles you can tell that they are articulate, educated, genuine and much more.
    Is there a particular reason why 20 somethings only get your attention? ( well most of the time it seems…)

  14. NYGent says:

    SFSB: I have a feeling it maybe really IS all in her past and she’s legitimately using the site to try to find a steady SD and not just to get clients (though I could be wrong about that). If so good for her, everyone is entitled to new beginnings, it is just not something I personally would be able to put out of my mind so I passed. That’s how I tried to convey it to her, at least.

  15. I chose the SD/SB relationships because this is what works realistically for me. Both of us laying our cards out on the table and letting each other know right off the bat what our expectations are which then give the decision whether that is what we want to get involved in. It sure beats dating a guy for months only to find out he is married, kids etc. This is a forum for both of us to be upfront and honest with each other. I have a SD right now and he is heaven sent. Such a sweet guy, great listener and I don’t have to worry about all the responsibilities that a more traditional relationship require.

  16. SFCollegebaby says:

    Hey!@ Nygent, I did not even see your reponse before posting…strange. Well at least you two parted ways respectfully. Sounds like she is regretful but it is too late for her and she is a freaking escort! Why in the world would she try to say it is in her past? Yea rite!

  17. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Nygent, yea just tell her the truth. She might get mad and ask you why you were looking for dirt but hey, you had the right to do so.

  18. NYGent says:

    Well I ended up using a hybrid approach. First the vague message, and when she insisted on a more detailed explanation I said I wasn’t trying to judge her and didn’t require any explanation, and for all i knew it was something she was no longer pursuing and it was really none of my business, but that I personally wasn’t comfortable with it and thought it would get in the way of any relationship between us. I also gave her a helpful hint not to give out a phone number which by simple googling leads to her entry on the escort site. She responded by saying it was a prepaid # she no longer uses and belonged to a friend who went back to Europe, etc etc, but she didn’t deny it and agreed she was responsible for her own past.

    So thanks to all for their advice, all of which got used in part. And no, i’m not going back exclusively to school girls (in reality, 22 is the youngest so far), based on one incident. But I’d like to hear some of the younger 20-somethings on the blog speak up for themselves on the various topics!

  19. Nico says:

    @ Toughlove. I would agree to there being many factors to consider…I was speaking to face value only. If, in fact, she chose to pursue a SD in lieu of Escort path, and had made that conscious decision to do so, the logical conclusion would be that her Escort profile would’ve been removed from whatever site she advertises on.

    That being said, I agree there are many variables but I’m still convinced that sharing the truth is the way to go :-) Of course, it wouldn’t be in a ‘finger pointing’ way but instead with tact and in the course of a conversation so she’s given an opportunity to share her position….no pun intended. 😉

  20. ToughLove says:

    @Nico and NYGent

    One thing to consider is “how was she framing the relationship?” If she has for what ever reason decided at this point in her life that she no longer wishes to pursue being an escort (the same way many SB’s no longer want to be a traditional girlfriend), then her posting on SA might be legitimate. Possibly. Maybe. If however she’s using SA to simply find clients on “retainer”, then I agree with you. Without knowing her true “intent”, it’s difficult to arrive at a reasonable solution. (Again, giving her a lot of latitude here.)

  21. Lily says:

    My last post was meant to come right after ToughLove’s. Whoops!

    NYGent – yes, tell her that you found out about her escorting and while you do not mean to judge her, that you are, unfortunately, only interested in sugar dating amateurs.

  22. Lily says:

    But a fabulous personality, intelligent mind, and character may win her over, even for a genuine physical relationship. And that takes more than 5 seconds or 5 minutes.

  23. Nico says:

    NY Gent ~ I can appreciate your perspective and not wanting to hurt her feelings; however I cannot agree.

    Truth wins out…always. You’ve lost your attraction to her because of her ‘side job’…plain and simple. Just because you opt to tell the truth doesn’t mean it has to be done in a harsh and unsympathetic way.

    Honestly, the fact she puts herself on SA and represents to others that she’s a SB is what contributes to the stigma assigned to this type of relationship in the general public. Escort = SB (?)

    Perhaps your being honest may not ‘change the world’ but it will go a long way to let girls know there’s a significant difference between the two types of relationships [read SD Guru’s blog on this very topic].

  24. ToughLove says:

    @Lily
    I want to comment on the discussion about SD’s waiting for intimacy. The funny thing is a person’s natural (biological) response doesn’t change just because they are in a sugar relationship versus a traditional (IRL) relationship. This simply means some well meaning SD’s wait far too long, just like some men wait too long in traditional dating. It also means some SD’s use money as a tool to rush things even when the SB isn’t quite there yet. But, for many, that’s the “promise” of the SD sites. (Your money fixes everything….right!) Money gives some SD’s (not distinguishing between real or fake) the guts to do some things they wouldn’t do IRL. (And provide a steady source of entertainment/horror for bloggers.)

    Unfortunately, too many men just don’t know what they’re doing with women. What happens when you take a guy who doesn’t have a clue with women and you give him a few million dollars? You get a clueless millionaire. And since society in general (and SD sites specifically) place a high value on financial success, the clueless millionaire views his actions as acceptable, simply because he (the millionaire) did them. Whether or not the actions are effective is not something most men usually consider when it comes to sex.

    The challenge with meeting someone online is you lack the initial non-verbal communication that let’s you gauge their interest. So you’re busy guessing, and in many cases actually projecting, during that first meeting. The email communication actually creates a “filter” for that first meeting. Instead of just seeing “them”, you’re busy comparing the present “them” to the “them” you became interested in online. At least when your first contact occurs IRL (like someone you met at a party or event), you know what’s going on from the first moment you see them on throughout the entire interaction.

    For many SD’s the lesson is to learn to pay attention to the woman in front of you and read her responsiveness. Focus on her with your eyes and ears, not your, um, yeah. See what’s actually happening, not the porn film in your head of what you want to happen. Understand there are actually lots of women out there. (Shouldn’t be stretch if you’re a Vegas, LA, Miami, or NYC SD.) And if she’s not responsive, don’t push. Don’t bribe. Don’t lie. Most importantly, don’t wait. Realize it’s about sorting, not convincing. Let go of the illusion that time and money will make her attracted to you. And move on.

  25. Lily says:

    One unsuitable thirtysomething and you’re back to schoolgirls? How many times have you put up with undesirable behavior/qualities from the schoolgirls? Just sayin…. :)

  26. Hey NYGent – sorry to hear that, I vote for #3 also.

    You’ll get there eventually, but think of the variety of stories you are building up!

  27. NC Gent says:

    NYGent — sorry that happened to you. For what it counts, I vote for number 3 also — no need to make her feel badly or judged.

  28. NYGent says:

    So it turns out this 30-something pot was a bit TOO refined and well preserved. A minimal amount of checking found her on an escort site, advertising for “$1K per hour . . . $5K for overnight.”

    We had a second date planned. Assuming I don’t want to proceed (which I don’t), do I (1) tell her the true reason (2) not contact her again and ignore her if she contacts me; or (3) make up some vague excuse (“found someone else,” “don’t think this will work out,” e.g.). I think (1) comes across as holier than thou, and (2) lacks common courtesy. I lean toward (3) — any views?

    Too bad, I liked her and she had class. Maybe it’s back to the “babyfaces” …

  29. ToughLove says:

    Hello, all. Just quickly catching up. Much to say and so very little time.

    @Bibaby
    Dear one, you were never meant as a “target of opportunity” and I sincerely apologize if I gave you that impression. Glad to see things are going well for you in the sugar bowl.

  30. Lily says:

    NYGent – I was actually asking you to comment on a scenario where intimacy would *not* be withheld. Some women’s sexuality is such that she can be intimate with a man who she does not find physically attractive (but finds otherwise attractive & feels a warm, genuine connection with), without it being traumatic or even a sacrifice. In other words, some women’s libidos function much like a man’s.

    To explain: guys can often go to bed with a woman who is quite physically attractive in their eyes, but whom they don’t exactly jive with on a cerebral level. They still wanna get laid & they like what they see, so they go for it. Women can also similarly enjoy sex with a man who they feel a non-physical attraction for, and overlook the physical chemistry. It’s actually better for the desired outcome (learning to be physically attracted), to jump in the deep end of the pool and start racking up some positive sexual experiences with a man to encourage your brain to begin to start associating the sight/smell/feel of this ‘almost perfect’ dude with sexual pleasure & satisfaction.

    Of course there are some women who need the stars to align in every way before they will be comfortable enjoying sex with a man. Young ladies are quite often in this state of mind. It comes from sexual inexperience &/or immaturity, OR a naturally very sexually reserved personality (which is code for ‘low libido’ and I can’t imagine a woman trying to sugar date or engage in any other NSA/recreational intimate relationship with that type of personality without near-certain utter disaster for all).

    But most girls just need to blossom and hit that magical sexual peak to open up and enjoy a fully ripe libido and be the most exciting and giving SB they can be. Meaning they need to be over 30 (my mid-twenties SB sisters in NYC do not take offense, this is a generalization! Many exceptions of sexually mature women blossoming at 20 or 25 exist, I was one of them!).

    NYGent, since 2 of your biggest problems has been irresponsibility/flakiness and an SB being sexually inhibited/reserved or stingy, perhaps you should understand that the targeted age range may explain much of it. Like SD noticed, the striking woman who showed up to dinner was older than you normally go for, & it’s doubtful that it’s pure coincidence. If age preference is very important and you’re conscious about the pitfalls & choose to deal with them with eyes wife open, to try to find the diamond in the rough (the mature-beyond-her-years SB who is responsible in behavior as well as open and un-inhibited enough to enjoy sex with an older man that she didn’t select based on immediate physical attraction) then more power to you. But consciously decide if the benefits outweigh the pitfalls of getting stood up a lot and accidentally finding yourself spending time & money on a woman who isn’t able to fully open up to you sexually for a long time, if ever.

    If low-drama & great sex is what an SD values above marveling at a very youthful ‘babyface’ of a shy early twenties (or even teenage!) lady who is nervously sitting across the table from him who very well may not understand herself what she is doing in the sugarbowl, then upping the age range of the women you meet might make a lot of sense. There are plenty of 30something & even early fortysomething ladies who have kept themselves looking pretty gosh darn…..well, striking, as NYGent said. I myself look better after hitting my 30th birthday than I did at 18 or 25. Somehow ‘grew into’ my looks and something inside clicked and started oozing out. It happens with some women, so limiting a SB search to only student-age girls can really limit yourself from finding types like us who have actually much more (both emotionally and physically) to offer than they did when they were younger.

  31. @SDGuru – “Yeah, maybe you can get her to sleep with you, but at what price??”

    I might be easy, but I am not cheap. I still charge a good rate these days. 😉

  32. @SFCollegeBaby
    It is also possible that he is intimidated by you, totally unsure how to handle the whole situation or just lacking in confidence. That may be affecting his reaction to you.

  33. SFCollegebaby says:

    @Bibaby: Do I want to be intimate with my sd? Well it’s not like he’s super hot or anything. But I am attracted to him and would be intimate with him. I rarely want to have sex with guys who are super hot, so why would the fact that he is old and rich change that? A beautiful woman without giving sex is pretty much a wife to a sd? LOL…um well last time I checked, some if not most wives do not look like the avg sb, and if they do, they are the “trophy wife” as you said and chances are, they on the “Real Housewives of Bev Hills”…and not some avg lady with an avg man. Not to say that there are not beautiful married women out there. I do like my sd but I’m not gonna force sex on him when that is something I’d rather keep than give up. If he is not pushy about it, why should I be? What woman wouldn’t pick this situation over the next? All I know is that I must be lucky b/c all I’m giving is my time, and like I said, who knows if we will ever have sex, but I’m not gonna complain about it.

    @NyGent, hmmm, don’t know if that was sarcasm or not. One thing I will not do is go online and make things up b/c that is utterly pathetic. I just came here to share my story, just like anyone else. Seems like people are so ready to accept horror stories, but anything good is questionable. But anyway, to clarify though, and I think I mentioned this before. During like month one, my sd was concerned that I wouldn’t be intimate with him. I told him that I would but with time. He agreed and ever since then, it’s just been fun outside of the bedroom, with no pressure to ever get me into bed. He’s spent the night here and everything. It’s just that nothing happens. He lets me go to sleep and if anything, I am always inviting but nothing happens. Maybe at this point, he just wants me to be eye candy, and enjoys helping me. I also know that a few sds start to feel guilty once they find a sb they really really like or care for, and the sex just kinda erases out of the pic. I say this b/c this kinda happened to me before, but the guy never became my sd. He just kept helping me and helping me, and by the time something maybe would have happened, he told me that he thought I was too good to even be used in that way. Maybe he didn’t understand the nature of the whole sd/sb thing. Maybe my sd does not either. I don’t really know. BUT we also have to remember that sometimes all an older man wants IS company and a eye candy. Sex doens’t have to be associated with the company of a younger woman, yet money seems to still be associated with the company. Why? Idk

  34. TriciaFred29 says:

    Hi, I have talked to a few potential sd’s and I think I finally found a “winner”. (This will be my first sd experiance) We have been talking on phone and internet. We are suppost to meet this weekend. We agreed on a lunch date which includes shopping. He seems so nice. He talks alot about what he has planned for future dates, cars he wants to buy me, he wants to take me traveling, ect. He seems a little too good to be true. He hasnt even met me yet! How do i know if he is a poser. How do you tell if he is for real? If he is for real how do you keep sd’s interested? How do you bring up the allowance? How do I know what is too much to ask for when we go shopping? However i want to have him buy what ever I can. I need advice ladies!!!!!

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYGent
      having the patience of Job is not a virtue but rather, as all the SB bloggers told me a year ago, just a blind spot.

      There are SB’s who need time to “warm up”, there are those who don’t. Then there are those who use it as an excuse to separate you from your money and string you along. With experience you’ll be able to tell the difference. Bravo on meeting a pot who actually showed up for dinner, and don’t tell me her age wasn’t a factor! :)

      @TriciaFred29

      Before you let your imagination run wild with future dates, travel, and what car he’s going to get for you, you have just answered your own question: “He seems a little too good to be true. He hasnt even met me yet!”

      As I mentioned, there are SB’s who will string a SD along to separate him from his money. Then there are SD’s who will promise a SB the world to get her into bed. Neither are real SD/SB’s.

      @mademoiselle

      Was your experience worth $2k? Did you take a look at the “Travel Guidelines for SB’s” before the trip as suggested?

      @Michael
      “but can you get her to sleep with you??” Absolutely. I have a great body & a gorgeous face as well.

      Yeah, maybe you can get her to sleep with you, but at what price?? 😛

  35. mademoiselle says:

    @nyc sb– yes, that was the guy. i told him that i did not want to be intimate the first time we met… he agreed, he agreed to pay me nonetheless, but then put this on me. i did like him, though i was not physically attracted to him in the least.

    in the future, better communication is a must.. i’m so weary of all this now!

  36. NYGent says:

    Lilly: The short answer to your question, from my standpoint, is no.
    The longer answer requires some explanation. About a year ago when I joined the blog I sought advice as to a budding SB relationship where I was on about the third date (having entered into an arrangement, paid the first month allowance, bought some gifts), but no real intimacy yet beyond some minor league stuff. I was hoping the SB would “warm up” eventually. To my surprise virtually every SB blogger (several veterans who still regularly post) said that I was naive, that every woman KNOWS within 5 minutes of meeting a guy whether she can see herself ever being intimate with him, that in the SA world there is no such thing as taking that much time to “warm up” and that if it hasn’t happened by at least the fourth date it isn’t gonna happen. I didn’t want to believe it but they were absolutely right. The SB never did come around. So in my view, while intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to happen by, say, the third or fourth date, it has to at least be CLEAR by then that it’s GOING to happen. If clear progress is being made, then I’m willing to continue the spoiling. If it’s not clear by then that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, then it’s likely that the SB is in it just for the $$ (whether consciously or not), or is simply confused as to whether SA is really for her, and the SD is wasting his time. That’s unless he is fine with a purely platonic arrrangement, which few (but some) are. If we take LA/SFSugarbaby at her word, for example (and why not), her SD who’s shelled out over $12K in 3 months with no intimacy, and apparently no expectation of same, is one of those rare exceptions to whom it doesn’t matter. To 95% of the rest of us, it does, and having the patience of Job is not a virtue but rather, as all the SB bloggers told me a year ago, just a blind spot.

