4 years ago
We Can’t Go On In Sugar With Suspicious Minds

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Sugar is all about open and honest communication, but can you really trust in the words your Sugar Baby or Daddy say? The NSA is being called a bad guy for spying on Americans, but have you ever committed an act of relationship espionage against your lover? According to the results of our survey, half of you have.

Most common methods of spying:

  1. Unauthorized email access – 58 Percent
  2. Unauthorized access to text messages – 47 Percent
  3. Researching social media accounts – 39 Percent
  4. Listening in on phone calls or use of phone taps– 18 Percent
  5. Looking through telephone records – 18 Percent
  6. Looking through credit card statements – 16 Percent
  7. Following and shadowing – 10 Percent
  8. Using mobile GPS tracking – 7 Percent
  9. Hiring a private investigator – 4 Percent
  10. Other – 9 Percent
Chances are, if you are suspicious of your lover, the first place you are going to check is the most accessible: his/her phone. An unlocked smart phone gives you access to emails, social media, text messages, phone logs, etc. It’s the most popular way to ease or confirm a suspicious mind. But is reading your lover’s emails or texts just as bad as the NSA reading your’s?
While you may argue that sugar is usually NSA, who cares if your lover is leading you on or not being entirely truthful.. honesty and trust are the cornerstones of any relationship. If he says he’s monogamous and you are making emotional or physical decisions based on the statement, you probably should be concerned if he is lying.
Our question is this: does anyone, the government, a lover, a parent, a friend have the right to snoop? 
If you get caught in a lie, which is worse, the lie or the snooping? 

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38 Responses to “We Can’t Go On In Sugar With Suspicious Minds”

  1. DownUnderSD says:

    @SugarySpicey
    ‘ smart women are better in bed’
    Not better, but probably more compatible :) and therefore more satisfying.

    @FatBastardSD
    ‘ A SD caring about a SB enjoying sex. I think you are on the wrong web site’
    I am on the same line as flyr. I have to be both physically as emotionally attracted to my SB. And because of that need, I do care about my SB enjoying herself.
    The expression ‘happy wife, happy life’, goes for sugaring just as much. The time spend together is so much better when your SB actually wants to spend time with you.

  2. flyr says:

    @Aphrodite – If you are going to do something about it then knowing is probably better than not knowing.

    @FB “A SD caring about a SB enjoying sex. I think you are on the wrong web site ” Relationships come in various shapes and styles ………. For me one of the essential attractors is that I’m not interested in an SB that I do not care about . It’s not about love in the classic sense but about having sex with good people. Yes there are people you randomly meet and have an awesome night of sex but there’re typically not continuing relationship material.

    @NC Gent “however, anyone else find that the crazier the woman the better the sex?” On occasion – but you need to watch a re-run of “Play Misty For Me ” once in a while.

  3. FatBastardSD says:

    @PriceySpicey

    Smart women better in bed. A SD caring about a SB enjoying sex. I think you are on the wrong web site :-)

  4. NC Gent says:

    I wouldn’t date an SB that didn’t want to see my pictures. I knew I should have asked for SAT scores when I was sugar dating * sigh * I don’t think I found a correlation between intelligence and performance in bed…. however, anyone else find that the crazier the woman the better the sex?

  5. SugarySpicey says:

    Softi – smart women are better in bed. Asking an SB for her SAT scores is a brilliant idea, and a far higher indication of future satisfaction in the arrangement than cup size. Unfortunately, even a brilliant Baby can’t convince an ogre that she is actually enjoying herself, best to get those pictures.

  6. DarkHorseSD says:

    Aphorodite:

    I doubt you can be fully healthy with someone that deceives you, or adjust the relationship to compensate, so BREAK UP is probably the best option.

  7. FatBastardSD says:

    @PriceySpicey

    Asking for a SD’s pictures is eqivalent to a SD asking a potential SB for thier SAT scores. What is the point?

