9 years ago
“Shhh”

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Mums the Word…

Have you ever noticed that what you tell a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby is slightly different from what you’d tell a boyfriend or girlfriend? OK, spare me your “Duh!”, but think about it… would you tell a potential Sugar Daddy about the big check your Grandfather just gave you to help pay for school?

For many, the answer is simple: “don’t tell a potential anything that would diminish your benefit from the arrangement”, but I know many of you live as free spirits, and keeping things from people, especially those you feel indebted to – just ain’t your style.

Are there any Sugar Dad’s or Babes out there who can shed some light on “what not to divulge”? I think this would be helpful for both new, and experienced sugar daters…

AlaskanQT Writes:

“Lets see… things I NEVER discuss with a Sugar Daddy???? hmmm…

1) The intricacies of my divorce
2) The intricacies of any other arrangement… unless I am asked and even then I tread very carefully
3) I generally don’t talk about my kids unless they have kids or ask
4) I don’t talk work gossip. I only talk about my job when they ask… “so exactly what DO you do” or when I’m talking about how much I love it or something like that
5) Don’t talk about how buried you are in bills… although you can say that you have been stressed over finances… ya just can’t be needy
6) Don’t talk about my period unless we are on a date at “that time” and I’m saying “just so you know”
7) LOL I don’t talk about prior sexual relationships either… even when I am asked…. and I never say how many times I’ve been in an arrangement”

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78 Responses to ““Shhh””

  1. Kathryn says:

    Ms V- what questions do you need answered exactly? just curious :)

  2. Dirty Little Secrets Online Dating says:

    Hey!

  3. Student College Loans In Maine says:

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  4. Ms. V says:

    Okay, I have to chime in here. For me, there are certain questions that I need the answers to, in order for me to guage the caliber of the person I am dealing with…also, there are certain things I feel I need to reveal about myself, because no matter what someone says- in the end it all comes down to what I needor want, and what I gave my word to be in that situation.

    say what you will, but you can be as willful as an ox and it won’t matter- once I teach you how to move to the beat…it’s on…and I guess I feel like a site like this is the perfect place to lay out your do’s and dont’s without repurcussion.
    that’s just me. off to the fantasies blog!

  5. cre8tor says:

    shouldn’t this be like a friends w/benefits type relationship? But we don’t need to share ALL the warts do we? And, it takes time to know anyone and trust tjem w/ourselves as SuthrnExec says.

  6. SuthrnExec says:

    as a SD, I am fairly guarded about what I share until I get to know a lady and then I think it’s just a matter of trust. Good judgement, common sense, etc. rule the day and frankly I am a little cautious of a SB that volunteers too much info from the get-go.

  7. cre8tor says:

    moron island…I like that! But, I’m much better being honest as well.

  8. Truly Divine says:

    About the topic:

    I feel what you do or do not disclose is on definitely on a case by case basis. However, there is a thin line between nondisclosure and flat out lie.
    We all know about silent statments, purposely not mentiontiong something and just allowing an individual to perceive things the way they choose.
    Most of us have heard that saying “Oh what a tangled web we weave when we first practice to deceive”. The farther from the truth one ventures.,the more difficult/awkward its going to be later.
    Be very honest and up front…maybe thats why I haven’t connected with an SD :) Haaaha
    Well hey, at least I know I’m not the only one who got tickets to moron island.

  9. Truly Divine says:

    cont. from above.
    difficult to bouce back. But with that sort of positive attitude its a little easier to learn and move on. This blog seems to be a support group for many, a safe haven to get facts, advice, rant , flirt a little — you feel relief, self actuallization, encouragement–whatever it is, you’ll most likely receive by the time you log off.

  10. Truly Divine says:

    Hello Renee, teardrop, and other newbies:
    I’m new to SA and SD/SB relationships in general. I haven’t met anyone on the site, however I can tell you to read all the previous blogs. Pretty much everything you may have questions and concerns on can be found. It’s time consuming, but these Ladies and Gentlemen and of course Stephan have a wealth of knowledege.
    I’m sometimes discouraged about not having an established relationship, but at least when I do, I’ll be much more confident in my approach. Probably the best advice I’ve heard on this blog from one SB to another is to –think positively and things will work out.
    I used to think, “what a load of crap”, but being rejected is (as many of know) pretty shity and its sometimes

  11. cre8tor says:

    look for me on email Ms V

  12. Ms. V says:

    wow. I used to be a liar like that. . . then I grew up.
    even my husband has been told of my intentions, ain’t my fault if he never listens to the words coming out of my mouth.
    It must keep the heart in a constant state of distress to carry on in such a way. Health problems abound. I wish you all well.

