9 years ago
Coming Off Needy?

9 years ago
Coming Off Needy?

One Sugar Daddy Says Some Sugar Babies Are Too Needy

This morning, an anonymous SugarDaddy asked an interesting question :

“What do potential Sugar Daddies feel about Sugar Babies who immediately start poor mouthing about all of their bills and financial problems? How do they feel about girls that imediately ask for help before even meeting a potential Sugar Daddy?”

Sugar Daddies: Now, I know plenty of you Sugar Daddies can relate to this guy. If you’re a Sugar Daddy, then I’m sure you’ve had to evaluate the expectations/needs of a potential Sugar Baby before, but how do you determine whether or not to meet a Sugar Babies expectations? Under what circumstances, if any, would you supply a Sugar Baby with gifts, money, or travel BEFORE having met?

Sugar Babies: We’ve talked about “Sugar Daddy Expectations” before, but what about timing, urgency, and tact? How soon is TOO soon to ask a Sugar Daddy for support? There’s something to be said for being  upfront, but perhaps it’s also important to not seem too demanding when making your desires known. What do YOU think about this Sugar Daddy’s question?

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127 Responses to “Coming Off Needy?”

  1. Pamelarics says:

    I just love your weblog! Very nice post! Still you can do many things to improve it.

  2. John Says says:

    As a married SD I have no problem with any money discusions first. Why be disappointed if the numbers don’t add up. I think the fake SD’s like to string you out and finally tell you $300/month is all their job can afford. Being married, that probably colors my outlook. I am upfront about the expectations. I get to look at the SB’s pics and her assets, she should get a look at my assets. (not my books, but the security I can provide her).

    Although having said that, I will say that my inbox is full of people who don’t even bother reading my requirements. I think the fact that I post in my profile what I will give is attracting to many escort girls and others of every age who aren’t real SB’s.
    So far it seems like the real sugar babies don’t exist and everyone is an escort girl or pro. looking for free rent. I keep asking for a college student for whom I will pay rent, monthly spending cash and fully paid tuition. But I get fake college girls who put hilarious things like going to law school (at 20) and med school (at 19) and won’t specify the school when asked.

    So maybe its correct to wait on the money. I might change my tact.

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  5. Tricia says:

    I am new here and found this blog really interesting to read. I have to admit I am kinda needy right now and could use some financial help immediatly, but I also want to get to know someone, I want it to be beneficial to both of us. I work and plan on keep working, I’m behind on things and need help to get back on my feet, right now, but it’s not just the money, its also the companion, friend and lover I seek. Im hoping my profile approval goes through soon so that I can start emailing people, but in the mean time I plan on reading more blogs and really getting a sence of all this.

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  7. latinsugarbaby says:

    What about those sugar daddies who ask you to sleep with them the night you first meet or even before hand? Why is it not appropriate for a sugar baby to mention her financial needs but it’s totally allright for you SDs to want, ask and demand sex before even meeting?

  8. Quick Cash Personal Loans Up To 1500 No Credit Check says:

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  10. Max says:

    Thanks for this post!

  11. samantha says:

    i agree with ms. v utterly and completely.

  12. sexy says:

    i think that i may be comeing off a little strong but at the same time why play games? YOU BOTH CAME TO THE SITE LOOKING FOR ONE THING AN ONE THING ONLY A SUGAR BABY/SUGAR DADDY I THINK BOTH SIDE SHOULD JUST HOLD UP TO THE END OF THE AGREMENT!!!!!!

  13. lisa says:

    If you’re a sb (male or female) you should be getting spoiled with gifts. Hey guys like nice things too

  14. Isaiah_18(SB/M) says:

    What do some say about SB[M] who asks for gifts? Is it more taboo as I am a guy asking for things?
    I feel different though looking for the adventure and excitment it brings, I could care less whether she gives me an “allowance”. I just think the idea of a woman treating a guy once in awhile is nice.
    Any thoughts?

  15. Ms. V says:

    Ben-
    Oh baby, women not enjoying sex…sounds pretty explosive to me.
    The women who have just never had the good stuff- they get stuck out, because they don’t know any better- and may not know how to make it good…but, those of us who DO enjoy sex- well, we tend to get outrageous if we cannot get it after knowing that it exists!

    I will stand (or sit or lay 😉 ) for this lack of good-stuff any longer!

  16. cre8tor says:

    Ben Ben Ben….women who don’t enjoy sex? 1) they don’t know what pleases them…find BOB 2) they have not had someone that shows them what pleases them…find BEN 3) sometimes it takes years to feel comfortable with the fact that you just like it and its OKAY. Women are brought up to think differently. So, I might add, here’s to older women!!

  17. angela says:

    I was hesitant from the moment i joined. I thought that mabye I’d meet a guy, and because I didnt ask for anything up front, mabye he’d sleep with me a few times, then disappear. Im worried about guys who are “poser” SDs, and just want to get laid. But I have given the SDs who have contacted me the benefit of the doubt, and I have not accused any of them of anything. But as soon as I get a weird vibe, Im outta there!!

  18. Ben says:

    Wow – Different Anonymous thank you for the long response. I guess since we’re anonymous here I can mention that I’ve gotten that whole fertility problem fixed – and you actually get tested for months afterward to prove you are clear and sterile. So – pregnancy is really of no risk for me. For other SDs though – your point is very valid. If somehow something did happen though I’d expect to be completely responsible for my end of the bargain, i.e. child support, etc.
    As for women not enjoying sex. My first thought is to say – well, maybe you haven’t been with the right guy or with me – but I’m sure that that comment will not be well received by the SBs here. I can see them saying, “What a guy thing to say!!” I am though a bit mystified by this to be honest. It sounds like such a shame that a certain percentage of women would find sex painful or not enjoy it. I think this of course does happen, but I also think that some of this might be chalked up to poor communication or more likely men that simply aren’t considerate enough or experienced enough to ensure their partners enjoy it.
    I’d be interested in hearing if other SBs on this topic of how much women enjoy sex – and how much vs. men etc. Thanks All.

  19. HunnyBabe says:

    Buttercup: Where r u???? :( I miss you so much baby!!!

  20. different anonymous says:

    Ben wrote:

    “Question for the SBs (and SDs I guess) – how do you approach the topic of sex? We talked about this a bit here already, but it is a tough one. I am fine with taking it slow and getting to know my SB, but I also don’t want her to think that I am fine with holding hands long term. Do you think talking about sex drive is a good way to start? One topic came up on my last date that I thought was a good intro was the age at which men and women are in their respective sexual primes. I still joke that I’ll be in mine for 30 more years, lol.”

    I would suggest that before talking about enjoyment, you talk about safety. Mainly, STDs and pregnancy. Will you get tested for STDs, and wait for the results before doing anything? Will this be a monogamous relationship? If not, how many other people will you be sleeping with, and will you make sure they all get tested and have protected sex with them? Condoms, though not 100% effective by any means, will help protect against STDs and pregnancy: will you be using them? Would you pay for any additional contraception she wanted to use: birth control pills, morning after pills, whatever?

    Supposing, in spite of whatever protection you two used, she did get pregnant. Would you expect her to have an abortion? Would you take her to the clinic and pay for the abortion? What if she’s pro-life – would you pay a minimal amount of child support without being asked? (After she proved to your satisfaction the child was indeed yours, of course.) Or would you expect her to raise the child on her own? What if, before getting pregnant, she thinks she’d be okay with an abortion, but after getting pregnant, the hormones make her want to keep the baby?

    These things affect your safety as well. You don’t want to get an STD, and you may or may not be willing to pay child support. So, as unromantic as these details may be, it is best to discuss them, and as a woman, I can tell you these things are much more important to me than enjoyment. (Partially because I actually can’t enjoy sex, but I’ll get to that.)

    Once both of you are convinced that sex would be sufficiently safe, by your respective standards, then you can talk about enjoyment and readiness. Aside from the various little sexual preferences – does she expect to enjoy it? Do you expect her to enjoy it? Or is it okay with both of you if it is for your benefit alone? Women have a harder time enjoying sex than men do, it seems. Some women simply have a low sex drive. Some are unable to orgasm, and a smaller portion have painful sex, or dyspareunia. (Statistics for painful sex very depending on population sampled and how dyspareunia is defined. In one study, 60% of women had dyspareunia when it was broadly defined as episodes of pain during sex, but those with more serious cases tend to be rarer.)

    So, if the woman had a low sex drive, difficulty achieving orgasm, or painful sex, but was willing to have sex to make you happy, would that hurt your sense of pride? Would you try to make it up to her in other ways? Take her to a sex doctor? (Sexual dysfunction can, in many cases, be diagnosed and treated, but it takes extra effort, and there’s no guarantees.)

    If being with a woman with a high sex drive, or at least able to enjoy sex, is important for re-enforcing your sense of pride in being able to please woman, then I guess asking about her sex drive is appropriate. But if you are just asking that to find out if she’s willing, you might be eliminating other potential candidates, since many women actually are willing to have sex, even if they don’t enjoy it, so long as they find fulfilment in other aspects of the relationship. Either way, safety is a big concern for myself and most women I know.

  21. different anonymous says:

    Hmmm, I think there’s a balance between being too needy, and not being honest enough about your needs.

    Some SDs here talk about SBs going missing in action. One man, before we met, mentioned that he didn’t expect to wait very long for sex.

    I fronted my travel expenses, which were moderate – it was a long distance, but not so long I needed an airplane. But, after getting there, I wasn’t reimbursed. True, it wasn’t terribly expensive, but if can’t even pay that, is he a cheapskate, or just clueless? No gifts. He mentioned allowance, but it was very small – under 1k/month – but like I said, I didn’t get any on the first date.

    On the bright side, I did feel safe with him once we had met, though he could’ve done more to put me at ease beforehand. Anyway, I didn’t see him again. I guess that technically makes me MIA, but given he didn’t even cover my travel expenses, I don’t feel guilty about it.

    But then, I was trying not to sound needy, so I didn’t really talk about my financial needs. So I am wondering, was it partially my fault for not being more upfront? Should I have asked him to cover my travel expenses? Or should a real SD know without being asked? What about the allowance he offered? Should I have tried to talk him up, or is it better to just move on and look for someone who can meet my needs, as I did?

  22. cre8tor says:

    SouthernGent2: where have you been? I really enjoy reading your perspective on things. Seems to be mature and realistic. Come back!

  23. cre8tor says:

    ah yes, the one timers…just want a taste and then gone. And then, how about the picture collectors? I am so very tired of being asked for more pictures and pictures that show more. However, I have difficulty moving the process forward without making a big deal about it and refusing more after about 500 pictures! And then there was the extremely successful and dynamic gentleman that wanted to lick my toes and wear my panties on his head! I think I would be laughing so hard I couldn’t do a thing.

