3 years ago
How “Sweet” Was Your Christmas Gift?
  • Posted Dec 25, 2013

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Merry Christmas to all our beloved members! So have you been naughty or nice this year? On second thought, have you been the right kind of naughty or nice? Let’s face it: some people enjoy a little misbehavior.

I digress. Today is a time to not only be thankful for the gifts we receive, but also be thankful for the time we spend together in our arrangements. With that said, I’d like to  ask you, our bloggers, to help current and prospective members master the art of “sugar” gifting.

Giving the “perfect present” is never easy. And as much as women tell us that the “gift of giving” is most important, it never hurts to get that certain pair of “red bottoms” they’ve always wanted, or to spend a weekend getaway in a far away country.

With that said, what satisfies you more as a Sugar Baby: physical presents or unique experiences? I know, it’s a tough call. One tangible present improves your lifestyle, whereas another intangible present leaves a lasting memory.

And to our Sugar Daddies, what have you learned works the best when it comes to gifting? And on the contrary, what doesn’t work?

Discuss! Your contributions, alone, are the perfect holiday give to all our Sugar newbies.

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172 Responses to “How “Sweet” Was Your Christmas Gift?”

  1. SB-Lexi says:

    @SD-Rob, your observations are absolutely accurate in describing the women you will locate. Both Daddies and Babies waste a lot of time weeding through others to find your perfect arrangement and match.

    I have had several bad experiences with SD, and I am certain will have many more. The key to it all is both being upfront with each other. Just like any other aspect in life, communication is key.

    I am so happy to have noticed the link for the blog, there are some great tips on here. Also seems to be some very wonderful people interacting with each other, not to mention intelligent :)

  2. Kit says:

    I would seriously like some experienced advice as to my POT SDs. I have been on SA for around 2 weeks and have been contacted by 7 SDs so far. 3 of which I respectfully declined because they didn’t strike my interest and I’m wasn’t going to waste either of our time or take advantage. So I was left with 4. All of who I decided to be my POT SD. Here they are:
    #1 has not much sugar to give.
    #2 when setting arrangements he strictly talked about sex and stated that he will not give any allowance until AFTER date 5. I can understand a SD to not want to be taken advantage of but I do not think that to be fair for me as a SB. Especially if he expects me to be intimate with him on all 5 dates. He will only visit once a month for 2-3 days. Does that or does than not mean that there will be no allowance until after 5 months?
    #3 gave me his arrangements and I stated I was incomfortable with a part and even offered a counter so I could still grant his wishes but not do something I couldn’t bring myself to do. He’s never responded.
    #4 Is my favorite!!!! Were both into one another, we click, and even phone calls and texts are just as exciting to give as they are to get! BUT he lives in Las Vegas and I in Louisiana. We plan to meet soon but how would/could we make the best arrangements when our distance is so far apart? I’m just new to this but I’m catching on and that’s mostly because I know what I’m looking for in a SD and my realationship with him. And is there some rule about only getting sugar or only getting allowance? Or can both be given? I need as close to a 1.00$ as I can get so everyone is welcome to put their 2¢ in. Thank y’all!

  3. Shy Girl says:

    I need help. I’m having no luck finding a good SD. Either they have no sugar to give or they are too pushy. Any advice?

  4. Mike says:

    This was a good blog, learned something about SD/SA. Yes I have come across some fake SB, who just wanted money, and poof never call or talk to you when you say lets meet first. There are woman who just wants cash and nothing more, they will lie. It’s a shame that woman just want your money and nothing else. I have to have some trust in woman, but I feel that they just lead on, just for money. I see that some SD get lucky, but I am not a millionaire, and I can’t afford the life style. Just like to know why woman lie, and play with an SD emotions. I think it’s wrong, and karma is a b***h. SD-Rob is right on the money, in my opinion. Yes the category he describe is real, in real life.

    Some SB may shoot me down, but as a new SD the reality is there. Sorry if I was blunt, but this is my experience so far.

    If woman just want money, than they should not be on this site, they should look at other ways to make money. If a young 20 something wants money form 50 something and lie about it, than they should be honest, and just say I will take your money and not be intimate.

  5. Jeane says:

    Hello there! New to the blog but I’ve been reading often! I had a pretty wonderful gift from my SD! First was a romantic date in our down town area we went to dinner and then saw the nutcracker (where he bought me a little sparkly pink ballerina ornaments— yes I am a girly girl! lol) after he surprised me with a little cash and a diamond bracelet! I adore my SD he’s the sweetest guy I know and is giving me memories to last a life time!
    All my advice for new SB and SD’s don’t settle for anything less than what you’re looking for, the perfect arrangement is out there if you just keep looking! I don’t even want to count how many first dates I had to go on before I found him! 😀

  6. SD-Rob says:

    @ Ash- see next topic

  7. Ash says:

    @Rob

    You’re right, plus, I want to point out that you are really intelligent. You profiled about 95% of the Sb’s (that you’ve met) on this sight which for an SD would be extremely helpful to read because it would be accurate to the different type of women on this site. If an SD reads that he can prepare himself and also know what and what not to answer to creating more trust when he comes across a real SB.

    @onyx _p

    I never received anything from the moderators, did you?:/

  8. flyr says:

    Ash comment continues on the newer topic

  9. gtt_envy says:

    $250 is laughable……………….I’m not one of these guys “claiming” to give $5000/mo allowances which are as rare as white elephants in the wild, but $250 every single person on this blog should not be okay with that!!

    NEVER HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE, and NEVER HAVE SEX FOR A PATHETIC $250.

  10. SD-Rob says:

    @Ash- the question is whether you really want to have sex with him since as you said earlier you have been missing it. This is what I have come across before as I mentioned in the list of SBs.
    I have been in your POT SDs shoes, really wanted to have sex, since I was missing it, the SB was also in the same situation, we had an agreed upon P4P allowance, and went ahead. We both had fun. In that case, none of us had mentioned a steady arrangement and it turned out to be a one time thing, but it was good for both of us.
    But, if you feel you will be unhappy with $250 in your hand as you say, and he is gone, then either ask for something that will make you feel it was worth it, or simply do not have sex with him on the first meet. For me, not having sex was not a deal breaker on the first meet, and I changed my allowance amount after hearing the SB side and concerns, since I was genuinely interested. So, if he is for real, he will go along with your desires.
    Too much focus on sex may be a red flag, or may be that you are encouraging it too. I know this is happened to me, where I have felt like I needed to bring it up quite a bit since I thought the SB was also interested in that talk (as I was!).
    But on the other hand, he may be a player and you have to decide what it is that you want.
    If he does not agree with your requests, and backs out, don’t worry, there are plenty more SDs out there who will, I am sure.

  11. Ash says:

    @Zack
    You welcome 😉 lol

  12. Ash says:

    @Jj
    Yea, lol that’s what I thought but I was giving him the benefit of a doubt that maybe he just hasn’t had any in a while. I said no to the skype thing until we’ve met he didn’t really answer back to it soo idk but I have a week until I meet him so that’s perfect time to get to know him more.

    @Onyx_P
    Lol you “so” right and now I may be rethinking allot, at this point if he seems like a good guy, when I meet him it will be the decision maker for sure if we go further that night, if we need to wait, or if I just don’t feel we should go forward. I love that you said “Remind him why he is not booking a session with an escort, you are a real woman with a hell of a lot more to offer than what’s between your legs.” I’m a sweet girl and I have goals in life, and a great future ahead of me. He could be a great addition to my life right now but if he wasn’t I would still continue on my own so I definitely don’t want to be treated any less than if we met on a traditional setting.

  13. Jj says:

    @Ash, I sense another flag if he is pushing sex before you have even met. It is one thing to be sexy flirting and another to focus upon the sex only before the meet. The Skype thing this early, again before the meet and any hint of boundaries, arrangement or relation, is a bit precocious to me.

  14. Zack says:

    Ash…thanks for giving me a peek into your mind :) It’s kinda shiny in there. Best hopes for your New Year.

  15. onyx_percula says:

    @ Ash — He will answer with some BS story that upon a critical look just doesn’t hold up as plausible. It will be very practiced and polished, but pure BS.

    I won’t say FL has all the fakes, but yea, more than your fair share for sure.

    Men can get carried away, thinking ahead, sex drive and all that. Just tell him no. All good things come in time. It’s alright to talk about sex and in fact its not a bad idea to keep those fires stoked. Just find a balance. It’s fun to talk about sex, so enjoy it. When it becomes too much, throw a little water on it with a subject change. Remind him why he is not booking a session with an escort, you are a real woman with a hell of a lot more to offer than what’s between your legs.

  16. Ash says:

    @Zack Okay I may have totally over thought a little but I have met a few fakes and I’m not trying to do that all over again, this time with a little knowledge of the situation I can handle things better and spot the good SD’s from the posers thus making this a great experience for me like other SD’s and SB’s.

  17. Zack says:

    You’ve started overthinking 😛 …it’s going to come across excessively contractual. Get some rest :) Sounds like a bit more prudence than I’ve counseled may be appropriate, but stop putting more into this first meet…get it over with, then get back to thinking of a relationship rather than an event. :)

  18. Ash says:

    Okay thanks those are totally good questions @onyx_percula, will ask those for sure but if he’s fake what would his answer be like?

    Gosh, sucks that all the fakes are in FL.

    @Zack Okay I totally get what you mean now. To answer your question “Is your relationship in a few months going to be what it is after the first meet? ” I don’t know I hope so if we’re both up front and honest in our wants.

    @Anyone I am starting to notice sex is really important to him, which I get it but like we haven’t even met yet and he’s wanting to sex skype and stuff which I told him I’m not in the settings for living wise. Plus I rather just keep it in the bedroom when we’re together but right now, it just seemed to early. He’s not annoying or anything blowing my phone up so I just thought maybe he really doesn’t have any SB’s and he’s really craving some. I’ll make sure I let him know my boundaries on our first date though. I just didn’t know if that was a red flag or not….

    I would want to keep things the same from now until who knows in terms of the arrangement, I wouldn’t want him to turn around later and ask for something different that I didn’t agree to that wouldn’t be cool. I wasn’t really looking for short term and I don’t know how long LT would be but as long as he’s committed for now then it ends when it ends.

  19. Zack says:

    He won’t bail. This is going to work for them to at least start :)

  20. Jj says:

    @ Ash, and along with Onxy P, it provides you an opportunity to show him you are sincere and not looking to flake on him. You can really score some points by appeasing his concerns and also find out if he is for sure the real deal.

  21. onyx_percula says:

    @ Ash — It might take them a bit, new years eve and all.

    Anyway I have a friend/SB that lives in FL too. I have kind of been a mentor for her foray into the sugar bowl, as such, what JJ says is 110% right. Lots of guys not making the cut as SDs have approached her.

    If he bails, just be adult about it and talk to him. Maybe start now, and a good question would be something along the lines of “Have you been ripped off by SBs before?”, “Oh really, what happened? What did they pull?”. Understanding will go a long ways to ferreting out a faker and help you to comfort his fears if he is real.

  22. Zack says:

    Yes, Ash, “game” is as good a word as any, though others work with variations…process, plan, life, course… shrug. Really…Is your relationship in a few months going to be what it is after the first meet? 😛

    Most people don’t want to create drama…that falls out of other wants and expectations…first meet and “arrangement” can be hurdles or steppingstones, but…plan to keep walking…or dancing..or crawling…for as much life as grace grants. :)

  23. Jj says:

    No Ash, Zach was not referring to a “game” per se, but the the totality of the event of establishing and maintaining an arrangement.

  24. Jj says:

    @Ash: I am in SW Florida and for a word of caution, there are a “boat load” of flakes here in Florida as I have learned from SB’s I’ve encountered. (SB wannabe’s as well, but that is another topic)

    If he is a real POT SD, he will accept the greater risk of providing you with more than just the basic P4P 250 for your first intimate date. As Spicey says, you only hold any power before the panties hit the floor, and if he is true to his word he will understand this and accept it as the risk a SD and gentleman, must take in establishing an arrangement. If I were a SB, I would not accept his basic P4P to start, Florida or not, and have the initial risk shared more equally.

    Communication is the key to you both feeling comfortable and

  25. Ash says:

    @Zach

    Okay I see what you’re saying as far why he would back out and the last thing I Want to create is drama for the two of us but what do you mean by “play a long term game” there’s a game to this lol?

  26. Zack says:

    “So I guess at this point I’m going to have to come back and tell him how I feel differently about the allowance issue. If he backs out then I guess that would be a sign of him not being serious and a red flag? Or not trusting me? If he backs out what does that tell me so I can look out for things like this again.”
    —————
    What would it mean if he backed out…top three guesses, not necessarily exclusive:

    1) You created a confrontation out of an objectively reasonable request that clashed with expectations and got ejected. =>Work on your negotiation style.

    2) His budget is in his head, but he has not emotionally released that cash stream, and is still working out his priorities, sugar or irl, or both. => Start from his profile budget…it’s at least 1k; through conversation, give him confidence that the purposes of his budget will be met and there will be a real emotional bonus as well…with you. :) You’ll snuggle into his life in a low drama, nicely defined role…you can work on seduction later 😛

    3) Fraud, mistake or simple factual misunderstanding. => Figure out what went wrong, find a different guy with whom that’s not the case.

    Don’t over think, or you’ll turn a “tidy” scenario into a rather sterile one, or one laden with your drama…do think of the first meet as not a single point in time, but more “smeared” with echoes and shades of negotiation running before and after. Play a long game–that IS what you’re looking for here, right? Hope so, and good luck 😀

  27. Ash says:

    In that case, moderators please give onyx_percula access to my email! <3

  28. Peach says:

    The 4th paragraph down was meant for the questions that were asked.

  29. Peach says:

    Sugary-

    I hate the sex because of the 30 year age difference. And that’s coming from someone who likes older men. I just feel awkward and SD is as hairy as the shag carpet in my apartment. He left his shirt on last time. I have to be in the right mood to have sex with him and then get it over with. I have only had sex with him 3 times in the past 2 months (I moved in Oct 17).

    No not jealous of other SB’s. I know what I got myself into however was thinking it would change after a few months not get worse. For instance when I first moved in he took me shopping for things for my apartment, got me a credit card to a clothing store, fixed my car so I could sell it (said he would get me a better one, never did), pays the electric, paid the cable (shut that off), bought me gifts. It’s been less and less.

    I love hanging out with him and we have fun but it’s like it’s never enough. We can have a great night doing dinner and then a movie or whatever. When he goes to bring me home he literally will take the long way or stop at the gas station and stall to talk in the car forever. One time after dinner we got in the car and he just sat there. He doesn’t want to take me home till I make the next date plan with him MEANWHILE I have the babysitter at home with the kids.

    What’s texting a lot? All day long. Unless I ignore the first few. I do appreciate him from getting me out of the crap hole town I lived in and co-signed for me and paid all deposits and move in fees in an apartment I would of never been approved for or could afford fully on my own. And he told me I could tell him to fuck off tomorrow and he would still pay partial rent because it will go against his credit. This is the first SD I have had any problem having sex with.

    Out of town SD pays $700-$1600 depending on what we do. He’s loaded though compared to local. I like the sex with that SD but he is married and we never talk about our lives. Ever. All emails are sex this and bdsm that but he is fun! And 20 year difference rather than 30. It’s not just about numbers though because some people age well and others no.

  30. onyx_percula says:

    @ Ash — The moderators have access to those, if you were to ask in the blog they would send it you at your address then you could email me directly. I gave them my permission to share mine with you.

    Your clarification helps. I didn’t mean to harp about sex on the first date. I am/was thinking more along the lines that a sugar relationship is still a real relationship. It takes time often to move from dating to intimacy. Of course there are those times when there is just no waiting, haha!

    I just know that people tend to focus too much on the details and timing of an arrangement instead of building that connection, testing and exploring that chemistry which is really what keeps each of you happy.

