4 years ago
Handling the Sugar Baby Third-Wheel

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We’re all Sugar Addicts. And there’s no shortage of Sugar Daddies with an insatiable sweet tooth. Finding one that truly understands the meaning of a mutually beneficial relationship can be tricky, particularly if he’s new to the Sugar Bowl. Many men are conditioned to think assisting a woman financially is demeaning, a set-back to the growth of feminism. Pity that being a gentleman has somehow equated with impeding the advancement of the modern woman.

If your Sugar Daddy is a good catch more than likely other Sugar Babies know it as well. Why is it that men who are taken become bigger targets to other women? But what should you do if another Sugar Baby tries to move into your territory? Whether you’re the type to share or not, it’s best to know what to do in these situations.

Is she a threat?

Leonard Nimoy said it best, “the more we share, the more we have”. As long as your relationship is solid, a new-comer is not much of a threat. In fact, it could be beneficial when approached correctly. Becoming friends with the newcomer SB not only shows class, but proves that you value the relationship. Not to mention the fact that you will come off as a strong, confident woman.

The ideal situation

Personally, I believe this is the ideal situation—for those of you who use SeekingArrangement in a more casual manner. A new SB is like gaining a new girlfriend, except she’s a Sugar Baby. Both of you now have a confidant to go to if you wish to discuss the more intimate parts of your arrangement. Plus, it gives your Sugar Daddy renewed excitement. Think of the new Sugar Baby as the additional upgrades, while you are the Mercedes.

You don’t like to share.

If you aren’t into sharing there are two ways you can go about it:

  1. Let your Sugar Daddy know that sharing isn’t your thing. Nicely. If he doesn’t want to drop his new flavor, then you will have to move on.
  2. Renegotiate your arrangement. Maybe you would like her time and your time to be handled separately. Or perhaps, hearing about his time with the other woman will irk you. The key is to keep open communication so your Sugar Daddy knows what to expect.

What have you done when faced with this situation?

Have you ever had to deal with another Sugar Baby moving into your territory?

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121 Responses to “Handling the Sugar Baby Third-Wheel”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I had an SD who would always try out new “flavors”. The less it bothered me, the more he wanted to spend time with me. I had been there for about 3 years so he would always tell every new girl that I was not going anywhere and if they didn’t like it they could kick rocks so to say. Some did, some complained and got them no where. I’m still great friends with him but he became such a negative old man I couldn’t take being around him anymore.

    Moral of the story, don’t be a whiny little complainer of a SB. Total turn off. Go with the flow, and if you can’t, excuse yourself from the situation politely and with class.

    • Anonymous says:

      My SD is whiny too. Even worse, he pulls out.

      So I added a second, younger, more generous SD.

      • Anonymous says:

        Well, I meant being a whiny sugar baby that complains is pretty much a death sentence. But yes, an SD that does the same is even worse. The one I had would just complain about everything. I could never do anything without some kind of backhanded comment. Just shows he was becoming miserable in his own life. That’s when I knew it was time to excuse myself. We still remain friends to this day. This was back before I ever tried anything online.

        Getting back to the purpose of this blog…I feel as a SB you can’t really get jealous if your SD wants to see other girls as well. I mean it’s not as if you’re in a conventional committed relationship. But if that does bother you as an SB you should be upfront about it and express your concerns about sharing right away. And if you are fine with it always ALWAYS use protection, (should be a no brainer regardless). I know some girls who got too territorial and it has scared away a good amount of great SDs.

      • Anonymous says:

        This was an SD from a while ago, when I was like 19 lol. I can’t have more than one main SD, it just gets too messy and feels like more of a job rather than a fun, carefree relationship.

  2. Candy says:

    I wouldn’t mind at all if my SD had more than one SB at a time. Just as long as I don’t have to hear about them! withsomesugarontop.com

  3. My apologies to all of you who have reached out to me. I have finally come back home. The chancellor of the university I served as chair spoke with me today said, (this is translated) Joe, we realize you are leaving but you must understand. You will be missed by everyone here. If we get in a particular jam would you mind returning till we fill the faculty possession. I told him, President, I would enjoy it tremendously, under 2 conditions 1) it doesn’t turn into a full time position and 2) I may have a companion with me; will that great a problem. He said no. So thanks again for all the postings. I am learning a lot. I close in apologizing for going full member. However now that I am coming home I see no reason not to. Take care ladies, each of you have been most kind. Your gentleman friend, Joe

  4. anderson says:

    and believe that even though she tells you her focus is you theres another five she has lined up too bro

  5. anderson says:

    @daniel, shes totally into you, dont take it too far out of category or dont take it too seriously cuz shes like that with all the guys she lays claims to, and its too many to rationalize putting sincere efforts until she will match the sentiment and i wouldnt count on that being a solid sentiment at that. SO! keeping the strippers close might work for you beings shes such a jeaous type

  6. SD says:

    Reality.
    I think here are a few fundamental misunderstandings.

    First of all the SD can do what he wants. A SB has absolutly no rights. If he decided to take a new or additional SB it is only his decision.
    There are a lots of SB and a few SD. So the SD pays without any legal reason for a SB.
    Be aware he can ends the arrangement immediatly. He does not lose anything.

    Especially if Sex is included it could be seen in some countries as prostitution. On the base it is that a SB wants money first and the SD wants … whatever.
    He is in the situation to be picky. He has the requested thing – money.
    Another problem is there is no legal right for payment even if it is agreed. So the SB is normally dependent on her SD.

    So if he brings a new SB accept it and make no drama or your agreement is faster ended then you can think.

    A written agreement is fine but could be a problem for the SB too. A SD will have no problem to pay but e.g. if it is agreed the SB has to meet the SD twice a week and once a week sex. He has the right on it. And as prostitution is illegal in some countries in other it is legal including the right to get this service.

    A good friend has a very benifitial arrangement. He has 2 SB and with both written contracts. He pays the rent and all for the university for the both for that reason they signed an employment contract starting after they finished university to work the next 5 years in his company and he can come over from once a month till once a week to check the improvement at her studies. Additional is a second contract how the girls show their thank to him.
    For all a very good arrangement. he invites the girls to holidays, nice restaurants, gives beautiful gifts. Both get internship in his company.

