7 years ago
SeekingArrangement Featured in Vanity Fair

image

Vanity Fair published a very interesting article about the authors experience with dating sugars on SeekingArrangement.com, click here to read.

Do you think the author came to the right conclusion at the end of the article?

Leave a Reply

263 Responses to “SeekingArrangement Featured in Vanity Fair”

  1. Carolina SB says:

    Howdy everyone! Hope you all are having a jolly evening!

    SO I think there is a girl in my chemistry class who is a SB. I’m going to try to talk to her about it tomorrow. Sorry I haven’t been by in a while.

  2. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    New blog!

  3. midwest sb says:

    PopRocks- its worth waiting a month to be safe. Truthfully, if he’s asking you to visit on your dime, he’s not a true sd.

    Guru and BB – you two may be in slight disagreement over specific points, but each of you bring great value and perspective. Let’s not fuss over specifics and clarity. I know neither are attacking character, but are actually seeking to understand.

    Guru- many of the sds were turned off by previous blog drama…meanwhile you, Stormcat and Michael have added new ideas and advice! Thank you! As for the demographics here, it makes sense more women blog. In addition, it also makes sense that we offer a great deal of positive support. We are always interested in a different pov- it provokes thought and stirring conversation! Don’t feel put out if we react – we are emotional creatures ans wear our hearts on our sleeves.

    TT – so happy for you and sd! He was worth the wait!! Ask him to bring you to Chicago in Oct!!

    I am trying to arrange a meet in Chicago for around Oct 19th. Anyone interested can ask Stephan for my e-mail and I will start compiling the list. Lurkers- no disrespect, but privacy is a premium. I will be hesitant to invite anyone who has not been active.

    Stephan- please feel free to share my e-mail. If you prefer, I have a private sa e-mail and can post it.

    Good morning all!!!

  4. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Good morning sugar fam!

  5. Lily says:

    Never travel on your own dime! Pop Rocks, he should be offering to attend to your needs while away from home. Otherwise, PJ!! Next!

  6. babyblonde says:

    I can’t sleep :-( I have cramps.

    OKay, 1st let me say, POP Rocks cute name, why would you consider coming out of pocket for Sugar relationship?

    Lady: Lucky U!!!

    SDGuru: Just want to point out, that since women tend to talk more I would expect a blog full of women even if there were mostly men on the site.

    You are welcome to say whatever you like, but so is every individual here. Several things you say tell me you still miss the point of what is taking place. One is that you are under the impression that I have only platonic relationships when I have said several times that I am in a different place right now. Two is that you are using negative connotations about me like saying I “exploit my niche”.

    If I am doing well, does that have to mean exploitation to you? Have you considered perhaps I’m intelligent, experienced, strong and positive?

    Trying to prove a point of how bad it is one sided, and does no one any good AND if it is continues I probably won’t be on here much longer because I know I don’t need to be reminded the negatives on the daily.

    I think we had a really good couple of days. Some people are really fired up, and ready to make things happen. People are asking great questions and helping each other to make progress here. I want to keep that energy alive and on the blog! That is NOT the same as being in a state of denial, we acknowledge the difficulties, we all have met some less than desirable men here, had rough times of drought, and been let down. We are shoulders to cry on and words of encouragement here to help each other move above and beyond them.

  7. Pop Rocks SB says:

    Hi folks,

    Thank you so much for everyone’s answers! One more quick question-

    One pot will be traveling to DC (in between our cities) this weekend. He asked if I wanted to either meet him there, or he’d be in my city in a month from now. To be honest, I’ve always wanted to visit DC, and have friends there whom I could stay with, so I’m leaning towards that option. But I WOULD like to reimbursed and after reading all the horror stories and blog advice (thanks Taylor, NYC SB…!), I’m worried about traveling somewhere on my dime first. What’s a nice/graceful way of making sure they will reimburse me for travel? And SD’s- would you be offended if a SB brought that up beforehand? How do I approach this?

    Thank you, Sugars!

  8. SD Guru says:

    @ESB
    I flew to meet a pot SD in Tuscon… That weekend was a nightmare!!

    Sorry to hear about your experience and I understand you may want to forget about it and move on. But it’s always helpful to talk about your experiences, both good and bad, so that others can benefit from it.

    @Pop Rocks SB

    But even after just a couple SD dates, I find myself mildly irritated with my BF’s “cheapness”.

    You know how the saying goes… “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one.” Women who decide to explore the sugar world will usually discover that there is a different caliber of men out there compared to her normal dating pool. Sites like sa.com bring together SD/SB from various socioeconomic environments who would not normally come into contact with each other IRL. It provides an opportunity for SB’s to broaden their horizon and raises their expectations for what they should expect from the men in their lives.

    @BrownSkinSB

    Thanks for sharing your situation on the blog. I’m wondering, did you get a sense of why pot SD’s in the east coast contacted you out in the west coast? Perhaps it’s because they can’t find what they’re looking for locally. But if so, there are other major cities in the east that they could search at that would be closer to them. I think understanding the real reason for why they approached you in the first place could provide some indication as to what they’re trying to do.

    Sugardaddie.com is now a regular dating site. Even though the site markets itself as having higher caliber men than the average Joe’s on match.com, it’s still a dating site. That’s a shame considering how the site got start in ’03 and it was actually useful for finding sugar relationships for a few years. But now I wouldn’t waste my time and money on sd.com for sugar relationships.

    @JSB

    Thanks for the restaurant recommendation, I’ll check it out next time I’m there. Is this where you had dinner with the guy that tried to impress you with his place?

    @Lisa

    Please tell me you’re kidding about blackmailing, just like you’re kidding about running into traffic!

    @Sparrow
    During my search for sugar I HAVE been learning a lot about myself and what I will tolerate or not.

    As I mentioned earlier, stick with what you’re comfortable with and don’t compromise based on how you’re being approached.

    @NYC SB

    Thanks for sharing your Vegas experience! With a buddy like him, who needs a SD? :)

  9. SD Guru says:

    @Babyblonde

    Based on what I read in your recent posts, I’m starting to understand that you’re coming from a very unique perspective. Most SD’s I know are not looking to pay for dinner dates and provide a large sum of money for just hanging out. You’ve found your niche and are able to exploit it to your advantage which is great for you. But I wonder how your experience (mostly IRL platonic relationships) applies to searching for sugar relationship online?

    Most SD’s I know are not looking to “pay” for a girlfriend. What they’re willing to pay for is a NSA arrangement without the courtship, drama, games, and uncertainty in regular dating. They also don’t want SB’s who look at it as just a business transaction and are in it only for the money. There has to be chemistry, compatibility, common interests, etc for the relationship/arrangement to work and for it to last.

    As for how the dynamics of sugar dating differs from regular dating, I have already covered that topic in the “when to cut off the sugar” blog.

    I know we have our differences but please don’t take my comments personal. And feel free to ignore my post if you like! :)

    @TexasSugah

    Many women on the blog complain of not meeting anyone or having men who are less that gentlemen. So who are these Knights? Are they only searching for ladies such as yourself?

    You raised a good point about what I have observed in the SA blog. First of all, SB posters far out number SD posters. Perhaps that’s a reflection of the fact that there are far more SB’s on the site than SD’s. I understand the power of positive thinking and it’s great for SB’s to share their experiences and encourage each other in the blog.

    But I’m starting to see the development of groupthink mentality where only positive re-enforcements are welcome and anything that challenges the prevailing wisdom is quickly dismissed and discredited. I’ll continue to voice my opinion here hoping that people are open to different ways of looking at things and don’t succumb to groupthink.

  10. ~ Thanks Sparrow

    ~ Texas I haven’t had it booked yet. I’m trying to coordinate with a friend of mine who lives in NY already to see when they will be back from Paris. We need to catch up. Plus I’m kinda torn if I should do the big shebang and tell him I want a first class ticket. I was contemplating letting him purchase a coach on Virgin since it’s the ONLY airline where I don’t mind a coach ticket. However any travels from there on will ONLY be first class. I don’t want to come off as overly demanding right now, and I’m still treading that fine line with the expectations of our first meeting. I don’t want him to put out too much before we meet face to face.

    Which leads to my next question. SB/SD’s what do you request for your first meeting? I’ve been looking at a number of really awesome personal SB blogs, and some have mentioned a gift of $1000 or more to just meet. What is your first (and second) meeting like? How about in the case where one party or the other is traveling to XYZ city to meet. Those who say they need a gift just to meet for the first time, my question is why? And what do you request? What happens after your date and you receive a gift? I don’t care about receiving a gift to meet a pot SD. But is this some kind of test to see if he is serious?

  11. LadyIntim says:

    SD Guru, I will stalk Michael and I will force those details out of him don’t worry.

  12. LadyIntim says:

    Hay La Hay LA! Whoa! The blog is on fire and I’m wasting my time studying and being productive?! What is wrong with this picture? Holy Macaroni! I can’t wait to be done with school for at least a couple months. Oy.<3 Texas Sugah <3, I haven't read your e-mail yet, but expect a reply tomorrow! Can't wait to catch up. And <3 JSB<3, thanks for a warm welcome and you know that Michael can't party it up like us…cuz honey, you can't babysit all this up in here m'kay? LOL! He is in love and on his best behavior so I highly doubt he will even notice my challenge. Watch this…I know you are trying but you will never be FLY like me! :) I joke. Kind of. JSB, where are you at anyway?
    Hookay…I think I am giong to enjoy some TV and head to bed. I must work out tomorrow. I must. No more procrastinating. By the way, I am super pumped because my SD#1 arranged a trip to an exotic location for my entire fam! You know he is feeling the heat so he is trying to be all nice…but the end is still near…I genuinely care about him, but I don't put up with control and betrayal. Thank you, but Sorry!

  13. SD Guru says:

    I hope everyone had a relaxing Memorial Day weekend and is ready to take on the challenges in the sugar world! I see a lot of people were posting over the weekend and there is a lot to catch up on and react to, so here it goes…

    @Michael
    Still feeling slightly embarrassed re my last Vegas trip … no details to be shared, sorry.

    Come on Michael… how embarrassing can your Vegas trip really be? Please share your experience so we can have a teachable moment and learn from it!

    Putting down some $ proves that you are real, committed to this, and will take the risk of paying it forward. It gains a lot of respect, and introduces trust and relaxation, as there are a lot of flaky SDs out there.

    I admire your spirit and willingness to take risks. However, just as there are many flaky SD’s out there, there are many flaky SB’s too. There are many stories from SD’s who took the “paying it forward” risk and got burned. I’m not saying it doesn’t work or people shouldn’t do it. I’m just pointing out that the risk is real and the odds aren’t good for SD’s.

    @Lily

    SD Guru – I honestly don’t know (re my secret to success)
    Willingness to carpet bomb & laboriously filter?
    Willingness to experiment w/ various profile styles?
    Willingness to travel & stay cheerful?

    Looks like you take the initiative to contact many pot SD’s, and if so, how do you decide who to contact and how do you approach them? In most cases it’s SD’s who contact pot SB’s, so I’m interested in learning more about your approach. In your experience, what percentage of SD’s you contacted actually ends up meeting you in person?

    I just had the weirdest experience w/ a potSD dropping from the running AFTER purchasing me a non-refundable plane ticket to visit him next weekend, due to his desire to engage in explicit emails & text messages prior to meeting and my lack thereof.

    It’s his loss, not yours. Stick with what you’re comfortable with and don’t compromise based on how you’re being approached. This comment applies to several other posts I’ve read as well.

    We are the gate-keepers, girls, and the men’s behavior will rise to our expectations of honor if we refuse to settle for less!

    This is a great example of creating your own reality!

    But I do wish that this ONE site could be indeed the ELITE Sugar Dating site and men who don’t get it would just stay away, and only full of women w/ high enough standards that men would get w/ the program quickly if they don’t already get it.

    You’re asking for a lot! What do you want from a site that’s free for SB’s? :)

    I have more comments and I’ll post them separately.

  14. just IM’ed with a fake with the same name as my ex which is NOT a common name… TOTALLY creeped out n going to bed. Goodnight, Sugarland

  15. Aysa says:

    I’ve been thinking of how I want to approach this process without looking like I’m being too slow and seem like I’m playing a potential SB along. I wrote that the arrangement is open (I think it takes some discussion on to figure out exactly what you want and then go from that point), but I don’t do “per-visit” arrangements.

    Also, I prefer to shoot a few e-mails, getting to know each other, a snapshot of your personality, and what you like and don’t like (the everyday stuff) and that. I prefer to ask them what kind of arrangement (and tell them what I’m looking for) before meeting. Would two dates make a SB feel like I’m stringing a woman (no physical contact and public setting only) along before we agree to an arrangement? A gift on the first meeting?

    Love the blogs as well. Does anyone have a SD blog?

  16. babyblonde says:

    Aysa Okay thanks, it’s a little fuzzy all I remember about the article was thinking how much our experiences were similar on the site. I am not totally convinced she’s writing very candidly, it seemed a little beefed up but definitely true stories whether they were hers or other women’s. Ya’ know, you gotta wonder what’s for entertainment value and what’s real.

    NYC SB Hope you got some of that money too! :-) Glad you had a great time!! It’s truly amazing to watch people in Vegas with their money. Looking back I wish I had learned how to gamble…oh maybe not. LOL

    JSB Thank you, very much for saying that, i know it’s tough on the site alone without the blog. I need to check in and hear from everyone else what’s going on so I don’t go crazy and let my negative thoughts get the best of me.

    You are absolutely right, Lily is great she just picks up on idea and articulates things very beautifully. This has been a really good way for all of us to learn from each other and make the most of this site!! Truly blessed to find all of you here!

    Good idea, change your location. I have more guys tell me the same things as well. The guy I met today changed his location too because he is from a small town. He also lied about his age. LOL Too cute! I don’t even know the difference between 50 and 58… :-)

    And JSB glad you said it again, we have to be the Gatekeepers. I am grateful for the quality of men here and I want to keep it that way.

  17. @JSB aren’t we the best!? lol Happy Belated!!

  18. JSB says:

    Hey SoaringSparrow…yay to being a gemini :)

    @NYC SB – LV sounds like it was a blast!

  19. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    NYC SB – where did you stay? I am still trying to find a decent “home” in LV.

  20. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    JSB – clearly on a roll! You sound like you had a great weekend and very excited about something and everything!

    Good move to clear out from the guy who has the great penthouse. If he is so insecure that he has to show you his place first of all to try and impress you. I learnt many years ago that if you think you need to impress somebody, you will never be able to.

  21. TexasSugah says:

    Ok… So I’m going to bed.

    But first

    @brown – did you get first class??

    @soaring – I completely understand about tolerating things and then not.

    Ummmm soooo.. I was cancelling my subscrip on a diff site.
    Did one last search, sent off 3 emails. Bantered back and forth, just got off the phone..he’s looking for a wife??? What????

    And he’s sounding kinda.. Financially challenged. I was quick to explain that my plan is to sugar date and then look for a life partner later. He’s stuck on it.. Cause, I’m educated and cute???? Lol

    nite y’all!!!!

  22. @Rachel- How was the SA book!? I really need to get it!

  23. why do pots ask for your # so quickly???!!! How about you start with a hello email there, guy!!

  24. o! Loved the blog BSSB- Great read!!

  25. Hey all! I swear it is SOOOO hard to keep up with you guys I find myself reading and reading and reading until I get exhausted and forget to post!

    Anyhow; I’ve been on a few pot dates recently. Four to be exact. One who was a foot shorter than he mentioned pulled the ‘I don’t have a problem getting girls’ card to which I replied ‘do I look like a girl who would waste my time on a guy who COULDN’T get girls?! lol OK OK didn’t exactly say THAT but with the most cheeky angel faced smile I assured him that SD dating was NOT about getting girls or having the ‘pay for girls when you can get them for free’ (so annoying btw) but in any case I’ve been meeting mostly time wasters and getting to know my IRL better. My bday is next week and he’s planning to come up for a day or so….He has a plane so hopefully the weather is good and he’ll fly up and take me for a spin!
    Fired one POT as he began making creepy requests that made me feel like some kind of hooker! He said he wanted to ‘meet again’ to see if there was any chemistry because we didn’t have much time before to relax and get to know each other (on a one hour lunch date…((go figure)) he requested that I wear some weird outfit and bring my worn knickers!!! UGH!! Im all for a bit of kink and generally don’t judge what turns a person on but maybe fetishes dot com or weirdshit dot come is a better way for you to go, my friend. Besides- you want me to do all this JUST to see if he even HAVE a connection with me getting nothing in return???! gtfoh. lol

    During my search for sugar I HAVE been learning a lot about myself and what I will tolerate or not. I’ve also come to the conclusion that Im very forgiving and nice at different times of the (ahem) month. Been pretty moody lately and a LOT grossed out by some of the guys on these sites.
    So, Im a bit frustrated but still very optimistic!

  26. Understandable JSB. And a smart choice indeed. PJs totally suck.

    NYC SB – get it girl! Man that sounded like the perfect weekend.

    So Mr. NY wants me to take a look at flights and decide when I want to fly out. If you would have told me a week ago that I’d be flying out to NYC to meet some guy I would have been like GTFOH. But crazy as it is, I am. I looked up his info online, no stalker red flag issues or anything crazy came up. Could it be possible that I found a SD so soon? I guess time will tell. I’m such a paranoid screwball, I always think EVERYONE is a crazy ax murderer. Even the guy I was dating from match.com not too long ago. He’s a hedge fund manager, and a GREAT guy; however, I don’t know… The sparks just died. C’est la vie.

  27. JSB says:

    @Babyblue and BSSB – I can totally relate to the discretion thing online…I am more like Baby and block my eyes…if people had my full name they could easily google me and find out a ton about me so I can’t take that chance…I could say the pics were taken off of a site but I am not going to risk it…I actually list Toronto as my location even though I am on the outskirts because I live in a smaller city where everyone seems to know everyone.

  28. JSB says:

    Ok where to start…I guess I will start by welcoming the newbies…not sure who asked the question about how long it takes to find an arragment but from my experience there are pj’s (love the name!!) who seem to message the newbies and offer pay per play….and it is only until you really know what you want in an arrangement and communicate it on your profile that you get messages from potentials who could be a match…

    Ok I am going to update you on my first meet with the pot before I comment on the posts….

    So Thurday I talk to the guy who wanted to send a driver…we discuss the final details and agree that I will park at his building and we can go to the restaurant together…so I drive down and we meet and he gives me a tour of his place….ummm it’s massive and there are only 2 condos on the entire top floor so he owns like 45% of it….omg the master bedroom had 3 walk in closets and 2 washrooms – one for women one for men…anyway it was rediculous and he clearly wanted me to meet at his condo so he could show off his place as a way to impress me….we go to dinner and I don’t know who commented about pda but this guy was trying to be all over me…it was actually annoying because the food was unreal but it was awkward to eat because he was all touchy feely….anyway this guy was a total PJ to the tee and thought that by taking me to a great place for dinner I would sleep over!! He even tried to say that I could sleep in the guestroom and that we would get matching Ipad’s the next day…..I did go back to his place…but only to get my car….he no doubt had money, but thought that showing off his place, taking me to a nice place and offering an ipad would get him laid…NEXT!! (good thing I drove…thnx sugar advice!)

    As someone mentioned earlier…he probably thought date #1 as being a complete waste of his “bucks” since he got no “bang.”

    @TexasSugah – congrats on the pot!

    @NYC SB have fun in LV!!! Hope to read about it on your blog..

    @ESB – hilarious re: Lambo comment but agreed! Good to see you on here :)

    @LadyInt – I missed your posts woman!! Hope you are fab, good to see your still lurking…keep posting because I find you hilarious!! I think we would have a lot of fun partying and would get into way too much trouble…probably Michael’s kind of trouble lol

    @Mindy – great post about standards you get are the ones you set yourself, so true!

    @WCSD – good post on being human and emotions, agreed!

    @BSSB – welcome, great addition..I am going to check your blog :)

    @racheal agree re: emotional detachment element present/skeptical of traditional relationships , have fun in NYC and I am also loving the convo bw babyblue and guru and agree the debates are awesome and what the blog is about

    Oh where to start with all the gems that Babyblue and Lily wrote…you guys are a good combo…really enjoyed the following coments:
    – costs of getting ready for a meet with a pot
    – gatekeeper theory
    – LOL re high school boy buying ice cream
    – Johns in disguise
    Keep posting because your advice for sb’s is useful and we need to hear it so newbies don’t wreck the gatekeeper theory

    @Guru agreed about the stretching to thin – Actually a Pot SD that I have become friends with because he found an sb before we connected actually is going through that exact problem right now…his sb is unpredictable and unavailable so he is looking to replace her…I want to expand and say that I agree an sd would get annoyed if an sb that received a lot of financial from him got less from others sds he found out just like an sb would get offended if other sbs got more for less time committment etc

    @Michael – agree the blog is open and respectful therefor addicting…I am sooo addicted and love it more and more everyday

    Where is Stormcat these days?

