7 years ago
Sugar Diversity: Is it sweet for you?

image

There’s been lots of great advice from Sugar bloggers about the importance of good confidence while dating in the Sugar bowl. It’s been pointed out that – especially for Sugar Babies – a lack of confidence can lead to a lack of sugar; how valuable you seem to a potential Sugar relies heavily on how valuable you see yourself.

This months edition of Essence Magazine explores how race in particular can effect the confidence of sugars, with black Sugar Babies and Daddies describing how the sugar changes the race-factor for better, or worse.

While age, height, education level, race, and other descriptors do play a significant role in the “online marketplace” of SA, most Sugars agree chemistry is the #1 most important factor in successful arrangements.

How can sugars best exude high-value to potential matches? By listing a high monthly allowance? By showing pictures that display wealth?

Is discrimination (based on race, age, height, etc.) more acceptable/understood in the Sugar bowl  than in the traditional dating realm?

Leave a Reply

195 Responses to “Sugar Diversity: Is it sweet for you?”

  1. camillia henry says:

    OMG I RATHER GET HONEST THAN LIES OR FAKE

  2. Emma77 says:

    Oh how I wish I knew about SD relationships at 19.
    Here in Vancouver we dont have a lot of black women. I was feeling a bit ugly because I wasnt getting my Daddy as soon as I thought I would. I started thinking: am I too fit? too fat? too black? too tall? Is my booty to big? am I too old? Are my cheeks too fat? Am I actually ugly and people have been just being nice all these years? lol

    So I went to a pub and watched a show. Then a beautiful lady made eye contact and hit on me. Then later on a hot guy hit on me telling me my skin was beautiful.
    That helped a lot.

    Now I have spoken to about 7 daddies on another site and 1 or 2 from this site. Being in Vancouver is very bad. There are I think 4 women to each man. The men dont even try anymore. Guys who would never get a date back in my home city get beautiful women here. One SD offered me a job in his Gentlemen club.. ..great, not.
    I did notice one thing. Thanks to this blog and another man giving me the how to 101 talk, I am feeling and doing better. I dont waste my time if they refuse to do dinner. If he cant afford a $150 dinner well what can I say? On another site I can see who is online when I am. I think it is the fake SD looking for the newest girl. lol

    If this works out it will be so fun but if it doesnt I will keep my day job and date my boss. (joke)

  3. English Amy says:

    @Sasha – My pleasure! I know the exact feeling so I totally understand. If you really feel that its getting to you take a few days off, breathe, relax, then come back and try again! :) And thats great that you have a pot SD! Well, I always think its good to go by the saying ‘Hope for the best, Prepare for the worst’. Let yourself enjoy getting to know them & (fingers crossed) your first date & if it doesn’t go well, shrug it off and keep going.
    Keep me updated on how it goes! :)

  4. Sasha says:

    Thank you so much english amy. I need to hear that because sometimes I just wanna hang it up. I do have a potential sd right now, but I’m not getting overly excited yet until we actually meet in person.

    Emma77 I have found it more difficult in sugarland to find sd’s due to the ebony skin thing too, but thank goodness there are alot of open minded sd’s out there.

  5. English Amy says:

    @Sasha
    Don’t give up! You’ll find it repeated a lot on this blog but finding the right SD takes time, effort and more time. There are tricks and tips for landing a genuine SD and how to make sure you put across your best side but sometimes success can be down to luck and good timing. Keep asking for advice on this blog, there are loads of people who are willing to help. And look at past topics as well! Always piled with tips.

    @Midwest & any others
    I’ve read a lot about ‘No Allowance = No Sex’. Does this mean the whole allowance that you (I presume) have already settled on for the month? I’m interested in what other SB’s (and SD’s!) think on the particulars of when you broach the allowance topic. Followed by how quickly you expect them to pay up & how much longer after that the sexual side of the relationship would normally follow. I know it should be early on but, do you really think its appropriate to ask in the first couple of emails? I’ve read that some SD’s appreciate the fact you want to get to know them a little better before broaching the subject. I would feel quite comfortable going on a date first and then after meeting in person and really getting a feel for each others company you could decide to continue seeing each other and discuss the more ‘business’ side of things.

    Or am I being too optimistic in this approach? Would it be giving too many men a chance to, as some say, ‘test drive’?

    Your thoughts and comments would be greatly appreciated on this!

    @Emma77
    Hahah, love that comment! Its so true. I just spent £95 (works out at about $138) buying ‘natural-look’ make-up. Which, when I think about it, is sadly ironic.
    Its a slight catch-22 as well. Need to look good to get the man, Need the man to look good.Its a cruel world for us sugars eh! 😉
    And all I can say about guys who aren’t willing to put forward what you ask of them…Shove off? Truly though, I don’t think its even worth your time to reject them or explain yourself (though that little jab at ’22yo-keeper’ was rather funny)
    If you state you want something then it just irritates me when supposed SD’s complain or try and measure you up to other girls. You’re not other girls, thats why you’re asking for more than they are – right? :)
    Well anyway, just keep your faith and try hard! I know its a lot harder than expected but you’ll find somebody worth you eventually!

  6. Emma77 says:

    babyblonde – ” 4 hours to get the perfectly coiffed ponytail, and naturally vibrant look with a $40 white eye pencil to make her eyes pop out and sparkle at you dreamily and $20 eye drops for that dewey look in her eyes you love, and that $30 lipgloss that makes her look like a fresh peach so you just can’t wait to kiss her and made it all look so easy and natural.

    The chiropractor, from wearing those heels you guys like so much is almost $200 a month, all the sweat and hard work that goes into training to stay in shape, no one is paying us for those hours or the personal trainers $100 a session, supplements to look healthy and stay healthy, super expensive. Tanning $45 a pop. Being told he can’t afford all YOUR bills….priceless.”

    You are spot on. There is so much that goes into looking fabulous. If my SD would like to be with me for full 24 hour days. I have to be up and at the gym before 6am. Most of my allowance is going to personal upkeep. Tonight a gentleman messaged me on another site and told me that he could “get any woman in Vancouver for 1/3 my asking allowance”. Another said that my $3000 is too high. He said that he “Keeps” a 22 year old in his condo back home for $1000 a month while he travels. I could not help myself. I told him that it was so kind of him to let her live in his condo. I told him that he should fly home unexpectedly as it is possible that she IS making that extra $3000 – $5000 while he here in his hotel.
    I know, I should just smile so I will work on that.

    It also had never occurred to me that my ebony skin would make it difficult to find a SD. I will keep that in the back of my mind when I am on the site. I am wondering why it is taking so long for my photos to be approved. Aside from that I am really thankful that this blog exists. It gives me a great foundation to start searching for my Daddy.

    This is my first week being a SB. So far I have made 2 mistakes but nothing too serious. I thought it would be very easy to find a SD. I thought that a gentleman sees me, we talk on the phone. Then we go to dinner, then he decides if he wants me or not and we make an arrangement. Is that not how it works?

  7. Sasha says:

    lilshything…umm..in my world guys would be falling all over themselves to get to you. You are tall, intelligent, and mixed which means exotic nowadays. You have alot going for yourself and some sd’s like to have a sb they can invest in and premp you up…like a diamond in the rough. I will be surprised if your inbox isn’t filling up soon.

  8. lilshything says:

    Eep, that was long. SORRY!

  9. lilshything says:

    Okay, so being 18 and mixed raced I feel as though statistically I’m at a severe disadvantage. Also having been sick for the last two years (and just not having the time nor money to preen and have nice clothes…had to make the grades as best I could) I’m not toned and such…physically it’s been hard for me to even play volleyball, which is something I love. (I’m not fat…I’m just not…tiny…5’9″ and I’m able to calve raise the same amount a pot SD weighs? Not good for me :[ )

    But here’s the thing, though. Forgive me for sounding pompous, but I’m 18 going on 25 as far as my life experience curve goes (though I do have my occasional little girl moments where I lose my head), and on top of that, intellectually…bah, I hate saying this, but I’m a genius (I never believed my mum about that till I saw the test results from when I was 7 on my 18th birthday. Shocked the daylights out of me if it’s any consulation >_<). I got accepted into some of the nation's top women's colleges (Mills, Mount Holyoke, Bryn Mawr, Columbia in SC, Sweet Briar) plus a private university in state, ALL with scholarships on the table for my test scores and my research on autism (I've worked with autistic children for the last three years at a local university…published two papers), plus a whole slew of other things that no one really gives a bloody dart about because…well, I'm 18. It doesn't mean anything when I say 'I plan on getting Ph.D.s in History & Women's Studies, and if it's in the cards I'd also like to go to law school because I want to change legislation on the books regarding various women's issues' – but that's really what I want! I fully intend on doing just that, and if I drop dead from exhaustion in the process, at least it was for a noble end! There's an abundance of other set goals (I actually have a 'Bucket List'…yes, saw the movie) and I know -exactly- what I want from my life while still being flexible enough to let it take me wherever it wants to flow.

    So what the heck am I supposed to do? I don't have time to prim and preen myself all day – sorry gents, but school and obligations to my family are a touch more important than making sure I'm donned from head to toe in designer wear that I *really* can't afford. I'll never be model stick-figure thin and blonde, not even if I starve myself and take dye to my hair- I will be the only anorexic with curves and my hair will be orangey-gold. But they're HEALTHY curves, it's not that I'm grotesquely out of shape, I just think I'm average – though I've been told otherwise. I don't wear make-up because my skin is pretty alright on its own. I mean, I get my eyebrows waxed, regular haircut, nice and clean – but yeah, you get what I'm saying.

    Oh, and don't forget the fact that I have super short hair. Every man I've ever met has bitched at me about it. I can't help it. It's that way for a reason, and I have the face for it so HMPH. Think Halle Berry when it was short, but a little bit shorter. You have my hair (and my skintone, too)

    What's an 18 year old to do? :(

  10. Candi says:

    Hi everyone!
    Just joined today and wanted to wish everyone a great week!
    I will try to post and be active more once I learn my way around.

  11. Sasha says:

    Hi everyone. I’ve been on the site for a while and I still feel very lost. I would love for someone to take me under their wing and give me advice on what I may be doing wrong. I consider myself to be a young pretty intelligent black/asian girl, but I just haven’t found the right sd for me. 1 I only seem to get emails from sd after I’ve emailed them first. 2 They seem interested initially and they even go as far as getting my number, but then they never call. I have yet to actually go out with any real sd from the site. To be honest, I have a fetish for older white men in general, whether they have money or not. I guess I do feel like the 5 9 skinny blondes get the guys that I’m interested in. Does race really matter on this site ladies? Are the men here who can afford to show me the lifestyle I dream of, only interested in the traditional arm candy? What am I doing wrong. I feel like giving up so a perspective from a sd would be nice too. Just lost and frustrated from the midwest.

  12. Michellee says:

    Texas Sugah thanks for your comment. The information you gave is not hard to believe.

  13. TexasSugah says:

    Micheelle- I have had zero luck with black SD. Overly demanding and… Cheap. I got an email once that said one line, “what makes you think you deserve sugar?”. One black SD recently contacted me but now suddenly he’s decided that I’m off the SB list and on the possible list.. Possible what????

    The men that I’m dealing with with right now are white and the other Hispanic who recently revealed his salary in an attempt to keep me. I find it easier to talk with white men but that could also be because I have dated only one black man in life.

    My 2 cents

  14. tkayoh says:

    Thank you so much for your help =)

  15. Michellee says:

    @Brown Skin
    @ Baby Blonde

    Hello I am new to the site. Just enrolled last night. I like what I have read so far. Do you ladies have more tips to add to what Midwest wrote? When talking about arrangements…how do you make that arrangement work? for example, when do you get or when should you receive the money? When should the intimacy take place? What is your guideline for a first date? Once you have establish a connection after that date, then what? I am also worried about my esteem after excepting an arrangement. What will the SD expect? And when will he expect things? I dont want be in a bad situation just because someone feels entitled because he is giving me money. I’ve never been in that type of situation and want to be cautious.

    @ Brown Skin

    I am a Black woman 2. Do you get more responses from White/other males vs. Black Men? Is there a difference in treatment?

  16. BrownBaby says:

    LovelyLady, I went to one of the SA parties and I would much rather go to those oppose to doing the online dating. Im all for face to face interaction not to mention people tend to look a bit different in person compared to their pictures online, some for the better and some for the worst. All in all, I had a great time the last party I attended.

  17. Midwest SB says:

    tkayoh – NO you do not have to sleep with a potential before receiving an allowance. Read the past blogs and you will find a wealth of information. Here are the basics:
    1- Screen well. There are many men who will do what your date did. You can tell the men who just want to “tap that” vs. men who are looking out for your well-being and are genuinely interested in your company and your future.

    2- Meet in neutral territory the first date. Be safe. Ask him to come to your city for the fist date. Meet him at the venue. Do not get in his car or meet at his hotel. ANY indication that you are willing to sleep with him right away will be detrimental.

    3- Sex does not equal allowance. If you want to be intimate with someone, don’t do it for the hope of an allowance….and don’t expect one after. Many SDs will wait.