  31. Bastian says:

    @ Beachgirl- sorry to belabor the particular case that really got me, but this particular SB and I, texted, talked on the phone many times, talked about our likes and dislikes, then when we met, we clicked immediately, as I mentioned ended up having a very passionate time just outside of the coffee shop, she even said that she liked me even if there was no arrangement, and I felt so comfortable that trying to show my true intentions, I even gave her a substantial advance, and the theme that was presented was that she was looking for one SD only, did not want to get intimate on first date.
    Then the truth came out that she was ready for a P4P with another SD virtually the next day, including being intimate on first date without even having seen, met, exchanged any substantive texts, or talked to this next guy who proposed the P4P. Since she did not know that I knew of her entertaining such a proposal, she still pursued having the arrangement with me, which I of course refused (gave up on the advance of course, but learned a lesson never to do that).
    @ Ash- this example above, is one reason why your POT SD may not want to give you an advance for example , which is what you can ask him, but DO NOT have sex without getting $ first as I mentioned.
    Also, I am not sure where you are and what the going allowances are there, but as others pointed out, $250 for the amount of time you are going to spend with him, in my area, in Los Angeles, is less than peanuts!!
    @ Peach- same with your $400 per month! Can’t believe the cable payment story either! What a cheapskate I have to say (sorry)! I have given some of my SBs $5000 in one month , but they have been worth it and knew their worth. Being exclusive allows SD to splurge like this.

  32. Ash says:

    Also sorry I forgot to mention I’m in FL. He’s also in Florida but he’s about an hour and 30 min away.

  33. Ash says:

    Okay wow that was allot to take in but you guys definitely answered my question.

    First I am “not” going to have sex with him if we don’t have chemistry on our first date which we have not had yet. We have skyped and now text. I will take a taxi right home no problem if our date doesn’t feel right or he wasn’t right for me. I want a man I can talk to and laugh with. Someone I can feel I can enjoy myself with and be comfortable so that an allowance is just that, an allowance and our relationship is fun and enjoyable.

    With that being said, I have not had sex with him yet and I have not met him yet. I will be meeting him next week and according to how everything thing goes, sure I’ll have sex on the first date, not forced. If we both like each other we both know why we are with each other (he has lots of work needs a nice woman to take care of him, i have lots of school and work and i would like a nice guy to have up scale fun with while also taking care of financial things in my life) so at that, why wait you know. I repeat that’s ONLY if I like him.

    My main concern was the allowance up until we trust each other. The reason I was even considering doing the 250$ P4P starting right then was because I wanted him to trust me and I would like to have a relationship starting now. To me, whats rushing when you have an arrangement you know, BUT I my biggest fear was him leaving and me never hearing from again and what did I get out of that whole situation 250$? I would feel totally disappointed and stupid. Asking for 500$ UPFRONT for our first date on a practical arrangement definitely sounds a whole allot better. That actually makes me feel more comfortable too. I know I’m not going anywhere so if he does I guess I wouldn’t feel that bad, the right one will eventually come and I took the risk so I can’t be afraid of getting banged and left leaving 500$ in my hand. If that happened with only $250 in my hand I would feel soo trashy. Trashy because the money is not as important as the over all relationship to me so, missing out on what could have been a great relationship would make me feel trashy and then the issue of only $250 left in my hand.

    So I guess at this point I’m going to have to come back and tell him how I feel differently about the allowance issue. If he backs out then I guess that would be a sign of him not being serious and a red flag? Or not trusting me? If he backs out what does that tell me so I can look out for things like this again. I know it’s really hard for the SD too it’s not just the SB. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to get more to run out on him for you know….

    And to clear up the arrangement, it was weekly 250$ plus gifts just to show me he cares until it’s been a month and he knows I’m there to stay. That’s when he said he doesn’t mind giving me a grand at the beginning of the month because he trust that I’m there to stay.

    I will not force myself to sleep with him for the money, absolutely not, as much as I need it I want a man that I have chemistry with and I’ll wait to find that if I have too.

    @Onyx_percula How do they let us show each other our emails so we can talk outside of blogs?

  34. onyx_percula says:

    @ Ash — Is this a local thing or is there travel involved to meet? Distance always seems to equal “pressure to move fast” because of the time and expense involved.

    Since this is pretty much the way I do arrangements when possible…

    “Look I really like you from our conversations, but I want to move a little slow when it comes to sex. I’m not saying I won’t want to jump your bones the first date, I’m just saying I don’t want you to expect it and I don’t expect anything more than a small gift to cover my expenses if we aren’t intimate. Let’s go on a couple of dates before we start our arrangement, get comfortable with each other.”

    “Okay I’m fine with starting out with a P4P arrangement, but I need to feel a little bit of security before I’m intimate with you. Can we talk about a double allowance for our first time together? I would also like to put some time lines on converting to a more conventional allowance. Maybe in a month we can look at going to a twice monthly allowance and a month after that a monthly allowance. What do you think?”

    I don’t know where you are Ash but $250/meeting is in the typical range in the AZ area. BUT… you are also talking about modeling and spending the night plus the day. Okay if its just a “date night with a sleep over”, but if you are spending the better part of 24-36 hours together that’s not enough model or not. It’s not unreasonable to seek $300-$500 for that overnight’er assuming a similar allowance range in your area.

    Keep in mind too that there are positives and negatives for P4P. A plus for you, there are 5 months out of the year with 5 weeks, so unless you miss a meeting one week, you get extra. Also who is to say that the max is once a week for either of you, maybe not every week, but I bet there will be several times its not only possible it would be desirable.

    Since this is the type of arrangement I tend to make… Blog gods/goddesses please share my email with Ash if she cares to have it. I would be glad to email with you off-line if you want.

  35. Richard says:

    @Sugary – Not to speak for Ash, but I interpreted her description to mean if things worked out her pot SD would give her $1000 at the beginning of the month in one lump sum rather than $250/week. I don’t think he’s offering to increase the allowance, just change the payment terms. I’m ready to be corrected, though!

  36. Beach_Girl says:

    Ash~ You said what he wanted to do, are you ok with that?
    you say you would be selling yourself for 250$ , that doesn’t sound like you like this guy… do you? do you feel chemistry, do you feel like you are getting what you want? do you feel comfortable sleeping with him?
    It is a risk, had he been gentlemanly with you up to now? is he pushing for you to have sex? if so, maybe he’s not real???
    I never really had a problem with this question, I always felt comfortable with the SDs I had and talked with them so I knew what to expect and that we were both happy…

    As for you guys, if a girls doesn’t like you, she knows when she meets you!
    And girls, don’t force yourself to like someone or have sex with someone just because he is promising an allowance.

  37. SugarySpicey says:

    Peach – why do you hate the sex? Is he selfish in bed, unattractive, or just waaaay too old for you? First and foremost, you should be enjoying the sex. If you don’t, you should be REALLY enjoying the money. This is not the right arrangement for you. And, it sounds like he really shouldn’t be sugar dating as he’s far too emotionally needy relative to his “generosity”. Get a second job and jump ship!

    Ash – the “when we’re more comfortable I’ll give you …” RED FLAG! Before you have sex, YOU have all the power, after, he does. Once he’s no longer pursuing you why would he ever be more generous with you then he was during the early “I want you” stages? If I’ve got the math right he wants 10-15 hours of your time a week for $250. Then he “might” give you an extra $1,000 at his discretion – best case scenario, you get $500 per week and nobody feels worried about poofing.

    Why not try, “Het POT SD, a $250 weekly allowance doesn’t really make me feel taken care of, sexy, or special, but I know you want to feel comfortable things will last between us before you start being more generous. I’m worried though, that if things don’t work out, for whatever reason, a $250 allowance will leave me feeling cheap and used. Could we start with a $500 per week allowance so that each of us knows that the other is serious, and doesn’t leave me wondering if or when, you might decide to give me the gifts and extra allowance you mentioned?”

    If he balks it’s probably because he was never planning to give you the $1,000 and is trying to get you at a price less than what he’d pay an escort for an hour of her time.

  38. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars! Happy New Years 😀

    Richard~ How have you been? I agree, I think most people here are honest, not all mind you !!!

    Bastian~ I don’t know what you mean by someone is checking the SBs profile, but I know people look around. When I was in an arrangement, I never browsed but did come to the blog. I don’t think after one date that you are in an arrangement… and I think Richard is right, talk/text lots before meeting to see if there is chemistry!

    Peach~ is there no chemistry? 400$ a month is not much, but what is it that you needed and why did you agree to that if you wanted more?
    See, I wouldn’t settle for someone, I need chemistry and a genuine like of a person …

  39. Bastian says:

    @ Peach- by the way, how often does your local one text you? What do you consider a lot or all the time? I do like to hear from SB on a regular basis, once every couple of days. Would you consider that all the time?
    @ Rich- Don’t get me wrong there are many who are honest. I had one who was wonderful, she even gave me her instagram address so I could see all the pics she posted, etc. Just that my time is valuable and the emotional up and downs make it not much fun when you are trusting someone who presents herself one way and it totally the opposite.
    I actually first heard about the alternate account in reading Spicey’s post (interesting idea!). I met a guy over the years in traveling the same route weekly and in talking I found out about the SB sites from him and we have stayed in touch on this. We do test the SB’s from time time depending on the arrangement they ask for , like the one I described from some time ago, who seemed so sincere about it all, but turned out to be a total fake. Neither one of us is ashamed of this or regret it given the time and energy we put into this. I recommend it to the SBs as well in fact, someone like Ash for example who is wondering if her SD is for real.

  40. Richard says:

    @Ash – Not a SB, but here’s my advice. You should decide before your initial meeting what would make you comfortable if it doesn’t work out. That is, if you meet him, there’s chemistry, and you end up having sex, will you feel cheated if you walk away with only $250 and never see him again? If so, how about $500? Or $1000? It seems like you are less concerned about the amount of money than becoming intimate with someone casually outside of a long-term relationship.

    If that’s the issue, then don’t have sex with him on the first meeting and wait until you’re sure. One good way to ensure that is to not shave your legs (or other parts) and wear your ugliest underwear. :)

    If you like him and you’ve established a good rapport via texting and phone conversations, I’d suggest you take the risk, assuming you feel good about it once you meet him in person. Keep in mind he’s taking a risk too: it might turn out that he’s terrible in bed or smells bad (or like milk…inside joke) and you don’t want to see him again.

  41. Euphoria retired sb says:

    This year I received the sweetest gifts ever. The keys to my boyfriend/former and long term SD’s soho condo. Im free to come and go as I please and clutter his place with all of my girl things. This is good because my place is running out of space for shoes! Time to shop some more! Yeah!

  42. Richard says:

    @Bastian – I guess ignorance is bliss, then! :) Seriously, I feel like I’m a good judge of character, and although maybe I’m being fooled, I honestly don’t think so. I’m sure there are some bad apples out there, but based on my experience (and this blog) I think most are sincere and honest.

    I may be misunderstanding you, but are you using this “friend” or alternate profile on SA to TEST your potential SBs? That is, try to set up a meeting with them to see if they will “cheat” on you?

    Happy New Year to all!

  43. Zack says:

    Ash, as a guy, I think it sounds like a fine start. If you want to feel more secure, you could entangle expenses and sugar a bit…ask for payment via weekly deposits to his prepaid paypal debit card in your possession, ask him to front you Next month’s rent, or generally establish a reliable means of repeatedly conveying you value…let him advance a few weeks worth, perhaps 500, as your security for, really, just your next meet.

    Don’t get complex, and if you have a good feeling about the guy, maybe try mostly trusting… you might mess up the spirit of the relationship a bit.

    (Ok, where’d this naivety come from? I know I got my cynicism around here somewhere?)

  44. Bastian says:

    @ Ash- advice from a SD who is probably in the same place as your SD .
    If you read all the previous posts, I am untrusting of SBs who say they want an exclusive arrangement or agree to an exclusive arrangement suggested by me. So I approach the allowance the same way as you describe, because of trust issues.
    Since I am not sure how real the SB is (SD’s point of view!), I tell her that we will go on a per meet for some time, until we have gained each others trust. They move to a semi monthly allowance, and then monthly and so one as long as it lasts.
    BUT BE CAREFUL!
    You need to protect yourself, because there are those and I have heard many stories from my SBs directly, and seen posts here, who will give you the one P4P amount and then move to the next girl and disappear.
    Here are some things I suggest you can do :
    What is the eventual monthly that he has offered you? I could not tell clearly from your post. Is it $1000 + some gifts? If so, I would ask for at least $500 the first intimate meeting, double what he has offered. If he is serious he will understand and agree, I know I will, despite some bad experiences I have had. He will have to trust you and you him.
    And no sex until you have the money in hand, no checks, no promises, cold hard cash!
    Also, I could not tell if you have even been on a date yet? If not, definitely, need to start that way, with no intimacy. Maybe even see if he is willing to go on a second date without intimacy, if he is willing, and then decide if you want to go through yourself and surprise him with that on your second date.
    Also, you could ask that he closes down his profile before you guys move forward, and that you would do the same. I know I would if I really liked someone and wanted to go forward with longer term arrangement and not jumping to the next SB.
    But you need to be ready for disappointment if he turns out to be a P4P guy. It is a risk you take, but you have at least given yourself much protection so to speak:
    no sex before $, substantial $ on first intimate date, at least one, maybe two dates before sex, closing of the profiles suggestion (you can never be sure there I guess).
    My two cents worth from a now rather experienced SD.

  45. Bastian says:

    @ Richard – You may be very lucky or you are indeed being deceived, as I probably have been in the past, and would have been if I had not to try and check on the SB through the friend.
    I go about finding SBs the same as you describe by the way, don’t get me wrong. I have not had any issues with finding a number of very nice ones, that I slept with on the first date usually as long as that is what they wanted. Certainly, the second, but there have only been 2 that have wanted a nonsexual first date! I have always tried to accommodate them and be sensitive to what made them comfortable. I have come to the conclusion that most lie though as nice as they are, to get what they want which is sometimes as much $ as they can make doing this, AND in some cases as much sex as possible + the $, since they enjoy the sex as well. And more power to them if they want to do this, but I for one cannot believe any of them. Hard to trust anyone really, but you need to take the plunge.
    But if they ask for an exclusive arrangement, and I like them and willing to give up all the other sugar, then having them lie about it on their part, entertaining multiple SDs is the part that is a deal breaker for me. You may say, why even go after ones that are asking for the exclusivity. Well, I guess that is what I was originally looking for and through this was all about, so it still has the attraction. Not having to deal with multiple SBs, jumping from to another, etc. But maybe that is just a fantasy. Or if comes true, it will eventually be short term in the grand scheme of things. I think there was someone here who said they put their SB through school and of course she eventually left to go start her career. So, the end is always there sooner or later (one or two meetings, or couple of years worth!)
    @ Peach- You are indeed selling yourself way short. To give you an idea, at least in my area, for a per meet allowance, I dish out $400-700 depending on the SBs needs. And sometimes more on top of that if they need something and have a crisis, once in a while, for those that I end up meeting more than once of course.
    You come close to what I was looking for, but you also have your out of towner, but at least you have told the local one that there is the second one. Commendable. But what if your local one gave you much more sugar? Would that make you write off the other? As you say, just getting off the site knowing you have found what you are looking for would be a good feeling, as opposed to having to start the search again.
    I would drop the local one if I were you. I agree that you first describe him as the best in earlier posts I read and now something totally different. Nonetheless, if the situation is it is, then he is a big boy, go on to someone else.

  46. Ash says:

    Is this a good one??? I need feedback from my fellow SB’s.

    So I finally found what I think will be a great SD. He seems sweet he’s missing sex and companionship in his life and he really just wants that again without the relationship aspect because of work which is great for me. He’s in his 40’s which is perfect because he has the straight forward not trying to play games vibe (I HOPE) that’s I’m looking for. I work a hella lot and with school and photoshoots for ports by the best, I need way more money than a job can offer plus i need my time. I can’t have a nine to five with this career choice. I also don’t mind the sex part because I could use some sex in my life too! He wants to be monogamous which is also a plus yet I would use the money to also do regular check ups and stay safe only because it’s just better to be paranoid then not and get stuck with a big problem.

    Now as for the arrangement. He wants to do it this way, I would visit him weekly, stay the day with him we’d enjoy each others time dinner boating whatever comes up and intimacy at night of course then leave the next day. My allowance would be 250$ every week. Maybe even a grand plus gifts occasionally in the beginning of the month when we gain each others trust, so he can be sure isn’t a one time thing and im gone or he’s gone. I know it won’t be because it’s what I want to plus he’s an older guy that’s all that wants to help my life while having a FWB relationship with me. I don’t see any different then the dumb broke ass guys that I had FWB relationships with in highschool.