    Ben: how to approach the subject of sex? I would say the premise of this site suggests a sexual relationship to begin with. Do you have something in your profile that indicates you are seeking a sexually playful and loving woman? Have you attempted to physically move in that direction without being forceful? The sex drive comment is okay but vague regarding the point you are trying to make. But, I must say, I’m an older sb and my sex drive has not let up. In fact, it has become much more adventurous, open and exciting. How would you bring up sex in a different type of relationship?

  24. Ben says:

    Buttercup – I think you had a post about married SDs – right? I’ve got another one – and this really should be on the other thread/blog, but everyone seems to come back here. Question for the SBs (and SDs I guess) – how do you approach the topic of sex? We talked about this a bit here already, but it is a tough one. I am fine with taking it slow and getting to know my SB, but I also don’t want her to think that I am fine with holding hands long term. Do you think talking about sex drive is a good way to start? One topic came up on my last date that I thought was a good intro was the age at which men and women are in their respective sexual primes. I still joke that I’ll be in mine for 30 more years, lol.

    Have a great day all!

  25. buttercup says:

    So this is where all the comments went!!! Haha I was really surprised to see that the last two posts only had 8 comments each :)

    I’m sooo happy to see everyone getting active, I kind of feel like a blog dinosaur now 😛

    Things with my SD have been wonderful lately, which explains the long-ish absence :) Would love to answer any question/concerns now that I have more free time :)

    LOVE

    buttercup :)

  26. lisa says:

    I wouldn’t like the idea of a guy wanting a free trial before he gives anything back. He could be the type to say he wasn’t satisfied just to get a woman into bed. As far as shoes, they had better be Manolos or Marc Jacobs. Actually I prefer less expensive shoes and more of them because they get scuffed and messed up anyway. lol I would rather shop at Forever 21 or Macy’s than the expensive places as you get more for your money and anything you buy, no matter how expensive, you will get tired of in awhile. I am kind of tired of my Louis vuitton bag that I bought myself and would rather carry something less expensive.

  27. Blondiegirl says:

    Wow this has turned out to be a very active topic.

    I like your guys point on body expectations, I never know what to say. To be brutally honest I think I put slim on my profile, just because well average has turned out to be larger than myself in the world. For example when I go to the states and go shopping I fit into the childrens clothes. lol I dont personally think of myself as slim but I also dont see myself as the average in the my society.
    I have mixed opinions on the BMI, in most cases it can be a good way to judge but I have read many articles lately that health “people” are straying from BMI. I personally have a BMI of about 22 which is ideal for my body. But i personally think i could lose some.

    Paige- no it was me that was offered a pair of shoes.. but only if i was good hahaha.. id really like to know what he was thinking, is there really any girl out there that would be willing to do that lol. Like i love shoes and all but not that much– the post was under blondie, but due to confusion i changed to blondiegirl.

    Oh I am so excited about the weird requests blog, it is going to be funny but also an eye opener.

  28. Be_A_Star says:

    Hi Ben,

    I seem to have started a trend for long posts, lol. Like I pointed out I’m a physical creature so I would probably move faster than most of the girls on this site because I find that part of it fun.

    About BMI’s I really have to laugh, you are talking to the queen of this kind of information. I am currently in my healthy BMI range the top part but to me it doesn’t mean anything. Honestly BMI is no way to judge a person appearance, cause I know by weight and measurement of my body, what I need to lose and what kind of hard work it will take. As they say a man who is a body builder can fall into the same unhealthy BMI as a man who is Obese.

    You see I lost the husband and lost 20kg, still working on the last 10-15kg to be in the middle of my healthy weight range. This is very important as I am more comfortable physically when I weigh between 60-65kg. I am by all standard healthy as I run, do weights and go for long walks. It just takes time to bring a body back from the brink. In the last year I would say alot of thing have change, I’m happy with where I’ve come from to where I am now.

    Everything from here on in is a bonus I just want to have fun, connect with people and if I’m lucky spend time with someone interesting and not afraid to have an adventure.

    Smiles B

  29. Be_A_Star says:

    I’ve read the profile of the man looking for a very young woman to play Au Paire in his home. She was to look after the child, do general duties and play the sexual fantasy out with him on the side. I thought it was rather interesting as long as the child safety and mind was alway protected. If I was young enough it would be one hell of an adventure. He also offers that when the child not around you can lie by the pool and relax, he was going to full support the young woman. He offers quiet an interesting package. I think he has really thought about it. Don’t be so quick to judge and believe me you can only meet the man to see if he is a good father and whether he will protect his child from harm. I think it was very smart of him to present what he want in his first message, as he could have dated you for a time and then thrown that at you. How hard would it have been then. I hope he continues to do it this way, he may get quiet alot of turn downs but it would be better he found a woman who was truelly prepared to play that kind of role.

  30. Ben says:

    I’ve got another weird request in addition to the $1,000 one day after a first date – and that is a request for $500 to help a SB out so she could go to a big music party in Miami. I actually was a sucker for this one as she told me she was bouncing checks etc. Of course – as I mentioned, I never saw her in person after this. I guess she had a good time at the Music/DJ party in Miami – with my cash, lol. Once a chump, shame on you, twice a chump, shame on me, lol. So Paige do you have a SD?

  31. stephan says:

    Paige33: IT’S OFFICIAL!!!

    Anon: That, is a good, and painful point. I don’t know. Do we know how the mother came to be out of the picture (is she still alive)? This is tricky, I don’t know if you know something I don’t (lol, obviously you do, but for conversation sake), but based on what I know so far, I don’t necessarily think this man has any menevolent intentions, or motives… What single father wouldn’t want a woman’s influence in the life of his child? This website is for all kinds of arrangements, and the more complex the arrangement, the greater the need for a place in which they can meet POSSIBLE candidates. Now, if this guy’s a pig, he’s a pig. But based purely on what you told me, I can’t seem to understand the sharp resistance to his proposal (albeit very upfront)… then again, I don’t know who wouldn’t be cautious when being invited to play a significant role in the life of a child, especially when you don’t know how attached they may become, or you may become. So, I understand the practical reasons for not wanting to make this arrangement, but I don’t see anything inherently wrong with this sugardaddies proposal. Just not the right match it seems. Could what I said be a possible factor, as it relates to the child?

  32. Paige33 says:

    Also anonymous that is really strange!

    But I guess to each his own…

    Hey stephan! Do you think you could make a post about the weirdest requests ever received?? haha I’d love to know what sugarbabies are demanding these days

    Amour!
    xoxo

  33. Paige33 says:

    Wow so much has happened since I last logged on.

    My two cents! :):

    Ben and Ddubs: Ben– Your girl is in desperate need of cash. Whatever is going on in her life, it’s so troubling that she has lost her head and is asking a practical stranger for some serious help… Sure you could help a damsel in distress because you seem like a great guy, but my inkling is she wasn’t able to take you seriously from the start because she was looking for an easy solution to her problems. She’d probably just prove to be another MIA sugar baby. It’s really not your fault, you probably liked her because she’s a great girl- and she probably is NORMALLY a really great girl. She’s just so out of sorts that she can’t even begin a real relationship
    Ddubs- I have been this girl before ;)–totally afraid of Sugarbaby intimacy. It’s an age thing, especially if she’s never done this before. She could definitely have a boyfriend or have just ended a relationship, but most likely, she hasn’t become comfortable enough yet with meeting a stranger and taking things further. The fact that you’ve stuck it out so long definitely says a lot about your character, you’re a real gentleman… 😉 I like the suggestion of taking her somewhere private and telling her how you feel, and if she can’t change for you soon, then let her go… Maybe she’ll be ready in a year or so…

    I just tried to go back and find the one night for one shoe exchange post but I can’t! Was that you Lisa?? OMG that’s horrifying! And somewhat funny haha, guys can be sooo sleazy, I’m so glad you walked away.

    Also Ben, on the topic of looks: I may be a rare breed, but I also don’t ask for pictures like your mystery SB. There’s something about showing up to a date with only a voice (I generally speak to the person on the phone before we meet), and an empty tummy 😉 There’s a thrill in meeting someone for the first time– like when you watch a movie without without already knowing the plot– and I’m a sucker for a funny guy. If you can make me laugh all night– i love to laugh!, I could care 30 times less about what you look like.

    Chemistry is definitely not developed through pictures or e-mail

    Also the Edwards scandal makes me sad– you know that no one wanted anyone to get hurt :(

    xoxo

  34. anony says:

    Stephen, no it doesn’t put me in a tricky spot at all. What this person is looking for is a temporary wife and mother that he can toss when he’s bored or done with them. The fact that (a) he’s soliciting strangers to do this right off the bat and (b) doesn’t seem to care about the lasting effects of a parade of women might have on his young 3 year old son concern me. Not for me, but what about the child?

  35. Ben says:

    Be_A_Star – thanks so much for the thoughtful and detailed response. I think it is great you didn’t summarize. I also would say that what you outline is very reasonable – if even a bit faster than I’d expect from the female side. I do think though that if you have chemistry and are attracted to eachother – that you probably can get moving, or at least try. As you say, we know why we’re here.

    The potential SB that had asked me for the $1K had in her profile that she’s just looking for somebody to “have some fun with and hang out with,” I have to say – I am a bit astounded by women who might suggest that men would just want to hold hands and just want somebody to take to dinner or go to movies. That’s a sweet thought – and I definitely would want to spend quality time with an interesting SB doing various things, dinner, dancing, etc. – but there’s no way I’d be happy with just a friendship over the long haul. I have lots of female friends I can hang out with. I think this woman maybe thinks this might work – and maybe there are guys who are good with just having the company and nothing else. If I were 80 maybe I’d be in this category, lol. Sorry – maybe I am just venting a bit.

    As for your question about slim/athletic/extra pounds etc. I am probably biased as I think I am very fit – I run 4-5 times a week. I generally look for a woman who shares the same interest in physical fitness and health as I do. I am not a big weight lifter, although I do strength training during the week. I’d say a the body mass index calculator is a good start, but not the only measure. My BMI is about 25 which is at the top end of normal weight, which I think is a bit harsh as I’m hardly overweight (people sometimes say I’m too thin). You can find a BMI calculator on the web pretty easily. My last SB had a BMI of about 19.5 and she was very petite. I have to say I really liked that. To be brutally honest, the better shape you are in the more attractive you’ll be – I think both from a female and male perspective, but I can only speak for men. I just would bet women would prefer a guy who doesn’t have a beer gut vs. one who does all things being equal. This is a bit of a ramble – but I wouldn’t worry about weight necessarily as the BMI is sort of simplistic in this regard. If you could work on becoming relatively fit this is probably enough. It is all about what you are comfortable with. As for slim vs. average vs. a few extra, the BMI is probably the best for this categorization – slim is probably a BMI of 19-23, average I’d say is 23-26 and a few extra is 26+. I list myself as athletic as I think I am – but I wouldn’t call myself buff, but very fit and toned. My resting pulse is something like 49 bpm. I also don’t want to misrepresent myself – don’t think any of us do : ). The women here I’d say are pretty honest on this body type question. If anything I think they are probably a bit hard on themselves – i.e. I’ve seen some women say Average when they are really slim. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

    Sorry this wasn’t summarized either : ).