    On a more positive note had dinner with a pot tonite and made plans to see her for brunch again sunday. She is a bit older than most i’ve dated, but none the worse for wear and indeed, quite striking. Maybe it goes somewhere, or nowhere, but it was a pleasant evening. Hope springs eternal.

  37. NYGent says:

    Midwest: very sorry to hear. Maybe you’ll relocate to your old haunts and change your handle to Southeast? Best of luck either way.

  38. TexaSugah says:

    Monday is done.. geez ma’neez

    Midwest – thanks for the well wishes. I completely agree about looks not being a big deal. Unless you are a complete mudduck.. there’s something to work with.

    Laid OFF???? OMG. What are your ties to the area besides your job?
    Something better is out there. Trust.

    Tanya – My SD/guy is in the state but not in my immediate area. About 4 hours away. It’s nice because we can be a couple with no issues. But he was looking for someone within a certain driving distance.

    Made* – Well, how long have you been chatting with him. My guy and I got romantic but we’d been talking for MONTHS. He supported me through the roughest time in my life. Sooo..

    I haven’t had tons of sugar experience but we did discuss it.

  39. Midwest SB says:

    Yaz – Thanks sweetie…I am keeping all my options open.

    Madamoiselle – 1st – I will usually wait until a gent is in my area before I will consider flying somewhere to meet him. 2nd – he KNOWS without question that our first meet is strictly to meet and see if we like each other. I teypically keep it at a few hours even if I don’t have to be anywhere. There is respect to be gained when you set the proper expectations and even limits. You could have weeded him out much sooner just using those two guidelines.

    Tanya – stating in your headline and in your profile that you’re willing to travel is a great start. Make sure you have a passport now rather than trying to get one set up last minute. let them know what kind of travel interests you…domestic, international, long weekends or two weeks at a time, etc. Make sure you follow the guidelines I suggested above BEFORE you enter a LDA…it’s a long, long weekend if you find out he’s a wannabe. Lastly, reach out to men who’s profile is of interest and who live in areas you would like to visit. When you reach out, say “hi” and something significant about his area, but don’t indicate you are coming to town and want to meet him (screams of booty call). I’m sure icebreakers will come to you as you explore these profiles. I’ve found it easy to meet men who are willing to have long-distance arrangements.

    30-day challenge x 2 – One is to focus on all options. Second is to take this extra time to get NYC’s yogalicious body! Smokin!

  40. Yaz says:

    Mademoiselle~ I personally would not have taken his money ( the remaining portion of the allowance).
    Yes, intimacy is a normal and inevitable part of the arrangement but ask yourself this question
    ” Am I ready to always f..k on demand?”
    This is basically what this guy is expecting from you. He gives you money and you drop to your knees whenever he wants you to. That’s how escorts or prostitutes are treated not real sugar babies. The money or whatever else he promised to give you should not be the ONLY reason why you want to be with him or else you will never fully enjoy his company and will always grind your teeth when he asks you to sleep with him.

  41. NYC SB says:

    Mademoiselle – weren’t you the one whose pot offered 2k for a weekend of sex?
    I think that you should have discussed expectations with him prior to flying to meet him. He assumed that since he spoiled you it was your turn to spoil him… Unfortunately there is no such thing as free lunch.

    Are all men like this? No but they will always try to get some…it is up to you to manage their expectations

  42. Yaz says:

    Midwest~ I am sorry to hear that :( (((( hugs ))))

    I have never been in a situation like this but I know it can be quite hard especially when you are given such short notice….If you have acquired years of experience in your field, that could really help you when hunting for a job similar to the one you have. On the other hand, you can try something different for a while ( a job in another field) just to diversify your skills and become more attractive to potential employers…After I graduated and couldn’t find a job at first, I tried volunteering, paid or unpaid internships and even shadowed a friend who was working a job I wanted in my field. I did that for a few weeks. It kept me busy and I really learned a lot ( The key is to ask LOTS of questions, even the ones you think sound dumb)

    Anyways, I know your positive attitude and amazing personality will help you bounce back :)

  43. mademoiselle says:

    hey guys.. i had a CRAZZZYYYYY experience this weekend.

    i flew to miami to meet a potential. he was nice. he was very generous to me, without me having even met him yet. and the first night we met, he gave me some money to go shopping straight away. i didn’t even ask. he was just very thoughtful. i told him how much i appreciated him.

    when we got back to the hotel room, he told me, “take off all your clothes. i want to fk you.” WWWWWWTTTTTTTTFFFFFFF??????? i was so grossed out and felt sooooo disrespected that i told him i had my period and couldn’t! so he got mad and left, the next day told me he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore, sent his driver to take me to the airport with the rest of the allowance he had promised.

    my question: is it NORMAL to do sex on a first date???!!! he had already been generous to me, but sex would have come in its own time.. i don’t like being bought or anything like this! my friends told me that i should have just done it because i would have sooner or later, but i felt sooo gross and pressured that i lied about it to get out of it! PLEASE tell me not all guys are like this! he did hold up his end of the deal, but i am sooo weary now!

    HELP!

  44. NYC SB says:

    Sunny – way to go! You look great :)

    The beauty of the 30 day challenge is that it does not have to be fitness related … Currently mine is geared towards my trading … I am participating in a daily professional blog providing market analysis … Hopefully it gets published at least once :)

  45. Tanya says:

    Looking at my local SD’s and can not seem to find much of anything. Most are old accounts from centuries ago :)

    Any reccomendations from fellow SB’s, or anyone, on how to get a long distance SD to notice you and be interested in you traveling to him/ with him as part of the arrangement? Or even how to find those looking for long distance? I just don’t know where to start! They always tell me I am too far away and they want someone local.

    I appreciate any and all input!

  46. Sunny SB says:

    NC Gent: Thank You for the kind compliment.. I wasn’t fishing though! That was the beauty of her 30 day challenge..results that gave me my confidence back. It is funny how we perceive ourselves has a direct affect with our self esteem. When life got complicated I realized I was struggling with my confidence especially after a series of fakes to contend with. Taking on her challenge and sticking to it reminded me that I can accomplish anything if I have a little faith and hang in there. 😉

    Michael Alleycat: I had already came to the conclusion that you were more than a pretty face! :) It shows in your post on the blog and in the way that you cared for you SB who was ill. Quality always shows up if one pays attention and I put you in that category.

  47. @SunnySB –

    “@Michael Alleycat: Great body & a gorgeous face? Can get that anywhere.

    You may be able to find them anywhere, but if the inside is ugly then is the drama worth it? However, there is hope for us girls if we have the pretty face, and the inner beauty”

    Exactly my point. It is the inner beauty that is what makes or breaks the deal. If all the person has is a great body and a pretty face, then I am not interested. It is the inner beauty – charm, intelligence, wit, education, brains, personality, worldview etc etc etc that makes a person special, makes them attractive to me, and puts my teeth on edge.

    And I am more than just a pretty face too….

  48. NC Gent says:

    Wow — you look great Sunny! Nice work :)

  49. NYC SB says:

    Midwest – you can turn this situation into something awesome … You are one of the very few that can … Good time for a yoga challenge :p

  50. Sunny SB says:

    @ Guru: Thank You so much for the heads up! You are a true Gem!

    @ NYC SB : I just wanted to thank you for your 30 day challenge, although I did it in silent and partially through my time in fl. when it ended I had gotten into a routine and have continued on. I love the new tones and definition of my body but mostly I like what a confidence booster it has been for me. I find it amazing how when we are challenged by someone we have not met but who stuck to their goal of the 30 days how it can be such a motivation! I just wanted to let you know that this challenge made an incredible impact for me.. hit my blog NYC SB if you want to see my after pic.. still working on me though. 😉

    @Michael Alleycat: Great body & a gorgeous face? Can get that anywhere.

    You may be able to find them anywhere, but if the inside is ugly then is the drama worth it? However, there is hope for us girls if we have the pretty face, and the inner beauty as we can always take up NYC’s 30 day challenge and sculpt that hot body. 😉 I think the same rule applies to SD’s too.. so are you just another pretty face? :)

  51. Midwest SB says:

    Guru, NC, BiBaby – Thanks so much. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m good at embracing change.

    Michael – Then you can’t possibly have a good personality 😛

  52. Dandelion Wine says:

    Great body & a gorgeous face? Can get that anywhere.
    ——-
    You must be living in some different America! Lol

  53. NC Gent says:

    Hi Midwest — sorry about the job loss ** Hugs **

  54. Michael Alleycat says:

    @SD Guru – “but can you get her to sleep with you??”

    Absolutely. I have a great body & a gorgeous face as well. 😉

  55. BiBaby says:

    @Lily,

    I agree with the SD’s, I would think the attraction HAS to be on so much more than just the physical, I mean, animal lust is great but what the hell do you do with the OTHER 8 hours of your date?? Look at each other and go ummmmm….?

    Also for me at least, attraction develops. My current SD (well, we plan to be SB/SD later this week! *tee hee*) is growing on me, very much so. His photos didn’t do him justice and he has a sweet personality as well as a very obvious consideration of other people. I met with a guy the week before who would by traditional standards be considered a hottie, but he came off a bit arrogant, because he knows he is hot. It’s soooo much more attractive when a man has a little shyness about him and is caring…it’s like finding a jewel in the sandbox. :) The closer our meet is getting the more excited I am thinking about it because the total package is there.

    Conversely, being in my 30’s I know I’m not the hottest thing my SD could get…his allowance is generous and he has nice qualities to offer BUT I hope my naturally sunny personality and just being “into” him overall help make me more than just a pretty girl but rather a fun companion he can enjoy mentally and spiritually as well as physically. We’re both very intellectual and that commonality carries over into other departments. So to answer, I think you are far better growing into that attraction and having it develop rather than hanging your hat on the “wow” factor…that only lasts so long.

    @Midwest,
    Sorry about your job my friend….I’ve been unemployed since summer and I totally understand. It’s what’s pushed me into starting school back up–maybe a good thing after all since I’ll be more marketable once I graduate. Here’s sending good karma to you to find a new door to open for you in life & career. :)

  56. Midwest SB says:

    Lily – Good to hear! NYC will be lovely!

    Posing the question…I’ve rarely let physical appearance drive my interest in a man. I know that’s odd, but I guess I learned early on that the hotties are the ones who tend to be the players. A guy who can make me laugh, match my wit, has great, lifelong friends and trends toward geekiness wins my heart every time. That said, it’s the emotional and mental connection that wins me over.

    A-doc- mini breaks are a wonderful way to recharge. School is your first priority and the rest will fall into place.

    TexasSugah – So happy for you!!! I always say the ones you wait for are soooooo worth waiting for!

    It’s a sad day here…just got the news that I will be laid off by Friday…position eliminated. Time to clean, gather my thoughts and come up with a plan. Do I stay here or head to warmer places called home? Do I stay in this field? Do I take a year and finish school? What to do? What to do?

  57. @Lily – “if your desired SB didn’t lust for you physically in the beginning but was very fond of you in general and even ‘into you’ (mentally) enough to be quite genuinely excited about seeing you, exploring things between you two, etc., do you consider that enough foundation to continue the sugar journey and wait for the primal physical chemistry to come later?”

    Absolutely. It is the fondness, being ‘into me’, being excited to see me – this connection is what is going to make the arrangement last. If it is based on primal physical chemistry, it won’t last long. Well for me.

    The 1+1=omfg is when you get both – the fondness, being into me, excited to see me etc PLUS the primal physical attraction, that is the perfect wave.
    The physical desire comes from the mental & emotional connection.

    Great body & a gorgeous face? Can get that anywhere.

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB

      You’re the official salsa queen of the blog! :mrgreen:

      @Midwest SB

      I’m sorry to hear about your situation. 😥
      I hope you’ll look at it as an opportunity to open new doors and start the next chapter in your life and career. Good luck!

      @Michael
      Great body & a gorgeous face? Can get that anywhere.

      Of course, but can you get her to sleep with you?? 😆

      @Lily

      Let’s consider the reverse as well. What if a SD/SB is physically attracted to a pot, but doesn’t feel the connection initially?

  58. NC Gent says:

    Hi A-doc — if you agree to a number of times and amount of contact in exchange for a lower allowance, and the SD wants to exceed the agreement, it is time to have a conversation with him with a high probability of saying NEXT! I usually “check in” once or twice a week with a short text or email plus the contact to set up the meeting. I have had SBs who wanted more contact than that, but I let them take the lead on that.

    Lily – I recognize that physically, the SB may not be super excited about me, and that I will need to “grow” on her. I usually give it a bit for things to warm up. That is also why I like to have a little more contact with an SB before we meet, because it gives her an opportunity to see my personality. Also, I would much rather be with a sweet “6” than an entitled “10” any day, so it somewhat goes both ways. If the SB was just in it for the money (and that becomes fairly obvious eventually), I would say NEXT!

  59. The Lone Gunman says:

    Gooood Morning, Sugar Blog!

    Welcome to another Manic Monday!

    Lily raises an interesting point regarding levels of intimacy and desire in the Sugar World.

    TLG

  60. Lily says:

    Midwest – darling, I’m fine. I just get a little soap-boxy sometimes. Leaving the land of the ice & snow in precisely 1 week!

    Food for thought, answer if you like:

    As an SB, if you are not physically attracted to your SD in the beginning, but very mentally/intellectually/emotionally ‘into him,’ how does it usually play out? (i.e. your groin doesn’t tingle at the sight of him, but you are drawn to his mind and intrigued by him in general & would feel great disappointment to lose him altogether….)

    Out of curiosity, to you SDs: if your desired SB didn’t lust for you physically in the beginning but was very fond of you in general and even ‘into you’ (mentally) enough to be quite genuinely excited about seeing you, exploring things between you two, etc., do you consider that enough foundation to continue the sugar journey and wait for the primal physical chemistry to come later? Assuming she really does like you enough (& not just desperate/greedy for your money) that she’s decided she’d like to begin a sugar relationship and not hold out on physical affection, but just that she won’t be doing it out of physical desire on her part, at FIRST, but her desire to have physical desire for you, if that makes sense…..?

  61. aspiring doc says:

    hhh

  62. aspiring doc says:

    hmm

  63. Hey everybody – interesting weekend. My daughter had volleyball Saturday morning, then a sleepover Saturday night, so I was able to spend Sat night with #1, v cool time. Gotta love sugar, even tho she is still not fully better.

    Had dinner with some close friends tonight, loved it.

    On my mind is a good friend who is on her last legs. Nothing better than sharing those moments with close friends and family.

    G’night all. Hug your friends, kiss your family, and dream the good dream.

  64. aspiring doc says:

    sorry i cant seem to refresh without submitting a comment 😛

  65. BiBaby says:

    Wow I wish I knew back in college how to find an SD who would date me for 3 months without intimacy! When you are older and in the sugarbowl (30’s & up), it’s pretty much universally expected you will be sharing intimacy by the 2nd or 3rd date and allowance is rarely given in full before that time. I think more is expected and less slack is cut once you are a more mature woman.

    Though I have to admit SFCollegebaby, do you *want* to be intimate with your SD?? While I understand that a man would enjoy having a beautiful woman in his life, a woman in his life without sex is pretty much a wife in a lot of cases and I’d say easily half the SD’s here already get that at home so I can’t fathom why they would pay for that in the sugar world. Most trophy wives may not be still intimate with their husbands but most I know are still very attractive and a good catch by any standard. If you really like your SD, I would think you would want to spend time with him in that way rather than dodge what to you seems to be inevitable.

    I speak from experience, my prior arrangement I liked the gentleman but I really wasn’t looking forward to spending intimate time with him. The one I met this past week, I can’t explain it….he’s soooooo sweet and we just “clicked” even though the conversation wasn’t maybe as witty as with the pot I met days prior, but I just find him kind and handsome and very attractive. He’s also generous, I was fortunate to find someone who is on the same page as I am schedule & allowance-wise and even the discussion (which I always hate, but I try to be up front) he handled with grace and forthrightness. We completely agree on things and I’m actually really looking forward to our next meet a LOT!