  8. SugarySpicey says:

    Softi – we ask for pics so we know how much we’re going to need to ask for in order to tolerate your rutting away on us. 😉

  9. Aphorodite says:

    Ooooohhhhh.. that’s a toughie! And, my first time really giving an opinion here lol.. (Hope I don’t get reamed out for my opinion!) Here are my thoughts:

    I snooped on my ex because I had an inclination that something was going on. I was right. Had I never snooped, I NEVER would have known he was cheating on me.. AND more than once at that… I had been an oblivious idiot thinking he was being faithful. In that respect, I say that although it IS wrong, snooping can be rationalized (lol as I am doing now) if you have probable cause (like the cops needing a reason to pull you over, in order to give you a different type of ticket lol)

    On the other hand, I see SO SO many cheaters… everywhere… and I am almost certain that the wives (or husbands/bf’s/gf’s) of the cheaters have some sort of “gut feeling” that something is going on. Yet, they do not snoop. They prefer to “just have faith and trust”, and they remain happy, having this faith in their partner.

    Then, we have those who choose to remain oblivious so that they can be happier (or at least try to be).

    So, in the first example, is this justifiable? Or is it wrong regardless? In the second and third examples, is this just plain stupidity, or is it blissful oblivion? Or, do those who do not snoop, even though they have that negative gut feeling, not doing so because they know it do be “wrong”? Or, are they doing is so that they can avoid the pain of finding out the truth?

    I know… I really did not state an official opinion. I guess my point is, it’s all about choosing the worse of all the evils: 1) being invasive and doing something that is wrong because you have a bad gut feeling, 2) CHOOSING to remain oblivious and going on thinking your significant other is being faithful while he/she is out having sex with others, just so you can try to be happy and keep your relationship going with no confrontations (meanwhile you are being put at risk for STD’s… thank God mine did not give me one!!!). Or 3) just doing the right thing – not snooping, regardless of how you feel, in which case you then have to choose whether to ignore the gut feeling and be happy, or go on in your relationship feeling horrible and insecure.

    Oh ya, I forgot two other options lol:
    1) You can ask the potential cheater if he is cheating, but trust me, as I did, if he/she is a cheater, he is also going to lie about it most likely, as mine did, more than once. OR
    2) You can BREAK UP! 😛

    Decisions… decisions…
    (I hope there were not too many typos.. I don’t have time to proofread!) 😉

  10. NC Gent says:

    Sara – you have 10 pics posted and he wants more??? that says enough right there…. he is out of the country until August aka he wants to string you along as long as he can…. at most send him a short response…. I bet he cut and pasted that “interview” to several women…. time to move on.

    Marmalade — just curious…. when you asked for more money what did you offer in exchange? I agree with the other SDs — I would most likely “next” you.

    • SD Guru says:

      Repost from previous blog.

      @T
      “I go to a bar and get hit on by several people. Do I talk with:…”

      In reality your choices are usually not that clear cut. What if the “sweetie” is bald and carries extra pounds (I apologize to those if this describes you), you probably wouldn’t even give him a chance to start with. What if the “suit” does his best Christian Grey impression and that happens to float your boat (among other things)? Each choice could appeal to certain women depending on the circumstances.

      @SB 1629713
      “I primarily receive messages from SDs seeking an escort, wanting nude pictures, or working out some complex psychological issues through pretense of financial largesse.”

      You’ve pretty much described the typical “joke daddy” and “fake daddy” on the site. You can’t stop them from contacting you no matter what’s in your profile, so just block, delete and move on. I’ll let those who are more verbose than me give you a detailed analysis of your profile. Just keep in mind that your age, location, and pics are usually more important than what’s in your profile text.

      “I’d feel dishonest if I put average, when I’m above where I ought to be from an ideal standpoint.”

      According to CDC the average adult woman in US weighs 166 lbs and has a 37.5″ waist. So feel free to be dishonest! 😛

      @sara_NYC
      “At first this gave me anxiety… Am I overthinking this?”

      Yes. If you’re in NYC then there should be plenty of other pot SD’s for you to spend your time on. He shouldn’t be causing you anxiety and there’s no need for you to spend a lot of time on him until he’s back in the country.

      @Marmalade
      “Have any other sugar babies noticed that when you ask for more money, the guy loses interest and you never hear from him again?”

      I wonder what happens when SD’s ask for more sex? :mrgreen:

  11. DownUnder says:

    @ marmalade
    If you were to ask me for extra money I would probably show you the door. I am not a walking ATM. It would make me feel that you are ‘milking’ me. Trying to get as much out of me as possible.
    Certainly if you ask in the beginning.