    Have a great Sunday all.

  36. Be_A_Star says:

    Hi Ben,

    I’m 31, so not the youngest SB on the site, but I don’t think my age is important. Was out on Friday night and a young man was trying to guess my age, he said about 24-25. I must admit I get that a lot, I’m lucky to have my mum’s European skin, I hold my age well.

    My main draw back is I’m no bikini model, lol, I need to lose about 10 to 15kg not sure what that is in lbs sorry. So I have myself down as Few Extra Pound or something like that. I also don’t live in a capital city in Australia, all our SDs are in the capitals and there are a lot of potential SB already available in there home cities, so I have to wait till either a very wealth SD from overseas decides he want an Aussie SB and wisks me away or an Australian SD decides to relocate me or have a holiday home in Townsville.

    Would really like to know what other people think on what is Average/Slim/Few Extra Pound etc. this can get complicated as I’ve seen guys listed as Athletic that are so not. I don’t want to miss represent my figure and have someone be cruel. Maybe you could make that a Blog Stephen and find out what SB/SD think is a suitable range for each category? Sorry off the subject.

    As for what I expect from a SD while we are getting to know each other, (no I haven’t found one yet) well it really does depend on what he’s looking for. See I’m pretty flexible now, I guess I expect him to pay for travel, food and accommodation if I had to travel to meet him or if he came here just food and maybe any activities we did together, like an olden fashion date. Lol

    I tried writing this up diplomatically but it sounded wrong so honestly I’m a physical creature so I would judge it as it goes.

    I would expect by the end of the first date if we had evident chemistry there would be quiet a bit of kissing. (Which I think is acceptable for a first date and you like each other. I love to kiss, weakness of mine)

    Second date or meet we’d lay the cards on the table honestly (and by card I mean talk about sex and allowance or what ever he was willing to offer) and if we find an agreement that suit each of us the night would get a lot more steamer, but still no full on sex.

    By third meet everything should be in place and I see no reason not to take things behind closed door if that where you both want it to be, but I think there has to be proper giving from the SD to show he’s will hold up his end. (Now I consider that this would all occur over a couple of weeks and you would talk on the phone and via email or such in between meets)

    See if he had flown me to meet him twice and paid for everything I would see no problem in become fully intimate as he’s already shown he’s willing to give. If he’s comes to me and paid for dinner, but no other signs of generosity I would take it a lot slower.

    I like what one SD said on one of these blogs, (sorry can’t remember handle) that he brings a gift. That is a sign of faith which I would trust and he said he would only pay half the allowance he intended for the first month. That really appealed to me as it show he’s committed to something longer term I would have no trouble becoming physical with a SD who did this.

    I see this site as you are looking for mutual fun, good time, sex and spoil whether that is allowances, travel or gifts. (Gifts within reason for what’s being given, eg flower for a come up to my room is so not going to work) Why pretend your not looking for these things, I fully expect to have an intimate relationship with a SD, but I’m smart enough to see when someone is not offering enough for what they expect in return.

    By the way I take Salsa classes myself, I completely understand. It is a very erotic style.

    It’s sad that some girls play, it makes the real SDs on here rather edgy, but you are right there seems to be player both ways.

    You are welcome to look at my profile: 229842, Australia Townsville. I don’t mind. I figure that would be ok Stephen.

    Oh sorry I wrote an essay. My mind doesn’t quiet know how to summarise. lol

  37. stephan says:

    Anonymous: that is odd indeed. then again, it’s the odd one’s that are sometimes those rare opportunities in disguise. Kind of puts you in a tricky spot, huh?

    Would you, in a perfect world, want what he’s offering (if you had no concerns of safety, etc)? If so, perhaps you can leave the door inside your imagination open… ya never know. Then again, i don’t know how appetizing becoming a care taker to a family (likely a heavy hearted one) you’ve never even met. Yes, odd on soo many levels.

    Be_A_Star: I see, right now it’s 2:33AM where I’m at (California), so you can imagine i tend to have irregular waking/sleeping times. It’s all relative online, part of the addictive quality the internet can have — time doesn’t really have a start/stop, your talking with people in all time zones, and yeah, it can be confusing.

  38. Anonymous says:

    You want to talk about neediness and odd behavior? I just got a first email from a total stranger who wants me to move into his home and take care of him and his 3 year old son.

    If you don’t think that’s odd, and it is on soo many levels, I don’t know what to tell you.

  39. Be_A_Star says:

    Depends on the time of day I drop by to whether it would be night or day there. At the moment it is 3pm so compare the time the message appears. I’m a bit of a drop in drop out girl, I swing by have a read might or might not post depending.

  40. Ben says:

    LOL Be_A_Star – I know we need to stay anonymous here – but I’m just curious about you. Are you under 30? What do you expect from a SD while you are getting to know eachother and in what timeframe? Do you have one? How do you think things should progress. I think what we’ve said here is pretty good – basically – both sides need to feel comfortable and not pressured or guilty if they aren’t ready to commit right away. I think on both sides though there needs to be caution, and maybe a system of a gradual escalation of things. Ideally it would be great to actually have a written contract – but that takes the fun out of it and just wouldn’t work.

    As for your comment – you know we got up and did a bit of Salsa and she moved her hips in this incredibly sexy motion and was very close to me. I think this, combined with the fact that I’m just big hearted and generous maybe was what made me almost fall for it. Thanks for your advice and confirmation. I guess this woman just expects men to give her money because she’s beautiful – and that it is okay to do this – a rationalization. I know on the flip side there are men who think it is probably fine to take advantage of women and get them into bed without really following through on being a SD. I’m straight up – try to be very decent and kind to all, but as I have learned, I need to keep my guard up a bit. Thanks again.

  41. stephan says:

    Be_A_Star: Ya know, I don’t know just how far this parties reach will be, but never say never ;o)

    I’ll try to make sure we have more than just a simple wrap up of the party on the blog — It’ll be a smash!

    BTW- I’ve always wondered what time it is out there, when you stop by the blog is it usually day time there, night time here? “yes” lol, I think that’s amusing some how 😀

  42. SouthernGent2 says:

    Ben – I had left an email address on here, but I guess Stephan edited it out which is fine (in case I broke a privacy rule). I don’t have a problem with email communication at all if he will allow it. But I prefer to give my SA profile confidential at this time.

    And about your comments on bikini model. Completely understand what your thinking is on that one and can relate due to my current sb.

  43. Be_A_Star says:

    Hey Ben,

    Definately a scam, you were being played. She must have had something more than looks though if you almost fell for it. Good luck.

    Smiles B

  44. Be_A_Star says:

    Hey Stephen,

    You couldn’t have the SA party in Australia. I just don’t see me making one in the states, unless I’m very fortunate and find a sweet SD before you have it who go with me. You will all have to do a detailed blog on it afterward so I can feel like I was there. lol

    Smiles B

  45. Ben says:

    Ben – SouthernGent2 – didn’t know if you meant anonymous here or everywhere. It sounds like you have some experience and I could use some advice about now.

    So, Be a Star – you are saying I was being scammed? But she was unbelievably hot, lol. Really – she is something of a bikini model and I do think beautiful women can make some men do stupid things. I am just glad I dodged this bullet. It was very very tempting to just take the plunge and try and trust her – kind of heart vs. head. All indications were that something was up – when she wouldn’t even accept half, and couldn’t wait until Sunday and couldn’t discuss it (I actually called and left a VM). It just is too bad, but I’m a big boy. We all have to know we’re going to get bumped and bruised now and then. Thanks for your advice and comments. Keep it up.

    Really – this discussion points to the whole idea that men and women are really like separate tribes always trying to make peace and negotiate – trying to understand eachother because they need so much from eachother – but they speak different languages and it is hard to know whom to trust. -Ben

  46. stephan says:

    all: Just wanted to throw in — it looks like there will officially be a Seeking Arrangement Party… More details SOON!!! 😀

  47. SouthernGent2 says:

    Ben

    I will say I prefer to remain anonymous, and hopefully we will not have to reveal our SA profile identities. And I hope I am not violating any rules here by giving out my email.

  48. Be_A_Star says:

    OH my!!!! What a night you all had!

    Seriously to Ben and DDubs if you actually re read over your own post and what you are telling everyone you can honestly see you are seriously being scammed and considering how many beautiful and wonderful woman are on this site I’m sure you both won’t have trouble finding a compatible SB. You’ve just got to be patient, which I have noticed not many people are on here.

    To Much Experience thank you for the kind word. I alway try to be true to myself and as a studier of people I find these blogs facinating.

    I do hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and all potential meet up go well for all.

  49. Ben says:

    I am not going out tonight. SouthernGent – it might be good to get in touch. It sounds like our situations are similar. You might let Stephan know if he could send me your contact info. It would be good to have a SD pal to rely on, lol.

    Quite a few women I’ve met seem to sign up for this site or similar ones because their friends recommend it and are SBs. We SDs I don’t think are as tight, lol. It isn’t like I have a bunch of guy friends I’ve mentioned this to – I have to a few and after they tease me a bit, they are very curious – but I don’t get any advice from them. I am tempted to go back to this potential SB I met in a day or two and ask her how things are going. The whole thing seems a bit ridiculous now – meet me Thursday eve and then Friday say she needs $1,000 or she’s moving on to another SD. I have the money and would be thrilled to help under the right circumstances. I guess I maybe feel a bt like the women here who get pushed towards sex early – like I’m just a wallet, while they are just a piece of a–. I guess I should have known when this woman had hardly any interest in seeing my picture – as she never planned on anything romantic or intimate, looks didn’t matter as I or other SD is just a cash machine. QUESTION for SBs though – do looks matter in relationships or not? I am early 40s and in very good shape so I kind of hope this gives me a leg up – but maybe not. Do women care? THey always say looks don’t matter – that is about personality and a sense of humor, lol My view is that they do a fair amount – maybe not quite as much as regular dating, but they do care. God knows men care about looks, lol.

  50. blondie says:

    sorry about the confusion, I’ve been posting on the blogs as Blondie. oops!

