3 years ago
Sugar Daddy and Momma Safety 101

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Earlier this week SeekingArrangement released a blog on personal safety for Sugar Babies. We decided that we wanted to also write a blog geared directly to Sugar Daddy and Momma safety. We understand that it is also important for wealthy established members to protect their assets and well-being.

Research, Research, Research

As with any online relationship, you need to “do your research.” As a smart and successful Sugar Daddy or Momma, you should use the Internet to do, at minimum, a basic search on your potential match. Besides an initial Internet search and before your first in-person interaction, you should find out if the Sugar Baby has multiple partners or benefactors; this way you can be clued into their situation early on.

As we explained in the safety blog for Sugar Babies, you should give out a disposable phone number or Google voice number to new people. Only give out your personal number to people you trust, after several dates.

Always provide your own transportation for a first interaction, and stick to a place you are comfortable with. If you need to date someone out of town to feel at ease, do so. For added security, you should only pay cash, if possible, on all outings.

More Money, More Problems

For a wealthy benefactor, keeping your money protected is a primary concern. You should establish ground rules with your Sugar Baby from the start. Yes, money will be an aspect of your relationship, but it should not be the principal one.

Both you and your Sugar Baby should speak candidly about money and expectations prior to your first public meet up. Through the proper discussion, you can be sure of what is expected moving forward, and can avoid any potential financial opportunists you may come across. If your instinct is telling you something is wrong, you are probably right.

This Isn’t Pretty Woman

Seeking Arrangement does not allow escorting on the site, period. If someone reaches out to you and appears to be a prostitute, you should notify our Customer Support Team immediately. Becoming involved with an escort also incurs huge risk factors such as sexually transmitted diseases, possible violence and a plethora of other issues. The bottom line is: safety first.

SeekingArrangement wants to provide the best website possible for all of our Sugar Daddies and Mommas. Most of all, we want our users to have a safe and memorable experience. If you follow these tips, and use your own intuition and smarts, you are bound to start an arrangement to remember!

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100 Responses to “Sugar Daddy and Momma Safety 101”

  1. lara says:

    @kms2014. Thanks for the input!!

    I have come to the conclusion that the purpose of the SA blog is to make member’s brains explode.

  2. Kms2014 says:

    I do not like to discuss anything about money before I have met someone, since there might not be that connection/or spark, when you do meet…but that is just me.

  3. lara says:

    From another recent post: “The intricacies of an arrangement can be defined by individual and couple needs, and that should be openly discussed before the initial meeting. “

  4. lara says:

    @josh

    What do you think the best practice is? Even though is it less romantic, it seems more efficient to discuss details beforehand.

  5. Josh says:

    @lara

    “WTF. I do not understand what I am supposed to do. Please help.”

    WTF! is right. You cannot go by most anything SA suggests. :(

  6. lara says:

    The SA blog is officially the most confounding thing ever. On two separate entries it contradicts itself!!

    This blog entry: “Both you and your Sugar Baby should speak candidly about money and expectations prior to your first public meet up.”

    Older blog entry:

    First Date Conversation “Believe it or not, this is not the time to discuss allowances. Whatever your motives are, coming off as a money-hungry man eater is not the way to POT’s heart. Really use this time to get to know the Sugar Daddy and to discuss the arrangement . Think when, not how much. More arrangements end due to schedule conflicts and misunderstanding on expectations. Be clear on what you expect and ask the same than anything else.”

    WTF. I do not understand what I am supposed to do. Please help.

  7. Kms2014 says:

    “For now, I am giving a chance and not deleting my profile. Maybe I have a tiny bit hope and also, sometimes its fun to read messages I get from thousand miles away SD asking if traveling is something I consider.”

    @Jenna….that is something you might want to consider, if your career allows it, and the man is the type you seek. These very important busy businessmen are rarely home, so travel is just part of their
    lives….it isn’t for everyone, though, as meetings are not steady.

  8. Kms2014 says:

    Haha, I think they got the sarcasm, Elaine…it isn’t new to pick and choose phrases on here, then take it out of context, is it? they have a new SB to pick on, since she is intelligent, thoughtful, writes well…and, well, puts these boys in their place, hehe 😉

  9. Elaine says:

    “I supposed I could’ve said that white men don’t date black women because black women are the least desirable people on the planet. Right along side Chinese men.”

    Even though I don’t always agree with some SD on blog, I never doubted their intelligence.
    So it is quite suprising they don’t seem to recognize something I see as intelligent, well placed sarcasm ….

    But hey! By now I should have known better; it is more the boob- as the brainsize that matters in sugarland.

  10. 42SWM says:

    @jenna: You sound great. Don’t give up. I wish SA profiles would include ways to further identify what the person is truly looking for. If there was a checkbox for “more interested in learning from intelligent professional men and place less value on digging for money”, I would limit my search to profiles with that box checked.

  11. SunShineSD says:

    A human being is an egg’s way to make more eggs. Sperms are just hitching a ride by helping the egg make more eggs safely, securely and with competitive edge over other eggs. The uterus is where the magic takes place.

  12. SunShineSD says:

    @Jenna
    Just for clarification, the phrase “magic device” in my previous post was reference to uterus, not vagina. Josh observed correctly that I have uterus-envy. Getting access to vagina is relatively easy nowadays, but getting a woman to share her uteral magical features usually requires more commitment from each other as human beings.

  13. SunshineSD says:

    I’m afraid ygtbkm just lost her PC patrol badge. LOL

    For what it’s worth, I don’t think the generalization that black women are least desirable is even correct, especially in sugar dating. Some older oligarchs may well have a preference for black women due to the latter’s pigmentation protect her skin from sun damage after being on this planet for 35-40+ years. Remember Dominique Strauss Khan? There is a reason why beautiful ladies like Hallie Berry age so well.

