8 years ago
Test-Drive Your Sugar?

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Some sugars like to take their potentials for a test-drive before an arrangement.

Some sugars like to take their potentials for a ‘test-drive’ before the arrangement.

There are some things everyone in Sugarland agrees on, like always being upfront about your expectations, keeping the fun in and the drama out, and ensuring mutual benefit.

Yet when it comes to choosing a potential sugar, some say that a ‘test-drive’ is the best way to go. As you might have guessed, not all sugars agree…

“I just got an email from a potential but he wants to test drive his sb for awhile before he decides if she’s the one for him. No thanks” – Lisa

“No way! No free test drives! Just coffee. I will leave if anything else comes up.” – Christina

“I would offer help along the way while getting to know someone, but, I would not agree to that kind of monthly payment without a “test drive” (and I don’t necessarily mean sex when I write that). But, getting back to my car analogy, I can’t buy a Rolls…but, I can find something that I can enjoy that fits my budget.” – D-Dubs

MBA’s (Mutually Beneficial Arrangements) appeal to many because they can be initiated relatively quickly by means of negotiation – the Ying to chemistry’s Yang here in Sugarland.

Are sugar test-drives a good idea? Why or why not?

When and how do you establish trust for a potential sugar before an arrangement? Do you have a trust-test?

Are Test Drivers the worst types of sugars, or are they the smartest?

Has anyone got any good sugar-songs to share? What songs evoke the Sugar-Life for you when you hear them?


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440 Responses to “Test-Drive Your Sugar?”

  1. Summer says:

    Emma, there is a blacklist of known fake sugar dads, scammers, abusers that you can search by their name, email addy, handle, profile # or phone #. Very helpful in screening and learning those red flags to watch out for early on.

    We’re not allowed to post websites here so just google the words “fake sugar daddies exposed” and you’lll find a couple of sites to help you.

  2. ABBA – I have a dream! lol suits both the SB and SD

  3. Emma says:

    Hello everyone, I am new to this site (as a SB), I am also in Scottsdale, AZ. I just signed up a few days ago, I have received a few responses, and some with phone numbers. I haven’t responded to any, I am not sure how to weed out whom is false & whom is a real SD. Is there a black list anywhere? or is anyone willing to assist me in getting started? Thank You for any help.

  4. blondindisguise says:

    RealisticSD, thank you for the advice, I will use it in the future!

  5. RealisticSD says:

    Blondindisguise, you’re on the money with respect to me. I have a second account with a somewhat similar profile to my original one where I propose money for sex to girls I am otherwise interested in. The majority of women say yes to it, so I don’t see those women. That is the only way of separating sugar babies from what I pretty much consider to be prostitutes.

    On another note, I find it interesting that some of the women on this site think that sugar dating is dangerous and scary only for women. In reality, the sugar daddy has much more to lose–wife, kids, honor, status in society, job, career, political future, etc. And in today’s promiscuous society, losing any or all of that is much more significant than losing what exactly? Honor? Dignity? Not like the woman would be losing her virginity. That era is long gone.

    So in a sense, I test drive them before having sex, to make sure that they really are committed to and understand this type of relationship. I have realized that real sugar daddies with lots of money who are willing to provide generously are few in number and hard to come by, so that gives me some advantages. First, I go into the relationship with utmost confidence, completely straight-forward about what I am looking for. Second, I don’t have to rush sex, because I know I can always have it later if I want to. Third, I know I will never lose a sugar baby per se. If I lose interest or think that things aren’t going the way I want them to, I can take a break, and if I reconsider my decision, I just tell them I am interested in giving it another try and they are back. Every time. Kind of strage in a way, especially since I pre-screen for effective prostitutes. But I suppose, this relationship is based on the sugar baby’s need for money and the sugar daddy’s desire for attention and affection. The need for money is constant as the bills keep rolling in, but not much happens to the sugar daddy if he were to take a break from sugar-dating. This type of dynamic does not exist in regular dating. Plus, as a married sugar daddy, I do not exactly need the sugar baby for sex because that’s what my wife is for. This really creates a high bar for the sugar baby, as she has to provide me with happiness that is worth my time and money and most sugar babies have no idea how to provide that.

  6. blondindisguise says:

    I just thought of something now that I am reading your blogs!….. what if a SD in the initial conversation asks you for sex….. Maybe it is his way of test driving you to see if you will actualy go through with it? If you say yes then he is not interested! If you say no then he is actualy going to try the relationship! Just a thought I guess, or maybe I just read into things too much lol

  7. blondindisguise says:

    And another thing! Should they come to you when you meet for the first time? Or should you go to them? and if you go to them then they should pay for you to get there right! lol ………………..Someone help me out here! lol But you shouldn’t ask for anything on the first date? But if its taking up your time then shouldn’t you be compinsated? And should you make yourself completely available to them once you have established a good relationship? And should everything be on your terms or thiers?

  8. blondindisguise says:

    I have just decided to be a SB and I am new to all of this. I had sent an email to a SD and he responded respectfuly and then proceded to ask me to send him pics and so I sent him reg pics and then he asked to see sexy pics and I didn’t mind so I sent him some, but then he asked if he could interview me and he would pay for it. Then asked if he could interview me with a “test drive” involved and I told him no! ………I mean arn’t they supposed to meet you and get to know you first? That way you know they have money and are legit? I don’t know because all of this is new to me! I have two kids and don’t want to go to jail! I mean I would deff sleep with them once I got to know them and the money was right and there was a connection, but not on the first date!

  9. GLPlayground says:

    @ RRGG – It always pays to be safe than sorry.

  10. nyc i agree once again with you I am stunned and pray all women realize they are valuable and wow now I am considering the opinions just brought out. I have never been an easy target therefore very STD free and WANT TO STAY THAT WAY! MY SCREENING WILL BE TOUGHER NOW! WOW

    I AM STUNNED! NO OFFENSE ANYONE TO EACH THEIR OWN!

    I did read one point it seems to me the point was put out or you will be put out???

  11. NYC SB says:

    jaja – I wasnt taking a jab at your promiscuity… the whole post kinda left me speechless…

  12. Margo says:

    That’s why some girls even require money for going out to a first date. It was discussed earlier in this blog.

  13. Margo says:

    To jaja:
    Why do you say that your time is more valuable if you pay us for spending time with you and not the opposite?

  14. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    On the other blog :)

  15. Any comments from anyone I appreciate it. And how is everyone I see after reading we have many regulars here Hi Gemi and libby and oc and ny and oc and all the others I may have forgotten I got my profile changes made hoping its better now.
    Sincerely
    Tam369682

  16. 369682 Pour Some Sugar on Me LOL. Anyway updated my profile can anyone give opinions please especially the pics etc. All feedback positive or negative appreciated.

    HI LIBBY How is everyone today?

    I learned to search profile by number go to your profile and replace your number in browser with theirs and bam you can see theirs. (Hope that helps people advice me!)

    I welcome any and all mentors and would really appreciate any SD comments on my pics.

    Sincerely
    Tam

  17. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I disagree his attitude is to caveman for my taste lol

  18. OCSugarbaby says:

    Jaja: Your attitude is sexy … 😉

  19. ginaZ says:

    Jaja I would disagree just to play the other side. A SD wouldn’t even be a SD if there wasn’t a SB.

    My time is just as valuable, not more, not less.

    But to each his own. Stay safe.

  20. ginaZ says:

    I worry about the younger girls too SweetRed. It’ s pretty easy to be bamboozled or just simply give their bodies too freely. Not ALL some! There are very mature young women on SA who are savvy enough, but for anyone please be careful!

  21. jaja says:

    @ Margo: I understand that you weren’t responding to my post, but your rule concerning coffee misses the point. The very nature of the SB/SD relationship revolves around the fact that our time is more valuable than yours. I know that sounds terrible, but if the opposite were the case you would be a SM. We choose coffee because it is convenient for us and provides an easy escape when meetings don’t work out. Your preferences are taken into account for the second meeting and thereafter.

    @ Sweet SB: You have three strategies available: go older, go downmarket, or play in smaller markets (i.e. smaller cities, not LA, NY, Miami, Dallas, etc. where the SB/SD thing is out of control). Holding all else equal, and even if you are stunningly beautiful, thse are the inescapable facts.

    @ NC Gent: The differences are probably due to geography. I have very strict criteria w/r/t age, education, race and physical beauty,and my city still has several hundered active matches to choose from. I push for a meeting as soon as mutual interest is established, and usually make my mind up about the lady within five minutes of meeting. Lots of fish in the sea.

    @ NYC SB: I’m not entirely promiscuous. The first woman I met on this site was an NFL cheerleader and we were together for seven weeks.

  22. ginaZ says:

    Just my 2 cents…

    Based on all of the above and my own experience, no more coffee dates/SD meets. Always screen, phone conversation is best. Some level of trust and a feel for what the other seeks. If they are brisk and aloof on the phone they will likely be in person.

  23. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    If your going to give up your body for money than you are not a SB you are something else I will not mention but you have the idea.
    There is a lot more to a sugar relationship than sex. I worry about the young girls who have profiles here. Sometimes I wonder some have the maturity to handle this kind of relationship. And before I get hate mail I am NOT saying ALL.

  24. ginaZ says:

    I’m in total agreement with Margo, everything she mentioned is spot on.

    JJ you paint a picture for sure. I would not have an arrangement with someone who would just sleep with someone on a first date. STD anyone? Also, a younger gal entering into this lifestyle may be ill equipped to deal with a man in this way, and giving their bodies is a kind of disconnect, their form of currency. There are also some serious self esteem issues as well. So why sleep with these girls anyway. Ok got it. I was one of those girls once (not sugar dating) so I understand the dynamic.

  25. NYC SB says:

    Jaja – I am shocked at your research… but then again i am not… promiscuity runs wild these days…

  26. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    J J is about right in describing the general situation.

    And its pretty easy to meet several SBs a week in a place like NYC if you have anything going for you at all – and maybe if you don’t.

    I completely fail Margo test #1. Other than that I’m not so bad. Also have used starbucks when necessary. Apologies.

  27. NC Gent says:

    JaJa — I am impressed — 50 SB meetings in 6 months — so roughly 2 a week for 6 months. All of the quality SBs that I have met required several weeks of getting to know each other. In my opinion, it takes an investment of time to make a quality arrangement, and you may be getting a biased view. Just my thoughts, but whatever works for you.

  28. sweet SB UK says:

    ja ja: V interesting read, thanks for sharing. I always wonder how the SDs see things and what their experiences are. I would most strongly identify with the final category: a real connection, but with help as well. So there’s no hope?? Ahhh

  29. Margo says:

    I want to contribute.

    Sugar Daddy Testing Plan
    1. Income Test
    Red flags:
    Cheap, old or dirty car; shopping at discounted stores, low quality clothing, cheap watches or shoes, bad teeth
    2. Intellectual test
    Writing style, grammar, vocabulary.
    If a guy claims he is a doctor, but his writing language is very poor, that’s strange, because doctors learn for many years.
    3. Photo test
    Providing additional casual pictures to confirm photo identity
    4. Intentions test
    If he is going to have sex at the first meeting, he just needs an escort girl
    5. First date test
    If he invites just for coffee, he is not serious yet, just pre-screening. Inviting for coffee is a cheap way to meet expensive SB.

  30. jaja says:

    After reading through this thread and others, and having participated in this site for about six months, I am convinced that 95% of the women on this site either (1) have no idea what they want or (2) have no idea what a SD wants. I’m not flaming, I just want to offer you some perspective.

    For reference, I earn about $500k per year, am in my mid-thirties and am considered attractive.

    In six months, I have met approx. 50 SBs from this and another site. I have very specific taste and screen for intelligence prior to meeting, but probably have more meetings than most guys because I prefer to cut to the chase and see if there is chemistry.

    About 25% of those SBs have no real “number” in their own mind prior to meeting. They want to be around a successful, interesting guy whom they probably wouldn’t meet day-to-day and get to experience some new things. Most are college girls, are more comfortable with intimacy than the norm, and are a little embarassed about the money side of things. The end result for the 5-10% of men on this site who are truly desirable is that quite a few young, attractive women will come home with you on the first date and have very few expectations. They appreciate whatever help is offered, but feel awkward about negotiating. I sleep with 2/3 of this group on the first date.

    Just realize that this is the reality and it’s what you’re competing with. Any SB who thinks that there is a high probability of finding a no-sex relationship in this context is delusional or limiting themselves to much older guys who are more willing to put up with such an arrangement.

    Another 50% show up on a first date with a set of demands, essentially. They are very upfront about what they want and when they want it, but it is unclear whether they know how to or have any intention of making the SD feel special. It is all about them, and you are just a walking ATM. That might be okay for awhile if they are extraordinarily good-looking, but the sex had better happen quickly and be really hot, otherwise you’re just polluting your life with a negative person who has no real interest in improving yours on any level. About half of this group will make some kind of seedy P4P proposal on the first date, while the others will try to get you to agree to their demands that night. About 10% will engage in NSA fun w/o any agreement at all, roughly the same odds that we face in an upscale bar.

    Again, sorry for being blunt, but my experience has been that women here have very little idea how other SBs actually behave on dates as opposed to what they write in their profiles.

    Finally, 25% show up looking for a real connection in addition to some help in life, and they tend to be pretty flexible about arrangements depending on the level of chemistry. They understand that, even if they are not your GF, they had better make you feel like it while you’re together and vice versa. About half of these SBs will engage in NSA fun on the first date without any real talk of an arrangement.

    The only SBs who ask for money related to a first meeting are either pros or fall into the second category above. You must realize that, if this is your chosen tactic, a man will instantly see you in a different way than the other two categories. He will either be turned off and ignore you or agree to meet, but with very clear ideas in his own mind about how to extract as much value as possible as quickly as possible.

    In my case, I signed up looking for a classy, intelligent and educated woman in the last category, but have found that the cost/benefit ratio just isn’t there when attractive college and post-college girls are trolling here for “older BFs with limits”…

    I know what a “traditional SB/SD” relationship is from the perspective of both parties, but you have to realize that people with other agendas are also here competing for the attention of the same men that you are. Adjust your strategies accordingly or just accept that there are a lot of young women here who say that they want $5,000 per month in their profiles but at very differently in person.

    Be safe, guys and girls.

  31. OCSugarbaby says:

    Captain, welcome to the blog! Nice to meet you… lol

  32. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Katrina,
    Here is a sugar song for you: “I shot the sheriff” !
    Dating a sheriff ? Girl stay away from there.
    An arrangement is 3/6/9 months usually, so when it ends you bet your bottom dollar that you will be harrased big time with traffic violations etc.
    What has the world come to now that officers of the law also prowl the sugar world.
    On many an occasion, having multiple SDs was approved on the blog.
    Of course you ask each for the same basics.
    Nothing wrong here, just beneficial.
    Enjoy !

  33. sweetredhead says:

    SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD Exactly, I had a pot ask me if I had a web cam. I was cautious but I asked, all he wanted was to see if I was real. He had been fooled one to many times by old pictures. And Me saying I was 40 and my picture does not look look I am, well I can see his point. It was innocent. Always asks questions. Blog, email it’s all one denominational, things can be misunderstood or taken the wrong way very easily.

  34. No free test drives for me. It’s better to make clear arrangements from the start..

  35. Captain says:

    DesertBunny, you hit the nail on the head.

  36. DesertBunny says:

    Alright, one last song that evokes the ‘Sugar-Life’ for me when I hear it is Who’s Your Daddy? by Toby Keith.

    I got the money
    You got the honey
    Let’s cut a deal
    Let’s make a plan

    And the video is priceless too!

  37. DesertBunny says:

    So the scene is as follows…

    Cruising the PCH with my sexy SD. The top is down, the sun is shining and all is well in ‘sugarland’. As the music pumps… Window Shopper by 50 Cents plays. I can’t help but to smile thinking of the blog… Window Shopper! Ha!

    You’s a window shopper
    Mad at me.. I think I know why
    You’s a window shopper
    In the jewlery store… lookin’ at s— you can’t buy
    You’s a window shopper
    In the dealership trying to get a ‘test drive’
    You’s a window shopper

    Now, while the rest of the song is not relevant to ‘the sugar world’ as I see it… I find these lyrics rather amusing :)

    Music still pumping… Suga Suga by Baby Bash plays.

    Suga Suga how ya get so fly?
    Suga Suga how ya get so fly?

    He informs me as the song begins that he searched for this song especially for me. Awww.

    I wonder if he is secretly reading the blog? 😉

  38. Katrina352 says:

    I have a question which I asked once but I cannot find a reply to.
    if your PotSD is fine with your “basics” because of how he needs absolute discrection and his frequency is 3 a month If PotSD #2 is asking for the same amount of frequency should I ask for the *Bascis* again. I really like both they are very intelligent and the one he is a local gov offical…. BTW anybody ever SugarDated the Sherriff? not the Deputy’s THE SHERRIFF? kinda out in the dark about that Pleas give advice on that one!

  39. libby says:

    Look with your eyes, not with your hands!!!!

  40. DC says:

    SCCSSD- I agree. Not worth trying to analyze what a pot SD or SB is thinking. Trust your instincts. It it doesn’t feel right…don’t obsess about it….move on.

    It can take months to find the right match. Patience is the key.

    Oh and just wanted to mention that my date last week with the generous pot SD was just a one hour coffee date. I have never had anyone be that generous or trusting with me on a coffee date. That kind of blew me away since he said it was fine if I didn’t want to see him again.

  41. libby says:

    Mr. Bond.
    I was just teasing the girls. I did not realize they had all moved on to another topic. thought they had been up all night. Someone even mentioned having some wine. I was sleeping all night. Although wine would have been nice, I try not to dring during the week.
    Libby

  42. DC says:

    As for the test drive issue…. I have only had one pot SD ever present me with this option. He wanted to pay me hourly. He called it an audition. That was the end of that.

    I had a date last week with a pot SD. We got along fine. Agreed to meet again today. At the end of the date he gave me 1K. He said if I changed my mind that was fine. I have no idea if this was part of my allowance for the month or just a nice statement from him that he was serious…. since we did not discuss it, nor did we discuss what the arrangement would look like. All he said was that he wanted someone who will be around long term and I mentioned what my previous arrangements looked like so he had some idea.

    I will find out more later. I hope we hit it off again today as he is kind of shy and reserved and I do better with men who are outgoing.

    But he seems like a classy guy, smart, respectful and obviously VERY generous so wish me luck!

  43. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    Ok, perfect example. Guy asks you if you have a web cam. Your response – it can only mean one thing… no it doesn’t. Find out what it means and then decide.

    Thinking ewwww… this guy did/said/wanted this/that for more than 5 seconds is a waste of your time and energy. Forget about it and work on one of the other pot relationships and dig up other potentials until you find someone right for you.

  44. sweet SB UK says:

    SCCS SD: Thanks for being upfront. I didn’t realise I was being judgemental, I think I’m just a bit scared about being used or something. Thanks for your advice, I will try to focus more on the guy and stop worrying. When you say judgemental, do you mean in terms of sex, or just my approach in general to the pot SDs? Thanks again xx

  45. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    SB UK, let’s make it simple.

    First, everything is OK (frequency, terms, etc.) Stop being judgemental about things. Stop thinking this one wants/needs an escort, this one this/that.

    Just focus on whether you like the guy and whether he wants to conduct the relationship in a way you would like. Put all the rest out of your mind and move on when the answer is no, and move forward while the answer is yes.

  46. sweet SB UK says:

    Another one…

    Canada: Has UK connections. Seems like a nice guy. His idea of being an SD seems spot on – spoiling, pampering, shopping. He said he had ”high standards” for his lady i.e. nails done, waxed etc….”does that bother you?” Hell no! I love all that girly stuff! :-) Makes a welcome relief from studying. So far so good and he wasn’t sleazy…and then he asked me if I had a webcam…ohhh :( That can only mean one thing, right?

  47. sweet SB UK says:

    Happy Lurker: Glad you enjoyed it. Well, let me know if you’re headed this way. High tea and a laugh sounds lovely.

  48. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    D-Dubs –

    If the cash is presented, does the SB suddenly become obligated to jump into bed? No. So the answer to yours is obviously no.

    Captain –

    How does 1/2 for 1/2 change the risk from 100% on the SD? It does not. It only reduces the amount of risk.

    There does not need to be a money and sex conundrum. There are many other elements in relationships which can occur to build on in the early phases.

  49. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Sweetie UK,
    What a wonderful anthology of all the adventures with pot SDs.
    Loved the irony of it all.
    Surely material for a TV soap series !
    I come to the UK at irregular intervals.
    Let’s share a high tea some day.
    I think we enjoy the same type of humour.
    Always in for a laugh, good for my liver.

  50. sweet SB UK says:

    I have no proper SD as yet. I’m in talks with a few guys, some of them seem very nice and are well educated and interesting from what they write. :-) Distance seems to be a factor though. Is meeting a couple of times a month okay I wonder?

    I also have a possible Sugar Mummy! Well she suggested spoiling in her ad, but after talking to her I’m not so fussed. I like her as a good friend and we have lots in common and she is like a mummy and gives me advice. I’d love to meet her and maybe she could be a close friend/mummy/well let’s see where it goes! 😉

  51. NYC SB says:

    Captain – I speak for myself as well as a lot of other SBS when I say this… most men that have asked us for test drive wanted us to cough up sex for nothing… thats why we are saying no way…

    what you proposed is basically an arrangement… and call it what you want but each and every arrangement in the begining is a test drive … however, both parties are getting their mutually agreed on benefits… there are no test drives (free ones) or rather auditions on either end.

  52. sweet SB UK says:

    Oh no, my reply was all messed up. Erm this might be easier to read:

    Nb. When I refer to amounts of money in US $, I have roughly converted this from pounds.

    Valgal: You poor thing, that is just yucky. I thought the first date would be to get to know each other and see if there was chemistry etc. How crude. And ‘’I’m buying’’. Ugh, creepy creepy yucky yucky. Surely he wants an escort, not an SB?? Well, my first date wasn’t like that at all, although the guy I saw (the one who flew to see me, paid for my hair, buys fake handbags) was a bit too touchy feely for my liking, but not like that guy you met.

    SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD: Thanks so much for your reply, I didn’t know anyone was reading my posts, lol! Here goes:

    NYguy: Invited me to see him in NY. We spoke on the phone and have emailed each other a bit, but I barely know anything about him. I was a little surprised he was willing to pay for me to fly to NY as we don’t really know each other. I mean either he’s very desperate or very rich/throws money around? What do you guys reckon? As you said SCCS SD, there’s many SBs in NY, why fly me from the UK? I tried to find out what sort of arrangement he wanted, whether he’d ever fly here etc…His reply asked me what allowance I wanted etc. I just need to know what he expects – I’m a respectable girl and will NOT be doing anything intimate with someone I’ve never met. Dinner , talking, dancing is as far as it goes. You’re right. It doesn’t make sense.

    ‘’Daddy’’: the one that flew up to see me. He LOVES the idea of him being the daddy and me being the baby. He’s not very attractive, but is very tactile. I think he’s quite a nice guy, but just not my type intellectually. He kept trying to get me to his hotel room and implied he would give me $$ for ‘’adult fun’’ – YUCK!! He had one SB before, told me the allowance he gave her etc, but I have yet to see anything I can trust him on. He calls me a lot and says I can see other people. I very discreetly nudged towards the issue of allowance by asking what he thought about the ‘’arrangement’’. He said we would discuss it next time we met. My feeling is – look just tell me now. What’s the point in meeting up again if we don’t have the same ideas? Ahh. He said he even deleted his profile since he met me! I think he really likes me. He’s not super rich, but fairly well off. We’ve been talking for nearly 2 months and am waiting for some proof of $$. After he dodged my allowance hint, in one of our later conversations I suggested shopping when he asked me what I wanted to do. Not because I’m dying to shop, but if he can’t afford/isn’t willing to spend $$, how will I know he’s a real SD? His reply: ‘’Oh sure, baby, but when will I get to see you wear them?’’ (clothes). Then in another convo: ‘’Yes, let’s go shopping this time…and have adult fun next time’’. Ugh – am I misunderstanding the SB/SD arrangement? I am generous with my time, I am a nice person, willing to make my guy feel special, but I thought an SD was a generous gentleman? 