  51. stephan says:

    BlondieGIRL: oh my god, i feel like i just came out the looking glass, or the rabit hole… lol Maybe we should find a way to get ‘avatars’ for the blog— may help us distinguish one another!

    I’m glad YOUR going out tonight, hehe, at least one of us is! Anyone going on an arrangement tonight???

  52. Blondiegirl says:

    so I am the one who had been posting a lot last night. incase anyone was trying to figure it out. Hope everyone is having a good day! Its pouring here today, not much fun, but at least I am going out for my friends birthday tonight bye everyone!

  53. Blondie says:

    seems we have 2 blondies.. lol So I will change to Blondiegirl. Ok Hope we confused everyone lots!!

  54. blondie says:

    I’m finding the comments here to be really addicting. It’s interesting to get inside of each other’s heads and find out what’s really going on.

    I’ve been on this site exactly a week. Having read the comments in various sections of the blog, I am now slightly paranoid. The SB’s talk about there being a lot of flakes on this site, and the SD’s talk about how women have their hand out for money.

    I can’t remember if it was Lisa or someone else here who stated that the men are just as bad, because they seem to have something else in their hand (lol) when they’re emailing you.

    How would you feel if you get an email that says “I WANT YOU” that’s it, in caps? Or someone who just writes you “lunch today!” It’s a strange feeling to get an email like that.

    It’s as if the emailer has forgotten that you’re a human being; they seem to see you as a commodity. And I am sure that there are SB’s who view the potential SD’s that way too.

    Why did I go on this site? for a variety of reasons. while I am not mercenary. my goish, I’ve never done this before, I am in such a financial hell, that I decided to come here.

    Maybe that makes me a bad person, I don’t know. I do know that I know right from wrong, that I’m kind, compassionate, funny, passionate, a great friend and loyal.

    However, I just got a letter from my landlord for rent money which I don’t have. I am having trouble getting a job and trouble getting a job and I’m so scared I can’t breathe half the time.

  55. SouthernGent2 says:

    Good grief, lots of catching up to do on this subject. I’m sure I will forget something.

    Ben – I don’t think my wife would be too thrilled about me being out on any Friday or Saturday night dates. I am one of those married SD’s that has to be a bit more discrete. Just what I am reading on your situation, it just sounds like you need to go ahead and let this girl move on. She sounds like she is more in a hurry to find funds than a good sd/sb arrangement. In the long run, its her loss.

    Sure I am forgetting someone.

    DDubs – about the intimacy but lack of sex situation. Does this girl have a bf in her private life? If you see the potential with this particular girl, take her to a no pressure place where you can talk without distractions from others or the distraction (to her) of being in a potential sexual situation. Tell her what you think about the arrangement so far, but also tell her that it is very important that she get closer and more comfortable with you in all ways. If she says she can’t, then you should let her go. If she says she will try her best, give her a bit longer, then get a nice hotel room and bottle of wine. This will be her chance to show she is trying her best. If she is unable or unwilling, then you have to pretty much tell her that you really like her, but that you gave her an extra few weeks to get more comfortable with you and the situation, and that it is obvious that she is only willing to get so close, thus you feel you need to move on. It will be her loss really because you were the gentleman, and she will not be able to easily find a replacement.

  56. JetSetBaby says:

    Wow. Looks like it was a late night on here last night!!

    Lisa- ewwwwa i can’t believe a guy had the audacity to tell you he’d spoil you (with shoes if that is even considered spoiling) if you were good in bed.. Sooo gross!! I’m sorry you had to come in contact with someone so distasteful… Theres a good way to make you feel like a hooker.

    Ben- I would be running the other way if i were you. I can understand if she brings to the table that she needs some help but the fact that she couldn’t wait a few days or even take your good faith gesture with helping her with half till you could meet up shows she’s a true golddigger.. Gosh whats the fine line between being a sugar baby and a gold digger? haha. I never talk about other prospects with other sugar daddies just as i don’t really care to hear about other girls they may be talking with.. How distasteful..

    ddubs- I say its probably pretty hit or miss for you right now. From the sounds of it she may just be an innocent girl that doesn’t want to feel too rushed into sex and you’re a great guy by so far not pushing it too much. Of course things turn out much better when they develop naturally. So i’d maybe give it a little more time to naturally develop as from the sounds of it she does truely sound interested but just needs to take some more time. In the end may turn out to be the best sb than a girl who will just jump into bed with someone right away to get the mutually beneficial relationship started

  57. stephan says:

    Blondie, Ben, All: Goodnight, sleep well. :)

  58. Blondie says:

    Thanks got it stephan.. I love getting mail! good night stephan.. and anyone else crazy enough to still be awake

  59. stephan says:

    Ben: totally fine :)

  60. Ben says:

    Try 191506, I am age 38-42 based in Denver….athletic

    Stephan – hope this is okay…. : )

  61. Blondie says:

    Stephan- I am confused.. there is not a way for me to search his profile number so how will I get into contact with this gentleman.. or is there??

    Stephan- Dont you worry I think you are stuck with us now (sorry for speaking on your behalf Ben)

  62. stephan says:

    Ben: I finally got what you meant by “rules of the road” — so we’ll definitely have that as a topic!

  63. Ben says:

    You know you make a good point about the nuances. I actually think of a SB as a mistress and that might sound negative, I don’t think of it that way. A mistress is a relationship that often is fairly long term – where there’s attraction, affection and respect. It is just that quite often the man may be married or very busy career-wise. Some women I’ve met don’t seem that interested in what I look like or who I am and only ask for a certain allowance. This seems like more of a contracted prostitute arrangement than a real SB, but some may disagree.

  64. stephan says:

    Ben: Just go ahead and post it on the blog (the profile number) and that will be fine. Posting your profile number is the official rule of the road from this point on. I am so thankful for the fact that you, blondie and the other bloggers have given me something to be passionate about. I love the conversations and live vicariously through them…whatever you do, don’t you two go running off for good now, ya hear?!

  65. Blondie says:

    I agree with you fully. Seems as though so far I have only found men looking for glorified prostitutes.. just like I told in my post before. silly man.. Hopefully I will find my gentleman soon.

  66. Ben says:

    Stephan was going to give you my info. I put my profile in a blog and he took it out – which is fine.

    This blog is great. I have been soo lost as I am still fairly new to this. Some rules of the road would be great for both sides.

  67. Blondie says:

    Ben.. thanks, I should go to bed also but am still up , this blogging has become addicting especially when I only have boring tasks such as studying to do.
    Stephan- Thanks , that blog was very educational… Did you want me to post my profile number on here now, or were u able to use my email?

  68. Ben says:

    Blondie – John Edwards apparently was dating a staff member in the fall – during the time the press was reporting about his wife having cancer. This woman is now saying she has had a baby that is his. It is just too bad. I have never been a huge fan, but I have to feel sorry for him and his family. I am still up – but going to bed soon.

    Blondie – you sound like a sweetheart – in that you say you’d never ask for money. In my mind it is the not asking that makes me want to start giving, if that makes sense : ).

  69. stephan says:

    Ben, Blondie, ALL: To connect with other members, leave your PROFILE NUMBER located on the top of your profile page. 😀

    Blondie: I hope the post I just made 😀 — answers your question…:)

  70. Blondie says:

    I think that sounds wonderful…Send it over!
    What is the John Edwards Sugar Daddy thing?

  71. Blondie says:

    Did everyone go to sleep on me.. You were all doing a wonderful job of distracting me from studying lol. Come back!

  72. lisa says:

    I think it is important to get to know someone first but as long as no physical expectations are made. I personally have lost money in the past but I got over it quicker than I did when a guy I thought was interested in a relationship with me, dropped me after getting physical.
    It is important to at least pay for dinner or entertainment from the beginning because if a woman wants to have to pay her own way, there are plenty of free sites where we can find a guy like that. Most of us have taken a break from serious dating. AND remember some women can be tricky and more subtle. The demanding one might just be imature or have a distorted view of the sd/sb relationship where as that patient sb might be taking it slow to win you over and catch you off guard. I have seen many people hurt by people that they thought they could trust.
    I personally try to be cautious and trust my inner voice although sometimes I think it limits my opportunities.

  73. Ben says:

    Stephan – no problem with keeping things somewhat anonymous. Could you forward my info to Blondie and see if she’d be interested in contacting me. – Thanks.

    Have to say I’m nearly getting addicted to this blog. I found myself more interested in checking comments here today than checking my mail : ).

    ddubs – I say cut this woman loose and walk away. I was in an ‘arrangement’ with a really stunning woman that was similar. I was truly enamored with her and didn’t want to push things, but also wanted them to progress. To Lisa’s point – I don’t think I (or you hopefully) am about a quid pro quo necessarily. I look for a SB that I truly like and want to spoil, but who also is attracted to me – the allowance and gifts should just be seen as perks – at least I would hope so. Anyhow – I waited a month or two – gave her cash, some nice jewelry and really tried to be a model guy. We had some intimacy, long romantic kisses – but I think it got about as far as yours did. Anyhow, she was a bit flaky and I finally just decided she wasn’t that serious and walked away. I don’t think she ever was ready to get really physical – she is very young as well. I still miss her I should admit, but I think it was the right choice.

    I’ve been on this site about 4 months and have had varying luck – but I do know there are women who I’ve hit it off with right away and we get into bed fairly soon. I really want to learn about the person and enjoy her – but I’m also a man who enjoys intimacy.

    I think there are choices out there for you. Move on – it will be painful at first, but you’ll be better in the end. Too bad you have to travel to meet a SB. You can’t find any SBs in your area??

    Best,
    Ben

  74. Blondie says:

    ben- thanks for your interest.. :) I think you are being very generous with this girl, offering to pay the “over” charges on a loan (I have no idea what they are called when you dont pay them ontime) and if she is not happy with that, she is just being a gold digger of sorts, I dont think she is being very considerate of you or your financial status. I would say let her go.. (but perhaps all the sudden, I am being a bias blogger and want for you to be sugar baby available lol) No, but honestly, if she has told you she has other options it seems like she is playing games with you, and no one likes those kinds of games.

    Stephan- email fairy huh, thats cute.. oh the power you have. (by the way great job on the blogs, I really enjoy reading them, and now that I took the jump in and posted I will continue to do so.. thanks again)

    Dubbs (and other’s)- Im just curious, totally new to the sugar baby/ daddy scene, when do most of you start having sex with your daddy/ baby. I suppose it is totally dependent on the people, but I have come across a few guys so far that are very straight to the point that even on the first meeting want to have sex with me.. I expressed that I would not be comfortable doing that and they disapeared.

    on a side note I must tell you all about the latest of the men I have chatted to.. we started chatting and he told me his plan which was to sleep with me and then if I was good enough in bed he would then spoil me.. being my curious self i asked what this spoiling would include and he told me 1 pair of shoes. But only if the sex was good.. I was shocked. I really hope I do not come across many more men like this, its starting to make me wonder about sugar daddy and baby relations. …Still waiting for a real gentleman….

