8 years ago
NSA Relationships

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“With NSA there are never any guarantees, one always hopes it will continue.” – GinaZ

“No-Strings-Attached” (NSA)   – some say it’s an absurd idea, while others believe that with a little discipline, it really is possible to have a healthy relationship with zero attachment.

Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?

Have you always preferred NSA relationships? Why or why not?

Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?


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275 Responses to “NSA Relationships”

  1. Anna A says:

    Lisa,
    Im new at this but you seem to be amplifying your issues, if your daughter can out right say you are choosing sex over me you need to seek professional help. I can say if you allow your parents to raise your daughter you do owe them, but to state it as if your life is over, grow up! Your job is to be a mother, you can manage a social/sexual life around her I am sure. As for this need to compensate your parents lying about their tenancy agreement, this is not your position to save them from their own problems, I gather you are old enough to know better so please note I am sure your dire need for something shouldn’t be on a monetary dating site cause I do not know you and feel like you are not NSA person by any means, best of luck, maybe try being rational and slow down.

  2. WuYu says:

    I am considering entering a NSA Sugar Arrangement with a woman 35 years younger than me. The benefits for me are obvious. As I am new to this, I want to know what might be expected of me in return for her “affection.” I don’t fit the mold since I am not wealthy; just comfortable. An occasional gift or favor from me in exchange for benefits is what I would be capable of. Do some of these arrangements work with just exchanging affection for affection?

  3. Belle says:

    ok so my lil pic thing didnt show up on here ..bumma :( ahh well. about to step out to work …..thought id let you all know since i am so excited – my hair has been cut for the first time this year …whoa i know!!!!!!! and i love it , went and did a little shopping and came up with some bargins that i love, another bonus to my day is that i now remember where my leg muscles are …lol

    on slightly serious note ….ive been added to a few sds lists and i am just wondering do i drop them a line or sit back and wait, and if i do contact them ..what the hell do i say????

    Belle xx

  4. Belle says:

    ok so did my lil pic show up ??? i not sure if i done it right
    Belle xx

  5. RachelJay says:

    I don’t mind being in a nsa relationship, I am with a sugar daddy for an arrangement, my affection for his affection, therefore unless we both decided to come to an agreement that one or both of us wants more, then it wouldn’t necessarily be an arrangement any longer.

  6. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Sugar dating IS about mentoring, not just in the career sense but in the opening doors to make your life better sense.
    Lisa, would you turn your back on an SD who was a real estate developer who had several properties and offered you the same rent as you are paying now for a nicer place, NOT too big as you would not feel comfortable there? That is a slice of mentoring.
    Imagine Lisa having an SD having your groceries delivered to you so you dont have to carry them on the bus, just another way to make your daily life easier. Mentoring has so many facets. You say that you dont want to be mentored? Who wouldn’t! You make their life so much better; they in return would love to mentor or share a world you may not be able to enjoy on your own. Mentoring gives the SD the ability to feel more intune with full sugar experience. Turn that away and it just seems cold and not very sugary.
    Without mentoring it would just be …

  7. ginaZ says:

    New Topic posted…

    Lisa, for SD’s I like men in there 50’s as well. they have the maturity, either have children, are married, were married. Though in real life I’ve tended to date younger. This world AD/SB allows me to explore an older man, more settled.

  8. lisa says:

    I get responses from younger ones and older ones. I like guys in their 50’s. On SA I have 3 pics because that’s all you can have, on SD4 I have 10, I get no message on SA but am getting several on SD4, AM I deleted my pics but am still getting tons of mail

  9. DC says:

    Maybe it has to do with the age of the pot SDs Lisa. You are younger than me and maybe attract younger guys??

    BTW, I am curious. How many pictures do you SBs have up? I remember someone saying they got more responses without a picture or by hiding their face. I am kind of surprised that by taking down 2 of my pictures and leaving just one up would increase my responses. The other pics are not bad pics that I took down. But with the 3 pics I was getting “0” responses

  10. lisa says:

    As a young woman my ambitions and goals was to marry a sucessful man, have 2 children, a nice well decorated home, a beautiful yard, clean laundry daily, fresh ironed clothing, and half way decent meals sitting around the table. I couldn’t find a man that wanted that and after 20 years of persuing it, I ditched the idea. I was married once but that’s a different story, not something I can share on here, not a regular marriage.

    I met a nice man online a couple years back that I really didnt’ go for initially but after a couple months I decided to take him up on his offer to take me to dinner on my birthday. That began a great relationship and although he was generous, I also loved being with him, sleeping in his arms, sleeping late with him, going places with him. However he dumped me when his grown daughters started moving in with him with their issues, husbands who beat them up and burned down the house and are in jail and the other one that has a baby every year by a different guy. both these girls had careers too but they are now living in his new house and he is a full time evening baby sitter. He tried to start a booty call relationship with me 2 weeks ago and I weakend and gave in to him and he has since disappeared, thus no more attempts at anything serious for lisa.

  11. ginaZ says:

    Hey DC–

    Thanks for the info. I think by putting the heading and as specific as you are, you are attracting the right pot SD’s. Congrats on finding a gem BTW!

  12. NYC SB says:

    you can meet a gem anywhere on any site… sometimes you need a little bit of luck… i met my first sd at a bar… does this happen all the time? im sure it does not… again sometimes its all about luck…

  13. lisa says:

    DC I was given access by several guys that had some hot pics of sex acts, etc and I was going to be upbeat and compliment on the great photography but they are too cheap to accept collect messages and i’m not paying to email them, lol

    I guess I just attract porn, lol

  14. DC says:

    p.s. when I said “Like I said I met the most amazing pot sugar daddy at this site. ” I meant at AM.

    Perhaps I just got VERY lucky.

  15. ginaZ says:

    I suppose for me goals and ambitions are still ever present, plentiful. And I suppose in that way it would strange not to have any. But I am of the belief that it is never too late to have them.

  16. DC says:

    Lisa- that is weird. I have gotten over 300 responses to my ad at AM and not one sent me anything that remotely looked like porn.

  17. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Yes but Lisa Penelope you are the hardest working individual I know. You take pride in your job and the job you do. That my sugar sista is a career goal. You reached and exceeded the bar on that one! 😉

  18. DC says:

    OC-

    I think you misunderstood my intent. I was not trying to steer young sugar babys into the underworld of sex for money.

    I was just relating my experience and tried to make it clear that you need to be very clear in your profile at these other sites that you are looking for a sugar daddy and not just for casual sex. I have gotten responses from SDs here as well who were obviously just looking for their own private escort.

    But I have been contacted at this other site by men who responded to my ad which made it clear I wanted a sugar daddy. For one guy it was mostly about the sex although he said he did wind up having relationships with his sugar babys.

    Not all sugar babies want mentoring. I think the majority of arrangements here eventually include sex, maybe not on the first date, but the second or third. I would hope all sugar relationships do include much more than just sex and financial rewards for the SBs…like companionship, friendship, trust, etc.

    Like I said I met the most amazing pot sugar daddy at this site. He is married and was looking for a casual affair obviously but then we met and it became clear to both of us that he wanted much more including a friendship and was more concerned about what I would get out of it if you can believe that. This is the guy that said nothing would make him happier than to dance at my wedding.

    So my point is..there are quality SDs out there, not necessarily at sites geared toward sugar relationships.

    But if there is one piece of advice I could give it’s to be very clear upfront about what you want. Do not compromise or put yourself at risk for ANY amount of money. Go with your gut instincts as well

  19. lisa says:

    funny thing is that I recieve alot of free samples in the mail that I order off of freebie sights. It seems in the past week all i’ve recieved is petfood samples which I normally give to my mom and men’s toiletries that I always give to my dad, since I don’t see them anymore, I don’t know what to do with them. I guess I could put the mens’ toiletries in my bathroom for my lover to use when he showers, but the cat food, I don’t think I have an appetite for it, lol

  20. lisa says:

    Hi everyone. Back from the store. Got my video along with free popcorn and candy.
    My opinion on the sex for money thing. I agree that AM is fulls of creeps, I could start a porn collection with all the pics I’ve received, lol. I have tried the site and after 2 days, deleted.
    On SA I haven’t found all those guys looking for sex for money, i’ve found the opposite, men who want sex and maybe later they will spoil you, this is just as bad. As bad as it might sound I’d rather be paid for sex than be used for sex and get nothing as so many women do nowdays. Women are forever falling for guys and giving their all only to be used by these guys.

    OC I met my lover on AFF, lol he’s a great guy, normal, attractive, family man with a wife no longer interested as her whole life is her career. Unfortunately he’s not a sd but he’s a great companion.

    I may be low on the scale but I really have no career goals, I’ve never been career oriented, always wanted to be a wife and mother and a stay at home mom, never happened so I’ve changed my views. NOt at all interested in marrying or living with anyone that does not provide. If i’m going to work AND do his laundry and cooking, i’m not interested. A man needs to take the lead and be a man. And anyone we ladies end up alone anyway as men seem to die first, just look at the ration of old ladies to old men in the nursing homes.
    I waited for the traditional for many years and it never came and i’ve lost interest and have accepted that I will never have love or a long term relationship and actually feel I am no longer capable of loving or being loved and I really don’t care as those feelings are numbed. Odd but that’s how I feel.

    I am somewhat happy where I am and have no desire for a high stress career and although I have many things I want, I wouldn’t call them goals because they aren’t attainable. I would like to learn how to drive and have a car and have a new carpet , but those are not actually goals.

    Anyway I brought home a rotessier chicken, gotta dig my claws in it now, lol

  21. ginaZ says:

    Ditto on discretion OCSB! For that reason I leave out a lot. Even my name “ginaZ” isn’t my name or my screen name. I think one can never be too careful.

  22. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Welcome Kylie! I am sure the SD’s that blog will assist you with some feedback. Sit back and it may take a bit longer for their input as they blog through out the day. :) Take your time and make this experience a good one.

    Gina, I believe in complete discression. I divulge nothing of my outside sugar life. ok, maybe a bit here and there, but I am single and want to protect my work life. Hit me up and I will tell you what I feel comfortable with. 😉

  23. ginaZ says:

    I agree never to late. Dust yourself off and begin anew.

  24. ginaZ says:

    OCsugarbaby, curious what your background is (school, career) I know you have a full rich life outside of SA. Perhaps I may email you, if you wish more privacy.

  25. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    I would have mentored Silly differently than the path she took. But hind-sight is 20/20. Not too late…

  26. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Dear God ladies, even Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman had career goals, she just did not have the support and true SD mentoring to obtain those goals. Once she believed in herself she found anything was possible! Life is real not a movie, make yours a great one; not a self pity bad B-rated one. Kick it up a notch!

  27. ginaZ says:

    OCSB, read back to Sillys post. That was a bad situation.

  28. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    The requests for help are astounding! Love to see that they want to make it work. I will gather my SD & SB friends to gain support for those that contacted me. You will all be answered! Love that sugar family trust and support, it will never let you down. ~OC

  29. vixen says:

    btw i meant sex as employment

  30. vixen says:

    OC..lol yeah the kind of women who open their legs to every man they come across when they get a whiff of money..keeps them from having to get a real job

  31. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Vixen… Sex for employment? What?

  32. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Good Morning Gina! I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with the other sites. Please dont mis-interpret what I am saying.

    I know that DC can take care of herself. But when she posts how wonderful it is and that she is meeting so many guys, it may give off the impression to the lurking newbies that that is what Sugar dating is all about. Yet when they read her every word they get that EXACT impression.

    Yes, you can get more emails from that non sugar site, but do you really want a higher percentage of emails that contain naked pics of their …

    I have gotten some but I think that my screening process weeds them out before they hit the cyber trail to my in box.

    Ok, on vacation today and need to get some errands done. 😉

  33. vixen says:

    oh also..no matter where you find your SD..please make sure you have an actual connection before you start sleeping with him..sex for anyone can be a very emotional experience so if you decide to use it as a form of employment..remember you reap what you sow.

  34. vixen says:

    OC -I disagree to some extent..it all boils down to what you want. Many SDs on SA and other SD sites are already on AM (not sure what AFF is). So essentially it boils down to what are your expectations when you come in contact with these SDs. If so many SB’s on here decide that what they want is to have an affair with a married man then lets be honest..no matter what site you are on an affair is an affair. The point of AM is to have affairs. I’m not aware of many SD relationships on SA that do not involve sex. Hey if you are in one, more power to you. You get what you ask for on any of these sites. When someone contacts you, be it here or AM, let them know exactly what defines in your opinion an SD relationship. If you two are not in agreement then move on. The name of the site doesn’t have to necessarily determine the quality of the relationship mentorship included.

  35. ginaZ says:

    Just waking up…

    OCSugarBaby I’m with you on the other sites, but I can understand as DC is better equipped to handle herself. The younger SB’s maybe not so. But having come from the CL world (only found out about this site two weeks ago) I recognize that sites like SA or those similar do bring more likeminded SD and SBs together. I think there are different kinds of arrangements, and yes sex does enter the equation, but it doesn’t have to be the whole of enchilada. I got lucky, I wrote a good posting and attracted the right SD, my first was all of what OCSB talked about: mentoring in new areas (investing) friendship, allowance. And of the areas we engaged in role play, the physical, and oddly enough when I visited him in the OC, I slept in a separate room in the house. He was the perfect gentleman. My only concern is that three years later, I have to remind myself to patient.
    I definitely agree, from the onset NO HOOKUP, test run, recipe for disaster.