    As for Asian male being disadvantaged in dating, that’s probably not the case either, especially in sugar dating. After all the Japanese probably pioneered modern “compensated dating.” Penis size is more a function of the state of arousal for most men, just like vaginal “tightness” is more of a reflection of muscle tone not physical size.

  14. Josh says:

    @ygtbfkmabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

    “I supposed I could’ve said that white men don’t date black women because black women are the least desirable people on the planet. Right along side Chinese men.”

    Is that based on “national and international study,” and/or your “own observations of relative experiences and attitudes of others”?

  15. FatB'StardSD says:

    @ygtbfkmabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

    What books do I need to read?

  16. jenna says:

    I almost never contribute to discussions online because personally speaking, online world seems more and more artificial at so many levels.
    However since I have had been a member for more than four months, my experience may help ladies who may be contemplating the idea of joining.
    So far, I have NOT met a single person and I do not blame the website or members entirely and confess to my short comings as well.
    A very concise list of experiences:
    – I do feel humble to have been contacted from a number of guys
    – Almost a month ago, one profile caught my attention and felt a click after looking at the profile so I agreed to provide a temporary number with my google voice and surprisingly, the picture in profile and current pic that I was messaged looked nothing like same person (and not in a good way)
    – I will be honest here and its a lesson to learn for girls; do not expect anything from this website. IF you are really really lucky you may find someone genuine without an attitude of a customer who is looking for a device needed and not a human being
    – I do not really blame them especially if they had experiences before with a pot SB who was all about money money and more money.
    – So if you are a female who is perhaps more interested in learning from intelligent professional men and place less value on digging for money, understand that it most likely won’t happen BUT a possibility.

    Lastly, a request for site managing team: Despite getting verified that required payment and cleared status, it strikes me off for a big fat icon luring me to get verified and apparently its confusing and annoying.

    For now, I am giving a chance and not deleting my profile. Maybe I have a tiny bit hope and also, sometimes its fun to read messages I get from thousand miles away SD asking if traveling is something I consider.

  17. “Then comes along word gymnasts like ygtbfkmabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz and start swinging in attempt to be a fucking hero of some sort.”

    I love my new name…hehe. Thanks for that, Joshielove :).

    What people are describing here are “attitudes” associated with a race. If it’s the attitude you have an aversion to, then why not have a preference against the attitude?

    Race talk is a sensitive topic. It’s actually an uncomfortable place for many to confront. I’m not saying that people don’t have race preferences that are merely physical in nature. I’m not saying that prejudices are ill or maliciously motivated. They might even go unnoticed by the person who merely thinks of it as a preference. We do, afterall, categorize people, places and things in our minds by association.

    Maybe it’s a natural reaction to be defensive, but I think if we took a minute to appraise our prejudices and biases, we’d be able to better recognize them. Everyone has prejudices. Some are extrinsic (what is outwardly expressed), and others are intrinsic (what is inwardly felt).

    I’m definitely not trying to be a hero. I was merely giving an objective answer to a question that continues to resurface.

    I supposed I could’ve said that white men don’t date black women because black women are the least desirable people on the planet. Right along side Chinese men. But don’t be fooled…the two outliers arent very compatible…by default, I’m guessing. Imagine him trying to get that teeny weeny peeny around that big moody booty. Mission nearly impossible.

    I dunno, maybe I should have personal experience with dating black women before commenting. Unfortunately, I don’t date black women. I actually only date men. Just my personal preference, and perhaps that makes me racist. Anyway, feel free to pull out some keywords and look into some journals yourself. And please feel free to discount my comments as word gymnastics, Josh, or odd hour of the night/morning ramblings, Sunshine, or Wikipedia paraphrasing, FatBstard. I kind of don’t care. I’ve officially returned nasty comments to each of you, and I’m really over it. Anyway, hope you’re resting well.

    I gotta go to bed now (long night at the lab). Love you later.

  18. Josh says:

    I guess that there is some identity tussle at SA. They want to distinguish themselves from escort sites but continue to show $100 bills in blog photos.

  19. Josh says:

    I agree with FB on the race issue. Every single fucking black 20-something comes/came here complaining has/had entitlement attitude. Their whine has been I am a fucking colored princes and the white man must give me money.

    On the other hand eery single black 20-something who has/had something to offer to white or other SDs seem to be doing just fine. They come/came with humility and get/got assistance from the bloggers as needed.

    The problem with some of these women and protected class folks, black or otherwise is that they see that the white man is publicly humiliated in the western society as a villain and they think that they can just come here and repeat that harassment and get the Oprah types to their aid.

    Then comes along word gymnasts like ygtbfkmabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz and start swinging in attempt to be a fucking hero of some sort. 😉

  20. SunShineSD says:

    Correction: make that “late-30-something.” 1-2-3, 4-5-6, 7-8-9; early, middle, late.

  21. SunShineSD says:

    Just in case anyone got accidentally offended by my earlier comment on widespread substance use among “the younger generation,” I was referring to the 20-something year-olds who are still in the early stages of their career building, at a stage where timely help from an SD can make a huge difference. I can’t care less what “well-established” mid-30-something year-olds in my own generation do with their own money or what they put in their own bodies.

    As for Wikipedia, some people take it as a source of information. For my perspective, I wrote quite a few entries/articles for Wikipedia during its infancy a decade and a half ago. So perhaps my writing style sometimes can indeed come across as “circumspect,” “comprehensive” or “encyclopedic.”

  22. Kms2014 says:

    @yougottabekiddingme…fbeestard is confusing your posts with someone else who loves using Wikipedia, hehe.

  23. flyR says:

    ” It sounds simple, but oftentimes if just one teacher, family member, or one person shows they care to these underprivileged kids, who are often just looking for a family replacement in ‘gangs’, then it can make a lot of difference, if intervened early enough.”

    It’s a tough battle against the “popular culture”

    It’s really true.

