5 years ago
Do you have an exit plan?

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Having a Sugar Daddy can be sweet, but do you really expect it to last forever? At some point in your life, do you plan on becoming sugar-free, or is making your Sugar Daddy your husband your ultimate end game? These are questions you need to ask yourself before committing yourself to sugar. If you’re not up for a lifetime of sugar, make sure you have an exit plan before you throw your hat into the ring.

The Goal Digger

If you view sugar as a means to achieve your goals, such as a obtaining a college degree or paying off debt, then you would fall under the “goal digger” category. Sugar will most likely be a phase in your life that will only last a couple of years, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tread lightly. It’s not uncommon for a Sugar Daddy to employ a Sugar Baby somewhere down the line – sometimes it really is about WHO you know.

TIPS FOR GOAL DIGGERS: Save as much as you can, and never burn any bridges.

The Aspiring Trophy Wife

You love what a successful, established man can bring to the table which is why you only date wealthy. If marriage is your end game, don’t set yourself up for heartache by dating a Sugar Daddy who is not interested in monogamy or only seeks NSA type relationships.

TIPS FOR ASPIRING TROPHY WIFE: Take things slowly and remember: no one likes to be a home-wrecker.

The Pampered Princess

You love the finer things in life and living outside of your means. You need multiple Sugar Daddies to keep up with your spending habits and love living lavishly. But what happens when the sugar expires? Let’s face it, not every woman will age as well as Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Lopez. If you aren’t planning on marrying wealthy, than you need to be able to be self sufficient.

TIPS FOR THE PAMPERED PRINCESS: Save a FEW pennies from your allowances and don’t take your Sugar Daddy for granted.

The Sugar Lover

A sugar lover likes a mature man who knows how to satisfy ALL of her desires. She likes to have intelligible conversation with a man who not only can afford to buy her nice things, but also knows how to please her in the bedroom. Sometimes it takes a real man to satisfy a woman, and some boys can be more drama than they are worth. Age ain’t nothing but a number, but like a fine wine, men usually get better with age.

TIPS FOR THE SUGAR LOVER: Keep it casual in your twenties.

Our advice for all sugar babies would be to never spend every penny of your allowance. Save as much as you can, and use your Sugar resources to better yourself and your situation.

What kind of Sugar Baby are you?

Do you have an exit plan?

Sugar Daddies: Are you hooked on sugar for life?

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291 Responses to “Do you have an exit plan?”

  1. sassyteacher says:

    I am an attractive, sexy high school teacher from Quebec. I am 45 years old and am a little discouraged with regards to the kind of interest that I am receiving. I am getting emails and winks, etc. but I think that most of the men must think that I am desperate and so are simply offering a one-niter for cash. Or, is this the norm? I am polite when I refuse them and then wish them good luck. Am I looking through rose-tinted glasses in thinking that I may meet an interesting man on this site who would be interested in a woman of 45? I have been someone’s mistress before, which was great! We also had a sexual chemistry that left me breathless. I was very lucky. It was fun, stimulating and naughty! It lasted for close to 5 years and has recently ended because of his ill health. We are still friends. I hope to find the same here but I’m not so sure that it’s going to happen.

    I have my beauty to offer a man, although not the youth, but I do have the education, intelligence and elegance that my previous SD adored.

    Should I be patient?

    Thank you for your feedback.

    Sass

  2. Giselle says:

    I am totally the trophy wife thus my headline. I really enjoy the sugar lifestyle but I hate having to change partners, especially when I get attached to one of my sugar daddy. I am seeking something long term. If it leads to marriage, that will be great ! I will have the best of both worlds. A happy marriage and a long term spoiling.

  3. Ana876 says:

    I’m absolutely the third type. I not only look for someone to spoil and take care of me, but someone to also share my interests with and have a good 15 minute conversation with over dinner. We all know what we are here for and as much as I may need the financial help, if my sugar daddy and I got no chemistry and he offered a million $ I will not settle with any type of arrangement with him.

  4. JustAThoughtSD says:

    @Stormcat – The forever part you never know until forever comes, and there you are standing together. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

    @Ellen – Ouch. Sorry for your loss.

    @BEB – Purrrfect…well, yes,a dream for some, nightmare to some others.

    @Travelersb – good luck.