    4-Don’t be afraid to ask questions like “have you had a SB in the past” or “so, what did you have in mind for an arrangement”? These are business men and know why they are on SA. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need and for what will help you accomplish important goals. Real SDs want to “teach you to fish”. They will provide advice, introductions and financial assistance if they believe in your dream.

    SA has a book that I’ve heard is helpful. Truthfully, my best source of information came from this blog and from the friends I have made here.

    The process takes work and it is absolutely worth it! If you’re in a financial bind and need a quick rescue, you might want to work towards fixing that bind WHILE you are looking for a SD. This can take some time and desperation can inspire poor choices.

    Best of luck on your search!

    New blog!

  18. tkayoh says:

    I AM SO CONFUSED!!!

    I’ve been on this a few months. Needless to say i get bites – but I have NO idea how tri set an arrangement

    I even met a guy off here an slept with him and tagged was it. I’m confused so confused

    How do I make an allowance? Do I sleep with him first? I don’t know what to do I have potentials, I just don’t know how it works

    Can I get some direct advise?

    Please help, thanks

  19. lovelylady says:

    Has anyone being to any of the previous seeking arrangement parties?if so,was it great?

  20. babyblonde says:

    magnificentbrown: Whatever you want. If you have a great profile and pics you shouldn’t have to contact anybody unless you feel compelled to meet them for some reason. I prefer to only date the ones that contact me that way I know they have already chosen me and I don’t have to sell myself on them.

  21. babyblonde says:

    Texas ~ Living in NYC I costs a minimum of $7k a month a decent healthy life That’s without splurging. The longer you do this, the more you will see so many amazing things happen for other women. :-) It tends to inspire and motivate you at least it did me. I used to think the same as you way when I started.

    I’ll never forget when one of my SD’s and his girlfriend threw me a birthday party at their penthouse and gave me a $5000 check, which was typical of him, to give me every month yes we fooled around :-) . Another year my SD sent me, my daughter & a friend to The Delano in Miami all expenses paid, we ordered caviar every night and he sent champagne and strawberries to my room for my b-day. I never ever slept with him. He wasn’t even there with us. That was 10k monthly. He was my first taste of Sugar. So I came onto this online thing a little spoiled and confident because I know it’s out there. These men are from rural areas.

    I used to absorb all the negative connotations that came along with being involved in this. I used to think women who did this had self esteem issues and were really evil people! LOL I would have hated myself back then. After my first SD experience I BLOSSOMED into someone I’m proud of and now my only regret is not dipping into the Sugar Bowl when it was still really very lucrative. Over time being an Sugar Baby became something very special to me. Now I wish I had my eyes opened sooner and made the most out of the opportunities that were presented me when I was younger.

  22. magnificentbrown says:

    I’m new to this too, and I just don’t understand the dynamics of it all. Am I supposed to contact potential sd’s or are they supposed to contact me?

  23. TexasSugah says:

    @Lily –

    That’s true.. Houston isn’t expensive at all, for the average person. At this point, I’m really trying to get myself out of a “bad marriage” hole. Certainly I could use sugar to buy some pretty fierce heels and bags but the hole would still be there yawning before me like impending doom.. *ominous music and maniacal laughter*.

  24. Lily says:

    It’s all relative to the are you’re in. In certain areas, you simply have to be at least barely a millionaire to be an SD. In others, not at all. Cost of living and income indexes vary widely. Don’t think we can really compare here. We’re all over the globe.

  25. TexasSugah says:

    Howdy all..

    I’m broken hearted… My contribution to the blog was erased. And it was pretty good. Gee….

    One point is that I’ve read many of the sugars here are flirting with huge allowances.. like 5+K isn’t enough. My guys are pretty average guys.. no millionnaires. I haven’t dedicated time nor energy to the search at this point.

    I’m happy with them and they dedicate a pretty large portion of their disposal income to me and the time I spend with them is easy to accomodate. Basically, my 2 guys (which I will be narrowing down to one) are great. I just can’t see looking at this in such a business fashion that I would discount a guy who is increasing his work load just to provide for me.

    Maybe I’m too soft..

  26. Viking Hybrid says:

    Chitown: He emailed me the day after to make sure that I got home OK and I replied that I did, and thanked him for the fun evening. I’ll shoot him one more email and see. Thanks for the input!

    PA: I’m 2 hours away but list New York, NY as my location because that’s where I do much of my socializing anyway. It also seems to garner more emails. Some pots have been dissuaded upon finding out that I’m not in the immediate area, but some of them either don’t care, or live outside the immediate metro area themselves! Maybe put the nearest major metro area (that you can easily travel to) in your profile as well, and focus your own search efforts there.

    As for appearances: I’m no supermodel myself, but I don’t give a damn! Judging from IRL experiences, there are plenty of men who love “girl next door” types. Some actually prefer them to the model/stripper/foreign/etc. types. In any case people like variety, so work your niche :)

  27. PA Petite says:

    I’m a newbie on SA, but I’ve been reading the blog and comments. I just have a few questions: is distance a problem?- it seems like there isn’t much to look for in my area and out of state would be inconvenient for the SD wouldn’t it? And I see a lot of hot gorgeous SB’s out there, I feel like i’m not at that standard :/ I’m more cute and cuddly than model-esque.

  28. Viking Hybrid- Have you tried contacting him? If not, a simple “I had such a lovely time with you on our date, and must say I find myself being very attracted to you” couldn’t hurt. If after that he still doesn’t reply I would say place your efforts elsewhere. He could just be busy, but 2 weeks after a first meet with no word seems a bit odd. Good luck!

  29. Thanks Midwest! I happen to think the same of you! Clearly an example of how many amazing women there are on this blog. And congrats on your new Mac. I am an apple gal myself, so I understand the heart palpitations that come with a new one.

    Now need to go pretty myself up for night 1 of 2 of going-away parties…

    hope everyone else has a lovely evening…

  30. Viking Hybrid says:

    Hello to all the lovely sugars out there! :)

    So I just went on my first sugar date two weeks ago (!) I felt just like I did going on my first IRL date 12 years ago! And he was very attractive, which made me even more nervous – so much so that I accidentally drank just a tad too much and probably came off as obnoxious :(

    My question: In your experience, how long does it usually take a pot SD to call after your first date? After two weeks, should I just write this one off? I’m in correspondence with other pot SD’s, setting up more dates, but I *did* kind of like guy #1, so….

    PS: Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

  31. Midwest SB says:

    Evening sugars!

    Chitown – I am excited about your visit to VA and know great things will come your way! I think you are an AMAZING woman with so much to offer!!!

    SD Guru – I think you rock!

    I’m still catching up…went MIA until my Mac came in…I’m in love!!!

  32. Anna Molly says:

    Hello everyone! I’ve been MIA for a little while :)

    Hope all is well! I’m going to catch up now! 😀

  33. also, everyone… I updated my profile with a couple new photos and changed a bit of wording. I had to update my location at the very least.

    comments welcome…. alyssian1 at ya hoo

  34. Sherri- Only you can know what is best. However, I agree you shouldn’t sell yourself short. It is one thing to accept less sugar if you have fallen into a deeper relationship, but from what I can tell, this is not the case for you. Never settle, YOU set the standard. I am sorry for your unfortunate situation.

  35. LadyIntim says:

    Sherry, dont’ ever let an SD lowball you like that. He wasn’t worth your time to begin with. I don’t know about some of these SDs…MANY of them on HERE seem to have pretty big egos that don’t really match the actual content. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors early on.

  36. Sherri says:

    @babyblonde – If his salary and net worth are accurate then he can afford it but it’s hard to know the extent of his financial obligations. I’d already begun to suspect that he can’t afford it because of the general downward trend from better restaurants to ones I can easily afford without an SD and nicer hotels to ok ones. I just wasn’t sure where to draw the line.

    @SD Guru – It’s been 2 months. This would have been the 3rd. Thanks for the insight. I hadn’t thought about it as being a unilateral decision. To me that offer felt like a slippery slope where if I agreed this time he could give me whatever he felt like going forward.

  37. Happy Friday Sugars!

    I wanted to share a revelation I had particularly with Midwest if she’s out there…

    I joined the site around February of this year. Since that time I have experienced a handful of potentials and 2 SDs. The first left me feeling pretty crummy and the second poofed. I was pretty bummed for a while.

    But what I have come to realize is that while these experiences may not have been fabulous, they taught me a great deal. Mainly, that I know what my limits are and what I am looking for. I know what to offer and what I deserve in return. So, while I was bitter for a while, I have come to be thankful for what these SDs and pots taught me about living life in the sugar lane. They left me better prepared for the SD who is better suited to me.

    I am about to start a good job in a new place, and hopefully meet some new people.

    So to any SBs out there who feel they are in a slump, things DO turn around. And if you don’t get the experience of a lifetime, at least you got some experience and important lessons. This is what I am going to remind myself of while I search for my next SD. The right one for me is out there somewhere… talking to 3 pots right now :)

    to all those struggling with one issue or another, good luck!

  38. If a SD can provide 5k/month, will he have more or fewer responses compared to a SD who can provide 1k/month?

    I’m more inclined to someone who can provide $3-5k/month, because for me that’s a good solid amount. $5K/month would be the preference. It may sound harsh, or incredibly snooty but I can make $1k in a week by my damn self. I don’t say these things publicly though, I just keep it to myself, lol. And I just simply avoid the man who can only do $1000/month.

    If a SB is looking for 5k/month, will she have more or fewer responses compared to a SB who is looking for 1k/month?

    I find for me that keep the amount as “open” has been a better tactic. I’ve tested various amounts and open illicits the most response for me. And what I was surprised to find was that most guys are comfortable with (and have offered in the past) giving their SBs on average about $3-5k/month in addition to gifts and trips, etc. I have yet to seal the deal with someone who excites me enough to bite. I had a guy offer me $8K/month, but my gosh I couldn’t even as much as kiss him for the sake of the $. I’m not here for that. I need a connection.

    Should a SB look her best because it makes her feel good about herself, or should she do so because she expects her SD to pay for it?

    I think that any woman who has pride in herself and genuinely loves to look and feel good all for her own sake doesn’t really account the costs it takes to get ready to present that image to her SD. Funny, that thought has never personally crossed my mind. I love to look amazing just because. If he were in the pic or not, I’d still do it. I think when I’m going to see a man whom I’m attracted to I may do little extras that I know he would like, however I’ve never had the expectation that he needs to pay for it. But that’s just my opinion.

  39. JSB says:

    Hey sugars!!

    I am on the train an en route to Montreal with a bit of a buzz bc the girls and I just had some wine. How is everyone doing? Any spicy sugar meets this weekend?

  40. Hehe BB, girl I knew you’d be on the floor with that! The visual is too funny, kicking rocks must really hurt. Especially with your shoes off.

  41. babyblonde says:

    SweetSugar Yeah tell him to go kick rocks ! LOL

  42. SD Guru says:

    @SugarReporter SB

    “When I had thought that setting a higher amount would eliminate the junk mail and fakers and that people would recognize that you are worthy of a higher amount. It truly seems to go both ways.”

    “most SD’s don’t even see the amount that you are asking. They appear to write based on good pictures and a super fun, super positive profile.” .

    Thanks for your post! I’ve been wanting to ask some rhetorical questions to the group about the amount people offer/seek in their profiles and the responses they got, and your post is a great lead in to it:

    If a SD can provide 5k/month, will he have more or fewer responses compared to a SD who can provide 1k/month?

    If a SB is looking for 5k/month, will she have more or fewer responses compared to a SB who is looking for 1k/month?

    However, I never have been a name brand gal and would never expect for my SD to pay for me to look my best.

    This is a great lead in to my next rhetorical question for the group:

    Should a SB look her best because it makes her feel good about herself, or should she do so because she expects her SD to pay for it?

    By the way, your handle suggests that you’re a writer, where can we find more of your writing?

    @Sherry

    I’ve seen a lot of mention about SB’s asking for more for when things come up. Do SD’s also have the right to offer less? Especially without explanation?

    Thanks for sharing your situation with us. When you have an arrangement in place, obviously the expectation is for both parties to act in good faith and live up to their end of the deal. However, it’s possible that unforeseen events may occur occasionally that can cause either party to make temporary adjustments.

    In your case, how long has the arrangement been in place? As I mentioned before, open and honest diaglog about each other’s expectations is essential in any arrangement. Your description of his behavior doesn’t sound like he is acting in good faith. It’s more like he is unilaterally changing the arrangement and hoping you will stick around.

  43. BB I think that was great advice.

    SweetSugar, what he did was renege on your agreement. And for him to have the audacity to say that he will not come out of pocket to give you the rest next time would be enough for me to bitch slap a mofo (sorry sometimes my Brooklyn side comes out). Well I wouldn’t go that far, but I wouldn’t have a problem letting him know that that is NOT ok. That’s in fact really disrespectful to you, and your time. Please don’t sit back and let him do that to you, you can move on, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Never cheapen yourself for anyone, by the time you get what you want from this guy, you can get yourself out of your situation on YOUR OWN and still keep your dignity in tact.

    If after you talk to him (if it’s worth it to you), he’s still being a complete jerk you need to tell him to kick it, and you keep it movin.

  44. Let’s consider the possibility that there is a segment of SB’s who are doing fine on their own (they already have their own horse to ride on), but would like to experience things and explore places that they would not normally be able to afford on their own (a bigger, prettier horse?). And they want to do so in a NSA situation instead of a traditional relationship.