  75. ddubs says:

    lisa –
    I do start out generous from the beginning…as I mentioned in my particular recent situation…and, I don’t talk sex with a potential SB at the start. I want to get to know her…and, her me. At the same time, SD’s do have choices here. Who do you think one would choose to see first? A potential SB who also wants to take the time to get to know him? or, a potential SB who demands money up front just to hang out? Unless the girl is drop dead gorgeous, or has an absoultely amazing personality…I’m going to choose the one who is not demanding, and who wants to take the time to get to know me.

    I do wish you luck in your search.

  76. lisa says:

    I am new to this too. I met one sd on here, well low key sd but we did have some good dates and he did give a small allowance that with the financial struggle I was going through at that time, it was great to have a few hundred to go shopping. Now I am looking for another but am finding nothing but guys that I chat on the phone with for hours, and then they are going to come to meet me, then they get busy, make exuses and fall off the face of the earth. Or they want to meet in october. I need some definate leads, not just dates in the future.
    I think intimacy is expected in a sd/sb relationship but find that we sbs are supposed to put the financial part aside but the sds are ok to talk about sex. I believe a man should start out generous from the beginning. Sure it’s a risk for a sd (but a true sd should be able to afford a little cash to find the right one after all he probably lost a few dollars before he made his fortune). I personally can feel something easier for a man who takes care of me and takes initiative quicker than a guy who just comes on as the regular “you pay your own” guy that is common today. My last real relationship before I gave up on that to find a sd was a man whom I didn’t really feel anything for and avoided for months after our first meeting from another dating site. He invited me out for my birthday and I thought is was ok so I accepted. He picked me up, took me to a nice dinner, took me shopping and to a movie. I had a great time with him and the attention he gave me and the way he spoiled me made me feel something for him and I developed geniune feelings for him and even enjoyed the simple things with him like waking up on saturday morning and having coffee together as well as grocery shopping together. His compliments and desire to contribute to the upkeep of my appearance made me feel special. Unfortunately he let his adult children run his life and chose to drop out of dating because his daughter who had a new baby decided to move in with him so he could watch her baby while she went to school.

  77. ddubs says:

    hey lisa….
    you know, when I read my post over…I noticed how someone could come to your conclusion as well.

    I guess I would want an arrangement/relationship to eventually lead to sex. I’ve said before that I never have “negotiated” sex as part of any arrangement/relationship…and, that I would never want someone to have sex with me who didn’t actually want to…and, this hasn’t ever been a problem before (I’ve been on the site almost 3 years and have met easily over a dozen potential SB’s, and ended up having sex with a majority while sticking to my “rules”). I have always been disappointed in the arrangements that had sex without intimacy. Now, I’ve got one that has some intimacy…without much hope for sex anytime soon…and, its thrown me!

    This is a brand new situaiton for me, and I’m trying to sort my thoughts and figure out how to handle it.

  78. lisa says:

    edit from last post, I meant “friday” lol on saturday nights I am stuck at work.

  79. lisa says:

    ddubs,

    Are you looking for sex just because you gave someone some financial assistance? Sounds the same as the ladies expected money if they put out.

    Why are we all in on friday night? Personally I haven’t been out on a saturday night since my last relationship with a boyfriend ended.

  80. lisa says:

    Wow you guys are generous with potential sbs. The guys I come in contact with take forever to want to meet (some times as long as a month) and then it’s just starbucks and talk of what we are looking for and a tentative date set sometime in the future (another month?) and then nothing. They even want me to travel to see them on my own expense. I can’t get away from work for that.

  81. ddubs says:

    Yeah, what are we doing in?

    Actually,
    I’m meeting a brand new potential SB tomorrow.
    Leaving town in the morning for the weekend to meet-up in her city.

    She seems awesome on the phone, and we have a lot in common.

    Good thing I had other options. If things go well this weekend, it will make it much easier to get over this last one…if that’s what I decide to do.

    Why can’t I have intimacy…that eventually leads to sex?
    Is that too much to ask for? : )

  82. ddubs says:

    to Lisa’s point:
    I think that can be easily avoided. I think a woman should not have sex with a man unless SHE WANTS TO. The fact a potential SB should feel used if she has sex without getting paid is kinda sad. To me, that means the woman had sex mainly for the money. Again, maybe I’m too much of an idealist or romantic.

    Speaking of which…I could use some advice.
    Someone I thought I was heading toward a true SD/SB relationship shared some interesting information with me today.

    First a scene setter:
    I have seen this potential SB twice in person. I should mention she is young, not yet 20 (I will say I’m between 35-45). The first time I flew her to a beach vacation where I treated her absoultely first class and spoiled her with some shopping. She also missed her flight on the way down which ended up costing another $400 to get her on another plane. Anyway, I thought we hit it off. We shared a lot of laughs and good times, but, there was only light intimacy and no sex. She said she liked to take it slow…fine.

    A few weeks ago, she visited me in my town. Again, we had a really good time, and the intimacy picked-up…more deep kissing…touching…but, she still stopped short of sex for the same reason…she takes it slow. I have said in these threads that I value intimacy at least as much as sex…so, I didn’t have too much problem with this because she had actually told me that she “likes me”. This was all good with me. I figured the rest would be coming with future visits since the connection seemed truly there.

    While we never entered into an “allowance” situation…I have paid her rent once…a car payment once…wired gas money ($200) so she could visit her family once…
    I would say I’ve given her about $1500 in cash outside of the trip we took where I probably spent another $500 in gifts.

    Okay…here’s what happened today…on text. (why doesn’t anyone talk live anymore!) –
    I was inviting her to spend another weekend soon with me, meeting in a city between the two of our’s (driving distance for both)….and she mentioned that she’d like to…but, probably had to work because her car payment was due.
    Since I had taken care of last month’s…I said I could take care of this one if we do get together and “have fun”. Those are the words I used, because honestly I DID want to imply I hoped things progressed…without coming right out with it.
    She picked-up on it, and we got into a discussion on whether our relationship would become more pnysical (again on text).

    She went on to say that she didn’t think she could be sexual with me because everytime we start, it just doesn’t “feel right”…

    Wow. Now what?

    I’d bet most SD’s would say cut her loose…but, I really do like her. She’s model gorgeous with an amazing figure, and I do enjoy the intimacy without the sex. At the same time, I don’t know how long I could continue without things progressing. Its difficult now not to want the rest. Its also difficult to continue funding this relationship if the potential for sex isn’t down the road…at least apparently not anytime soon.

    Thoughts?

  83. Ben says:

    SouthernGent – thanks!! Hey – aren’t we all supposed to be out on dates on a Friday eve, lol? I did tell her I was serious and that I would even cover the interest overage charges if the loans she mentioned needed to get paid today. I asked if we could sit down on Sunday and go through all this – that I was thinking of how to get her out of debt (with me paying an allowance and loans off) but that it would need to be on Sunday. I even mentioned I could probably put down $500 – or 1/2 today – as a good faith gesture. She just walked away and said this wouldn’t do – and that she had a backup guy she would go to. I can understand her thinking that I’m a SD so this should be no problem and I should take the plunge – on the other hand, I just get annoyed that she wasn’t more patient. I think if she really liked me she probably would be. Thoughts??

  84. SouthernGent2 says:

    Ben – she is putting you in a tough position there. My tendency would be to walk away. But before doing that, if she really interests you, tell her how you would like to work things with her in terms of allowance, gifts, etc. Put the ball back in her court and make sure she understands that you simply prefer to start carefully with someone new. If she runs to someone else after that, then at least you made an effort and she will become a problem for someone else.

  85. Ben says:

    Blondie – thanks for your note. You sound like a real sweetheart – I’d be interested in chatting outside of the forum. It is disappointing, but as the time passes – just like driving away from something you get a better view – I think I made the right choice. This woman put up 14 photos and she’s very attractive and I think she thinks she can just find a SD to pony up cash just for the chance of being with her for something open ended. Maybe so.

    I like to be generous and spoil the women I care about – but it is hard if it is just expected. I think if one side gives too much too early they take a big risk – and even if the relationship continues they will expect a lot. If the woman gives sex she undoubtedly will be on edge about when her SD is going to come through with an allowance and if a SD ponies up a lot of cash, he will be looking for some intimacy no doubt. That is why I like SouthernGent’s idea of slowly ramping it up – on both sides. You start to give more and get more back and so on.

  86. Blondie says:

    Oh thats really unfortunate Ben. Its to bad that has happened, it seemed as though you really liked her. I am totally new to this all, have not had a sugar daddy yet, so perhaps I am not intouch with sugar daddy/baby relationships, but I would never ask for money. I think that by asking for money after only a first meeting date you are stating that you are having a relationship with this guy based only on the money. I would explain my economic situation with the potential daddy and in hopes he would understand, but never ever would I ask for money. Since being on this website I have also come across a lot of pompous men who like to tell me all about how much money they have, how much they pay their ex-wives, how much their cars and house cost. I really do not find this flattering, I prefer a guy who makes it known that money is not a trouble of his but leaves it to that until later. I would prefer to find out about him, how he earns his money, his life and likes and dislikes and then chat about the money side once we are compatible. Just as I would rather he discuss my goals in life rather than my favourite sex positions.

  87. Ben says:

    Folks – just had to add an update here. After a few messages back and forth to this potential SB, it looks like things are already over. She all but demanded the $1K today – saying she couldn’t wait even until Sunday to discuss it. She says she has somebody lined up to help her out as a backup. I met this woman maybe 3 days ago and only once in person and she demands at 5p on a Friday that I come up with $1K right now or I’m not legitimate? I mean – I was ready to start some of her allowance, but this just doesn’t smell right which is a big bummer. What do folks think? I know we SDs have the cash, but as somebody here said I think you need to get to know a person before this. At least more than 1 date?? I think this gets to JetSet’s comments – if she needs the money this fast and this badly then she’s not really a SB, she’s something else.

  88. Ben says:

    All – so I have some news. After a few cute texts today I just got a note from my potential (or should I say new SB) that she needs $1,000 to pay off loans she has. She mentioned that she has some loans yesterday, but didn’t mention this. What do folks here think? Should I walk away – or even run : )? I mean – I want to have faith and be generous – but this comes as a shock of sorts.

  89. stephan says:

    Lisa: I agree that there’s a significant psychological loss when you feel cheated out of an arrangement, especially if you allowed someone to be intimate with you (partially due to the understanding that you were engaged in a MUTUALLY beneficial relationship).