  24. And so you know, FB, my comments are based, not on Wikipedia acquired theories, but through national and international study, as well as my own observations of relative experiences and attitudes of others.

  25. FatB’StardSD says:
    July 24, 2014 at 12:15 pm
    @

    “As it pertains to attitudes in the U.S., the issue of not dating black women is more a matter of intrinsic prejudice and socially inscribed projections than it is a simple preference comparable to eye color, hair color, or height.”

    Did you read this on Wikipedia or are you creating your own bullshit theories? Different races have different facial features.

    A message to 20 something AA SB’s on SA upset with racial discrimination:

    When you overcome your prejudice to fucking older fat white guys like me without an allowance I might feel some sympathy, until then go fuck yourself.

    FatB’StardSD says:
    July 24, 2014 at 12:17 pm
    @yougottabekiddingme

    The above was for you.

    P.S.

    Dis you have to choose such a retarded name?”

    [sighs]

    Dear FatBstard,

    Sedentary lifestyle significantly increases the likelihood that you’ll die a fat, lonely bastard who can’t even pay the most willing to fuck him. How about picking one fat foot up off the ground, placing it in front of the other, making your way to the nearest library, and reading a fucking book. K, princess?

    To address your stupid comparison, people don’t choose what color they are born. You can choose not to be fat…and ignorant. I’m your biggest cheerleader.

    And you don’t have to like my name, fatkisses. That is, in fact, your own entitled preference.

    Sincerely,

    yougottabefuckingkiddingme

  26. FatB'StardSD says:

    @yougottabekiddingme

    The above was for you.

    P.S.

    Dis you have to choose such a retarded name?

  27. FatB'StardSD says:

    @

    “As it pertains to attitudes in the U.S., the issue of not dating black women is more a matter of intrinsic prejudice and socially inscribed projections than it is a simple preference comparable to eye color, hair color, or height.”

    Did you read this on Wikipedia or are you creating your own bullshit theories? Different races have different facial features.

    A message to 20 something AA SB’s on SA upset with racial discrimination:

    When you overcome your prejudice to fucking older fat white guys like me without an allowance I might feel some sympathy, until then go fuck yourself.

  28. Kms2014 says:

    Yes, it is sad…thanks, ygbkm. Everything you say is very true as people start off with good intentions with the drugs, many times, since they are prescribed. People with a tendency of addictive personalities should never even start, probably….

    @flyr…is very true about high school dropouts. Saw a very good documentary recently where there is a program to intervene with these troubled kids, at the middle school level, since at the high school level, it is often too late. It was very effective for one young lady and she ended up getting into a very prestigious prep school, on a scholarship, while her twin brother went down a very destructive path of drugs and gangs. It sounds simple, but oftentimes if just one teacher, family member, or one person shows they care to these underprivileged kids, who are often just looking for a family replacement in ‘gangs’, then it can make a lot of difference, if intervened early enough.

  29. @Kms
    Prescription drug use has definitely become the go-to preference for many. It’s a legal high, easily accessible and doesn’t carry the same stigma or legal consequences. I think that marijuana use will start being pushed in the same way, though the effect of marijuana use in itself is far less detrimental.

    What’s unfortunate about prescription drug use, is that the drug might be necessary in the initial stage of treatment. Many who start taking narcotic or controlled drugs neither associate it “drug” use, nor do they anticipate becoming addicted to this legal means of therapy. It’s sometimes the least suspecting who get caught in the rut of addiction.

    I’ve seen some of the most beautiful, successful and capable people fall victim to drug use of all sorts even those of legal or seemingly harmless varieties.

    I hope your sister has gotten or will get better, Kms. I’m sure her struggle has been devastating for all who’ve had to witness it.

  30. SunShineSD says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, flyR. Sorry to hear what happened to your SB. I try to walk a fine line between being non-controlling vs. becoming an enabler.

  31. The topic on race and racism is vast and exists on a pigment scale in nations across the globe. As it pertains to attitudes in the U.S., the issue of not dating black women is more a matter of intrinsic prejudice and socially inscribed projections than it is a simple preference comparable to eye color, hair color, or height. In some cases, it’s not necessarily the individual’s prejudice, but more the judgement that society will project onto the individual by association. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll witness someone judge a person for dating someone based on eye color. As for hair color, negative attitudes and association of blondes with stupidity and promiscuity are more U.S. views perpetuated by the Pam Anderson types. Most of the women who exemplify this image aren’t even natural blondes. Height is associated with dominance, power and intelligence, and one’s choosing to date one of a certain height is generally related to their own feelings along the power, dominance, submission and intelligence spectrum.

    The attitudes of race and dating are not really comparable to other preferences unless you remove social stigma and generalization.

  32. Jimmie says:

    @NC Gent:
    You make a great point. I should consider being more patient. I assumed it would be easier because my ex girlfriend was a SB as soon as she turned 18 yet it didn’t take too much time for her to find an SD. That kinda thing can’t be helped I suppose. Thanks!

  33. Kms2014 says:

    The main drugs abused these days are prescription drugs, by both the poor and the wealthy. Have seen what pain pill addiction can do, firsthand. My niece, who is 7 years younger than I am lost her marriage, her two daughters(which I ended up with temporary custody of for almost two years, due to their father not really wanting the responsibility). Is sad….and from what I know, cocaine is a bit of an obsolete drug, compared to prescription pain meds and other ‘legal’ substances used illegally. Sure, pot can be a gateway drug for many but does not cause the destruction of certain prescription meds that ruin lives. When I was in UK, I never saw any drug company adverts constantly on tv, as medicine isn’t like a
    cartel as it is in US…being run by big Pharma isn’t as bad as here. I had a young teen student, in UK, who told me that when he had lived in the US the previous two years(in Florida) that most of the teens were using their parents’ prescription meds like candy. People that do get addicted on pain meds are pushed back and forth from methadone clinics(which, are worse than the actual substance, and privatized, so they are for profit, anyways…do they really care), then to those who cannot stop the opiate addition oftentimes move onto heroin, as can be seen in the likes on the late, Phillip seymore Hoffman. In my opinion, if the US wants to really start and control a ‘war on drugs’, then they should stop pushing legal prescription meds on Americans with the mindset of ‘pop a pill’ and it will be better. The cozy relationships between lobbyists, politicians and big Pharma have caused a lot of this…I have seen the very ugly side to legal prescription meds addiction and what it can do, and is the family unit that suffers so much.