  36. vixen says:

    Hi everyone

    DC- I completely agree with you. I’ve had really good luck with that site as well. It just all depends on what you put in your profile. I highly recommend only putting sugar daddy for what you’re interested in. Narrows down the field. Naturally you will have to sort through the rubbish same as you do on SA. However I find that men on AM are more candid about exactly what they are looking for and what makes a NSA SD relationship.

    Dorky- Your daughter needs 2k a month for what??? Um exactly what rediculous life style is she trying to live as a student. Tell her to get roomates and a meal plan. If most of us can make it on a whole lot less than 2k a month..I have confidence that she can too :)

  37. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Scully: Not a school. I will mentor an SB that TRULEY wants to be a Sugar Baby and will work at it to make it happen.

    Hook ups are not us… New mantra for the day…

    It is not my intention to piss people off. I WANT to help. I know that others will too. The Sugar way is not to judge but to SUPPORT and offer Positive guidance. Trust me I have a million other things I could be doing instead of mentoring a sugar, but this is my sole source of support from the beginning and it means a lot to me to keep the support going forward.

  38. Scully says:

    OC I sent you a request :)

  39. Scully says:

    Ok OC,

    We should set up a school and have you teach from reading the blog. I agree most guys are on sites such as these for a fast hook up.

    Case in point, I was recognized by a former co worker I used to work with. He definitely hit the point home he only wanted an affair with me and didnt want all that involved with the project I was asking for help on. Sorry, can’t do that, not only do I deserve it but I want more.

    Although I have been a bad girl and if I did like the guy, I’ve been inclined to take the offer 😉

  40. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    NYC SB: I am not saying other SUGAR sites are bad, but AFF and AM are just as bad as CL!

    If the SD’s and the SB’s that have had sucess step up and offer those that want help, HELP. It WILL make a difference. I am personally offering my time to mentor someone one on one or more if they want and are SERIOUS about being a true SB.

  41. Scully says:

    Hey Sugar Fam!!!!

    Sorry it’s been awhile!!! I’ve been busy at setting up a not for profit and thought I would take a moment to swing in. Wow new topics all over the board…

    I’d have to read to catch up to see what’s going on. So, how is everyone these days????

    Scully

  42. NYC SB says:

    OC – I agree with you completely… however, it looks like most SDs on here are solely looking for sex in exchange for money… its tough to weed them out… im sure the non activity on here is an issue for a lot of SBs given that we are outnumbered as it is already… while i am not an advocate to pursue your search on different sites sometimes you are just as likely to find a true SD on there as you are here… all in all it looks like a frustrating process for most

    im just counting my blessings hearing some of these stories

  43. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Sugar Family does not sit back and watch a train wreck…They speak out and offer help. I just feel bad I did not offer my sister’s help sooner.

  44. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Oh come on now, no one has anything to say…. I am just concerned for your safety! It is hard enough weeding out the BAD men from the SD’s on SA, but those other sites are CL scarey. I CARE! Let’s work on your profile and get more involved in your email banter, what ever it takes to keep you more involved in a place that has ( I have personally found) a higher quality of SD’s. I want to help!

  45. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    My concern is that you ladies feel that Hooking up for money is being a sugar baby. It is so NOT.
    Sugar Babies are mentored and given guidance in obtaining their goals, spoiled and given the financial oppertunities that they may not have otherwise at this point in their careers or lives.
    Those other sites are just sex for money or just SEX and just as scarey as CL hook ups and equally as classy. Please for safety sake stay far away and protect yourself.
    If you are in a bad way financially, I feel bad. However most SD’s are not going to want to be your sole source of income. Many of you have jobs or go to school. Men on those other sites are not SD’s.

  46. DC says:

    Hi GinaZ-

    Having done the casual affair sites before…I guess I am more prepared than most for what they offer. You need to be very specific about what you are seeking. I have found the guys there are just as savvy about a sugar daddy/baby arrangement as they are at SA. There are clueless people at both though.

    My profile here was gathering cobwebs and another sugar baby recommended it so I gave it a try. I met one guy who was looking purely for something sexual but was offering a nice allowance. He was not my type though. And I found my current SD (we haven’t actually started yet, he’s on vacation) at that site as well. He was not looking for a purely sexual relationship, more of a girlfriend on the side and he is a gem. So I got lucky and it only took about a month to find both. Like Lisa, I did get contacted by a lot of men who were not my type or just wanted affairs so I deleted hem. No bigee. But it’s a numbers game and the more responses you get, the better your chances. I hadn’t gotten an e-mail in a month here. However I just took down my other two photos and now have only 1 picture and I got 3 guys contacting me right away. I guess no one liked my other two photos :(

  47. lisa says:

    Have a good day everyone. going to the store to get my movie and some food. Had another potential contact me this morning so I have 2 now.

  48. lisa says:

    Red Maru Nice to see you back

    Good morning everyone. Slept nice and late this morning. Heard from that one sd this morning but it’s too late to make a date today, anyway he didn’t mention it. I’m not off again till friday so we will see. Got another one line email from a guy on SA, I guess since I put a different photo up, he thinks I’m another person, same one line message

    Gotta shower and go out to run my errands, it’s horrible in this heat and with few bus shelters.

  49. Red Maru says:

    While I’m here I might as well answe the questions:

    Are all arrangments NSA by default – To some extent. My last relationship kinda started that way. There was no sugar but we hung out. He had just came from a break up. As we progressed it became kinda attached. But I found I was doing more of the giving and he more of the taking. Despite that we found that we were introducing each other to respective family members and becoming more traditional. I guess thats where he got scared cause he started backing off and I didn’t get inivited to his medical school graduation and then that when he tells me he’s moving out of state

    After this experience, kinda prefer NSA. Needless to say I was hurt by this experience and am weary. If it progresses beyond I’m not closed to the possibility but am weary nontheless.

    Do I get bored with intimate partners faster than most? Not really I guess only when my partner is taking more than giving is when I become bored

    Yeah its pretty long…sorry

  50. Red Maru says:

    Morning everybody(coming out of hibernation mode shaking the leaves off) Just wanted to check on you guys
    Hey the blog finally works!
    Hey lisa read your previous posts, sorry about your family situation keep chin up and your life is not over by a long shot. Doing whats best for you is not selfish in any way shape or form. (BIG HUG) Hope Percy gets well I know how it is to have a sick pet. I’m still in mourning for our family cat who had to be put to sleep in March she was real sick too.

  51. ginaZ says:

    Can’t sleep

    Going to a site intended for married men and women (and singles) without the sd/sb premise may have advantages, less competition for one. The ratio is different men>women.
    There’s the conversion aspect. DC, sounds like it works for you. But you have the vantage point of more maturity to pull it off. I guess it opens up the floodgates. The men are primarily looking for sex, and the pot SB is looking for an allowance. Whereas a married woman is simply looking for the affair (sex, intimacy) without financial compensation.
    I’m still on the fence about getting involved with a married man, yes he’ll do it anyway with someone, but, I give pause especially if he is a family man. Or, the Karma aspect of it.

  52. ginaZ says:

    Silly hope your date was a good one! I’m going on one tomorrow as well at the Getty in L.A. Dunno, there are a string of flaky guys though. It’s friggin’ annoying, hopefully it won’t trickle into my dating life as well. (sigh)

  53. ginaZ says:

    DorkyGuy, not sure where your daughter goes to school, how old she is, or where she lives, but most college students get roommates or live on campus to keep expenses low. If she is under 24 and financial aide calculates based on parents income she gets less assistance. As a point of reference I go to school FT, and I think working more than 20 hours a week is unrealistic to be able to keep grades up. It is kind of ironic that some SB, who are college students, want full allowances from a SD, and not work. But this your daughter and you are contemplating a SB. Maybe help with rent/food, but spending money should be her responsibility. Hopefully she won’t end up on a site like this, that would be awkward.

  54. sasha says:

    What’s the site you talking about AS and AFF??

    I’m learning so much from you all tonight.

    I really like the way you think.

  55. silly says:

    Hi GinaZ.. sorry.. went off for my date… thanks for the support, Lisa too !! and oh DC ! yes, this guy was from AM but had apparently been an SD before.. weird.. anyways !!

    that’s great DG !!

  56. DorkyGuy says:

    Great suggestions…

    My thoughts on it were this… I want her to work 20-30 hours per week plus go to school. I agree that a completely free ride isn’t healthy. So I took the total cost of the apartment and living expenses… subtracted what she would make at a 25 hr/week part time job, and the difference is what I suggested I could help provide. She will have to work more if she wants spending money.

    She will be working, but not so much that it will interfere with studies.

    Conditions were: B average in school, with C’s at lowest. No live-in boyfriend. And lunch twice a month with Dad :).

  57. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    SF SD, I am delirious I have a 101 fever, down from 103, feeling much better, but stuck inside watching old movies. My favorite is Pretty Woman!

  58. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    SF SD that is a fabulous idea for DG. My dad gave his girls everything their little hearts desired. But all four years of college, spring breaks and summer vacations were spent working trade shows for my dad. I loved giving back just a tenth of what he gave to me! Nothing like a little work to build time management indeed.

  59. SF SD says:

    I do like the way you think, OC. 😉

  60. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Remember the movie “Pretty Woman”…
    (ok except for the hooker part) I re-wrote the first act to depict a more suitable image.
    A girl who is tired of regular dating, educated, can support herself financially, but could use a little help to gain the extra’s in her life; seeks the handsome wealthy gentleman (married) to mentor her to acheive her professional goals and would like to have him show her the world around her and gain new experiences. Of course financial assistance is also offered (bank info is given and monthly deposits are set). Never to be discussed again after the initial meeting. (Both now ride off into the sunset and SCENE)…
    The sugar could be in many different stages of her life (early student, mid just graduated, mid-mid (hate the term late) professional. All have the same goal; to find that perfect SD to take her dinners with conversation that goes on for hours, an evening at the ballet or the theater perhaps, fine 5 star hotels, spa days, shopping sprees and all from a man that she genuinely has chemistry with and she is giddy and looks forward to spending time with him! Lucky her, and he gives her a generous allowance to make her life a little bit more at ease.
    A girl this happy would have a full life. Not once did Julia Roberts say in the movie, “yeah, my boyfriend is coming over later. I hope my dinner with my SD doesn’t run too late.
    Ahhhh, now on to the wonderful movie called Sugar. ~OC

  61. SF SD says:

    DG – Irony indeed. Perhaps your daughter can finance part of that monthly budget herself. A part-time job helps build time management and reduces the cost of partying. :-) Might leave you a little cash for a part-time SB.

  62. lisa says:

    The two that want to my sd were soo ugly, one had a big beard like santa clauss, yuck. The cute one sent me some very explicit pics of him and another woman. I tried to email saying thanks for the nice photos but he’s not excepting collect messages.

    Going to go to bed now. I’m off tomorrow so i’ll sleep late, looks like no sd dates tomorrow.

    Goodnight

  63. DC says:

    Hi Lisa-

    I found my new SD at AM and met the other there as well. I get lots more responses there…like 10 a day. Okay, most are not likely to be my SD but every no and then I hear from someone and there is potential. You should give it a little more time

  64. lisa says:

    Hi Jasmine :)

  65. Jasmine says:

    hello everyone!!! :)

  66. lisa says:

    got another email from that guy and where as he does believe in buying a woman an occasional gift and traveling, he doesn’t want a woman who wants help supporting her lifestyle. This guy needs to go on a regular dating site as it seems he’s looking for a girlfriend.

  67. lisa says:

    Hi DC I just deleted from AM, yikes

  68. DC says:

    Dorky guy- guess if wasn’t meant to be LOL. Too bad. Family does come first. Some guys have approached me with a once a month sort of arrangement for 25% of what I would like and if I liked the guy I’d consider it. Maybe you can just have some sugar once a month?

  69. lisa says:

    I have a married lover that I met years ago when I hadn’t had sex for over 10 years. I was living with my parents and chose a married man because he would be more understanding of me, a grown woman needing to be discreet whereas a single man would probably just find someone who didn’t live with their parents. He is a wonderful man in bed and he did pay my rent last year when I was out of work but besides that, there’s nothing. He is very important to me as it was him and my desire to see him that got me out on my own and got me to stand on myown feet.
    I need a sugardaddy though for financial assistance and of course to fill in as I dont’ see my lover but a couple times a month. Good night ginaZ

  70. DC says:

    Hi Silly-

    Sorry to hear about your experience.

    I met an SD from another site for coffee. He wanted to rush right into an agreement which sounded like a purely sexual one. While I was not opposed to something like that down the line I told him I needed to get to know him a little first. Coffee went okay but something about him set off my radar. Then he wanted to offer me $100/hr for an audition. Told him it didn’t feel right for me. End of that.

    Another SD I met for coffee..we hit it off and then he came over next time and we were intimate and he was very generous and left me an envelope with a very nice gift. It was a one time thing as he really was just looking to help me, not for an ongoing thing. He knew I needed financial help and while he was a virgin SD, he had enough sense to figure out I was expecting something from this visit.

    I have a pot SD that will be back from vacation after the fourth. We met for coffee and vie e-mail I told him what the other SD gave me so he knows that I don’t do free auditions. Our arrangement will be sort of “as needed” most likely 3-4 times a month.

    I have learned to put my cards on the table and not have any vague sort of arrangement.

