7 years ago
You Never Know Who You’ll Meet on SA

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“SeekingArrangement is like a box of chocolates … you never know what you’re gonna get, but you can bet it’s gonna be sweeeet.”SFSB

Dating people online can be full of surprises, perhaps even more so in the sugar dating world.

And as the founder of SeekingArrangement.com, I have, from time to time, used the sugar dating site as a Sugar Daddy.  Like everyone, I have had my share of good and bad sugar experiences.  Fortunately for me, it’s the good experiences that have been the most memorable. Over the past few years, I have been fortunate to meet some of the most amazing and interesting people, as well as celebrities in their own right.

Over a year ago, I asked a Sugar Babe out for dinner when I was in Las Vegas.  She took me to LAX – the nightclub at the Luxor Casino – where she was a VIP hostess.  Six months later, I found out she was one of Tiger Wood’s mistresses.

On my flight to Istanbul this past summer, I sat beside a multi-millionaire who is also one of Wall Street’s most well known fund managers.  About halfway on our flight, he asked me what I did for a living, and after I told him I run SeekingArrangement.com, he revealed to me that he has been a Sugar Daddy member on the website for over 2 years and is a big fan.

I know for a fact that there are quite a few members of the Forbes’ 400 richest list on this website.  A Sugar Baby once told me she met one of the founders of Skype through SA. Yet another told me she met a big time Hollywood producer. And, as recently as a few weeks ago, another Sugar Baby told me she came across one of the richest men in the world here.

For this and many other reasons, I have titled this post: You never know who you’ll meet on SeekingArrangement.

I truly believe that there are many amazing, famous, and ultra-wealthy people lurking on the website, and if you have not found the one, I urge you to be patient and to start writing to all the other members out there because, while there may be some bad apples (just as there are anywhere else), there are also some amazingly wonderful catches out here…. on SeekingArrangement.com.

Are there any interesting people you have met through SeekingArrangement.com?

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443 Responses to “You Never Know Who You’ll Meet on SA”

  1. JustPeachy1955 says:

    I’m new to this dance * smiling* and looking forward to a lot of fun in this stage of my life. I do have a couple of questions I am hoping SD and SB’s can help me on.

    What was the worst mistake you ever made in finding / first date?

    What compelled you to respond to a potential partner’s profile here on SA?

    What advise would you give an older SB, like me, just starting out?

    Thanks for the help. I believe this dance will be an intriguing mix of
    togetherness and independence. I am looking forward to learning the dance.
    JustPeachy

  2. humbleme says:

    aspiring doc: Karma is not moral justice. Karma is believed by buddists to be good and bad, cyclic from actions you have already sown intentionally. Although I am sure you knew this, I possibly might have misread your undertanding in how you meant it. I wish you the best in your search.

  3. Arcadia SB says:

    CFL_DB: A pot is a potential, so a pot SD is a potential Sugar Daddy, the arrangement isn’t in place yet, but you think they might end up being the cheese to your macaroni.

  4. aspiring doc says:

    woops my email address posted instead of my name !

  5. heaven_calls@hotmail.com says:

    @SD Guru and all

    yes, I know- I guess it makes me angry. I dotn want to believe that someone used me, or said things like “i was the whole package” and didnt meant it.

    Yes married men (even if I get bad karma) seem easier to deal with. Granted im still new at this and have had just one REAL sugar Daddy- but he was sooo simple and generous. Maybe he had to be honest with me- he couldnt afford not to be incase i took revenge ;).
    But when I think of the level of trust we had, it was amazing. I knew where he lived, his home number, where his kids went to school…..i was actually quite honoured to receive that level of trust. Never in a million years would i have betrayed him.

  6. CFL_SB says:

    Hi all! I am so glad to have found SB’s who share similar stories and SD’s who play the devils advocate. I’ve spent more time in the last few days reading the past blogs then I would like to admit but can someone please tell me what the heck a POT is? I swear I’ve googled away but apparently there have been an awful lot of pot related arrests in South Dakota.

    X_X

  7. Midwest SB says:

    Ms. Taken – Excellent, amazing post! She’s right ladies…it’ up to us to be safe and not tolerate poor behavior. NYC, myself and many of the men have given you all the advice about these men and many SBs continue to end up in precarious situations. If you’re compromising your safety because you’re anxious to meet a sugar daddy, are you willing to accept the consequences?

    Sugar is sweet….let’s keep it that way!

    On another note…I may never come home! My sugar was soooooooo showing last night and I had a ball! Didn’t kiss a single guy though! Ms. Taken, I met your future SD! Sorry for the randomness of my chardonnay post last night :-)

  8. cleo says:

    Darnell: that bartender hasn’t been working when i’ve been there, i’ve only seen the young staff. that said, you are spot on about the atmosphere, i can go there in jeans or a formal gown and be comfy either way.

    apparently the new cool spot is the thompson hotel rooftop bar but you can only get in if you are a resident of the condos or a guest at the hotel. oooo la la :)

  9. cleo says:

    can we stop calling LAcollegebaby LASB? cause i REALLY miss LASB and i’m nearly certain that LAcollegeBaby is SOMEONE ELSE. kthxbai

  10. Sugar SB says:

    @Midwest SB
    The only thing I thought of when I read College SB’s post was: WOW, where can I get an SD like that? And, He gave her 10k… I would call that and the perfume an fantastic birthday gifts.

    @Darnell
    Slumber party about to end for me, I am drained.

  11. Darnell says:

    Sounds like it’s a SA slumber party of alcohol and sleep deprivation tonight.

  12. Midwest SB says:

    Is it just me? When I say LA College baby’s post I immediately thought of one of our gents! Pretty funny if I’m right….if not, my bad!

    I can barely type due to chardonnay, but lets just sy the cougar is alive and well!

    Guru – You were never more right :-)

    • SD Guru says:

      @Dandelion Wine
      For some an SB *IS* an investment…

      That’s also true, but I was thinking more along the lines of your shopping analogy where different target demographics have different supply and demand curves. For women who “must have” that certain high end designer label and are willing to pay whatever the asking price, they play right into the hands of the supplier and happily so.

      Even though most men are smarter than that when it comes to shopping, there are certain niches of SB’s who are able to position themselves as that “must have” and some SD’s will happily pay whatever the asking price to have them.

      But, what we’re talking about here is far from the norm and those niches are not large enough to affect the overall supply and demand curve in the sugar world.

      @GESL
      I really don’t think he had more experience than he was letting on. In fact, it was clear that on a certain level he found the whole idea kind of repugnant, dirty, and wrong.

      What I meant is that it’s not unusual to run into JD’s who initially seem agreeable to whatever you say, then all of the sudden develop some kind of “complex” about the whole idea in the hopes that you’d become his gf/mistress and get sex for free. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s gone through this routine before.

      it was unpleasant, yes, a learning experience to be sure- but I made my own choices. Including when to decide to be done with it.

      If you saw the warning signs and decided to proceed with caution, then that’s a choice you make and you should be able to live with the consequences. And that seems to be what happened here.

      @Bela
      I think the biggest issue in many cases is defining what exactly constitutes as “hot.”

      That’s easy. I know “hot” when I see it! :)

      @Ms Taken
      we need a mad scientist to do some major cloning

      I’m afraid there is only one of me to go around. And besides, I’m just a figment of your imagination! :)

      I would like to share my observations with the utmost humility here

      I agree with your observations and I think they boil down to the following:

      1. Don’t reward bad behavior
      2. Don’t ignore the warning signs
      3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time.

      @Random SB
      It’s not that a SB wanting things that turns SDs off… it’s the sense of entitlement (aka I deserve XYZ because I’m young and pretty) that makes the guys run.

      Exactly. A SB’s attitude should be as attractive as her appearance.

      There are so many young and pretty girls out there. Those traits are not exceptional, especially in the sugar world.

      Yup. Thus my statement about the supply and demand earlier.

      @aspiring-doc
      I want to see if he will come through. I want to believe the best.

      Oh dear, please don’t set yourself up for disappointment. I hope I’m wrong, but you should learn from your experience and move on as quickly as you can. See Ms Taken’s observations above.

      Older married men= less drama… and more fun from what I can see.

      You’re preaching to the choir! :)

      @Midwest SB
      Guru – You were never more right

      Thank you, I wouldn’t be a guru otherwise! :)

      Have a good weekend everyone, see you at the new blog topic!

  13. Sugar SB says:

    *wouldn’t be able to type.
    Oh My. I might need sleep

  14. Sugar SB says:

    @Darnell
    LOL , I think if I had a beer right now, I couldn’t be able to type. Worked to much today. Maybe that is why I didn’t get your joke

  15. Darnell says:

    Right here. :)

  16. Sugar SB says:

    @Darnell
    Oh…. I didn’t get the joke, It is late :) wonder where the blushing smiley is?

  17. Darnell says:

    Man I’m having troubles tonight. Must be one too many beers. :)

    Meant to say:

    Random SB. Even in a traditional dating situation, an attractive but a woman that brings drama, bratty behavior, or has a lack of reasonable intelligence (By this, you don’t have to have degree from Harvard or even a degree at all) will kill any interest from me.

  18. Darnell says:

    Hit the submit button before I could finish my comment.

    Random SB. Even in a traditional dating situation, an attractive but drama, braininess, or a lack of intelligent (By this, you don’t have to have degree from Harvard or even a degree at all) will kill any interest from me.

  19. Darnell says:

    Sugar SB-I agree. Was a joke in my comment. Poor attempt on my part.

  20. Random SB says:

    Thank you, Darnell. That was simply the only point I was trying to make… that being pretty and young is not a unique feature and both are easily found else where.

  21. aspiring doc says:

    @SDSinLa: I think she is milking you- you sound like a complete gentlemen. Why dont you chat to her? I assume intimacy was part of the agreement?

    @ALL

    I emailed him my concerns- nicely- no threats this time and just said if he could give me some evidence/records it would ease my concner. and that id hold him in good faith for a month. I want to see if he will come through. I want to believe the best

    @SD GURU

    maybe the gf thing isnt so far off- he said he really likes me . I said: this is NSA- its okay to like each other but no strings and that atm I wasnt even sure NSA was going to work because he hasnt kept his word to me yet.
    Alarm bells ring. and a guy who cant save would never make a good partner.

    . My last sugar daddy was great- but we both had skin in the game- and I think that aided the trust factor.
    Older married men= less drama (well until he got caught up with emotions) and more fun from what I can see.

  22. Sugar SB says:

    Hi,
    @sunnyfunnylane
    Gentlemen do exist, you just have to seek them out

    @Darnell
    I don’t think LA is all pretty people. God knows, plenty of plastic there. Botox is a must, apparently. But I might say Californians are more healthy. I might be wrong. A lot of “wanna be’s” in Hollywood!

  23. Darnell says:

    *cool features when it opens up.

  24. sunnyfunnylane says:

    Ms Taken: Thank You for addressing what we often ignore.. I know that in the past I was guilty of not seeing the writing on the wall. I have evolved and have tried to be more diligent in my screening process and taking the time to get to know a pot but at times even that does not mean I will find a gem. Lately it seems there are quite a few weeds out there.. but taking the time to find the right one for me is essential.

    I have schedule a meet with another pot which I talked to earlier tonight and after that phone call I actually feel excited about this one. This time I have gotten all the awkward questions and answers out of the way.. and feel like I know exactly what he is looking for and he knows what I am looking for and we are on the same page. So I will see but he is in agreement on so many levels and even asked me if I would be offended if he brought me a gift on the first meet understanding it is only dinner and we would be leaving separately. So I am now of the opinion that Gentlemen do still exist 😉 so now I will get the chance to see if there is chemistry in person.

    Thanks again for addressing the issue of the screening process.

  25. Dandelion Wine says:

    Wow – ANGST!
    Rock on, righteous sista!

  26. Darnell says:

    Cleo-I agree on the lounge. Love the decor too. Very elegant, rich, and sexy, but yet still comfortable in a way. Not to mention you have a old-school, friendly bartender who has been tending for 50 years in that lounge. Any specific drinks you recommend?

    I’ve read the new Shangri-La hotel will have some features when it opens in 2012.

    Randon SB-“It’s not that a SB wanting things that turns SDs off… it’s the sense of entitlement (aka I deserve XYZ because I’m young and pretty) that makes the guys run. There are so many young and pretty girls out there. Those traits are not exceptional, especially in the sugar world.

    The world is full of pretty worlds, SBs or not. Like you said, it isn’t something that makes one standout. It’s your intelligence, interests, and how you carry yourself that make or break it from me. And to live in LA, isn’t it a requirement to be pretty? :)

  27. LACollegebaby says:

    Oh and before I get flooded with jokes, NO I do not have the entitlement attitude per se but was saying if I did, so what? I think everyone has their moments when they want something/wanted something and maybe complain/ed in their heads once they did not get that “thing”. I’m sure there are many guys on here who have had sbs and maybe wanted something on their bdays that they didn’t get, maybe an overnight visit? Or? Idk…all I’m saying is no one is perfect and I think we all share a sense of ” I deserve this or that”, at least sometimes. And NO one can honestly say they have never felt this way. At least no honest person. Even as a hard-working young lady, I’ve had this feeling a few times.

  28. LACollegebaby says:

    @Random Sb. Well I never attributed my bratty ways to my age. Someone mentioned my age, and I said, “Yes, I am young”. The bday gift attitude was bratty, I’ll admit. But I think part of my complaining stemmed from worrying as well. Prob did not do a good job of expressing that. But idk, with all of this talk, I’m starting to think my original stance is reasonable. I’ve been a good sb, despite it only being one month. 10k is a lot, but seriously, I am VERY nice and Mr. Sd is doing great with me in his life. Seriously, he’s made a ton of progress, and he’s thanked me for this many times.

    What’s with this “entitlement” thing? Many of these sds feel they are entitled to beautiful girls just b/c they have money. So even I if I had this attitude, so what? So do they. He expects me to do extra things like pick him up from the airport and check his house while he leaves, so why can’t Iexpect certain things? Also, I am pretty, but also very smart, very nice, and he and I are both Scientists so we click on that fact alone. By looking at me, you’d never guess. And to be honest, my being a nerd is what he likes most about me (so he says lol). We talk about everything from Politics to Chemistry. He is going to tutor me as well, so we’ve established a friendship first which is very important. So sorry to disappoint you, but it’s more than my looks. I have a big heart too.

    @Dandelion Wine, yep, I am taking a leap of faith and 5k is going to benefit him as well. So I say, things have been fair so far.

  29. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    Ms. Taken, I appreciate your comments and don’t take anything you said personally. In trying to be as brief as possible I left a lot out, including some of my own thought processes throughout.

    Aside from the disease paranoia (and he was upfront that he was paranoid about this), nothing was amiss until that first insulting email. I was ready to hang it up right then, but after his explanation and a lot of careful thought on my part, I chose to take it as as aberration as it seemed to be at that point. That is not to say I was not more guarded. I acknowledged the red flag, and made a conscious choice to see where this was going to go anyhow. (as opposed to ignoring the flag, or just not seeing it.)

    The hotel room was my idea. If anything, my instincts told me that having this guy know where I live would not be a good thing. Given what transpired, I think I was spot-on about that. :)

    Something I did not point out that I should have-I never, NEVER meet a pot anyplace in private without a trusted friend knowing where I am. In this instance, my friend knew the hotel where I was going to be, and when I learned the room number I texted it to her. I was not concerned about his being able to overpower me physically- he couldn’t have- and I wasn’t too worried he would have a weapon or anything. I don’t want to divulge much about my work experience on the blog, but I am accustomed to dealing with volatile people and unpredictable situations, and am reasonably savvy even if my demeanor is not “tough as nails”. :)

    As annoying and downright strange as all of this was, at no point was I worried about my physical safety. I do want to emphasize that, and also that in no way do I feel traumatized or victimized by what happened. It was unpleasant, yes, a learning experience to be sure- but I made my own choices. Including when to decide to be done with it.

    I do think it is very easy to hear (or read) anyone’s experience from start to finish, and see what we may have done differently. It’s not always as easy to see these things when we one is in the middle of the “story.” What I learned is I don’t want to try and be involved again with someone new to the sugar world or feels ambivalent about it. That was where I gave the extra leeway that turned out to be undeserved.

    I do agree with many of your points, but I really wish you hadn’t brought up kumbaya because now I have that damn song stuck in my head. :)

  30. Random SB says:

    And for the record, sparks have nothing to do with being bratty unless the guy gets off on the dynamic.

  31. Random SB says:

    Dandelion Wine – I have never explicitly disclosed my current SD situation because I feel no need to brag, but since you want to bring it up, then let me say that I am very happy with my SD and 5k monthly allowance. :)

    I suppose my little belief of treating others the way I want to be treated is pure shit too.

  32. Dandelion Wine says:

    Random SB, IRLSD’s “liar but sparks ” SB had more longevity than Alleycat’s “wonderful person but no sparks” SB…
    Obviously whatever LASB is doing works better for her, than whatever you are doing works for you :) It would be more reasonable for you to learn from her, than the other way around

  33. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bela, bella, how charming :)
    Until she comes up to him at the bar, asks “is this seat taken?” and he says “yeah, it’s my buddy’s, sorry”, let’s just take his reply to you as a sign that he is well aware of the concept “a bird in the hand” :)

  34. Random SB says:

    LA College Baby – You’re age is no excuse to act like a brat. Get rid of that little theory ASAP unless you want to become another stereotyped pretty young thing who’s whiny and vapid. And guess what – there’s plenty of those and they’re disposable to SDs because a new crop will constantly be emerging into this world.

    You’ve only been seeing this guy for ONE MONTH. That is still technically “try out” period where both of you are seeing if it will work or not. 10k is very generous for a month, especially considering you guys are still not very familiar with each other. And the birthday gift… well, what did you expect? Like I said, you’ve only known each other for one month. It’s not like he’s been your SD for half a year or longer.

    It’s not that a SB wanting things that turns SDs off… it’s the sense of entitlement (aka I deserve XYZ because I’m young and pretty) that makes the guys run. There are so many young and pretty girls out there. Those traits are not exceptional, especially in the sugar world.

    Signed,

    A SB who is your peer

  35. Ms. Taken says:

    Hi Sugar Family! All the comments here are so insightful. I especially love the SDs pov ~ we need a mad scientist to do some major cloning 😉 SBs, couldn’t we all stand more than one Guru, NCGent, IRL, WC, Stormy, Michael, et al (this list is in no way all-inclusive).

    *preamble*I would like to share my observations with the utmost humility here and want to preface that none of this is meant to offend. I add my thoughts not because I am an expert but because I would like us as SBs to give the screening process a little more thought.

    Yesterday I came away from reading the blog thinking, “Have I just been lucky all this time?”; “Is it possible SFL could have communicated with this absolutely crass man and not get a hint – any hint – as to what he’s really like?”

    So today I read about GESL’s experience with this guy and was shocked (is it just me)that she even took his calls/texts after the first time he insulted her; as for his other erratic displays. Then I remembered the SB who recently shared about the pot who poofed (right before an arranged meet) w/o explanation for some weeks then called as if nothing happened and she made another date with him because he maybe promised something or other. I remember telling her that she should use this as heads-up for what she can expect from the guy and NEXT him.

    @GESL~From what I read, it doesn’t even sound as if you like the guy. He certainly wasn’t behaving in any likeable way. You are lucky to have come away intact (plus a cautionary tale and money). I am no psychiatrist, but this guy sounded irrational and I can’t imagine how someone could have felt safe alone in a room with him.

    Eureka! I “get” it. SBs have been ignoring the signs – for whatever reason. Because believe me, the signs are usually there. And I am sure some of you reading this can think of some other situations that have made you shake your heads. Example, hotel rooms. “After all this time are we still getting lured to hotel rooms under “any” pretense!!!!!!!”

    ***I am not addressing escorts here as I am sure there are other sites geared towards them***
    SBs how many clues do we need. We have to be prepared to walk at the first sign of unSD-like behaviour. A poof daddy will continue to be unreliable. A jerk-pot will continue to be a jerk (and disrespectful) throughout whatever arrangement you enter with him. We can not be afraid to say N-E-X-T. We can not be too greedy to say N-E-X-T. We can not be too desperate to say N-E-X-T. We have to take the time to trust our better judgement, obey our insincts and be true to the process, so we can come out on the other end winners and not victims.

    For those of us who want to be SBs: After every encounter with a pot, he should not be cofused as to your/his role. If you call yourself an SB but allow some faker to treat you like an escort then he comes away, at best confused or worse, believing there is no difference between an SB and an escort.

    I expect to get some heat for this but it had to be said. Back to your regularly scheduled kumbaya session.

    Again, I am no expert and the usual disclaimers apply

  36. Dandelion Wine says:

    Sunnyfunny, from what I understood, at least 5 of those 10 k was towards rent/deposit on a sugar pad, a logistics/relocation expense that wouldn’t have been necessary if he was able to “host”. LASD is taking a leap of faith by moving out of her cheap apartment into a place that, if things don’t work out, she would either have to vacate, or worry about coming up with enough rent money for.
    I hope LASB really likes her SD, because once she will have moved to the new place, it will become her gilded cage.

  37. Bela says:

    It’s funny you should bring her up because I used her as an example (I mean, come on, who doesn’t like Brazilian women?) and he STILL didn’t find her attractive. He’s a great guy and admitted she was pretty, but in terms of attraction, it just wasn’t there.

  38. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bela, I recently came across a study, and it pretty much stated that while women differ greatly in their opinion of what constituted hot, men don’t.
    Would the friend that has a preference for Nordic beauty turn down Adriana Lima, even though she is pretty much the opposite of Nordic?
    Would the friend that has a preference for curves turn down Adriana Lima, even though by “curvy” standards she is bony?

  39. Bela says:

    @GreenEyed – You are absolutely right! This blog is fabulous and lets me be in the company of others who understand what I’m talking about and let me experience other points of view. It makes for a very welcomed change since I live in the country. Luckily, I’m going to take on a lot more traveling with my job, so I can escape :)

  40. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD Guru, indeed.
    For some an SB *IS* an investment, as in [the value of increased ability to network at a high-profile event and/or increased perceived social status plus many other things I won’t go into on the blog] >>[cost of allowance], and that is before any intangible considerations. :)

  41. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    @ Bela Lately for me, it’s been the blog that’s kept me going. That, and when I’ve had enough I take a break from it all!

    Seriously, I wouldn’t let the crazy stories stop you… I think it’s good to hear the experiences of others because we can all learn something from them.

    @ LAbaby What everyone else said :) Also, I’m not sure if anyone addressed your question on the calls and the texts, and whether this makes him more like a BF than a SD. It shouldn’t….personally, I would be bothered by constant texts and don’t really enjoy talking on the phone, but the occasional email or text to say hello in between get togethers I actually appreciate. I also have to say that given your SD’s generosity I would be inclined to be generous with my time and kindness, in return. If you really are too busy to respond or it gets out of hand, just politely let him know that you’re busy.

    Thanks for the comments on my recent “adventure”!

    @ Bibaby, I know, the piece you quoted is priceless- and what’s really funny is I know it was at least partially intended as a backhanded insult toward me. It didn’t work. 😉

    @ Sunnylane Nope, you are not alone, and even with all of the things in place that should make a true sugar relationship easy to find, it’s still not easy. At least there’s someplace to share our experiences among those who understand.

    @ SDGuru Thank you for your comments. :) Definitely agree with you on supply and demand. I would say this guy was a Joke Daddy, yes, but I really don’t think he had more experience than he was letting on. In fact, it was clear that on a certain level he found the whole idea kind of repugnant, dirty, and wrong. Not feeling this way about it myself, I’m going to wait for someone who is on the same page as I am.

    Which I may have. I had a very enjoyable evening with a pot who has had a mistress before and knows what it’s all about. (and definitely does not think it’s a bad thing!) I found his company extremely enjoyable and look forward to getting to know him better. As dinner came to an end, he brought up the financial conversation and suggest we give it a try for a month and see how things go. A man after my own heart! I have accepted and we are meeting again this weekend. I have the sense that if we find we are not compatible for long term there will be no drama involved. I’m feeling optimistic. :)

  42. Bela says:

    @Sunny – That’s funny, because I’m definitely all about the words. If they have about two words in their descriptions, I move on, but if there is something to be said, I am drawn in.

    Good luck with your next meeting!!!

  43. @Dandelion Wine: I meant generous in general.. as her arrangement is 3K and she has already gotten 10 K in one month.. maybe this does not seem generous in other peoples worlds but to me anything over the agreed amount including any gifts is a sign of generosity and in my world very appreciated. I did not mean it as an attack in any manner of form. 😉

    I also was not judging her.. if you read my earlier post to her.. it is not for me to judge nor would I want to be judged if I was in her shoes. I do get your point and it is appreciated.

  44. LACollegebaby says:

    @Sunnyfunnylane, yea, I am young and new to this, kinda. Well I had one guy before that I met in real life. He was more of a mentor and being that he had no kids (as strange as this may sound) kinda saw me as a daughter and wanted to help me out with school and other things. He was a great guy. But anyway, as for this guy, yea you are right. I will appreciate all of this more, esp with time I’m sure.

    @Sdguru, well we met and talked expectations from date two. I heavily stressed that I did not want a bf. He said that he wanted a sb, but didn’t want to take over my life in any way. He did say that he’d like me to be more of a gf than another sb, BUT clarified by saying that he did not want it to be too business like. Like come by 3 times per month and pay my bills.Ok, I get that… We did agree though, that we would see each a reasonable amount of times per month for “personal” matters, but also for dinner nights n stuff. He literally texts me everyday though, and one time even got mad b/c I didn’t respond for all of 4 hrs. Yes, red flags, I know.

    Funny you say that it will not last. We actually have fallen out twice from this, b/c of me telling him to back up some. And what does he do? Come back and show me that he has backed off and will back off. I don’t know if this is all a lure, the gifts and money, but as I said he has kept every promise from date number 2, and after our fallouts just proved even more that he is real. See now we are on a whole diff topic. I didn’t want to burden the blog with this. Also, this is why ppl need to hear the whole story before jumping to conclusions.

    @SdinLA, funny…I’ve admitted that I maybe am/was bratty. Since everyone thinks my sd has been so great, tell me this. Am I a great sb for going out of my way? I’ve driven him to an airport 1 hr from where I live twice, so he can go out of town. I answer all of his texts, and hang out with him often, although no sex yet. But I’ve gone to dinner with him idk how many times this month. I’ve gone over to his house to take care of things he “left out” while rushing to travel. Like the other day I went over to get food out that he left out and did not want to rot. LOL..Do other sbs do this? Ummm, I think not. As SDguru said, maybe this will lead to drama. I feel that I’ve gone way out of my way, and he has done a lot from me but I honestly think I deserve it.

  45. @SD in LA… get the humor.. she is young and learning.. but I must say I do find it amusing when an SD goes for youth and then expects her to act his age. Maturity levels vary and all of us have had to grow and learn from our own mistakes. (smiles)

    @Bela I have had my share of mishaps and mistakes.. in some ways I think what keeps me going is that by chance I had a wonderful SD which lasted quite some time.. much longer than most. In those years I was treasured and I felt at all times respected.. valued.. and oh the intimacy and yes sex was awesome. I have had the chance to know how good it can be.. and that is what keeps me going. There are actually quite a few quality SD’s on here, and we even see that from time to time in the blogs. I also search every few days and do not wait for someone to contact me if there profile is quality. I use to pay attention to the picture and not the written word which I think was half my problem now I do not worry if there is not a picture as long as they are willing to provide one if requested and I am meeting another Pot tomorrow so maybe this strategy will pay off. Just hang in there.. and enjoy the search .

  46. Bela says:

    SDGuru and Dandelion: I think the biggest issue in many cases is defining what exactly constitutes as “hot.”

    You see it in so many profiles, but no one actually states what they consider hot. I have two awesome guy friends who are brothers and very much alike. However when it comes to women, one considers the nordic

    look to be attractive, while the other likes dark features and more curves. Most women know exactly how smart they are (let’s hope), but I’ve been called everything from gorgeous to mediocre.

  47. Dandelion Wine says:

    Sunnyfunny, “generous” is a very vague concept.
    What may be generous to some, to others would be “being taken advantage of”.
    Without knowing anything about LASB or her SD, it is impossible to say if he is being generous or not. Chances are, he is getting a pretty good deal.

  48. Bela says:

    lol SDinLA you are too funny. No offense LAbaby 😉

  49. Bela says:

    lol Seriously?!? You guys are TERRIFYING me. Listening to these crazy stories, I’m almost glad nothing has worked out.

    What keeps you going while trying to find a great SD?

  50. SDinLA says:

    Advice please SBs:

    I’ve been seeing my SB for just over a month now. There hasn’t been any intimacy yet. I’ve given her almost 10 grand- partly to rent her own apt., and also a debit card to go shopping with while I get her a credit card of her own. Oh, and I paid off some bills for her too. Her birthday was the other day and I thought it wold be a nice gesture to buy her some D&G perfume. Am I being a Dirty Old Man to have expected more than just a “Thank You?” There was not even an offer of “partial intimacy!” I mean nothing but a “Thank You” from a SB? The waiter says “Thank You” when I tip them, so her response sucked (and not in the way I was hoping to) bottom line.

    😉 😛

    LACollegeBaby: I’m kiddddddding

    • SD Guru says:

      Tonight at the Improv…. introducing SDinLA!! :)

      @LACollegebaby

      Please don’t take us too seriously even though we’re having a bit of fun at your expense. I hope you’ll stick around! :)

      And as for the comment “save the pouting for a bf”, well that’s prob number 2. Although we haven’t been intimate, he wants to text and talk to me all the time and occupy my time like a bf would. So if you want to treat me like a gf, hey, maybe I can gripe like one.

      Your problem #2 has drama written all over it. How did the two of you discuss the nature of the sugar relationship, is it supposed to be NSA or is he expecting more? Did you discuss any boundaries? I bet this thing won’t last more than 3 months. Anyone taking bets?? :)

      @Dandelion Wine
      demand for hot and smart SBs also far exceeds the supply

      You do have a good point there. It’s possible that demand for certain niches of SB can exceed supply, and some SD’s do knowingly target those niches depite that.

  51. @LACollegebaby : You are quite welcome, I do not think any one though is trying to attack you.. I assume you are young and rather new to the sugar arrangement forum.. this is what is so good about the blogs.. as we share others can learn along with us. I have had met my share of ducks.. and you are quite lucky to have found a SD who is living up to his words.. I know they are out there but sometimes it is hard to find them. If your agreement is 3k.. he is being very generous with all the extras to help you with a place to live..bill paying etc. that is generosity that needs to be treasured.

    Some of the SD and SB’s on this forum have blogs.. and you can find your way to them by clicking on the blue names.. like mine at top of my post. SD Guru is a good example of what it is like and mistakes made along the way.. lots of good lessons to learn from him. There are a few others I have looked at as well.. and most of us discuss the good and the bad.. you might want to look at a few real stories so you can truly appreciate how lucky you are. In time you may find that his generosity extends beyond the agreed amount.. or that he will give gifts on occasion .. not all SD’s do this. Good Luck to you.. and do not take offense to the comments as we all at times jump in there trying to guide each other.

  52. Dandelion Wine says:

    NC gent, even for purses there are different target demographics and therefore different S&D curves.
    Someone who shops at Old Navy and Target would gasp at the prices at Coach and Dooney&Burke, and even at a 60% discount he or she wouldnt be comfortable buying something there.
    At the same time someone who shops at Dior and Chloe and Hermes, would be ashamed to be seen in public with a coach bag used in any capacity other than luggage and purchases are not driven by affordability of the item as much as the intensity of liking the item.

  53. LACollegebaby says:

    @Cleo, ok…maybe the “attack” thing was the wrong way to put it. Thanks for your input. You are right, he could be great and seems to be. Like you said though, maybe I just took it as a red flag. Maybe it was a mix of me being a brat, and me thinking, “is this normal considering?”