    Slave: This guy posted an ad wanting to be treated like shit, pay bills, do shopping (inc shoe shopping), shoe worship and be humiliated etc.

    Hedgie: Met over a non SD dating site. I’d consider him relationship material. He’s reasonably attractive, but what I like more is his personality, intellect and charm. He’s European but works in the UK and he’s hot. He listed himself as 33, but when I looked him up (big name it seems) he’s 39!! As you girls were saying, why do men do this??? I don’t mind that he’s 39. I don’t mind if a guy’s older at all. Age is just a number and some men look much younger say at 50, than other s do. I honestly feel that personality and chemistry matters much more than age and I would not rule out a guy based on age, unless he was VERY, VERY old. It just bothers me that they can’t be honest. Why??? Also with this guy – he works crazy long hours, attached to his blackberry etc. I can tell he’s properly wealthy and has the lifestyle, but he works and travels so much, how would he have a normal GF? We’ve been on a couple of dates and I think he likes me a lot. I like him too and we’re meeting up again this weekend…I wonder if he knows about SB/SD dating and what he’d think about it, given his hectic lifestyle. Well, we need to get to know each other better…I trust him more than the pot SDs anyway.

    DrUS/UK: lives between USA and UK. He messaged me and I ignored him because his allowance was <$1000…I mean seriously?? Then he messaged me again and I thought okay, if you really want to chat, sure…We spoke on the phone and hit it off. Wow, he’s such a cool guy. We talked for hours at a time. He’s very keen to meet up. He’s in my field and has lots of experience and could set me up with some useful contacts. He even wanted to get me some books for a later exam – not widely available in the UK and very pricey. I like him a lot but don’t know if I’d be physically attracted to him. As a close friend, maybe. One thing bothers me – the allowance. He seems to want a GF, not an SB. I tried to hint towards arrangement/allowance be he dodged discussing it. Sigh. He wants to travel with me – suggested Europe, USA. Sure, his conferences would be relevant to me too. But he wanted to do this before we’d even met? Will meet him in UK and see how it goes.

    Loser: His idea of an arrangement was me staying over at his place once a week for ‘’adult things’’. He’d give me $200 for the pleasure. Yuck, he needs an escort, not an SB. It sounds like pay-for-play. What happened to getting to know each other or some connection, some chemistry? I felt like telling him: I’m an educated girl, not a whore. What’s the $200 for, my train fare and taxi ride? I have a job thanks and a nightshift pays better than that. Hire an escort, you creep. Instead I politely replied saying I didn’t think we had the same ideas on allowance. Goodbye!

    Maybe I’m wrong in thinking this, but surely if a guy is as wealthy as he says he is, an allowance/spoiling is hardly going to dent his bank balance and he should have no problem paying?

    LeeLee: At first I found it odd that some of the emails were one liners etc, but I realised eg with Hedgie that he’s on the go with his BlackBerry and can’t type properly/much and is v busy. That’s my guess anyway. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking Asian girls – just talk to them and find out what their ideas are. You’re very pretty and your profile is honest and well written. I think it sounds totally reasonable and I can’t suggest much to improve on.

    Photogirl: This guy seems to want sex and an escort. It doesn’t sound like he knows what an SD is. I would agree with you entirely. I would not get intimate with someone I’d just have dinner with! I couldn’t do that with someone I didn’t know well and have feelings for. I’m certainly not here to be used as an escort, they can keep looking!

    NYC-SB: Glad your 2nd date went better. ‘’the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys’’ – I like 😉

    Captain: I agree, cash first. Surely if he has money it won’t matter to him much?

    HappyLurker: Are you in the UK?

    Post more laters. Mwah to you all xxx

  53. Hi Libby,
    The day shift has moved over to that new blog subject Sugar Daddy Codes etc.
    Why stay up late and drink all night ?
    Got that SD blues ?
    Just a sugar song to suit your mood, Sinatra’s: “One for the Road”.
    By the way, love your name.
    James

  54. sweet SB UK says:

    Nb. When I refer to amounts of money in US $, I have roughly converted this from pounds.
    Valgal: You poor thing, that is just yucky. I thought the first date would be to get to know each other and see if there was chemistry etc. How crude. And ‘’I’m buying’’. Ugh, creepy creepy yucky yucky. Surely he wants an escort, not an SB?? Well, my first date wasn’t like that at all, although the guy I saw (the one who flew to see me, paid for my hair, buys fake handbags) was a bit too touchy feely for my liking, but not like that guy you met.
    SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD: Thanks so much for your reply, I didn’t know anyone was reading my posts, lol!
    NYguy: Invited me to see him in NY. We spoke on the phone and have emailed each other a bit, but I barely know anything about him. I was a little surprised he was willing to pay for me to fly to NY as we don’t really know each other. I mean either he’s very desperate or very rich/throws money around? What do you guys reckon? As you said SCCS SD, there’s many SBs in NY, why fly me from the UK? I tried to find out what sort of arrangement he wanted, whether he’d ever fly here etc…His reply asked me what allowance I wanted etc. I just need to know what he expects – I’m a respectable girl and will NOT be doing anything intimate with someone I’ve never met. Dinner , talking, dancing is as far as it goes. You’re right. It doesn’t make sense.
    ‘’Daddy’’: the one that flew up to see me. He LOVES the idea of him being the daddy and me being the baby. He’s not very attractive, but is very tactile. I think he’s quite a nice guy, but just not my type intellectually. He kept trying to get me to his hotel room and implied he would give me $$ for ‘’adult fun’’ – YUCK!! He had one SB before, told me the allowance he gave her etc, but I have yet to see anything I can trust him on. He calls me a lot and says I can see other people. I very discreetly nudged towards the issue of allowance by asking what he thought about the ‘’arrangement’’. He said we would discuss it next time we met. My feeling is – look just tell me now. What’s the point in meeting up again if we don’t have the same ideas? Ahh. He said he even deleted his profile since he met me! I think he really likes me. He’s not super rich, but fairly well off. We’ve been talking for nearly 2 months and am waiting for some proof of $$. After he dodged my allowance hint, in one of our later conversations I suggested shopping when he asked me what I wanted to do. Not because I’m dying to shop, but if he can’t afford/isn’t willing to spend $$, how will I know he’s a real SD? His reply: ‘’Oh sure, baby, but when will I get to see you wear them?’’ (clothes). Then in another convo: ‘’Yes, let’s go shopping this time…and have adult fun next time’’. Ugh – am I misunderstanding the SB/SD arrangement? I am generous with my time, I am a nice person, willing to make my guy feel special, but I thought an SD was a generous gentleman? 
    Slave: This guy posted an ad wanting to be treated like shit, pay bills, do shopping (inc shoe shopping), shoe worship and be humiliated etc.
    Hedgie: Met over a non SD dating site. I’d consider him relationship material. He’s reasonably attractive, but what I like more is his personality, intellect and charm. He’s European but works in the UK and he’s hot. He listed himself as 33, but when I looked him up (big name it seems) he’s 39!! As you girls were saying, why do men do this??? I don’t mind that he’s 39. I don’t mind if a guy’s older at all. Age is just a number and some men look much younger say at 50, than other s do. I honestly feel that personality and chemistry matters much more than age and I would not rule out a guy based on age, unless he was VERY, VERY old. It just bothers me that they can’t be honest. Why??? Also with this guy – he works crazy long hours, attached to his blackberry etc. I can tell he’s properly wealthy and has the lifestyle, but he works and travels so much, how would he have a normal GF? We’ve been on a couple of dates and I think he likes me a lot. I like him too and we’re meeting up again this weekend…I wonder if he knows about SB/SD dating and what he’d think about it, given his hectic lifestyle. Well, we need to get to know each other better…I trust him more than the pot SDs anyway.
    DrUS/UK: lives between USA and UK. He messaged me and I ignored him because his allowance was <$1000…I mean seriously?? Then he messaged me again and I thought okay, if you really want to chat, sure…We spoke on the phone and hit it off. Wow, he’s such a cool guy. We talked for hours at a time. He’s very keen to meet up. He’s in my field and has lots of experience and could set me up with some useful contacts. He even wanted to get me some books for a later exam – not widely available in the UK and very pricey. I like him a lot but don’t know if I’d be physically attracted to him. As a close friend, maybe. One thing bothers me – the allowance. He seems to want a GF, not an SB. I tried to hint towards arrangement/allowance be he dodged discussing it. Sigh. He wants to travel with me – suggested Europe, USA. Sure, his conferences would be relevant to me too. But he wanted to do this before we’d even met? Will meet him in UK and see how it goes.
    Loser: His idea of an arrangement was me staying over at his place once a week for ‘’adult things’’. He’d give me $200 for the pleasure. Yuck, he needs an escort, not an SB. It sounds like pay-for-play. What happened to getting to know each other or some connection, some chemistry? I felt like telling him: I’m an educated girl, not a whore. What’s the $200 for, my train fare and taxi ride? I have a job thanks and a nightshift pays better than that. Hire an escort, you creep. Instead I politely replied saying I didn’t think we had the same ideas on allowance. Goodbye!
    Maybe I’m wrong in thinking this, but surely if a guy is as wealthy as he says he is, an allowance/spoiling is hardly going to dent his bank balance and he should have no problem paying?
    LeeLee: At first I found it odd that some of the emails were one liners etc, but I realised eg with Hedgie that he’s on the go with his BlackBerry and can’t type properly/much and is v busy. That’s my guess anyway. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking Asian girls – just talk to them and find out what their ideas are. You’re very pretty and your profile is honest and well written. I think it sounds totally reasonable and I can’t suggest much to improve on.
    Photogirl: This guy seems to want sex and an escort. It doesn’t sound like he knows what an SD is. I would agree with you entirely. I would not get intimate with someone I’d just have dinner with! I couldn’t do that with someone I didn’t know well and have feelings for. I’m certainly not here to be used as an escort, they can keep looking!
    NYC-SB: Glad your 2nd date went better. ‘’the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys’’ – I like 😉
    Captain: I agree, cash first. Surely if he has money it won’t matter to him much?
    HappyLurker: Are you in the UK?

    Post more laters. Mwah to you all xxx

  55. libby says:

    See, that’s what y’all get for staying up late and drinking all night. A hangover, a headache and tired eyes.

  56. libby says:

    Where’s the day shift?

  57. libby says:

    You guys are night owls.

  58. libby says:

    I will keep to myself all the things I would like to just blurt out. Becuae they are rude, straight forward and down right hillarious. I only want to amuse myself with it. Don’t want to offend anyone. So I will keep it to myself. Just know that I am laughing about a lot of what you all are saying. The whole “test drive” thing.

  59. libby says:

    H. Lurker,

    OMG! That was so darn funny!!!

  60. libby says:

    Oh Capti Ton, you speak the truth!

  61. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi all,
    Getting back to the blog subject with a quote from an Ophrah show.
    “Men first want to have sex and then communicate.
    “Women first want to communicate and then have sex.
    This difference seems to lie at the heart of all the adventures that SBs experience with a pot SD.
    GinaZ, I am based in Europe, just across the big pond.
    Perhaps men lie about their age, because in this world youth is glorified.
    Over thirty, getting bald ? Then you cannot join any more.
    A new sugar anthem: “Forever young”.
    Or what about Frank Sinatra’s: “A very good year”!
    To be honest, it has been a very good year for me and it keeps me happy.

  62. Captain says:

    The cash comes first, no matter what. He has it, you need it, end of discussion. That’s his part of the deal. This is not rocket science. What is it you ladies don’t get? Guys are very visual. It takes a while before the other senses kick in. They spend most of their lives walking around with, or wishing they could walk around with a boner. And, as my wife (yes, I’m a guy) pointed out to me before we were married, all men are pigs, it’s just a matter of degree. Sorry, but we were made that way. Understand it, deal with it, and life is good.

  63. D-Dubs says:

    Hey Everybody…
    Had a busy weekend and I haven’t been around. I was surprised to find myself quoted in the topic, and just a bit concerned that maybe my comment about “test drives” was taken out of context and misunderstood.

    I NEVER meant for a test drive to include sex. I used the phrase as part of a longer analogy explaining how many of the SD’s shop around for what’s right for their tastes and their budget.

    That said, I do believe in the concept of a “test drive” when it comes to getting to know someone to see if there is a REAL connection and chemistry between the two people. I am turned completely off by the “pay for play” SB’s as I feel there are other sites for that quick risk and reward on both parts. I also mentioned I’m willing to assist someone during this phase of the SB/SD relationship, but, am not comfortable entering into a strict monthly allowence until something mutual is established.

    Now that I’m done with that…
    I want to pose another related question.

    What happens, if during this “prediscussed” test drive period (evening/weekend/longer), intimacy and/or sex results?
    Does the SD immediately become obligated to turn over some cash?
    Could an SB potentially be insulted if the SD offers cash “the morning after”? (as if she only had the sex for money?)

    Understand my scenario here…
    I’m talking about a situation where it was discussed before hand that there were no expectations either way (monetarily or sexually) and it was a simple meet and greet for a predetermined period of time…but, a meeting that ultimately led to something physical immediately, and without pressure from either side…it came naturally…to both…

    What should happen at this point?

  64. DC says:

    I was e-mailing a man who seemed on board with the idea of being an SD. I mentioned previous arrangements as the whole SD thing was new to him. He said no problem.

    After a few e-mails he said he wanted to meet but that there was no way he could hide an allowance so he offered instead to make a donation to my favorite charity!

    I would rather make the donation myself…….

  65. DC says:

    Wow NYCSB- it’s raining men for you! Good luck!

  66. Captain says:

    What happened to the “test drive” issue? By all means there should be a test drive. Half the amount for half the time. Then if it doesn’t work out, both parties are out only half. Why should one person take all the risk? And if it works out well, I guaranty you “he” won’t have an issue with coughing up the other half. If he happens to, the SB has her answer and can walk away. It just isn’t that difficult ladies.

  67. photogirl says:

    Jessi… glad I am not the only one that has thought of being adopted.

  68. Jessi says:

    Tonight’s Post:

    Hey All,

    I think I should fast and meditate for a few days. I feel a yuckiness that needs to be purged.

    Hey, is there such a thing as a 30-something woman being adopted? I want a real daddy, too. Is that weird?

  69. NYC SB says:

    happy to report that date 2 went much better… i have 2 tomorrow as well 😀

    funny part is date 1 wants to see me again and apparently he really liked me… i thought he didnt even want to be there with me but you never know anymore

    quote of the day : the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys

  70. Jessi says:

    :) Hi Everybody and Welcome New Bloggers! :)

    So I have to re-type my Saturday post. Here it is:

    Happy Saturday Everyone!

    Cuddly weather continues here in NYC. I’ve been watching Sci-Fi movies and figuring out what to write on my profile ’cause it SUCKS! I have no idea how to market myself. Thanks to all of you who posted questions regarding this and those who have shared input. Good tips, thanks.

    Caved on the fried chicken thing (sniff), but the Doughnut Rebellions lives on!

    I know I make it sound all dramatic, but I could wrestle w/the fried food stuff, have two pieces and say, “Yuck!” to the whole thing. Silly, I know, but hey… it’s fun!

    SF SD- OMG, I have been on and off w/the coffee thing. It’s not too bad an addiction (4C/day max), but I do want to be healthier. As far as the Irish coffee, I take my coffee black and I don’t drink, but I do like the “Irish Coffee” flavored grind from the Kona Coffee company. Yum.

    Now back to “Los Chronocrimenes” (Time Crimes)….

  71. photogirl says:

    OCSB, I understand what you are saying. The first meet was not even dinner, it was just coffee! Thank you for confirming what I thought.

    I should also mention that he was not from this sugar dating site. Hopefully we won’t see him around here. I have not yet met anyone from this one but the men I have spoken with so far from here seem to be much more sincere so far.

  72. Jessi says:

    My Saturday post:

    Happy Saturday Everyone!

    Cuddly weather continues here in NYC. I’ve been watching Sci-Fi B movies and figuring out how to rewrite my profile, ’cause, it SUCKS! I’m kind of shy and have no idea how to market myself. Thanks to all who posted questions regarding this and those who have answered. Good tips! :)

    >>>>Caved on the fried chicken thing. (sniff) But the Doughnut Rebellion lives on…<<<<<

    I know I make it sound all dramatic, but I could wrestle w/fried stuff cravings, have two pieces of chicken and say, "yuck" to the whole thing. Silly, I know, but, hey…it's fun!

    SF SD- OMG, I've been on and off w/the coffee thing. It's not too bad an addiction, but I do want to be healthier. I'm going through stress and I'm all alone, so comfort food sometimes pushes away the loneliness. I'm a strong girl, but even we need our cuddles and security… PMS+Stress+(unknown variables=Cryptonite. As far as the Irish Coffee…I take my coffee black and I don't drink, HOWEVER, I do like the "Irish Coffee" flavored grind from the Kona Coffee company. Yummy.

    BTW, sometimes when people ask me, or the subject comes up and I say "I don't drink", people get offended and either try to reverse my decision (try to get me to drink), or get an attitude. Has any fellow non-drinker experienced this?

    My feeling is: I don't drink. It's my body. I decide what goes in it. You are in charge of your body. YOU decide what goes in it. YOU do what YOU want, I do what I want. Simple, isn't it? Anything more complicated than that,….seek professional help.

    I had this one pot sd write me describing what he required out of the arrangement and mentioned going out for drinks. I told him I didn't and he emailed me back saying I have to drink, too. My final email to him explained the above. Thankfully, I never heard from him again.

    What say you Sugars?

  73. Jessi says:

    It worked!

    :) Hi Everybody!

    Here’s what should have been up Saturday:

    Happy Saturday Everyone!

    Cuddly weather continues here in NYC. I’ve been watching Sci-Fi B movies and figuring out how to rewrite my profile, ’cause, it SUCKS! I’m kind of shy and have no idea how to market myself. Thanks to all who posted questions regarding this and those who have answered. Good tips! :)

    >>>>Caved on the fried chicken thing. (sniff) But the Doughnut Rebellion lives on…<<<<<

    I know I make it sound all dramatic, but I could wrestle w/fried stuff cravings, have two pieces of chicken and say, "yuck" to the whole thing. Silly, I know, but, hey…it's fun!

    SF SD- OMG, I've been on and off w/the coffee thing. It's not too bad an addiction, but I do want to be healthier. I'm going through stress and I'm all alone, so comfort food sometimes pushes away the loneliness. I'm a strong girl, but even we need our cuddles and security… PMS+Stress+(unknown variables=Cryptonite. As far as the Irish Coffee…I take my coffee black and I don't drink, HOWEVER, I do like the "Irish Coffee" flavored grind from the Kona Coffee company. Yummy.

    BTW, sometimes when people ask me, or the subject comes up and I say "I don't drink", people get offended and either try to reverse my decision (try to get me to drink), or get an attitude. Has any fellow non-drinker experienced this?

    My feeling is: I don't drink. It's my body. I decide what goes in it. You are in charge of your body. YOU decide what goes in it. YOU do what YOU want, I do what I want. Simple, isn't it? Anything more complicated than that,….seek professional help.

    I had this one pot sd write me describing what he required out of the arrangement and mentioned going out for drinks. I told him I didn't and he emailed me back saying I have to drink, too. My final email to him explained the above. Thankfully, I never heard from him again.

    What say you Sugars?

    Sweet SB UK- Having a Pound amount doesn't make you a gold digger, though I feel that term is misused a lot. The first thought that sprung to mind after reading you last post was that perhaps, if you examined the reasons behind your apparent discomfort at receiving monies and reverse them, then maybe the issue would dissolve by itself and stating what you need would become easy…just a thought.

    And now, back to Los Chronocrimenes (Time Crimes).

  74. Jessi says:

    Testing…Testing…

    Tried posting on Saturday but it didn’t go through.

    Testing…Testing…

  75. OCSugarbaby says:

    Photogirl: You can make sugar dating whatever YOU want it to be. We can’t tell you what to do or not to do, nor should we try. Yes, sex is a part of sugar dating, but the rest is up to you and the person you CHOOSE to have an arrangement with. If going to a hotel room once or twice a week is what you want out of the sugar experience then go for it. However, you are correctly reading the blogs… it can be so much more than that. I can say this with total sugar honesty… I think you are deserving of so much more than that. Hold out for the right one who puts your comfort first and is respectful of you and your life outside of the sugar world.

  76. NYC SB says:

    gemini – we can swap notes

  77. Nico says:

    LeeLee….women are communicators by nature…We want to talk, chat and read between the lines. It’s difficult training but make life more black and white and less gray. Another thing, as for being paranoid we as SB’s need to be very clear and to articulate our expectations.

  78. LeeLee says:

    @ photogirl

    I am not one to give advice about SD since I have yet to have my meet with one. However I can give you advice about your situation. First of all I am proud of you! Like you I dont have a problem if things get intimate but I want to know the person first and have that connections and that doesn’t happen with ONE dinner and a couple phone calls! Do not let him make you feel bad. I have been coming across this a lot where these “SD” on SA say that i will never find someone to go along with what I want at my speed and that I’m a dreamer. A lot of the SD who have contacted me think that SA is a glorified escort site where they can just pay for sex. And some SB out there dont have a problem with it. But from what I gather from other SB here is that its all about a MBA mutual beneficial arrangement! Key word Mutual! This blog has been a great support for me. There is not SB/SD handbook of dos and donts however i’m mentally writing mine! No worries and good luck on your search!

  79. LeeLee says:

    @ Nico

    thanks for the support I think i just need someone to say that! :) Let me ask you another question. After we confirmed the meet and greet I said in my email “please message me the address of the restaurant” and “looking forward to meeting you” he sent me the address only and didn’t say “looking forward to meeting you as well” am i now just being paranoid? lol

  80. photogirl says:

    Good evening everyone!

    I need some feedback please.

    I met a pot SD several weeks ago for coffee after a few phone conversations. During those phone conversations he spoke of the arrangement immediately… How much allowance, how often (2500-3000 every two weeks) etc.
    During our 1st meet, we seemed to hit off. Spent over an hour talking.

    There was certainly a physical attraction and a few kisses. And we talked about seeing each other again soon.

    He travels quite a bit between here and another state…about a half a week in each place.

    Every time we talked on the phone or email after that, he seemed to be very pushy on wanting to ‘get together’. I told him I would prefer to meet again for dinner to get to know each other a little more. He said his schedule was too busy. So I told him I will be patient and wait for time he has available for dinner. He agreed, seemed to be ok with it.

    Then ‘POOF’ for a couple weeks.

    So, I called him a couple days ago to see say hello and see how things were going for him.

    He wanted to see me the next day for lunch to ‘get together’
    I knew where he was headed with that so I told him I was not available.

    I get a text from him today saying he will be back in town and wants to know if I am available in the morning. I told him dinner would be better as I will have my girls.

    His response “whatever, how about breakfast”

    I agreed and said I would be available after I dropped them off at school.

    His response “Breakfast in the room?”

    I tried to call him and it went to VM. I sent him a text to call me when he had a minute and said no, not in the room and 10 was fine.

    His response “I like you, I really do, but your desires and needs seem to high maintence for me right now”

    So I told him I wished him all the best and that I have been patient but it seems my comfort is of no concern to him.

    His repsone “We met once. How many times do we need to meet?

    WTF?

    Sorry for the long post… Even though there was attraction/chemistry I am not going to jump in bed with him after only spending a little over an hour in his presence. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

    From reading the blogs… this does not sound like normal behavior of a true SD… I suppose I just answered my own question….but would really like some feedback.

  81. Nico says:

    LeeLee….regardless of the situation, never assume anything. Take advantage of the fact you have a computer between you and your pot and ask him straight out the questions you’re thinking.

    As for the e-mails, could be a writing style and whether they’re writing from their phone or just plain busy.