    You did nothing wrong. You trusted him. These guys from AM or AFF are kind of clueless. I would be very careful about sending someone I hardly know a voided check and think going on the payroll is really wise. Cash is king. If he’s married he’s leaving a papertrail and I’d find it a little scary that he even suggested that.

    I think you were right to give him till Friday and no more auditions. If he can’t tell if he will like you by now then he may be full of it.

    Good luck!

  71. ginaZ says:

    I think my time is up. A bit puzzled by Silly.

    Goodnight:)

  72. DorkyGuy says:

    lol, it seems that Sugar world is not without rich irony…

    I had finally decided it was time to dive in, and had set up a date for this week.

    Today, my daughter asks me to lunch… and asked me for a $2k/month allowance to support her as she goes to school.

    There goes the sugar budget! I guess if I want something for myself, I’ll have to build my business big enough that my family can’t spend it all :)

  73. ginaZ says:

    I’m confused you have a married lover no sugar? but are looking for a married man with sugar at the same time. That sounds confusing and complicated.

  74. lisa says:

    the guy just emailed me again saying it sounds like I think sex is a chore, not something I enjoy, lol Why is he on a sd site if he just wants sex? I have no problem finding sex, I need sugar to go with it. I must be doing something right as I’ve had my married lover for 4 years and he thinks i’m wonderful

  75. ginaZ says:

    Silly is M.I.A.

  76. ginaZ says:

    So far this site is better then many others. Haven’t run into “I don’t pay for sex,” just the occasional dimwit.

  77. ginaZ says:

    Silly, you must be OK then.

  78. lisa says:

    that’s true and unfortunately alot of the guys on the sd sites are the same. “I don’t pay for sex” seems to be the line of the day, lol yet they talk about sex alot in their profile. lol

  79. ginaZ says:

    Lisa I’d rather get fewer responses than too many of the wrong kind. The married men are looking for sex, nothing more.

  80. ginaZ says:

    silly are you okay? Don’t feel bad, you didn’t do anything wrong. You felt secure enough, trusting enough to sleep with someone you thought you would have an arrangement with. But Lisa is right, wait, wait, wait. The SD may have been unrealistic, is getting cold feet, feeling guilty, the fantasy became too real who knows. But this may be a lesson learned. Hang in there!

  81. lisa says:

    Have a good date silly

    ginaZ someone recommended it and I joined yesterday and put that in my headline. Getting tons of response, but the guys are either very ugly or they are not looking to be sds. they send their private pics and then wont’ except your emails because it will cost them. I’m not getting anything on this site, but the other sd one I’m getting lots of odd ones today.

  82. silly says:

    lol Lisa ! well I’m off for a hot date.. non sugar of course ! lol

  83. ginaZ says:

    It seems that a site with a bunch of married men looking for affairs isn’t the best place to meet a SD. I’d stay far away from that. if a woman is married and wants to have a bit of fun with someone similar that makes more sense. I think this site (SA) is more straightforward.

  84. lisa says:

    i’m being checked out so much tonight that I feel like i’m a library book, lol

  85. lisa says:

    If these guys dont’ want to spoil and expect to have a sexual relationship and see where things go, they should go to the sister sight that seeking has.

  86. lisa says:

    Oh no not that sight silly, i’m on that site too and getting some weirdos including some explicit pics of a guy doing another girl and close ups, etc. I’m seriously looking to delete my profile as i’ve been on there 2 days and it’s just blah. I wanted to send the guy a message saying I enjoyed the pics but he is not excepting messages that he has to pay for. lol

  87. ginaZ says:

    Lisa,

    Yeah there are some winners. I got one reply from a younger SD. All he said was “Nice tits.”
    I blocked him, but not before I said, ” Are you always this charming?”

  88. lisa says:

    my personal rule, not intimacy before spoiling if the man says he doesn’t pay for sex, then he can give me some allowance or take me shopping and we will just talk, no sex, lol

  89. silly says:

    I know ! yes, he was going to rent an apartment, furnish it etc… had plans on me baking and him cooking ! that’s why I’m just floored !
    and I didn’t find him on SA, it was on another site, where married men go to have affairs.

  90. ginaZ says:

    Silly, you went with the flow. You didn’t make any mistakes per se, but it does come up often, for a SB sleeping with a SD without the arrangement in place. And by that I mean some trust or incentive or assurance. He may very well mean what he says, but I completely understand how you would feel crushed. Fear may clicked in for him, now he needs assurance. But can you wait? Maybe getting together with him to tell him how you feel, but I would most certainly keep your options open. Never back down on your rule. One must compromise, but there are somethings that are too risky.

  91. lisa says:

    Silly was he going to pay for the apartment? Why did he want you to look for one if he wasn’t sure?

  92. lisa says:

    I guess the best rebuttal for when a man says “I don’t pay for sex” is to ask them for an allowance and tell them there will be no sex. That way they can keep their word, lol ok now i’m being overran by potential sds that are quickly crumbling to the ground.

  93. lisa says:

    gee that sucks Silly doesn’t sound good
    I think the sds on this site are getting PMS or something what a grumpy bunch of guys tonight. I just got an email from an attractive man who had a informative profile but it bothered me that he said “dont’ expect to see anything to I sleep with you a few times” so I wrote him back and told him how my last sd started things and also mentioned that a sd should show he is serious first. He sent me an angry message that whereas I (me) don’t give out free testdrives, he doesnt give out free generousity. He likes to take things slow and sleep together for a while before spoiling. The old man blocked me a again. Crabby men tonight. I think they need to go to another site.

  94. silly says:

    Ok, now I guess I need advice. Perhaps just confirmation I’ve done the right thing. I’m very dissapointed in myself and my judgement. This Pot SD and I have been talking and texting for a few weeks now.. I met him for a drink and it went well.. then we met for dinner and we got along well, attraction and everything, held hands and kissed.. he told me his rules and said he’d put me on his payroll. He really appeared to like me and told me I was a “keeper” all the time.. well we met Friday and got a room, spent hours in bed and talking and getting to know each other more. He asked me to start looking for a 1 bdrm apt for us to meet… so next day, yesterday, I asked him what he needed from me, i.e. void cheque and he responded that he wanted a few more dates, not necessarily sexual before committing to a long term arrangement. Ummm did I miss something ? so I told him if you’re not committed after friday then …
    I’m just soo crushed !~ did I miss something ? I guess I just have to look at this as a lesson learned but geez !! and I negotiated on my one rule ! I feel as if I was taken advantage of.

    comments ?

  95. lisa says:

    DorkyGuy My parents have done alot for me. The took me in when my husband left me 8 months pregnant. They helped me for 14 years till I finally took the step to get on my own, it took me long enough but I felt I couldn’t make it on my own, but I have survived for 4 years. I can’t help it but I love bieng free and making my own decisions and my privacy to have relationships and all.

    Good night OC glad to see you on the blog at the same time I am.

  96. ginaZ says:

    Night OCSugarBaby!

  97. ginaZ says:

    OCSugarBaby

    Yeah, I’m a Cali gal from the Bay, living in L.A:)

    I agree the pot should meet you on your turf, but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.
    My first SD lived in the OC, we talked long enough that I felt comfortable, so I drove to him, met at a public place (always a good idea) we had dinner, he got a hotel room for me (no funny business) gave me some cash for the trek and we worked out an arrangement form there. I knew from the onset I preferred to go outside of my area. SA opens up the possibility, for both SD’s and SBs of meeting someone from outside your area.

    I’m likely going to fly to NYC soon to meet my pot SD, but before I go I would have the RT ticket in hand and would have been sent money for essentials. I feel safer also knowing I have friends in NYC, just in case. Meeting in a public place is always good! One pot SD wanted to come to my place for a first meet, he was pushy, he also knew I was a mom, so I declined. Something didn’t feel right.

  98. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Nite Miss Lisa and Gina…

    Lisa enjoy your day off tomorrow! 😉

  99. DorkyGuy says:

    Lisa, for what it’s worth, you don’t need to beat yourself up over your family… you haven’t done anything to them.

    The situation they find themselves in is the result of a long string of decisions that they made for themselves.

    Your parents come from a generation that ought to know that their number one priority should be planning for their own future, so as not to be a burden to their kids.

    I for one would never ask someone in my family to pay the consequences of my own foolish mistakes or lack of planning.

    If they choose to blame you for it, it’s just evidence of their own complete inability to accept responsibility for their own fate.

    Keep your chin up… You made the right decision.

  100. lisa says:

    This blog is a great place to compare notes on sds that have contacted you, I was suspicious of one and a fellow blogger told me of a similiar email from the same guy. I also caught one sd that was meeting another blogger because he emailed me a canned line.

  101. lisa says:

    shopping solves all problems :) I need shopping money, daddy where are you?

  102. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Shopping is a fabulous way to comfort an SB! LOL I like to call that OC sugar style!

  103. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Lisa Penelope, if you move forward together and he puts your comfort first you will not have that $ugar,$ex struggle.

  104. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Gina: those that try to get away with things are not sugars, they are preditors!

    Some known facts still prevail:
    1. The pot SD should come to you for the first date. That is the gentlemanly thing to do and being a gentleman and putting your safety and comfort first at all costs is key. If they wont do it now they wont do it later. You need to take your time to feel comfortable.

    2. Sugars come in all fakes and sizes. You can spot them a mile away if you just use your good judgement, not your $ugar eyes. Sugar dating is just like dating, use your head! Let common sense prevail, and if you are still unsure, come to the blog for some sugar advice from the old times.

    Gina, you are a cali girl too? ~OC

  105. lisa says:

    Never sleep with a SD till he opens the sugar bowl

  106. ginaZ says:

    OCSugarBaby~ Says:”Each SD and SB are looking for very different things”
    Exactamundo

    “To say dont sleep with them on the first meeting is a guidline, it happens. But remember you should NOT even be meeting them if you don’t already feel 100% comfortable with them or taking it to that level. No set in stone set of sugar rules, just take your time to get to know someone then you will find yourself in possibly a longer term situation.”

    I think especially for younger SB’s, and as a response to Sasha’s need for advice, the don’t sleep on the first meet is wise. As for long term SB/SD relationships, I really don’t think that’s the norm. Maybe 20% on the SD side. Especially considering that a certain percentage of SD’s are married. Also, one can never be 100% sure on the phone, there is always a healthy doubt, a regard for ones personal safety.

    OCSB, I’m very far and away not a 20 something, and it’s inherently my nature to be protective of someone who is younger than I, as there are some SD’s who try to get what they can get away with.

  107. lisa says:

    I have been through this twice before but both times before it was my fault, this time I had nothing to do with the fact that my mom chose to keep pets for the past 18 years without paying the deposit. she chose to be dishonest and has been caught. Still the thought of my family being out on the street, my elderly stepdad, etc in this heat. I know nothing though.

    I loved that movie and had read all the books before. A woman that shops and has credit card debt, lol my story lol There is a deal at one of the grocery stores where you buy the movie and get a 3 pack of popcorn and a bag of hersheys chocolates free.

  108. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Lisa, you have to give them time. They are upset and are lashing out at you which is not fair. Keep reaching out to your daughter, they will understand in time.
    By the way I loved that movie, Confessions of a Shop a holic!

  109. lisa says:

    they are going to be evicted though if they don’t pay the pet deposit and they are not going to pay it because they say they don’t want to live there and it’s my obligation to move with them to another apartment complex and share the expenses. They say they will leave when my lover comes over but then my mom said that he should take me a motel, sounds like the same old family I moved away from. My daughter’s 18 and working so she could help them with rent on a new apartment as they have managed to live where they are since I left. I hate having my daughter hate me as she isn’t the normal 18 year girl, no desire to be on her own or date or anything, she’s a young version of my mom :( She said she is never going to date and that sex is bad and that i’m bad too.

  110. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Lisa, you can offer help if they are willing to change or accept change. Sounds like they are not. You have to take care of yourself and your daughter. She seems happy living with them. She is old enough to make up her mind on that one.

    Go to the Galleria! Make it happen, you need the sugar for shopping.

  111. lisa says:

    Percy says Hi and he is looking for another sugarmama during the days his current sugarmama is at work. lol He will send you some explicit photos, lol

  112. lisa says:

    i’m not going to the Galleria tomorrow, just the ghetto walmart down the street. I’m not feeling like having much funny as I feel really bad for what i’ve done to my family, they might be homeless as we speak, they won’t take my calls either. I guess I should give up my apartment and move back with mommy and daddy :( I would miss my sugarfriends though

    I need to go to the Galleria for luck, maybe next week, can’t do it now

  113. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Hi Miss Lisa,
    I think you may want to steer clear of that guy that was on multiple sites for several years. No need to step into that obvious pile of poo… lol

    Go to your happy place tomorrow! Sugar happens when you go to the Galleria.

  114. lisa says:

    Hi OC :) Good advice :)

    Waiting to see if my potentials email me back. Still have that old man emailing me. lol I don’t think i’ll bother with the guy that is on all the different sites, seems nice but probably not into the sd stuff. He’s looking for someone to travel with him and without he puts me on his payroll, I can’t take off work.

    I’m off tomorrow and was hopping i’d have a sugardate but it looks like i’ll be taking the bus to walmart to get my movie confessions of a shopaholic, the story of lisa, well sort of , lol

  115. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    NC-Good to hear about your new sugar, now just take baby steps… lol
    Thanks for the back up on the sugar relationship time-line! You cant always take what you read to heart. Not all sugar relationships get brought to the light, not all sugar babies are 20 somethings, not all SD’s are scum. Those that are scum are not SD’s.