    For him it is easier. He can avoid golddigger. And the girls are happy too, they get immediatly a good job after the university.

    • Duchess Moonbeam says:

      It’s fine as long as people are honest about seeing other people. Some people actually care about the possibility of getting stds. For those of us with a weakened immune system because they have chronic illness that’s something to be very careful of. Just some food for thought because there are people like me out there.

  7. Sugardaddy says:

    Reality.
    I think here are a few fundamental misunderstandings.

    First of all the SD can do what he wants. A SB has absolutly no rights. If he decided to take a new or additional SB it is only his decision.
    There are a lots of SB and a few SD. So the SD pays without any legal reason for a SB.
    Be aware he can ends the arrangement immediatly. He does not lose anything.

    Especially if Sex is included it could be seen in some countries as prostitution. On the base it is that a SB wants money first and the SD wants … whatever.
    He is in the situation to be picky. He has the requested thing – money.
    Another problem is there is no legal right for payment even if it is agreed. So the SB is normally dependent on her SD.

    So if he brings a new SB accept it and make no drama or your agreement is faster ended then you can think.

    A written agreement is fine but could be a problem for the SB too. A SD will have no problem to pay but e.g. if it is agreed the SB has to meet the SD twice a week and once a week sex. He has the right on it. And as prostitution is illegal in some countries in other it is legal including the right to get this service.

    A good friend has a very benifitial arrangement. He has 2 SB and with both written contracts. He pays the rent and all for the university for the both for that reason they signed an employment contract starting after they finished university to work the next 5 years in his company and he can come over from once a month till once a week to check the improvement at her studies. Additional is a second contract how the girls show their thank to him.
    For all a very good arrangement. he invites the girls to holidays, nice restaurants, gives beautiful gifts. Both get internship in his company.

    For him it is easier. He can avoid golddigger. And the girls are happy too, they get immediatly a good job after the university.

  8. Daniel says:

    “To me, the very idea that you associate with those types would be a deal breaker – I wouldn’t trust the “beer and pool” line for a second. I’d keep that under wraps in the future.”

    Seriously? Obviously, you aren’t familiar with this girl. She has visited sex clubs and openly encourages three-somes, but I’m not really into that. Knowing her like I do, this smacks of huge double standard.

  9. Treasured says:

    @Faco – will answer you in a newest blog topic. No one looks at the old ones, once the new one is out :)

  10. faco says:

    I asked about one week ago: What is the main difference between SBs and traditional prostitutes? Any answer is acceptable for me. I am just curious about our modern perception of very old matters.

    • Big Secret says:

      My apologies, in advance if I offend anyone. From my point of view: If you go by definition given by “SD says” up there, not a dam thing. I have seen a lot of that on the profiles; very much an employee type thing. I pay you to be my at my beck and call and you do what I tell you, with-out question. I have the money and I make the rules and to he!! with your feelings. If that is what you are looking for, go for it. There are plenty of submissives out there who are ok with that. If that is your priority and what you are looking for then more power to you.
      I am sorry but we all sell our services: time, labor, and energy to someone else for a financial return. That is a fact; even the most affluent people in the world have traded time for money. What services you provide is your own moral judgment, and I am not here to judge. I have not reason or right to judge anyone but myself. If trading sex for financial gain is your “job” then you would fall under the definition of prostitution.
      However, there are some of us that are looking for a more mutual relationship; that still hold onto to more old fashioned values. There are people who need to be providers and those who are philanthropist, both of which get a great deal of joy from helping others, giving them a hand up, not a hand out as part of the relationship. The difference here for the most part is the relationship; when a solid one is built, the money is part of it, yes, but only part.
      These arrangements are not as simple as prostitution, well for some of us. Here is $500.00, I will see you next week, is a lot different then, building a relationship with someone. We all have expectations from others in any relationship work, school, friends, or partners. This sight helps to narrow down the search parameters to an important environmental factor, and a truth that people have seem to have forgotten; our would runs on money and that is not likely to change anytime soon.
      Here, the subjects of sex and money are more out in the open. They are in every personal relationship regardless of whether they are expressed or not. And the unexpressed expatiations are the most damaging; unfortunately it is all too common.
      I hope I answered your question.

  11. Spicey, says:

    To me, the very idea that you associate with those types would be a deal breaker – I wouldn’t trust the “beer and pool” line for a second. I’d keep that under wraps in the future.

  12. flyr says:

    Women may communicate with a different language and have assumed that you were trying to say that you loved sex with porn actresses. The fact that you have friends who own strip clubs and have dancers creates a presumption.

  13. Daniel says:

    Spicey- I understand the sex with strippers part (although I don’t have sex with strippers….just a beer in the pool….she also said “I don’t like you seeing other people”, which referred to the girl in California. This happened 6 months before we met. Plus, I always play safe since I wouldn’t want to expose myself or anyone else to the unwanted gifts.

  14. Spicey, says:

    Daniel – I wouldn’t want my SD having sex with strippers because I wouldn’t want the nasty “souvenirs” that might come with that. It has nothing to do with exclusivity. I wouldn’t care if he occasionally had sex with librarians.

  15. Daniel says:

    Thank you Treasured, I appreciate the feedback. I asked the question on this thread because the last posting was only two days prior and it seemed to be related to the “third wheel SB” issue. But again, thank you for your answer, it was helpful.

    Regards,
    Daniel

  16. Treasured says:

    Daniel, definitely 😀

    But, then again, ANY SB wants her SD to be JUST with her 😀

    PS: It is much better to raise questions like that in the newest blog topic. Posts which have been made to the blog topics which are over are rarely answered.

  17. Daniel says:

    Back on topic. I was talking to my SB of 6 months about a couple of things that happened over a year ago. One was a chance encounter with a girl that does porn in California. The other was a stripper party at a neighbor’s house (he manages a strip club). There was no sex at the party…just some time in the pool with a beer and a bunch of topless 20 y.o. girls. Anyway, my SB got annoyed and said “I don’t like you seeing other people”, and “I don’t want you fucking strippers”. From this, I assume she wants an exclusive arrangement (even though none of this happened after we met). This is fine by me, but do you think I’m drawing the right conclusion?