  82. LeeLee says:

    Also if this helps here is my profile maybe someone can check it out and let me know if i’m coming off the wrong way TIA (thanks in advance)
    372043

  83. LeeLee says:

    @Valgal

    girl i feel for you! I am like you and in my profile i say no sex right off the bat!! I would like there to be a connection IF it does happen! I guess we are considered the dreamers of SA and of the sb/sd world. this is what i’m told by the SD that respond to my profile! pleassseee I am going to keep looking because i know i will find someone who i can have MBA with!

    I do have a question that i need some insight too. I have spoken and agreed to meet up with two different SD.

    One SD keeps his emails short and to the point but they are nice. He asks questions that can be quickly answered and we are meeting at a coffee shop.

    The other SD is quick and to the point, doesn’t ask questions. All one liners and on his profile he is pictured surrounded with girls. We are doing dinner.

    Now people on here say go with your gut and after reading some of the bad stories on here my gut is already saying forget it. In their profiles they both state asian girls only. So should i assume that means they are only looking for sex ? I’m new to this whole thing and I dont want to give off the impression that i’m SA to be paid for sex. Also what kind of questions can I ask to figure out what their intentions are before the meet? I dont want to scare any SD off but i also want to protect myself. Does that make sense or am i a lost cause? HELP! thanks

  84. DesertBunny says:

    SA social? …… OC, you will have mail :)

  85. Nico says:

    Ditto Saccharine….you hafta kiss a lot of frogs….

  86. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    Valgal – You met someone you didn’t like. Big deal. Now put your profile back up and go meet someone else and keep doing it until you find someone you like.

  87. Gemini29 says:

    Gina- “Yes I always wonder why does a SD lie about his age? ” Because they still think they are hot young bucks. 😉

    I’ve seen this happen on so many dating sites, whether traditional match.com types or this one… most fudge their age. Either by a few years or they try and shave off 10+. I can understand the few years fudge, everyone does it. But the 10+ age lie always makes me laugh, who do they think they are fooling?

  88. ginaZ says:

    Sorry Valgal, yuck! he had a decidedly direct approach, crass, and sounds like he didn’t know you, just that he laid it all out there in a transactional way. My first SD experience was the opposite, perfect gentlemen, great experience, but replicating that now means many dates and first meets, rather like online dating where things don’t always translate in person. Sugar dating can also be hit or miss, definitely not for the faint of heart. Some people are luck right away, for many of us it takes time. I always screen on the phone now, and almost always if I hesitate it’s for a reason.

    I wouldn’t give up though!

    Yes I always wonder why does a SD lie about his age? Some clearly do, more than 10 years. One SD I met who lists his age as 46 told me he’s actually 61. so his last 25 year old sugar baby had no idea. (Although I could clearly see he was not the age he said he was.

  89. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    UK you have so much going on, could you write a summary of which guy is which? Who’s in NYC, the slave?

    Do you really need to go all the way to NYC to meet a guy? I would take a more conservative approach and travel far off when you have the resources to make it practical…

    That means make your way in your local area and save up to afford a major trip in a way that you can take care of yourself.

    1. Have friends or relatives to stay with or an affordable alternative.

    2. Have multiple options. Set up several SD meets on one trip.

    3. Have the resources to get home if things don’t work out.

    Then you will have a choice of numerous quality fellows without asking so much that you will turn almost everyone off.

    Who would provide all that Lurker listed? A very few men might find it insignificant to do so. Plenty more fakes, desperados, and worse will lure you with promises and either not perform or disappoint when meeting you.

    Do you really want to involve yourself with a man so silly and undisciplined? Do you want to limit your choices to that handful for which it would not be so? Do you want to have to evaluate this man to that extent before meeting him?

    There are tons of women on SA. Any man with those resources and the opportunity to meet in NYC can book numerous fabulous NYC based women for a fraction of the cost, or can find plenty great women from elsewhere for much less.

    Think about it all. If you ask for senseless terms, you will probably get a senseless person and a big disappointment.

  90. NYC SB says:

    no need to feel bad… he didnt not even stop to think about your comfort level… he will find someone that will be into his offer no worries…

  91. valgal says:

    NYC SB, Gemini29: Thanks. Yes, the part about penetration makes me want to barf as well.

    He also kept telling me that I have a dominant streak (oh, really? thanks for letting me know! i really needed your guidance to find my inner dominance! wtf?), and he would totally let me be in the driver’s seat in the bedroom. But that I probably just needed to be with a “real” man.

    ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

    I feel bad feeling so bad because I’m sure he’s just lonely and wants company but i do feel bad.

  92. Gemini29 says:

    valgal- I haven’t even gone on a meeting yet but that is EXACTLY the kind of scenario my mind keeps thinking up that makes me want to stay home in my comfy pjs. And that whole bit about penetration wants to make me barf.

    I’ll wait to let the other girls chime in, but all I can say is that I hope that is not how most first meetings go. Is it?

  93. NYC SB says:

    Valgal- what a loser that guy is! most men are not as ummm forward as he is… there are true gentleman on the site… keep on looking and keep your head high… like i said sugar dating is an ongoing learning experience… you have now learned what you do not want 😉

  94. valgal says:

    My first and only SD meet up experience:

    So I had my first meeting last night. We had exchanged a few emails beforehand, he passed the reading/writing/spelling test and seemed reasonably legitimate. We set up a meeting – awfully fast and at an awfully late hour for me, but I figured I might as well go with it, trying new things and all.

    We meet. He is definitely not the age he said he was. Definitely a decade older. From the moment we sat down he kept telling me, LOUDLY, what a great sugar daddy he’d be. I’m a writer, and he said “The next script you’re going to write is “Confessions of a Sugar Baby”” and then told me how creative and smart and quick I was – all true, but he’d been sitting with me for maybe 3 minutes, and I began to feel like he was projecting an aura of low self esteem and ignorance on me…I mean, I’m a well educated, well mannered, self assured woman, I thought we were meeting to see if we liked one another, not so that he could project on me a desperate need for approval from a man. It was disingenuous, creepy and uncomfortable.

    So:
    he continues on to say how great SA is, that we can all be honest and up front, blah blah, and I say,

    “I agree! You really don’t need to sell me on SA, I signed up for the site and as we discussed in our emails, the pragmatic nature of SA is what drew me in the first place” and he says,

    “Oh, I’m not selling, I’m buying”. [boy, do i feel awesome, at this point]

    Then he says, up front:

    “I’m offering $3000 a month for two nights a week, cash. $350 a night. If you bring a friend, I will pay her $350 as well. I’d like to go back to my hotel as soon as possible”.

    In the meantime, I sit there feeling shocked and dirty. I guess I was naive to think that this wouldn’t happen, but I really…I mean, in the email I made sure to explicitly state that I would not meet him if he was looking for sex immediately and also that I wanted this to be a first meeting to see if there was even any chemistry. He also told me that he found my trepidation very attractive.

    I realize that there are many of you who are having very wonderful experiences with this site and many who have had bad ones. What was a bad experience to me – even though he brought me a card with $100 in it, as a token to prove that he was serious, which I have read is the sign of a legit SD – what was a bad experience to me might be an awesome experience for another. He did, after all, offer a benefit package and he was serious and ready to go. He told me I could “keep my panties on” if I wasn’t comfortable with penetration. Then he told me that he respected me. All of that would be awesome if he’d taken the time to even pretend to try to get to know me.

    I don’t know where the pragmatic, transactional nature of the SD/SB relationship stops and the real relationship (btwn two people) starts. Perhaps everything he did was perfectly appropriate.

    In any event, I apologize if I have offended anyone with my description or characterization of my night, but there it is. I’ve taken my profile down. I’ll probably lurk around here for a bit longer, but that was a pretty quick foray into “being kept”.

    Best regards and best of luck to you all!

  95. NYC SB says:

    Ginaz – good luck with the pot tonight… hopefully my pot #2 of the day will have more to say than mr. shy

  96. ginaZ says:

    As for the potential meeting of sb’s and sd’s, it would be nice to have a meet and greet where there is potential to meet many sd’s and sb’s at the same time. Kind of like sugar speed dating? Happy lurker my understanding is there are places apart from SA that offer this service, but chemistry is hard to predict and there are so many different kinds of sugar in this great big world!

  97. NYC SB says:

    hahaha i sure will do that! i can even have a testimonial page of the happy sugar relationships lol

  98. ginaZ says:

    Happy Lurker… you sound like a first class gent. Where might you be in this sugar land?
    U.S, East coast, Ivory coast, So Cal, No Cal?

    At the moment too busy searching for my own SD 😉 But it sounds like you will meet a wonderful SB soon! At the moment I’m super busy being a single mom, so I doubt I’ll be a sugar momma any time soon!

    Tonight I have a meeting with a potential, he’s a bit anxious (texting 9 X) so dunno we’ll see. Having Moroccan food, complete with belly dancers and low to the ground seating. I’ll go with an open mind.

    Good suggestions by happy lurker on travel! A good faith gesture is good. Your being able to make flight arrangements and have hotel room in advance (in your name) Especially if you are going a great distance.

  99. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi NYC SB,
    Yes, a matchmaker in sugar land.
    It sounds ridiculous, but if you go back and read all the posts over the last six months, you realize there is a vacancy for such a person.
    Not a day goes by or we read a plea for wisdom from an SB what to do and react and how to find an SD.
    You can set up you business in two days.
    Just put all the questions in alphabetical order in your laptop and the sane answers.
    Now you can dole out practical advice to newbies.
    You may also act as their headhunter and list SDs, separate the wheat from the chaff and so on.
    And certainly collect info about their fetishes.
    A future as big as you wish to make it.
    What about your own TV show ?!
    Please mention me in you memoirs later, will you.
    That will keep me happy.

  100. NYC SB says:

    I agree with you lurker… traveling within the US to meet someone is overwhelming yet alone across the ocean… make sure you feel VERY comfortable with this man before you do anything…

  101. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi sweetie UK,
    Never do anything your are scared of.
    It is usual for the gentleman to come to you, certainly if it is the first encounter.
    Has he told you how he is going to arrange it ?
    Does he send you the return plane ticket, all paid for ?
    And of course you are to travel at least busines class.
    Flying from London to NYC is a horrid long sit in an economy chair.
    Will you have your own hotel room in your own name, all paid for ?
    The Waldorf is o.k.
    I suggest you have him wire you the money and you book and pay the plane etc. and the hotelroom.
    Also you need some cash to spend the days in NYC.
    Suppose you meet and greet and there is no chemistry.
    Please, don’t get caught into such a trap.
    Tread carefully and you need not be scared.
    I am sure some of the NYC SBs here will function as your back-up.
    Then enjoy the outing. NYC is overwhelming.
    Mind the jet lag though when you get back.

  102. NYC SB says:

    happy lurker… im liking the idea

  103. Gemini29 says:

    NYC sb- thanks so much! Sent you an email!

  104. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Gina,
    Of course I know that the shoe fetish party is humour.
    Am very happy to read you had an SD that acted as a benefactor /mentor for a period of time.
    So you realize what my aim is in sugar fairy land.
    Funny that it is so hard to find someone worthwhile who understands and appreciates it.
    But you might do some scouting for me.
    Hey, an entrepreneur/matchmaker in the sugar world. Just fancy !
    Who knows.
    You might take 20 % per cent of her allowance as a fee.
    The average aspiring SB student needs 5 K a month.
    In one year’s time you should be able to place a team of 20 SBs.
    Imagine that snowball effect year after year after year.
    Then you could become a much sought after Sugar Momma.
    There is nothing more rewarding than that sugar life.

  105. sweet SB UK says:

    Guys, this guy in NY wants me to fly to meet him. He sounds okay but we haven’t spoken much. I don’t know anyone in NY so I’m a bit scared in case I land there and something goes wrong. Have you ever flown abroad to meet an SD?

  106. Gemini29 says:

    lol

    I’ve been thinking that SA needs a mini referral system for SBs and SDs. like some way for SBs to private message each other about SDs in each others locations to see if someone is a dud or a good guy.

    I have a pot meeting and I’m dying to know if any of the girls on this blog have gone out with him yet and what he’s like (he’s from the NYC area)

  107. NYC SB says:

    where is everyone?????

  108. NYC SB says:

    he was very nice but wayyy too quiet… turns out he just ended something with an SB where they both had feelings for each other… and they still keep in touch… so now im questioning if he is even ready for another relationship

  109. ginaZ says:

    NYCSB are you OK?

  110. photogirl says:

    NYC SB, can you share what happened?

  111. NYC SB says:

    date one is over… i dont even know what to make of this man…

  112. LeeLee says:

    @SincereSD

    I have the same problem but with the SDs! I have 3 pic on my profile and I guess they just look at my pic see that I am pretty and then email me asking to meet right away. However if you read my profile I state that I feel there needs to be a connection first and that I’m not on the site to sell my body… usually that gets them all rude and imature with me and say that I wont find a SD who isn’t about the sex :( But i’m holding out regardless. From what I have learned with the blogs is its suppose to be a MBA!!! So dont fret with that one chick! Its better off that way. Hopefully she will find a SD worth her time.

  113. ginaZ says:

    Good morning. Good luck on your 2 dates NYCSB!

    OCSB hope you got back from the beach OK, no sunburn 😉

    Happylurker thanks for your side. But I thought I should mention I meant the shoe fetish thing as a joke, so please take it in the spirit it was given, a humorous aside :)
    The elderly woman at home if you were being serious, I assume you meant the 50-60 gentlemens mother? I would not consider a man this age elderly nor would I a woman!

    But I do like the notion of the benefactor/mentor, had this with my first SD, I’m a student and entrepreneurial gal so I appreciated that what we had so many dimensions.

    Hope everyone has a great day!

  114. sweet SB UK says:

    Gemini: this guy claims he loves ”shoe worship”. He also said he likes shoe shopping. Hmm, I wonder, LOL!

  115. Gemini29 says:

    sweet SB Uk – I’m in talks with a pot SD like that, although not that extreme. I’m waiting to see if he’s actually into DOING what he says (spoiling, pampering, etc) or if he’s just into talking about it.

    I still need to find me a shoe fetish guy who is sent into sugar daddy heaven by watching me try on fabulous shoes (a la Christian Louboutin) and then buying them for me. 😀

  116. photogirl says:

    I must add, that the fetish guy… he was also into black mail… and a liar as well. His dad was helping him get therapy but as he said… a zebra doesn’t change its strips. I felt a bit sorry for the guy… the battles he must be having in his head.

    I did a google search on his email and came across so many ‘erotic fetish stories’ he wrote… he was into some very serious humilation stuff…. like being kept in a cage… being forced to eat you know what and wide range of other things. But to each his own.

  117. sweet SB UK says:

    NYC: I see. Is it just as he says or is it a weird/dirty fetish? :s
    Ha ha at having a lunch date 😉 very nice.

  118. photogirl says:

    sweetSB, yes, I had the unfortunate experience of running into one of these guys (very much into the femdom/bdsm thing) on another similar site… I did not find out about it until after a few weeks of seeing him. Needless to say I cut my ties with him fairly quickly, it is not my thing at all.

  119. NYC SB says:

    Sweet Sb – I have had some requests of such nature… everyone has their fetish… if its not something you are comfortable with move on 😀

  120. NYC SB says:

    Usually I have a lunch date near my job… a girl has got to eat right? and a drink date for an hour or so after work… then off home to sleep 😀

  121. sweet SB UK says:

    Erm, guys…This guy says he wants to be a slave, be treated like shit, used and humiliated, he would like to pay bills, do chores and any horrible tasks in return for being treated like shit.

    I’ve never come across such a request before. Is this a fantasy for some guys? I’m somewhat confused. :S

  122. NYC SB says:

    I happen to have a mild case of ADD (diagnosed by myself) If I am not doing more than 2 or 3 things at once then I get bored … and i LOVE the blog 😀

    Coffee date with the parents! Glad to hear things are getting better there Lisa

  123. lisa says:

    NYC SB two dates today? I’m curious how you fit some many meetings and the blog into your busy work life. I believe you mentioned working long hours at your job when you first came on the blog?
    You must be a super multitasker.

    I have a coffee date……with my parents, lol

  124. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Photogirl, he just disappeared, must have been tangled up in the weeds or eaten by a flesh eating plant or something, lol

    SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD, welcome to the blog :)

  125. NYC SB says:

    meeting a pot for lunch today and another for dinner… wish me luck!

  126. NYC SB says:

    I have been thinking a lot about the long email courtship before meeting vs meeting after establishing initial contact debate a whole lot lately.

    I think that once you have spoken to a pot for a while you are bound to establish a connection of sorts, many times you develop chemistry and many times you know right off the bat that there is nothing there. If you do have some e chemistry once you meet it is more likely that it will translate to real life chemistry as the other person already has some vested interest.

    Having said that… I have been speaking to a pot since MAY! We are yet to meet and I am begining to doubt whether we ever will as he is always travelling and what not… so we will seee

    anyone else care to voice their opinion on the matter?

  127. photogirl says:

    Good morning everyone. I am fairly new to SD/SB dating and have been in lurker mode reading up on all the blogs. It has been extremely helpful and have certainly learned by a few of my mistakes so far.

    It is really great to see the SD’s on here as well…always nice to hear their side. 😉

    Lisa:
    I skipped around on the blogs so I am sure I missed it, but if you don’t mind me asking… what ever happened to you ‘semi retired gardner’?

    Sweetredhead:
    I also live in your area…

  128. The Lone Gunman says:

    Good morning, Sugars!

    Did everyone have a Sweet Sugar weekend?

    TLG

  129. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Gina,
    Yes, putting all humour aside, sugar daddies in the range 50 or 60 have already some elderly lady at home. That is one of the reasons to look outside this age group. Also there is another aspect involved.
    Unfortunately this aspect is constantly left out here in the discussions, it is the role of a benefactor or mentor.
    There is this intense “feel good” factor in the knowledge that you can give a young struggling student a leg-up by supporting her financially in her studies. See to it that she can concentrate on developing her talents.
    See her blossom and grow into an expert in her field of studies.
    See to it that she gets the best start in life, a girl could wish for.
    Mostly SDs on this site are selfmade men and have worked hard for their success, from rags to riches, without having themselves had that “best start” in life.
    I wonder what “feel good” factor can there possibly be in sponsoring a shoe fetish party for christan louboutin adapts. That smacks too much after Sex and the City. The sister site of SA is meant for S & C fans.
    On SA there is so much more that is worthwhile.
    You see that is why I am a happy lurker.
    Just looking to find someone being elated with such a generous SD.

  130. SincereSD says:

    kekej

    You profile is too long and full of run-on sentences. As a quick fix, I would put in some paragraph breaks and shorten the comments on dancing and baking.

    As for the pictures, I would recommend moving either the second or third pic to the top position; that’s the most important one as it appears in your profile summary.

    Welcome and good luck with your search.

  131. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    Have you folks really watched this 7:34 20/20 video linked up here? It is really excellent. It shows people who really know what they are doing moving and shaking in the sugar world, from the high end to the low end.

    Really pay close attention and listen to what they are saying and notice what they are doing.

  132. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    How do you know she is not successful here? Maybe she is cleaning up. She does what I tend to do and I’ve been pretty satisfied.

    Why don’t you meet her and see what she is all about?

  133. SincereSD says:

    Wow, what is it with pot. SB who don’t provide any details in their profiles and then want to meet right away after establishing contact?? I didn’t know whether I should be laughing or shocked by her response. Here’s the conversation:

    me: short introductory email

    her: I think we talked before…

    me: I did send you email last year but didn’t receive a reply. I’m back looking for an ongoing SB relationship. If you’re interested, let’s chat. Otherwise, good luck with your search

    her: Ok so what kind of arrangement are you looking for?

    me: short paragraph

    her: Ok, that sounds good, when would you like to meet to talk in person?

    me: I’d like to have a short chat online to see how we click before we meet for dinner. Let me know if that works for you.

    her: I don’t waste my time chatting on the internet, sorry. The only way to find out if we click, is to meet for a drink… Good luck in your search.

    And she’s probably wondering why she’s been on sugar sites for more than a year.

  134. ginaZ says:

    Mina trying to go for extremes, but since you mentioned it I love La Perla! some of the high end designers have limited sizes.

  135. Mina says:

    Victoria’s Secret – Yuck!
    If you’re going to go for high end heels, go for high end lingerie as well 😉

  136. Vixen says:

    I wish you all a good yab-yum

  137. MALE_Sugar_Baby says:

    I have an odd comment.. in part because I am male AND a sugar baby.

    That being said, “test driving” is appropriate for cars — but, not for sugar babies (male or female).

    As I recall, relationships begin with that first “date”; then, from that, it is decided whether or not to pursue further.

    But, in any event, the Sugar Mommy or Sugar Daddy should treat the sugar baby well, and vice versa.

  138. ginaZ says:

    Well speaking for myself TLG, I’m more than pixel dust, and I reckon you’re a real flesh and blood cowboy out there in the great open corral.

    In the words of the great Mae West:

    ..”I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”

  139. The Lone Gunman says:

    SincereSD says: “This is starting to sound like a men’s locker room with all this talk about 6-10 times. But don’t stop, I’m sure we SD’s love it.”

    They started it, Coach!

    Waving their shameless pixels around, talkin’ ’bout shoppin’ an’ stuff….

    ..then there’s the cheerleader outfits they Salsa Dance in…:)

    It’s more’n a guy can stand, I tells ya! What’re we made of–stone??!

    TLG

  140. ginaZ says:

    Whoops I mean shoe fetish :) Hee Hee

  141. ginaZ says:

    All humor aside, the chide (my own) is a link back to the relative proportion of men, sugar daddies in the 50’s-60’s+ range who seek out a MUCH younger SB. The truth is women get better with age, so this fixation of youth and relative inexperience is a bit odd. Maybe as Red has found the older woman younger man, and older man much younger woman is a large part of Sugar dating? It has made me rethink things, perhaps a younger man is better suited to me.

    Of course there are women younger that are far more mature beyond their years and much older men who are rather inexperienced. I suppose there are all kinds of combinations 😉

    But as sincere SD said it very much has to do with how one is looked after, and as I’ve found the older I’ve gotten a mans mind, how he thinks and follow through is huge turn on for me.

    Funny stuff NYC Gina Z and Gemini 29 all want to model some lovely Christian Louboutin stiletto’s. Anyone want to sponsor our foot fetish?

  142. SincereSD says:

    OC, GinaZ and Valgal,

    This is starting to sound like a men’s locker room with all this talk about 6-10 times. But don’t stop, I’m sure we SD’s love it. 😀

    In any case, it’s not a question of how many times a man can go, but more of question of how well he looks after you. Those of you who practise tantric will find that one is often enough because of the intensity created by the anticipation of teasing, slow buildup and stop and go techniques. The side effects of tantric to women are often long recovery periods; a desire roll over and sleep; or a loss of feeling in the lower extremities.

    OTOH the quick fix is to keep some of those blue pills around …

    I apologize if i have offended anyone here … and now back to our regularly scheduled program.

  143. Happy Lurker says:

    Keep on the 6 to 10 times rate ?
    No sweat.
    According to the famous McKinsey & Hyte report the amount of energy spent by a man in his performance is equal to walking up the stairscase of only 6 steps.
    Thus in the 10 times rate it would be walking the stairscase up to the second floor. Surely any man can do so.
    No sweat.
    Most men take the stairs and not the elevator just to keep in shape.
    For us men it is just a warming up to go to a dozen.
    Put on James Brown “like a sex machine”.
    There is humour on this blog and it keeps me quite happy.

  144. Gemini29 says:

    I’d love to model his whole range for a new SD…. provided I get to keep it all of course! 😀

  145. ginaZ says:

    Why someone did NYCSB! I would love to model a lovely pair for my new SD 😉

  146. NYC SB says:

    someone said christian louboutin…. 😀

  147. ginaZ says:

    Good idea for a topic Lisa!

    My pot for tomorrows meet is so anxious he’s texted me 9 times in the past three days. I’m going to have to start charging him as it costs me to send and receive a text. LOL. So is this a good sign? I do think it is good to meet sooner than prolong things with unreal expectations but at the same time, I have my own life separate from sugar dating.