  5. blue eyed beauty says:

    Re: fairy tales and ‘reality tv’ reflect their cultures. They are not aberrations. The Notebook is a modern fairy tale. Just ask justathoughtsd lol. All the best sugars. :-)

  6. blue eyed beauty says:

    @Ellen – that must of been so hard. Hugs.

  7. EllenSugarB says:

    Hello All – Thank you again for your help and support…I decided that the best thing for me was to end the relationship. It was a tough conversation, but I had to just rip it off like a band aid. I feel a lot better now and I believe that it’s for the best.

  8. Circe says:

    @BEB: Your point to EllenSb has been “Why not Love him! Go ahead and LOVE him!” Whereas mine was from a differing line of thinking, that she likely had her reasons for wanting to remain emotionally distant and yet her decision to continue with someone who clearly did not share that same goals. But this particular topic seems to have been hashed out quite a bit over the subsequent messages. I hope whatever EllenSb’s decision that it works out best for all parties involved.

    I believe my meaning is not being carried across the interwebs. I never said there was something wrong with being in love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a “romantic” either. Love is great; or at least it can be. And there are more ways to become culturally indoctrinated into mythological ideas of what “love” is or can be than television; television is just one of the most common methods which is why I mentioned it. Growing up watching Disney movies I saw one thing and then experience has taught me another. Observation has taught me quite a lot as well. My point in that comment to was simply as stated, we do not need to fall in love with each person we meet and become close to. There are so many different facets to the interactions we can have with others that we need to remind each other about them. Love and ambivalence are not the only options.

    Slight Disney rant…OMG, watch Beauty and the Beast and analyze what is repeatedly going on in that film! It’s a movie I used to love but now find it appalling by the way it represents and treats women!

    Anyway…rant over….ack!

    BEB I wish you the best of luck with your new potential second SD. In love or not, I wish you well. :)

  9. blue eyed beauty says:

    @Justathoughtsd-you sound puuurrrrfect 😉

    @flyr-i agree 100% with comments on party.

    @Circe – nothing wrong with loving someone. You undermine that position by comparing it to fairy tales if i recall and reality Tv. I don’t watch Tv. Some of us are still romantics and comparing us to reality Tv flunkies and tales is an insult. I love my sd and he loves me. Are we ‘in love’s? Maybe. Sometimes. It’s all go and what matters is that we are there for each other.

    Update on my search for a second SD – I think I have found him and he is lovely. :-) who knows! We may even fall in love! !! Wish me luck!!!

  10. EllenSugarB says:

    flyr – Yes I do see those things at times. The rocket was very cool. It wasn’t the first time I had seen a rocket, but it was the first time I had seen one being transported on a plane.

  11. flyr says:

    @elle3nSB

    “I live in California in a small coastal town between Monterrey and Malibu.”

    Do you see nulcear plants, rockets, grapes , oil islands

  12. flyr says:

    Re Party

    I am just getting back up to speed after some time fly fishing in Oregon.

    I respect Brandon’s achievements as an entrepreneur, but believe his vision is not consistent with the reality of what makes this work.

    My sense from a number of years on the site is that both the SD and the SB are generally looking for a classier relationship than has been characterized by both the London and the LA parties. My guess is that the age difference in the majority of the longer term relationships is substantially greater than represented in the photographs.

    From the site and this blog it’s apparent to me that there are a large number of intelligent women who see this as an alternative to the typical grad student social program . Having been both a grad student and grad school prof it’s not surprising that that the female students are attracted to a more mature environment.

    My primary reason for skipping the LA party ( my office is in a nearby city) was that I am in a great SB relationship. However, the connection with Hustler and publicity exterminated any residual interest. I thought of being a part of some of the ancillary activities but the overall level of the event just killed it. I feel for the women who traveled to the event in good faith.

    I also thought the ads for both the London and LA party were more “industrial debutante” than my vision and experience.

    My suggestions to Brandon are a) that he pick a couple of the SB from the regular blog contributors and retain them to plan his next party if he wants to have a successful party. b) that he totally separate any publicity from the party and c) that the party be held at a discrete location.

  13. flyr says:

    “Unfortunately BEB I am getting to the point where I am filtering through pots like my undie drawer. I have been told I am too picky so many times and now I am starting to believe it. I can’t find a guy on here that can connect with me on the important levels… Without good conversation and intelligence what is the point of even talking to the man?”