    Hope this anwer helps

  12. DownUnder says:

    @ sara_nyc
    Hello Sara, I basically agree with noob_SD. There is a very good chance that this SD is a wanker in a basement. All the information you are to provide might allow him to find you in real life. Maybe it is a turn on for him? I don’t know.
    My advice would be to keep it very general.
    It would be a different story if he is interested in your opinion or your writing style. The way someone writes or addresses issues can be very informative. Not all SD go for just looks.. . (perhaps most don’t, I don’t know)
    I certainly would not send him any more pics :)
    But I am not a SB and are merely judging this from my own perspective. I don’t ask for more pictures, maybe a full body or a face picture if there is none. But I do like to send a few emails back and forth before I would consider a ‘first date’.

  13. FatBastardSD says:

    Why do SB’s always ask for photos of the SD. Do they have some fantasy that some rich male model is using the site?

  14. SugarySpicey says:

    Sara – answer a question or two, mystery is a girl’s best friend. Be flirty, light, friendly, and too busy to fill out an autobiographical survey. He’s just trying to get to know you.

    Marmalade – asking for extra money is tacky. It is not your SDs responsibility to fix your car – you should be saving up the sugar he gives you in order to cover costs like that. You have an arrangement, anything beyond that should be a gift freely given. Bad manners girl! Read up on my tips for SugarBaby etiquette before you become that girl who gives us all a bad name: sugarmytips.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/sugar-baby-etiquette-101/

  15. SugarySpicey says:

    Sara – answer a question or two, mystery is a girl’s best friend. Be flirty, light, friendly, and too busy to fill out an autobiographical survey. He’s just trying to get to know you.

    Marmalade – asking for extra money is tacky. It is not your SDs responsibility to fix your car – you should be saving up the sugar he gives you in order to cover costs like that. You have an arrangement, anything beyond that should be a gift freely given. Bad manners girl! Read up on my tips for SugarBaby etiquette before you become that girl who gives us all a bad name: http://sugarmytips.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/sugar-baby-etiquette-101/

  16. flyr says:

    @Sarah – continued

    Hopefully his name is not Dangerous Weenie

  17. flyr says:

    If the questions are not weird then it might be OK . A little time might be a good investment.

  18. Noob_SD says:

    sara_nyc -Am I overthinking this? lol

    Yes, you are. The whole thing looks/sounds fishy to me. I’m thinking he is just some creep in a basement somewhere getting his kicks out of wanking to pictures. Not trying to pour cold water on hopes here, but sorry sister, not sold on that overseas story!

  19. Marmalade says:

    Have any other sugar babies noticed that when you ask for more money, the guy loses interest and you never hear from him again? That’s happened to me twice. I’ve never made up stories to try to get more money. I was having car trouble, dealing with expensive repairs and asked for more than usual. Well I guess they didn’t give a shit about taking care of me

  20. sara_nyc says:

    Hi everyone,

    It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted in here (i don’t even remember what my former nickname was), but hello again :)

    I’ve had my share of experiences in the sugar bowl, but nothing lasting that has seemed to satisfy both peoples’ expectations (one wanted to get into a serious relationship, one changed what he was looking for and I wasn’t comfortable with the change, etc). Although, I am very grateful for the opportunities/good times and “sugar” that came out of them while they did last :)

    Looking for advice with a potential SD. It seems like we’re on the same page, but he’s currently out of the country until August. He sent me a very long email with a LOT of questions to learn “much more” about me (10, to be specific, that require more than one-word answers, lol). At first this gave me anxiety, because no matter how well I answer the questions, he may not like me IRL, but I started drafting a really well-written response. I understand he’s out of the country and can’t meet up so soon, and that in a way he IS “interviewing” me, but I’ve never experienced this before (always seemed more conversational before making plans to meet up for dinner).

    -He asked for more pictures, although I have my ten of best-looking ones on my profile. Should I re-send those in email form, plus some I haven’t uploaded yet? Also, his photo is blurry, so I am asking for a clear photo of him, as well.

    -He asked what I was looking for in an arrangement. I feel like I am pretty clear about this on my profile. Should I re-phrase it to him?

    -Should I go ahead with this super long reply I’ve written? Part of me fears there’d be less to talk about on a first date since I’m telling so much about myself (trying to be vague, saying “I went to college in __state__” instead of naming the school, etc) but maybe he is just excited that we already have things in common?

    -Am I overthinking this? lol

    Sorry for the long post, and thank you for reading. Any advice is greatly appreciated :)

  21. Alana says:

    Anyone else going to the sugar daddy cruise in Manhattan in August?