    Regarding the whole model and shop what you buy phenom, I’d love this, maybe some knee high boots, a nice pair of platform stiletto Christian Louboutin shoes, Victoria Secret. Though I usually come with a bag of costumes all ready to go. Your own personal show girl fellas 😉 Eventually the right SD will come to realize this and snag me away.

  148. lisa says:

    Idea for a new blog topic:

    “What SDs and SBs can learn about a potential SD or SB through body language, manners, and appearance on that first meeting”

  149. NYC SB says:

    TLG – that is a challenge! yes Man points for trying are nice but its even better when you achieve the goal… then you get whatever points you want

  150. lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone

    We Need a New Topic Please!

  151. Thanks to you all I know more what to write in my profile I just want advice on the pics before I go on hold any opinions SD??? etc You wont hurt my feelings to each their own I just wonder if I should change pic also?
    tam369682

  152. hi everyone it is me again just wanted any final thoughts on my profile and pics before i amend it Thank you for all yout kindness
    tam You all have beauty and intelligence no wonder this is a great forum for men (too bad we are outnumbered lol
    tam

  153. The Lone Gunman says:

    SugarDiplomat SD & SugarDiplomat SD:

    Waiting until we got back to the SugarNest, she plopped me into a chair and then proceeded to model each outfit for me–with one extra bit added; after a saucy twirl in each, I had to show her how easy or hard it was for me to take the outfit off of her. The difficult ones are going back.

    It ended exactly as you’d expect. (sigh) I have the best SB…always trying to find ways to make things easier on me.

    NYC SB : Is that a challenge? Remember that we get MANpoints for even making the attempt…

    TLG

  154. ginaZ says:

    Go on now OCSB…have some fun in the sun and don’t forget to wear your sunblock!

    Peak?… well, it just keeps gettin’ better!

    SweetRed… hmmm perhaps I will pursue those my age and younger, probably a better match I suppose.

    Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!

  155. OCsugarBaby says:

    Ginaz: Peak??? Yes, the younger man would be able to keep up with us! I would love to find someone who can keep up with me. 😉

    Hey Sweetred!

    Ok, really going this time…

  156. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    ginaZ I am 40 and most of the Sd’s that contact me are younger. The Sd I was with (we are still friends) was 8 yrs younger than me. I guess it helps that I do not look my age. But it is strage the older men want young woman the young men want older woman, go figure

  157. ginaZ says:

    OCSB the beach sounds great…hopefully I will make it over to Newport Beach next week! Have fun;)

  158. ginaZ says:

    Because of the different time zones (I’m PST) when I go to sleep and wake up there’s always something new in sugar blog land 😉

    Funny thing is I’m right there with NYC SB, finding a guy who can last 6-10 times, An older SD wants a younger SB but it’s not always a good match. One can buy the illusion of youth but it’s merely chasing destiny. (Sorry didn’t mean to offend)

    I do think it’s ironic sometimes when an older SD 50-60’s wants someone 18-25, when 38 is too old. Ha! The truth is we are at our sexual peak.
    I have usually dated men younger than me, but more recently my age and older, so I do find it odd when a man who is 25 older than me wants someone even younger. The man could already theoretically be my father, so it’s weird. Of course i find him often to be too old for me, but I put aside age in this context. So maybe I need to find a SD my own age then.

    Maybe my frustration is spilling over to the blog. I met my first SD on CL, but we all know what happened there. I really like the concept of SA, and special kudos goes to the founder, just hoping to find a good match. 2 months and counting.

  159. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Have fun OC :) It is in the 90’s here too in Florida.

  160. OCsugarBaby says:

    Just packed my bikini, sunblock and sunglasses into my beach bag. I am off to the beach today. It is going to be a beautiful 92 degree day today! I love living in CA… 😉

  161. OCsugarBaby says:

    Welcome to the BLOG Jess! Very solid points on ways to check out the SB/SD. Nothing beats Google! Trust is a tricky thing with dating in this type of venue. Moving forward together with the right person takes time and gradual baby steps so to speak. We need more SD’s that give solid advice here!

    I totally get that some SB’s poof as well…
    Well, I decided to make contact with someone. You all know that I must have found him ADORABLE to even do that! Which I think he just may be that and more. However he wrote back several times, said he wanted to meet, then he poofs. But hang on, he returns, we exchanged phone numbers, then he poofs.
    I made one last attempt and contacted him last night via email. I guess he just isn’t interested…
    Maybe in addition to Google search we need references. Like “sugar” letters letting your prospective SB/SD know that you are real and not a scammer. LOL Kind of like a personal reference? The idea being it may cut the tension a bit and let the other know that you are indeed serious, sincere, have a job, not a gold digger/man whore. Test drives would happen a bit more often when you have a few letters in your Sugar file! Notarized of course. ~OC

  162. SisyphusSB says:

    SugarDiplomat SD – That sounds like the perfect relationship right there: improving each others lives, playing dress-up with each other, and just generally appreciating one another.

    The Lone Gunman – I have no explanation for this. When it happens, you know you’re better off without this rude person, but you are always irrationally thinking it could have lead to something. I have never ignored a message, even if it’s lewd or the person is not my type. I think it is disrespectful to not reply to a message, even if the one you received was disrespectful itself, the person is too far, or simply not your type.

    I find it incredibly frustrating when people do not even read the message you sent. It essentially advertises their own close-mindedness. How do they already know what they might be missing? Even more curious are the SDs who maintain a premium membership but have not logged in for 3-6 months.

    PS. We’re all dying to know, what was the unique take on shopping?

  163. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    NYCSDD I am impressed, finally a SD that gets it :) I like the way you think. Sb’s and Sd’s alike should take a long look at what they are asking for. Be reasonable in your expectations. No one wants to feel like they are being used. This should be easy and fun, not a job.

  164. SugarDiplomat SD says:

    TLG, care to share a bit more about your SB’s unique take on shopping for clothes?

    I too like to go shopping with my current SB for clothes (and it is no secret that she loves it as well). We have the most fun when we do it together and buy clothes for both of us.

    She usually lets me pick whatever I want for her so it is lot like playing dress up Barbie with a live doll. One of her more thoughtful personality details is that on later dates she’ll always wear the gifts I give her (shoes, handbags, clothes, jewelry, watches, etc). That very rarely happened with my previous SB.

    As icing on the cake, when we go clothes shopping she also picks out clothes for me — all the way down to the boxers. So over the past month and a half I am dressing a lot better, a bit cooler, and with a look that is a lot more closer to my SB’s age than to mine; the two of us being fifteen years apart. She helps me look my best and now I just have to look in the mirror if I ever want to boost my self-esteem.

    This is an example of a thoughtful SB adding additional value to the arrangement. Yes, Life is good…

  165. NYC SB says:

    Would love to find a SD that can keep up on the 6 to 10 range…

  166. The Lone Gunman says:

    Here’s something we never have discussed (at least since my arrival in SugarLand):

    Much has been made of the ‘Poof Daddy’ phenomenon, yet I haven’t heard about the Poof Baby.

    Poof Babies are the pot SBs on this site who post a profile, correspond over several messages and then vanish like they stepped into the Bermuda Triangle…and just like some Triangle stories claim, reappear briefly sending a message that would require a response, and yet never read that response that they requested from you.

    …because they have yet to return to the site, despite some time passing.

    I find that weird. Since we all have outside emails tied to this site, we all are notified when messages hit our Inboxes here, so ignorance is no excuse.

    (If only I could get massages in my Inbox—but I digress..)

    Fellow SDs, have you noticed this? Adorable SBs, what’s your take on the phenomenon?

    It seems counter-productive and a waste of time for the Poof Baby to maintain a profile on this site, correspond with people, vanish, return with a message to contact them, and then vanish again without at least *reading* that response that *they* asked for.

    Oh—and before anyone asks, this weekend with my main SB was a lot of fun, as usual. She and I can hardly wait for our next time we can mesh our schedules.

    She had a unique take on shopping for clothing that I really enjoyed. Life is good….

    TLG

  167. Sherbear says:

    Are we able to view the SB’s site to get some ideas???

  168. JoniA2Mi says:

    GM,

    I purpose a “LEASE” arrangement… you take a visual tour…dating(many times) then you have a mutual agreement of sex and MONEY for a period of time.

    If one breaks the lease for any reason… then they loose their security deposit and pay 4 months “rent”…. or something. Remember ladies “men want to spread their biology, and it only takes his PECKER 5 minutes to decide… and MEN like variety, commodities and POWER!

    What happens when the Money stops as women age and men make MORE money?

    Joni

  169. The Lone Gunman says:

    OCsugarBaby says:

    Ok, we may have to up it to 6-10 times! lol

    Keep going, I’ll let you know when I reach my limit…;)

    Honestly, has that deflector ever worked? You throw down a challenge like that to most men, and we’ll do our best to rise to the occasion.

    We get MANpoints just for the effort, you know…

    TLG

  170. jess says:

    The Test Drive is a two edged sword but having a clear set of expectations and having at least a discussion about it is important between SB/SD. So Sugar Babies are worried guys are going to just have a free sexual experience and move on and SD are worried that the SB will take the money and run, This is a trust issue. If you haven’t done your homework know who your dealing with at least set some sort of expectation and been up front with your process then the test drive can be a crap shoot! Ladies do your homework find out everything about the guy your interested in Google , People Search, all the social media sites and especially LinkedIn can give you valuable information that could serve you later. If you dont put in the effort and the time then when your sitting on the edge of that bed wondering what happened you have no one to blame but yourself!
    On the flip side guys worry about the possibility of getting scammed as well. There are plenty of predators on this site male and female if men who are real and most used to being successful because they work hard and earn this money and it matters what happens to every dollar and again trust.
    I would love to go on but ill end just giving this one piece of advice. Get to know each other prior to meeting well enough to see the writing on the wall!

  171. kekej says:

    Well since the group here are so nice to give such helpful profile advice I’d like to throw my hat in the ring and request some advice/commentary also.

    Profile Number 354201 . Thank you.

  172. ginaZ says:

    NYCSB. Weird I quoted you but it got zapped
    i was referring to NYCSDD, if you knew each other.

  173. ginaZ says:

    NYCSB hey girl! sounds like the date was good but not so good. Ah the hotel cuddle thing. You had all the ingredients, yet, you hit a speed Hmmm… does he sound familiar, had you met, or will soon meet?

    My breakfast with the older Jewish gent was a bit blah, at least you put on your dancin’ shoes!

  174. NYC SB says:

    Hi All!

    Date was fantastic! Salsa dancing and mexican/margaritas afterwards… he was so cute trying to get it… we also decided to rotate partners … it was pretty fun night… however, after he tried to persuade me to go to a nearby hotel as he didnt want the night to end and “CUDDLE” … sorry but i didnt buy that for a second and went home… I believe thats the last of him … its a shame… great chemistry and great time

    So what are the chances that NYC SB and NYCSDD have met?

  175. ginaZ says:

    OCSB…your a hoot! Yeah why didn’t I think of that at the time. Hey mister you ready let’s go! Let’s hang from the rafters, swing on the chandelier. Nope don’t think he could handle this lass. I was taken off guard though, so no quick little come back.

    Well the truth is the 58, I mean 68 year old gent, ED (or substitute similar name) felt a bit like I was dating an uncle or something. Maybe it’s the Jewish thing. Sigh.
    Hopefully Mondays pot will pan out. turns out he’s the age of “ED’s son, 39.

    Welcome Ania and NYCSDD!

  176. Ania says:

    Just saying HI – I guess being in Australia keeps us exotic and *away* from a number of ‘concerns” mentioned above

    cheers
    a

  177. NYCSDD says:

    Hi guys,

    This is my first time posting on the blog….. I have been on this site for 4 months and so far, I am having a good time. Even though I am still searching for my mid to long term SB, I had great time with many of the SBs.

    As for as for test drive, I think it is really not fair for the SBs….. In my opinion, SDs should be financially stable. So even with one time allowance paid upfront, it should not be a problem to them. What is the big deal………If SBs don’t meet their expectations, forget it, find another one. It is not like they are stuck with them and they have to be with them the rest of their lives.

    For me, even just the first date or short dinner with SBs, I still give a few hundreds of allowances to them. Maybe I won’t see them again because they are not my desired SBs but to me, they did provide some type of companionship. They deserved something.

    On the contrast, I did have some bad experiences as well. I had one “greedy” SBs who just ask high amount of allowance right at the first meet (she proposed some intimacies afterward). In that case, I was not very comfortable. I could afford the amount but the way she asked me made me very uneasy. I don’t think I will see her again!

  178. OCsugarBaby says:

    Ok, we may have to up it to 6-10 times! lol 😉

  179. valgal says:

    OCSugarBaby I got a laugh out of the 5 or 6 times in a row thing – but then I realized how many times I’ve been called on this bluff – not that they could tire me out, but that after the first time, if that’s all they wanted – they’re done! 5 or 6 times my foot! Backfired on me. 😉

  180. OCsugarBaby says:

    Ginaz: You should have said Sex? You bet ‘cha!!! Lot’s and lot’s of sex! No dinenr, no talking, just sex 5 or 6 times in a row. You up for that big boy? LOL That would have gotten Ed a little worried that he may not have enough va va voom to keep up with a young’en like you!!! LOL
    I can always come up with good come backs AFTER I have the conversation! Just too nice to say them during. 😉

  181. ginaZ says:

    98 °F in lovely Los Angeles today. Smoke from the fires made me gag, headache, feeling pekid. My pot today, Mr. Ed McMahon, I thought nice enough to call back. So I said let’s try perhaps for date number two. His reply, “You mean sex?”

    Arghh

  182. ginaZ says:

    Hey Lee Lee! sure I’d love to help what’s your profile#? Best of luck on your fiesr meet.
    Just met a pot today (Looks like a 60 something version of Ed McMahon) so let’s just say he didn’t make my knees weak but he seems nice, so we’ll see. He said he was 50 something.

    OK, which brings up the whole issue of guys who say the girls lie, they aren’t who they say they are or represent themselves in their profiles. But it seems like the guys do the same thing. Why does a guy lie about his age, I can understand why a girl may do this, but a guy? Is it to get an even younger person?

  183. lisa says:

    Hi Midgetfury How did you enjoy the slightly cooler weather in Houston today? 97 when I got off work instead of 100, cool

  184. Midgetfury says:

    arvonni…”can i borrow your blk card for just 10mins…” Love it 😛

  185. arvonni says:

    omg i love the topic..so true like lisa and everyone else that said NO its real im not a car a toy or a top you can try on and see if it fits..its apart of the game in sugar land and in the real world.you have to try it out you spend and lose or you spend and win..either way your SPENDING… also can us SB test your THOSE SD out there like can i borrow your blk card for just 10mins…idk..if you want to see me and see what i am like then cool but after coffee and ust coffee u want to”” test drive your out of your mind””

  186. ginaZ says:

    Gemini as I’ve discovered in the case of SD’s, A verbose and literate man is a turn on (for me) as it is in real life. Many an educated man can be cryptic and and get into text speak. Cryptic messages like ” If u like pics u able to travel some?” is a short cut and can be a turn off. More importantly, how does his profile look, his emails, and how is he on the phone?

    True story: a pot emailed me, bad spelling, grammar, but after many emails I replied back. Turns out he had a prep school education, was very articulate on the phone, and had considerable wealth. He had so many people working for him that all he had to do was dictate and it was written for him. We met but sadly there was no chemistry, but mostly for me I found him a bit rude. Brisk. Perhaps that ties back to the lazy way he wrote.

    But I do understand your concern. So always trust your hunches!

  187. Gemini29 says:

    Pft. Men. In talks with a pot SD, and asked for his picture… his reply, and I quote ” If u like pics u able to travel some?”

    Anyone want to take a stab at that? I’m going with he wants to make sure I can travel (which I’ve already mentioned I can) before he sends a picture of himself. Or…he wants me to jump on a plane to meet him sight unseen. Or…?
    Its enough to make me go… ok…next!

    Oh and does anyone else take grammar, sentence structure and spelling into account when choosing a SB/SD?

  188. ginaZ says:

    NYCSB how was you sugar date?

  189. ginaZ says:

    Hey sweet Red… the blog missed you!

  190. Jessi says:

    Second Attempt to Post This:

    Happy Saturday Everyone!

    Cuddly weather continues here in NYC. I’ve been watching Sci-Fi B movies and figuring out how to rewrite my profile, ’cause, it SUCKS! I’m kind of shy and have no idea how to market myself. Thanks to all who posted questions regarding this and those who have answered. Good tips! :)

    >>>>Caved on the fried chicken thing. (sniff) But the Doughnut Rebellion lives on…<<<<<

    I know I make it sound all dramatic, but I could wrestle w/fried stuff cravings, have two pieces of chicken and say, "yuck" to the whole thing. Silly, I know, but, hey…it's fun!

    SF SD- OMG, I've been on and off w/the coffee thing. It's not too bad an addiction, but I do want to be healthier. I'm going through stress and I'm all alone, so comfort food sometimes pushes away the loneliness. I'm a strong girl, but even we need our cuddles and security… PMS+Stress+(unknown variables)=Cryptonite. As far as the Irish Coffee…I take my coffee black and I don't drink, HOWEVER, I do like the "Irish Coffee" flavored grind from the Kona Coffee company. Yummy.

    BTW, sometimes when people ask me, or the subject comes up and I say "I don't drink", people get offended and either try to reverse my decision (try to get me to drink), or get an attitude. Has any fellow non-drinker experienced this?

    My feeling is: I don't drink. It's my body. I decide what goes in it. You are in charge of your body. YOU decide what goes in it. YOU do what YOU want, I do what I want. Simple, isn't it? Anything more complicated than that, seek professional help.

    I had this one pot sd write me describing what he required out of the arrangement and mentioned going out for drinks. I told him I didn't and he emailed me back saying I have to drink, too. My final email to him explained the above. Thankfully, I never heard from him again.

    What say you Sugars?

    Sweet SB UK- Having a Pound amount doesn't make you a gold digger, though I feel that term is misused a lot. The first thought that sprung to mind after reading you last post was that perhaps, if you examined the reasons behind your apparent discomfort at receiving monies and reverse them, then maybe the issue would dissolve by itself and stating what you need would become easy…just a thought.

    And now, back to Los Chronocrimenes (Time Crimes).

  191. lisa says:

    Good afternoon Sweetredhead

    Just got in from work
    Having chipped beef for dinner and then I’ve got to do some housework

    The blog is different lately

  192. Once again I must say I am impressed with the beauty and intelligence I have found reading here, I worked in the beauty industry many years staring in a mirror comfortable with what I saw until I saw you guys (hence manybe why I am blogging like a nut) but truly I am hoping I can qualify as a SB goodness knows ive paid my share of SBM over the years

    Now I am ready to travel and enjoy some life, and hope to always get the truth Gemini29 so you think my pics are ok updated profile as suggested just double checking I dont want to change profile too much lol

    POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME LOL
    EMAILS WELCOMED!!!

  193. Sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Hi everyone :) Wow things have changed in here. I see some old faces…Hi Guys!! and some new ones…Welcome.
    I am still on my sugar search, but not taking it too serious, I figure I will meet the right man in time and I am willing to wait for him. Are you out there?? echo… lol

  194. gemi29 you are a doll stephen please forward my email i appreciate it I came here for advice and you all have been wonderful I would love a mentor of experience lol, i will be modifying my profile (leave it to my doctor to advice overkill -he thought I should throw it all out lol but he didnt see the competition lol Thank you for the compliments \
    I am very secure in the world I have been in but I have been the SM now wanting to reverse rolls lol had enough younguns
    I appreciate all and any advice including photo as I said I had never been insecure until I saw some of you beauties lol
    Almost makes me want to be a SD lol.
    I love laughter and fun and you all seem to really care so please anybody wishing to email and advise I promise to cherish always
    Did I mention I a a gemstone collector ??? I believe in the rearest of the rare! I believe the SF is great! So far one vote of if I have the looks lol any other thoughts lol I will be modifying profile tonight and follow suggestions
    sincerely
    tam
    please allow my email to go to advisors thanks in advance Stephen

  195. Jess_bunny says:

    Well for me I dont do test drives, is the SD going to let me test drive him – hell no!!

    Yes sexual compatabilty is a big thing but you arent entering into a binding contract unless he is one of hose guys! If you two aren’t happy with the sex either speak about it or go our seperate way!!

    People over complicate these relationsips when really they should be the most simple. Thats the good thing about a SD relationship

    xxx

  196. Vixen says:

    Stephan- What are you looking for in the book review? Should we speak to the book’s strength and weaknesses? Help cuz words fail me right now..

  197. Dustin says:

    I think test driving is a good idea for both sides. The honesty test also plays a big part of test driving and it also lets you and your sugar see if your the right pair.

  198. LeeLee says:

    @ GinaZ i would love for you and anyone else to check out my profile and let me know what you think! How do i send it to you?

    @ Nikki Girl no worries I am new at this too and a bit scared of the trouble i could get into.

    I have my FIRST SD meet this wed after 8pm at a starbucks. I have NO idea what to say or talk about! I do not want to give off a vibe that i will do anything for an allowance. But i dont want to scare of the SD either… What to do.

  199. Sexy Mama says:

    Hey ladies, so let me ask you this..I’m new to this scene and still in the emailing process. Getting tested is a great idea and even better using protection. Do any of you in sb/sd relationships get asked for oral sex? If so, how do you avoid that…there is no protection in that?

  200. sweet SB UK says:

    Sydney: Wow, lucky him and lucky you! : – )

  201. sweet SB UK says:

    Sherbear: NSA = No Strings Attached

    —-

    Hmm, Pot SD advice?

    We’ve met up a couple of times, speak on the phone lots. We get on well. I know he likes me a lot, I like him too. He knows I could make him happy in many ways – not to sound crude, I don’t mean it like that. He said he gave his last SB [reasonable allowance] per month, but so far I have yet to see much of his generous side or supposed wealth. I just mean he seems to have taken a lot from me and I’m just not sure he’s either actually generous or properly wealthy.

    I don’t like to bring up the subjects of money or allowance and have avoided speaking about these things unless he mentions it. Last time we spoke I asked him what he thought about our relationship, our arrangement. He said he was very happy and would discuss the arrangement next time we met up. Was he just avoiding the issue? Maybe I’m being paranoid but I get the feeling he wants to meet up and take what he can without giving and just avoid actually paying.

    To be perfectly honest, I feel somewhat reluctant to meet him again as I’m just not certain he’s actually willing (or able?) to go through with what he had suggested (monthly allowance). I don’t want to waste my time or his. We have been in very regular contact and I know he is happy, but I don’t feel it is fair for him to take and not give. If he would – put his money where his mouth is, so to speak I would be more than willing to continue as we are and we do get on well. He asked me what I’d like to do on our next meetup. I had thought about suggesting we go shopping – not because I’m particularly desperate to shop, but because I just need some evidence he is willing to fulfil his side.

    Does this make any sense or do I sound like a money grabber? I am not a gold digger, I am kind and generous in my own way, but I don’t feel he is willing to do what he has claimed.

    Advice SDs/SBs?

  202. Sherbear says:

    I’m new here. What does NSA mean?? How can I look at the SB’s profiles so I can get some ideas??

  203. Sydney says:

    Hey and thanks for all the virtual pats on the back around my previous blog post! That was nice, appreciate being welcomed so warmly here.:)

    It’s true ya know – guys don’t show up to a first date with an accounting sheet listing all of their assets for your to peruse. For valid privacy reasons he’s not going to let you look at his bank account to verify his income. So you’re really just going on trust until he can show you he’s really in a position to afford the allowance you seek.

    Unfortunately trust gets broken a lot in the sugar dating world. Tons of big fat liars out there who pretend to be daddies but haven’t got a penny to their name (or if they do, they don’t intend to spend it on you!), and there are guys who will work the advantage they have over you as a way to try and manipulate you into bed. So by all means WAIT for intimacy until he has stepped up to the plate and shown you what he has to offer.

    And yes, bringing a gift to the first date – while never a requirement with me – *does* go a long way towards showing me that a man is truly interested and can be generous.