    Just a suggestion but you may want to review your profile and try some changes that focus on your target…………………….

  14. EllenSugarB says:

    Frank – It’s great that you educated the young lady on turning off the OD feature. You probably saved her from a huge amount of financially fueled grief in the future. No matter what the age or level of income, a lot of people lack skills in managing their finances. Example: A close friend of mine gets $15K/month allowance (three times her cost of living). Her bills are never paid on time. Her credit is shit – she couldn’t get a candy bar on credit if she wanted to. Her SD is in the top 1% of income, works in finance, constantly cleans up her financial mishaps, yet teaches her nothing about managing her finances. I’m baffled.

  15. EllenSugarB says:

    Thank you all for you advice and perspective. I realize that it is hard to give advice without knowing all of the circumstances of the situation, and I really appreciate you taking your time to help.

    Circe, some of the things you write crack me up!

    Russian SB, he wants out of the marriage, spoke with his wife about it, and is getting his own place. I said “Ok, let me now when it’s done. I don’t want to be a part of the separation. We can reconnect later down the road when all of that is over and done with.” I said that same thing to a married man in the past, and got a phone call a year later when he was divorced and living his own life. The voicemail said, “You told me to wait until my divorce was final to contact you. That is all taken care of now. So I am calling to see if you would like to go to dinner with me.” I had a boyfriend at the time so we never reconnected.

    For the sake of clarity, Circe,I was “latched on” long (18 months) before the boundaries weren’t being respected. But, I hear you. Now, (today, more recently, etc) that he is pushing the boundaries it’s caused me to re evaluate the relationship. I don’t have a problem with falling in love with him as an individual. I have a problem falling in love with him because he is married.

    He wants to be in love with me…fine. I want to be in love with someone who isn’t married…also fine. Poly-“I love you”-amory…Im ok with that. Poly-“I’m IN love with you”- amory…I’m not ok with that. Mainly because I am holding out for the “pledge your souls to each other” kind of love (with “each-other” meaning “two people”). Also, I’m ok with polyamory, but I would rather be the wife than the second woman.

    “You can hurt him from not recusing yourself from an already painful situation.” I think that we, humans, are responsible for our own emotions. I am 100% clear and honest about my feelings and my take on the relationship. He can decide if it is right for him, and whether to stay or leave. But I CAN hurt MYSELF by not recusing myself from a potentially painful situation. That is the big decision that I have on my plate.

    Thanks again for your help!

  16. Stormcat says:

    Thank you all for your comments about dating people met here on the blog. I had no intention in my comment to offend anyone. Yes it is my experience. It is also many other’s experience too. In the past three years, I have dated five women from the blog and three from SA but not from the blog. Of those the three from the general SA population are still my close friends and regularly talk to me. Only one from the blog expresses regrets that we didn’t continue what we started, The rest were disasters for one or both of us. The thing is that none of the women from the blog would have matched the search parameters that I use when I search the general population so I should have known. My bad!!! L All I was saying in my post was just that the interactions on the blog can be so compelling and charming that the two can be enticed into entering into a relationship that they probably wouldn’t have chosen otherwise. No judgment of anyone was intended

    For me, I am looking for something real. I mean I want real love that is true and the kind that will last forever. So how can you tell when you meet someone if it is that. I have thought a lot about this and don’t believe there is any place that’s better than any other for finding what I’m looking for. I’ve realized that the answer is three steps. Real: Love is real simply when you both feel it. True: Love is true at the moment that you each decide to be true to the other. The kind that lasts forever: Love is forever when are both able to pledge your souls to each other and put all your time, energy, spirit, effort and commitment into making sure it lasts forever. Real love is the only thing that happens at first sight, but true love and love that lasts forever is something that must be sought after and earned.

  17. travelersb says:

    Hi everybody! I know it makes a while I haven’t post, but tonight I am feeling something special that I haven’t feel since a while: that feeling when you get attached to someone and like him before having sex with him. Now, I just hope it will be good. If it’s not, I will be so unconfortable and sad. Well, it’s good to feel it, it seems so real and it has nothing to see with sugar dating that time. Wish me luck!

