3 weeks ago
50 Shades of Sugar With SeekingArrangement

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SeekingArrangement goes Fifty Shades Darker

If you’re anything like us, the release of “50 Shades Darker” has pushed your imagination into overdrive. Could anything be better than an attractive, unbelievably wealthy bachelor fulfilling your every wish (both in and out of the bedroom!)?

During the first installment of the “50 Shades” trilogy, you may have noticed some of the similarities between the “50 Shades of Grey” version of the Dom/sub relationship and the traditional Sugar Relationship. When Christian Grey demands that protagonist Anastasia Steele accepts any and all gifts that he chose to lavish upon her or insisted on replacing her old car with an expensive luxury ride, we swooned with envy. Does Christian Grey even realize that with his proclivity for contracts and negotiation he could have easily found a Sugar Baby to happily consent to privacy and contract in exchange for Louboutins and the occasional Maserati? In fact, SeekingArrangement even wrote a blog about the 15 Lessons from 50 Shades for the Sugar Baby Lifestyle.

Sugar Babies are a smart, business savvy breed, way more comfortable than mousy Anastasia in negotiating high-value arrangements with billionaires. But before you dive head first into the deep, dark world of BDSM within the SugarBowl, we at SeekingArrangement.com wanted to put forth a bit of sage advice to make sure you don’t get in over your head.

Pink-Handcuffs

BDSM in the Bowl

Does BDSM exist in the Sugar Bowl?

Yes! Kinksters live in the Sugar Bowl too. As a decidedly small niche within the Sugar community, finding the perfect Dom within the bowl will probably take more time than your average sugar search. Instead of tailoring your profile strictly towards this small niche interest, we’d recommend leaving hints in your profile that you’re interested in exploring this type of relationship dynamic. A Sugar baby who “loves catering to the interests of her partners” might be of interest to all types of Sugar Daddy while subtly hinting to Daddies of kink that this might be an interesting relationship to explore.

For more on BDSM in the bowl check out our video discussing Fifty Shades of Grey!

A Sliding Scale

As with all interests, each individual will enjoy different aspects of Dom/sub or BDSM relationships. Many kinksters agree that the relationship portrayed in the “50 Shades” trilogy does not accurately represent the attitudes of many within the BDSM community. Everyone is different – make sure you do your research and learn the terminology! Research can help you to determine the type of relationship you’d like to create and is helpful when negotiating that type of relationship with a partner. As in all relationships, it is paramount to only engage in arrangements where mutual trust exists- especially when exploring new relationship dynamics for the first time!

Safe Words

When discussing power dynamic exchanges within relationships, safety and trust should be emphasized above all else! Sugar baby subs must remember that in all relationship types (vanilla, sugar, or Dom/sub sugar) they have the power to re-negotiate the terms of the relationship at any time or to leave the relationship at any time. This power dynamic is true (or should be true) for all involved members and in all types of relationships, but is especially important to keep in mind when a power exchange is a part of the relationship dynamic.

Would you explore a Dom/sub relationship inside or outside of the Sugar Bowl?

 


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97 Responses to “50 Shades of Sugar With SeekingArrangement”

  1. Anonymous says:

    BDSM is no love story? BDSM is what people make it… If you want sex and spankings, that’s what you’re gonna get. If you seek deep connections, you have to develop a relationship. Love is not a must in BDSM, neither is SEX!

  2. FedupAnon says:

    I got banned for BDSM on SA, but they promote it on the blog. Maybe you should tell that to the idiot in support I am suing for libel.

  3. WTF says:

    true story guys , on contact sb in ny wants allowance to meet and talk and the convo was short lived and ended . she texts me again after 3-4 days asking if i was free to meet up and she is not going to ask for an allowance but instead i will have t do her a favor . the favor was to rent a car under my name and give it to her for the weekend . how dumb can she be , i still dont get it .

  4. Anonymous says:

    i suggest you go to local parties and clubs (found on local community boards), check it out to see if that’s your thing. I perform a basic spanking show for a club once a month and it never ceases to amaze me how many men and women actually like someone to take charge. But again, I wouldn’t feel safe advertising so publicly with all the clowns and crazies on here. I’d start at local clubs if you are serious.

  5. Anonymous says:

    ok curious , any one has an ongoing platonic relationship ? i dont mean couple of meetings i meant is ongoing for 3 plus months. it will be fun to hear from both sds and sbs.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Not only is 50 Shades of Gray a very inaccurate portrayal of the BDSM community, but the creator of this post does not seem to realize that the Woman can be the Dominant one in the relationship also. Many high achieving men actually enjoy the freedom and release that submission allows them. As a side note, any Dominant who treats their submissive the way it is portrayed in the movie is abusive and should be avoided.