    Ok so more updates since I have been MIA – met pot sd#2 yesterday…soooo fun!! We got along really well…great convo and he was fun…only thing is I met him on a different site so I am not sure if he is the exact type of sd I am looking for…he messaged me today saying he had a blast so we will see how the arrangement discussions go.

    Ahhh I feel like this is going to be a massive post so I will cut it short and respond to the other comments later…thanks again for the wishes everyone..means a lot!! I am pumped bc I am going to dinner and then seeing Sex and the City tomorrow with the girls…

    Hope you are all well, happy Memorial Day to my American friends :)

  29. Rachel says:

    Hi all! Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day… and if there are any military people lurking or actively blogging… THANK YOU for your service!

    JSB… happy belated birthday!

    Lisa, I do hope things turn around for you.

    To answer the question posted earlier…. Took me about 3 months of actively searching. The first month was a learning curve. Second, I was better at cutting through the BS screen. By the third month I was able to tell relatively well who the fakes were and who was legit. I also spent a LOT of time reading the blog here, the SA book and more info to educate myself prior to starting my search.

  30. NYC SB says:

    whoa… catching up on blog while waiting for my plane to board from las vegas…

    Lisa… I hope you take a bath and calm down…

    I had an amazing weekend with my buddy whom I met on sd … we are just friends and he flew me in for his bday… we spent time at the pool, gym, spa, shopping… it is amazing how a man can drop 20K day one 35k day two and about 15k day three on bottle service and cabanas and what not… reminded me of Paris where champagne was flowing free and I met some of the most amazing women and men ever (minus Beavis)!

    Walked away with 3 pairs of shoes… a new dress… and a lost camera… UGH! Thankfully, I will get a new camera bc its my friend who misplaced it while taking pictures of him being… well him!

    Amazing amazing amazing weekend!

  31. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Did you have a good birthday??

  32. JSB says:

    Wow thanks for all the birthday wishes…feeling the love from the sugar fam! It has been a great day…. Just catching up on the last few posts so expect a novel :)

  33. Aysa says:

    Thanks for the warm welcome Midwest Sb. As a newbie SD to this new online world of sugar dating (had a “pre-internet” sugar relationships quite a few years ago that I really enjoyed), it’s nice to find this blog and all the friendly, helpful folks.

    Babyblonde: “Can you tell me why she came off as “all that” and not attractive. I forgot most of the article my eyes are too tired to reread it.”

    Just comes across as if she’s the most desirable person in the world (have read some of her other work and her website). Hard to put into words, I guess. I guess its all a matter of personal preference.

  34. sb-emy says:

    Hi Lisa,

    Sorry to hear that you had a shit day, and that your parents wallet got stolen. Good thing is to look past these things and realise that they don’t mean anything (especially linking them to effect; good deeds don’t pay off). Maybe they do for positive people.

    Shit happens when you’re poor and downtrodden, I think the best thing is to become self-sufficient and try see someone about it. In regards to blackmailing your ex, if it makes you feel better do it – what’s the worst thing that could happen? Personally, I think your ex is behind you, it might be better if you forget about him, harbouring ill will towards him only gives him attention he doesn’t deserve.

    Maybe get rid of all the 5 years of saved up texts as well…

    Cheer up, there are people far worse off than you Lisa, and the difference is that they’re fighting.

  35. TexasSugah says:

    Sweettooth – Awesome post.

    Thank you.

  36. sweettooth says:

    Hey All…I hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend.

    God bless to all of our troops:-)

    Lisa~ You are the reason for this post…
    I am really concerned for you. My heart hurts for you..I hate seeing people suffer emotionally. I know you are having a bad day but as people stated above, it seems to go much deeper.
    My mother suffered from depression and her bad days were ten times worse than what the average person goes through…
    I know it is hard for you to just brush it off and calm down and for someone to ask you to will do little good…
    I can give you a few pointers that typically helped my mom when she was down and out…maybe you could consider trying a few..
    She always loved devouring herself in books…It would keep her mind off of what was hurting her. Try Nicholas Sparks or Jodi Picoult, most of their books have a sad element usually with a happy ending. Tears are a great way to feel relief from everyday stresses and crying over a love story could be just what you need. If you’re interested, I can read the same book as you and we can talk about it via email…I do this with a lot of my girlfriends haha
    Another favorite approach was blasting music and reorganizing things, whether it was her mail, kitchen cabinets, cds..just anything that kept her mind on a different track.
    You could also consider volunteering somewhere, I know you work a lot but it really only takes little time to brighten up someone else’s day, especially a childs…
    I don’t know if this will help at all, however, right now you seem to be at a loss…It takes a lot to be in a positive state of mind when you allow your life to be impacted in such a negative way.

    Trying to make yourself feel better by hurting others will only make you feel worse…and that I can guarantee…the more you allow yourself to hurt the more your mother, father, and child will hurt…And I think it is safe to say you love them enough to try and find a way to bring a little happiness into your life…

  37. ViVi says:

    Hello, I’m new to this and was wondering – how long did it take for a SD to get in contact with you? I am a beauitful Latina and was just curious to know.

  38. Thanks RedMaru and TexasSugah, I like to blog because I just like to read my own ramblings. I have other blogs, but they’re related to my business and aren’t nearly as exciting as this one is going to be.

    Lisa sorry to hear about your parent’s phone. I had 2 phones stolen from me (my blackberry and my iPhone) from a high end gym (the LAST place I thought anyone would steal anything with all the money that’s there). I never got them back, and I was royally pissed. Did you guys have insurance? I know with Sprint at least they’d replace it. AT&T on the other hand didn’t (the bastards, which is why I dropped their service).

    Ok folks, I’m so bored today. No grilling or barbeques. However I think I’m going to go and grab a lemon drop martini and relax on this last day of May. June makes my 2nd Year in LA and a girl has to get her game plan in order for the next 365 days.

  39. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Hi Red!! Nice to see you again as well!!!

    Midwest – miss ya chica – we certainly didn’t spend enough time together in Toronto…

    JSB – happy belated hun :)

    Haha – took me hmmmm four months of hardcore searching, and five months of not giving a shit and not searching at all to find my SD 😉 He is amazing and wonderful and if I had to wait another nine months…I would. (just really really glad I don’t have to!!)
    …I hope I just answered a question…I was just going off of what Midwest said lol…and NO I don’t read directions lol!)

  40. midwest sb says:

    To answer the poll…both times it took about three months of actively searching.

    Lisa – ESB is right…wait to see your perspective tomorrow. I don’t know if your are angry w him or just angry. Either way, I don’t think you will get any satisfaction…only more drama and possibly regret.

    Hi Taz and Red!!!

    BSSB – So Beach was out of control! Not much sugar though…hang out here and you will do much better!

  41. RedMaru says:

    Whoa Lisa calmate sweetie! Sending some wine and a lavender candle your way! I second ESB’s emotion please think and take some deep breaths

  42. ESB says:

    Lisa, please put down the gun.. you may end up aiming it at the wrong person. (figuratively, of course) I’m just saying, you might want to wait til tomorrow to do anything. I understand being upset, but there may be something you can do. gotta think positive…

    I gotta go. Time to put the chicken on the grill. PLease think about what you are doing girl… and if there may be any back lash on you if you send those pictures. I’ll check back tomorrow to see if you are OK…

    Or… easternshore62 at the Y! HUGS!!

  43. Lisa says:

    X is way in the past, almost 20 years so I have not ill thoughts for him. The present is all that matters. T mobile does make you pay for all calls and I will not be able to help tomorrow as i’ve got to work all day and mom is kinda not up with everything so she really doesn’t know what to do.

    And you get nothing but s*** with honey. The nicer you are, the more people walk all over you. I was nice for many years. Not anymore.

    As far as the ex lover, well he chose to cheat so he has destroyed his own life. I’ve also got all his texts from the past year still on my phone :)

  44. Lisa says:

    Wow did everyone dissappear? Evrytime something big happens they ask people did you see or hear anything. They wonder why the disturbed person didn’t ask for help? Maybe no one cared or wasn’t listening until something happened.

  45. ESB says:

    “X” as in X-husband. Take it out on his sorry ass… and as for the mailing the letter… what good will that do for anyone, and will it really amuse you to destroy this mans life? Lay down, take some deep breaths, and think things through. It’s not as bad as it seems.. yes, what happened to your parents sucks, but call tomorrow, let the phone co know what happened, and chances are pretty good all calls made after it was stolen you will not be responsible for. Call and be calm, be polite, do not get angry or they will get pissy right back at you. You get more flies with honey than vinegar…

  46. Lisa says:

    What is the “X” ? sorry i’m not up to date on all the computer terms

    Tomorrow will not be better as it will be another rough day at work and another day of disappointmen

  47. Lisa says:

    If I run into that busy intersection off the freeway, I won’t be the only one injured :) Really I am pissed off at everyone. My parents are the most honest people in the world and find many things at the mall and always turn them into lost and found. They have lost a wallet with cash awhile back and a phone today and cannot pay a huge overage bill, but no one turns in what they lose. Goes to show that good deeds don’t pay off.
    I am extremely bored and p*ssed off and since I find myself completely alone, I must amuse myself. No one wants the kind Lisa, so they will get Lisa’s demons.

    I have saved 5 years of sexy emails from my lover of 5 years (I broke off with him when I met my last sd) and I was hoping we would just keep in touch to say hi as we were good friends but he never writes anymore) so I am going to print out several of them including the one of him with the pic of him with his new grandson last year (this way the wife will know for sure it is her husband) which includes a note about getting together with me. I think I might drop it in an envelope and mail it to the wife. Sounds like an amusing idea and well deserved

  48. ESB says:

    WOW!! Look out, Lisa is on a rampage!! I for one will not stand in her way.. except maybe to stop you from running into traffic!! REally don’t want you to get hurt sweety. PLease calm down, go hit the X, or somehting equally satisfying.. but please don’t hurt yourself. Life will look better in the morning!!

  49. Lisa says:

    Hi TexasSugah :) You mentioned you ex got citizenship from you? My ex husband used me to get a greencard. I can’t do anything about that as it was years ago but I have a full plate this week of taking my revenge over everyone who has done something to p*ss me off

  50. Lisa says:

    Hi hope everyone is having a good day. mine is lousy. Had a day from hell at work. came home and found out parent’s lost cell phone at mall and someone stole it and is using it. I called and tried to talk to the person and they demanded money in return even though I told them it was my elderly parent’s only phone. Mom tried to call t mobile (f*ck them) but customer service was closed so these thiefs are running up the phone calling mexico and wherever.

    I spent the day thinking about getting out of this place and now i’m more determined than ever. Every one thinks i’m not serious but I AM serious. Going to run into traffic one day this week during rush hour. I am going to change some destinys this week :)

  51. TexasSugah says:

    Ok.. I’m back and addicted!

    ESB – Girlfriend.. now I’m hot. I have a similiar situation over here. My son is autistic and my X has to pay child support. Don’t you know that he asks for part of it back!!! Now this man basically lived off me for 7 years, got educator’s certification and citizenship from me. I divorced him. So let’s get that straight.. LOL.

    Sugar dating isn’t always ideal but I went on a regular date last night. It was.. well.. we won’t go out again. Despite the fact that he’s traveled around the world, he doesn’t have a stable job and I just won’t do that again.
    I’ve always said I can’t be the quarterback and the wide receiver. Someone has to be doing something with themselves and it can’t just be me.
    You have kiddos.. like me (1).. think wisely.

    BSSB.. I’m headed to check out your blog now..

  52. ESB says:

    TT: Would rather not go into it again, but I’m safe and he’s gone, so lets just move on!! Had my back up crew standing watch, so no whooping needed from you! Thanks for the offer! 😉

    Ms. Taken: No, Im just me, don’t have time to be anyone else.

    RedMaru: Thanks Sweety, nice to be missed.

    The IRL wanna be BF just asked what I’m doing today, he is at his brother’s for a cookout… and didn’t ask me to come over…. so much for him making the ranks of BF. So, I sent out a few mesages to pot SDs, so far no responses. I am gonig to remain hopeful, and hope I hear from someone soon. I’m already working 2 jobs, not to thrilled about a 3rd, but will do what I gotta do.

    JSB: Happy belated. Hope it was a fantastic day for you!!

  53. RedMaru says:

    Hi BrownSkinSugarBaby! Like your blog! Let me add my welcome to the pile of greetings! Nice to see a fellow entrepreneur on the blog! I have a small business I am growing in addition to my nine to five.

    Hey TT! Hey ESB Missed ya!

  54. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Hi ESB – long time no see chica – how is everything? Some drama a few weeks back?? Sorry to hear about it…I can lay down a whooping for ya lol..

  55. Ms. Taken says:

    Happy Memorial Day all – I haven’t been on in a while and will use today to follow this very interesting thread. Great input by everyone

    ESB~ are you EnigmaticSB also?

  56. Thanks guys for the warm welcome. I’m going to definitely meet him. In fact his willingness to adjust to my comfort levels has turned me on even more about him. He’s proven to be a true gentleman, and I’m really excited about him once again. He’s very sincere and to the point, and I love that in a man. So we’re going to figure out the next step.

    In the meantime, I’ve got some other pots on the back burner, so we’ll see how it goes. Gosh I feel like right now I need to hide my profile because it can get a bit overwhelming, lol. Anyways…

    JSB – Happy Belated!

    Texas – rock it girl! I’ve enjoyed reading your posts on this and the other blogs.

    Midwest – girl you’ve got me green with envy, lol I want to be in Miami right now, lol. Soon, soon… lol I’m in Cali though so at least there’s the Pacific I guess :-/.

  57. ESB says:

    TT and AM!! HUGS!! good to see you here again!! So glad to hear you found some sugar

    TexasSugah: Just still a little gun shy from my scare 2 weeks ago. I decided to stay. IRL BF can’t afford to help me. He has a hefty child support payment. He got a little heated with me because I’m not getting any support from my X AT ALL!! Well, he did fix my car for me, but nothing finacial. He just can’t afford it, and I won’t take from my other kids so I can have things easier. I’m looking for another part time job. Yes, entertaining a SD would be so much easier, give me more time with BG, but it just isn’t working for me. I am way to picky, so I guess I’ll just stay on stand by, and if the right guy comes along, I’ll snatch him up and hold on tight! IN the mean time… It’s all on me, so I better step up to the plate and get my life straight!!

  58. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Happy Memorial Day everyone…

    To answer Pop Rocks question – it took me 9 months and several tries before I found my SB. Part of the problem was that I was not sure what I was looking for, and also that I had not sugar-dated before. If I was looking again now, it would be much quicker and much more targeted, but yep, it takes a while the first time.

    Spending Wed-Sat with my SB this week, will be great….

  59. RedMaru says:

    Afternoon sugars! Happy Memorial Day its sunny finally! Thank you to all our fine fighting men and women here and abroad serving our country! And the day off feels good to. Nice cap to a five day weekend(thanks to state furloughs and mandated day off because my job doesnt want to pay me overtime)

    babyblonde – Dont worry I didnt take it home though I was tempted because of the uncanny resemblance to my dearly departed Senke. I just saw it outside on my way to the walmart in the parking lot and stopped by to pet it and play with it friendly and cute little thing. My family cat was dear to our family for the ten years we had her so I wouldnt take anybody else’s

    AnnaMolly – Grats on your sweet success

    Midwest Sb- Glad to hear your sugar date went well

  60. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Hi AM :) Somehow I have a bit more time on my hands the last few days so I found myself coming here lol…excited for your new SD :) I get to see mine on Thursday again!! Does anyone come around here that used to?? I miss some of the bloggers…

  61. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning!!! Happy Memorial Day everyone!!

    I wish everyone luck with their sugar adventures!!!

    To answer the poll posteded by Pop Rocks: It took me four months to find a SD the first time around, started in OCT. of 09 and found him in JAN., this time it took about two weeks. I don’t know if it is the time of year or what, but, it happened very quickly.

    I’m very happy with him, he is the absolute best!! I can’t wait to see him in less than two weeks….YAY!!!! 😀

    I hope all of you find a wonderful man…we all deserve it!!!! Take care and good luck!

    XOXO,
    Anna

  62. Ashers says:

    Hey Everyone!! New to the site and my first time blogging,.. :)

    Perhaps she didn’t really want to find a sugar daddy but rather a current topic to write on in order to increase her chances of having her article published.

    Also, Im having a good time reading these posts!!

  63. babyblonde says:

    RedMaru I hope you return the kitten I have had my cat stolen from me before and I was so devastated and still am many years later not knowing what happened. Remember the owners are even more attached at this point and probably going crazy pulling their hair out.

    Please I hope I am wrong about you taking the cat, but it’s a big deal to me. I have 2 and I would rather you take everything I own than my cats.

  64. midwest sb says:

    Morning sugar fam! Welcome Aysa and lillibeth! (I’m 43).

    Happy Birthday JSB!! Glad to see you back!

    Incredible conversations and insights to everyones approach to their own personal arrangements!

    Very sugary weekend!!! Heading home from an amazing weekend in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale. SD was even sweet enough to spend time w my bff and her boyfriend. We laughed until it hurt!!

    Time to board. Thank you to those who have served in our military.

  65. TexasSugah says:

    Happy Memorial Day… wow am I glad to be off!!!

    BabyBlonde – Thanks for the well wishes. I’ve had a great weekend! I’m looking forward to more sugar dating and this weekend has made me a believer that there’s sugar out there. Just have to find your nitche.
    You were talking about guys who like a little extra..I have bling, expensive purses well… I’ll get that. LOL Makeup and hair.. well.. yeah.

    I can understand about getting sucked in by a rich boyfriend. I had something like that happen years ago. I was chatting up this guy and he asked me to drive down to Houston. Took me to the Galleria and bought me my first LV. First date. Needless to say we dated for a while. Now I wish I’d stayed in the sugarbowl. But oh well….

    Brown – I would go. I mean to be able to visit your mom and family on his dime. Why not? Stay safe. It’s not like you’re headed to a place you don’t know and don’t have support. I think it will work out well.

    Happy bday JSB!!! Enjoy it!!

    Lily – I hope all goes well with you.. can’t wait for an update.

    Lady – I sent you an email to let you know what’s happened recently

    ESB – Don’t leave ths sugarbowl just yet. Try other websites. A week with the IRL guy.. I dunno. Can he take care of things for you?

  66. ESB says:

    Opps Lillibeth… that was supposed to be “world of information”

  67. ESB says:

    Good morning sugar family!! Happy Memorial Day!! I hope everyone has fun plans adn finds time to relax and reflect on the meaning of the day. I’m thinking of letting my impulsive side take over and head to Arlington Cemetary for the day. Great place and great day to be there.

    Welcome lillibeth!! Hope to see you here often. Yes, there is a world of wealth to be found on these blogs, but if you ever have a specific question, please feel free to ask. Many insightful men and women here willing to help.

    TexasSugah Wonderful news!! That is great. I’m still trying to decide if I want to revamp my profile, add more pix, or just leave the sugar bowl comletely. I met someone IRL, been kinda seeing him for a week. We were seeing each other a few months ago, but our lives got in the way. This guy is as busy as I am, we don’t have much time for each other. This weekend, he’s been working on his truck. Trying to get it ready for a car show he wants to take me to next weekend. lol.. it is his incentive!! If the truck is ready, he gets me for the weekend, and he is really looking forward to that!! Only it has meant we couldn’t be together THIS weekend… except for the 2 hours I spent in his driveway talking to him while he worked… but I got a great start to my tan doing that.. and distracted him! oops!

    I loved reading the banter between BrownSkinSugarBaby and babyblonde. Good stuff ladies!!

  68. LadyIntim says:

    There is no wrong way to collect allowance. You can’t force the willing! Alright, I’m clearly the last one awake. Cheers. I’ll be BAK!

  69. LadyIntim says:

    Hey, TexasSugah, sounds like you are doing well. I hope that situation we talked about via e-mail worked out ok. Sounds like you might not even be speaking to that guy anymore. Did you ever hang out with him over weekend and meet the fam? Anyway, I totally agree with your post re pay for play…It really can be just a conveinience and not a shameful lewd act. All my SD’s started out as pay-for-play per my request. Not all of them ended up being employed by me full-time…But who said you can’t have a temp every now and then? Ha ha! You just make sure you ask for the right amount to avoid a possilbe low-baller and do your thing girl.

  70. LadyIntim says:

    Lily! Congratulations. You sound like you are going through a similar phaze as me. I am well. My SD#1 is basically fired. He gets on my last nerve and I am just waiting for him to get through his surgery and recover…and then I’m out. My future husband SD#2 and I are looking at houses every time he comes to visit and he swears he is filing his divorce in beginning of july after he submits his taxes. He professes his love for me every chance he gets and not a day goes by that he doesn’t contact me in some way to let me know he is thinking of me. But I’m still skeptical. Yes, I am so freaking jaded and self-trained that I refuse to put all my eggs in one basket. I am still here on SA and my hunt will not stop until the day he is sliding that ring down my finger, asking me that four word question. So, in about 2-3 months it will be time for the moment of truth. I am dropping SD#1 for sure…and in 2-3 months I will either A) Become engaged to SD#2 and move into our new home or B) Drop both SD’s and start fresh. Option B will only occur if future husband SD doesn’t follow through on his promises. I really doubt he will back down, but at the ripe age of 25 I’ve witnessed a great deal of disappointment. I know for a fact that my feet are firmly on the ground. In the meantime I am doing everything to ensure that if option B happens, I can keep my my current lifestyle for at least 2 years to come as I go through my masters.