    As for the 10k, to elaborate: Like I said earlier, 5k has gone to like personal stuff for me (and yes, I am grateful) and the second 5k was to pay the first month’s rent and deposti on the new place HE will get to see ME at. I cannot see him at the house I’m at now. And yes, I appreciate it, but at the same time, if he wants to see me, he and I both know that privacy is needed. It shows that he is serious and I greatly appreciate that.

    I’m a very sweet person, despite my sometime bratty ways. I’m not here to brag or anything, but obviously I am not that bad or he wouldv’e already moved on. I think a lot of time the sb gets the “bratty” or “ungrateful” title despite our efforts. Well, some of us are young and maybe display this more than others (so what do ppl expect)…not saying it is ok though. At the same time, some of us give a lot of ourselves, and it seems that the men here like to judge us harshly and make it seem like we are the only ones benefiting. Ummm no! My sd is MUCH happier now that I’m with him and he has been doing a lot better in work and everything. I text and talk to him often, and dine with him a lot, or he cooks for me. I’ll cook for him too eventually. I think I go above what ppl see as what is “expected” of a sb. Come to think of it, maybe this is another reason why my expectations are high and rightfully can/should b. And like I said, it’s been one month. So maybe more credit should be given to sbs sometimes.

  54. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD Guru, demand for hot and smart SBs also far exceeds the supply :)

  55. Dandelion Wine says:

    A-doc, unless you have (or able to obtain) a statement in writing (like an email or text) that he is giving you the coin as a collateral for what he owes you, don’t even bother getting it appraised. Return it, get some form of receipt that you returned it, then figure out what is the next step.
    If it’s not valuable, there’s no need to hold on to garbage, an if it is valuable – what do you think might be the consequences of having in your possession a highly valuable (maybe even historic) item, acquisition of which you cannot explain and prove?
    Good analogy would be: ” here, hold on to this bag of drugs as a collateral, it’s valuable”

  56. Midwest SB says:

    SDGuru – Hotlanta is Hotmazing! Off to dinner in Buckhead!

  57. cleo says:

    LACollegebaby none of us were attacking you; all of us are trying to make you see that you may well have landed one of the platinum SD’s. and i don’t mean the certified guys on SA, i mean the all too rare REAL sd with the means and the willingness to do what he says.

    heck maybe he will cheap out over the next few months and this perfume thing will turn out to be a red flag and you will find you were right all along. not how i would bet from the way he has started out.

    i baked cookies for my sister last year. I didn’t see her at christmas but at the end of january so, since i gave away baking, i made her her own special batch. even got the recipe for a childhood favourite of ours.

    she burst into tears.
    cost? 20 bucks and three hours or negligible

    i’ve spent more than 100 dollars on her lots of times but nothing she treasured more than that childhood recipe (which i gave her WITH the cookies.)

    gifts are gifts. if you have a gift daddy you maybe have to count them up, if you have an allowance daddy methinks you look for the why of it or the deeper meaning or just be grateful.

    but please don’t think we’re attacking you, we’re more trying to help you not screw up a seemingly good thing

  58. LACollegebaby says:

    @sdguru, yes I am pouting but should not b, I know. And as for the comment “save the pouting for a bf”, well that’s prob number 2. Although we haven’t been intimate, he wants to text and talk to me all the time and occupy my time like a bf would. So if you want to treat me like a gf, hey, maybe I can gripe like one.

  59. LACollegebaby says:

    @sunnyfunnylane, thanks for the well written response and thanks for not attacking me. I guess I am being bratty and did know the answer all along.

    To all others, well I did say thank you. I didn’t make him feel bad about it. I told him I loved it, but was just surprised. And 10k is not my normal allowance. Actually its only gonna be 3k once we “start” as in become exclusive. Idk if he’s rich and hiding it, or not. No big deal to me. I say that bc he has given me sooo much in just about a month but then offers me around 3k allowance which was established on the 2nd date. Obviously though, he is the type to give extras. That’s a diff story though. I guess I was just reading too deeply into the gift though.

  60. cleo says:

    midwest: awesome

  61. Midwest SB says:

    LACollegeBaby – Say “Thank you!”

  62. @ LACollegebaby If I understand your post correctly in one month you have gotten 10G to pay bills.. get new digs.. shop.. and in the first month he even remembers your birthday and gives you a nice bottle of perfume. Actually that is quite generous.. and you are not even intimate at this point..he has definitely shown you good faith in every way and actually you should consider your self lucky. So many of us search for a SD who will keep his arrangement and he has been a perfect gentlemen from the sounds of it. A sugar arrangement is about a mutually beneficial relationship and it appears he is doing much to make you comfortable so you ask if are you being bratty? I am not hear to judge anyone.. only you know the answer to that question but a little gratitude towards him seems appropriate. Read through some of the blogs.. and see how so many of us find the ducks instead of the gazelles.. and count your self blessed.

  63. Bicentennial Baby says:

    I second Cleo on the comment. I would love to get a nearly 10k allowance. I had 3 pots I was conversing with at the time of my birthday just a few weeks back and only 1 of them was considerate enough to even get me a gift to begin with (and this was the gift SD who vanished). That item was under $100 but was and remains appreciated for the thought behind it at the time.

    Saying that, consider the thought behind that gift, perfume is a very romantic choice and perhaps he LIKES that scent and would like you to wear it for him. Did you ask him? My 2nd date with my husband he bought me a fragrance he used to buy for his exwife. At first I was offended but he told me the scent itself triggered a sort of primal attraction that had nothing to do with his ex. I now wear it all the time and trust me, he NEVER thinks of her when I do. We both call it the “charm” perfume! (and it usually works!)

  64. cleo says:

    Darnell i took a lady friend there just the other day because she had never seen the view. i really like the lounge at the hyatt. i think it would be a pretty good place to freestyle when TIFF is NOT on

    in the meantime i’m hitting the ‘luxury core’ down by the financial district more

    glad i could help :)
    .
    LACollegebaby: this is going to sound harsh but all i can really think reading that paragraph is “wow, ungrateful much?”

  65. LACollegebaby says:

    Advice please all:

    I’ve been seeing my sd for over one month now. We are just dating and haven’t been intimate at all. He has given me nearly 10k. Half to start paying for an apt n the city, and half like on a debit card I use to shop until I get my permanent cc from him, along with som that went to bills. With this said, bday just passed and what does he give me? Dolce and gabana perfume. Am I being bratty to think I should have at least gotten a nice gift card? Also, I clearly ttold him what to get me and he did not. I mean perfum from a sd ? My mom got me a diff perfume, so the gift sucked bottom line.

  66. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @NC Gent,

    Ah, I love arguing economics with an intelligent man…what a thrill! 😉 Too bad you’re not in the DC area…

    Regarding can’t think of too many luxuries that are bargains, so true! I have a $4.15 Starbucks latte each and every weekday, it’s my little luxury and no bargain indeed. Let’s face it, I could get a gallon of milk for what I’m paying to buy 20 oz of mixed within that cup. But the joy and great taste I get out of looking forward to my small bit of splurging every morning makes it well worth it!

  67. Darnell says:

    SD Guru-Thanks for the guide. I’m taking it slowly and learning about the process (at least online) before I take any action first. My relationship was with someone who I’ve known with a long time, so it was sort of something that happened. It was a lot of fun, we cut out the drama and both weren’t looking for that serious relationships, and still remain good friends.

    This site is great, but can be a little daunting at first.

    Cleo-Glad I could help. Toronto is a fun city that is really growing. One thing I noticed is a lot of activity in the luxury/upscale developments. Lot of new hotels, shops, and restaurants that are opening up or will be opening up. The new Ritz-Carlton looks like it will be quite a lovely hotel. You can’t beat a drink on the patio of the Roof Lounge overlooking the city skyline, with Lake Ontario off in the distance, at the Park Hyatt.

  68. NC Gent says:

    Hi BiCB — some of those things that you mentioned are what I categorize as mitigating factors. Also, if you eliminate the viable SDs along with the viable SBs, I think the ratio would remain about 10:1. From the many posts here, there is no reason to assume that every SD is real (as well as SB). I think the market has had more than enough time to reach equilibrium, but we can have a lively discussion some time about that. I think the important factor is minimum pricing… not sure what the equilibrium price is… but if the average “cost” of an SB was say $500 a month (purely made-up), then I think the supply-demand might be equal or even shift to under supply of SBs. However, at that point, it isn’t worth it to a large percentage of SBs – thus the minimum pricing keeps the ratio so skewed, and I don’t think that will change anytime soon. Having said that, IMHO, having an SB is a luxury, and I can’t think of any luxuries that are bargains.

  69. @ Green Eyed Sugar Lady: Wow! I thought I had run across some interesting characters in my search but I am beginning to realize just has many weeds there are in the Garden of Sugar Searches. I initially thought when I started using the online medium to search for an SD that it was understood what the sites were for that cater to sugar arrangements but have quickly learned that many SD’s and SB’s for that matter are new to the concept and do not understand what a sugar arrangement is even about. It is nice to see that you have held to your principles and not settled which is what I have been doing. I wish you well in your search and Thank You for sharing your experience. It is comforting to know I am not the only one out there who has had problems with potentials not being the person that they first represent themselves to be or the many hoops they want us to jump through.

  70. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @Green Eyed Sugar Lady,

    Wow, you were a lot more charitable than I would have been to stay my friend. He’s lucky you excused his loutish behavior.

    However I think the all-time award for funniest line in a blog is, drum roll please…:

    and says ideally he would like to have a hot 25 year old, 5’8″, blonde fall in love with him and not his money

    I nearly died laughing reading that line!

  71. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    @ SD Guru I know exactly what you are saying, but in this case I’m pretty sure the condo is for his mother, not a sugar pad. I honestly would prefer someone with experience who keeps a sugar pad! :)

    In my trying for brevity, I forgot to mention I inquired about std testing on his part while we were at the hotel- he doesn’t feel it’s necessary for him, after all aside from sex with his wife he’s just had the one affair. Gah.

  72. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    Part 2

    So I arrive at this hotel and find him in the lobby. Turns out the restaurant/lounge doesn’t open until dinner, and it’s only afternoon. I suggest we walk to someplace nearby and he says, no, lets just sit here and talk. (in the lobby.) Awkward! We make some small talk, he indicates he would like to go someplace more private, do I agree? I do and suggest that he get a room while I’m out feeding my parking meter (he did give me change for this.) He tells me he already has a room, I’m a little surprised but okay. So after I take care of parking, I go to the room and find he’s brought a bottle of vodka and some OJ with him, and he’s well on his way to getting drunk. I pour a drink for myself and sit down on the loveseat. He’s at the desk chair, we talk for a bit, then he come over and sort of clumsily pounces on me.

    After a few minutes, I stop him and remind him about the allowance piece. He says “don’t worry, I have it”, and I tell him I am sure that he does, but if we can get that out of the way now, I would feel much more comfortable. (not to mention how many hoops I had already jumped through for *his* comfort.) So he hands me what we agreed upon and comments that for this he could have bought a plasma tv. What? Then he mentions again that once he had an affair, and didn’t have to do this.

    Without going into detail here, it becomes apparent over the next hour or so that he has has way too much to drink, and despite my best efforts, not much is going to happen. I indicate more than once that I’m happy to stay and hang out, but he keeps wanting me to try and make the impossible happen. At one point he mentions that a condom is such an “unnecessary barrier” (too bad), and at another very inopportune moment asks if I am on birth control, I tell him I am not and he asks if I would get an abortion if I were to become pregnant. This question coming at the time that it did was pretty jarring, and so at this point I get up and tell him that don’t feel this is going well, and that I know he’s had a lot to drink and that I need to leave. He says “bye.” I wish him a safe drive home, again, “bye.”

    So I send him an email later on, saying I don’t think this is a good match, and suggested he try and find someone for an affair since that seems to be what he really wants. He replies back, wondering why I’m no longer interested, that yes he does prefer an affair, isn’t excited about helping someone pay for college since he’s done that with two daughters already…. and says ideally he would like to have a hot 25 year old, 5’8″, blonde fall in love with him and not his money. (for the record, I am 5’5″, brunette, and 41…) THEN he says he is really attracted to me and still wants to give this a go.

    I’m still pondering all of these mixed messages when he sends another email, calling me a con artist (again), and that he hopes he didn’t catch something from me because he “knows my name and where I work.” I had given him my first name, hadn’t told him where I worked. I replied back that I did not want to get involved with someone who continually insults me, and that any more threatening emails I would view as harassment and act accordingly. So he switches back to nice, tells me he still thinks it could work, just how much money he has at his disposal, etc. The sends another one later saying he will leave the door open in case I come to my senses. At this point I am way beyond done with this, and tell him I’m not interested in pursuing this further, he emailed a couple more times (no threats) and has since left me alone. I hope that’s the last of it. Even with leaving out a lot of details, this has been a loooong story. He seems to think it’s simply because he was drunk and couldn’t perform, honestly that is the least of it…. if that were the case I would not have offered to stay anyway.

    I just have to say that I stand by all of my actions- and if it were really just about the money as he enjoys implying, well I guess I would just endure the insults and my own disgust at his loutish behavior, and enjoy that money. But it doesn’t work that way for me.

  73. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @NYC SB and Muse,
    Man I love Chipolte!!!! Mmmm….cilantro rice…

    @NC Gent,
    I love you for your opinion, you’re a rebel like me 😉 Seriously though, I am setting out to disprove your position…your status of equilibrium in the marketplace fascinates me as my last two grad classes were for statistics and economics. I truly don’t think the market has reached equilibrium because the 10:1 SB to SD ratio does not take into account the varying levels of quality.

    See the ratio becomes flawed when viewed strictly by the numbers. this is an X and Y type equation (or XX and XY…get it?). SB’s or X have varying degrees of hotness, proportionate weight/height, good looks, intelligence, youth, willingness to travel and reasonable expectations. (We can’t account for drama, that doesn’t uncover until a few dates in..). So the value of X is really a huge range, from the downright homely 300# trailer park girl seeking the light bill all the way up to a $10,000 a month 24yr old med school SB who’s a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and modeling on the side.

    The value of SD or Y, remains pretty much constant. He either has money or he doesn’t. His range is usually pretty finite as most men have a clear idea of what they can afford to spend on an SB. Yes there is some degree of variability in HIS age/looks/education but lets face it, most SB’s are not screening out the fat & old guys when participating in their search…allowance is the primary benefit, not how hot he is. (if it weren’t, they’d be on Seeking Millionaire). I have found the seriously hot & young ones to be mostly p4p johns so I steer clear.

    Anyway, when you remove the ladies who have no chance of being SB’s (different again from the ones who are developing into them–me or who are just in bad markets for finding one, like Cleo), the equilibrium does stabilize out a whole lot more. I just searched my own area and there were like 3 of 25 different women who were attractive enough for ME to even want to click on their photo and read the profile. So I think the market ratio is a lot closer to 3:1 and I still think it’s a good deal for the SD’s—when it finally works out!

    @SD Guru,
    I love your answer, it’s truthful… BUT I think it’s stupid to expect that from a woman though….a girlfriend you met at work or through school is faithful most of the time. A sugarbaby you see as a NSA arrangement on SA? Not so much. Again, some guys are fooling themselves. It’s not always the tom who is catting around.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Bicentennial Baby
      See the ratio becomes flawed when viewed strictly by the numbers… Anyway, when you remove the ladies who have no chance of being SB’s… the equilibrium does stabilize out a whole lot more.

      There can be many variables of course, such as location, the age and physical appearance of SD’s and SB’s, etc. But when you remove the JD’s and PJ’s from the equation (and we know there are lots of those based on the stories in this blog), the reality remains that demand for SD’s who are willing to provide an allowance far exceeds the supply of SB’s who seek them.

      In addition to the law of supply and demand, another unpopular concept is “SB as a depreciating asset”. Again, please don’t shoot the messenger because I didn’t come up with this stuff. When the concept was first mentioned three years ago it caused an internet sensation and generated a lot of heated discussion. There is no need to rehash all that again, but I thought you should be aware of it.

      BUT I think it’s stupid to expect that from a woman though

      You asked the question, I gave you an answer. I didn’t say it was going to be logical or rational! :)

      @GESL

      Thanks for posting part 2 and share the rest of the story. What you got was a Joke Daddy worse than the one sunnyfunnylane encountered, and he might have had more experience doing this than he led on. He probably wasn’t going to be an allowance SD regardless of what he said before. There seem to be plenty of JD’s, and that re-enforces what I said about supply and demand in the sugar world.

      @LACollegeBaby
      We are just dating and haven’t been intimate at all. He has given me nearly 10k…. I mean perfum from a sd ? My mom got me a diff perfume, so the gift sucked bottom line.

      If you’re new to the sugar world and he is your first SD, consider yourself hitting the jackpot given all the unpleasant stories we’ve seen in this blog. This is a good example of a SB who can’t see the forest for the trees. He’s given you 10k, you haven’t been intimate yet, and you’re pouting about a bday gift?? Save the pouting for the boyfriend and be grateful for the SD you have.

  74. NYC SB says:

    Muse – I <3 more than chipotle … I was also saving my booze virginity for you… Haven't had any alcohol since last sat or sunday …

    SD Guru – you are welcome :)

  75. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    @ BiBaby I have run into the resistance to protection as well. I think part of it may be a generational thing. Outside of my sugar life I usually date men in their 20’s, and this is never an issue. My Splenda daddy (who I don’t want to see any longer) made disappointed noises about condom use…. yet I insisted… and the “psycho pot” I recently encountered was downright hypocritical about it, as well as with just about everything else.

    I answered a CL ad that seemed very clear and began corresponding with a man who had never done this before but was looking for a SD/SB relationship. He was married and had an affair in the past, but was new to being a SB. My first thought was, great, since I am experienced with this I can help. He did indicate he had a real concern about std’s and did not want to give anything to his wife. Well, that seemed respectable, and of course I like to take care of my own health too.

    We met for a drink, the conversation/connection seemed to have potential, we shared a couple of kisses in the parking lot and exchanged interested emails the following day. He asked me if I would be willing to be tested for std’s and that was no problem for me (I did note he did not offer to do the same, however), I put forth an allowance range I was looking for, suggested a partial amount at the outset (not as p4p, just for mutual comfort and mind-easing), and requested that we first meet in a neutral location as I manage the building where I live and am careful about my privacy.

    All seemed fine, then he emailed to say he didn’t want to wait for my test results to see me again- could he come over? I gently reminded him I wasn’t ready to bring him to my home yet, agreed we could meet and suggested we stick to low-risk activity of things should become intimate. He had mentioned he might like a drink or two to relax first, so I suggested two different hotel options with nearby bars, in two different price ranges so he could choose.

    The following morning I receive a scathing email…. “you’re nothing but a con artist”…”you want to meet in a hotel/you are too well versed in hotel locations”… “you want to take the money and run”, etc. I was so shocked I just about fell out of my chair! I replied to tell him that while I wasn’t going to try and change his mind, I had already explained my reasons for wanting to meet at a hotel initially, and since I have lived in this city for over twenty years, knowing TWO hotel locations was not really unusual- and my suggestions were meant to be helpful. I wished him good luck in his search. He sends another email saying he “may have been wrong about me” and would still like to meet this evening- he has a condo he keeps for his mother when she visits, and suggests we meet there. I agree, rush home from work, jump in the shower and get out to discover he has decided he’s not comfortable meeting after all until I have my test results (was going to the clinic the following day.) Sigh.

    So I spend half the afternoon at the clinic, and volunteer for a research study that will provide even more extensive testing than what is usually provided. A few days later I send him an email to let him know the results are all negative. He asks for documentation, which they don’t provide at an anonymous clinic, although I offer to bring the docs from the research study that shows what tests are taken and it’s time-stamped. I also point out that I have tried to address his concerns at every turn and have shown nothing but good faith. He replies in agreement, says he feels very comfortable meeting, suggests a hotel and that we meet in the bar.

    Sorry this is so long- part 2 later. :)

  76. Muse says:

    SD Guru – I found it amusing because we had discussed him in a previous blog, many months ago. You may not have been around for it. I thought it was amusing to note that he has 3 profiles, not 2 as most of us thought and that he blatantly contradicts himself. To me, that’s a red flag but apparently you disagree….

    • SD Guru says:

      @Muse

      I agree there are red flags galore in his profiles (note the use of smileys in my previous post). My point is that if he’s been around since the dawn of SA and is still active on the site, then those red flags probably aren’t enough of deterrent for those SB’s who still want a piece of the action. After all, if he wasn’t having any luck on the site then he probably would have taken his act elsewhere by now.

      @GESL
      he has a condo he keeps for his mother when she visits, and suggests we meet there.

      Of course he does. What can be more trustworthy than a man who keeps a condo for his mom. But don’t be surprised if the place turns out to be his sugar pad! :) Look forward to reading part 2.

  77. Muse says:

    *SFL. My apologies. That’s what I get for multi-tasking.

  78. Muse says:

    SFN- He logged into all three in a row so they came up on “most recently logged in” We’ve discussed him before on the blog and knew he had multiple profiles but I didn’t realize it was 3!

    NYC SB- Chipotle love.

  79. NC Gent says:

    A-doc — I think he is FOS and merely a con artist. I find it hard to believe that anyone who had money couldn’t come up with a few thousand dollars.

    SunnyFunnyLane – first of all, I am so sorry that happened to you. I know it is easier said than done, but I would have refused to pay half and reminded him that he invited you to be his guest. That guy gives SDs a bad name.

    I read BiCB’s posting a few days ago on what a bargain sugar relationships are for SDs. From a purely economic (supply-and-demand) viewpoint, in an unregulated marketplace, if it was such a great deal for SDs, the supply of SBs would not consistently and greatly exceed the demand by SDs. The supply and demand would eventually come to equilibrium. I am well aware of mitigating factors and minimum pricing, but from a PURELY economic viewpoint, the supply-demand data indicate that it isn’t that good of a deal for an SD. Fortunately, SDs enter into sugar relationships for other reasons that economic ones. I am not trying to lecture or single BiCB out – had thought of this before, and finally had enough nerve to mention this. I recognize that it may not be popular :)

  80. @muse: Interesting that he is paying for premium membership on three profiles.. but this is a perfect example of what to look for…lots of red flags in his three profiles as they contradict each other. I thought there was a rule about having more than one profile… but love the example.. how did you stumble on to the fact that he had three? Just one more thing for me to think about in my search for a SD… maybe I should start typing their names into a few search engines before I meet them.

  81. @SD Guru and Midwest SB:

    Such voices of reason.. I should have done as you said.. but I hate any type of confrontations.. especially in such a public place. His behavior outside the restaurant was proof it could have turned bad inside. I have already cut my losses but I invested time through email and phone calls to get to know him before meeting.. and until desert the meeting was going good. Now I am thinking about ways to make it clear I am not a P4P type of girl.

    I am not knocking those that do.. I just have higher expectations for what I want out of an sugar arrangement and I know how sweet the sugar can be. I think on my new contacts I am going to look at the screening process more like interviewing someone for a job…lol… I use the initial messages and phone calls to see if we develop a rapport.. have a connection but I read somewhere in this blog of some advise from a SB who tried to get the initial conversation regarding allowance out there before the meet and I see some wisdom to that.

    @ Bicentennial Baby: You are one in a million… nice to see that honesty.. and in this day and age safety is so important. If an arrangement becomes monogamous I can put away the safety but one needs to know where the other has been. Just one more element of the building trust factor in an SA . I spoke to a pot quite a few months ago before I hid my profile for a short time regarding a bad experience he had with a SB.. she was the one who refused protection and within a couple months he was informed he was going to be a daddy and pay out the arse for the next 18 years.. I am sure there are others who can relate to that yet they do not insist on protection especially in the beginning. Up to this point I did not really see what others meant by watching for those flags.. but now by observation I realize that I need to start asking questions more as I screen and pay attention to what some of this tells me about a pot SD.

    Hope everyone has a sugar filled day.

  82. FL-SD says:

    A-doc
    Public companies in financial trouble make the news. Top executives of those companies appear in their public financial reports, press releases, org charts, etc.
    There are a number of online services which provide financial filing data on public companies. Since the credibility issue seems to be escalating for you personally and for the arrangement, maybe some verification can put your mind at ease, or give you forewarning if the story is made up.

    • SD Guru says:

      @SoftlyWhisperToMe SB
      Is this normal to feel the need for a “sugarbabe support group”?

      There is a community of SB’s who have their own blogs and are on Facebook. If you ask nicely then maybe one of them will plug you in! :)

      @Lily
      Question: why do men, like sd guru, need to evolve into allowances? Assuming he believes that the gal is a good investment, why is it such a hard pill to swallow for men new to giving allowances?

      Just to clarify, the evolution into allowance in my case was not over the course of one relationship. It happened over several years and several relationships. If you have time, take a look at the “Evolution of a Sugardaddy” series in my blog which I started in July and has 6 parts to it.

      Here’s the short version of the explanation. Newer SD’s, especially the younger ones, usually view the sugar world as an extension of their IRL dating. They’re fine with providing gifts/travel for their SB’s as they would for their girlfriends. They view providing an allowance or other type of direct financial assistance as too transactional and similar to “buying” a SB’s affection. However, over time they learn that while gifts/travel can be fun, it doesn’t pay the SB’s bills or reduce their debts. In addition, having an allowance helps to establish the boundaries of a NSA relationship so that it doesn’t go down that slippery slope. For most SD’s these lessons can’t be taught and have to be learned through their own experiences. And for some they will choose not to be allowance SD’s at all.

      @Midwest SB
      This has been a particularly insightful blog…has it earned a special link on the blog landing page?

      It definitely belongs to the SA blog hall of fame if there is one! After a new topic comes out I’ll figure out how to highlight this one for easy reference in the future.

      By the way, how’s your stay in Hotlanta so far?

      @Bicentennial Baby
      much of the advice I was given privately was not just to be more careful screening (and even that fails) but that perhaps the more direct approach I had been using was not the best one.

      I don’t know who you’re getting advice privately from, but that seems to be contrary to most of the advice from the blog which advocates open and honest communication and speak up for what you want.

      I guess I mean to say I am amazed at all the ego-stroking that is supposedly necessary to succeed in this endeavor.

      I’d caution against generalizing your experiences in the sugar world based on a limited sample size so far. OTOH, as the saying goes, a little flattery can go a long way. Stroking a SD’s ego, if done skillfully, can be as effective as stroking his you know what. :)

      why won’t men wear protection???

      The simple answer is that some SD’s want girlfriend sex without the girlfriend drama. I’m just answering the question, please don’t shoot the messenger! :)

      @NYC SB
      hot guy discount? Well maybe just for you :p in all honesty the man that has my heart has the hot guy discount! My desired allowance is 5k per month but just for him its 4.5k

      Gee, thanks for the 10% discount! :)

      @Muse
      Unrelated to the discussion but I found this amusing.

      And your point is…? :) So good ole Pete (his name is in one of the profiles) wants to be the perfect gentleman SD, the dominant SD, and a sugar couple SD. If his income and net worth is accurate then he can easily support multiple SB’s for each profile. You don’t think women are flocking to him wanting to get a piece of the action? 😉 Based on his profile id he’s probably one of the founding members of SA!

      @NC Gent
      from a PURELY economic viewpoint, the supply-demand data indicate that it isn’t that good of a deal for an SD. Fortunately, SDs enter into sugar relationships for other reasons that economic ones.

      Very well stated. That’s why I have always pointed out the demand for SD’s who are willing to provide an allowance far exceeds the supply of SB’s who seek them.

      @Darnell
      I’m rather new to the online aspect of sugar, despite having a previous, and happy, relationship with a SB a short while back.

      I meant to post this yesterday but didn’t get around to it. I’ll write a series called “A Practical Guide for SD’s in the Online Sugar World” in my blog after I get through posting the current story. But in the mean time this blog is full of helpful advice as you can tell. Welcome to the club!

  83. Muse says:

    Unrelated to the discussion but I found this amusing. Check out SD profiles: 91934, 57032, and 374028.

  84. cleo says:

    BB: i don’t get it, i don’t get refusing to wear condoms for anything. there are many good condoms on the market made from several different materials

    as for lying to flatter someone i’ll never do it. i’ll flatter you with things i think are TRUE but that is all.

  85. NYC SB says:

    A doc – I think he is spinning the story, get the coin appraised and see what its worth… Then walk away

    Sd Guru – hot guy discount? Well maybe just for you :p in all honesty the man that has my heart has the hot guy discount! My desired allowance is 5k per mont but just for him its 4.5k

    So last night after my double yoga the super hottie of the class approached me… And asked me out sat night … I went to see nyc sd after class as he was making dinner and he ended up surprising me with hiring a massage therapist for my aching body… I feel iike a bitch now for agreeing to go out with yoga hottie

  86. Bicentennial Baby says:

    I totally agree about gift allowances now too, unless its supplimental, there’s just too much room for misunderstanding. That pot SD didn’t work out which was sad because of the genuine affection but I’m not operating in a place where I am trying to be someone’s girlfriend or special friend without benefits in return…hence, I’m on SA.

    The commentary on the subject and others has indeed been enlightening, I think my little brain has picked up more knowledge and insight in the past 3 days than in the 3 weeks prior. I am left just wondering how much people delude themselves in these situations, esp the SD’s.

    I say that because uniformly I see that much of the advice I was given privately was not just to be more careful screening (and even that fails) but that perhaps the more direct approach I had been using was not the best one. It seems if you meet on SA, there’s a certain unwritten understanding there that you are NOT going to marry each other (Lady Intim being the exception I guess!), and more importantly, that the women expect financial benefit in exchange for them seeing gentlemen who IRL would either be too weird, too old, too heavy or just too darn married to ever succeed dating at their level of hotness otherwise. I guess I mean to say I am amazed at all the ego-stroking that is supposedly necessary to suceed in this endeavor.

    Are people in that much denial?? When I was overweight, I knew it and a girl (were I a man) telling me I’m “hot” would come off as downright offensive and insincere to me. Yet almost without exception success in this field seems to be primarily contrived by a fantastic ability to lie about how great the other person really is regardless of the truth staring them in the face.

    If real life dating is like that, I am so so glad I have always just dated friends then…this is a huge argument in favor of arranged marriage at this point…geeez.

    We used to have a saying down South and I almost think it rings true, if he ain’t married by 30, something’s wrong with him girl…and for the ladies one could apply the same rule at about age 25. Most of the “great catches” I knew in school were all hitched in their 20’s even if half were divorced by 40. My point is just that this seems the wrong place to seek an NSA companion and then be shocked that she’s honest about why she’s here and worse, be shocked when she knows why you’re really here when both parties know the truth the moment they set up their profiles. I don’t care how much you delude yourself, if you met here, you each have an agenda.

    Regarding that agenda, why won’t men wear protection??? Anyone?? This tidbit in conversation has eliminated at least 4 potentials I’ve spoken with. I’ve found 2 men total who felt it a good idea. When you sleep with an SB, you sleep with everyone she’s seeing..could be her husband/BF, the other 2 SD’s she’s cobbling together to pay the bills (some do, not all), AND not to mention I know at least one SD who had to cough up well over 20 grand to pay to get rid of a foreign exchange student and her baby after she conned a pregnancy out of it. Seems a HUGE risk for any guy to take.

    Ah where is ToughLove when you need him….

  87. Midwest SB says:

    ooopsy – “man” = many

  88. Midwest SB says:

    SunnyFunnyLane- I agree with Guru in that you should have excused yourself from the table with grace and refused to pay your half. I’m sorry you had to endure his bi-polar personality. I hope you have Google Voice so you can block his text and phone calls.

    A-Doc – Personally, I wouldn’t spend anymore time on this guy. BiBaby brings up good points and the coin is nothing more than collateral at best. Give it back to him and cut your losses. You will have no problem meeting another gent who is a true SD.

    SoftlyWhispertoMe – I have met man ladies and gents from here…most are very open to visiting if they are in your area. I live near Chicago and am currently in Atlanta for work and to visit a fellow SB!

    SDGuru – This has been a particularly insightful blog…has it earned a special link on the blog landing page?