    Cre8tor-we still on? I heard our girl found perfection. Willing to do the drive next month…email me- you’re lost in spam!

  13. cre8tor says:

    Well, this is all very interesting information. I have been going about this all wrong! 1) I’m too trusting, obviously, as I’ve never taken the precautions mentioned above. 2) who would I call and tell them I’m meeting a SD when I don’t really want them to know I’m meeting a SD. But, then again, I have them come to me and I meet them in places where I’ve been before, so maybe that doesn’t apply here. 3) I’m a terrible actress and can tease and talk of fantasies but cannot lie. If I talk it, I do it. 4) I’m who I am and share who I am. Maybe that shows my warts but the SD’s I’m with like that I’m human and vulnerable at times. As Sara Palin says, God has a plan. Let’s hope his plan for me isn’t a bad one.

  14. ThatGuy says:

    Ok, so after doing this for about a year and having a complete blast with it, I say its not about what you divulge to your sugar daddy, its what make up in the fantasy that they are thriving in that makes it worth your while. Probe the situation until to get a grasp on what they want out of it, and give it to them hardcore while teasing them along the way with more. it makes it interesting. Lie, be something worth stalking. The whole point is to be desired, time after time after time. live it, love it, lie about it.

  15. dreamer says:

    thats all the things we do when meeting a photog when you are a model. I dont see the difference. Thanks for the info

  16. JetSetBaby says:

    SUGAR DADDY PSYCHO

    So i didn’t know where exactly to post this so i figure a current thread would suffice..

    So i have two girlfriends on the site.. We often talk to eachother about the guys we’re currently talking to, etc.. Funny how some of us end up talking to the same guys and the guys say or promise the same things.. Yes guys here tend to be salesmen.. But only one of us has found a truely mutually beneficial relationship through the site.. The rest.. Possibly sugar daddy bsers? Who knows..

    Okay i got off tangent!

    So one of my girlfriends and i were talking today.. And about a year ago i met a guy on the site that warned me to be careful who i meet as one girl here met a guy in Florida and he tied her to a bed and beat her for 3 days straight.. Not letting her lose for anything.. Ewwwa not even the bathroom..
    I’m sure all of us girls have this worst case scenario in the back of our heads and take whatever preventative measures necessary when meeting a new prospect.. My girlfriend recently met a man that also warned her of the same lurker on the site that has done his to a girl also in Florida..

    So this is partly a warning to girls on the site. I’m not trying to scare anyone.. And if the girl is still on this site, please chime in and help make us girls more aware of who we may be speaking to as of course we’d all like to prevent this from happening to anymore girls on the site..

    My girlfriend and i both have very young son’s at home and though its a huge risk to hop on a plane and meet some stranger though he could possibly be prince charming (other men just tend to put on a great ACT!) But some of us girls CAN’T take the risk of this happening as we have little ones at home that count on us and would rather live mediocre lifestyles and shop at the mall or Target than not have mommy come home from a trip…

    It freask me out even talking about this.. Both my girlfriend and i discussed yanking our profiles from the site but i think being cautious is key.. I put a lot of conditions on meeting a new guy.. A few…

    I PREFER to bring a girlfriend.. If you can afford 10-20k a month, surely you can afford to bring a friend out with me…

    I do not want a SD picking me up from the airport, please send a car for me..

    Meet me in the hotel bar, NOT in my room

    Where can i google you? Give me some info

    Whenever i meet a guy i text a close friend and give her the guys info, e-mail, etc.. And have her take action if she doesn’t hear from me in a certain time frame i give her.. Always call when i land.. Or am preferably on the phone when i’m meeting the guy and say hey i’ll call you in an hour…

    Okay i went on 20 tangents..

  17. dreamer says:

    well he said he wanted to spoil me and that he would compensate me for any time missed at work. I still just dont know. Lisa, you and i oviously put off opposite vibes. Ive gotten 2 more emails today asking to meet me. I dont think i look or sound like a hooker. What is the deal? i like to get to know ppl first. I wish i found a guy that would talk to me for or month or so first

  18. ChicBaby says:

    SouthernGent – Thanks, I like to think so.

    Well, no word yet from the man that I went on a date with Wednesday night. Who knows, maybe I’ll hear from him this weekend. If not, oh well. He was fun, but I can’t let myself get too upset about just one guy.

    Oh, and I don’t use my sn, personally. I just prefer not to have to worry about what I say here!