    Here’s the problem, I know I’m not going anywhere but what if this is all a lie. We won’t be meeting until next week but still I don’t want this to be a one time thing and i feel like I sold my self for 250$ because of his lie. I need advice from an SB I have no idea how I should take this, I want to trust him but idk if I should do this differently I understand on his part if he’s being honest why he would want to do it this way so he’s safe but what about me??

    Pleaseee let me know girls. I really wish I had a close SB friend I can talk too lol. If he turned out to be true then maybe he can plan a trip for us BUT back to the problem for now because nothing is set in gold until I know the pros and cons of this..

    Thanks
    xoxo

  47. Richard says:

    @Peach – $400/month and the sex sucks? From what you’re describing, for the amount of attention he requires you could make more money working at McDonalds. Personally, I think you’re selling yourself WAY short, but I guess it depends how desperate you are…and of course, what you have to offer. I really hope he doesn’t read this blog! :(

  48. Zack says:

    Have a talk with local SD.

    Understand: you know that however nice he is, your current relation won’t last…you’re not invested, and he’s testing. Start looking for lessons learned and good elements to salvage…as stepping stones to a better effort.

    Maybe try defining how much time his support (low cash, moderate “companionship”) is worth to you. Sounds like about 2 Weekends per month, tops. He’ll understand that position, but it’ll kill any emotional “click.”…that’s an illusion at this point anyway.

    Try to steer it to an end state similar to your out of state. Think of a few lines you should change in your profile based on your current experience…hold off on actually changing the text for a few weeks, though, to make sure you got your feelings right.

    He’s trying to get a larger emotional commitment from you and economizing on cash (probably valid reasons there, but…) he will come to (more) realize that accounting and “click” are kinda parallel things…hope he learns to take “losses” upfront and focus on actually learning the person those “losses” grant the opportunity to learn from…help him think of “sugar” as “tuition”…then, having fulfilled your campfire obligation; define, package and set this relationship on a shelf…it’s future is toxic, you can get the lessons learned now, and dragging it out is going to become increasingly clearly …. you trying to get what you can before getting out.

    Sooner and smoother is nicer…this arrangement is doomed, Peach. :/

    On the other hand, with a bit better match, this coulda blossomed…keep trying <3

  49. Homer says:

    @Peach–It’s interesting to read how your description of your arrangement changed from earlier in this thread to now. A week ago, it sounded like you really liked this guy, what he’s done for you, etc. Is it possible this is just some of SB envy, hearing what some other SBs in some other city are bringing in? Not trying to be an ass, just wondering what changed?
    Also if you listen to Spicey’s advice, if you really hate sex with this guy, you probably shouldn’t be with him unless everything else he brings to the table makes it easy to look past that part.

  50. Peach says:

    I think I’m fishing in the wrong hole! There are SD’s (that can offer an average allowance or ^) that only want one SB. I have an SD that does a lot for me but $ wise on the very LOW end and he knows that. He co-signed my apartment, pays $400 of the $1000 rent, put the cable/internet and electric in his name. That’s it. The rest is dinners, movies and shows ect. Recently he took away the cable and it was because I didn’t want to pay for it. That was a “go” for me to look for a second or new SD. I guess what he thought is he would hook the cable and electric up and then I would give him the money for it. Big mix up because when he said he was hooking it up I thought that meant paying for it too. I could of done that myself. So now back to 12 channels and Netflix for me.

    I do have another SD (married) and lives in another state. I don’t really define that as any arrangement. He emails me maybe every few months for p4p, nothing consistant. It’s whenever he’s in my state and I tell him how much sugar I want and then he’s gone again.

    The SD that lives here knows about the other guy and also knows I’m BACK on SA. Which btw I hate coming back on here because I had to create a new email and name, again.

    So Peach what’s you point? I WANT one SD but it’s not working for me and till then I’ll continue shopping till I find the right one. I just don’t know what to do with this SD. Even though he doesn’t help much with $ we get along great. I hate the sex but I don’t tell him and it’s not often thank god!

    My issue is that he calls and text alllllllllllll the time! It never ends and then is always wanting to hang out constantly and it will be like the day after we just hung out. I hate to say this but he hardly helps me $ compared to average. Wants to be on the phone all day long. Wanted a key to my place. Has been saying for 2 months he is gonna get me a car but hasn’t. I don’t know how to tell him to back off a little or start helping more financially. Anyone?

  51. Zack says:

    …youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rAaWvVFERVA

  52. Richard says:

    My experience, though short and very limited so far, has been completely different from what Rob, Homer and Bastian are describing. It might be geography, it might be me, or I might be selecting women a bit differently.

    I treat a woman the same whether I met her on SA or elsewhere. If I’m interested in someone, I flirt with her and court her. I’m looking for a relationship, albeit perhaps an unconventional one, and I wouldn’t treat a potential partner differently just because I may be helping her financially.

    People lie. Men just as much as women. That’s not going to change because you’re discussing entering into an “arrangement.” That said, I haven’t found any of the women I’ve met here to be dishonest with me (perhaps with one exception, and I understand why she was hiding something). I’ve also been completely honest with them, both about my current situation and what I’m seeking.

    Of course, they could all be deceiving me and I just don’t know!

    If I’m attracted to someone, we’ve built a strong rapport through texting and phone conversations before meeting, and there is sexual chemistry in person, I’ll sleep with them on the first date, or maybe the second. That’s been the same pretty much my whole life, no matter where we met (I don’t attend church…lol). I’m unlikely to be compatible with a woman who “holds out” or isn’t open enough sexually to know what she wants right away.

  53. Zack says:

    OP, imho, your conveyed thoughts regarding expectations, disappointment and stepping back are perfectly suited to this blog’s current topic…I’ve absorbed similar ideas, and they work…I’ve not tinkered with the words or ideas to the point of pithy aphorisms, but the emotional sense is (I think) the key sought here.

    Know your expectations. Expect THOSE to be disappointed. Reduce your own expectations to a rough plan or series of milestones that give you a framework to see how you respond when someone misses Your expectations…keep the perspective granted by having a series of steps, seeing a particular admission or conversation as a goal towards one of many steps….then when “lied to,” at least in your own head, see it as a misstep you made in guiding the relationship past that one small milestone. Analyze, fix or correct the mistake, or analyze and try again with some small identified change in your approach….

    Consider it learning a system, not trying to suddenly “click” with a whole cloth end goal.

    As you get better seeing the envelope of the relationship…you start noticing other people’s side more…that’s a nice bit of awareness, and worth the entire “Seeking” effort in and of itself.

    Finding any of the many, many people who meet your desires AND blow you away with their own potential is just a nice side result of learning to understand people…I’m hoping LOL

    but…it’s the journey, not the destination…make your journey a series of small steps, and be aware that YOU are the one that sees and shapes the envelope of the relationship. Assume you will need to give open hearted ways for SB’s to learn that they get themselves stuck at a lower level of self awareness and potential than they want. If they controlled their lives better than you yours, odds are, you would be prey, not hunter….so be gentle, most lies are people trying to cope and blinding themselves to ways of actually getting what they want. Be trustworthy, helpful, judge mostly yourself and…be a Gentleman.

    There’s a learning curve. It’s worth it. Really. Not surprising “experience” often entails at least a bit of “frustration.” :) You’ll get over it when you get better. Time has roles.

  54. onyx_percula says:

    @ Bastian — IME many SBs will tell you what they think you want to hear. If you assume the goal for her is to make a arrangement, if she is telling you something she thinks it will further the process or at least won’t hinder it, if she is not telling you something she is afraid it will end the process or at least sour it. It’s just a part of the salesmanship.

    What I have had good “luck” with when a SB comes right out of the gate with things like “I only want one SD!”. I take it with a grain of salt. Until she is comfortable and secure you’re not going to hear the truth and nothing but the truth.

  55. Bastian says:

    @Onyx-P –
    If I had not tried to create an environment of honesty, I would not have been so surprised with all of this. I lay all my cards on the table, I let her know that I am open to and could consider and accept various scenarios (as I had before). In this particular case, the SB herself was the one who was after the exclusivity from the word go.
    I think your point above about setting the right expectations is the key advice here, very useful to newbie SDs (and SBs). I have certainly reevaluated my expectations as I mentioned. Wiser now. But all this is for other SDs that may be falling into the same trap. That is why I liked SD-Rob’s categorization of SBs for the new SDs so that they know what this is all about as they naively may come into this expecting something else. That is the point of this blog any way.

  56. onyx_percula says:

    @ Bastian — A couple of thoughts to share…

    How well can you know anyone meeting them once? Even talking for several days?

    Every girl I have met that was serious about more than getting paid has also been willing to one degree or another other to simply date for a while BEFORE consummating the arrangement… It’s amazing what a few weeks of dates can do!

    IMO the arrangement is consummated when… “The sugar flows when the panties hit the floor”.

    I always try to emphasize and to create an environment of openness and acceptance. Why would a pot SB lie about seeing more than one person, or continuing looking while you are at the point of consummating the arrangement? She is afraid how the truth will affect the relationship. That if you knew the truth you would not accept her.

    So ask yourself if you created an environment that is ripe to promote honesty.

  57. onyx_percula says:

    @ Zack et al —

    I likely picked up much of this from something read or listened to at some point in the last ~50 years… I claim no authorship.

    Disappointment. It is the result of not having your expectations met or something not fitting into your preconceptions of a situation or circumstance. From disappointment grows hurt, resentment, disgust and so on… nothing good grows from it which is not to say one can not learn from it.

    Stop setting expectations. In a limited and controlled manner its fine to wish for, desire of, but keeping an open mind, open to more possibilities than currently can be conceived. This is a happier path than having hard expectations.

    Take the emotion out of it! As horribly hard as it can be, it is vital to take emotion out of conflict. Emotion especially painful emotion prevents the mind from fairly evaluating. It becomes hard to impossible to see truth, to empathize, to comprehend. Without seeing truth, without the ability to see from another’s view, without the ability to comprehend conflict is never ending.

    Acceptance. It is what happiness and contentment grows from. It leads to calm and peaceful states.

    Resignation is terminal. When you become resigned to accept the unacceptable you have just delayed the end and prolonged the pain.

    So the next time you are disappointed stop and think if your expectations were justified and reasonable, why did you have a hard expectations to begin with, weren’t you listening?

    The next time you are assaulted with the opening of conflict, stop. Do not lash out, do not run and hide. Simply stop, breath! Yes fucking breath! Slowly in (1 2 3 4 5 6) through the nose, out (1 2 3 4 5 6) slowly through the mouth. Do this ten times. Clear your emotions, listen! If you have to, say sorry and talk about it later when you have better control of your emotions.

    The next time you are presented with something that deviates from your expectations (why do you have those again?) stop and truly consider if it is unacceptable or not. If it hurts no one, acceptance is likely the correct choice.

    If the only result of conflict, with well handled emotion, contemplation, empathy and evaluation is resignation then the end has come, accept it.

    Parting quotes…

    “The pathway to salvation is as narrow and as difficult to walk as a razor’s edge.”

    “It’s easy to be a holy man on top of a mountain.”

    From The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham

    Happy new year!

  58. Bastian says:

    On the topic of checking log in dates. Given my experiences, you bet I will check on that for my protection against those who lie. We (the real serious SDs) make a large investment of our money and MORE importantly our time, which is even more valuable, in this. And as a matter of fact, my friend and I have taken that a step further as I mentioned above to ensure the sincerity of the SBs.
    Of course, we are coming to the conclusion that given what you run into on the site, the “test drive” mode is both less time consuming, cheaper and less of a headache. It is regrettable in my opinion, but as SD-Rob said we have been naive about this whole adventure! Now we have learned ! Let me say though, that I believe there are SBs out there who are honest (be it wanting exclusivity or multiple SDs, that is not the point), and I can see some here on the blog, but the majority are not, and I know that is the same with the SDs and in fact, the SDs may be the ones driving the SBs to this behavior, but that is the reality.

  59. Bastian says:

    I guess the question is when do you guys consider an arrangement consummated ?
    Real example I mentioned before and I have a couple more similar to this:

    SB who advertises wanting one SD. Sounds refreshing. Set up a first meeting in a coffee shop per her suggestion (Spicey I was ready to take her to a nice restaurant). Like each other very much. Is she lying to me? Not sure, but certainly seems into me on the first date (there have been some others who were clearly not). Long detailed conversation. We are both well spoken, educated, etc. I tell her about my situation (married, etc, all cards on the table). Click very well. She mentions how she does not understand who are with two or more people at the same time. She initiates spontaneous hot kissing session herself. We talk about closing profiles and starting intimacy (she is excited about that) next time we meet in a week. Agree on what she needs monthly which is substantial (nowhere near $1K per month, Spicey I have never had anyone ask for that low!) , but I can be afford it and excited to provide it since I like her already. I even give her a substantial advance in the first meeting to make sure she knows I am real, since I can understand how this could sound unsure from her point of view. The very next day, she is entertaining an offer from my friend, I find out fortunately, for P4P session that day! WTF.
    How can you not get jaded ? Enough to lose trust in all SBs and go into the “test drive” mode that Beach girl mentions.
    Now, if the arrangement is not consummated given the above, then when is it? After we have sex?!
    if she went ahead and said she was not sure, turned down the advance, or let me know that despite the advance and the fact that we were very much into each other, she is still looking, and unsure, since there could be a better offer in terms of both $ and compatibility, looks, etc, or that she really wants to try a couple of SDs at the same time until she is sure of one, or even continue on that way, then one knows where one stands.
    I guess I am looking for some level of honesty within the SB/SD interaction, but as Spicey says, SBs lie and that is one has to just accept and do this the way that protects ones self and not fall for the exclusivity BS.

  60. MoresugarSB says:

    I have a SD but it is not going so well. He only gives me gifts and I have student loans to pay. He said he won’t give me money. So, I’m looking for a new one. After a few email exchanges with a new SD, I gave him my allowance expectations. Here is what he replied.

    “I do have a lot of young women who want to see me. In fact I saw a beautiful non escort non drug addict today for $120. I wonder why you need so much, and what type of man would give such a sum. There are I suppose a few men out there with money to burn, but I question how they came upon their fortunes if they were not wise with their money. luck perhaps”

    Is this what guys are expecting to give to their SBs?? Am I missing something here? Pretty bracelets won’t help me pay my student loans which are 980 dollars a month. 120 bucks???? Really, REALLY????

  61. Zack says:

    (Waves) Hi, Homer…I think I missed your entrance, you seem new…I was off a few weeks sorting out my own first few meets. Let me toss out a few ideas, one may turn out useful in the next few months….

    –Try to maintain 2 SB’s

    –continue to observe patterns, but hold off on extrapolation…odds are, you’re the one causing undesired repeats of outcomes.

    –Figure out what you’re testing for and why. Then (keeping within a budget mentally “burned to ash” before First Meet)…see if you can get to a “good” relationship without answering or testing for one of the things you routinely do…figure out what effect that test has on you and your relationships…..rinse repeat.

    –Set a planning horizon at about a year, be surprised when you hit it in a few months.

    –Yeah…getting lied to sucks. Testing people for “lying” tends to force people into your defined categories…(I think I do this way too much, and it really is bullying…also defensive..for me, shrug.) Communication is key, yeah…but trying to debate a “click”, argue a disappointment, or otherwise cross emotional and intellectual “channels” is likely to get static or worse misscommunication, not clear reception.

    –Really think about and be able to explain things other than money that you offer…housing, employment, “mentoring” (try to be concrete..), green card, scholarship…things like that, in addition to being of value…tend to define you and, of course, hopefully appeal to the type of person you desire.

    –if all else fails, try to keep posting well reasoned comments and questions on the blog until you get flooded by SB’s saying “I just really want to meet you.” 😀

    SuSp generally advocates more cash and more drama…I suppose she gives people something to shoot for…or @ LOL

    HNY, all :)

  62. Beach_Girl says:

    Spicey~ you could always make a new blog!
    you should go over to see the new neighbor… like sweetie said lol…
    I don’t see you being bitchy right now, you should try harder lol… so you’re traveling with another girl… lol

  63. sweetie says:

    Oh, and make sure you tell him you’d like to climb his pole, hahaha!

  64. sweetie says:

    You should put a robe on and go knock on his door.