    So in the end I am glad I have stuck out the search because I think it’s going to be amazingly better for both my SD & I that we are happy with everything starting out and are excited about the journey. If this works out which I really truly think it will, it will definitely be worth the patience to find a great SD and I hope I will help him feel the same way about finding me too. :)

  66. SFCollegebaby says:

    Oops, hit submit prematurely. But anyway,glad everyone just about seems to be having some luck in the sugar world. Once again, any sbs in SF? I am so bored and don’t know what to do with myself.

  67. SFCollegebaby says:

    Oops, hit submit prematurely. But anyway,glad everyone just about seems to be having some luck in the sugar world. Once again, any sbs in SF? I am so bored and don’t know what to do with myself.oops

  68. SFCollegebaby says:

    Hello everyone,

    Seems like many of us have found sds, or are at least starting to get out of the dry spell that overcame this blog a while back.

    I am very lonely. It’s weird b/c although I have a great sd and life is much diff now, I’m almost missing the old life. I feel like I have a bunch of “stuff” but idk. Now that I live alone, my little sis isn’t around to annoy me, and I barely see my sd which is probably good..lol.

    Its’s going on a little past 3 months and still no intimacy so at this point, it kinda feels like he is ok with it and it may not happen, especially since he hasn’t even complained.I guess that’s a good thing b/c I think it’s great having a guy around who will be there and not expect sex in return, as I’m sure a sugardaddy would be happy to have the companyof a beautiful girl without her needing anything. BUT I know that contradicts the whole sd/sb thing I guess…just saying though.

  69. aspiring doc says:

    k

  70. NYC SB says:

    A doc – a mini sugar retirement is something we all need … You have been through a lot so take your time, keep the lessons you learned close and don’t repeat them :) I’m sure soon enough you will find someone awesome … Whenever you are ready

  71. aspiring doc says:

    @ NC gent and DW: the worst is the sd’s who agree to a lower allowance on time and then text you insesantly and want to meet more than agreed. How do you nicely say that your time isnt being compensated 😛

    In other words- im still dont have the guts to reenter the sugar world just yet. maybe ill wait till the semester ends. this has been my worst semester as is, cant afford any more!

  72. Alleycat says:

    @Gemi – skype is ok but make sure you have a decent webcam and good lighting. A crappy webcAm and poor lighting makes anybody look horrible. Make sure you have no overhead lifting, makes you look like a ghoul. Best is outdoor lighting, morning or evening. Or diffused indoor lighting Make sure the background is uncluttered. In thie call, it’s all about appearances and it is more difficult took great on camera.

  73. Bela says:

    I’ve never Skyped with a pot, but it doesn’t mean I’m against it. I just usually use mine with international friends or family. If they try to get tacky on you, cut them off. Treating it like a pre-meeting isn’t a bad idea. From the check point of view, it saves you the hassle of getting completely dolled up for nothing.

  74. Gemi says:

    Hey sugar girls and guys…. quick question for the blog… what are ya’lls opinion on skyping?? I’ve had SO so so so many guys send a quick email back and then ask if I’ll skype with them. Normally I’m very turned off by this, it stinks of webcam and I like to chat with a guy through email first before I decide to meet them. Skype just seems like a way to do a “meet” on the cheap. Am I right or should I give it a try?? Opinions please!

  75. Bela says:

    Happy Sunday, All! Enjoying your “extra” hour?
    Long week, but things have been good. I see great things have happened for some (yay, Arctic.) Next week is going to be crazy, but I’ll be happy to get home. I’ll be able to put more effort into finding a good SD.

    Carebear – Why turn and run? Maintaining your poise and not reacting would have been so cool!!!

  76. TexaSugah says:

    Hello all..

    My goodness there’s a lot to catch up on. It’s like missing your favorite soap for a few months and wondering who are all the new people. I’m looking forward to finding out what’s going on with the new people and the “vets”

    I hope everyone’s weekend is a great as mine! I finally met my sugar from SA. We started chatting way back in May. Never had a chance to meet because of my life. Now that things are back to normal he came to see me.

    Totally worth it. He is awesome! We were together from about 11-9 yesterday. He’s witty, sometimes a bit silly and open. I just loved it. He’s all about helping me in more ways than just $$ but also knowledge. That’s one thing I value more.

    I’m very excited about us getting together. Well worth the wait.

    TS

  77. Sara says:

    Hey Sugar fam,

    I have been crazy busy and not in the best mood. How is everyone doing?

  78. The Lone Gunman says:

    Goooood Morning, Sugar Blog!

    It’s Sleepy Sunday, where everyone will claim that they didn’t reset their clocks last night.

    How was your Saturday night? Filled with sweetness–and is it continuing through today?

    TLG

  79. Yaz says:

    I always miss all the fun :(

  80. Lily says:

    And then there were FIVE, sniff sniff. Down to carebear, muse, NYC SB, MindyNYC, and me. NM, you and Yaz will be missed!

  81. Naughty Molly says:

    Lily – I’m sorry to say that I won’t be able to be the 7th sister. I have to go out of town…

  82. Midwest SB says:

    Evening sugars!

    Lily- everything ok dearie? I sense a little tension in that typically syrupy tone of yours.

    Salsa must have been the dance of choice this weekend! :-)

    Gemi, Bostonhoney, Stormcat, A-doc – so glad all of you are back!

    It took an hour and a lot of opinions came and went while trying to catch up. I can summarize it this way:
    I like giving people the benefit of a doubt ranging from hit-run posts to wannabe SDs to love and the sugar bowl. What’s the harm in extending that courtesy rather than taking the mode of defense/criticism? The good news is that we have each other…we share, we learn, we support, we make mistakes and we offer consolations.

    Stormcat – Don’t lose yourself in all of this. You have to love who you are and it comes back tenfold.

    Danni – (disclaimer – this is more relationship-comment than sugar-comment) It’s just as easy to fall for a rich bf as it is a broke bf. I know you can’t always pick, but ask yourself what you consider your “haves” and “have nots”, then meet the man who fits within those guidelines. Since they are guidelines, you have some flexibility, but this bf sounds like he doesn’t fit into your overall goal.

  83. NYC SB says:

    Stephan – you will be missed :)

  84. stephan says:

    Lily: Consider me a proud and humble honorary sugar sister! 😀
    I won’t be able to make the upcoming SSS meet, but am going to be there in spirit. The blog gods have granted their sugar blessings to this union of sugar sisters, and it will be fabulous.

  85. Lily says:

    BiBaby – I have no idea what we disagreed about! :)

  86. Alleycat says:

    What was his wife like?

  87. BiBaby says:

    @Gemi,

    Yes I understand about the crass comments, I took my profile down (temporarily but hopefully longer term, as I am negotiating an arrangement this week with a great SD, yippee!) and yet I STILL got a naughty email, this one was a one-liner that explained some unrepeatable things and bodily functions involving me, him, and my wedding ring. *sigh*

    I mean, come on (no pun intended!),…really? And weirder, this guy’s profile spoke about how respectful he is!! Makes you wonder!

    @Lily,
    You’re free to disagree, it’s totally cool and we all love you anyway. I started my journey on this blog being a target of opportunity for ToughLove so I feel the pain for anyone in those definitely-not-Louboutin shoes!

    I’m hoping this most recent meet will turn into a bona-fide arrangement, so far, so good. If it does, it was totally worth the wait, wonderful nice gentleman closer to me in age than the last 2 and so far has been so polite and considerate. He’s even cute! Which is nice because my good mood and the things we have in common are genuine. I’m even studying graduate work in his field! So I may have a study buddy soon, who knows? So if this is the real deal, I’m completely ok with things not working out on the last 2 because they pale in comparison with what I could have had.

    Not counting my chickens yet but it’s nice to feel like things might work out and that when one door closes its because maybe a better window is opening up….

  88. Gemi says:

    Dandlion Wine and Lily – Thought the same thing myself. Guess we’ll never know 😉

    Carebear: OH. MY. GOD. yeah I probably would have turned and ran too. little bit too close for comfort, its probably why I seek men who don’t live anywhere near my hometown. The fear of running into them (and the mainstays of their IRL life) in public. Did HE see you??

  89. carebear says:

    Need to catch up on the blog in a bit but had to sign on and say OMG just walked into the drug store and my pot sd for wed and his wife were RIGHT there omg I turned and ran. Second IRL spotting this week!!!!

  90. NC Gent says:

    Hi DW – re: allowance — I agree with you — a higher allowance means more expectations. My cash allowance is on the lower end, but I also provide travel opportunities. I also only want to see my SB one or two nights a month. My allowance amount has only been an issue once or twice. I agree that a higher allowance likely provides more opportunities, but it comes with more expectations. I doubt that QRS SBs choose their SD on allowance range alone – I suspect they weigh in on expectations.

  91. Stormcat says:

    @Sunny – Thank you for your encouraging thoughts. Also the hug was especially poignant at this juncture.

    @BostonHoney – For many years, grandiosity is something I’ve been trying to mollify. To embrace it . . . ??? What a tempting idea!!!

    @Alleycat – This year a new spirit appeared in my totum, having the animal archetype of the hawk, and I have been struggleing, ever since, to find out what it is trying to teach me. I’ve noted the obvious features of my new spirit, like fierceness, intelligence, keen vision, power of observation, and the ability to soar. But I already understood the need for those characteristics. So I keep asking myself, why now and why does this particular animal keep appearing to me so dramatically. Slowly I start to understand its teachings. But, even as I’ve learned, I’ve realized that there is so much that I still don’t know. One thing of possible relevance . . . I have always had a fear of living and dying alone! Yet the harder I try to obtain consistent companionship, the more it eludes me. Suddenly, I noted that, for the most part, the hawk maintains a solitary life. It lives, hunts, and soars alone! Seldom in the company of another. Even as it mates it still spends most of its time in solitude, separated from its mate. That is one of the things that this spirit is teaching me. To not just accept but to embrace solitude. To revel in it. I think the relevance is that in order for me to divest from the outcome of any attempt to have companionship I must first become truly solitary.

    @SD Guru – Right you are! Sarcastic or not, some verse is in order.
    For you, my friend . . .

    The SD Bane

    They cultivate a lifestyle
    Harvest sweet surrender
    Mining from the nectar flower
    To precious golden honey render

    But silent hopeful beasts afield
    shall scavenge from the offered price
    Opportunists in the shadows
    Beyond range of their destructive vice

    Autumn colors never fade
    They simply float away
    Extracted from the treetops
    Replaced with cold and grey

  92. Lily says:

    I definitely thought it sounded male, too, Dandy.

  93. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily, I’m with you on getting the odd vibe from the story, but I’d guess it more as a gentleman with a fantasy posing as a young girl, rather than site administrators XD

  94. Dandelion Wine says:

    Would a SD who is willing to provide 1k/month allowance have more or less choices than a SD who is willing to provide 5k/month allowance? Conversely, would a SB who is looking for 1k/month allowance have more or less choices than a SB who is looking for 5k/month allowance?
    ——————–
    An allowance is not charity, there’s a set of l expectations that goes with it, and the higher the allowance, the higher are expectations (usually).
    The number alone doesn’t paint a picture, a 100k a year just for showing up and maybe answering a call or 2 would definitely generate a lot more competition than a 100k a year for an ivy phd in math/physics as a quant for a hedge fund (with no bonus).

  95. Lily says:

    Yes! Your last three sentences. Exactly what I meant, you understood my point perfectly. You know, I’ve never met you live. Wanna be an honorary sugar sister in ten days at the SSS? You already know at least two of the participants in person, and the booze is paid for by our drink sponsor. :)

  96. stephan says:

    Lilly: Helloooo my friend :) Your comment piqued my interest as it brought up a very interesting topic:

    “There have been quite a few similar ‘first timer’ posts this autumn, ending with this soliloquy from Danni about her ‘pie in the sky’ perfect and enviable situation as an SB, which sounds only like a promo ad for this site to attempt to encourage 18-25 year old sexually-inexperienced students from upper class backgrounds to join this site (gee, I wonder if the site would benefit from an influx of that ‘somewhat desirable to SD’ demographic onto the membership roster? 😉 ).”

    But just to clarify, I promise you if anyone is making fake posts on this blog, it’s not anyone from SA. Yet it’s hard to really verify anyone’s stories on the blog. Perhaps it’s trust most of all that makes a post more or less real. Or at least, trust for the poster has something to do with its ‘realness’.

    When someone shares an experiences that has highs and lows, and isn’t a picture perfect arrangement, it may garner more trust for that poster because of the vulnerability in sharing their bad experiences and maybe some faults, as well.

    When someone has been posting for months or maybe even years, that is another way they may garner more trust and wouldn’t be doubted as ‘fake’.

    But I can think of many ways that a comment may come through that doesn’t have either of the two ingredients above, yet still may be, at least from the posters perspective, ‘real’. Maybe the poster isn’t as emotionally capable of being as vulnerable with sharing their faults, or fears, or doubts, as some others do here at the time they write their comment, but as far as the likelihood of it being written by a ‘real’ person; I don’t feel that’s necessarily justified based on the content of a post or the duration of a posters activity on the blog.

    All that said, yes, there have been spam comments made by sugar daddy sites on this blog – but by competing sugar sites, and that’s only happened a few times and those comments were deleted.

    Anywho, interesting to look at why someone comes off as more or less fake not only on the blog, but as sugar daddies or sugar babies in general. It’s definitely important to trust your gut, as well as any of the indicators you mentioned, Lilly. Cuz I agree, I have less faith in comments that paint too rosy a picture. I mean, sometimes I chalk it up to someone trying to be very positive and spread their sugar sweet positivity, but other times it does seem that some of the posts you mentioned, that are by first timers, are kinda like a ‘hit and run’ – kind of, as if the poster is just testing the blog, or trying to get a little ego boost. It’s when things sound almost too easy that it might seem less genuine sometimes too maybe.

  97. Gemi says:

    Alleycat- Have fun tonight! I bet she’s as excited to see you as you are seeing her.

  98. @SD Guru – “If your #1 has been sick for a month and you still gave her the allowance, then you’re a better SD than most. Hang in there!”

    Yes I did, and yes I am hanging in there. And yes, I am looking forward to seeing her tonight.

  99. Gemi says:

    Morning sugars! DAMNIT. AFTERNOON SUGARS!!! lololol

    Not that my night was too rambunctious or anything.

    The sugar search is going pretty interesting…. I think its been a week since I put up my new profile, and I have a few pots that I’m VERY interested in and (hopefully) will be meeting soon. I have a fave for now, but as we all know, eggs are not chickens until they hatch.

    Am still fielding the categorically crass and photo collector emails. One guy just sent me an email that had my jaw dropping and I swear I turned red. Seriously, on what planet is it ok to ask these kind of questions in a FIRST MESSAGE?? LOL Its like one nice pot will email me, and then 5 awful pots. It doesn’t take rocket science to realize that mentioning sex or any part of your (or my) anatomy that is normally hidden from view in the first email normally isn’t the best way to strike up a conversation. Unless one just enjoys hearing “ew” and “go away”. I know it might take me awhile to find a perfect fit for me, and I’m ok with that, but lordy trying to field out the icks! lolololol

  100. NYC SB says:

    Guru- Salsa dancing 😉

  101. ARCTIC SD says:

    A doc – so nice to hear from you. Do not stop partying. Keep going and live life to the fullest.

  102. ARCTIC SD says:

    Lily – from the end of one SB to starting another took me about 3 weeks, not a few days. I sent out/received interests about 20 or so profiles and screened them down to 5 pots whom I met all of them for coffee. I eventually settled and went for a second date and then some with the graduating pot this evening.

    At the end of the day, I tend to agree with you that the sugar world is tilted a bit more in favour to SDs but I believe the key is the amount of sugar stated. I second SD Guru’s post about the ratio issue.

  103. Alleycat says:

    Yay A-doc!!! Good to hear you sounding so happy.

  104. Anna Molly says:

    TLG ~ I liked that! What an interesting greeting…lol

  105. aspiring doc says:

    Hey blog

    well first round of exams done. just assignments and clinical and then SUMMER!!!!

    my friend and I had a rather comedical night, we were working on our assignments at her place and decided we would shout ourselfs italian for dinner….went to a place on ‘eastern beach’. The owner/manager there was bantering with us all night……and me being me, i had to get the one up on him. the clientele was mostly older couples and they obviously found the whole thing quite amusing. Free dessert wine, and dessert on the house :P.