  19. Stephan says:

    MSH: Feel free to use your Username or Profile number at your discretion :)

  20. MSH says:

    Do you really think that they read this? Hmmmmmm

  21. lisa says:

    I don’t use my profile name. It’s probably best to remain annonymous on here because we talk about alot and you never know when the sugardaddies are reading what we say, we don’t want to spill any secrets or scare them away. lol

  22. MSH says:

    I have a question. On this blog are we supposed to use our “profile name” or what? how do you know who is who and stuff like that? Thanks!

  23. lisa says:

    I have emailed so many guys and then they disappear. I have found that the serious ones meet within a week or two and the ones that put off meeting usually fade away. What I hate is the ones that say in their profile they live in my city and then I talk to them only to find out they will moving here in the next few months and can’t meet till then. What a waste of time.
    So many of these men don’t know what an arrangement is and need to realize that dinner and a movie and sex is a date, not an arrangement. A man thinks he is a sugardaddy if he pays for the date, wow! You gotta indulge me a little, sure dinner and a movie is fine, but a little shopping or financial assistance make you a sugardaddy. I have seen many guys on this site that are also on regular dating sites and even some of the tacky free sites as they just want to spread themselves around but are not really looking to be a sugardaddy. Kind of like the ones on here that claimed to make a million a year but have been on this site for 6 months and never paid for a premium membership yet they are on here everyday.

  24. bostonTerrier says:

    lol, i totally agree with you lisa. if that is his ideal date he might as well just find himself a normal girlfriend sans arrangement.

    of all the messages i’ve received few were serious to the point of a phone call, and even less to meet. weeding through them isn’t fun but the end reward is well worth it.

  25. lisa says:

    You have to weed through them. there is one guy on this site that wants the first date to be at his home. he will cook and you will watch a video and then whatever happens happens and then he will cook breakfast. sounds like a creep. No mention of an allowance or anything, why would anyone want to sit home and watch a video with a stranger?? I want to be taken out on the town and spoiled. I can sit home watching tv alone.

  26. dreamer says:

    yeah i think im gonna ditch this one.. Thanks guys :)

  27. teardrop_104 says:

    New to the site, new to the whole SD/SB relationship, but I’ve had experience with dating older (occasionally married) men before. The first MM I saw was a member of the golf club I wait tables at. I’d always joined in the condemnation of the other girls who dated members and had a SD type of arrangement, but honestly, I’ve always liked older men and had a thing for attached ones in particular. My guy was a really charming ex-Brit who just wouldn’t listen to any of my excuses. He slowly wore me down until I went to dinner with him, and I had the most amazing time. He was genuinely interested in talking with me, and remained a complete and total gentleman during the four months I saw him. He transferred to Montana last month, unfortunately, but he still emails me.

    To drag this back on topic, I found out from him a few things that “most men” don’t wish to discuss with their girls:

    1) Kids. He may talk about his once in a while – usually only if they’re not near your age – but he honestly doesn’t need to hear about your life as a mother.
    2) Bills. It’s been mentioned before, but you look desperate if you keep harping on all the bills you’re trying to keep up with. Unless you have an arrangement with your SD that he’ll pay your rent, or your student loans, or whatever, you probably should keep it under wraps.
    3) Drama. The petty little problems that you have with your friends or your co-workers is not conversation fodder. My guy HATED to hear about any of that stuff – said it made me seem younger than I was, and immature.
    4) Anything medically-related that doesn’t directly affect your relationship. Telling him you had to be tested for mono is okay, because he could have caught it from you; telling him you keep having bloody diarrhea from food poisoning is just TMI.

    Hope to chat some more with you guys and girls! You seem like such a lovely bunch, especially for a new girl like me.

  28. lisa says:

    looks like my sugardaddy this weekend is IKE

  29. Ms. V says:

    stranger danger

  30. cre8tor says:

    I agree w/everyone else. DO NOT GO TO HIS HOUSE. If he’s interested, he should come to you. If he can’t even make that effort, he’s not worth it.

  31. lisa says:

    DON’T DO IT! Never go to anyone whom you don’t know’s house. ALWAYS meet in a public place like a coffee shop or a mall where there are plenty of people around and you can park without him seeing where you are. A gentleman will come to see you and after all a sugar daddy is supposed to be successful and have money so driving to see you should be no problem to him or he could fly to see you like on gentleman I met did. A lady should always be on her hometurf in familiar surroundings and let a friend know what you are doing, never take off to some strange town that you don’t know. Once you get to know him and if he is trustworthy, then you can travel to see him or better yet have him send you a plane ticket if there is an airport in your town and his.