  89. Lily says:

    I just wanted to add that I agree with everyone about gift arrangements being sticky & wraught with potential for misunderstanding/drama. I’ve never myself needed to “pout” to get a guy to spoil me in the stores, I was just throwing that idea to BiBaby because I knew a bit more about her specific situation by talking to her privately about it, & wanted her to feel like she wasn’t totally passive & could feel free to say/show it if she wanted to actually get sugared up in the shops properly instead of being this guy’s puppet. I figured it was a 2% chance she’d even need to hint, anyway, and it would work out in the end since they seemed to genuinely like each other. But dead in the water it ended up, & probably for the best, anyway.

    Question: why do men, like sd guru, need to evolve into allowances? Assuming he believes that the gal is a good investment, why is it such a hard pill to swallow for men new to giving allowances?

  90. cleo says:

    i think there’s a hundred sb’s for every sd here. i think. and i think most of the online toronto sd’s are fakes. but maybe that’s just me

  91. cleo says:

    softlywhisper why the heck do you think we’re all here? to find people who will ‘get’ what we are talking about.

    just hang for a bit, you’ll find someone near you i bet.

    and yes,totally normal.
    .
    darnell: wow. um i’m blushing, thank you. i love that by the window photo too, it was a random cooking moment with my friends.

    thanks too for explaining the bikini vs lingerie thing. i knew intuitively that it was so but couldn’t explain why. i think mine is made further okay by it’s clear actual on a beachness.

    as for toronto, don’t misunderstand, there’s a thriving counterculture and arts scene here and stuff. it’s hard to explain.

    fundamentally canadians are hm. i just can’t think how to explain it. would one of the other toronto sb’s care to try? i suspect this is a town where you freestyle or a visiting out of towner finds you.

    :)

  92. SoftlyWispertoMe SB says:

    Hello All,
    First I want to thank everyone who is giving such great advice on these blogs-they truly help :). I’m new to the SB/SD community.I have met one pot SD twice and so far its going good!
    I’m excited that this might actually work out but its been a little rough cause I have no one to talk to about it (my friends and family would not understand). For the SB’s out there:
    1) Is there a way to find other SB in the area in which I live to get together with and talk about the SB/SD community experience?
    2) Is this normal to feel the need for a “sugarbabe support group”? lol
    Any advice is greatly appreciated.

  93. Darnell says:

    Cleo: Bikini shots are perfectly okay in book. Binikis are public and aren’t meant to be intimate. I just find lingerie and the risque photos being shared publicity rather unclassy. Then you wonder why some SBs attract johns. However, that is just how I feel. Other SDs might find it attractive. Your pictures are wonderful in my book. My favorite is the one of you in the white tank top in front of the window. Very natural, yet showcases you in a great light.

    Thanks for the insight into Toronto. Didn’t realize it was such a puritan culture.

    A-doctor:
    “He is a top executive- but his company has had a financial crash and he got blamed (they always need a scapegoat). They told him if he resigned they’d give him a great reference. He decides not to resign: and file a lawsuit (a very expensive lawsuit) so apparently he has no money left over for me.”

    I’m not sure if I buy the scapegoat excuse if he is a “top” executive. If he is talented and was an asset to the organization, then I don’t see why one would be a scapegoat.

  94. An SD says:

    IRLSD says: The thing is that there were discrepancies in the first week or two and I brought them up on the blog and the unanimous verdict was that I not say anything about them and just assume she had a reason to lie. Not one person told me to confront her, and for better or for worse I followed the blog advice.

    You mean they said assume she had a reason to lie…and run like hell anyway, right???

    IRLSD: The funniest thing about it all was that whenever she lied she’d make these little noises at the end of each sentence. It was very consistent, so I pretty much knew when she was lying, wich was a lot of the time lol. But some things I knew she wasnt lying about because she wouldn’t make those noises. She was the worst liar lol.

    That’s very funny. You can live with a liar somewhat if you stay ahead of her. Don’t make any commitments and don’t end up paying months of rent and SBimony when it all falls apart. Make sure the stress of it continues to be worth it while living with it.

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      I do not budge from my range… No matter what, I never settle for less and am always willing to walk away…

      What, no more hot guy discount?? Say it ain’t so!! :(

      @Michael
      going to Grand Canyon for rim-to-rim-to-rim hike…

      Have fun and please come back in one piece. You’ll need to refrain from SB activities for at least a week after the hike to recover! :)

      @SDinLA
      All three of the longer term arrangements were with “accidental SBs”… I don’t think online works well for finding those types.

      Thanks for sharing more about your situation. So you found your SB’s IRL around campuses instead of online which is very interesting. Maybe SA can host “recruiting” parties around college campuses. Stephan and Brandon, I hope you’re reading this! :)

      a specific subset of that younger age group that does have good potential: intelligent, full time students who are mature, focused on their education/career plans and sick of dating college age boys.

      That’s the secret to your success right there. Knowing what to look for and target them (ie screening) goes a long way towards achieving success. That’s why I made the point earlier about how important screening can be in the process.

      I’ve decided to make an honest woman out of someone

      Congrats! When is the big day??

      @Midwest SB
      I also disagree w pouting for a gift as it isn’t very sugary and has a chance of maybe working once.
      @NYGent
      Other than total meanness and outright, chronic lying, pouting is about the worst thing an sb can do.

      I agree, save the pouting and threats for the boyfriend. A SD has better things to do than putting up with that (unless the SB is really good in bed then in which case see IRLSD’s example). :)

      @sunnyfunnylane
      when the bill came he figured out what was his share and mine…

      I’m sorry to hear about your experience. JD’s like him are a dime a dozen and you can hold your head high for being a lady through out the experience. You should have refused to split the bill with him. A gentleman should never ask a date to split the bill.

      @aspiring-doc
      my goodness this story gets wierd

      What a joke! One of my mantras in the sugar world is to keep things simple and this is getting way too complicated. My hunch is that he is not who you thought he was. Perhaps he was hoping to charm his way into making you his girlfriend (ie free sex). But since you were still expecting the allowance he agreed to so he had to come up with some pretty tall tales. I just don’t see a good ending to your saga, so cut your losses and run. Learn from it and don’t look back.

      @GESL
      I decided to give Craigslist a try, with some very mixed results.

      Thanks for sharing your experience on CL. I understand some people have had success looking for sugar relationships on CL, but I think those are probably the exceptions rather than the rule.

      @An SD
      I can’t give away my secrets publicly.

      Why not?? I promise to keep it just between you and me! :)

      It should be obvious just from reading the stories in the last day that online screening isn’t worth much either. No matter what you do, you just have to slog through many really bad situations. The question is are you going to live with it and make it through, or are you going to whine and fail?

      Of course screening before a meeting (email, phone, text, etc) is no guarantee for success, but if one takes the time and do it properly then it can reduce the risk of slogging through bad situations later. And you can fine tune the screening process over time based on your experience by building on what works and learn from what doesn’t.

      I’m not trying to convince you to do anything different because whatever secret method you use is obviously working for you. I’m just trying to explain there are other ways to go about it.

  95. Well I am still not in bed.. after the fifth phone call I finally answered it and firmly asked him to quit calling me.. I have no harsh feelings towards him but just consider it another thing to learn from.

    @ Pinky: I agree that there are no guarantees.. and unfortunately we have to weed out a lot of carp in the sea to find the real gems.. but one day when I find that gem of a SD it will all be worth it.

    @ Green Eyed Sugar Lady: I will not settle for less than courtesy and respect.. and a person who is genuine that both of us have mutual chemistry and a connection of some sorts. I have learned that the search takes patience and a true SD gentlemen will take the time to get to know a pot SB and not play games. So my hunt continues.. for as long as it takes.

  96. An SD says:

    SD Guru: Interesting. How do you determine whether to meet a pot SB in person, or choose which ones to meet? A lot of screening can be done before a meet as well as during the meet.

    I can’t give away my secrets publicly. It should be obvious just from reading the stories in the last day that online screening isn’t worth much either. No matter what you do, you just have to slog through many really bad situations. The question is are you going to live with it and make it through, or are you going to whine and fail?

  97. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    This blog has been keeping me sane over the past few weeks which is when I kicked my sugar search into overdrive. Like others have commented, the dialog over the past several days has been amazing.

    I decided to give Craigslist a try, with some very mixed results. First I placed an ad of my own, carefully worded and I have to say about 1000x classier than most of what I saw on there (this was Casual Encounters.) My ad was flagged off in a few hours, and out of the 60 or so replies I narrowed it down to three, and ended up meeting two. I was completely clear about what I was seeking- although not stating any amounts I did state I was seeking an arrangement with financial benefits.

    Both men agreed to this, the first one was pleasant enough, and attractive, but over the course of our conversation dropped enough “hints” that he wasn’t doing great financially…. had recently divorced, didn’t eat out much as it was too expensive, etc. I got the hint and that was that.

    The second one came right out and said within the first five minutes that he couldn’t afford a financial arrangement, but he wanted to meet me anyway because I was “so beautiful”, and he was sure that we were “soul mates.” Ugh. That was my first (and last ) experience posting on CL. I knew that sections was for men looking for an affair of some sort…. I guess they were hoping that I either didn’t really mean it about the financial piece, or they thought I’d like them so much I would be willing to forget about it.
    Live and learn!

    I answered two ads as well, and had a strange and most unpleasant experience with one, and a really enjoyable evening with the second one that has resulted in the first steps toward an arrangement. I’d like to post later about both.

    @ Sunnylane There is absolutely no reason that man should have treated you with anything less than courtesy and respect, even if you weren’t on the same page. Kudos to you for knowing your boundaries and what you are comfortable with and sticking with it. You should not have been “punished” for that. I know this isn’t much comfort right now, but at least it’s good riddance, and you know this isn’t someone you would want to spend one more second of your time with anyhow.

    @ aspiringdoc I have followed the twists and turns of your experience with this pot….. it will be interesting to see what this coin is valued at, but since you can only hang onto it and not spend it, it seems kind of useless even if it’s supposed to show good faith on his part. Honestly, if it were me I would be seeing one too many red flags and discrepancies, no matter how “nice” he seems. If he somehow really does not have the money now, then at the very minimum he should have given you something you can legitimately sell, not something to hang onto as collateral. Just my 0.02 (not from 1648!) :) At the same time, I understand wanting to give the benefit of the doubt, I’m usually inclined to do the same. But what are your gut feelings telling you?

  98. An SD says:

    a-doc – the guy is almost certainly a con artist. Go ahead and check out the coin. Don’t act on any of his promises, only act on his actions.

  99. @ NYGent

    The funny part of this meet is… that actually he showed his true colors which is good for me in the long run.. he did this to punish me as I refused the P4P.. there was nothing in my profile that would ever even hint that I would be open to that.. and in all our phone conversations this had not come up. I felt I had to be honest and stand my ground.. I do realize some people find this acceptable but it is not right for me. It was at that point that his demeanor changed.. and even that is okay as now I will not waste any more time. Since I have been home he has called and I let it go to voice mail and and both messages have been apologetic but I have already closed that chapter..;) And thank goodness not all SD’s are like that.. I would rather hold out for the right one to come along… love to share that intimacy with the right SD and eventually I will find that person or he will find me. 😉

    Time for me to go to bed and have sweet dreams.

  100. Pinky says:

    I’m sorry to hear that sunnylane. That’s a horrible circumstance to be in. His behaviour was of a child who couldn’t get his way! So good riddance to him! I know if a sd took me to some ultra fancy place where the price is over the top I would just walk away before the bill came just to piss him off. What is he gonna do, chase me and cause a humiliating scene not only for me but more so for himself? This probably is not the first time he has done this!

    I digress, from what you have written it appears to me your screening process seems thorough, but nothing is guranteed 100% of the time.

  101. NYGent says:

    Sunnylane: aargh, that guy gives us SDs a bad name. I have had terrible, painful, excruciating dates on this site yet I would never even CONSIDER asking an SB to “go dutch” on a first date (or for that matter, ANY date). A gentleman SD pays for any date, dinner, entertainment, etc. always and without question, even if things don’t work out. That alone does not a true SD make, but it’s the bare minimum.

  102. nygent says:

    Cleo: don’t do that eighth grade stuff, ” I know who “taken” is, either tell us or don’t say anything (!)

  103. @nygent

    Thanks for your empathetic words.. I have had my share of disappointments in the sugar search but it was quite a shock to see such a change in him when I very kindly and cautiously explained how I felt about P4P . The restaurant was so expensive that I am grateful I had stopped at the bank today or I would have been in such a bind. The dutch part does not even bother me that much but it was a wake-up call to the fact that I still must not be asking the right questions as I am screening pots before the meet to catch something like this.

    Well tomorrow is a new day.. and I will try to learn from this as well and move forward.

  104. SanfranSB says:

    Hey all,

    I just had a date with a pot sd. I need everyone’s advice. So we met, he liked me, I liked him, and he wanted to “proceed” right after dinner. I said no and we parted ways with the idea that we’d meed again. So, he wanted to see me after dinner for a set amount so he doesn’t get “played” he said. N’ then can offer 3-4k per month.

    Do most arrangements start like this? I didn’t like his proposal, but I guess I understood but at the same time declined.

    Is it normal for a sd who likes you to cut allowance by say a 4th, for a first time together? He said that he wants to make sure we are compatible sexually as well as mentally (which was supposedly established via dinner)….Thanks guys

  105. nygent says:

    Sunny: that is terrible behavior on his part, shame on him and good riddance for you

  106. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @Aspiring doc,

    Is the coin legit?? If it’s truly from 1648 I’d be worried that it’s part of a registered or insured coin collection and let’s hope it doesn’t belong to the ex-wife and is traceable. If it’s not legit he’s a player and if it is legit, you’re still left holding the coin for at least a month because if you try to sell it and its insured for its value, it could be seen as a theft. I would really want to know the history of this coin! You’re right, it’s a weird tale indeed.

  107. a-doc says:

    @ carebear- hows the throat?

    @ all: UPDATE (my goodness this story gets wierd)

    Story goes like this:

    He is a top executive- but his company has had a financial crash and he got blamed (they always need a scapegoat). They told him if he resigned they’d give him a great reference. He decides not to resign: and file a lawsuit (a very expensive lawsuit) so apparently he has no money left over for me.

    The trip was an emergency trip to try and sort things out…

    I am still suspicious so i question him. However if his story is true I don’t want to be ultra harsh so i do so nicely. This is what I asked and his answers

    The timing is suspicious: no answer

    Why he couldn’t let me know what was happening earlier: he thought he could sort it out and have enough money

    Surely he is still getting a salary?: he agrees- yes but most of his salary is bonuses and commission (i don’t get finance but apparently base salary is the lowest portion of what his money comprises of- so they can stop his bonuses and commission, although legally they can’t reduce salary

    Surely a guy who makes the amount he does has savings: no, he has splurged since his divorce a year ago and led a crazy exuberant lifestyle. All his assets before then went to her (he didn’t want to divide the house as he wanted to ensure her and his sons security- she doesn’t earn much and wouldn’t be able to afford to buy him out).

    Still for a guy who says he can fall back on his chartered accountancy background and that 200,000k a year is an OK salary- it looks very suspicious to me that he can’t pay $1200 (half a month’s allowance). Especially since he just payed his lawyer 12,000

    Then he gives me a antique copper coin from 1648 and says its worth about 3grand.- he told me to keep it and in a months time i can give it back and he will pay up fully. I wont see him for a month.

    im going to get this evaluated(!)..i hope hes not spinning me a big tale…..
    The guy is genuinely very nice to me and doesn’t seem disegenuine- im struggling with how wierd it is!

  108. Hello , How is everyone in Sugarland tonight? I just got back from first meeting with a Pot who was captivating, pleasing to look at and could actually hold an intelligent conversation. Everything was going so nicely until desert when he brought up the topic of allowance. He informed he he was quite attracted to me and that we click on so many levels.. but he felt that a monthly allowance was out of the question. He only pays by the meet and 600 dollars ..no matter if it is one day or a weekend and he is firm on that.

    Feeling that I need to be true to myself I told him I was not comfortable with a pay for play type of relationship and I am sorry. With that things got a little tense and when the bill came he figured out what was his share and mine.. thank goodness I had plenty of money with me. OMG I could not believe it.. and if that was not bad enough as we were leaving the restaurant he walked up to a perfect stranger and informed them women like me are a dime a dozen…gold diggers .. and with that he laughed and just walked away. Talk about humiliation.. and this one I have spoke to quite a few times on the phone before I arranged the meet and did not have a clue.. but glad I found out now as his personality is just not what he first presented until he was not getting his way. As throughout this blog the topic of P4P has been discussed I just wanted to mention it as for me this was insulting as I have been upfront in profile.. and would never treat another human being in such a degrading manner. Not going to let this affect me.. and just keep my head held up high and move on . I must say that I think I have been more successful in my search when I wasn’t searching and I had entered an arrangement by chance then how I am trying now through online websites.

    Hope everyone else is having better luck than me..lol..

  109. Midwest SB says:

    So. FL – it all depends. Whatever the case, don’t expect an arrangement on the first date. Most real SDs won’t try to make it happen that way. Relax, set expectations that it’s a “get to know you” dinner without any pressure for intimacy…I have used those very words. If it pans out great! If not, it’s good practice for the real thing.

  110. South Fla sugarbabe says:

    Thanks guys, I’ve been a lurker here on and off for a while, still waiting for my sugar prince to come… I’ve talked to a few pots who travel to Miami often and want to meet, but nothing ever seems to work out. I also get nervous about the idea…so what if a guy wants to take me to dinner when he’s in town visiting? That doesn’t mean we’re going to start an arrangement…it sounds to me like he just wants company for the night.

    Has this situation ever happened to any of you and did it result positively?

  111. nygent says:

    Southfla don’t give up, you are fortunate to live in an area where there are many sds, many many more than most places. Be patient and you will find one I’m sure

  112. Midwest SB says:

    SFSB – I’m from SF, but don’t live there now. Don’t give up the search, just screen better. Have you considered extending your search beyond FL? Many men travel to FL for one reason or another.

    NYGent – <3

    SDinLA – Thanks for sharing and congrats….sounds like she may be making an honest man out of you :-)

  113. South Fla sugarbabe says:

    Sugarbabes and daddies…I’m getting frustrated. I live in Miami where there should be plenty of sugar, but all my pots flake out. Should I give up the fight? I’m sick of them disappearing!

  114. nygent says:

    Midwest: loved your “pouting” comment. Other than total meanness and outright, chronic lying, pouting is about the worst thing an sb can do. Sds can get enough of that in their regular lives. Hard to believe some would advocate that as a “strategy” but I guess there are many possible approaches and everyone has to go with what they think works for them.

  115. Ivory SB says:

    Arcadia-Yes, I noticed that today as well. When I went to look at my photos only one was showing. If I preview my profile none are working. Maybe SA is trying to fix the photo page since a lot of our photos looked weird after the upgrade of the site.

  116. Arcadia SB says:

    Quick question group:
    My picture is no longer displaying when I go to preview my profile, and a couple of the SD’s pictures are showing me the dead image box as well. Is anyone else noticing this issue?

  117. cleo says:

    SDinLA: wow, congrats!

    why do i need to move to nyc? wanna sponsor me? (cause i SO want to)

  118. SDinLA says:

    SD Guru, you wrote “Congrats, you have solved the puzzle of how to find reliable SB’s in that age group! Would you consider your success typical, or was luck involved, or are you just that good?”

    I would consider my experiences to very much be an outlier, for a lot of reasons. I am single. People guess I am anywhere from 10-15 years younger than my mid-40s age. I’ve had reason in recent years to be spending a lot of time on and around university campuses, and in settings where I interacted socially with lots of coeds. All three of the longer term arrangements were with “accidental SBs” but that is exactly the type I seek. I would get to know them socially, and express my preferences in terms of dating and why, and it would turn out to be something they thought sounded appealing as well.

    You are absolutely correct that the under-25 set typically don’t have the maturity to be a long term SB. But I was fortunate to have had good (read: non-creepy Dirty Old Man seeming) access to a specific subset of that younger age group that does have good potential: intelligent, full time students who are mature, focused on their education/career plans and sick of dating college age boys. I don’t think online works well for finding those types. If I had been looking in that age range on a web site, I don’t think I would have had the same kind of success.

    And yes, (leaving out the disasters earlier on in my career as a SD) I suppose I was just that good… 😉

    Anna Molly: I sent you the Cadbury Eggs, Naughty Molly must have decided not to share them with you! Check the dungeon for foil wrappers scattered on the floor.

    Midwest: Hello to you too! Glad to see you still here dispensing your pearls of wisdom to the uninitiated. Nothing much to elaborate on re: IRL, let’s just say I’ve decided to make an honest woman out of someone (no, not LadyIntim.)

    Cleo: Clearly you need to move to NYC!

  119. pinky says:

    You know what BiBaby I never thought of the amount the gifts are worth should or should not reflect how much you are worth. With an allowance it’s pretty simple, but gifts could just as well exceed a generous allowance or be very minimal. For these reasons alone I don’t think gift daddies sound too good. Plus wouldn’t it be nicer he give you what the cost of whatever you want to buy than he accidently buying you something that you don’t really want? The only thing, I can think of anyway, that would compel a SB to want a gift SD is if she finds him ravishing. It sort of a good looking SD discount.

  120. cleo says:

    i’ve never been sad to finish the scroll before..

  121. cleo says:

    omg this discussion is so amazing.
    .
    i meant, btw, “i really would NOT want to turn off…”
    .
    Ivory SB: thank you! why are you sorry? i look at everyone who links their profile :)

    i was trying to balance classy and sexy.
    .
    Darnell: part of the reason i had trouble in toronto initially was that i was walking around 30 lbs heavier. i was still beautiful but not nearly as hot. people tell me it’s attitude but i can tell you i get more attention now having a ‘fat day’ in sweats than i did on my hottest day feeling amazing about myself before.

    i’m older and really tall and super smart. it’s a deadly combination to a lot of men; to others it’s an aphrodisiac. the problem with being rare spice is that not everyone has a taste for it. course one could argue that’s the advantage as well.

    lately i’ve been going out to the ‘right places’ (not that i know them) and i’m at least meeting quality people; hopefully i can get into the upper echelon party circuit a little.

    as for everyone else. toronto is a city full of models and actresses and young college girls. it’s not a city with an ‘sd culture’ like huge swaths of florida or nyc.

    so since i live in a city filled with puritans and hot 20 year olds there is a certain hrm… scarcity of real quality sd’s here. so far i’ve met jerks but i haven’t had a lot of dates. i know other girls who have had more luck but not much and very rarely through SA. i think there are so many women here that any real SD just hunts at ki on thursday nights.

    :)

    as to your quality sb search:
    spelling and punctuation
    types of photos
    background of photos
    actual words chosed
    how many “I’s” in one paragraph
    does she use words like entitled or spoil me
    does she call herself a princess
    if she has to tell you she’s classy; can she be?
    um…?
    .
    CuriousKitten your comments about “face hurts from smiling” etc are amazing and bang on.
    .
    SD Guru: i agree this whole blog has been really interesting and insightful; so, as suggested:

    *applause*
    .
    off to read more scroll and clog up the blog with zillions of comments :)

  122. Ivory SB says:

    WOW! Cleo you are one smokin hot SB! Sorry, had to look…I haven’t had the courage yet to post my face picture since my career could be impacted. I have heard both sides that say classy pics vs. sexy pics so I am wondering what the SD’s hear think and what catches their eye!

  123. cleo says:

    Darnell: do you mind if i ask you a question? i read an article that said that men find risque or bikini photos of young women to be a bit much but that with an older woman it’s actually a bonus for them. something about an older woman rocking a good bod that’s different from a 20 year old showing off.

    anyway, i link my profile and i have a bikini photo up, do you find it too much? i ask because i really would want to turn off the men who are in fact searching for classy women.
    .
    wow i’m so behind in the scroll

  124. Bela says:

    Wow, Michael that sounds absolutely horrifying. Have fun with that!!

  125. People – signing off for a few days, going to Grand Canyon for rim-to-rim-to-rim hike, leaving 5am tomorrow. 44 miles, 10,400 vertical feet, 36 hours, 2 very sore feet, and 1 head without a brain. Talk to you Sunday!

    Great convo these last few days, love it.

  126. Ms. Taken says:

    @cleo~I don’t think you do 😉 But in some strange way I am flattered.

    IRLSD~how gallant. Amazing thoughts all around NYCSB, et al. I agree with you tenfold. How can we shy away from the “talk” when SA gives us such a worthwhile opening.

    @sugarbabe from yesterday~Thanks, I had to cull my reply 😉 but this is how I go about the little business of the allowance. I don’t address allowance indepth right away. Let me explain. First of all discussing the allowance doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I like to casually talk about the allowance on that very first phone call or before via text when we’re comparing profiles in that initial stage. Because I know I go absolutely weak for a worldly, well-traveled man who has lived an interesting life and has stories to tell, the quick allowance verification is great as a first screen and protects me from “falling” for a pot who gives good talk but whom I can’t afford to keep 😉 So I use the allowance amount as an effective elimination tool. (Washboard abs, full head of hair and inexperience does nothing for me);)

    Me: I see you love to walk on hot coals too!!?!? Great! It’s one of my favorite things. Europe is fine but did you ever consider the Caribbean during winter? I really like the islands in winter. Oh and I noticed you have allowance:negotiable. I have a range of 3-5 but my allowance amount is firm at 3-and-a-half. Soo??ooo does that work for you? You can only afford to do 2? Awww…I’m so sorry that part of it is off. I think we could be fun together. Well, it was very nice talking to you and good luck on your search.” You get the idea. I don’t negotiate my allowance – ever.

    I discuss the finer points of the arrangement like meets/month, shopping, travel times, level of discretion, preferences 😉 – over time. I want to stress that although it is possible that even after all this a pot SD could still poof, it is unlikely because I take the time to know my pot SDs. I am a very reasonable person and that seems to bring out the reasonable side of other people. I am in no hurry to prematurely consummate the arrangement and I give my time to pot SDs who are like-minded.
    Of course, I am very sweet throughout. This post is deliberately lop-
    sided for effect. Will definitely throw in my .02 regarding the mutual Hedonistic pleasures when that topic comes up 😉

    Can you tell I love this topic?

  127. Dandelion Wine says:

    Uh oh. There goes the iPhone typing/editing…

  128. IRLSD says:

    Well, Ivory, I’ve done IRL sugar dating. I think if approached properly from the SD’s perspective most women are not averse to the idea as long as it does not involve risk and complications. But I think in general most men are not SD material. They either lack the means or the desire to support someone, regardless of what they’d get in return. So unless you know the man well enough, it can be tough. However, dropping hints about what you’d like may not be a bad idea.

  129. Dandelion Wine says:

    Midwest, certainly, love!

    *Disclaimer 1: If I don’t get banned from the premises and/or feel too humiliated by the laughter that will certainly ensue to come back

    *Disclaimer 2: while margin trading is nothing unusual, that’s not how it works lol

  130. Dandelion Wine says:

    Midwest, certainly love!

    *Disclaimer 1: If I don’t get banned from the premises and/or be too humiliated by ensuing laughter to come back

    *Disclaimer 2: while margin borrowing is nothing unusual,

  131. Arcadia SB says:

    Bela – probably…3 months ago? oh I’m glad it’s over, and that’s part of the reason I’m on here. I don’t want anything serious, any commitment, I don’t want ot be footing the bills for guys who need me to take care of them and take advantage of my better nature. I’m not perfect, but I’ve gotten burned twice in a row on commitment/LTR and am now ready for some loose fun. If I like older guys, need some financial help, and don’t want commitment, what could be better than SA? Though sometimes I miss having someone to curl up next to at night. ^_^ oh well, guess I’ll have to stick with the body pillow for right now.

  132. Bela says:

    Arcadia SB – AWWW, I’m so sorry. How long ago was the break up?

  133. Arcadia SB says:

    So, completely random. I think I’ve been spending too much time on here reading the blog and what not. I had a dream last night that Michael Chiarello was my SD (he’s a celebrity chef and was on Top Chef Masters). It was very strange, especially since everywhere we went we ran into my family! Not extremely likely to meet a celebrity chef on SA, but it was a strange dream. Think I’m just getting lonely and desperate for some male attention after IRL BF breakup and move to a new town in the past few months.

  134. Bela says:

    @NYC SB – You bring up a very good point. Growing up in this age where, thanks to the internet, everything can be out in the open and you tend to get spoiled. In my job, I rely on my intuition and reading people to figure out how to communicate with them, so I’m really good at that type of “radar.” However, I’m still trying to figure out how to develop the ability to discuss things so intimate and delicate. Many men already get fidgety when you try to discuss sexual expectations. I laugh at trying to discuss money on top of that.

  135. Midwest SB says:

    Thanks Bela!

    Ivory – NYC SB is soooooo right! Even here, there is a challenge in finding the right SD, so IRL would be a real trick. It does seem that most of that is initiated by the SD and the ladies never knew what hit ’em! :-)

    SDinLA – Hi handsome! Care to elaborate on the IRL side of things?

    IRL SD could probably offer some tips as well!

  136. Bela says:

    @Ivory – would love to but I live in the country and that’s not really an option.

    @Midwest – You definitely rock. I liked what you said about humility and not getting so caught up on price tags. I’ve never been clothing/label crazy (not counting shoes.)

    The indulgences I love but can’t always afford come in forms of experiences (traveling, scuba diving, horseback riding, awesome restaurants, etc.)

  137. Midwest SB says:

    Spoilme – Congrats! It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?

    Woo Hoo – I’m in a beautiful hotel in HOTLanta ready for a fun time!

    RedMaru – if you are lurking, get in touch chica!

  138. NYC SB says:

    Ivory – if you are a newbie in the sugar world I would not try finding someone in real life … Yet … Start with sa where the platform is open and the members know what they signed up for … With time your sd radar will be more finely tuned to spot sds irl

  139. Ivory SB says:

    Bela-I know there is a ratio of 10:1 but I am wondering if it would be easier to try to find one in real life! LOL!

  140. midwest sb says:

    Bela and NYC SB- you ladies rock and know the true meaning of being SBs!!!

  141. Bela says:

    Ivory – lol I know exactly how you feel!!

  142. Ivory SB says:

    Wow, this blog got really good…still trying to read through all the posts. I am still feeling my way around this whole SB thing. Now if I could get some responses to my profile! I did in the very beginning but now…nothing…starting to get discouraged. :(

  143. WCSD says:

    NYC SB – No thanks needed. And I hope the situation worked out well for you!

  144. NYC SB says:

    Catching up on the blog…

     

    If you have to explain to a man why you are on this site, then he is not an SD.

     

    If you have to justify your expected allowance to a man, then he is not an SD.

     

    If you have to coax a man to get an allowance, then he is not an SD.

     

    If you feel the need to sleep with a man in order to get an allowance, then you are not an SB.

     

     

    The game is simple, you have needs, he has needs. Know what you want, voice your needs, and be prepared to walk away. I never compromise on my terms. I do not nickel and dime, I do not budge from my range, when an SD low balls me he gets the “NEXT” treatment. At the end of the day, I know my market, I know my worth, and what I am expecting is reasonable for my demographic. No matter what, I never settle for less and am always willing to walk away from an arrangement or a pot SD. Most SBs get taken advantage of when the “pot” smells desperation and knows that the SB will settle and will not walk away. Do not get taken advantage of…

     

    We are so focused on landing an SD (not the blogger) that we forget to take the time and learn the ropes and the art of being an SB. We think we know… until one day we realize that we had no idea.

     

     

    Dandelion Wine – LOL let me know if the portfolio manager idea works… i am rolling on the floor

     

    WCSD – I ended up taking your advice from couple of months ago… thanks

     

    Double yoga tonight as well… then off to see NYC SD …

  145. IRLSD says:

    Bela, it does make sense. There is a fine line in the whole thing where you can like someone, enjoy their company and intimacy, and look forward to seeing them each time without wanting them around all the time; where there is some romance but no drama; and where there is desire but no jealousy.

  146. Bela says:

    Darnell – good question.