    I’ll never forget the first time I met my current daddy: it was about a year ago and we’d exchanged a few emails. Because we’d hit it off so well after a brief phone call, he drove all the way up his city 200 miles away to meet me for lunch! Sparks flew immediately and by the end of the meal we both knew we’d found our match! He walked me out to his car, didn’t try to molest me (what a relief!) and instead reached inside and handed me a bag from Macy’s. Inside was a gift box of delightful perfume and an envelope with a Amazon.com gift certificate inside.

    About an hour later, he called back and asked me to visit him for the weekend in his home city. I was charmed but still nervous about going to a strange city with no promise of an arrangement. He understood completely and wired $1000 into my bank without having to be asked as a good faith deposit. I went to visit him that weekend and we’ve been happy together ever since!!!

    So guys, that’s how a winner gets the girl. Just so ya know.:)

  204. Nicki says:

    Hello My Fellow Paranoid SB, Valgal! :)~

    I am actually going to meetings with only one ID (you need a passport to go to Romania, so never take that with you…); I don’t leave my drink alone (those date rape drugs scare me too much) and let my friend know where I am and check in with her every two hours. If I don’t answer, she will come there and call the police. Lol. You can never be too careful! Good luck to you and everyone else. I’m off to sleep!

  205. Adri-SB says:

    LMFAO @ “test drive” Are you kidding me? You’ve got to be kidding me! These people cant possibly be serious. Ha! Yes I needed that laugh. Anywho hello everyone, sorry I havent been on in a while, me and my SD been caught up on vacation =]

  206. valgal says:

    SF SD – “Limited to dinner and conversation” is a far better way of saying it! There is an art to being subtle…I better study up!

    I felt the need to be blunt about sex because he asked for a late dinner – 10:30p – on a Sunday night. The restaurant he chose is one I am familiar with and comfortable with, but I automatically associate it with the hotel a block away which, for whatever reason, makes me slightly suspicious.

    I think, like Nicki, that I’m letting the possible dangers sort of get to me! Like what if he says he’s from Seattle and will be back in town but really he’s just flying INTO town and doesn’t live here and I meet him for dinner and the next thing I know I’m in Romania with no identification or passport and caught up in the sex slave trade aaahhhH! Nicki, you aren’t the only one!!! :)

    Anyway, he did seem pretty legit via email…but I’m nervous. How do you ladies and gents get rid of your pre-date jitters?

  207. SF SD says:

    Peaches, you’ll need to post your profile number here so somebody can look it up. This is a loosely organized group, but give it a day or so and I’m sure you’ll get a response.

    G’nite! :)

  208. Peaches says:

    Hello to the person who is giving profile advice…would you be kind enough to look at mine? I apologize if I seem presumptuous….my intentions are sincere, I’m new at this and I would appreciate any advice. Thank You

  209. Nicki says:

    SF SD, I see your point about SB profiles with “justifications”, and I kind of feel like I might also be trying to explain/justify my being on SA or looking for an SD. :( Thanks for bringing that up. I need to decide whether I really want to pursue this. It’s not as simple as I originally thought.

  210. Peaches says:

    All of you within the “sugar family” are fantastic!
    I posted on another page…in here somewhere….asking for advice. Being that I’m new here, I wanted to know proper sugar etiquette.
    After spending some time reading…I feel that I am some what prepared for the sugar life. But….if anyone would be kind enough to share…possibly take me under their cyber wing…especially you experienced SD’s, I would be ever so grateful.
    Thank You

  211. Gemini29 says:

    Gem Gal- Hee, I’m finally able to view others profiles. Ok, based on pictures alone, I think you’re darling!! Sure some SD like the younger model type of girl, but you have a great face and a really cute look! :)

    That out of the way…
    Erm, I’m going to be a bit brutal on the rest. IMO, your profile is too long, both sections. If I were a guy looking, I’d see your cute pics, and then I’d hit the who you are and who you are looking for section, start reading, keep reading, and then stop. Its just too long. Guys (sorry blog SDs!!!!) have a rather short attention span. You need to have enough so that you convey who you are and what you are looking for and make it memorable, but short enough that you don’t lose their attention. You have some great info in there, but a lot needs to be cut out. Remember, you need something to talk about on dates and such as you get to know each other :) If you really want any editing advice on your profile, have Stephan give you my email addy.

    Stephan? I’m not really sure how to give her my email addy, can you pop it her way please?

  212. SF SD says:

    Rare Gal — I can’t read the profiles here, so I haven’t seen yours. But I do have some suggestions, and I hope you take them in the spirit in which they’re given.

    Your writing in the blog goes into a lot of detail, and it looks like it’s all one sentence. This doesn’t matter so much in a blog, but it will in a profile. Consider reducing the amount of writing by at least half.

    Think of your profile as a resume (credit to D-Dubs here) rather than an autobiography. Your goal is to meet the type of guys you might want to see. So write with them in mind and give the essentials, just enough so they want to meet you. There will be plenty of time to fill in the details later. And break up your writing into separate sentences and paragraphs so it’s easier to read.

    Also, I get the impression that you may be trying to convince us (and yourself) that it’s okay for you to be seeking an arrangement. You don’t need to justify your presence on SA. Just talk about who you are, some things you like to do, the type of guy you’re looking for, and why they might want to meet you.

    If it turns out that you *are* unsure about SA, then it could be that you’re writing to convince yourself more than your intended reader. Try slowing down the pace a bit. Try a couple of difference approaches, set them aside, and look at them the next day as you if were a reading about yourself for the first time and deciding whether to go to lunch. That might give you some clues about what to leave in and what to take out.

    As I say, I *haven’t* read your profile, I’m just making a couple of educated guesses. So ignore anything that doesn’t apply. And please take this as an attempt to make some helpful suggestions.

  213. ginaZ says:

    Darling you sound great in your profile, playful, definitely a smart gal who knows who she is and wants, though I would maybe edit out “proper young lady” in the second half as you already mentioned this earlier. YI sound like a very together 20 year old! Good luck on your quest 😉

  214. ginaZ says:

    Darling and Nicki–

    To search someones profile visit your own membership page and click profile and then “preview profile” and substitute the numbers at end with the profile you are seeking 😉

  215. SF SD says:

    valgal — I might have have transmogrified the phrase “parlay it into sex” into something like “limited to dinner and conversation.” But, whatever. An experienced SD shouldn’t be put off by receiving guidance on your expectations for the first meet. And, once you get together, your good looks and charm will rule the day.

  216. Nicki says:

    Darling, I’m not sure how to search by profile #, so I can’t seem to check out yours. – ? –

  217. SF SD says:

    Nicki,

    I have no idea what other guys do, but I got the series of tests, with results posted anonymously on the web, and gave my SB the access code. This was something I volunteered, not to push any issues, but to eliminate any “back-of-the-mind” uncertainties, regardless of what we might decide to do or not do.

    IMHO this is one of the things to take care of early on, even when you decide to use protection. You’ll both enjoy yourselves more if you have one less thing to worry about.

  218. darling says:

    Okay, some feedback on my profile would be very much appreciated :-)
    Do I sound like a bitch? 356142
    Also – how does one search for a member by profile no?

    x

  219. Nico says:

    kekej ~ I usually broach the subject by asking about his experience as a SD and what their arrangement was and whether that worked for them. I would ad lib from there.

    I’ve suggested before that I prefer to get the details out of the way up front so we can get on to knowing each other with the more business aspect out of the way.

  220. kekej says:

    Thanks alot guys for your feed back. I love the fact that you guys are all here to help and offer advice to us newbies so to speak. I joined the SD/SB lifestyle because I’m interested in having a more honest and upfront type relationship were everything is kinda of in the open so to speak. I’ve always dated more mature guys I love the advice and the conversations. It just seems so ridiculous when a guy can’t be honest and say he’s not interested or that we didn’t click or whatever. I don’t have a problem saying it when it’s the way I feel. I’ve got a few more meetings lined up with pot SDs but I’m alittle unsure of how to approach the allowance conversation with an SD that I’d like to enter into an arrangement with, do I ask or do I wait for him to offer?

  221. Nico says:

    Hmmm….Irish coffee…yummy :)

  222. SF SD says:

    Jessi, I hope you considered my earlier “hormones” comment in the light-hearted manner in which it was offered. Your experience, as dismaying as it might have been, was narrated with skill and self-assurance.

    With regard to fried chicken and donuts — I think it was John Madden who identified the four main food groups as sugar, grease, caffeine, and alcohol. Go for it. Then treat yourself to an Irish coffee and you’ve got it down.

  223. Nicki says:

    Nico, Thanks! Your answer is as long as mine – seems like we are both quick typers. 😀

    Yes, #1 is out. While I can see how someone who is otherwise generous would want to hang out at that plae, he seemed like everything but that… Dumpster!

    With my #2 pot., I think we have some chemistry, we have good conversation, but I tried to imagine kissing him, and I’m not sure… Put it this way: if it was a normal dating situation, I would never go out with him. Then again, out of all the men that contacted me, he was my favorite. I hope chemistry will develop over the next few dates…

    I agree, $8,000 is a lot. I’m thinking if I get $5,000, I’ll be happy. Then again, shoot for the stars, right?

    I like how you put it. Yes, we should make their lives easier. I don’t mind the drive once I get an allowence, but for now, I’d rather meet half-way.Maybe he will be like your ex-SD and offer some gas$. If not, that’s fine too.

    I’m certainly sticking with condoms, but even that way I don’t feel safe if I don’t know that he is clear and free of any diseases. Maybe once we afree on the allowence, I get my tests and show him the results… If he’s a gentleman and has nothing to hide, he should offer to do the same. (Wishful thinking.)

    Thanks again, Nico!

  224. Nicki says:

    @Gemini29: You are so right! You made me laugh! I forgot his comment about the waitress. He said at the end of the $20 meal (for two) “She did a great job, I better give her a great tip!” I didn’t look to see what he considered a great tip, but I would not be surprised if it was 15%. Loser!

  225. Nico says:

    Wow Nicki….that’s a lot of info but I will take a stab at giving my two cents.

    Number one Pot….not worth a second look…..and not because where he chose to take you for lunch but because you got a bad vibe from him. My previous SD took me to little hole in the wall type restaurants but was very generous.

    Number two Pot….questioning one thing. You are doubting the relationship and refer to him as non unattractive…you’re not actually saying he’s attractive and not necessarily in a physical way….but do you have the chemistry?

    As for the allowance question. I would say, that’s a lot but I’m sure there are many factors. Keep in mind, just because he makes that much per years doesn’t mean he’s willing to pay you $8k/mo. Does he say in his profile his ‘range’? Somebody mentioned earlier about SD’s making an investment in us as SB’s…just keep that in mind when you put forth your request. As for the part about negotiating, never bid against yourself…shows you’re weak. If he balks at the number you give, ask him what he had in mind and do your best to meet in the middle.

    You also mentioned the travel. One of the things we as SB’s do for our benefactor is to make their life easier, therefore driving to him would show your selfless nature. I never asked for gas $$ because my SD pays me a monthly allowance but surprised me the first time I made the drive with $ for gas.

    As for the ‘boyfriend’ aspect. You cannot assume he wants exclusivity…you’ll need to ask that of him and then make the decision once you have his answer.

    As for the STD issue, I have had SD’s indicate they want a test done and then of course exclusivity would be a part of the relationship so, to connect this with the boyfriend comment, if you’re going to have more than one sexual partner and being safe is a concern (which is good), you should probably just stick with the condoms….(my two cents)

    And lastly, as to the fears ~ the best advice I can think to give is to just remain alert, not paranoid, just alert.

    Wishing you the best :)

  226. Gemini29 says:

    Nikki:

    Your list for the first pot SD reads like a multiple-choice question for “What makes a guy NOT a Sugar Daddy” where the answer is E. All of the above. lololol! I love how he threw in the “Oh I bought my ex this and this and this” as a lure, but told a woman to beat it when she asked about the allowance part of things. Cheap date says it all….big talker, big ego, but no substance!

    As for the allowance part of things, if you feel that you need that much to cover tuition, rent, and other stuff, then ask for it. Nothing wrong with asking, it is putting a value on you and your time. And I would certainly expect a SD to either come to me or pay for me to get out there, otherwise it stinks way too much of “less-than-average boyfriend experience with the dude who doesn’t drive/has no job/living out of momma’s basement”.

  227. Nicki says:

    P.s. The reason why I changed my screen name is b/c my pot. SD told me that he reads the blog… :)

  228. Nicki says:

    Hi Sugar Fam.

    I love these posts! Okay, so I just changed my screen name, but have posted here before.

    I met only two SDs so far from this site, and here are my 2 cents.

    The first one made the following statements:
    “I’m only trying this because a friend told me about it.”
    “I met a woman here who asked me for money a few weeks later – I told her where to go.”
    “I love spending money on myself.”
    “I bought my ex a car, an apartment, etc.”
    “I’m a high-power exec” (but he is rather young…)
    These are conflicting statements in my eyes, so I kind of ruled him out. He took me to a cheap lunch spot, never mentioned allowence and made some explicit remarks too. I’m pretty sure he is a waste of my time. Anyone thinks otherwise of the above statements?

    The other SD is 35 years older than me, so I’m not sure… He is not unattractive, but it seems like a stretch. We met for coffee and deserts, and I was too shy to talk about the “arrangement.” He asked twice, I always changed the topic (Stupid, I know!). Then I told him I would think about the allowence I needed. here are the facts:
    -I need $5000 or so for expenses and tuition monthly. However, I want to also pay off debt and put some money side. I think that would take me $8000/month. I am doing two full-time college programs now (one is online, but the other is in person and a double-major too), so I don’t have time to work.

    IS IT REASONABLE for me to ask him for $8,000/month? His profile says he makes over a million a year… If he did not lie, that should be a reasonable request… And if he lied, no point seeing him anyway.

    I will see him again on Monday for lunch. Should I bring my budget? (list of expenses, etc.) What if he turns me down? Should I say “I’ll take half?” Lol. Can you sugars advise?

    We also live 200 miles apart and plan to meet twice a week. Should I tell him to drive to me or should I drive and ask him for gas $? (Of course, if he agrees with the allowence, that would be included.)

    BTW, does any of you have the paranoid thoughts I do when you go to first meetings? Like, what if he is an undercover reporter, and I end up on TV, portrayed as the “scum of earth?” :O

    I have also been thinking of “what if my SD date drugs me and rapes me?” Or if he puts something in my drink, then sells me as a prostitute? Aaaaah!

    A few more questions (I hope someone answers.)

    My pot SD asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told him no, which is true. However, I plan to look for one in the future. Should I tell him that? Do I “owe him” not to go out with another man? He also has someone else, and I told him that at this point I don’t care.

    Is it okay to ask my SD for an STD test? Even though I always use condoms, you know they are not fool proof, and nothing and nobody is worth getting AIDS or something else horrible. Of course, i would supply my own full and clean record.

    Okay, so those are a few things I wanted to mention and ask. I welcome all your feedback – bring on the funny, the useful, the crazy and the matter-of-fact too!

    Thanks, Sugars!

  229. ginaZ says:

    Oh Jessi your a funny girl 😉

    LASDMe I understand your points especially as you explain them. Welcome to the blog!

  230. Jessi says:

    Fried Chicken & Doughnuts Update:

    Resistance w ea…ke..ning….need re…en.. force.. mennntsss….

  231. OCSugarbaby says:

    LASDMe: Welcome to the Blog! I love to dance… ~smile

  232. oh by the way my doc thought maybe people would be inspired conquering the impossible always smiliing tha who helped me write it and he is rich man but he is biased (hence me asking you guys)

  233. great sugestions thank you sooo much can anybody give honest opinion by pic am i sb potential still i have great personality everyone falls in love so to speak but this is new territory so u think change leave everything out make mysterious mischevious sorta hummm i can see that explain later i do have some political legal goals wish i could find a mentor email buddy and sincerely request opinion on if i am sb quality looks wise i obviously am nott 24 model but do not look nor act my age and high heel freak i have rarest of rare gemstone collection beyond a jeweler at that so what do you guys think can i still be a sugar b or did i wait too long lol thanks again
    tam

  234. valgal says:

    SF SD & NC Gent – thanks for weighing in!

    Looking at it now, I don’t think that I expected to treat pot SDs any differently from how I would treat a regular date, but I was curious to know if there is a different protocol for mutually beneficial arrangements.

    Sooo I’ve got a pot SD who has asked if I am available for a late dinner on Sunday! He seems articulate and on the level, all a plus! We are both in media related industries and so that is a plus, I think.

    In his email he said that he thought he’d be a good ‘SD & provider’ and that we would discuss details over dinner. I wrote him back that a late dinner was fine so long as he wasn’t expecting to parlay it into sex – was I too blunt? should i have finessed that a bit?

    Anyway…wish me luck!! Any advice for a first timer? this will be a first!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!

  235. The Lone Gunman says:

    WhooHoo!

    My main SB is in town early!!!!

    All weekend plans we made have now moved forward by 8 hours.

    I may be off the blog for the next 24 or so, folks. Play nice!

    TLG

  236. LASDMe says:

    Friends — I have never asked for a test drive. They are sometimes offered to me, and I will not turn them down if there’s a mutual attraction. Of course, I never expect free test drives! While they have helped me decide on which SB to make an arrangement with, I would not rely on them exclusively. Sitting down for coffee, lunch, or something similarly casual helps me get a feel for a person’s intellect, temperament, and boundaries. I find any other meeting that inhibits talking to be ineffective. Dancing sounds like fun, though! Perhaps I’ll consider that next time.

  237. Gemini29 says:

    Gem Gal – Why not put your old profession down? If a SD asks about it, you could say thats what you did before and now you are in transition to something new and better :) keep it slightly mysterious, they don’t need to know 100% everything

    NYC SB- oh my goodness have fun! salsa dancing, woo!!

    Lisa- I’m jealous of your new sheets. I’ve wanted a new pair for so long but my 5billion count cotton sheets might have to wait awhile longer, lol!

  238. ginaZ says:

    Nighty night NYC have fun dancing!

  239. ginaZ says:

    se_vnt3 you seem to have a different approach. I for one don’t do “flings.” And while I can’t speak for all SB’s, I think it’s different for a man than a woman.
    Though you may be a Gay SD, so perhaps it’s different? Not to mention there are diseases, risks, and the residual affects of casual sex on someones psyche. Sydney said it best. Or at least from my view she put things in there proper perspective, the differences between a SD and SB. But to each his/her own. I think it’s interesting to get different views in any case and you offer up one view on the notion of a “test drive.”

    Raregem, I wouldn’t even mention retirement, maybe put free spirit in it’s place:)

  240. lisa says:

    Have a good night NYC SB

  241. NYC SB says:

    well sugar fam… enjoy your night… im out for the count!

  242. thank you everyone any sugestions what to put why not working yet finacially independent? ii dont want to seem a prostitute lol i have to say something i thought honesty best and im proud im alive and have some money (besides luxuries that is) i would gladly except experienced mentor and value pos and neg feedback from all would greatly appreciate sd opinions I havent baggage IM FREE TO FLY my doc is just my friend i lost most during long isolation and am curious if considered cute enough in truth i cant take it i always been told cute as bug etc been pursued but this is a different venue so thanks in advance help369682profile
    sincerly
    t

  243. any sugesstions how to list my retirement i dont want to appear a loser i actually worked hard enough i can not work so i can travel and i am soooooooo prous im alive and overly excited ready for yeaars of vacations missed working! thanks for advice and help truth from any sd does anyone feel my looks dont qualify as a sb??? never had trouble dating but im seeking more now fun real fun!!
    thanks
    t

  244. se_vnt3 says:

    a “sugar test-drive” is fine so long as you recognize what it is – a fling. i establish trust for a potential sugar before an arrangement after a few flings. test drivers are the smartest types of sugars, there’s no feeling like that of a satisfied sugar. jermaine stewart’s “we don’t have to take our clothes off” evokes my sugar-life for me when i hear it

  245. ginaZ says:

    Hmm…Got my fingers crosses NYCSB! you did well in the financial market the other day so that is a positive sign! Here’s wishing us both good luck. have lots and lots of fun! Oh how I love dancing, maybe i’ll get lucky and find SD who can twirl me around on the dance floor!

    REalraregem in your profile I’d take special care not to have to explain, don’t mention all the past, the Doc, health issues, history and such. Keep it light and fun. Also I would peruse the other SB profiles to get a better take on what works and doesn’t. Just my 2 cents.

  246. NYC SB says:

    Ginaz – yes! very excited lol … best way to get over one sugar is to get under another… on the dance floor of course!!!!!!!

  247. gina i did hair for 20 some years and lungs hairspray forced early retirement thank goodness i had everything paid for((except the unfortunate house situation) but even that is a blessing disqused and my doc said travel have fun i never tolk off while i was working therefor i negelected traveling and my budget is for basics only so my doc recommended this he said i would be perfect for it how would you recommend i word it my health has returned (mold) was issue and removing it ive been on breathing machines and tooo much medical to explain but I am mended well and taking his advice and looking to share the love of myself in travel and new people he is concernrned of me returning to the fumes etc of my career, I am not desperate nor require supprt but I am tightly budgeted so if I want to travel I gotta shop for alternatives versus being irresponsible and forgoing bills and hitting vegas i am not seeking a bill payer and love being independant but I would love to travel and have some serious fun I am 39 and ready to be 24 again (wondering if you and others even think I have the looks) everyone ive met has told me im a doll and sweet and funny i cant help it im cheeky so tell me how to put it lol i am retired unless of course i dont stay to budget and stupidly go to vegas lol (boy am i tempted) but since i left the salon my customer friends and employees lives moved forward my life was on hold?(non existant really) for 1.5 years now that i am better i just dont want to head to the bar scene I live in a college town and honestly I am done supporting men so Doc told me to come here and here I am hoping to share the fun and meet some new friends ..And very greatful the lungs repair and I am alive and can take the time to travel and have fun I just dont wish to go alone does that make sense I hate my profile is so long but it is hard to explain how sick I was and the situation versus now I am better and rarrring to go that why I am gladly asking advice on pics etc Thank you for taking the time to read my profile369682 and appraciate any advise bow that yo maybe see the point you could recommend how to frase that my doc said your retired so that shows I can up and go at any moment spontaneous no obligations etc.???
    sincerely
    t

  248. ginaZ says:

    Thanks NYCSB, hoping for some sugar, pure cane, powdery, on a fluffy cloud of sweetness!

    Salsa dancing? do tell! Date #3 with yummy pot handsome married guy? Or…

  249. oc did you ever here about libby she dissappeared i guinelly wouldnt mind helping i really believe in paying forward I cant wait to get advice from the experienced sugar family and appreciate all help nyc and oc are ery nice hey oc i said hi and thanks did you get the info wink wink lol xoxoxoxot

  250. NYC SB says:

    Ginaz – I hope the dates are sugary sweet… Im excited to salsa tonight!!!

  251. ginaZ says:

    It’s very dry in So Cal. No rain. Hot.

    2 pot dates the next few of days. We shall see. Fingers crossed.

    Real rare: my advice is edit down, the old adage less is more leaves something to the imagination. Look at other profiles to get a better idea of other gals, what works and doesn’t. I also wouldn’t talk about illness or reveal too much personal info. Block letters aren’t generally good except for the occasional emphasis:)

    One body shot is good in a profile. Also, you are 39 and retired? which for many a SD may throw them for a loop, many a SD looks for 18-35 range (I am 38) Also there is a higher ratio of SD to SB’s, though I believe there is someone for everyone. One must be patient. If you push it just won’t happen.

    Good luck;)

  252. lisa says:

    Hi Oc

    Shopping was good. Got a couple nice things. New sheets and some perfume. Had a latte too. Home with Percy now. I burned his popcorn so he’s mad now

  253. OCSugarbaby says:

    Hello Miss Lisa Penelope! How was shopping? Was it sugar sweet? 😉

  254. i love the fact i can laugh at myself and all situation even in the hospitals they teased me i was always trying to cheer THEM up thats just my i so appreciate you guys and cant wait to hear if you all think i could fit as a sb lurker your opnion would be appreciated also the women here are great but a man knows what he thinks also thank you everyone xoxoxoxo
    t

  255. lisa says:

    It rained water here today

  256. lisa says:

    It takes time and patience

  257. NYC SB says:

    its raining sugar! hahaha

  258. OCSugarbaby says:

    Hi Ginaz! Love’d your ditty…. 😉

    NC: Rare’s number is 369682

    RareGem: Just hang out with us here and ask as you go along. It takes time and a good sense of humor.