  32. bostonTerrier says:

    i definitely wouldn’t drive 4 hours to his house … it should be the other way around

  33. dreamer says:

    thats what im afraid of. He wants me to drive to his house which is a four hour drive from here..

  34. lisa says:

    I would be careful with someone who wants to meet immediately but of course if you do it in a public place and take precautions you should be ok. Do not give out too much personal info though. If the info is of the sexual nature, I would avoid him as he might be a pervert, a true sd shows a little class because he is looking for me than a quickie. It is ironic though as most of the men I have come across on here want to meet in a month or more, they just seem to be extremely slow.

    Well the winds are picking up here so it’s just a matter of hours. It’s supposed to hit at night which is scary. We’ll see what happens.

  35. cre8tor says:

    do what you are comfortable doing. If its too fast, tell him you can’t meet until until some other date but want to continue talking.

  36. dreamer says:

    i met a man on here this morning. He has been asking all about my personal life, and im not one to lie. I just dont understand why they want to talk about everything at once. Plus he said he wants to meet tonight. I told him we should wait. Good move? Or no?

  37. SouthernGent2 says:

    ChicBaby – you sound like you have your head on straight and know what you are doing.

  38. ChicBaby says:

    Hello Renee!
    I’ve been on a total of four first dates, two of which turned into arrangements, one which didn’t, and the last was just two night ago, so we’ll see!
    My first we met for drinks at a bar/restaurant. We stayed there talking for three hours and I had a great time. The second we met at a swanky hotel bar for just an hour (he was flying out to a conference). He ended up being the perfect SD and we had an arrangement for quite a few months. The third was a wine bar where we talked for two hours. I wish he would’ve worked out, but he directed me to the fourth, where we went out for dinner and drinks and had a great time. Hopefully the fourth will work out!
    These dates really are like normal dates, at least that’s been my experience. Just go out, have fun, try to let him get to know you, and try to get to know him!
    Good luck

  39. Ms. V says:

    reworked my profile…anyone care to take a peek and provide feedback??
    I’d appreciate it.
    Mama’s on a mission 😉

  40. Ms. V says:

    Hola’ Renee’!
    I guess I could learn a few things, too! I am 27- a short, hourglass-like thang, arm candy by any standards and I can hold my own in any situation…I think I am running them off LOL!
    Cre8tor…no need for the eval, poof! gone.

    maybe I need to be more damsel in distress….

  41. lisa says:

    Alaskan QT I just checked out alaska sds and there are only 27 on this site. That’s no very good numbers.

    Welcome Renee
    I will tell you of my experience. I am older (40) so my pickings are low. I have met 4 guys on this site. 1st one we had coffee on first date and then met later in the week for a real date
    2nd was just coffee again (never heard from him again)
    I got lucky on 3 or 4 as they offered some shopping and dinner later. 3rd guy we had lunch, shopping,dinner and the last we met for lunch and shopping and then he cancelled our evening plans.
    I have heard of ladies on here getting cash gifts on the first meet but I have yet to find an sd like that.

  42. Renee says:

    Some of you are saying that you just had your 1st date and I am curious to know what to expect on the 1st. I am new to all of this so any info would be appreciated.

  43. AlaskanQT says:

    boston: I am orriginally from up your way… probably about 2 hours south near the cape

  44. lisa says:

    edit the second one cancelled the second part of our date.

  45. lisa says:

    I am petite and slim but I need some lipo and an eyelift. lol
    I try to have a fun attitude but these last 2 men that I met have been like sticks in the mud. One was nice but too shy and obviously not interested in persuing me any furthur, the second one was kind of dull and also cancelled on me. Neither one of these men where very attractive and not exactly buff. I thought maybe I spent too much money with the first but after letting the second lead me in shopping, suggesting things, etc, it didn’t work out any different. I need to redo my profile again as I am not getting any more hits.

  46. cre8tor says:

    Honey, I’m 55 and dating men that are usually attracted to those in their 30’s. Its all attitude….and a little physical work.

  47. lisa says:

    My first and only sd to last past the first date was younger but that just bothered me as I always date men in their 50’s. I am watching the news now, will be stuck in for the next few days, hopefully not in the dark. I need to get out again as I have had a sd meeting the last 2 weeks but have no potentials for next week except for those 2 guys that are suposed to be coming into town. also got a call from hiring manger that orientation will have to be moved to sometime next week. I checked on my previous employer and yes they are open tomorrow regular hours. They suck because after all that store doesn’t sell anything to be used in a hurricane, it’s a office supply store, who is going to need a pen or ink in the middle of a hurricane? One of my former coworkers even said that they stayed open last time we had a hurricane up till about the last hours before it hit. Talk about not caring about your employees safety!