    • SD Guru says:

      @Everyone

      First, welcome to all the new bloggers, I hope you stick around! :)

      It’s a fact that the tone of the blog has turned more negative in the past few months. But the blog is what you, the participants, make of it. So please do your part to make it more constructive and respectful as it is intended. Before you hit the “submit” button, ask yourself if your post is constructive and respectful. This should be easy to do as we are all mature adults.

  18. nene says:

    que hay

  19. Madridista says:

    @Sacy, lol, yes it was :)

  20. Sacy, says:

    Welcome back Madridista – and nobody took that rant about you from (was it Tequila?) seriously!

  21. Sacy, says:

    @Alana – The trick is to never “trust” that they’re going to follow through AFTER you trust them with your body. Make them show first, then share.

  22. Madridista says:

    @Alana,
    “How do you know for sure someone will buy you stuff and not flake out? Any advice for me ladies?”

    The answer to the first question is you have an arrangement with them. It’s nice when a pot SD sends small gifts of appreciation, but to expect it right off the bat without any agreement is a bit unfair. Flaking can’t be prevented, but to minimize it is to have very direct communication before. Discuss any concerns you may have, past arrangements, what kind of arrangement are you interested in now, etc. You really want to make sure you’re on the same page and a lot of pot SDs and SBs can be eliminated during the initial stages of contact. But if anyone suddenly disappears on you, don’t take it personally. It’s annoying, but we can’t change anyone’s lack of manners.

  23. Lo says:

    lol must be my avatar cuz it can’t be what im saying?? HA

    where have u been russian, you’ve been missed

  24. RussianSB says:

    What that story teach us, sugars ? Not deal with married men. While couple have mess with their marriage, I don’t want to be their family shrink, or friend, or bisexual friend. But if they have healthy relationship, why not ?

  25. RussianSB says:

    Perfect timing, just week ago I have dinner with my ex sugar and his business partner with his SB, in one hour, his jelouse wife join us (thank you iPhone navigation) … Everything end well … I am not go that far to have sex with his wife (thanks god) but I was extremally diplomatic, we had very frank and honest conversation with her about all men being bastards, all get drunk, and in the right moment I pull SB out of the restorant.

  26. Sacy, says:

    Lol – you can see why I was so freaked out! He’s a total pedo! Another need for better SA report user protocols. Blech!!!!

  27. Treasured says:

    PS: I did not refer to YOU, when I said that SOME people NEED to educate themselves in BDSM 😀

    Strangely enough about you I had little doubts with your sexuality 😀

    hehehe

  28. Treasured says:

    DAMN!!!

    I just got it!!! I know why you thought I am talking about THAT guy! I KNOW which one you mean (I think his SA profile says something similar to what I have written).
    The one who lives somewhere in Mexico, looks hideous, and is looking for a “daughter”!
    DAMN! THAT one has contacted me too, and was successfully blocked ages ago.

    YES! HE IS A CREEP!

  29. Treasured says:

    Sacy, I am lost.

    I think we are talking about different guys. I talked about MY Daddy, when I said I am enjoying “Daddy’s little princess thing” (the one I have a relationship with, and who is awesome) and SEPARATELY about a guy, who harrased me on SA (but that one was just a jerk, and has not expressed little girl fantasies).

    Your one is definitely a creep.

  30. Sacy, says:

    Treasured! I am not talking in generalities, I am talking about HIM! He told me this! I have interacted with him!

    Nobody on this blog or anywhere else would ever refer to me as vanilla, or uneducated in the ways of BDSM. (Lol, I literally wrote not the book, but “A” book on it which has been reviewed as well-written, explicit dirty chick lit) I’m not afraid of exploring sexuality and I don’t judge most fetishes – but this guy is a molester. 100%! Ask him about how he learned about this fantasy and you’ll discover the truth if you listen with your ears open.

  31. Treasured says:

    And… Adequate people, playing out those fantasies, do NOT imagine molesting a child (and having a woman substitute that). What they do feel and see, their ADULT partner, someone they deeply care about, being vulnerable and submissive to them.

    But, for that, my darlings, you have to experience things like getting dripping wet in a restaurant, just because your partner has just told you “What a good girl you have been”, or, saying out of nothing “You are MY slut”.

    Or, a man, getting on all fours in a public place, to beg you to allow him to give you oral pleasure 😉

    Usually “nilla” people don’t get it 😛 😀

    BDSM is not about unfulfilled child molestation fantasies, and not jus about horrid looking women kicking men in their balls (THAT does happen, to be honest).
    It is way beyond that.

  32. Treasured says:

    Flyr – I absolutely agree with you. If it involves anyone under 18. That’s actually a crime.

    If a MAN (or, a woman) is engaging in a roleplay between two consensual adults, like me, wearing a schoolgirl outfit and says things like “I have been a bad girl, Daddy”, I can’t see anything wrong with that.

    If anyone is familiar with some aspects of BDSM, they understand, what I am talking about 😉

    Other people – welcome to educate yourself :) Just put fet life into a searching engine.

  33. flyr says:

    Child molestation fantasies – Creepy beyond words.

  34. WISD says:

    LO,

    You sound interesting. Where are you from?

  35. allie says:

    yeah fantasies are different than reality. no need to call the cops on someone thats just tryna act out a fantasy in a perfectly legal way.
    my friend was a phone sex operator with her friend they were roommates, anyways they were told to be prepared to hear some crazy shit and not to be freaked out because its just people act out a fantasy in a perfectly legal way… like talking about having sex next to a dead body on a bed ;o

  36. Treasured says:

    “@Treasured – he’s so nasty! He wants you to make up stories about your father molesting you while he touches you or you touch yourself. Can’t actually have sex though ’cause the plumbing is broken.

    How does a man learn he has a molestation fantasy? One guess … ‘Cause he’s done it. Big! Red! Caution! Warning! Pervelert! In the strongest way I can say it. Even if he does offer to give you one of the villas at his resort think of the poor young children he damaged before he found a safer way to indulge his fantasy. You’re a mom, don’t risk bringing that vermin into your life.”