  18. JustAThoughtSD says:

    @BEB
    Nope, not making fun of you. I can like The Notebook, and romance and all that stuff. Trust me, I’m not too overly sensitive to where I wouldn’t pull your hair, smack your buns, and make you bite a pillow. So, where’s it say I can’t like chick flicks?

  19. Tina says:

    @Midwest: SECRET blog crush? Whaaaaaaaaat? There should be no such thing! Heeeeeeere crushie crushie crushie…….. 😉

  20. Midwest SB says:

    WCSD & Frank – YES! I agree fully. It can be a little awkward to listen to someone say they love you and wonder what exactly it means. I have been guilty of reading too far into it. Then again, I don’t tell anyone that unless I truly and fully mean it so I expect others to do the same. That said, it’s always good to remember that a) he’s a guy and b) it’s in the contextual moment. So unless his actions match his words…let it be.

  21. MrDowntown says:

    How timely was it for me to read this piece? Today, my beautiful, kind, and sweet SB and I said goodbye after 3+ years together. Of course, I am very sad, but I can scarcely complain. We had a fantastic run together, full of wonderful visits, dates, and conversation and goodies of all kinds. I would characterize my SB as a Goal Digger/Sugar Lover. I helped her with tuition, rent, and other necessities that her student loans and parental assistance did not provide. After graduation she started her own business and I helped with mentorship as well as financial support. The emotional connection grew pretty strong over time as well. We truly cared for each other, but there was never any future for us. Firstly, she was 25 years younger than I was and the generational difference was huge. In ten years it would make less of a difference, but for now — well, let’s just say she will benefit from living a lot more of life. Secondly, I’m married — BIG barrier considering I also love my wife and family. Ultimately, love was one of the main reasons that we decided to wind down our relationship — her love for her boyfriend, who entered the picture about two years ago. He asked her again to move in with him, and of course she had to say yes. He’s a great guy, very successful, and I know that I’d like him if I met him, so I can only be happy for her that she’s found someone who wants to take care of her the way I couldn’t.

    While I’m sorry to see her go, she very kindly introduced me to a good friend of hers, who will soon be my new SB. No idea how long this one will last, but we’re going to give it our best.

    Finally I have to say a big THANK YOU to Brandon Wade and this website for being there to help me live out my fantasy!

  22. WCSD says:

    I don’t think it matters at all how he feels when he says ‘I love you’, the concern (as I see it) is how it is making her feel. And in the end, that is what is important to her. If the SD’s ‘Love you’ is causing issues within his life, then he’ll make a choice of either making a change, or getting out of the relationship to prevent the issues.

    If the SD saying (or even truly being) in love with the SB (yet with no real future available) makes the SB uncomfortable, then the choice is simple, either get over it (ok, that isn’t a simple solution, but a simple choice) or get out of it.

    In my experience all of my SB relationships (that make it past the first two months) have always ended because of feelings creeping in from one party that isn’t mirrored from the other. I always make sure to have that discussion up front with all pot/new sbs regarding what we will do when/if these feelings happen, how we will communicate it, and what our options would be at the time. This has always made these ‘endings’ much smoother for the both of us.

  23. Frank says:

    re my overdrawn sb, I had her turn off the OD feature on her debit card. I guess that’s why she needs a sugar daddy, to give her expert advice like that. lol

    Now as to the love word, during my dating days, I was always reluctant to say that word to the gal I was dating, it seemed to lead to trouble. (well it lead to trouble whether I said it or not)

    The last two sugar baby’s I have had, I told them I love them, usually during intimate moments. I don’t think for a minute they think I am serious. Just look at what Russian SB said, if I was serious I would be making alternate plans.

    “But does he mean that ? You can always check it, don’t let L-word scare you.
    How much he care about you, your future, his future with you, his divorce, his and your kids situation? Does he make any plans, law consultations, reserches, ideas? Have you such talks yet ? Level of your communication change somehow ar is same as before? If not – you can relax.

    So my recommendation is to relax, and keep your NSA gear on!

  24. VASD says:

    @BEB Golly, between you and Simplicity, I’d better get on a bathing suit.

  25. Circe says:

    @BEB….um…okay? Why do you make this point? I don’t really watch TV either. Just a few shows on the computer.

  26. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Afternoon Everyone from the UK!

    How are you all keeping?

    I really enjoy reading the blog comments and the advice.