    Each SD and SB are looking for very different things. To say dont sleep with them on the first meeting is a guidline, it happens. But remember you should NOT even be meeting them if you don’t already feel 100% comfortable with them or taking it to that level. No set in stone set of sugar rules, just take your time to get to know someone then you will find yourself in possibly a longer term situation.

    Lisa…I said HELLO!!! ~OC

  116. sasha says:

    Thank you Gina z and NC gent. I will definatly take your advise. And be smarter and wiser with the next experience.

    I am so happy about this blog,wish I would have used it earlier.

    not looking to use anyone hurt anyone and hope that I find the same back.:-)

  117. lisa says:

    edit he has a nice “body” eek that didn’t come out to well

  118. lisa says:

    yes I agree ginaZ wow this other place i’m on is too wild. Just got an email with some pics of the guy doing various things with another woman. Yikes I’m getting free porn, lol but his has a nice boy so i’ll save the pics for my personal enjoyment, lol I think I will delete from that third site, its’ not a sd site anyway. Thanks DC but it’s not the sight for me :)

  119. ginaZ says:

    NCGent said: don’t even think I would consider it a relationship if it only had lasted one month.

    Maybe “arrangement” is a better way of describing it.

    Lisa–trust your gut too many red flags?

  120. lisa says:

    Hi everyone. Just got back from work.
    Need some advice. I’m talking to a gentleman who has actually been around the sites for several years as I have been on different sites in the past and have seen him on there. I would say at least 3 and half years. Well I had contact from him on a non sd site and we have been chatting and talking about meeting. He has tried the sd sites and is on some of them but he is looking more for someone who wants to spend time with him more than money. I am thinking about meeting him but two things bother me. first of all he has had the same picture for years, only one and it’s the way I recognized him from years ago. Second, he has been on all the sites so I wonder if he is even a legit sd. He seems like a nice man but I still have concerns about whether I should meet him?

  121. ginaZ says:

    Sasha,

    There are definitely SD’s that aren’t really genuine. Mostly it seems to happen to the younger girls. My advice is: never, ever sleep with a potential SD on the first meet, and never get intimate without a clear understanding of what the arrangement is.
    Of course there are Sb’s that may take advantage of a SD by stringing him along or cashing in the plane ticket, so it goes both ways. Always trust your instincts!

  122. NC Gent says:

    Sasha — be patient when searching for a SD. If there is one piece of advice I can give you that seems like it may help…. no free test drives! Don’t be intimate with your SD until you have discussed the arrangement. You need to develop mutual trust with your SD and don’t rush anything. A true SD will be patient with you if he is sincerely interested. Unfortunately, there are scammers here on both sides of the deal. Hang in there! The blog is a great support group.

    Nice pics Amber — looking great at 30 :)

    Thanks for your kind words GinaZ

    Always good to see you again OCSB!

  123. ginaZ says:

    OCsugarbaby you asked where I get the data from? I base this on my own personal experience having been a SB on and off for the past four years. I also base this on much of what I’ve read here on the blog, and repeating back what a rep from SA had said in press releases to the media. And I’d have to agree, but I did say “most” not all, there are always exceptions:) Tying back into the thread of NSA, the very nature of such a concept makes the endings what they are. Both parties are free to exit for whatever reason.

  124. sasha says:

    Thank you SF SD for your reply.

    I guess what I want to learn next is HOW to differentuate between the real and honest man and the scum. So I don’t get hurt and feel used again.

    Once again Thanks :-)

  125. NC Gent says:

    I have had two SD/SB relationships — one lasted 2.5 years the other last about 7 months. I don’t even think I would consider it a relationship if it only had lasted one month 😐

  126. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Hola Miss Lisa!

    Ginaz Said:
    “And then there’s the cycle, most SB/SD relationships last 1-9 months.”

    Gina, that is not the case for most SD/SB relationships. Where are you gathering your data from? ~OC

  127. SF SD says:

    sasha – Internet sites seem to attracts a certain percentage of game players, picture collectors, jerks, and guys who are just trying to see what they can get for as little as possible. I’m sorry your first experiences have gone badly.

    There are real, honest men here. From what I’ve read thus far, it at takes some time and effort to sort out the shysters and wannabees. I hope you’ll give things another try, and feel free to “consult” your sugar family here about your new potentials.

  128. SF SD says:

    OC – I’m very in tune with your comment about focusing on the moment. Discretion is important, money is a factor, and the arrangement is for a certain period of time. But when we are together it’s time to delight in each other.

    GinaZ and Tina – I understand the discomfort with the idea of dating someone more than 20 years older. In the end is boils down to how you get along with each other. If age gets in the way of the chemistry, then you may feel uncomfortable. My experience is that if you are natural and confident it doesn’t matter. I went shopping with my SB a few days ago and no one gave us a second look.

    JQ – Thanks for the practical advice.

    Since there are new “faces” here, I hope y’all don’t mind me repeating something I mentioned in the previous blog. Get a separate email account and a disposable pay-as-you-go cell phone for sugar dating. This makes the initial contact potentials less worrisome and helps you maintain the level of discretion you need.

    Amber, I’m glad you’re having fun. That’s what it’s supposed to be about.

    Lisa – No one’s ignoring you… just lots going on. Hope things are looking up for you.

  129. gurlnextdoor says:

    Hey lisa! :)

  130. Amber(293881) says:

    This is ideal for me… I’m not sure why, but I bore from realtionship drama and ties quickly. I love my freedom, and meeting with and having fun with a great gentleman as agreed is perfect- instead of constant calls and jealousy I usually get from “regular dating”

    I see that the money/sex issue is a big one. I havent found that to be an issue for me yet, but I always ask upfront because I only see one SD at a time, so the allowance is important to me, and I also only date when there is chemistry! I want this to be alot of fun, and beneficial to us both :)

  131. SouthernGent2 says:

    Tina – which one gets let go?

    JohnQ really gives some good comments above about sb’s balancing bf and sd relationships. Of course I sometimes wonder why a sb needs a bf, in particular the younger age group of sb’s (the 18-23 range perhaps). If a sb has a bf, then he is clearly not meeting all the needs of the sb.

  132. Tina says:

    Thank you everyone for your advice. And last night was great with my sd, I didn’t worry about what anyone thought. We went out and had a great time. Johnq it’s kind of easy to balance both relationship, well for me it is. My bf lives about 45mns away so I only see him about once a week because of work, and my sd actually lives the next town from me, so it all falls into place. But I’m thinking of letting one go cause i feel wrong for doing it.

  133. sasha says:

    HELP!!!

    First ,I must say that I love reading the blogs. and learn so much from them.

    Being that I’m a new sb I too have made some mistakes (2) and felt used.

    I think feeling a little vulnerable, hoping that you meet an honest man someone who likes and respects you and truly wants help because he cares.

    Believed all the promises in the world. thinking everyone is as honest as I am made me make some stupid mistakes that I regret.

    like sleeping with a guy on the first date

    another guy that we actually hit it off and we did sleep together a couple of times.. we discussed a little what the agreement would be. I was thinking oh let me just make it more natural didn’t want to feel like a prostitute . What a BIG mistake.

    yep those were my ONLY two SD’s so far feeling a little used and hurt I was unsure if I wanted to continue on this site. or those a real, honest man really exist on it.

    One thing I learned after reading this blog is not to act like you are desperate for financial assistants.

    Can someone tell me what is normal??

    Email? phone calls? text?

    If the guy hasn’t called me and after 3 weeks sent me an email. “sorry if you feel neglected just been very busy”. but I see him on line all the time.

    What is appropriate and not appropriate, how often should you expect to hear from these man? or do they call you a day before they want to meet?

    I have decided to give this another chance, but, I can really use your guidance and experience with this. Next time I want to come prepared.

    I would appreciate some advise form SD as well I want to know what would have made this guy act the way he did.

    I know I am an attractive women so it can’t be my looks and I believe that my personality is even better. So what went wrong?

  134. lisa says:

    yes you have to weed through alot but at least when there’s response, there’s a chance whereas when I have a dry spell, it’s boring. The old man that wants to marry me contacted me again today (the one the blocked me) and I just send him the message back. He’s a tough one. lol

    Gotta go to bed soon. Been off the last couple days, back to work tomorrow
    Goodnight

  135. ginaZ says:

    Lisa I’m talking to a bunch to, but that’s part of the hunt. It does eat up quite a bit of time though. Wondering if someone is talking the good talk, or when it is you do meet, the chemistry will be there.

  136. ginaZ says:

    Missiswrite, I appreciate your insights very much. It does seem in the American culture, that there are many variations, including an older woman and younger man. Although ageism is rampant, especially in Hollywood, don’t ask don’t tell. In truth how many SB tell the truth about their age. Other cultures women can age gracefully, not in the U.S.
    I definitely agree, this kind of dating allows to date those outside your social class or milieu. I wasn’t ready for this in my twenties, or certainly not the way I see it now.

  137. Missiswrite says:

    Significant age disparity in sexual relationships has been and remains a feature of couples in many cultures and societies. The most common pattern in heterosexual couples is an older man with a younger woman. Sugar daddy a rich, usually older man who offers money or gifts to a less rich, usually younger person in return for companionship or intamacy. This differs from prostitution in that the older man is usually the sole financial provider to the younger person. In Japan, there is a loosely similar practice known as enjō kosai. Unlike a ‘gold-digger’, a sugar baby doesn’t set out to marry a rich man to ‘settle down with’. Sugar babies don’t settle, nor do they seek ‘commitment’ or superfluous obligations from their intimate partners. One of the unique aspects about this type of dating is that people who would otherwise only date within their ‘appropriate’ or familiar social niches, are inclined to arrange mutually rewarding relationships with those well outside their socio-economic class. It’s an ironic way of overcoming the ill effects of social stratification. It’s a way for me to meet an end without the pretense of monogamy, commitment, or sacrificing all dignity with a sex-for-money transaction. Dating to climb the social ladder is definitely more appealing than a cheap, brute, one-night-stand. Like many others, I’ve passed up opportunities to have a sugar daddy in the past, but the concept of creating an ‘arrangement’ had the clarity I sought; I would get financial support and competitive edge from discreet relationships with rich and powerful man. A sugar daddy arrangement can be a unique, enriching experience between people who understand, and value the meaning of reciprocity.

  138. lisa says:

    ginaZ I have seen that too as I don’t recognize many people on the blog lately. I’ve had some activity with my profile, several potentials that i’m talking to but you know how that goes, you gotta go through several to find one sd. Still out of contact with my family, I call everyday, they don’t answer so I dont’ know what their status is but I think it’s best we never see or speak to each other again as i’ve done too much to hurt them and we just don’t love each other anymore.

    I am busy trying to make some potential dates for my days off this week.

  139. ginaZ says:

    NC gent congrats on finding a SB. Hope it lasts and lasts! It’s always a good sign when the SB or SD has taken their listing down or made it private!

  140. ginaZ says:

    Dreamy princess congrats on finding a SD, and one you have a connection with. I think occasionally it can work with such a big disparity in age, maybe because it’s a NSA. But, if your goal is to move on, move away from your BF, then an allowance should be expected with your SD. You could ask for one, start saving to move out. But you’re smart to get a job and do something on your own. Keep all bases covered:)

    Lisa, the blog, seems ever changing, especially as I look back. The topics change, and with it the people who post and respond. SD and SB’s, our names can even change. I find myself checking in more to get a sense of what to expect in sugar land, but I’ve been hesitant to divulge to much personal info about myself, as one can never be too careful.

  141. ginaZ says:

    NYC SB I wanted to say thanks, I may be needing the contact, just in case I actually go forward with the Pot SD in NYC. Still on the fence though as I’m not so sure about it yet.And if I do I don’t want to be walled up in a hotel room with some psycho.

  142. DreamyPrincess says:

    Prideandpromise: I am also young (22) I am new to the sugarland as well…. only been on the site for about 2 months and already found a SD!! My SD is 57.

    As far as age goes, I think my SD rocks!!! We both have awesome taste in music, wine, movies, etc….So I don’t even notice the age difference. Though he is more attractive than pretty much any other man his age! We spend the whole time smiling and laughing and haven’t run out of conversation so far! We are both fond of each other and are open about it. After our first meet, my SD kept saying how great I was and how he cant get me out of his head, and he wanted to pinch himself to make sure it was real.

    Citygirl: About balancing a relationship and SD at the same time…. It is hard. I just tell my boyfriend that I’m having girls night when my SD wants to meet, or that I’m going to see my friends out of town for a couple days. But I also have a tendency to do those sorts of things, so it’s not out of the norm so much.

    Though my SD doesn’t call me all that often, we mostly email 2-3 times a week. And phone about once a week or less. He travels almost all the time, so is very busy. As far as my boyfriend is concerned, he works A LOT so I have lots of time at home to do as i please.

    My SD actually called me today when my BF was mowing the lawn. To get an address to send a gift to, and I gave him one of my girlfriends addresses (who knows about my arrangement). I haven’t told my SD about my boyfriend, but I think eventually it will have to be discussed.

    I did get a job offer working regular office hours, so my search for other SD’s will probably be limited. But as I said before, I would like to move out of my boyfriends place, and since my SD and I haven’t spoken about an allowance (at least not yet) I need to find a way to make it happen myself.