  65. SugarySpicey says:

    Grrr waist

  66. SugarySpicey says:

    OMFG! My new neighbor just left his bedroom curtains up and came cruising out of the shower towel around his waste. Now there’s a 50 year old pole I would climb!!!!

  67. sweetie says:

    Sugary, that’s pretty nasty of TP. Good riddance, though.
    Happy that your professional life is great! :)

  68. SugarySpicey says:

    Thanks Beach! I’m feeling hella bitchy tonight, just found out this weird design girl is going to come with me to Istanbul. It’ll be good though, she’ll be a good allie, if I can lure her away from the Pringles and Tobblerone.

  69. Beach_Girl says:

    spicey~ you call that bitchy? I didn’t think you were at all… lol..

  70. SugarySpicey says:

    Homey – the rest of the blog boys know I like it rough sometimes, just blowing off my bitchy (it happens when I’m not getting laid).

  71. SugarySpicey says:

    Ahhhh Homey, I’m in a Spicey mood and you’re not biting! ;p No Fun!

    Hey a Sweetie, I miss my blog! :( after I found out what a heinous creep TP was he threatened to expose me online and got all sorts of nasty, and I felt like I had to lie low and delete the blog. I HATE every second of that disgusting human! Lol – he’s a bad, mean person!

    But, the upside = the new job is awesome! I travel out of the country every month, stay at 5 star hotels, and the work is challenging, stimulating, and fabulous. So, I guess I got a Prince in one way by kissing a frog.

  72. sweetie says:

    Hi Sugary! How have you been? Now that your blog is not around, we don’t know what you’re up to anymore. Care to fill us in? Any sugar or men lately?

  73. Homer says:

    @Spicey–Aaand that’s how your finish a discussion. Nicely put. Done

  74. SugarySpicey says:

    Hey Sweetie and Beach 😉

    Homer, as long as we recognize it 😉

    I think SAs “The odds are in a guy’s favor” promotions delude a “4” man that he can snag an “8” who is 40 years younger, for limitless sex and a $1K allowance. Then men on the site are upset that the real world still kicks in. Unless she’s batshit crazy and a drug addict needing to be saved, the 8’s are only sorta into that guy until something IRL or a bigger allowance comes along. An SD is a temporary stop, and a smart SB never forgets that, she keeps her options open, and goes for the best deal at any given time – yesterday that might have been you, tomorrow it might not, better be charming and sweet ’cause in my experience there is no shortage of new POT SDs to move on to.

    That said, come on girls, if you’ve snagged a POT, hide the login date in your profile so he can’t go all Stalker McDaddy on how often you log in – even though he’s doing the EXACT same thing and trying to call your kettle black. (Especially smart to have two profiles and deactivate the bait profile once you have an SD on the hook then use your alternate for all your curiosity/browsing/comparing options.)

    I’ve had serious feelings for people I met on this site, but NONE of them would have turned my head IRL if they weren’t also successful. And, I now realize that even the one SD that turned into a “real” relationship was only because I must have gone temporarily insane for a moment and forgot that without his $$ he was a complete Asshat who has to buy women because he never learned to be nice.

    IMHO the more exclusivity a guy wants, the more I’ll expect in return – in every aspect – and the vast majority of men on this site can’t/won’t/don’t fit that bill. They’re also on a temporary stop but they don’t have the limiting concerns of pregnancy risk, a ticking biological clock, and the sexual double standard tallying up every man you ever kiss.

    Smart SBs keep an SD at arm’s length, and keep a pinch hitter waiting in the wings ready to step in at a moment’s notice if needed.

  75. FatBastardSD says:

    Monogamous SB’s:

    If a SB wanted an exclusive arrangement chances are she would go out with you without an arrangement. Asking for exclusivity is a SB’s way to make her role in the arrangement easier. A guy seeing multiple SB’s will not put up with bitchy behavior from one of his SB’s whereas a guy without other SB options will.

    That is all.

  76. sweetie says:

    Doing ok, dear. Enjoying the break so far. I’ll write you more, ok? Kisses!

  77. Beach_Girl says:

    Sweety~ Hey girlie, how are things? 😀

    Homer~ Maybe she was doing the same thing, checking to see if you logged in? why spy, I so don’t get it… if it bothers you, tell her

  78. Homer says:

    Doh! Didn’t mean to poke the skunk. Oh well, too late
    flyr-your analogy is not quite right. Nobody on this site is looking to buy. This is a rental/lease market by definition. That said, you have a point. If you have someone who is on a month to month lease, it’s not unreasonable to keep advertising in case the renter leaves. That brings things into perspective a bit.

    Spicey-I got nothing. You’re Big League and I’m the guy selling cotton candy, what can I say.

    BG-I only know when she logged on by the login date and time on the profile. I saw a few days later. I am on for curiosity only because I’ve been burned before and from what I see I have reason to be suspicious. My profile is hidden so I’m not actively looking, but just like to be a fly on the wall sometimes.

  79. sweetie says:

    Sugary “As to logging in after she just met you, that could be strategy: so you know she has other options, isn’t a clinger, and/or isn’t that in to you so you’d better sweater the sugar offer.’

    She just met you, unless you made a deal you’re both happy with, I don’t see why she should not log in.

    “Guys – women are naturally, biologically monogamous. If your SB is hooking up with you++, news flash: she’s not into you and your sugar ain’t generous enough to make her want you exclusively.

    In which case, either stop over reaching for SBs who are out of your league, or crack that wallet open a little further. ”

    Totally agree and like how you put it, Sugary.

    BG, hello love!

  80. Beach_Girl says:

    Homer~ If you are in an arrangement, yes, when you have consummated the relationship, I think logging in to SA is wrong… but if you know she is logging in, are you logging in as well? Seriously, why check up on the SB after a date?
    If you are checking up on them to see if they are logging in to SA, you really distrust her or you are a little stalker ish?
    If you just met for the first time or second time, I don’t see why you would be concerned with her logging in. And Really guys, if you see her log in, are you doing the same???
    I’ve met some SDs twice and then they poofed, so, according to you, I should have stopped talking to other pot SDs because I had a date?

    Flyr~ I like your comparison to having a house on the market lol…

    Spicey~ “As to logging in after she just met you, that could be strategy: so you know she has other options, isn’t a clinger, and/or isn’t that in to you so you’d better sweater the sugar offer.” Really??? I call bullcrap, if they see her log in they are doing the same..
    And as for lying, lot of people do it, Some for attention, some because if caught they blame the other person etc…
    And some girls like having more than one SD, I’ve read on a blog that a girl had 3 or 4 SDs coz she didn’t work etc… liked having more than one guy…

    full disclosure is needed in arrangements, guys if you want your SB to stop looking etc, it should be discussed. Everything should be said and agreed on…

  81. SugarySpicey says:

    Guys – women are naturally, biologically monogamous. If your SB is hooking up with you++, news flash: she’s not into you and your sugar ain’t generous enough to make her want you exclusively.

    In which case, either stop over reaching for SBs who are out of your league, or crack that wallet open a little further. I’ve been a one man girl, I’ve been a poly girl. I’ve been honest about it, and I’ve lied. Typically, I only lie when I’m not particularly into the guy I’m lying to and I don’t particularly care if I get caught.

    As to logging in after she just met you, that could be strategy: so you know she has other options, isn’t a clinger, and/or isn’t that in to you so you’d better sweater the sugar offer.

  82. Homer says:

    @flyr– “Let me see if I understand this I’m (not me personally) married but I am not willing to put up with a woman who does not fully disclose her activities.”
    Um, ideally yes, but I don’t think disclosure is too much to ask. To me it makes a difference is someone is sleeping with two people versus 10 in a month. Even those who profess polyamory may find it hard to form a genuine connection with a large number of suitors. The main reason many men prefer sugar to other professional forms of stress relief is that the emotional component often means as much or more than the physical. But that could be just me.

    As for looking around, if you’ve consummated the relationship multiple times over the course of a month, does that still make you a POT? Also, when you see a SB logged onto SA the same day you just met up with her, it makes a guy just go, Really? Yes sugar dating is not real dating, but a commitment to the arrangement would be nice, that’s all.

  83. flyr says:

    Let me see if I understand this I’m (not me personally) married but I am not willing to put up with a woman who does not fully disclose her activities.

    Actually I have a strong preference for an SB who is not involved (with another woman is OK) but that limits my choices. I would rather be with someone who is seeing another man than someone who is in the hollywood clubs 3 nights a week.

    Until the arrangement is consummated the wise SB is looking. If someone saw your home and told you they would make an offer next week would you show in to another potential buyer? Yes there are occasional relationship where both agree to a period of exclusive negotiation. That doesn’t mean she burns her profile and changes her phone.

    I think there are a lot more potential SB’s looking for an exclusive sugar relationship than this discussion would indicate. One of the ways to encourage that is to agree early on that in the absence of some bad behavior, if you decide to terminate you will giver her a month notice & compensation. It’s more important as the economy continues to decline.

    The prudent SB has a checklist to be run before entering into a relationship. SA also stands for Situational Awareness – staying in touch with the full breadth of reality. The closer the payoff or greater the need the more likely it is that important stuff will be overlooked. If I were advising friend who was a prospective SB I would put a copy of The Gift of Fear in her hands with the admonition , if nothing else read the checklist. But it’s much more than the really bad stuff, will you be treated well and with respect.

  84. DancingDevi says:

    @Taylormade – I caught an online story recently about a disgruntled splinter-group that formed on Facebook when Small World decided to change how their membership works and yanked the membership of some of its patrons. There are now a few similar communities online, now, as well. I don’t know much else about it, frankly, though I was curious as to how they were going to keep the networking community exclusive just by changing the membership process to invite-only plus membership fee. I bet a decent Google search or two would turn up a lot more than I know, but a chunk of it will probably be people airing their objections to changes implemented, etc.

  85. Taylormadesb says:

    I have a question! !!!!

    Has anyone heard of a social networking site called A Small World? I received an invitation via email but I want to know if its worth the $100 they’re asking for
    please if you know anything about this I’m highly interested if its worth it

  86. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!
    Hope you all had a good holiday 😀

    Bastian & Homer~ There are people out there looking to be with just one SD, like me, if you are in the process of meeting and talking, sure you can look and see other people. You are not exclusive until you met , agreed on an arrangement etc. I know that I have always looked while I was searching, but when I’m in an arrangement, I don’t really log on to SA, I do blog though lol 😀
    That said, People lie… OMG they lie! Both SDs and SBs lie, it’s sad and it sucks… From what I’ve seen on here from SDs, is that you guys love the DRAMA Queens, you all say you don’t want drama, but you go for the crazy anyways, sure it lasts a few months and then you become jaded because “they are crazy” lol as for the SBs, they are jaded from the poofers and players out there. Empty promises and the “test drives” etc..
    I know there are great, amazing, respectful, gentlemen SDs out there. Finding them is the hardest to do. The search is hard; it takes time to find someone that you click with. Chemistry a must. OK, if he wants to buy me amazing shoes 😀 like GianMarco Lorenzi , I wouldn’t say no! 😀 not that he has to, I’m pretty simple

  87. Homer says:

    @OP–I’m not concerned about the exclusivity of it. Sure, I think that’s the holy grail of sugar; someone that’s comfortable with your budget, that you form an emotional bond with, yada yada. I think the reality is somewhere in between.
    I think what Bastian and I are getting at is when girls tell you up front that they aren’t looking anymore or that they are only looking for one person when in reality they are just telling you what you want to hear. Be honest and say you’re looking to have 2-3 SDs or are looking for a total monthly allowance of X. If we like it, good. If we’re going to have a problem with it, I guarantee we’ll have a bigger problem if we find out later.
    As an example, the last person I met was very happy with me, connected, etc. In addition to her continuing to look, turns out she’s married with a child, all which she denied at the initial meeting. Oh well, what are you gonna do…

  88. Bastian says:

    @ Onyx- not expecting exclusivity. The SBs are the ones that come forward with that demand and then it turns out that they are far from that mind set and in action. They can be open about it and say that they are looking for several or can entertain several and then you know where you stand.
    I agree with those that pop up and then are gone quickly. That is one clear test where they want and ask you to turn off your profile and they would do the same. I had one like that, her demands in terms of $ were just a bit higher than I could swing though.

  89. onyx_percula says:

    @ Zack — Thank you for the kind words.

    Honestly I think I’m just plain old lucky. Right place right time type thing. We still have some steps to run thru, but we are planning the move day for the end of January now. We shall see, she is getting more and more fed up with her current situation, let’s just say I wouldn’t be shocked to get a call asking to come move her immediately.

    Remember to this is not exactly your conventional arrangement too. But its well balanced for risk and reward for both of us. So I guess in a way its working out to be a mutually beneficial arrangement, lol.

  90. onyx_percula says:

    @ Homer and Bastian — Something you have to keep in mind. Most SDs are in some sort of a committed relationship IRL, aka married or living with a GF for years. Just by the nature of supply and demand you really can’t expect to find a similar number of SBs seeking exclusivity compared to attached SDs.

    Something that many SB and SD find attractive about sugar relationships is the NSA and limited nature of them.

    If you are looking for an exclusive relationship sugar is not the ideal place to be looking. Having one SB or SD at a time is not exclusive, it just means exactly what it says, it doesn’t mean someone isn’t married or otherwise attached to someone.

    IME exclusivity comes with a price be it monetary or otherwise. It happens with girls that are rare, not only in numbers but in availability. I have met (2) girls this year that only do exclusive relationships, aka on SD and no one else. Both popped up for a couple of weeks on the sites, then disappeared. They tend to form long(er) term arrangements and find someone new fairly quickly. Both of the girls I met are exceptionally intelligent and capable of reading men, which likely has as much to do with their limited availability as much as supply and demand forces.

  91. Bastian says:

    @ Redpaint- your SD is indeed lucky to have you and you him. Nice to see genuine connection and trust that is not betrayed by either side.

  92. Bastian says:

    By the way, I am mainly talking about SBs who come in with the pretense of wanting one single man, one single SD, exclusive arrangement, etc. since they do not have time for more than one, they do not want to sleep with more than one man at a time, and so, which then are found to be totally lying about all this.
    There are ones that are upfront and let you know that they are not looking for anything exclusive and will entertain multiple SDs. They are at least honest and let you know where you stand. So, you can spread your sugar and reap the variety if you so choose, while they obtain their sugar from various sources.

  93. Bastian says:

    @ Homer- nice (or regrettable) to see someone else reaching the same conclusion. Looks like SD-Rob has ended up in the same place as well.
    This is what makes some SDs with the best intentions, end up resigned to and go the route of P4P, one time meet, which @Peach may have termed as scumbags, since there is no reciprocation in terms of some level of exclusivity (maybe 2 SD, 3 max?? what makes sense here?). Why should I stay with one SB when she is entertaining several which quite possibly change every few weeks even depending on the SDs level of commitment, which is likely to be low. Of course, soon this resembles a professional arrangement, not a SD/SB one!
    I know some of this stems from the way some SD operate and push the SBs to this route, but some SBs also start off this way, I guess for the various reasons SD-Rob listed.

  94. Homer says:

    I’m in the same boat as @Bastian. Every SB I’ve been involved with has been trolling for other guys to the point that I’ve given up looking for someone that is “looking for that one special guy”. I just assume they’re all seeing more than one and live with it.

  95. Zack says:

    The effort to classify SD/SB’s is an interesting starting point for anecdotes, but, umm, maybe a bit limiting, lol.

    It seems, perhaps, that people fall into some sort of “Hierarchy of Needs” …generally trending from “Survival” through some form of “Security” towards a direction resembling “Fulfillment” or “Actualization.”

    Then there are lots of other personal style modifiers…bringing in personal preferences, economics, history, defenses, social influences, oh yeah, physical characteristics, etc.

    Hopefully, a lot of the people “Seeking” are really looking for a relationship with some meaning (good luck, be gentle) or trying to fit together some sort of life and direction (good luck, look for someone gentle.) It is pretty important to figure out what you want, because it’s very hard to understand what anyone needs or has to offer otherwise…

    Umm, and, sigh, there’s lots of lying. Mostly it’s quiet lies we tell ourselves, unless we’re having fun :)

    OP’s posts show a track record of a gentleman able to read the needs of others and integrate their lives into his own world, resources and contemplation… (safely, to boot) that seems a pretty good candidate for what it looks like to “treat people as individuals in themselves”, or somesuch.