    —-

    I totally agree with the above. I think that describes my situation to the T. Although an excessive allowance is great, until I’m presented with that, it really isn’t that much of a huge deal. For me an allowance of $5K/mon (and up) is perfectly fine. However the truth is that I can stand on my own two feet just fine, I can make more on my own. For me, it’s a matter of being able to do the EXTRAS (some expensive extras, some not) that I seek. In most dating relationships, let’s face it, you ain’t getting crap except some dinner and dates/entertainment paid for (I’ve NEVER come out of pocket with any man I’ve dated, EVER – and don’t expect to buddy), sometimes you’re lucky to have a guy that loves to give more (shopping, trips etc) but it’s hard to find with regular guys. I love this because you can lay it out on the table and get on with your connection with each other.

    There is a guy in NY that I used to date/mess around with, before moving out to LA. He never gave me cash, but he’s very wealthy, we had an AMAZING connection, and we were talking about traveling together. I moved, and we fell out of touch. Well we’ve reconnected not too long ago, and he for instance would be a “Travel Daddy” for me. I’d never expect cash for him, but any trips we take together (he travels often to Paris, Miami, and Panama), would be taken care of by him (and all expenses associated with such). Hell for me that’s great! I don’t have to come out of pocket, he doesn’t have to “take care of me” with bills, but we’re both enjoying each other and mutually benefiting. So I guess it depends on where you are in your life right now, and what you need to improve that way of life (or just simply enhance it). I think I’m more interested in enhancing than anything.

  45. babyblonde says:

    Sherri ~ “I’ve seen a lot of mention about SB’s asking for more for when things come up. Do SD’s also have the right to offer less? Especially without explanation?”

    All I can say to that is HELL NO. You are better off without him. Does he not make enough money? maybe he just overextended himself.

  46. babyblonde says:

    SweetSugar I’ve felt that way before, I think we need to get over in our minds that it is such a delicate situation and realize this is a luxury item for them, not a necessity like a gas bill or rent. They wouldn’t be offended if the limo driver wasn’t coming down on his rates. He doesn’t set your rates, YOU DO. So just know ahead of time what your lowest amount is.

    So if you play you pay. No reason for us to feel small about it. Once you get that timidness out of your head it’s much smoother. Treat it delicately and tactfully of course, you don’t want to scare him off. But sometimes the confidence you have, and what you don’t say speaks volumes. Be honest. I would say to him

    “I was not comfortable with the lesser amount you gave to me, it made me feel really bad (or hurt) and I would really like to see you again but I have bills to pay (mention briefly something you want to get paid off, don’t say you are having problems paying it, just say you have to get it done that’s his signal that you are going to with him or without him) would you make an agreement with me to keep it the same amount we had done before? So I can feel comfortable doing this with you so I can relax. I don’t want to get together and feel cheap I want to feel really great about this?”

    if you want more let him know you need X amount of dollars here to continue or if you are flexible ask if he would consider X amount. After you say this relax breathe and don’t say a word let him respond. That silence there lets him know it’s HIS TURN to step up to the plate. See what he says.

  47. SD Guru says:

    @Sweetsugar

    How do you deal with a SD that gives you less the second payment than the first, and the first payment was not much to begin with? Yes, I broke a big rule. I didn’t nail out a allowance plan before getting into this arrangement.

    As many have said in this blog, you need to know what you’re lookng for before you can find it. Leaving things open ended may work in some cases if the SD is experienced and generous by nature, but in most cases it will result in dissapointment like yours.

    What are your expectations of him? You should have a clear idea in your own mind. Then have an open and honest dialog with him to explain your disappointment and discuss each other’s expectations. After that you can mutually decide whether to continue the relationship. And if you decide to continue, make sure his words are backed up by his actions.

    And he pulled an “I love you” on me after I asked him about this new amount and he said he will be giving it to me each time.

    Has he had a sugar relationship before? That sounds like someone who is struggling with the NSA aspect of the arrangement and I wonder if he is mentally/emotionally ready to be a SD. You should decide for yourself how important the NSA aspect is to you because guys like him may become clingy, insecure, and full of drama over time.

    @Lily

    I understand your POV completely, and I like how TexasSugah described it as “I would love the white knight deal but he needs to leave a horse for me to ride as well.” I’m glad we can discuss various point of views without coming across as being narrow minded.

    girls may be willing to have a relationship with a wealthy (& usually married) older man just to set foot in his world.

    But that don’t make it sugar.

    What bothers me more than men who don’t offer to foot the bill for your pretty treatments/products/things, is the men who are oblivious to the fact that those costs are real, constant, and that we walk away out of pocket for dates if sugar comes only in entree form.

    For the sake of discussion, let’s say a SD foots the bills but don’t provide an “excessive” allowance for whatever reason, would you still consider it “sugar”?

    What I’m getting at, is that different SB’s may draw the line differently on what constitutes “sugar” to them. Some SB’s, like yourself and several others in this blog, wants the large allowance plus all the trimming on top (travel/gifts/treatments, etc). Some may just want the allowance but don’t have time/flexiblity to travel and enjoy the SD’s lifestyle. And yet others may be fine with the gift/travel aspect without an allowance.

    Let’s consider the possibility that there is a segment of SB’s who are doing fine on their own (they already have their own horse to ride on), but would like to experience things and explore places that they would not normally be able to afford on their own (a bigger, prettier horse?). And they want to do so in a NSA situation instead of a traditional relationship.

    Does it mean they’re not SB’s just because what they’re looking for is different from others? And if we haven’t seen this type of SB’s write on blogs, does it mean that they don’t exist?

    I don’t think I’m over analyzing this. I’m just pointing out what constitutes “sugar” may be different for each SB depending on her situation.

    Have a great weekend and I hope you come back with your own horse!! :)

  48. Sherri says:

    Hi everyone,

    I’m new to sugar dating but have been reading the blogs for few months while getting my feet wet. It’s definitely a huge learning curve, but I find reading these posts very helpful.

    I thought I’d chime in since I’m having essentially the same problem as SweetSugar and I haven’t read anything about it in the blogs I’ve read so far. I met someone, we hit it off and decided on an amount for the arrangement. Since it was my first and I needed the money I basically accepted what he offered. It was a little low but if provided consistently I would have been happy.

    At first he was very reliable. Suddenly, though, he offered me a smaller amount right when we were about to meet. At first I thought it was cash flow problems but when I asked he said he simply said that he wouldn’t have time to go to the bank but also that he had no intention of making up the difference at a future point. I told him that I didn’t like having to re-negotiate after coming to an agreement so he declined to meet and didn’t give me anything at all.

    I’ve seen a lot of mention about SB’s asking for more for when things come up. Do SD’s also have the right to offer less? Especially without explanation?

  49. SweetSugar says:

    babyblonde,
    The money is very important to me, because I have so little of it at this point in my life. I feel comfortable enough around him. Other than the money thing, he treats me alright.

    One way or another I’m going to have to talk to him more about this, at a time when we both won’t feel rushed. I just don’t know what to say. Do I just ask for more? Obviously this is a very delicate issue. I want to come off looking reasonable and respectable. How do I manage to do that?

  50. Lily says:

    SD Guru – girls may be willing to have a relationship with a wealthy (& usually married) older man just to set foot in his world.

    But that don’t make it sugar.

    What bothers me more than men who don’t offer to foot the bill for your pretty treatments/products/things, is the men who are oblivious to the fact that those costs are real, constant, and that we walk away out of pocket for dates if sugar comes only in entree form.

    What bugs me about the oblivious, non-offering men of means like that is that they are on Seeking Arrangement!

    Let them try their luck on match.com using their looks & witty profile text alone, if that’s the kind of dating relationship they are comfy with.

    Those of us on here are the women who can walk into any bar and have every head turn appreciatively her way. We can pick up a boyfriend at the snap of our fingers, even a non-broke one. We can’t even be bothered w/ match.com because the messages will pour in by the hundreds per day. Who has time to filter?

    We’re here because we have chosen to pause regular dating and mate-seeking to play in the sugarbowl for the fun of it, or to get ourselves from point a to point b a little quicker.

    Men who want to occupy our time during our husband-hunting-hiatus (HHH! Another acronym!) and send us on our way out of pocket for our trouble, with nothing to show for it other than a full tummy…..?! Seriously? And we usually bear way more sexual pressure than we would on a ‘normal’ date.

    Not worth the bother. I wanna seek the man who’s gonna grow old w/ me, or take a HHH (for whatever reason) & bathe in some sugar, baby.

    It’s fine if he likes to think of himself as a white knight and not ‘paying for it,’ but…. leave a horse behind for me to ride on if you really are a prince (reloadable visa? Wire? Cash? Whatever).

    On a plane to a beautiful city I’ve always wanted to go to. Meeting a potential prince. Let’s see if I walk away w/ my own horse or not.

  51. Lily says:

    Oh, and the guys who say they like the natural look, etc….
    Don’t make me laugh. Babyblonde described quite well the cosmetic products (but just a few!) that cost crazy amounts to have you looking naturally amazing. Before you put any liner/shadow/blush/lipstick (the ‘colors’ or visible stuff), you’ve spent a small fortune on skin products. Trust me. Let alone spa facials.
    Even when I look natural w/ flats & no makeup, I’ve still spent tons of resources in beautification that I’d think any SD would prefer to not know about. Just enjoy the stunning effect. And pay for, re: excessive allowance.

  52. Lily says:

    Fairy take = fairy tale

  53. Lily says:

    @Lily – I so agree with you. I was on a sugar date, the one that lasted for abotu 24 hours. So he booked an incredible room, drove a Martin and took me to a wonderful restaurant and other entertainment. Great! But when explaining that to my girlfriends, not being really impressed, they were shocked. After he left, what did all of that do for me? Not a thing. Are we in contact,, yes, will I see him again.. well, I don’t really care at this point. Luckily, nothing happened between us. I would love the white knight deal but he needs to leave a horse for me to ride as well.

    TexasSugah, I love love love that last part.
    Been on amazing 1-2 day dates like that w/ obscenely wealthy men, and they leave in a flourish and you realize you paid a ton beforehand to look so great, and you return home to unopened bills and realize that what he just spent on one dinner alone could wipe out the whole stack.

    Do they just not get it? That the fairy take dates are great but we need the static (day-to-day life of a single woman in a recession) wiped clean from the back of our mind before things qualify as actual, sweet sugar?!!

  54. sugarbarbie says:

    Hello Sugars. Been in lurk mode a long time.

    Lily~ I totally agree with your statement up there. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Ok back in lurk mode.

  55. babyblonde says:

    SweetSugar ~ first off he knows very clearly what he has done. Don’t be afraid to let him know you are not happy. He said he loves you? Then he’s probably looking to see if you’ll stick around without the cash or maybe he is having cash flow problems but that is your call. Ask yourself what do you really want? How important is the money to you? How important is the relationship to you?

    You are not cheap or stupid. I have felt that way so many times because I was let down by people but all you can do is promise yourself to trust yourself to move forward and take steps to correct it. It’s not what happened, it’s what you do about it that matters. Do you like him? Is that why you didn’t talk about it I’m curious?

    Sometimes if we have been abused in the past it is easy to feel that we can fix things by giving more or trying to be better to stop the abuse. You are saying you want to earn this from him but he needs to earn it from you since he broke an unspoken agreement and your trust in him. He let you down and it hurts. Please don’t get caught up into thinking that you should fix it, personally I think that has to come from him not from you.

    Maybe you can look at it from this angle what can he do better to show you he’s not a flake and to earn your trust and show you he’s serious. Then when he has your trust again maybe you will want to reconsider. Look at it from both sides. He has to step up to the plate too. Men like to do things for women, you won’t be hurting him. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity! You already said he hurt you by doing this. Are you sure you even want someone who is flaky with you before you start trying to prove yourself to him?

    Why don’t you get everything out on the table with him first and see how you feel about it after you come to an agreement that works for both of you and see if he can stick to it? I don’t have all the details but ask yourself first “What is in my best interest?” before you talk to him.

  56. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Not if you are going to yell. Caps lock off please, and let’s try again?

  57. SweetSugar says:

    Need advice.
    How do you deal with a SD that gives you less the second payment than the first, and the first payment was not much to begin with? Yes, I broke a big rule. I didn’t nail out a allowance plan before getting into this arrangement. Remember what I said before about me being a push over? Yeah!

    What do I do now? I need the money. He’s not a total creep, so far? He is who he says he is, but what he is offering below what would be expected from his income and he knows it. It’s not a total bust, but I feel jaded. Why does someone give you one amount of money than give you less the second time? Isn’t it supposed to work the opposite way? Maybe he’s testing me to see how I will react?

    And he pulled an “I love you” on me after I asked him about this new amount and he said he will be giving it to me each time. He said it all so jittery, rushed, nervous, like he was afraid I was going to slam the door and never talk to him again. What the hell?! I’m so confused!

    Anyways, I feel hurt, cheap, and stupid. I realize half of this is my fault. I don’t want to cut him out. Maybe I can offer to meet him more often or ask what I can do better, to show him I’m not a flake and I want to “earn” this be serious about it.