  22. SB 1629713 says:

    Hi, while I’ve had some genuine responses, and there’s especially great chemistry with a Pot SD with whom I’m currently in contact, I feel as if my profile is far from optimal. I primarily receive messages from SDs seeking an escort, wanting nude pictures, or working out some complex psychological issues through pretense of financial largesse. Most of the replies are barely in English… and were not written by the foreign-born. 😉

    Predicated upon the responses received, it seems that I’m putting off a repellent, or perhaps even “trashy” vibe.

    Another question: While I exercise 5-6 days per week and eat healthy food, I am carrying extra pounds. I’m over 5’7 and could shop in the Juniors section, so I’m not plus-sized. I’ve noticed that others listing themselves as carrying “a few extra” pounds seem to be true BBWs, but I’d feel dishonest if I put average, when I’m above where I ought to be from an ideal standpoint.

    Advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
    My I.D. here is: 1629713

  23. flyr says:

    @angie

    Impressive profile

    First thing I would do is reduce the photos to max 3or 4 and show your fashion talent . If the you in the photos were a product you wanted to merchandise how would you change the photos.

  24. flyr says:

    Re Profile 1628575

    You have asked for comments and this might be more than you want……….

    Summary – The profile is not an effective marketing tool and that is its only reason for being.

    You have a perishable good on the shelf (today’s opportunity to harvest sugar) Your profile is the only link to the “consumer”

    While I love the “Think Like a Penis” line perhaps that’s more relevant to backpage than SA.

    Sugarman wants more than just penile jubilation. I would expand the marketing to make it appeal on multiple levels and to subtly remove possible buyer blocks.

    Your potential SD wants the equivalent of headache relief that won’t upset the stomach or create gas.

    What might attract your target SD

    Great sex,intellectual stimulation, beautiful woman, fun person to be with and to anticipate the next meeting.

    I would also consider the foundational marketing concept that only scarcity creates value. What’s the most essential thing in your life this instant; oxygen. What do you pay for it zero because there is no scarcity of it unless you are in a submarine, airplane or similar.

    What do you bring to the SD that’s special. Probably a lot but you have to lead him by the hand or with the vision of the apple.

    If your SD target is in his 40’s his world has fewer perky breasts than it did 10 years ago. Your photos grab his attention. Same for slim legs etc. Full breasts are always nice. One of the sexiest photos on the site had no visible breasts, no face – It was just a perfect curve from the shoulder to the toes of a girl laying on the beach.

    Men are basic creatures. While the fashion industry loves to make massively complex dresses it is hard to beat the little black or white dress, a single diamond pendant and some matching shoes.

    A provocative but PG picture might be dressed in only a simple blouse long enough to be within limits but short enough to accentuate your assets. When a man looks at your picture he’s arranging the pixels to visualize you naked. Help him get there.

    Secret research has shown that if you take a picture of you laying face up on the beach, a bed or other surface that rotating it 180 degrees increases the attractiveness.

    Of course you need to carefully inspect each photo for junk and also click on the photo to make sure that what displays is not more than you intended (classic examples include a guy in the bed and another with a guy getting dressed in the background)

    The object is to trigger in 0.25 seconds the STOP HERE reaction with your lead pic. Contrasting backgrounds are important. Simplicity in the clothing is an asset in my book.

    It would be nice if SA would publish the pictures which get the highest percentage of clicks when displayed as featured profiles.

    Every word in your self description should have one of two missions – to attract your target or to self screen those you want to avoid. If it does not do one or the other then it should not be there.

    Finally the profile should end with a closing line that calls for action.

    Do the profile text in word or wp, run spell check and grammar check then post.

    Don’t be afraid to make changes.

    Also do not be discouraged if you get a lot of clicks and not many replies . If you are a featured profile guys will have no idea of where you are located as all they see is the picture.

    Good luck and good hunting

  25. Angie says:

    I was just wondering if someone could take a look at my page and critique it. If anyone doesn’t mind critiquing it and messaging me what they think that would be really great! My profile number is 1656173 thanks in advance

  26. Africaa says:

    Thanks you guys that really helped. I’ll go ahead and change some things up. & yes I figured my location was probably the number one problem..why you did my mother have to move us to such a country place?! Lol. Thanks though (:

  27. Dashel says:

    No spying, that’s just drama.