    Flyr seems to have been through a lot of that, and to see the likely patterns and flaws…I’m compelled to thank him for sharing his experience.

    But, there’s -supposed- to be a experience/learning curve…heheh, in fact, if it feels like yours has leveled off for a bit, look around and you might notice other people where you were and maybe a few waving back from where you might want to get 😀

    Try to be sensitive to individuals, we classify people too much already, and it’s rather limiting unless one wants to be a machine. Not that that’s an excuse to mess up someone’s worldview … without leaving them a fully viable exit path.

    Hmm, would it be overly self-indulgent to wonder if I could get OP’s arrangement, but keep my own caregiver, too? 😀

    Ahh, that would probably make the SB pretty insecure?

  96. flyR says:

    @SD Rob “Although, I have had slightly toned down versions of the same with some SBs that I know were far from pros as I have mentioned before, but either desperate for $ or looking for sex and $.”

    Good point. One of the reasons I posted it is that some SB’s innocently post comments like “open to anything” not realizing how they may be mis-interpreted. The essence of marketing is to cause your target market to react but not initiate action on the part of those you do not want to attract. The Tiffany store does not want to attract a store full of folks who can not afford the product but rather a few people who can.

  97. Bastian says:

    @ SD-Rob – I could not agree with you more on the SBs who mislead you about wanting a single SD and something exclusive. I had one recently whom I met just for coffee as we agreed we did not want to take the intimacy plunge right away, we had a great conversation, agreed on an arrangement, she insisted on exclusivity, how she did not want to be with multiple people at the same time, decided to stop looking, and then the very next day I found out she was entertaining a P4P offer from a friend of mine!! Can you imagine that?! You lose all trust given this, how could you not?!
    If only she was upfront about it, I would have had no problem and known where I stood. It is rather frustrating.
    @ flyR- at least in the case you show, you know what you are dealing with and you can ignore and move on if that is not your thing.

  98. SD-Rob says:

    @DancingDevi, Peach – I agree with what both of you say given the basis for each. I would modify Peach’s comment by saying that I have come across SBs who do jump into bed on the first date and never mention that they are in several Sb/SD arrangements at the same time. In fact, they pretend that they do not have others and you are the only one. If they come out and say that is how they need to work this or want to, that would not be a problem at all, but to pretend (even insist) on an exclusive arrangement, and then the SD finds out that it is far from that , it is a done deal for me. I have run into several like this believe it or not.
    Given that some of the SDs do not actually follow up with more meetings than the first, these SBs end up having many (not just 2 or 3, but tens!) of SDs including many one timers in a short period of time, akin to what Peach was commenting on. Of course, if that is how they want to do it, it is their prerogative I guess, but trying to hide it or fool SDs is not cool at all.
    On the other hand, if someone has several steady SDs (or outside of SD/SB several lovers) and they are consistent as DancingDevi mentions, then to each her own.
    But, I find it hard to believe that when SBs end up having sex on the first date on a regular basis, that they will end up with only a handful of steady arrangement throughout say a one year period given the way many SDs go about this.
    @ Redpaint- you are, in my opinion, the classic SB that real SDs are looking for.
    @flyR- I can also post many emails such as the one you posted. They fall in the category I called pros for sure. Although, I have had slightly toned down versions of the same with some SBs that I know were far from pros as I have mentioned before, but either desperate for $ or looking for sex and $.

  99. DancingDevi says:

    @flyr – “The process, the terminology and the price all say PRO”

    I wouldn’t really know, personally, but it just seems rather professional for something that is supposed to be intimate rather than clinical.

  100. flyR says:

    @Dancing D ” That just screams “pro” to me, even if she’s not a pro. “”’

    The process, the terminology and the price all say PRO

  101. DancingDevi says:

    @Peach – Cool. Like I said, I was sure you didn’t mean it to come across as judgmental. I probably should have not jumped to the conclusion that you did mean it to read like it did to me. I would have read it differently if you had clarified how you meant “sleep around” or had mentioned safer sex practices, I’m sure. I hope what I wrote did not come across as a lecture, as it wasn’t intended that way. I just run into a lot of folks who have no idea of what ethical non-monogamy looks like, and I’m the sort to speak up if I think someone is coming across as ignorant or bigoted about anything. I worry that I come across as the poly equivalent of a ardent/militant feminist (there’s a word for this but I try to avoid labeling anything but actual Nazis as nazis), except the whole thinking everyone should be one, too – poly just isn’t right for everyone, any more than monogamy or swinging is.

  102. Peach says:

    Devi- I think I totally came across a different way than I actually felt. I have been in open honest relationships and have been with my fair share of people. I guess I’m just paranoid about ever catching something. I do agree with a lot of what you said and I have been lucky enough to be in open honest relationships. I was only in one where I was being lied to the whole time. I enjoy the sugar life because I have only been in LT real life relationships. I never actually dated people, one marriage to the next. I decided to try this and it works and I have made great friendships and lovers. I think the poly world is way different than someone who sleeps around and by around I mean with everyone. Literally. I admire people (like myself) that practice honesty with who they are with. Condoms are my best friend and so are frequent tests. I was only stating that I think it’s gross to jump from one to the other not protected. I didn’t intend to offend anyone if I did. I didn’t explain my definition of “sleeping around”.

  103. DancingDevi says:

    @flyr – That just screams “pro” to me, even if she’s not a pro. Approaching it like a business deal, right out of the gate without any concrete interest necessarily shown on the part of the SD, is just a bad idea. Even with good intentions, it comes across all wrong and gives the wrong (if incorrect) impression, imo.

  104. DancingDevi says:

    @Peach – I am sure that you didn’t intend that to read as incredibly judgmental, but it does come across that way. I know a lot of poly and otherwise ethically non-monogamous people who are much more discriminating and practice vastly safer sex than most serial monogamists I know. I think you are also assuming that, just because someone who sleep with another person on the first date, people who don’t insist on waiting until later are necessarily promiscuous (not discriminating) and “sleep around” a LOT. I’d much rather be with someone I know has another partner, who is honest about other partner(s) with me (and the others), who makes a point to know the STI/STD status and risk factors for themselves and all their partners (and partners’ partners, in a lot of cases), and who is mindful of safety than a serial monogamist who switches partners every two or three months, rarely gets tested or discusses risk factors with new lovers, and who might not feel they could be honest with me if they “slipped up” and had sex (unprotected or otherwise) with someone else.

    For instance, I know a poly person who has three lovers. She’s had the same three lovers all year, two of which have been around for multiple years. She practices safer sex, gets tested regularly for peace of mind and requires her lovers to do the same. Her lovers all know about each other and get along, which means she doesn’t have to “sneak around” since one lover will gladly drop her off at another lover’s house so she doesn’t have to burn gas going all over town alone in her car. She has NEVER had a STI or STD.

    Contrast that with another “monogamous” friend of mine. She is always in monogamous relationships, most of which are lucky to make it 6 weeks before ending. She gets tested, at most, twice a year. She sometimes requires her guys to use condoms for penis-in-vagina sex, but eschews them for blow jobs and never asks any guy to use a dental dam for going down on her. She never discusses risk factors or STI/STD status with her new boyfriends. She has contracted, passed along, cured, and then re-contracted the clap a couple of times now. She also recently had her first herpes outbreak, but she’s not sure whether she got it from her old boyfriend, or her new one – it turns out they both have HSV2.

    If you were a guy, which woman would you find a safer sex partner to get into bed? If the above examples were guys (I could actually do that, and it’d be a lot easier since I know a LOT of serially-monogamous guys), who would you rather sleep with?

  105. flyR says:

    this may help some SB’s understand why some SD’s are pretty cold hearted

    This arrived some time ago as a result of simply having clicked on a photo . The usual tipoff to the less obvious than this is the use of pl. when referring to men.

    “””””I get a overwhelmed quickly.. but I do want to get through all my mail. So I need to know who is serious. I thought why don’t we move this along quickly to the next step and see if we got chemistry at all..

    I am on the west side of —— , and I would like to meet first here in west ——.

    You tell me when it’s convenient for you.. and we can either do coffee/tea or dinner..

    I am the real thing, fun, caring, and loving.. I will always make you feel good.. like you the you deserve to be.

    I am only looking for you gentlemen that are serious.. so asking you for a small token for my time.. should not surprise you, or insult you..

    $100 for coffee/tea or $200 for dinner.

    email me with your screen name from this site.. and 3 different dates and times that fit your schedule..

    I will choose one..

    if you can also include in your email any info verifying who you are.. like your web presence, work info.. please do so. I am always discreet and professional. Those of you that do will have priority with me.. as i will feel the most comfortable with you from the start. If not, then be prepared to bring me your proof of who you are at our first meeting..

    Up until I am completely convinced of who are you are, and I am sure of my safety, it is about me and what I need.

    After that, it will be about you and what your needs are.

    We can go from there..

    Send me your details and dates to my personal email not on here:
    ((email address deleted))
    include your info..

    Your full name and Cell phone,

    once you email me what I need.. I will send you an unblurred pic.

    I am leaving you a copy of the arrangement I am looking to start out with.. I am flexible. Just some of you are not reading this part of my profile and, I need to be clear and so we don’t waste time even meeting..

    “Each visit for $1000 will be between 2 to 3 hours.. I am flexible and if you need longer we can go over 3 hours but only if I have the time and it does not occur often, but never past 4 hours.. unless we talk about it first.””

  106. Peach says:

    Just a thought someone that sleeps around, sugar or not, male or female is a complete turn off. I just don’t know I guess how an SB would only want to sleep with someone on the first date and only once and onto the next. If I know that I’m gonna have to be sharing my SD than I go pick out the girl myself. One where I know she’s been lol!

    @redpaint- loved reading your comment about SD :)

  107. onyx_percula says:

    Ref categories —

    I think one of my two favorite sugar sayings really comes to play on this subject “Sugar is what you make it!”.

    We can post and post and define a list of things that “define” a SB, but the reality is that we are talking about people here. No two sugar relationships are the same. While its possible to come up with categories simply because of similarities not necessarily sameness. Each of the categories we have talked about can apply to any given woman any given day or time in her life. People and circumstances change.

    For example a girl that I messaged with early in the year who just wanted to meet at a hotel, get paid have sex and leave contacted me about a month ago wanting to know if I would reconsider her as she is no longer just looking for sex and money, but wanted something of substance. I have seen girls that used to be all about juggling SDs on P4P arrangements to only wanting one, and I have seen it go the other way too, from LTR to P4P “if you are around more than once I guess that’s okay too”.

  108. eva says:

    Hi everyone!
    I’m trying to get some feedback on my profile, as I haven’t had much luck. My profile number is 1835535. I would also LOVE to have an experienced SB teach me the ropes as a mentor. Please contact me through my profile, so I can give you my personal email address. Much thanks! Eva

  109. flyr says:

    @Redpaint “beats any gifts, anytime!”

    Sounds like both of you are lucky

  110. redpaint says:

    Hey guys! Just my two cents worth :)

    When I first joined, I wasn’t that into the money because I didn’t really need that as I don’t have debts to pay off etc and will probably be fine even without the allowance (it was just a nice factor, like why not?). It was out of curiosity and I was just open to new experiences (after a break-up with boyfriend of 4 years). Also, I have always had a liking towards men older than I am.. preferably in their 30s or 40s (I am in my 20s) I do enjoy sex, and I think at least a bit of emotional connection between both parties are essential… so that means a relationship with the other party. So I was hoping my arrangement could be longer-term, in which there is exclusivity (I like feeling special!)

    I must say I have been really lucky on this site after following and reading some of the comments (stories) of other SBs’ negative experiences. My experience so far has been great! My current SD also expects exclusivity because he told me he gets possessive over me (which made me happy because I like feeling special haha) He first mentioned the monthly allowance when we were communicating via emails and our arrangement has been that way since. It’s not always about the money and the sex, it really is about the companionship and connection. We go out for normal dinner dates, watch his football games, go running together… I listen to his troubles at work and with family, he provides guidance on how I should prepare my resume etc We always have a lot of fun when we are together because our personalities match up even though he is 20 years older than I am. And that makes our sex even better and we both look forward to it whenever we get our chances.

    I think what is important is to find someone compatible with what you are looking for… not every individual will fall into any specified category because that’s just how things are… My relationship isn’t that ‘sugary’ because I am not showered with lots of gifts (only on special occasions like my birthday), neither do I dine in expensive restaurants… but I do get a relatively high monthly allowance (comparing in my area) and that is solely up to the SD to decide. And this may be too upsetting for people who wants to be pampered in that way and they have all the rights to choose what they want anyway. I am just happy that the relationship is fulfilling as what I set out to create. To each his own :)

    And for Christmas, I got a card sent all the way to my place because he was on a business trip. The handwritten words of appreciation for me beats any gifts, anytime!

  111. Peach says:

    Onyx- yes in AZ! And to your comment I actually just had sex with SD lol! And it’s not that I hold out it’s that I can hardly find the time with his schedule and mine. He works for Santa during the holidays so it gets hectic! However I was able to sneak him over for a midnight snack! Also he isn’t on any sites anymore and from what I gather I don’t think he could afford another SB. I work well with his budget because like I mentioned he does so much beyond money or sex for that matter. A real partner in this crazy world but not someone you take home to mom because there would be a lot of questions! He has never had kids so he is free anytime he is not at work and doesn’t have living parents. I’m the closest thing to him besides an ex gf who he keeps a friendship with. I love the honesty we have. I can tell him how I truly feel even if it’s not what he wants to hear.

  112. SD-Rob says:

    @ DancingDevi- your post also confirms my assessment that ones like you are rare. That has not been the norm in my experience. Someone who wants to truly focus on one relationship (SD/SB or even beyond due to lack of time or desire, etc). But again I think some of it is based on what the majority of SD may want, which is being able to taste various sugar and hence making it hard for the SB to find a stable single SB/SD arrangement.

  113. SD-Rob says:

    @SugarySpicey- actually if you look at what I wrote before when I listed the categories of SBs I have come across, I mentioned a category of SBs that matches what you lay out. What you say nicely confirms my assessment. That these SBs are interested in sex as you say and based on their judgement they have sex on the first date on a per meeting allowance (since having the sugar is a nice addition) if the SD meets certain qualifications. In fact, most of the SBs I have had, fit in this category (I could have had some desperate ones but never liked that), again as I mentioned, who all had very respectable jobs, were far from pros or desperate, and we had sex on the first date. I was trying to reason, that the SBs go all the way because they wanted the intimacy themselves, even if there were a chance that they came across a SD who was only interested in a one time bang (making it effectively a single time P4P encounter on both sides). And the SBs accept that possibility and go forward, if they like the guy and trust that he is not that type.
    I think we are saying the same thing!
    By the way, many SBs suggest meeting in a coffee shop which is weird to me, but that is what they ask for. I think it is because they can cut it short if they do not like the SD, rather than having a long drawn out dinner with him.

  114. SugarySpicey says:

    Rob – your obsession with an SB having sex on a first meet and/or caring if an SD calls again seem weird, antiquated, and out of touch with the reality that is woman.

    Of course, a woman’s natural biology makes her “want” a guy who has given her good sex to call again, but if he doesn’t what should she do? Calling HIM just makes her seem clingy and won’t result in anything good anyway (he may bang her again, but if he didn’t call after sexy the first time it’s because he’s not into her).

    If she doesn’t care if he calls again, or is wishy washy when he calls, the sex was bad. PERIOD! If you give a woman great sex, and gift$, and a nice time, she’ll want you to call.

    Regarding sex on the first meeting, who cares? If I’ve decided I like you, and want to have sex with you, I may wait, I may not. It’s totally unrelated to how serious I am about an LTR. Of course, I’ve never been a single time P4P girl, I’m not desperate (I actually make more $$ than some of the so-called wannabe SDs who message me), I find sugar-spoiling is sexy. If I’m excited, the timing and locations is convenient, and I’m freshly waxed 50/50 chance I’ll have sex. Most often if I meet someone in an SA situation and don’t bang the first time it’s because:
    A – I still think he might be a fake and/or he didn’t make the terms of the arrangement clear.
    B – Timing or location is not sexy/convenient/condusive to sex (as in I have to get back to work or we met at a cheap coffee shop which guarantees I won’t bang him because he might be a fake, and a coffee shop meet doesn’t make me feel special or inclined to like a guy).
    C – I find him unappealing/creepy/too attached or otherwise un-bangable.