  71. Lily says:

    The sun is shining.
    I am so looking forward to stopping the sugar interviews!
    I smell that that situation is nigh…
    And if it’s not, Im gonna switch to exclusively hunting irl! I’m too exhausted…
    LadyIntim! How are you???

  72. lillibeth says:

    Hi everyone,
    I am new here, and as one of the older ones here… it will be interesting to see how things go down.
    I have appreciated reading the blog.. so many straightforward and insightful discussions and comments – I am looking forward to reading more and also share my process with you all.

  73. RedMaru says:

    Hey fam! Whoa! Looks like I missed alot! Happy belated JSB if I missed it hope you hope you got your wish! Its been raining on and off here in GA and I found a cute little kitten that I think belongs to someone in my neighborhood but I couldnt help but become attached to. Problem is it looks like my dearly departed cat

  74. LadyIntim says:

    Jeez…that article from Vanity fair was brutal. What a waste of perfectly good sugar daddy potentials. If you can’t handle the heat-get out of the kitchen is what I say. NYC hit the nail on the head when she said that a true SB needs to have GOALS and very specific knowledge of exactly what she WANTS before diving into the sugar bowl. I fail to see the point of this Vanity Fair article. The only things I learned is that this girl likes to waste everyone’s time including her own…while figuring out something she already knew. Not frustrating at all…

    Hey, Michael…My friend, I got more news than a social network. Not going to get into it…wouldn’t want to bore the blog with the details. Bottom line is everything around me might be crumbling and changing, but I’m standing still with my roots burried deeply. Life is very, very good. Because as we both know..I have a PLAN.

    So glad you are doing well. Looks like your favorite nemesis still has your heart as I predicted …shocker 😉

  75. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Btw was at Elements 45 mins ago. V quiet evening there.

  76. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Ummm LadyIntim – sorry, do we know you?

    Good to see you back! Yes I went to the ranch earlier this week and yes it was great. Off to Prescott with her for a couple of days later this week.

    How was the east coast? Any news to share re SD1 etc?

  77. babyblonde says:

    Happy Birthday JSB :-)

    Aysa, Thanks! Well for one thing, when a guy listens and acknowledges what I just wrote (or spoke of) and doesn’t blow off any of my questions. Even if it’s me asking how was their weekend. I’m pretty particular about all that because that’s all he info I have about the guy. That doesn’t guarantee he’s not playing me, and if he doesn’t it doesn’t rule him out but too many things that don’t jive with being a gentlemen or if he’s too erratic in his behavior I may not be as interested and it may scare me off. The best SD’s I have had never played any mind games, let me know exactly what they would do for me I never had to guess.

    Can you tell me why she came off as “all that” and not attractive. I forgot most of the article my eyes are too tired to reread it.

  78. LadyIntim says:

    BrownSkinShoog, def go. He sounds like he is willing to co-operate. If he was a class A Ass whole he wouldn’t take the time to call you and try to make it work. Besides, like you said yourself, if you meet him and aren’t feeling the jam, the worst that can happen is you getting a free trip to seem the fam. I wouldn’t even think twice.

  79. JSB says:

    @SDGuru – sorry for the delay just catching up…he picked Sopra..I highly recommend the Red Beet Risotto!! So good!

  80. LadyIntim says:

    Happy Birthday, JSB-enjoy your special day. Hope everyone is doing well.

  81. JSB says:

    Hi Sugar Fam,

    Going to catch up on all the juicy stuff I have missed these past few days…met with two pots this past weekend so I will have to update you all, and it’s my bday today :)

    hope you are all doing well!! Welcome new bloggers :)

  82. Aysa says:

    Babyblonde: great information. If you don’t mind me expanding on what you said, “I look for signs that they have more than a few million and make $500k and up. If they don’t look cocky,and have a nice demeanor, How they first approach me is very important and I weed them out really great.” What kind of signs would signal that? I’m guessing you would see the first approach as a test of a well-mannered gentleman?

    Reading over the article that was posted in Vanity Fair article, the girl comes off rather “all that”. To be honest, she doesn’t come across as attractive to me (and being in NYC, she has a lot of stiff competition). Just my two cents.

  83. babyblonde says:

    most guys from NY are pretty civilized I meant. LOL

  84. babyblonde says:

    Go for it!! Why not? You seem like a really smart woman, I mean this is your chance to visit your mom and friends for free. All you have to do is meet the guy and if you don’t like him or he turns out to be crazy, theirs not much he can do to you meeting in public. Most guys are pretty civilized anyways.

    Glad I had a chance to talk to someone like you who really understands. I just don’t like to be the butt of jokes with doormen in my building or the guys at the gym, they respect me now. It’s not the people who are on here seriously I’m worried about, they are okay with it. I just need to have your attitude about it. Alright, thank you, you gave me one less thing to worry about from now on.
    :-)

  85. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    Yeah girl I understand, I guess for me I don’t give a darn lol. I never really thought about it however, hell, if they’re on there looking then who are they to judge. I think after close looking I may have contacted this guy who I went on a date with last year – whom I met online – and it turns out he goes to my gym. I didn’t really like him then, but it actually just dawned on me yesterday lol.

    But being that most folks are not going to mention they’re on a site like this, it’s open between those on here engaging in it, but not so much outside conversation. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. For as many people who have heard of the site, there are many who have not. I think that for your own comfort though, it’s better for you to hide your identity. I’m a business owner as well, and I never really gave thought to it being a huge deal. But I’ve always had a “you can go kick rocks” attitude about life lol. I think it’s the NY’er in me.

    Here’s a little update: Mr. East Coast just called me. He felt badly and wanted to renegotiate our first date terms. He was concerned about my feeling pressured and said he never intended that. So he said we would pay for my ticket round trip, I can stay with my family as I said I wanted. I didn’t have to take an allowance if I didn’t want to, and our first meeting is purely to see how we feel about each other. If anything we can have a great dinner, drinks, good laughs and good company. No pressure for anything. He’s had SBs from out of state and he said that he has no problem with the distance and he completely understands my concerns. So right now I’m DYING to get the hell out of LA. I want to go back to my most favorite city in the world, and the tickets are rediculous right now, so if anything I get a free trip home for a few days and see friends and fam, and my pot SD. I feel SO MUCH BETTER. He felt badly about making me feel uncomfortable. We also talked more about him and his background, so those questions I had were cleared up. Am I crazy to go, or crazy to not accept? I may say yes so I can at least get to see my mom for a few days (and get some home cooking, lol).

  86. babyblonde says:

    BSSB One guy on SD told me in London it’s more commonly used for dating than in the states he finds.

    Ok sorry for being slow, but I am in a similar situation, it’s quite possible someone stole my pics as well I have done a lot of modeling, film etc given that I have more than one photo up, and some unique qualities about myself that I may share with someone through emails, it’s pretty obvious that it’s me. I can’t be certain the people contacting me are sending me real pics and many of them I never get to meet. Could be my neighbor, teacher, ex boyfriend, someone from my class. Someone in the fringes of my life. I own a business, could be a client. I just never know. That bothers me. My ad is very clearly asking for money. Do you worry about that at all? Maybe I’m being paranoid.

  87. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    Yes babyblonde I meant $Daddies .com. I had to pay to read emails, which at the time I figured, ok a small investment in this may potentially lead to something worth it so why not. However, again I’ve been finding a majority of the men on there want a girlfriend, and even more state they are “open to a non sd/sb relationship” – and when you read their profiles, it kind of alludes to those you would find on a traditional dating site. I openly ask, well why would you join a site called sd .com if you want an LTR. The answer across the board has been because they have access to classy, more upscale, beautiful women who are not available on the other sites and IF a relationship comes of them dating THEN the sugar can come. However, it’s not in the form of allowances, mostly in the form of gifts or travel, or whatever. Which is fine, I don’t mind the gift buddy, however please, I’d rather an arrangement. And if you want to gift an amazing chick on top of that, then I would never argue, lol.

    As for my face being seen out there, for me it’s no big deal. In my case I can always deny it and say someone had stolen it off of my website lol. I’ve done a lot of film/tv work and modeling as well. It’s quite possible.

  88. babyblonde says:

    BSSB ~ You mean SD .com? I’m confused by the plural what you mean. The site,if we are talking about the same one, is okay if you can get past all the unsophisticated, rude PJ’s and you are right, it has mainly become dating site more than a $D $ite which I find baffling. I had to be more specific in my profiles on both sites about wanting the best financial arrangement. I have had much better offers. Although I hope you understand a good amount of them really are not sure what they want, or very serious. Many are just playing along and seeing what happens or would like free dates with women or even collecting photos.

    I don’t take anyone serious until I meet them and even then, I’ve been surprised by how well everything went only to find out that since I didn’t sleep with them that night, they poof…guys I am totally surprised by. Very few online guys are for real, stable, and able to handle these things with finesse.

    You don’t need anyone who you can’t verify since 99% of them are so open about who they are here it’s surprising to tell you the truth!! I’ve met very big names on here in NY which kind of made me realize that I don’t have to feel ashamed to be on here, although I still hide my eyes and wish I could just open up more but I don’t want my friends coming across me here, or guys at the gym. I would be mortified. I use a fake name until I meet them and don’t give out my number. Very rarely does that cause a problem.

    Just curious if anyone else is worried about people seeing them on here and what they do about it? How do you handle that emotionally? I don’t even want people to see me on a Match type of site and this is much harder.

  89. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    lol thanks Lily for clarifying that! I’ve been stalking the board since I’ve been torn about it. I’m glad I trusted my instincts.

    Here’s another one for you guys… I was talking to a man on that other site SD .com (spelled in the plural form). It seems like a great number of the guys on the site are looking for LTRs and are almost opposed to a mutally bene relationship (pardon my laziness to spell out words lol). I’ve now spoken to 3 guys via phone, one of which I’ve met in person. And all 3 are opposed to being SDs. (This is not Bev Hills guy I spoke of earlier, we found each other here) What the heck, why would you join a site called SD .com? In case, let’s call him LTR Dude, says to me on the phone he is looking for a woman he can make a life with **me blank stare** and have a relationship with and from there he likes to give to her. I don’t have a problem with that, that’s fine, however he writes me and says that he feels like I want an arrangement (he asked me if I’ve ever been in a similar situation before. I’m very honest I told him yes, and it was wonderful). He and I never discussed anything beyond that. In any case, I’m VERY relieved, because I know that I will eventually likely settle in with 1 SD who offers an amazing agreement and whom I am physically and intellectually crazy about. But I’m not crazy about dating with a carrot dangling in front of me.

    I hope Bev Hills will be a better pot. The busters are already grating my nerves.

  90. Lily says:

    Nope, he was a PJ. Mine offered flight /hotel/$4000 for the weekend and was a PJ as well. Just not a low-balling type. Yours was a low-balling cheap PJ, the very skankiest type. Avoid.

    New potSD I just spoke to and is totally serious!!!! He says we’ll decide on an arrangement TOMORROW, on second phone call, including picking the date that we meet, which will be soon. In next few days. He has shown through so many ways that I am the one he wants & he will be damned not to give it a try!

    Wish me luck tomorrow that tickets get booked and everything goes well!

  91. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    I should mention as well… The east coast sd has been kinda secretive about his identity. I’m searchable on google because of my professional work (I own a business), and he is a man in the business world. I’ve given him my business info so he can see for himself who I am, and when I asked him to do the same, he refused. He said when our meeting arrangements are finalized he will disclose that info to me. Stating that it’s attributed to his position in his line of work. I’m sorry but if you are asking me to come 2600 miles and then expect to have “relations” with me, I would expect you to feel comfortable with me knowing who you are **cough, cough — so I can google you and make sure you’re not some psycho**. Maybe I have a lot to learn in this sugar world, but am I asking too much?

  92. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    Hey guys, I’ve been reading this blog and it’s SO helpful, you have no idea. I am no stranger to SD dating, but all of my men in the past I met in the real world and they were:

    1. In a relationship with me
    2. Providing me with money and gifts without me even asking
    3. Men I was absolutely crazy about and took time to date before any arrangements came about

    So this online sugar bowl is fairly new, however I’m a confident woman and I know once I get my legs going, I can navigate it well. My first day on this site, I get a number of emails. Some I was interested in, some not. I’m currently talking to two pot SD’s, both whom are out of town. I’m on the west coast, they are on the east. One in particular, we hit it off right away. Mind you we’ve talked a few times on the phone, emailed and exchanged pics. He wants to fly me out to his, and to meet him. On this initial date he has offered $1000. I have family in his city so I can easily, and WILL be staying with them. However I know he is expecting sex on this first date. And honestly, I’m not totally ok with that. The fantasy of what you have online, whether you’ve spoken on the phone or exchanged pics can go out the window when you meet someone face to face. I asked him if he was expecting sex on this first meeting, and his response was, would you expect not to after coming out here. This took me by surprise. I almost feel like I’m being pressured. After reading through this blog, I’m questioning his motives. He brought up the arrangement topic right away in our first conversation. According to him, if things go well after a few meetings such as the one he wants to offer (fly out/hotel/$1000 = sex) we can definitely discuss a long term arrangement… Um yeah, red flag to me. I don’t want to feel like a cheap whore. But at the same time is this what is the norm in this online sugar world? I’m totally turned off and I’m not going to meet him. I don’t want to feel pressured for anything. And even with a SB relationship, I’m sorry but I’ve gotta be feeling ya buddy before you get into my pants.

    In any case, I do have 2 dates set this week with 2 pot SDs. One I think I may smell wants a relationship, if fact I’m sure he does and may not consider an arrangement. I gathered this from our conversation. However he has disclosed that he is extremely generous with his SB and gives her a 5 figure allowance and credit cards, but again he wants something exclusive. He’s blond and handsome, I wouldn’t rule it out. And the other, actually just asked me to dinner spontaneously tonight. Nice guy, we may meet up in Beverly Hills. So I will get deeper into his head over a nice dinner tonight and lay out what my expectations are as well… His profile says $3-5K, however you don’t know until you talk to someone and see where their intentions lie. However, dinner would be a great start because I just got a fresh mani/pedi today and it would be a shame for me to not show it off, lol. Neither by the way is expecting immediate sex.

    In any case, I guess back to what I was originally stating. As advice from you veteran SB/SD’s what is an acceptable way to approach a first meeting. I have NO qualms about discussing arrangements on the first conversation, or even at dinner on meeting 1 if you ask me to it beore we’ve had a full chance to speak of it over the phone. Did I just get a PJ from back east trying to low ball me or am I not cutting this guy enough slack?

  93. Lily says:

    SBMaple, just email me off-blog, via my personal blog (click my name).

  94. babyblonde says:

    Texas &
    Alleycat:

    Haha thank you! Well, I was sort of dragged into this. I DID NOT want an SD this really rich guy just charmed me into this and he has been my best by far. It feels the more you reach for it the more elusive it is, like trying to grab water, you have to cup it instead to contain it. When I like men I do horribly, when I don’t like them it’s like everything opens up for me. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse.

    Btw, their is a lot to be said for heavier women in this, my experience has been a lot of men are completely enthralled by them when they wear all the accessories, makeup and hair, expensive bags and bling I’ve seen women like that just completely own the guy and pass me over like I hadn’t hit puberty yet.

    Best of luck Texas!!!!! I’m so happy for you!!!!!!! :-)

  95. TexasSugah says:

    Pop – I completely agree with Lilly. Spoiling is spoiling. I look at it this way.. if a man who’s making 250K takes you to Chili’s for a date that’s a problem but if a guy who’s making 40K does.. hey he’s trying. I want a man who can do things for me that I can’t or would struggle to do for myself.
    Hence my membership with a matchmaker. Until I get serious with a guy from that service who would be a marriageable sugar, I’ll keep my hands in the sugarbowl.

  96. SBMaple says:

    Lily,
    I had some similar story with one pot SD, but it is not over yet, we are still plan to meet. I am worried now it can be the same. Is there any way you can provide me with his profile number? Maybe in e-mail. Thanks.

  97. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    “the elusive hybrid model” – laughing my ass off at that one Lily. But yep, you nailed it!!

  98. Lily says:

    SB’s who have gone back to real-life dating/marriage after your experience or had a real relationship + SD simultaneously – how did you reconcile the two? Did the SD arrangement “spoil” you for life? How did you re-adjust?

    Pop Rocks – No. It’s only different economies. Middle class or financially challenged boyfriends can treat you like gold and spoil you rotten. Just not with choice of restaurant, or anything else that takes major disposable income to accomplish. Big deal. But that’s love. And that’s rare.

    But I gotta say, when non-SD types want to date me, …..unless there’s at least some suspicion of OMFG potential, I’m not even slightly tempted. Regular dates without omfg are just not fun anymore. Red carpet treatment is.

    It’s sugar or OMFG or the elusive hybrid model, for me. Period.

  99. TexasSugah says:

    Whew…. Taking a break between dates..

    Thanks ESB… Girl he loved it!! I mean really all he could talk about was how proportionate I am and beautiful I am. He was off by years on my age and all. The best part was at the end he asked what I wanted to do just for me. Hair I said. He asked the amount.. All in about 500. He gave it to me right there. We don’t even have a second date planned. I think I’ve found my sugars!!

    It’s good to be done ” shopping”. Now I understand the whole sugar addiction. Nice. Very nice.

    Keep a sweettooth y’all!!

  100. Pop Rocks SB says:

    Hi Sugar Bowl!

    I am a brand spanking new SB, been lurking on the website a couple weeks though, and can I say, WOW. I am so impressed! There is a wealth of helpful advice and tips here (and of course, fun banter!) I did have a few questions that I don’t think received a conclusive answer in previous posts. Could any patient experienced SB/SD’s give me a hand with these? Or if they have been answered, link me to the posts? They are:

    -Poll: how long did it take y’all to find your first SB/SD arrangement, on average? I saw from previous posts everything from two weeks to six months… I know it’s different for everyone, but I am moving from a fairly remote area to a SB/SD-heavy area soon, and am wondering if it’s worth it to try and find a SD down here for my last few months or just start looking in the new city already. Which would mean lots of flying back and forth. Thoughts?

    -I think I recall Elegant posting something about this a while back, but I currently have a BF IRL whom I’ll probably be breaking up with soon (long-distance normal relationships have never been my thing). But even after just a couple SD dates, I find myself mildly irritated with my BF’s “cheapness” – counting out the tip carefully, taking me to lower-end restaurants, etc. Of course it’s not his fault – he doesn’t make much money and tries his best anyways, and shows his love in many other ways. But it’s reeeeally tough not comparing. SB’s who have gone back to real-life dating/marriage after your experience or had a real relationship + SD simultaneously – how did you reconcile the two? Did the SD arrangement “spoil” you for life? How did you re-adjust?

    Whew, sorry for the novel! Hoping to be a pretty regular poster, so I’m looking forward to your answers!

    -Pop Rocks

  101. ESB says:

    Michael AZ Alleycat: OK I’m busted. Yes, just wanted to check you out! :p. I recently took my pix off, my big scare 2 weeks ago.. not sure I want to be doing this anymore. Pretty big risk. Just never know who the other person really is. I did change my cell #, haven’t heard from him since. I hope that is the end.

    TexasSugah: HEY girl!! Good luck with the pot date!! Keeping my fingers crossed for you. son’t worry about your size, sweety. My brother prefers woman with a little meat on their bones, he’s tall and thin… skinny really!! Ya just never know who is going to want what. I wish I could tighten my tummy out… get the ripped muscle I had before my accident. Just not enough time. I am working on it though!

    Someguy: I agree. If the sex is ho hum, why bother to continue? Isn’t that what most of you guys are here for, some excitment you can’t get at home? I am the same way, if the guy can’t keep up with me, I just can’t see continuing. I too want the total package. Fun in every aspect.

  102. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hi ESB – you just wanted to check me out…. I live in Phoenix but the SB in question lives near Tucson. Btw, you have a great profile! Congrats on your son doing so well at State level!!

    BB – you are so right!!!! “Don’t underestimate those women who say they don’t want intimacy. Men are intrigued by that more than someone advertising on here for everyone.” People always want what they are told they cannot have. It is extraordinarily powerful. SB dating sets up a strange tension in the relationship, as sex is generally there quickly and plentifully. And what is the one thing in SB dating that is generally unavailable? The heart, deep emotional intimacy. Aha! I think I will be able to sleep tonight.

  103. TexasSugah says:

    Good Sunday Morning all

    wow the blog was full of information since last night.

    BB- you’re all over this aren’t you. I’m guessing this is more of a business for you. I haven’t gotten to that point. I’m more like lily but yet and still these men can’t offer me anything but gifts…$$ because there’s no future. However, if I were to expect my daily rate that I have at work, the allowance would be high, and I’m not spending thar much time with anyone.