    Enjoy everyone

    LV

  27. blue eyed beauty says:

    @circe-i don’t watch Tv.

  28. blue eyed beauty says:

    @VASD – *gushes* (you can take that to the bank)

  29. blue eyed beauty says:

    @justathoughtsd – are you making fun of me cheeky boy? :-p

  30. Nwsugarbaby says:

    Good to catch up on the blog. I would be totally down for meeting a few blog people this fall or winter in Vegas or some place warm. I am definitely a small group person instead of a big party girl. haha. However, some of the best times are with a few friends at a big get together. (i.e. weddings). I was gone a lot for work so now that I finished that this summer and got back into a school rhythm life is giving me plenty of free time once again.

  31. Grasshopper says:

    ::gets mop……AGAIN:: =/

  32. Grasshopper says:

    ::orgasms with Tina’s description of chocolate::

  33. JustAThoughtSD says:

    @BEB
    you said: There are so few people that love us in this world. Bask in it’s light while you can. Feel like the lovable goddess you are. Many people don’t have anyone and are open to the experience and would trade places in a heartbeat just to feel the love of another human being. It is a gift. Cherish it.

    That is SOOOO beautiful. I think I’ll go watch The Notebook again. :)

  34. JustAThoughtSD says:

    Dammit, only 3 days late for the Butt-Nekkid-SB Blog Party. :(

    And I was right about to go polish my AmazingFunRod…wait, I meant I was about to dust it off for use again…wait, oh , nevermind.

  35. RussianSB says:

    @EllenSugarB
    Oh, old nice L-word game. Sure he LOVES you, you are LOVERS.
    But does he mean that ? You can always check it, don’t let L-word scare you.
    How much he care about you, your future, his future with you, his divorce, his and your kids situation? Does he make any plans, law consultations, reserches, ideas? Have you such talks yet ? Level of your communication change somehow ar is same as before? If not – you can relax. Usually man madly in love start serious talks about that situation and want know your reaction.
    Maybe he mean he loves you, cose you bring the sunshine in his life.
    Now I am ready to darts over, but, sure, boys will agree with me.

  36. midwest SB says:

    Tina-they could mysteriously show up on your door by your secret blog crush. :)

  37. Tina says:

    And @VASD: oooh! me too!! pick me! oooh oooh oooh me!

    😉

  38. Tina says:

    @Midwest: YUUUUUUUM!!!! Where are these delectable treats?????

    And Guru, I still owe you a goodie box if you want one (since we’re on the food/recipe talk again) :)

  39. midwest SB says:

    I have discovered this amazing new treat…amaretto soakrd pecans in a fine dark chocolate! Its lectasy!

  40. Tina says:

    Ooooh, you ought to try the Lindt Dark Chocolate with Black Currant….OMG! It has little almond slivers too……..oooooooohhhhhhhh………

  41. Circe says:

    @Tina: I finished part of a Dark Chocolate bar from Ikea with my wine. Oh Ikea…how I love thee.

  42. Tina says:

    @Circe: wine. If I didn’t have to work tomorrow, I would finish off the Unfiltered Syrah I have opened…..mmmmmm…..with good chocolate too……

  43. Circe says:

    @Midwest…How far along are you in your program? The first year is a rough one. It’s the time you look at everything you wanted and compare it to what you think you should be doing and realize that what you are actually doing doesn’t fit into any of that! Just go easy on the wine..at least until you start writing your thesis. 😉

    Have you heard of a Tumblr called ‘WhatShouldWeCallGradSchool”? It is geared more for we sciency folk, but there are a number of posts which apply to other fields as well. It’s always good for a good laugh and distraction. As is the PhD comic…Piled Higher and Deeper.

    @ Frank…I think Midwest is right. Though I have not been an SB I can empathize with what she is doing. I remember behaving just as stupidly when I got my first high paying job. I was 19 and making almost $18/hr working for “The Man”…yeah, I bought way too much useless crap and I definitely remember having a couple of $28.00 – three dollar purchases. I realized I was being an idiot and worked my way out of it before it was too late. Approach gently, respectfully but firmly about how to best manage money. Just be sure to qualify your statements as “in my opinion” and “in my experience”, etc. Makes it sound less of an order and more like you’re trying to be helpful.