  259. 369682gladly i appreciate all the advice pos or neg im sincere and lovely inside (you guys tell me if outside lol) i may not be sugar quality lol you tell me lurker your advice would be great also and nyc and oc you are great!!! hope all your dreams come true!!!

  260. OCSugarbaby says:

    Great sugar song is ” It’s RAINING men, hallelujah, it’s raining men, amen!” 😉

  261. NC Gent says:

    Hi Rare Gem — if you provide your profile number, we can make some helpful suggestions :)

  262. lurker would you mind giving any advice on my profile my doc helped me write it and not sure if its ok or not appreciate all feedback nyc you are a doll and oc thanks for the compliment again came in timely fashion lol you too seem a real gem anyone care to mentor a newbie??
    laugh everyone smilexoxoxoxoxo
    t

  263. NC Gent says:

    Hello all!

    Valgal — the rejections range from the AWOL tactic — no response and no further email, to sorry you are nice but you are not my type. Both get the message across, and some think both ways are humane. I prefer to get the ‘sorry you’re not my type” but others like the no response. I offer my picture up early so that neither party wastes a lot of time. I used to take the rejection personally, but then realized I only find about 1:20 profiles “my type” even thought almost all of the woman on SA are very pretty. Some guys (and gals) don’t take rejection well, but if one can’t handle it, SA is not the right place to be hanging out.

    Jessi — that guy was a total loser and probably just looking for a way out after wasting a lot of your time. Sorry that happened to you :)

  264. ginaZ says:

    Afternoon OCSB!

  265. ginaZ says:

    I wrote a little ditty early in the a.m if one scrolls back…anyone?

    Sydney…wow you were spot on well said!!!

    Best of luck NYCSB on your new potential.

    Jessi…I want to go shopping too! Wow you really had a winner with Mr. golden shower. He sounds a bit off. Good luck on your search!

  266. OCSugarbaby says:

    Happy Lurker: Now I KNOW you didn’t mean to use the cuddly little Rudolph to make your point. Sugar manors please. 😉

  267. has anyone heard from liibby is she ok? sorry I have a tender heart cant help but always wanting to help guess that is why I was always a SM but now I have been convinced by my doc its my turn (my sugar left me while I was dying in hospital) so I know i would never do that to anyone every regardless i believe in sharing the love with everyone anyone want to share the love mentor or interested in seeing some rare gems ? I would love to be in the sugar family (am i cute enough lol -or too old? 39)profile number369682
    thanks again
    t

  268. NYC SB says:

    kekej – I agree with SF SD … another posibility is simply that he just may not have the resources… would you rather continue seeing him for a couple of weeks and then realize he will never fulfull his side of the arrangement?

  269. NYC SB says:

    Happy Lurker – way to take a jab at me :)

    to each its own right?

  270. SF SD says:

    kekej, you may have just encountered a serial “poof daddy.” On the other hand, he may have decided it wasn’t a match, or he found someone he liked better, and he didn’t have the [whatever] to tell you. It’s rude, and a big disappointment, but unfortunately not that unusual. Many of the SBs here have encountered similar situations, vented a bit, and moved on to find a successful arrangements. I wish you the best.

  271. thank you i get it better now you guys are really kind I would love a mentor by the way if someone sees my profile i would greatly appreciate feedback thank ny you are very kind (hey how libby )I was willing to try and help her a bit??
    sincerley
    t
    369682 profile number
    blessings to alllll and the best of days it is raining here would love to be on a beach right now rarara chickabrabra lol

  272. Happy Lurker says:

    The best song summing up Sugar Land is really:
    SANTA IS COMING INTO TOWN !
    Originally a film with Fred Astaire, but also a favourite with Bruce Springsteen or Maria Carey. By the way you all know it !
    So here I am as an SD and I am really functioning like Santa.
    Because I am a generous person I will do well for you.
    Why ? Does Santa have a hidden agenda ?
    No, just because I like you and the pleasure of your company.
    There is an amazing parody on this blog.
    WHAT’S IT GONNA BE SANTA ?!
    Does Santa really have to pay up front 1 K $$ before visiting you with a
    load of presents, as someone suggested ?
    I believe Santa would strike you off the list, as Rudolf just suggests.
    Where do I read a thank you note for Santa, an SD in disguise ?
    I have been an SD for two students that I never met, to support them in their studies to become a linguist. One recently finished her studies with Honours, absolutely brilliant. Now I am trying to persuade her to aim for that Ph.D..
    The other one will be finishing her studies philology next year.
    So far I have not encountered such a student here worthy of a Santa coming into Town.
    But by nature I am an optimist.
    Someday I will find another young person worthy of support.
    It keeps me a Happy Santa.
    Don’t ask what your SD does for you.
    Ask what you can do for your SD.

  273. kekej says:

    I met with an SD once I thought we hit it off, we made plans to get together again then he cancels the day of siting work as the reason. He doesn’t get in contact with me at all so I send him a simple email on seekingarrangements saying how I had a lovely time and look forward to seeing him again, he reads but doesn’t reply. Finally today (2 weeks later) I noticed that he’s blocked me from emailing him on the site. So I texted him to say hey what’s up. He tells me that he’s having financial and family problem and that’s why he can’t talk to me. However he’s on the site as recent as today. I’m convince he’s lying about the reason and this is possibly something he does often to other SB. I just want to put this out there so other SBs are aware. His name on seekingarrangements is Victor, he’s 46 and he lives in Oakville Canada.

  274. SF SD says:

    Rare Gal — You’re not doing any thing wrong. I don’t know what you mean by “other post,” but it’s been less than half an hour since your message above. The blog ebbs and flows throughout the day. People write on lunch breaks, before school, after work. They’re in different time zones, the go on vacation, and so on. Hang in there, and I’m sure you’ll get some feedback on your profile.

  275. stephan says:

    Wow. I’m really feeling this post today. Step, by step. Love you all sugar fam.

  276. NYC SB says:

    Rare – I gave you some feedback on the other blog… also give it some time for people to take a look at your profile… patience dear!

  277. im getting the same thing as on the other post am i doing something wrong or does nobody wish to speak to me? confused why i am not getting any replys is their a room guide or someone that could answer why i am not recieving any return messages only seeing mine?
    thanks
    t

  278. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sydney – well said. I might be in the minority of the sd’s agreeing with you. But I think you are spot on. I know that is what worked for me.

  279. thanks oc wherever you are for the compliment your sweet and ny you seem a pro also lol ive read a llot of intelligence in posts and i think 20/20 could have emphasized that its not just “cute arm blondes etc” just curious if I stand a chance in this society I hope so I sugar momma all my life just ready to be the sugar for a change I am self supportive just cant afford any extras and when in emergency i am alone in the world (no family) left I collect the rarest of rare gemstones btw if anyone is interested in a completely original rare gemstone (jewelers have the basics ) I proudly have every gemstone identified so far) that is my major hobby My Grandma Ruby got me started collecting young and when she passed she left me her 90-120 year old collection, I love to share unique with those that like unique gems (hence my name lol) hope to get advice thanks in advance from any caring folks out there
    sincerely
    t i would be open to email with new friends or except a mentor if that is allowed (as I said I am new to this)369682

  280. Hi everyone I have been trying to get some help on advice on my profile and situation etc my doctor actually advized me of this site and said I would be perfect for a kind companion I left messages on 20/20 blog and noone is talking to me am I doing something wrong I just am praying for help to not look a fool I am actually pretty funny i only had a camera phone and wondering if my pics are ok etc one SD told me to lay it on the line and i did afraid it is too much though seeking any advice from the pros and kind ones also is libby ok anyone know I would be willing to help (i believe in paying it forward) 369682 is my profile number any help?
    sincerely
    t

  281. SF SD says:

    NYC SB > “In all honesty I can respect this! To me it also means “I have something that I do not want to jeopardise – my position” … beware of self proclaimed bigshots who freely post their picture in their profile…”

    Sure, I can see how that would be. There are good reasons for our differences in comfort levels. And it guess each of us has to use intuition to distinguish legitimate reasons from evasion.

    Absolutely agree that an SD photo at the yacht harbor standing next to a town car with “RICH GUY” on the plates is bad news. Anybody can put on suit and lease a car.

  282. DC says:

    Valgal-

    I used to date at match and yahoo and would occasionally meet men who did not provide me with a picture. They had every excuse in the book and my favorite was “the file is too large to send through the mail”. LOL

    Each one of those dates was a disaster for me. I thought I had learned.

    I started corresponding with a man at another sugar site and he didn’t have a picture. I felt funny asking him for one. So I agreed to meet for dinner anyway.

    He turned out to be older than he stated. Sweet guy but I just didn’t see myself ever becoming attracted to him and I just couldn’t fake it. He gave me a very generous gift at dinner. I went home and thought about it and decided I could not pursue anything with him and felt guilty about accepting the gift. I was honest with him and offered to return the gift. He did not want the gift back.

    My point is that I won’t go on any more dates without seeing at least one picture. If they won’t put it up at SA they should at least be willing to send one to your e-mail address. I have had men who were married and sort of prominent with a lot to lose still send me a picture. But I would understand their need to maybe e-mail a bit and talk to you on the phone to get a sense of trust from you.

  283. NYC SB says:

    I encounter many men who simply refuse to send a picture for reason such as : “Im a high profile individual and married. However I am willing to meet for a quick drink/coffee. ”

    In all honesty I can respect this! To me it also means “I have something that I do not want to jeopardise – my position” … beware of self proclaimed bigshots who freely post their picture in their profile…

  284. SF SD says:

    Jessi, I dunno what to say, except that guys have hormones, too.

  285. NYC SB says:

    DC only time will tell if this man is what he says he is… thus far its just very promising!

  286. DC says:

    Jessi-

    Sorry about your experience. Unfortunately this seems to happen often.

    I have never heard this before:

    “He told me repeatedly and rather passionately how he enjoys blackmail and being forced into financial ruination by a strong woman.”

    That alone would have made me run in the opposite direction. Danger Will Robinson!!!!

    When you get involved in the world of fetishes and S&M you need to be especially careful. IMO it becomes more about the fetish and pain then the people involved….not always but more often than not. And the first time you do get involved in this world it is best to do it with a partner you can trust. Trust is paramount if someone has your well being in their hands.

    I said this before and I’ll say it again. For those that are new to sugar dating, the most important thing is that you respect yourself. Do not le the $$ cloud your good judgement. If you would have stayed clear away from this man had he approached you at a regular dating site then the same should apply in Sugarland.

    It’s hard enough to have a relationship like this when there is money involved, wives etc. To throw this into the mix is just asking for grief.

    Be glad that he revealed his true nature to you before you got involved with him. It’s hard to say if the increase in sugar was what set him off. But if that is all it takes to set him off then you probably were in for a lot of drama.

    I try to focus on potential SDs that are respectful from the first e-mail. If the second or third e-mail gets into territory I am uncomfortable with then I usually let them go. Just go with your gut instincts. If it doesn’t feel right…there’s a reason. Us gals were blessed with wonderful female intuition.

    There are plenty of wonderful SDs out there. We have a few here at the blog. The key is to not be desperate or impatient. It can takes months to find a the right SD for you. Good luck!

  287. SF SD says:

    valgal,

    When I had an active profile it included a rather playful photo that was clearly not myself. This was for discretionary reasons. However, anyone who read the profile to the end found a statement that I was happy to send a real photo on request. So, that was my “requirement,” read my full profile and ask. I think this is fair, and it avoids the type of situation where you discover much too late that the guy is visually “not your type.” I would personally be suspicious of a potential sugar who was not willing to provide a photo (I’m talking G-rated here) once you’ve entered any kind of a serious dialogue.

    As far as “letting down” a guy you’ve had some interaction with, this is going to vary a lot depending on the person, the situation, whether you received gifts, and so on. My gut tells me that it’s best to deliver the message sooner rather than later and to keep things simple. “Thank you so much. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. I’ve decided not to pursue this arrangement.” If he asks for explanations, etc., remind him that it’s a mutual decision, no strings, and thank him for understanding.

    If the guy is a gentleman, he’ll man up, take his lumps, and move on.

    Ladies, I’m sure you have much more to say on this.

  288. Jessi says:

    Dear Hormones,

    I’m sorry for damning you. I officially retract your damnation. You are only doing your job. When we would enjoy ourselves at the gym, you were great, never forcing me to make these choices or having to resist anything. I know it’s ME and I promise you that as soon as possible, we will return to normal levels of everything.

    Until then, please accept my sincere apology. I love you.

    Jessi

  289. DC says:

    Agreed, well said Sydney!

    Congrats NYC SB! Sounds like you hit the sugardaddy lotto!

  290. Jessi says:

    I wanna go shopping…:( Being unemployed sucks!

    So, I’ve been chatting w/a pot “sd” who introduced me to the wonderful world of S&M and we were getting along just fine for a while. He told me repeatedly and rather passionately how he enjoys blackmail and being forced into financial ruination by a strong woman, some intense stuff, and a lot of other more usual S&M stuff.

    I started doing all of this research and learning terminology as fast as I can and it seemed like it could be fun for me. I asked him a lot of questions about it and what his motivations were, etc.

    The night before meeting day, he tells me he wants to drink my “golden elixir” at the restaurant we were to meet in. At first, I didn’t want to, but then I remembered he was into blackmail and the whole financial thing and so I told him he could have some if he gave me $300. It was a kind of test to see if I would like such play and to see if he would be forthcoming. After discovering I had (and still have) a tuition balance of $500., I changed the amount from 300 to 500 and explained it was for my tuition balance.

    The next email I received from him accused me of being money hungry like “rest of them” and that I should go back to looking for a sd.

    At this point, I’m thinking he’s absolutely NUTS!

    So, I write him back telling him that HE approached ME w/all of these crazy ideas and that I was sincerely interested in exploring the scene to see if it would suit me. (I had mentioned this to him before and reminded him that money was important to me in my current situation at least twice.)

    I was not judgemental at all in my writings to him and he even commented on how open minded I was. It was a surprise to me to have someone who claimed to enjoy being forced into this kind of thing to complain about $500. I told him that if he couldn’t handle $500., how could he handle being forced to pay my rent (something he wanted me to do as play)?

    It didn’t make sense, so ADIOS crazy man posing as sd!

    It’s rainy & overcast here in NYC. Had ex do my laundry and now it’s time to cuddle and watch a movie. Trying not to get fried chicken and doughnuts…damn these hormones!

    P.S. Does anyone else get hit on more while they’re ovulating? It’s amazing isn’t it?

    Oh, yeah, and there’s this other guy…non-holding (not sd)…

  291. Stephanie says:

    NO Test drives! It’s insulting. Just because we are SBs and are obviously looking for an arrangement, our time is valuable!!! Well to me my time is extremely valuable. I Had a long great dinner, night, & breakfast with a guy who casually mentioned he had a lot of cash on him… we spent almost 16hrs together! not one dollar was given to me, not to mention of how he can enrich my life. he even tried to get “sweetness out of me! for FREE!” Its insulting.

    A first time and the last time I will ever let this happen again. I will NOT be seeing this guy again… no money will make me jump for this man for insulting me. The sad thing is he was good looking… just had no CLASS!

  292. valgal says:

    Good morning, ladies, lurkers and the rest of you :) – I’ve got a question for you.

    A lot of pot SDs don’t have pics up on their profiles – at what point is it appropriate to ask for a picture and how does one do so without sounding crass?

    Furthermore, if you’ve been talking and there is some e-chemistry, how do you handle it when you finally get a picture and it reveals someone who is unattractive to you? Or when you meet in person and you don’t find the gentleman attractive?

    As to not having profile pics, I completely understand. If I thought my profile would get any traffic at all without pictures, I would put it up anonymously (the internet is forever!!!!!). That would include my facebook, linkedin etc…anywho, I think this post is over.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts!

  293. NYC SB says:

    Good morning OC! email me when you get a chance… my phone wiped out all my emails this morning

  294. OCSugarbaby says:

    NYC SB: That is FABULOUS! Wishing you luck! He would be a silly fool to pass you by! :)

  295. NYC SB says:

    I was just contacted by a very promising potential… im excited!

    he is my age as well and extremely good looking!

    keep your fingers crossed 😀

  296. elle says:

    Nicely put Sydney!

    Have fun shopping lisa, god knows I’ve done a bit too much of that this summer lol time to save for me

    On a side note, I went on a horrendous date with a pot last night…everything was fake, even his appearance, his mannerisms, everything! Very disappointing :( but the search continues.

    Have a good day sugars :)

  297. NYC SB says:

    well put sydney 😀

  298. sweet SB UK says:

    Sydney: yep, agreed

  299. lisa says:

    Very well said Sydney

    Good morning everyone
    Slept late and woke up to rainy morning clearing now

    Out to the mall for coffee and some shopping
    Have a great day everyone
    Time to wake up Gail

  300. Sydney says:

    I look at it this way:

    A man knows what he wants when he sees it. He doesn’t need to see you naked to know he’s going to enjoy sleeping with you. The right woman sitting across the table from him, making steady eye contact and smiling is all the “test drive” he needs. He can clearly see what he’s getting for his money by simply using his eyes and looking at the beautiful woman in front of him.

    For the woman – not so easy to tell. We can’t see your net worth on the surface. We don’t know if you’re telling the truth about your job or if you are in a position to afford this sort of dating unless you show us. It has to be in some tangible way, something we can see and know that it is real. A gift, a shopping or spa day together, or just a helpful amount of cash, gas money, whatever… this is all the “test drive” we need from you.

    The woman is selling her beauty and companionship, the man is selling his success and generosity. He can take one look at her and see that she is beautiful. He can spend some time talking to her over a meal and see that she’s a fun companion. But what can she see of you on the first date that proves you are what you claim to be? How do we know *you* are “as advertised”? No way to tell, and that’s why the SB is at a disadvantage in the early negotiations…and why we’re so cautious. SAd but true!!:(

  301. NYC SB says:

    Adriana Lima —- oh how I adore her…

    Happy Friday sugar fam!

  302. Gemini29 says:

    Morning sugar family! Wicked thunderstorms in my area all last night, crazy stuff!

    TLG- All I can think of when I hear that song is the Victoria’s Secret runway show and Alessandra Ambroisio strutting her sexy self about….. they played that song for one of their segments a few years back. Now I adore the VS runway show, and since lingerie and sugar seems to go hand-in-hand, perhaps this isn’t a bad thing 😉

    Mmmm lingerie.

  303. The Lone Gunman says:

    Good morning, Sugars!

    Here’s another Sugar song to consider:

    I Want Candy by Bow Wow Wow

    I’ve had Sugar dates that are this pulse-pounding fun. Hope to have them for a long time to come.

    TLG

  304. Beach Babe says:

    In my experience MOST of the SD’s want to to take the Ltest drive”. NO, no, no!
    There are many SB’s on the site and why would the SD’s get into an arrangement if they can “get the milk for free, without buying the cow”?
    In my opinion, that is what most of the SD’s are hoping for. Naïve SB’s who are gonna let them test drive til they run out of gas, cuz they are fake and have no class!

  305. ginaZ says:

    OK I thought I’d put it out there… into the vastness that is SA. A little less car talk a bit more fishing.

    Lyrics by GinaZ (clears throat)

    Sugar Daddy…Sugar Daddy where art thou?
    Looking looking maybe now?
    A svelte curvy lass with a heart of gold
    (Or so I’m told;))
    And a bit of sass
    Sweet Sweet oh so very
    Pretty please mon cheri
    with sugar on top…
    sugar on top
    Yeah Yeah…

    GinaZ casts her net a bit wider.
    Maybe out of L.A, age, race open…

  306. Gemini29 says:

    Ah blast, I missed the voice account giveaway! But on the bright side, I have an interview with the clients for a 3-month modeling gig tomorrow.

  307. ginaZ says:

    Money…ha that’s a catchy song. I remember it too! lot’s of clanging and a catchy chorus.

    SisyphusSB I also understand the kissing and how the pot SD treats others around them as a litmus test. In my dating life (regular) i added how a man drives a car (to fast, no safety belt, doesn’t signal, too slow,…) and massage. all indicative of…

  308. SisyphusSB says:

    Hi everyone. I thought I would chime in with my thoughts on the questions…as MichaelSD said, in the gay world, things often move much quicker, but I believe the underlying principles remain the same. One exception is that for those of us who are gay, it is much more difficult to find someone that wants exclusivity.

    Are sugar test-drives a good idea? Why or why not?

    “Test-drives” are essential for me, but I do not consider this to be sex. Physically speaking, I think a great deal can be sussed out from a simple kiss. If someone is a bad kisser, there is not even a point in pursuing anything further. If they are great, then it is a hint at what the sex may be like if you both decide to pursue things further. I never sleep with someone on a first date, but kissing is not a big deal at all to me. Aside from that, conversation & noting how the person treats those around him (besides myself) is also in a sense taking him for a test drive.

    When and how do you establish trust for a potential sugar before an arrangement? Do you have a trust-test?

    I don’t have any particular test. I actually despise the idea of “testing” people. I am quite forgiving. I don’t set up traps for people to fall into, or judge them on specific failures of character or actions. However, if a lack of conviction or respect appears to be a consistent issue then they will not ever gain my trust. My trust is gained very slowly through someone repeatedly keeping their word.

    Are Test Drivers the worst types of sugars, or are they the smartest?

    They can be both. It depends on what the definition of the “test-drive” is and the tact (or lack thereof) being used on the part of the SD or SB. The time frame is important too. There is nothing wrong with either person expecting something from the other, as long as they both communicate this and patiently wait until both parties are comfortable with the situation. Whether this is providing financial support or romping between the sheets. The entire process, emailing, chatting, then meeting is a form of a test-drive and both parties would be wise to assess how smooth the ride was before continuing down the road so to speak.

    Has anyone got any good sugar-songs to share? What songs evoke the Sugar-Life for you when you hear them?

    Money (That’s What I Want) by the flying lizards comes to mind, however superficial it may be. Reminds me of the movie Empire Records :)

  309. The Lone Gunman says:

    ginaZ:

    Just got a burr under my saddle to try and see if the Blog passed any tags that would allow me to give the proper emphasis to how I post, since I tend to write the way I speak.

    TLG

  310. ginaZ says:

    Funny stuff lonegunman. How do you do it?

    Bold face.

    I can do the smiley, but no bold. Yet.

  311. NYC SB says:

    Sugar song: Sugar by Flo Rida (fellow SB and I tore it up on the dancefloor in NYC to it)

  312. NYC SB says:

    Gunman is very manly… this gives you a soft side …hahaha im picturing a romance novel cover with that name… ofcourse fabio is on it (yuck)

  313. The Lone Gunman says:

    NYC SB:

    Tender Loving Gunman?

    Not sure how I feel about that, being a manly SD and all…

    TLG

  314. DC says:

    I’d love one of those NYC SB. I will e-mail you. Thanks~!

  315. NYC SB says:

    TLG I meant… every time i see your name i think of TLC lol dont ask why

  316. The Lone Gunman says:

    Italics

    Boldface

    underline

    This has been a test of the Sugar Blog typeface system. Had this been an actual post, it would have been witty, informative and made strong women cry and whales blubber. Were this an actual typeface emergency, you would have been instructed on where instructions were to be instructed.

    We now return you to your regularly scheduled Blog, already in progress.

    TLG

  317. NYC SB says:

    TLC sorry to hear that… on the bright side there are plenty more to choose from

  318. The Lone Gunman says:

    Well, for those who care, I broomed the pot SB who may be a ‘Lost Provider’.

    After *finally* speaking with her directly, it was painfully obvious that this was a person with several issues going on at once–and none of them were anything I was interested in dealing with.

    Life—the Sugar Life—goes on….