    No no no no. I am aware of THAT kind. But this one is nothing like.
    He has NO underage fantasies whatsover (he has never voiced them or acted in any way.) Even all his girlfriends were over 25. And I know he is attracted to women, not little girls.

    He just likes to care. And he certainly doesn’t call himself “Daddy”.
    Just his whole attitude is.

    It is more of mine fantasy and definition, not his.

    Anyways, I am exploring a new side to me. Where I can feel ultra feminine, ultra protected and ultra spoiled. 😀

  37. allie says:

    yeah i think at the end of the day guys will take what they can get
    but ive had guys refuse me because i wasnt putting out first date! =(

  38. fly says:

    @ sassy n Re Variety

    You’ll have to be the judge, as a friend put it some guys treasure a perfectly prepared same cocktail / same dish at their favorite restaurant while others endlessly pursue variety . What makes the two of you happy…… and smiling.

    I’m pretty uninhibited yet my favorites focus on quality not variety if that makes sense to you.

    • SD Guru says:

      @SDinLA
      “78.3% of all statistics are made up.”

      100% of all personal opinions are subject to confirmation bias, not to mention blinders and rose colored glasses! :mrgreen:

      @Lori
      “what do you think I should do if he wants to re-schedule this meeting?”

      If you really want to make sure he shows up next time, ask him to put his money where his mouth is and send you the agreed allowance upfront. OTOH, he could simply say no thanks and move on. How important is a sure thing to you?

      @sassynsweet
      “I have a conservative SD and am a good girl, but I want to keep things fresh behind closed doors and keep him satisfied.”

      Why don’t you send him an email like this before your next meeting:

      —————–

      I’m so excited to see you again. I wish it would hurry up and get here already. I’ve been daydreaming about your lips and hands all over my body. It’s hard to concentrate when I keep drifting off into fantasyland. I must be night dreaming too… This morning when I woke up I felt so warm and flush –the way I always do when I’ve been having dirty dreams about you. As soon as I woke up, I was aching to be touched by you…wishing you were in bed holding me…imagining your hands pulling at my hips so that my ass rubs against your c*ck…your breath and kisses on my neck…

      The next alone time you have…when you are horny, with your hard c*ck in your hand… I want you to write me your dirtiest fantasy…something that gets you so hot you can barely hold back… I want to know what makes you really excited…what makes you feel naughty… Make sure you give me all the details you can imagine.

      I’m waiting…

      ——————

      PS – I’m not making this stuff up! 😛

  39. fly says:

    @alle “tired of men asking for sex on the first date”

    You might try some expectation management and also find that it adds value and longevity to the relationship. Let the pot know that you are interested in meeting him but that you don’t believe it is good for you to have sex on a first date. You just wanted him to know that up front.

    Assuming that you are not expecting anything other than some good company, wine and perhaps dinner it is a nice way to start. I don’t think it is the only way by a long shot but you should be doing what feels good for you .

    The important thing (I believe) is to keep the potential SD in the loop so that a) if sex on the first meeting is a requirement you are not wasting your time b) he understands the mission statement for the first meet is to test to see how comfortable you are c) if there is no sex on the first date he is not sent home wondering what he did wrong but rather looking forward to another meeting.

    Of course you can always gaze across the table and let him know that he is so special that the rule does not apply now that you have gotten to know him.

    Just my thoughts

  40. Allie says:

    I sure didnt mean to make that kinda happy face on the end of that message… I meant more like an accepting loving smile

  41. Allie says:

    I don’t know acting like a kid and a dad is hot because it’s forbidden some people are bored with sex and have to make it forbidden or hot somehow. Some of those people have been sexually abused in the past :)

  42. Allie says:

    I’m getting really annoyed with guys wanted sex on the first date and offering me money for it!!!! Self proclaimed sugar daddies ?? Even ones with a monthly allowance get down to that topic!!!! If they dont say it then they try to screw you when you meet up and you never hear from them again. Is this the reality of the situation or is this a VANCOUVER thing

  43. DianaSBinOC says:

    @Lo ” Diana get it. I have been receiving messages from a self proclaimed computer geek/engineer in his thirties. Tbh a geek sounds refreshing at this point.”

    I love geeky guys!!

    Did I mention the guy that just went on and on about how amazing is on his profile and in my inbox. It was such a turn off that I couldn’t even bring myself to respond to the message.

  44. Sacy, says:

    @Treasured – he’s so nasty! He wants you to make up stories about your father molesting you while he touches you or you touch yourself. Can’t actually have sex though ’cause the plumbing is broken.

    How does a man learn he has a molestation fantasy? One guess … ‘Cause he’s done it. Big! Red! Caution! Warning! Pervelert! In the strongest way I can say it. Even if he does offer to give you one of the villas at his resort think of the poor young children he damaged before he found a safer way to indulge his fantasy. You’re a mom, don’t risk bringing that vermin into your life.

  45. Alana says:

    Im a newcomer to this site. No dirty, kinky stuff. How do you know for sure someone will buy you stuff and not flake out? Any advice for me ladies?

  46. sassynsweet says:

    @Lo – Sorry, he’s all MINEEEEEEEEE. And he’s sexy, I swear I better watch out that I don’t fall for him 😛

  47. Jersey Darling says:

    @Lo, not sure of he’s super conservative but I do believe GTT is still around 😉

  48. Lo says:

    All super super conservative SD’s with no sexual fantasies/kinks/preferences call meee

  49. Theresa says:

    Hey is anybody going to Augusta for the Master’s?

  50. DorkyGuy says:

    Sassy, what inclinations has he shown, if any?

    Some guys are more conservative because they have hangups. Others are more conservative because they are afraid of the girl rejecting what they might enjoy. It’s pretty important to know what kind of conservative guy he is.

  51. Tina says:

    @sassy: I would start a conversation with him between visits about what his sexual fantasies are, then you know where to go. It makes for GREAT foreplay, and is an easy way to find out what direction to take things.