    Personally, this whole lifestyle was recommended to me by a guy friend who has been doing this for years. He and I have been friends for years and he’s always laughed at how I approach relationships the same way I approach my job. I tend to be very open with expectations on both sides, so that I can relax and just let loose. My organization and communication has given me a great reputation in the office, but it sometimes labels me as cold or assertive with men (especially men my age.)

    I’ve always preferred older men, mostly because they appreciate the fact that I communicate and don’t play games. I don’t want to get married, but I don’t sleep around. I want romance, but no drama (not impossible, but you have to work at it.)

    My friend suggested that I look into this, because while I’m a great lover, I am very self-sufficient so getting super emotional isn’t a risk. If that makes sense.

  147. Reddamsel38 says:

    *Wish it were mine.

  148. Reddamsel38 says:

    Thanks Midwest, I’ll make those corrections forthwith. lol! But took a peek at your profile. Very nice. Wish it were. Love the oasis part. Would like my own oasis right about now. Thanks again for advice. And your a pretty lady.

  149. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @SDGuru,

    You said:
    What it boils down to is that taking a SB shopping is an unpredictable process for the SD. No one likes expensive surprises especially if the SD is paying the bill. The only way to avoid it is to clearly communicate and agree on what to shop for, where to shop, and what the SD’s budget is for shopping. But that can take all the fun and spontaneity out of the shopping experience. Not many women would want to shop that way when someone else is paying for it

    You hit the nail on the head….I tried to communicate what to shop for, where and what the budget was…and then was told that was cold and took all the fun out of the experience for the other party. It does for both parties really, I completely agree with him, but the problem is how DO you stay within a guideline without outlining things so coldly?? You can’t hit a target you can’t see.

    I now know why allowance arrangements can actually work out better for some, even though it seems more mercenary at first, it really does free up the negotiations/time/effort and allow SB & SD to concentrate on having a great time together rather than the lady worrying if she’s going over budget and the gentleman wincing when the bill arrives…

  150. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @Midwest,

    No, not redundant, and thank you for your input too…I really do value getting the viewpoints. I’m new to things and I guess screwing up is inevitable. I wish I could have the conversation with this SD that I just didn’t really understand how to communicate properly with him but it was pretty apparent in the email I am “cut off” now and there is no room for apology or trying to explain the misunderstanding any further. To my mind this indicates there’s someone else there to take my place anyway so I guess I’m not as endearing as I was told. I realize I’m replaceable with the 10:1 ratio but to allow no room for error is, at best, harsh. I would have F’d-up anyway apparently at some point later on by saying the wrong thing and chucked on my heels so I guess better now than later since I’m going to make mistakes. *sigh*

    @Darnell,
    My decision to be a SB while having a great marriage with a hot guy? I cannot afford, nor can he, any of the nicer things in life. He is also older by a bit and I pretty much know what our socio-economic status is going to be for the rest of our lives outside of what I can achieve in the sugar world and that’s a working class existence at best.

    To better myself, I am in a graduate program in my field of study and upon completion can expect a few years later to be in a 6-figure salary range. I was laid off of a job paying in the high 60’s a few months back and my school pulled out from under me as the employer was paying it. So my intentions of entering the sugarbowl are to pay for my remaining graduate program classes and to afford the nicer pocketbooks, watches, jewelry and clothing that an upscale career demands that I can’t buy without a job. Travel and fun times of course are a plus but they are not my main motivation. Of course I want to make my SD very happy and even the one that has decided to move on told me I was a classy and fabulous companion in person and quite beautiful, only that my expectations and his were in the end, quite different.

    DH does know about this, yes, and this is why I am avoiding arrangements with gentlemen who I would likely date in real life as that would only complicate matters to fall in love with someone on SA. So I stick to gentlemen who are either fiercely married, much older (55+) or physically not ones I would ever consider marrying to begin with. It keeps things NSA…one thing I will never do is encourage someone to divorce or break up their family. In a way, IRLSD said it best when he mentioned many times the presence of a SB in the SD’s life can keep the marriage at home better, rather than worse. So to keep my home and others’ happy, I won’t see anyone with whom I could truly ever develop a marriage-like relationship or attachment with. Does that make sense?

  151. Anna Molly says:

    SDinLA ~ I never received my Cadbury Eggs….. :(

  152. Darnell says:

    BiCentenntial-If you don’t mind me asking, what promoted you to be a SB if you’re married and are having great sex (which I assume sounds like you two have a great marriage) with a hot guy? Does he know about the SB? Not judging by the way, just find it interesting. I’ve noticed some married SBs in my search and found it interesting. As you noted, you have a site like Ashley for the physical aspects.

    I do find the women on this blog refreshing. I like how you see this type of relationship or arrangement as not in the same way as regular dating. Would I be off to say that potential SBs who may not be having much luck (not all, mind you) are looking for the same things that they may be looking things that they might in regular dating/spouses? I’m not saying you shouldn’t look for a SD of quality character and the financial resources to back them up, but are SBs realistic in their search? Hope that makes some sense,

    • SD Guru says:

      @SpoilMe
      I’ve entered my very first real arrangement!

      Good for you! So what exactly is the arrangement that both of you have agreed to?

      @IRLSD
      I just don’t like shopping and never make a secret of that, so I don’t typically take SBs shopping. I am more the cash daddy type.

      I’ve explained in my blog how I started as a gift/travel daddy, then over time evolved to a mix of gift/travel and allowance, to eventually allowance only. I enjoy taking a SB shopping, but I decided not to offer it as part of the arrangement and I understand why some SD’s don’t like shopping.

      What it boils down to is that taking a SB shopping is an unpredictable process for the SD. No one likes expensive surprises especially if the SD is paying the bill. The only way to avoid it is to clearly communicate and agree on what to shop for, where to shop, and what the SD’s budget is for shopping. But that can take all the fun and spontaneity out of the shopping experience. Not many women would want to shop that way when someone else is paying for it.

      When shopping for “gifts” is the only sugar involved in an arrangement, it’s inevitable that mismatched expectations and misunderstandings will occur. That’s why I no longer include it as part of an arrangement, but still do it in addition to the allowance at my discretion.

  153. cleo says:

    omg i think i just figured out who ms. taken is!

    hi lady, how’s taken life?

  154. midwest sb says:

    Bibaby- Looks like you were way ahead of me…sorry if it was redundant.

  155. cleo says:

    D Dubs: your approach as stated in the comment that included a reply to me at the end is exactly the one i like. and considering that you are, in fact, not married it seems perfect for you as well.

    i was making assumptions, but it was a relatively sane one since a lot of SDs (and sbs) talk about the rapid physical pace of sugar.

    interestingly my closest brush was with a man very like yourself, flew me out to meet him and never tried for more than kissing. i’m still sorry that his business forced him in another direction but because he was honest and real with me (as i was with him) we are really good friends instead. i can say with certainty that affection and intimacy would have developed there because both of us were willing to give it the space to do so.

    too bad you don’t like women your age, i’d hit on you :)
    .
    darnit, have to go, was finally getting to read the scroll!

    okay back later

  156. midwest sb says:

    Sorry for typos…blackberry.

  157. Bela says:

    What a way to spend the morning!! Freakin AWESOME posts!

    This is the perfect tutorial to someone who is just learning this.

    muchissimas gracias!!!!

  158. midwest sb says:

    Bibaby- I strongly recommend curious kitten’s advice…she has shared a much more sound and respectable approach and it sounds as if she is speaking frim experience. I would also re-evaluate if you truly want a gift daddy. Here’s why…a gift is something that, in my mind, was picked out by someone else with ypu in mind. The goal of the gift is to bring a smile to your face. It is a selfless act that gives the giver great pleasure and reward. I know time has changed this with wish lists, etc., but I completely disagree w the approach of – want you to take me shoppong every time we’re together, then I will sleep w you. I also disagree w pouting for a gift as it isn’t very sugary and has a chance of maybe working once. . Perhaps next time, register online wish lists, but don’t expect it will always equal 2K a month. Sometimes it will be higher, others not. Always be grateful and quit watching the price tags. Otherwise, you may be better suited to an allowance Daddy.

    Curious kitten- AMAZING posts!!!!

    Dandelion Wine- will you send me his card?

  159. Random SB says:

    Bicentenntial Baby – This is definitely where direct communication comes into play. This may just be the businessy side of me coming out, but with every pot, I make sure for both of us to clearly state our expectations should we like each other and wish to enter an arrangement. Granted it’s typically assumed that the SD wants to be intimate with the SB and the SB wants some form of financial help or bonus (ie: spa, travel, shopping, etc.) from the SD, but it’s best to be honest and clarify what both parties are really seeking.

  160. Lily says:

    BiBaby, my point is that you sort if wing it on a gift/travel date, and in the UNLIKELY event that he doesn’t spoil you at all, you can share a room platonically, ask for a separate room on grounds that you feel there has been a misunderstanding about expectations on both sides, or just say you don’t really feel like things are working out & drive home. You don’t HAVE to sex up the guy who (“wow!!”) spent $200 on something for you, even on that type of trip.

    In person, I think it’s rare that a guy doesn’t hedge his bets on the side of you being very happy from the shopping, if that was the premise of the arrangement.

  161. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @IRLSD,

    I agree with your thoughts….several of the pots I’ve met are obviously married and to respect their discretion, well, one has to not be out in public where mostly WOMEN are hanging out, no? 😉

    I’m leaning back towards the cash daddy type of SD, not to be mercenary at all, just because it makes the expectations so much easier on both sides. Besides, most people would be surprised what I can get for a small amount of money….I can hit an outlet store and get 2-3x what I’d be able to acquire at the mall for the same out of pocket to my SD, and have plenty of time trying on and going over stuff, which let’s face it, is not native to the male species as a fun activity!

    You’re also right about time, there can be much better ways to pass a few hours with lower risk….dinner, theater, private time…

  162. IRLSD says:

    I just don’t like shopping and never make a secret of that, so I don’t typically take SBs shopping. I am more the cash daddy type. She can do the shopping herself. And I avoid the complications associated with a shopping trip. Plus, when I see SBs, the time is usually tight, so shopping is out of the question. And a trip to the mall is just asking to get caught.

  163. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Ok, I wasn’t roasted alive while sleeping, this is good…*LOL*

    I’m new to this and I only resorted to asking for something that I specifically wanted because I was indeed afraid that my expectations might be met with resistance. NOT because there wasn’t chemistry…I really truly did like this guy and loved spending time with him, however he seemed upset at the last shopping trip that I managed to pick out something over $200. It was a “vibe” I got at the register where I politely turned away as if not to notice…and the item was 40% off on sale to boot and a very good deal BTW. I was actually a little proud I managed to pick out something not as heavy on the pocketbook for him that was awesome. I use coupons to grocery shop so habits die hard I guess…

    I have assembled all the facts together and realized that my expectations were too high, esp after reading the “dump me” email I got in reply. Apparently helping out with various small things was never in question but high ticket items were. I didn’t know! I assumed it wasn’t a problem since we were both on SA. Since at the 1st meet he mentioned he didn’t do “allowances”, I naively assumed that meant no cash…I was fine with that because some gentlemen have an issue with giving money and I am grateful as a SB for gifts as well of course.

    Being happily married (i.e. getting great sex at home with a hot guy) I’m not selecting SD’s on looks or sex appeal but rather on how well we click spending time together, their intelligence and of course agreement with my idea of what mutually beneficial means. My approach is likely different than many because I’m not selecting based on whether there’s sex appeal or tingles but just compatability and generosity…there is no “hot guy discount”, I already have that. I’m amazed and stunned by the people who act surprised that sugar is involved as a motivating factor, as if any of us would be here if it were not. If companionship and sex were ALL I was interested in obtaining I’d be on AshleyMadison dot com and not on SA….duh.

    @CuriousKitten,
    Regarding tally, etc…it’s not so clear cut, I’m not keeping an Excel spreadsheet or anything..*LOL*..I have been present for the shopping trips because truthfully, I can’t USE a pair of Louboutins or an LV purse in the world I operate in. Coach & Dooney/Bourke is enough in my part of town and I’m looking to add things I can’t get myself, ie. Tiffany jewelry, St John’s suits…items that are enduring classics that can transition into the workforce & charity work which I’m involved in as a fundraiser. Perhaps I am too practical and this is putting me in an awkward spot to be an SB as practicality may attract the wrong type of SD, I don’t know.

    @Lily,
    Your scenario is very good and the one you emailed me even better. I just feel bitten because part of what I’m having to learn in being an SB is how to speak up and ask for what I think I’m worth, yet when I did that I got shot down…ouch!! Guess it comes with the territory. There’s no such thing as an LV store or Neiman Marcus anywhere near me…I probably am also to blame for not making sure that such things were what was around when meets were scheduled. I was never offered gas money to travel so I had to schedule meets to coincide with work trips or other events nearby so I would not be out of pocket. Looking back, that should have been a big red flag.

    @NYGent,
    I agree with your comment too, I figured out that the reason the prompting was met with resistance was because we were on two different pages regarding the sugar, so to speak. Apparently the travel/getting dressed up/picking out occasional nice things and going to dinner were what was being offered and I failed to communicate that really wasn’t all I was looking for.

    I get to dress up all the time to go to fundraisers and travel…it’s no big deal to me to eat a $250 or $1,000 a plate meal. Since I saw a hint of reservation about dropping a few hundred dollars, I tried both in person and by phone to clarify what the expectations were and why I got the vibe I was overstepping boundaries, but it was sort of dodged both times. So I resorted to email because I truly was trying to be up front so that I wouldn’t have to discuss this the day of an overnight visit and it would be “smooth sailing” by having this ONE discussion, ONE time.

    I do not regret it though the outcome sucks because I’d much rather have had to deal with email rejection than to have to do so in person with the expectation of intimacy to still be given that same night. I can’t agree with Lily that feigning a headache is a safe idea, I’d be fearful that once a guy commits to a hotel room (wanted not two rooms, but only one), he’s expecting follow through. It’s not a position I want to put myself in ever, so I stand by my decision that what I did was right and prevented a worse situation from arising due to misunderstanding.

    I’m still learning, I hope my experiences are helpful to the others just starting out too. NSA means no drama so I’ll just lick my wounds and be a big girl about it and move on. It’s not worth harassing the SD over what was apparently a mismatch of expectations. *sigh*

  164. NYGent says:

    BiBaby: listen to CuriousKitten’s advice re shopping, it is sound.
    Most real SDs will end up spending more, voluntarily, on their SB if they are not asked, overtly or not so subtly, to do so. If you think you are not getting sufficient sugar without all the prompting, then walk away from the arrangement. Saying “please buy me this” etc. is a big turn off.

  165. Lily says:

    P.S. It is this icky little dance that makes me unavailable for gift relationships with married men. Single, sexy men, sure, but not married ones. What’s the point? At least with an allowance, you can be upfront and get it out of the way. The ‘gift dance’ has so many potential potholes to step in, ugh!

    I once went into a boutique with a combo daddy (meaning, allowance/travel/spa/shopping were all present) and he balked at the cash register and paid up ($2500, perhaps) but after we left, he said, “I kinda overspent what I had planned to spend on you today, so I guess I’m going to have to cut out ___x___ from the itinerary.”

    That felt so awkward! I mean, he was there, taking work calls, while I was trying on clothes & asking HIM which ones to get. He kept saying, “Get it! Get it. Looks great!!” and if I put something I liked away he would go get it off the shelf and say that I needed it. But he never checked the price tags. So he was shocked at the total, for 3 bags of clothes & accessories. It created some weirdness and I remember thinking that shopping with sn SD is so tricky for an SB!!

    So much room for social awkwardness.

  166. Lily says:

    Dandelion – hehehe *snicker*

    spoilme – tell him you’d like to consolidate the random cash offerings into a monthly lump sum because it’s distracting to deal with on each and every date and follow up with your account details.

    BiBaby – you lost him because he sensed the reality of the situation, which is thus: you would not be willing to sleep with him unless he spent __x__ amount on gifts first, and you were terrified of getting together, going shopping a bit, and him falling short & you feeling awkward about your unwillingness to have sex with him on an overnight trip to him…

    In the future, go with the flow, take a leap of faith, and if you felt he has not been a good SD and spoiled you unsolicitedly, say….”I still feel so in the mood to go check out *that* store and *that one,* and see what they’ve got over in *that* boutique. Bat your eyes, bite your lower lip and say, “you don’t hate me for being such a slave to fashion, do you, daddy? After all, I wanna look my BEST for you….”

    if he puts his foot down & refuses to sugar you up in the stores (and the price level you’re looking for is waaaay less than what most SBs want an SD to be buying for them, so you are not unreasonable at all in your tastes), then look crestfallen & then act like you’re trying your hardest to put on a happy face but your eyes belie that you were NOT done shopping & your spirit aches for more trinkets, and with heavy steps continue wherever he wants to go.

    If he still doesn’t get the clue and get you back there before hotel/desert time, you’re well within your rights to just kiss and cuddle at bedtime and then indicate indigestion and sleepiness, and go to sleep.

    Note to everyone: I’m suggesting this line of behavior because men who buy an $80 dress for an SB and then later a $200 jacket, should NOT be rewarded for their miserliness and think they are an SD & entitled to full access to their SB all night long, then. I have men spoil me much better than that while REGULAR dating. Sugar shopping should be stuff I *can’t* afford on my own. They need to get the hint that for a gift relationship to be “on,” he needs to gift her with something NICE and SUGARY, like definitely over $500. It’s simply SO unattractive when a millionaire is a total cheap ass.

  167. SpoilMe says:

    Well I didn’t get a chance to catch up with all the posts yet but while I do that I’d like to announce:
    I’ve entered my very first real arrangement! First date went so well it felt like we already knew each other! I’ve seen him 3 times this week (and had soo much fun) and it seems he just likes to hand me random amounts of cash during different times (3 figures), but he hasn’t yet brought up the allowance talk.. sooo what’s a girl to do? Any suggestions?
    I think we have a connection btw/ I’m attracted to him and feel free around him but I’m not comfortable enough to discuss “monthly payments” lol. Help!

    Thank you and best of luck to everyone!
    xo

  168. Dandelion Wine says:

    “An SD” has truly inspired me.
    I will walk right into a portfolio manager’s office and give a following directive: “I want you to invest for me into stocks that have the potential to go up at least 50% within the next year and are nearly perfectly negatively correlated. Oh I would also like for you to extend credit to me for investing, since if you are an honest portfolio/fund manager, you know I’d make money with your money and would be able to repay you. And would it kill ya to waive the front load and management fees, at least until you prove to me that you can make me lots of money?”

  169. CuriousKitten says:

    ACK! I did it again. Okay, no more posting for me.

  170. CuriousKitten says:

    @BrownEyedGal *bows* Thank you much dear. =)

    @Bicentennial Baby: Thank you much! As for your dilemma: I don’t think that its mercenary to expect that you will recieve things that have been explictly agreed upon. Openness and honesty is important, if you have an agreement as to a particular gift, especially ahead of time, it should be followed through with. HOWEVER, I think that if you are gifted with things that are not agreed upon, instead of something agreed upon, and the totals add up to be about, or around the same, complaining (however tactfully) can certainly cause sugar to go sour. I think its important to keep in mind that some SDs, especially when they’ve had a SB for a while, will want to surpirse her with something they know she wants, rather than just buy it for her outright. I could be wrong, but thinking from the other side, it does somehow kind of cheapen the idea, especially if it was planned. But still, it was wrong to agree to get it for you, if he wasn’t going to. False expectaitions an all that…..unless the SD didn’t specifically you would get it “that day.” Just something to think about. Either way, I wouldn’t beat yourself for it. You were clear, and upfront, which is something to be valued in eveery human being, even outside the sugarbowl.

    I think that during negoations it is important for an SB to be clear about what they expect from the SD, especially it is clear to the SD what he is getting. If you expect an allowance, it should be an easy and natural thing for the SD to give that to you. If you have chemistry, an SD should want to take care of you. I would like to add that, personally, I think expecting gifts that total a certain amount of money each month is a little….odd. I’m just curious, do you recieve reciets with everything to tally it up? (I’m not being snarky here, I really want to know.) Or is everything you recieve bought with you present, i.e, always shopping trips?

    @Nico: Thank you very much. I’ve always said I’m a 35-year-old trapped in a 20-year-old body.(or 19, 18, 17….proceeding backwards given the year.) I try to think logically about things. It really does pay off to think about things from more than one perspective. I thank you for the compliment.

    @SD Guru: Thank you much. Does the title come with a sparkly belt? Perhaps from a cracker-jack box? I didn’t mean for the post to be so long. I just started typing and before I knew it…well, you say the result. I hope it was on topic at least, and potentially helpful to others.

  171. Lily – I just wanted you to know that I couldn’t breathe until I had finished reading your question. I think I was blue in the face by then …

  172. BiBaby – welcome to the sugarworld, it is a strange and curious place!

    And down the rabbit hole we go …

  173. Nico says:

    @ Curious Kitten…..while you may be young, you’re wise beyond your years. Very well articulated!!

  174. Dandelion Wine says:

    An SD,
    Coincidentally, if you’ve had a nickel for every woman from SA that you implored to have “intimacy” before real intimacy in the form of trust and mutual comfort developed – my guess is: you could have been a 10k/mo SD as well!!

  175. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @Curious Kitten,

    Good post!

    My question about broaching allowance/gifts solved itself, though not in the way I ever expected. *sigh*

    I was told today that to expect a certain “range” or solicit particular gifts to shop for was mercenary, very much to my surprise. I am a little heartbroken and slightly insulted, after all if you meet someone on SA, don’t you anticipate having to take the SB shopping, etc if she lists an allowance range as opposed to “open/negotiable”??? I am left feeling confused. It turned out my inability to feel out the other party’s commitment to what to expect was due to the fact they didn’t want to be pinned down to specifics. I didn’t think specifying a monthly gift budget for me to stay within was unfair, given that I am covering my haircut and color…nails…gym membership….and other “upkeep” out of pocket right now at over $150 a month. I never even asked for gas money since it was made clear cash was off the table and I agreed to that.

    I am really a very nice and understanding person but I am perplexed–how is it fair for the SD’s to know exactly what they will be getting when they see us, how often, and even down to what we should be wearing….yet the SB is left to just hope that her gifts that month will be nice, if at all? How am I as a SB supposed to know when I’ve requested something beyond what the SD is comfortable offering if they won’t be clear about what I can ask for to begin with?? I am left to assume I am being fair if I clearly stay within my range that is published on my profile in what I am asking for as my benefit but was recently told that not all SD’s are like that…some girls just like to travel and dress up to go to dinner and receive nice unsolicited things. For intimacy??? I honest to goodness thought we called that regular dating….

    Where did I misunderstand??? I feel awful but I stand my ground in that I never mislead my intentions from the 1st meeting onward and never changed from my profile what I was seeking.

    I proposed a shopping trip to get a necklace I truly wanted in order to not surprise the person on my hope for the evening, knowing what theirs was and intending to fulfill that. I did this ahead of time in person so that if I presumed beyond what the expectation was, it would prevent awkwardness. But honestly if a girl is turned down for what she is asking for, it’s in a way being told she’s not “worth” what she is proposing to obtain as her benefit. Certainly not a way to set the stage for fun & intimacy. Supposedly I went wrong in asking for a specific item (around $500) and made it mercenary by spelling out what I might hope to receive instead of just showing up and seeing what came about (if anything). I felt to “trust” to whatever happened was setting myself up for disappointment in case what I desired was not acceptable, which would have caused me to leave. Now I’ve been “dumped”, which truth to tell, has never happened to me EVER. It wasn’t in a mean way, just a “you’re not for me because of this” way.

    I just don’t think it fair that the SD in that scenario would know what he’s getting exactly but the SB is left to wonder. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what happened.

    Please let me know how to avoid this in the future….

  176. Darnell says:

    Terrific, insightful stuff people here.

    I wrote earlier:
    1) It seems like site has a lot of potential SBs who don’t understand what these relationships are. I see some who come across as if they’re looking for a real relationship with a wealthy man. Any tips of how to read for those who understand such a relationship?

    2) Am I alone in finding the site has a rather limited supply of classy, intelligent, lovely women the same way of a good SD? Do you find the risque (lingerie or the teasing of body parts) photos attractive? The lack of writing skills or any depth to the profiles make you pass?

    3) Do you think age of SB plays any role in finding a good mate?

    4) I saw the book, “Confessions of a Sugar Baby”, today in the store. Worth picking up?

    5) Any tips on a good SD profile and e-mail? If you have private photos, does it show up that you have them if you don’t have a public one? Does that help in terms of those SDs wanting discretion?

    —————————————–

    Number 4 should be “Sugarbabe: The Controversial Real Story of a Woman in Search of a Sugar Daddy”

    Seems like question 3 was touched upon earlier.

  177. BrownEyedGal says:

    well said curious kitten… (clapping hands here…)

  178. CuriousKitten says:

    @NYGent: Thank you. I try to think about things from the other side the equation. If I was buying expensive gifts for a young(er) girl that I met online, I wouldn’t be sending her diamonds in the mail first day. I’m also not going to spend time and money lavishing someone that I don’t get along with gifts. Nor would I suspect such things from a SD.

    • Welcome Darnell!
      Sounds like you have some very good questions. Let’s see if I can give you the OC take on them, maybe others can add to it.
      1) Any tips of how to read thru a profile for those who understand a sugar relationship?
      They can write anything they choose, so it is not just their profile that will give you insight to their knowledge of good sugar dating etiquette. Create a dialog that is comfortable for both of you and ask the questions YOU find to be most important to you and your sugar dating dream scenario.
      2) Do you find the risque (lingerie or the teasing of body parts) photos attractive?
      A picture can paint a thousand words. The advice of most is for an SB to post three pictures, one headshot, one full body, and one that may depict an interest (sport, art, interest etc). Nothing wrong risque photo’s, it is up to the viewer’s eye to determine what is attractive.
      3) Do you think age of SB plays any role in finding a good mate?
      Ahhh not going to go down the age path. But I will tell you this, you will find SB’s in all shapes ages and personalities!
      4) I saw the book, “Confessions of a Sugar Baby”, today in the store. Worth picking up?
      Great Book!
      5) Any tips on a good SD profile and e-mail?
      My personal tip on a good SD profile is that they show me a glimmer of who I will meet in person. If they have a wicked sense of humor, (which I adore) it would be nice to mention that in their profile. A bit of levity goes a long way, one or two lines of boring stats will not get me to reply.

      Keep us posted on your journey! Have fun! xoxo ~OC

      • SD Guru says:

        To all the posters, I think this blog has been one of most interesting and informative in a while. We were able to have intelligent discussions about a wide range of opinions without much drama. Give yourselves a hand!! :)

        @WCSD
        So, I look at it as getting the satisfaction of helping someone for the money I’ve spent. If the satisfaction is acceptable to me then my ‘money losing’ investment is worthwhile.

        Thanks for adding another perspective to the discussion. I’ll ask the same question I’ve asked other SDs. How long have your arrangements lasted using this approach?

        @IRLSD
        when someone lies about everything with no clear rationale or motive or gain, it just wears down on you over time.

        You just answered your own question about whether to give her another chance and continue the relationship. After 7 months, why would you want to? By the way, how long have your arrangements lasted in the past?

        I’ve never been with anyone like this before. Has anyone else?

        Based on the answers so far, lies and deceptions are fairly common in the sugar world. But you probably set a record at putting up with it for 7 months. As I mentioned in my blog, I’ve had two sugar relationships that were filled with lies and deceptions, one lasted 3 months, the other six months.

        Only through intense lust does this last, and that is why the last one lasted as long as it did–despite the issues, I still wanted to sleep with her.

        I see, so you’re saying if your SB wasn’t so good in bed, you would have bailed a long time ago. Lust can be a powerful thing, and it can make intelligent man act irrationally. I think most women know this and use it to their advantage. I know because I’ve been there as well! :)

        @An SD
        I suspect the big difference is I am doing so much of my screening in person and therefore meeting so much more of what is actually out there.

        Interesting. How do you determine whether to meet a pot SB in person, or choose which ones to meet? A lot of screening can be done before a meet as well as during the meet.

        @CuriousKitten

        That’s a nice post! I will now pass on the title of the longest post in the blog to you. Lily still holds the title of the longest question in the blog though. :)

        @Bicentennial Baby
        I am a little heartbroken and slightly insulted,
        I am left feeling confused.
        I am perplexed
        Where did I misunderstand?

        Just when you thought you got it figured out then everything turned upside down and left you feeling confused. Welcome to the sugar world! :) Is this related to one of your SD’s or with a new pot??

        Have a good night everyone!

  179. NYGent says:

    Curious kitten: very well said. You’ve expressed an SD perspective in a more articulate way than most of us SDs could.

  180. CuriousKitten says:

    That would depend on where you live. =)

  181. IRLSD says:

    CuriousKitten, Amen. A message I agree with 110% :)

    You don’t happen to live by me by any chance?

  182. CuriousKitten says:

    Wow, sorry about the long message. =)

  183. CuriousKitten says:

    I love this conversation, and getting all the different opinions from others in the sugar world about the arrangement/relationship aspect of things.

    Its been said that SA gives a leg up to the whole deal, because SBs are aware that the pot SDs understand what the SB is looking for, and the pot SBs are aware of what the SD is looking for right off the bat, and there is no beating around the bush, and you can thusly move on to the more important things. This means that potential sugars can really focus on the aspects that are important to making the arrangement/relationship work. A large part of the battle has been done for you.

    I am not a “professional” SB, I don’t make my living out of the pocket of another, and I don’t expect that a pot SD will take care of every little thing for me. There needs to be a level of independence for any arrangement/relationship to work. I know SBs that make multiple arrangements at a time with multiple SDs, and to me, this seems a little….sleezy. (No offense is meant here, read on.)

    It is my opinion that a true arrangement involves certain levels of commitment to the other party, and maintaining these levels of commitment to multiple persons seems like it would affect the quality of the relationship/arrangement. This is why I am strong believer in exclusive mutually beneficial agreements, at least from my side. To be a good, and true SB, you need to focus on your SD, and understand fully their needs and expectations.

    While it is true that if you are really being yourself, you shouldn’t have to work too hard to make an SD happy, I think that a certain level of thought should always be involved, because, it is my hope that as an SB, I am valued for more than just my looks. In fact, I avoid SDs that only find enjoyment in my physical appearance. Yes, I’m attractive, but I have a brain as well.

    Having a mind of your own is something that I can say is a quality that most true SBs share. We understand what we desire, and we know how to get it. Not all of us are just smiling pretty because that’s all we know how to do. I think this needs to be understood, and not taken for granted.

    For the SD that wants a pretty girl that will jump into bed right away, without any benefit for the SB, it shows poor character of not only the SD for expecting such a thing, but of the SB for not realizing what they are worth. Being an SB requires a good sense of self, the understanding that you are valuable, and the desire to share what you have to offer, in exchange for things that you may need, or desire.

    Chemistry is important for a successful arrangement/relationship, of course it is, but in my opinion, chemistry involves more than just fireworks between the sheets. The quality of your conversations with one another, right from the beginning, in those first initial emails, is an important indicator of whether or not this is something worth pursuing. If your face hurts from smiling so much while reading a response, chances are good that the chemistry is good. I strive to find the relationships/arrangements where the pot SD will admit he smiles often when talking with me, because that is what I offer in my arrangements/agreements: enjoyable company. After that, the first meet, and the second, should there be one, should also be a good indicator of whether or not there is chemistry of a good kind involved.

    I think it should be a warning sign to all SBs if the SD is interested in nothing more than your bedroom acrobatics.

    The type of agreement/relationship that you are entering is being entered into upon the express knowledge of what is being exchanged: time, caring, company, and intimacy in exchange for financial assistance and gifts, as well, often times, as the mentor-ship of an older, more experienced man, or woman. (Cannot forget those wonderful Sugar Mommies out there.)

    Given that this is the main reason for your contact with the opposing sugar, everything else should be natural. Think of it like selecting a puppy from a pet store. You know that once you take it home, its going to rely on your food, and water, and toys. Do you look for the puppy that is going to eat less? No. You find the puppy that makes you smile, that licks your hand out of love, and plays fetch with you in the park, so you both have a good time. I think this needs to be kept in mind.