    He then invites us to go salsing with him and the head chef— he was palenstinian and sooo gorgeus (in a manly kind of way!:P) so we head to her house, throw on the dresses and heels… head out to town and salsa it up …… 😛 We danced nonstop until our heads started getting dizzy from spinning . Was so nice to have fun and feel sexy and desirable again 😉
    maybe a normal night for some….but first partying night in a long time :).

    Hope everyone is well. blog is sooo long!!!!
    congrats artic!!!

  106. Quick question: if you block someone does it take you off their favorites list? I deleted my profile and made a new one and an sd that was at odds with found me AGAIN. He won’t leave me alone.. What a stalker. He’s the one that wanted sex before an arrangement.

  107. The Lone Gunman says:

    Continuing with my silly mind-set this morning:

    ARCTIC SD says:

    …I am starting my sugar arrangement this evening with my latest pot (I guess she will be graduated to a SB after this evening, lol!)…

    Will she be wearing the traditional graduation garb of LBs and LBD? 😉

    TLG

  108. Anna Molly says:

    It’s Saturday!! Yay!

    Dave Matthews was AMAZING!!! What a great concert!!! I see why people go to more than one show a year 😀

    Congrats Artic! 😀

    Hello everyone!

  109. The Lone Gunman says:

    I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording:

    “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.

    I am making some changes in my life.

    Please leave a message after the beep.

    If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

    TLG

  110. danni says:

    Yaz: I’m with you and I’m glad Bibaby is confident now. I guess my private education gave me a confidence in myself and also how to handle myself in social situations. I guess they would be shocked how I have used it but also a little of schmoozing older men. On the other hand it ensured that my sexual experience was minimal, less than many of my new university friends, and that was definitely part of what I wanted from this site. With older, experienced, considerate men I can’t say I ever had any difficulty knowing intuitively how to respond. I’ve certainly had no complaints but its true, experience most definitely helps. I’m getting plenty of wonderful experience and I’m pretty confident my SDs are enjoying themselves more as a result.

    SD guru: I registered with this sit not long after leaving school and was meeting pots fairly soon and was very lucky that I had my first SD before I even started university and the second as I started, so one for 3 and one for 2 months, so not long really but they both seem very keen to continue and I’m optimistic. I have had a few dates with other pots and even been to bed with a couple of them but for one reason or another wont be seeing any of them again. I do however fully intend to keep looking. Its just such fun meeting these successful older men, I love their attentiveness and it gives me real boost to my confidence to receive such attention from men so much older and so much more socially and financially established than a student. Of course I know they all want to get me into bed and I don’t suppose it will come as news to most of the women on here that being taken out to dinner in a lovely restaurant with a successful wealthy man, flirting a little with him and watching his efforts to charm and seduce me is a bit of a thrill and such a delicious reversal of normal power relations. And if I fancy him, flirting with him and allowing him to become progressively more optimistic about his prospects after dinner is such a turn on.

    I really don’t know how typical my experiences are, but I guess I have been very fortunate. I have told a couple of my best friends and uni about seeking and they have both joined and are starting to meet pots so its certainly possible to meet and I really hope they are as lucky as me. And good luck to the rest of the SBs in the sugarbowl.

    I know full well they want to get me into bed and I

  111. Lily says:

    BTW, posts from first timers who come on, Danni-style, to relay hard to believe sugar success stories, and then vanish, really bore me.

    Remember that girl who started an threesome arrangement with her best friend on his boat a few weeks ago, supposedly for the 3 of them to meet twice a week and they were both promised a very high allowance? Where is she now?

    There have been quite a few similar ‘first timer’ posts this autumn, ending with this soliloquy from Danni about her ‘pie in the sky’ perfect and enviable situation as an SB, which sounds only like a promo ad for this site to attempt to encourage 18-25 year old sexually-inexperienced students from upper class backgrounds to join this site (gee, I wonder if the site would benefit from an influx of that ‘somewhat desirable to SD’ demographic onto the membership roster? 😉 ).

    Seriously, I hate brag-posts from brand new posters and which almost never ‘ring true’ as genuine blogging from real people who deal with the imperfect sugarbowl, in our real but flawed world.

    I am, however, thrilled to read posts which ring true (as real people sharing their experiences) are reporting their successes (preferrably not in the first and only post they ever contribute to this blog!). It’s especially lovely when they have been ‘hard won’ successes, and we hear about them _after_ we’ve already been cheering them on through their journey for at least a little while. Love to root for real sugars finding real sweetness.

  112. Lily says:

    Congratulations, Arctic! Your experience (as a warm, reliable, genuine SD offering what I’m certain is an attractive allowance) of getting into another arrangement in a few days after the end of your last one just illustrates the point that SDs on this site have the odds tilted in their favor and don’t need to search for long to find a commitment from a sugar partner.

    I know of many SBs on this site and IRL who are the ‘real deal’ on the SB side of a great arrangement, who spend weeks, months, and sometimes even a year without finding a single gentleman to step into their lives and commit to a real arrangement with them.

    I know there are a few blog SDs who disagree with this, but a few exceptions (and their personal experience could be easily explained by some single source, i.e., extremely picky tastes)…only prove the rule.

    They are interesting stories, though, and I hope that the woes of the ‘exception SDs’ who don’t lead a charmed existence as they navigate the sugar world continue to post on the blog, as their stories are novel, out-of-the-ordinary discussion fodder.

    Raise your hand if you have never, ever posted on this blog under an alias in order to stir the pot or speak your mind anonymously (how freakin brave)?

    ´´´waves hand frantically´´´´

    That is just so childish and immature, to do so. Can I get an amen?

    I myself have been criticized by anonymous aliases (and even ganged up on by what appeared to be several personas at once) on this blog, but I’ve always answered in a calm & intelligent (I like to believe, anyway) manner, with my moniker attached, and, while answering them, let comments (the rude or ridiculous, anyway) roll off my back. I don’t let others’ opinions and ruffled feathers bother me in the least, as I know my actions come from a good place, and the people I know IRL (and, dare I say, online?) are better off for knowing me or having known me. Any bad attitude can only stem from a chip-on-shoulder, false assumptions, or whatever other garbage that’s not of interest to me, I am certain. So why should I care? I don’t understand how people feel that their words on a public blog like this hold any credibility or value to anyone unless they’ve first established their persona over time to be consistent and intelligent. I just skip past flames by anonymous trolls or laugh at it. I guess they continue to do so if others EVER take their bait. So I encourage everyone to have a zero tolerance policy to such behavior and to 100% such posts, so they don’t get what they seek & they give up and leave us to our rational discussion amongst regular contributors (I like hearing from new people, IF they stick around or they have something to say that “rings true” and sounds credible).

    Sorry for the long post!

  113. ARCTIC SD says:

    After 4 dates and lots of fun and laughter in 1 week, I am starting my sugar arrangement this evening with my latest pot (I guess she will be graduated to a SB after this evening, lol!), over a nice candle light dinner at my favourite Italian restaurant.

    My last crazy SB is now a blur, her history faded into my inner recess of past memories.

    Christina – there are a few legit Canadian SDs from east coast to the west coast that I know of through my Canadian SB friends but the country is so wide you should concentrate on seeking pot SDs on both sides of the border nearer to you rather than just Canada. I am in Habs country and if you are at Vancouver, I am way further away from you than Seattle or San Frencisco. Like SD Guru said, your location is more important than the country in mind. Good luck in your search.

  114. Yaz says:

    BiBaby~ I am in my early twenties but I think I am doing ok in that department… 😉
    I do agree that experience does help a lot.

  115. Christina says:

    Hello To All!!!
    I am quite new to this… I’ve only had 1 SD and met him through a friend, this is my first time branching out online to do this kind of thing.
    I am looking for some advice in general about the online world of sugar dating.

    I just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE reading the blog’s they are fabulous. I have a question thought, I am not sure this is the place to ask but here it is. O.K I am Canadian and i reside in Canada (lol obviously) So would I be better off looking for another canadian sugar daddy to start rather an American…? Someone who has wondered the same or done the same, answers (anything) much appreciated.

  116. Sunny SB says:

    @So… Wow.. I had to go back in the blogs to see what I said that offended you.. and actually I do not have a mean nature so am rather confused.. I was not in any way attacking you and only was trying to share what I had learned to keep profile often in the featured category. None the less, I humbly apologize .

    @ all.. think I am going to take a break from the blogs for awhile.

    Sugary Dreams to all.

    • SD Guru says:

      So much interesting stuff to get to in the blog, so little time. Not to mention the night of partying with my sugar friends which will take the whole weekend for me to recover…

      First, I’d like to remind those who drop in the blog periodically under different screen names for the sole purpose of inciting flames… your action is not welcome here and you will be removed. You know who you are.

      Now onto the more interesting stuff, sorry for the long post!

      @Danni

      Thanks for sharing your situation with the blog, you’re very lucky indeed. The finer things in life, financial assistance, and great sex, what else could a SB ask for! How long have your sugar relationships lasted so far, and do you consider your experience typical?

      @Christina
      would I be better off looking for another canadian sugar daddy to start rather an American…?

      Where in Canada are you located? Location is one of the key factors in the sugar world. Some are successful because of it, and some are successful despite it. There are several Canadian SD/SB’s in the blog who should be able share their experiences with you.

      @Sunny SB

      You shouldn’t let someone else’s attitude bother you too much, so I hope you’re just taking a short break. 😉

      Re: Ratio of SB vs SD
      As we’ve heard SD Guru state many times, the # of women seeking an allowance far exceeds the number of men willing to provide one.
      To parallel SD guru’s (flawed) argument, the amount of men willing to sleep with SBs is far greater than the amount of SBs

      People actually remember what I said around here?? :)

      Without getting into semantics and flawed arguments, let’s consider this. It seems pretty clear that the number of SD’s who are willing to provide an allowance isn’t growing anywhere nearly as fast as the number of SB’s who are on the site to seek them. Even after you take into account the fakes and flakes on both sides, no matter how you slice it the odds should still be in SD’s favor.

      Here’s another way to look at this. Would a SD who is willing to provide 1k/month allowance have more or less choices than a SD who is willing to provide 5k/month allowance? Conversely, would a SB who is looking for 1k/month allowance have more or less choices than a SB who is looking for 5k/month allowance?

      @Lily’s dissertation
      I believe that NSA also means you can keep your everyday life SEPARATE & aren’t obliged to discuss & disclose every little detail of your personal life.

      Whether the SD/SB is married or single, NSA means that they have separate lives when they’re not together. I suppose there are SD’s who expect exclusivity from their SB (ie no other SD’s), but if it’s NSA then she should be free to pursue other relationships IRL. However, if monogamy is expected, then the relationship is no longer NSA.

      @Michael

      If your #1 has been sick for a month and you still gave her the allowance, then you’re a better SD than most. Hang in there!

      @Stormcat

      I thought by now you would have wrote a song based on the post you wrote! :) Knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two different things. That’s where will power comes in whether it’s related to money or emotions.

      @MissMilanDC
      He removed his profile to show he was serious (sweetest gesture) I’ve also removed mine but I will continuously check the blog

      I’m glad your first meet with Mr X exceeded your expectations. Removing one’s profile after a first meet may seem like a sweet gesture, but in reality it might be putting the cart before the horse. I hope both sides will be able to do what they said they’ll do in the arrangement and build trust over time. I’m sure you’ve seen these sayings in the blog before: “don’t count your chickens before they hatch”, and “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

  117. Sunny SB says:

    @carebear: got the email, wish I was as photogenic as you 😉 love your sassy profile!

    @So all I meant by my comment is often it helps to come up early in a search so by updating you keep yourself at the top. I had tried another website in the beginning but for me this one has been successful so I do not mess with the others now. We all have preferences but I prefer SA.

    @ Bibaby: says”all I can say is the older a woman gets, the more she knows what to do with what she’s got…as well as what her SD has.”

    And sunny bows down to Bibaby on this comment as so well spoken!!! I so agree with you ..when I was in my 20’s I was just learning how to please and just like a well aged wine it does get better with age.. I think we also learn how to appreciate what is done for us instead of take it for granted as well.

  118. BiBaby says:

    I had a wonderful sugar lunch today!!!!! And plans for next week!

    Totally made the last few meetings worth it. :) *humms*

  119. carebear says:

    Attitude is not neccessary girlfriiiieend

  120. BiBaby says:

    @Lily,

    Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

    I do hope her experience is a genuine and good one for her if real, I do remember when I was 18 or 20, I had NO idea what to do with a man in the way I do now in my 30’s so more power to the younger ladies who seek to please their companions…all I can say is the older a woman gets, the more she knows what to do with what she’s got…as well as what her SD has. 😉

  121. Lily says:

    Sheesh, was that a promotional spot that SA just placed on our blog?

  122. danni says:

    I joined this site in the summer after leaving school and before I started university in London. I sort of had some ideas about why I was joining and what I wanted from the site but things have become a lot clearer since.

    Though my parents paid for me to go to a private school the economic downturn has not been kind to them and they have not been able to provide me with as much financial support as I would have liked so obviously being taken on dates to luxury restaurants, shopping trips and financial assistance was a very attractive prospect

    I went to a small private girls school in a very rural area and so lived a very secluded life and had little opportunity to meet men during term time. I had had a couple of boy friend but nothing very serious and we had only ever been able to meet in school holidays so could hardly claim to have much experience of men but I definitely knew I wanted to gain more and I also knew that I had a very distinct preference for older men.

    I got a great many messages for quite a long time and found it all rather overwhelming at first. I quickly realised that many of the men contacting me were unsuitable for one or more reasons and gradually became more expert at selecting those to whom I responded. I worked pretty hard at it because I realised that I would be much better off with a good SD than taking a part time job.

    I met several men for coffee but did not take things any further with the first few then I met a delightful man who was sophisticated, successful, charming, seemed genuinely interested in me and was clearly wealthy and seemed that he might be generous. He was married but that suited me as I didn’t want someone becoming possessive or clingy.

    I’ve had no significant emotional difficulties or problems in the sugar bowl. At first I found some men rude and crude and I rather resented being ignored by men I’d been corresponding with but I soon got over this and have had no problems since.

    I’ve now got two SDs and unlike most of my friends who are dating other students I have fabulous dates, I go to luxury restaurants and eat fabulous food and drink wonderful wine while my friends are lucky to get a trip to Burger King. When I go out I wear a selection, a growing selection, of slinky dresses, wonderful shoes and sexy lingerie that my SDs have bought for me. Many of my bills have been paid for me and I have had spare cash in my pocket while my friends are running up debts.

    Then of course there’s the sex. The sex I was so desperate to experience. My friends are either not getting any or have some fumbling teenage guy rushing through things. Once or twice a week I am taken out on a lovely date with an interesting entertaining charming older guy who is flattered to be out with a girl less than half his age and then taken to a luxury hotel where I have fantastic sex. One of my SD’s makes delicate, caressing love to me, the other is more lively, adventurous and vigorous. Both are extremely considerate, both make great efforts to please me and ensure I almost invariably orgasm, usually many times. Neither are having much sex with their wives and are both are very driven successful men with a high sex drive so I have a wonderful time satisfying their desires and needs.

    I’m a very lucky girl and I work hard to ensure that I offer my SDs what they want and desire from a SB, I am having a wonderful time and intend to make it all last as long as possible.

  123. carebear says:

    Sunny-you have mail

    Connecticut finally has a governor! That only took all week.

  124. Sunny SB says:

    @ Belle Sugar Baby: I so agree with NY Gent… you are not wrong! A sugar relationship needs an element of trust and one way a Pot SD helps us to trust is by making the obstacle of a sexual connection easier for us my showing good faith and offering an arrangement and giving the first installment of the arrangement before the sugar games. This may sound harsh especially coming from me but I do not do try outs.. or P4P as I need to have a mutual connection with my SD. Good for you to be a such a smart woman to say NEXT!

    @ Carebear: hugs to you.. it is heartwarming to know that I am not the only one who thinks quality of a SD or SB plays into the equation. I was just asked if I thought that lack of quality often plays a part into those that just go Poof or make an arrangement and then do not follow through with their promise of an allowance. I really think that often a SB gets to feeling so desperate in this economy that she throws out common sense and gut feelings and gives in. I refuse to abandon my standards too as when it is a SD of quality the sugar is just sooooo sweet!!;)

    Carebear: I changed my profile, contact me on my blog (email) so I can send you profile number and tell me what you think.. I am happy with profile but not so much with pics.