    I need advice, please!

  58. LadyIntim says:

    Michael, this is an official invitation for you to take me to lunch. DO YOU ACCEPT?

  59. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Not a chance. You have to invite me.

  60. LadyIntim says:

    I will over lunch sometime. Invite me.

  61. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    LI – bring it on ….

  62. LadyIntim says:

    Michael, I know your phone number and what you drive. This is a real threat. Everyone knows that you are just jealous because I chat online with babes all day long…plus, we all know I’m training to be a cage fighter…

  63. Kim says:

    TexasSugah: Thanks, girl. I never thought about the idea of other races being shy about approaching black women. I’ll request a connection on y mail so we can chat.

  64. JSB says:

    Thanks TexasSugah I will have to check out that site….

    Beach_Girl – bonjour!! I am so excited for Montreal!! It’s the beer festival as well…where is the best place for poutine? might need to hit that up after the bar….what do you recommend? Where is a good place to shop? Ekkk the countdown is on!

  65. TexasSugah says:

    Kim,

    Yes.. you should. Like I was saying.. since black women are known for only dating within the black community; other racial groups may not feel comfortable with approaching. Men hate rejection (like we don’t). Just send something witty or a bit flirty and move on. If we writes back great if not.. NEXT!

  66. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    LadyIntim – you mean you just figured it out?? Too funny… 😉

  67. Kim says:

    Is it common or acceptable for a SB to approach a pot SD, first?

  68. Beach_Girl says:

    JSB~ I am from Montreal, if you want info let me know!

  69. TexasSugah says:

    Hey ya’ll….

    Been away but it’s the end of my year and I have TONS of paperwork.. but time off is coming and hopefully sugar vacations, I have two offers already (one in Texas but high end and the other.. it’s going to take a while)

    @Michael – You’re very right about taking time and getting to know someone. 2 hours is about right. I’ve had two potSD dates with people like me with mental health backgrounds. Talk about guards up and watching what you say. Ever seen the show Lie to Me? Yeah… it was about like that… too much specialized education at the table.

    @JSB – Montreal.. haven’t been but go on tripadvisor.com You can get real information that is trustworthy. Everything from flea bags to 7* there. I enjoy reading what people have to say about rooms, conceirge service even down to what car services are best.

    @Lily – I so agree with you. I was on a sugar date, the one that lasted for abotu 24 hours. So he booked an incredible room, drove a Martin and took me to a wonderful restaurant and other entertainment. Great! But when explaining that to my girlfriends, not being really impressed, they were shocked. After he left, what did all of that do for me? Not a thing. Are we in contact,, yes, will I see him again.. well, I don’t really care at this point. Luckily, nothing happened between us. I would love the white knight deal but he needs to leave a horse for me to ride as well.

    @artist – sweetheart, I know how you’re feeling. I’m not a big fan of SA, at all. My pots have come from other websites. What you have to understand is that you’re probably dealing with men who are older. Their experience with race is far different from ours. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you. What you will find, is that in that same demographic (white 40-60) there are men who feel they have been underappreciated by women and are looking for something different or have wanted to be with a biack woman all the time and have decided to live for themselves. It’s a particular niche. As brown skin sugar baby said just keep moving.

    Just read your last post.. all that but he’s OLD.. touche!!!

    @Kim – Welcome.. it takes a while to get things going. When I started this I was pretty down. Now I’m thinking how am I going to juggle guys. LOL. Sounds bad but when you think about it I really have only one guy who wants a physical relationship. Strange but it’s more about listening and going to events, which suits me just fine. I started playing around with the idea back in Jan. I took time off and really just got serious again in May.

    Give yourself some time.. I’d love to chat with you tho.. la negrita 3211
    at y mail dot com. You too BrownSkin..

  70. LadyIntim says:

    -Lady Not SO

  71. LadyIntim says:

    Hey, Michael! 2-3 hour conversation AND wine. DamnIT I’m doing the math here and boy am I a looser!

  72. babyblonde says:

    I don’t expect my SD to buy me anything, but anyone worth the name Sugar Daddy should be able to afford the SB’s lifestyle that he chooses at the very least.

    I think Lily made perfect sense, what would be the benefit to having a Sugar Daddy if you have to come out of pocket? I would hope that men know that we don’t get to keep all that money you give us. I am assuming she would be alright with a large enough allowance that shows the SD is grateful for her efforts compensates her accordingly and doesn’t want her to lose out by attending his events. The point being to make at the very least more money than if she were just putting in more hours at work. I’m not here looking for a second job as an escort or to come onto site and ask for money from my boyfriend. I would think that any guy would be doing that already if she really needed help and cared enough about her as a human.

    I don’t think Lily is saying he needs to do all her shopping or she is about to hand him an itemized bill. But IF you are one of those guys who wants a woman to provide expensive things that make you look good and feel good about yourself as a man, you better be the one affording them for her, not the other way around or it’s not Sugar. If she has expensive things, than why should she provide them unless it’s another guy’s things you want to look at. If she could have all that herself she would not need you or this site now would she. I hope us women & men can get on the same page about this and work together here.

    Otherwise, why not just call it what it is…another relationship in the traditional sense.

    Let’s be real here, C’mon you are dating you like each other. Now women are saying they don’t need money to get their nails anymore they are going to provide these things out of the goodness of their hearts for men who can’t afford it? Jimminy Christmas the way things are going i should be posting my profile on the Sugar Mamas side if that’s the case.

    Guru ~ You know exactly what Lily is talking about…it’s about making the best impression. Lily explained the dynamic quite well I thought. She’s not talking about sitting around with her friends on some beach all day making herself feel great about life, she’s going to compete against several hundred women for an allowance. Don’t fault her for wanting to “curl their toes” in the process. 😉 Aren’t you the one who said the higher the SD pays the higher the demands he is going to have? You know what I always say, don’t over think it, just go with the flow. Sugar Dating is not like anything you have ever seen before. Up is down and down is sometimes sideways. You can drive yourself crazy over analyzing this.

    I think some of us are looking for ways to make the most of this not only for ourselves but our SD’s and their are those who are just using this as a means to find a traditional relationship which I think you don’t even need a site like SA for that. Let’s let the meaning of the words Sugar Dating retain some of it’s original intentions. Keeping the standards up for everyone is crucial if we want it to mean anything a year from now. We are all going to look back and say what happened to the Sugar?

    Why would any Sugar Baby want a Sugar Daddy who wants low maintenance? That’s a total oxymoron.

    Besides, what are you doing calling yourself a Sugar Daddy if you don’t like high maintenance anyways? You are just a regular guy looking for a girlfriend in the traditional sense where the man pays for dates at that point. I mean that rhetorically speaking not directed towards you but something to think about for everyone.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    You are welcome to use the term SB/SD anyway you like, but just look at the ads for these sites, they are not suggestive at all about finding traditional relationships and here we have all ends of the spectrum coming together. We should try to get along. I don’t feel the need for others to “knock” others for putting money into the equation and making the woman look bad or feel guilty for coming to this site and expecting to make money. I feel that is really inappropriate. This goes for anyone.

    Seriously, anti-sugar is not an option here!

  73. Kim says:

    Thank you so much for responding SugarReporter. That was some great advice. I will def make some changes to my profile pics. I’m not slutty and I will not post such pics or any type close to it. I’m with you about looking your best at all times and I am not a label freak and don’t expect my SD to buy me name brand all the time. I won’t turn it down if it’s offered to me, but it’s not my motivation for seeking a SD. I will also be purchasing the book.
    You sound like my BFF with your hustleing ways, I do the same thing to get the extras that I can’t really afford or don’t want to spend full price on.
    Thanks for the advice.

  74. SugarReporter SB says:

    Hello Kim,
    It takes time. Get the book. What I can say is that you need the best possible pictures to portray yourself. I have tried various profiles with all kinds of pics, various amounts, and different copy. I have had a ball trying new profiles based on advice from many on this blog. I have had fun learning my way around the site and this ever so interesting lifestyle. I never even knew it it existed. (Blush – Naive Girl)

    It has been quite fun to see who responds, who writes to every girl, and most SD’s don’t even see the amount that you are asking. They appear to write based on good pictures and a super fun, super positive profile. I have scanned a lot of the women SB profiles and some of them are super slutty, and you can tell a lot from the pictures and copy. My pictures and profile are top notch. My guess is that each person will find their match and what they are looking for on this site. It just takes time. There are some other lovely black women on here who have had success.

    What has been interesting is that the profile that doesn’t ask for an amount with the best pictures (Glamor Shots – Sexy, Seductive, Classy) has received ohh gods of email…) It appears that a lot of very wealthy men like the fact that this SB didn’t ask for an amount. “She that doesn’t ask gets it all.” When I had thought that setting a higher amount would eliminate the junk mail and fakers and that people would recognize that you are worthy of a higher amount. It truly seems to go both ways. As I have also had SD’s contact me intrigued because of the higher amount and that was a great conversation in itself. At first, I believed that you should start high and you can always go down. I still like this approach as I learned this in negotiating salary from an old boyfriend who was amazing at getting paid six figure incomes. However, it appears that it really can go both ways.

    If you pay to join your profile also instantly is on the top. If you log in each day and keep that open you also have better luck as well.

    Finally, in response others on here. I always try to look my best, nice clean shoes, great outfit, well applied makeup. However, I never have been a name brand gal and would never expect for my SD to pay for me to look my best. I work out via the outdoors, barter for services with my professional friends for hair, nails, massage etc, and just go as myself. I love great conversation, trying new foods, and confident men with manners.

  75. Kim says:

    Hello fellow SA bloggers. I am a baby to the website and the entire SD/SB scene. I am a very attractive, intelligent, classy, black lady, but I am not the typical relaxed long hair bombshell; I rock a natural. I’ve been on the site for 2 days & have only gotten one email interest. My question is: Am I kidding myself since I don’t fit the typical supermodel look? Second question: What advice do you have for me? I just want somebody I can enjoy life with when I don’t have my kids and who will provide a small monetary allowance every other month. I don’t want nor have time for a relationship or be on call to someone. Am I being unrealistic or not understanding how this process works?

  76. Oh no, I never was accepting his offer for any arrangements. It was purely to meet face to face. I had already told him I would only meet in public, not accepting anything – as I do with anyone who has approached me here. Regardless, I was going to be on the East Coast as that was already in the works for this month before him. I just hadn’t set the date due to my schedule (I travel to NY 3-4x/year). Him coming into the mix was an interesting possibility that popped up. But you are right, my intentions from day 1 was for the long term. You’re absolutely right! I do acknowledge my absolute naiveté on how these first arrangements work. I’m SO glad his original offer didn’t sit well with me or else I would have never found this blog (and others that I now follow).

  77. SD Guru says:

    @Michael

    it’s just that after 2-3 hours and a couple of glasses of wine, the real person starts to reveal themselves… At the end of that time, if it has been a great few hours and they haven’t hung themselves, then I move forward.

    So is that what happened in Vegas? :)

    I agree getting a pot SB to talk about herself and being a good listener is a great way to get to know her quickly. One of the most common complaints from SB’s is that most pot SD’s are so into talking about themselves that they don’t take the time to listen.

    After a few hours of wine and conversation and you decide to move forward, what would you do if there are incompatibilities that surface over time, especially incompatibility of the intimate nature which may take some time to discover?

    @Lily

    -Pause for Public Service Soapbox moment-

    Maintenance to look our best is expensive… it’s how a woman feels when she feels like she’s at her best from head to toe, and how she stands up a little straighter, struts her stuff a little more confidently, and beams that much brighter.

    Very well said from a SB’s point of view. Many wealthy men think they can become SD’s just by offering a piece of their lifestyle without considering what kind of sugar would make a real difference in a SB’s life.

    Having said that, I’d like to offer a couple of different perspectives on this (that’s what I’m here for!).

    First, maybe it’s hard to believe, but some SB’s are happy with getting a piece of SD’s lifestyle. They get to experience things and explore places that they would not be able to afford on their own. I know none of the SB’s on this blog think that way, and one could argue these type of SB’s are not “true” SB’s at all. But for some SB’s, a “lifestyle SD” may be good enough for them.

    Second, let’s consider the comment about maintainance to look your best can be expensive. Of course it’s true. But as you pointed out, taking the time and money to do so is not done just for the benefit of the SD, it’s ultimately more about making the SB feeling good about herself. In addition, some SD’s may prefer their SB’s to be lower maintenance and down to earth, so all that maintenance may not be as important to them.

    I think you’re right on with what you said. I’m just pointing out there are other segments in the SD/SB lifestyle that may have a different perspective.

    @NYC SB

    NYC SB is in lust… I had lunch with a pot who looked like a living breathing Ken doll… i almost wanted to offer him an allowance… in between wiping drool off my chin…

    Why don’t you offer him the hot guy discount first. If he thinks you’re low balling him then maybe you could offer a piece of the allowance you get from your SD….

    I’m just kidding of course, it’s good to see you’re in lust and it’s not strictly business!! 😉

    @JSB

    What are your thoughts on a pot sb who messages you first (a profile you did not view, or add as a favourite)? If they meet all your requirements ie look, location, wants, what they offer etc would you go about it the same way as a pot sb that you message or do they have a disadvantage because they pursued you, therefor an element of the chase is gone?