    • Anonymous says:

      I agree with you, my BDSM relationship is nothing like thatand it kind of weirds me out, I wouldn’t want a DOM like that. I love my Dd/lg dynamic, and the exchange of power and submission is amazing. Its hard to adult sometimes and my DOM helps me release all of my stress.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I have no idea why this is even here. Jenn…the Fetlife rejected it? Oh. Sorry.

  8. peacebabyy says:

    To “Anonymous” “I am not against helping a sb out for her travel expenses to come for meet and greet specially and young college student with no job . But to expect an allowance to have lunch or dinner is the part i have problem with. but i guess every one is different and have different ideas and thinking.” I agree with you. A simple meet and greet shouldn’t cost anything but travel expenses and dinner.

    • Anonymous says:

      ty peacebaby i think so cos i agree the other side as well that it is just M&G and if the girl doesnt want to go any further and not go to a room that is totally fine as well , all that can be talked about at that meet for future meetings .

  9. M1ssPond says:

    The relationship portrayed in shades of grey is abusive and not a healthy BDSM relationship. I try to separate being a sugar babe and a sub as best as possible because I found that both relationships have very complex dynamics that i don´t want to mix up.

  10. AnonSB says:

    I wish! Daddies always expect us to be perfect subs the first week.. The perfect d/s relationship comes with time, trust and communication! Then it’s ECSTACY! <3 <3

  11. kaka says:

    A sugar daddy should be a wealthy man who provides a high standard and comfy way of living to his baby. If he can not it is just an old man trying to eat young sexiness. But they should not be here. They should go on Grindr.
    Obviously young babies can like older people and be serious and loyal to them.. But personally I do not think they will choose them if the return is irrelevant i.o.w. if the daddy is a glorious dick/average loser.

    • Anonymous says:

      An SB should be gracious and nice to be around. If all I am hearing is “me, me, me. I am a Princess” than I will move on quickly and she will be stuck with the SD’s who pay $100 per meet.

      • Anonymous says:

        I can get a 20yr old with a nice body to give me $300. its not as hard as you think to get money off of nice looking young men as many think

      • ick says:

        If he is paying $100 per meet, that isn’t a sugar daddy.

      • Amused says:

        What if it is an ugly chick and that is all she can get? All or nothing is it? What about the average chick that wants $5000? Stupid on both polar ends I say.

  12. DominantGermanGirl90 says:

    50 Shades of Grey has NOTHING to do with BDSM! I have been a (private) domme for some years now, so I know what I’m talking about. Those movies are CRAP.

  13. anonymous says:

    Interesting comments. My personal habit is to try to find out a few things about the potential SB before meeting through conversation. If I’m interested in meeting, I offer to gift her at least $300 to meet at a public place for lunch or dinner.

    I let her know that it is JUST a meet and greet and that we will both go our separate ways afterwards. I also tell her that there are definitely not any guarantees as to an arrangement, because I feel that there has to be a two-way spark for it to work for me.

    Anyways, that’s what works for me.

    • Olderwannabe says:

      Your way of doing it sounds great. I, being on the female side,prefer a man who is straight forward.

    • dc/boca says:

      you are the problem , giving sb $$ just to meet. that kind of behavior encourages women to ask for $$ just for meeting.

      • anonymous says:

        First, I take some time to vet the potential SB to be sure that she is someone that I have a potential interest in. This is done with conversation and maybe the exchange of more pictures.

        Maybe it’s because we are looking for different things. I want to meet someone that I actually have respect for and can treat like a companion – not a sexual object. This potential SB’s time is valuable to her, and I’m asking her to go out of her way to meet me. I think that she should be reimbursed for that – her travel and her time.

        Have I been “rinsed” as one person replied? Absolutely! It happened once. Will it happen again? Maybe. But, I’ve met three wonderful people who I spent three wonderful years with. I might just call that priceless.

      • baha says:

        ba ha, look at you hating on someone for the gentleman’s generosity. That’s one good way for him to get her attention though.

    • AnonSB says:

      I wish more daddies thought like you!

    • anon says:

      Where are all the SDs like you? One of the reasons why I prefer gift on a m&g is because it’s taking time out of my schedule to do it. Unlike these affluent men, when time is money for me I can’t wave it away like a pesky mosquito. What is trivial to them might be important to me so having something to make up for whatever I moved to the side to be at that initial meeting is important. I’m ok with it not having worked out, at least I got something to make up for any time/money lost.

