9 years ago
Setting Boundries

9 years ago
Setting Boundries

Sugar Daddies & Sugar Babies Learn to Set Limits

What a weekend… can we say, Oink!?

Whether it’s a 3:00 AM call on your home phone from a drunken Sugar Baby, or a surprise bouquet sent to your office from a man everyone knows ISN’T your husband… setting and respecting Sugar Daddy & Sugar Baby boundaries is a key ingredient of these no-strings-attached relationships.

As mentioned in recent comments, making arrangements is similar to speed-dating; efficient, honest, & upfront. Yet speed dates usually slow way down upon successful matchmaking – ya know, it takes time to build a traditional relationship… Sometimes I think people treat arrangements as if they’re not worthy of respect, kind of like a side dish to their ‘real’ life. However, I know that many Sugar Daddies and Babies on the site cherish their SD/SB bonds, perhaps even more than they would a traditional relationship.

 

Speaking in terms of mutually beneficial dating – boundaries are EVERYTHING. So, how can you establish them without negatively impacting the shared experience?

A while back, I recall Ben and another Sugar Daddy discussing the idea of a “trial period“… perhaps boundries can be established within such a period. The exciting part about this is that establishing boundaries after you meet can allow for surprises… but I don’t have to say how many edges are on that sword.

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63 Responses to “Setting Boundries”

  1. Ms. V says:

    I’m trying to find a good deal on the hotel part!!! I’m working on it!
    I want the wine….shots? I’m in. I am a Patron shooter, no men around- I’ll be safe 😉

    You have my email and numbers…I’ll send coordinating info, ladies…

  2. caligirl says:

    I will definately come to wine country…can’t drink wine though…bacardi shot girl…:) Let’s fianalize the plan:) Time for a conference call….

  3. cre8tor says:

    Ms. V/Caligirl: We are talking about spending some time here in the CA wine country. Ms. V, it would take you about 10 hours to drive here. Caligirl…yes we are almost neighbors! Go to email ladies….let’s talk!

  4. Ms. V says:

    girl you are crazy! It is secret code for “I think you should hang out with us” dammit- now it’s not a secret anymore. :-)

    maybe there is an SD on here that will lend his house for a private SB party…he can stay 😉 what does a 1 1/2 hr. flight translate to on the ground?

  5. caligirl says:

    Ms. V:
    What does that mean? “Caligirl is a hoot, huh!” I don’t know…Is it a good thing? A bad thing? Am I a night owl? Is that texan talk? What???? I may be still asleep…my brain is not processing quickly right now….

  6. Ms. V says:

    we all went to motivational seminars, the darkness is contagious in here, man :-) LMMFAO!!!

    Yeah, i signed on one day, and it posted as anon- so, I went with it. Then one day, the box for your name/email/web was back up, so I decided to peek -openly.

    oh, btw- he leaves on the 10th…how does that coincide with what we’ve been discussing?
    Caligirl is a hoot, huh!
    email me.

  7. cre8tor says:

    yes, Ms. V. did you change back? Who are you today/this hour? Having an identity crisis? Where did everybody go?

  8. Ms. V says:

    you watching Cre8tor?? :-)

  9. Ms. V says:

    Stephan??? First- you’re tha shi* !! Second- what is the cost of entrance re: the Vegas party ?? I would probably drive out- so, no problem there ( I hate to be without my own car!) but, I am not so into paying money to meet men, feel me? 😉 I know you do.
    smooches
    V

  10. Anonymous says:

    You charge for advice, sugar? Well, let me quit asking questions before I owe more than I can afford – or am willing to pay 😉

  11. SouthernGent2 says:

    I’m here. Think I gave a little advise to BostonTerrier earlier today. And I didn’t even send her a bill for my services lol

  12. Anonymous says:

    SouthernGent2, I don’t see that you have upped the ante on the “contributing more often” part. What happened? Did Ms. V’s pressure get to you?

  13. Ms. V says:

    Nah, Gent- no pressure. I will be tapering off the posts to save some space for another beautifully sarcastic woman (or man).

    I didn’t sign up to vent, and I don’t do very well with an idle mind-a girl can think up all sorts of things while perusing the site 😉 but, it is kinda fun to blog, huh? Who knew?