  48. Ms. V says:

    You sound more cheerful, Lisa. It looks good on you :-)
    And don’t down you 40 years! Everyone of my aunts (and mom) have gone the SD route…Mom is 54 with a 26 year old SD…He’s younger than I am!

  49. lisa says:

    Distance shouldn’t be an issue for a sd afterall he is his own boss and could find a little time to travel however Texas men don’t like to travel and will not even travel 50 miles to meet. I like the idea of an out of town sd as back up sd as one would have to have a second one to see more often without the out of town one was really generous. The thing I would like about an out of town sd is I would have privacy to date and have my personal life and he couldn’t just show up at my door at the wrong time (you know when your first get up in the morning and haven’t showered, or you are cleaning the house and are a mess or any other unflaterring unmade up moment. lol

    sounds like you have a full plate bostonTerrier. My plate is empty at the time, still wating to see if the two gentlemen come into town in the next couple weeks. Hopefully not on the same day because I should be starting work next week and won’t have as many free nights and free weekends will be history. It would kill me to have one of them come into town on a work day as I would probably be working 1-9pm and get home after 10 and it would be too late to go out and meet a stranger. I’d hate to have to turn down a great evening because I had to work and would be making about 40 dollars after taxes and busfare working my but off.
    Anyway someone send some sd luck my way. I am 40 so I can’t get the younger sds.

  50. bostonTerrier says:

    lol, you have a point … i guess i like the proximity because i know he’d show up without an excuse for travel. when i had the maine sd i can’t even tell you how many times he was stranded because of snow in these horrible new england winters … especially because he would always drive down. i want to avoid it this time.

    now it’s pretty convenient … interestingly my possible sd literally lives across the street and a few houses down. boston is so small.

  51. AlaskanQT says:

    Boston Terrier: arrangements can work at anny distance… LOL come on! I live in Alaska and make it work! :)

  52. AlaskanQT says:

    LMAO! Hey next time you use my words for the top PLEASE edit my typos!!!!!!!!!!! :)

    And for the record I answer most questions honestly or say I’d rather discuss something else. I’m very politically correct usually though and can convince a starving dog to give me his last meal if I have to. The topics that I wrote about are more of a guidline for thinsg I TRY to not discuss unless he brings it up…

    And for teh record at 29 I have discussed Hannah Montana on a date but it was in reference to her recent risque photo shoot LMAO

  53. bostonTerrier says:

    i met someone today for a few hours and we discussed an arrangement we’re going to try … i think we’ll work out. he schedule is such that with his family and career he’d only have a few hours each month to see me, much like today. for the first month we’re just going to see how it goes date by date basis and then if we still feel a connection & like each others’ personality, which i think we will, we’ll move onto a more concrete arrangement.

    i’m also meeting another guy tonight, for dinner, to talk about another possible arrangement. and then i’m meeting someone next week too.

    of all three of them i’m positive i’ll go along with the guy i met today … we’ll see about the other two.

    i had an arrangement prior to this but we rarely saw each other because he lived in maine and i am in boston. aside from the distance thing – it was a really nice arrangement.

  54. lisa says:

    I have met 4 and had little sucess so far as far as something that lasts. I had one for a month and got an allowance (modest because he was not exactly rich) with a few dates out.
    Met a second one that made a future date and stopped writing (he is still on this site everyday)
    number 3 took me to lunch and shopping and dinner but went back to wear he lives out of state and I have heard nothing from him.
    number 4 took me shopping and had the evening planned and then cancelled our night out at the last minute and has disappeared too. Let me add that the last one described himself as average but was enormous so it is a confidence killer to me to be rejected by a fat guy.
    Still trying though but it seems everyone I talk to wants to meet next month and next month never comes.

  55. MSH says:

    Lisa said:

    Just because a woman gets something in exchange doesn’t make her a whore, giving it away to someone who cares nothing about her is what makes her cheap.

    I could not have put it better than that! I can juggle a lot of things and someone up there was saying that receiving something in exchange for sex makes her feel sexy as hell. Me too, most definitely…….

    Goddess: You are right on with your synopsis of what to say and how much to say.

    I’m very, very new to this SA site. Are there any REAL success stories? Not just someone claiming to have the perfect SD, but anyone who has the perfect arrangement for them?