  34. @FlyR

    Wow. Thanks for sharing. These are the realities you don’t hear about in pro-legalization arguments. I would add that the demographics most detrimentally impacted are the poor, disadvantaged, and uneducated, though blacks are at greater economic, academic, legal disadvantages than other races. For poor people–Appalachian white, inner city black, working class poor, and other variations of poor–drug use is more likely to contribute to generational poverty, criminal convictions, academic failures and exacerbation of associated discourse. Poor people, more so blacks, are more likely to be charged with and convicted of drug crimes based on systematic prejudices and under representation. Poor, uneducated people are more likely to commit crimes to support drug habits lacking the disposable income that say a middle class person with a cocaine or prescription drug addiction. Poor people, particularly those with criminal, drug related records, also have higher rates of recidivism due to barriers to academic and economic advancement, repeat offenses and, often times, violations of probation that people in higher income brackets are able to avoid having better representation or means to pay high court costs and fines in lieu of probation or jail time.

    That said, I think that the billions of dollars spent on the so called war on drugs would be better spent addressing the underlying discourse than on criminalizing people for addiction which ultimately becomes a disease, albeit self inflicted, in many cases.

  35. Josh says:

    Lack of work is NOT an issue at this time. There are other factors.

  36. flyR says:

    ” I don’t want the high tax and social cost of ((drug)) prohibition, not because of any personal desire to consume any. I guess it takes life experience to distinguish what’s tolerable behavior for neighbors vs. what’s desirable for oneself. ”

    As a nation with the incredible percentage of youth experiencing high rates of long term unemployment encouraging drug use is not only stupid, but also further destructive of minorities, especially blacks. The social cost of drug laws is vastly overstated. That many prisoners are there on drug charges fails to look at the true picture. The only way you go to jail (for more than a few days) for simple drug possession is because you have prior serious charges. The parolee (violent crimes including sexual assault) who continues to use drugs is extremely likely to rape another child, commit another home invasion robbery.

    A recent federal study showed that those who failed to finish high school were about twice as likely to have used marijuana than those who did graduate. The numbers for those who abused prescription drugs are about the same.

    My opinions are a lot harder than they were 25 years ago as a result of seeing so many bad things happen first hand. A number of my teammates and closest friends from racing were dead by 40, not from crashes but drugs, We have had buildings in neighborhoods were the alleys were filled with crack and meth addicts living in boxes. Not 40 year old derelicts but 17 year old girls selling themselves for $20. The neighborhood was filled with wonderful people who seldom ventured out other than the brief mid morning window when most of the druggies were inert.

    That and a couple of incidents including an armed robbery, kidnapping, attempted home invasion by a couple of drugged out recent parolees caused me to examine my attitudes. Much of the examination was in the dark hours of the night reliving laying on the ground with a drugged out, buffed out recently released felon yelling incoherently while he pressed a gun to the side of my head and then the struggle for the gun in the doorway.

    It came close to home again a couple years ago. I had broken my rule about younger SB and was starting a relationship with a 22 year old for what seemed like all the right reasons. She had not followed her classmates to college although she had good grades and was very bright. She had talked about attending a very good community college and returning to cross country running which she loved. My take was that she needed to get out of the community where she lived and move to a nearby community.

    Without telling her I had checked – with a nominal amount of part time work plus my sugar she could afford to go back to school, share an apartment with other students in a very nice but affordable area. Although these relationships often are short I was willing to commit to (and fund) a 12 month program regardless of the sugar outcome(I can hear the catcalls already). Sad end was that her challenged self esteem collapsed after she was gang raped at a party, a little dope some knockout drug and everyone is gone but her girlfriend and 5 guys (who were charged with felonies). We met a couple of times after but the magic was done.

    There’s a reason that the vast proportion of murders are committed by a very small percentage of the population (which the press largely ignores) who might be saved by a system that demands discipline in the schools and on the streets from young people 14-22. Encouragement (or tolerance) of drug use dooms too many, and those around them, to failure.

    Apologies for the rant.

    Are most young people going to survive smoking dope during college, yes because they have exerted some self discipline to get into college. However for many others the probabilities are not so good. The definition of most leaves us with perhaps 50 million chronically unemployed, another 50 million on “disability”. Add to that the high percentage working for cash and there’s a lot of folks outside the family that have to be supported by those few who work and pay taxes.

  37. NC Gent says:

    MixFox — does the fact that I prefer slender-athletic, educated, ambitious blondes in their late 20s to late 30s make me a racist? I didn’t put my preferences in my profile, but if I had, it doesn’t make me a racist. If I prefer seafood over beef, does that make me a foodist?? People have preferences – get over it!

  38. NC Gent says:

    @Jimmie — over the years, there have been a number of frustrated male SBs looking for SMs that have posted here. I still think that most women can get it for free, unless they are completely hideous. Also, your age may present an additional obstacle, I think most SDs prefer SBs that are 21+, so I suspect that most SMs would be similar. Welcome to the blog though.

  39. Brandon says:

    Phone or Skype interaction is key before a meet and phone means talking not text. Anyone can find pictures online of pretty girls in social environments from open Facebook pages. Anyone can text and pretend to be that girl. If someone says I don’t like talking or Skype then big red flag. Just text…. Forget it.

    Of course you will get the offiish of I’m not playing games with you from some when you ask for this direct communication from some but likely they are the con artists who intended to black mail you.