    @Guru. I agree as well. And I empathize with Ellen, I really do. I am one of the “keep your emotions in check” gals. But I would also recognize that by continuing to drag someone along like a lovesick puppy I was doing more harm to this person than good. Of course, we can only base our analyses on what information she has provided and our own interpretations of their actions. I could be way off, but that is what I see in her statements.

    Be well all. Back to wine and thesis writing. Or just wine..and Maru videos.

  44. Paris says:

    Tina,

    I’m a sugar baby in Dallas. Not having much luck either.

  45. Midwest SB says:

    PS -She can go online and set up her account so that she does not get a bank approval if it overdrafts her account.

  46. Midwest SB says:

    Tina – Thanks!!! Hugs! Hope you nail this next job….or at least get an SD out of it :-)

    Frank – When a lady gets her first taste of sugar, it can be a little intoxicating. It’s interesting that she isn’t using cash just to keep things discrete. That alone would help solve many of her issues. Since she has opened up to you for help, it would be best to go easy on the obvious things. Maybe pointing out once how a $3 item cost her more than $38, but not making her feel stupid. Then be her knight and help her put some of that sugar away for a rainy day and take her shopping when she sticks to her budget :-)

  47. Tina says:

    @Midwest: do NOT, I repeat – DO NOT feel bad! You HUMAN and already do more in one day than most people do in a week or month! You’re a wonderful person, and taking on a lot of responsibility. I don’t see how you do it all! I still want to be you when I grow up :)

    And I agree, Guru rocks! :)

    @Nawty: it’s better to vent than to pack baggage! :)

  48. frank says:

    ellen sb, how does he feel about your not loving him back. I doesn’t seem like he requires it. what does he expect to happen when he says he loves you, what are the circumstances when he says it. I think its his call whether to continue the relationship knowing you don’t love him.

    On another issue, I have been with my current sb for a little over 2 months. She is a married sb, has a good job, and I was happy about that because my previous 2 sbs lived from hand to mouth and were always having financial emergencies.

    Everything was going smoothly, until the last week she starting asking for more money. Then last Friday she contacted me saying she was way overdrawn in her bank account and asked for help, both with money to solve the problem and with budget advice. I sent her some money and she gave me access to her checking account to review her spending and to give her advice.

    It seems that since I had been giving her money she had been spending more than she had. I couldn’t believe that in a few weeks she had overdrawn her account over 30 times by using her debit card, with an overdrawn charge of $35 each time. More than once she got an $35 dollar charge for a $3 item! I don’t know whether this says more about her, or about the banks who set up this system for her.

    Anyway, just wanted to vent as there is no one in my circle for friends I can tell about my sugar babe.

  49. I LoveWestCoastGirl says:

    would happened with any blog SD.
    Exept for the GURU of course.
    Coz everyone has the right to know all the sweet and dirty details how the Guru love tastes. :)

  50. I LoveWestCoastGirl says:

    I think it is natural and healthy :) to “vent ” on this blog about the end (or the start :) ) of sugar relationship , and get advices or even just hear “sorry” and good wishes.

    The different case is Blog SD/ Blog SB exhibitionistic !:) romance which happens sometime here (well… happened like half a year ago , the TMI case… or not? )

    And my innocent (almost innocent :) flirt with VA gent does not count. :)

    Anyway I would personally keep it to myself if anything real and serious w

  51. Midwest SB says:

    AM – Ranting is a healthy way of accepting your feelings and this is a safe place to go. Hope you are feeling better!

    Tina and Circe – You are going to have our geekdom on it’s knees soon! I might have to sit back and be the student for a while!

    Stormcat – tsk tsk. I know what you meant, but I also know it wasn’t directed at every blog SB. Generalizations can be quite dramatic as any lawyer can tell you.

    I am guilty of blogmances. One I brought to the blog as I was so new to arrangements, and one I met here. Nobody was trolling and it took me a while to give in to it. Things just happens that way sometimes. In both cases, we kept most things off blog until it was time to part ways. People knew, but we just didn’t make a big thing of it. What I’ve learned from prior blogmances is that they tend to harbor both inspiration and resentment. If you gush too much about how great things are going, it makes those with less success feel kind of down. If you bring drama to the blog at the end, everyone gets sick of it quickly and it just gets ugly. Taking sides is another dramatic turn altogether. All I’m saying is it does happen and it’s not all bad.