    I expect to see someone maybe 3 times a month. Each meeting being a usual date. That date should double or triple my daily rate. I’m fine with that. I guess I’m not that high maintenence. Lol

    I think I need an attitude readjustment or something. Truly, I think I’m settling because of my perceptions of my size. Problem is moat of it’s muscle witg fat really only in one place, my soon to be purchased gym membership will handle that.

    But, I have another sugardate… The 3rd in as many days. We haven’t discussed anything as of yet. I think I’m going to raise the bar a bit. He’s very anxious soo

  104. ESB says:

    Good Morning Sugar family!! I hope you are all having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!! I got up early yesterday, drove 1 hour, 45 minutes to watch my son in the state track meet… he ran for 16 sec. roughly (15.68 for you in the know) then came home. He came in 7th over all. Not bad! 7th in the state? HIs worst time ever, but considering he has only been runing hurdles for 2 months, he did great!!

    Michael AZ Alleycat: I flew to meet a pot SD in Tuscon, I had to go check your profile when I read that to make sure you were not him. That weekend was a nightmare!! So glad you are NOT him. 😉

    If a pot SD gave me 1K on the first date, I’d def hang on to him. BUT I have turned down several pot SDs because we just didnt’ click. I guess I’m looking for more than an over weight guy who wants a hot woman to make him feel good about himself or look good in public. I take good care of myself, would like an SD who does the same. One who knows what he is doing in the bedroom would be nice too!! Serioulsy guys, try to keep up with your SB, or find one more your speed!! If you can’t handle a Lambo, got back to the Charger til you learn how to handle the speed!! 😉

  105. Someguy says:

    Alright let me chip in here, apologizies in advance for my english. It comes down to chemistry and right fit, the same with libido if they are on the same level then there is not a problem. If there is then it becomes an issue. If sex is plentiful and available then it is not an issue, if it is scarce it can become an issue, so a matching libido is important. Probably alot of men here are looking for something extra what they are not getting in their marriage what if the wife does not want to have sex as often etc. etc. That is the moment men are going to look around them for more satisfaction.

    Like babyblonde above says if you want sex fast and alot you are a perv and a cheap bastard. I love those rules people come up with, this is how it supposed to be and nothing else. The same with those dating rules someone came up with. It is just ridiculous rules and morality, if there is chemistry between each other go for it.

    The thing is the woman can be fun and all but is she in the bedroom? If you follow babyblondes rule it will take quite some time to figure that one out. Are you going to stay with that sb if you know she is a starfish in bed? You have wasted alot of time then. I think having sex soon is better to figure out the whole package and you will know if you are match in all departments.

  106. babyblonde says:

    Aysa, I’ve had most of my experience with real SD’s IRL before I ever knew it was on the internet and we never had sex. That’s how it was for a lot of my friends. This is all new to me. I’m used to being treated with respect and if I were to sleep with the guy I probably would have tarnished our relationship. If a guy respects a woman he will do more for her than he would once he’s had her. Generally speaking, and most women would agree, the men who spend the most are the least sexual about the relationship. They tend to be more philanthropic. The more they want sex, the cheaper they are. Don’t underestimate those women who say they don’t want intimacy. Men are intrigued by that more than someone advertising on here for everyone. The best quality guys will seek her out.

  107. babyblonde says:

    Enigmatic Yes please give me your info.

    Allleycat: This is generally what goes on but I”m protecting my identity. Each one is a separate email.

    Me: I love your pic, would you like to get together for a drink or coffee sometime and see if we connect?
    SD: Thank you I would like that.
    Me: Great! When is a good day for you? I am available anytime after 6 on Wed and Thurs and most weekends.
    SD: What part of town are you in?
    Me: Grammercy Park. What day is good for you?
    SD: Want to meet me for brunch Friday afternoon?
    Me: Sorry I have to work during the day but I’m available Wed and Thurs and weekends after 6. How about this weekend?
    SD: I am out of town.
    Me: When will you be in town so we can both meet?
    SD: I’m in town all next week.
    Me: So can we meet Wed at 6 at XYZ coffee shop?
    SD: You can’t meet at 3?
    Me: No sorry. Please tell me what day and time is good for you that I can make it.
    SD: Wed at 6 is fine.
    Me: Okay would you like to meet at XYZ coffee shop?
    SD: Sure
    Me: Great see you Wed @ 6 at XYZ coffee shop. Looking forward to it!
    Sd: Me too

    I’ve had easier and more difficult ones but you never can tell who’s going to be the good ones and who’s not. You just never know. If I can get through the process with respect from them I have no problems. I look for signs that they have more than a few million and make $500k and up. If they don’t look cocky,and have a nice demeanor, How they first approach me is very important and I weed them out really great. This making a date process is usually where it dies. It’s the litmus test. But just because some guy is passive it doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy he may actually be better because he’s respectful and letting me lead. I just wish they would put some effort into saving us a few emails. This is really adding hours to my day every day. I’d like to hear your opinion on this?

  108. Aysa says:

    I agree with you. I just find it interesting that some SB seem to write they don’t want the intimacy (Of course, I’m guessing they’re rather new at this or don’t really understand these type of relationships).

    Was rooting for the Suns. A big Steve Nash fan (This coming from a Mavs fan ). I think they could have beaten the Celts with the kind of system and talent they have and run an older, slower Boston team all over the court. Next week sounds like fun. :)

  109. Aysa – you said “meant to say how upfront one should they be in their profile in regards of the physical aspect” – you need to understand that intimacy / bonking is a core part of the reason SDs are here. It doesn’t need to be spelled out.

    Went to Suns / Lakers game tonight….. boooo, Suns lost. Boooo. I had a double or nothing bet with my SB #2 that Suns would win – we are on a pay-per-meet arrangement; it just works well for both of us. She will be smiling next week, for more than the normal reasons!

  110. Aysa says:

    Thanks Alleycat,

    I must of had one too many drinks tonight (Memorial Day weekend party). Meant to say how upfront one should they be in their profile in regards of the physical aspect. However, you answer my question. Not exactly sure where willing to allow came from. :)

  111. EnigmaticSB says:

    I plan to change the pic….. each time I view my profile I like it less. Not flattering at all …. 472306…. Thanks :)

  112. No problem – what is your profile ID # and I will take a look. Happy to assist.

  113. EnigmaticSB says:

    Thanks or offering Babyblonde please let me know what is the best way to reach you or if you’d rather I send you my email as that will be okay as well.

    My experience has also been IRL so the feedback that I am reading here is not very encouraging.

    Michael AZ – seem we need to remove all the other jokers and testers here and clone you!!! 😀 Also, I would be very grateful to get feedback from the SD’s perspective. Starting with my profile… would you be so kind to take a look and give me your feedback…. :)

    Thanks !

  114. And I am talking Tucson, AZ which has a VERY different socio-economic grouping than places like New York or Scandanavia.

  115. Lily – with my current SB, we met for lunch, clicked, discussed agreement in principle, and gave her $1k to prove I was for real. That simple act built a lot of trust and confidence upfront. Plus I was not going to let her get away!

  116. BB – if I was looking for someone (and I am not), I try to keep the discussion to a few emails to see if they can spell, display a sense of humour and are coherent, and then a phone call to check that the person can string a sentence together, and doesn’t spend the entire call giggling. (what’s that all about anyway??)

    If I am unsure of the person, I arrange a quick coffee or drinks date, which then has flexibility to extend if we both like. If the prospect is sounding pretty good, I move straight to a dinner date, with a check book or cash in my pocket (see previous post). No sense in mucking around. I am just not interested in the 20 emails routine.

  117. Lily says:

    I’ve never been given $$ on or for a date. Man I must smell cheap…. Hahaha

  118. Lily says:

    It’s so annoying when they prefer to endlessly email & miss out on something real, at least a live date.
    So many time wasters…

  119. Hey Aysa and welcome!
    To answer your questions as best I can:

    1) How should a SD write his profile in terms of an agreement and what he is willing to allow?
    Not quite sure what you mean by “willing to allow”. I just write that I am looking for a mutually beneficial relationship. That is a pretty clear statement. I do not go near length of agreement, amount etc until I have met the SB in person.

    2) Any of you ever actually do a “contract” with all the parameters written down? How would you feel if someone ask you if you would be willing to do that?
    I haven’t done this but I know that Shoogar and a couple of others have. Have a look at the back-blogs and you will see lots of discussion about this.

    3) How does one (and how early) handle the idea of the physical side? How does a SD/SB bring it up and when (I’m assuming the earlier the better?)?
    I bring the physical side up during the allowance discussion. I make it really clear that part of the reason I am talking with this potSB is that I am looking for some happy, healthy bonking, as part of the overall relationship. This is part of the pverall discussion of how often we get together, activities, allowance amount, how / when paid etc.

    I also have to say that if I think there is a strong chance of the potSB turning into a SB, I always have a lump of cash (in a plain envelope of course) or check to give to them at the end of the first meeting. Paying it forward as it were. You can generally get the feeling pretty quickly if the arrangement is going to work or not with that person.

    As my grandma always said – money talks, bullsh*t walks. It is really easy to cover a person with pretty words, and convince them how genuine you are etc etc. Putting down some $ proves that you are real, committed to this, and will take the risk of paying it forward. It gains a lot of respect, and introduces trust and relaxation, as there are a lot of flaky SDs out there.

  120. babyblonde says:

    Enigmatic: Sure but I am new to online, 1 year most of my experiences are IRL

    Just let me know how to contact you and I will write you right away!

    Mindy ~ Thank you so much for reminding me of that. Sometimes I get discouraged and need to remember they may not have any intention of finding an actual woman on the site but rather just looking for someone to give them attention for free.

    What about the guys who have no initiative and you have to do all the talking to make anything happen?! 20 emails to make plans to meet for a drink is about the norm these days. Multiply that by 5 to 10 guys at any given time now I know why I’m so addicted to this blog. If they could only write in complete sentences and try to think a few steps ahead of the conversation we would all be much happier. Not that we meet with 10 guys a week, because we all know 9 of them are going to drop the ball at some point and piss us off before we get to meet anyways.

  121. Aysa says:

    Great discussion.

    It’s interesting because in a blog discussion a while back, I remember a few people question about why someone would spend $10k and up/month on one SB. I wonder how SD feel when they see those SBs.

    A few questions:

    1) How should a SD write his profile in terms of an agreement and what he is willing to allow?

    2) Any of you ever actually do a “contract” with all the parameters written down? How would you feel if someone ask you if you would be willing to do that?

    3) How does one (and how early) handle the idea of the physical side? How does a SD/SB bring it up and when (I’m assuming the earlier the better?)?

  122. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Hello sugar fam! I see all kinds of new faces :) not so many old ones :( …Lily…Anna…Lisa..NYCSB – hello ladies! Anyone else lurking around??

    I see my timing is still completely off when it comes to active blog times lol…

    Hope everyone headed for a sugar filled summer!!…if I don’t come back around for a few months again lol..

  123. Mindy NYC says:

    BB – Thanks I enjoy your posts too!…You bring up some great points. Especially about what the younger, gorgeous ladies are accepting – dinner with a coach bag thrown in every couple of months seems to be enough for some. Which is fine, as long as that’s all they want, but unfortunately it isn’t and they are too scared to ask for more.
    LovelyRachel, you asked “Why Not go for that drink the 1st time so we can get the move on the arrangement, if we’re both what we’re seeking. Why miss out?? IMO, it goes back to the point I made about filling up their reservoir, which can easily be filled through ongoing telephone and online communicating. Sugar is not just sex or money. For the most part he is getting what he wants (for free), which is the ego and emotional stroke – not physical companionship. There’s really no allure, mystery or incentive to progress…Genuine SD’s are looking to meet sooner rather than later. Best to set some boundaries for yourself and move on when the chats seem to be endless.

  124. EnigmaticSB says:

    Lovelyrachel1 –

    Thanks a bunch… I will send a friend request within 5 min….

    Awwwww how I love the feeling of family here!

  125. lovelyrachel1 says:

    EnigmaticSb- I’ve been at this for quite some time, i’d be willing to talk yahoo? rachel_love87

  126. EnigmaticSB says:

    Hello Everyone!

    I’ve had quite a non-productive day…. I’ve read all the points and I am totally seeing all the sides. I think we SB have to do what makes us feel comfortable without ‘cheapening” the experience.

    That said I need some help and I am going to ask for it.

    Babyblonde – you seem to be at this online SD dating for a while and have had a number of things working to your advantage. Now I can’t say whether giving thought to it would work for me but I don’t think it would hurt to give it a try.

    Could we talk of line maybe via email so that I could get your opinion? Please let me know how that can happen. TY!

    Again – great views… keep them coming!

  127. lovelyrachel1 says:

    Reading some of these posts, are making me laugh.
    I have had my share of dates (not from this site, but from other sd sites)
    but it seems lately men are just playing around. Talking a good game but then when I suggest meeting that day or that weekend, it’s always a problem. Also feel so many girls have played that scam game, that for us Real SB’s seeking “the perfect arrangement” with one Actually wealthy Gentleman, that they are so jaded or weary of getting into an actual arrangement they’re wanting to take Months to get to know one another pictures phone conversations so on and so fourth, its rather exhausting!
    So Gentleman what I’m asking is Why Not go for that drink the 1st time so we can get the move on the arrangement, if we’re both what we’re seeking. Why miss out??

  128. babyblonde says:

    About pay per play ~ I never knew anyone who just went online and found someone to pay for a month in advance till recently!

    When I met my first online SD here we broke it down so that we could both get to know each other. Being both our first time, I couldn’t grasp how he would respond to handing over that kind of money and we still didn’t know if we liked each other fully. Now I’m not shy about the monthly upfront.

    My previous arrangements grew over time. Where I was paid for dinner, than over time asked if I needed any help so he wired me $5k then again a month later, then two weeks later then it was every two weeks for about a year. We never had sex he was trying to make me his wife by impressing me and he made enough that to him, this is like a high school boy buying your ice cream really. Looking back that is not the usual case, but I find pay per play an alternative when dealing with large sums of money to be a little less nerve wracking for some.

    I tried this with one guy, who could not commit and I could tell something was not right, of course I only saw him twice. I felt used. I let him know. He was very kind and apologized but did not know that I would feel that way. Basically I got used but luckily the money wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great, but wasn’t bad so I can tell myself that it’s not a total loss.

    Now I have my mind on the monthly and it seems as my mind wraps around each new concept I find I am attracting men who are on the same page. My expectations have grown and the Universe has grown with it. It’s a little scary but I’m rollin’ with it.

  129. babyblonde says:

    Sorry about all the mistakes in my last posts, I’m just on here way too much between work and this and another website I’m learning about food from. I am having to squint and crank up the large print. I’ve put in 13 hr days for almost the whole week. Grammar and spelling are low priorities. I think spell check has severely hindered my typing skills. We didn’t have spell check years ago. Think Liquid Paper. Now it’s like training wheels.

    Anyhow, Thanks NESBB! I’ve only gone with people who were already taking care of me for a long time and I didn’t feel I needed to ask for anything more than the usual. I’m about to do this for the first time soon I hope, and I”m asking $500 a day two day minimum (to avoid my head spinning from flying) and all expenses paid plus my own hotel. If we like each other then we will discuss more at that point. Let us know if you have any more questions. I want you to stay safe as possible and come out ahead from the experience.

  130. NESBB says:

    BB your anecdotes are entertaining and educational.

    Has anyone ever had a situation where their SD wants them to stay over for several days to accompany them on a short Vacation? What kind of allowance did you usually ask for? I have a pot SD who wants me to meet him in Boston and although it will not take much traveling it would require me to possibly take one day off work.

    Let me know what you all think.

    New England Sugar Baby Boy

  131. babyblonde says:

    Thanks for understanding Alleycat!

  132. babyblonde says:

    Mindy I love your entire post!

    I can see where a lot of women who have never done this before would get the idea that might be okay to make a few extra grand who have never done this before this site, but like you said Mindy

    “We’re surprised (and hurt), when we find out that he as been gifting the ’so called’ arrogant, demanding, entitled woman all along….”

    Exactly I’m glad you pointed this out.

    Before I got my sealegs I was paid what I thought was very well at the time by the worlds largest rock band to hang out. I had been SD Dating one of their friends. Who I was in puppy love with! Head over heels I still like him. They invited me to a party and paid my best friend the same so i felt safe. We thought we were doing oh so good!! LOL Little did we know when we got there, they had about 5 old ugly women there making $10-15k that night for sitting in the jacuzzi. LOL Boy did I learned a lot from that night.

    Now I’m on the other end of the spectrum I know better. I’m getting the large payments and I see my SD invite women to the house pay them $500 she’s drop dead gorgeous and younger than me by about a decade and she thinks I’m the kinky wife who wants to watch or something I don’t know. But it’s like if I only told them what he was paying me…. I would love too but is not my place to do that. I encourage him to tip well and he sends her on her way home. On top of that the guy I’m thinking of right now also has a wife so she’s probably saying the same thing about me!

  133. Rachel says:

    Okay…. I’m officially addicted to this blog. I’m finding myself sitting on the train reading the blog.

    I’m slightly disappointed that my sugar plans fell thru for this coming weekend, but that just means I can spend some quality time with my friends…. always being positive!

  134. Hey BB – I know what it is like trying to think straight when hungry. It is a physical impossibility!

    It sounds like you are a carving yourself a very profitable niche in Sugarland! More power to you. If you see an opportunity, go for it.

    Btw, no offense taken by any of your comments. We are al grown up here and I actually find this blog remarkably open and respectful of everybody else’s opinions and ideas. I think it is quite rare, and hence quite addicting.

    I really liked your comment “I do see it as a business in the beginning and it either grows to mutual admiration or falls apart.” – with respect and admiration comes longevity of the relationship and friendship. Why would either party want to stay in an arrangement long term if there is no respect or admiration? Ugh.

    Lily – “a genuine SD would much prefer he gives you excessive allowance, because you’re the one he carefully chose and he likes sharing his wealth with you. Sleeping w/ you on the first date or third date is inconsequential to him.” Right on baby, you’re beautiful. Great comment, and exactly the way I approach this. I am really selective about who I spend time with (generally…. refer comment re previous Vegas trip. Ooooops….) and I have patience.

    I am here for a solid arrangement & relationship, and sharing on both sides is part of the deal. My current SB I think will be here for the long term, we have a very solid bond, with lots of mutual respect and admiration. Sharing the $$ is absolutely not a problem with the right person. My time, energy, lifestyle and attention that I share is actually more important to me than the $$ I share. I am generous in many ways outside the $, including what to me is my most valued, sharing time with myself and my daughter together, and staying at my home.

  135. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone

    Well my Memorial day is going to suck. I had it off and was looking forward to actually having a day off with my daughter but went into work to find my schedule changed and i’m working all day monday :( and on top of that Memorial day is no longer counted as a holiday at my job so no bonus pay :(

    Sorry to hear about your AC TexasSugah. It’s horribly hot here and i’ve got my ac on but will have to cut back if I don’t find a sd soon.
    And as far as my depression, i’ve had it since I was 12, it will never go away or be cured and is forever fed by what I encouter in my day to day life. I was about to cry at work today because of my messed up holiday but I kept my self entertained by the fantasy I have about running out in rush hour traffic on a crowded intersection.

    Have a good afternoon, time for me to do housework and laundry.

  136. Mindy NYC says:

    I don’t think someone comes right out and says “well an escort makes $XXX, so should get $XXX” to a pot SD when discussing expectations. Someone had said something like “If I can make more in a night bartending, it’s not worth it” – same idea. It’s about finding terms that are beneficial to both parties, not about feeling like your time is undervalued and someone is taking advantage of your time, energy and spirit…We have to look out for ‘johns in disguise’ (nice term Lily), which unfortunately many men in the sugarbowl are. They are looking for the ‘volume discount’ and figure having a SB can provide them with a pseaudo girlfriennd, at a much lower and safer cost than seeing an escort, and on top of that they can stay away from the mental stigma of ‘paying for it’ etc. They have no interest outside of sexual and trophy gratification…As a SB, we have to be aware of the pitches and schemes that are coming to us, so we have bargaining power, know how to deal with it and where we stand.

    Lily brings up the point of calculations. If we don’t have set figures and an estimate in our mind of what we can offer and feel is fair to receive (whether the comparison comes by way of what an escort, bartender, actress etc makes) for our time, it will be hard to get to the eventual point of genuine friendship, personal attachments, etc. You can’t expect someone to value what you don’t…We sometimes wonder why a pot isnt throwing a bit of sugar our way in appreciation for our (non sexual) efforts? Few will, as we are filling their emotional and ego reservoir for free. We’re surprised (and hurt), when we find out that he as been gifting the ‘so called’ arrogant, demanding, entitled woman all along. Why? She was direct, she set her cards on the table and he knew exactly what it would take to have her time, whether it was idle chit chat, dinner or more.