    For SDs worried about poof babies, I would suggest a longer screening process. Spend more time in the email stage. Try a webcam chat, if you have the means. (I’m a fan of the web cam, you can easily see for yourself that the profile pictures you saw aren’t from a Google Search.) The longer and more in-depth your screening process, the more trust you can build with the SB. Not mention, a poof baby isn’t likely to continue through a long process, since a poof baby’s MO is to the grab the quick cash and run.

    I’ve spoken a lot already about natural chemistry. When sugars reach the stage of meeting, I think it should feel natural. At the point of meeting, it should seem natural for a SB to want to be intimate with an SD, and it should feel natural for a SD to want to give to an SB.

    There’s plenty of risk involved with an agreement, if you rush into it. I think that a little more time should be spent making sure you are making a good investment.

    But then again, I’m young. Maybe I’m just idealistic.

  184. IRLSD says:

    Bicentennial Baby, I actually prefer sex with my wife to sex with SBs. But I think there are complicated reasons why I feel I need an SB. For one thing, there is the issue of quantity. The best way I explain this to people is as follows: if you put a 90 pound petite young lady and a 250 pound body builder on the same diet, the girl will be stuffed nauseous while the guy will be starving. The same goes for sex. If I prefer sex 5 times a week and my wife prefers it twice a week, then either she will have to suffer or I will, or most likely there will be some sort of compromse in which we both suffer. There is no way to reconcile this difference in sexual desire at all. Now, add an SB to the picture and the problem is gone. As my best friend puts it, the SB makes me “hormonally balanced” so I can have a better marriage. And it is indeed true. My wife and I fight much more when I am sexually frustrated, plus having an SB creates a constant low-level guilt or sense of get-back, so that when my wife pisses me off, I feel like I don’t need to say anything back because I am cheating on her anyways. In a sense, it always feels like we are even when she does something to annoy me, so I don’t need to feed back into the loop that keeps the fights going. So since I started cheating on my wife 2 years ago, our marriage is miraculously better. In fact, it was intolerable before.

  185. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @IRLSD,

    Since you are one of the rare married SD’s who is still getting hot sex/has lust with his wife, may I ask why the allure of an SB? Nearly every SD I’ve spoken with (who is married) says that he’s looking in the sugarbowl because he *doesn’t* get that intense lust anymore at home. Not judging you…I’m married with a great lust at home too, but being on the SB side, I’m looking for the finer things as opposed to the intimate companionship which normally is the reason for an SD to join us.

    I agree lust is a good thing to base a marriage on, have it myself, but is it variety then if lust isn’t enough? I’m curious for the male opinion on that.

  186. IRLSD says:

    Well, I went on my first sugar-date this round. She had a nice body but overall she just didn’t set off enough sparks I guess. I’ve concluded that for this to work for me, I have to have a serious desire, to put it quite bluntly, to jump the SB’s bones. Only through intense lust does this last, and that is why the last one lasted as long as it did–despite the issues, I still wanted to sleep with her.

    Everyone assumes that lust is transient, but I’m not so sure. After 10 years, the main thing that bonds me to my wife is lust. She can piss me off, but I still want to jump her bones so I let things cool off. Intense romantic love is what doesn’t last, so lust is a much better thing to base a relationship on, particularly a sugar one.

  187. IRLSD says:

    The thing is that there were discrepancies in the first week or two and I brought them up on the blog and the unanimous verdict was that I not say anything about them and just assume she had a reason to lie. Not one person told me to confront her, and for better or for worse I followed the blog advice.

    The funniest thing about it all was that whenever she lied she’d make these little noises at the end of each sentence. It was very consistent, so I pretty much knew when she was lying, wich was a lot of the time lol. But some things I knew she wasnt lying about because she wouldn’t make those noises. She was the worst liar lol.

  188. Nico says:

    LOL @ SDinLA….thank you!!!!

  189. Random SB says:

    SD Guru – I know, dear. I wasn’t being too serious either. You know how the internet has a tendency to take tones and shoot them to hell. 😉

    Lily – Yes, like I said earlier, we are obviously here for a mutually beneficial reason and when the man refuses to acknowledge that, it makes things very frustrating for us because we are looking for more than just sex.

    I mean, come on. Let us all be honest. Most SDs are looking for sexual intimacy. Most SBs are looking for some form of financial help or pampering. Both sides need to openly acknowledge that and learn how to communicate their needs and desires in a way that doesn’t make it seem as if sex and money are the ONLY thing on the table. I will up front say that I am here in the sugar world to make a profit with my looks, charm, and company at my disposal. BUT that desire to make a profit is only part of the equation…. there is much more that comes into play, like whether I feel comfortable with the SD, can I trust him (within reason), will he be true to his word, do I like being around him, do I look forward to seeing him, what can I do for him, and etc.

  190. SugaBeckha says:

    good evening SD and SB world….welol
    he emailed me and never got back to me … a DUD……… so oh well my quest continues. Has anyone looked at my new pictures let me know what you guys and gals think……changed my profile up a little

    have a great night all muah

  191. SDinLA says:

    I caught the Blagooshies once, she swore she had been tested and I trusted her. The doctor gave me some antibiotics though and it went away thankfully…

  192. Nico says:

    Blagooshie’s? Hmmmm….sounds like they might have dirty floors 😉

    Sorry, feeling frisky. Very heavy topic over the past couple of days. It’s nice to see something serious being discussed but I had to inject a smile 😀

  193. Nico says:

    LOL @ D-Dub carrot…*giggle-snort*

  194. Lily says:

    An SD – aren’t you too busy to go straight from “Hi, nice profile,” to “Dinner at 7:00 tomorrow night at Blagooshie’s” (made up restaurant name–y’all like it?)…? Don’t you get emails every day & *have* to screen somehow?

  195. carebear says:

    This blog is too busy to keep up with. I love reading what everyone posts on here but can’t ever seem to catch up.

    So I’m taking a break from it all….life…sugar…everything in between! Chicago in 24 hours! Be back never!!

    =)

    <3

  196. An SD says:

    WCSD: So, what is different between you and I……I personally am confused by your approach, not because of your approach, but because I don’t get the same problems that you do which causes your approach. Therefore it causes me to scratch my head (and also thank my stars I don’t have those problems).

    I suspect the big difference is I am doing so much of my screening in person and therefore meeting so much more of what is actually out there.

  197. An SD says:

    ummm… has she really been off the market, or just told you she was off the market? …. maybe you could slip me a profile # just in case 😉

  198. WCSD says:

    IRLSD – ‘Has anyone else’

    Not for 7 months! But yes, I’ve had a SB lie to me, make up things, etc. but I’m pretty logical in my thinking (ok, way too logical in my thinking) and any discrepancy between stories will immediately be questioned (not because I think you are lying, but because I think I misunderstood). So I fairly quickly will either find out that someone is lying like that and calling them on it (and wanting out of the drama very quickly) or they learn that they aren’t going to get away with it and stop doing it (or making it obvious anyway…). Both have happened to me, but the one that continued to make things up wasn’t around for long….

  199. Anna Molly says:

    Good evening everyone!!! Hope all is well with all of you! No time to catch up, just dropping by to say hello 😀

    XOXO
    Anna “Naughty” Molly 😉

  200. An SD says:

    IRLSD: it just wears down on you over time. … I’ve never been with anyone like this before. Has anyone else?

    Why does it take time? We’ve all met people like this. They need to be cut off immediately. There is never any hope for this kind of situation and putting up with it is self destructive.

    On the other hand, let me not be unappreciative to you that you’ve kept her off the market and away from me. :)

  201. Darnell says:

    Great stuff as usual guys. I’m rather new to the online aspect of sugar, despite having a previous, and happy, relationship with a SB a short while back.

    A few questions:

    1) It seems like site has a lot of potential SBs who don’t understand what these relationships are. I see some who come across as if they’re looking for a real relationship with a wealthy man. Any tips of how to read for those who understand such a relationship?

    2) Am I alone in finding the site has a rather limited supply of classy, intelligent, lovely women the same way of a good SD? Do you find the risque (lingerie or the teasing of body parts) photos attractive? The lack of writing skills or any depth to the profiles make you pass?

    3) Do you think age of SB plays any role in finding a good mate?

    4) I saw the book, “Confessions of a Sugar Baby”, today in the store. Worth picking up?

    5) Any tips on a good SD profile and e-mail? If you have private photos, does it show up that you have them if you don’t have a public one? Does that help in terms of those SDs wanting discretion?

  202. WCSD says:

    Lily – I wish that I never strayed into the undesirable territory of a girl who doesn’t deserve it….but like I said, it is the exception for me, not the norm, and I’m ok with it. The sugar world isn’t an easy world for either the SDs or SBs. Not everyone has what it takes to be in it, and therefore they shouldn’t be. Heck, everyone needs a break from it now and then too no matter how good of a ‘screener’ you are, it does take its toll on you.

    As for ‘An SD’, I don’t think he needs (or wants) counselling. He is doing fine on his own, with the methods that work for him. We all pick up and adopt what works for us, and since this is unique, it makes the world a much more fun place!

  203. IRLSD says:

    SD Guru,

    You have very valid points. It lasted 7 months because we each kept up our respective ends of the bargain for the most part. But the relationship is not 100% sex. Much of it is conversation and catching up on each others’ lives. And when someone lies about everything with no clear rationale or motive or gain, it just wears down on you over time. I never said a word about her lies for months, but finally it got too much. For example, having to congratulate her for getting 97 and 98% on her finals when I knew she wasn’t even in school is just too much. In fact, there was little she said that she wouldn’t contradict in her other stories. So at the end, I wasn’t sure if there was anything honest she had ever told me. At some point it’s too much. I’ve never been with anyone like this before. Has anyone else?

  204. Lily says:

    WCSD- it’s good that you have a fine-honed system of choosing which ladies to pour cash into, without expecting any return on your investment, per se. Sounds like it has served you well and you never stray into the undesirable territory of being generous with a gal who frankly doesn’t deserve any sort of leg-up. Kudos to you. Maybe you can counsel poor “an SD” on how to pick ’em since he gets so many creepers & poof SBs coming out of the woodwork, who can’t bear to see him again, once the carrot of impending allowance is removed from the immediate equation.

  205. Lily says:

    “The essential fact is that if an SD does not do something he will suffer huge losses and other scary situations.”

    does not do WHAT? Does not dole out allowance in 1/8th increments after on approved bedroom gymnastics episodes…? Is that the p4p solution that acts like a magic cloak to sheild an SD of any potential fallout from fooling around outside his marriage (speaking generally here, since most SDs are married)!

  206. Midwest SB says:

    Ladies – A little humility can go a long way. Don’t get so full of yourself that you talk yourself right out of an SD. There are ten hot, exotic, smart, funny, witty, charming, energetic, etc of you for every SD, so don’t think he can’t find a true SB who is grateful for the allowance/gifts she negotiated and agreed upon with him without walking around with a chip on her shoulder because she is all that. It goes past confident and into arrogance. Remember looks will get you in the door, it will take a whole lot more than looks and a great romp to stay in the room.

    Men – Stop over-thinking it so much and take the time and risk. I agree with WCSD – no matter what you have helped someone. If you get lucky, wonderful! If not, you move on. Bill Gates wants everyone to share 50% of their wealth with the world…are you in?

  207. WCSD says:

    An SD – I don’t know if I’ve ever expected anything but loses in the sugar world. It isn’t like I’m putting money into an investment that will return money to me at the end of the investment, so by nature of the relationship, yes, I will ‘lose’ money, every SD will.

    So, I look at it as getting the satisfaction of helping someone for the money I’ve spent. If the satisfaction is acceptable to me then my ‘money losing’ investment is worthwhile. Now, what satisfies me, versus what satisfies another SD can and will be very different. Do I like it when a SB poofs, no not at all…do I think that is the norm rather than the exception….not at all.

    So, what is different between you and I. Is it our screening method as SD Guru mentioned? Is it our expectations of it being a losing venture to begin with (monetarily anyway)? Or is it just that you and I are different and people react different to different people? I don’t know. In the end, it doesn’t matter. If what you are doing is successful for you, then I say go for it. I don’t think I’ll change what is being successful for me, or change my expectations based the experiences of others, but I will always look at it to see if there is anything to learn.

    I personally am confused by your approach, not because of your approach, but because I don’t get the same problems that you do which causes your approach. Therefore it causes me to scratch my head (and also thank my stars I don’t have those problems).

  208. Britany says:

    I have been an on and off member of this site for a couple of years now. I used to get dozens of good messages a day, all from men in my area who seemed legit. Now I barely get anything and when I do it from someone who is clearly a fake and lives on the other side of the country. In other words, this site has been unusually slow lately…has anyone else noticed this?

  209. An SD says:

    A-doc: maybe ill wear a pretty dress tonight and stun him into forgiving me

    Wear a pretty dress and stun him into forgiving you. And giving you the allowance too.

    Before you go out, decide if you still want to sleep with him if there is no money yet. If not, then don’t sleep with him until. If you do, then enjoy yourself.

  210. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @An SD,

    I think the “huge losses and other scary situations” that the SD’s face nowhere near approaches the risks the SB’s take, whether that’s giving intimacy too soon (and not getting allowance), going somewhere with an SD only to later find he’s really wanting p2p, finding out he didn’t mean the same thing he agreed to on your profile, putting yourself at physical risk as we are the smaller/weaker sex in a confrontation, and a host of other issues that SB’s face. I would 100x rather risk losing a few hundred bucks over facing being used sexually, discarded or worse, all but raped as “payment” for a nice dinner out, any day…

  211. cleo says:

    AN SD: i meant that my year without fruit shouldn’t be used to represent either blogger sb’s or torontonian sb’s. that said, are you saying my questions are irrelevant if i’m not actively searching? if i’m taking a moment to remember why i like men before i dive back in with the sharks?

    are your words only for the successful sb’s then? not for those of us currently on the side of the pool?

    [i assumed you were referring to me because not two days ago you informed me that what i was doing had to be wrong due to my lack of success and then you used as an example an sb from my town who was flown to europe. i think me assuming you were referring back to an extant conversation is not unreasonable)

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      how can we meet when you are just a figment of my imagination? Sigh …

      When there is a will there is a way… or you can just let your imagination run wild! 😉

      @D Dubs
      I’m here because as I am about 40 years old now…I much prefer to date women in their 20′s

      It’s been said that women in their 20’s are the most sought after age group by SD’s. Based on your age and marital status it’s not that big of a stretch to date women in that age group (except maybe those under legal drinking age). So even though you have a big enough carrot you probably don’t need to dangle it too often. :)

      @Ms Taken
      This is where confident communication comes in…. put your big girl panties on and speak up for yourself and what you want (at the right time – usually at the beginning).

      Exactly! As I have said before, in the sugar world you don’t get what you deserve or assume, you get what you negotiate.

      @Random SB
      Hey, if you’re okay with your SB having slept with the 10 other pots she’s met with, then that’s fine.

      I don’t take myself too seriously so please don’t take me too seriously either, especially when there was a smiley in my sentence! :)

      @SDinLA
      all of my SBs were in the much vilified by bloggers here 19-21 year old age group, yet I have had 2-year, 18-month and 9-month arrangements, all of which ended on good terms upon their graduation.

      Congrats, you have solved the puzzle of how to find reliable SB’s in that age group! Would you consider your success typical, or was luck involved, or are you just that good? :)

      I don’t think the approach one takes to the chicken or egg problem is necessarily a defining factor in how one’s arrangements turn out (nor is the age of the SB.)

      This is consistent with what I stated before. However, I think the younger SB’s (ie under 25) typically don’t have the maturity it takes to be a long term SB. I know this is a generalization and there are certainly exceptions as your experiences illustrate.

      @An SD
      If your method of cutting losses to an acceptable level is screening in some way then that is great. The essential fact is that if an SD does not do something he will suffer huge losses and other scary situations.

      Fair enough. I understand different people may choose different ways of managing risks.

      @Bicentennial Baby
      I think the “huge losses and other scary situations” that the SD’s face nowhere near approaches the risks the SB’s take

      The sugar world is full of stories of SD’s being blackmailed and outed by their SB’s. Having a poof SB that took the allowance and ran is not that big of a deal compared to that. I’m not downplaying the risks SB’s face, but SD’s have plenty to lose as well.

  212. aspiring doc says:

    Additional note: it was actually 4 days from allowanvce date, he was meant to give it to me last week thursday but he said he needed to transfer and would give it to me monday. I was quite happy to wait because i genuinely trusted he would. It was only when I didnt hear a word monday (and knew he had some cell connection). I didnt contact him again till wed morning- so 48hrs.

    But yeah maybe the threat was too much. Its takes me awhile to trust someone i guess. I never had any drama with my last sd at all. It wasnt the non replies- it was the fact it was allowance day and postphone allowance day at that. Id only asked for half, and had been intimate with him before any money had gone through- maybe that was my mistake?

    ahwell lesson learnt about conclusion jumpiing. Should i apologise profusely (ie a proper it was my fault without any buts) or not? he told me not to apologise when he rang- that it was his fault- but was it? Idk
    maybe ill wear a pretty dress tonight and stun him into forgiving me

  213. An SD says:

    SD Guru: There are certainly people with poor character on the site, but if it’s a high percentage of the people you meet then perhaps you should re-evaluate your screening process. If you put more effort into screening upfront then it should reduce the risk of meeting people with poor character.

    If your method of cutting losses to an acceptable level is screening in some way then that is great.

    The essential fact is that if an SD does not do something he will suffer huge losses and other scary situations.

  214. aspiring doc says:

    It was 2 days- yes maybe i was a bit blunt- everyone on here said it was red flags though! all i needed was a one liner. hmmmm maybe i did overreact. I dont like apologising if im not wrong though

  215. Stacyk. says:

    Hey everyone :) it’s my first time writing here..
    I’m a new SB. I thought I had found an SD, but I think he screwed me over. I haven’t heard from him in 2 days.. he said he would send $$ on Monday. never happened. Oh well. that’s a lesson learned I guess. Finding a sugar daddy (a reliable one) isn’t as easy as it seems!! any suggestions? oh and btw, I’m 18.

  216. Ms. Taken says:

    SDinLA: that’s a good one I will use it – with permission, of course. LOL

  217. SDinLA says:

    Speaking of chickens and eggs:

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile on his face. The egg is frowning and looking frustrated. The egg says, “Guess we answered that question.”

    I’ll get my coat…

    Not active in the Sugar world anymore, but still lurk and had to respond to Bicentennial Baby’s question, “Are the younger SB’s somehow cheaper than the 30-something set?”

    Hahahahaha

    If you only knew the number of 19 year olds here in LA who expect Jimmy Choo/Louboutin vs. Target, you would see the humour in that question from the SD perspective. (I am not laughing at you, but rather at the endearing innocence/naivete of your outlook!)

    SD Guru: I tended to follow Michael and NY’s approach, *and* all of my SBs were in the much vilified by bloggers here 19-21 year old age group, yet I have had 2-year, 18-month and 9-month arrangements, all of which ended on good terms upon their graduation.

    Granted, there were some disasters earlier on as I “learned the ropes”, but I don’t think the approach one takes to the chicken or egg problem is necessarily a defining factor in how one’s arrangements turn out (nor is the age of the SB.)

  218. Ms. Taken says:

    BiCB~I appreciate your pov. See, you were a great agent for the non-profit – on your own behalf; not so much. Or else…

    Besides, there is no way a reasonable person would think you’re being a “ball-busting &^%$” for saying what you want after having met them on SA of all places. Like I said earlier, use it to your advantage.

    On being “a ball-busting &^%$” or “sweet, feminine and absolutely no drama” – I don’t believe those two are your only options, btw.

    Anyway, Lily is awesome and wise. I am sure she gave you good advice. Good Luck!

  219. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @Ms Taken,

    Your post makes sense and you are very correct…I am struggling with the assertiveness necessary to make sure things are “mutually beneficial.” since I’m NOT a poof SB and look even better in person than I do on my profile, I feel that I am not being unreasonable in my allowance request. I emailed Lily privately the whole matter and she agreed that my requests are more than fair and I feel that way too. I work hard to look nice, compliment who I am with and take a genuine interest in their happiness and be agreeable with what they want to eat and do so long as I can do a little shopping somewhere in the mix. I am really not high maintenance…my cash SD said at 1st meet I was “refreshingly sane and normal”…and that was what hooked him.

    I am perfectly capable of negotiating to win…my last job I had to do courthouse settlements (I was in the legal field before nonprofit) and we could and DID walk away and roll the dice many times to unreasonable requests. However I don’t want to come off as a ball-busting &^%$ so I try to stay sweet, feminine and absolutely no drama.

    I’ve had some crushing bills come in but I don’t go asking for any SD to make up some difference or even care. I was willing to consider gifts in lieu of allowance because this individual is very nice and I am genuinely fond of him. However I have no issue with walking away if I must because I know what I am worth. I am an attractive, youthful, graduate school educated beauty pageant & swimsuit calendar winner and can discuss investment portfolios with the best of them while looking hot in a 2 piece bikini and 5” heels!

    I did some thinking about things after I spoke w/Lily and a sugarbaby is a GREAT deal. Think of it, IRL a man wants to date a high quality, 7 to 10 hotness scale woman with intelligence, class and zero drama? What price can you possibly put on a sexy fun woman to have intimacy with who doesn’t bitch you out because you forgot it was your 3 month anniversary, doesn’t want you to meet the parents, fix her car, “talk about the relationship more” or the rest of the baggage that comes with seeing a woman??

    This is even MORE so if a guy is married and doens’t want a bunny-boiling crazy woman to break up his home or get pregnant down the line, naturally that comes at a higher price because he cannot ‘dangle the carrot of marriage someday’ (well put, BTW).

    If a man gets “lucky” say IRL usually after say 3 to 5 dates max (and I know TONS of women who waited until the magic 3 month mark…) with an eHarmony girl…let’s assume she happens to be hot & not overweight or crazy…he’s putting in a minimum of about $100 on a weekend date for movies/dinner/drinks.
    THEN
    Add in the occasional flowers, parking, cards and a birthday or holiday falling during that period and we’re somewhere between $500 to $1,000 MINIMUM before he gets to nookie a month later. that’s 50% of the average SB’s 1-3k range…..AND the SB isn’t texting him all the time nor is she going to require that $10,000 engagement ring in 9 months when Christmas comes along and she tells the guy “all my friends are asking why we aren’t married yet?l..”

    Never mind he usually won’t get sex much after the 1st year of marriage and she’s going to then gain 20lbs and cut off her hair and crank out 3 kids, at which point he’ll then be on this site anyway….

    I just don’t understand the men that don’t think that an arrangement (unless they are wanting to marry of course!) isn’t the much better deal even at 2k or more a month….

  220. Ms. Taken says:

    @RandomSB~great point. “then go ahead and…slip it in her purse”

  221. Lily says:

    Random said, ” I have had guys try to coax me into sex, but would not speak about their end of the arrangement. They would act all confused and try to get me to literally spell out for them “I am looking for X amount” and then they would naturally launch into the “oh, you just have sex for money” campaign. Please. ”

    !!! Me, too!!! And with ridiculously rich men who have done all of buy me dinner & tell me how beautiful I am, then get super grabby & try to hustle me up to a hotel room. Sigh. I stop trying to discuss/explain that a mutually beneficial relationship is not prostitution with these guys and realize they are JDs and not looking for more than a quick score. Waste of time.

  222. sugarbabe says:

    I have not posted before but have recently been reading the blog. I am a very new SB, just signed up last week and had the most ridiculous men contacting me. I am taking much comfort in your post to see that this happens to everyone :) My last email from someone was “I will give you 10k if I can fly to you and f*** you in your wedding dress. Who are these people and where do they come from?? Ms. Taken your last post was amazing but now I have a few questions. When you say that you address allowance right away (“would you rather deposit in my account or give it to me at dinner”) Is this after you have met this person or before ever meeting face to face? Thanks for all the great insight!

  223. Bela says:

    Not super neurotic & jaded, but you have to admit, a 27 y/o is more likely to be aware of potential disappointment in a relationship than a 19 y/o.

    Personally speaking, I definitely was. Fear wasn’t in my vocabulary up until I was 24. Then I was paranoid about everything. Now I realize disappointment isn’t the worst thing that could happen so I enjoy life way more and am more responsible and open to taking changes.

  224. Random SB says:

    SD Guru – Hey, if you’re okay with your SB having slept with the 10 other pots she’s met with, then that’s fine. It’s about what you’re comfortable with and there will be men who find it a turn off, men who see it as ripe easy sex, and men who could care less.

    Ah, the grand old chicken-and-egg conundrum. Yes, this is quite the issue. Do we hand over the sugar or roll around in the sheets (car, bathroom, stairwell… lol) first? I think this goes back to direct communication. In other words, both of you need to make sure that yes, you guys are in an arrangement/relationship. The interview stage before the arrangement is over. And honestly, if you’re already in the hotel room or halfway through the night and it’s quite obvious that some bow chicka wow wow is going to happen, does it really matter whether the sugar is given before or after? If the SB is on a date with you, the expectations on both sides have been directly communicated, and she is enjoying herself on the date, then go ahead and nonchalantly slip her sugar into her purse.

    I will say that I have had guys try to coax me into sex, but would not speak about their end of the arrangement. They would act all confused and try to get me to literally spell out for them “I am looking for X amount” and then they would naturally launch into the “oh, you just have sex for money” campaign. Please. This is a huge warning sign for me. No, sugar does not and will not automatically make me fall into bed, but pretending like I’m just in the sugar world for a nice dinner and a roll in the hay will definitely keep me out of bed.

    And no, the younger SBs are not necessarily cheaper. I am one and we’re not a bargain, although I’m sure that some of us probably have less bills and etc. than perhaps the older ones, especially when you factor in parental support. However, I always give an explanation behind why I’m asking for X amount. There is a business side to these arrangements and I like to make sure that the SD knows his money isn’t being fluffed up into the air with nothing to show for it. Whether it’s a nice pair of shoes or seed money for a business or glowing skin from a facial, I like to inform them that he is *technically* making an investment for the better in me.

  225. Lily says:

    Are very many 22-25 year old gals super neurotic & jaded? I would imagine it’s almost as easy to find someone fun-loving & open minded, even if you rule out the 18-21 year olds.

  226. Ms. Taken says:

    Compliment well received, Lily. I feel the same about your pov too. Thank you.

  227. Bela says:

    Well said Ms. Taken!

  228. Lily says:

    Ms. Taken – you are awesome.

  229. NC Gent says:

    BiCB — if you didn’t explicitly tell him you expected $2k in gifts per month, don’t assume he knows that. It is best to have an open discussion about it, however awkward and uncomfortable it may be.

  230. Ms. Taken says:

    @BiBaby~I’m so excited by how you made the decision to be a SB then did the preparation and voila – you LOOK like the SB you want to be. It doesn’t stop there though. You should probably do even more research on BEING an SB. The most important part of this journey is feeling understood and respected in the arrangement. Remember: we are dealing with powerful men who have bested/eaten five of their peers for lunch by the time they meet us for dinner. These men are no dunce to the art of negotiation. It’s a part of them; they do it without even thinking about taking advantage of us. So we need to step up to the table like we belong there and be our own agent.

    This is where confident communication comes in. It floors me when I hear SBs talk about assuming (anything) because the biggest boon of this site is pots know why we’re here. IRL we have to bother with the covert nonsense – not so here. So take advantage of that leg up – put your big girl panties on and speak up for yourself and what you want (at the right time – usually at the beginning).

    Of course this is nerve-racking but it has to be done. I think a lot of unfortunate things happen because sometimes SBs are afraid to walk. I have found it best to be detached from the outcome of the meet, discussing the arrangement, etc. Therefore, after I have tried (in good faith) to come to some agreement, I will gladly walk if I don’t feel comfortable with any of the terms.

    Yes, it’s hard and awkward to raise the issue but it has to be done. Otherwise, you end up giving up on a SD because the sugar wasn’t ideal when, if fact, you weren’t clear about the sugar that would be ideal for you at the beginning. Any awkward conversation can be started with: So?oo?… Example. “I’m soo glad we we’ve agreed to being in an arrangement. I was hoping this would work out because I could tell from our e-mails that you’re (insert sincere compliment(s) here) and I really like that in a man. So?oo?…how are we going to take care of the allowance? Would you rather deposit it to my account a few days before we meet or would you prefer to give it to me at dinner?” Can you see how by giving him two options that are agreeable to you you should have your envelope over dinner? The important part is to give an option he would clearly want over the other. Bon Chance!

    (Of course the usual disclaimers apply: These are my words. Every arrangement is different. Only you can negotiate the terms of your arrangement). *Climbing off soap box now* It was a small thought that grew into a verrrrrrry long post – again 😉

  231. Bela says:

    Honestly, I can understand the appeal to the college age SB’s. Lily’s right in the warning, but remembering how I was at that age, I didn’t take consequences into consideration like I do now. I was more willing to do/try anything. That can be refreshing for many men who are surrounded by jaded, neurotic women.

  232. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Lily,

    You have mail.

    Are the younger SB’s somehow cheaper than the 30-something set? I’m way past going to Ruby Tuesdays and shopping at Target. I’m trying to figure out why a range of 1-3k is somehow criminal…

  233. Lily says:

    There is a HUGE difference between an 18 year old and a 28 year old. They might look about the same in some cases, but emotional maturity wise… Sigh. I urge people to tread with caution with the girls under drinking age. At least after school/college-age, they will have had at least a tad bit if experience dealing with life as an adult, out from under the care of mom & dad. The college aged SBs perhaps need to transition from the nest with their peers, with less at stake. Just something to think about. Some 24 year olds *look* as youthful as a teen, but are perhaps entering inti this lifestyle with their eyes more wide open.

  234. D Dubs says:

    well. thanks Lily…
    but be careful in what you wrote a little earlier.

    again, this site isn’t “about” anything. its all in what you’re looking for, and finding the match that’s right for you.

    and, guilty as charged on sometimes meeting “the very youngest SB’s”. I don’t know…something about the range from 18 to 28 does excite me. That’s why I’m here, mainly. However, I will NEVER try to take advantage of anyone. That’s definitely not my style.

    I would say enter into communication with people with an open mind, and be clear and honest with what you’re looking for. I’m sure there’s somebody right for everybody. Its just not always easy.

    Y’all have a great day!

  235. Lily says:

    D Dubs – hats off, you rock. You’re single, not old enough to be anyone’s dad/grandad (ok, maybe if you go for the very youngest SBs), and aren’t in a hurry to find out an SB’s personal feminine grooming style on the first date, and seek chemistry foremost, but being open to perhaps adding a reasonable allowance into the package if that seems like the right thing to do & not making a SB jump through x-rated hoops to gauge your interest in being with her. All great things. I like ya.

  236. Lily says:

    Just be glad they weren’t addressed to any of you allowance SDs!

  237. D Dubs says:

    Good morning…(for me on business on the west coast it is)…
    Woke-up to the longest single question I may have ever read (thanks Lily!)

    I’ll try to answer yours and others questions.

    I’m willing to provide allowance/assistance on whatever basis my SB would like, once we get to the point where its apparent that entering the relationship is something we both want based on previous encounters. Sparks can still fly without consumation in the relationship.

    I don’t NEED to sleep with someone in those first few dates, and if the SB is holding out on sex until an arrangement of some kind is in place…then, that’s something I’m not opposed to.

    To me, sex and intimacy are two different things. We can be intimate without having sex, and that’s still a very good thing most times. We can also have sex without intimacy, which usually isn’t so great. Believe it or not, I’m the kind of guy who actually prefers intimacy and affection. Sex is something that can be easily bought. I’ve found (mostly through dealings on this site over the years) that intimacy and affection have to be EARNED.