    It’s flattering for a SB who meets a SD’s requirements to take the initiative and contact him, so the SD should view this favorably. An element of the chase, like courtship, is fine for regular dating. But it’s probably not necessary in sugar dating.

    @BrownSkinSugarBaby

    I think it’s wise to step away from his offer. Instead of focusing on getting a free trip to NYC and how much you should ask for, thinking through his motives and the possible longer term outcome would serve you well in other cases too. Good luck!

  78. good afternoon sugars!

    Lily- Great thoughts and thank you for the perspective.

    I am finally starting to get excited for my move to VA. My bags and boxes are mostly packed, my new lease is signed, my work orientation and training is set and the plane ticket is bought. I depart Monday. So naturally I plan on having a stellar party this weekend to say farewell to my friends. Should be enjoyable.

    Has anyone heard from Lisa yet? I know how dark the cloud of depression can get, and think its great that she has been offered help getting out from under it.

  79. babyblonde says:

    BSSB ~ I just crack up every time you say “they can go kick rocks”

    LMAO!!!! :-)

    Artist ~ Good to hear! I am beginning to realize the women here are more “hear me roar” than I would have imagined. So welcome to the Sugar Family! :-)

  80. artist says:

    hey all, thanks for the positive words.

    i’m not a demure little lady. i guess anyone who even met me would find it hard to believe i’m even trying the sugar baby scene. i’m very outspoken, very radical, very “i am woman hear my roar” type. but i do think the attitude of that guy was a bit unfair and sad for this day and age.

    i’m having a good time so far though. i’ve met a few guys who have really given me good attention and have appreciated my blackness just fine. i mean…honestly if a guy is thinking “she’s got it all but she’s black” and they have to come to terms with that well don’t they know i’m thinking “he’s got it all but he’s OLD” LOL?

    i’ve dealt with racism in all aspects of my life. you just learn how to deal.

  81. @ Artist – girl please, a man who in the year 2010 says something like that doesn’t deserve YOUR time of day. Honestly he’s insecure and is too hung up on what HIS view of society is on dating across racial lines. HONESTLY NO ONE CARES. And if they do, they can go kick rocks! Even on this site (as well as in real life), you will find that if you present yourself well, don’t fall into the typical easy track of being a sleeze and having a whorish profile (honestly you’ll actually attract the men worth your time when you take the classy approach, so many of them cannot have the whore walking around town with them due to their social positions. SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOM.), and word it in an intelligent fashion (profile and emails), soon you’ll find your perfect match. Never once do I even flinch or think NOR CARE about some man’s insecurity about me because of the color of my skin. Chances are, he’s not that hot anyways. And even if he were, that type of thinking makes him ugly and turns me off. Keep it moving.

    @ SD Guru ~ You know I didn’t even ask him. I’m a sensible woman, and I try to consider all options when presented. The ONLY reason I didn’t mind the NY location is because I’m a born and raised NY’er so I know the city like the back of my hand. I have all of my family and a majority of my friends there. I was planning a trip back so when they opportunity presented itself, I was like why not. He found me when he was looking at most recent logins and my profile mentioned me being a New York Gal, so I think he wasn’t paying attention to me being in LA. So he emailed me and we corresponded back and forth for a while. It wasn’t until we were in conversation by phone that he realized I’m in LA. By that point we were both very curious and interested in each other, so being that I’m in NY often anyways, it’s not too much of an issue. HOWEVER, there’s just something about the arrangement that I feel for him is more pay-per-play, and I just don’t want to feel cheap. So I think I’m opting to step away from his offer because I’m not sure I’m going to be too crazy about HIM enough to fly back and forth every other week. However, there is one guy out there whom I was involved with when I was living in NY who came back into the picture. Now THAT guy, he’s worth a daily trip, lol. We’ll see…

  82. babyblonde says:

    Princess ~ Blue eyes I was having problems all day posting. But sorry no I don’t know why. Try writing the SA team and see if they can help you.

    Artist ~ What did you say to that? Does the moron live under a rock? I bet you are way more beautiful than he is anyways. Chalk it up to ignorance on his part It’s his loss definitely not yours. I will never be anyone’s exotic caribbean dream. Hang in there, their are plenty of men who would love to have a dark skinned babe by there side! Do we just have all white men here? I guess so…my last SD here was very dark, but everyone else that has approached me has been white. I love hot latin, myself, but I never get any of them either. I wonder why it’s like that?

  83. babyblonde says:

    Beach Girl ~ That explains why when I contacted SA they kept denying that I could see any profiles on the blog! I started to get mad and say things like “read my email before you respond to me” then someone read my post on the blog and tried to help. He still said I was unable to see profiles. So I gave him examples. Then he agreed and but told me the guys had all must have put in bad URL’s I said basically ~ No way. Thanks again for clearing that up! You’re a Godsend

    Lily ~ Awesome post! So well said.
    ” And, sometimes, it’s not about whether the guy can tell the difference in the before & after result of any given ‘treatment’ (be it haircut, pedicure, new clutch–whatever), but it’s how a woman feels when she feels like she’s at her best from head to toe, and how she stands up a little straighter, struts her stuff a little more confidently, and beams that much brighter”

    Some guys say they don’t care if a woman shows up no makeup and in a ponytail. They don’t like all that fake makeup stuff anyways. Sure, but it’s not like it’s going to work in my favor when you chose the woman who spent 4 hours to get the perfectly coiffed ponytail, and naturally vibrant look with a $40 white eye pencil to make her eyes pop out and sparkle at you dreamily and $20 eye drops for that dewey look in her eyes you love, and that $30 lipgloss that makes her look like a fresh peach so you just can’t wait to kiss her and made it all look so easy and natural.

    The chiropractor, from wearing those heels you guys like so much is almost $200 a month, all the sweat and hard work that goes into training to stay in shape, no one is paying us for those hours or the personal trainers $100 a session, supplements to look healthy and stay healthy, super expensive. Tanning $45 a pop. Being told he can’t afford all YOUR bills….priceless.

    Lily you said it all much better, I’m just going off on a goofy tangent again before breakfast. It’s something for men who want to be SD’s to really consider when they are factoring in what they are going to spend. It’s not all just free money we are getting, plenty of that goes towards maintenance. When you get into trainers and supplements and all these things, we don’t even think twice about spending the money if it will help us to improve our position with you guys. We are just worried can we keep up with you and make it all look so easy because no one likes a stressed out SB date.

  84. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hi Artist and welcome!
    I hope you told him that he would have been perfect for you, if only he wasn’t such a complete and utter brainless idiot ….

    You will do great, but you do need to be a bit tougher than you do compared with ‘normal’ dating situations.

  85. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugarfam
    Couple storms here in GA. Kinda icky here but its a short work week for me yah I guess. Furloughs here in my job but I’m still grateful to have a job!
    Hi artist welcome to the sugarfam Please do not get discouraged. I dont know if you have a profile but I’m sure you are a lovely person with lots to offer. That guy who told you that is just one person and he doesnt speak for the entire population.

    On another note has anyone heard from lisa I’m worried…. :(

  86. artist says:

    I’m new to all this and I’m finding a lot of guys want a particular look. I even had a guy approach me, not through SA, and told me I would be perfect for him if I weren’t black.

    kind of daunting, kind of unfair.

  87. princessblueyes says:

    so I know this is completely off topic but…
    does anyone know why i can not sign in and when i put in my login infor it directs me to seekingmilioniares.com and not my accout? Thanks for the help

  88. Lily says:

    -Pause for Public Service Soapbox moment-

    Who was it that said they don’t like dating with a carrot dangling in front of them?

    Yes, that. I don’t find that to be a fun idea in any way/shape/form when we’re discussing a rich man & a broke beauty.

    She can turn down his offers of financial gifts, but the offers should be sincerely & elegantly made, and more than once, if he’s into her.

    So many wealthy men online are looking to date beautiful women who under normal circumstances, in life, would never notice them (or at least give them a second look), but in return they want to simply allow her to accompany him into his world, when they are on a date together. Gee, thanks! Such a sweet offer that I get to tag along with you to nice restaurants and nice social events, as your date, but thanks a lot for asking if you can pick up the tab for my salon/spa day & dress (& accessories) shopping, so that I can indeed look the part! (sarcasm sarcasm) Maintenance to look our best is expensive. And, sometimes, it’s not about whether the guy can tell the difference in the before & after result of any given ‘treatment’ (be it haircut, pedicure, new clutch–whatever), but it’s how a woman feels when she feels like she’s at her best from head to toe, and how she stands up a little straighter, struts her stuff a little more confidently, and beams that much brighter. All the frou frou is our armour to feel like we are best equipt to be the very best we can be, for that guy we’ve chosen to spend our socializing time and energy with. And if he has means and isn’t offering those things on his dime, then he doesn’t deserve to have that woman show up with her A game. Meaning, at all. (I don’t know what “B game” means–not in my dictionary)

  89. Lily says:

    Thanks for sharing this info. What criteria do you use to decide which pot SD’s to contact? And what do you put in your initial email to get them interested, do you have a template you use?
    When you’re happy, the blog seems to be happy too!

    I read a profile and if I find something to say based on what I read, I say/ask it. Usually a one liner. Or then just a flirty statement. Or simply ask how their search is going.
    Who do I contact? Minimum financial criteria of course, similar to what babyblonde described earlier, and location needs to be a nonstop flight from my local airport.

  90. Beach_Girl says:

    babyblonde~ you are welcome…
    I think they , the site, didn’t intend for people to see each others profiles here, and the way the link is made (when you see your profile) it’s made for you, the SB looking at it…
    It’s like if you try and see a SBM you cannot, since you are not a SBM

    I thought someone told you before, that is why I didn’t come on and tell you! sorry…
    Have a good night

  91. babyblonde says:

    Wonder why they make it so difficult to link profiles for each other in the blog…?

  92. babyblonde says:

    I don’t know I only asked like 40 times! 😛

    Thanks so much Beach Girl! What a relief. I just got it to work!!!

    Wish I was on a beach right now…

    Alleycat ~ Yeah that’s what I do to avoid the impending drill coming my way. I’m a tough nut to crack. You are right about it, works like a charm

  93. Beach_Girl says:

    babyblonde ~ why you can’t see the SD profiles, in the link when you post it here, it says same detail at some point, if you want everyone to see you have to link your profile differently.. like mine is now.. everyone will be able to see it, if you look at the bottom you will see I took out member and same… so everyone can see my profile

  94. Beach_Girl says:

    babyblonde ~ and sorry if I sounded rude, just reread myself… I was trying to explain not be harsh
    It’s the same thing for SDs , if they want to see a SB profile, they have to first open a SB profile and change the last numbers…

  95. Beach_Girl says:

    babyblonde ~ you open A SD profile, not yours…
    Like if I post my profile # 395953 , you open your profile and change the numbers… to see a SD profile, you first have to open a SD profile ( any doesn’t matter) and change the numbers at the end! you almost had it
    Not sure why no one told you before!

  96. Beach_Girl says:

    babyblonde ~ Again, to see a SD profile you need to open a SD profile…then in the url bar on top… there is number at the end, replace it with the SD profile # you want to see like moon patrole, 409805
    When you post your profile link, it is to be seen by the same gender, so you can see SBs profiles no problem but you cannot see a SD profile .. since you are not a SD, you need to do it as I explained… it’s not hard!

  97. babyblonde says:

    I’ve tried it before and it still is not working. I am able to use that number to see the SB’s so I think I am doing it correctly but for some reason that is not working with the SD’s.

    So let’s use Moon Patrol as an example.

    I start by pulling up my profile, right?
    Then I delete the last 6 digits on the end and replace those with 409805. I still get profile not available. What am I doing wrong?

    Just curious why we can click on the links for the SB’s and not the SD’s anyways?

  98. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    BabyBlonde – actually, there are a couple of ways. The main one is to tell an intimate and revealing story about myself, and them invite them to tell one about themselves. People LOVE to talk about themselves. They just open up, sometimes they hang themselves; sometimes they reveal an extraordinarily beautiful personality. Sometimes you can see a heart get blown wide open; it’s fantastic.

    It’s all about the power of attention – it does magical things.

  99. Beach_Girl says:

    babyblonde~ Girl, you wanna see a SDs profile from here you cannot click the link girl… at the bottom of the screen, when you put your cursor on the name ( I am taking Moon patrol as an example) you see at the bottom it gives you a link, the number at the end is what you use to see his profile,
    Open a SD profile, in the URL change the number at the end with is! And voila! you see his profile…
    When you link your profile, if you want everyone to see your profile, SBs and SDs, take out the members and same… in the url and you should be fine… if not a SD can only see a SD and a SB can only a SB….

  100. babyblonde says:

    I need to do a test and I need some people to help me.

    The blog people are trying to help me figure out why I can’t see mens profiles here and they were suggesting that the men didn’t put in a link or the correct link. Anyone care to comment to help the the situation cleared up. I’m pretty sure we tried this with Stormcat and I was the only one unable to see the profile.

    Apparently anytime you use the word “m*der8tor” it is automatically blocked from being used on the board so I’m told. Now that I think of it I think someone was mentioning who the previous “m*der8tor” was when I asked if we could delete a post. O que e’ um abacaxi!