    The standards you get, are the standards you set for yourself. Everyone will have a different idea and perspective of what an arrangement should be. Just don’t let the ‘myth’ of unavailable good SDs/SBs sway you into a situation you may not like. Value yourself, don’t have someone else set your value for you.

    PS – Lily, Kingsolver is one of my fav authors, though I won’t be reading A,V,M: food life

  137. Lily says:

    PJs will, though, exit this scene or shape up & learn how to play by the rules, if we aren’t abiding by any less, ladies…. But I’m not holding my breath for any consensus pact, just vowing to myself to demand a certain level, personally, or exit stage left & hopefully he’ll even understand why I poofed…

  138. babyblonde says:

    NYC SB maybe I should also clear up I am not judging anyone for giving the hottie discount! I love it! I just have lived all my fantasies and prefer to settle down at this point in my life. Trust me I left no stone unturned in my path to sexual gratification…. 😉

  139. Lily says:

    Texting/calling all day w/ this pot to hash & rehash this. At his instigation.
    Sucks, I like him, but his approach just bites.

    TexasSugah, unfortunately you’re right. I get that. But I do wish that this ONE site could be indeed the ELITE Sugar Dating site and men who don’t get it would just stay away, and only full of women w/ high enough standards that men would get w/ the program quickly if they don’t already get it. Upfront is fine, but I can feel it in my bones through his behavior if he’s a genuine SD gentleman or a Pervy John. PJs are seeking a volume discount, nothing more, though they may not be opposes to being friends. They are very focused on instant intimacy and very into negotiating & “low-balling.”

    a genuine SD would much prefer he gives you excessive allowance, because you’re the one he carefully chose and he likes sharing his wealth with you. Sleeping w/ you on the first date or third date is inconsequential to him.

    A PJ would much prefer he gives you too little allowance for your time & effort, and puts little thought into you or your life & wants the best bargain, the best “bang for his buck” that he can find. Sleeping w/ you on the first date is a priority for him, and he sees the expense of date #1 being a complete waste of his “bucks” if he gets no “bang.”

  140. babyblonde says:

    Alleycat: You are absolutely right. I forgot to mention that and I needed breakfast I was going off on a tangent. Sorry. I don’t mean to offend anyone if I have and say only guys who can not have a date, a lot of hotties who have famous women in their lives right now want to pay on the side for the situation as well. Look at Tiger Woods It kind of goes along the same lines as “if I could find that situation, I wouldn’t have to pay for it”. Women can get wrapped up and become demanding emotionally if you aren’t paying for it. I can understand that.

    I am happy with cute guys but I’m also ensuring my place long term by picking guys who can’t have just anyone because they are too shy or whatever. I don’t feel like competing I just want SD’s that are solid with me and I’m solid with them.

    I’ve had my share the who’s who of NY and I’m not even going to say I’m as pretty as their wives and girlfriends. I’ve had one who was on the cover of New York magazine as some famous bachelor. I maybe should put that in the context of what you are saying as well. Paying for the situation just makes it simpler for everyone involved. They can tell me go away if they like which is hard to find if you aren’t paying for it! LOL

    Well said Alleycat I’m glad you put that out there and it’s good to hear the site hasn’t turned into a complete dating site yet like SD .com I don’t even know why they have that anymore, they should just sell the name and start over as Love and romance. com.

  141. babyblonde says:

    Lily
    Love your posts! I don’t want this to turn into a Craigslist either. Sorry about the flaky one, can you tell him to cool his jets and be a gentleman and then he will surely get what he wants otherwise you’ll both be missing out on a great experience? Some guys are really good guys, just need some direction.

    Just to be clear Lily, my SDs are not every guy with money, they have to be someone I really respect. Some of ex SD’s and current are the closest people to me. But I do see it as a business in the beginning and it either grows to mutual admiration or falls apart.

  142. Hey BabyBlonde – there are many reasons for being here.

    You said “isn’t the concept about guys not having something that keeps them from finding a woman whether it’s time, looks, maybe they are not that experienced or skilled or they are older and want to court a younger woman who would not otherwise be with them?”

    In my case, absolutely not. I have never had any issue in getting a partner or a relationship anywhere in the world I have been, and no matter the circumstances. Any virtually all have been with extraordinary, smart, funny, talented, gorgeous women. It has been great.

    However, in many of these relationships, the women start looking for much more. Even though the understanding up-front is – let’s have fun, let’s enjoy each other, no drama, no aggravation it still ends up there. You haven’t called me for 2 days, when are we getting together next, let’s meet my parents, let’s get married etc etc etc. It ends up in drama and aggravation, as the natural human tendency is for people to want more than they have.

    Nothing wrong with that, but for a couple of reasons, it is just that I am not there right now. I have been in some long-term relationships and they have been extraordinary. But not looking for a long-term relationship right now.

    An arrangement for me is perfect – I still get the extraordinary, smart, funny, talented, gorgeous women. But I get no drama or aggravation. Here is the arrangement, agreed on by both parties, now let’s go and have a great time. nothing more and nothing less. If both parties want to change / develop / expand the arrangement, well let’s talk about it.

    BB you mentioned that this is like a business for you. For me, this is exactly like a professional business relationship. Here are the benefits for both parties, here are the boundaries. Let’s agree and make it happen. If the agreement / arrangement does not sit well with you, we can both go and find other people with whom we can set up an arrangement.

  143. TexasSugah says:

    Happy Weekend alll!

    (First attempt with smileys I hope this works )

    There are so many great things to comment on but I do want to agree with Lily concerning the depression in Lisa. Like I have mentioned before I’m a mental health professional. I have suffered from depression before and it’s a reality.

    Lisa – if you will.. allow me to find some treatment for you. It will be low or NO cost. I have resources to help you. I know that maybe having coffee is a little much for you in your state but, please allow the help that I am offering you.

    Not sure how to get my email addy to you but.. I hope that someone will make that happen.

    Soooo the sugar date.. the symphony was great

    Afterwards we went to a little after hours spot with NO name or signage. I thought GREAT.. it’s either

    1. Normal
    2. A swingers joint
    3. People will be naked.

    Thank goodness neither but.. I did notice some in common with every couple. Older gentleman – younger lady. It was so ubitquitous I finally said” what? Is it an epidemic?”

    He laughed but make the comment that this was a place in River Oaks were men brought their mistresses.

    The date ended with no further mention of the arrangement. I did talk with him about another girlfriend that he had years ago. I was taken aback when I found out that he was married and we were so open in public.. at the symphony.. he has season tickets. I dunno.

    Today it sweetie #2. I had a problem over the weekend. My A/C broke down. It was so nice that he flew into action. So he’s going to reimburse me the money that I spent and have the rest of the repairs done plus handle a huge day camp/therapy for my son. Not Prada but what makes a real difference in my life. I’m all smiles.

    Lily – What you have said was wonderful but I wonder how common that really is.

    Ok, for example, I haven’t gotten any response.. NONE from my personal here. In fact, I think I hid it again because.. why bother. Now I might dust it off after a photo shoot that I have with my matchmaker (looking for a husband in 2011).

    Many women on the blog complain of not meeting anyone or having men who are less that gentlemen. So who are these Knights? Are they only searching for ladies such as yourself? Imagine a woman seeking to become a mistress (don’t really like the SB term), and she hasn’t found said gentleman.. but she’s in need of whatever she same looking for (support, excitement, a bit of romance) whatever. She very well may, in your opinion, stoop to one of the more quid pro quo men here. Now has she really done a diservice to herself and others? Everyone knows that there’s a recession in the sugarbaby world, she could very well end up with nothing.

    Now no one is saying to do something disgusting but… say the object of her desires is very blunt about what he wants, and there isn’t huge courting, coy deal. Not pay for play but.. upfront.

    I think that if she is treated well then.. hey.. no biggie.

  144. babyblonde says:

    oops…meant Seeking Millionaire my bad

  145. babyblonde says:

    SD Guru:

    Because you repeatedly said it was the wrong way to think.

    I’d say most SD/SB relationships are born naturally in this world and aren’t even premeditated. The online market is a new way of thinking. When people start considering their options naturally they are going to go for the best bargain they can get.

    Like Lily said “We are the gate-keepers, girls, and the men’s behavior will rise to our expectations of honor if we refuse to settle for less!

    That was SO amazing!!! So we are the pioneers here. If we want this to be lucrative 2, 3, 5, 10 years down the road for ourselves and other women, we better start making this about the Sugar or it’s just another millionaire dating site. That’s what sets us apart from the finding a rich man to have a relationship with and Seeking Arrangement is the financial aspect of allowance. If I wanted to smooze a rich guy into thinking he’s not paying I would go on the sister site Millionaire Dating.

    I’m not sure why you think the dynamic of courting should be any different in SD dating?
    Isn’t that the concept? Isn’t the concept about guys not having something that keeps them from finding a woman whether it’s time, looks, maybe they are not that experienced or skilled or they are older and want to court a younger woman who would not otherwise be with them? I’m looking for the guy who can’t get a date, wants more than sex. I’m a paid for girlfriend and even if you rent a date for the evening from an agency that is non sexual it’s going to cost a lot. It’s like a business to me. I am not into finding a hot guy on here and giving the hot guy discount that would be cool, but I’m in it for the money. Let’s be real. I have no desire to sleep with these guys who aren’t going to marry me or guys who aren’t my type..I enjoy the friendship and the money. Not judging, I’m just passed that stage. It’s either marry me, or pay me what I’m worth or leave me alone. I’m open to someone great from here courting me and making me change my mind though but that’s going to take a good solid person with an awful lot in common.

    Sorry I need breakfast and I’m going off on a tangent now.

  146. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Sweettoooth has such a great point. An arrangement can be complex, and can shift over time, and each arrangement is different. Everybody is looking for – or has already in place – something a bit different from the next person.

    I have also found that my arrangements change according to the person I am with. there is one size fits all. I respond to different people on differnt levels, as we all do. The connection can be on an intellectual level, emotional, sexual, spiritual level or one of many other levels. To assume that we will each respond in the same way, or are all looking for the same thing is a totally false assumption.

    The interesting thing is when you can get the connection of many or all the levels discussed above. That’s when you end up at 1+1=omfg, and truly great things start happening.

  147. sweettooth says:

    Hello All! Wow, I didn’t think I was gone that long! Goodness, I missed a lot. This blog is like a thrilling drama, you just can’t help but read fast enough to get to the next post lol. In all sincerity though, everyone brings up valuable points that I will always resort back to when I have questions…

    I think that it is very easy to see how an SD/SB relationship can be such a complex arrangement in what hopes to be (for many of us anyway) in a simple setting..personally I have noticed through this blog and sifting through profiles, everyone is looking for something a bit different from the next. There may be agreements and disagreements in regards to what each person wants but in the end I think it simply comes down to a mutual understanding on both parties…regardless of what that understanding may be.

    I hope everyone enjoys their holiday weekend!
    xoxo:-)

  148. Rachel says:

    Good morning sugar fam….. I’m getting ready to head out to NYC for the weekend… no… not for sugar :(

    Time to get out of this lil town. Have I ever mentioned how much I love NY?

    BTW… I am loving the debate on here and both Guru and Baby have valid points. This is what the blog is all about… people sharing their experiences for all to take what they can from it to learn and grow.

    Now… what to wear…. and to book a hotel for the night. Still excited!

  149. Lily says:

    Pulled a triple lily! Ha! Apparently I’m back and in full, verbose form.

  150. Lily says:

    Realization: babyblonde is exactly right, that the SDs who want verbal ‘confirmation’ (from the get go, even before meeting) that they’ll be getting the *most* gratification per ounce of sugar they expend, via not-so-subtle teasing & hinting around, and those who want it from the first meet (heaven forbid they expend money and energy getting together w/o at least a jokey agreement that there will be orgasms after dinner) are the types to avoid.

    Why?

    they’re not generous by nature or able to be laid-back about this style of relationship for it to develop into something beautiful. They’re the types who are here for the volume discount and that’s it. Sad.

    The men who want to get to know you, court you, romance you, and don’t mind if the pressure builds for however long it needs to build before mutual physical gratification feels right and is desired by both parties, are the ones to go for. They’re here for quality & passion, not quantity, and certainly not a volume discount. And the sugar will never feel like payment rendered, only generosity from a friend who enjoys helping because he cares and he can.

    The one with such intense sexpectations are “johns” in disguise, and I imagine you’d feel like an escort with one if you went along with that.

    This is the elite sugar daddy dating site, damn it, not craig’s list, and us SBs should be and act like the creme de la creme (nope, still don’t live in France), and dismiss those “johns” at first warning sign.

    We are the gate-keepers, girls, and the men’s behavior will rise to our expectations of honor if we refuse to settle for less!

  151. Lily says:

    I just had the weirdest experience w/ a potSD dropping from the running AFTER purchasing me a non-refundable plane ticket to visit him next weekend, due to his desire to engage in explicit emails & text messages prior to meeting and my lack thereof.

    I was willing to openly discuss sexual history, proclivities, and interests in vague, general, and hypothetical terms with him over the phone (just as I got an equally vague, general, and hypothetical idea about the allowance he’s willing to provide but no specifics or guarantees prior to meeting), but now during the countdown to our first date, he’s been getting more and more overt with the innuendonof what he intends (not hopes, intends) to do with me next weekend, and I’ve just ignored those comments.
    So finally, after enough of my ignoring, and him getting offended by my prudishness, he’s called the whole thing off, and doesn’t want to meet.

  152. Lily says:

    I think the only points where babyblonde & I differ are these:

    as nice as a high allowance is, an arrangement w/ a high allowance is NOT the only arrangement I will consider entering, and NOT the only type of sugar I deem sweet. Arrangements are so much more to me than time/energy invested vs. Allowance, and calculating an hourly/day rate based on that. They’re personal relationships w/ genuine attachments, friendships at the core, and therefore it’s not black & white….only shades of gray, for me.

    I would love to be the heroine in a Cinderella/Pretty Woman story, so a big part of my motivation in searching through SDs is as far away from business as it gets: I have one eye peeled/half a radar open to locating love. If mr dreamy single SD & I fall for one another, then, yay! Happily ever after. Slim chances, I know, but I won’t miss it if I come across it.

  153. Lily says:

    SD Guru – I honestly don’t know.

    Willingness to carpet bomb & laboriously filter?
    Willingness to experiment w/ various profile styles?
    Willingness to travel & stay cheerful?

    I haven’t been doing this SO long, nor had SO much sugar yet, so my experiences are limited & may be flukes. Several on this blog know me irl & may be able to guess why an SD may get smitten with my energy & be willing to be so generous.

    Stormcat called me Parisian, not sure why.

  154. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Lily, I’m sorry, you are just going to have to move to Paris….

  155. Michael AZ says:

    Still feeling slightly embarrassed re my last Vegas trip … no details to be shared, sorry.

    But I am looking forward to my Main Squeeze coming in to town Wednesday night and Saturday night!!! Will be a v v cool few days.

  156. SD Guru says:

    @babyblonde – As I said before, you have moxie and you’re great at making your own reality. As experienced and successful as you are, obviously you should keep doing what works for you and don’t let a clueless SD like me with useless analysis affect what you do.

    I’m not sure how you completely missed my point regarding “escort fallacy”. The point is that SB’s should not compare their worth to escorts because that could convey a negative connotation to SD’s. It has nothing to do with settle for less than an escort.

    A man is suppose to court a woman not the other way around. You either get it or you don’t and I’m not courting a guy. That’s my secret to big time SD’s and no sex.

    I have to admit, I’m no expert at platonic sugar relationships. Perhaps a different dynamic apply there compared to most sugar relationships where intimacy is involved. I agree a man is supposed to court a woman…. in regular dating. But in sugardaddy dating the dynamic is different as I have explained before.

    My opinion from a SD’s point of view is meant to provide a different perspective from the SB’s. To the extent that people find it useful then that’s great. It doesn’t hurt my feelings if people disagree with it or don’t like it. It’s certainly not meant to tell people how to run their lives. And most importantly, don’t take it personal. :)

    @Lily – I see others refer to you as being in Paris so that’s what I assumed. Since you’re not in Paris it makes the success you’re having even more impressive! What’s your secret to success being where you are?

    @NYC SB – Are you going to keep the details of your Vegas escapade a secret like Michael?? :)

  157. NYC SB says:

    Great blog posts everyone!

    Would love to add my two cents in but I’m too tired. I’m jetting off to vegas for memorial day for a guy friends bday! I hope everyone has a great memorial day

  158. BabyBlonde – do you have a profile #? Or message me directly through mine?

  159. babyblonde says:

    NESB Welcome! Keeping things in a positive light is always good. For instance instead of saying what not to do, say what you like in a man clean, well mannered. Like: Looking for a kind and generous gentleman that enjoys the finer things in life who is well mannered and enjoys a beautiful drama free companion at his side…Rather than saying “I don’t like rude guys or dirty guys and I don’t do drama” that sort of thing. I know guys can do great with other guys. Good luck!

  160. Michael AZ says:

    Hey NESB

    Keep it medium, if that makes any sense. Keep it positive, upbeat and real. Describe the great life you have, and how you will enhance your SD’s life, without going over the top. Have a look at some of the profiles that are linked to from here. People here will also give you some great advice.

    Good luck!!

  161. NESB says:

    Hello All,

    I am a 21 year old male SB in New England. I am seeking out a Sugar Daddy and decided to utilize this site.

    I have enjoyed reading the blog and have picked up a few tips. Since I am just creating a profile here on the site I was wondering what people’s feelings are on “short and sweet” verses “long and in depth” profile descriptions? Also are there any things that I should not put in my profile? Thanks

  162. babyblonde says:

    Michael Thank you! :-) You rock too!

    Lily – You are wicked hehehe I love it. I’m not miss innocent anymore 😉

  163. Lisa says:

    Right now i’d settle for a sd that would take me out to dinner, buy me a membership at the gym across the street, and give me an allowance for so I could save some security money. I’m sooooo bored. Family lives across the street but they’re too cheap to run the ac and their apartment is like 100 degrees inside so I limit my visits.

  164. Lily says:

    I adore your post, babyblonde.

    Maybe one day I’ll try it out & be a high priced pro-SB who enters into non-sexual arrangements.

    But for now I like my approach and I like picking SDs I wanna do bad, bad things to, and then proceeding to make everyone’s toes curl.

  165. Lily says:

    Blink by Gladwell

    Sex, Time, and Power by Shalif

    The Selfish Gene (blanking on author)

    Animal, Mineral, Vegetable by Kingsolver

  166. Michael AZ says:

    BabyBlonde – great post. You rock.

  167. babyblonde says:

    SD Guru; I think you misunderstood me. Slitting my own throat because of scaring guys off that would be happy to pay that and more but just don’t want to be asked for it. Actually I got two straightforward offers today for over $10k each!!! OMG!! :-) I’m shocked. One is too young for me, and the other overseas but it’s nice to know they aren’t all scared off. LOL

    How many Sugar Daddie’s have you had? I speak from many years experience which trumps analytical theories.

    I know tons of women all over the world with the same experiences as mine and in no way are they all limited to location, looks working any harder etc. etc. etc. My two biggest SD’s were from remote areas! You may know how to be a great Sugar Daddie and you work in the Sugar Daddies best interest behind the title of Guru But you are not the Sugar Baby Guru my dear friend. I may miss out on a lot of money because I don’t cater to guys like you. I surround myself with Sugar Daddies who have a different attitude. When I find them I am much happier because I don’t have to maintain all these ridiculous standards that guys like you are expecting. I may not be everybody’s type, and that’s okay.

    “Escort Fallacy” Please do not tell me how to run my life. I’ve done quite well this long without it and I will continue to do things my own way. You are being very presumptuous and I find it quite annoying. It seems as though you take issue with us doing well and not having to work hard enough for it.

    Not every woman wants “help” some have a business head on their shoulder and don’t like that feeling and would rather break it down business style. That is not a “Fallacy” Sure letting them “help” me with my bills and goals is great with some guys that’s nothing new, but I may not want to share that with every SD I meet only certain ones I feel comfortable would take me seriously. Some guys you have to make them take you seriously. It takes different tools with different guys. And sometimes when you get to my level of pay you have to break it down for them. This is what I make, this is how your offer makes me feel, like you don’t care and want a volume discount you have to apply different techniques to different guys. Then Cha-Ching!!! Years later it’s still going on because you made it clear your time is worth something.

    It doesn’t matter that you call it “Escort Fallacy” it works and it really needs to be said. Also, that talk was intended between women here as a way of bringing up our feelings, not to be judged by others as a fallacy or flaw in our thoughts. It’s a very valid point and it’s something you guys seem to forget that bothers us. Why should we settle for less than an escort anyways? Until I know someone is solid and consistent at the very least. What happened to men in the world today?

    Too many guys come on this site expecting to get one of us as a workaround to getting a hooker, if I have to break it down for a guy to respect me and get what I want than that is how I will do it. If he doesn’t like it he can just thank me for my time and move on. Seems to me you keep thinking this is my first time or something. My biggest SD’s I have gotten BECAUSE I broke it down hourly BECAUSE they respect my time BECAUSE it’s something they can relate too. How they would do it if it were them in my shoes. Those are my kind of guys, my friends who have my best interests at heart. The ones who DON’T can kiss my nice a** goodbye!