    If I’ve decided I want an arrangement with someone (I only do LTR, never P4P, never once had a one night stand) I’ll have sex with someone as soon as I WANT to – that may be the first date, may not – that doesn’t make me a pro, or desperate, or anything other than a woman who likes sex.

    The ONLY reason I wouldn’t care if someone called me after? He was bad in bed. 100%, at which point a girl just wants the selfish creep to disappear, ASAP.

  115. onyx_percula says:

    @ Peach — Are you in Arizona?

  116. DancingDevi says:

    @Rob – Oh, I might meet and enter into a relation/friendship of some sort with someone else (much more likely is a long-standing friend of mine ending up in bed together after a night out, but you get the idea) but I only want one SD/SM at a time. I mean, I don’t have the time or energy to devote to more than one sugar relationship (really, more than one newer relationship of any sort), right now. I also like the idea of the sugar being something special between us – most poly relationships (in my experience) work best when each coupled dynamic has something that is just theirs, and I think this approach is something that naturally works with my approach to sugar. My POT SD and I have discussed this, and we both like the idea that the sugar dynamic is exclusive between us. I doubt I will develop any other relationship any time in the next nine months, as I finish my thesis, anyway – like I said, I don’t have the time to devote to it. I just figured if I was going to seek something that satisfied my needs/desires with intimacy in mind, I might as well aim high and for someone who won’t flake on me or otherwise waste my time.

    @OP – Whew! I thought you misunderstood me! 😉 I’ve run into a fair amount of SDs who seem to think there is one set of rules for a sugar relationship, and who completely miss any context of sugar being what you make of it. You know, like the (briefly-considered) pot SD I was getting to know earlier in the fall who informed me that “because this is SA” that I would “make that pussy available” to him whenever HE wanted it, not whenever he made ME want to provide it. Yeah, no – I’m no one’s kept woman. I trusted one guy, in my entire life, to provide for me because he thought his “wife shouldn’t have to work” (translates to “I want to feel like the sole provider because my ego demands it”) and that was fine until he went crazy, left me hanging in the wind, and struggling to find a “normal” job (no one counts part-time caretaker of step-mom and house as a “normal job” anymore than they count “graduate student” as any sort of job – both are very much a job) with no work history for the last 7 years. I’d rather scrape by and live off mostly rice so I can feed my cats and dog their good food, than ever rely on anyone else for my survival again (and even my husband wasn’t idiotic enough to think he had access to my girly bits whenever he damn well pleased)!

  117. onyx_percula says:

    @ SD-Rob — Meh my typical search is for 18-35 in my area. In the currently “regularly” logged on ladies there are (3) that are only GF/BF nothing else. And those are the ones that clearly state it, add those that say “sure SB/SD relationship but what I really want is a real GF/BF LTR” well I haven’t tried counting those, likely another 3-10.

  118. onyx_percula says:

    @ DancingDevi — No dear I don’t think you are the only one. I would say what you are talking is more or less the essence of a sugar relationship. Sugar is what you make it, but unless you force something else, its a real relationship just like any other. It just has more limitations, fewer expectations and more or maybe better defined boundaries. It has an implied lifetime as a limit for example, as its unreasonable to think the typical 20’something SB is going to enter into a LTR (years) with someone 2+x her age. Does it happen, yep, is it common nope.

  119. SD-Rob says:

    @DancingDevi – indeed you are in a new category #7. I guess to summarize, someone who is not looking for neither sex nor $, but using SA to find companionship with better class of people (hopefully!) in a more reliable fashion than other forms of dating. I think this is indeed rare on SA.
    By the way, the exclusivity question is brought up by the SBs as much as SDs in my experience. Many SBs ask for this, to be with one man only. But the issue is that I am not quite sure if they are being genuine about it and I have discovered that they have not been after the fact. I have no problem either way if the SB is honest and upfront about wanting two or more SDs, as you seem to have been with your SD, and Peach has been with hers. This way I know where I stand. But to lie about it is a deal breaker for me.
    @Onyx- yes maybe Cat #8 is those who are looking for BF/GF type of relationship, but wouldn’t you say that is even rarer?
    @ Peach- very interesting stories including the details on your out of state SD and the scumbags!
    I have to say that MANY SBs I have met have fallen in the bang the SD on the first date category, although I know they are not professionals, one was an accountant, sex on first date in my hotel room, her idea, a performance artist, with pieces on youtube, same initiation, another a print model, showed me her photo shoots for some ads, same get into bad once we meet, a law student, a real estate agent (saw her listings) and the list goes on! I feel like the scumbag SD you describe sometimes, but these SBs made it so enticing to meet with them, have sex right away (sometime after meeting for coffee or dinner and they liked me and off we were), although I really wanted something more and still do. I have had only a few who wanted to meet (but only once) before we got it on. Maybe it is being in California? Not sure. Of course, it has never been for a dinner, or in fact anything under $400. But to me if the $ becomes the motivating factor, then it resembles something else. That is why I am confused still.
    @flyer, sweetie – what Flyer describes is what I was looking for as well in terms of helping the SBs out, some low level of crisis management has been a big turn on and part of this for me. But, I feel less inclined to do such chivalrous deeds when the SBs are of the type I mention above, F, take the $, and not care if you ever call them, where in some cases they even claimed they wanted steady arrangement.

  120. DancingDevi says:

    @OP – You said something to the effect that those in the sugar to find a real BF/GF need their own classification group. I would agree with that, but I wouldn’t belong in that group, either. I specfically don’t want anything that serious at this point in my life, or I’d be on SeekingMillionaire instead of SeekingArrangement. Surely I can’t be the only SB on SA looking for n agreed-upon level friendship within mutually decided boundaries, with room to grow and/or fade naturally and without pre-conceived labels, to provide some things missing in the SB’s life that matter more than money or sex. I mean, I don’t enter a serious relationship or any sort of friendship with some pre-determined idea of who that person will be to me in 6 months or 6 years, if anything. Why should I enter a sugar relationship with pre-determined labels I eschew in every other facet of my intimate and personal life?

  121. Ash says:

    @Peach

    Gosh I just read what you went through with a few different men. What a story, I can’t believe the nerve, but from that I definitely learned some things. You seem like a great SB real, up front and to find the right men I think that’s how you have to be. Thanks xox

  122. Ash says:

    @Peach

    What an ideal relationship it sounds like that you have with your SD. See that’s something I’m looking for but just a little younger and i don’t have a bf so if he’s decent sex wouldn’t be an issue BUT, still searching for that right guy:/

    I’m starting to notice SB’s like that tend to be the older gentlemen’s, young men expect you to have sex before anything which is so not what SD and SB “dating” is about, I totally want a relationship first with him like how Peach can talk on the phone to hers, sex just feels better when you know he’s there when you’re falling. How can I find that type of relationship. I wish I had a SB friend to talk to about all this lol the advice from someone who’s been there and done the do’s and don’ts would help so much. I think that goes for both sides when it comes to @Rob’s situation. The do’s and don’ts from an SD would have saved him allot of wasted time. :/

  123. onyx_percula says:

    @ Peach — I maybe totally off base here, but… Your local SD sounds like a sweet guy you want to hold on to for as long as possible. If you’re aren’t jumping his bones every chance you get… Remember a lot of guys are very easy going and are very reluctant to ask for anything physical or even hint at it, especially from that age group. He is likely content with things as they are now, but I don’t know a single guy that wouldn’t like or be happier with a little more “physical” in their life 😉 I can’t tell you what to do, but if I was you I would at the least make sure he knew I wanted to jump his bones at every opportunity, and would as often as I could.

  124. Peach says:

    I totally agree with the guy that does it all and I have found him but there is a 30 year age gap. I am his only SB and I could be having a crisis and he will listen for hours. He actually provides a lot more in those departments than $ and in return I don’t feel like I have to jump into bed every time I see him. He does help me but encourages me to succeed in life. He even took in my cat because I couldn’t take her to my new apartment. He sent AAA when my car died. He opened a credit card for me because I was low on money around Xmas. He does a lot of little things that mean so much. When I have an issue with something or a service he gets right one the phone to fix the issue.

  125. Peach says:

    @ROB-

    I will try to answer all your questions but if I miss something please let me know.

    About the SD that lives out of state for the most part I did take a risk. He actually called me from a private number and by what he was saying and how he was acting I could tell he was NEW to this. After our discussion I told him I would only be willing to meet him under certain circumstances. I knew he would because most SB’s won’t take the one night stand risk. And I could tell he already asked some. I couldn’t refuse his offer at the time and I doubled it. He was totally inexperienced but I made him feel like he was the best. He wanted to fulfill fantasies of his and one was with me and another girl. He paid a large amount for the show even with her boundaries. Since the first time I make accommodations to he wants. After all I only see him for an hour then he’s done and sends me away. I know how to keep him around and I knew how to keep him coming around.

    Scumbags: Stupid guys that claim they have money and claim to be an SD but it’s a joke. I have never ever had a complaint while in an arrangement but it’s creating one that I find difficult. I tell a future SD what he is paying for and that I can tell in the first date if he is full of crap. There are 2 types of SDs. One that wants one (two at most) quality arrangements/relationships and the other that wants to bang every girl on here for a couple hundred dollars!!! Haha I actually went on a date one time and the guy had his friend show up too and then before I knew I was on an interview. One of the guys that was wearing gym clothes because he just left the gym. I figured I got this far might as see what nonsense is gonna come from these two. So the guy goes we want to make an arrangement with you where you see us each once a week. I said I don’t see two guys in my state in one time (arrangements). He goes ok what if we pay you $500-$600 each a month. Not only did he say that but he said he wanted a discounted trial run because he paid for dinner, which was maybe $40. I about died laughing. Then there was Mr. Psycho man! Holy moly he texted me alllllll day long and night and would get pissed if I didn’t answer right away. I talked to him for 2 days. He started insulting where I lived, my car. I was changing to go meet him and he asked what I was wearing. When I told him a jean skirt he said I need to change because he hates jean skirts. Met another guy on a date and he kept telling me how all these girls wanted to talk to him and blah blah. He was new if course and offered me $300 for “trail run” I said no. I said if you want to create an arrangement let me know but $300 risk that’s not enough money. I’m not desperate and I can pay bills so I don’t need to sell my self for cheap. I learned a lot and was in this lifestyle way before I stated meeting people online. I’m in no way stuck up but there is a big difference between an SB and a street walker. I feel bad for females that don’t set the bar a little higher. Confidence and independence is sexy. You can’t fully depend on sugar because you just never know!

    Did I miss anything?

  126. sweetie says:

    Flyr, I really like what you said, especially the slaying dragons part. Very nice!

    “I have always looked for relationships where there’s value placed on what the SD brings to the table above the $ – intellectual stimulation, exposure to new things, mentor and someone to be called upon to slay the occasional dragon whether it be economic, emotional (a good listener at 3am) or help her get her car fixed without being ripped off,explaining the facts of life to her landlord, or just do something with her where she wants to have a partner.”

  127. onyx_percula says:

    @ FlyR — As usual you nail it!

    @ SD-Rob — I’m thinking those that are in the sugar to find a real GF/BF needs a category unto itself.

    Ref SDs…

    I like to talk to SBs about their past sugar arrangements, mostly from a intellectual curiosity than anything. The impression I get is that most of the SDs the girls I have talked to are fairly “cold” in the way they treat the girl.

    I’m saying they are treating them bad or poorly although that is far too common to hear, its more that they very strong limitations and boundaries that prevent the couple from really connecting.

    A couple of snippets from SBs…

    “We used to meet every Tuesday. We would go to dinner or a movie or something, go back to my place, sometimes he would stay the night sometimes just cum and go. Sometimes he would take me shopping or take me to Vegas, but most of the time it was just a date night.”. Upon further questioning, she felt like she was a toy to be played with, that she was treated as a business transaction. There was no impression that she was really appreciated beyond her appearance and sexual skills.

    “He treated me just fine, but it was clear the only thing he really cared about was sex. He never said anything nice to me that wasn’t intended to get me in bed. It was okay I guess, but I felt used and a little like a whore.”

    “He was great! He did so much for me. At the same time it was clear I was nothing really important to him, if I didn’t give him what he wanted when and how he wanted it, it was all over.”

    “It was okay, but I had to take the bus to see him and it was a 7 hour ride each way. I would get there, we would go to dinner, I would spend the night and right back on the bus for 7 hours back home. Then he claimed hardship and wanted to pay me less. I just couldn’t do it any more. He was nice enough and we had fun, but…”

  128. DancingDevi says:

    @Rob – Now that I’ve gone back and read it, I don’t fit your #6 category either. My main motivator in this is neither sex, nor money – it is something more nebulous and hard to describe that I think a lot of people might limitedly label as “experience.” That’s not really it, though – I think I would call it “friendship” or maybe “compatible companionship” with someone who is able and also the sort to want to help me out from time to time as I navigate this path between who I was and who I am becoming.

    Part of what interested me in SA, as I alluded to earlier, is that an arrangment can be whatever both parties agree to. I’m not looking for an arrangement centered around money OR sex, OR both. I am also not looking for a specific type of arrangment (FWB, LTR, NSA) in the usual sense seen around here. What I want is to have an arrangement that suits both of us equally well, which we both enjoy having for as long as it remains enjoyable, which means flexibility and self-knowledge on both mine and my SD’s/SM’s part. It also requires a certain level of communication skills and a willingness to ignore a handful of labels we all tend to unnecessarily apply to things/people.

    I don’t particularly care if I get an allowance or not, so long as my basic needs are met and we have fun times together. I’m tired of making dates with people who then flake out, or can only afford to take me to Whataburger or some other fast food joint. I don’t want to get into it much, but I figure any one who is willing to regularly financially invest in spending time with me is less likely flake out or take me on a horrible date – people tend to value what they spend money to maintain (and vice verse). I got on SA in the hopes of meeting someone that I could have fun with, be honest and myself with, and who I know values spending time with me because they show me regularly in ways that make sense to both of us.

    I am neither wanting, nor expecting exclusivity. I am and have been poly for my entire adult life. All I demand from both of us on that front is honesty and communication within agreed-upon boundaries. I am not currently dating anyone else, sugar or otherwise, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t meet someone. I can guarantee that my SD would know about it, but only if he wanted to. I’ve declined a couple of arrangments that expected exclusivity, explaining that while it would be exclusive now I couldn’t guarantee it in the future. I think being poly is a lot like being bi/pan (maybe because I’m both) – I can choose to live my life in whatever fashion I want, but nothing will fundamentally change the fact that I am sexually attracted to wide spectrums of gender expression and have a long-standing capacity to be in love with more than one person at a time. Fortunately, my POT SD (who won’t be back until late next week – wah!) both understands and is happy for my polyamorous orientation, as he is also poly, and is quite glad I like women almost as much as men because it means we can rev each other up talking threesome fantasies.

    I also do NOT care if I get an allowance, so long as I know I am valued through gift$/gifts/trips/whatever. My life would be more comfortable with a regular influx of additional money, but I’m not a graduate student because I want to be comfortable Right Now instead of later. I knew, going in, that it would be rough. I knew when I chose to stay in grad school, even though my husband went crazy in Afghanistan and kicked me out for my “own good” when he got back before starting divorce proceedings to “save” me from him, that finishing this degree would require a lot of sacrifices. I’m not afraid of sacrifice or hard work, or I wouldn’t have broken my never-going-to-get-married mindset down to marry a military officer and then become the do-it-all-super-involved officer’s wife. I know how to live on very very little, and I know to enjoy largesse when it is there. I grew up fluccuating between very poor and fairly well-to-do, and the fluccuations haven’t stopped there. I truly don’t care about the money aspect of sugaring in and of itself, so much as the money being an indicator of their ongoing valuation of our time together. If I never had a bill that I was scrambling to meet, I wouldn’t care if I ever got any cash so long as I was being treated to nice meals and fun excursions/travel.

    Also, in my case, I want an emotional connection, even just as casual friends who enjoy each other’s company when we have it and don’t think about it much until it’s time for our next date or whatever. I know what I want and what I am worth, and how I work. Sex, like dance, is a very spiritual thing for me. It’s like going to church, for me, in a sense – I couldn’t take a stranger to church with me until they were a friend, at a minimum. I don’t have many hangups about sex, but I’m just not wired for casual sex. It doesn’t take me long to find something to love/appreciate about another person, but the connection has to be there or it just doesn’t do anything for me.