  52. Lo says:

    answer sassy’s question lol

  53. Tina says:

    Thanks Dorky and Treasured. I’m crossing my fingers that at least one of them pans out. The position at my current company isn’t quite where I want to be, but it would be a step forward. Plus I would be working for the senior manager that is over the group that I eventually want to be in. *sigh* Maybe some brownies WOULD help 😉

  54. Treasured says:

    He is in Europe, so doubt he is a danger to any American ladies. And.. Honestly, the dumbass is just too stupid to be taken seriously. Even by the new naive SBs… Although, you never know…

    Ok. Will give general info. From Ireland, reasonably good looking, mid 30ies.

    Off to sleep 😀 Mwahhh

  55. Theresa says:

    @Treasured please post him on the wall of shame. We all need to know who he is so we can stay away from him. He’s a creep.

  56. DorkyGuy says:

    @Treasured… have you contacted SA support to find out what the inappropriate content was? Or if the email even came from them? Could have been phishing.

  57. Treasured says:

    Tina – good luck! I’m sure you’ll do fine.

    Hmmm… A VERY peculiar thing just has happened. I got an email from SA saying another member reported my profile for “inappropriate content” and that SA deleted it.
    1) There was NOTHING “inappropriate” by SA standards.
    2) Just checked my profile and not a single thing was changed.

    I DID block, for the first time a member on here a few days ago. Who, after offering me a cheap date as a live in maid-sextoy, got very upset, when I asked him if he has read my profile at all. On which the answer was “I don’t like profiles that bore, I like straight and to the point”. On which I replied “my profile IS long, so dumbases like you do not waste my time by asking me questions, such as you did” and asked him not to contact me again…
    Well… I’m pretty sure it is him.
    SO, I am toying with the idea of posting his profile on here on the wall of shame 😀

    But… Could it have been someone else? And, the main question – why?

  58. Theresa says:

    If my SD doesn’t want to be exclusive I can understand that. If he wanted to get bring a newcomer into the relationship I’d be all for that only I wouldn’t want to hear every little detail about her. I would want us to be two separate entities. My current SD has another SB but she lives in his area. I live 4 hours away from him so I only get to see him when he is in town on business, who am I to deny him his at home pleasures? I’m sure he wouldn’t deny me mine.

  59. DorkyGuy says:

    @Tina- Good luck! I hope you get two offers, and get to take your pick. Maybe if you bake them some brownies?

  60. Tina says:

    @SDinLA: my my my, the BS Index has been quite active the last few years. I think our posts are boosting it a bit…… 😉

    @Dorky: the sad thing is that I remember that post….sheesh! And wish me luck – I had an interview yesterday with my current company, and a second interview late next week with another company. Hopefully ONE of these pans out! :)

  61. SDinLA says:

    @Tina No, you obviously haven’t checked lately. It’s up to 78.3%. It was 78.29999999999, but my post bumped it to 78.3. The last time it was as low as 51% was in February of 1989. (78.12073428 now!)

  62. sassynsweet says:

    I have a conservative SD and am a good girl, but I want to keep things fresh behind closed doors and keep him satisfied. I don’t want to shock him in a negative way, though, or make him think I’m too kinky for him (I’d be happy with just missionary with him, he’s that good). So my question is: what would you advise doing? Should I try role play/costumes/etc. or leave things as they are?

  63. Treasured says:

    LOL @ Dorky!!!

    Hehehehehehehe

    But, no. Not in that sense. I CAN role play, but it is not about the age (I definitely DO NOT feel younger than my own age, except some bratty teenage moments, but guess a lot of people have them).
    It is about the attitude… And the ability feeling all weak and submissive, yet spoiled and pampered by a man, who genuinely cares. Since he is also was-is a SD AND older, term “Daddy” is appropriate 😛

    The thing is… I REALLY enjoy it… 😛

  64. Lo says:

    Diana get it. I have been receiving messages from a self proclaimed computer geek/engineer in his thirties. Tbh a geek sounds refreshing at this point.

  65. DorkyGuy says:

    Last year, Jenny discussed a guy who wanted her to spend the weekend with him, role playing that she was 12 years old. Is that the kind of thing that you’re talking about?

    My suggestion was that she should do exactly that. Yell at him that he’s ruining her life, run into a bedroom, slam the door, put on her headphones and spend the entire weekend barricaded in her room playing games on her iPhone.

  66. Treasured says:

    I am curious if anyone had any experience with “Daddy’s little princess” fantasy?

    I think I am discovering a new side to me 😀

  67. Tina says:

    @SDinLA: really? I thought it was more like 51% 😉

  68. Tina says:

    @Lori: I agree with JerseyDarling – reschedule with him, and make sure he knows that you’re excited to see him, and although you understand his need to reschedule the first time, that you can’t wait to spend time with him. Let him know that you’re looking forward to him coming to see you because of the chemistry, and that you’re excited about spending time with him. I definitely wouldn’t mention his flaking on the first meeting (except for saying that you understand about his busy schedule) since this can put him on the defensive. I would give him a second shot at meeting with you. If he flakes a second time, I would look for someone else, since he either doesn’t have the time for a long distance SB or isn’t serious about having one. Good luck!

  69. Jersey Darling says:

    Lori, if the chemistry was that strong I’m not really sure why there’s a question. Reschedule with him. If he flakes then he flakes, but you’ll never know what could be unless you put yourself out there.

    Open yourself up to the possibilities instead of being afraid of them.

  70. Lori says:

    Thanks for the helpful advice, everyone. I appreciate it.

    Just to clarify, when I posted that my pot SD’s cancellation had “left me in a bad way financially,” I wasn’t referring to my ability to make ends meet. I work full time and have my basics covered each month. The extra $1000 was money I had budgeted to get some “extras” done that I normally couldn’t afford: some car repairs I’ve been putting off, a surgery my pet needs, etc…so now I’m just disappointed that those things won’t get done on the schedule I had planned.