    For the past few days, I have signed on to THIS site before anything else- before school, before doing my casework, before even checking on my money…no sir, not cool at all. (Cre8tor? The wine, hon’- what’s it gonna cost me?) lightinme@cox.net– can I do that? my apology if I can’t Stephan.

    Forget it, the pics are up, and my intentions clear. If it works it works, if it doesn’t well- that would be very crappy! But, I have to travel that happy little path back into reality(I’ve been on here so much, the ol’ man actually asked me a question! About ME!) something’s very wrong here.

    Gonna go find me some Church’s chicken and some Naked juice. dang! it’s 8:30 in the a.m….no chicken. ugggh
    Ms. V is out for now you guys. Will return soon- after spa week for sure…oh I cannot wait for spa week!!!
    Ciao~

  14. cre8tor says:

    we love you SouthernGent! Yes, please contribute. Your comments help us SB’s get our heads in the right place. Beware, though, a new SD is on the scene and stealing your ladies away.

  15. SouthernGent2 says:

    Favorite blog guy? WOW. What pressure I am under now. I guess I should contribute more often.

  16. Ms. V says:

    LOL! You guys are a trip! There just isn’t a place for me to enter a comment. I didn’t even get that far, but I can see Lisa’s comment.

    Oh, you must be my family, the 2 of you :-)
    Well, my opinion? Gee, what do I think of that…

    I say that if the woman is pursuing the married man with the intention of claiming him as her own, abusing his cashflow so that his family suffers, or willfully causes the wife public humiliation- then maybe the wife has a claim
    BUT
    If the wife just finds out he’s cheating with some unknown creature, well then talk to your man, honey! Leave me out of it, unless you want to get a counter-suit brewing. The purpose of ME having a clandestine affair is mostly about the secrecy…otherwise I would flaunt my man! So, if you feel the need to drag me through the mud for trying to get my secret groove on, we can battle babygirl. I do not fight fair.

    We can handle it quietly, but court? If she chooses to go there, I can almost assure her that she will not win. That’s what I think.
    And shoot, if he’s got enough money to take care of the both of us, then I can think of some pretty creative mathematical ways to figure out how much he should be paying…just saying. I am the wife of a possibly gay man…yeah baby, I got my game face on.

  17. Stephan says:

    Ms. V: Trust me, I would never shut you up cuz I aint foolish enough to think I can 😉 😛 What happened is that it must have been held for moderation…guess what. I think it’s because we added these words: “the c-word, bitch, fuck, etc” to our banned words list… and let’s just say you have been known to throw some sugar on a few of those once or twice lol 😉 I have since altered the restrictions so the system shouldn’t block your comments, or at least not as much… either way, it usually doesn’t take more than a few hours for me to approve all messages awaiting moderation… So my question is… what DO you think about the $500,000 affair lawsuit?

  18. cre8tor says:

    Ms V must have overflowed with emotional abuse to get Stephan to cut you off baby. But,yes, you are correct. the discovery of an outside influence to ending the marriage can be used to sue and then to “negotiate” a very nice settlement for the wife. I have some thoughts on that which I will add to the blog topic but need to filter through them so they make sense.

  19. Ms. V says:

    Well, I am not allowed to make a post on the $500,000 affair blog page. I guess Stephan could already feel my “bitch pleeze” coming on! hah!
    That’s divorce settlement money, honey- backup away from me…shoot… it ain’t gon’ end like ya think, mama.

    whew- superghetto. I’m cool now.

  20. Ms. V says:

    yeah…ex-ballplayer, he says….I have known a few that pitch a tent while looking in the mirror. Never know. but he was SouthernGent. Not special enough for a 2, I see.

  21. Ms. V says:

    Ahh! I see my mistake! This is only SouthernGent…My most favorite blog-guy is SouthernGent2- 2!!! Sorry Ladies- my fault!

    Gent? You there sweetie? My apology for setting you up like that- but on the bright side: MY MYSTERY IS NOT RUINED!!!!!!!!!!YAY!
    I am a grinnin’ fool right now, ya’ll
    Oh my, problems with your SB? Come here, let mama hear all about it..LMMFAO! :-)
    Well, atleast you’re one to discuss things. That answered my question.