      • Anonymous says:

        If you are that busy than you probably shouldn’t be doing this. I avoid profiles that have that info and women who keep talking about how busy they are.

      • Anonymous says:

        Are you saying that the SD’s time is of no value or that the SD should shrug the cost off then?

        I avoid any profiles that demand a gift. However, as a gentleman I believe in always reimbursing the lady for her time. I just don’t like it being demanded. On the flip side, what if I demanded a “test drive”?

    • The Masked SD says:

      SD’s like you make it harder for the rest of us. You must burn a lot of money for no result.

      • Anonymous says:

        no he doesn’t make it harder for the rest of us i don’t agree with paying for a meet and greet and it says on SA no sex or money to be exchanged on the first meeting there are fewer rich men than sugar babies on this site so there should be no problem finding someone to meet the first time for free but having said that gifts and travel money to offset the cost of getting to you is customary

      • Anomynous says:

        SD’s like you are why SB’s know they can out-negotiate wanna be sd’s.

      • Anonymous says:

        No it’s not customary. If she can”t afford to even get there than that is not my problem. She wants the money, she has to show some commitment and invest a little.

      • Anonymous says:

        If by out negotiate you mean I move on and the SB is left with the $100 ppm offers than you are certainly correct. I really do feel cheated when I stick to my guns and walk away from entitled brats.

    • btw says:

      How do you know if there is a two-way spark?

    • Rick says:

      If you want to waste $300 to meet a complete stranger, go for it. I prefer to make wiser investments. You seem to think that you’re auditioning for a position, when it’s just the opposite.

      But hey, every man to his own.

    • Anonymous says:

      To the OP: You are every rinser’s dream, my man…

    • Anomynous says:

      There are at least two different ways the poster’s sop works well, though I think most miss everything but the obvious.

      One obvious one is that he could pay the $300 the next morning. It really depends upon the quality of the lady, and there are many ways to filter for quality.

      Rick, why are you still here? SA doesn’t do that.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel that what you do is a very courteous gesture to the SB you are meeting with. Most people do not consider how much it may have cost the SB to be there. Say that the SB buys a new outfit and then goes to the salon for hair, nails, etc. to look good for the SD she is meeting with. That alone could run up to $300 or more which does not include things like gym memberships, tanning, facials, etc. Props to you for being a proper gentleman.

    • Anonymous says:

      i think you are full of it , in your dreams you probably pay 300 for M&G , get a life mr sd of the year lol

    • bnm says:

      lol you are obviously a female pretending to be a male to encourage guys to be like that lol you are pathetic

      • .yougottabekiddingme says:

        i think it is a female posting as a female.

        It’s one thing to be gifted $300 on a first date, yet another to claim to be entitled to $300 for preparation costs.

        There arent many reason why it should cost $300 to get ready for a date. Unless you are so unkept in the interim that you need a complete overhaul.

        “Hairs, nails, facial, gym membership, tanning, new outfit…”

        It’s a bit ridiculous to factor all of that into the “cost” of a first date.

        You should at least have some key clothing items and a go-to dress in your wardrobe.

        Ive been given generous gifts on first dates without asking or expecting. Attitudes of entitlement as posted above are a bit delusional, exaggerated and undermining, i think.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I had to laugh a little when I read this in the blog post:”Sugar Babies are a smart, business savvy breed”. I’ve found quite the opposite to be true. Most SB’s suffer from a extreme sense of entitlement that overrules everything else.

    • dc/boca says:

      correct

    • AnonSB says:

      Uhh, so do daddies… All I’ve met so far are “be available whenever I want, where I want, how i want, and 200 per meet maybe once a month.” That’s NOT sugaring…

    • Anonymous says:

      Agreed, when I have a meet with a potential client or vendor I do so at my own cost, I don’t expect them to pay me for it. We discuss business, how we want things to work etc. You need to invest some time if you want this to be worth anything. Too many SB’s just want money for nothing and they often pay for that later.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I am not against helping a sb out for her travel expenses to come for meet and greet specially and young college student with no job . But to expect an allowance to have lunch or dinner is the part i have problem with. but i guess every one is different and have different ideas and thinking.

    • Artful Dodger says:

      I agree completely. I give a gift after a meet and greet, but I don’t agree to an amount up front.

    • Alternatedating says:

      Agreed.

      I’m assuming the poster above referencing a 300 allowance for a meet and greet was really a female poster.