  90. lisa says:

    I think we potential sb’s run the greatest risk of being scammed. When a guy is scammed out of money, he has control over it. If he chooses to give a large amont of money to someone he doesn’t really know that is his choice, and after all it is only money and a sugardaddy is supposed to have plenty of that anyway so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. However when a sugarbaby has sex with a sugardaddy and gives that part of herself away and gets scammed there is a bigger feeling of being used. A wealthy sugardaddy can make more money to make up for the small amount he lost but a sugarbaby has lost some of her self respect.

    And yes let’s take it slow on the financial side, wait to get to know a person before paying out an allowance to a sb, but at the same time a sd should be willing to settle for holding hands for the first month of the relationship too as the physical side shouldn’t be rushed either. If a man wants to wait to start paying an allowance, then he needs to wait for physical relations too.

  91. Tonnie says:

    I’m new to the site and I will agree that these posts are addicting. I think it’s an awesome way to express yourself. Ben…good luck on your dates with the new SB! You and SouthernGent sound like cool guys.

  92. Ben says:

    Hey All – good evening! Wow – this continues to be a GREAT thread – SO very helpful. I’ve had really nobody to go to for advice on this whole world until now. We should all get together and write a guidebook, lol (I’m half serious).

    I just got back from my first face to face meeting with a new potential SB. She was dressed a bit racey for me (those lingerie tops continue to be the “in” thing, and I think they are sexy – but I’m a bit old fashioned about them – aren’t they for the bedroom, lol? Anyhow – she’s a total sweetheart – much more modest in person than her outfit might suggest. We got to talking about Salsa dancing and I challenged her that she didn’t really know how to do it and she got up (as did I) in the middle of this restaurant to show me a salsa move. That’s a pretty cool babe I have to say. She moves really well – very sexy. She’s got a college degree and what sounds like a decent job and she made great conversation (brains are as key for me as beauty). Anyhow – we kissed briefly as I like to teest the waters early – especially if the mood seems right.

    I hear JetSet’s comments – but I think this IS the in between. This woman isn’t forcing the issue of help – she didn’t even bring it up – I did. She says she’s gotten overextended and needs to dig herself out of it and while she’s considered working an extra job, this would be hard for her. She said she just wanted to try this idea and really wants chemistry and a relationship and isn’t demanding anything at all right now. We had a fun time (I forget how it started) talking about sex – and she said she’s got a very ‘healthy’ drive – as I made the point that I never plan to lose the desire no matter how old I get. I think this is a good start – the subject is at least on the table now. Tact and grace are not always that easy – but that’s hopefully what we possess as we SDs are older and experienced.

    I like SouthernGent’s idea that the SB gets 1/4 to 1/2 of the regular allowance during the “trial’ period of 30 days or so. I think this is a good thing for both sides – the SB gets some help and spending money, and if things progress as expected, the SD should get increased affection and attention, ahem – and the rest. This is sort of a good way to ramp things up.

    I’m hoping to see this woman soon. One thing that I thought was very cute and cool was that she apparently didn’t call to check in with a girlfriend on time as part of a safety plan – so her gf texted me on my cell and asked me to have her call in. A woman who is worthy of strong, caring friends is attractive. I had a little fun and texted her friend the play by play of when my SB was in the restroom : ).

    What happened to CutipiNYC is awful – but as I said I’ve been on the other end – fronting $500 at one point on a 2nd meeting (after a VERY convincing damsel in distress story) as sort of a 1/3 month’s allowance only to never see this woman ever again. I didn’t even get a real kiss – just one on the cheek, like a chump. She would email me and give me b.s about how she was too busy and how things had to ‘develop.’ I waited patiently for weeks upon weeks. It was a scam in my opinion. I am old enough to know I was taking a risk – and we all have to, it just sucks. I like to have faith in people – somehow we have to take chances to build trust.

    I’m hoping to see this SB this weekend. The thing is though – I think some old dating rules apply – don’t call too soon or you will look needy, lol.

    Love all the comments here. My continued thanks to all who have contributed – I hope you keep it up.

    Best,
    Ben

  93. Mostly Sweet says:

    I understand where this guy is coming from–no one wants to feel used. I also understand where the ‘babies are coming from–they don’t want to waste their time with someone fake. Sadly, on both sides, there are a lot of fakes and flakes. I have found that it is safest and best to get everything on the table before you meet. What he wants/is expecting may not be what the ‘baby is willing to offer. Also, what Daddy is offering may not be what the ‘baby wants.

    I make it clear to any SD I am involved with that I want everyone to end up happy, so I don’t ask for a $$ amount. I ask what they are offering (whatever that may be) and what they are expecting. If they can’t answer that honestly, then it doesn’t matter what they have to offer, they are not what I am looking for.

    No one wants to get worked, and it is good to be cautious–May I point out that what happened to CutipiNYC is just AWFUL and should not happen to anyone?

  94. CutipiNYC says:

    Wow I must say..this is a really great thread.

    For all of those new SB’s..the best advice is not to rush things..but always be cautious. Truth be told..even the nicest people can scam.

    Case in point. The first SD i met completely had me for a loop. We met, chatted, had great chemistry (so i thought)..and I was told not to rush things. We came up with a monthly allowance..so I waited and waited..dating and sex included..and when the time for the money to come he was no where to be found. I was hurt..but it was a lesson learned.

    Now wiser and alot more cautious..I have myself a wonderful SD. Pay attention to the signs and most importantly..trust yourself. Does this person really seem trustworthy?? At first I was all about the dollars signs even though my first SD(i cant even call him that because he didnt give me anything) seemed shady from jump.

    But if u wait good things will come..it has for me!

  95. stephan says:

    EasyGoingGuy: Very interesting and well put. Sorry it took so long for ME to respond btw 😀

    We’ll be expecting a significant increase in the number of gay/bi users as we’re adding a special homepage for gay arrangements. I sincerely appreciate you shedding some light on the gay sugar daddy perspective, and I know that plenty of people have been waiting for just that! Thank you.

  96. JetSetBaby says:

    There has to be an in between. i don’t really consider someone that “needs” help a true sugar baby. I consider that a hooker.. But heck maybe thats just me. I think a true sugar baby is a girl that likes to have a fun NSA arrangement with a gentleman that takes very good care of her and i’m sure in most cases she takes very good care of him as well. I’m sure anyone that makes under 100k a year has their bumps in the road, we all do. But i don’t think a sugar daddy website is the place to look, because then aren’t you just selling yourself? Of course a sugar daddy does help his girl out when she hits those bumps. But gosh thats not really the best impression to give someone when you meet them. Just like guys here that just mention sex in their profile. How trashy is that? I expected to be treated better than that and i don’t associate myself with people that don’t have tact. Its all about chemistry, if you don’t have that.. Well you can’t force it whether someone is giving you an allowance or not.

  97. SouthernGent2 says:

    Ben – your initial gift is pretty much in line with my initial gift. As for seeming like it might be trying hard, you have to be honest with how things are. Would this girl be looking at you if you were not rich and interested in taking care of her? See my point?

    As for bringing up sex, asking for private time in a comfortable setting is hint enough what you have in mind without having to say it. There will be some that are open to jumping right into sex, and then there are some that don’t want to be pressured into things. Just get her into that situation, make her comfortable, and then see how each of you handles it.

  98. Ben says:

    Thanks all. Quick responses. I have to share that I am meeting a beautiful SB later today for drinks and dinner – nothing like that new romance feeling. She already texted my by surprise. I have to ask the SBs here if they truly think of their SDs romantically or not. I guess I hope so – I’m a romantic at heart.
    My potential SB is new – has never done this before – or so she says, lol. SouthernGent – I like your idea about bringing gifts to show you are serious. However, I also think that runs the risk of looking like you’re trying to too hard too early – that you aren’t counting on your own personality and looks to have her be interested. I’m very torn. What I have done on a few previous dates and with a SB I had for a short time is to just to take her hand under the table and gently put $$ in it – $100-$200 and say that this a donation to the “Jenny financial independence fund..” or something kind of silly like that – but that makes the point that I want to help and am serious. I figure this beats flowers for usefulness, but isn’t terribly romantic. This way it is NSA – but sets the expectation that I am serious. My thought is that the amt increases with each date until we get to a set agreement. I’m still stumped at how to bring up sex – but maybe on a 2nd or 3rd date after a few glasses of wine and a few long kisses this wouldn’t be such a bad topic. Maybe saying, “next time – I think I’m going to get us some private space…” SBs – what do you think?? Thanks All : ).

    Best,
    Ben

  99. SouthernGent2 says:

    Ben – about how to get things started. I just find it best to show someone you are serious about the process. I always offer an up front gift for a first meeting over lunch or dinner. After that, if we decide to see each other again, then the next meeting is somewhere much nicer where there can be some more personal conversation. I will bring along a similar gift to that meeting as well. It is then that I pretty much will tell what I am looking for, and want to hear the same from her. But that things are under trial basis for maybe the first month or so. If there is a third time, then it could be at a more intimate location such as a nice hotel if both are comfortable with that. Once again, a similar gift is in order. By now you should each have a good idea where things are going. I will not get burned by someone, and in this first month I am willing to invest maybe 1/4 to 1/2 of what I would actually be willing to give her in allowance if things continue onward. I think this is more than fair and protects yourself in case things don’t work out after the trial period.

  100. Much Experience says:

    to be_a_star: thanks for your sincere post. You’re not alone, I’m sure many if not most of us on the site have had the same “through the looking-glass” feelings (very well put!) It sounds to me like you have a good sense about how things *could* go. Don’t let yourself get confused by other people’s feelings & stories that don’t make sense to you. Try to stay in touch with yourself, and take time to make sure you know what *you’re* feeling and thinking as you go along.

    IMHO you have a great advantage on the site: your words come across as sensible & heartfelt. I wish you good luck in finding a really good man for yourself :)

  101. Be_A_Star says:

    I’m a little confused! I would rather think a first date would be like a get to know each other in person date right? I would think it would be nice the SD cover flights, accom and meal if the SB is coming from out of town but that’s all. Anything else at his chose. Then the second date would be to discuss details, allowances, sex, how you both want the arrangement to work, and a check up to make sure it wasn’t a one date wonder. Cause if you have had chats before had and then chats inbetween dates you’d have a fair idea whether you like each other. Or is this nothing like how it work and I’ve got completely the wrong idea? I’m very honest and I feel like I’m Alice and definately stumbled through the looking glass. Everyone seem to edge around things. I mean we are on a site for SD/SB relationships why is everyone so afraid of being honest and straight forward?