    I’ve had long distance SD’s before and actually prefer them, because SD’s in my home city tend to “cling” a little too close for my comfort. I like the distance between us because when we visit one another, it’s sure to be supercharged and exciting…rather than the local guy I can see any time I want to. Usually travel arrangements are not a problem, and I’m understanding about cancellations, but I’ve never had a long-distance pot SD cancel on me before, especially one I feel so much chemistry with. Usually once an SD makes plans to travel to meet you and is calling/texting nearly every day, that’s a pretty sure sign he’s serious, in my experience. (Although I know there are certainly plenty of exceptions to the rule, too…some people are just flaky, let’s face it.)

    So my dilemma at this point is: what do you think I should do if he wants to re-schedule this meeting? Because I’m really not into the idea of getting flaked on TWICE.

  71. DianaSBinOC says:

    Thank you Tina for the warm welcome back!!

    Ohh blog topic is infidelity.. Well I haven’t changed my view much since the last time I posted. I still can’t be physically intimate with the married SD.

    Third Wheel? Eh.. Unless meeting the SD’s other SB is to honestly verify he’s a true SD, I don’t actually see the point in such gatherings. Maybe I’m missing something here. Is the purpose to bring the two together in hopes something sexual will take place? If that’s the case then I hope these desires would have been discussed prior to an arrangement being in place.

  72. SDinLA says:

    78.3% of all statistics are made up.

    “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

  73. DianaSBinOC says:

    Hey Lo!! Yah another OC sb! Ok so I read the LA party was going well until the police shut it down for liquor license issues? Really? That sounds so 1920’s. Couldn’t they just confiscate the liquor and let the party continue?

    I updated my profile this week and took it off “hidden status” and so far the men have been quite respectful this time around. There are the usual fakes that apparently haven’t left the building but I did receive a few new contacts as well/ One sweet potsd has me logging in looking forward to his messages. He’s a bit of a distance away and even though we may never meet, his humor, great looks and personality shine through. Actually there hasn’t been a pot sd on this site that has even come close. Did I forget to mention he’s attractive, verified , under 40 and…single!

  74. Sacy, says:

    Statistics are like bikinis, what they reveal is interesting, but what they conceal is essential. – Woody Allen

  75. Jersey Darling says:

    Re: cheating, I don’t care much for statistics. What matters to me is my relationship with my person. I always make clear in any relationship that if my partner cheats, we’ll deal with the emotional consequences later, but I’m entrusting them with my sexual health and for that reason I need to know.

    In arrangements, it varies based on the kind you have. For my sexual health, I limit my partners and prefer monogamy for that reason. (See, I’m not always a frou frou romantic – sometimes I’m just a practical girl! ;))

  76. Tina says:

    @Mide: welcome to the blog, but in order to give advice we’ll need to know a little more specific information on what you need some help with.

    @Lori: I agree with what everyone has commented to you regarding your situation. I understand the need for extra funds, but sugar shouldn’t be a way to make ends meet. Unfortunately when you rely on sugar, you actually add drama to the relationship when something like your current situation happens. Sugar should be for something extra in your life, not the day to day business. It doesn’t have to be for shopping or trips, but sugar can be used for school tuition, educational hobbies to enrich your life, or to help start a new business. These are things that can enrich your life as a whole, but if they are interrupted they don’t destroy what you already have. Long distance SDs are hard, and you have to have great communication. Knowing that he’s long distance, you will have to deal with cancellations such as the above. But, that’s something you will need to talk to him about (“hey SD, I know that you’re very busy and that cancellations may happen from time to time, but can we talk about expectations when they do come up? For example, will we plan another meeting, or should we extend the meeting the next month to make up for the missed time? How would you like to handle allowance? I would like to be able to rely on a certain amount each month, regardless of our meeting, since I need to budget a few things, but would love your feedback on this….). Of course, that talk comes VERY soon after the arrangement is made official, or as things go well during your first meet. Don’t drill him or make him feel bad, make sure it is a friendly but informative chat. I can’t stress how important communication is in an arrangement. Good luck, and don’t take resentment into your first meeting with the pot SD :)

  77. Tina says:

    @Diana: Midwest has been busy with school and life, Cali SB is no longer a blog participant

    Nice to see you back!

  78. Tina says:

    @Guru: the “cheating” statistic/topic is a difficult one, since it all depends on the person. You can put a number to it, but the likelihood of someone cheating all depends on the person. There are scientific studies listed about when people cheat based on chemical reactions in their brains at different times during relationships that can contribute to certain behavioral characteristics. (For example, there is an actual brain chemistry change between the first and seventh year of a relationship, hence the common “seven year itch”). Man-o-pause is also an issue…………

    But aaaaaaaanyway, I’m also not into sharing. If I’m giving my all to someone, then I expect then to put in the same effort. Now, for sugar, you don’t get all of me, IRL you do. Because of that, the expectations are different. I have a problem sharing attention, but also know that SD/SB relationships can require a different perspective based on the arrangement. I want to know if my SD is not monogamous, but I don’t want to know about their time together, know anything about the other SB(s), and they shouldn’t know about me. What I do in my life is my own business, and no one but me has a need or right to share private information. If I share it, I share it with those that I trust.

    Man, I sound awful. But, c’est la vie! 😉

  79. DianaSBinOC says:

    Just read up on some of the past blogs. Wow I missed out on the safety blog and also the sex tips and tricks? Tsk Tsk that’s shame. Back door and squirting? I missed that? **face palm** Just catching up with blogs in Oct 2012..Where’s Midwest and CaliforniaSb?

  80. Lo says:

    Diana nice to see another OC native in here 😀

  81. DianaSBinOC says:

    Wow I haven’t posted on here in forever. I remember the last time I posted was just before the Fifty Shades party. Btw did anyone go and if so was it better than the London bash?

  82. Lo says:

    SD, what are you some kind of guru or something???

    ::badum-chshh::

  83. Sacy, says:

    … And, I always keep the original box for all the designer gifts I get. That way I can hock it on eBay as soon as the relationship ends. My Prada is fun, but a Target bag and $$$ in my pocket is delightful.

    • SD Guru says:

      From previous blog about comfirmation bias regarding the prevalence of married men who cheat… There are lots of studies out there on this topic with varying results showing 25% to 75% of married men cheated. The most common cited figure is around 50%. Studies have also shown that wealthy/powerful men are more likely to cheat, which seems intuitively obvious because they’d have more opportunities and resources to do so. Regardless of the conjecture based on your personal experience, the reality may be very different.