  125. Sunny SB says:

    @ So: I recently learned it is not the quantity of messages received but the quality of those sending the messages. You may want to update your profile, change it in some way so that it puts you back towards the top in the searches. I recently deleted my account and resigned up with a new profile and have chosen a premium account simply to see who has viewed my profile but also show that I am willing to invest that small amount as I am serious about my sugar search. Today I have had only 9 views.. no emails as of yet and my new profile is up.. and have sent out one email and as of yet no reply but due to location I actually do not expect him to answer back. So do not give up.

  126. NYGent says:

    BellSugar: you are not wrong.

  127. carebear says:

    molly-for some reason i had it in my head that he was headed to phili, so i thought maybe thats where you were seeing him. i’ve never been up to saratoga, but i’ve heard the venue for shows is super cool!

    michael-have seen the movie, still unsure how i feel about the comparison

    in response to quality vs quantity (something sunny funny has been talking about on her blog), i think those of us that are serious about this type of relationship have noticed a huge dip in quality. recession or not, i refuse to abandon my standards, and that has helped me through the narrowing-down process greatly. as long as you stay true to yourself, then you will most likely find someone that works out. if you don’t and decide to give up, then this probably isn’t as important to you as you think.

    sometimes i think we humans can ‘search’ a little too hard and get needy and desperate and throw our expectations out of whack. remember it IS a game, and we all seem to think we’re pretty good players…until we’re not winning. =)

    —feeling pretty special that PDJ emailed me—- 😉

  128. Hello everyone.. After a long pause in my search with a so called sd, I’m back on the blogs. He told me that if I thought he was going to start allowances before sleeping with me, I was mistaken. So I told him off and went on my way. Is it wrong of me to believe that a real and respectful sd would begin an arrangement and allowance before expecting sexual gratification?

  129. NYGent says:

    I agree with NC. The #’s are still generally in SDs’ favor in terms of supply/demand, but not nearly to the degree commonly thought. Lots of fake SDs who won’t actually pay an allowance, and lots of SBs who are either escorts or mere curiosity-seekers who, when push comes to shove, can’t go through with it.

  130. NC Gent says:

    I actually think the ratio of quality, realistic and serious (QRS) SBs to QRS SDs is more likely about 2 or 3 to 1. I scour tons of profiles, but message very few. The response rate on emails that I send is about 30 percent. If there was such a dearth of SDs out there, one would think the response rate would be much higher. A few years ago my response rate was more like 75 percent. Perhaps I am no longer perceived to be QRS SD! I rationalize and attribute the drop in response rate to my pickiness — the SBs that I choose to message are probably getting a lot of messages, and can therefore be more choosy. Still, the most important factors in getting a response…. proximity, in both age and geographic location…. the closer the more likely there is to be a response… not shocking by any means.

  131. Lily says:

    It’s a recession (ok they say it’s over but I still feel it!) There are tons of girls trying their hat at the sugar world and everything I understand is that no matter how special the SB, she has to find a receptive audience to appreciate her & when the SB pool becomes infiltrated with high volume, all the subsequent power thrown into the hands of the much smaller pool of men will corrupt many of them until they are ruined, and only want plenty without investing in or even noticing much in the one lady in front of him; because there’s always the smorgasbord to return to, theoretically, and no point in not being arrogant, entitled, and obsessed with scoring free test drives like it’s the coolest game since grand theft auto.

  132. Dandelion Wine says:

    Number of people, not amount, yikes!

  133. Sunny SB says:

    @ Dandelion Wine: Well said! Although there are lots of SB profiles out there.. it can also be noted that many of these are not sure they even want to be SB’s and after realizing what is involved in the sugar world they actually are just simply looking to be an escort more than a sugar babe.

  134. Sunny SB says:

    @ Michael Alleycat: Good to hear that you get to see your #1 this weekend. 😉 Sometimes a mix of all three can give you the perfect blend in a very sugary way.

  135. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily says:
    November 5, 2010 at 8:10 am
    As we’ve heard SD Guru state many times, the # of women seeking an allowance far exceeds the number of men willing to provide one. The exact ratio is impossible to know without being a site admin, I suppose.
    ————-
    That is really not an accurate statement.
    SD Guru compares the amount of people providing a desirable benefit with the amount of people desiring said benefit, meanwhile, since no SD is looking to provide charity, but rather provide a benefit in exchange for receiving a certain benefit, the more accurate comparison would be amount of SDs willing and able to provide an allowance vs. The amount of SBs that are a)able to meet the selection criteria and b) willing to meet them (i.e. SD meets her/his criteria) .
    To parallel SD gurus’s (flawed) argument, the amount of men willing to sleep with SBs is far greater than the amount of SBs

  136. @ Lily – to reply to your post, I have been noodling on this for a day or so.

    You said “If the guy’s single, I think monogamy & exclusivity are absolutely something he can realistically want and get in the sugarbowl. More power to those relationships which are more like having a ‘rich boyfriend who pays my bills/debts for me so I don’t have to fret’ than a NSA arrangement, if you wanna hear my 2 cents.”

    This is pretty much the way I view my arrangements, I am sort of like a rich boyfriend, but I have no desire to butt into their lives, unless they invite me. It is a sort of “my life, your life, our life”. I asked my current SB at the beginning, what she was looking for – a booty call, friends with benefits, or a relationship, and she replied ‘sort of a mix of all 3’. Which is ok by me. We pretend we are in a relationship sometimes, then go our own way.

    And I will be seeing her this weekend, I will have to go to her as she still cannot drive yet.

    And married SDs? I have no experience and no comment.

  137. Sunny SB says:

    @bostonhoney.. Like I said I am now changing that.. but in the past I got bogged down in the quantity of messages I was getting so I deleted my profile and created a new one.. and yes in the future I will send out a note to those that show thoughtful messages to me. Sometimes it is hard when you have too many in the inbox. 😉 Thanks again.

  138. bostonhoney says:

    Sunny SB – Yes, I believe that all SB’s should “Lead by Example” and send notes back too! Stop winking because I would guess that a SD who sent you a note and received a wink back thinks you are interested. Not the reverse.

  139. Sunny SB says:

    @Lily: awwww..I am blushing. :) I do get what you are saying and in ratio terms it is daunting.. yet I must say I think many of us fudge about something on our profiles. It really comes down to what we are being comfortable sharing initially and realizing that not every one is completely honest in their profiles. I do however think if someone enters an arrangement and it is going well that it is important to clear the air and be honest as a successful arrangement needs faith, trust, honesty and chemistry. I deleted my old profile and created a new one and made a decision to be completely honest on it.. throw caution to the wind and just be myself. It went up already this morning.. my pictures were almost a year old on my old profile and yes I had cheated on my old profile and shaved 4 1/2 years off my age..lol.. so I came clean. I think this way I can just be myself and not have to try to remember a lie that I was not comfortable with anyways.;) Now I will see if all the honesty and being me pays off!

    @ Bostonhoney: I do not mind an occasional wink but when I get too many it gets frustrating I have to admit. I am guilty of using winks to acknowledge that I have received a message from a Pot that I feel is not suitable for me.. but realize now that I should return a kind thought out message back regardless.. so thank you for your rant and pointing that out.;)

  140. bostonhoney says:

    StormCat – Don’t leave. I love reading your posts been lurking for a long time. I am hopeless romantic too so I feel where your coming from in SA and even IRL dating.

    I too became enthralled with one man. And kept asking myself, “why this one guy? Perhaps we should be grandiose together? Happy Friday!

  141. bostonhoney says:

    Arggghhhh. Can I just say again how much I detest winking? No emails, no notes just constant winking and requesting to see more photos? Attention all SD’s, PLEASE send a note especially if I already respond with a note back to you.

    I don’t like winking on trad sites either. What happened to sending someone a lovely note that sparks your interest? Have a conversation?

    Just like the many other SB’s on here, we turn heads, maybe our pics are not the best on here as I am always told, “OMG- you should be a model, your pics aren’t the best, your eyes are amazing, your gorgeous.” No, I don’t have glam shots. Yet, I think they are accurate, a nice face shot, a good full profile shot, and something to provoke a common interest… and no-one has ever said you don’t look like your photos.

    Thus, please become a real SD, send a well-written note and stop winking and requesting more photos.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    XO, BH

  142. Lily says:

    Sunny – think you’re super, too!

  143. Lily says:

    As we’ve heard SD Guru state many times, the # of women seeking an allowance far exceeds the number of men willing to provide one. The exact ratio is impossible to know without being a site admin, I suppose.

  144. SouthernGent2 says:

    Lily – I won’t go thru the statistics, but the 15 to 1 ratio isn’t correct (assuming one uses the filters for what he is truly looking for). So to state we have all sorts of options is not true at all.

  145. Sunny SB says:

    Good Morning in Sugar Land!

    @carebear: quiz guy seems to be persistant but eventually that will quiet done..I hate those situations as I often feel guilty when saying next not wanting to hurt feelings..;) hope it calms down for you soon.

    @Stormcat: I have longevity in my sugar relationships and I understand how hard it can be to face facts.. but often it is the rejection factor that hurts the most and how the person is rejecting us. Even I look specifically for NSA style of sugar dating but develop strong connections over time and have learned that open communication is so important when either party feels like their emotions are crossing the line. As a kid when I feel off the bike my parents encouraged me to get back on it, scraped knees, elbows and all.. there is some truth to that old adage.. however, even seeking NSA arrangements I always remain open to the possibilities if both parties develop those feeling. Had it happen once.. we both tried to transcend in to a IRL relationship and it was good while it lasted..still friends today so that is the most important part for me. Just hang in there and keep doing some soul searching until you figure it out and often we put someone on a pedestal that we perceive is so far out of our reach.. yet in truth it is often they are not everything we have built them up to be in our minds. Hugs to you Stormy!

    @ Lily: We all have our own opinions which is why there really is no one size fits all in the sugar world.. If you are comfortable not telling about a IRL relationship that is your choice and I am not here to judge you or anyone else.. I know I hate being judged or picked on because I choose to concentrate on finishing degree and not pursue real life relationships. I use sugar dating as a way to meet all my needs especially under the covers so to speak.. we all have different taste, different reasons for being here, and just because some view it as deceitful the bottom line is that their opinions are just that opinions.. I get where you are coming from but if we all agreed about everything and were all the same the sugar world would not be so sweet with variety! Hugs to you Lily..I think you are super!

    @ Alleycat: So how will you spend the weekend with your sugars so sick…you can always fly to Chicago..lol..just kidding.

    Happy Friday all!

  146. Anna Molly says:

    Oooops, obviously I’m not in Philly…LOL, upstate NY. Although, I did live in King of Prussia for a few months. The mall there is spectacular and took me 3 days to see everything!

  147. Anna Molly says:

    Carebear ~ I’m seeing him in Saratoga at SPAC…so looking forward to it. I have been trying to see him for years now!! Will give an update :)

    Morning everyone :)

  148. Lily says:

    No one wants to challenge or discuss the concepts I brought up in regards to ‘realistic expectations from your SB (& what she does with her life outside her time with you)…. & whether those cake eater SDs should consider manning up & offering a health care plan and the long term security of a ‘kept mistress’ role or then understand the concept of what a NSA arrangement really is & get real? ‘

    I think it’s just the fact that the SDs have the 15 to 1 ratio of girl to guy and they can decide to have their cake & eat it, too, so—they do. It’s all good, consenting adults & all that. But the double standard sure makes it easy for an SB to wanna stick to a closed-lip policy of ‘my life, your life, & sometimes our life’ and look out for our own health care plans & futures, unless we meet a really open-minded SD… I just think a ‘Dont Ask’ policy is valid & not deceitful.

  149. Alleycat says:

    @Stormy – hi!!! Sounds like trouble in paradise….. also sounds like time to cut it off with her, if possible. I think you hit the nail on the head ” I invested in one type of relationship and expected another type of relationship to develop out of it.” Bingo – that is the core of your problem.

    Carebear referred to my line-up of drugs. Yes, this is an addicting lifestyle. As with all drugs, you have to be able to stop using when YOU want. Easier said than done. It’s never too late! Cut it off and walk away and live to fight another day.

    @Carebear – calling me a junkie? Re Kathleen Turner – watch ‘Body Heat’. Great movie.

  150. Stormcat says:

    Hi! Been AWOL for a while. Not even going to attempt to catch up.
    Not sure I’ll even post again after this one. Although, I have a lot to say, I don’t think I’ll say much now. Just want to acknowledge that in spite of the warnings and advice of my fellow bloggers, It is becomming clear to me that sugarland is not for faint hearted romantics.
    But it’s too late for me! I’ve been in over my head way too long to avoid drowning. It is becoming more and more painful to face that all those “feelings developing between us” are actually one sided wishfulness coming solely from me. The crazy part about it, has been, that throughout the whole relationship (going on 2 years now) I always recognized that an actual committed full on love relationship with her would be “too good to be true” and therefore wasn’t true. So I just can’t figure why I couldn’t stop myself. Still can’t! (Stop myself that is) What is it about her that makes me so vulnerable. So obsessed. Whatever she asks, I just make it happen.
    I keep thinking about what Alleycat said about not allowing oneself to be vested in an outcome. I know the principle from designing scientific experiments. Experiments should be conducted to determine truth (not too promote the scientist) It shouldn’t matter the outcome. But to apply that to relationships has me boggled. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that if I invest anything in anything, even a relationship with another person, then the success thereof vests automatically in me. It motivates me to make it happen. Perhaps the misunderstanding here is simply that I invested in one type of relationship and expected another type of relationship to develop out of it.
    But that still doesn’t answer the question of how I could be so susceptible to this one woman. I think the answer lays in the painfulness of rejection born in the ego. If there is even the slightest of possibilities that the impossible may actually happen against all odds then that is easier for the ego to accept than any reality of being unacceptable to someone admirable.
    So where am I now? Oscillating between grandiosity and suicide? But then that’s another topic for aniother day. Or not!

  151. carebear says:

    Thank you yaz for appreciating the humor but I think I did give a little too much detail there, apologies to the bloggers. Blaming the cough medicine…

    Michael-loving that you refer to your sb line up as a drug addiction ‘I went off the #3 and never got too hardcore into the 4’s’. Earlier today I was referred to as kathleen turner if that says anything (assuming the younger version)

    Naughty molly- are you in phil?? I saw him there in camden back in aug? I think it was….and saw him last night on long island….and am seeing him in a week at madison square…..hahaha its my friends….they’re obsessed, not me I swear. Although I have voluntarily gone to 6 shows this year….yikes!! Summer tour was def better than fall…let me know how ur show goes!!!!!

  152. Alleycat says:

    @Carebear- I have gone off #3. And no, there is no #4, but thank you for asking.

    Sounding like a phone sex operator? Hmmmm – call me on 800-ALLEYCAT and let’s see how you do. 😉

  153. Yaz says:

    Carerbear said:

    ” i’m not sick-sick, but sore throat, sound like a phone sex operator kind of deal. will be an excuse not to get too drunk. and keep his tongue out of my mouth…”

    LOL I love your sense of humor! You and my boss should meet, you two would be the best of friends lmao 😛

  154. carebear says:

    PS- TO ANYONE that read my blog, commented on quiz guy post, etc etc etc….

    He just texted me AGAIN. Its like the third time since I wrote that post. 2 months, no response. When will it stop???????????? ugh.

    the woes of sugaring.

  155. Sunny Funny SB says:

    @Michael Alleycat: Wow both are sick at the same time.. that is really tough, however, just think when they both get well.. 😉 appreciation that shows you care when they are sick will surely be sweetly rewarded ;).

    @Dandelion Wine: That article is very interesting.. I am glad you linked it !

    @SimplyJasmine: Welcome to the sugar bowl! You can learn so much through the blogs..just take your time and learn how to screen Pot’s , good luck in your search.

    @ Jade: Alas I am like Simply Jasmine also single.. no bf or husband by choice.. my education is very important to me. I have plenty of IRL offers but choose the sugar bowl not only for assistance but for the excitement and meet my needs this way. A couple weeks ago the blog topic was about there not being one certain mold..one size fits all type in the sugar bowl and this is so true even when it comes to relationships. I know of one SD who said he felt more comfortable with a SB who was in a relationship as he felt he often avoided drama this way.