      I’m not interested in a meet and greet unless I think an arrangement will work and we have some details figured out. Women who want allowances for lunch meetings or coffee are on here for months because they’re not really interested in a quality arrangement but just to make some money for lunches and coffee.

  16. Anonymous says:

    On BDSM
    I’m a switch, but dom. I’d love to dominate my SD, but I’m more comfortable with female subs. Do you have any suggestions how to set that up so I can get a SD that’s interested in joining more of a duo? How do I put that in my profile?
    Thnx

  17. Anonymous says:

    I went out with this one guy, he wasn’t my type at all. Wasn’t feeling him at all… just chalked it up to a no go. I was really surprised to hear a call back later on that day and even more so to see he’d left some cash for me in my bag when I wasn’t looking. Yep, we started an arrangement that lasted 2 months.
    Honestly, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day if it weren’t for the cash. I didn’t want to see him again, he was a little too hairy and short- but he was too good to me, I couldn’t say no.

  18. Moi says:

    I agree with anonymous’ M & G tip idea. $20-50 gift card or similarly-valued gift is a nice/minimal gesture, which may or may not cover gas. Many of us have to schedule time off for dates, platonic or not. Cali, find a pro dude– “sugar starts when panties drop” sounds like John-speak. Unless you are slinging sugar for panties, in which case, may the panty-gods reign upon you. 😉

  19. Anonymous says:

    Most actually wealthy SDs love to brag about their accomplishments and will give a larger amount than $20. But even if a SD is more prudent and leaves that amount, it’s really the thought that counts. Manners speak to class, and the thoughtfulness, not necessarily amount, speaks volumes about the kind of SD I’m dealing with. In my experience, I’d rather deal with a man I know was raised right and cares about my comfort, than someone who is concerned only about the numbers and sex.
    Im from the South and haven’t met many men who don’t give some kind of present on the first date.

  20. newbie says:

    I’d like a woman’s opinion about the topic of sex. Some profiles say no sex on the first date, which I totally understand. Both parties are meeting to see if there is a connection, assuming the guy isn’t looking for a quick hookup. But beyond that, what would you consider a reasonable number of dates be before sex happens. Is the second date pushing it, or do I follow the 3 date rule? Both parties know after the first meeting if their is some type of connection and an arrangement is a bit different from traditional dating. A female viewpoint would be most helpful. Thanks.

  21. PowerMeow says:

    I have a rule about meet & greets- there’s not a donation required, and presents aren’t expected (though they’re welcome!) …but they do have to be at nice places, and there has to be food involved. I love a well-presented meal, it makes me feel so open and happy. it’s in my gentleman’s best interest to have an open and happy kitten so…their first present to me is luxury food. And if they can’t do that, then I know they aren’t the SD for me.

  22. Imoutofhere says:

    Never gave money, allowance, and met nice women here. Had multiple long term relationship.

    Money to meet? You have to be kidding me! i have to admit that the site has been attracting a lot of escorts, goldiggers , platonic money grabbers and women that lives in a romance novel with high expectations lately Not as easy to find nice women here now…

  23. Anonymous says:

    are there sds out there who pay an allowance for meet and greet? i have talked to sbs who are very clear about no sex on the first date but still expect an allowance.
    some of the sbs even want you to send them some money or help pay a bill even before meeting lol , i dont get it .

    • Annonymous says:

      I sure don’t. What SB’s ask for, and what they get, or should I say, don’t get, are two different things.

      • Vegas Anon says:

        You should search all the so called sb’s from Vegas. Their entitlement is unreal. And according to them, their time is so precious. Every single one of them want to be compensated, even to meet for coffee.

    • newbie says:

      If they find a sucker to do that for them, more power to them, but let it be someone else. If they don’t come down off their pedestal a rung or two then they can plan on working for Walmart wages instead.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes of course, I certainly do not think I am the only one. During messaging I make sure to state that I will be bringing a gift to the M&G as appreciation for their time, etc. Usually a $100 gift VISA card, which I discreetly place it in her hand without mention it, talking about it or anything, but always brings a smile in her faces. It is my way of showing them I am serious about finding an arrangement that will work for us. This is done regardless if we do not find sufficient or any chemistry during the M&G, and because we do not talk that meeting about the financial terms, I do it again during the 2nd meeting, which is probably lunch or dinner, and it is then when we discuss how many times per month, how many hours, what is expected from both of us, and what allowance is available. BUT, no allowance is ever sent before meeting face-to-face. Even then I have been scammed and rinsed at least four times. So we all have to be watchful, do not ignore the red flags, and very careful.