      @Lori
      “Would you expect the SD to pay the full amount as promised since he canceled at the last minute on you?”

      Is it prudent to put a lot of trust and rely on a pot SD who you haven’t met yet?

  84. Sacy, says:

    Another note, Lori – even when you’re in an arrangement, SDs are notorious for Poofing. Never trust their word or their money for your needs, only your wants.

  85. Lo says:

    Lori how often were you planning on meeting up? I’d find a local SD if I were you to make up for the other guy’s unreliability and have two SD’s if you’re only planning on seeing them once a week anyway. I bet a long distance SD would be pretty inconvenient….

  86. Mide says:

    Am new on this site but , its nice meeting alot of lively ladies here….All i need is ur Advice before i can venture into any relationship with SD…….Having problem to Mail SD too

  87. Jersey Darling says:

    @Lori

    I’ve had this happen a couple of times before (though not long distance). Either we’ve had the first meet and we’ve scheduled the second to start the arrangement, or it’s for the first meet. A pot will call and cancel the day before or the day of (thankfully I’ve avoided them canceling RIGHT before) and eventually we reschedule. It leaves me a bit annoyed but I get it, I just say something along the lines of “Aww that’s a shame, I really wanted to see you! Hopefully we can see each other soon.” Sometimes, it happens again.

    Usually at that point I’ll kindly but firmly remind them that I understand that part of his being successful means he’ll be busy and sometimes have to reschedule, and that once I’m in an arrangement with him I’d be happy to accommodate. But when we’re not even in an arrangement yet, it’s not very nice to keep rescheduling.

    For me, because I prefer receiving monthly assistance, it assures me that once we’re in an arrangement our bases will be covered either way. If he misses and has to reschedule, I’m still compensated. If he wants to see me more often, I’m cool with that as well.

    In your case, I’d consider yourself lucky he gave you $200.

  88. DorkyGuy says:

    Disappointments happen on both sides.

    Long distance means that not much vetting can happen before the meet, and it’s risky. What happens if the couple discusses a certain amount, he shows up, and finds out she doesn’t look like photos? Or maybe she cancels? (I have heard that pot SBs can be flaky too).

    I wouldn’t be surprised if some SDs schedule the weekend with more than one pot SB, figuring that one will flake, and they’ll have a backup. It wouldn’t surprise me if some SBs schedule time with more than one pot SD for the same reason.

    It could be the Lori was the backup SB, just in case another one didn’t work out.

  89. Sacy, says:

    Sorry Lori, it’s the cost of doing business – even though it sucks! And, how much of your “preparation” expenses would you have done anyway? Getting your roots touched up doesn’t really count as a lost investment as you’d have needed to do it anyway. Never count on $ugar until the money is in your pocket (or your PayPal).

  90. Madridista says:

    @Lori, ditto to what Treasured said. Couldn’t put it better myself. Be cautious about counting allowance before you get it. it is conditional on spending time together and if you didn’t, then it’s a bit unfair to expect it unless you already in an arrangement. It’s nice that SDs in the past have done it for you though.

    @sassynsweet, the SDs I met offline were mainly at sporting events (best to get a VIP seating) and in lounges at ski resorts. The men were both well known and had a certain reputation, so I already knew they’d be into a sugar-type relationship, just based off their dating history. They all mentioned they wanted someone to have some fun with, who wouldn’t expect commitment or pressure them into anything (or “accidentally on purpose” get preggers). So what they were looking for described a SB to me. To be successful in sugar, site is a great supplement, but we have to diversify. While at uni, I used to frequent a lot of lounges downtown that were known to be frequented by business executives and up and coming types. It can be done anywhere if you research, research, research. Start with social pages in your area, or local gossip sites.

  91. gtt_envy says:

    @Lori, I’ve had that happen to me too meaning as a SD I’ve had to cancel. Everything booked, events planned, and something comes up. The thing that is different in your situation is you guys do not have a arrangement. You guys might have met and it might have not been nearly as cool as you thought it would be or as cool as he thought it would be.

    So, for him to wire you $200 as a consolation sounds fair to me! The next time it happens I would definitely say you are no longer interested!

    I’ll add that’s one of the problems with a long distance SD good luck!!

  92. sassynsweet says:

    @Madridista – How did you meet an SD offline? How did you know he’d be into it and how did you have the convo?

  93. Treasured says:

    Hi Lori.

    First and foremost – you should NEVER rely on a Sugradaddy to keep you afloat financially. You counted on that money, it didn’t work out. You, have put yourself in a difficult financial situation. No anyone else.

    He cancelled, life sucks. Most SDs would not even give you 20%. They would just cancel and that would be it.

    I think he did nothing wrong.

    Definitely do not show your annoyance (which, of course, is understandable). You can mention that you are in some financial trouble, but in no way direct at a SD that it is his fault.

  94. Lori says:

    btw, I haven’t expressed my displeasure directly to him yet. Just playing it cool to see if he’s serious about rescheduling anytime soon. Trying to collect my thoughts in the meantime, get some advice, and sort out how I feel about this.

  95. Lori says:

    Sorry everybody…this is an off-topic question, but I really need some advice from the more experienced SBs/SDs. I’m having a dilemma with a potential SD. Not sure what to do about it.

    Met this guy thru SA; we’ve been chatting frequently for about a month. Really hit it off; seem to have everything in common. We’ve swapped real-world identities and phone numbers, email, social networks, etc…We live in different states, so he had planned to fly down and visit me in my home city this past weekend. The trip had been confirmed 3 weeks in advance, and I was really looking forward to finally meeting him!

    He was to fly in last Friday, and was going to spend a few days here. He offered to compensate me $1000 for that time together, and I thought that was fair. However, late Thursday afternoon he texted and said he had some major problems arise at his job and would have to cancel his trip. Because he canceled at the last minute, he wired me $200 as a way of making up for the inconvenience.