    I wouldn’t say I exclude allowance seeking SB’s, but I would say I steer clear of ones who’s profiles seem to put the money first. I am more likely to contact someone who writes things that they want to meet a good guy that will treat them well, and show them a great time. I think some of the financial expectations are over the top…and, those are people I will not contact. My longest “arrangement” lasted for about nine months, and this particular SB valued travel and shopping as she was an aspiring model and wanted to visit cities with me to work with many different photographers to build her portfolio, while also getting paid for most of the work. So, I would say I prefer an arrangement that’s more of an “as you go” situation that includes all things my SB needs (within reason), then writing out a check each month. But, I have been involved with both in the past.

    I also try to explain my stance on these issues as clearly as possible to a potential SB so there is not any confusion. If what I’m looking for, and what she’s looking for are two different things…then, I’ll just move on. I think what the potential SB’s need to realize if that there are many options on this site, and, as an SD, if you go about things the right way (good communication and honesty), then you’ll find the SB who’s right for you or is a good fit. It irritates me when a potential SB may tell me “that’s what this site is about!”. Well, I don’t feel this site is “about” anything. Most everyone has different opinions about what they want out of this type of arrangement. The object is to find someone who’s a fit for you.

    I see others mention websites such as match or ashley madison…
    I haven’t tried any others. This one has been GREAT to me, and it just keeps getting better. As more and more new people join the site, there are always new people to meet and see if you connect. I’m here because as I am about 40 years old now…I much prefer to date women in their 20’s. I don’t think eharmony or match pair you up that way too frequently. On this site, you find more open minded women, and many are obviously attracted to somewhat older men.

    Cleo…
    I am single, but have been married once. I divorced nearly five years ago. I don’t think I mentioned needing any “rapid escalation” of a sugar relationship without providing sugar. I’m fine taking the time to get to know someone. I’m also honest and upfront about how I like to go about things on the site, and if we don’t agree initially, I’ll move on to someone who does agree. I’ve found that about 4 out of 5 initial contacts appreciate the technique in which I would like to start an arrangement. I want to make a friend first. If we don’t genuinely like each other, its not worth it. Its not worth you sleeping with me, or being intimate, and its not worth me writing a check.

    SD Guru…
    not married, and I gave my age…
    I think I’m a reasonably good looking person, with an above average personality and sense of humor. Again, the main reason I’m here is because of the age gap between myself and the women who excite me to date. Oh, and I have a plenty big enough carrot…never had any complaints there…lol. (kidding!)

  238. Michael Alleycat says:

    Lily – wow those were looooooong questions you posted before! Gotta love postiing from an iPhone.

    On the way to LA for the day. Getty Museum is calling….

  239. NYC SB says:

    Sd Guru – how can we meet when you are just a figment of my imagination? Sigh …

  240. Lily says:

    BiBaby – I gotta know the conversation where you communicated to him about your intent to shop up to $2k before nookie time, and where he made it clear he was surprised at your shopping intentions, before I can advise you.
    If you don’t want to share even a paraphrased version of the dialogue here, Email the transcript to me if it was in written communicado, and transcribe it to the best of your memory via email, if you’d like my input.

  241. Lily says:

    Exactly, SD Guru. If he’s married or otherwise not dangling the security carrot of marriage (i.e. not in the market to ‘buy’ female companionship), then he’d better be dangling some alternative, short-term-perks type of carrot instead (i.e. ‘leasing’ female companionship).

    Or then, like Guru said, date the age/looks demographic of the female population that desire simply to date/sleep with you. This isn’t the right website for that, though. Women on this site are not simply hoping to get laid by men decades older than them who wear more wealth on their wrist than we have in our total assets combined, but who are shy & wary about sharing, since they crave to be desired on their charm alone, after all. 😉
    Ashley Madison, AdultFriendFinder, SeekingFantasy, and craigslist are suitable online venues for finding a ‘free’ lay, for a married man. For the single guy, match, e-harmony, okcupid, plentyoffish, etc….

    Of course you want to be liked for more than your money. We want to be appreciated for our inner beauty, too. But let’s be upfront about the primary motivating factor that we are on SA and not one of the aforementioned. We are supposed to bring the visual ‘wow’ & charm, and the men are supposed to bring the financial generosity & charm to the table & hammer out a deal.
    Voilà!

    It’s not like warm & fuzzy feelings aren’t nice, in addition to all that…friendship, respect, trust, affection…. but if that’s all the men & women here were looking for, this wouldn’t be an arrangements site, it would be a site all about love & lasting companionship.

  242. Bicentennial Baby says:

    This discussion is very timely, I have a question regarding non-allowance (ie gift) SB’s/SD’s,

    Is it not fair when you post your “range” on SA to expect if someone contacts you to pursue arrangement that its understood that range is agreed to by agreeing to meet with me and offering a date after those meetings in which to fulfill all the “mutally beneficial” aspects that both parties are able to schedule?

    My understanding of what *should* happen is that I acknowledge the gifts given up to that point of things towards the total allowance range, which is about 1/4 of what the midpoint of my range is listed at. (1-3k). I am NOT open-negotiable because I do have a minimum threshold of what I think my time and company are worth. I felt it fair to propose selecting an item which brings the gifts up to the halfway mark of my monthly allowance, getting this together on the very same evening as an overnight stay planned.

    My thought was in this way, both parties can feel wonderful about it because I’m right there that night (same car after I come up) so SD knows I will be true to my promise and I as SB have received half of my allowance at the time of mutual benefit. Then on the following meetings we pretty much can use that as a pattern–I know it’s kind of like p2p but it minimizes the possibility I’ll collect things and “poof” and I don’t feel like I’m sharing intimacy without the sugar promised.

    The issue is that the other person seems to be surprised that I’m looking for the gift allowance and not just “whatever is bought” at the time we’re together, which has one item under $100 and one under $300. We haven’t had the opportunity to shop anywhere upscale and I would feel wrong asking for a nicer gift (i.e. over about $500) without knowing we both want an arrangement and knowing that will be fulfilled. I truly like this SD and we click but I would be lying if I were just here for companionship and not the sugar aspect as part of the total package, just as no doubt he appreciates the NSA part since he’s married.

    Is it reasonable to assume that the midpoint of a range is implied when you list one? If I were an SD and saw 3-5k I would probably assume 4k is fair. With gifts, what about unused allowance? with cash SD’s its per meet dole-out of the monthly amount and easy to negotiate. However I am wondering how do the ladies who are seeing non-allowance SD’s get their monthly range without having that reduced by what they don’t end up spending if opportunity doesn’t present itself?

    Does my question make sense? advice???

  243. An SD says:

    Cleo – you have misread. I did not use you as an example. I was answering questions you asked of me in a conversation you initiated with me. I used an actual incident in my SA experience in that answer.

    If you are not really participating in SA and you aren’t representative, why are you asking me to spend time on your questions? :(

    a-doc – Its absolutely clear from your post and your email that you are mixing the sex and the money in your psyche. The question is do you want to recognize it and examine it to make a conscious decision about how you want to approach that?

    You were very wrong to make a threat. After one day its just terrible. I hope you never do something like that again.

  244. cleo says:

    a-doc: by the way yes, i do think you overreacted to a 24 hour absence. one of the things SD’s seek sugar is that the sugar is supposed to avoid those relationship behaviours such as calling constantly and wondering where he is. i believe the point is to allow them freedom to be crazy busy and ignore us. in fact i think that’s one of the things that the spoiling of us is designed to address.

    i think your email was fine right up until the part where you threatened legal action. that seems awfully quick to me after one day. granted it was ‘allowance day’ but still.

    that said, i would certainly adopt a cautious attitude toward him, not because he didn’t call for a day but because he didn’t pay when he said he would. i don’t like it when people promise things and don’t deliver without explanation. so i’d call it a yellow flag at least.
    .
    D Dubs: welcome back, nice to see you again.

    i really like the way that you put that, but again i’m curious as to your marital status. i really do think the intimacy vs sugar debate is almost entirely different if you’re ‘free’ than if you’re married. as random sb stated this is NOT ashley madison. if you’re single you can certainly expect different behaviour from an sb than if you’re married.

    that said though, expecting the rapid physical escalation of a sugar relationship without providing sugar seems a little unfair to me. one or the other. you don’t want to sweeten my life i want to wait to know you better before i shag you. but then, we’re making a totally different deal in that case aren’t we?

  245. cleo says:

    An SD: are you single or married? because if you’re single your attitude makes some sense, if you’re married it really doesn’t.

    as for me, i wouldn’t say ‘great deal’ since i tend to fall off SA for months at a time. i’ve just found a high percentage of men who aren’t worth anyone’s time here and have decided instead to go freestyle in real life. my personality and verve don’t come across online and i finally realised that it was time to go outside.

    please don’t use me as an example, i’m clearly an aberration in this group.

  246. Bela says:

    A-doc brought up a question I thought of a week ago. When dealing with an sd/sb arrangement, how often do most SD’s contact actual or potential SB’s?

    How often do they expect contact?

    The reason I ask is the way I understand it, many of these men are very busy and may not be able to respond for a day or two. I travel for my work and may be in and out of meetings all day. When I get home from work, sometimes the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone (which is why I prefer texting.)

  247. Lily says:

    Department of redundancy department

    scheduled allowance schedule

    again, iPhone not ideal for typing posts!

    • SD Guru says:

      @Random SB
      I don’t think the SB should have sex with the SD until he explicitly wants to be in an arrangement with her. I also don’t think the SD has to give the SB an allowance until they are explicitly in an arrangement.

      Sounds fair to me, but then there is the chicken and the egg issue. Assuming both want to be in an arrangement, what most people struggle with is what comes first, the allowance or the intimacy?

      As for the SDs, you SHOULD be slightly unnerved by SBs who are willing to automatically sleep with you unless it doesn’t bother you that she’s probably done the same thing with all the other SDs she’s met.

      What? You mean it’s not because she finds the SD attractive and charming with all of his fine qualities?? 😉

      We’re seeking ONE man to have a continuous mutually beneficial relationship.

      Of course, no SB will tell a pot that she’s looking for more than one SD. But in reality we know there are SB’s with multiple SD’s. The same applies to SD’s as well.

      @Michael
      there are few better things in the world than a very grateful SB.

      Agreed. But is she grateful enough to get past the 3 month mark? Again, it seems that how a SD approaches the allowance-intimacy issue in the beginning may not determine how long an arrangement lasts despite the best intentions on both sides. I’m not saying you should do anything different, but it’s something to think about.

      @aspiring-doc
      UNBURNT

      You’re not unburnt until you have the funds he agreed to provide, which I hope is soon.

      Does anyone think i overeacted? is it really legit that someone cant answer thier vm,im or em in 24 hrs?

      If he’s been out of touch for only 24 hours, then I’d say you over reacted. It’s understandable because it came at a critical time and you haven’t established trust yet. But in general there can be legit reasons why someone could be out of touch for 24 hours despite the technology we have.

      I don’t want to be threatning- but being this sort of thing isnt illegal in newzealand it does give me room to take further action. I dont want to; i dont have time…but i would by next week.

      That sure sounds like a threat to me which wasn’t the best approach. What further action would you have taken? Don’t be surprised if he poofs based on that alone.

      @An SD
      I am forced by the extremely poor character of a high percentage of people to make that choice. I find it completely unnecessary to offer money upfront, or to risk losing much advanced money, in order to meet and get involved with women from SA easily.

      There are certainly people with poor character on the site, but if it’s a high percentage of the people you meet then perhaps you should re-evaluate your screening process. If you put more effort into screening upfront then it should reduce the risk of meeting people with poor character.

      Whether it’s necessary to risk money upfront depends on what kind of women you’re looking for. I don’t know how old you are or whether you’re married. In general, if you’re looking for the type of women you’d normally date IRL (in terms of their age and looks), then perhaps you don’t need to put much at risk. OTOH, if you’re after much younger and much hotter women than the ones you could realistically date IRL, then I hope you have a big enough carrot to entice them in addition to whatever fine qualities you have. This is especially true if you’re married.

      ascribing an MO to me with virtually no knowledge about me is a mistake.

      Of course it is. Since you only started posting with this handle yesterday, the only thing we know about you is your words. That’s why I prefaced my statement about your MO with the word “if”. You gave two examples with the impression that those are the norm for you. But I guess now you’re saying those examples may not be the norm, and that’s what I was getting at.

      @D Dubs

      my thoughts were following very closely to what An SD finally posted… I want you to genuinely LIKE ME… Sleep with me because you like me, and you want to, and because we’ve developed some chemistry… I prefer to charm the pants off you, and not “buy” the pants off you.

      Very well stated, and if you’re after the type of women that you’d normally be able to date IRL then that’s the way it should be. But since your thoughts follow closely with An SD’s, I’ll reiterate what I said to him above. Depending on your age and whether you’re married, you can try to charm the pants off women who are much younger than you and much hotter than average, but that will only get you so far. It helps to have a big enough carrot to entice them to take their pants off. :)

  248. Lily says:

    D Dubs – how do you handle the pot SB who loves your courtship routine, has a blast with you, gets to know you, shares a snog (kissing, canoodling, just no ‘gettin nekkid’ time) with you when the moment is crackling with chemistry, but feels fine to take things slowly and holds off on the no-holds-barred, horizontal-mamba-’till-dawn kind of full-fledged intimate sexual relationship until after the specifics of an arrangement (how much of her life/energy/schedule you anticipate wishing her to devote to time spent with you, and what sort of financial contribution she would enjoy from your end) are explicitly discussed, agreed upon, and put into place? Or do you only initiate courtship with non-allowance-seeking SBs who are hoping for mentorshio, travel, and gifts, and then you know that if you’re flying her first class somewhere nice, wining & dining her, & buying her gifts then you are in fact already fulfilling your end of a mutually beneficial relationship & then you can skip the discussion & wait for her to jump your bones when she’s ready, and if things don’t really set the world on fire than it just simply doesn’t graduate into a long term, recurring travel/gift style arrangement?

    If you are excluding allowance-seeking-babes, as I know many men do, then your approach is casual & grand. Do you ever initiate with a woman who is seeking some specific, direct financial assistance (paying off debts, or for tuition, etc….) as part of a genuine, fun relationship? If so, how do you handle those women who may have quite understandable reasons for being on this site, seeking financial assistance, instead of on match or seeking millionaire, or elite meeting, (on those sites it’s easy to simply screen for men who can/would most likely pay for fun trips together & flowers/gifts since that’s standard stuff if you date a wealthier man & he’s courting a young, gorgeous lady)…?

    Do you address the issue by letting them know that you’re not keen on a scheduled allowance schedule that formalizes a month-to-month arrangement together, but can imagine ad hoc financial contributions down the line if the relationship graduates to a certain point/depth/longevity, & then let them decide if they’d like to invest their time in seeing you to see how things feel?

    Do you avoid allowance-oriented-SBs altogether?

    Communication is key. All styles relationships sound great to me if there’s kismet and alignment of goals.

  249. BrownEyedGal says:

    Hi D Dubs – I was trying to say something like that to the pot I met last night but he said something like I won’t know it until I sleep with him and if it doesn’t work the first time, try it again the second time and third time and so forth until I learn to like him. And if after several attempt and still I don’t like him then move on. He was trying to make me commit last night and I wasn’t even going to discuss allowance since my intention was to get to know him and see if I’ll like him or the type of person I want to be with. I found his approach to be ‘cold’ and a little pushy and all business like. He wanted me to commit last night and he said he can’t promise to wait for my answer. So I shrugged and said it is a risk I am willing to take. In the end at the parking lot he said he’ll give me his cell so I can call him. ??? there were more in the discussions of course but in the end – like what you said I have no reason to do anything what I don’t want to do. I stated very well in my profile what exactly you just said “Sleep with me because you like me, and you want to, and because we’ve developed some chemistry.”

    Anyway got to get ready to go to work.

  250. BrownEyedGal says:

    Good Morning Everyone

    I met a pot SD last night and was going to tell here but end up reading all the blogs yesterday. There’s a lot of informations that I can use telling a pot SD from yesterday’s blog. The pot i met last night was very much like ‘An SD’. Now I know exactly what kind of SD I am looking for. Thanks FL SD, I wish I meet one like you.

    Midwest – you are so my idol now. he he

    Right on Random SB. I wanted to say something like that last night but he won’t even let me speak. Perhaps I can just copy and paste what you said and send it to him in email. :)

    @a-doc
    Perhaps you can add to your arrangement that if he disappears to at least send you text just so you won’t worry. One day was not really that long and to answer your question if you overreacted? yah j I think a little :). After that e-email it looks like there will be some smooching tonight :). It’s a lesson to be learned no matter how much I like the guy. Or if I really like the guy than that’s the risk I have to take… and think that at least I enjoyed his company.

    see you all tonight!

  251. D Dubs says:

    Getting back to the original topic.
    I also met one of Tiger’s mistresses in Vegas back in October 2009. I wonder if I met the same one as the founder of this site (seems he had a few in Vegas). Small world…but, I wouldn’t want to paint it.

    Anyway, as I was reading through the rest of the blog, my thoughts were following very closely to what An SD finally posted.

    There is NO REASON anyone should do anything they don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with. This includes intimacy or sex one one side, or forking over large sums of money to someone they’ve just met on the other.

    I try to look at this as any other dating site at the outset. I’m going to put my best foot forward at all times. I want you to genuinely LIKE ME. I want us to have fun together. I want to make you laugh. I want to share experiences, and maybe teach you a thing or two. I don’t want to pay for sex or intimacy.

    That’s where the difference for me comes in.
    While I don’t want to pay for sex or intimacy, I am most generous in a relationship that includes it. When those things are shared, its easier to gain trust, and so it follows, its easier to comfortably provide ample assistance.

    But, please…DON’T sleep with me because you are looking for a payoff in the end. That’s a HUGE turn-off, and its pretty easy to tell.

    Sleep with me because you like me, and you want to, and because we’ve developed some chemistry. I will show you I care about you and I’m generous from the things I do before…like flying you to see me someplace fun or exotic…taking you shopping…to first class nights on the town…to showing up for that first meeting with some gifts, like flowers, or a new dress or something sexy from a lingerie shop. I am not going to show up with a fistful of cash expecting you to sleep with me.

    Chivarly from an SD is not dead in my book. I prefer to charm the pants off you, and not “buy” the pants off you. And, will I assist the woman who I’m compatible with? I absolutely will.

  252. An SD says:

    SD Guru: This is a more risk averse approach, but if it works then good for you. Some pot SB’s may not be open to it and that’s the risk/reward trade off you’re willing to make. But rather than saying you’re “forced”, it’s more of a choice you make. How long have your arrangements lasted using this approach?

    From SA itself I have had two arrangements that lasted over a year, and a few others that lasted far more than 3 months.

    I am forced by the extremely poor character of a high percentage of people to make that choice. I find it completely unnecessary to offer money upfront, or to risk losing much advanced money, in order to meet and get involved with women from SA easily.

    For the fellows here doing otherwise, I encourage you try it. You don’t have to provide rip off artists large amounts of money in order to be a gentleman and a good SD in the pursuit of a fine lady. Doing so only funds the bad actors on the SB side and keeps the percentage of them high.

    Finer women don’t need money in advance to get involved with you. They do so because you are a man with qualities they appreciate. They are intelligent enough to pick the right men.

    SD Guru: If your MO is to ask pot SB’s to pay their own way for a first meet, and you’re successful at it, then you’re definitely a rare breed. Did you get them to pay for dinner and hotel too? Maybe I should try this sometime or go look for a sugarmommy…

    I brought up a couple of examples – one that came from the same city as person who has had a great deal of trouble find someone on SA. The other was by far my best and most significant arrangement. Ascribing an MO to me with virtually no knowledge about me is a mistake.

    Addressing the prostitution end of things, they get their money upfront. It is required, if not, they leave. You give them money and then they have sex with you.

    I am not dating prostitutes, but rather women looking for real arranged relationships. When some sort of gift is given to a woman after she has slept with you, you are treating her the opposite way you would a prostitute. When a woman is with you and doesn’t take money first, she is treating you the opposite way a prostitute would treat you.

  253. Lily says:

    Lisa/a-doc – good question. I think your email was ok, he should understand where you were coming from.

    Random SB – I loved your comments!

  254. a-doc says:

    ps this is the sent email: any thoughts? the texts were just: hi, whats happenign and the voicemail “hi, just wondering where you are at and wether u transfered any cash”

    —————————————-

    Hey,

    Haven’t heard a word from you, I dont need a two page e-mail – just some indication of where you are at and wether you tried to make a transfer?
    I’m feeling a little bit like ive lived up to my end and you havent held to yours. This isn’t a cold transaction because I enjoy you too but its compensation. You get intimacy without strings, i get a little support.

    Currently i’ve spent more seeing you than received (gas, parking etc- granted parking ticket was my fault).

    a one line email/text would be great. Im sure theres a good reason for this.
    I don’t want to be threatning- but being this sort of thing isnt illegal in newzealand it does give me room to take further action. I dont want to; i dont have time…but i would by next week.

    Let me know this is unnessary worry and you lost all internet/phone connection

  255. a-doc says:

    UNBURNT

    so he rung me- didnt explain why he lost contact but said hes back in wellington and in my city tommorow night and will give em cash. I hate getting cash- i dont know why he cant just transfer it- cash feels so cold and transactional!

    i feel a little silly- i sent two texts, an email and a voicemail. maybe im just not patient enough. Then again- a deal is a deal and one should uphold thier commitments!? right
    any advice for how i proceed from here? Does anyoen think i overeacted? is it really legit that someone cant answer thier vm,im or em in 24 hrs?

    Lisa

  256. Michael Alleycat says:

    Random SB – love your comments! I agree with the parallels with the business world; to me, this is a professional relationship / partnership with rights and obligations on both sides.

    Re the $ upfront, my intention is to prove that this is a no BS discussion. And as Chuck Norris (or was it my grandma?) said, “money talks, bullish*t walks”. From the reaction I get each time, it is seriously appreciated, and the SB is always very grateful.

    And to respond to SD Guru’s comment specifically: there are few better things in the world than a very grateful SB. ;-).

  257. Random SB says:

    Just wanted to pop in and leave my thoughts on the whole debate between sex/money with pot SDs and SBs…

    I have had men give me close to 1k for a simple “interview” lunch and have men leave me empty handed (ie: with no future arrangement) after I invested multiple nights with them (no sex, but just the sheer amount of time and company), plus everything in between.

    The way I see it, both sides are terrified of being used. The girl doesn’t want to have sex with the SD and then be left empty handed because after all, this isn’t adult friend finder. The SD is afraid of giving the girl some “sugar” and then her disappearing without so much as a goodbye kiss (forget about goodbye sex).

    What’s the solution? Well, I will say adamantly that I don’t think the SB should have sex with the SD until he explicitly wants to be in an arrangement with her. I also don’t think the SD has to give the SB an allowance until they are explicitly in an arrangement.

    As much as I hate the whole escort connotation this has, giving the allowance by the date has it’s perks. Both parties get what they’re looking for, plus if it’s not working then the SD hasn’t wasted a huge sum on a girl he doesn’t ever want to see again. Naturally, once the first month has passed and all is lollipops and sunshine, a more monthly routine should be established.

    However, both sides need to watch the sincerity of the other person. As a SB, I will openly admit that a show of generosity from a potential SD is often a solid indication that he’s not going to try to run after he gets what he wants. The men who are all talk, yet very grabby are often the ones who are trying to get us into bed for free and like I already said… this isn’t adult friend finder. The NSA part of the arrangement does come with some strings in the form of sugar. As for the SDs, you SHOULD be slightly unnerved by SBs who are willing to automatically sleep with you unless it doesn’t bother you that she’s probably done the same thing with all the other SDs she’s met.

    In defense of all genuine SBs out here, let me say that the reason we do not automatically jump into bed with you is because we’re not seeking a series of one night stands or sexual encounters with various wealthy men. We’re seeking ONE man to have a continuous mutually beneficial relationship. Some SDs will use the excuse that they want to gauge the chemistry and etc… well, welcome to the world of making out and light foreplay. Besides, I seriously doubt that you are incapable of determining your attraction toward the SB until you’re in bed. You know if she gives you tingles or not.

    Some SDs are also afraid that if they ante up, the SB will take the sugar and run into the horizon, never to be seen again. Yes, that chance is definitely there, but then again, we as SBs face the same risk with the SD if we sleep with him before an arrangement is secure. I would tell the SDs to be wise about their SB choices, but also show a certain amount of sincerity in the form of generosity. Many guys are all talk – prove that you’re not. You don’t have to hand out thousands, but just something. As a bonus, it does act as an incentive. The SB will know that this is a man who will take care of her. Of course, there is always the risk of the SD pretending to be sincere by being immensely generous at first to lure the SB and then bailing after they enter the supposed arrangement, but that is another risk we SBs take.

    Noticing a pattern? The sugar world is full of risks much like the business world. Yes, we must all be as safe as we can and do all that is possible to protect our best interests, but in this world strongly dominated by the dynamics of sex and money, nothing is a 100% guarantee. Be smart, be observant, trust your gut, and try not to fall for sugary words or deceptively sweet faces when the actions aren’t matching what’s being said.

  258. emmanuelle says:

    Thank you Michael!! 😀

  259. @ NY Gent who said and to add to my comments earlier “And nearly always the pot or SB knew that by pocketing the short term benefits without mutuality they were foregoing bigger $$ in the long run, but the lure of the short term was just too great for them.”

    Part of the reason I put the $ upfront is to make sure that they will last longer. If they take the $ and run, well, no matter what I had done, they would have flaked on me sooner or later anyway. The ones that lasted, they were appreciative, understood that I was there for the long term and responded in kind. It was always an excellent starting point for a fairly direct conversation.

    The ones that said, “thank you, I appreciate this, you didn’t have to do this but I understand why you are” always were the best relationships.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Midwest SB
      You’re so diplomatic

      Thanks, I don’t do drama! :)

      @NYC SB
      there are people that view sex as an endurance sport? Why please make introductions! I am wayy too bendy to let it go to waste

      Hi, have we met?? 😉

      @NYGent
      “half the intimacy” — good one!

      I thought you’d like that! :) It’s interesting to see you and Michael take a similar approach but neither have made it past the 3 month mark yet. It parallels the observation I made about NC Gent, that how long an arrangement lasts may not depend on how you approach the allowance-intimacy issue in the beginning.

      it was my choice to put the $$ at risk and it was always something I could live with.

      Sure, it’s something you could live with. But do you complain about it like when there is a no show? :)

      @Michael
      Part of the reason I put the $ upfront is to make sure that they will last longer. If they take the $ and run, well, no matter what I had done, they would have flaked on me sooner or later anyway.
      @NYGent
      And nearly always the pot or SB knew that by pocketing the short term benefits without mutuality they were foregoing bigger $$ in the long run, but the lure of the short term was just too great for them.

      In some cases it does seem premeditated that a SB is going to poof regardless of how much allowance you put at risk. Therefore, wouldn’t it make sense to put less at risk? Or, figure out a way to spot them and avoid those type of SB’s in the first place. Just something to think about.

  260. Michael Alleycat says:

    Emmanuelle – great profile, good photos. Your description of yourself rings clear and true, and your reasons for being here are perfect.

    I agree with Midwest about removing that you are new to this. Otherwise, A+. 😉

  261. NYC SB says:

    Sd guru – there are people that view sex as an endurance sport? Why please make introductions! I am wayy too bendy to let it go to waste

  262. emmanuelle says:

    Yeah that would be great! thank you :)

  263. Midwest SB says:

    If you want help screening SDs for a bit, I’m sure one of us on the blog can guide you a bit. Don’t post numbers here though. Send them through e-mail if you have questions.

    Stephan – could you please share my e-mail with Emmanuelle?

  264. emmanuelle says:

    @ Midwest I really like your profile, I need to take notes lol,

    But you guys are right, I’ve been getting weird messages, I’ll take that part out. And yeah it is hard to find good SD’s because of my age

  265. Midwest SB says:

    Reddamsel and Emmanuelle – I don’t always link my name, but click through it to see my profile.

  266. NYGent says:

    Emmanuelle: there is nothing to laugh at in your profile, it is very nicely done. Assuming you are the age you state your biggest issue may be finding SDs relatively close in age to your own who have acquired the means to support you. Best of luck!

  267. Midwest SB says:

    Emmanuelle – I really like your profile and your pictures. I would suggest taking out how new you are to arrangements. I say this because your age will be an indicator, but it may also set you up as prey to those who take advantage of new sugars.

    You may have seen prior discussions on how old/young a SB should be. You will hear us (including me) say that 18 is an age that leaves you open to predators who will take a girl as young as he can get her. BE CAREFUL! You seem mature and to have your head on straight, so use that to your advantage. Meanwhile, study up on tips for dating…seriously. Don’t leave your drink unattended, carry pepper spray, don’t get in a stranger’s car, always meet in a public place, have your potential SD come to meet you for your first date, etc. I know you left your mom a while ago, but you’re stuck with me :-)

  268. emmanuelle says:

    Thank you Midwest! by the way who wants to check my profile 525648
    Please don’t laugh at it lol, just kidding

  269. Midwest SB says:

    RedDamsel – Welcome back! Much better profile! I would suggest pasting it into Word to get the punctuation and such cleaned up, then re-paste it into the SA text boxes. Also, a few sentences are redundant, so you can make it a bit shorter just be removing those sentences. It’s flirty and fun! Good for you!

  270. carebear says:

    Who wants icecream

    =D

  271. Midwest SB says:

    Sheesh…sorry I spelled your name wrong.

  272. Midwest SB says:

    Ennamuelle – first rule in sugar dating is always trust your instincts! If he doesn’t get what you are seeking and you were clear, move on. If he wants a friend, he doesn’t need to look for one on SA.

    I know the thought of actually meeting a SD that a)makes you feel all tingly inside and b) is willing to help you reach your goals is intoxicating. Just like alcohol, you have to use good judgment and not jump at the first opportunity to get drunk. Keep the end in mind and choose wisely.

    SD Guru – You’re so diplomatic 😉
    All excellent points. I have to go catch up on some chronicles now!

  273. NYGent says:

    I generally agree with M Alleycat’s approach. I had two SBs which lasted around 3 mos although the second could be construed as lasting several months longer as we continued to see each other on a trial basis that didn’t end up sticking (although we are still friends). Like Michael I ended both, and put up $$ upfront that I risked. I don’t regret having done so and don’t regard it as wasted money. I have also been burned by pots who didn’t end up being SBs and who took the money and ran, so to speak, but again it was my choice to put the $$ at risk and it was always something I could live with. And nearly always the pot or SB knew that by pocketing the short term benefits without mutuality they were foregoing bigger $$ in the long run, but the lure of the short term was just too great for them.

  274. Reddamsel38 says:

    Hello everyone in the sugarworld. Profile up and running. Tell me what you think. profile ## is 492358.

  275. emmanuelle says:

    I started talking to this SB, after telling him that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, he wants to take me to the movies (???) I don’t know I feel like he doesn’t get what I’m looking for and he keep saying he wants a friend. Should I tell him no, or is that normal to start like that.

  276. Michael Alleycat says:

    Midwest said – “come up with an agreement and take the risk….same as business. If your judgment is correct, it will be a good investment. If your judgment has failed you, move on to the next investment.”

    I agree – this is a business partnership, and there is an element of risk in all partnerships. And you have to make sure that you choose the best partner for you! Sometimes there is an error of judgement, and yes, you get burned. But I have found that the best partnerships do involve a leap of faith on occasion, and it is almost always worthwhile, assuming you have chosen correctly.

    To answer SD Guru: in sugar relationships, the longest is 3 months and would still be going if she hadn’t lied to much … grrrrrr. Generally 2-3 months, and have ended at my initiative. Having said that, they always started out with a bang (if you will forgive the phrasing) as I always put $ down upfront.

    Yes I risked losing that upfront $, but I also made sure that the SB knew that if she poofed, she was going to lose a WHOLE lot more that would be coming over the months ahead.

  277. NYGent says:

    SD Guru: “half the intimacy” — good one! Actually I wouldn’t mind half the intimacy so much, because you can get a pretty good feel based on half whether it’s genuine and whether the other half will be forthcoming…

  278. Midwest SB says:

    I could have said that more tactfully and really meant to, but I think you get my point.