  56. Goddess says:

    What not to divulge? My top four…

    1) Too many personal details, too soon. This applies to both sides of the relationship. It can be overwhelming for the other person, if you treat your first couple dates as a tell-all. Also, you don’t know that person and don’t know well they’ll respect your boundaries and stay out of your personal life. Think of it this way: If you don’t see them again, they suddenly become a stranger who knows your life history and how to contact your immediate family. Caution!

    2) Petty day-to-day drama. I’m talking about the feud you and your sister are involved in, the details of your cat’s last trip to the vet, the office politics at your job, and the ongoing dirty dishes battle with your roommate. Not only will you immediately lose all your mystery, but if you can’t come up with anything more interesting to talk about, you’re not going to appear very interesting either.

    3) Bills, especially overdue bills. This is a tricky balancing act. If he asks how you are on bills, it’s OK to be honest and say that things are a bit tight. If there’s a good reason like recent tuition or car repairs, then do mention it. On the other hand, going on and on about your dire financial situation may feel like a guilt trip to your SD, which isn’t nice. It may also make you look like a spendthrift who can’t manage her resources, and that’s not really a point in your favor.

    4) Other relationships, past or present. If you must acknowledge that they existed, resist the urge to divulge the entire he said/she said of it all. Along the same idea, never say negative things about a past relationship, either, even if he was a total swine.

  57. lisa says:

    it is often said that women enjoy sex as much as men but our expectations are not the same. We get attached emotionally to men who play us pretending to care and say that they are doing it for us when really they are just looking for sex and don’t want to spend any money on us. A woman can enjoy sex as much as a man but we are often hurt when we are dumped with no reason (I have had this to happen to me more than once) and then the man becomes distant and won’t even speak to us anymore. How can you pretend to care about someone and then just stop? Your feelings may change but if you really cared about someone you wouldn’t just ignore them. With sd dating at least we go in knowing what to expect and the man knows he isnt’ getting a free piece of a** . He has to be somewhat serious about the situation in order to benefit. And when it doesn’t work out, at least we sbs have something out of it materialwise. Just because a woman gets something in exchange doesn’t make her a whore, giving it away to someone who cares nothing about her is what makes her cheap. I lived an so called honorable celibate life for many years (I was saving my self for mr right, lol) and I didn’t find anyone impressed with me and men thought I was weird, so I don’t care what anyone says about me as I would rather have fun and money than sit around bored and honorable.

  58. Sugar Magnolia says:

    I agree that a lot of women allow themselves to be used. They give and receive sex, and perhaps start falling in love, but the man feels nothing for her. I think the reason the women do that is that they have been brainwashed to think that if you ask for something material, that makes you a whore, and that’s a bad thing. Now I realize that it’s good to ask for something. Who cares what label someone else wants to put on you? Now that I’m finally a Sugar Baby (I’m in my 40’s), I feel so much happier in these relationships. I don’t feel used at all! I feel sexy as hell!

  59. Much Experience says:

    MSH, I wasn’t quite sure where you were coming from, but it all makes sense now, thank you for being candid.. Your feelings & experiences are one area where I actually don’t have “much experience” myself. Just enough to realize very quickly that I was way over my head. But yes, that intense eroticism you’re offering is really special, and offering it as “pay for play” definitely makes sense if you’re comfortable with that & and you can juggle everything in your life successfully & keep the spheres from colliding.. (I’m not good at that, it’s way too much pressure for me :O

  60. ChicBaby says:

    Well SouthernGent, you’re a better man than most.

    I look older than I actually am, and on my first date with a potential SD he expressed disappointment that I didn’t look younger. I was 19 at the time. I too ran as fast as I could!

  61. bostonTerrier says:

    i try not to talk about my sisters much considering we’re all super close in age [22, 20, and 19] … i like keeping my family life private. i don’t divulge on how my education is being paid for or how many bills i don’t have. i try not to talk about past sds beyond the fact that the relationships were ended by me. i also don’t talk politics – that resulted in a fun democrat versus republican argument which i don’t want to repeat :) and my dating life is off limits.

  62. Ms. V says:

    Hey Lisa- you ever watch Paul Mooney stand up? He’s quite controversial, but real as life…his “advice”? A wet pu**y and a dry purse don’t match….
    BTW- the closet gets built off of dinner and the house gets built from “other”….have fun Lisa!

  63. SouthernGent2 says:

    ChicBaby – she claimed to be 21, but i suspect she was actually 18. I ran fast.