    Like I said, SA caught my interest because it allows me to cut through the games and crap (well, some of it) of more traditional avenues to dating/companionship, while allowing me to openly and honestly look for what I actually want in arrangement. I know it’s a tall order, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because it wouldn’t work for me any other way. I may have a list of attributes that I am looking for and sticking to it, but anyone who meets that list has a decent shot of getting a very emotionally mature, grounded, centered, intelligent, communicative, philosophical, kinky, and tantric goddess in their bed. (Is it “golden pussy syndrome” if other people are the one who call me a “sex goddess?” I’ve wondered that, since I first stumbled onto the term in this blog.)

    So Rob, I guess you need a 7th category, for weirdos like me who defy your categorization. 😉

  129. DancingDevi says:

    @Rob – Thanks for the clarification. I had some typos in my comments, this morning, which re glaringly obvious to me now. That’s what I get for commenting while awake in the middle of the night because my dog woke me and I had trouble falling back asleep.

  130. flyr says:

    @Onyx “As a SD are you seriously going to tell this hot 20′something that fucks your brains out on a regular basis, that treats you great that no you aren’t going to help her when her car gets totalled and can’t afford a replacement. Or that was sick and racked up a ton of bills plus lack of income that you are going to let her get evicted. It’s a fine line to walk as a SD and sometimes the answer has to be “no”, but unless you are a heartless SOB (in which case you don’t deserve a SB) you are going to say “yes” often enough that you better budget for it.”

    Couple of thoughts –

    I’m not sure I would call it “allowance creep” but rather the whole package.

    I have always looked for relationships where there’s value placed on what the SD brings to the table above the $ – intellectual stimulation, exposure to new things, mentor and someone to be called upon to slay the occasional dragon whether it be economic, emotional (a good listener at 3am) or help her get her car fixed without being ripped off,explaining the facts of life to her landlord, or just do something with her where she wants to have a partner.

    I’m also a fan of having the ability to put cash into a debit card (that she has) to help in situations. However, it takes some careful management to keep financial extras from becoming an entitlement.

    The bottom line is that it’s like most other relationships and transactions – each party has something to offer that’s more valuable to the partner than to them.

  131. flyr says:

    “I know one was subsidizing her life with her boyfriend doing this and he was quite OK with all this (she was certainly intimate with her SDs).”

    For me this would be a huge red flag – indicating if nothing else a poor choice of boyfriends if they are serious. Regardless a poor outcome is probable.

    I guess I’m hypocritical in that I am comfortable with an SB who is in a relationship with another woman.

  132. SD-Rob says:

    @ peach – btw, sounds like your in town SD a gem! While I have lots of comments on the SBs, as I said I have not on SDs given that I do not have much data on that side. But, I do know based on my conversations with some of the SBs I have met that someone like the one you have is in general a fantasy that dos not come true but rather goes horribly bad as you mention you unfortunately met initially. While we can guess, it would be interesting to know why you say they were scumbags?

  133. SD-Rob says:

    Thanks to the SB who have replied to my post!
    @DancinDavi- sorry for the lack of clarity, but in my opinion you belong to cat 6, which I have found to be rare in my experience. Someone who waits to find what she wants and does not become intimate quickly looking for $ or sex.
    @DancingDavi- Onyx mentioned that a lot of SB fall into the desperate cat in his area, but I have not found that to be true in Ca. They comprise a small % in my experience.
    @Sweetie- you also sound like you are in cat 6. Have you not found a SD yet then? By the way, I have found the SBs to be exactly the same as some of the SD you describe, that is, wanting to jump in bed right away, MOST of them! They are my cat 1-4 for different reasons of $ to actually wanting (lots) of sex as well even if with many people in the same week.
    @ peach- thanks for details! I guess having two SD at the same time given your situation is understandable. Seems like you went with your out of towner given the high amount of $$$ that helped you out and I am sure you must have liked him. What if he never called/met you again after the first meeting? I guess that is the risk a SB takes in terms of becoming intimate right away. Would you have chalked it up to experience then? I don’t know , the equivalent of a one night stand?
    Since , I have come across SB who have had regular boyfriends or FWB while looking for SDs, what do you think of that? I know one was subsidizing her life with her boyfriend doing this and he was quite OK with all this (she was certainly intimate with her SDs).

  134. DancingDevi says:

    @Rob – Sorry, I almost missed your first set of posts. I suspect I did not see them because they were in moderation approval before posting visibly. You wrote, “Devi fits in this category,” and then proceeded to list five categories, so I am confused as to which category you consider me in. Please clarify?

  135. DancingDevi says:

    @Rob – I don’t know how “rare” I am or not, but I have seen plenty of other SBs posting on here who have never come across as desperate. So, if I am rare, then it’s not a lack of desperation that sets me apart. I would suspect that, much like “true SDs,” SBs with good intentions are more rare than most hope and greater in number than one often notices.

    And I am looking to fulfill a specific set of qualifications, yes, mostly because what I am interested in is a friendship that either grows or fades in its own accord. Part of what interested me in SA was the ability to look for someone who fit that list of qualifications and wanted to help me grow in a number of ways, without the the inherent game-playing and bullshit (excuse the language) of the dating game. I’m not sure how many SBs are on the site, treating it more like an alternative no-bullshit-lets-date-for-now site. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more like me, however, since I see a higher representative population of obviously and openly intelligent women posting on here than I typically run into in on campus.

  136. Peach says:

    @SD-Rob –

    I loved reading your post and found it interesting. I have never been the desperate type however I HAVE been a victim to so scum bags on here when I first started off. I got into this because I had an SD for 2 years off of the internet that I met out one night. He introduced me to this lifestyle and I had a blast. When we “broke up” I felt like I was missing the thrill and fun I had with him so I got online and found an SD/SB site. I did need the money but I wasn’t desperate and I wanted to find a long term SD.

    So I got on the site and fell into some traps at first but I learned what to do and what not to do. I actually have my own set of rules and rules are meant to be broken after I find trust in my SD.

    I will try not to make this too long. I would prefer to only have one SD but it hasn’t been like that. I been seeing the same two people since June. The first SD is married and lives out of state and flys to me because his business is here. I never know when he is coming. I don’t have his phone number but he emails me a lot when he is gone and a few days before he comes to town. The issue there is we never do anything exciting out of the bedroom. Also he stated he would be here every two weeks and I have only seen him 5 times. One week he came into town twice and then would miss a month here and there. He gives me a high amount for p4p but I asked him for an allowance starting Jan.

    My other SD was a p4p and we started at a low amount because I knew that it would be a lot more on day. I was right. He moved me into the city I wanted to live in. Co-signed my lease to re build my credit, paid all the deposits for a luxury apartment, fixed my car, put utilities in his name and pays them, takes me shopping, takes me to dinner and bought things for my apartment when I moved in. Done a lot! We have only been intimate a few times and he doesn’t pressure me into anything. He would rather spend time going out doing things or talking over dinner. He is very much older than me so we have joked around in pubic and he tells the server he is my grandpa and then we laugh it off. We have built a pretty strong relationship but it’s never just sex. He even told me he doesn’t want anything more from me but a companionship but I give him sugar because he does a lot.

    Both my SD’s I have hardly been intimate with and they both know the other exists. I don’t feel like I need to keep secrets. And they both offer two different things: one a lot of money when he’s here and the other steady assistance. I still pay a lot of my own stuff with my incomes not from sugar.

    @gtt- condoms ALWAYS. And I still get std and blood work done every 3-4 months for peace of mind because my doctor told me condoms aren’t 100% reliable. I’m the girl that would rather be safe than sorry. And sadly about half potential SDs don’t like wearing protection. And no money in the world can make me not care about my health.

    Hope everyone had a good Christmas!

  137. Moni says:

    Positive* never doing this from phone again…

  138. Moni says:

    I want a Sd-Sb relationship like Onyx Percula, that’s so cute and ideal gosh I’m jealous in a putative way :)

  139. Moni says:

    Now to answer to this blog, I’ve just started looking for a SD to be my companion as well add help me further my company and I would want either a small gift and a great trip with him or a big gift and special night with him soo both would be my answer too lol.

  140. Moni says:

    *I want inside jokes, laughter, closeness where we forget everyone else and it’s just us, and great sex lol but find what you want not what’s available. I am soo sorry for the grammar mishap,I wrote this from my phone at the moment and after the first comment it was to late to stop lol. I totally type better than this, I’m embarrassed lol-_-however I do hope I helped.

  141. Moni says:

    Her* kiss but the over all time that you’ve didn’t with gives you the feeling to sex the hell out of her you may not find that for a little while but like myself keep searching and don’t hesitate turning down, I’m still looking for that right guy. For me I want us to have a friend ship
    /lover relationship if we don’t see each other
    all the time,I wasn’t inside friend

  142. Moni says:

    Hey Rob, looks like you had a tough time there huh..well my advice would be take your time. You come to a conclusion of what you really want,I.e.; a girl who is classy and wants you to wait,a young lady that is okay with small gifts until you are okay with giving money, and last a young lady who when you kiss her that the .. passion is strong from not just jerk

  143. sweetie says:

    planned, sorry.

  144. sweetie says:

    Rob, not sure if SBs such as Devi are rare; possibly based on your experience. I’ve been on SA since March and on a different site for 2 months before that. Have only met with 3 guys, none of them were what I wanted, although one had me quite curious, but he wanted to jump in the sack really fast. Deal breaker.
    Another one was a creep, wanted a free trial and kept putting his hand on my leg on our first brief meeting. Nope, thank you.
    The third was in his late 30s, looking for a girlfriend, I’d say. He felt really uncomfortable about the whole financial part of it, was really nervous on first coffee meeting. We went to dinner once, it was not bad, planed to hang out again but decided he was not what I wanted. No sex with any of them, not even kisses. I’ve gotten plenty emails from interested SDs, so if I were after money only, I guess I could have made some by now.

    Personally, looking for a guy I like who likes to be with me and doesn’t mind providing financial assistance. I expect exclusivity on both sides.

  145. SD-Rob says:

    Thanks Onyx for the thoughts.
    Would really like to hear comments from SBs as well!
    Are ones like DancingDev truly rare who are looking for a certain single SD and willing to wait and apparently not desperate? I know in my area (California) I seem to come across only a few who are desperate and “will do anything”.
    20 different lovers in one year? Maybe I am behind times, but that seems a lot, especially when you consider it is for $?!
    Agree about LTR, which I listed in line (i).
    Getting a per meet makes little sense still to me from a SB point of view, other than basically too many SD refusing to go with that since there is the potential loss on their side if things don’t go well. But I know some I have liked have really insisted on the monthly which has broken the deal given my past experiences. They in turn do not trust you and think you will F them and then go MIA.

  146. onyx_percula says:

    @ SD-Rob — Welcome aboard!

    Ref, allowances:

    There are advantages to a per meeting which IMO is exactly P4P. From an SBs point of view she is not committing to a month with someone that may turn out to be horrible. A lot of SDs are really wishy washy with number of meets, “once or twice a week would be good”… so from the SBs view if she is doing P4P she gets more money or put another isn’t devalued by “twice weekly” weeks.

    While I am fine with monthly allowances, all though I have before I will never again give a months allowance without the panties hitting the floor. There are just way too many SBs out there that will take advantage of that, the SB version of “hit and run”. There is no reason that a SD can not give a pot SB some gift$ during a dating process, but not a full allowance. Even after establishing the arrangement I am inclined to break the first few months into half.

    I have talked to a couple SBs that wanted a “up front payment to make sure you are serious”, LMAO! That’s not happening.

    Ref Categories:

    While I think you have done a pretty good job with the list, I don’t think populations can so easily be stated. I know they don’t match my area. This whole year I have only met one SB that truly didn’t need the money, some very badly some just looking to help cover education loans/expenses. Frankly I have lost track of how many “I will do ANYTHING!” messages I have received.

    I think one that you missed is the SB (SD for that matter) that is primarily looking for a LTR, sugar is just a added benefit but they are there for a real relationship. I have “NSA” listed in my profile and have been flat out shoot down a couple of times because of it. However it should be noted that a lot of the “offshore” scams primarily come off seeking a real relationship, careful, Google image search.

    I think there is a lot more distrust out there than is typically reflected here on this blog. I know I have been scammed but good this year and had several try to. I know I have talked to plenty of SBs that also have been taken advantage of. It’s a matter of education and discipline.

    Something to consider too is that the typical age group sugaring are unlikely to conform to the idea that having multiple lovers is always a bad thing. That if you have 20 lovers in a year isn’t necessarily something to be upset about.

    Something I think is missing from some of the categories is the “allowance” creep factor. As a SD unless you are a total hardass you really need to be prepared for allowance creep. If you make an arrangement for $1k/month you better budget at least $1500+/month. As a SD are you seriously going to tell this hot 20’something that fucks your brains out on a regular basis, that treats you great that no you aren’t going to help her when her car gets totalled and can’t afford a replacement. Or that was sick and racked up a ton of bills plus lack of income that you are going to let her get evicted. It’s a fine line to walk as a SD and sometimes the answer has to be “no”, but unless you are a heartless SOB (in which case you don’t deserve a SB) you are going to say “yes” often enough that you better budget for it.

    I share the need for connection and tend to move slowly (no the first date) into intimacy. I have enjoyed the couple of times I met a pot SB without spending as much time as I normally do communicating and setting expectations, where she expected to have to put out only to be told nope, not this time.

  147. onyx_percula says:

    @ gtt_envy — Remember sugar is like any other relationship in a lot of ways, IMO this is one of them. When do you cancel the Amazon subscription for condoms when you are in a RL relationship or did back when? Talk to her and find out where she stands on it.

    The live-in to be SB doesn’t want to use condoms, but we are waiting till we have had a couples STI test and I get my “wings clipped” in a couple of weeks.

    And no not getting clipped just because of her, but the whole sugar dating thing. Been thinking about it for some time now, and her wanting to go bare was just a good “might as well do it now”. I’m at an age where having kids is not really the best idea, sure I could, but I have never had a strong drive to or not to. So its just prudent to do since I am sleeping with fertile woman and just as you mention sometimes it happens.

  148. Homer says:

    @ggt- seriously, I use condoms every time. Although tempted to slip the tip in, just for a little bit, I’ve never been with someone who would allow it. If it happens and you’re concerned, go to a clinic and get tested. It’s discreet and you’ll sleep easier (and not necessarily alone)

  149. gtt_envy says:

    Christmas presents are no different than normal gifts for me. She get’s gifts anyway Christmas she get’s extras.

    Serious question about protecton and STD’s? What is you process? For the men if you don’t use protection EVERY time how does the uncertainty not tear you up inside?

  150. Upbeat says:

    Hmmmmm…… I just got a card from SB whom I have been with for over 2 years and I spoil her rotten…….

  151. Peach says:

    Back on thee ol SA site! I had a great Christmas! My favorite gifts were a day at the spa and two of my favorite perfums (flowerbomb and Armani Mania). I had a lot of time spent with family. Looking forward to seeing my SD who is flying in next month more regularly. Local SD is working a lot but we are doing a casual night this weekend. Should be fun!

  152. flyr says:

    @onyx “More importantly she thought it was a good idea 10 out of 10 times I asked”

    YES…….. Actually my entry into the Sugar Bowl was the result of having a mother in similar circumstances. Having a mother going through this phase of her life is what lead me to SA. If your SB is able to engage and comfort your mother you are incredibly lucky.

    Towards the end I would make a 10 OZ Bombay Sapphire martini in a water bottle; usually ended up pouring a glass for another visitor.

    Good luck in your venture . If your SB works out she’s priceless.

  153. onyx_percula says:

    Hmmm presents… I got a hand knitted scarf from one SB. She put a lot of effort into it, very nice. Since we only see each other once a month, she wore it a couple of days, so now when I wrap it across my face I can smell her.

    The other SB gave me something that can’t be talked about in polite company :)

    I gave the SB that made my scarf and one of a kind blanket based on the Frozen movie. Being a total Disney freak, she freaked, lol. Since she had already gone home for winter break, I’ll have to wait till she is back to cuddle with her under it.