  143. lisa says:

    wow the new blog is all business now, no personal touch
    I miss the interaction as no one has even said hi to me :(
    all business very boring were is everyone Sweetredhead, Nitemare, Jai, Joules, Jasmine, Gail, OC, and everyone else??

    I got a potential that i’m talking to but will save the info for when everyone comes back to the blog

  144. gurlnextdoor says:

    Johnq I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think it’s possible to have a successful arrangement with a SD and a relationship with a significant other when neither one knows about the other. That’s why I always tell SDs that I have a boyfriend, usually not on the first email though, but like on the first or second meeting. I’ve also found that most SDs (not the ones who want a girlfriend/wife) are happy about my relationship and enjoy giving me advice regarding it, lol. Just my opinion for the day. Well off to work for 5 hours, have a good day blogging everyone.

  145. ginaZ says:

    Simplify as you must. If you’re a single mom, you may want to disclose this, it certainly gives the SD pause for discretion. Telling someone you are living away from family, may make more sense if you are a very young SB ( early-mid 20’s). I think you do have to tell someone, and it makes sense it’s the SD. I still would find it hard to fathom, if you are a SB having a serious relationship and having a SD at the same time, unless, as it is the case with a couple of SB’s, that you’re trying to leave the relationship and living with them.

    And then there’s the cycle, most SB/SD relationships last 1-9 months. so this means beginning the cycle again, matters of discretion and so on.

    Welcome Sandy to the blog!

    Tina, I understand about the looks from others and an older SD, because, it probably looks like a mismatch to others, or a SD out with his SB, or daughter in some cases. The “attraction” is also different for a SB, in particular. It’s likely you probably wouldn’t be with them if there wasn’t the arrangement in place. Money for some SB’s is part of the lure, the attraction if you will. I try and focus on the SD, don’t pay attention if others stare. But if it becomes uncomfortable or doesn’t seem right, trust your instinct. It’s possible you may need to find someone closer to your age. I think the 20+ age spread is pushing things a bit, unless you are Hugh Hef. Or you are 20 something and your SD is in his 40’s (thinking of Pretty Woman)

  146. lisa says:

    A good way to explain the need for discretion when you are a single sb is to simply say you come from a conservative family or if you are living away from your family, say you have friends that live near you that might mention what you’re doing to your family and you need discretion. I am single and although I have had a sd and a lover at the same time, both understood the need for discetion. Another thing that comes in handy, well it came in handy when I had a boyfriend and a lover was that my lover who is married can only see me during the day whereas my boyfriend worked during the day and could only see me after work in the evenings.

  147. CityGirl says:

    I’ll second that, johnq!

    I’m definately going to be honest with any SD about my “real” relationship. I would not be able to juggling keeping BOTH a secret – that is just too much work and too risky.

    I wish there was an option under relationship status on the profile to put “it’s complicated” or something 😉

  148. johnq says:

    I’m a bit surprised at some of the advice here regarding juggling a boyfriend/significant other and an SD. I can understand how this works if one of the two knows about the other and recognizes the need for discretion vis-a-vis the other. This is the traditional affair model. I find it difficult to believe, however, that an SB could successfully juggle two relationships when neither of them knows about the other, so that neither recognizes the need for discretion. The only analogy I can think of is the occasional case in which a man is found to have two separate families, neither of which knows about the other. In all such cases that I can remember, however, the families are geographically distinct, and the man has the resources to keep up two totally independent households.

    For example, how do you handle phone calls from the SD, if he doesn’t understand the need for discretion? How do you explain to him that he can’t call you at home or that you never pick up his calls but instead call him back? Or, if he does call, how do you explain this to the significant other?

    Even worse, how do you handle phone calls or texts from the significant other when you’re out with the SD? That’s obviously not as much of a problem if the SD is in on the secret, but seems complicated if he’s not.

    I can imagine someone pulling this off for a relatively short period of time, particularly if neither relationship is particularly close. I’m finding it somewhat difficult, however, to believe that this is possible for an extended period, unless one or both of the men is willing to more or less turn a blind eye.

    I’d be interested in knowing whether anyone has actually accomplished this for an extended time, and in particular cases in which both men believe the relationship is monogamous (as opposed to a “don’t ask/don’t tell” type of situation). I suspect this is very difficult and therefore very rare, so that advising anyone to attempt it is a mistake. On the other hand, if this is going on it would be interesting to find out how it’s being pulled off.

    JQ

  149. Trin says:

    Hi Tina,

    I wouldn’t worry about what other people think. They do not know who you are or who he is so I wouldn’t think about it to much. If you are enjoying yourself and his company then just have fun. You won’t see these people again so who cares. Also, walk with confidence and no one will bat an eyelash.

    On the subject of your SD wanting to be with you years and years I imagine his marriage isn’t fulfilling his needs so he has found something in you that he likes so he has come on really strong. It is like a kid in the candy store that found his favorite candy and wants to savor it as long as they can. I would just reaffirm that you are not looking for long term and if he pushes it then tell him that you are going to have to stop the arrangement. He should understand this and hopefully back off a bit. :)

    Trin

  150. Sandy says:

    :) Thank you for the welcome

  151. NC Gent says:

    sage advice, Sandy! welcome to the blog :)

  152. Sandy says:

    Hi Tina,
    I was going to say the same thing as NC Gent already said. If you are attracted to him it shouldn’t matter what anybody else thinks.

  153. NC Gent says:

    Hi Tina – welcome to the blog. If you are attracted to your SD, why would you care what anyone else thought in public. If you aren’t attracted to him, I would recommend ending it. What is the age difference, just curious? I know I would be very bummed if my SB was uncomfortable to be seen in public with me…. just my two cents….

  154. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone .

    Where is everyone? Good morning gurlnext door. My inbox is still empty. I put my ad on another site that someone on the blog suggested, not one that i’m interested in but anyway I’ve recieved like 40 emails since yesterday so it seems lots men want to cheat on their wives with me but no one wants to be my sd on here.

    Have a good morning everyone. I’m off today so i’m going back to bed :)

  155. Tina says:

    Citygirl, I am in somewhat the same situation that you’re in, I have a bf and I also have an sd but they don’t know about each other. I’ve been with my sd for about 2 weeks and we have had intimate moments and he seems to love it and came to the conclusion that even though he has a wife, he wants to have a relationship with me. I’m stuck having two relationships, I’m thinking of ending the one with my sd because he scares me everyday about how long he wants the relationship to go on, he always say years and years when I had already told him I’m looking for someone for the summer till I get back to school and if the summer goes great then I might still want to see him, but he’s just so sure that we will last for years. I do like him being my sd but i can never get through to him about how having a relationship with someone so much older than me can be kind of awkward especially when in public. Today we have a date to spend sometime together to go shopping, have lunch and hang out in the city, and I’m kind of nervous on how others will look at us. I guess I’ll see how today goes and if it’s really uncomfortable then i might have to end it. any suggestions on how i should go about this…

  156. Sandy says:

    Just reading through the blogs, as I am new to this site, and wanted to say hello to all the SD and SB. In regards to the whole NSA thing isn’t that what this site was designed for between the SD and SB. It is hard though sometimes because you can develop real feelings for your SD or SB and we wouldn’t be human if that didn’t happen. I like NSA because I am not into the whole drama thing but sometimes you can’t help what happens between two people. I wish GL to everyone on this site and hope you all find what you are looking for(cross my fingers that I do to) :)

  157. gurlnextdoor says:

    Lol DorkyGuy it wasn’t that. It was more like him calling me 7 times a day and texting me almost every hour or so to say “I miss you”. That in addition to a message he left on my phone one evening when I didn’t answer because I was busy at the time, led me to the conclusion that he was becoming too attached.

  158. CityGirl says:

    johnq, thanks for the response. Although, what i’m really looking for is to hear from the girls on this one, particularly those that are in a similar situation: juggling bf (especially live in- and I think DreamyPrincess had a post on this) and SD at the same time.

    I have yet to meet anyone partly because I’m picky, and partly because i’m very skeptical on the emails I do receive, questioning everything – not so much worried about their intentions because I do realize the nature of this website, but moreso wether they are to be trusted in regard to following through and being legitimate. And I don’t just mean the monetary aspect- even just sending my picture out worries me, or my number,etc. Guess i’ve just been jaded by Craigslist- makes me paranoid! (I never used Craigslist for anything like this- but for friendship,or selling an old cell phone etc- and SO many jackoffs on there!) combined with my need for discretion, makes it hard for me to take that step beyond sitting behind the computer…

  159. Lauren Renee(344568) says:

    ok thanks great advice

  160. johnq says:

    Lauren:

    Drop the comment about how you were on the site before but it didn’t work out. You’re marketing yourself here. Don’t lead with how the last time around no one was buying.

    I agree with the other comments about the top 10 list. If it’s intended to be a joke, it doesn’t work well, mainly because most of the items aren’t much out of the ordinary for SB profiles (except for the “never been kissed” entry, which I’m pretty sure is unique). As it stands, the list looks like you’re intending to emphasize sex as your main selling point, and it’s likely you’ll attract SDs who are mainly interested in sex. If that’s what you want, then OK, but if not I’d either seriously revamp it or delete it altogether.

    JQ

  161. Lauren Renee(344568) says:

    What should I change about it?

  162. Trin says:

    I am coming out of lurker mode to say that Lauren you profile is great but I would revamp the top ten…Just my .02! :)

  163. Lauren Renee(344568) says:

    OMG, I know . It was just something funny to add to my profile. I get all these comments about being too innocent. By the way I would never make one.

  164. NC Gent says:

    Hi Lauren — although the top 10 things was very interesting, there are some things in that list that you probably don’t want to reveal so early. For example, might be the type of person who wanted to make a sex tape. Also, stripper pole comment… they are fine with me, but you might attract the wrong type of SD (or fake SD) with those comments.

    Thanks DorkyGuy!

  165. Lauren Renee(344568) says:

    Good Evening Everyone!!!!

    I just got back on the site last week and still no luck. I was wondering if any of the guys or girlies could take a look at my profile and tell me what I did wrong.

  166. DorkyGuy says:

    Congrats NC!

  167. NC Gent says:

    There are two things that are very annoying to most people here…. men who want to talk about sex right away, and women who ask how much money are you going to give me. When a woman asks in her first email how much money I have to spend on her, I feel like responding… well do you swallow? what about backdoor? how often can we have sex? among other questions, but I don’ think she would catch the drift…. sorry that has been on my mind for a while.

    Now for the good news, I had an awesome first sugar date on Wednesday evening. She has taken her profile (mine has been hidden). I am really excited about it and hope we can carry the momentum :)

  168. amber holly says:

    Thanks

  169. NC Gent says:

    Hi Amber — doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong. If you provide us with your profile number, we will look at it and make suggestions. It should never be all about sex, but there are SDs on here who think it is. Hang in there. If you are patient you will find the right SD!

  170. amber holly says:

    Have you always preferred NSA relationships? Why or why not?

    Yes I have always preferred to be in a NSA relationship. I feel like when you are in these relationships people’s feelings are not involved. I know that in most cases one or both parties might start to get a little more attached. But for the most part you don’t have to deal with all the drama that comes along with having a boyfriend

  171. amber holly says:

    I don’t know if there is something wrong with me but it seems like every guy I email with they tell me this site is not for me. I totally understand a sb/sd relationship and that’s why I joined the site. But it seems like all the guys that contact me only want sex. I know that’s a part of a sb/sd but is that all.I don’t go around asking them what kind of gifts they are going to give me.I’m so clueless at this whole thing. I just wanted to join a site where I could meet someone who was extremely older and that didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. Am I doing something wrong?

  172. DorkyGuy says:

    What part of “I’m giving you a game where you can pretend to raise our family” says attached?

  173. gurlnextdoor says:

    Ok off to play the Sims3 that my ex lover got me. And yes I say ex because he was starting to get wayyy too attached which was a big no no in my book.

  174. gurlnextdoor says:

    Hello everyone, hope everyone is having a good day today. It’s been two days since I put my profile back up and I’ve gotten one email from a man who lives in the town over from me. He says he wants to meet 3-4 times a month which is fine with me. I just hope he’s a true SD and not just another fake.

  175. Ryan says:

    Haha NYC SB oh and why do you say in a year? haha

  176. johnq says:

    CityGirl:

    The subject of an SD’s reaction to a boyfriend/husband has come up in the past. Some SDs seem to be more comfortable with an SB who is either married or in a committed relationship, feeling that it gives both parties a strong incentive to be discreet. Some SDs are disturbed by this, feeling that if the boyfriend/husband doesn’t know, then there’s the possibility of serious drama if he finds out; and if he does know, if seems a little bit like he’s pimping the SB out.

    So I’m not sure there’s any “correct” way to play this. That being the case, honesty is probably the best policy. It will be a lot easier to handle things if the SD knows that you need to be discreet, at least for a short period of time. If you have two relationships, keeping one of them secret is likely to be difficult and stressful, but keeping both of them secret seems an order of magnitude more difficult.

    JQ

  177. CityGirl says:

    Hi everyone, lurker here…

    Noticed a couple of you girls talk about having boyfriends. I have been on this site on and off for the past 6 months or so…never really taking it seriously (until now) just looking and seeing what’s out there “just in case”. I’m in a stressful relationship and we live together. A part of me wants to work it out, but either way, the best thing right now is for me to get my own place- which- i simply cannot afford to do right now. I am looking for a SD for financial help obviously, but also to get out and get my mind of things and have some fun.