  102. Lioness says:

    i know i may ask for a lot, but i am truthful about it. when i say what i expect id like the SD to know what i need it for. like i said before i’m a single struggling mother of 2, i’m a dancer, so all my babies’ healthcare is self pay. now that adds up! especially when they were both borm preemies with problems. sometimes i think if the SD knows why the SB is asking so much, they have a better understanding. i think they need to draw the line between needy and necessary. i have no problems laying out my bills and letting them know whats going on. especially when i’m confident enough to know that i can please them in just about any way they want. and another point brought up was sex. thats true!! true true true!!! we cant talk about upfront payment, yet some guys want sex on a first meeting? works both ways. in that case, how do we know were not being used for “that one thing”? ah i’m yappin now. ya’ll have a good night!!

  103. Ben says:

    DDubs and others – GREAT comments!!! It would be good to compare notes offline somehow – dont know how we could do that. This is VERY useful stuff – and you aren’t the only guy who has spent money on women you never see or only see once : ).

  104. Ben says:

    WOW!!! Great stuff here. I tried to read all the posts but it is late.

    I am a 40ish married SD.

    I guess I have a question for SouthernGent, MuchExperience and BlondeBaby Girl and others – how do you get things started without either side being taken advantage of? I like to help people and am a bit of a sucker for the “damsel in distress” storyline – so much so that I fronted $500 for a SB on our 2nd meeting as part of her allowance. I never saw her again after this – although I had the privilege of emailing her, lol. On the other hand – I know women who have met guys who are fakes or who say they’ll come up with an allowance but never do. I’d love nothing more than a secure, trusted relationship where we both get what we need – but this getting started part seems the hardest. One SB wanted $2K up front after our first meeting in person and told me I had to trust that she wouldn’t disappear.

    Ideally for the SDs I’d like to spend a few weeks or even a month getting to know my SB before I commit to an allowance – but I also realize that this puts the SBs at risk of spending time with a ‘fake’ which I am not.

    My best thought is to start with a weekly allowance and go from there.

    On a related topic, how can a SD bring up the topic of sex without it sounding offensive? I mean – I’d like to be honest at some point and say – “Can we plan to have intimate time once a week?” What do SBs think here and what do other SDs have to say. Obviously this all starts maybe with a kiss or more. I am meeting a SB for the first time after a few emails – she says nothing about sex in her profile. I just hope she doesn’t think I want to pay an allowance to just ‘hang out.’ : ) indefinitely. Thanks in advance for your help.

  105. ddubs says:

    thanks Southern Gent for the kind words.

    and, I think Rosie also hits the nail on the head when she wrote –
    “don’t think these great SD’s are going to jump right in and fix all your problems before they really get to know you”…

    sure, weed out those you feel are “time wasters”…but, try to get to know the many genuine guys who are looking for something and someone special.

  106. Rosie says:

    I agree with all the comments of the SD’s here. To all you new SB’s if you come off too needy you could miss out on a really great man (SD) The very first time a great man treated me like a real woman. I really needed help at that time and talked about money too much so he walked. I will regret that for a long time to come!!!! Times have gotten better and I have not found another one like him yet and not sure I ever will so don’t make that mistake. I know there are more SD’s out there like him and it sounds like they are on the blogs so just be patent and things will get better but don’t think that these (Great) SD’s are going to jump right in and fix all your problems before they really get to know you. This all takes time!!!!

    Love Rosie

  107. BlondeBabyGirl says:

    I do think some come off needy, but in reality SD’s want something from their SB’s.

    I agree with the above posts. Some may need instant help and others it comes in time.

    Only thing is, if someone does seem “desperate”, they get looked at and passed. But have you ever taken the time to actually talk and listen to them? They might not be as desperate as you think.

    Same goes for the SB, if the SD comes of desperate for just sex, have you actually taken the time to talk and listen to them?

    That is the only way SD and SB are going to be able to know if they want anything further than those couple of emails.

    I’m sure there are some on here, that seem demanding with money or sex, and it is up to us to weed them out and find someone who is genuine as a person and their wants and needs as an SD and SB.

    Some people might not be able to write their profile a certain way, they describe themselves a little bit not knowing it turns potential SD’s or SB’s away.

    There is alot that isn’t in my profile, if you want to know more just ask.

    No matter what type of “relationship-arrangement” you may have with someone, the only way it will work for both is honesty, trust, respect and most of all communication. Expectations are laid on the table up front, not later.

    Most SD’s are married, most SB’s are not. It take a special person to be an SB. You have to have understanding, compassion and most of all devotion. The SB will shower her SD with affection, companionship and intimacy, and intimacy comes in many forms and not just sex. The SB is a compassionate person and understands your needs and wants and will be there for you, as you will for him/her.

    the SD is also a special person, having compassion in wanting to help an SB and to give her a life that she would not otherwise have on her own. To guide her, mentor and most of all share youself with her. Give her the attention, the affection and be able to divide yourself from your “other” life with the SD Life. I’m sure that does take a toll on an SD emotionally.

    Both have to be non judgemental. One is cheating and one is seeking your guidence, gifts, allowace, trips, what ever it may be and not judge the SB for their situation or circumstance or why she wants to be with an SD.

    Both have to be cautious, but also realize that one just might slip through your fingers and get away that could of been something wonderful and great.

    Not all situations is a reflection of the person, it is circumstances that might be beyond their control for both SD and SB.

  108. SouthernGent2 says:

    DDUBS – Very well said.

  109. EasyGoingGuy says:

    Stephan: To answer your question, I don’t think in my case it has been difficult — candidly I think it is fair to say that it has been relatively simple to get a discussion going and to get things worked out. Most of the young men respond fairly quickly and some say they even prefer “Daddy” to set the stage and negotiatons. The most amusing profile I saw was posted by a very attractive young man who asserted that if he was given a Land Rover sport he would be at a SD’s beck and call with “no limits”. Too bad he was on the other side of country…..

    As for me, I’ve got a limit set on my profile and if a young man has a higher amount I save both of us the worry of wasting time by not contacting them. At least one young man contacted me and after looking at his profile I alerted him that I wasn’t the guy he was looking for since he was asking for . Amazingly he responded that he believed he could convince me otherwise. Although I chuckled and let him know I thought that was amusing I assured him it wasn’t a good idea for us to meet if his goal really was to try to convince me to change my mind since that was likely to lead to one of us being disappointed.

    As for my dealings with SB, I work on the assumption that I’ll cover all of their costs while we’re together even to the point of carrying a few hundred dollars in small bills so that he or I can cover tips and other minor costs that may happen during the weekend. I’ve only had one SB offer to pay his way to see me and I didn’t accept the offer so I think in this respect the arrangement is pretty similar to straights.

    As for the young man that I felt was being deceptive, since I’m not sure if his actions aren’t simply the results of ihis mmaturity I’m reticent to name him. But Stephan, I’ll follow your lead on that. I only mentioned him because it was annoying that he actually had an idea of exactly what he wanted but pretended that he didn’t.

  110. ddubs says:

    I’ve given my opinion on this in other blog threads.

    Here’s how I look at it:

    The potential SD’s have the opportunity to “shop around” for the right fit in a SB. Both SD’s and SB’s are all looking for different things, so finding that right person can take time and be somewhat difficult.

    I think some SB’s make the mistake of thinking the SD’s don’t have choices. Maybe its because some of the guys come across as desperate for sex as some have mentioned here. That’s where the SB’s coming across as “needy” can be a turn-off. As “Much Experience” stated, it can make you wonder how bad a situation the SB is really in…and, whether that burden will end up being more than just financial.

    I operate differently. I am not looking for sex right away. I desire companionship and a personal relationship. That’s doesn’t need to be a committed one…but, definitely one based on mutual trust, respect, and attraction. I enjoy affection as much as I enjoy sex. These are two completely different things. If you have the affection first…when you feel that you and your SB truly like each other…then, the sex can be incredible and fulfilling. If its the other way…and, the sex happens too quickly or without that “connection”…then its just not the same for me.

    I’ve been burned by helping someone financially before meeting. That includes online “shopping”…where I’ve bought someone things while chatting…thinking we’re going to meet the next weekend…then, having the potential SB suddenly become unavailable.

    I would also warn SD’s about EVER sending money in a somewhat long distance arrangement, even after you’ve met. I will only make that transaction in person from now on. The reason is…I’ve made payments or sent cash to SB’s (that I already met in person), only not to see her again for months…or, in two cases…ever. I’ve also been wise enough to avoid being scammed, even after meeting. If you only make transactions in person, at least you’re assured of seeing that person again.

    I’m a good guy, at least somewhat attractive, and always a gentleman. Perhaps I’m too much of a romantic. Maybe that’s why some of the SB’s see me as an easy mark…so, its possible I’ve put up with more than most guys.

    I guess my advice for the SB’s is to think of themselves as a shiny new car on a showroom floor. The SD’s are going to look at your window sticker (price), and try to kick the tires some (check your quality/intelligence/personality).
    Some will want that sleek shiny race car (model type/arm candy/someone for quick sex)…some will want that sturdy SUV (someone reliable, trustworthy)…or a convertible (someone fun)…
    Just keep in mind that the SD’s are just like shoppers. There are literally thousands of SB’s to choose from. Make yourself desirable…from how your pictures are presented…to what you put in your write-up…to how you communicate.

    The SD’s should take this advice as well.

  111. Be_A_Star says:

    Hi Lisa,

    You need to put more value on your time, sweet. Ignore a guy who want to meet in 3 to 4 months probably a fake and you don’t want to pass up a SD who presents immediately. Stop giving a guy who keep blowing you off extra chances. It set the wrong tone for your arrangement right from the start if you ever even meet. He know you alway give him another chance no matter how badly he disrespects your time and you. Remember to show yourself respect first and you’ll attract a SD who respects you. Everything happens for a reason and when you have contact with the right SD you’ll know why you had to wait so long and put up with the annoying SD.

    Smiles B

  112. stephan says:

    EasyGoingGuy: As a Gay Sugar Daddy, do you find it easier or more difficult to discuss expectations, gifts, etc? Let’s face it, for better or worse, there’s a silent standard of expectation placed on hetero males when it comes to being the “provider”, but does the same silent standard apply to gay relationships?

    Feel free to shoot me an email with the deceptive Sugar Baby Male’s profile number (located on the top of his profile page), and I’d be happy to ensure that he isn’t able to defraud our members.