    I am headed to bed.. goodnight all.

  156. carebear says:

    Bibaby, nygent, you’re right

    i’m not sick-sick, but soar throat, sound like a phone sex operator kind of deal. will be an excuse not to get too drunk. and keep his tongue out of my mouth, while i wouldnt mind it because he is realllly good looking.

    tmi?

    hahahhaahaha

  157. questbaby says:

    question. i was talking to a pot sd. called alot last week then said he would call but didnt. two days later i texted him to aske if he was still interested and he says he still wants to get together but has a bad cold this wknd. he needs to reschedule next wknd and will call me soon to talk and make plans. second chance or no?

  158. NYGent says:

    I’m sort of with BiBaby on this. Cancellations later in the relationship/arrangment are ok once trust has been established. On a first or second date, not so much. I used to give “second chances” all the time until I realized that cancellations very early in the process, 9 times out of 10, are phony and usually mean the other person isn’t really interested or is shopping for or got a better offer. So I came to basically develop a “zero tolerance” policy for cancellations prior to the second date. Claimed sickness, rain, sleet, death in the family, doesn’t matter. If this means I miss out on some opportunities because it turns out the cancellation was legit, so be it. I’ve decided that’s a risk I’ll run rather than be a doormat who always says “that’s ok” to excuses that almost always, in my experience, are a pretext signalling a lack of genuine interest. At least half the second chances ended up cancelling again anyway, so it just isn’t worth it.

    I’ve had 2 SBs who never, ever canceled for any reason and were rarely even late. I’ve never canceled or been late for a pot date. There are plenty of punctual, reliable, considerate people out there so why waste time and effort on the others. That may sound cynical but it’s my current view based on experience.

    On a lighter note, BiBaby, an SB who braves a pot date in a bandaged foot is very sexy!

  159. BiBaby says:

    @carebear,

    hey I’m going to a lunch with a bandaged post-op foot in a boot, so in theory, I’m NOT putting my best foot forward! *LOL*

    I wouldn’t cancel but that’s just my opinion…my pot SD told me it was a show of dependability I was still willing to meet and it’s to me a show of his good faith he accepts me not in my usual 4″ heels. :) YMMV though

  160. carebear says:

    alleycat- don’t you have a #3 or 4 as well??

    i too am under the weather. thinking about canceling a potential date tomorrow night, but can’t decide if i should tough it out to show him i’m not the type that cancels, or save myself till next week and put my best foot forward.

    hmmmm.

  161. Naughty Molly says:

    Good evening everyone!!

    I love chocolate too and that is a great way to handle it Arctic….mmmm, chocolate. However, I feel as though I’m on chocolate overload with Halloween and all…

    I have an exciting Friday planned, Going to see Dave Matthews Band!! WhooHoo 😀

  162. Gemi says:

    Good evening sugars! How do you all handle sugar meetups, either first meets or extended sugar trips during the holidays?? What with certain dates taken up with family and cleaning (for the fam coming to visit) and so on and so forth, it feels like my next two months are booked solid already! Any ideas to get around it and actually meet pots?

  163. BiBaby says:

    I second Artic SD’s method, I like that too!

    The cash under Barbie’s skirt is funny for a whole HOST of reasons & double entendres….but I love that idea as well! It’s cute.

  164. Bela says:

    Arctic SD – What a great method! Love it!

  165. Beautifuldisaster says:

    Thanks for all the great advice I personally like the envolope idea it’s fun and playfull!! xoxox to my fellow sbs/sds!! Weekends coming up, excited!!!

  166. ARCTIC SD says:

    Beautifuldisaster – Both my previous SBs loves chocolate so I usually buy them a little box of 6 Belgian chocolate truffles and I slipped the allowance cash in an envelope and attached it to the box of chocolates.

    Have fun with your new SD.

  167. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    BiBaby,

    Boots *are* sexy. At least I hope so because I rock them on a regular basis. :)

  168. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    Autumn,

    I’m in Oregon too, I was thinking I was the only one. I’d love to connect with some sugar sisters in my area, it would be nice to talk to some ladies who understand what it’s all about. :)

    beautifuldisaster, I’m not sure if I’m reading your question correctly, but in my case I have a Barbie (actually, it’s a Chelsea) doll on my dresser, and I find cash under her skirt on a regular basis.

    I think Lily has raised some excellent points about expectations.
    I’ve enjoyed reading the various perspectives and comments. As for me, I am single, and were I to find myself in a situation where I wanted to make a commitment to someone (non-sugar), personally I would give up the sugar at that point. But not until a serious commitment were made.

    If there is one, that person’s getting all of me. If I’m just dating, or having fun, that’s different. But that’s just me, and I don’t see as there needs to be any rule on who gets to be married and who does not in the sugar world. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with either SD’s or SB’s preferring single over married, or vice versa.

  169. BiBaby says:

    @BeautifulDisaster,

    With gift daddies, it was in the form of things I picked out and gifts themselves but my last (short lived though) arrangement, I really liked the way it was handled. I was given an envelope with the cash inside at the beginning of a Scrabble game! We would keep score on the back of the envelope (I knew what was inside) and play for a “bonus”. I won both times, but then again, I’m really good at Scrabble too.

    Though short lived, I thought this was a really cute way to handle the awkwardness of cash. We called this the “envelope game” and I would be very likely to propose this to another SD if he doesn’t already have a method in mind. It was cute and fun and took all the awkwardness out of it, at least while it lasted.

    Foot still healing, sugar date tomorrow I’ll be in boots not heels for the first time ever, I hope I can pull off sexy despite my injury. ;o

  170. NC Gent says:

    BeautifulDisaster — I made direct deposit payments into a savings account for my SB. Avoids the awkwardness of handing over cash after a date. Paypal can work well also. Best wishes with your new SD!

  171. NYC SB says:

    Lily – soon enough :) I cannot wait … Tboy is in town then too … Will be a good week for me

    Auburn – jet set is there and she is awesome :)

  172. simplyjasmine says:

    OMG! I want a sugar sister! 😀 Seeing as to all my “real friends” (yeah, right) don’t want to know anything about the sugar life since they havn’t found anyone interested in them… Envy is an ugly thing!

  173. beautifuldisaster says:

    @Autumn
    Thank you! And yes I was asking literally we’ve already talked about an allowance and he asked me how I would like to receive my allowance so I was just asking for the best most convenient way for the both of us. I almost feel weird receiving cash before I leave I don’t want him to feel like it’s only about the money because we do have an amazing connection

  174. Lily says:

    Autumn – JetSet is in your area, want me to give her your email? Drop me a line at SugarBabySA at live and the typical dot com ending. I’m happy to connect you with a fabulous sugar sister who has plenty in common with you.

  175. Autumn SB says:

    @NYC SB – luckyyyy! I’ve always wanted to connect with other SB’s out there in real life… Have fun!

    ***Any SB’s living in OREGON by chance???? Would love to get together over a bottle of wine and swap stories. Let me know! :) ***

    @Lily, thanks for all your input :)

    @beautifuldisaster, have you and your SD established an allowance amount and ‘pay day’? If so and if it’s past the due date, I would mention that you are behind on your rent and bills next time you’re talking. If he doesn’t respond at all to that, then dump him. Once the details of your arrangement have been sorted, a SD should be happy to fulfil his end of the bargain. You should not have to chase after him or feel guilty for asking. Having said that, I suppose it’s possible that he forgot, so a simple and light-hearted reminder via text would be my chosen route.

    –@beautifuldisaster, just read your question again and now I’m wondering if you were asking *literally* how to collect the money (i.e. PayPal, cash, etc)…??

  176. Semantics says:

    Hi and welcome beautiful disaster. Your question sounds crass. Prostitutes collect money (usually first) and an SB decides with her SD how to receive her allowance.

  177. beautifuldisaster says:

    NEED ADVICE FROM SDs & SBs
    What’s the best way to collect $ from your sugar daddy?
    I’m new to this and want to know the basics before I jump in this lifestyle!

  178. NC Gent says:

    Lily — my preference for blondes is really not that strong. It is pretty low on the search criteria. I have dated blonde, brunette, auburn, red, black, etc. and it was always the total package that attracted with me– with eyes being number uno (followed closely by a cute bootie!).

    Regarding your question about hair coloring… professional hair coloring has become so good that is difficult to tell the difference. However, a bad hair coloring job still is quite noticeable :)

  179. SimplyJasmine says:

    @ Jade
    Your comment about sbs who say they are single living in lala land is ridiculous I am a beautiful intelligent single student who’s remained single since Feb. in order to focus on myself and school work.. I don’t have time for traditional dating so opted for this aside from that the financial assistance is a bonus

  180. Lily says:

    wait a sec, you’re not heading to my land of darkness so I am officially green with envy. Oh well, we’ll be clinking glasses soon. Luv you.

  181. NYC SB says:

    Bye bye sugars … I’m off to an awesome sugary trip to visit an sb! Whoo hoo for sugar sister reunion

  182. Lily says:

    Morning, AM! I hope I’ll be seeing you in two weeks!

  183. Anna Molly says:

    Good morning everyone! 😀

  184. Big, Bald, Fat, and Ugly says:

    Oh shoot! I screwed up the posting again! Ok, that does it, the gods are telling me not to post anymore, so this will be it! farewell all!

  185. Big, Bald, Fat, and Ugly says:

    Lily, I keep on telling myself that my last post will be my “last”, then you do something that drags me back in ;-)!

    As enticing as a bevy of bikini clad SBs in Dubai sounds, I’m afraid January for me is filled with lands of ice, snow, and lonely mountain tops. Besides experience has taught me that I can only focus on one lady at a time 😉

    For those who like word puzzles, my aging mind left out the word “doesn’t” in my last post, perhaps you can find where?

    Regarding the concept of “the mistress”, many old cultures handled it by allowing multiple wives (and sometimes multiple husbands). When the one man / one woman concept was made law (much to the detriment of women in places where poor women now had fewer options), they developed the concept of the “private garden” (notice that I am too chicken to try french, again . . . the language, that is 😉 where anyone who could afford it could have multiple families from ancient Popes to Queens (Mrs. Brown?) to tycoons (remember Jimmy Goldsmith) to French Presidents.

    Anyway, the difficult part is getting to know someone well enough before entering the M Garden. So perhaps a new term should be introduced … SB / pot M?

  186. Big, Bald, Fat, and Ugly says:

    Lily, I keep on telling myself that my last post will be my “last”, then you do something that drags me back in ;-)!

    As enticing as a bevy of bikini clad SBs in Dubai sounds, I’m afraid January for me is filled with lands of ice, snow, and lonely mountain tops. Besides experience has taught me that I can only focus on one lady at a time 😉

    For those who like word puzzles, my aging mind left out the word “doesn’t” in my last post, perhaps you can find where?

    Regarding the concept of “the mistress”, many old cultures handled it by allowing multiple wives (and sometimes multiple husbands). When the one man / one woman concept was made law (much to the detriment of women in places where poor women now had fewer options), they developed the concept of the “private garden” (notice that I am too chicken to try french, again . . . the language, that is 😉 where anyone who could afford it could have multiple families from ancient Popes to Queens (Mrs. Brown?) to tycoons (remember Jimmy Goldsmith) to French Presidents.

  187. Jade says:

    Well I think if all sugar daddies are seeking single sugar babies then hardly anyone would be dating , 99 percent of all good-looking girls do have a man or something is seriously wrong with them. I am sure some might jump in and say they are single “sugar babies” but I believe they are the ones telling stories. To many of the blog people seem to be living in a made up La La land !

  188. Bela says:

    interesting point lily. good morning :)

  189. Lily says:

    Caveat– I know that some bachelor SDs like WCSD, LASD pre-engagement, Michael, Stormcat, etc might prefer a sugar relationship to be closely mirroring a traditional relationship, with the allowance & large age difference being almost the only difference. But that’s the exception to the majority of SDsbwho do have a family at home and only have a small sliver of their time, in often odd places in their datebook, to discretely slip in
    a NSA sugar arrangement.
    If the guy’s single, I think monogamy & exclusivity are absolutely something he can realistically want and get in the sugarbowl. More power to those relationships which are more like having a ‘rich boyfriend who pays my bills/debts for me so I don’t have to fret’ than a NSA arrangement, if you wanna hear my 2 cents. :)

    however, for the married SDs who want their cake (wife home waiting for them) and eat it, too (SB also exclusively dedicated to him), that’s fine too but understand there’s a commonly understood concept for thar: the kept mistress. Very wealthy men have often wanted long term or permanent ‘second lives’, usually after they’ve lost their hearts for a much younger woman, at a point where he & his wife have reached middle age and the passions have died down but familial-type love/devotion remains & divorce isn’t desired. But school-boy-esque passion erupts for some young flower, and he wants to be in love again. The illusion- of being her married SD- isn’t enough and he wants exclusive, long term access, so he buys her a penthouse, pays for everything she needs & wants, and her swanky, cushy existence is paid for through exclusivity, physically & emotionally, to her older gentleman. If she desires to become a mother, he sires her child, etc.
    But this is a huge, expensive, long-term commitment he makes in order fir her to realistically be willing to be his & his alone.

    I wouldn’t personally call a kept mistress an SB. An SB has her own life and a kept mistress is more like a discreet wife #2. One has a health care plan, and a home in her name and the other does not, if you see my point.

    Just think that the married SD who isn’t offering *terribly* much in terms of providing for a young lady & her future should think twice before feeling entitled that what she does when he’s home with his family is really any of his business. Every lady needs health care, and if you aren’t offering get one, then you’re really not in the position to butt in on her real life, just as she butts out of your family life.

  190. Lily says:

    Second paragraph above was directed at BiBaby.

    Also want to say about NC Gent’s preference for blondes – can you tell the difference between natural & synthetic blonde color, when maintained by excellent colorists? If perhaps not, but perhaps still you prefer natural blonde hair, exactly why do you, if they are indistinguishable for your visual pleasure?

    To all SDs: How many of you on this blog actually believe that although you’re but a temporary fixture in a young, beautiful, vivacious girl’s life, she would just sit home alone with her hands in her lap when you are home with your wife? How many of you would want that sort of lonely lifestyle for an energetic, social lady in the prime of her life?

  191. Lily says:

    Autumn, you’re in the hole & your guy is flush (for a RJ)—he should pay for all dates. It should be a cute gesture once in a blue moon to sneak your way into paying the check without him noticing. He shouldn’t really allow it, if he’s a gentleman.
    I agree with NYC SB that you & your DH are intertwined, simple as that. You’re not operating independently, you & he are a team & what affects one, emotionally or financially, affects both. Getting a degree and getting better employment after that constitutes an impact to DH’s financial future.

    NC Gent – are you strict about dating natural blondes or do brunettes work just fine, after visiting a gifted salon stylist? 😉 just sayin…

    I believe that NSA also means you can keep your everyday life SEPARATE
    & aren’t obliged to discuss & disclose every little detail of your personal life. To me, stepping into a temporary fantasy-land, where regular-life with all it’s complications and struggles is left behind for awhile, where being a desired, charming, femme fatale type beauty cloaked in mystique, is half the appeal of the sugar bowl.