  101. babyblonde says:

    I wish you could too Lily… :-)

    JSB Very good question I never thought to ask and this is a great opportunity.

  102. babyblonde says:

    Alleycat: What if your date doesn’t not drink? like me? How are you going to get her to spill the beans? LOL

  103. SweetSugar says:

    Michael AZ,
    That’s my big problem. I’m too trusting and too nice to people. I tend to get walked on. I give too many chances and get taken advange of.

    Thankfully, I haven’t been taken advantage of in the sugar world yet. I’ve read about SOO many people getting burned though; both genders. I could see it happening to me.

  104. JSB says:

    NYC SB – laughing so hard over the “wanted to offer him an allowance” comment…

    Best of luck, good to hear things are good with you and your sugar sis!

  105. JSB says:

    Q for the SD’s in the house, or who are sleep deprived haha

    What are your thoughts on a pot sb who messages you first (a profile you did not view, or add as a favourite)?

    If they meet all your requirements ie look, location, wants, what they offer etc would you go about it the same way as a pot sb that you message or do they have a disadvantage because they pursued you, therefor an element of the chase is gone?

  106. NYC SB says:

    NYC SB is in lust… I had lunch with a pot who looked like a living breathing Ken doll… i almost wanted to offer him an allowance… in between wiping drool off my chin…

    so yes it was a good day… actually it was a GREAT day!

    I got some awesome news from a sugar sister too so YAY

  107. JSB says:

    @Michael – agreed on the 2-3 hour conversation…It is great to have time to relax and enjoy the moment. I find a great conversation a huge turn on. You can learn so much when you listen and I think that even if you meet someone and you know they are not the type of match you are looking for (for whatever reason), if you enjoy the moment anyway and have an open mind you could have a great conversation with a new friend and learn more about the world and yourself.

  108. JSB says:

    Hi Everyone!!

    Come out come out wherever you are!

    One more day at the office before I head to Montreal for the weekend with the girls…my camera is charged and little black dresses are packed!

    Has anyone been there before? Any advice on where to eat or party? I know we have reservations for Newton, Buona Note and Cavalli are they any good?…who knows might meet some irl French sugars 😉

    I actually have 2 dates next with with pots so I might have my first sd before you know it! One of them is from Vancouver and I am looking forward to meeting him because we started talking when I first signed up and had this set up for over a month now so it will be good to finally connect.

    It’s a funny story about the other pot..he added me as a favourite but never sent me a message so I took AM’s advice and wrote him. By that time he had just found an sb in the city (he travels here a few times a month) so said he wasn’t looking right now but wrote that he thought we were looking for something similar and wished me all the best. We ended up still communicating via email and he gave great advice on sugar relationships because I told him I was fairly new to the whole thing. He suggested that it would be fun to meet for drinks because we get along and have a lot of similar interests, but made it clear he was not looking for an sb, so we set the meeting for next week. I am excited because I get to pick his brain and there is no pressure because he is not looking, except…go figure …we were talking about this on the blog…his new sb seems to be unreliable and cancelled their meet so he might end things and would now like to also use our meet as a chance to see if we would be compatible.

    @Guru – totally agree that sd’d need to be available and while the sb mentioned above may not have multiple sd’s, she is proving unreliable and is somehow stretched to thin so her days could be numbered.

    @LadyIn – I am in Toronto, when are you coming to visit?? Maybe we should connect in Vegas..I will be there mid-June

    @NCGent – we might need to clone you as well!

    It’s great to see such supportive people on the blog who each offer advice, assistance, support etc in their own unique way!

    Did I kill the blog? PS I am determined to eventually be the first one to post when we have new topics haha

  109. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Just to add to my comments. When I met met a potSB, and I think there is potential, I generally have a 2-3 hour lunch or dinner, relaxed environment and conversation, couple of glasses of wine etc. I tend to ask lot. Of questions and have a great conversations that way.

    It’s not that I am a particularly great judge of character, it’s just that after 2-3 hours and a couple of glasses of wine, the real person starts to reveal themselves. Ever heard of the phrase “give them enough rope and they will hang themselves”? You would be shocked at what people will say once they start relaxing like that. It takes time, but wow, it is SO revealing.

    At the end of that time, if it has been a great few hours and they haven’t hung themselves, then I move forward.

  110. SD Guru says:

    @Michael
    when I meet the right person, I put some $ down upfront to indicate my level of trust. If a pot runs off with that money, I may have lost my upfront $, but they have lost many many many times that, by not entering the arrangement. Plus it is also a good test of my judgement…

    @Lily

    SD Guru pointed out that the odds are stacked against him in terms of her poofing with the cash, but I don’t see it that way. He has a sharp radar for intelligence & character, he’s handsome and well spoken and treats women with respect & values them. What SB in her right mind would be on a date with a gem of an SD like that and poof because she scored a chunk of cash from him upon first meeting? Why wouldn’t she prefer entering into an arrangement with him & collecting full monthly allowances? It would be a rare SB that would both a) pass his scrutiny test, and b) not want HIM.

    Lily, as a member of Michael’s fan club you’ve articulated his appeal to pot SB’s very well. Keep in mind my statement about the odds of “paying it forward” are stacked against SD’s was referring to SD’s in general, not Michael in particular. An experienced SD who is a good judge of character can certainly work the odds in his favor. However, if a less experienced SD who is not used to dealing with flaky SB’s (that’s probably the majority) takes the same approach then it could be a recipe for disappointment.

    @Lily

    I think 50% of men on SA I contact write me back, & I end up meeting less than 1%, because of my location.

    Thanks for sharing this info. What criteria do you use to decide which pot SD’s to contact? And what do you put in your initial email to get them interested, do you have a template you use?

    When you’re happy, the blog seems to be happy too! :)

    @ESB

    You’re welcome! When you first mentioned the nightmare in Tucson I thought it had just happened. But if it happened back in January and you’ve already discussed it then there is no need to rehash it. As you can see just the mere mention of the bad guy could help other SB’s.

    @Midwest SB

    Thanks for your comments in the previous blog. I understand the dynamics in a large group like this can be very complex and I’ll do my best not to stir the pot too much! :)

    @BrownSkinSugarBaby

    Did you find out why the pot in NYC wants to fly you out from the west coast instead of looking for a SB locally or closer to him?

  111. ESB says:

    Lily, you are such a tease :)

  112. Lily says:

    I am so happy today!

    I wish I could explain more!

  113. NESBB says:

    Has anyone actually gotten a SD from finding out they were on their SD’s “favorite” list on SA, i.e. is it worth it to upgrade from a free to a paid membership?

    Also, as several people have said I am concerned about Lisa is there still no word?

  114. ESB says:

    Not you Carolina SB, I think it is me.. and don’t worry about me.. I am a survivor. I landed on my feet again. Good to see you back!

    Guru, I love reading your posts. You have so much info and all good. Thank you for sharing your insight!

  115. Carolina SB says:

    I do hope Lisa is okay as well. Yes, I’ve officially killed the blog! Yay me.

  116. SD Guru says:

    Comments on the topic:

    I agree with all the comments regarding pictures of wealth and listing high income/allowance may not be a good indicator of “high value”. And there are other factors mentioned by several posters that need to be considered.

    The interesting thing about this though, is that SD profiles with pics of wealth (boat, car, mansion, etc) and listing of high income/allowance are the ones that get the most inquiries and responses. It’s the same idea behind having “Diamond Club” members on sa.com.

    By the same token, SB profiles with attractive pics (tasteful, not trashy) will generally get more inquiries and responses. A well written profile (concise, to the point) and catchy headline helps, but what grabs a SD’s initial attention is the pics. This is why search results are shown with pics first, and profiles without pics don’t get much attention.

    I’m not saying we’re all hypocrites, this is just normal human behavior.

    As for personal preference / discrimination in the sugar world and how it relates to confidence, here’s my take on it.

    One of the most important skills to have in sugar dating is to handle rejection with class. Most people are not accustomed to being rejected in regular dating, and therefore have a hard time with it in sugar dating. SB’s who are young and pretty, as well as SD’s who are charming and wealthy, probably don’t have to deal with much rejection in regular dating.

    However, in sugar dating the personal preferences could be very different from regular dating, and the online nature puts together pot SD/SB’s from various socioeconomic background that wouldn’t normally come in contact with each other IRL. Therefore rejection is a fact of life in the sugar world. One of the best ways to exude confidence is to handle rejection gracefully with class. But as we know there are lots of stories of people who can’t handle rejection in the sugar world.

  117. Carolina SB says:

    ESB I am very sorry to hear about that. My prayers go out to you!

  118. Carolina SB says:

    Hello everyone! Hope you all are having a splendid peaceful night!

    I think there’s a SB in my chemistry class. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow to see if she is. Hopefully we can be closer friends. I’ve had a couple classes with her already so I will see.

    Sorry I have been MIA. Have a great night!

  119. ESB says:

    Good evening sugar family!! I trust we have all had a wonderful day!!

    Hmm.. still no word from Lisa… I really hope she is ok…

    LadyIntim: 2 seperate incidents. I am just a bad judge of character!! I think everyone is going to be as nice to me as I am to them, even when I say I won’t be as trusting next time… sigh.. I am. I’m way to trusting. I will do my best not to be anymore. It’s going to get me killed!! I have however, stopped internet dating. I am on this sight only, and run every pot SD past my more NONE trusting friends to help me judge them. Yes, he was bug eyed kinda, but if he offer’s you $1000.. that is more than that one gave me… told me I didnt’ earn my allowance.. after a horrible weekend with him… wow, I am just way to niave (sp?) Lesson learned.. never again.

    And no, I did not press charges against the guy from a few weeks ago. I talked to several police, from local to State, and they all said he didn’t do anything illegal. If he cuffed me so I couldn’t get out, then yes, I could press charges, but in reality, it was my fear that kept me there. He is no longer contacting me, so the whole incident is in the past. Lets keep it there!!

  120. RedMaru says:

    MichaelAzAlleycat you’re cool 😀

  121. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Thanks SweetSugar, appreciate the feedback!! Glad it was of value.

    As a SD, I want to spend time with someone who can be fun, be relaxed, be great company, be confident, and be gorgeous. You will do great. Maintain high standards, don’t let anyone BS you. If they try to BS, then you walk. Then they will come running after you.

    It’s the personality and partnership I am looking for. Looking for beauty that is far more than skin deep. A gorgeous airhead is not what I want. Well, not for very long anyway ….. hey, I’m a guy, ok?

  122. SweetSugar says:

    Michael AZ,
    I have been reading your comments here and there for a few weeks. I most say it is very helpful reading SD comments. No offense, my fellow sugar babes! I feel like I’ve already read just about everything a sugar baby could say. It’s the guys view that I need to see.
    You have helped me become more confident that someone out there is looking for someone just like me.

  123. Grrrr sucks, it’s been working on my end, but that doesn’t mean anything.

  124. BB ~ what’s the problem? Seems ok to me.

  125. It’s called Ambitions. It’s the 2nd one. It’s about careers, and you can follow them on their jobs, and do all kinds of stuff. They have this architect career where you can create new buildings and stuff for the town too. I still think some aspects of the Sims 2 are better. The Sims 3 Expansion Packs are a little annoying, but I’ll keep telling myself I love it!

    Now if only they bought back weather, the beach, tanning/sunburns (lol cracked me up), pets, downtown/night life (how else will my sims get drunk and party all night), and an Open For Business like expansion pack.

  126. RedMaru says:

    cool! I play Sims 3 too! Whats the name of the expansion pack

  127. babyblonde says:

    What is wrong with the site today?

  128. LOL Red, I fell asleep like maybe 15 mins later. I’m a gamer too, only I just play the Sims 3. I’m so busy lately though that I’ve barely had time. The new expansion pack came out, so I may buy it and veg out on Sunday to enjoy it, lol.

    In any case when I think of sheep mine look evil with red eyes and fangs. LOL. I think they eat people too.

  129. RedMaru says:

    Hey sugars!
    I’m guessing the sheep worked cause it looks like nobodys here. Dont worry BrownSkinSugarBaby I’m a gamer so counting sheep doesnt work for me either now GOW III, KH III or FFXIII for two hours thats surefire sleeping pills

  130. LOL, yes I’m waking up to go to the gym in fact. However, counting sheep, psssh that would never work for me. I’d get bored after 10. I must be completely ADD.

  131. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Try counting sheep. Taught that trick to my 11 y.o. daughter the other night, worked for her. Maybe I should try it for myself too!! Fortunately I don’t have to get up early but I probably will and hit the gym.

  132. uuugggh yes! It’s 3am on the west coast. I’ve gotta get up in 2hrs. Haven’t been able to sleep.

  133. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Ugh. Insomnia. Anybody else awake?