  22. cre8tor says:

    SouthernGent: we are so very sorry you are having a challenging time. Should you need emotional support and guidance, I’m sure any one of us will gladly help out ;-).
    Ms. V…what is the profile name of the SouthernGent you are talking of? I had a very rude comment or two from one some time ago that went under that name.

  23. SouthernGent2 says:

    Think all of you are looking at the wrong SouthernGent. I am only 6 ft tall. Now I guess my stock just fell like the market did today.

    Its funny that you ask that question about ending things. My long time sb and i actually discussed that last night. There are some personal obstacles we will be facing next month.

  24. Ms. V says:

    …and 6’5″….no further comments.

  25. Ms. V says:

    I was searching through the members, and I found Southerngent, ya’ll.
    I couldn’t help but to reply when I saw the name. It was so exciting watching for the posts, and now I’ve gone and eliminated my own most favorite part of this blogging thing…yes, darling, I was logging on to see what you had to add-
    (though, he is quite handsome, Ladies 😉 )
    I relish mystery and intrigue- disappointed in myself. Might as well do some friggin’ homework… sigh.

  26. Ms. V says:

    Okay, I have recovered. Southerngent- may I ask?: How DO you end something like this? Is it without notice?
    One last thing…I am itching to put a face with the word (and the name;-) )
    I want a picture!…then again, that is how I ended up marrying my “pen pal/best budd”. Nix the picture thing. I’m good.
    I am waaay too nosey, and way too spoiled to have a desire unmet. I gotta get over it sooner or later, huh. [not a question]

  27. Ms. V says:

    Discreet…maybe use an alias? You could be Lois Lane when your busy being a SB :-)

  28. Ms. V says:

    Ms. V is at a loss for words. The world is officially coming to an end.

  29. cre8tor says:

    only because you reached them out to us and pulled us in honey

  30. SouthernGent2 says:

    All of you are just wrapping me around your little fingers!

  31. nycblondiebaby says:

    SouthernGent2- you’re just a lambchop!

  32. cre8tor says:

    okay, SouthernGent2, sounds as if you are gathering a few wanna be’s. The power of the correctly used word creates a wonderful picture of the man behind them. You are a man of class and style. SB pile? kisses

  33. Ms. V says:

    ooh…I think I’ve missed something here ;-0

  34. nycblondiebaby says:

    SouthernGent2- does that mean you don’t want a bevy of beautiful gals like ourselves to hang around you?? Sniff, sniff, sniff.

  35. SouthernGent2 says:

    nycblondie – such flattery, no telling where that will get you one day!

  36. nycblondiebaby says:

    I understand that after 3 emails, you’d want to move to the phone etc.,

  37. nycblondiebaby says:

    Oh and I meant they want to talk immediately, as in that day, after they initially contact me

  38. nycblondiebaby says:

    SouthernGent2 you sound like such a doll, and a wise one too! I get the feeling you could be our “Charlie” and we could be your “Angels.”

  39. Discreet Girl says:

    What tips does anyone have for keeping the boundaries of privacy? As in not giving out personal, identifying information. I’d like to just keep a SD at arm’s length. I don’t want him showing up at my door or nothing, and I certainly don’t want to be named in any divorce papers. Any suggestions, ladies?

  40. SouthernGent2 says:

    Ms V – taken you are correct, but with this kind of thing you have to know the end can come suddenly and without notice. So I always try to know what is going on in the SA community. I just happened to find a way that works for me, and because of that it helps me in finding the best possible sb for me.

  41. Ms. V says:

    Ooh, Southerngent…you MUST be taken!
    My goodness, where are the rest of your species??
    Mama is hanging on for one who thinks along the lines that you do 😉

  42. SouthernGent2 says:

    Blondiebabynyc – no reason to go past three messages without establishing something and having an idea if you are comfortable, willing to talk, willing to meet, etc. I have never thought of the phone sex angle simply because that is not something I would do, but maybe others would.

    The way I see things, if the guy contacted you first, then its up to him to prove being serious about things. You have no reason to give into him at all. Let him show you a nice time, some cash, some gifts, before you even consider giving back something in return 😉

  43. blondiebabynyc says:

    SouthenGent2, thanks so much for answering my query. I feel that I have as much to lose as the gentleman by giving out personal information too early. What I do find strange is that when I have emailed by stating that I would prefer if we emailed each other a bit more so we can get to know one another before we go to the phone, I never hear from the men who are insistent on speaking after the initial phone call.