    The other I got her a new tablet which was her #1 one on her wish list. Mine kind of paled in comparison to her’s I’m afraid.

  154. onyx_percula says:

    @ Guru — My mother is far enough gone that the idea of trying to explain an arrangement and what it was is beyond her capability at this point. I asked her if she would like it if I moved one of my GFs in, that she would have some company and someone that could help around the house. She thinks its a great idea. More importantly she thought it was a good idea 10 out of 10 times I asked 😉

    She is very excited by the whole thing. The live-in has not met her yet… it keeps getting pushed out by life. Looks like week after next currently. Both are excited to meet, both are keeping tabs on the other, learning about each other via myself… Mom asks every day “How is X?” and X asks everyday how she is doing, if she had any questions for her etc.

    I think the personalities match up very well. The live-in SB was raised in rural environments and by rather old school parents. She has manners, very considerate, polite and very caring. Very much a simple country girl, which is basically what my mother is too.

  155. MoresugarSB says:

    I got the most beautiful bracelet. :)

  156. SD-Rob says:

    Sorry for the long post, but not sure if there is another way to discuss this. Here are my thoughts and questions, any comments from all the experts are appreciated here on what categories SB fall into. I suggest one of the expert SB do the same categorization for the SD as well. I could guess at that, but my data there is limited.

    So , why do SB get on this site and what are they looking for and can a SD find the type he is looking for? I have classified them into categories below.I know some have summarily likened this whole thing to prostitution in various blogs, comments, news reports and reviews I have read, but in my mind prostitution in that sense can cover even those who marry for money. So, that is certainly not helpful and an oversimplification and stereotyping in a sense.

    Here are my categories. Really hope to hear from the experienced SB here as well as SD to see how close or off I am, or if there are other categories. BTW, DancingDevi fits in this category.

    Cat 1- Those who are indeed professionals who are using the site. They:
    a- Comprise only a small % of girls based on my experience (not having more info). I met with one probably unknowingly, 30 min encounter, in and out quick, although email conversations with a number of others of this type as well.
    b- are Not exclusive obviously.
    c- obviously go for per meet allowance.
    d – Get intimate on first date (encounter in hotel room which they ask for).
    e- Don’t have jobs
    f- Don’t care if steady. Don’t care if you never call them again.
    g- Mechanical sex, it is a job.
    h- Do not entertain emotional connection.
    i- $ is the key motivator.
    There is even a blog on harlotry.com with one SB writing about her experiences when she switched from hooking to SB.

    Cat 2- Desperate young girls who need $ badly and do not want to go the professional way. Or single mothers with same $ needs. They
    a- Again, comprise only a small % in my experience. Met none, but emailed maybe several.
    b- Maybe like it to be exclusive but do not care. Whatever works to get the quick $ they desperately need.
    c- Obviously are open to per meet allowance.
    d- Get intimate on first date. Although they may be ashamed of it.
    e- May or may not have jobs. if yes, then jobs are low paying.
    f- Would like it to be steady but know it may not be. Don’t care if you never call them again.
    g- May not even like having sex with an older guy, but force themselves to. Some may hate it.
    h-Do not entertain emotional connection.
    i- $ is the key motivator, may not like the sex.

    They can also fall victim to those SDs who make fake promises to first get sex, then give them nothing. Heard two such stories from Pot SB in this category in my communications with them, saw a few on the blogs. Heartbreaking. They were setting themselves up for that in a sense, but they also ran into SDs that give all SDs a bad name.

    Cat 3- Girls/women/single moms who need $ and are sexually open and do not care if they have several lovers at the same time. May even have boyfriends on the side, other lovers. They
    a- are more prevalent than #1 and #2 on the site in my experience.
    b- Do NOT want it exclusive. Have as many SD as they can get to maximize their intake. If a SD turns out to be a hobbyist, so be it, since they themselves may not follow through depending on the quality of the meeting and the man. Meet once and that’s it is OK with them. Don’t care if steady or not.
    c- Use the per meet allowance to get SD quickly.
    d- Get intimate on first date.
    e -These girls do have jobs, but low paying in most cases, but some may even have high paying jobs, but want a higher standard of living.
    f- Would like it to be steady but know it may not be. Would like for you to call them again, but realize it may not happen, and so be it. They may not return your call.
    g- They may not enjoy the sex much, but do it mechanically on the side for the $. Some may enjoy the sex, but that is not the main thing. $ is it.
    h-Do not entertain emotional connection.
    i- $ is the key motivator, but sex is a good addition for some.

    4- Same as (3), But they DO enjoy the sex very much and see this as a way of getting sex with quality men, who may have different sexual angles which they may be into. That is sex with an older man, who is hopefully still able to perform, and allow them to live out their fantasies , including being with an older man, non-vanilla , kinky sex, 50 shades of grey stuff, etc. Most are submissive, some are dominant. They have a genuine good time and at the same time get $$, albeit from several SD, as many as they can fit into their schedule, and get sex from various sources, because they want to.
    a- about as many as #3
    b- Do not want exclusivity necessarily to have more partners to explore with and also to get more $.
    c- Use the per meet allowance to get SD quickly.
    d-Get intimate on first date.
    e-These girls do have jobs or are students, some may even have high paying jobs, but want a higher standard of living. I have come across, students, including maters level, attorneys, performance artists, etc. They may like discretion on their part due to their job.
    f-They are looking for a steady arrangement ideally, but as in (3) if a SD turns out to be a hobbyist, or never contacts them after that first and only meeting that included intimacy, so be it.
    g- They definitely enjoy the sex but want the money too. In fact, they want to explore sexually. Looking for SD who are open to this aspect.
    h- Some may entertain emotional connection if they really enjoy the guy (or the sex).
    i- Sex AND $$ are the main drivers, with quality sex becoming more important .

    I got more SB from this group than any others, and I think most SB fall into this category. I have been led on by SB in this category that our arrangement is exclusive and then found out that they were with someone else the day before. It is of course their purgative, but that is not how they had portrayed the arrangement to me. Immediate ceasing of the arrangement for me when that happens.

    5- Nearing the group that I was originally interested in, but have hardly found any. Girls who really want to find an exclusive long term arrangement but cannot wait and compromise into #4 from time to time. Need sex and like the $$ as well.

    a- fewer than #3, #4, but more than #1,2
    b- Ideally looking for an exclusive steady arrangement. They are looking for that on both sides, their side and the SD. Also get pushed into having multiple SD since they cannot wait to find the right SD.
    c-They DO want to start with a monthly allowance.
    But because there aren’t that many SD that are looking for an exclusive arrangement, or willing to go through a few dates before getting intimate, they find it hard to find the ideal situation and begin to compromise. They get pushed into a per meet allowance.
    d- Ideally NOT intimate on first date, but they are interested in the intimate side, but want to move into that slowly .They need the $$ but willing to wait. Also some are looking for $$$. They may insist on a first non intimate date, but again because they cannot find enough men (and fast enough), or because they are lacking the sexual intimacy themselves and want to have some, they acquiesce and accept meeting for an intimate first date. Soon, if they do not hear from the SD, who might have been only interested in one intimate meeting and moving on, they may look for another and stay in this category, or drop into category #4, or maybe learn a lesson in their minds and move into category #6 below.
    e-These girls do have jobs, some rather high profile even, educated in many cases, wanting a higher standard of living. They may like discretion on their part due to their job.
    f- Would like it to be steady and would like for you to call them again. They may get fooled by the SD who is looking for the F and run.
    g- Definitely looking for the sex, exploring kinky side, fantasies, and enjoy it with the right man.
    h- Sex AND $$ are the main drivers, rather equally again but $$ without sex is not what they are looking for.
    i- May entertain emotional connection and longer term possibilities.

    I have come across a few like this who have told me their stories, who then fell into #4. ! I have also come across one who seemed to be very much bent on being in #6 below, but I found out was on the spur of the moment fell into #4 (accepted a per meeting, intimate on first date, when she initially claimed she wanted monthly and no way intimate on first date). Really confusing me.

    6- Finally, my last category, just like #5, but they do not compromise. They stick with their principles
    a- very few that I have cow across
    b-want an exclusive arrangement and willing to wait to find it.
    c- They INSIST to start with a monthly allowance. Or at least a large fraction of the monthly allowance in case things do not work out physically as well as anticipated.
    d- Will NOT get intimate on first date, although they will go to first, or second base if they like you. They are willing to take their time, and want the SD to do the same.
    e-These girls do have jobs, some rather high profile even, educated in many cases, wanting a higher standard of living. They may like discretion on their part due to their job.
    f- Would like it to be steady and at least have the allowance for the month or large fraction of it so wen if the SD does not call, they have something substantial. SD is on the hook to continue at least for a month.
    g- Definitely looking for the sex, exploring kinky side, fantasies, and enjoy it with the right man and the companionship.
    h- Sex AND $$ are the main drivers, rather equally again but $$ without sex is not what they are looking for.
    i- May entertain emotional connection and longer term possibilities.

  157. SD-Rob says:

    I got into the SD/SB scene about 8 months ago to finally treat myself to some love, affection and intimacy that had been missing from my marriage for over a decade. By the way, I was not interested and never pursued the professional route of obtaining quick mechanical intimacy only, since the connection including semi-regular contact with my SB lover was quite important to me. I am good looking, fit, well educated, and successful, but too busy to pursue a lover the traditional way, having only certain opportunities for such hook ups, so as someone said in one the previous blog posts, this was a much more efficient way of getting to my end, and has worked very well, but …

    I was maybe naive about this whole thing, but was looking for an exclusive arrangement with a young lady that I’d find compatible on all levels. I expected that we would communicate, meet and date a number of times before there was any intimacy, if we indeed decided to move ahead. I thought this was what is called a traditional SD/SB arrangement. In fact , I started on the Whatsyourprice site before I learned about SA and the like, again initially expecting that I would date my way to a side romance (which I soon found out would be part of SD/SB one even on WYP).

    Boy, have I been in for a surprise! I am still not sure what a traditional SD/SB arrangement is at this point.

    What I found on SA was that the conversation with the majority of the girls that I emailed turned towards the intimacy part within the first couple of emails. That they were willing to come to me for that, even on the very first date. Since I could have had that through the professional route it was somewhat of a turn off, but soon I saw the difference in that these girls all seemed to have regular jobs, lives and very willing to travel large distances in some cases to meet. Although, I could not verify their claims about their other jobs in all cases, I did for many, so I know they were not professionals. So, this gave it a different flavor. I did go through with a several arrangements this way and only hooked up with one that wanted a monthly upfront.

    The other problem was that there was way too much sugar to try and concentrate on only one. On top of that, I was under the impression that the arrangement would call for a MONTHLY allowance, but again most of the girls were interested in a PER MEET allowance, although they did say they wanted a “steady” arrangement. This made no sense to me, since a SD (especially a hobbyist) could easily get his kicks on the first meeting since it was to involve intimacy for $$, and never follow up. Made it easy to jump from one to the next. What would the SB do then, move on the to the next per meet SD herself and so one, pretty soon rack up an impressive number of lovers within a few weeks? Also, as I found out some SB had several SD that they were intimate with during a single week even to maximize their financial gain.

    On the other hand, if the SD gives the monthly allowance up front to a SB, what if they are dissatisfied after the first intimate meeting? Or if the SB cannot meet as often as promised. Or she takes off with the allowance and is never to be reached again? These are the realities although the ideal case may be more straightforward.

    In my case, I ended up with a combination of both types, but mainly pay per meet (not sure if it is the same as P4P, or if not what the difference is). Only one genuine monthly arrangement, which fell apart quickly since the SB could not reliably meet me and led to a lot of wasted time on my part.

    Overall, the intimacy has been great, although in most cases, I still feel empty, knowing that the arrangement is not exclusive on her part , which drives me to do the same on my part given all the sugar. I have been a true gentlemen with each one of the SB, spent $$$ and helped many out, they have been very satisfied in all respects including the physical part (many asking for more, staying longer or overnight, and a couple even not asking for $ after a couple of times). So, this brings me to my questions about what categories do SB and SD fall into which I will post next so they are not buried in here. I think if I had such a reality based experience list to start with , it would have been quite helpful.

    R

  158. SD-Rob says:

    Hi all SD and SB’s and happy holidays!

    @ DancingDevi – seeing your post made me finally make the plunge and post about my experience and also my thoughts and questions. Nice to see a SB who holds out for what she really wants!

    I have been following these blogs for a while and the info is very useful, although somewhat disjointed given the various topics that get initiated and the old ones that get closed.

    I strongly suggest to SA personnel that a blog be dedicated to the experiences the members have had, only, so that newer participants can draw from it quickly without having to wade through a lot of other posts.

    I thought I would share my experiences for those like me (a relatively inexperienced SD) to read and for others with more experience to comment, including the SBs (especially since I am still befuddled by what I have observed). Also, to summarize my conclusions so far about SBs in general and what they are looking for.in my experience, I will list them in the next couple of posts to avoid one long one.

    R

  159. flyr says:

    “Louboutins”

    It goes to show the breadth of sugar – Simply makes me gag

  160. Taylormadesb says:

    I prefer smaller towns, never been one for huge cities for travel
    I like to feel apart of the community even if it is for a short while
    My favs so far are Metz France , Zadar Croatia, York England and Schwerin Germany. Just a preference :)

  161. justwantone says:

    A “SD” that shares a unique experience will find a fulfilling physical reward…with me as the “SB”.

  162. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Merry Christmas Everyone from the UK xxxx
    I hope you all had a great one and SD and Santa was very generous. xx :-)

  163. Richard says:

    Au contraire, ma cherie! Paris is amazing…and I’d never turn down a trip there, especially in the spring, but hard to fit into my schedule (and hers) at the moment!

  164. Taylormadesb says:

    @richard

    Lol that sounds amazing enough to me! You have a smart SB-So the trip to Paris was 86’d, totally fine Paris isn’t that great I’ve been a few times 😉

  165. Richard says:

    @Guru – I’m with you…best are presents that lead to unique (or at least fulfilling) experiences. See below.

    @TaylormadeSB – To paraphrase a certain someone after receiving a unique gift from me – “Dinner was wonderful, but Louboutins are forever!” (No trip to Paris was included, but neither of us noticed.)

  166. Taylormadesb says:

    I think when it comes to physical gifts and unique experiences
    Hmmmm that’s tough, I want both :)
    I’m 24 and I’ve experienced more than most ever will, Idk I suppose a new pair of Louboutin’s could be considered a unique experience, perhaps if I’m surprised with a trip to Paris to get them :)

  167. flyr says:

    “what satisfies you more as a Sugar Baby: physical presents or unique experiences?” yes

    • SD Guru says:

      First I’d like to thank the regular contributors of the blog (you know who you are!) for sharing their experiences and wisdom so that we can all have a better experience in the sugar world. Secondly I’d like to thank the SA staff for keeping the blog updated regularly (even during holidays!) so that we never run out of interesting topics to discuss. Lastly I’d like to thank all blog participants and lurkers for making this blog the number one sugar forum!

      Re: physical presents vs unique experiences

      I know the question was posed to SB’s, but as a SD I usually value unique experiences over physical presents. Better yet, how about presents that provide unique experiences? 😛

      @OP (from previous blog)

      Thanks for sharing the progress of your live in arrangement. A lot has been discussed about the pros, cons, and logistics. What I’m wondering is… how does your mother feel about the arrangement? Has your pot SB met your mother yet?

      @CSugar (from previous blog)
      “Can anyone tell me how SA verifies it’s members?”

      When you’re logged on to SA, on the right side of home page you’ll see a section on Background Check. Click on “learn more” to get the details. Crimes that do fail the criteria set forth by SA are as follows:

      Registered Sex Offenders
      Sex Crimes
      Violent Crimes
      Domestic Violence
      Felonious and Misdemeanor Assaults

      So it depends on if the “serious” crime committed by the SD you mentioned falls into those categories or not. For example, financial fraud is not included.

  168. Beach_Girl says:

    Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all had an amazing day 😀

  169. Stormcat says:

    I have had a very Sweet Christmas. Spent the day alone relaxing. Got lots of sweet messages and phone calls. No gifts, no hype. Everything was just right!

  170. LadyRose says:

    Why does Christmas feel so lonely this year. I dislike being alone on the holidays

  171. LadyRose says:

    I was alone this holiday without anyone here with me this morning. Feeling a little blue

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