  134. Michael_SD in Vancouver says:

    Hi,

    I only scan this blog from time to time, but I liked:

    quote:
    Michael AZ Alleycat says:
    June 1, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Rachel said “Treat this as a job interview. Accomplishments, goals, etc. It is a sales pitch after all ”

    Totally agree. I treat all meeting as a cross between a sales pitch, job interview and discussion with a potential business partner. I am looking for consistency, connection, trustworthiness, what both parties bring to the table, will the person do what they say they are going to do, ability and desire to have fun while in the arrangement etc. Plus I am looking to understand the reasons the pot is going into the arrangement – this is actually a pretty important point for me.

    end quote

    back to this Michael SD in Vancouver:

    Basically, if I cannot trust you, I do not want anything to do with you. At the very least you would be too much hassle for my time – and everyone’s time is precious. What a SB brings is often undersold by some SB I think.

    I think some SB have a lack of confidence. Sometimes it is having been kicked too many times lately (eg loss of jobs, loss of spouses, family troubles, financial hardship etc etc). What might surprise some SB is that SD have often been kicked more than once too. Perhaps SD have more going for them right now, but most of us have more than one scar. I try to treat people with respect regardless of where I meet them.

    My SB is fond of me as I am polite, considerate and honour my commitments to him. Having said that, I did weed out some SB who were unstable, dishonest, or at least not serious. Like Michael the Alleycat, I like to find out why the SB is a doing this. Then again ALL my friends have pretty strong personalities – none are wallflowers.

    As for race, if you come from a situation that was tough on you, you may have some scars. That is fair comment, but for me, I look to see how you have handled hardship. Minorities often have had that hardship challenge in their lives – the ones who can push their way through tough times always garner my admiration.

    Incidentally, I can pass for totally white, but many in my family cannot. I have learned to admire how my relatives and ancestors have succeeded despite the hassles of race.

    Then again life is not fair, and often it sucks. And I hope I do not get censored for saying that….

    My best advice to SB, is that you do bring a lot more than a pretty face to any arrangement. Defining it may be tough, but it is vital to your own self-worth when meeting SD. As others have said, do not undersell yourself. At the very least, have some minimum expectations, and expect to be treated well. IF you find rudeness, do what I do, walk away.

    Cheers
    Michael_SD in Vancouver

  135. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Freakin’ iPhones and their incoherent spell-check.

  136. Lily says:

    Btw, I’m beaming & blushing myself over here, half a world away. Apparently McBlogCrush up there knows how to butter someone up himself!

  137. Lily says:

    And imagine if you & I could post without spelling errors/typos! Then maybe we’d both find someone willing to humor us!

    Babyblonde, yes I was being faceitous (spelling???).

  138. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Lils – imagine if you had looks, a great figure, abs, a great butt, a killer outfit, brains, a sense of humour, and you used falttery sometimes? You nght have a chance. xoxoxo. ;-).

  139. Asya says:

    BSSB: “That goes the same for SB’s as well. I mean for the newbie who may think that prince charming may be older with 6 pack abs, and the look of George Clooney or Brad Pitt, it’s stepping out on a limb for her to put that image away and go for what is realistic of most men who are a bit older and in our society today. I mean, most of them are sitting at desks all day long, running companies, and having power meetings over lunch and dinner. That 6 pack is SOMETIMES long gone (as well as their hair lines), lol. But finding a connection is so far beyond the physical and for those really in this for the right reasons, you find what you’re looking for eventually.”

    This made me chuckle. I don’t know why. :)

  140. babyblonde says:

    Anyone else having problems with posting?

  141. babyblonde says:

    Lily! You haven’t lost your looks or figure! You are so beautiful I hope you were only joking.

  142. Lily says:

    I do. I use flattery to compensate for having lost my looks & figure. Works a treat.

  143. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Adorable? Ha. I bet you say that to all the boys….

  144. Lily says:

    Michael, sweetie, stop this “flattery will get you everywhere” routine at ONCE! Don’t be so easy to butter up!! 😉

    (You are so adorable w/ your Aussie accent and outlook on life & arrangements!)

  145. MoonPatrol says:

    I got my profile turned off because I kept spending time and getting no results.
    There is one girl from N. Dallas area I would like to meet someday, but I’m getting more involved already as we speak. I have a hunch we would hit it off real well due to out written converations over the current year.

  146. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Lily, I’m blushing. Take me, I’m yours….

  147. Lily says:

    Edit: when Michael MEETS the right lady, not “nights” the right lady. Sheesh.

  148. Lily says:

    I love Michael’s viewpoint about putting a little hunk of cash down right away when he nights the right lady. Sure she might poof, but better to chalk that money up to an expenditure which at least quickly showed that SB’s true colors in lightning fast time, so he can them cut her loose from his mind and resume hunting for the right lady. Cost of searching & wrongly judging. I think it’s sexy that he’s masculine enough to trust his instincts that much and place some cash down to prove to the women that he finds the most promising, that he’s serious and not jerking her around.

    SD Guru pointed out that the odds are stacked against him I’m terms of her poofing with the cash, but I don’t see it that way. He has a sharp radar for intelligence & character, he’s handsome and well spoken and treats women with respect & values them. What SB in her right mind would be on a date with a gem of an SD like that and poof because she scored a chunk of cash from him upon first meeting? Why wouldn’t she prefer entering into an arrangement with him & collecting full monthly allowances? It would be a rare SB that would both a) pass his scrutiny test, and b) not want HIM.

    I think 50% of men on SA I contact write me back, & I end up meeting less than 1%, because of my location.

    I find IRL happenstance meetings work far better.

  149. Lily says:

    Did anyone see M. Night Shayalan’s (spelling?) ‘The Happening?’
    The dream was (f’d up) like that, although someone I loved as a teen was there, too.

    Anyway, MoonPatrol, glad to see you back! Follow your heart and stick w/ being a generous boyfriend and ditch the posessive SB you were gifting–I don’t recall you posting about the sb making you happy but you have posted about the gf making you happy!

  150. LadyIntim says:

    Moon Patrol, you reserve the full right to walk away. Doesn’t sound like you guys had much of an arrangement anyway…with you fronting all the presents and her just pouting. Give and take, baby. Give and take.

  151. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Lily – your dream is probably relative to something you fear…it is just another way of dealing with them…

    Hope everyone is having a great night :)

  152. MoonPatrol says:

    Lily: Dreams don’t mean anything. I’ve come up with that conclusion after 47 years of them. But go back to bed and it is unlikely the bad dream will come back.

    I have one SB that is mad at me because I’m with another girl I met on SA but our arrangement is more like dating. THe other one who we have had An SB type relation is mad when my new girlfriend wants here out of the picture. I never got any sex (OK once) or that kind of thing but got her a lot of presents but I don’t think I owe her and should be able to walk away no questions.

  153. Lily says:

    I’m awake and here, although I wish I weren’t. Woke up from the ickiest dream and afraid to go back to sleep for fear of it repeating.

    I agree with Aysa about intelligent profiles! Love them!!

  154. SanDiego sb says:

    i havnt been on the blogs in foreverrrrr. how is everyone?
    :)

  155. LadyIntim says:

    ESB, did you press charges??? I can’t believe he is getting away with this !

  156. LadyIntim says:

    OMG I ESB, is it that creep from TUCSON???I swear he messages me 100 times a week each time saying things like, “Want to make 1000 bucks?” or “Want to get some pleaseure???”…OMG…WOW I have never EVER even considered meeting him but he just comes off like such a freaking freak! I am so sorry. He has dark hair and he is kinda bug-eyed. WOW. THank you for the warning!

  157. ESB says:

    LI: his name was Joe, he sells insurance. I purposely forgot the rest! Good luck with that!! If you can give me his profile #, I will tell if it is him or not.. won’t forget that face in a long time!! He’s also like 6’5 I think. That should narrow it down!

  158. NYC SB says:

    Nyc ladies… I will email all of you shortly sorry for the delay!

  159. LadyIntim says:

    ESB, do you have this dude’s profile link? I’ve met many Arizona SDs and I wonder if I came across him too…do you have his picture? I’m scared now.

  160. ESB says:

    Whoa, just finished last night’s blog… has anyone heard from Lisa? I hope she re thought things…

    Hello to everyone who’s here tonight!!

    SD Guru: I did share my horrible experience in AZ. It was 2nd weekend in Jan… go back and read it you care to. I really don’t want to go through all that again. The man was a PIG!! Arrghh .. 20 minutes late picking me up at 11:30 at night was just the begining!!

    As was stated in previouis blog, learning what we will and will NOT tolerate as we travel this road of being a SB is something to share. I’ve come along way. Any man who wants me is going to have to earn me, and I don’t mean with his $$. I deserve respect!! I will demand it from now on! Just because we enter into an agreement, doesn’t mean I am gonig to jump him on the first meet. He has to get me to the point of desiring him physically and mentally first… but if he’s super hot… god help him!! 😉

    OK going to catch up on THIS blog now!!

  161. Aysa says:

    Great topic.

    I think you got a good idea Rachel. I don’t care so much about race, height, and as long as your of a certain age. If I’m looking through profiles, I look for a few things.
    1) Are you intelligent?
    Do you write like like an adult and not some high school teenager who uses “LOL”? a lot? Are you ambitious and have long-term goals? Are you eager to learn and share? Obviously, you can only get a short snapshot of a person’s intelligent through a profile, but those things help.

    2) Don’t call yourself classy or sophisticated if you’re posing in lingerie, body shots (showing the girls and what not), or even semi-nude photos.

    3) Do you seem like you have a sense of humor and a willingness to try new things or experiences? Those things take some time to get a handle on.

    A lot of times, it’s not what you say, but how you say (or write) things.

  162. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    LI – I can breathe easy now, thanks. For a terrible moment there I thought you were serious.

    Lisa, it is all up to you at the moment. We have all struggled with our own challenges over time, and it is only through hard work and people supporting that I know I have been able to stare down my own demons. Mine are still there, every day, and I face them every day.

    While I cannot know exactly what you are facing, please know that the difference in your life will be achieved only by you accepting the hands that are reaching out to you. There is a lot of support available to you. The most surprising thing that I found is that the support is everywhere – you just have to ask.

  163. babyblonde says:

    Abracadabra… new avatar appear!

  164. LadyIntim says:

    NC Gent, you are my hero. Your offer to help Lisa is a heartwarming, noble act. Thank you.

  165. LadyIntim says:

    Michael, by the way what I said earlier was a joke. BUT I had to go back to the old blog to see why everyone is making such a big deal since we haven’t heard form Lisa and I am really worried and terrified…

    Lisa, if you are listening, please don’t be so hard on yourself. I know first hand that life can be unfair and it’s so frustrating when you feel like you are a minority among all these SEEMINGLY happy people. Lisa, most of us use this blog as an outlet ..and most of us leave out BIG chunks of reality…like all those unpleasant situations and REAL LIFE problems. SO please don’t think that you are alone. Please do not go it alone, Lisa…People will understand and listen…

  166. babyblonde says:

    No I don’t kind of strange huh? Hope she’s okay.

    Lisa let us know how you are doing, okay love?

  167. Anna Molly says:

    Does anyone have Lisa’s email? Has anyone talked to her? I’m very worried about her….

    I don’t want to see anyone hurt, I would like to know if she is okay.

    Hope everyone is having a good day…

    XOXO,
    Anna

  168. LadyIntim says:

    Michael, I didn’t gather from you that you are easy. Quiet frankly I think that you are too much work…I go for a sure thing these days. I’m looking for the next neighborhood bike here.

  169. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Rachel said “Treat this as a job interview. Accomplishments, goals, etc. It is a sales pitch after all ”

    Totally agree. I treat all meeting as a cross between a sales pitch, job interview and discussion with a potential business partner. I am looking for consistency, connection, trustworthiness, what both parties bring to the table, will the person do what they say they are going to do, ability and desire to have fun while in the arrangement etc. Plus I am looking to understand the reasons the pot is going into the arrangement – this is actually a pretty important point for me.

    If it all works out, like any partnership (business or otherwise), I am in it for the long term. Again, like any partnership, it is based on trust and respect. That is why, when I meet the right person, I put some $ down upfront to indicate my level of trust. If a pot runs off with that money, I may have lost my upfront $, but they have lost many many many times that, by not entering the arrangement.

    Plus it is also a good test of my judgement…

  170. Phoenix says:

    I think sugars could exude the highest value to potential matches by being honest about what they are actually looking for. If you want it say. Let’s keep it simple.
    And I feel that displaying pictures are a great way for us to see what the sugars look like. A lot of the photos I’ve seen so far are too far off so you really can’t see what they look like. Displaying wealth is great but let me see your face too. :)

    Discrimination… humm I would say a little but each person has the right to like what they like. Being mixed I fall in the middle and I love races of men. I like learning about new things and rying new foods so I think anyone who discriminates is doing themselves a dis-service. You never know what you may like until you try it once or twice…

    I think most men desire arm candy with a brain… But then again I could be a little naive…

  171. babyblonde says:

    G’morning Sugar World!

    RedMaru ~ Sorry I forgot to thank you letting me know about the kitten. I let the weight of the world get on my shoulders sometimes and I’m glad you understood.

    I have an email so people can contact me BabyBlondeSB at yahoo dot com go figure! Hahaha…

    Does anyone know the powers that be on SA? I’m still unable to see the mens profiles. I’ve written them twice and their first response was they discovered the men had put up the wrong links…my ass…the 2nd response

    “Unfortunately, there is no way to see other members profile via the blog.
    It is an anonymous blog for our members.
    Feel free to let us know if you have any further questions.”

    ahem…I am a PAYING member no less. LOL I wrote them again. Aarrrgghh! any advice?