    It’s starting to make me wonder if they’re attempting to get phone sex, as invariably, these gentlemen who make these demands are not in my area. I wouldn’t have phone sex with lsomeone I don’t know, it would be too too strange, and I don’t believe in sending “sexy” photos either.

    I may sound like a prude, and I am far from it, but to do the above things with someone I have never met, makes me feel that I would cheapen myself, and I like to think of myself as someone deserving better treatment and respect.

  44. SouthernGent2 says:

    Blondebaby – I can tell you I have never and would never send my cell number to anyone on a first message. My point with a message is simply to show interest and hopefully get a reply back. At some point, if there seems to be a connection (usually by third message), I will offer my cell number, and tell her she can call if she is comfortable with doing that, but my preference would be for her to willingly message or text me her number so I can contact her. I would prefer to make the first call after determining with each other a good time to have a five to ten minute introductory conversation.

  45. cre8tor says:

    Oh yes, I would be cautious about someone who wants to take a trip without even a photo let alone an initial meeting. Could be very awkward. Although, that said, I kinda made that mistake. And mistake it was. But, I agree with SouthernGent2. If the man is serious, he should make an effort to come to you. As to the phone call, I have found that some men don’t care to spend time on emails. They would rather move right to voice conversation. Ask him for his number and call without caller ID showing (if possible).

  46. blondiebabynyc says:

    SouthernGent2 thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to write. My instincts towards the trip was, “uh no.” I gently explained to the gentlemen that I couldn’t go with him unless I knew him better.

    Since you’re on the boards right now, could you explain the mindset behind sending one email and requesting a call? I would think that you’d want to take time to know someone before you give out your number. I would think that since so many married men are on the site, it would make sense to be a bit cautious. As a man, I would be concerned that the woman I sent the email to might be nuts.

  47. SouthernGent2 says:

    Blondiebaby – you didn’t ask, but my opinion is not to take a trip without meeting someone first. If he contacted you, then he should be willing to come to your home town or location choice. As for phone calls, if he contacted you first, then don’t give him your number until you are comfortable with him by email. jmo

  48. blondiebabynyc says:

    cre8tor- yup, he wanted to split a cup of tea with her. I would have walked out, but she stayed! Eeeew!
    I’m curious, and want to ask other SBs for their advice, what do you do when

    a) you get an offer to be taken on a trip and neither of you has exchanged photos
    b) you get an email asking that they call you- this after the first email exchange

    Would love some advice!

  49. cre8tor says:

    SPLIT a cup of coffee!? Ewww ….cooties! and I thought my ex husband was cheap!
    Geez.

  50. blondiebabynyc says:

    I have a couple of thoughts
    *boundaries. Until I know my potential SD better, I do NOT want to bring him to my house. I would prefer to do something social and if he wants to get intimate, get a hotel room.
    * Courtship period- not having done speed dating, I do agree with everyone here who says this is accelerated here, which is why I’d prefer my first point. There are times when you don’t know if your partner has a screw or few loose, and if they don’t know where you live, you’re that much safer.
    *parties- why not create “chapters” in major cities, sponsor a mixer and sponsor an sb night and a sd night.
    *prezzies- this should definitely cull the “men from the boys” All the SBs here should think of themselves as old fashioned courtesans. A gentlemen should bring a present, be it an envelope or anything else to show his intentions.
    *** here’s a funny story that I just HAD to share. A friend of mine went on a blind date, they met a Starbucks. When she gets there, the fellow asks her if she’d like to SPLIT a cup of tea.

  51. AlaskanQT says:

    SA party??? LOL have one in Alaska!!!! :) It’s hard for me to make it to the lower 48 on my own dime lately :)

  52. Paige33 says:

    Stephan! Blog is looking greattt :)

    Can we please please have a SA party again? Maybe this time on the east coast? I didn’t get to make the last one in vegas

    xoxo

  53. anny mous says:

    I’ve gotten a few emails, but once I ask for their photo they run away.

  54. kim says:

    Thanks Lisa!
    How many others on this site have had the problem of not being “approached” on here? I am thinking seriously of leaving this site once my time is up. I see no sense in paying for something if I am going to get less than the results I could get from just a normal day.

