Why do we seek mutually beneficial relationships? A sweet tooth doesn’t develop from a neutral palate. Much like it’s literal brother, Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby cravings arise from having too much bitterness or sourness. But what we are most curious about are the unconventional catalysts to converting to the Sugar Lifestyle. For those of you who are new to mutually beneficial relationships, let’s address the usual culprits…
1.) The Kept Man
In America, they call them “scrubs”. In the UK, “kept men”. Regardless of what you call a leech, it’s genetic make up still makes it a blood-sucking parasite. These boyfriends are asking you to foot the bill more often than they go job hunting.
2.) Miss or Mrs. Entitled
She’s the woman, or shall we say girl, you dated who expected Chanel, Gucci, trips to Aruba, and a new car for every damn holiday–including the obscure ones. And what did you get in return? Nothing. Because the mere fact that this woman was born and chooses to allow you to even remotely communicate with her, entitles her to your money. All of it.
3.) Turning in the Donna Karan for a Drive Thru for the Diploma
Ah college. A time to find yourself, explore the world, and experience the joys of life, while the golden carrot of a successful career hangs in the horizon. Not quite. If Mom and Dad didn’t save for your college fund, or possibly tapped into it when that pink slip showed up on either one of their desks. Or your savings went straight to senior year activities. Better buckle down and visit your local fast-food. Not only will this be the only place you can afford to eat, but you will soon be one of their shining employees! Shining the toilet bowl that is…But, it will be worth it right? Secret: Minimum wage will not cover all those wonderful interest rates on your student loan.
4.) “Time is Money”
Successful men know that time is money. You, future Sugar Daddy, sat down and calculated how many times she was late or stood you up last month for dates or get togethers SHE planned. What did you find? You could have gone across the country, spent a weekend in California or New York, fly back, and you would still have time left off for a martini lunch.
5.) “There Must be More than this Provincial Life”
Back home, everyone knows who you dated, when you were born, and what you are up to next week. The most exciting thing that happened was when they decided to build an In-N-Out at the local mall. The last vacation you went on was to the lake…which was 5 miles from your house.
6.) Tired of Hollering “We Want Pre-nup! We Want Pre-nup!”
What can we say? You are a hopeless romantic! Don’t worry that means you are built to be a Sugar Daddy–possibly the only men who still understand the meaning of romance. Unfortunately, you realized this after the third Botox-filled, trust fund, gold-digging, Daddy’s girl stomped back from her solo trip to Cabo (complete with Housewives of [insert suburb here] mob trailing behind her) with divorce papers. Complete with her 25k monthly alimony requirement.
7.) It’s Not Only Women that are Like Wine
You came back from school one day and found cheese stains on your brand new Chanel purse, so you followed the crumb trail to find your lover. There he was perched yelling into his gaming headset, which he bought last week so his “team” could communicate better. Taking a deep breath, you ask where the two of you should go for dinner. He looks away from the computer screen long enough to announce that he has made arrangements to meet with his “bros” at the local wing joint because “the game is on”. Happy two year anniversary!
What were your motives for seeking Sugar?
Did any of the usual suspects apply to you?