  64. lisa says:

    I agree Ms. V so many women are letting themselves be used casually for nothing. After being is a couple relationships in which my boyfriend did nothing but take and was never around for me when I needed him and also finding that so many men are looking for casual relationships that don’t lead to anything or they have so much baggage that I wouldn’t want to marry them, I have chosen the sb route as at least it’s up front and then men have no excuse to not spoil me a little. When you date a man in a traditional way, he usually wants something casual where you sleep with him, go out with him, but you live apart and pay your own bills and even split the check at dinner. I am not interested in that, what woman would want that. If I’m in a casual relationship with no future, I want to savor the moment and have something to show for it or at least build up my closet a little. lol

  65. ChicBaby says:

    SouthernGent – Luckily, I’m not THAT young! I have discussed facebook (with the guy I met last night) but he brought it up and he has one, so hopefully that wasn’t too awkward! I can’t believe any sb would be dumb enough to mention Hannah Montana. Crazy.

    MSH – I love the ‘dirty little secret’ bit. That’s exactly what I love. I hate seeing my friends who hook-up with guys at clubs. The guys use them, and they get their hearts broken! I don’t allow that to happen to me!

  66. MSH says:

    Yes, I am very clear on it not being a dating relationship. I am married. I already have a relationship. Don’t need another one.

    I am looking for my own fantasy and after much though and getting to the root of my wants and desires emotionally it truly is to be someone’s expensive dirty little secret. To me there is something incredibly erotic about an illicit affair that centers upon me being a plaything only to be taken out when SD wants to play without any of the complications of every day life, no strings, no attachment. That, my friend, comes at a price. I look at it as a convenience fee type of thing. I know many girls who are allowing themselves to be treated this way in relationships — they are essentially giving it away. Oh, no, not this SB….no, no, no……

  67. SouthernGent2 says:

    ChicBaby – i wonder what would happen if you brought up Hanna Montana in conversation? lol

    Seriously, I recall a lunch meeting once with someone i felt would probably be too young, and then she actually mentioned Hanna Montana. Right away I knew she was way too young for my comprehension.

  68. Much Experience says:

    MSH, you said: “I would never tell anything that I thought would turn it from an arrangement to a dating relationship.” So it sounds like you’re very clear on *not* allowing the arrangement to develop emotionally, right?

    In this case, yes I agree, things need to stay extremely superficial, otherwise there will be conflict between the way you want things and the way they are in reality, and most likely the arrangement won’t survive that tension…

    Just from my own experience, a classic sign that one (or both) people are trying to develop a “dating relationship” is the appearance of surprise or risk-taking: an unexpected call (“I just wanted to say hi & see how you’re doing..”) / email / visit / present / caress / tone of voice / etc. In other words, you get a sudden feeling of “wow, I guess s/he cares about me”..

    But no matter where the relationship is exactly in the continuum between arrangement and dating, or between dating and long-term commitment for that matter, I think it’s just human nature that most people will choose not to share absolutely all information, and that’s probably for the best.

    Dan Savage, the absolutely brilliant sex-advice columnist, says that successful, healthy relationships are held together by a tissue of lies. I know that’s a pretty harsh way of putting it. Does it sound better if we say “a tissue of white lies” –? 😉 Sir Roger Penrose, the mathematical physicist, said he feels that if he expressed his true opinions about all the various published theories of the universe, he would lose half his friends..

    So for better or worse, I think the wise folks (including you MSH, and Stephan as well, who started this blog topic) are saying that it’s kind of important to always keep your guard up at least a little bit, and keep certain facts and opinions to yourself…

  69. ChicBaby says:

    lol, thanks Ms V! I’m only 20 (almost 21!) so I’m positive that I’m not on the marriage track.

    Oh, and I always try to avoid talking about my age. I mean, all my sd’s have known my age, but I had one guy I met who whenever he would talk about his history (job, personal) would calculate how old I had been during whatever story he was telling me. It creeped me out, and I don’t think that he really liked it either.
    I really love to be with older guys (I hate college guys) so I try not to think too much about what the age difference really means, and I try to keep them from thinking about it too!
    So, I try never to do the whole ‘oh, yeah, I was in fifth grade then!’

  70. MSH says:

    I think that information should be carefully guarded lest it ruin the tone and tenor of the arrangement. To me it is a boundary issue. I would never tell anything that I thought would turn it from an arrangement to a dating relationship.

    Don’t mean to hijack this thread, but would anyone like to throw in their two cents on the differences between the two?

  71. sweetbaby says:

    Honestly, I can’t think of anything I hide from my sd. We know an awful lot about each other. It’s scary how much he know’s about me and I know about him. I even know where his wife works and her name! But he trusts me enough for me to have so much information.

    Even when I get some extra cash I don’t hide it from him mostly because I know that it won’t change our arrangement. I see it as way too late for us to be hiding things from each other now.