    A sugar babe should be prepared to speak live on the phone, ideally should be prepared to Skype (not Skype sex) and should be able to produce a unique picture holding a sign with your name written on it and the date.

    Overly cautious? Not if you are truly wealthy and truly after a real arrangement.

  40. SunShineSD says:

    Funny Isla Fisher interview on Conan regarding the coke look:

    “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IL9Omfh0hU”

    I’m not convinced of what Conan was saying about himself. LOL. Funny guy though, I can’t care less what he does on his own time.

  41. SunShineSD says:

    Pot itself is more or less harmless. It’s the contact with bad company / dealer network as well as potentially occasional envelope pushing beyond pot in the context of the same said social circle that I’m a little concerned for a person I would care about. Have to remember Guru’s cardinal rule for sugaring: don’t make other people’s problem your problem. LOL.

  42. SunShineSD says:

    “”and find classically pretty to be more attractive than slutty druggie look.” could not agree more. ”

    We can probably all agree with that preference. Girls in their early 20’s are not damaged enough yet to have the slutty druggie look even if they use drugs. The younger generation in their 20’s seems to have a much more receptive attitude towards drugs and much easier access to drugs than we did when we were that age. Pot seems to be the “cool thing” just like cigarette and (underage) alcohol drinking were in our college years, with occasional experiment with harder stuff considered “explorations,” which is potentially quite dangerous (unlike our generation’s “exploration” in pot, which was mostly harmless). Don’t get me wrong, I’m supportive of the libertarian legalization message, but that’s because I don’t want the high tax and social cost of prohibition, not because of any personal desire to consume any. I guess it takes life experience to distinguish what’s tolerable behavior for neighbors vs. what’s desirable for oneself. Hopefully they grow out of the current phase just like most baby boomers did when 70’s transitioned into 80’s when more economic opportunities become available.

  43. jimmie says:

    I am just entirely knew at this kind of thing. I’m also at my wit’s end being a male SB. How can I do do better attracting SMs? It could be I’m too young (19)? Any non condescending advice would mean the world to me. If there is a different post I should be asking questions on then I’ll go there if someone directs me.

  44. flyR says:

    Age

    Despite the beliefs of the undergrad sugars, most women have a much more genuine sensuality that comes out in their 30s

  45. flyR says:

    “”and find classically pretty to be more attractive than slutty druggie look.” could not agree more.

    Chances are the SD’s view of life is more conservative and that tastes follow. I’m sure there are those with a slutty daughter fantasy but is that what you want for an SD.

  46. flyR says:

    @MixFox – Most married men on the site who felt the need to deal with an angry, entitled woman would just stay home and spend their sugar on new golf clubs or perhaps a surprise bonus for their secretary. For all of the millions of SB’s on the site there is some reason they are rejectable. It’s about how you present the product.

    We go through this cycle about once every 9 months, the woe is me stuff. If you had been on the blog your would know that there have been several AA women who were attractive, intelligent and fun who attracted a number of gentlemen. They were also entrepreneurs, positive and sexy.

  47. Kms2014 says:

    Of course, that is just my ‘woman’ taste, and find classically pretty to be more attractive than slutty druggie look.

  48. Kms2014 says:

    @sweetie, some men find a wrinkle or imperfection so repulsive, on women, that it ends up being too much work for them to summon up even a half-boner, and others still find anyone over the magical age of 30 ‘all of a sudden’ too old to be garnered ‘fu**able’, even if they look young for their age and stay out of the sun–sometimes, even younger than a twenty something(especially, younger than the 20 something’s who dabble in illegal substances, lol!). But no, if over that magic age of 30, then they are deemed too old. Which, like the women of colour, is a preference for some, and there will always be those men who do look quite ridiculous in their reasoning as it is a mental thing. I mean, who would you rather? Isla Fisher, who looks to be in her 20’s, or the SD killer, Alix, who is 26 but looks to be in her 30’s? Hehe 😉

  49. Josh says:

    Some men respond violently to the sabotage and aggrevate the situation against themselves.

    Others give in and live a life of servitude.

    Yet others find extracurricular activities to reduce the damage to their finances and other people in their lives, and enjoy some level of sanity in their.

    Having a non-sabotaging wife and still engaging in extracurricular activities is risky business.

  50. Josh says:

    Marriage is fine as long as women don’t proactively sabotage it. 😉

  51. sweetie says:

    [img]http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201406/love-lust[img]

    Marriage is not doomed, after all.

  52. sweetie says:

    Gentle “Yup ! For me it is . I have a lovely wife to chitchat with about serious stuff , and lots of friends to play golf and drink wine with . I want a cute, monogamous young girl to ravish and who will ravish me . If I were single I would probably look for a GF who I wouldn’t have to pay . Buuuut —20 yr olds would be hard to find without paying them ,so SA would still be necessary.”

    Why not ravish the lovely wife? Is she not worth ravishing anymore? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind it. :)

  53. Josh says:

    “one guy is looking for a sugar baby but no AAs or People of color can’t message them”

    To each is own. If the above is a problem then all women should be sued by short men. I have NOT met a woman who does not prefer “tall men.”

  54. Josh says:

    @MixFox

    My dear you will have to get the Congress to extend the racism laws to extend to dating preferences. One potential short-cut is to get a DOL code for “putting out.”

    Once “putting out” is qualified as income men can also put their wives on payroll. 😉

  55. Elaine says:

    @ MixFox

    I think the attitude of calling physical preferences “racism” is not going to help your case…..
    Some like “brown” sugar, some white….
    Some like 18-20 y old SB, some want a more mature…
    Some like skinny, some like voluptuos…
    Some want tall, some want petite

    It is just a matter of taste!