  192. MissMilanDC says:

    Hello Sugar-fam :)!!!!!
    @NYCSB,LILY & dccaramelsweetsb-I Finally found him!!!!!
    Last time I posted to the blog I anticipated finally meeting SD X.We texted and emailed back and fourth for about a month prior to deciding to meet and we were both certain that we had found the one,but our schedules conflicted because of my school schedule and his work schedule.Long story short,I was able to meet up with him this past tuesday in DC,and it was the best date of my life.I was only able to stay about 3 hours as my train back to school was due to depart at 10:30pm and I arrived at 7:30.Instead of going out to dinner he picked me up from the station and already ordered take out which included my favorites,of chinese and italian (yum,college food lol)….he then told me that’d we’d be enjoying a private dinner on his boat and he apologized that his captain wasn’t able to make it due to the timing.We pulled up to the marina and walked aboard the most spectular yacht I’ve ever seen.I sat with a cup of white wine as he set the table for us,and we ate over casual conversation.He was extremely humble for someone so established.We chatted about specifics,what we’d love to gain from an arrangement,where we are from,career goals etc….he offered to refer me to his best friend who owns one of the nations top interior design firms,offered to give me a shot a decorating a condo from a development project he’s invested in just to see what I can do and offer me a beyond-my-expectations super generous allowance.Not only did I feel comfortable and relaxed,every thing was natural,eating with MR.X provided an extreme relief….I’d been in the sugar bowl for over a year now and every attempt I’ve made led up to this.He’s handsome,single,a great kisser,caring and we have alot in common……….We both plan to stick things out long-term and go for a relationship like arrangement.He’s everything I could ask for and more,sticking it out pay’s off.I met a great guy and I can’t thank you all enough for your advice from what to wear to bringing up allowance etc…..He’s travelling for the weekend and we’ve already made plans for another date next week.I hope this provides some sense of relief,after all,I know how hard it is to find a genuone SD,he is my FIRST although I also recently came into a “gift daddy”…..I’m leaving for NY tommorow.MY big brother is getting married Saturday.Good luck,until we meet again.
    ps:He removed his profile to show he was serious (sweetest gesture) I’ve also removed mine but I will continuously check the blog
    MissmilanDC

  193. SimplyJasmine says:

    I’m a single student, new in the sugar bowl although I’ve considered it for a while I wanted to make sure I knew what I wanted out of an arrangement.. I’ve been following this blog for quite a while and appreciate the great advice! Excited for whats to come!

  194. @carebear – yes, she has been really quite ill, chronic vertigo caused by ear infection. Still can’t drive. For me, I stick by people as they go through difficult times, let them know I have their back. Sent her flowers, did some checking with a doc friend of mine, talk to her every day etc etc. She’ll get there, but kinda frustrating right now for both of us.

    The worst thing? My #2 is sick as well – has the flu.

    Sooooo – busy this weekend? :-)

  195. Dandelion Wine says:

    Mmm, cookies

  196. Cinnamon, pretty sure there’s a non-compete clause for a set period of time and/or confidentiality agreement as a part of employment offer, unless you are going to flip burgers for McD or something.
    Also pretty sure your employer is not gonna want you to spend money on drugs

  197. CinnamonSgr says:

    I think SB’s should be totally honest and search for the same honesty in return. If a SD ask if you have a DH or a BF just be honest. If he’s not into then move on to the next. What’s the worst that could happen? Isn’t the purpose of this site to find the ideal a la carte type arrangement?

    Maybe I’m just different… While an arrangement is a personal relationship of sorts, it is also a business deal. If I offer to work for a company for a set salary they don’t have the right to ask me or set standards on how I spend my earnings. How many people save up their salaries to start their own business (sometimes in direct competition with their employer)? Why should a an arrangement be any different?

  198. Autumn SB says:

    @BiBaby, SDGuru, and everyone else who replied to my post with their opinions and advice, thank you!!!!

    @SDGuru, it is indeed I, and it’s so nice to talk to you again. I’ve changed my screen name as I’ve changed my profile name and such. I suppose I like to feel as though I’m starting fresh (kind of)… To recap the past couple months, my two SD’s essentially poofed. One just stopped responding out of the blue after we had hashed out the details of our arrangement; and the other decided that an arrangement just wasn’t for him. As such, it’s been me and Regular Joe– and while I am happy and falling in love with RJ, I am no better off financially. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’m getting myself more in debt because of him; it’s just that it’s hard to shut myself in my own apartment and cut coupons when I have a man in my life who wants to be active and social! Moreover, I am just NOT the kind of person who thinks it’s fair in a *regular* relationship (that is, one that is not purposefully a sugar relationship) to have him pay for everything… I try to contribute when I can out of guilt/obligation, and this is what is keeping me from paying off big chunks of debt the way I might if I were single…

    Let me clarify for all that my Regular Joe is not a cheapskate by any means. He often (not all the time) pays for us both, as he is aware that he makes much more money than I do, and he knows that I am trying desperately to get back to school so that I can gain a better career.

    @Lily, our relationship is still progressing, and I do maintain a lot of independence in terms of the amount of time we spend together and such. I am not ready to move in with him, and I am certainly not ready for him to put a ring on my finger… It has only been a few months, and while, as I said, I think I may be falling in love with him, I clearly have a lot to do in terms of creating a better life for myself and being more responsible. Before I can fully commit to someone (i.e. marriage), I want to make sure I have accomplished what I need to in order to feel good about myself and confident about sharing life to the fullest with another human being.

    @BiBaby, thank you from the bottom of my heart for empathizing so with my situation. You have explained things on my behalf quite aptly… Which leads me to address everyone again: I am not looking for a sugar daddy to subsidize my life with Regular Joe, at all; though I do understand why it might look this way.

    Ultimately, I don’t want the shoes and the clothes and the manicures (though I enjoy all those things as much as the next gal!!!!)… What I want is to get out of debt and get the education I should have had years ago. Who knows, Regular Joe might not even be in my life a few months or years from now; what I have on my mind is improving MY life, through making a connection with a mentor, a generous man who understands what it’s like to be stuck (as he most likely will be, too, if he’s married and older and looking for an escape from his day to day life)…a man who just wants to help out of generosity and understanding.

    The other option, too, is to not tell my hypothetical SD about Regular Joe… In the end, I believe every one of us keeps secrets until the day we die. They are in the form of experiences, beliefs and thoughts that no other human being can ever truly understand. I hope that doesn’t sound morbid; it’s just how I feel about this life, and I am at peace with it.

    Thank you again to everyone who’s shared their thoughts about my situation… I hope you’re all having a wonderful November night :)

  199. BiBaby says:

    @SD Guru,

    Nah, not the meds talking baby–but your comment made me laugh! 😉

    Regarding NYC SB’s comment, it’s not benefiting DH at all when I get tuition…if I didn’t have an SD paying, I wouldn’t be going to school…period. It’s not in the cards. So it’s not benefiting the hubby one way or another because its not a burden he is responsible for to begin with. Seeing how many people seem to feel a SB should be single makes me question if I should be honest about my marital status, but since honesty is a condition of my freedom to be in the sugar bowl to begin with, it’s not a question I can really ask.

    I’m not here to discuss my siutation–I’m far enough in my own journey I really don’t give a %$# whether some people think I’m wrong or right in what I choose to do. I just don’t want *Autumn SB* to feel like she’s getting ganged up on or harshly judged..I’ve been there and while helpful for us to be secure & know why we’re here, it can be a bit overwhelming to find support when others’ opinions differ from your own.

    On a different note, the inch long hole in my foot is slowly healing up but my poor SUV had $3,200 worth of damage. Ugh. Thank goodness for insurance–it’s fixing both of us! :)

  200. Bela says:

    Hey Sugars!

    The weekend is almost here, and I’m so very ready!

    Do I have the patience? Like UncommonSD, I don’t “need” sugar, so maybe that’s why I have the patience. I have been told I have a very high tolerance for pain, so maybe that’s why I’m here 😉 Plus, being able to spend time with a great guy and not being in the aforementioned situation of going broke is always a plus. I’m not much of a juggler so I keep it simple.

    @Alleycat – I’m glad to see you survived the birthday bash. I’m sorry to hear your SB is still sick. You are such a great guy for being so patient!

    @BiBaby – So very glad to hear you’re safe!!!

  201. NC Gent says:

    I agree with WCSD and SDGuru.

    As an added point, it is hypocritical if a married SD says a married woman can’t/shouldn’t be an SB. If a married SD says he prefers a single (potentially including no bf), then that is a preference. There is a diference between having preferences and being hypocritical. I have brown hair but I prefer blondes; that doesn’t make me hypocritical.

  202. NYC SB says:

    Having had a broke bf while maintaining an SD (or two) I will face reality and say that yes the allowance I got in some way benefited the broke bf … For example, I would go on awesome dates with my sd and not want broke bf to take me out thus facilitating a financial burden him taking me out may have caused… Also he always paid for our dates but he knew his budget and the places would be much cheaper, so when I would want to go out to a nicer place I would pay. Where did that money come from? My allowance for sure

    So bibaby (not criticizing) but when your sd pays your tuition it is effectively eliminatind debt that you and dh would be responsible for under normal circumstances … Again some men are ok with this, others not so much … I just don’t like how you say that sds help is only benefiting you… Because it is not… It is taking of some sort of a financial burden from dh as well

  203. WCSD says:

    Bibaby-

    What I got out of Guru’s post (and I agree with) isn’t that Autumn is ‘bad’ for wanting a SD, but it is something he isn’t comfortable with. The key reason why I’d also agree that the SD is essentially supporting her (note: I said her) time with her BF, is because she presented it that way.

    She was single, focusing on paying off her debts, and doing so successfully (slowly but surely). Along comes a great guy, and she has decided get serious with, and now can’t pay off her debts (or is getting more in debt) because she wants to go out and do things with her BF. Therefore a SD on the side would be supporting her ability to go out with her BF. She isn’t looking for a SD to give her the nice dates, clothing, etc. for herself, but to be able to pay off her debts and expenses that she is incurring because of the new BF.

    Anyway, that is my understanding of Guru’s post. And as Guru pointed out, there is nothing wrong with Autumn’s choice, he was just making her aware that some (not all) SD’s may have an issue with that….just like some (but not all) SB’s have an issue if a SD is married. The nice thing about life is we all get to make our OWN decisions and live with them.

  204. BiBaby says:

    @SD Guru/Autumn SB,

    sorry, but I have to defend this young lady on her position, I don’t really feel she is “subsidizing” a boyfriend but rather she is trying to better HERSELF by getting out of debt and considering furthering her education.

    I am in the same boat…I am married to a wonderful man, one who works 2 jobs and puts everything he can into taking care of our family but the reality of the matter is that school, nice dinners out, designer clothes, etc are outside the range of what he can provide right now. A SD ISNT subsidizing HIM, he’ss enhancing MY life in a very real and tangible way.

    I could understand the SD being irritated if his SB is handing over a cash allowance to cover the rent for a non-working boyfriend or deadbeat hubby. I DON’T understand where they would be irritated if the sugar is helping buy me a 1.) Tiffany necklace, 2.) new leather jacket, 3.) a semester of tuition or 4.) $200 worth of Victoria’s Secret goodies (all of which are items I’ve gotten at various times as “sugar”). How is a jacket that fits ME or tuition for my degree in any way subsidizing a boyfriend or significant other??

    I just don’t get it, I don’t. Personally it’s Autumn SB’s business what she does with her allowance and giving her crap about wanting to better herself despite a poor situation is just garbage IMHO. So let me get this straight?? It’s perfectly OK to be the SB who lives to shop and does this to fund a $4k a month handbag habit BUT heaven forbid she has a kind man in her life who isn’t a millionaire and she wants to find an equally kind SD to share some of her kindness and intimacy with so she can pay off debt and BETTER her life in a lasting and permanent way?? WTF???

    Sorry, if I were an SD, I’d be far more impressed by the SB who is in the bowl for mature reasons of self-improvement rather than her inability to control her penchant for Louboutins in 8 different colors! As to her having someone at home, well hell, over 50% of the SD’s here do too as they’re married! And I know from 1st hand experience not all the wives are bitches who deserve disdain. Maybe the SB wants some variety in her life (which is another reason I’m in the bowl myself) just like the SD does. So pot calls kettle black because she’s a woman? I call bullsh-t on that.

    I normally don’t get riled up like this and I’m a very positive person, but I can’t stand hypocracy either. Autumn SB, do not be ashamed of your situation, you are not alone and so long as you are not taking advantage of your SD and being kind, loving and keeping your end of the bargain, I see no reason to not pursue a sugar life of your own despite what anyone else thinks.

    When you tell your boyfriend is up to you, however I will say I agree with Lily–at some point, he needs to understand what a strain your finances are having and if he’s a real gentleman, he’ll offer to help. Even if it’s only a $25 Applebee’s giftcard or treating you to the movies fully, it’s the thought that counts and that I would look for in him. If he’s not even willing to share what little he does have, at that point you need to NEXT him. Poverty and stinginess are 2 totally different things in a man, just remember that.

    • SD Guru says:

      @BiBaby

      I hope you’re feeling better. Was that your meds talking? 😉

      Your situation with DH has been discussed ad nauseum in the blog and it’s well understood that you’re seeking a SD for the right reasons. Since each person’s situation is different, please don’t feel like you have to defend yourself all over again when another SB comes to the blog with what appears to be a similar situation.

      WCSD has articulated the point I tried to make in my post so I won’t rehash it again. Your situation is not quite the same as Autumn’s. I had a long term SB who was married, and I had a SB with a serious BF and the sugar relationship blew up because of that. So I’ve been through both type of situation before. By the way, your last SD “dumped” you because you were smart enough to call him out on his lame attempt to re-negotiate the arrangement. Then he had the nerve to use your marital status as an excuse to end it. Don’t let wannabe SD’s like that get you down. It was good riddance and you can do so much better than that!! :)

  205. carebear says:

    By the way…back in the car in nyc traffic. You would think I’m masochistic!

    Going to see dmb on li yayyyy

  206. carebear says:

    Alleycat-hope she gets better soon! Must have been pretty serious if she was out for a month. No bueno!

    Lily-2 more weeks!

    Autumn-i know most couples agree on splitting most expenses, but he’s not willing to help out even a bit? Or maybe bust out the pots and pans and cook for him to show appreciation in exchange for him buying your dinner one night?

  207. Lily says:

    Autumn – your bf wouldn’t pay for dates? He insists on Dutch dating?

    I think it’s alright, as long as you pick a reliable married man who himself is extremely vigilant with condoms.

    But in my mind, the relationship isn’t serious until you’ve merged your lives together, including finances, which you two have not. Your bf has the option of putting a ring on your finger or at least moving in together and tackling life expenses & past debts together as a team. When things get serious in that way, I don’t think these types of ‘omissions of your extra curricular activities’ would be anymore kosher. But I don’t know this guy’s situation and if you’ve given him a chance to step up & partner up with you for the good/bad/ugly-debt-y, yet. He deserves a chance maybe, if you’ve hid that part of your life thusfar?

  208. Autumn SB says:

    Dear Sugar Bowlers,

    After a rather long hiatus, I am back in Sugar Land. The reason is relevant to one of the blog questions, so thought I’d post my story and say hi to everyone, too :)

    I’m in a relationship with a guy my own age, whom I met in real life at a party through a mutual friend. I ceased my sugar activity when things got serious with him. Note, I was extremely hesitant to get seriously involved with anyone at all (I purposefully stayed single for three years of my young life), as I’ve been on a mission to straighten myself out (i.e. pay off debts and go back to school). Alas, we cannot help falling in love sometimes, and it happened to me despite all efforts to keep my eye on the ball and remain independent. I told myself that it IS possible to be in a healthy relationship and stay on track with my personal goals- right? It’s all about balance…

    Well, turns out that paying off my debt has been harder than ever, as I’m more prone to going to dinners, events, taking trips etc etc with the Boyfriend. It’s very hard to eat Kraft dinner and stay in when you’re dating a wonderful man who likes to go out and have fun, you know? I know what you’re thinking: why don’t I just tell him I’m on a budget and leave it at that? Ha! Right. Fact is, I wouldn’t want to date me either if that were the bottom line… I’m not saying I think he’ll break up with me if I sit him down and tell him my financial woes; but I do actually like getting out there with him and enjoying life, which, lets be honest, costs money– I refuse to be the girlfriend who prevents us as a couple from having a great time. And there are only so many free/cheap things to do as a couple, especially given the chilly/rainy weather. So. I want to have my cake and eat it, too, is what I’m getting at.

    After all this rambling (YIKES! SORRY!), the point is this: I’ve decided the only way to have it all is to enter into a secret arrangement with a man who’s happy to help me pay off my debt. Ideally this man will also be involved with someone else romantically, as then we’ll both be on the same page in terms of discretion and personal morals, etc.

    So that’s my story. Thanks for taking the time to read my ridiculously long rant… Sugar thoughts are more than welcome (especially if you’ve been in a similar situation before)… :)

    • SD Guru says:

      @Autumn SB

      Welcome back!! You haven’t posted in about two months and you’ve used several screen names. Do you change your screen name with the season? Just curious. :)

      Is your BF the regular joe you talked about back in August? At the time you asked the blog how to juggle two SD’s plus a BF, how well did that work out for you? I’m just trying to understand the context of your post based on what you’ve told the blog in the past.