  72. Ms. V says:

    okay, so we’re on the topic of keeping your mouth closed. I understand that some things should not be discussed- great, but why on earth would we keep quiet about what we want or need?

    Yeah, I suppose that is good for trying to get married or even a LTRR
    (LT regular relationship), but why date someone who is not exactly what you are looking for- if it is dating without perks?

    If I wanted to “date” I would go run some errands and allow someone to advance in the flirting that they do.

    There are certain qualities that must be present in a man, before he can invade my mind. Are we truly expecting to find that on SA?
    Should we be?

  73. Ms. V says:

    Yes. That is how I ended up married! RUN, bitch, RUN!!! lol

  74. ChicBaby says:

    1. I avoid talking about my family. It’s too private
    2. I speak in general terms about money, when it comes up.
    3. I keep things light. I have a medical issue (nothing serious, but I go in to hospital twice a year for a series of tests to keep an eye on it all), but I would never mention that. Ever!
    4. I lie about my roommate. Last year I didn’t have one, but said I did because I don’t want an SD in my apt (first, my bed is lofted, second I’m a poor college student, and it’s dirty). This year my roommate is a boy, but I still say ‘she’ or ‘her’ whenever my roommate comes up.

    OK, I had a first date last night. We went for Tapas. I had a great time. Hopefully he’ll get back in touch.
    BUT, here’s the thing. He’s not from the site. I went on a first date with another guy back in July. He got back with his ex-gf a week later, so that ended there (we JUST had dinner!). Two weeks later he emails me that he showed my profile to a friend, and the friend is very interested. This guy was super nice, super funny, just perfect, so when he recommends a friend, I go for it!
    So, I’m just not sure where he stands on the whole sd/sb thing. He was a perfect gentleman the entire night, but we didn’t once even allude to the real topic at hand. I’m finding it harder with him to bring up the necessary topics than with a man that I would find on the site.
    So…hopefully I hear back soon from him, and he’ll want to talk specifics!

    Any advice? Anyone been in this situation??

  75. dreamer says:

    i hate it when sd’s ask about my sisters and what they look like. This seems rude to me. So i try to always leave out that i was raised in a house full of girls. I have never told a sd about my school loans. They actually arent outrageous, but i only share things like that to people im close to and i havent found an sd like that. If they are not very respectful i try to mention sometime that evening that my dad has a very big gun and he really likes using it. I do not mind talking about children, but when they start talking about OUR future kids, ive already started for the door. Ive never done any other dating sites so i dont have to worry about that. I do have a few who have seen my portfolio online, but that is nothing to hide.

  76. Ms. V says:

    wow, I cannot even begin to imagine the work it would take to sift through the men on other sites, too. I don’t even “sift” through this one, yet…just poked my toe in the water. And it is very cold in that water. can’t put my fire out yet.

  77. AlaskanQT says:

    Lets see… things I NEVER discuss with an SD???? hmmm…..

    1) the intricacies of my divorce
    2) The intricacies of any other arrangement… unless I am asked and even then I tread veryt carefully
    3)I generally don’t talk about my kids unless they have kids or ask
    4) I don’t talk work gossip I only talk about my job when they as… “so exactly what DO you do” or when I’m talking about how much I love it or soemthing liek that)
    5) Don’t talk about how brried youa re in bills… although you cna say that you have been strssed over finances… ya just can’t be needy
    6) don’t talk about my period unless we are on a date at “that time” and I’m saying “just so you know”
    7)LOL I don’t talk about prior sexual relationships either… even when I am asked…. and I never say hwo many times I’ve been in an arrangement

    I have a lot of off limits conversations… they key is to be abel to stere the conversation away from those things without beeing too obvious and having it look like youa re hiding things… Ya know??

    Oh and if you are on other web sites… don’t use the same pictures of yourself… 😀

  78. lisa says:

    I agree with this. When I had my married lover although he wasn’t a sugardaddy, he was my escape from reality and I never discussed financial problems, unemployment, etc with him. Partly because when I was with him, I only focused on him and also I didn’t want to scare him away afterall he was with me because his wife was always complaining.
    It is only finanically beneficial for a sugarbaby not to mention any extra source of income as one can not have too much money so why put yourself in a position to get less from your sd. It’s kind of like if you car payment was late and a family member gave you some money to pay it, and then a friend wanted to help too. You are not going to say that you don’t need it because afterall you will probably find yourself needing it sometime and you have to take it while you can get it. Many times money comes from different sources at the same time and then you find yourself broke with no resources so you have to get it when you can, and not let the other know you got help from another.

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