  55. sweetbaby says:

    I have my sd’s work and company number but should only call in serious emergency like if I’m not well or been in an accident. I can only drop by one of his houses in north London on certain days. I have more boundaries set than him. We cant hold hands in public in the day. It has to be that way because I’m a young black female and he’s an older white male, and it would just be too odd with people looking even more. If anyone asks i’m his assistant, at least that way he would have that bit of pride of people suspecting that I may not just be his assistant. He has to stay a couple of streets away to pick me up or drop me home. He can’t just expect me to drop everything during certain week days, cos i’m at uni. Also I cant text or call on Sundays, because he has family commitments.

    We also have emotional boundaries. We’ve made it clear that saying I love you doesnt mean much but rather a nice affection. But our arrangement seem’s to suit us very well.

  56. lisa says:

    this was not a problem with my married lover and I. He was always getting calls when we were together and he had to answer them. Sometimes it was his wife and he would just go into another room to have the conversation which was generally just a “can you pick up some bread, etc when you come home from work. I had no problems with it, heck the collections agencies would call me and leave messages on my answering while we were together, that was more of a mood breaker until I shut the phone off during that time.

  57. SouthernGent2 says:

    What are some of the common boundaries for everyone? I really don’t have any in terms of places to go other than certain areas within maybe 10 miles of my home. Certainly living in a large metropolitan area helps greatly in the number of choices available to meet.

    The one awkward moment I hate is having to call home and check on things to make sure everything is okay. My sb is understanding about this, but it still bothers me to have to do it. I would have to term this kind of thing more of an understanding than a boundary.

  58. lisa says:

    Hang in there kim you are not alone. I have been on this site for several months, met 2 guys at the beginning and just now starting to get responses from guys who want to meet in sept and oct. This is august

  59. kim says:

    I would just like to receive a call at this point. I haven’t gotten one single email since joining and paying to join this site. I am starting to get a little paranoid!

  60. Pinup says:

    Personal boundaries are key in this type of arrangement.
    Both parties must establish their own personal rules and see if they match.

    Of course, the more involved one gets the harder it becomes but I remind myself nightly what lines can’t be crossed.

    I fell for a SD not so long ago, and while I shared my feeling, and he was gracious about it….the lines remained.

    Its definitely a hard thing, but a very neccessary one….especially when one or both parties are married.

  61. babyny says:

    There is nothing discusting about setting boundaies.

    In fact, I think that it might atract more people — assuming that both people are discreet.

    I was wondering, though — what is the key in getting a SD? I would love one, but do not yet have one.

  62. CutipiNYC says:

    Hi ya’ll!
    Yes boundaries should be set..even if both parties are exclusive to each other. A couple of weeks ago my SD and I were talking on the phone and I told him that I was going into the city to catch a movie with my friend (who knows about the arrangement but in no great detail). It just so happens that the theater I was going to was not to far from where he works. Well I was in for a big shock when I saw my SD walking up to me while I was on line getting tickets with a great big smile on his face. He proceeded to kiss and hold me and introduce himself to my friend. There are several movie theaters in the area, and I never told him which one I was attending so I knew for a fact he was “looking” for me. It was also a shock to my friend who didnt know how much older my SD was (im 26, hes 53). It was the biggest shock to the rest of the line seeing an older white man fondling a much younger black female.
    Although my SD have been dating for 6 months I never established any kind of boundaries because I never thought we needed them. Its kinda hard to do it now because I dont want to jepordize our relationship. But I wish I did and now im nervous because Im moving to an apartment thats in his area (about 20 mins away driving)

  63. sweetbaby says:

    I feel boundaries should be set even before the first meet. I always believe the boundaries should be set equally or by who has the most to lose. Things can go further than expected and more complicated than thought but I could imagine more complication happening after a meet. At least if boundaries are set beforehand and respected then both parties should be happy on that first meet (as long as they meet each others expectations).

    I wish there were a bit more boundaries set between my sd and I before we met but it was on impulse really and it appears they are being set gradually through the process of our relationship, like I have a better idea of the times he calls, even though for a married guy, he is very unpredictable!

    However, it does depend on how flexible both parties are. Sometimes boundaries are not needed, except for on strong emotions being built.

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