    Much Experience
    : Thanks for the very informative post! There’s definitely more than a few types of scenarios that would either encourage or discourage a prospective sugardaddy to/from dolling out support.
    P.S. I never knew the latin for “buyers beware”, nice! 😀

    Be_A_Star
    : Let me say I’m so glad your taking a fresh and motivated look at your profile! If you end up figuring out something that works really well, you should let us know! There’s always gonna be someone who’s starting out from where someone else left off… Thanks for keeping us posted! 😀

  113. lisa says:

    I have been stood up several times and 3 times by one guy who I kept giving another chance. I get emails from sds and I return the message, and they disappear or talk about meeting in 3 or 4 months. why don’t they wait 3 or 4 months before writing. I find myself constantly in limbo waiting to meet a potential sd that never happens.

  114. stephan says:

    kelsey: I completely understand how you might have come to that perspective, but I don’t know if it is truly something you should absorb as a philosophy. I mean, taking heed of the “law of attraction”, shouldn’t we try to twist and mutate all negative and reactionary perspectives into positive, empowering ones?

    Instead of coming to the conclusion that most SugarDaddies are simply using sugarbabies (online) to stroke their ego, you might try shaping that mantra into something more empowering, maybe like this: sugardadadies want to be teased and enticed, they like being on “the hunt”, and they want to make their pursuit provocative, sexy and FUN.

    The latter outlook might be more empowering for you…perhaps. I think your completely legitimate in not wanting to be strung around, without receiving any mutual benefit. So the question is, how do we let your potential sugardaddies know that your time is valuable? Whats needed is a call to action. Contrary to popular belief, Sugardaddies aren’t by nature authority figures. So as an equal, you can make it clear, elegantly if you will, that your not on this site for kicks and giggles. Like Alicia Dunams says, “i don’t have time to waste my youth and beauty for a hot dog and peanuts”.

    Nonetheless, I’m sure we’ll all appreciate it if you keep us posted! 😀

  115. Much Experience says:

    Very interesting thread, thanks everyone for your comments…

    I guess I’m very sympathetic to the “damsel in distress” scenario, and I’ve have gotten involved with several women in short-term relationships this way. I like the feeling of helping someone out in a way that’s much more exciting than just being a “good samaritan”. So personally, I encourage any SB who feels s/he has a compelling story: make it at least somewhat clear right up front, what your situation is and what you’re hoping to find.

    That said, I completely agree with the other SD that there’s a high risk of SBs using & taking advantage of SDs this way. But this is true in all aspects of life & money. Caveat emptor! I’ve personally never “fronted” anyone a lot of money, maybe a few hundred dollars in travel money for someone living out of town.

    Looking at it from both sides, the SD’s and the SB’s, there’s obviously a lot of risk on both sides. For the “damsel in distress” “SB, there are serious physical & emotional risks. For the “good-hearted” SD, even if the damsel is honest and on-the-level, she may unfortunately just be really over-her-head in life, and frankly that can be a much greater burden long-term than the financial arrangement.

    As far as women who aren’t in real distress at all, which I assume could be the majority of SB’s on the site (?) I also agree with some of the previous posters: whining isn’t very attractive, please do try to be tactful and come across like you have something to offer other than just the obvious…

    Ideally, everyone on the site would make an effort in the profiles to say a lot about him/herself, and we could then all hopefully make decent judgments about who might be right for us. I find minimal profiles to be frustrating in choosing a potential SB. Ironically, they raise too many questions & I generally pass on those..

  116. kelsey says:

    maybe if ALL the SD’s would read this thread!!!! and be more like Southern Gent….I ‘m sick of guys initiating the emails and taking forever to commit…spending all the time on long distance cell charges, etc …and and they play silly games about meeting up…..I honestly feel there are way more sb’d that have been stood up and have been an online ego boost than sd’s……Im trying to be nice here, but c’mon…what are you guy’s thoughts?

  117. lisa says:

    I agree that we shouldn’t sound too needy but at the same time the SDs should avoid talking about sex at first too. It makes them sound needy too. Also if a sd is truly in a financial mess that could be taken care of with a few hundred dollars (maybe she car problems or something that affected her income) then she can pay more attention to the needs of her sugardaddy. If she is worried about a bill, and the sd justs want to jump in bed, the worry about just being used can affect how the sb feels about a potential sd. If is obvious what we all want on here, so both sds and sbs shouldn’t sound too needy with their expectations.

  118. SouthernGent2 says:

    Turned into an interesting thread to follow. I just have to add that I would bet half of the messages I get are types like “will you help me?”, or will you send me funds Western Union? That just takes away from me wanting to meet someone. I know why you are on this site, so why take away from the fun of meeting someone? I always bring a gift the first time I meet someone just to show that I am serious, so I try to get that in first before she might start asking like it is an emergency of sorts.

  119. EasyGoingGuy says:

    As a gay sugar daddy I’ve come to believe there’s a fine line between desperate and direct. I believe there’s nothing wrong with a SB expressing their desires or expectations just as I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a SD expressing their desires or expectations. But how that’s handled is key. Some of it is direct and express and some is implied. For instance if a SB or SD puts negotiable on the issue of what they are seeking and offering then it seems a lot more conversation is necessary so that parties are clear. But what has bothered me is when a SB says negotiable but they really mean $5K monthly. I assume it would be just as annoying if a SD said negotiable and really meant $100 a month or some ridiculously low amount.

    I got into a lengthy discussion because a SB baby said he wanted to meet up but wanted to be paid for the time that he would miss work. For 3 days he wanted $3500.00 to make up for what he claimed he would forgo at work otherwise. After explaining that A) if he made that much a day he didn’t need a sugar daddy and b) that assuming a 5 day work week conservatively that would get him more than $250,000 a year instead of admitting his attempted deception he countered that he only worked 3 day weekends. When I explained that would still equal well over $150K a year he came clean and admitted that he wanted enough to make it worth my while.

    He’s still on the site and I can’t really assume anybody will fall for that, but who knows. Here’s the thing, I’m willing to offer assistance, that’s what a sugar daddy does but expectations must be reasonable and there’s no reason to start things off with deception.

  120. Naveah says:

    Well if there are any SD’s out there that wants to send money without seeing a woman, he got too much, so he can send it to me…. I’ve never heard such rubbish.

    Well I must say that in the past I was in a relationship with a wealth man, (7 years) who I adored, and I must say I was always treated like a real woman who wanted for nothing, so therefore had no need to ask.

    I think if the chemistry between 2 people is there the SD should know the wants needs and lifestyle of the person he dates, so be open and there should be no problems.

    Respect and be respected this goes for men and women

  121. Julie says:

    I agree with Lee and Lioness! Part of the problem with this site (and I know it’s not just me) is that there are a lot of fakers out there. Also, even though it says right in many SBs profiles how much financial need they are looking for, very often we get offers that are so low as not to really be helpful to the kind of debt we are in or the amount of bills we have. I like to be honest about what I need, just like many SDs are honest about their need to be physically spoiled. I don’t mention it in the very first email but I don’t like to waste each other’s time meeting if we can’t fulfill each others needs. It’s an exchange and I’m willing to give, too. Why hide what we’re both looking for?

  122. Lioness says:

    i’m very much in agreement with Lee. i’m still new to this and i still have to get used to how this whole thing works, but most men do talk about money before themselves. come on, lets be real, money is pretty much the biggest reason most us girls are on here. i’m a struggling mother of 2, and to be honest, i do need help. no i havent talked about my bills, or so to say whined, but why knock those who have? its made to sound like were gold-diggers, but think about it isnt it in a females nature? just about every profile i’ve read on here talks about nothing but how much they want to spoil their SB and everything, so i see nothing wrong with being honest and upfront as a SB. thats what the site is for. granted i’m not going to ask for money in the first message or reply, but i am going to expect it in time. the one SD i was supposed to meet left me hanging, so how misleading was that? its juat how things work, and another thing SDs can do that might help is to stop with the upfront offers, thats when it becomes expected. if you send a SB a message saying, i’ll give you $2000 upfront what are we to expect?

  123. SouthernGent2 says:

    Best thing I ever did with a SB that I really trusted was give her weekly allowances and use of a credit card. The allowance was established after about a month of seeing each other based on information she gave me about her monthly expenses. After about six months, I gave her a credit card with a certain line extended on it. Told her what it was and she never violated the terms of the line at all. We never had to discuss money or her financial needs ever again. That worked perfectly for me, and I am sure it did for her also.

  124. Lee says:

    I don’t think it’s a matter of a SugarBaby sounding needy. There are men that describe their money before they describe themselves. If putting your best foot forward and money is the first thing you say, what else would she think.

    I was with a man for 2 years (an actual relationship). Makes A LOT of money. Never spent hardly a dime on me alone or us together. Only to learn that he has been spending his money elsewhere. “I don’t do anything physical with her…that is only with you. But we do go out and have fun”. And I’m sure she is in it for his money…I wasn’t.

    I’m not saying all I want is money…that isn’t me. I know there are a lot of women that want every penny they can get their hands on. But I don’t think all SugarBabies should be classified the same way.

    We didn’t ask you if you are a SugarDaddy…you put yourself out there that way. Of course she is going to ask you for things.

  125. Be_A_Star says:

    Wow I can’t imagine putting out demands before you’ve even meet an interested SD. That has to be a major turn off to any guy.

    I have been surprised with the number of girls who are expecting to be saved on this site.

    I alway believed that the spoils from a SD would be a bonus on top of what you already get from your own income. Unless he expects to completely support you so you are alway free at the drop of a hat, (which I think you’d discuss after you knew whether you hit it off), but even then you need a life outside of your SD otherwise you’d become a very boring person to be around.

    I guess I have a very independent side, I’d be happy with a SD who took care of all my finance, but even if I found one who just spoiled me and I kept working that would be fine as well.

    Well thats my thoughts so far

    Smiles B

  126. sweetbaby says:

    I understand that it can be a turn off but sometimes even genuine sugarbabes could need financial aid quickly and may get whiney about it. But agreed that constantly complaining about it before even meeting will not get them the help needed as quickly as they want but may instead push their potential sugar daddies away.

    I found the best thing to do is meet each other first and really get it out of the way in a casual discussion where you explain your expectations, wants and needs and he tells you whether he feels he can meet them.

    This needs to be done in an honest and frank conversation and does seem scary at first but if achieved it would allevate any stress, annoyance and repetition of complaints about bills.

    Also once im a while conversations about it would come in handy in case the situation changed.

    Well thats my two cents.

  127. SouthernGent2 says:

    Some of the other blog threads have discussion about real SD’s vs pretender SD’s. Same applies to the SB’s also. Girls that have demands and are holding their hands out before even meeting someone are not real SB’s in my view. They are just out for the highest bidder, or perhaps for the easiest sucker that will fall prey to their “I’m in trouble with my past due rent” demands.

    We know you need some help in some way. Just don’t start crying for help before the first message is even digested. Its a big turnoff for me.

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