    With that as a basis, we go from there and then I have set the standard. As they spend money on me and it shows me that he is going to be around I appreciate the stability and maybe I’ll be happy with a lot less if it means keeping this person as a friend. Some of my old SD’s are my best friends now!!! Better than my best friends because we built that bond through this technique. A man is suppose to court a woman not the other way around. You either get it or you don’t and I’m not courting a guy. That’s my secret to big time SD’s and no sex.

    To be honest, I’m tired of analyzing this it’s pointless. You can continue to critique me and discredit my experiences all you want but doing so does not in any way make your beliefs become Truth, you are painting with too broad of a brush. If you were a woman I would see why we would be going around and around. but I feel like you are hung up on proving some really trivial negativity that only a woman or SB would know anyways.

    If you were an SB my advice to you would be to be more positive and then you wouldn’t be having all these difficulties but you are not an SB. So what’s the point?

  168. Lily – thanks for the book suggestion, I have just ordered A General Theory of Love.

    What are the other 4 books on your top 5 list? Looking for something new.

  169. Lily says:

    Why do people think I’m in Paris? I threw a party there. Doesnt mean i live there.

    Out of everyone on this blog, I am living in the area with the FEWEST millionaires.

    So please reconsider your assumptions and re-read my statements with a more accurate understanding.

    I agree with SD Guru that trying to tally up allowance and see if you’d make more escorting is silly. I don’t do that at all, and don’t see the relevance. If he’s sugaring you up in reasonable correlation to your needs and wants and his abilities,and you dig him and enjoy showing your appreciaton, then YAHTZEE! Regardless of escorting rates comparisons.

  170. babyblonde says:

    Lisa about those Texas guys, they have money and they like to spend it on hot women but I know what you mean about the wardrobe thing. What about putting in your profile well dressed men only?

  171. WCSD says:

    Lisa – No one should sacrifice their well being for anyone. Whether it lasts or not there is no reason to make things worse for yourself (hey we agree on something!).

  172. SD Guru says:

    There are some interesting topics brought up by Lily and Babyblonde. I may begin to sound like a broken record as I refer back to things I’ve written to illustrate my point.

    [I’m adding some tags to bold and italicize the text so let’s see if it works]

    babybonde says:

    Yesterday I put up $5-10K required again although I know that is slitting my own throat with some pot SD’s who I can get to spend lavishly on me. It’s just too overwhelming a task online dealing with so many emails online.

    Lily says:

    I think I’ve had the rare experience of finding out of town SDs who are satisfied to see me every 4-6 weeks but willing to provide $4-6k/mo anyways. I guess they’re not as common in the states?

    As I have mentioned before, the higher the dollar amount you’re seeking and the longer the requirement list is for a SD, the field of pot SD’s starts to get much smaller and your search will be more difficult and take longer.

    Also keep in mind of the location and environment you’re in. NYC and Paris are two of the unique places in the world. What’s normal for you there may not be the case elsewhere. Even though there are plenty of mega millionaires in those cities, in reality we have seen many examples of why some wealthy men are not willing to provide financial support, thus reducing the field of pot SD’s even further.

    babyblonde says:

    But to come to the table and say you were kind of thinking $3000 for 4 or more times a month and we hang, have dinner watch a movie together is like telling me I am not worth what an escort makes and you are looking for a volume discount.

    This type of thinking is what I call the “escort fallacy”. As some SBs compare themselves to escort rates, their thinking is if an escort can get $x/hr or $y/day, then surely I’m worth a lot more. While that thinking may appear to be reasonable and logical, from a SD’s perspective it’s really counter productive. Being a SD means that we’re not looking to pay by the hour or by the day. That’s what escorts are for. We’re looking for an on-going relationship with someone who we care about and are willing to provide the assistance she needs.

    If a SB wants to be paid the equivalent of an hourly or daily rate, then that could really turn the SD off so I’d recommend that you don’t get into the “escort fallacy”. A better way is to think about what your needs and goals are and explain that clearly to the SD and let him know your expectations. If a SD’s offer does not meet your expectation, then simply thank him for his time, decline his offer and move on.

    Lily says:

    And I’ve never cancelled on an SD. Obviously if having other SDs were affecting my ability to be there for one SD, then that would qualify me as being a pretty crappy SB.

    Obviously your have much better time management skills than your peers. The issues I mentioned regarding a SB having multiple SD’s are meant as possible issues to think about. It’s not meant to imply those issues will happen in your case.

    Lily says:

    The human libido is a tricky, complex & delicate thing…

    Actually you’re talking about the female libido. You’re giving us men too much credit for our libido, it’s definitely not tricky, complex and delicate. :)

    Arousing the female libido is a fine art that men must master regardless of their net worth. 😉

    Have a good Memorial Day weekend everyone!

  173. Lisa says:

    Be back later. Off to meet my daughter when she gets off work.

  174. Lisa says:

    WCSD I got a late start on independence in my life. I went from home to marriage to home and lived there with my daugher for many years. didn’t actually have my own place till 5 years ago at age 39. Working low paying jobs leaves little for indendence. I got the opportunity to get out 5 years ago and ended up in a really bad apartment. Was stuck there for years because of my bad credit and low income. Met an sd earlier this year and within a month he moved me to a nice safer place in the same complex my family lives in. He paid my rent for 6 months but i’ve got to pay it in full each 6 month lease because I make half of the required income. It’s a miracle that i’m in a better place thanks to him but I couldn’t have did it on my own, well without I could have paid off thousands in debt and doubled my income so I would never risk it. If i fell in love,moved in with or married I would never be able to get back where I am when the relationship ended (and yes it would end) so I may be open to something serious but then again it would be a waste of time. I’d rather stick to having a sd, not much into modern dating.

    As far as puting on a front, I mean around friends and family and coworkers. I have no problem being warm and loving around a man who treats me right, it’s just I will always have a certain lack of trust and will never sacrifice my well being for something that will not last.

  175. WCSD says:

    Lisa – I don’t understand why being independent and trusting someone to become emotionally involved with them cannot exist at the same time. I’ve always been independent, my whole life. When a relationship ends is my heart broken? Yes. Am I not able to survive independently because it ends? Never. How does a SD ‘let you down’ when they poof? You mentioned that your last SD was great at making you feel good about yourself, but you lost that all when he poofed? Why does feeling good about yourself have to be linked to having the SD around? They poofed…so what? You had fun while it lasted, you are sorry they are gone, but on the whole, you are better off. You’ve had fun while it lasted, had a connection that made you feel better about yourself, and hopefully put a little money away for a rainy day.

    My biggest fear in the SB world and the ‘real’ dating world is that someone ‘puts on a good front when needed’ just to be around me. If someone isn’t interested in being with me, then don’t be with me. I don’t want to date an actress, I want to date a person.

  176. WCSD says:

    Michael AZ – I need an emotional connection to have any relationship (family, friends, SB dating, regular dating, etc.) I believe the transition can happen from SD/SB dating to regular dating, but both parties have to be willing to do it. In general it is always one who ‘goes there’ first, and usually gets to the point in the SD/SB relationship where they want more (they want to transition it to a ‘real’ relationship). In general, I’d say most of my SB relationships end because of this (they want more, I don’t, so we gracefully exit).

    That isn’t because of them, it is because I don’t want it to go there at this time. Do I believe at some point it time it could happen? Absolutely! I believe that one day love will just sneak up on me and knock me over the head, and who knows when or where that will happen. Hopefully the other person feels the same, but to me, life isn’t life if there is never any emotional connection.

    Will you be let down by people you are emotionally connected to? Absolutely! But that’s because we are human, and emotions are a tricky thing. Emotions don’t fit into my logical engineer’s mind, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want them….it just means I can’t predict them (and if someone else can…please teach me!).

  177. Rachel says:

    Let me clear something up on my post… just reread it….. In my arrangements there are obviously feelings in the arrangement, but there is still a detachment element present.

  178. Lisa says:

    Lily my insurance doesn’t cover much. It is super cheap and covers nothing. I am 44 and only been to the doctor once in the last 25 years and that was when I went to the hospital to have my daughter, so then I never went to the doctor. Too expensive and not an option.
    I’ve given up on serious dating. Truth is I cannot trust anyone enough to make that sacrifice. I must maintain my independence to some extent. Yes i’m seeking a sd so that I can build up savings, have some fun, and enjoy life a bit but I would never live with or marry anyone as when it ended i’d find myself starting over again. I’ve already had to do that a couple times in the past years so no more emotional involvement for me. I’ve become cold and distant although I can put on a good front when needed. My last sd made me feel great about myself and I did become somewhat attached to him, only to be let down when he poofed.

  179. Rachel says:

    Good afternoon everyone! Babyblonde… you couldn’t have said it better!

    Alleycat :) – For me at least… changing from a arrangement to a traditional relationship would be very difficult. Lisa touched base on it. However, for me personally, I always keep myself emotionally detached from the men I date so I don’t become to attached to them because the arrangements DO end. It’s the nature of the game (hate calling it the game but using it for lack of a better word). If a gentleman was to mention he was interested in breaking down the walls of the arrangement situation, he’d have to prove it to me first. I for one am skeptical of traditional relationships. Maybe, if things went slowly I’d be able to gradually move into a traditional relationship, but, if he wanted monogamy… he would have to continue to spoil me….. but again, that’s just my opinion.

    :)

    Happy weekend sugar fam! I’ll be lounging around catching a little sun, hanging with the girls etc. No sugar plans.

  180. Lily says:

    Lisa, you really should seek treatment for depression.

    Without positive connections/relationships with other healthy people, the human brain just cannot create healthy thought patterns & operate (i.e. fire impulses) in a balanced way, which makes a positive outlook, good attitude, and happiness possible.

    Spend a couple of hours flipping through A General Theory of Love, which is more a layman’s primer on the human brain & what mental health looks like & where it comes from (& what hinders it), than anything to do with love.

    On the list of top 5 books which changed my life & enlightened me greatly.

  181. Lisa says:

    I live in Houston, Texas land of the cowboys (yuck) and sloppy dressed people. I swear no man in this town wears pants in the summer. When one shows up like that it tells me they really don’t care about the meeting enough to make a good impression. My last sd was very professional and always well dressed. The odd thing i’ve noticed in the last few years since I started dating again is that no one says what they are wearing. When i make a date I get only a discription of hair and eye color and height,etc. I can’t remember the last time anyone told me what they’d be wearing or asked what i’d be wearing. It makes it so much harder to find them when you are having to look over every guy with brown hair and average height.

    I think it’s easier to discuss finances first as that has been what worked for me. The ones I met without any discussion went nowhere. I met one guy a long while back who talked about an arrangment with me on our coffee meeting, no figures, just plans, then he poofed and didn’t answer my emails. He’s still on the site 2 years later.

  182. babyblonde says:

    Thank you so much Lily Lisa & Mindy. I am glad someone gets it.

    I’m meeting a really wonderful man soon. He is coming in and it’ll take an hour’s drive, he is recently widowed. I have refrained from mentioning price since I didn’t have mine up at the time. But I am thinking what have I gotten myself into? I have kept our emails professional but warm. How’s he going to feel if after I let him know I want $5000 or forget it? I really see this type of meeting to discuss feature a negative in many ways for both parties.

    Although I agree completely with James.m that is the way to make the big money. That’s how I have been successful, but I don’t appreciate the responsibility of breaking hearts and leading people on I don’t know or playing these games. I would rather be upfront and save us all the time and heartache. Sadly, it just isn’t that way.

    Lisa I agree, it’s so hard in a crowded place so I have been taking notes on places we find a quiet seat and things like that. That must be a drag when they show up in sweats.

    What part of the country do you live in? I’ve never had that problem with NYC guys. I’ve only been here a few years, but I can see that happening in other areas. I would say something before, like “What are you wearing?” if they say “oh I dunno” or sweats then don’t be afraid to skip him or you can say ” Well I’m dressing up I hope you do too” I mean you are interviewing these guys as much as they are interviewing you. Or you could mention how funny it was when one guy showed up in sweats and how you love a well dressed man. Or even put it in your profile. Hopes that’s not TMI I’m sure you know what you are doing.

  183. Lisa says:

    Emotional connection just leads to disappointment. We should never allow ourselves to get to involved emotionally with anyone as people will let you down. I have found this to be true many times so I find my love in material things as people come and go, poof, disappoint you, etc where as the things you buy will be there for awhile. My sds are gone but I still have the nice things I aquired from them.

  184. Allowance would continue, probably increase. Move to monogamy, more like a dating relationship. More lifestyle involvement – contacts, business, travel etc.

    Would the change in emotional connection be an issue? or would there be a change in emotional connection?

  185. Lisa says:

    If I had an sd that wanted to move towards a traditional relationship, I would be open to the possibility providing the arrangement continued and that it meant he involved me more in his high end world. If he was just looking at it as a way to not pay allowance or turn it into just a regular dating relationship, I would not be interested.

  186. Michael AZ says:

    Transition from arrangement to traditional romantic relationship.

  187. Michael AZ says:

    Hey Lily and all others

    What is your perspective on that situation when the arrangement changes? I am sure that both parties do not realize it at the same time, and the transition can be fraught with a wide range of issues. Comments, thoughts?

  188. Lily says:

    Instigates = instigated

    rate = rare

    iPhone changing words! Ugh.

  189. Lily says:

    Oh, and the SDs who fall in love, want more than an arrangement, etc….

    That sounds like a recipe for SD-instigates drama, which is an excellent reason to back out of such a relationship, due to him breaching the spirit of an arrangement (except in rate cases when it’s mutual desire to change an arrangement into a traditional romantic relationship).

  190. Mindy NYC says:

    Amen BabyBlonde! Unfortunately, too many women are accepting those terms or less, thus giving men a skewed perception of value vs time. I’m amazed at some of the answers I’ve heard when I ask men about their prior arrangements and expectations…$5K 2-3x a week!?!

    Hi All! Just popping in to catch up. Have defininitely been enjoying all of the intelligent input! Hope everyone enjoys the weekend, especially those that get to spend it with sugar!

  191. Lily says:

    Bravo, babyblonde!
    We do all have our routine, and it is time and $$ consuming.

    Next time your jaw drops when your date shows up, remember that her dinner you’re buying her was less expensive (by far), than what she’s invested in that night to look that smoking hot, except in rare cases of the fanciest restaurants.

    The volume discount concept is horrid! Never really thought much about that, because I’ve never been (or potentially been) in an arrangement where I sat and calculated the bang-for-the-buck breakdown and compared that w/ local going rates for an escort. Kind of impossible to do since sex doesn’t always happen if I’m not feeling like it.

    SD Guru, *ONCE* i’ve needed to be clever to throw one SD offthe scent , when w/ another. in five months. Once.
    And I’ve never cancelled on an SD. Obviously if having other SDs were affecting my ability to be there for one SD, then that would qualify me as being a pretty crappy SB.

    I should have clarified another obvious point, apparently. When I mention the concept of juggling multiple SDs, I mean IF you’re *able* to more than fulfill what each SD expects and hopes for. I just thought it went without saying that being the best sugar you can be is part of a successful sugar lifestyle, whether within a single, or multiple, arrangements. Juggling badly is not an option I’ve ever considered. That comes from only entering into secondary or third arrangements if and when you’re sure that you have the available resources, time, energy, and emotions-wise. Sugars are special friends, with loads of mutual benefits, and use emotional reserves a bit more than your casual pals in life. In such a sweet way. :)

  192. Lisa says:

    The out of town ones seem to disappear before they make it into town or in my experience they will contact me saying “I’m going to be in your city in a few weeks” and then instead of keeping in touch and getting to know each other’s expectations, etc., they disappear and if they reappear, it’s the day they arrive in town and they want to meet for dinner. I mean really would anyone in their right mind meet a stranger at 9 pm for a late dinner when they know nothing about the person? I’ve had this to happen several times and of course I am limited on getting out at night since I don’t have a car and trying to give directions to an out of town of town person when I’m not familiar with my city’s freeways anyway, is not possible and also considering the fact that I can’t entertain on last minute as it seems it’s always on a night before I have to get up early for work.

  193. Lisa says:

    I agree babyblonde, and what’s even more disappointing is when you spend all the time making yourself look nice and the man shows up looking like a slob in sweatpants or cargo shorts (that is the summer staple for men in Houston it seems). It is so much easier to discuss finances and meetings before hand as when you finally meet it’s natural to be a little nervous and it’s often difficult to get the subject to come around, especially when you’re at a crowded restaraunt and might be overheard.

  194. Lily says:

    I think I’ve had the rare experience of finding out of town SDs who are satisfied to see me every 4-6 weeks but willing to provide $4-6k/mo anyways.
    I guess they’re not as common in the states?

  195. babyblonde says:

    I have to agree with Lisa and Anna Molly on many levels. This is one of my biggest pet peeves of mine about Sugar Dating men is that they don’t want to discuss finances until their is chemistry.

    The reality is their are many men who are in denial about paying it and I hope we can cut through all the games one day to save us all a lot of wasted time. But unfortunately men think that the real estate agent should always send extra photos, answer endless questions and emails on a cheery note, & get out of bed, get all dressed up just to show them apartments they can’t even afford. Only this is personal you have to be stronger than that.

    Although I empathize with men very much so on this point, no one wants to feel used for their money alone, I find it actually creates the undesired effect by being unrealistic and not efficient. Yesterday I put up $5-10K required again although I know that is slitting my own throat with some pot SD’s who I can get to spend lavishly on me. It’s just too overwhelming a task online dealing with so many emails online.

    When I meet a man from online, it has to be on my day off that I would much rather be spending with friends or whatnot. We go through all the endless back and forth emails of when and where trying to coordinate our schedules. If we make it through round one…

    Then I make sure:
    highlights are done
    hair is trimmed
    nails are done
    clothes are dry cleaned and matching
    eat well and stay away from sweets and caffeine the day before
    sleep well
    skip running errands to I am rested and focused when we meet
    facial
    makeup
    heels
    I don’t shave for a couple of days so I am smooth & then shave the day of and body scrub just in case 😉

    This is my routine. Every woman has one. Whether it’s makeup or hair or dry cleaning and spending $80 to get our nails done…it’s to look our best it costs about the same as that dinner you are buying us. Men are visual and we know this.

    Then we meet and I field questions like Miss America, nervously wondering what the heck are we doing here? What does he want, what does he like, most importantly does any of this even matter because what does he have to offer me is the key that is going to unlock that door and make this happen. Trying to stay in the present moment and not get wrapped up into the outcome…breathe stay focused and smile!

    Then he loves me, I love him this is great! Now that we are all worked up the discussion begins. Then reality sets in, we had different amounts or amounts of time in mind. I can tell these men are bargain shopping. Even though I put “generous gentlemen” in my profile. They think that I am here looking for someone to get laid and a few extra bucks is just to help with the bills. Or they can do better than me, which I cannot argue. That’s fine. But to come to the table and say you were kind of thinking $3000 for 4 or more times a month and we hang, have dinner watch a movie together is like telling me I am not worth what an escort makes and you are looking for a volume discount. So why not say hey you are worth more than an escort I really respect you and care about you as my friend. I have $3000 to spend why don’t we see each other 3 times or less a month if that’s the case? NOPE they are looking for the volume discount and mainly I think it’s because they don’t like to feel like they are paying for it. They want a girlfriend who loves them not because they are cheap and don’t have the money, not because they are mean or disrespectful. (some are but I’ve already weeded them out at this point)

    Sorry but this creates a situation that causes women to do one of two things in response, lie feign interest to get your money or gifts or become bitter about the next pot SD if they are not strong and stay super positive.

    I’ve seen so many women get so frustrated with men that they will drink themselves silly to the point they will say or tolerate anything just to make a living off of men or they let themselves start to feel that their self worth is tied into this and give up or blame men or just not have the heart to put themselves out there the next time and snap at the next poor guy who is just trying to be cautious. It takes a very EXTREMELY strong woman to withstand this and repeat it over and over and over again.

    Now I know why realtors have an Open House.

    By the way I liked the article very much.

  196. Lily says:

    I enjoy sex when I am in the mood for sex, outside of the sugarbowl. Criteria for choosing lovers are specific to that endeavour.

    Being a spoiled and highly valued sb (with the right classy gentleman sd type guy) turns me on and gets my libido flowing. It’s just sexy to be given ridiculous splendour. Makes me feel like a treasured jewel. And a sexy one, and like I’m in a situation where security is somewhat plausible (the well isn’t about to run dry, and even if it were, I’m able to stash most of my allowance for a rainy day and breathe easier about the future), which again, puts me in a more seduce-able mood. Criteria for the sd who
    may land himself in this enviable (albeit expensive) position are very different than the criteria for choosing a lover.

    If a man gets in the door based on one set of criteria, then he’d better continue to rock those standards if he doesn’t want to get disqualified. Very seldom is a guy able transition from one role to another with style. Very seldom would a guy satisfy criteria of both (WCSD being a rare exception).