    • Cali says:

      sugar dont start till the panties drop. M&Gs are PLATONIC and FREE

      • Latin SB says:

        Haha. Well, with that thinking no one will accept to meet with you traveling maybe 2 hrs to get to you. SBs have no money to spend like that, so they have to run with the expenses and cross their fingers they will get into an arrangement with you? LOL. I know ppl like you, and they have tried intimacy that first day, knowing that it shall cost them but still claim “I will pay you later” That never is true btw. So if the SD is not into reimbursing my travel expenses for M&G I move on because he must be a flake. Those are not worth it.

      • Rick says:

        Travel expenses are different than providing an allowance on the M&G. Any SD should be willing to cover your expenses for traveling 2 hours. It’s the ones that travel 5 minutes to get there and still want $300 to show up. Those are the ones we aren’t so fond of.

    • The Masked SD says:

      Will not ever pay for meet and greet. There needs to be a display of commitment on the SB’s part as well or else she can just go around meeting guys saying hi and getting paid for it.

      • Latin SB says:

        Where in the article is mentioned paying for meets and greets? Anyways, it is a courtesy of the SD to REIMBURSE the girl’s expenses to get to him. That is in case she had a long drive/toll, you know. That should be done, and my prev SD did it because he knew that obviously if I have a deplorable economic situation, cannot afford the commute. If SDs are not into this, then they are not giving a good impression.

      • Anonymous says:

        @Latin SB – It is up to the SB to make the good impression. They want my money after all. I can always move on to the next SB.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes, actually. My SDs tip $20-50 at the M&G or bring a present. I’ve been gifted a $25 gift card as well. If you get along with your SD after that he’ll usually give you money for gas if you drive or come pick you up to go out and the more substantial allowance will start when you agree to start arrangement. That’s how it goes for me and my guys.

      • Anonymous says:

        And when I see a married SD, it’s the same thing. I meet in public and get a tip, then if I want to continue, arrangement begins.
        I would strongly caution SBs not to get into the habit of selling pussy. Its such a thin line, but that one gesture is a huge deal.
        The best SDs go out of their way to make sure a SB is comfortable and arrangement feels natural and sexy.
        Besides, if he can’t give $20 for gas, he’s too broke to be my SD.

      • Imoutofhere says:

        20$ for gas? Hahaha what about an incall…does he still have to pay? Lol

      • Latin SB says:

        Exactly!! It is a demonstration of the authenticity of the offer and of their generosity. It is their presentation card. Guess all the commenters are flakes, confusing SBs with escorts.

      • Latin SB says:

        Exactly!! it is their presentation card; a glimpse of their generosity and a confirmation of their authenticity.

      • Latin SB says:

        UGH… Imoutofhere, that is not a sugar baby practice. I guess you have been fishing in the wrong pond all this time you have been here.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yeah there are quite a few like that, but that is the Millennial mentality. They truly believe that they are special snowflakes, Hollywood feeds into that, articles like the one above also creates a pretend world, so quite a few are really messed up about money. No serious SB asks for money for just a date, just the ones who don’t know what they are doing.

      That said, you should be prepared to offer something if you find yourself intrigued by the girl. It lets her see that you’re not reluctant to drop some reasonable cash. The best SBs are actually really reasonable and they’re the ones you want to spend on.

      I can’t believe the article actually portrays all SBs on here as business savvy. Most of them have no clue that the market is what determines value.

    • Christina says:

      I don’t do sex on the first date with anyone. I think the reason SB’s ask for a gift or money on the first date is to see if you are genuine and not just full of bullcrap.

      • Rick says:

        I think spending $100+ on her lunch should give an indication of genuine or not.

      • kaka says:

        You know.

        If you are a real sugar daddy as what this site is for:
        You would not call a 100 dollar meal a relevant gift.;
        If you are a serious man in serious business you would think it is normal that your partner have everything they cherish and you get 5* treatment emotionally and sexually in return. But clearly not all boys who call themselves sugar daddy can afford that!!!!

    • it is what it is says:

      I don’t call it an allowance….more than once, I’ve been gifted $500 in the restaurant, at the end of the dinner/lunch. I thought it meant they were interested. They were not interested, but said they appreciated my time.

      • it is what it is says:

        Hi there, me again,

        Many men here may want to believe i am lying, but this message is for the SBs. Do you want a shot at this obvious SD? If you’d like to meet him, tell me your state. I might pass on his profile name, if you live near us.

      • Anomynous says:

        “Appreciate” is a good word. “Respect” is too easily abused.

  24. Anonymous says:

    first

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