    I feel like there is a certain type of person that does that. At least in my experience. I dont want to say it’s immature, although it might very well be, but it’s more along the lines of those very passionate, hot and cold relationships. They seem to thrive on conflict and resolution. Spying, testing, picking fights. Then making up.

    Eh I dont know.

    Anyway! Anyone else here just taking a break in general from dating? Sugar or otherwise?

  28. Angie says:

    Im so new to this, like 4 days new…I have no idea what Im doing, my first day I received a message from a SD, and I was like wow! Im totally interested, I messaged him back and havent got anything back since. I guess my profile is totally off, but I dont want to look too sexy, or escort like, Could someone be so kind to critique this SB In-training, lol…wow, where are the SB experts, I think that should be an added component to this website.
    Here’s my Profile Id #1656173

  29. RussianSB says:

    He-he, nice alternative to “Apple shop” presentation :)

  30. SugarySpicey says:

    Africaa – the problem with your profile is that it isn’t sexy. I’d switch your main photo to the one of you in white, and try to get another of yourself all prettied up.

    Read your profile as if you were a penis. Does your profile make the penis curious? It doesn’t need to be slutty or over the top, but it should at least make him say, hmmmm – let me know more.

    When read as a penis your profile doesn’t even suggest that you like sex, though it does suggest you want money. Why would a penis give you money if you don’t like sex? Make it clear why he must have you.

    I like the line about being smart and letting a man keep his balls. You may want to try an alternate profile with that as a subject line for your profile – you could attract a lot of high dollar subby SDs who like chocolate.

  31. RussianSB says:

    @Africaa, everything ok with your profile, most boys not read profiles.
    Make more good pictures. But real problem is your location. Most SDs looking for girl in 30 minutes drive. All that flying in and out only for wealthy and extravagant boys, because in some cases it will doubble allowance.

  32. RussianSB says:

    I am not naive, and I don’t want to know that my partner cheating me ( and I hope he does ), so I will keep myself away from dangerous sourse of information.
    But it is quite normal, if girl checking out her keeper – she simply want to know what her financial prognoses is for the next year.
    Checking phones of our sweethearts ? Everybody do that ! Not you ? Come on :)
    Been there, done that – at my twenties. In my thirties, I am really not interested.

  33. Africaa says:

    Hi …I was just wondering if someone could take a look at my page and critique it. I’ve been on this site since June (even though it says July) and I get a lot of traffic to my page, but only 2 have actually said something to me. If anyone doesn’t mind critiquing it and messaging me what they think that would be really great! My profile number is 1628575 thanks in advance!

  34. flyr says:

    If you have to spy you probably should not be here. Perhaps the sole exception is the monogamous sugar relationship (or pledge thereof) . I’m not interested in a SB who is a professional provider or even an SB who manages a large stable of SD.

    This is supposed to be about fun without long term commitments. If you feel you need to spy then it’s probably not fun anymore. One of the fruitful approaches is to obey rule 1 for parents – don’t ask a question(or seek answers from devious sources) if you might not like the answer.

    If an SB who is not a mother is constantly checking her messages or heading for the ladies room phone in hand is sending a pretty clear message. You probably do not need much more research – either get over it or get on with life and perhaps a new SB (it’s more about courtesy than exclusivity) .

    It’s a little spooky that for an eternity a group of corrupt politicians will have access to every call you made, every keystroke on the internet, most every place you drove, every item you bought, every text you sent. your catalogued face in every digital picture taken of you including tens of thousands of security cameras along with the programming to fuse all of it into more than you know about yourself.

    The sugar playground should set you free of those worries.

  35. SugarySpicey says:

    First!

    Don’t snoop, you’ll learn things out of context that you can’t ask about, and it’ll bite you in the ass.

    I wrote about my thoughts on the subject in my blog, after the mistakes I’ve made in the past, if anyone is interested: http://sugarmytips.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/never-google-your-lovers-wife-and-other-tricks-ive-learned/

  36. Suspicion has no place in a loving relationship, trust and respect are the benchmarks to success in any couples success long term. If you start out any relationship worrying about or wondering over who they are texting, or where they have been, worrying more over who their past conquests were rather than your own future together, then you’re dooming it from the start.

    Great post here, and great site. Glad I found it.

  37. JennSA says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog…

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