    So, how do you balance a boyfriend (mine albeit close to becoming an ex) and being discreet about this? I most definately wouldn’t want the bf knowing about it, and I also wonder how potential SD’s feel about the SB being involved. Given most SD’s are married, it shouldn’t matter, but for some reason i’d be more inclined to tell a potential SD that i’m single, and that it sounds more appealing.

    Thoughts? Thanks for reading :)

  178. amber holly says:

    Thanks so much

  179. DC says:

    Hi Amber:

    Welcome to the blog.

    First of all it has nothing to do with you…. whether you are more conservative than others or not. Some of the men who sign up here get confused and think this is a site for escorts. They have no idea what it means to be a true sugar daddy. Sugar dating is not just about sex, it’s so much more. If a man were to send me erotic photos of himself or ask for more erotic photos of me or want to IM chat right away I just delete them immediately. Usually nothing good comes of this and they are most always the ones with a blue profile (unpaid membership).

    As for why they write, you write back and then hear nothing…well it could be a number of things. Remember that the sugar babys outnumber the sugar daddys 10 to 1 so they have a lot more options than we do. He could be really really busy…… remember these are very wealthy, powerful men who usually also have families. And another thing is that I think many of these men sign up and are not quite committed to the idea or they chicken out. Very difficult to see something all the way through from that first e-mail to an actual meet.

    So don’t get discouraged, you need to be patient. Also if your gut tells you something is not right go with your intuition. Good luck!

  180. amber holly says:

    hi all u sugar baby/daddy bloggers. i have been having lots of trouble on this site and was wondering if anyone could offer some advice. i get emails about how different i am from most people on here but when i reply i never get a response.what is that about?unfortunately i don’t have a digital camera so i only have one photo but i can understand why someone wouldn’t respond back when u tell them this.i have also been called too conservative.i just don’t think a gentleman would describe his private area in in the first emails.if that’s being conservative because i don’t respond in the way they want then i am fine with that.help please

  181. lisa says:

    Yes well he said he gets requests all the time but gee he should wait till he asked first, lol fairly nice body too but he should have attached his bank statement too, lol

    I’m soooo bored stuck inside, too hot to get out. Over 100 degrees. I talked to my friend was hoping she might come by and take me to the store in her car but she didn’t get the hint, she just wanted to complain about her job and ex boyfriend. I’m off today and tomorrow but too worried about my daughter and family to feel like going anywhere.

  182. NYC SB says:

    ewww lisa hahaha thats too funny and gross… what a gentleman he is!

  183. lisa says:

    haha

    I just got a message from a guy and I wrote him back asking him what he was looking for and I told him about myself and what I was looking for. He asked for a way to contact me so I sent him an email. He sent me a message, no information about what he was looking for,had to offer, just 3 nude pictures of himself. I wrote him back and told him I wasn’t interested as I didn’t see anything he had to offer that any other male species didn’t have.

  184. lisa says:

    the blog is dead

  185. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

  186. NYC SB says:

    Hi Ginaz – clearly im in NYC if you need a contact there 😀

    Ryan – lol in a year i can be your SM 😉

  187. gurlnextdoor says:

    Yes ginaZ it is a hard balancing act. My boyfriend knows I had a SD before and although he’s not completely ok with it, he accepted it. Now he doesn’t ask about it anymore, and I’m glad he doesn’t. :) But then again, my boyfriend is gonna be in the military for the next 5 years, stationed God knows where. So, I thought what the heck! I’ll just get some extra spoiling for the next 3 years of my life while he’s away protecting the country. But it’s really a choice you’ll have to make when the time comes. To keep your boyfriend, your new SD, or both?

  188. ginaZ says:

    DC and girlnextdoor thanks for sharing your stories, helps to hear other examples. Yes the balancing act. Makes me aware of the fact that if after the first date, it becomes a second, I won’t mention the SD/SD thing. If something develope’s, I don’t know. Knowing me I can’t do both, when my heart gets involved it’s all over:)

    Still no official SD, but my pot one in New York is already moving things forward (very frank IM’s, emails, talks.) He said it’s only fair, since I would make myself available to him, even from afar. So he wants to give me an incentive, send money to my account. Don’t know how much, but the allowance, monthly was pretty decent. He knows I’m having a hard time. If I move forward, well it’s not what I was picturing. I thought I’d meet a much older man and we’d maybe take a few trips. This SD is around my own age, so it’s a bit different.

  189. lisa says:

    oh yeah I forgot about Ed Mcmahon, but then again he did so “yesterday” They’ve even forgot about farrah already, But we all knew that farrah was dying but not being a Micheal jackson fan, I hadn’t really kept up with what was going on with him, had no idea he was dying

  190. A Dark Week says:

    Bad luck comes in threes. RIP Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

  191. DC says:

    Hi GinaZ:

    I also have a boyfriend that I started dating when I first started sugar dating. I was very up front with him and he admitted to having a sort of sugar baby a year ago. Not through this site, just someone he met who was looking for help. So he’s been understanding and sort of supportive. But I fear now I should have kept it to myself because every now and then he says “how’z it going” and I can tell he’s getting insecure about it.

    A week ago I had a friend over for coffee and he thought it might be my SD and he wanted to come over after and give me some sugar. He’s so sweet like that.

    I also told him initially when I was not sure about how I felt about him, that I wanted to date around as I am new to the city and having fun. I was also very sick for the last few years and finally feeling much better. I was literally in pain every day for years with migraines and now that they stopped I feel re-born. While I really adore my BF I am still not sure if he is my life partner…only time will tell. Of course it would only be fair if he dated around as well but I don;t think he wants to

    But I am starting to get attached to him and will probably take my yahoo Personals profile down. I am committed to seeing the SD though because I do like him as well, need the support that my BF can’t give me right now and don’t see a problem there as the SD is married. But I will keep the gory details to myself and not tell the boyfriend and only mention it if he asks me point blank. No matter how secure he acts I know it bothers him and I would hate to hurt him. I know if the situation was reversed I’d be hella jealous as well.

  192. Ryan says:

    I asked on the other thread but I was wondering if any guy out there has actually found an SM on this site?

  193. lisa says:

    It looks like everyone is gone again :(

  194. lisa says:

    Good evening everyone. Just spent some quality time with my lover. Haven’t heard from my family, not sure if I should try calling them or not.

    Is everyone dying today? Farrah Fawcett died this morning and now I just came back from wendy’s and they have a tv with cnn and it seems the michael jackson died too. Who’s next?

  195. gurlnextdoor says:

    Keep them separate ginaZ. I have a boyfriend and am currently looking for a SD. The key is to keep them separate and set up ahead of time which will be your primary focus. For me, it’s my boyfriend since I see myself having a future with him. :) But at the same time, when I’m with my SD (who I haven’t found yet) I will make him my prime focus for that time. Also be up front with a SD if you plan on doing traditional dating when your with him. Set boundaries on the arrangement and be upfront about what your not willing to compromise on. That’s my only advice.

  196. ginaZ says:

    Considering flying to NYC from L.A for a meet. It would be a NSA, and secretive as the SD is married. We are in the talking stage, but I feel I need to tell someone, have a contact (just in case) there’s no expectations. two days hotel, flight and spending money all set up in advance. Never done anything like that. I hoped to find someone in L.A, but, haven’t met anyone yet. With something like this, married guy, different city, it could only be, NSA.
    On a different note, I have a real date with someone next Monday, not a pot SD, though he does seem well to do. How have others balanced dating outside of Sugarland and dating within, at the same time?

  197. gurlnextdoor says:

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?
    Yes, due to my current circumstances, most definitely yes.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?
    No not really. I’ve always preferred friends with benefits type relationships, and to me those aren’t really NSA. For instance, I have an old friend (who I used to be a little extra friendly too) and I did and still do care about him, but in a friendly way. There was no romantic feelings involved, but in a way it was more of a platonic love we had for one another. That’s the best way I can describe it. :)

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?
    Sometimes yes, especially if they start to bore me mentally. Intelligence is an aphrodisiac. 😉

  198. ~OCSugarBaby~ says:

    Good Day Sugar’s….

    Don’t worry Lisa Penelope, we all come back to the blog! I was on vacation, had a fabulous time now back to the real world. I had fun, but actually missed my world back home! Perks of loving your job I guess…

    Gail, hugs back my special sugar sister. What is the topic? NSA?!

    NSA is an interesting concept; I keep it in the back of my mind and focus on the moment. That is what TRUE NSA means to me. If I keep my focus on the moment and not what could be or what it can’t be; it keeps my mind sharp and in full delight of who I am with and what I am doing! I am always a glass half full girl anyways. I am not looking for a relationship but if the right person came and blew the relationship fear off my left shoulder (maybe the right shoulder too) I may be open to the idea. Will it happen while I am sugar dating? Who knows, stranger things have happened. What I do know is that I make my own happiness and NSA is never a concern for me in my sugar life. I have a ZERO tolerance for drama and that means all drama. NSA usually means drama free and I am 100% on board with that!

    ~OC

  199. PrideandPromise says:

    Now that I think about it, aren’t all relationships NSA? Whether you’re married, dating, or just having fun it could end. There’s never an obligation to stay.

    Dreamyprincess, I hope you won’t think I’m being too personal, I just wanted to find out a little more about sugarland since I’m new. How old are you and how old is your sugardaddy?

    I wish I had a sugardaddy who talked to me more. I want NSA, but I also want a SD who’s there for me. =[

  200. lisa says:

    The blog is dying as people are having problems logging on. I tried clicking through the page not found page and nothing happened. Can only get on through firefox and I hate that browser as it is so slow, too much trouble.

    Blog is so boring right now

  201. lisa says:

    edit I hope they HAVEN’T been locked out

  202. lisa says:

    I still can only get on the blog through firefox and then it says I need to install plugins or something. I’m not installing anything as that’s how my last computer got messed up

  203. lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. Just got home from work and have showered and got myself back into shape. My lover is coming over soon. I’m so tired and my feet are killing me. No word from my family, I hope they have been locked out as today is the third day. They won’t answer their phone. My daughter really hates me now :( .

    No sds for me either, not even any views lately except for the one I got last night from a much younger Sd in California that says he’s worth more than a million however his second email to me was “if I relocate, can I live with you?” I blocked him immediately as I don’t want him to get mugged with all his money living in my apartment complex, lol

  204. goodgirl says:

    LOL!!! Anytime SF SD :)

  205. SF SD says:

    Yo, goodgirl! I think I kind of understand your situation. Glad you’re still with us, and thanks for checking in!

  206. goodgirl says:

    *comes out of lurk mode momentarilly*
    Hello SF SD!!!
    I haven’t found my SD yet… Still kind of looking. I can’t access my mail right now because I had to take down my picture just for a little while. I haven’t said anything on the blog lately only because I’ve no useful insite to share that hasn’t already been said.
    I’m never too far away though. Fret not my friend :)

  207. SF SD says:

    Yah, I’m also getting a “URL not valid” message, but it seems to be related to something that displays on the page. Just click through it and proceed to the blog.

    Doing some traveling this summer, so I will be off at intervals. But I’m not abandoning the blog. I miss some of the folks that were here when I wandered in. Hoping this just means that Jai, OC, GG, and others and just too busy having fun their SDs.

  208. DC says:

    Hey Gail!

    Missed you! where you been girl? where is Jai, Sweetred, Gurl and Goodgirl and the SDs?

    No coffee for me, I quit in December. I sleep much better now

    I wonder if many have given up. I have found an SD but won’t start until he returns from vacation. However, I do know how precious the relationship is and that he could chicken out or change his mind for some other reason. So I am still sort of keeping my options open. But I have noticed that interest has dropped from decent to almost nothing in the last month and I wonder if it’s the same for other SBs. Traffic was good when the article came out and now it’s dead.

    Anyway glad to have you back!

    Welcome George! So many of the SBs were talking about being addicted to the blog. I am sure they would have found a way.Is everyone on vacation?

    Okay time to drag my butt to the gym. Might check in later. Have a great day everyone

  209. George says:

    I often get “address not valid” errors when trying to access the blog, and they appear to be caused by the links in the main blog page to the youtube videos. Maybe many others are experiencing that also, and it’s decreasing blog posts.

  210. Gail says:

    Thats the way it is NYC SB. SBs and SDs come and go….or they are just lurking….(smile) all the ones above that I mentioned….lurk, work…and come and go….: ) The weekend is almost here!!! Yaaay!!!!

  211. NYC SB says:

    hmmm where is everyone? the blog activity has decreased dramatically :(

  212. Gail says:

    Look….I knew you were out there DC : ) Coffee for you?

  213. Gail says:

    Good Morning Sugars….

    Hugs to Nico….Lisa, NC…Suthrn…OC…Villa…AJ….SweetRed…Jennifer, Sweet E, Sam, Nitemare, New Bloggers…..and the rest of the Sugar family that are lurking….

    Psssawwww!!! Lisa….the blog is not on its way out : ) I am not having any problems. In fact its a beautiful warm morning today….it’s gonna be a scorcher today. The good thing is air conditioning : )

    I am gonna have some coffee thism morning :)

  214. DC says:

    No problem here Lisa.

  215. lisa says:

    what’s happened to the blog? when I use internet explorer I keep getting page not found and on firefox it says url not valid and I keep getting a partial page. It looks like the blog is on it’s way out. :(

    Have a good day everyone, I sure miss the blog

  216. Nico*213385* says:

    Hello NC and *hugs*. Hello my extended family!