    And, either we like it or not, most men on SA want a young, slim, white, blond blue eyed student.
    And if they don’t feel attracted to AA women, why can’t they mention it in their profile? Saves everybody a lot of time.
    I am an older SB, so I know I don’t have to react to a profile mentioning to be lookng for a young girl only. Is that a sort of raciism too?
    I dont mention it in my profile, but I dont feel attracted to bald men, …racism?

    Does it make it Mission Impossible to find an SD if you are not fitting in the white chearleader cliche?
    No it is not, but it will take more effort and patience.

    Try to stand out, instead of playing the Racism card.

    I have responded to SD that physically were not my type at all, but because of their outstanding messages we got in contact and attraction developed, based upon other features as first sight.

  56. MixFox says:

    In the next blog can you talk about potential establish men and racism, for example, one guy is looking for a sugar baby but no AAs or People of color can’t message them. I know some of the newer girls or struggling girl of color can’t over come that.

  57. Josh says:

    @SunShineSD

    I dont know you in person, but if the blog response is any indication then you’re not winning any hearts or minds YET. Maybe you will have better luck in the future at the blog or more importantly the real life. LOL!

  58. Kms2014 says:

    “kitty says:
    July 23, 2014 at 7:20 am
    for one, i think a lot of the men on here aren’t really who they say they are, which is why i am so bent on asking numerous questions about their life. if things start to not add up, then i ditch them, plain and simple. also, sb need to tell the truth to their sd, its a two way street.”

    That is true…is always a good idea to be cautious and do a little research/pre-screening, lest you end up with a scam artist. And, is good to get all that out of the way before you even meet, if possible.

  59. SunShineSD says:

    Having a pair of spread female legs is easy if one is not too particular; perhaps only a phone call away. Building a genuine relationship that can potentially provide the basis for a healthy co-parenting arrangement (if we are so blessed), that takes much more time and effort, as well as being much more rewarding. As elaborated before, I’m not sufficiently stimulated or motivated by mechanical sex with someone unsuitable or unwilling to be a potential co-parent; the entertainment value of such, to me, would not be sufficient to make me finance her life style with her boyfriend. I’m not interested in bankrolling a polyamorous group where the children are not mine. I’m not even a jealous or possessive person, but I don’t wanted be schemed against. If I’m not the confidant in a multi-lateral relationships, then prudence would call for taking the ball and going home. It’s a matter of personal safety and security.

    Winning the heart and mind is a matter of personal safety and security, therefore sharing happy times outside the bedroom is a necessary part of the program. Call that lesson learned: long term goals and immediate financial rewards are not sufficient for young women; something needs to be done to make her feel good about herself in the immediate term, perhaps even something that she can boast/show-off to her friends. IMHO, it’s fair to think about the emotional health and emotional needs of the SB when she is taking care of those of the daddy.

    To each his own, of course.

  60. Josh says:

    @RSD, that’s what I call “dry date.” LOL!

  61. Josh says:

    Some men are into pick-up game. They are like clowns trying to entertain women to get rewarded by having their legs spread.

    Others share enough information to get the deed done.

    To each is own. 😉

  62. kitty says:

    for one, i think a lot of the men on here aren’t really who they say they are, which is why i am so bent on asking numerous questions about their life. if things start to not add up, then i ditch them, plain and simple. also, sb need to tell the truth to their sd, its a two way street.

  63. RSD says:

    I keep all my sugar dates substance free, no alcohol, drugs, tobacco. If an SB insists on a glass of champagne or wine with dinner, I politely tell her that if she wants to be with me it will have to be substance free. No one seems to care at that point.

  64. Josh says:

    Gentle, you may be right about Roofi. But I would never know. 😉

    I hear you about lack of penetration and lack of arrangement. She was pretty wild girl. In this specific case I would trade penetration with many other SBs with crazy times with this girl.

    Lack of penetration DID not mean that we did not have sexual fun of my liking, and no they were not the typical alternatives of vaginal ejaculation. 😉

  65. Cryptic says:

    If any SB’s want to chat please drop me a line – crypticanomaly73 at g mail dot com

  66. Eloquence says:

    OF COURSE SEX, who wants a nun or non sexual appetite. That is a suppressant itself. What attracted me to the site was knowing I would find a man with a high sex drive who would appreciate finding the same along with contributing factors outside the hum drum of social circles Im associated with since in a social circle it seems stigmatized.

  67. SunShineSD says:

    IIRC, spousal neglect and no sexual attraction are/were both grounds for dissolving a marriage arrangement even in jurisdictions where divorce has/had to find “fault.” Non-consummation is ground for annulment (i.e. retroactive denial of there ever had been a marriage); in the eyes of government officials examining applicants for benefits deriving from marriage, non-consummation is sufficient ground for labeling the marriage arrangement as fraud.

    Of course, none of these consideration should be construed as applying pressure on anyone to engage in sexual activities that they do not want to be participating in. However, if there is no desire to have intimacy with someone, or even objection to such, the relationship should be a friendship not an arrangement (marriage or otherwise).

  68. Flyr says:

    “So its seriously back to the hooker/John scenario,sex or no deal”

    For me a sugar relationship involves sex. That does not mean sex on the first date or even the second. But if the SB does not want to be involved in a sexual relationship or the SD does not want to contribute sugar then what’s left is a different relationship or simply parting friends. There’s nothing wrong with saying this is not going to work. Hopefully before either committed to meet there was something between them and it might survive as a non sugar relationship

  69. SunShineSD says:

    I don’t think it’s wrong to date and see other people when both parties are shopping around between stable monogamous relationships. However, after a commitment is made to each other, it would be wrong to continue shopping around.

  70. Eloquence says:

    I meant to say you guys and that’s a shame to me on your whole thought process but then a whole uproar occurs if you guys are treated the way Josh was. Do you hear yourselves?