    Even the suggestion of pay per play kills my libido completely, as it just simply walks the line between prostitution and sugar too finely, and the thought of turning tricks turns me off. The human libido is a tricky, complex & delicate thing, easily spoiled for the moment. That’s a trigger for me to lose my sexual appetite.

    I’m not selling sex for cash, period, although I have nothing against that.

  197. Lisa says:

    Meeting an sd or sb without first having so idea of what each expects in finances/time is like going to look at a house or apartment to see if you like it without even considering if you can afford it or how the commute to/from work will be. I find men are very quick to talk intimacy before meeting (i’ve found this to be true in probably 99 percent of men i’ve talked to) where as finances are something to be avoided? Every sd i’ve had has let me know what he can provide financially before we met. The few that i’ve met without any discussion were either flakes or fakes looking for a girlfriend or booty call.

  198. james.m says:

    Angela,
    I agree with Anna; it is much more important that you meet, like, and feel an attraction to the SD before discussing money. Also, before you meet, you should have several e-mails, followed by phone calls, to make sure your expectations and his are in line. You can use that to ask some open-ended, leading questions, such as “are our expectations about frequency of meeting, roles, and financing in line?” (assuming you have a dollar range posted). Or, “Have you had an SB before, and if so, what type of arrangement did you have with her.”

    One reason to avoid the financing discussion until after you have met is to avoid the discussion until you have determined that you are attracted. The other is a negotiating point: if you ask him to negotiate before he has met you, then he will be more strict in his negotiating becasue he doesn’t know what he is getting. If you meet, and wow him with your personality, looks, intelligence, and understanding of the SB concept, then he knows he is getting a good package and you have the upper hand in negotiating.

    For what it’s worth, you should also have a list of points you want to discuss, which are just as important as money, and they are all part of an arrangement. They have been listed in previous blogs (between Thanksgivin and Christmas, I believe). Use the Control F function to find them. They include such things as frequency, intimacy, safe sex, need for discretion, etc.

  199. Anna Molly says:

    Everyone has their own style of sugar dating, so, you should always do what you feel comfortable with. :)

  200. Lisa says:

    You can’t tell if you will like someone until you meet them face to face but at least you know if you are on the same page in financial and time terms. You might find a job that sounds appealing but when you go to interview you find it’s not right for you regardless of the pay. However you certainly would not even bother going for an interview at mcdonalds if you were trying to make some good money.

  201. Anna Molly says:

    a.) So, you discuss money and everything is great! You meet the person and you don’t like them….waste of time, right?

    b.) You don’t discuss money, you meet the person and you don’t like them, another waste of time.

    My point is this; you can still end up wasting time whether or not money is discussed up front. Just because you talk about money in the beginning doesn’t mean there will be chemistry. :)

  202. SouthernGent2 says:

    Looks like there is a lot of desparate for sugar daddy girls signing up. You can tell that school is out now, and having a sd is better than having a minimum wage job for most of these. Lots of college girls on here now.

  203. Lisa says:

    It’s best to discuss that before meeting. Some might think it’s tacky but then again many of the sds bring up intimacy before meeting. It’s kind of like looking for a job. You wouldn’t go to a job interview without finding out the scheduling and having some idea of what it paid.

    A serious sd will know what he wants and what he can afford and if he has any business sense at all he will be able to tell you what he expects and what he can offer. Many on here are looking for affairs, girlfriends or wives rather than sbs. I see some of the same faces on here that are also on match and yahoo and every other site. Some have no idea what this site is about.

  204. SD Guru says:

    @Lily – I don’t disagree with what you said, but I’d offer a different way of looking at it.

    You wrote: “If an SD is expecting more than was agreed upon in the original parameters of the relationship, he’s a fool.”

    Of course he is a fool. But as we all know, some men are fools especially when money and emotions are involved despite having a non-exclusive NSA arrangement. The higher the amount of financial and time commitment, the higher the expectations the SD may have. That’s just human nature regardless of what arrangement is in place. I have heard many stories from SB’s that their SD’s became too attached and want more. As you pointed out, the SD do so at his own folly, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

    You wrote: “You keep mentioning how SDs know when you’re spread too thin, but that is just flimsy and based on nothing concrete.”

    Is everything everyone say here based on something concrete? :)

    You wrote:

    “If a girl normally casually dates 5-7 guys here & there, in between serious relationships/marriage, and switches to sugar dating and has 2-3 SDs, she may scoff at the idea that NOW, because material generosity is involved, she’s spread “too thin” and the guys will magically know how many others of the opposite sex she spends time with and will become disgruntled about it, if that approach of dating around casually with more than one man has never been a tough juggling act before.”

    Ah… you may scoff at that idea, but let me explain how a SD would look at it. If you recall, I wrote a post explaining how the dynamic is different between regular dating and sugar dating and how the roles are reversed. The same concept applies here and the expectations of casual dating and sugar dating are different. You can casually date many guys at your leisure, make your own schedule, and blow them off on a whim or change plans at the last minute if you want. The guys won’t like it, but you’re just dating them casually so what did they expect anyway.

    When an arrangement is in place for sugar dating, the SD has expectations on when and how much time you spend with him. You have to work around his busy schedule (especially if he is married) and can’t just blow him off or change plans on a whim. Well, you can, but the arrangement won’t last long if you did. As a SB spreads herself too thin, her SD’s may start to notice that she’s too busy for them and can’t be as available or as flexible with her time as before. It’s tough enough to make plans when one party has a busy schedule, it’s even tougher when both have busy schedules. Now throw travel into the mix and it’s exponentially more complex.

    You mentioned you tried to juggle your schedule with two SD’s so that one won’t notice the other. Now imagine doing that with a third or fourth, you think they won’t notice? One of the most important attributes a SD value in a SB is her reliability. Spread yourself too thin and reliability will start to suffer. This is fine for casual dating, but not a good idea in sugar dating.

    I hope I have provided an useful perspective to help you look at things from a different point of view.

    By the way, you wrote: “I won’t do pay per play, even though I might have gone home with him for free.” I have a theory for that kind of thinking in women. But it’s not appropriate to disclose it in a public blog! 😉

  205. Angela says:

    Thanks for all the information. My only concern with the money thing, is if I meet him and we get on but his budget is alot lower then what I’m expecting. Or if it turns out he wasn’t honest about how much he made on his profile. I just don’t want to waste time meeting someone who only wants to pay $1000 a month.

  206. Lisa says:

    Good morning

    Angela, upgrading really only means you can see who viewed you, added you as a favorite,etc. And anyway I see no reason to view anyone who didn’t contact me as it means they aren’t interested.

    I think it is important to discuss finances before meeting to make sure you are on the same page. You would be surprised at the number of sds on the site that are clueless and think paying for dinner makes them a sd. And you also need to make sure his plans on time match yours so you will have time to see each other. My previous sds asked me within the first couple emails what I was looking for in allowance and also stated what they were seeking timewise. The few that I met without any discussion turned out to be not serious or just looking for affairs.

  207. Anna Molly says:

    Hi Angela! Welcome to the blog :)

    I like having a premium account because you can see who put you on their favorites list. If I like their profile I will email them and say thank you and compliment them and I would always get an email back. It helped a lot with my search.

    Travelling to see a POT is your choice. I have never traveled to meet someone, they have always come to me, so, I’m not the best person to really answer this question. You should always be safe and take the time to get to know the person through emails, phone calls and chats to see how comfortable you feel, although, you never know how the person will be once you’re alone with them so you should have a good safety plan in place if you decide to meet them. I’m sure there are other SBs and SDs here that can answer this question better than I just did…lol

    I never talk about allowance or anything of that nature before I meet someone. If they want to talk about that subject right away they will bring it up to you. You should go on the first date, relax and have fun! Use that opportunity to get to know each other and decide if you want to enter into an arrangement with the person, if you do, then the terms of the arrangement can be discussed. :)

    Of course, these are just my opinions and what has worked for me in the past. In the end, you do what you feel comfortable doing and most importantly have fun on your sugar journey :)

    Good Luck!!

  208. Enigmatic SD says:

    Angela – if you are getting messages, I wouldn’t upgrade to premium. As an SB, the only clear advantage you get from premium is that you can see who viewed your profile and who added you as a favorite.

    I would HIGHLY recommend against traveling to see an SD in another country. Traveling to see another SD in the same country can be a little risky, but it can be done if you have an escape plan, a ticket that you purchased (and were paid for in advance) so it can’t be canceled. You will also need a separate room in your name. Overall, best to have the SD come to you for the first meeting.

    I recommend reading the old blogs regarding money issues…. there are widely varying opinions on this one.

  209. princessblueyes says:

    Hi
    I have been reading the blog for a while now and wanted to join in now that I have got a feel for everything.

    I have to say having more than one SD (maybe 2) in the same town would get hard and exhausting. Some traveling to see a Long distance SD and have an in town SD would work but still be exhausting. I am stuck still trying to find 1 SD

  210. Angela says:

    I am new to the Sugar World…I have a few questions, if anybody would be nice enough to answer.

    1) Is it worth upgrading to premium? I’m already getting a few emails from being a standard member so I’m wondering if upgrading would be necesary or not?

    2) If a guy messages me from another country & asks me to travel to visit him…Should I? and if I do, should I be settling an amount for coming?

    3) Do you guys pre-arrange money issues before meeting a guy? Alot of guys are asking to meet right away, but I’m not sure if asking how much they can give me would be an appropriate question to ask someone I haven’t even met yet.

  211. Deborah says:

    I had an SD who wanted to make me one of many!
    At least I knew right up front what I was dealing with haha
    How does one find an ‘out of town’ SD that may travel to your city?

  212. Anna Molly says:

    Wow!!! I have some major catching up to do!!!

    Good morning everyone :)

  213. Enigmatic SD says:

    c-baby — as a first suggestion, try using proper grammar and spelling. Also, the use of “text speak” is a major turn-off. Most SDs are looking for SBs that appear literate.

  214. c-baby says:

    is it me or is finding a sugar daddy really difficult on dis site……she is really lucky to have as much SD as she did, since i sign up on d site i havent found any SD, not even ONE… (i wonder wat im doin wrong)..somebodi HELP plzzzzzzzzz

  215. Lily says:

    Lindsay – sorry to hear about one of your first SDs passing away. That’s tragic.

    Lisa – I’m an events planner; I have my own company and can therefore be very flexible with my time. I also freelance for another events company but probably will become a co-owner of that in the next year. Again, very flexible work depending on what project is going on.

    Arrangements take on so many different forms. They’re like snowflakes.

    I’ve only had 1 SD who is local and I’ll say that I prefer long distance. Life is compartmentalized so neatly and cleanly that way.

    NYC girls— I’m still working hard to find a dreamy SD in your area so I can be 1-2 weekends over there per month! Whoop! Wish me luck!

    I’m meeting a potSD in Switzerland for a date next week. Let’s see how that goes.

    Saw potSD w/ the ex- girlfriend who may not be an ex anymore last night for dinner, and he and i ended up agreeing to be friends. But the alchohol made him blurt out that if I went home with him that minute, he’d do a thousand euros.

    Heh. No thanks. I won’t do pay per play, even though I might have gone home with him for free. I liked him. But being offered a grand in cash felt icky. If it would have been a suprise in my bag that I discovered later, that would have been fine. But the second he offered a pay per play encounter as a consolation for not wanting to commit to a monthly allowance, I just went cold and was ready to go home alone & to sleep.

  216. Lily says:

    If an SD is expecting more than was agreed upon in the original parameters of the relationship, he’s a fool. No matter how much money or how many dates per month, her time away from him is her time to do as she pleases. Period!!! if he wants exclusivity from an sb, then he should locate an sb who wants to offer exclusivity. Full stop.

    It truly is regardless of the money he’s CHOSEN to pour in her direction out of GENEROSITY (not because we SBs are “for sale”) and his hopes of pleasant appreciation coming back to him in ways he’ll enjoy.

    Money isn’t everything, (time spent together hanging out is also NOT everything) and if he wants strings attached, he oughtta work out a strings attached relationship with a mistress he provides for with a woman seeking the same thing. They’re out there.

    You keep mentioning how SDs know when you’re spread too thin, but that is just flimsy and based on nothing concrete so I’ll just state that this is all RELATIVE. If a girl normally casually dates 5-7 guys here & there, in between serious relationships/marriage, and switches to sugar dating and has 2-3 SDs, she may scoff at the idea that NOW, because material generosity is involved, she’s spread “too thin” and the guys will magically know how many others of the opposite sex she spends time with and will become disgruntled about it, if that approach of dating around casually with more than one man has never been a tough juggling act before.

    Again, the agreement at the beginning is king, and if one side expects additional provisions to be included in the arrangement that were never mentioned or agreed upon, he does so at his own folly.

    Period.

  217. SD Guru says:

    @WCSD, Lily, Lisa – Sounds like we agree more than disagree and we’re saying some of the same things differently. It’s useful to have different point of views when looking at a complex issue.

    I’ll summarize my views on a SB having multiple SD’s as follows:

    – In a non-exclusive NSA arrangement where it’s understood that both parties can have other relationships, “don’t ask, don’t tell” is the best approach regarding other relationships the parties may have.

    – The higher the amount of financial support the SD provides and the more time he spends with his SB, the higher the expectations the SD may have, even in a non-exclusive arrangement.

    – A SB with multiple SD relationships could run the risk of spreading herself too thin. Even if she thinks she can put in 100% effort when she is with each SD, the SD’s can still tell the difference if there is too much going on in her life.

    – If the arrangement is “occasional” in nature where the financial and time commitments are not significant, then that leaves plenty of room for each party to seek other relationships.

    I understand there are exceptions to the above and individual experiences may vary.

    @WCSD – You wrote:

    “As for the amount of financial support, I don’t consider my support based on what other support she may or may not be getting. I base it on what I want to offer for the time we spend together. Do you pay an employee less who has a second job compared to one who has only one job, yet they both put in the same amount of time and performance?”

    I don’t disagree with what you said but I’d look at the issue differently. Since you used employees to illustrate your point I’ll use a similar approach.

    If I hire a contractor to perform a certain task at a certain price (an “arrangement”), do I care what other task the contractor is doing and at what price? The simplistic view is to say who cares as long as the contractor performs the task at the price as agreed.

    However, I think it does matter because what other work the contractor is doing may have an impact on the quality and schedule of the task. And if the contractor is doing the same task at a lower price for others then I’d question why am I paying more. This is especially important if the task is longer term and requires a significant amount of financial and time commitment.

    I’m not saying one way of looking at the issue is better than the other. I’m just pointing out a different way of looking at it.

    @JSB – Which posh restaurant did you pick in Toronto?

  218. Lindsay says:

    Hello!
    I am new to this site and figured I would check out the blogs. After reading the whole conversation, I say if a SB or SD can handle more than one of the other, then go ahead. I personally had 2 SD’s for a little over 2 years (and both my firsts if that makes sense). One had passed away in a bad car accident. I was very torn up over it as we had a NSA relationship, but were very close, not to mention he was going to fly me out to see him a week after the accident. My other SD was aware of the other and even offered to pay for my flight and hotel to attend the funeral. We later stopped our arrangement because I just no longer wanted to be a SB. I guess it all depends on how the men and women are and if they are comfortable knowing they are not the only one.

    But I’m back and figured I would say hello to everyone out here!

  219. SOaringSparrow says:

    Hey all! Gonna catch up…should take a bit…..Hope everyone had a FAB day!

  220. JSB says:

    Wow lots to catch up…good posts, I like how there are different points of view!!

    Update: Meeting a pot for the FIRST time!!!!! eeekkkkkkkkk

    We were going to meet 2 weeks ago…this is the guy who wanted to send me a car even though I live an hour away…we rescheduled and I am driving in since this is the first meet, but I am excited…he picked a really posh restauarant in Toronto which earns him bonus points because I am a foodie, and he listened to my fav type of cuisine…should be fun!

  221. babyblonde says:

    Good news!:

    “The world is awash in money! Do you hear what that means? It is awash in money. It is flowing freely for everyone. It is just like Niagara Falls. And most of you are showing up with your teaspoons”. — Abraham-Hicks

  222. sweettooth says:

    Deborah~you are not alone haha…

  223. Deborah says:

    I’ve not read all this yet, but wow, I’ve got SO much to learn lol
    Thanks for sharing all your opinions.
    Whew

  224. Lisa says:

    ok back from hanging daughter’s curtains. It’s a lot easier when you can find the place where the prior tenant had the screws.

    I can see if you had several sds that were from out of town and maybe you seen each one once a month but if they were local and you seen one of them weekly, it would be difficult to see several without you quit your job. Even with your down time, one gets tired or doesn’t always feel like socializing. My last sd was perfect as we saw each other weekly for a few hours and I enjoyed his company as we did many things. I had a lover of 5 years before I met him but when the sd moved me to my new apartment and paid my rent for 6 months, I felt it only proper to break ties with my lover as I felt it would not be right to bring another man to a place paid for by another. Unfortunately sd disappeared on his own decision so I would of course do whatever I please since sd is gone.

    I can see where a local sd and an occasional long distance sd might work out but I don’t see how one could work full time and maintain several sds that they seen weekly.

  225. Lily says:

    to clarify: when I said “I don’t disclose” above, I meant i don’t disclose details of other romantic involvements, later on in the arrangement, but that’s after an initial honest disclosure of non-exclusivity at the start of the arrangement.

    Obviously. But just wanted to be clear.

  226. Lily says:

    Wow, WCSD, so eloquent and answering all these questions so well that I don’t have to! woohoo! *lazy time*

    hehehehe

    Of course you don’t go out on a romantic date with someone so that you can then sit there and discuss the other people that you have been or are currently engaging in romantic dates with also. That would kind of kill the mood, wouldn’ t it? A romantic date out is about THAT man and THAT woman connecting during THAT evening, especially when it’s an NSA agreement, which is all about fun-in-the-moment.

    Do I tell SD1 about SD2 who is able to take 4 night trips with me just so I can watch him turn green with envy because he wishes he could get away from his wife for an overnight trip with me but he can’t….just to see his displeasure? no, that would be mean, non-fun, etc…
    I don’t disclose because no good would come of it, and they understand at the beginning that they are offering what they can, to be a generous role in my life. Which is not contingent upon the fact that another does not offer what he can, to also play a second generous role in my life.

    I want an arrangement where I am providing as much from my time/energy/life as I comfortably can, and he is providing as much as he comfortably can. No bargain shopping, low balling, or skimping on my time/energy/creativity/enthusiasm/attention whatsoever, thankyouverymuch. When we’re together, it’s 1000% and when we’re not it’s none of one another’s business what goes on. This has nothing to do with other sources of income I may have, or other sources of feminine companionship and joy he may be able to find. When it’s on, it’s on, and when it’s off it’s off. This is what distinguishes arrangements from a kept mistress where a couple may be quite in love but for whatever reason the guy chooses to remain in his primary household but set up a secondary household for his lover and provide for her so that he has exclusive rights over the muse he adores and wants to be available to him and no other.

    I thought I was gonna be lazy. Whoops!

  227. WCSD says:

    SD Guru – And lastly, I agree, a SD/SB relationship should not have any drama, so hiding something and it coming out later is definitely creating drama. I tell any POTs that I’m having fun, and that means I’m dating more than one person at a time and I make sure I get an ‘I’m ok with that’ before moving forward, but as I said, I’m not bringing up these other potential relationships later on in the relationship. From what I read in Lily’s statements she is in the same area, where it is discussed upfront, but left after that because it really doesn’t have a place in that relationship (because it can cause jealousy and hurt feelings).

  228. WCSD says:

    SD Guru – I see your points. I never really look at a SB relationship as being something where I want to know about her other dating when we are together. Our time is our time. Our alone time, is our alone time and we can do with it as we please. So to answer your question, no I don’t talk about my other SBs or her potential other SDs when we are together, mainly because it is none of mine or her business.

    As for the amount of financial support, I don’t consider my support based on what other support she may or may not be getting. I base it on what I want to offer for the time we spend together. Do you pay an employee less who has a second job compared to one who has only one job, yet they both put in the same amount of time and performance?

    If the SB can’t satisfy what I’m looking for in the relationship (time commitments, etc.) then she will get dropped and a new one will be found. It doesn’t matter if her time commitments are because of another SD that she has decided is a higher priority, or family commitments that she has decided upon, in the end it is always HER decision to do what she wants, and my decision to determine if it bothers me enough to end the relationship.

  229. WCSD says:

    Lisa – Well I’ve had an SB who has been fairly far away from me, so I was seeing her maybe once a month. She obviously had time to have another SD if she wanted. I’ve actually never had a SB who was local (but getting close to that now) so I’ve never been that ‘demanding’ on time. Maybe one SD can only see a SB on Monday nights, while another one can only see you on Saturday afternoons. I can think of a million scenarios where someone has time for multiple SDs (or SBs) and still live a busy and production life.