  217. NC Gent says:

    Hello all I’m married so my relationships are NSA although I did have a relationship with an SB where we were only having sex with each other (yes no sex with my wife) I am in a don’t ask don’t tell situation with my wife and I always see an SB while I out of town so no surprises for anyone :)

  218. Sweetnothings says:

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    My arrangements are definitely NSA by default. I have 2 SD’s currently, one who is local and one who visits occasionally. Both are married, which I think is the real indicator of NSA. I’m not saying it always stays that way, but I think usually when the man is married NSA is particularly stressed and important. Also, I am younger than both of the men I’m seeing, so that also creates an NSA situation since we wouldn’t be able to pursue a more serious relationship even if other circumstances were changed. Having said that, after 3 months of seeing each other, I was intimate with one of my SD’s for the first time recently. It is very clear to me that intimacy so easily can complicate the whole NSA idea, especially when it’s something that isn’t rushed into, and instead happens once there is a connection. I can tell it’s going to be harder, at least for me, to keep things as off and on and casual as they were before. I imagine you can train yourself to see things a certain way though and overcome those feelings, since I know this isn’t a traditional relationship in any sense.

  219. SouthernGirl*302249* says:

    DorkyGuy (love the name!)– I agree with your “uneducated opinion” about the true definition of No Strings Attached.

    I’ve always considered NSA to exclude the strings that are considered least desireable in a relationship…namely, the Clingy String. And the Calls-Me-30-Times-A-Day String. And the I-Said-I-Love-You-And-This-Is-Strictly-Casual String.

    But I wouldn’t like my definition of NSA if it didn’t include some of the deliciously enjoyable strings…like developing a mutual crush/trading the occasional flirty text/anticipating your next encounter strings.

    That’s MY uneducated opinion.

  220. lisa says:

    ok I just got an email from a much younger guy. He said he could relocate and live with me. BLOCK! he makes over a million a year and wants to move in with me, lol

  221. ginaZ says:

    Perhaps because I’m single in every sense of the word, I’m revisiting sugar land, (I know we are all not on the same page here), but I would never consider it if I was in a committed relationship, (living with someone, possible marriage et al) NSA is a kind of safe way to navigate a relationship, one where one person can leave no questions asked. Often in these relationships (my own experience) it’s more a fantasy for one or both parties, or to fill a void. It may even be safe since there are no expectations.

  222. lisa says:

    Is anyone else having problems getting on the blog or is it just me? I keep getting address not valid when I try to click the blog link. I use IE but had to use firefox which I hate just to get on the blog

  223. DorkyGuy says:

    NSA is good to a point, but I kind of like some strings.

    I’d hate to think that if I ended a relationship, she wouldn’t miss me at all.

    It seems to me it’s not a question of “NO strings attached”, but rather “which strings” you want, and “which strings” you don’t want.

    Uneducated opinion

  224. DreamyPrincess says:

    Lisa, so sorry to hear about your situation. I have always said, if everything is not all good, then its not over yet. (Could be attributed to my overly positive outlook on life I’m sure)

    I too, am having living situation issues. I live with a man that I have a committed relationship with, but desperately want out. However, at this time because of school and work restraints can’t afford my own place. I have hinted to this with my SD, and hopefully in our next meeting I will be able to bring this up in more detail. I live in a part of the country that is extremely affordable to live in, so I don’t see the money being much of an issue to him. Especially considering the (large) amount given at our first meeting and subsequent gifts after.

    In my current sugar relationship, we never had talks about being or keeping it NSA. He did say however that he wants to be sure that we both have freedom and does not want to place any restrictions on me. We live in separate states, and meeting in my town is a bit risky (partially due to my relationship, and partially because lots of people know me around town and I don’t want to explain to someone on the streets who this man I am with is) So we have plans to travel together for our next meeting. YAY! What girl doesn’t want to go to a new city and stay in a luxury hotel and have shopping money all while being adored.

    Stormcat, you but it beautifully!!! Thanks for the well thought out comment(s).

    I would also be very cautious about entering into an arrangement with a married man, for the same reasons (wife, kids finding out). I only email my current SD, we talk on the phone, but he always calls me. I keep a separate email just for the sugar dating reasons. My other email is for school/professional communication, and I wouldn’t want anything to get mixed up and messages going to the wrong destination. It sounds like there are some great ideas on here for how to make it possible and to minimize the risk of hurting anyone’s families.

  225. NYC SB says:

    I am not sure who said it but pretty much any and all relationships are NSA … once someone wants out they can… i guess for me NSA is different than a regular relationship because it allows you to exit without having to try hard or “fight” to keep the relationship going once it is no longer what you want it to be

  226. Stormcat says:

    Good Morning Sugar World

    I have always vied for a blog discussion on this subject. I think that “NSA relationship” (if defined by the literal meanings of the words No Strings Attached and taken to its logical end) is oxymoronic. It would be no relationship at all. Any relationship (even a relationship between enemies) has some manner of commitment that maintains it as a relationship and defines the character and quality of that relationship. Those commitments are the strings, and in order to end that relationship the strings (commitments) have to be put aside. In the figurative sense NSA relationship is a take from the idea of a puppeteer controlling a marionette, by the strings connecting the two, where one person controls another beyond the control of the person being controlled. The various financial, sociological, psychological, political, religious etc. methods of such control are the strings. Using NSA in this respect, not only are you asking for a relationship that the parties are free to end at any time but also that throughout the relationship itself no one is exerting any control over the other.

    I feel that the meaning of NSA as it is used in the context of sugar dating is some level of consensus of the literal and figurative meanings. But it is personal, cannot be defined in any literal or absolute sense but is relative to the needs, goals, and expectations of the individuals entering the relationship. In the general sense, the sugar parent offers security, somewhat akin to the kind of security felt in the childhood home. The sugar baby offers tangible interaction, the life filling, confidence building, soul soothing pleasure that comes with being accepted and admired by someone that you accept and admire. This is heady stuff and in most relationships and probably in many sugar relationships the temptation to condition each persons contribution with ancillary commitment is undoubtedly too often irresistible. Hence, sugar relationships often ask for NSA; but, from my point of view, will only ever achieve that level of independence and mobility balanced against trust and commitment as fits the needs and demands of the individuals involved.

  227. johnq says:

    In re NSA: I’m not married, so discretion is not an issue for me. However, as far as I’m concerned, NSA is the whole point here. “Sugar,” “spoiling” or whatever you call it is, at least for me, an explicit trade-off for a relationship that does not include any expectations of permanence. Eliminate NSA, and this might as well be match.com.

    Note, however, that I’m not yet entirely convinced that actual human beings can have actual NSA relationships. So far, I’m at the willing suspension of disbelief stage. None of my alleged NSA relationships have yet reached the point where the rubber hits the road (e.g., 6 months in). We’ll see what happens.

    JQ

  228. DC says:

    My bird died while I was out for 2 hours. She turned her back on me when I left that day and would not look at me.

    I hope Percy gets better Lisa. Sleep well

  229. lisa says:

    I’m going to bed, my sleeping pill is kicking in. Have a good night.

  230. lisa says:

    he tries to bite me but he always does that. I have my apartment at about 85 and I dont have a heating pad or anything. He lives in a big box with the racks of my fridge covering the top. I am worried that he will die while i’m at work since I will gone most of the next two days.

  231. DC says:

    Are you able to pet him and hold him? Just hold him and comfort him however you can. Is the a/c on high? Do you have a heating pad you can put under the cage on low and keep his cage covered.

  232. lisa says:

    :( yes his tail is kinda low and his feathers on his middle bacl look kind of messy and he has been sneezing. I cant afford to take him to the vet and besides you can’t take pets on the bus.

    my daughter will be very happy as she hates percy and always wanted him to die :(

  233. DC says:

    Lisa- that does not sound good. Percy most likely has some kind of upper respiratory disease. The unfortunate thing about birds is that they don’t show signs of illness until it’s too late. Best to take him to a vet if you can for some antibiotics. Are his feathers ruffled and tail bobbling? I lost my baby (my little parrot I had for 19 years) in February. Broke my heart. I hope Percy gets better.

  234. lisa says:

    I just can’t live with my daughter being out on the street but I can’t live with them again.

  235. lisa says:

    It’s june and june is always a bad month for my family and myself. My boyfriend got killed in June, my dad lost the best job he ever had in june, A customer grabbed my stock cart this past saturday and rammed it into my side because he thought I was working to slow, my family is being thrown out and won’t talk to me, I just tried to call them, and now percy is sick

  236. lisa says:

    thanks Percy can’t fly and he has his beak open breathing and won’t eat

  237. DC says:

    Sending healing vibes to Percy..what’s wrong with him Lisa? I’ve had birds my entire life.

  238. Lisa's Fan says:

    Oh, Lisa!

    I am already so sad for you without Percy being sick. I hope he recovers quickly so he can be some comfort to you.

    Hold your head high and know that we all wish you (and Percy!) the bet!

    xoxo

  239. lisa says:

    Percy’s sick :(

  240. DC says:

    Thanks SF SD!! I think I will forward what you wrote to him.

  241. SF SD says:

    You’ve hit most of the big points. Here’s a basic list:

    Separate email account (web-based), pay-as-you-go cell phone (phone and top-up cards paid for in cash, never brought home), separate bank account (debit only, no interest-bearing or credit accounts, statement to office).

    Avoid using home computer (and office computer, if possible) for email or sugar surfing. (Get a cheap netbook.) If you must use home computer, get in the habit of always clearing your personal information every time you use the computer, and don’t store anything (photos, addresses, etc.).

    There are some finer points, but this covers most of it. No doubt some of the other SDs have some wisdom, or perhaps some amusing stories, to share.

  242. DC says:

    Good discussion all.

    Lisa if you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me off the blog. Hugs!

    When I met up with my new SD I made sure we talked about all the fine details up front. He is new to the SD thing but has had affairs before. We came to an agreement about the amount, how I will be paid etc. And I also made sure to tell him I wanted him to be extra cautious. I want absolutely no drama and I want to avoid anyone getting hurt if possible. I warned him not to leave his computer unattended…ever and not to call me. I think I will suggest he gets a new e-mail account and uses his home computer which needs to be locked when unattended, since his business could read his e-mails. I might even suggest he gets a separate bank account that his wife does not know about.

    Would love for the SDs to chime in here. I know we’ve discussed this before but wondering if there is anything I am missing.

    Thanks!

  243. ginaZ says:

    NYC SB Says: cashy cash IS best, and yes agree, no paper trail better for both parties. I would be very careful accepting a check as well. Not just because there is a more obvious trail, but I heard stories of some SD cancel soon thereafter.

  244. NYC SB says:

    I am a fan of the cashy cash as well… this way no “paper trail” minus the withdrawals from his account that is

  245. ginaZ says:

    Yes all the particulars which enter in may have to do with those accidental chance happenings, the boss, co-work, relative and so on. And the bills, for me even with respect to any monies, cash is best.

  246. ginaZ says:

    NYC SB & CrèmeBruléeNY. Ah yes the open marriage, the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy of some husbands and wives. also to is the rich refined older gent who doesn’t outright say yes I’m married but throws around the “mistress” term in an all too familiar way:)

    Yes, respect, boundaries, discretion are very important indeed!

  247. SF SD says:

    NYC SB – Wise counsel indeed. It is so easy in the euphoria of the moment to overlook the everyday details. How will we communicate? What happens to travel records and credit card bills? What will we say on the street or in a restaurant if (when) someone recognizes you (or mentions this later).

    Part of playing the sugar game is thinking these things through. And props to SBs who help provide the discretion that keeps things mutually beneficial.

  248. NYC SB says:

    What riddles me is a man that I met a while. His wife didnt know about him seeking someone else. He shared that he adores his wife. Then he said that his sex life with his wife is great.

    My question to him was: Then why are you looking?

    His response: I just need something thats just for me.

  249. ginaZ says:

    CrèmeBruléeNY thanks for saying it better than I can… My appreciation for a forum in this context makes my foray into SB/SD easier. But, there are limits to what one another can do, especially with more personal issues. Lisa, I hope you stay, but extra help, counseling, close friends will know your situation best and be able to help in ways strangers from afar cannot. Remember you are not powerless, YOU have the choice, and no one can make you do anything.

  250. CrèmeBruléeNY says:

    NYC SB – Exactomundo. Another interesting scenario is when SD is married and shares that his wife is OK with his “adventures.” As nice and convenient as that is, it should not make SB any less cautious or courteous.

  251. NYC SB says:

    (trying to get back on topic here)

    GinaZ – yes when in an arrangement with a married man there is a possibility of hurting innocent parties… I look at that this way: when a man starts looking for an arrangement he will find an SB be it you or someone else. However, if I do enter into an arrangement with someone married I go out of my way to not contribute to anyone finding out… I never call him or text him unless he initiates… i try and see him on alternating nights… For me, I am never trying to break appart someones marriage but merely make his life more enjoyable by contributing something that he is lacking

  252. CrèmeBruléeNY says:

    Nuh.. I only repeated what you said :)

  253. SF SD says:

    CrèmeBruléeNY you said it better than I did. Thank you.