    I think Ladintim hit the nail on the head with this one.

    Good afternoon Sugar World! XoXo

  172. babyblonde says:

    I’m having a bit of a problem posting so I’m trying this again with a different email and no gravatar.

  173. RedMaru says:

    Hey TexasSugah! You’re so sweet for adding to the offer to help Lisa

    Lisa – its your move now sweetie the hands are held out to you. We all hope you make the move to take them

    TexasSugah and Brown Sugar – here here to both of you good posts

  174. NC Gent says:

    Thanks TexasSugah — that is very sweet of you to offer to help.

    Thanks to everyone else for their kind words :)

    Good to see you Red Maru — hair sample is on the way!

  175. TexasSugah says:

    Afternoon all,

    Thank you NC for offering assistance. I’m local to Lisa and am also willing to help. I know she has transportation woes, I can help with that.

    Brown- hear, hear!! That’s the article my mother showed me. I think I mentioned ebony. I was discouraged initially because there’s search for what men want so you email blind.

    What I have found is that, since black women are known to almost always remain within the black community, other races are hesitant to approach. My two confirmed sugars are white, two white pots, and a wonder Latin lover pot.

    It’s all about personality and the ability to share in the sugar’s world. I’m intelligent and well educated. I’m so much more confident. The way I look at it is… If you don’t like it… Don’t look.

  176. RedMaru says:

    BTW NC Gent I need you to sign this permission form and submit a sample of your hair so that we can start cloning you 😀

  177. Rachel says:

    “How can sugars best exude high-value to potential matches? By listing a high monthly allowance? By showing pictures that display wealth?”

    To show initial value, I believe you need to show what it is you can bring to the table… as to why you are valuable. Treat this as a job interview. Accomplishments, goals, etc. It is a sales pitch after all (PLEASE DON’T TAKE THAT THE WRONG WAY… every meeting between a male and female whether it be IRL or in sugarland is a sales pitch). I am funny, smart, college educated, have goals of owning my own business within the next 5-7 years. bla bla blaaah…. Then you need to show said pot that you are what you say you are. This I believe is how you build value.

    “Is discrimination (based on race, age, height, etc.) more acceptable/understood in the Sugarbowl than in the traditional dating realm?”

    I believe discrimination is most certainly the wrong term to use. Everyone has personal preferences as to whom they will be attracted to. Why should sugarland be any different?

  178. Mindy NYC says:

    Very generous offer NC xo

    Lisa, I do hope you take NC Gent and/or Texas Sugar up on their offers, and in the meantime I hope you remain blessed.

  179. Beach_Girl says:

    RedMaru ~ By the way, Great To See you Too!!! 😀

  180. Beach_Girl says:

    RedMaru ~ I had to say something about the offer From NCGent , that is what SDs do! he is awesome!

  181. RedMaru says:

    Beach_Girl! Happy squeal 😀 Good to see ya! HUGS

    Lisa if you are listening please take NC Gent on his offer and know that there are people here for you who dont want you hurt.

  182. Beach_Girl says:

    NC~ Applause to you! You are an amazing Man, xoxo

    Lisa~ It’s an amazing offer and I hope you take NC up on it!

  183. It was in the issue with Taraji on the cover (she was wearing a yellow dress). I’m not sure if it was May or June. I was in the grocery store, lol.

  184. RedMaru says:

    Hey BrownSugarBaby 😀
    Can you tell me where you found the article? I’m still looking for it

  185. You know I read the article in Essence this month, and that was after I had joined and put up my profile. I can admit, what I find with most dating and even sugar sites is that many men’s preference is going to be toward that stereotypical beauty. In many cases – as a black female – most of these sites have a majority of white men, then blacks and others, so naturally I don’t expect to get as much of a response as let’s say my beautiful blonde or other counterparts. The truth of the matter is that many guys in fact say in their profiles, well I prefer blondes, brunettes, or out right I prefer White, Latin, or Asian women, so for me it’s like oh well, NEXT. I’m a very intelligent, very beautiful and classy woman. IRL what I find is that I attract men from all colors of the rainbow, and for some of these men they may not have ever even been curious in “women like me” before. And I’m finding the same trend with this site. I used to get offended by those kind of statements, however I’ve heard it so much now it doesn’t really bother me. In essence I think what attracts a man to a woman particularly on a website is her picture of course as men are visual (mine clearly show my face, I have one body shot and I’m clothed, lol, and they’re very tasteful with a nice hint of sexiness in all of my shots), and my profile is very well written and inviting. I do have a moderately high allowance set because in the business world you’re taught to never undersell yourself. I know that what I have to offer is fabulous and worth any man’s time, I bring to the table, beauty, personality, brains, and confidence. And although I can openly own all of that and state it frankly, I am quite humble at the same time too. My profile is intelligently worded, and I think that attracts the right kind of man. The ones who would take this whole thing seriously. I think when you have that going for yourself, it doesn’t matter, the right SD will be attracted to that, and he will make it known. Even if it’s a territory he’s never tried before (ie. being with a woman outside of his proverbial box), he is willing to take a chance. That goes the same for SB’s as well. I mean for the newbie who may think that prince charming may be older with 6 pack abs, and the look of George Clooney or Brad Pitt, it’s stepping out on a limb for her to put that image away and go for what is realistic of most men who are a bit older and in our society today. I mean, most of them are sitting at desks all day long, running companies, and having power meetings over lunch and dinner. That 6 pack is SOMETIMES long gone (as well as their hair lines), lol. But finding a connection is so far beyond the physical and for those really in this for the right reasons, you find what you’re looking for eventually.

    Damn that was long.

  186. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugarfam! Finally got my work computer back! In fact I got mine quicker than my unit manger got hers(I’m prayin she doesnt write me up for it) Hope everybody’s Memorial weekend was a blast.

    Age, race, height preferences? They are just that… Preferences.
    One thing about SA there is someone on here for everyone. Its easy to get discouraged as I will admit I have but thanks to the lovely people here on the blog I have picked myself and gave it another go. I know there is diamond out there for me it just anything out there worth finding takes work.

    Hey NCGent Long time I’ve missed ya (p.s. I’m worried bout lisa too! Hope she accepts your offer thats so sweet of you)

  187. Anna Molly says:

    Wow, NC…that is so awesome of you! You are a true Gent :)

    Lisa…please take NC up on his offer. You desreve to feel good and we all want you to be happy. I think you should go and talk to someone…please! We all want the best for you and don’t want to see you get hurt. We love ya!!!!

    XOXO,
    Anna

  188. NC Gent says:

    Hi all — hope you had a good long weekend.

    LISA — I hope you are reading this. My mom suffered from depression, so I have some second-hand experience with it. If you would consider seeing a doctor, I will pay for the visit. You can just let me know, and we can have Stephan make the contact arrangements. This is a sincere offer. There has been substantial improvements in the medications for treating depression, and I think they might help you a lot. I am not judging you. Mental illness is no different from any other physical ailment — it requires treatment.

  189. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Morning all….

    How can sugars best exude high-value to potential matches? By listing a high monthly allowance? By showing pictures that display wealth?
    For me, showing high value is achieved by showing how the SB is going to enhance my life, make it more fun, relaxing and enjoyable. Being a bit of arm candy is a nice-to-have, but not mandatory. Well ok, it is mandatory. BUT they MUST have a brain, must know how to use said brain, have a sense of humour, bring a world view, and be smart.

    Must also have a positive attitude towards life, living life out loud, even being a little bit of a brat is ok, if it is done with humour! No brain? For me, that is a deal killer.

    Is discrimination (based on race, age, height, etc.) more acceptable/understood in the Sugarbowl than in the traditional dating realm?
    This is all about personal preferences, that’s all. I like Pop Rocks’ comment re blue M&Ms vs red M&Ms. One of my preferences is for tall women, so yes, I discriminate.

    Discrimination is a tricky word. It is a sociological term referring to the treatment taken toward or against a person of a certain group in consideration based solely on class or category. I can discriminate in favour of something (my friends, the Suns etc), or against something (red M&Ms – too much food colouring).

  190. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    LadyIntim – ahem – I have been partying it up for more years than I care to remember … and it’s still a kick.

    Is this a party challenge? Bring it on, baby, anytime. But I do expect an allowance. I’m not cheap, but I am easy…

    Am I in love? Absolutely. I certainly was a week ago at the ranch, and will be in love again later this week up in mountains.

  191. Rachel says:

    Okay to answer a couple questions… then off to work, I’ll touch base on the blog topic at lunch.

    SoaringSparrow…. the SA book helped me tons because I read it in the very beginning. I also got some other good reading to help me wrap my head around the negotiating an arrangement part.

    PopRocks…. I for one would not meet a pot on my dime at all. I would just be honest with him. Traveling takes time out of my life and my schedule and takes planning… as well as the primping that is involved. I would start off by being slightly coy about it… something like…. “I’d be interested in meeting you in DC, I’ll look into ticket prices and let you know what the cost will be”. NEVER travel on your own dime… and make sure you make your own plans. Have him use paypal for at least half the cost of the travel then cash when you arrive in case you poof on him…. that’s just how I do it.

    HOWEVER… the moment a pot brings up travel… I lay down the Rachel’s Laws of Travel. to answer the looming question in your mind…. No, they don’t get angry or think negatively of me… in fact, they are impressed that I am cautious and it shows that I am confident in myself and I care about my safety. If a pot poofs after you lay down the Travel Law… then he isn’t the pot for me.

    Think of it this way… if you pay for your FIRST trip to see him, what kind of sigma does that place on future travel to see him if he becomes your SD? You could be spending you ALLOWANCE on seeing him… NOT the way it’s supposed to be.

    The pot I’m working with now is taking care of ALL my travel needs 1st class and he’s giving me money for my time because:
    1. I am traveling and it takes time and preparation for that
    2. He knows I’m busy and am taking time away from my personal life
    3. I’M WORTH IT!!!!!!

    #3 is the most important… obviously 😉

    That’s just my 2 cents.

    If any of you want to talk off the blog… The blog gods have my email addy and I’d be happy to help you :)

  192. SOaringSparrow says:

    Interesting topic! I think people will inevitably take what they want from self describing text and pictures and make their own assumptions about wealth, confidence, and self worth. I agree LadyInt-no ‘picture’ of some beach or fancy car can top the value of real genuine meetings and arrangements. I think this blog helps the legitimacy of SA because we share our successes and failures when it comes to fakes, time wasters, and johns. The more SD/SBs that share success stories the harder it makes some of us work to find what we specifically seek.

    As far as discrimination- I think everyone has the right and SHOULD practice discrimination when trying to find their perfect match. It is only until people become hurtful or discriminate with malice that weeding out pots becomes a problem.

  193. Pop Rocks SB says:

    Agreed – I think the fact that you can be explicit about your requirements (I don’t mean that in the sexual sense!) separates SA from the other sites, cutting out all the coyness. And after all, this does come down to personal preference – would you be offended if a friend liked blue M&M’s more than brown ones? Or argue she was “discriminating” against the brown ones?

    I think you can get a sense of what an SD’s worth to you is (note – not just how wealthy, but how generous and how legitimate) even just from perusing the profile. Bad grammar or excessive use of emoticons tends to me a sign of fakers or low-class fake SD’s. I’m sorry… I just CAN’T respect a man supposedly at the top of his field who uses “haha lol rotfl” every other word. Anyone who uses the word “hottie” “chick” “slut” or any other even slightly objectifying term for women is also probably not educated and/or respectful.

    All in all, there are little things – showing genuine knowledge about nicer things is a good indicator of wealth (not just “I like good wine” but an off-the-cuff comment debating the merits of Merlot vs. Malbec without sounding pretentious) and other subtle things. Wearing a nice suit is always a plus for me. And lastly, someone who indicates he is willing to work with you personally on allowance based on needs. This means that he can afford to be pretty flexible.

    Things that are NOT indicators of class:

    -standing next to a flashy car/boat (too show-offy, too obvious)
    -a close-up of his super-ripped abs (what… so you’re hot. is that really your big selling point? plus it probably means you’re too anal about going to the gym and/or narcisisstic)
    -anyone who makes too many references to “having a good time” or “having fun” on his profile (indicates to me a booty-caller or one-time kinda guy)
    -a high income (already been discussed, but wealthy does NOT equal generous)
    -a high allowance (also been discussed, but without further explanation strikes me as too obvious, like dangling that “carrot”)

    I realize some of these are hypocritical, but let’s be honest- SD’s and SB’s are on here offering different things. SB’s are the ones who are supposed to be advertising our fun/playfulness/sexiness. SD’s are supposed to be offering charm, the finer life, and a certain amount of security. While we SHOULD be clear about what we want on our profiles, good gentlemen can do it without sounding crass because they DO genuinely care about the well-being and ease of their SB’s.

  194. LadyIntim says:

    I think that the fact that people can be 100% open about what they are looking for is SA’s main advantage and competitive differentiation. A person’s taste and a preference of a partner’s appearance is in no way discrimination. How can SD’s exude high-value to potential matches? By offering and providing real allowance and gifts for her efforts to make herself look gorgeous and meeting.

Top