    I’ve also learned in this life never to expect anything. If you haven’t talked about it, agreed to it, etc. then there is no point in expecting anything.

  230. SD Guru says:

    WCSD – There is a fine line between having a non-exclusive arrangement where it’s understood that both parties can have other relationships, and actually having those other relationships and have it come out in the open.

    As Lily said, she didn’t want one SD to catch on that she has another “not because it wasn’t allowed within our arrangement, but not to hurt his feelings and cause jealousy.”

    In addition, she also said “If we are honest to the men in our lives and simply prefer to disclose non-monogomy/non-exclusivity at the beginning, and then drop the subject and leave it behind…” Which implies that she doesn’t discuss her other relationships with her SD’s at all.

    Just because it’s non-exclusive doesn’t mean that both parties should put their other relationships in the open. It’s don’t ask, don’t tell because of the issues Lily mentioned above. Jealousy and hurt feelings lead to drama, and nobody wants that in a NSA relationship (well, there are exceptions of course).

    You mentioned that you have more than one SB and you don’t mind your SB’s having more than one SD. So do you know if your SB’s have other SD’s, and do you talk about it with your SB’s? I don’t know if you provide all the financial support to your SB’s in your arrangements. Would you feel differently about your SB’s having more than one SD if you provided full financial support to them? My point is, the higher the amount of financial support, the higher the expectations the SD may have, even in a non-exclusive arrangement.

  231. Lisa says:

    And the women’s libbers are going to shoot me for this one but I think it is acceptable for men to have several lovers but kind of skanky for us women to do the same.
    Ok i’m going to walk over to my daughter’s to help her hang her new curtains.

  232. Lisa says:

    WCSD I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having more than one sd but who would have time for that? Without the sb has no job and is fully supported and free all the time to do as she pleases. However it seems most sds are not looking for sbs that don’t have jobs or go to school and it seems it would be difficult to work full time at a career and maintain several sds. It would be great but it seems sds don’t want to be the sole source of income thus one must also have a job.

    However I would understand a sd that gave a large amount of support expecting exclusiveness to some extent. It might be ok for the sb to have a serious boyfriend or relationship in addition but I think most would frown if their sbs were involved with several sds.

  233. kendal says:

    i need a new sugar daddy …..:)

  234. WCSD says:

    SD Guru and Lisa – Didn’t Lily say that she is open and honest with her SD(s) about having more than one? If they are ok with it, and she is ok with it does anyone else really have a say one way or the other. Maybe Guru you require your SBs to only be with you, and Lisa you only have the bandwidth and desire to be with one SD. These are all personal choices that you have to live with alone.

    I personally don’t have a problem with a SB having more than one SD, mainly because I don’t have one SB (not usually anyway). If I really wanted someone to be exclusive to me, I don’t think she’d be my SB, she’d be my girlfriend who I just happen to spoil immensely.

  235. Lisa says:

    Another issue with multiple sds: It has been said over and over again that an sd doesn’t want a needy woman that actually needs financial help (I guess that might be someone like myself who works her butt off but makes very little) and that they all want women who have careers or big goals and so-forth. With my humble job I would find it difficult to have more than one sd at the same time (it’s hard enough to find one sd) as I have to work hard and my time is limited as I do have other things I have to do. I am curious of what type of work these sbs with more than one sd do that gives them so much free time to go out, travel, etc. Most people can’t just get off work and travel all the time or find the time to date 3 or 4 men along with working fulltime.

    I am curious Lily, as you seem to live a very exiting life with your sds and all, what type of work do you do that allows you such freedom to persue so many pleasuable activities instead of being tied in a rut job like me?

    Off to meet my daughter at work now, such a steamy day here, and it’s only May.

  236. SD Guru says:

    Lily – I agree high quality SB’s like the type you described are in as high demand as high quality SD’s. And if a SB can juggle more than one SD then more power to her, right? That may sound simple, but there are some issues to consider when a SB has multiple SD’s.

    Even in a NSA arrangement when both parties agree to keep their lives separate, it’s only human nature to be curious about each other’s lives. Most SD’s are not oblivious to things in a SB’s life that has an impact on what she does when she’s with him. Men aren’t as clueless as women think they are (well, some are, but that’s another story!).

    The ditzy blonde featured in 20/20 boasted that she has 4 SD’s after only a few months on the site and she had all the goodies to show for it. I’m sure it’s great for her, but how would her SD’s feel upon finding that out? Instead of passing judgement on SB’s who have (or aspire to have) multiple SD’s, let’s look at it from the perspective of the SD’s involved.

    High quality SB’s in high demand would know their worth and usually ask for a generous arrangement. Do you think SD’s who provide a generous arrangement would be happy with being anything other than #1? This is especially true if a SB expects to have all of her expenses taken care of. The SD would naturally question a SB’s motivation for wanting more.

    Let’s take NYC SB’s blog for example. She described how she was getting a generous allowance from her SD and at the same time she fell for Mr Big. She was willing to give him the hot guy discount and accept him as a gift SD without an allowance. My question to her was, how would her SD feel if he found out that she has someone on the side who is providing less to her? SD’s who provide a generous allowance usually don’t take the prospect of his SB having someone on the side lightly. It’s because doing so would appear that he is somehow subsidizing her relationship with others. In most cases a SD will not knowingly “pay” for his SB to be with someone else (except in certain fetishes but that’s yet another story).

    My personal opinion is that it will be difficult to justify having more than one SD if a SB’s financial needs are already taken care of by her SD. It’s possible to have two #1’s if neither is willing and able to provide what she needs. Having more than 2 becomes a question of whether the incremental effort required is worth the incremental sugar, and how does it impact the SD’s she already have.

    High quality SB’s like the type you described pride themselves in taking good care of her SD. Spreading herself too thin is taking a step down a slippery slope that may be difficult to recover from. OTOH, SB’s who don’t expect as much from their SD’s may be able to juggle multiple SD’s, but I don’t think that’s the situation you’re talking about.

    By the way, I didn’t know there is a crucifixion on the blog every couple of months. When is the next one? Can’t believe I missed all the fun! :)

  237. Stormcat says:

    LOL @ NYCSB ~ Well you do what you have to to get the story, right . . .

  238. NYC SB says:

    Storm – I particularly liked the part where she went to the guys apartment to verify his wealth… Uh huh yup!

  239. Stormcat says:

    About the article, I’m not impressed. If the point was that this lifestyle isn’t for everyone, then (in my best valley inpersonation) I’m going – like duh! And the guys she picked seemed, for the most part, not of the caliber that makes a gentleman SD. The conclusion was some sort of pseudoscience psychobabble about love not being an emotion but rather it being a drive. What’s the difference really between an emotion and a drive? Maybe one is a subset of the other, or one is the thing and the other the mechanism for how the thing works. Still it seems to be a nonsequator. Pseudologic that sounds good on it’s surface, peeks an emotional reaction in the listener, but reveals itself as disjointed on further analysis.

  240. Stormcat says:

    Good Morning :)

    Alleycat ~ Sorry to hear about your foot, hope it heals soon.

    Lily Dawlin ~ I thought, since you are Parisian, you may have occationed that direction. You really should get one of your SDs to take you for a visit.

    Guru ~ Thanks, I’ve started looking on-line at some properties in Côte d’Azur lately. I first started with the Rhone Valley because I favor the wine from that region, but it being in the French Alps doesn’t bode well for mild winter weather. So then I went to the opposite side of the country to the Coastal Villages in Languedoc-Roussillon. I just worry that that reageon may not be as popular as Côte d’Azur. So if I want to let the place out during the high tourist season, when I’m not there, it may not be so easy.

  241. Lily says:

    TexasSugah! yay!! happy dance!

  242. Michael AZ says:

    BB – the blog gods have to delete the posts, you can’t do it yourself. OC was moderating for a while, so she could delete. Otherwise don’t know how to do it.

  243. babyblonde says:

    Lily Great post!! Well put!

    Can we really delete a post? how?

  244. TexasSugah says:

    Morning good people.

    Looks like I missed two blogs… Sigh…

    Sweettooth-so sorry about what happened. I’m glad that you’re up and ready to try again. I’m going to take some of the advice that you were given.

    Lily – you’re always so well spoken and give the best information here abd on your blog. Bravo!

    Soooo.. I finally got a SD. Great golly. We’re going to a Cirque performance tomorrow nite. He has wonderful seats. Orchestra. Probably followed with tapas (at least I’ll push for Spanish). He wants only once a week and it appears to be outings. The allowance is not huge but nice. Basically my living expenses minus my car note ( mortgage, bills etc)

    Pot 2 is simple play… He just wants to see if he can run two households. Once a week with about the same allowance.

    Ohhh funny… There was an article in Ebony about seeking arrangement. My mother gave it to me. She suddenly got the full idea of what was going on with me. Lol

    finally I’m sure you all have seen the millionnaire matchmaker. Well I joined a service affiliated with her. I figure it may take a while soo.. A sugar dating I go..

    Sugar kisses to all

  245. Lily says:

    I emailed Lady Intim off-site and asked if she was ok.

    SD Guru – I completely agree with your previous post.
    Sorry you couldn’t find the mudslinging posts if you really wanted to see the nitty gritty for yourselves. There was some serious crucifixion going on at the end of Feb/early March as well about my having 2 SDs simultaneously, not wanting one to catch on when I went away for a few days with the other (not because it wasn’t allowed within our arrangement, but not to hurt his feelings and cause jealousy), and trying to get either of my two SDs last winter to get me two kittens (eventually I split that purchase with SD1). I was called ungrateful and worse for the sugar in my life.

    If I need to bear the brunt of people venting their frustration in my direction every couple of months, I don’t mind. I can serve that function. I do have a freakish memory, though, and remeber posts verbatim, when they aren’t boring (OC Sugarbaby calling me a “wild-card” poster with a “rough style” in terms of my choice,once, of sailor-style language being one quote I needle her about and bring up in order to tease her -that post you won’t find because she deleted it herself).

    I sense I may not have to be the only figure being crucified in the future, though, if LadyIntim and babyblonde stick around, as I’m now not the only figure on the blog speaking out that as an SB, it could be another, equally-embracable form of this lifestyle to juggle a second, and even a third SD (or a 4th, whatever, although there’s only so much time and energy in the month so it couldn’t be that many ‘frequent-get-together’ SDs). SDs never have to worry about being called bad names from having multiple SBs….because they’re bestowing financial generosity, they’re looked at more as philanthropists who are spreading their prosperity around far and wide, and practically commended for it. But when women want to spread their sugar around and live a non-monogomous love life, we are compared with prostitutes because we aren’t dating exclusively with one man (be it SD or non-SD).

    Many of us, who have positive energy, sweetness, warmth, an open heart, and tons of vivaciousness and charisma (in addition to a personality, intelligence, ambition, and head-to-toe beauty) are just as sought-after and in high-demand as the super rich SDs on this site.

    (caveat: those who are shy/introverted/timid on a site like this & hold back to some extent, and those who are not in the right geographical location)

    There, I said it. And just because those of us who fit that bill may decide we aren’t necessarily looking for any big exclusive arrangement (and prefer not to have all our sugar packets in one basket also for peace of mind, as sugar can always end abruptly) and would rather have a couple of different guys in our calendar, to stave off boredom, keep our free time booked with fun social activities, and enhance the quality of our lives two-fold (or three-fold, or whatever) in a sugar-fashion, doesn’t make us greedy, exploitative, prostitutes, or cruel to men. If we are honest to the men in our lives and simply prefer to disclose non-monogomy/non-exclusivity at the beginning, and then drop the subject and leave it behind and go back to the more romantic/fun illusion of ‘he’s-the-only-man-in-the-universe-as-far-as-I’m-concerned’ and have a great sugar dating relationship with him….and each guy has a stupid grin on his face but deep down understands that this isn’t marriage, it’s just an arrangement, and a non-exclusive one at that, but loves the fun, the spice, the relationship for what it is, and while it lasts….. then who are we hurting??? Consenting adults, disclosing, being honest, and moving forward with smiles on our faces. Who are others to judge?

  246. SD Guru says:

    Comment on the article:

    So after going on a few sugar dates she discovered “love” is what she craves? Good for her, but totally irrelevant for a SB wannabe. And it just goes to show, despite all the mega millionaires walking around in NYC, these men still have a problem with handing over a chunk of cash to a SB. As the saying goes, it’s not just how rich you are, it’s how generous you are that makes a good SD.

    Hence the dichotomy… Wealthy men don’t want to think they’re “paying” for a gf. Spoiling her with gifts and trips is fine, but somehow they just can’t overcome the stigma of giving cash. Women who can’t be intimate without “love” because doing so would cheapen the relationship, but then they routinely get involved in dead end relationships blinded by love. In both cases they’re just fooling themselves with an illusion to make them feel better.

    An arrangement cuts through the illusion so that both parties get what they really want without pretense and drama. It’s definitely not for everyone, as illustrated by the author, but it can work well for those who are able to handle it and embrace the concept.

    Having said all that, let’s step back for a moment and ask… what did we really expect from the writer of a main stream pop culture magazine anyway? Did we really expect that she’d meet some older guy and have sex with him to get her rent paid and then write about it and recommend it to everyone? Not going to happen. While the description of her dates were entertaining, her conclusion didn’t really add anything constructive to the discussion.

  247. babyblonde says:

    Rachel thank you so much for the earlier post! :-)

    NycSB I know exactly where you are coming from with those guys.I have a few good ones but nothing could ever come long term out of it. Poor guys…They are wound way to tight for me.. I prefer mellow guys, gentle guys, thoughtful and deep thinkers. Guru is deep thinker good listener and a great communicator. Good character. :-)

    Guru: Thanks for all the compliments! I love that word Moxie. :-)

    I got a great offer tonight from someone I like a lot! I just might take it but it means being done with this…I never thought I’d be asked that. I know I want to put my eyeballs in a glass of water right now. Goodnight y’all! xoxo

  248. JA-PRINCESS says:

    Wouldn’t say the article was right or wrong,each person has a different experience..her eaperience I can certainly relate to

  249. JSB says:

    ahhh just catching up but waned to say hi to all the Sugar Fam!

    SD Guru and babyblonde …great posts!!

    Anyone heard from LandyInt lately?

    K going to read the article but hope all is well in Sugar Land!

  250. sweettooth says:

    NYC SB~ Midwest actually mentioned google voice also…I do have a .edu account actually so this might be right up my alley. I have never even heard of it before. I’m going to check it out asap

  251. NYC SB says:

    hahahahaha I think i know who “Hank” is… OMFG!

    also i have a good idea who the “man with disability making it difficult to pick up women” is for sure… actually he is a good friend of mine and an awesome person

    And to conclude… i think this blonde writer is an idiot … i dont feel like elaborating but she contradicts herself on more than one occasion…

  252. NYC SB says:

    Sorry for the possibly irrelevant and delayed comments on your previous posts but here goes a novel…

    Babyblonde and SD Gury – great arguments! I work on wall street… I go out to lunch and im probably surrounded by millionaires on each table near me. I have learned one thing… just bc this is NYC and there are tons of millionaires that does not mean that they are generous or even open to the idea of being an SD. Some of them are so worried that people are part of their life bc of their money only so they become jaded. Others feel like you should kiss the ground they walk on because they are a millionaire. I had a pot SD who basically told me I should feel honored to provide him with sexual services because he is a multimillionaire. I laughed of course and dubbed him Miltimilionaire C0ck! Such is wall street. My ex SD said it right “Only on wall street you will see people in Rolce Royces taking advice from those riding in a subway.” Smart man he was… and a generous one as well. In order for one to be as generous as he was he would have to be completely comfortable with who he is as a man. As we all know though Wall street is run by insecure basterds who try to prove to the world just how awesome they are.
    SD Gury – I personally love your comments… you provide a different point of view and ask the right (and tough) questions… please continue doing so 
    Stormy – aww hugs… im glad you are happy with your SB … you deserve it!

    SoaringSparrow – how does one turn IRL man of means into an SD? Good question. I don’t think I have ever done that. However I will share this story with you (sorry everyone if I keep repeating myself). When I first spoke to NYC SD (we met on a sugar site) he clearly stated and I quote “I am not looking to pay someone an allowance or anything desperate like that” At that point I had to make a decision, do I want to date this man for the experience of it? Would I be happy with weekend getaways and fancy dinners? For me the answer was yes. After 5 dates he on his own asked me if it would be ok for him to pay my bills and help me out. There were no hints or anything. He just saw how many hours I put at my job and how motivated I was with my trading. He thought he could be of assistance (aka free up some of my time) if he paid my bills. Unfortunately that was not the case but he did it anyways. Your IRL man of means might want to do the same. Then again he might not. NYC SD had told me that he has not helped out financialy another woman that he met from the site.

    Sweettooth – holly batman… im sorry that nut job did that to you. I would contact SA and let them know about this member. What he did was harassment which is a federal offense … Also… get google voice if you have a .edu mail account you will be instantly approved. It makes life easy to block people and you don’t even need a real name connected to the phone. Also its free… I have a long write up about it on my blog.

  253. Rachel says:

    Allleycat… I definitely think most us SB’s are thinking “yep…. been there” with that article.

    Sweettooth…. the blog is here for help and encouragement as you can see. I ask for help too and ive been around for a while.

    We all come to road blocks from time to time…. its what we do at that point that defines us.

    And on that note….. that is my LAST glass of wine tonight! Loool.

  254. sweettooth says:

    THANK YOU WCSD, STORMCAT, MIDWEST, and SD GURU….I think that is everyone, however, if I am missing someone…Thanks to ALL! The advice and encouragement was just the pick me up I needed to feel a little better and more confident about this whole thing. I think it may take some time to “shake it off” and move a step forward but this is what I want and I WILL DO IT. I am a great catch with such positive energy and I really want to find that special someone who I can truly enjoy life with! I just hate that this A$$ had to ruin what should have been a fun experience for me.

    I guess if anything, he made it a learning experience and maybe I should thank him for that…but I won’t.

    I was pretty shook up and decided to delete my profile last night during my whim of paranoia..In due time I will set up another one. And I will be taking ALL of the advice in this time. I thought I was doing that before…boy was I wrong!

    Tracfone: 20.00, Phone blocking: 4.99, Yahoo “Sugar” email: Free, Advice from ALL of you: priceless….

  255. Lily says:

    Oh goodness, thank heavens I took no note of when those posts took place. But did you find the post-and-run persona “DisgustedSD?” there weren’t many posts by him and mostly just pot -shots at me.

    Anyway, Stormcat, my love. I know nothing about the south of France!

  256. SD Guru says:

    I figured I’ll post my response to the previous blog here and get to the article later.

    @Stormcat – You wrote, “I really do enjoy the process of being the object of beautiful woman’s feminine persuation.” If reminine persuation is your weakness, then by all mean enjoy it to the fullest!! :)

    As for the south of France, I’d recommend that you take a scenic drive along Côte d’Azur from Cannes to Nice to Monaco and visit every little town and village in between. Places like Antibes and Eze are very quaint and charming. I have always thought the French really know how to live the good life. You’ll find many examples of that in Côte d’Azur.

    @Midwest SB – Yes I have been through my fair share of the good, bad, and ugly. The key is to learn from your experiences and other’s so that you can repeat the good, avoid the bad, and prevent the ugly from ever happening again. Keep doing things that don’t work and then expect a different result is ultimately futile.

    @Sweettooth – I’m sorry to hear about your experience with the stalker. Unfortunately your story is not new nor unique and it happens more often than it should. You have gotten some good advice so put that to good use and make sure it doesn’t happen again. As you become more experienced in dealing with these losers and weirdos you’ll be able to spot them from a mile away and avoid them like the plague. In this journey sometimes you have to take two steps back before you can take a step forward. So the most important thing right now is for you to learn from the experience, shake it off, and take that next step forward. Good luck!

    @Lily – I searched the blogs back to March and still can’t find the “whore on her knees” reference by Disgusted SD. Could you let me know the specific date when that conversation took place please.

  257. As an article, I think it was pretty so-so. A description of a few of her dates, and kinda interesting. To SBs, the article is probably pretty funny – I can see a lot of heads nodding and saying “yep, been on that date too”

    I think the real gem of information is tucked away right at the end in the last paragraph, when she says “that love is not an emotion but a drive, and that what we experience as love triggers the brain’s reward system” – now THAT is interesting!!

    So an arrangement – being built on a reward system for both parties – triggers the brain into thinking that this is love! StormCat – ring a bell? Michael AZ – ring a bell (oh, hang on, that’s me…)

    Comments anyone?

  258. Thank you blog gods! The link is now posted above.

  259. Google “Vanity Fair Seeking Arrangement” and you will find it. I posted the link but I got moderated.

  260. In the meantime … I was off the grid for a couple of days, literally. On my SB’s ranch in Southern Arizona, no cell phone reception, no internet, just horses, dogs, country side. It was fantastic. And yes, it is a long story. And no, I won’t tell you.

  261. Michael AZ says:

    yep – can’t see it.

    Blog gods? Help?

  262. babyblonde says:

    Is it just me?

    Where’s the article?

Top