    And a big hug to you, Lisa. :-)

  254. CrèmeBruléeNY says:

    Lisa dear – it is not the intention to make you feel less welcome. We simply recognize our limitations in this particular situation. Everyone brings their own set of family experience to the table and there is no better advice than what’s already pointed out– prof. counseling. The diffrence is that you will get actionable guidance as opposed to a listening ear which is the only thing we can provide. Make sense?

  255. Lisa's Fan says:

    Lisa – I don’t think anyone is saying you are not welcome here. You have been encouraged to go with your family, AND you have been encouraged to choose your own life. You have everyone’s support either way.

    This blog seems to be a group support system so I would say this is a good venue but it can only do so much for you. I wish someone would rescue you from this situation.

    It seems that parents sometimes are so selfish and all-consuming – this will not change when you move in with them. It will only worsen because obviously nothing you ever do is enough for them. You don’t deserve that and nobody does.

    Please also remember that teenagers love the drama. I am sure that your daughter will come around no matter what you decide – it will take time. Probably once she starts college and widens her horizons that way, she will start to see things not just through her grandmother’s eyes. Right now it is outside of her scope so please be patient with her.

    We all really care about you no matter what you choose. You are more than welcome here!!

  256. lisa says:

    Yes I see i’m not welcome here :( I don’t see anything personal about it as when I end having to move with my family in order to have my daugther speak to me again, I won’t have any personal life or anything.

    I will not bother anyone with my problems anymore

  257. ginaZ says:

    Lisa, I’m feeling your predicament and hope all will work out for you. But, you should probably take the advice of SF SD or (Creme??) this blog isn’t the best forum to disclose such personal information. Thinking good thoughts:)

  258. ginaZ says:

    NYC SB mentioned an arrangement with someone married, and I’d have to agree that the lines/boundaries are much more clear. On the other hand, I’m cautious about such an arrangement (thinking of the wife and children), who may potentially be hurt the most.

    I am also a serial monogamist, especially when I’m in a committed relationship where intimacy, love, and a potential to make a life together is imminent. SB dating has its lure for both the SB and SD, it can be fun, exciting.

    So far my experience with this has been fun and will likely continue to be until I meet “the one” or get hit by love. With a NSA I’m free to seek this man out, or be open when it is found. On another note I know many marriages, where it seems like more of an arrangement. there are some SD on the SA that seem to be looking for the arrangement that might lead to marriage. what do other SB think about that, would you be more likely to get involved with someone who is looking for this or one who isn’t?

  259. lisa says:

    Hi everyone.
    I am not the one with the issues at the time as i’ve been super positive in the past months but now I am losing my daughter again, she will not see me today because she said I chose my sex over her. My family wants me to move with them into an apartment and help them with the rent because of all they did for me in the past. I’ve just been on my feet a little while and loving my freedom. I didnt’ get to experience being an adult until I was 39. My family is being evicted because my mom chose to hide several pets and not pay the deposits. I talked to her today and I suggested she and my stepdad and my daugther find a 2 bedroom apartment. She said no! We want you to live with us forever, you owe us that. I love my family but I also love being able to live my life. But I do owe them so much so I guess I will be packing up and moving with them, probably not to where they wanted to move because I just told them how much the rent was and they were really off by about 200 dollars. Now they want to move to my complex and get a 2 bedroom with me. There are no apartments with 2 baths here and I do not want to share a bathroom with them as they let their cats poop in the tub and pee on the floor. I can’t live with that. And why should I move out of my one bedroom inot a 2 bedroom with them and be all crowded trying to fit my entire apartment into a bedroom? I’m just so lost now and was going to meet my daughter for dinner after work but she will not see or talk to me without I give up dating and sex and move in with them. :(

  260. NYC SB says:

    Time to chime in …

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?
    Yes… I need them to be… I have a carreer and hobies other than sugar dating and need that space in my life… having said that when I am with my SD I shut down the outside world and focus on him… that is our time together no interruptions.

    My last SD told me that he wanted NSA when he really wanted a GF/Wife potential. I guess he was hoping that over time I would develop feelings (love) for him and move into that direction. When this didnt happen we ended the SD/SB relationship and now we are just friends. He is still invested in my goals but this way he is free to pursue a committed relationship and hopefully find love.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?
    I was a serial monogamist for 7 years. After my last real relationship I decided to take a break from dating for a year and figure what I want in life. Since then I have been dating a lot however, most guys I regular date have tried to pursue a committed relationship far too son… thus I sugar date now. In all honesty I prefer an arrangement with a married man as that boundry is much harder to break.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?
    If the intimacy has chemistry then I do not get bored… I am more likely to get bored of the person rathen than the intimacy … I do have ADD when it comes to men

  261. SF SD says:

    Lisa,

    It’s heartbreaking to read your story.

    May I speak freely? Your life is not over by any stretch of the imagination. Is it possible that you are allowing others to define your options? Could you be creating self-imposed barriers that you are attributing to others?

    No blog (or SD) can solve these essential issues. You owe it to yourself to find a professional who can talk this through with you.

    Yes, life can be hard, and every person has real obstacles to overcome. But, every person has courage in their soul. And most major cities have some kind of personal counseling available. Use your courage. Seek it out, and seize the day.

    I wish you well.

  262. SF SD says:

    Here’s my take on the latest questions…

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    Yes. To start with, we wouldn’t be involved without the sugar. It’s clear up front that the arrangement will for a certain period of time, either a calendar date or a goal (such as graduation) and that hopefully we will part as friends.

    For me there’s always some connection. It’s important that we like each other and enjoy each other’s company. Mutual trust grows over time. I don’t know how things have worked out for the other sugars here, but I usually develop real feelings of care and affection for my SB, as well as an investment in her goals.

    My current SB tells me that she has met other guys who said they wanted more of a traditional relationship, but she doesn’t have time for that or for the investment that it would require on her part. So NSA does provide a useful boundary, one that is drawn differently for each arrangement.

    Have you always preferred NSA relationships? Why or why not?

    I wasn’t aware of them for a long time. I wish I had started earlier. I’ve been fortunate to meet several wonderful women that I wouldn’t have otherwise known.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?

    I think this depends on the situation. If you look at “intimacy” as something that grows, a sexual relationship with your sugar can become more exciting and satisfying as time goes on.

    Other comments…

    I agree that non-married relationships are to some extent NSA, even when they’re not set up that way.

    There’s real excitement in getting to know someone new, as well as the temptation to create strings. Believe me it can happen on both sides.

    My current SB and I check in every day — not my usual pattern, but she likes it, and I’m really starting to enjoy being part of the rhythm of her daily life.

  263. let's meet up says:

    To: John who posted this message on May 12th.
    I’d like to write you a private message.
    Would you mind posting your profile id number?

    John Says:
    May 12th, 2009 at 1:40 am
    As a married SD I have no problem with any money discusions first. Why be disappointed if the numbers don’t add up. I think the fake SD’s like to string you out and finally tell you $300/month is all their job can afford. Being married, that probably colors my outlook. I am upfront about the expectations. I get to look at the SB’s pics and her assets, she should get a look at my assets. (not my books, but the security I can provide her)….

  264. jsmn.308878 says:

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?
    ***
    It depends on what the both of us want – whether he’s married and whether I’m serious about dating someone or not. A potential SD *wants* me to be his girlfriend and it kinda feels that way already when we talk on the phone. He’s great! We haven’t even discussed money yet and I’m always happy after every time we talk.

    Have you always preferred NSA relationships? Why or why not?
    ***
    I prefer NSA if he’s married.
    If he isn’t married and we have strong chemistry and he wants more than just an arrangement I wouldn’t be opposed to it.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?
    I don’t get bored of intimate partners fast at all. I become more attached as time goes on especially if I like more than just the intimacy.

  265. DC says:

    Lisa- my heart is breaking for you. I hope something good happens for you soon.

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    ….I am still relatively new at this but I thought that was the premise behind an arrangement….the men all wanted NSA because for the most part, they are married.. The first SD I met was married and it was a one time thing, he wanted to help me out but did not want an ongoing thing so definitely NSA. Hopefully same with my new SD. We have yet to work out the details of our first meeting..he is on vacation for a week….. but we should be getting together soon as he gets back. I expect it to be NSA as I have a guy i am seeing now that I like (not an SD) and SD is married. But I liked him a lot and could see myself getting attached if we work out on other levels so I will need to be careful and keep my emotions in check.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?

    ….I have been in a few but not by choice. It was what I did at the time because it was what the guys wanted.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?

    …….sometimes. Definitely in the past….. but my last relationship was 4 years and was exciting for both of us until the very end. We broke up for reasons other than intimacy. I think if I lived with someone the intimacy could get old quickly which is why I like to see someone just a few times a week. Not every night. And with my SD it will be 2-3 times a month which is perfect. Keeps it fresh and exciting.

  266. ginaZ says:

    Yeah, PrideandPromise, funny how the pot SD didn’t want a flaky SB and it turns out he is one, so I just checked him off. Thinking positive though, one more meet this week, considering maybe flying to one other. I hope everyone is doing well. Lisa hang in, take care of yourself first, be selfish if you must.

  267. PrideandPromise says:

    Best of luck Lisa. =[

    And that sucks about the flake SD, ginaZ.

  268. ginaZ says:

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    So far in sugar baby land, yes. Better that way, but an understanding of the arrangement monetary and otherwise is good. something like let’s give this a try for a few months and check in type thing. But, it’s realistic for a SB or SD to have another relationship say, or, for the SB to be looking for a serious relationship.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?
    Outside of sugar land, yes when I was younger. Now I prefer to find the real deal, a committed relationship. In sugar land no.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?
    If I love them, have a deep connection no. In a SD relationship yes.

    OK on another note, got back from meet #1. No chemistry, age difference too great, nice man, lunch drinks and $200 for gas and effort, but my search continues… Date number #2, flake out again, never met, just called back (texted me) sorry can’t.

  269. lisa says:

    Silly I’m on the below blog, please read as my life is basically over. Parents and daughter getting evicted for having lotsa pets and not paying deposit. My mom said if I don’t move with with to another apartment and help them pay the rent, they want nothing to do with me. So I either keep my place and family lives on streets or I move with them to a place none of us can afford on our own and I give up my personal life completely. :( Please read my posts on next blog

  270. Silly in Toronto #330786 says:

    Are your arrangements “NSA” by default?
    yes, that’s why I came on here.. not looking for strings, just fun and spoiling.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?
    No, I’ve always thought long term and have been dissapointed

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?
    no, definitely not.. my interest, once they have it, lasts a long time

    crickets chirping ! where is the gang !!! Lisa, GG, Stormkat >??

  271. Sisyphus says:

    Tina: It’s all relative really. Why are you looking for someone else’s approval/condemnation? It sounds like you might have genuine feelings for this person and are worried for what other people might think, or worried that you may be hurt in the end.

    There are no easy answers and committing to a married man will likely complicate things compared to where they stand now, but you also won’t gain anything if you don’t take a risk.

    On the other hand, if you don’t have genuine feelings for him, maintaining any kind of relationship with him may be leading him on in a way (if he has strong feelings for you) You also have to consider if his feelings are genuine or if he is just lonely and unhappy in his current situation. I hope that gives you some food for thought :)

  272. Tina says:

    Is it wrong to have more than one SD?
    And one of my sd supposedly said that he wants a relationship with me, by a relationship he means he wants it to be more than just sex, he wants me to be commited, but in the other end he is married and has 3 children. He said he wants a relationship because he and his wife have no type of relationship, they feel nothing for each other, I dont feel right abt it because I dont feel I should be committed to a married man. ANY ADVICE??? plz??

  273. Newbie says:

    Are all of your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    First arrangement here – I’m trying it out but it already feels like we have more of a relationship, pretty much check-in every day. I’m actually worried that we are getting a little closer than I expected it to be…which is ok on my end because I’m single but hes not so its quite risky.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?

    On the contrary, always not. Which is why I’m still single I guess, always looking for someone with long term potential. Trying to break that pattern here!

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?
    Not really…but it depends.

  274. dreamyPrincess says:

    Are all of your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    Aren’t all relationships (excluding marriage) nsa? If one party wants to end it, its ended, end of story. My sugar relationships are usually on the casual side, but its always more lovely if both parties have a legitimate attraction to one another (or if they don’t to be able to give the illusion )

    Have you always preferred NSA relationships? Why or why not?

    I am typically the “serial monogamy” type. I get into a relationship, get comfortable, then bored, then I leave. So, I’m trying this out to break my pattern of that, and to expand my horizons. All while being pampered and looked after.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?

    Somewhat. I am quite fond of my current sd, and find myself thinking about him all the time. I think I do this because it is new, and we had such a lovely time together when we met.

  275. PrideandPromise says:

    Holy cow! I’m the first one to post here. >> Hehe.

    Are all of your arrangements “NSA” by default?

    *Yes, because that’s what most guys want, so I just go with the flow.

    Have you always preffered NSA relationships? Why or why not?

    *I’ve never really done NSA. I’ve always met nice guys, jumped into a relationship, and then it all ended. That’s why I’m trying NSA. It’s just fun dating, without any huge commitment.

    Do you feel like you get bored of intimate partners faster than most?

    *Yes and no. It depends.

    As for this whole NSA thing, I find it easy with certain guys…but there’s one SD that I can’t stop thinking about and it’s proving rather difficult to be NSA. I want to call him and text him and see how his day is going, but I refrain because I’d rather have him around NSA than not see him at all because I became what he didn’t want….strings attached. Oh, it’s so hard. =[

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