    TLG

  319. ginaZ says:

    NYC SB… I’d love to snag one of those primo accounts 😉

  320. Kiwi says:

    Cool…Thanks NYC for the advice :-) Hey, if you still have some google invites open, I’d like one…I’d rather do that than having to carry around 2 phones.

  321. NYC SB says:

    Kiwi – no matter what we tell you it all depends on you and your experience. when in doubt trust your gut instinct… its tough knowing the fakes from the real ones and it just takes time… eventually there will be some red flags that you will be able to pick up right away

  322. NYC SB says:

    i wish the google boys i know are millionaires… haha maybe then i wont need the site … i have been cleared for 3 voice accounts who wants it???

  323. Kiwi says:

    Hi Sugarworld…I am new to Sugar Land and am learning quite a bit from the blogs. I am extremely nervous so you all have really helped me…I kinda have the same questions as LeeLee…I am all for getting to know someone and getting comfortable before the subject of sexual gratification comes up. Unfortunately, due to my appearance “sex” can sometimes be the main focus when I meet someone…not that I don’t appreciate my God-given looks but sometimes you want someone to see more than just that…How will I know the real SD’s and be able to seperate them from the fakes? Right now I’m just learning and doing my homework b/c my pics are still awaiting approval from the site :-)

  324. ginaZ says:

    A shout out to OC SB…you are such a sweetie! Yes… it will happen. A wuuuuunderful SD awaits.

    Sigh.

    Funny I just found out there’s a song called “sugar daddy” by the Jackson 5

    There’s even a bit at the end referencing to cars and such…

    …”‘ll even let you drive my “cadi”
    …when i get one baby! Oh oh oh “

  325. ginaZ says:

    Aww…thanks Lee Lee a gentlewoman I am indeed, equal parts sass and class 😉
    I think wading through the site there is more than ones fair share of sex and money innuendos. On the other hand, I do think it’s possible to find what it is you seek though It may take a bit longer. I would not lose hope. Happy to help if I can.

    Curious in your search how many pot SM there are on SA? A previous survey indicated there are platonic arrangements as well. I had one of those some time before, a gem of a person as sweet as they come. Also, if you feel comfortable you can get feedback on your profile, sometimes a few changes can draw in the right person. Another thing I have done is have someone in mind, even a fantasy SM/SD and speak directly to them.

    Good luck!

  326. lisa says:

    Hi DC, Good to see you back on the blog.

  327. DC says:

    Lisa…you crack me up!

  328. DC says:

    LeeLee-

    While there are SD/SB relationships that don’t involve sex…the majority do…….eventually. The guys that want to have sex on the first meeting are pretty much just looking for an escort. As an older SB, I have noticed that the younger SDs are the ones who usually make this assumption and are just rude. I delete them immediately. The older SDs that have contacted me have all been respectful and usually understand what a true SD relationship is all about although some are new to this and need a little coaching.

    I liken it to a traditional relationship in that it involves affection, intimacy and friendship. But on the other hand there is the mutual benefits part that differentiates it from FWB or casual sex. A woman is compensated for spending time with a man who is usually married…who is not going to leave his wife. In return he gets the benefits of having a girlfriend who will not give him any drama and is discreet. The woman is compensated/mentored etc and therefore is grateful to her sugar daddy and not resentful. Can be a win-win situation for both parties.

  329. ginaZ says:

    sherbear on first meets if it’s local, for example if the pot SD is driving to your neighborhood I don’t think gas (if you drive) should be an issue. If the pot treats for lunch, or in the case of the double espresso meets, once you’ve spoken and feel comfortable, then by all means meet without any expectations. On one occasion, my having to drive 40 minutes (in L.A traffic) I mentioned running on empty (which was true) the pot SD was more than generous and slipped me a generous amount of money even though he probably knew (as did I) we weren’t a match, but he was a gentlemen and felt comfortable making the trek out.

  330. DC says:

    Flo Rida-

    The only time I would consider something like that is if there was considerable chemistry upon meeting an SD and I would still want to have 1-2 dates with them before there was any intimacy. Otherwise it would feel too much like pay to play. I don’t think a coffee date and then a dinner or two first is unreasonable for either party. If the SD can’t wait then he can hire an escort in the meantime. But if he really likes the SB for more than sex he should be willing to wait until she is a little bit more comfortable with the arrangement and the SD in general.

    Of course an SB and SD could go out for a month with no intimacy and when they finally are intimate..find out that sexually they are just not compatible. But that is a risk we all take..here and in the non sugar dating world.

  331. LeeLee says:

    @SincereSD you seem like a true gentleman. I wish there were more of you out there! I think you would make the SB/SD transition much more comfortable for me.

    @ginaZ I love your spunk and your humor! You have very good points too. We have a lot in common as far as being romantic SB. Thats the way to my heart being a gentleman or gentlewoman 😉

    I have been reading these blogs and never have added my own thoughts. This is for a couple reasons the biggest one is because i have never had a sb/sd relationship. I have tried but all the mail i get is about sex and for me I need to have a connection with that person. At this point in my life I feel more comfortable having a SugarMama then a SugarDaddy but i dont put the idea out of my head. Some of the people on the Seeking website make me feel like I dont belong there because I dont want to have sex right off the bat! Can someone please take the time to explain what a true SB/SD relationship is! I was under the impression that it was a mutual benefiting relationship. SD/SM are there to help out financially and SB are there for good company and IF there is a connection maybe more. On the site I feel that is money for sex and that is NOT what I signed up for. But please if someone can give me some insight that would be very helpful! Thanks
    LeeLee

  332. Flo Rida says:

    Hi, I’ve blogged before, but have not really announced myself here. I have to say the blog is entertaining and friendly and everyone seems great.

    QUESTION: Would the ladies’ (and male) views change on test drives if there was a proportionate monetary, gift, spoiling amount associated with the test drive? STATEMENT: A SD could say that SB’s are receiving a free test drive of money, spoiling, gifts, travel etc PRIOR to their fun and so SBs are only interested in test drives when it’s in their favor and not the other way around.

    Btw I’m not advocating text drives, I believe a lady should be comfortable with her or his decisions (without money entering the equation) – but let’s face it gifts, money, spoiling certainly help – this isn’t traditional dating.

    Cheers

  333. Sherbear says:

    I just signed up on here. Any suggestions on my first meeting? What if $$ comes up? Should I ask him to pay for my gas to go see him if it’s local?? I have no clue what to do….

  334. Sherbear says:

    I just found out that google Voice is not available in all areas yet. :(

  335. sweet SB UK says:

    Gemini: Awesome, great line if I ever need it!

  336. lisa says:

    He’s probably an old clunker with a gas problem

  337. Gemini29 says:

    Pft, my response to a guy wanting a “test drive” would be to tell him that he failed MY “test drive”. Everyone knows that lemons aren’t very sweet.

  338. lisa says:

    DC my view numbers do that all the time, well the last time I checked, seemed to increase or decrease by 2’s. not sure if they count each view as 2 views or whatever. Anyway views don’t matter, geniune sds are all that counts.

  339. DC says:

    BTW, is anyone else seeing some weirdness with the number of views they are having. The number changes every day but instead of going up, up, up it goes up, then down, then up again. Weird!

  340. OCSugarbaby says:

    Jessi: You are funny! Test Drive, Sample the goods… Double Yuck!

  341. Jessi says:

    Test drive? I’m gonna go puke now. Reminds me of the $150. guy… YUCK!

    So far, all of my meetings have been duds. Imagine if I “tested” them. How absolutely gross! I have to go shower and scrub myself clean again.

    OK: Blue skies, pretty flowers, Boston Cream…

  342. DC says:

    HA! SFSD the Google guys are not millionaires. Billionairies is more like it!

    Hi Lisa, good to be back. Missed everyone!

  343. SF SD says:

    “The only people doing invitations at this time is the google team in charge of this project…”

    Yah, but the google guys are all millionaires, right? You must know a couple of ’em. 😉

  344. lisa says:

    Nice to see you on the blog DC :) you were missed

    NYC SB, there were 3 guys that came up to me, another guy driving an 18 wheeler hollering at me, and another guy came up to me. Geesh I wasn’t dressed up, I was wearing my work uniform which is very unflattering and I don’t put alot into my appearance to go to work. You don’t have to look pretty to push stock around.

    Now I’ve got to pop some popcorn, Percy is waiting

  345. Gemini29 says:

    It looks like a pretty cool concept with great features…I love the idea of being able to see a transcript of voicemails

    Hopefully my invite gets granted quickly!

  346. NYC SB says:

    Oh yeahhh I forgot to mention that… Thanks for reminding me SF SD… I will ask my google buddies …

    You need to sign up for this feature and get invited. The only people doing invitations at this time is the google team in charge of this project… so there is some wait…

  347. SF SD says:

    “Here is an idea… instead of a prepaid cell phone apply for a google voice.”

    Perhaps you could invite us, NYC. :)

  348. Gemini29 says:

    Oooh thanks NYC SB! Thats a perfect solution! :)

  349. DC says:

    NYC SB- apparently Google Voice is available by invite only…as in they will consider inviting you when it frees up a bit

  350. DC says:

    Thanks for the suggestion NYC SB!

  351. NYC SB says:

    Here is an idea… instead of a prepaid cell phone apply for a google voice… its a free number that you can link to your cell phone thus never revealing your real number unless you want to. This works great if you are concerned about giving out your number to people you dont know just yet

  352. babygirl says:

    Does anyone have the SA book? I’m wondering if it’s really worth it.

    And two, does anyone know if they are going to update the site? The mailbox in and out being separate is a nightmare for keeping my mail straight. Especially when guys don’t have pics, they all look the same. Also, identifying info needs to transfer over from window to window. Sometimes I’m so lost.

    And three, I stopped getting new responses this whole week? I was slammed before. Guess I have to wait for new blood???

    And four to the girl who was on 20/20 thanks for telling us like it is! You should put that on their comments board for all to see. I was wondering why no one would just say really anything clever. Instead we had to watch that creepy woman relate this to slavery. Yuk! Slavery is not about sharing intimacy willingly with another person. Their is no comparison to the girl in the limo and a slave. More appropriate would have been going to work at a 9-5 job, now that’s got more in common with slavery than getting paid to love yourself and be yourself! Ah well, guess she is missing out.

    Btw, love this blog! Thanks to everyone for chatting. It’s been really interesting and helpful. xoxo

  353. DC says:

    Yo SFSD!!

    How do I sort them out….well I have only had 2 real SDs in the past so I am sort of going on instinct.

    The generous SD and I will be having a real date possibly next week. I liked him because he was a gentleman…..and smart and considerate. The fact that he gave me part of my allowance based on good faith said a lot as well even.

    I am still considering others because I am still not sure if this SD and I will be compatible as he is somewhat older and a bit reserved..but nice.

    2 other SDs I still want to meet were also not looking for SBs but curious about the idea. I have a feeling they will be poof daddys and another from this site sounds like he would make a wonderful SD and is the only one who is not married but has not been able to meet me or any SBs for months now because of his insane schedule.

    The litmus test will be that I need to feel like I would want to spend time with these people even if there was no $$ involved. I need to like who they are as people. Watch how they treat others. Then see if what they are looking for meshes with what I am looking for….availability, how we spend out time etc.

    I need someone who is okay with the arrangement and won’t get resentful and can obviously afford an arrangement. I also want absolutely no drama so someone who has done this before and knows how to be discreet is important. And I want them to agree that we can both end this at any time without resentment and can part on good terms.

  354. NYC SB says:

    Lisa how classy of them! When I was in Vegas I got solicited many times as well while waiting for a cab… SD got a kick out of it though

  355. lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. Just got back from work. Well I guess I don’t need a sd as I was solicited 3 times while waiting at the bus stop coming home from work. What creeps. Gee the area I work in is worse than where I live.

    Going to go to laundry now, a woman’s work never ends

  356. cupcakegirlLA says:

    Are sugar test-drives a good idea? Why or why not?
    Test Drives are a BAD idea. I had a SD who decided to “Test Drive” me without me knowing: We saw each other a few times and each time he would give me gas money for the drive. He would always tell me that I was amazing and perfect but he still didn’t know about pursuing an arrangement with me. But he was oh so certain he wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with me. I’m sure you can guess how that ended.

    When and how do you establish trust for a potential sugar before an arrangement? Do you have a trust-test?

    Trust is a hard thing to earn, I guess it just comes naturally with the right person. I am sure that being honest and upfront with the potential sugar would be the root for trust.

    Are Test Drivers the worst types of sugars, or are they the smartest?

    As far as I know, the SD I encountered was the worst. It seemed as though he just wanted to find a way to pursue a sexual relationship and not a mutually beneficial relationship. But in some cases, I’m sure it can be smart, you don’t want to waste your time with someone after all.

    Has anyone got any good sugar-songs to share? What songs evoke the Sugar-Life for you when you hear them?

    For me, “Money Honey” by Lady GaGa describes sugar life as I see it from a SB’s perspective. Also “Whatever You Like” by TI and I sure hope I find someone soon who will have the same philosophy!!

  357. babygirl says:

    Oh yeah I almost forgot to put in my two cents in about test drives…even if we wanted to, I don’t think it’s a good idea for women to take that risk here, too many scams. Even bad sex for a guy is good. So if their is no chemistry he’s not going to feel as bad as us if it doesn’t work out. It could be traumatizing to get used and not worth the risk to my self esteem. I don’t ever want to feel that I have been played and if the guys not interested, then at least I have something to show for it $$$$ if I don’t hear from him again.

  358. babygirl says:

    Classy Sassy: Hang in there, it’s happened to me twice in a month and for no good reason except I said I wasn’t interested. It’ll probably happen again. Don’t take it personally, he probably felt rejected by some other woman that day and that’s sometimes when they “resort” to paying for it. It makes some men feel out of control. A confident secure man may fell that he is more in control and when he feels good about what he is doing and being generous, he is very nice and a gentlemen ~ not judgemental. You didn’t deserve that. Some great relationships can be found here, but you have to be strong and may have to deal with a few thorns before you get to the roses.

  359. Gemini29 says:

    SF SD- Ah! You read my mind! “I suggest using a pre-paid cell phone as well.” I was just thinking about this today, and thinking I need to look into this, for my privacy as well as his.

  360. SF SD says:

    Seems like you never stop learning in sugar land. Appreciate the thoughts of the experienced SDs (not in any way to devalue the SB contributions of course).

    Dorky and Suthrn, you guys want to weigh in on this. (It’s all right for the guys to weigh in, yes?) :)

  361. SF SD says:

    Yo, DC!

    Last time you checked in you were looking of four pot SDs. Care to share what kind of litmus tests you’re using to sort them out?

    Ooops! Looks like you already are.

  362. SF SD says:

    “Someone just called me a “pro” because I gave him an alternative email address.”

    Classy, I’m with GinaZ on this one. IMHO a separate email address is a must for both SDs and SBs. I suggest using a pre-paid cell phone as well. Doing so shows that you care not only about your own peace of mind, but also the need for discretion on the part of your sugar partner.

    One element of my trust test is “can I count on my SB’s good judgment with regard to our relationship?” The fact that she’s thought through the need for discreet communication is a plus in my book.

  363. NYC SB says:

    DC – you are right… after reading the blog i have stopped with the money per meeting thing… some men are more generous than other and will offer support on their own… those are the keepers

  364. DC says:

    NYC SB-

    Not long ago I had a date with a pot SD. I told him about previous arrangements, what my allowance was. He said he was okay with that. I met him for coffee and we had a nice first date. I bought my own coffee as he arrived after me. We never discussed any kind of reimbursement for my time just showing up and I would NEVER ask for that.

    At the end of the date we discussed meeting the next week for a real date. He gave me an envelope and told me to buy us some wine. He said if I changed my mind it was okay.

    When I got in my car I opened the envelope and he gave me a very generous amount. I was blown away.

    I was amazed that someone would be so generous not knowing me at all or if I would be going ahead with the arrangement. I had no real idea of his financial wealth as I went on my gut feeling that he was honest and good guy and did not check him out ahead of time.

    I also had an experience a few months ago with a man who wanted to do a test drive at an hourly rate. I met him for coffee and he gave me $20 for gas. I did not know about the test drive issue until almost the end of the date. I told him that I was not a professional escort and to take a hike.

  365. NYC SB says:

    Gemini – I suppose it made sense to me at the time… I think as I have opened my eyes to other men who may not be able to afford the insane allowance i want it has allowed me to realize that there are other men who are great… with some chemistry was off the charts and they were more willing to treat me better and adore me for all that I bring to the table… right now i would not rule out a far lesser allowance… it all depends on chemistry and needs for me 😀

    sugar world is a never ending learning experience for me

  366. DC says:

    Thanks OC!

  367. Mina says:

    sweet SB UK –
    Why even mention the first SD? You didn’t mention anything positive about him and he just seems to be looking for a strictly physical relationship anyway. Move on
    As far as the second one, he may have lied about his career in order to protect his privacy. But you do need to be clear about what you’re looking for because you could be wasting your time and his if your expectations aren’t in sync. So just ask him.

  368. Mina says:

    You test drive cars, not women. That’s all there is to say on the topic.

  369. sweet SB UK says:

    Gemini29: Yes, that’s how I feel. I have a job thanks and would much rather do that to support myself. For one thing, it actually pays better! 😉 Urgh.

  370. DC says:

    Just testing to see if it will let me post based on this statement:

    OCsugarbaby said: “Opinions can and will be expressed freely. That is the greatness of this blog. We are only human.”

  371. Gemini29 says:

    Sweet SB UK- I think you’re last word about Pot 1 says it all… Yuck. Also, I wouldn’t want to be in a sugar relationship (or any, really) with a guy who is bragging about how he bought fake purses, lolol! If he can’t even spend the money on the real deal, I wouldn’t be able to trust him in other aspects of his life. I’d bring up the arrangement question with Pot 2 and see if he is willing to be more generous towards you or not.

    NYC SB- I think my awe of you just went up tenfold. Or should I say twenty-fold, lol! I don’t know if I would be bold enough to ask for a 1k deposit of sorts, but I think I’d be ok with asking for a good faith gift…and let that help me decide!

  372. OCSugarbaby says:

    Vixen: Don’t you dare go away! You bring a wonderful freshness to the blog. Plus, you post on a regular basis.

    The term old and new should be tossed out and replaced with past and CURRENT. That is a much friendlier term. 😉
    I was really upset to read all the posts yesterday. Expecially last night.

    Opinions can and will be expressed freely. However, coating them with a bit of Sugar makes them easier to absorb. That is the greatness of this blog. We are only human.

  373. NYC SB says:

    Well the drawback is that the pool is very narrow… How did I present it? I wait for them to ask me what kind of an allowance I am seeking… and then I tell them… if they are ok with this and ask me to meet then I asked them how they would feel about a good faith deposit to show that they are in fact serious about me and an arrangement… sometimes it works other times it doesnt

  374. sweet SB UK says:

    NYC SB: Ok, misunderstood you there, lol!

    Interesting way to narrow it down. Were there any drawbacks to the inital deposit method? How did you present this to Pot SDs? How did they react?

  375. NYC SB says:

    commodities as well 😀

  376. NYC SB says:

    Sweet – the stock market 😀

  377. NYC SB says:

    Another perspective on cash on the first date…

    When I ended my relationship with my first SD I wanted to find another who can and will provide me with the same allowance the old one did… this was a substantial 20k a month plus shopping and gifts…. I only contacted people who indicated in their profile that they make over $1mil per year and a collective net worth would have to be $10mil or more… this narrows down the field significantly!

    What I learned from this search is that most of them are not worth what they say they are… So how to weed out the fakes from the real ones? Simple (or so I thought)! For the longest time I would tell the SD my expectations of an allowance. For those that said that they can provide me with that and wanted to meet me I would require a good faith deposit of 1k for the meeting. Of course if there was no chemistry I had no problem giving back their money.

    My current poof daddie (he reappears every 3 weeks or so) went along with this… as did many other ones who were truly able to afford the lifestyle I was seeking!

    However, these SDs are few and far inbetween and so I have decided to expand my horizons and see what else is out there. I do not ask for a good faith deposit anymore, however, if I am travelling to the SD i fully expect to be reimbursed for the travel expense.

    Having said this, the new approach has yielded many many many fakes so maybe its time to try something entirely different!

  378. sweet SB UK says:

    NYC SB: What market?

  379. NYC SB says:

    Good morning sugar family!

    What an amazing day! The market is going nuts and I am having a GREAT time playing along… I wish every day was like today 😀

    yup… completely off topic

  380. sweet SB UK says:

    Thinking again about the SD who sent the train fare + extra…I suppose it was an unexpected thing to do. I was a bit surprised, but not unpleasantly so I suppose. The money (not a huge amount) was needed , but I had never asked for it. I suppose it made me take him more seriously? In the sense that he was willing to spend money/did have some money…I’m not sure. I’m not sure why he did it really, I could have taken the money and just not turned up to meet him – I would never do this, but some people might. I wonder what he was thinking? We had coffee and chatted for a while and have kept in touch by email since then. Any SDs have any thoughts on his rationale?

  381. sweet SB UK says:

    Oh and I would never ask for cash on the first date or anything like that. I think that’s just crude and inappropriate. I wouldn’t expect anything like that. If the SD wanted to, a token gift would be kindly appreciated or if he wanted to give me cash (as a gift, to cover expenses) – maybe he’s being flash, generous (I don’t know how men think!) I might politely accept it, but I certainly wouldn’t ask or expect to be ”paid” or anything! Both sides are investing their time to see how things might work out so it’d be more a mutual meeting. The only time I might ask for money under such circumstances would be in order to cover travel expenses or something and a Pot SD has done that before. He happened to send far more than needed for the train fare, which I never asked for. It was a nice gesture, but I felt somehow obliged/indebted to him at the time.

  382. sweet SB UK says:

    NC Gent: Thanks, it just helps to hear it from someone else :-)

    —–

    When and how do you establish trust for a potential sugar before an arrangement? Do you have a trust-test?

    Chat or email each other for a while, meet up a few times, get to know the person as in a non-sugar dating relationship. Just get to know them as you would anyone else. Trust comes over time and builds up, I don’t think you can say after x time that you trust someone. I think you can say that you definitely don’t trust some people quickly, but it really depends on the two people and how they interact. Maybe trust will develop quickly, but there’s no set formula in my opinion.

  383. NC Gent says:

    My advice and consider what you paid for it. Dump Pot SD 1 now! Pot SD 2 may be ok, but there is a lot of caution there too — he likely wants a gf not an SB. I would strongly suggest talking to him very soon about your concerns and proceed from that.

  384. sweet SB UK says:

    ”NYC SB: Rolce does a financial check before test drives are given… ”
    Ha ha ha, so true 😉

    If ”test drive” means to ”sleep with” then absolutely not. That sort of intimacy would develop over time. The first few dates/initial contact, as someone else mentioned would be the ”trial period” if you could call it that. That is the time when both sides are evaluating and deciding whether the relationship would work out.

    So everyone, some thoughts or advice…?

    1. Pot SD 1.

    He flew up to see me after much talking on the phone, which was flattering. Thing is when we speak on the phone he is very sexual and a bit crude, to put it bluntly. He’s a bit pushy and tried to get me to his hotel room and wearing stockings and so on! I was rather taken aback at his ”physical assertiveness” – he kept putting his hands around me, kissing me etc etc the first time we met! He was also shorter and less attractive in real life.

    We do have a fair bit in common, but I don’t think he’s really very educated. He probably has a reasonable income, but I’m not sure he’s my type intellectually. He claims he is willing to go at my pace but yet suggested we sleep together a few weeks later. That rather grosses me out to be perfectly honest. He was also telling me about some fake handbags he had bought in the Far East that were ”very good replicas”. Just seems rather tacky. He also tried to imply he’d give me money for sexual favours which I really didn’t like at all. I am not a whore. If you want a whore, go and pay for one!! I explained that I didn’t feel comfortable about this and he backed off.