    • SD Guru says:

      Before I jump into the hot topics of trust, allowance, and intimacy, I’d like to remind everyone of the “Blog Etiquette” and please refrain from name calling and personal attacks.

      As the variety of opinion illustrates, there is no one size fits all approach and we all do what we’re comfortable with based on our experiences and risk tolerance. I’ll comment on the different views below. Sorry for the long post!

      @An SD
      There is no way in the world I will give someone a half month up front anywhere close to that early. I am forced to no longer give any allowance until intimacy starts. Its mere survival here.

      This is a more risk averse approach, but if it works then good for you. Some pot SB’s may not be open to it and that’s the risk/reward trade off you’re willing to make. But rather than saying you’re “forced”, it’s more of a choice you make. How long have your arrangements lasted using this approach?

      I once flew a woman from Toronto to Europe for two weeks with me, sight unseen. She bought her ticket and I gave her Euros in cash when I met her at the airport…. My longest and most significant arrangement was with a woman who bought her ticket to fly to me from her city and be reimbursed in cash on arrival. In general I have had good results with women who invested in meeting me.

      If your MO is to ask pot SB’s to pay their own way for a first meet, and you’re successful at it, then you’re definitely a rare breed. Did you get them to pay for dinner and hotel too? Maybe I should try this sometime or go look for a sugarmommy… :)

      @NYGent
      I’ve always agreed with those who say half the allowance up front, before intimacy, is a reasonable compromise. That way if the thing quickly fizzles out due to poofing or otherwise, it is not a complete loss for either.

      You’re willing to take on more risk than An SD, and if you don’t mind the potential loss then good for you. With this approach, would you mind if the SB only provides half of the intimacy as well? Poofing or non-performance by the SB (or SD) is always annoying, but perhaps it’s less annoying when only half of the allowance is at risk. How long have your arrangements lasted using this approach?

      @NC Gent
      I take my time to get to know my potential SB (I guess to develop trust) so the allowance-intimacy issue has never come up. I have never been burned on this, so it isn’t much of any issue for me.

      The allowance-intimacy issue comes down to whatever the two people involved can agree on (much like any arrangement), which seems to be your approach. Consider yourself lucky that you haven’t been burned so far. You said previously that your arrangements have lasted from 2 months to 2 years, which indicates that how long an arrangement lasts may not depend on how you approach the allowance-intimacy issue in the beginning.

      @Michael
      In my experience, the best results from any relationship I have had – IRL, SB, business, friendship or otherwise – is where both parties invest in the relationship, and to a certain extent, take chances. This way, there is an element of commitment from both parties, both parties have spent time, money, energy in investigating.

      I agree, the word “mutual” in mutually beneficial relationship also applies to how both parties are willing to invest and take chances to build the relationship. How long have your arrangements lasted using this approach?

      @FL SD
      I’m from the old school. (or hopefully just a little “older” school…) that says the traditional roles of an SD and an SB should be to both make an effort to equalize the risk and to keep perspective about your potential partners point of view…. and take it into account in establishing the terms of the arrangement. That says an SD should be a gentleman…. in the traditional sense.

      Being an older school gentleman SD, you’re a pot SB’s dream and I’m sure you’ve had some successful sugar relationships as a result. How long have your arrangements lasted using this approach?

      —————————–

      @VillaCypris
      until you spend time with someone in person, it’s very difficult to ascertain their true character…. Anyone can adopt a false persona for a certain length of time, but usually, unless he or she is a sociopath or something related, the mask will crack, exposing the truth of what lies within.
      @Nico
      We all want to believe the best in people (while remaining mindful of the redflags) yet many of us are fooled by the facade

      I agree, and as I have often said in the past, a person’s true character will usually reveal itself over time. However, in some cases we choose to ignore the warning signs because we desperately want to believe in the facade. This is how sugar relationships become filled with drama and turn into train wrecks as the stories in my blog have shown.

      @Nico
      I know there’s no cookie-cutter situation and I prefer to take it as it comes. I agree, trust is earned; however, there is a certain amount of respect and trust that all people are entitled to.

      I agree, we all want to be treated with the same respect and trust that we’ve shown to others. However, in the sugar world, common sense and common courtesy may not be so common after all.

      @Beach_Girl
      An SD… you sound like an old blogger, well I guess we will never know since this is Anonymous! Lucky for you!

      This thought crossed my mind as well. It reminds me of the blog drama back in March-April time frame.

      @Midwest SB
      it is counter-intuitive to spend money to see a man who supposedly has more money than I could imagine…. Be a man, come up with an agreement and take the risk….same as business.

      Very well said. In the risk-reward equation, there are people on either side of the spectrum ranging from risk averse to taking unnecessary risks. I can’t imagine there could be much success on either side of the spectrum, so what usually works is somewhere in the middle in terms of taking risks in a prudent manner by both sides. And as I said in the beginning, there is no one size fits all approach and we all do what we’re comfortable with based on our experiences and risk tolerance.

  279. Midwest SB says:

    FLSD – Well said!

    An SD – What is your actual age?

    Personally, I would never be able to afford to fly myself to meet a SD…especially if he decided not to reimburse my expenses. In that case, An SD would miss out on a quality SB who could ease all the cynical and negative attitudes he has towards the process. Part of the reason I am here is to relieve some of the financial constraints…it is counter-intuitive to spend money to see a man who supposedly has more money than I could imagine.

    I’ve always said this, and I’ll say it again. Have sex because you want to and not because you expect it will get you an allowance. With that comes….don’t leave me an envelope of cash on the bedside table with a “thanks, babe” note on the side. I would find that more insulting than if he had just left with nothing.

    Be a man, come up with an agreement and take the risk….same as business. If your judgment is correct, it will be a good investment. If your judgment has failed you, move on to the next investment. If you can’t afford the risk, perhaps you shouldn’t be playing in the sugar bowl. Don’t however blame the rest of the world for your poor investments.

  280. Beach_Girl says:

    What an interesting convo
    An SD… you sound like an old blogger, well I guess we will never know since this is Anonymous! Lucky for you!

    FL SD~ Very well put, SDs should be gentleman’s. Now if only I could find one in this part of the world!

  281. Ivory SB says:

    I have met potentials that were on both spectrums. I like FL SD’s approach and I tend to be more comfortable in that situation. The other spectrum of sex upfront is not the route I would take at all and have said next!

  282. Nico says:

    Hats Off to FL-SD…well said!

  283. Lily says:

    There are a million shades of gray between the Pervy John approach where he stands with his hands in his pockets, staring at pot SBs with an expectant “jump-through-my-19-hoops-and-assume-all-risk-and-then-*maybe*-then-you’ll-score-a-little-p4p-chunk-o’-cash-off-me” look on his face, and the old school genuine gentleman approach of considering a lady’s comfort & security in all ways if he is choosing to get involved with her (while rightfully selecting a woman who is showing her genuine interest and emotional/energy investment in him, as a wise gent would).

    I think An SD’s approach is quite rare, thank goodness. Most of the men I’ve met online are much closer to FL SD’s classic taste & gentlemanly manners.

  284. Bela says:

    FLSD has a good point, but I think what some SD’s forget is that even if the SB isn’t paying for the ticket, there are still expenses to traveling. Maybe those are taken into consideration and maybe they’re not, but some type of investment should be made on both sides to help estabish a form of trust.

  285. aspiring doc says:

    FL-SD – GREAT POST 😀

  286. aspiring doc says:

    @ An SD: You said yourself your situation forces “a p4p start” surely thats worse than my situation- you really are trading cash for sex in this instance?

    I did really like him and yes I slept with him on the second meet- but it was going well and I just trusted that he would wire me the money. we had agreed to an allowance after the first meet regardless of wether i slept with him or not within the first few weeks. He definetly has the means- hes richer than my last sd and my last sd never failed to deliver.
    -yes i trust too much sometimes.

    Thankyou for all the support from everyone else!

    The trust-imtimacy-allowance issue here seems to surface. Lilly put it well.” it seems impossible for two people with self respect and trust issues to find a middle ground… what WOULD you give before she shags you?”.

    after getting burnt (still no cash) Im thinking: “in future, I should not see a SD after the first meet until i get some money in my account?”
    if my sd dosnt trust me: hes thinking, im not giving her money until she has sex with me.

    So I refuse to see him and he refuses to help me out because noone can get past the trust barrier? It seems to fuel jadedness and cynicism.

  287. FL-SD says:

    An SD, Cleo, NCGent, Lily et al…
    It sounds like there are different cultures at odds here. One says that all the risk should rest with the SB. The other tends towards the SD assuming at least a part of the risk. Since this site appears to have plenty of P4P believers of both genders it can work for An SD.
    I’m from the old school. (or hopefully just a little “older” school…) that says the traditional roles of an SD and an SB should be to both make an effort to equalize the risk and to keep perspective about your potential partners point of view…. and take it into account in establishing the terms of the arrangement. That says an SD should be a gentleman…. in the traditional sense.

    SBs are typically at a disadvantage in a number of ways.. physical security, financial capacity, ability to control work committments among others… I think that the genuine, traditional SD seeks to take those things into account in the process of “searching, interviewing, dating”, etc.

    A gentleman tries to take other’s situations into account, always.
    IMHO it’s not about winning a negotiation – it’s about finding a mutually beneficial arrangement – one that leaves both parties feeling safe, secure and respected.

    Yes, SDs get burned sometimes by sbs that take the money and run… I’d be willing to guess that the problem is far worse for the sbs though… but regardless, usually the potential sb is the one at most risk here… so why not be the gentleman and find a way to make the situation more comfortable for that person ? Isn’t that the least you’d do for a friend and for heaven’s sake this is a potentially intimate relationship – a lot more than being mere friends !

    I agree that it’s insulting to assume p4p is okay. I think that the key is, as NC Gent and others have said before, don’t risk what you’re not prepared to lose. That goes for both parties… It’s sad that a high pressure approach that asks a pot sb to assume all the risk still works… it is a brave new world… but it is not a better one when that approach can work.

    My advice to all who read this is to take note of the arguments from all sides. Know that a philosophy like An SD espouses is not in the best interest of most sbs and may end up in a poor result for sb. Realize also, that there are SDs out there who can and do answer to a higher standard – who believe that there can be a win-win agreement in an arrangement – and take pride in finding that happy compromise.

    Yes, to each his own.. for sure … I suspect that for most, there is a better way than what An SD is proposing… at least I hope so.

  288. Michael Alleycat says:

    In my experience, the best results from any relationship I have had – IRL, SB, business, friendship or otherwise – is where both parties invest in the relationship, and to a certain extent, take chances. This way, there is an element of commitment from both parties, both parties have spent time, money, energy in investigating.

    If there is no investment by one party, then that is generally the party that walks away. I believe that any relationship, including sugar, has to have investment and commitment to make it the best it can be. Being only ‘interested’ – carebear, all you do is google them? – for me tells me that this person is NOT interested and it will probably be a short relationship.

    Just my $0.02 (or however that converts to Euros, Lily)

  289. Lily says:

    (only one “on the bedside table” was meant. Posting on iPhone while multitasking is difficult!)

  290. Lily says:

    An SD – if you really think that offering p4p cash to a woman on the bedside table the morning after on the bedside table (or WTFever) makes you more if a genuine, quality SD, then I guess I have nothing more to say to you.

    You’re a PJ, and your travel-to-see dates where you front NOTHING & expect her to dig into her finances to fund her (overseas?!) trip to meet you for the first time is a revolting revelation of what a stingy, tight-fisted JD you are. Women who go for that offer are clearly lacking better judgment.

  291. NYC SB says:

    Sorry An SD but I would never buy my own ticket to meet an SD… I will fly on your dime only… After all I am the SB and I should never risk my own money to meet a potential benefactor

  292. carebear says:

    I’ve never had to pay a dime to meet an SD, and on top of an allowance I always get cash for the valet or whatever else for travel. The SD’s are the ones making the investments, not the SB’s. If you aren’t willing to book my ticket, then I guess I’ll just let the next SD begging me to come meet him buy it instead.

    The only thing I invest in is googling his name.

    So, speaking of Toronto, and prostitution, and whatever else….I just watched the movie “Chloe” ….very dramatic….has anyone seen it?

  293. Bela says:

    You guys are fabulous! This is all new for me, but I read these posts and they really answer the questions I don’t even know how to ask.

    The site is interesting and I don’t really even know if this will actually work for me, but I’m constantly intrigued.

    One thing I’m realizing is that while the financial arrangement is appealing, the possibility of having a relationship without the drama is what really catches my attention.

    <3

  294. An SD says:

    Lily, you are rude, disgusting and insulting. I give it to her the morning after.

    Oh Cleo, I don’t know. You are not finding someone. That tells you right there that you have to recognize you need to change, maybe significantly. You definitely have the ‘won’t have sex until I see some money mind set.’ Maybe that’s something.

    Toronto isn’t the problem. Girls have boasted to me they are doing very well unless they are lying. I once flew a woman from Toronto to Europe for two weeks with me, sight unseen. She bought her ticket and I gave her Euros in cash when I met her at the airport.

    My longest and most significant arrangement was with a woman who bought her ticket to fly to me from her city and be reimbursed in cash on arrival. In general I have had good results with women who invested in meeting me.

    The world isn’t going to change. Men aren’t going to change, and the mix of men on SA is not going to change much. The only thing that can change is how you go about it.

    The women sleep with me because they want to sleep with me. What do I do? Who knows? What difference does it make? I give them money to take care of things they need because I want to do something nice for them. When a regular allowance is set its because we both like it that way. When we keep seeing each other, it is because we both like seeing each other.

    We didn’t get introduced because my mother and your grandmother were college roomates. We met online. Moreover, we met on SA. That sets up the situation and how to navigate it entirely differently than a traditional relationship with courtship.

    I don’t know what I can tell you about what I do that will help you specifically.

  295. NC Gent says:

    and on one more note…. $500 seems to be the pay-4-play number that is being suggested in my area of the country, so it is not surprising that some SDs may think that would “fly.” I respectfully pass on p4p.

  296. NC Gent says:

    Hi Lily — I take my time to get to know my potential SB (I guess to develop trust) so the allowance-intimacy issue has never come up. I have never been burned on this, so it isn’t much of any issue for me. My opinion is: don’t gamble what you might regret losing, which isn’t necessarily just money. What one is willing to risk is a personal decision, and I can see how there is a potential for gridlock.

  297. Lily says:

    Gents, isn’t that the way you treat the SB of your dreams on a first (or second, whatever) date? Speak up, let’s hear from some of the men.

    Oh wait, we did, one said half a month was more than reasonable.

  298. Lily says:

    Cleo, he obviously has $300-500 bucks clutched in his sweaty fist and shows it to the lady with a proud look on his face, expecting she’ll jump for joy, grab the cash, clutch it to her breast, and gleefully drop to her knees.

  299. cleo says:

    AN SD: i keep coming back to this:

    “There is no way in the world I will give someone a half month up front anywhere close to that early. I am forced to no longer give any allowance until intimacy starts. Its mere survival here.”

    but at the same time you say waiting even four dates for sex is ‘pushing it’

    so a lady is expected to shag you before the fourth date, which really isn’t a very long time, (and i’m assuming you don’t do long email courtships) and just act on faith that you’re really going to pay her an allowance? sounds like having your cake and eating it too. do you take them shopping or something to indicate that you really are an SD or are they just to believe it because you have nice clothing and pick nice restaurants?

    it seems impossible for two people with self respect and trust issues to find a middle ground… what WOULD you give before she shags you?

  300. cleo says:

    er that last was to AN SD
    .
    nico: yeah for sure, my long winded post above is basically my ‘ideal way to proceed’ but i won’t consider it a holy grail because every circumstance is different.

  301. cleo says:

    interesting, if you try to have me sex you up before you do something to demonstrate your good faith i will assume you are in fact playing me and EVEN IF i want to have sex with you i won’t do it because you’re messing with me.

    so now it’s an impasse what does one do?

  302. Nico says:

    I think ‘dating’ in general, regardless of the type, is difficult and this type of dating only amplifies that difficulty. We all want to believe the best in people (while remaining mindful of the redflags) yet many of us are fooled by the facade [See SD Guru’s blog]. Even those of us that have been in the sugarworld for a while still receive the ‘poofers’ and we’re certainly no exception. It all boils down to what feels right for us at the time. We are adults and are expected to make the decision, given that moment in time, that is best for us.

    We can take pointers from everybody and what may work for An SD may not work for everybody but his experience has led him to that point. Perhaps the situation might be blurred if he might the ‘perfect gal’ that made him feel what he hoped (perhaps not).

    I know there’s no cookie-cutter situation and I prefer to take it as it comes. I agree, trust is earned; however, there is a certain amount of respect and trust that all people are entitled to….even if it is only just a baseline from which to start, otherwise I wouldn’t be meeting ‘you’ in public.

  303. An SD says:

    @Cleo – that is a reasonable way of handling getting to know someone and length of courting in SA style. 4 is pushing it. More I think is very iffy.

    The two people have to follow their mutual willingness: whether its sex on the first date or the 4th. If I don’t see a clear path leading to something, the courtship process ends. Here on SA you can’t string yourself out or your resources, time and energy go right down the drain for nothing.

    There is no way in the world I will give someone a half month up front anywhere close to that early. I am forced to no longer give any allowance until intimacy starts. Its mere survival here.

  304. VillaCypris says:

    Agree, Cleo, and that is the amusing contradiction, between who one *IS* and who one is *assumed to be*….

    thus the difficulty in meeting people online, for until you spend time with someone in person, it’s very difficult to ascertain their true character.

    Anyone can adopt a false persona for a certain length of time, but usually, unless he or she is a sociopath or something related, the mask will crack, exposing the truth of what lies within.

    That takes time and energy and willingness to discover… with our instant-gratification obsessed society, most don’t want to put in the time….

  305. NYGent says:

    Cleo/AN SD: I’ve always agreed with those who say half the allowance up front, before intimacy, is a reasonable compromise. That way if the thing quickly fizzles out due to poofing or otherwise, it is not a complete loss for either.

  306. cleo says:

    Villa: in my real life i am most often described as sincere or gentle or softer than online and every single person i know at all trusts every word that comes out of my mouth. they know that i am trying to tell the truth and be gentle about it and they know that i won’t lie to them. [i need my clients to believe the things i say to them, i can only make this happen if i never lie to them]

    i approach everyone i meet with the assumption that they are the same way. since i’m not an idiot i also pay attention to clues and i listen to my gut. sure i’ve been taken for a ride or two, but i’ve usually learned from it even if i didn’t enjoy it.
    .
    An SD: i usually suggest that we have a few dates (2-4) where we go out, make out a little if we feel like it, get to know each other and discuss expectations and deal breakers. i don’t consider those dates the beginning of an arrangement, i consider them our time to learn if that’s something we even want to do. (different if there’s distance and you have to move faster in person, but then with distance comes prep via email/phone prior to the plane ticket.) besides, until you smell someone the details don’t matter much.

    if, after a couple of dates we decide we want to proceed i would suggest doing it by half month at first until trust grows on both sides and then we can ‘mature’ our deal. i also suggest that we meet after an agreed upon time period to discuss details and fine tune what is and isn’t working. almost like a roommate meeting. personally i think these discussions should happen every few months for the duration of an arrangement, but that may just be me.

    again to point out that i think a lot but haven’t been in a full fledged arrangement ever.

    anyway AN SD i bet if you met me you would trust me, you just might not enter into an arrangement with me :)

  307. VillaCypris says:

    Learn…. that trust must be earned over time and is not an automatic right bestowed upon one just by virtue of existing?

    In order to implement the concept, I think one has to have an already existing baseline of honesty and integrity and respect… one could argue those qualities are inherent and cannot be “learned”…

    but! being the eternal optimist, I shall think that it’s possible! :)

    I do find it amusing, knowing myself “in real life”, that on a website I am presumed to be DIShonest or disingenuous… or maybe not, as I really don’t have anyone contact me who is a scammer seeking to take advantage of me…. hmmmm. And obviously I do not contact others with that same intention.

  308. An SD says:

    Villa: It is NOT a difficult concept to understand, nor to implement; the challenge is finding someone like-minded who also understands …. difficult online, apparently.

    Then lets teach and preach it here constantly so people learn it!

  309. An SD says:

    Cleo: AN SD: are you the make her prove she wants you type or the good faith allowance up front type? and if you make her prove it and you decide she sucks in bed, do you still pay her the allowance you promised?

    I have been forced to evolve into the make her prove it mode. Never give out more than you can afford to or are willing to lose if nothing further happens. This almost forces a per time start to relationships – note that is different than a p4p intention long term.

    Women of fairness and honest intentions generally go along with the above.

    If I promise something I ALWAYS do it. An honest man is very careful and conservative about what he promises and leaves room to go beyond.

    Does her performance (not just in bed, but in all aspects) affect the allowance? Yes it absolutely does. It affects what is promised thereafter. It affects what is done prior to or without promises and commitments.

    I am certain my performance affects what she does as well, moment to moment.

  310. VillaCypris says:

    Yes, I’ve met two women in person thus far, one here and another in the state next to this one.

    Me, too, but we must be responsible and take care of our fixed costs before we go meet everyone…. a bummer! :)

    I have Toronto, Montreal, NYC, and OH in my sights…. 😉

  311. cleo says:

    VC: i would love to meet you and several other ladies. it was such a treat meeting them in toronto, i wish i could afford to go to all the meets/parties just so i could meet folks that i already know!

  312. VillaCypris says:

    Cleo – I know!! 😉 same here!

    Someday I hope to meet my friends “in person”! :)

  313. VillaCypris says:

    @An SD –

    I agree completely. Trust does have to be EARNED and it develops over time, yes.

    It is NOT a difficult concept to understand, nor to implement; the challenge is finding someone like-minded who also understands …. difficult online, apparently.

  314. cleo says:

    villa cyprus: i’ve met a lot, lot, lot of amazing women on this site. y’all inspired me to change my life and my body. so far it’s the only thing worthwhile about coming here; the blog.
    .
    AN SD: are you the make her prove she wants you type or the good faith allowance up front type? and if you make her prove it and you decide she sucks in bed, do you still pay her the allowance you promised?

  315. An SD says:

    @Villa: “We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

    The paradox is broken by knowing that trust is EARNED over time, and therefore joy and love are found over time.

    Step by step, carefully, without sacrificing more than you can afford to along the way.

    Its really not that complicated or difficult to accomplish if that is understood clearly.

  316. carebear says:

    I still say we all schedule to meet him then have dinner across the street and watch him suffer.

  317. NYC SB says:

    There was a “black list” type of site… However it has been taken down

  318. sunnyfunnylane says:

    @ Tatiana It would be nice if SB’s had a private site to post information to other SB’s when they run into fake SD’s… sharing information is often empowerment and would save the real SB’s some disappointments and frustration. Unfortunately confidentiality prevents that to some extent but just a thought.

    • SD Guru says:

      @An SD

      If I had a nickle for every woman from SA who took an allowance from me that covered more than one meeting and disappeared after that first meeting, I could be a 10k+/mo SD (haha)

      Welcome to the club! :)

      In the end, not extending yourself beyond what you are comfortable with is the only way to be. Most especially in the beginning you need to develop trust. Both sexes have to act that way.

      You made some good points about building trust in a sugar relationship. However, I don’t agree with your response to aspiring-doc’s situation. In her case she trusted her SD to live up to his end of the arrangement after two weeks and he hasn’t yet. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money as you put it.

      @Lily
      it’s sometimes not about commitment level, where exclusivity is expected/practiced, but culture/dating style. Around these parts, as far as I can tell it’s date-one-person-at-a-time country. (or drunken 1-night-stands)

      I think where you are it’s mostly drunken one night stands! :) Whether it’s culture style or not, being in an exclusive relationship requires certain emotional commitment from both sides. Unless both are ready for it, otherwise it won’t last very long.

      @NYC SB
      yes sex is the best exercise but not when it lasts 2 minutes

      You know for some people sex is an endurance sport! 😉

  319. Arcadia SB says:

    IRL I’ve only had “exclusive” relationships, even in college, etc. I kinda think the nice thing about SA is that it’s kinda like loosely dating people. You could theoretically end up meeting the man(or woman) of your dreams, but all either party is looking for is someone they enjoy, a good time, and the women would like a little extra help. To me all SA does is throw us back to he 50’s dating seen…and adds a little sugar :) (that’s my two cents)

  320. sunnyfunnylane says:

    @ an SD : “The truth is that men can not trust the women of this site not to poof. ” Strong words but that actually applies to both sexes.. I think the problem is that just like in real life.. people put stuff out there ..lies.. fake profiles… and even follow up with a few meetings even though they know they can not follow through. A few bad apples does not affect the whole batch. I am a woman on here and I have not went poof.. have kept my word.. and been honest and upfront with those that I have met. Too bad we can not trade references in the sugar world..ha ha.. that might weed out of some of this but I would not blame other SD’s or judge them on my one bad experience and would not want to be judged by an SD because he chose the wrong babe either.

    @ everyone… How do you define the role of a SD or SB? For me the SD is a person who is a mentor, generous benefactor, friend, playmate, and occasional companion who through time you build trust, mutual respect and have chemistry with. If not it will poof quickly. As an SB I find it is my role to be presentable and available when called, to be a confidante, be honest and open to the possibilities of each meeting, flexible, understanding and always ready for that wonderful sugar. I also think it is important that both sides are clear from the very beginning of their expectations.. if you do not want strings do not choose someone who does want strings. Plain and simple..and fine the one whose ideals and reflections meet your own.

    @SD Guru… Thank You for those extra links I read them and found some good guidelines and food for thought as I start a new search for a SD. I will continue to read your chronicles as I find there are many lessons to be learned by all of us and I find it much more palatable to learn from others mistakes then my own..lol..

    Have a great day everyone.

  321. Tatiana says:

    Lol Wall Street Party animal what a pathetic loser. Lak knows we know all of his information…when we tell him we do he never denies it..all he says is who told you that? Their just mad these bitches lol. Yea okay so the SB’s all over the world are angry you didn’t wish to be with them righttt. Lmao why doesn’t he just get a prostitute?? I don’t get it lol

  322. VillaCypris says:

    NYC SB –

    you should just squash him by telling him that *YOU* are *THE WALL STREET PARTY ANIMAL* … he could be wall st party peon or something… or pawn, to you, his queen… 😉

    hahahahah
    xxxxx

  323. NYC SB says:

    Wall st party animal strikes again

  324. Tatiana says:

    Idk, but so far all I’ve met was disgustingly cheap men who are looking for prostitutes aka pay for play…I’ll give you $500 a meet. 85% of these men have no clue what being a sugar daddy is. They don’t want to be with a prostitute or escort (because their all used up), but they want to try to trick us sugar babies into their disgusting BS. They bring up sex immediately…they take you out to dinner or drinks and then start hinting where their apartment, condo, or hotel room is. All I do is sit their & look at them like do you think I care? If we sugar babes ever brought up money too soon we’d be deemed as a gold digger. However some of these men appear to be so dumb they don’t realize were looking for money, not love or sex.

    Most of these men believe that were looking for a husband or we can’t get companionship anywhere on the planet. I cannot speak for all the other babes, but I myself am extremely beautiful & hot I can have whatever man I want. These men seem to forget that…there pushy, arrogant, assholes. By the way I’m not saying ALL men on the site, but MOST men…it’s hard. I have yet to find a descent SD on this site. Lol their are some of these losers who have no idea that there exposed nationally. Men if you’re reading this and you treat ANY SB like crab she’s already reported back to ALL the SB’s and you’re now known…ask Lak he’s the infamous FAKE wannabe SD. He messages every girl on the site even women in Peru lol..yet we all know about his disgusting BS. Stop trying to use these sweet women getting something for nothing! It will never happen to me at least.

    Hugs,
    Tatiana

  325. VillaCypris says:

    Good morning all ———-

    speaking of trust, I always think of this quote:

    “We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

    People seem to have a difficult time trusting people in their ‘real lives’… and that difficulty is exponentially increased in the ‘online world’… where there appears to be an assumption that everyone is UN-trustworthy and a scammer/liar/fraud etc.

    I’ve met some amazing people on this site, especially women, who have become dear friends of mine, and whom I trust enormously. Perhaps I’ve been lucky, but I think both sides of have taken that risk of being ‘vulnerable’, in order to establish trust and great friendships.

  326. An SD says:

    So far the SD has not done what he said he would. I am commenting on the specific line. which I quoted, regarding fulfilment of one end vs another. We don’t need to re-read all the other comments to understand the general point to be made to all about not doing something unless you want to do it.

    If I had a nickle for every woman from SA who took an allowance from me that covered more than one meeting and disappeared after that first meeting, I could be a 10k+/mo SD (haha)

    The truth is that men can not trust the women of this site not to poof. There is a huge proportion of them looking for a quick hit that will tell you anything to grab quick cash and then poof. Or they are so new they aren’t prepared. Or there is some other reason.

    In the end, not extending yourself beyond what you are comfortable with is the only way to be. Most especially in the beginning you need to develop trust. Both sexes have to act that way.

  327. Michael Alleycat says:

    @ An SD – booooo! Not nice, inappropriate and just incorrect. A-doc said many times how excited she was to have met the guy, and had v strong chemistry & connection.

    She approached this with honesty and openness, and i think the SD has not.

  328. Lily says:

    Marilyn, I find the opposite. Men who poof if you stand your ground & insist on sugar-before-nookie. You find they poof if you don’t discuss allowance? Maybe they try to bring it up in order to get it out of the way but then you are too shy to discuss so they move on to a serious SB who is ready to negotiate & enter into a genuine arrangement?

  329. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning!!!! I’m too lazy to catch up 😀

    Nice to see everyone!

  330. NC Gent says:

    An SD — that was harsh and judgmental. A-doc said more than once how much she liked the guy, if you care to scroll back through the blogs. Perhaps you should consider the role of the SD in this potential debacle.

  331. An SD says:

    aspiring-doc says:
    September 13, 2010 at 5:25 pm
    But then again: i fulfilled my end- so I should be able to ask for and receive support and get it.

    Here is the problem: You are selling sex for money instead of sleeping with someone who you want to sleep with and who you expect can provide for you financially.

    Turn the thinking around. Find men you want to be intimate with and who have means.

  332. NYC SB says:

    Marilyn – are these men married? Why would you say you don’t want an allowance? The name of the game is seeking arrangement after all!

    Sd guru – yes sex is the best exercise but not when it lasts 2 minutes … 😉

  333. Marilyn says:

    It’s not question, I try to be nice and I can’t keep them, being shallow seems to be the only way to get men to call back….

  334. Lily says:

    Marilyn – I don’t follow your question…

    SD Guru – it’s sometimes not about commitment level, where exclusivity is expected/practiced, but culture/dating style. Around these parts, as far as I can tell it’s date-one-person-at-a-time country. (or drunken 1-night-stands) *shrug*

    I ain’t local to these parts.

  335. a-doc says:

    @ Michael- I dont know what this school trip consists of but while in New Zealand if you can – make sure u do the doubtful sounds, drive further up through the catlans and climb the franz joseph glacier. The Pau knights are also a nice diving spot- if you dive.

    Milford track is also amazing- but you have done this :).
    You sound like so much fun!. My bucket list- rim-rim walk around grand canyon, nepal and the himalyas, trecking through the bombay hills, climbing the alps. le sigh!

  336. Marilyn says:

    I keep finding the MOST fabulous guys, date few times, and I think I won’t be a shallow brat, I don’t want money… And they stop asking me out!!!

    WTF!

  337. cleo says:

    emmanuelle i get all sorts like that, they email and i answer and they poof. i just consider it a waste of one minute and dont’ worry about it. heck i don’t even believe in these guys until i see them a couple of times in real life *g*

  338. Michael Alleycat says:

    Emmanuelle – I often get emails like that. A SB emails “hi, how are you” and that us the extent of the contact. Maybe half my incoming emails are like that. I have no idea how to respond so I don’t.