  71. SunShineSD says:

    Since starting replying to SA messages about 2 weeks ago, and initiating some contacts, I have gone on 4 first-dates, and 2 second-dates, with 2 more second-dates and 3 first-dates scheduled in the next 7 days. Glad I naturally gravitate towards one stable relationship with one woman at a time; otherwise, this can really be a big time drain. Very eclectic find though, some quite unexpected:

    The young vivacious scientist is very smart and opinionated. I can’t quite figure out why she is on SA, as she is earning a decent living on her own for her age and gets adequate support from her parents. We shared a lot of fun outdoor activities on our second date and generally had a lot of fun. Towards the end she may have been a little alarmed by how open I am to a genuine long term relationship. Perhaps she is just shopping around having fun. I helped her generously, equivalent to about a week and half of her normal pay check for taking up her time one night and morning in a beach resort town and at sea. Despite my explanation as helping her with her entire rent, she didn’t seem very comfortable with getting compensated (or the size may have been a little too big). It was her first time sugaring, actually cute and adorable in a way; she never asked for anything, but I wanted to make sure she got sufficiently compensated just in case she decides to stop sugaring.

    The young nursing student is also very smart, yet very down to earth, stunningly beautiful, almost a copy of my ex-SB/GF in terms of parameters except for being exactly 7years younger to the date! What a co-incidence! I may get my chance to intervene 4 years earlier in her life compared to the last time. The short lunch date turned into a 4hour conversation at her favorite natural outdoor spot in town. She did not smoke cigarette at all during those 4hrs, so that’s a better start already! The downside is that the age gap has increased from 13yrs to 20yrs, which may take longer to bridge. OTOH, she is already on IUD, so the risk of accidentally becoming pregnant with someone else and having her own life ruined unexpectedly is significantly reduced before she is either professionally accomplished with my help or ready to overlook the age gap and take on the golden parachute (if and when I’m willing to give her). Need to know more about her first.

    My “alibi” profile on a conventional online dating site brought unexpected attentions from more than a dozen ladies in their 20’s and 30’s. One of those approached me is a college professor in her early 30’s, but looks like would be carded at a bar. I never intended to reply to anything on that site, but this one is very intriguing indeed; could cost me my angel’s wings though if I don’t stand my ground as she is likely to want a conventional marriage-oriented relationship as condition for putting her magic device to productive use. Need to have an honest talk with her regarding a potential limited-liability co-parenting arrangement, which would be ideally suited to her professional capacity and independence if she is not traditionally minded.

    Choices are a good. I’m glad I took a one-year+ hiatus from sugaring and dating after the debacle with the ex-SB/GF, now more than a year ago.

  72. Eloquence says:

    Maybe (as far as you guy see it anyways) thats my problem to fesolve, bc there is NO WAY im going to a hotel room on a first date or second.km

  73. SunShineSD says:

    @Eloquence,

    Unless the hotel room is booked and shared for logistic reason, say business travel or the lady has nowhere else to go (in which case I’d just leave the room for the night if she has her own car or there is public transportation bringing her where she needs to go the next day), it would be odd to have the hotel room booked and shared but no intimate interaction. Seems to be prima facie proof that there is no sexual attraction between the two, or there’s some serious hurdles between the two; either of which would preclude an ongoing arrangement by definition, at least until such obstacles are resolved.

    This general rule applies regardless whether money is involved at all. To some degree, doing something like to a person, regardless gender, would be rather insulting: essentially telling them they are not attractive and is a turn-off.

    In the specific context of SA, I’d think many SB’s would consider some guy taking her to a hotel room then not initiating anything and not paying, as a “time-waster.”

  74. gentle(man)soul says:

    @ Eloquence

    “So its seriously back to the hooker/John scenario,sex or no deal”

    Yup ! For me it is . I have a lovely wife to chitchat with about serious stuff , and lots of friends to play golf and drink wine with . I want a cute, monogamous young girl to ravish and who will ravish me . If I were single I would probably look for a GF who I wouldn’t have to pay . Buuuut —20 yr olds would be hard to find without paying them ,so SA would still be necessary .

  75. Eloquence says:

    So its seriously back to the hooker/John scenario,sex or no deal

  76. Kms2014 says:

    Sometimes, it does feel like reading ‘tales from the dark side’, on this strange blog. Lol…

  77. Flyr says:

    SD Rule 7 – If you take her to a hotel room and nothing happens you need to review your gameplan or the players on the field.

  78. Flyr says:

    Just when there is hope for SA the publish another picture – this one of the guy with a visible pocket full of hundreds – beyond tacky – what are they thinking

  79. gentle(man)soul says:

    @Josh

    Each to his/her own . If penetration does not happen at Hotel visit #1 then that arrangement is over and no allowance will exchange hands. Josh ,it sounds like you got Roofied .

    I never drink more than a glass of wine with an SB. I’ve been lucky that my SBs through the yrs have not been drinkers-saves a lot of money . Also the S-E-X discussion has already been had and I don’t have to get her drunk . I make it clear what I expect from the visit .

    An UTR I saw years ago became a “friend” . We communicated regularly and I helped her with sage advice ,so she never charged for our time together . One night she had a lot of wine since we met in a hotel bar before going upstairs . She was plastered by the time we started messing around and she accused me of medicating her. Whaaat ? I was totally flummoxed and realized then that this nice MBA /hooker was crazy . I eased out of that relationship after that .

    So I second the motion : NO excess alcohol/drugs when with your SB. You have to keep your wits about you .

  80. Josh says:

    By the way, I met this girl 2 times in a hotel after the first restaurant date. I guess she was shopping for SD and was holding out for higher allowance. Who knows…I had a lot of fun with her.

  81. Josh says:

    I have no interest in having the district attorney to fuck me because I was too horny and fucked a wasted girl. Those who don’t know how fucked up the rape reporting process is, need to study the topic.

    All a wasted girl has to do it is to find a lawyer, any lawyer, and a sizable chunk of man’s life and money is history.