    Also – the allowance thing?? He said he gave his previous SB $500 the first few times they met (whether they had sex or not I didn’t ask) and then a monthly allowance of $2000, plus shopping, going out, travel. However when we met up, he gave me $120 the first date to cover my hair (was $80) and then $300 the second date. I’m not a money grabber by any means, but somehow it bothers me that he seems to consider me worth less than his last SB? Or was he just quoting those figures to get more of what he wants from me? I’ve yet to see any allowance or gifts as he suggested and am not sure if he’s for real or what. He seems to have the idea that the more sexual things he gets, the more he will pay. I mean, what the hell?? He can piss off if he thinks I’ll have sex with him in order to get an allowance. He has suggested taking me on holiday.

    It just bothers me that he tries to get sexual gratification as if that’s all I’m here for…then seems rather a cheapskate to me. Okay so we had a couple of fairly nice dinners, but why am I worth less than his last SB? She was uneducated, average looking…maybe she was more willing to be his whore? Ugh. He really wants to meet up again…and ”mess around”. Yuck.

    Am I being a bitch, missing the point or…??? :s Just a bit confused right now.

    2. Pot SD 2.

    Had a very long telephone conversation. He sounds really interesting and we get on really well. He’d be a great mentor and so far does not sound like a sexual creep (ahem to Pot SD1!!). He works in the same field I’m studying in and really could guide/mentor me, generally advise me and set me up with some really good connections, it seems. I feel much more comfortable with him and plan to meet him in a few weeks. Thing is, his profile states ”Job 1” but when I spoke to him he said he was in my field ”Job 2” – from speaking to him I can tell he’s for real in my field, but why lie on your profile?? He said he didn’t want the wrong sort of women contacting him. :s Also his profile states allowance of less than $1000. At first I wasn’t even going to email him back as that doesn’t seem reasonable to me, but I thought what the hell and we spoke on the phone and I really quite lile him so far. We didn’t discuss allowance on the phone and he seems to be looking for an eventual long term partner/person to date. How do I approach this/tackle the issue of ”sugar dating”/the allowance? I mean if it really did work out, a proper relationship isn’t something I’d rule out, but that’s not what I joined for. I was considering more of an NSA relationship.

    Erm, so what to do?

  385. NC Gent says:

    Hi Gemini — I love getting text messages from my SB. We were texting every day for the first few months but now it has dropped off to a few times a week and holding steady — just enough to know we are still thinking of each other. The best advice – just ask him how he feels about it :)

  386. Gemini29 says:

    Good morning sugar fam! I think MichaelSD had some very good and thoughtful points to make in his comment. I’m really enjoying insights of all you level-headed, nice guys! Really, the SDs who chime in here always seem to offer such good advice, and can see both sides of the coin!

    Maybe the sugar fam can help me out here…. Ok so say you are in or getting into a sugar relationship…how often do you email (we’re still at the emailing stage) or call or txt or IM your sugar? Do I let my SD or pot SD set the tone? He’s busy with work, so I know (and prefer) it not to be all the time, but I want to keep him intrigued. And what do you generally talk about? Its not a “typical” dating site email, so I’m a little unsure of how to proceed. Any advice would be appreciated! :)

  387. NC Gent says:

    When I get the “how much will you give me” question in the first or second email, I politely respond with: I understand that you may be new to the sugar dating world. As such, I would kindly ask you to consider how you would feel if I asked you explicit sexual questions in my first or second email. I wish you the best.

    When I have gotten responses back they range from – “thank you I never considered it from that perspective” to “your [sic] an asshole.” The response always provides a lot of information.

  388. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugars! New blog already wow!
    At the risk of jumping on the bandwagon, I’m going to say that I’m not comfortable with the concept of “test drive”. Its a tad objectifying and takes away from the whole idea of mutually beneficial and can be used as a means to get free dates/sex by fakes and posers if it hasn’t been done already. However a trust test is important to ensure chemistry and overall enjoyment of the experience.

  389. SincereSD says:

    GinaZ, sounds like an interesting idea. Maybe SA and a few of the SD here can sponsor a wine fireside chat.

    Gail, good to see you here as well. Had an interesting SB date and I think we will just end up being good drinking buddies. As you can see I’m out actively looking. I must say it’s a much different experience this round. I am surprised at the number of first timers here and at number of woman who want to meet immediately without the “typical” chat, screen and check for chemistry routine.

  390. SincereSD says:

    TLG,

    Keep us posted. I found one of my replies to a SB who was asking for a “paid” date. It includes an excerpt from an article SD who was previous on this blog (JohnQ?).

    ********

    Thanks for your reply. FWIW, I’ll offer a few words of advise since you are new to the scene.

    I’m not sure we are on the same page as your approach assumes that (1) my time is not worth anything, (2) I have something to prove or (3) you are the only SB available. There are a lot of fakes in world of sugar dating but I’m sure that you will figure out an appropriate method of screening candidates rather than turning them off. Real SD will gladly offer their generosity when they feel some bond or attraction to a SB. It’s really a risk/reward scenerio … take a bit of risk and you may see some rewards.

    Best of luck with your search.

    PS. I copied a comment from a blog that I post on that you may find relevant.

    “Not sure I understand the concept of the SD having to show up with money at the initial meeting. In my experience, at least 50% of the SBs have lied in their profiles, and another 40% have been honest, but there’s no connection and I’m not interested in seeing them again. Having to pay for the privilege of an awkward first date seems kind of ridiculous to me, and I have to say I’d immediately reject anyone who even implied that.

    I don’t see this as any different than the SD asking to “try the merchandise” on the first date. And I’ve heard the argument that the SB is investing her time, so the SD should pay for that, but it’s equally true that the SD is investing his time.
    Any SB who wants to demand money and/or an expensive and lengthy date as the price for an initial meeting is, of course, free to pursue this course, and I hope it works out for you. I guarantee, however, that your refusal to invest even an hour of your time in meeting a pot SD is alienating at least some of the SDs out there. And I’d hate to think that SBs reading this blog would assume that this behavior is expected, or even normal. I’ve met with half a dozen women through this site, and not one has even suggested that I show up to the initial meeting with an envelope of cash.”

  391. The Lone Gunman says:

    Good morning, Sugars!

    Hope everyone slept well.

    Thanks everyone for your perspectives on that pot SB who was asking for $ amount before our first meeting. The ball is still in play in that one, as I have had no response from the email I sent her regarding this.

    …stay tuned, this could get interesting.

    TLG

  392. ginaZ says:

    I meant to say you were in the right Classy sassy. It;s the pot SD who was out to lunch:) You’re being smart!

  393. ginaZ says:

    Thanks Michael SD thanks for your interesting perspective:)

    Classy Sassy… an alternative email is best on both sides. I made the mistake of giving one pot SD my email and he used his real email address as well. even though we never met the first bad episode is when his wife called me, the second was after all of that and his subsequent rude behavior he tried to be my facebook friend (findable by your email) so please please use an alternate email on both sides. One can never be too safe.

    I must go to sleep now it’s 2 a.m in Cali.

    Nighty night.

  394. Classy_Sassy says:

    Someone just called me a “pro” because I gave him an alternative email address…I have been on this site for two days! I haven’t even met a pot SD! It frustrates me…when men are so ignorant! I’m 21 years old…& I am far more mature than this idiot! Ugh!

  395. Michael SD says:

    Hi,

    I forewarn you, my take on this is based on being a gay man which is different. Gay men are often [not always] quicker to hop in the sack.

    My advice would be to have some sort of boundaries in your own mind before you talk to any Sugar. Influences can be how much time have you already invested? If a few emails and chats on the phone/online, then a local lunch at a cafe should probably not be the setting for romps in the hay. You are still getting to know each other. Long distance travel changes some of this tho.

    I think “test drive” is not really how I think most Sugars would want to approach it. IMHO. By the time you end up in the sheets, you should have either an agreement or at least the framework for one, and the SB should be very comfortable with the entire situation, that can be: time taken to indicate sincerity, to gifts and so on.

    I think where people can go wrong on this is to assume it is the same as conventional dating or romance. Sugar relationships are different, and you have to stop and think about what that means to you. You have some flexibility here, which can be handy. Be creative, if your potential sugar surprises you with an idea you had not thought of, take some time to consider.

    My experience and plans for the future would be a fairly frank email to explain my overall idea of a good arrangement as initial contact. Secure feedback that the SB is comfortable within those guidelines. Refine as required – SB are very divergent in their expectations, not all want a monetary allowance. Then chat about personality and esp if a local SB, meet for a casual lunch just to chat – nothing more than chat and a pleasant lunch. I would pay for it, but would never refuse a SB paying his half [actually that would impress me – good on ya Laura, you do impress me anywayz!].

    After all that I would be prepared to really talk seriously about the arrangement. I save my lurid behaviour for the bedroom where it belongs and is fully appreciated!

    One real sticking point for me, is I would expect honesty from the SB, which is reciprocated by me fully. I am always honest and honourable in my behaviour.

    I think you have to have clear ideas of your comfort areas. Sugars who are clueless that the other has feelings are not my idea of a good arrangement.

    Besides I think potential SD should always be forewarned that most SB on this site can probably easily delete annoying or rude offers from their inbox and will be quite comfortable doing so. Most SB are not that desperate.

    Sorry I got long winded.

    Cheers
    M.

  396. SFSuga says:

    A dealership will allow their potential costomers to look at a car and they may let you test drive it as well, but you can not drive that car around for hours or get up under the hood or put things in its trunk with out buying it first. The ladies on this site are not going to give it up for free and the men will not hand over the dough if you are not as advertised.

  397. OCSugarbaby says:

    omg… my bubble is turning into a three-some! lol -kidding—
    Gina: (just emailed you.) I think that if we hold out we may be surprised how many SD’s want that bubble too! 😉

  398. jsmn.308878 says:

    Are sugar test-drives a good idea? Why or why not?
    ***
    It depends on what their definition of “test drive” is.
    If they want to get to know me before committing to a monthly allowance that’s fine. I would like to know what I’m getting myself into as well before committing to an arrangement or weekly get togethers.

    When and how do you establish trust for a potential sugar before an arrangement? Do you have a trust-test?
    ***
    Trust is established when we both follow through on our promises and do what we say we’re gonna do.

    Are Test Drivers the worst types of sugars, or are they the smartest?
    ***
    Its a commitment on both ends – who really wants to just dive into something without seeing what you’re getting yourself into.

    Has anyone got any good sugar-songs to share? What songs evoke the Sugar-Life for you when you hear them?
    ***
    T.I
    “Whatever You Like”
    Love that song.

  399. ginaZ says:

    OCSB what a nice bubble. Champagne, one SD, charming, allowance, mutual adoration. Comfy.

    Yes indeed.

    Make room for me too!

    TLG… I can understand the lure but being repelled at the same time. If you make a gesture it should come from you. I can understand a small donation gas and such if you are made aware of someones encumbrance. If after the first conversation you might mention covering a taxi fare or offer to meet in her neighborhood. On the other hand if the SB is to travel some distance, by plane, train and asks for monies to cover transport or enough to make them comfortable, that’s fine. Especially when you are trying to establish trust.

  400. OCSugarbaby says:

    Nite Laura. You are not cynical, just stating the truth. lol
    I think I may hang out in my bubble a bit longer. I have a feeling it is secure enough to handle my expectations!

  401. Laura says:

    And OC, I think most SDs are always looking for the next SB. It’s a kid in the candy shop mentality. Once the initial excitement of meeting one SB wears off, they start to check the Inbox, click on the profiles, and….. off they go.

    I think the only reason that wouldn’t happen is if the SD and SB developed genuine romantic feelings for each other. When love is involved, all bets are off.

    Or maybe I’m just feeling cynical tonight. Goodnight, everyone.

  402. Laura says:

    TLG, sorry, but I don’t get the ‘cash upfront’ mentality, especially for a first meeting. Unless her IMs or phone conversations are turning you on so much that you can’t resist…. :-)

    My first face-to-face meetings are always lunch at a nice cafe in my city and I pay my share of that meal. I insist upon that because – with the first meeting – we are NOT in a relationship / arrangement yet. Yes, I know the argument that a fancy meal or cash or gifts at the first meeting is a sign of the pot SD’s seriousness. For me, the fact that a busy and successful man is having lunch with me is indicative enough of his interest. Again, it’s the first meeting.

    I do tend to get to a face-to-face meeting quickly, though. I don’t like emailing and IMing for weeks in advance. It tends to build up expectations that may not be met. (We’ve all probably ‘met’ people online and thought, Wow!, and then met them in person and thought, Eek! – electronic chemistry, sadly, is not the same as real one-on-one chemistry.)

    My point is – and I do have one, I promise! – that if you do have long electronic courtships, then maybe she feels she’s already invested a lot of time into getting to know you. And she wants to be compensated for that time.

    Still, that’s the only excuse I can think of for her. :-)

    If you’re feeling generous, take Nico’s advice and get a small gift. But keep your cash in your wallet.

  403. ginaZ says:

    SincreSD..maybe we should all indulge in a little wine and blog at the same time.
    That would be an interesting experiment!

  404. Vixen says:

    OCSugarbaby-Please make room for me in that bubble as well! I’d get too jealous of my SD’s other SB.

  405. OCSugarbaby says:

    Maybe I am living in my own fluffy sugar coated bubble… Is there an SD out there that wants just one SB? Anti-Test Drive Mentality, Allowance Providing, Fun, sane guy, looking for mutual adoration? I like my comfortable bubble and as I look around it, I see room for just one SD. Nice and cozy! ~OC

  406. The Lone Gunman says:

    GinaZ:

    I am very up front from the beginning about my current SB relationship with pot extra SBs. Doesn’t seem to slow down the potentials much–some have even asked about the geometric possibilities we could all try together!

    The mind, it boggles sometimes.

    (Well, my Dr told me to get more exercise, but *really*…)

    TLG

  407. Gemini29 says:

    TLG – I think SBs demanding cash for time spent at a first date is the same thing as SDs demanding sex on the first date. Tacky and crass.

    Now, I do so love the possibility of gifts or shopping trips before the date, but I wouldn’t be like “give me mah money!” while scheduling the first date.

    Maybe she’s young/new and doesn’t know better? Maybe she has some financial worries and going on the date would put her back even more? Pft, I don’t know, women are odd.

  408. Gail says:

    lol at SincereSD…Nice to see you back!!! Let’s toast to the oldies….(smile)

  409. The Lone Gunman says:

    Nico:

    No misinterpretation possible here. After my proposing the type of meeting and venue, her next message consisted of one sentence–

    “How much $$$?” (sic)

    It’s both intriguing and repellent at the same time for me; I find myself wanting to go just to confirm my suspicion that she is actually a ‘lost provider’ who is on the wrong site. The other part of me says just blow her off for even asking so directly, and reducing what should be a relationship determination to a cash register transaction.

    TLG

  410. ginaZ says:

    Maybe as Nico pointed…allowance for one month (after a first meet to find out of there’s chemistry) is good. Generally that’s how I like to begin though it’s usually a three month stretch. For me a test drive begins from the first email, phone call.
    If a pot starts talking sex (a crude version) I’m gone. If he’s rude on our first meeting, to me the waiter, talks too much on the phone, or is a jerk I’m gone. If I’m not attracted on some level same thing. no matter how much money he flashes.
    On the other hand, a gesture however small is a good beginning. If he’s a gentlemen, and yes when there’s some assurance of an allowance and such, then I give him 100% and then some.

    Lisa…squeeze the Charmin, a hug, gentle nudge (though usually not in the bathroom)

    Thelonegunman…If you are in an open SB relationship and the pot SB knows this, some small gesture is good. Especially once you meet her there is an attraction and possibility of something happening. By the same token I understand how a pot SD may feel if there isin’t already a conversation and is making huge demands…”I expect $600 for my coffee date” unless of course you wanted to do this.

  411. SincereSD says:

    Hmm … I should not be writing blogs after indulging in fine wine. I can’t seem to proofread that well while “slightly” under the influence.

  412. SincereSD says:

    TLG,

    Fwiw, I usually decline those dates where money is asked for as a prerequisite to have a meeting. To me, giving in to such request sets the wrong tone for the relationship. My logic is as follows:

    – Exploring relationships is a shared risk … nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    – I am taking time out of my busy schedule to meet with her. I usually respond back with the inference that I am insulted that she thinks my time is not as valuable as her’s.
    – Although I don’t have anything to prove, although I usually take a pot. SB to a very nice restaurant.
    – I am not asking for a “test drive” (my apologies to the ladies who may be offended my the term).

    However, I did help out a pot. SB once before a meeting by sending a limo to pick her up and offering to pay for the babysitter. I was already smitten by her in messenger chats so I had a strong inkling that we are getting into a relationship barring some incident over dinner.

  413. Vixen says:

    TLG- Have I been given gifts or money during a first time meet, Yes. Have I specifically requested that an SD give me cash for one, hell no. Thats just tacky to me! Well since she’s making demands I don’t see why you can’t make demands of your own.

  414. Nico says:

    TLG ~ well, given that you have an open relationship and you’re actively pursuing another gal, I don’t see what it would hurt. I would imagine much of what she said is left up to interpretation and through the internet / text messaging etc makes communicating such things difficult.

    As you may recall, some of the previous SD’s that have posted have provided small trinkets to show their appreciation…..gift cards, gas money and the like. Small but the gesture is huge.

  415. The Lone Gunman says:

    Interesting that the Test Drive topic comes around now–I’ve got a potential SB that appears to be okay with a dinner-and-drinks meet to see how things go–but also wants to know how much cash I’m willing cough up for the meet as well. (And before anyone else points out that I mentioned in other blog threads that I already HAVE an SB, we’re both pretty open-minded in our relationship. So there.)

    I guess this is her up-front method to determine if I’m a real SD or just a poseur.

    Think I should go ahead with the meet in light of this?

    TLG

  416. lisa says:

    Maybe she justs want to be one of the Beautiful People …marilyn manson

  417. The Lone Gunman says:

    Oh!

    …and while looking for Sugar and meeting that great potential:

    You Spin Me Round by Dead or Alive

    I can fantasize about a SB realizing her Sugar dream during this song:

    Dancing Queen by ABBA

    TLG

  418. Sue says:

    I believe…and have learned from experience, that both need to do a test drive..A potential SB needs to prove that she’s going to take good care of her pot SD..And the SD needs to show that he’s a REAL SD, by taking care of her for a month…And I believe that SD’s should give the allowance out during the trial period to gain trust. If you are a SD, then money shouldn’t be an issue…Trust is the issue. I’ve wasted my time and money with pot SD’s that turn out to be fake…They actually don’t have the money they promised you…

  419. lisa says:

    some people like to squeeze the Charmin , oops now sugardating has entered the bathroom

  420. Nico says:

    Stephen ~ I still have an aversion to the ‘term’; however, moving away from that in an effort to answer your question.

    I think it’s fair to say both parties check out the goods, so to speak, to determine compatibility on all levels. For a SB it is whether her potential is a man of his word and for an SD it is that the SB doesn’t bring drama into the equation and isn’t a flake (obviously oversimplified). Instead of giving the individual a ‘test drive’, I give the relationship a ‘test drive’.

    I suggested a one month relationship to start…one month’s worth of allowance (paid in whatever agreed upon terms) and one month’s commitment of my time (whatever that may be). It did get the preliminaries out of the way and we were able to focus on getting to know each other which is the true test drive.

  421. SincereSD says:

    Test drives … I’ve been offered some in the past and usually turn them down. My friends think I’m an idiot but I’m not a “love them and leave them” type of guy.

    I did however end up taking a free test drive with my last SB. She offered and the attraction was so strong that I couldn’t resist. I must admit it felt great to intimate with someone … without the influence of “business” discussions. I have to admit that I often wonder whether a SB is with me for my charm and personality … or for my pocketbook.

    Nico brings up a good point about sexual compatibility. I can’t be with someone if we are sexually incompatible or if the sex is dull. So for me, the discussion about intimacy is a critical part of the courtship process. I’m always relieved when a SB brings up the topic … as I’m usually embarrassed to broach the subject directly. However, I know some women are offended by the topic so I try to find the right balance … and make it part of the tease :)

  422. stephan says:

    What about a test-drive for sugar Daddies? What would/could that look like?

  423. stephan says:

    The Lone Gunman: Thanks for the great suggestions and questions! Your poll question “Do you tell your friends about your sugarlife” – is now posted.

    Let’s vote y’all!

  424. elle says:

    Sugar Test Drives? I am not a car, nor do I want any such terms attached to me. Who test-drives another person? Absolutely ridiculous lol. I’m young, but old-fashioned in that respect I suppose. Although I do agree with Nico…the sex has to be great in any romantic relationship, other aspects tend to deteriorate if that part is missing

  425. ginaZ says:

    It’s probably just sematics, maybe it’s the term :”test drive” like Nico said. When it refers to sugar dating and the power of sex and money, youth and virility, or whatever.

    Dunno.

    Is there a difference between dating in the real world and sugar dating? When money enters into the equation there’s a fine line. Aside from the possibility of platonic arrangements, I don’t want a SD looking under the hood or kicking my tires in a hotel room and giving someone a high five later.

    Maybe I’m a romantic.

    Yes even as a sugar baby.

  426. Nico says:

    OMG too funny. I am sure I owned a pair of earrings just like those in the video!! *sigh*

    Test drives….I guess I don’t like the term; however I s’pose I’ve done similar things in traditional relationships. While chemistry is the foundation, to me the actual sex must be good too or I lose interest quickly!

  427. DesertBunny says:

    I love Sugar Walls by Sheena Easton! Thanks for reminding me, Lisa. I am going to itunes to buy it right now.

    Sugar test-drives: Wow, that’s a very tempting offer… but I think I am going to have to pass.

  428. ginaZ says:

    …Or Real Sugar by Roxette

    Real sugar, I don’t wanna climb no
    walls Real sugar, that’s what I want or none at all Real sugar,
    sweet as a sweet can be Real sugar, that’s what I want and what
    I need Real sugar, I don’t wanna climb the walls Real sugar,
    that’s what I want or none at all Real sugar, sweet as a sweet
    can be Real sugar, that’s what you’ve got so what’s for me?
    Hey, what’s for me? I turn myself in, turn turn turn I turn….
    myself out, outside and in I turn myself in, turn turn turn…”

  429. ginaZ says:

    a song…

    sugar sugar (Archies)

    “…………..
    Pour a little sugar on it honey
    Pour a little sugar on it Baby
    I’m gonna make your life so sweet, yeah yeah yeah
    pour a little sugar on it yeah
    pour a little sugar on it honey
    pour a little sugar on it baby
    I’m gonna make your life so sweet, yeah yeah yeah
    pour a little sugar on it honey…”

  430. The Lone Gunman says:

    A Sugar song?

    ‘Brand New Lover’ by Dead or Alive.

    TLG

  431. ginaZ says:

    Oh..I’m all for the trust test. I think it’s smart on both sides!

  432. ginaZ says:

    Ditto..no free “test drives.”

    Chances are if the pot SD has a picture of his Harley, sports car, boat in his profile and wants a “free” test drive, he’s merely browsing and doing a look see. If someone is serious and looking for more than the surface, than as a SB we look beyond the wallet and the SD would hopefully want more than bells and whistles and a shiny exterior and would care to know more about us.

    For me it’s a turn off. I run, run, run. A more reasonable medium is dating 1-3 times establishing a connection and moving into a 3/6/ 9 month increments.

    Reminds me a bit of a cheesy infomercial or a 2 hour seminar, “test drive 101.”
    Many times there’s no bad intent on the part of the SD, there is a plethora of beautiful women emailing them, but there are always a few bad eggs. Sd’s who use it as a ploiy for sex, and Sb’s who use men for the money.

    Sorry for the bluntness as i don’t want to offend anyone, just my 2 cents:)

  433. NYC SB says:

    My take on it is this:

    Response A: You do not get to try on a toothbrush before you buy it…

    Response B: Rolce does a financial check before test drives are given…

    Its not going to happen! Its one thing to go on multiple dates before committing to an arrangement and its absolutely another to demand sex! Delete and block baby

  434. NYC SB says:

    LOL Lisa strikes back with her humor… love it

  435. lisa says:

    NO free test drives, then again if it comes with that 4500 rebate, oh wait that ended didn’t it? No free test drives.

    Have a good afternoon everyone

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