    I have to be honest and say I was pretty miffed. After planning on spending a wonderful weekend with him, setting other plans aside, and budgeting for a certain amount to pay bills with this month, the last-minute cancellation was more than just an inconvenience. It’s put me in a bad way financially, and eroded a lot of my trust in him. Sending me $200 didn’t even cover the expenses I was out in preparation for that “lost weekend.” I felt insulted.

    Maybe I shouldn’t feel that way…after all, shit happens…so that’s why I’m turning to the blog for some advice. Granted, we do not yet have a formal arrangement, but we did have solidified plans and a budgeted amount I was relying on. If you were in a similar situation, how would you handle it? Would you expect the SD to pay the full amount as promised since he canceled at the last minute on you? Would you expect more than 20% of that amount to make up for the cancellation? Or does that seem fair to you?

    I’ve had long distance SD’s before, and trips sometimes did get canceled due to circumstances beyond his control. In those instances, he always sent the full allowance anyway and we would just re-schedule for another time. Now this new potential SD says he wants to re-schedule his visit to my city, but so far he can’t tell me a date to pencil in…and I’m very hesitant to set aside time for him now, only to get dumped on AGAIN at the last minute.

    Any advice for me? I thought I really liked this guy, but now I’m not so sure…

  96. Jersey Darling says:

    Don’t know what happened before, I can see the missing posts now.

    I would hate sharing. Someone a few blog posts back (why can’t I remember her name now! I remember her gravatar lol) posted about her experience with an SD and bringing another SB along for the first or second time, I forget which. I thought that was incredibly cool of her, I wouldn’t be able to do that.

    Well, maybe I could if I thought the reward would be great enough. But to date I’ve never done it.

  97. Treasured says:

    Re sharing… Reminds me I can be very naughty sometimes.
    Once, my SD decided he wants an addition to our holiday. And, of course, I was fine. I was fine even with a girl (since I was able to choose out of a few 😛 )

    But, I just couldn’t resist to be naughty. I was the one to book the tickets. And I strictly followed the instructions of booking the most optimal travel option.
    Oh well… It is not MY fault that it included changing twice, and at one point going from one airport to another by bus (arrival was in one, departure to the next destination in the other)! Hehehe… And, accidentally travel time took 16 hours, instead of a direct 5.
    WHAT? Hehehehe. Gosh. I can be SO bad sometimes.
    Mind you, I didn’t particularly liked the girl.

  98. Treasured says:

    Madridista – WELCOME back!

    Sacy – those are actual girls… Not familiar with them personally, but have seen them around… They might even be reading the blog… So, calling them “muts” might be a bit too much…

    Sharing… MY core personality is possessive. I HATE sharing. ANYTHING. Ice cream, MY drink, clothes (HATE for girls to borrow my clothes, always did), SDs 😀
    BUT, one had to learn. So, I am much more open to sharing. In a relationship it takes a LOT of self confidence. But, can be done. And still be the ONE.
    Being civilised with a girl – yes. Friends? NO way! Unless she is my friend before she met my SD (again, have to be pretty confident in myself to do that.)

    Answering re questions about trips… Some are last minute, some are planned way in advance. Destinations: all over the world.
    Last one – Asia. Which was AMAZING! THANK you my Daddy 😛
    Do married SDs do that – OH YES! 😛 And even better, since abroad no one knows that they are married.

  99. Lo says:

    madristaaaaa you probably don’t remember me but I’ve missed your presence on the blog, glad you’re back

  100. Madridista says:

    Hi sugars! How’s everything?
    Gosh, I’ve missed a lot on all these recent topics and enjoyed catching up a bit.

    On topic: I’ve never met any of the other SBs that my SDs may have had. We never discussed it and that suited me just fine because our time was our time and we didn’t bring up other sugars or significant others into it. It just wasn’t our thing, but when I was active on SA I did come across a profile that had stated that part of the arrangement this one SD was looking for was to spend time with two SBs simultaneously, so it depends on everyone’s comfort level.

    Off topic:
    As I was catching up on the blog, I did come across a comment that I’d like to clarify, I won’t call out which SD wrote it, but that wasn’t very malicious to spread lies like that. I don’t think it was fair to misrepresent me or where my advice is coming from on here. So, clarification: my SD never bought me a villa (lol, I can’t even type this with a straight face) and I never had the amount per month that this person stated. I wasn’t in it for the money or “fairy tale”. And I NEVER even remotely said anything like that anywhere on this blog. Reading comp.= it’s not a rocket science. I’ve been on SA for 6 years, SB for 9, and met my first and last SD offline, not on this or any other sugar site. Therefore, those relationships weren’t the basis of my advice or sugar tips. And I don’t galavant around Europe for fun, that’s part of my job as is spending time with certain athletes. Again, because it’s my job and I never said they were all in love with me (that’s beyond ridiculous). Sure, most of my boyfriends and dates are those guys because that’s the only people I work and, incidentally, friends with. Most people end up dating people in their social circle and for the last 3 years that’s been my social circle. Even outside of work, we’d run into each other at restaurants, charity events, clubs, etc. so I don’t see how that’s any different than dating scene at any other industry. Not to be overly rant-y but it was a bit startling to read that comment that made me seem like I’m in la-la land with men throwing sugar left and right. That’s not true and I’ve worked hard and made a lot of sacrifices to get where I am and the things I’ve shared was to help put my advice in perspective, so people would know where I’m coming from with my thoughts and why I’m saying the things I am. It was never bragging and there’s nothing to brag about really. Sugar helped me accomplish a lot of goals and made life easier and sweeter in some ways. I think I have a very diverse range of experience in sugar both on SA and off, so I’m more than happy to help out some newbie SBs (I wish someone had helped me when I started). Ok, end of rant!

  101. TravelMuse says:

    Hmmm…..Interesting, could be a challenge or an added benefit.

  102. Jersey Darling says:

    Missing posts? There were more here just a minute ago…

  103. Nephera says:

    I think it’d be awesome idea, if your into sharing and girls.
    May arouse you, and his pockets.

  104. Sacy, says:

    Gross – what’s with schnozzy and her mutt sidekick on the blog image?

  105. sassynsweet says:

    I’d be all for it, a new friend!

  106. Tina says:

    First, just ’cause I wanna roll like that!

  107. Angela says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

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