  82. Josh says:

    I did not drink a whole lot. i am jot a hard liquor drinker. I drink beer pretty much. I am not sure if different drinks together reacted adversely or if there was something else in the wine while I was out getting tequila. She blamed it on tequila. Who knows.

    Guru, yes that’s exactly what I did for the next meet. Stayed true to 2-3 bottles of beer.

    I never plan of having sex on the first meet. That’s the second meet.

  83. ChocoCandy says:

    Typical first message to a potential sugar daddy, anyone? Also, where do I meet a female partner in crime? Someone who’s into the sugary type of dating… My best friend is now getting married to her SD

  84. Flyr says:

    Josh

    Rule 1 – First date for both – don’t get blitzed

    Observation – First date in hotel room – unless it’s someone you have talked with extensively you are taking a walk on the wild side. It works both ways. On a first date drink only half as much as you think you want to .
    Josh – if she was a curious virgin who had no intention of having sex with you but drank so much that she was not fully in control would you have sex with her?

  85. Josh says:

    What a generic write-up on a topic, which is of utmost importance.

    One of the most important aspects of getting involved in people is to ensure that you are not tricked or worse harmed.

    I got involved with this SB. She was loads of fun. However, during our first meeting at hotel, first she asked me to bring a specific type of wine. When I brought that along when we met, she wanted tequila. Sure enough, without thinking much of it to take her along, I went and go tequila too.

    After drinking wine and tequila I passed out. When I woke up I had some of the money missing from my pocket. I passed out again. When I woke up again, she had my car keys in her hands. She said that she went to my car looking for something she thought she forgot in the car. I had picked her up from somewhere.

    I had parked my car far away in the parking lot. One of the features of that car’s remote unlock was that it would beep only one time. If it unlocks it would not make sound again and again. She could not locate the car by click the key again and again.

    I passed out again. When I woke up later in the night to leave. I found all the money gone from my pocket. That money was for her anyway. So I did not care. However, if she had made it to my car, a significant amount of money (and credit cards?) could be gone.

    I leave everything from my pockets in my car. The only thing I have with me is her money and car keys. In the future I will leave the car keys at the front desk. 😉

    • SD Guru says:

      @Josh
      “In the future I will leave the car keys at the front desk.”

      I hope that’s not all you learned. How about don’t get drunk and pass out during a first meet? 😛

  86. aliceS says:

    Kms as I said I’m not sorry at all for anyone. They are not my family, I just don’t care. She was stupid for not seeing that her husband was an idiot. Anyway drug addict died. F..k him. Stupid bitch will go to prison. F..k her too. 295 people died in an airplane hitting. That’s definitely interest me more.

  87. Kms2014 says:

    Maybe, be sorry for the wife and kids…as they are often the ones who really suffer, in this type of situation, yes? In my opinion, it is relative to SA, or else they wouldn’t be putting out so many articles relating to the incident. They are getting heat from this…It doesn’t shed good light on the site or how many view it. And, while I agree people get what they deserve, if they dabble in hard drugs, especially heroin….the thing is, the guy didn’t look like the type, did he? And, who is to say he didn’t get intoxicated and she talked him into it/coerced him…who knows what really happened. I haven’t read much on the story, but it appears this woman had some tendencies for murder and wanted this guy dead for whatever reason.

  88. 42SWM says:

    I am not agreeing or disagreeing with anything. I am definitely not blaming SA for anything. I do however think that the surge in topics, and the specific topics themselves is not an accident. Be it public relations or legal, these topics do address certain things. I am a lawyer, and I know how lawyers think. just giving an honest and reasoned answer as to why X is happening. Not commenting on the underlying merits of X being required, prudent, etc.

  89. RSD says:

    As I’ve said before, if you don’t know how to date safely, then don’t date. Of course crazy stuff can happen, but you can get run over crossing the street also. And if you’re having an SB shoot you up with heroin, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself when you turn up dead.

  90. aliceS says:

    I am NOT sorry for them*

  91. aliceS says:

    42SWM I don’t think it’s relevant to SA at all. It could happen in any kind of meeting. First of all if he used drugs, well he were the idiot. She is the other idiot that accepts to participate. I’m sorry for them at all. That is how it rolls when you abusing some substances

  92. Eloquence says:

    So are we brought back to the drawing boardroom or the famous round table on this new topic?

  93. 42SWM says:

    @AliceS: They are probably getting legal advice to emphasize certain aspects of what they offer the public. Given that there have been some prominent problematic incidents (see Google exec dying of drug overdose induced by SB met on SA), they are taking steps to proactively address/avoid similar outcomes in the future. Not sure that the Sugar vs. Prostitution topic will have the desired impact.

  94. Victoria says:

    I suggest always chatting by phone before meeting in person. Smart sugar babies can pick up on clues that, when combined with gut instinct, will serve as a protection. If something seems ‘off’ during the call, no point putting yourself at risk with an in-person meeting. Plus, it’s way easier to hang up the phone than walk away.

    When meeting in person the first time, choose a public place where you are very familiar and comfortable with your surroundings, and give yourself an out (i.e. “Let’s meet at 6…I’ll have to leave by 7:15.”) Don’t isolate yourself.

    As the article states, be ready to have that “awkward” discussion pretty quickly. Ask your SD about his experiences with the site(code for “How many hookups have you had?”)and ask “What are your expectations?” You want to know how often your SD would like to meet, if he seeks an exclusive arrangement, what are his “rules” (i.e. “Don’t text me after 6 pm”) and so forth.(Tip: Experienced SDs can tell you almost precisely. Newbies struggle, hem and haw, and giggle a lot.) Remember, you are interviewing them too!

    Of course, people lie, so take an SD’s answers with a grain of salt and a big dose of your own intuition.

  95. aliceS says:

    What’s wrong with sa. Why so many new topics?

  96. KatPaw says:

    Lmfao

  97. RSD says:

    virgin blog :)

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