    I am sure its not an age thing.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Yaz
      I listen to Sadness by Enigma or Caribbean Blue by Enya while doing my morning yoga and boy o boy the music transports me to a totally different place. I feel like I am floating….one word…ORGASMIC!

      That’s the same mood music I play when I, um, exercise with my SB in bed! 😉

      @NYC SB
      What is the 30 day challenge? Well I will do 30 bikram yoga classes in 30 days… I would love for anyone on this blog to take on another challenge on their own… it doesnt have to be fitness related … it could be anything… who is in?

      Isn’t sex considered a form of exercise?? 😉

      @Lily
      when your uber-elligible boyfriend never discusses his feelings/affections towards you or the relationship, is it considered ‘understood’ that exclusivity is expected after, say, a month of dating?

      Don’t you just love IRL dating?? :)

      As I wrote in this post, going from “dating” to “committed relationship” (step 2 to 3) is a big step and it requires emotional commitment from both sides. Do you think he’s ready to do that for you after a month? Are you ready?

      @sunnyfunnylane
      I stumbled upon your SD chronicles and I must say it is a very interesting read and also quite enlightening … it opened my eyes that there are also SB’s who deceive as much as SD’s. If you have any tips on how to spot those who are real I would love to hear them.

      Thanks for reading my blog and I’m glad you enjoy it! Despite the stories of lies and deceptions, I have learned my lessons during the early years and I’m glad I took the journey in the sugar world. Take a look at these posts in the “pages” section which can be found at the lower right hand column on SA blog’s home page: “How To Identify a Fake Sugar Daddy” and “How To Screen a Potential Sugar Daddy“.

      @Michael
      Stayed at Red Rock Spa and Resort – v sweet place, 5 *, about 10 miles off the strip.

      I have heard good things about that place and Summerlin is a nice suburb. Have you hiked the Red Rock Canyons nearby?

      Doing rim-to-rim-to-rim walk at the Grand Canyon with some friends.

      I bet you won’t be able to walk after that and you should take a break from sugar activities for a week! :)

      Probably seeing #1 Wednesday night, but she is seeming a bit needy right now. It is fun to see her, but it is slipping sideways a bit just now.

      Weren’t you going to unwind that relationship? Or are you having second thoughts?

  339. emmanuelle says:

    Did that ever happened to you? A SD emails you little things like “Hi” or “How are you?” “I’d like to get to know.” but when you answer, they don’t reply. I had about 12 emails like that just out of nowhere. I’m starting to think it’s because I’m too young.

  340. Michael Alleycat says:

    @ NY Gent “btw I hope some of the factual details about the people described in the blog topic have been changed to protect the innocent!”

    I think the details were mostly changed – I could barely recognize it was you they were talking about!

  341. Michael Alleycat says:

    @ SD Guru – “Vegas tonight …. Why tell the blog if you’re not going to share the details?”

    Went there to meet #2, she was there for a few days with some friends. Stayed at Red Rock Spa and Resort – v sweet place, 5 *, about 10 miles off the strip. View over the pools and the valley. Nice nice nice place. Highly recommend it as there are not all the idiots who walk around strip casinos with bottles of vodka in their hands. Ugh.

    SB turned up looking v compelling, excellent meal, lots of good fun. Feeling a bit rough in the morning, but soon cured that! :-). Sugar was fun all weekend!!

    This coming weekend – quite the opposite. Doing rim-to-rim-to-rim walk at the Grand Canyon with some friends. 44 miles walk over Friday and Saturday, climbing 10,400 vertical feet up over 2 days, plus down same height. Staying at hotel on north rim – I ain’t camping after that walk!! I’ll let you know if I can walk on Sunday.

    Probably seeing #1 Wednesday night, but she is seeming a bit needy right now. It is fun to see her, but it is slipping sideways a bit just now.

  342. NYC SB says:

    Carebear and browneyed gal – I will add you to the challenge blog! Feel free to post coments about your experiences… I just got done with my daily practice … Yup its almost midnight :) up at 530am to do it all over again

  343. aspiring doc says:

    re texting: I recknon every couple days- just a line to say hello. I have a busy busy schedule but everyone has time to drop the odd text. I text at the traffic lights sometimes or at lunch or between classes or when the lecturer starts talking about his days as an intern….right now i blog as im early to my last class. 😛

    in general i dont like text conversations. I wont text much past the ‘hello’ or the odd flirtatious messsage.

  344. aspiring doc says:

    @carebear- its you lymph nodes most likely and an infection- go see a doctor :)

    @ all: thanks. im going to wait a couple days and then think about a response….revengeful or otherwise.! transactions take overnight. he has a new zealand bank account and i assume internet banking. there isnt a good reason. The other red flag. I text him back as soon as he text saying hed just got to syndey and no reply. I rung him and left a message, and emailed. communication overload!

  345. Midwest SB says:

    NYGent – If not, you will be the first one we call :-)

  346. NYGent says:

    Aspiring: it was shoddy behavior by him, no two ways around it.

    btw I hope some of the factual details about the people described in the blog topic have been changed to protect the innocent!

  347. Midwest SB says:

    Lily – NEVER assume anything in a relationship. BTW – why are you worried about exclusivity when you’re seeking sugar (or have you given up sugar)?

    I hear men complain that it’s so transactional to hold out on intimacy until the allowance is paid. For all those who question…Aspiring Doc’s example is why! The allowance exchange should be a non-issue and a respectful exchange done in a tasteful manner. I appreciated it when my SD would just put it in with a funny card…I didn’t have to open it except that the cards were usually pretty clever.

    A-Doc – There may be a chance the wire is hung up somewhere. Ask him if he received confirmation from his bank that it went through, then check with your bank to see if something was rejected.

    I haven’t met anyone famous or infamous, but I do believe “the one that got away” was on the Forbes list. We never met, but he was very trusting and generous with his condo…too bad he sold it.

  348. carebear says:

    sorry everyone i just realized how gross that is to be sharing haha. oops.

  349. carebear says:

    @aspiring doc, i accepted a check at first, another big no-no. it had a week long hold on it and i was so nervous and sick to my stomach that it wouldn’t process, especially since it was from a joint acct with his wife….(another big no-no) but it did process. i don’t know how most transfers work, but i would think they would still take a couple of days.

    soooo ok saturday i woke up and found a cyst behind my ear, sunday i found the same one and a smaller one and some swelling, today my entire neck is swollen and ive found 4 and i have a sore throat. going to the doctor in the morning. i’m thinking its an infection and my glands are swollen from trying to fight it?

  350. aspiring-doc says:

    @ all- thanks :)

    @sd guru and all: You are right i was a bit too fast/giddy. Id been through too many potentials and he was my last attempt before giving up. IT was good, the first two dates- were fanatastic. he said all the right things. Normally you can spot a miser because they are counting the pennies. He told me I could charge whatever i liked to his room.
    All the signs appeared good. And yes i was silly enough to be intimate without seeing the cash, he said hed transfer it yesterday and I took his word for it.
    Maybe ill wait a couple days and see what his response is. Definetly feeling used though. But lesson learnt. I trust people far too easily. THeres a part of me that feels awkward haivnt to demand money- i prefer men who just give it straight up. But then again: i fulfilled my end- so I should be able to ask for and receive support and get it.

    @carebear- shoot ur question- keeping in mind im a student 😛

  351. emmanuelle says:

    @ carebear

    Thank you for the advice 😉

  352. carebear says:

    @NYCSB-GG in 1 hr!!!! and I’m doing a work out challenge ish thing too….my mom’s wedding is at the end of oct and i have to make sure I still look as good in my dress as i did when i bought it 6 months ago…

    Ivory you can be my carebear =) haha its a childhood nickname as well, never went away….

    BEG-THanks!!!

    Is there an aspiring-doc in the house? I have a medical question that me and my friends can’t figure out….going to the doc’s in the am.

  353. sunnyfunnylane says:

    I have only met a few pot SD’s on here.. all but 1 were honest, upfront and exactly who they professed to be. No celebs.. but quality human beings none the less. I took a break the past couple months and used the hidden function on my profile to take some time to think after I met the one who was not real and not a nice person as well. I do not think that a few bad apples in the sea actually reflects on the many quality SD’s that are on this site. I also do not think that one can assume that because someone is high profile that they are quality either.

    @SDGuru… I stumbled upon your SD chronicles and I must say it is a very interesting read and also quite enlightening … it opened my eyes that there are also SB’s who deceive as much as SD’s. If you have any tips on how to spot those who are real I would love to hear them. 😉

    @Bicentennial Baby I agree with you on the geographical aspect.. I plan to change my profile and open my self up to traveling most anywhere in the U.S. to meet a pot SD of quality… instead of limiting myself to my state.

    Hope everyone’s night is sugar filled.
    Lane

  354. BrownEyedGal says:

    Wow I won’t be able to keep up with the blog but I am enjoying the topic.

    NYC SB
    I’m up for the challenge. I’ll set my alarm 1 hour early ( 5 am) so I can do 20 minutes exercise every day. I figured it will probably take me half an hour to drag myself out of bed.

    Carebear ~ I am having fun reading your post.

    Aspiring Doc ~ you are going to be ok, you have lots of support in here. Hang in there.

  355. Ivory SB says:

    You would think me being near the Bay Area in CA that there would be plenty of SD’s…but NOPE! Most are just p4p, picture collector’s or bombarded with emails from real SB’s. *sigh*

  356. Lily says:

    Cleo’s gotta move in with me overseas & she’d be crawling with SDs!

  357. Darnell says:

    Cleo,

    Sorry to hear about the lack of success in Toronto. Living about 2-3 hours south of the border, I thought Toronto was a metro area with a lot of money (and exotic car zooming around when the weather is nice). As another baby said, don’t be fooled too much by a person not having a flashy car like a Ferrari.

    I haven’t looked too closely, but it seems like an area with a lot of sugar babies as well.

  358. Lily says:

    To answer the question, I have gone out with two billionaires on the forbes list via this site. Very surreal, very awesome conversations/kismet.

    The one that got away? Mcpoofer who no longer has my red coat who is a humongous player but still I crush….

  359. Lily says:

    Hey all!

    I am hoping that aspiring-doc’s SD will come through for her.

    On a totally unrelated issue, when your uber-elligible boyfriend never discusses his feelings/affections towards you or the relationship, is it considered ‘understood’ that exclusivity is expected after, say, a month of dating? Just wondering…

  360. Ivory SB says:

    Nico- Yes maybe they should have an option for p4p in that section!

    carebear- Like your name…it was a nickname for me in childhood. It sucks that those of us that know the true meaning of having an SD gets pushed aside for all of those that are doing the p4p. Hmph is right!

  361. carebear says:

    Perhaps that would be considered prostitution and therefore they shouldn’t be on the site. Hmph!

  362. Nico says:

    Perhaps that could be an allowance ‘range’ option on the profile?

  363. Ivory SB says:

    Well, I can see the supply and demand being a factor in the situation. It would be nice if the p4p guys and p4p girls would meet up and let those of us looking for a real SD/SB arrangement have our time in the sugar world! LOL!

  364. Nico says:

    NC I would have to second that thought. My BFF who is currently exploring the sugar world too was under that same impression despite the fact I’ve been an SB for a couple of years. I, of course, set her straight on how it works but doesn’t keep her (and others) from making their own mistakes.

  365. NC Gent says:

    Ivory SB — I suspect it is a mix of things. Partly the economics of supply and demand. I think a bigger role is that SBs have seen something about sugar in the media, and they have jumped in without understanding how it is really supposed to work.

  366. Ivory SB says:

    hmmm…that is interesting. Maybe it is that SB’s are having a hard time finding an SD so they are joining the darkside of p4play?

  367. SouthernGent2 says:

    NC – Please list all the profile numbers of those sb’s lol…………just kidding, just kidding everyone

  368. NC Gent says:

    hello all — never met anyone famous here…. my first SB had a well known politician contact her….

    Any other SDs noticing an increase in SBs seeking P4P?

  369. SouthernGent2 says:

    Michael AZ – okay on that. That is how most of mine turn out to be. Its rare for the string of texts to go past two or three texts in each direction.

  370. Michael Alleycat says:

    SouthernGent – – I do every 2nd day or so, just to maintain the connection.

    But it is generally just a “hi, hope you are having a great day” type of txt, rather than a loooooong conversation type of txt.

  371. Ivory SB says:

    Here is California I have met some CEO’s but no celebrities since that would be the LA scene. Mostly engineers, lawyers, etc…where I am located. Finding a real SD has been a challenge but I think this website is way better than the other one. More pay for play on that site. I like here that the allowance is listed so those that view you know what you are asking for in terms of the benefits.

  372. SouthernGent2 says:

    Michael AZ – about texting. I know I text way too often. But I often get the initial text from someone. I don’t see much wrong with texting someone daily to say hello. I can say for certain I initiate texting at least every other day, with the texts coming from the other party just as frequently. Too much separation in contact is a bit weird for me maybe.

  373. cleo says:

    i live in toronto, there are about 4 million people here. statistically, at last count, there were 17% more single women than men in my age group and that isn’t counting the huge undeclared gay population here

    the closest cities are buffalo, ottawa and montreal… which seem also useless.

    i totally agree about the geography btw, in this town if you don’t have rich friends you don’t get into the private places where they congregate. around here if you can get in it’s not nearly as likely that you’ll find someone with money

    that said, rich boyfriends? i think i’m figuring out where those might me. sd’s? got nothin’

  374. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @Cleo/et all,

    I strictly think it’s georgraphical….I’m fishing in Washington, DC and there’s a ton of SD’s per square inch but they don’t LOOK like SD’s…no Ferrari’s (one SD drives a 2004, which is very smart as I do too), no 3 story mansions (but some do have multiple rental houses for income), no Armani suits. I suspect the NYC SD breed is different from the DC one and definitely different from say, LA or the Gold Coast.

    If you read “The Millionaire Next Door”, you’ll see that the rich man, more often than not, does NOT look the part past just a well dressed individual. I’m not going to wild parties and I’m not a Playmate. Mostly we eat at nice places…no rock star life or anything. I’m not a $10k a month baby either so maybe I am fairly easygoing on what I expect…kindness, generousity, good hygeine, and a gentlemanly respect towards me. If I have that and my allowance, I’m fine.

    I’m happy where I’m at and the gentlemen I’ve spoken with, although I haven’t obviously clicked with all of them, have all been generous. Again though, it could strictly be geography…I have heard from more than one friend of mine (in and out of the sugarbowl) that Detroit Michigan is HORRIBLE for finding one, as is Charlotte NC because of the banking/housing collapse. Gov’t I’m afraid will always be in business however.

    Are you in the capital of Canada/Ontario? Forgive my poor knowledge of georgraphy, but perhaps you should concentrate on the political power center that’s closest to you geographically? That seems to be a steady source of employment, at least here in the States…

  375. cleo says:

    nico: no that’s not it. i haven’t met ANY of the kinds of men these ladies are discussing. no heirs to supermarket chains; no businessmen that weren’t under investigation for fraud, no famous people, no one with a ferrari.

    nothing. i met ONE good man in a year. one.

    i met two or three i liked enough and wanted to see again but they weren’t interested in me and frankly i think they were fakes anyway.

  376. Nico says:

    Cleo – I’ve been in the sugar world for a few years now and I’ll admit to not having met anybody ‘famous’ either. I have met a variety of men that are successful in their own right but nobody ‘famous’. I don’t feel like I’m missing out….would hate to be exposed on Extra as somebody’s mistress 😉

  377. Nico says:

    …..and….if that doesn’t work, I like the roundhouse idea *wink*

  378. Nico says:

    @ A-Doc….I suppose I’m an eternal optimist. If it’s only been one day or so of lost contact I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I’ve been quick to judge before and it didn’t work out in my favor. You have nothing but time…respect that perhaps his unexpected trip is an emotional one and he’s caught up in the drama of that and unable to come through.

    Of course, it’s hard not to think the other having had plenty of Poof Daddies…but patience and understanding are key. Give it a shot….hope for the best.

    *fingers crossed*

  379. cleo says:

    the more i read these posts the more i realize that searching in toronto is in fact totally pointless online

    i have met none of the kinds of men y’all are discussing. none.

    i lie, i met one, but one in a year is pretty brutal odds.

  380. Bicentennial Baby says:

    I second Carebear, roundhouse kick to the part of his body he was obviously thinking with without honoring his commitment..

    @Aspiring,
    Oh baby I hope there wasn’t intimacy first too, I would be so, so mad. I will think nasty karma thoughts towards this horrid man if so….wish I could do more for you.

    I have an allowance situation coming up soon myself and we agreed up front is best. It, ahem, puts you much more in the mood to be sweet when the sugar is in your purse. my gift SD has put several lovely things in my closet over 2 meets so dessert is on the menu after our next trip..tee hee!
    We’re both totally cool with the timing so lucky me, no awkward planning, just a friendship and fun while we progress at the same pace. I’m very lucky he’s the kind of guy I would totally hang out with as a friend or date IRL if I weren’t doing this NSA, so for us, it’s natural.

    I have met here some in person and some just by email & phone (without going into who is my life currently): two professors, an internal medicine specialist & surgeon, an heir to a department store fortune, a former CIA agent, a military commander and real estate investor and a professional equestrian/jockey trainer. A very, very diverse group of individuals, all of whom seem amazingly normal when you speak with them. I think the idea of Tiger Woods or celebrities only being sugardaddies is definitely not accurate…I’ve met gentlemen who are just very successful in life and for various reasons, don’t have time or inclination to play dating games and just want to spend time with beautiful women. So far the good outweighs the bad and I’m hoping to keep it that way!

  381. Michael Alleycat says:

    @ Carebear – of all of your attributes, I think it is your subtlety and finesse that I find most endearing. 😉

  382. carebear says:

    roundhouse kick him!

  383. FL-SD says:

    @Aspiring.. yeah, I second Alleycat. This is a bad sign. While in a real small percentage, the story and the excuse are true and he makes good, my suspicion is that his lack of response is a bad sign. At the very least he should have gone out of his way to honor the committment… so this calls into question the value he places on the arrangement.

  384. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hey A-Doc
    Hmmmm – not sure. If he had an unexpected trip to Sydney, that may have stopped him getting to the bank. BUT if he is not responding to txts, em or vm, could be a problem…..

    And the learning moment for all of us is …. get the allowance / college fund contribution in place and paid, before any action.

    We all know that pretty words are very easy, but action is very different. As Chuck Norris says, “money talks, bullsh*t walks.”

  385. Lily says:

    I’m great! How’s life after your move?

  386. Hey Lily, long time no see :) how r u?

  387. Lily says:

    Aspiring-doc, were you guys already intimate before he took care of his end of things?

    • SD Guru says:

      @aspiring-doc
      WELL I THINK I GOT BURNT

      I’m sorry to hear that. When you first mentioned your new super SD about two weeks ago, you sounded really excited and almost giddy about it. You said the arrangement was 2k a month for meeting 2-3 times a month, free trips, lasik sugery, etc. To top it off he was young and single to boot (which in hindsight could be a warning sign). You wrote about how great things are with him which probably lead most people to think that he had already proven himself to you as a SD.

      In hindsight perhaps you let your guard down because the situation seemed so ideal and he said all the right things. You didn’t mention why he wanted to be a SD and whether he had experience with arrangements before. Remember, having agreed to an arrangement is just the beginning. As I wrote in “The 5 Stages of Sugar“, for an arrangement to work both parties should act in good faith to build trust. This may take some time to establish as both parties adjust to their new roles and start doing what they agreed to do. Some arrangements may fall apart quickly due to lack of performance and trust.

      There may be legit reasons that he hasn’t given you the allowance and hasn’t responded yet. But it’s certainly not a good sign and it raises questions about his sincerity and intentions. I hope this turns out to be a false alarm and everything works out for you.

  388. Lily says:

    Good morning, sugars!!

  389. aspiring doc says:

    WELL I THINK I GOT BURNT

    SO much for super Sugar Daddy. HE was meant to pay me today (half of the allowance) the otehr half at the end of the month. Nothing, nudda my account is empty. we were also meant to meet up- he text me saying i quote “sorry babe, last minute buisness trip to sydney”. how does that stop him from honouring his commitment?!

    maybe im jumping to conclusions but i feel a bit used. He was so nice though…i dont want to think he used me..he seemed so sincere about money- even asked me the first itme whever i needed any right awya (before we had hashed out an allowance)

    what do sugar daddies think. are these some redflags? i tried to ring him but no answer. sent an email- no response.

  390. Yaz says:

    NYCSB~ Good luck! :)

    I listen to Sadness by Enigma or Caribbean Blue by Enya while doing my morning yoga and boy o boy the music transports me to a totally different place. I feel like I am floating….one word…ORGASMIC! Music is what makes me go through hours of intensive workout and I love that type of music especially while doing yoga or meditating.

    I will be joining your 30 day challenge in spirit! :)

    Hope everyone has a great week!

  391. SpoilMe says:

    Fascinating blog!
    Unfortunately I haven’t met anyone that spectacular. (yet!)

    I don’t mind the term ALLOWANCE either btw, unless I have to mention it first! =]

    NYC SB, I’m in! I’ll be emailing you shortly :)

    • SD Guru says:

      Catching up from the previous blog. Sorry for the long post!

      @IRLSD

      Welcome back! Actually it’s been about 7 months since your last post. I really enjoyed your posts in the archive and I hope you’ll be able to stick around this time.

      but her constant lies just were too much to take.

      Did her constant lies affect what she did with you as a SB? Did she live up to her end of the arrangement? If she had been a good and reliable SB for the most part, what difference does it make that she lied about college and other things? One of the sugar relationships I wrote about in my blog turned out to be full of lies and deceptions, so I understand how you feel.

      we tried to make it work after she confessed the truth

      So what was the truth??

      I just texted her and offered to give it one last serious attempt. The way I see it, we have nothing to lose at this point, particularly because I am so unexcited about starting another sugar search.

      If the 7 month relationship was mostly enjoyable, then she probably deserves a second or third chance. But given what has transpired so far, how much longer do you think it could last anyway?? I’d suggest that you don’t let the prospect of starting a new search keep you in a relationship that may have run its course.

      @WC SD
      I’ve complimented many women in my life for the only reason to compliment them. Now, someone I’m on a date with, etc…..that may be a different story

      The post I wrote about “Sex, Money, and Sugar” was in the context of dating, therefore it doesn’t necessarily apply to random compliments in a social setting.

      @Michael
      I’m shocked – shocked! – that you could even think that a man would act like that!

      Weren’t you also the one that was shocked that there is porn on the internet? 😉

      Vegas tonight ….

      Why tell the blog if you’re not going to share the details? :)

      ——————

      Regarding the blog topic:

      As I have mentioned in this blog and in my blog before, during my years in the sugar world I have met many women in person from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds that I otherwise may not have the opportunity to meet in real life in a dating context. For example, in no particular order, Ivy League graduates, law school and med school students, nurses, Playboy models, porn stars, fashion models, pageant queens, escorts, strippers, teachers, waitresses, bartenders, secretaries, accountants, cosmetologists, estheticians, massage therapists, hair/make up stylists, college students, personal trainers, scholarship athletes, small business owners, aspiring actress/model/artists/musicians… and the list goes on.

      It just goes to show, you never know who you’ll meet on SA!!

  392. @Carebear. Nice one re black Amex, Ferrari and bracelet! Everything except a decent conversation ….. hmmm, I know which I would prefer.

    Re allowance – I use the phrase “financial aspect” or “financial side of this” during discussion. Or whatever comes to mind during convo. It really depends on the person and how the discussion is going. I just try and keep it light.

    @Sugar SB – “How much contact would be appropriate in the SD/SB world?
    How many e-mails, texts, or phone calls should an SB or SD send in a week?” Really depends on the person. If the agreement is to get together say 3 times a month, I try and ping the person 1-2 times between each meet, just to say hi, or really enjoyed our last meet. No more than every 2-3 days. But multiple times per day? No way, unless it is a conversation.

  393. Bicentennial Baby says:

    I just watched Dallas totally fu-bar the Skins game in the last 4 seconds by holding, OMG I am so mad!!!!

    Ok, back to our regular programming (fumes)….

    BiBaby aka huge Football Fan ;P

  394. NYC SB says:

    Carebear… he is now the CFO of my company… definitely a good card to have in my back pocket… we joke around about it … privately of course.

    I updated my blog! And I started a new blog with my 30 day challenge!

    OMG Gossip girl! I am the blog gossip girl 😉 and I love that show!

    What is the 30 day challenge? Well I will do 30 bikram yoga classes in 30 days… I would love for anyone on this blog to take on another challenge on their own… it doesnt have to be fitness related … it could be anything… who is in?

  395. carebear says:

    NYCSB-does your current boss ever bring it back up? sounds like an interesting situation…hope to read about it in a year or 2 when you post to your blog =)

    DearDaddy-I know right! Thats what I was trying to say, but obviously couldn’t put it so eloquently as yourself. My SD calls it ‘hittin the college fund’ thank god.

    Emmanuelle-I’ve studied engineering as well! Always good to show you’re ambitious and intellectually inclined. I wouldn’t say the premium membership definitely benefits, but I upgraded for the sake of having every advantage possible in this game. I figure its a small price to pay in answer to what I’m hoping to take in.

    I’m gonna be up all night watching gossip girl re runs. NEW SEASON STARTS TOMORROW NIGHT ahhhhhhhhh love the shoes!

  396. emmanuelle says:

    Well I posted that I am in school for engineering, that I’m looking for an arrangement with someone for my tuition and to make him happy. I have a sexy body shot of me (no nude, nothing showing). i have a pictures with me smiling. I see that three members put me in their favorites, but I cannot see them nor tell them to message because I am not a premium member.

    Thank you so much for replying

    PS (i know I sound very immature, and naive, but I really want this.

  397. DearDaddy says:

    I like the term ‘gift’ or ‘advance toward medical school tuition’ (i know, long name).
    Allowance sounds sorta childish, e.g. if you are a good girl, you get an allowance otherwise no. lol

  398. NYC SB says:

    I “met” my boss via SA… well rather we went on a date… him fully knowing who I was and me having no idea of who he was as he wouldnt send a picture under the guise of discretion… weird

  399. Nico says:

    I believe my avatar disappeared? Either that or I’m using a different e-mail *sigh* Welcome to the day before Monday 😉

  400. Nico says:

    Emmanuelle – lesson #1 – patience. Your post won’t get lost patience will get you far….on this blog and in the Sugar Dating World. Check the archives for an abundance of information on dating, your profile etc and, as carebear suggested, share your information with us and we’ll be happy to provide help/insight.

  401. carebear says:

    oh and i didn’t mean to come off as rude by saying allowance is a bad word. i just feel weird using it in context. its just, weird. i dunno.

  402. carebear says:

    emmanuelle- maybe you could share with us what you said in your profile, or what kind of pictures you have up, etc. then we could help you talk it out and find what best fits you and your profile…the rate of emails is inconsistent and can change from day to day. i constantly change mine, my pictures, and my expectations all the time to see what changes in reponses i get.

  403. emmanuelle says:

    It’s nice to see how everyone is ignoring my comment lol

  404. carebear says:

    All good responses…

    I dunno I just feel icky.

    So re this article, I googled the forbes list….guy last night is on it. Ha.

  405. Sugar SB says:

    @aspiring doc
    This is from the last blog.
    I would think that a phone call a week, an e-mail here and there is OK. But to write continually is to much for me. I do not enjoy being swamped with mail, texts, and the likes. I rather have an SD that is understanding when I say I am held up for the next few days.
    How much contact would be appropriate in the SD/SB world?
    How many e-mails, texts, or phone calls should an SB or SD send in a week?

  406. Sugar SB says:

    @ Nico
    I am the same, I do not think that Allowance is a bad term.

  407. Sugar SB says:

    Allocation, contribution, subsidy, helping hand.
    I can not think of anything else.

  408. Nico says:

    Personally I like “Allowance” I don’t find anything about it offensive.

  409. So what is the best word?
    – Compensation
    – Allowance
    – Remuneration
    – The “Financial Aspect”
    – The “Amount”
    – An Understanding
    – Honorarium
    – Reparation
    – Gift
    – Recompense

    Any other thoughts?

  410. emmanuelle says:

    I am new on this website, and very young (18 years old). I joined yesterday, and I only have one message so far. Do you have any tips for me on meeting new people

  411. ARCTIC SD says:

    carebear – how about remuneration?

  412. carebear says:

    The grounds for a great sugar relationship are there….tons of common hobbies, being on the same page with type of arrangement, black amex, ferrari, hermes bracelet and flowers on the first meet. Sounds great right?

    I don’t take compliments well. Other than saying thank you over and over again and occasionally reciprocating the manner, I get uncomfortable with them. Saying “you’re so beautiful” doesn’t challenge me in a conversation and ultimately I get bored quickly if you’re not stimulating my mind. When I get bored I get distracted. When I get distracted I bail.

    I guess I should stop complaining and quit acting so ‘spoiled’, but he was just so wrapped up in me that I feel there wasn’t much substance in the conversation other than talking about me. I’m meeting people on this site because I want to get to know other people and learn about who they are and where they have been and hear all the exciting stories that go along with it.

    Maybe date 2 will bring about more personality because I know its there. AND I don’t appreciate that he used the word ‘arrangement’ very loudly at the dinner table 1 hour in. Grrr. Ok I’ll shut up.

    PS-does anyone else hate the word ‘ALLOWANCE’ as much as I do? I didn’t get one as a kid and I hate feeling like one using the word in serious conversation. Lets come up with a new word.

  413. BrownEyedGal says:

    Ok I said fifth because I didn’t count SugarBecka’s 2nd post. He he he I do can count :)

  414. Yaz says:

    I have met some very well-known men on SA and some not so well-known men. I will never be able to talk about the well-known ones (even in a blog under a fake name) because I have promised to keep them a never-to-be-talked-about part of my life. They have taught me a lot and through them I was able to experience a lifestyle that I could only dream of and I will always be grateful to them for that. Two of them never lasted more than a first date but I was really shocked when I found out who they were IRL….

    SA is a great place to meet very very very interesting people 😉 If I was to return to sugar dating, SA would be my first choice not because of quantity but because of the quality of MOST men on here. I said MOST because the site does have its share of fakes, and creeps and picture collectors.

    Hope everyone is having a wonderful Sunday!!! Get plenty of rest and get ready for the week ahead! :)

  415. Carebear …. do tell us more ……

  416. carebear says:

    Met someone VERY interesting last night. Great date! But very ….interesting….

  417. BrownEyedGal says:

    Fifth

    I am about to meet pots yet so to answer the question? No not yet.

    I can’t wait for the other bloggers to start sharing their experiences. They might be busy sugaring out there. :)

  418. Tanya says:

    I haven’t met anyone in person yet from this site, but I have talked with a few. Because I live in a remote area I have difficulty. I will be moving within the next year to California so hopefully will have more luck. I hope to make some friends in the meantime here!

  419. catsecret0 says:

    Haven’t an found interesting SD in NYC yet, but hoping for one soon!

  420. SugaBeckha says:

    oh I forgot, introduced my self sent my personal email and cell phone number ………… let’s see if I will have an adventure

  421. SugaBeckha says:

    Hey hey hey Second, Well I have mostly talked to others on here thorugh this lovely blog, however I am happy to report, I finally received an email (lol I know it sounds silly), but what can I say I am a hopeless romantic and I love the chase, it’s so much fun, don’t you all think;), so a big thank you to the ladies and gents that offered advice and opinions, you are alll lovely dolls and darlins to me, and I can’t wait to go to the next function….. speaking of which has anyone considered putting together a meet and greet on the west coast??? Just a thought. So back to the first Pot. he emailed and said he would love to chat it up with me and he likes my candor and thinks my profile is adorable. lol I get so giddy over love and good things ( food, drinks, etc;.) well have a great sunday gooooooo Football

    kisses Miss Beckha

  422. SpiritualBaby says:

    I have met many interesting ladies on this blog. I am more of an in-person type, so I look forward to going to one of the parties when I move back to the east coast in January. I can’t wait to share my experiences with the blog!

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