      So now you’ve decided the only way to keep up with your BF is to get a SD. I think there are two potential issues with that approach. First, I think you should expect more out of your BF. While being a regular joe he can’t support you financially like a SD, but he should at least bring something to the table so that you are not financially worse off for dating him. Second, you stated that you want a SD to help you pay off your debt, but in effect what you’re doing is to get a SD to “subsidize” your relationship with your BF. Even though sugar relationships are supposed to be NSA, most SD’s probably won’t knowingly subsidize a SB’s romantic relationship with another man (I’ve been there before).

      That’s my two cents so use them wisely. Good luck!

  209. Alleycat says:

    @sunnyfunny – thanks. I told her to get better and get out of bed, so that I could get her back into it. :-)

  210. Good Morning Sugar Blog,

    I am off to meet and old SD friend to have a catch up on life session.. it is so nice to hear from someone after a long period of time. Hope everyone has a sugar coated day..;)
    @ alleycat hope your #1 is back on top so your weekend is sugar coated.. figure you might still be recouping yourself after the Halloween fun.

    NYC SB: That is so neat.. A little sugar coating for your blog being read..;)

  211. Lily says:

    What a trip!! Cool moment!

  212. NYC SB says:

    Had a lovely massage last night :) went to a fabulous dinner and the hostess was wearing louboutins so I complimented her. She looks at me and says “yes louboutins and pearls, says I’m classy and expensive” … Totally quoted my blog I nearly died

  213. Alleycat says:

    @TLG – #1 is sick, haven’t seen her for a month. Kinda frustrating, but she is pretty sick, really bad vertigo, can’t even drive. Hoping to see her this coming weekend but it is 50/50 at the moment.

  214. The Lone Gunman says:

    Goooood Morning, Sugar Blog!

    It’s Wobbly Wednesday, as we continue our stumble towards the weekend and the possibility of sweet times ahead.

    Are your plans starting to gel? Are you lining up some good pots?

    TLG

  215. Lily says:

    Good morning Sara!

  216. Alleycat says:

    and us early west coasters … good morning!

  217. Sara says:

    ….and everyone else!

  218. Sara says:

    Good morning Lily!

  219. Lily says:

    Ok, I guess not. But now it’s time to wish a good morning to east coasters!

  220. Lily says:

    Any west-coasters still awake? I just woke myself, covered in kitties…. :)

    bbfu – you are welcome to help me plan a sugar meet for ladies & gents! How about January? You could be the only gentleman, or we could invite others to split the expenses for booze, et al… My vote is a poolside bash in Dubai, so all the SBs are bikini clad & the gents smiling!

  221. @carebear your welcome and tyvm… a serious of events actually got me thinking about quality versus quantity and I have learned from you and others here on this blog that it is not the number of responses but rather the quality of those responding that leads to a successful arrangement .

    @ CinnamonSgr Welcome to the sugar bowl..it is more than just your profile.. screening is a big part of finding the genuine SD’s and the right fit for you.. so be cautious and safe above all.. and do not let yourself be pressure to ever do something you are uncomfortable with. Good Luck with your search. 😉

    Big Bald Fat and Ugly: Wow, that was quick and I hope it all works out well for you even with your unconventional approach. An arrangement is what you make it and I hope it works out well for you but please keep us updated. 😉

    NC Gent: How was your Halloween Weekend? :)

    Time for me to have some sugary dreams. Good Night all

  222. CinnamonSgr says:

    Greetings Sugar World!

    I’m new to the blogs but I’ve been a SB for a while now. I’ve only had one SD whom I met IRL. After reading these blogs I decided to delete my profile and start all over again. While I don’t think it will deter any fake daddies, I do think it will better communicate what exactly I’m seeking.

    I don’t currently have any nominees since my profile isn’t active. But I hope that will change in the next few weeks.

    My reason for entering the sugar world mirrors most of the comments above. Fun, Friendship, and Finances.

    Fortunately, my emotions haven’t been negatively affected by the sugar world. I hope things stay as positive as they’ve been in the past.

    I’m so excited to learn from you guys. I welcome this new adventure.

  223. BiBaby says:

    thanks all….I’m going to be ok, no injuries from the car accident but my foot, OMG is killing me!

    The gentleman who met me last week finally emailed politely to let me know there was no “chemistry” at our meet so he was going to move on. While I don’t understand why not (I thought he was super cute!), I respect his decision and thanked him for at least being honest with me, even if late in reply. He’ll make someone a good catch I’m sure.

    pot #2 was sooo sweet in his reply, he’s coming near my hometown on business and due to foot injury/limited driving, he’s going out of his way to see me for lunch before the weekend to make it easier for us to meet. So I’m going into this with excitement :)

  224. Big, Bald, Fat, and Ugly says:

    Lily, to add another bit of giggle spice to the SSS in NYC, please feel free to disclose anything & everything to the Sugar Sisters about the virtual barman with under the following rules: no names or contact info, no one but those at SSS to be told, my profile now hidden from searches but you can bring it up from your mailbox, no?

    Have fun ladies!

    Also, I have to welsh on my promise to tell stories of my brief but wonderful dip into the bowl. On reflection it just seem quite right to kiss and tell even with anonymity. But my odd approach (sorry but one might have to go back 2-3 topics to find the discussion) has ended up unexpectedly well. Could say more in person. But then you would have to invite me to a future SSS :-) !

  225. NC Gent says:

    Evening all — good to see some familiar faces :)

  226. UncommonSB says:

    Do you have the patience?
    Not sure. I don’t ‘need’ sugar, but it’s sounds like it could be so much fun with the right person. I was around last year for a couple of months, met a few pots, but didn’t feel the chemistry. One seemed like a nice guy, but I didn’t feel a spark. I ended up getting into a relationship (another broke artist-lol) and stopped looking. Back on the market IRL right now, with a few good candidates for BF. Not interested in both at the same time, so whichever happens (sd of bf) is what’s meant to be I suppose.

    What are the main reasons you’ve chosen to pursue a sugar relationship?
    It’s a combo of what Gemi and Sara said. I want the fun and passion of a special relationship, but with someone who can keep drama to a minimum. Sounds like a perfect fit to find someone who has the means and desire to help financially, without any expecations of love or marriage. I always seem to pick unstable and broke guys IRL, starting to think it’s a classic case of attraction to the bad boy or artistic types. Granted, they tend to be hot and have some pretty cool tastes in music, entertainment and personal style, but they also tend to come with so much baggage. I’m ready to find and appreciate a mature, successful man who (fingers crossed) has at least a slight edge or openness to his lifestyle.

    How does dating in the Sugarbowl effect you emotionally?
    I’ve learned to brush things off. I’m petite and pretty, but I realize that I’m not everyone’s type. Plus I won’t post images for the world to see that are promiscuous or that reveal my face, so I know that a lot of other women will attract more attention at first glance. I’m okay with that. I’ve also seen some irritating patterns – pots who insist on talking prior to any real email communication (plus they have generic profiles), or ones that jump straight to explicit emails… they’re not my style anyway. So no loss there either.

  227. Naughty Molly says:

    Hi Everyone!!!

    Sorry about your foot BiBaby!!! Be careful!!

  228. Naughty Molly says:

    Happy Birthday Alleycat!!! *spank, spank* 😉

  229. Sara says:

    @Alleycat- Aww had no idea it was birthday. Happy Birthday doll/

  230. Gemi says:

    carebear – I just dropped in on your blog. The post before the newest had me laughing out loud… oh my! I will have to keep up on the other SBs blogs more often…

    bibaby – oh!, so sorry to hear about that! I would just about cry if anything happened to my car. No, on second thought, I would cry. But thats great that people actually stopped to help you out, reaffirms faith in humanity doens’t it?

  231. carebear says:

    Bibaby-be careful! we can’t lose you!!!

    sunny-thanks! its semi-sugar related, and something from the past. love yours as well, esp your recent 3 part post.

  232. Sara says:

    @bibaby – I hope you are ok honey!

  233. @carebear Read your blog today.. love letter and was struck by the honesty it took and self examination to write that.. was awesome..love your blog btw!

  234. BiBaby: Glad you are okay and not seriously hurt.. and unfortunately pain med’s often damper judgment.. hope the rest of your day goes better…hugs to you. :)

  235. BiBaby says:

    good topic!

    First, I need a collective (((hug)))…I wrecked the back of my SUV today trying to drive after foot surgery yesterday. I am so, so dumb….*sigh*…I went out to get my daughter her much needed contact lenses because of teenage whining and my reaction time was delayed badly driving, from a combination of pain & pain meds and driving with my left foot. I have a big gaping hole in my right foot now healing where they cut out a splinter and a mosiac wart that set in around it…..nasty surgery but I’m now on the road to recovery.

    Well I backed up at the toll plaza after realizing I was in the auto-tag lane and needed cash only. (that’s the meds). Caught my quarterpanel on the barrier, which we looked at and had no damage. Pay the lady my cash and drive off. 3 miles later, huge tire blowout as I’m getting off the interstate exit. Down to the rim! Very, very lucky neither I nor the kidlet were hurt. 3 wonderful, terrific people all stopped their cars and barracaded us safely while a gentleman changed my tire to the spare so I could drive home.

    I am so grateful to know that there are terrific, kind people still in the world, I thanked each one profusely but I only hope the Universe rewards them for being so good in a time of need.

    So now I have a $500 deductible to fix the truck AND tuition due soon. Hubby is pretty mad at me about this. (he’s fine with arrangements and my having fun, but stupidity like this on my part, well, I agree with him…dumb).

    Bad day for the financial loss.
    Good day that I know there are awesome people still all around.

    I have a few candidates but now have to postpone any meets at least a week. *sigh*

    Emotionally, I’ve been affected…getting dumped by my first arrangement SD by cellphone was awful…he had a fit of conscience about dating a married woman (but the married guys don’t…hmmm..) and was getting really attached he said. BUT to my credit, I kept my cool and wished him success in his next relationship. He said I was the classiest SB he had ever met and wished I wasn’t married. I was screaming on the inside but I kept it polite. Had it been eHarmony I think I would have been adding him to as many spam penis enlargement websites as I could have found….but hey, I’m a GOOD sugarbaby so I don’t do that! *LOL*

    It is temping though!

  236. Gemi says:

    Er… I’ve never been good at counting… so I’m either 16th or something.

    Anyway, good blog topic!

    Do you have any interesting sugar nominee’s to consider?
    Maybe… My profile finally went live, and I’m starting to get some emails. I’m (obv) not at the point where I am choosing a SD yet…Some look like they could be good potentials for a first meeting. And that is a good start. Most of me just wants to get the first dates over with and on to the fun part!!

    What are the main reasons you’ve chosen to pursue a sugar relationship?
    See above, lol. I want fun. Everything else in my life has gelled, but the fun exciting meet new people, do new things, crazy sex life part has totally died on the vine and I want it back! I am all about the fun this time around, I want fun, gobs of fun!

    How does dating in the Sugarbowl effect you emotionally?
    Not sure on that yet, but I don’t want to be a SDs new girlfriend…I just want to be his sugar baby, the pretty little thing he spoils and who spoils him back. So hopefully if I enter into it that way, I won’t get emotionally entangled. :)

    As for patience, I’m going to need it I think. So many fake daddies out there who are not genuine, and I want the genuine 100% real SD.

  237. carebear says:

    happy birthday alleycat!

  238. Alleycat says:

    14th!

  239. Sara says:

    Woah! What a loaded blog question! lol.

    Ok,

    1. Am I suited for a sugar relationship? Asolutely, after looking into the sugar world, I realized I was already looking for sugar without knowing it. I was subconsciously tweaking conventional relationships to be more sugar-y ;). Things like telling boyfriends what I want for my birthday or doting on them (cooking home cooked meals….massages…etc.)

    2. Patience – Absolutely. And many potentials get upset that I want to talk a little, get to know them before meeting right away. I am defiantly not going to meet a stranger without knowing them a bit. It serves two purposes, safety and chemistry. I personally need that emotional connection, otherwise there would be plenty awkward dates. lol.

    3. Do I have any interesting sugar nominees? – Yup! I have found that the men I meet on this site are far more fascinating and multi faceted than most men I meet conventionally. I love that they have careers and bussinesses, that they are smart and have diverse interests.

    4. Main reasons to pursue sugar – funny enough I stated it on my profile. I am tired of being the provider. I have always had cheap boyfriends, lazy boyfriends, boyfriends without any ambition, etc. I want someone to pamper me for once, and as a Cancer (very maternal and doting) I want someone who would truly appreciate my pampering too, not just take it for granted, that I like to plan romantic dinners, etc. I also am fresh out of undergrad, making no money as a teacher and in grad school…life gets expensive period. Forget any fun extras.

    5. How has it affected me emotionally? – I have definantly grown a thicker skin. With a lot of faux sugars on this site and men who are used to buying whatever they want and not knowing how to hear no, I have definantly established what I want in life more and what I am not willing to stand for. I have also learned to just go with the flow and my adorable (yet sometimes annoying) Type A personality has had to chill out a little and accept that someone is out there perfect for me, I don’t need to settle.

    Sorry for the novel! As always, Love the sugar family.

    xoxo

  240. Bela says:

    OMG the craziest week so far, but I’ve been kicking some booty otherwise. I hope everyone had an awesome weekend.

    @Sara – I know what you mean about the body stuff. Honestly, it’s a crap shoot. I’ve had men say they couldn’t stop staring/touching/etc my body, and I’ve had men say that while I’m attractive, I just don’t match their desired body type. The hotness is truly in the eyes of the beholder.

    @Arctic SD – How did the new date go? I know what you mean about age, but I do find it more relaxing to be with older men. I don’t have the energy for games and drama and finding a man in my age range that doesn’t come with those issues is a rarity.

    Back to work!!

  241. Sara says:

    @ Arctic – congrats on all points! lol. It is sad to say, but I agree with Sunny Funny, you may need to agree upon an ending. Or at the very least remind her, that like all other relationships it could come to an end at any time for any number of reasons…thus is life. lol (you can tell her it is part of the mentoring aspect of SB/SD dating and that this is a life lesson….haha)

  242. ARCTIC SD says:

    Sunny FSB – good point and will make sure I remember that.

  243. Arctic SD: Glad to hear that situation has worked out for you.. as to new Pot.. take some time to get to know her before jumping too quickly into the arrangement topic.. also you might want to vocalize what you are not willing to do when you do have that conversation such as a type of severance, or duration of time when you are first learning about who each other is. Good Luck to you!!

  244. ARCTIC SD says:

    All – ex SB just text to say that she changed her mind and decided not to bother to sue. I wonder why? Perhaps no lawyer want to touch that kind of issue? In any case, end of story and move on. Thank you for the support and advise. You all are one great family to hang with.

    Lovely first meeting over drinks and good vibes all around with pot SB yesterday evening. Progessing to lunch tomorrow and perhaps time to throw in a conversation or two about allowance and arrangement topic.

    Have a great day everybody.

  245. As to the topics..What are the main reasons you’ve chosen to pursue a sugar relationship?

    My education ..I need the extra help financially to get finished in my chosen course of studies.. lots of software and supplies that student loans just do not stretch to meet. But in all honesty I was drawn back to the sugar world as I am a sugar addict..lol.. I love the excitement , seeing new places, learning new things, having a mentor who I can learn from and I love being able to show my appreciation for that special SD as well. The sugar bowl opened up a world of possibilities that I would possibly have never experienced it with that special amazing SD.

    How does dating in the Sugarbowl effect you emotionally? Sometimes I find it hard..especially in the screening process! I do not mind rejection and actually take it with a grain of salt to some extent but there are times when I have gotten frustrated when I invest so much time in getting to know someone and then discover on their part it is all a con while I let them in and get to know the genuine me. So emotionally it can be hard but at the same time it has helped me to appreciate the genuine SD’s and when I recently got a new arrangement I have made sure that he knows how much I appreciate who he is.. oh this is the part that can be so deliciously sweet and satisfying. After all don’t we all want to be appreciated??

  246. Sara says:

    @DCSSB – Feeling any better doll?

  247. wow I may be fifth lol..

  248. dccaramelsweetsb says:

    4th

  249. Arcadia SB says:

    Second!

  250. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    First! :)

Top