    I know I’ve been absent and grad school is sooooo not what I expected. I’m looking at another program as the approach of the one I chose does not necessarily match my long-term goals. I’m also realizing school is so much easier when you’re working part-time. Now, I’m working 50+ hours per week, normal mom stuff and trying to fit in additional responsibilities has proven challenging. I’m a little down on myself because I feel like I should be able to manage it. Ever been there? Anyways, that’s my vent and I appreciate everyone’s kind words and support.

    Guru – you rock!

  52. Nawty Molly says:

    Hi All! I was looking for the comment from Stormy about Blog SBs, but, couldn’t find it.

    As far as keeping the ending of a relationship off the blog, I agree. If I were involved with someone from the blog, I would NEVER say anything about it and would try not to make the relationship public knowledge. Now, I have been involved with someone who use to post a while ago, and, we tried to keep things on the DL, but, eventually everyone kinda figured things out. :)

    Everyone knows that I’ve been venting a lot lately about my breakup with my ex, but, he never posted here and I was angry and hurt. I’m not into bashing anyone, but, when you’re hurting the way I have been, sometimes it’s just good to let it out and I’m sorry that all of you had to endure my ranting. :)

  53. VASD says:

    @BEB You are included.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Circe
      “You are hurting him because you have always known that you cannot give him what he wants but you keep yourself around, twisting that little knife each time.”

      Remember she’s dealing with a married man, and in most cases falling in “love” with a married man is a recipe for disaster. She is doing the right thing by protecting herself emotionally. It takes two to tango, so this is not all on her. Her SD needs to take some responsibility for his own actions.

      “To think he cannot love more than one person is naive.”

      Perhaps he’s polyamory, but apparently that’s not what she wants and she told him so.

  54. Circe says:

    You can hurt him by not recusing yourself from an already painful situation. You are hurting him because you have always known that you cannot give him what he wants but you keep yourself around, twisting that little knife each time. You may not be doing it intentionally/knowingly, but that’s what is happening. Think about how you would feel if you loved someone who did not reciprocate? He just hangs around, not caring about you; not feeling for you the same way you do, but his consistent presence gives you hope that maybe some day he will.

    Let’s break this down…

    “In this case, there is attachment becsuse I met him soon after a bf went nuts and beat me badly…”

    Your ex sucked…no doubt about that and I certainly hope he gets hit by a truck…but you have latched yourself onto someone who is not respecting your boundaries. Do you love this person? Would loving him change anything? His wife already knows and is (presumably???) okay with it. Even if the answer to those questions are positive affirmations for you, are you still not interested in going to the reciprocating the love emotions/words to him stage? If not, you need to end it. Otherwise you’re just dragging him around by his heart, not his member, and that’s not fun.

    “…also he is one of my best friends and I would lose the friendship which would be a great loss.”

    He is your friend. You state you “love” him, just not romantically. I get that and know exactly what you mean…BUT, you have to recognize that you are hurting this person. Your continued presence is giving him hope that his dream of you reciprocating his emotions will happen. If you do not what to feel that way about him at all, then leave. Now. Take a break. Complete cut-off type break. Maintain your friendship by being clear that you need a break to allow for emotions to cool. When you return, your friendship canNOT be what it is now. In other words, it will not an SD/SB relationship. You will be friends.

    To think he cannot love more than one person is naive. Relationships are not Disney films. There is a plethora of diversity among how we interact and experience emotional connectedness. I wish you the best but you need to recognize that there are some serious decisions you need to make here. I wish you luck.

  55. EllenSugarB says:

    Circe- I appreciate your perspective, so go ahead and call me on whatever you see because I may be missing something.

    How can I hurt him if I am 100% clear about my boundaries. Also, he is married. How can I hurt him if I am being honest, AND he can’t really be in love with me if he is married? Anyone in this situation feel free to chime in because this really is a first for me.

    • SD Guru says:

      @EllenSugarB
      “it’s when I have expectations, we have cloudy communication, or someone is being deceptive when things feel tragic and unexpected when they end.”

      I’m taking bets on whether those things happened in Stormcat’s case! :mrgreen:

      “This last time he went to the “im in love” thing again I actually got very angry.”

      As I’ve said before and in my blog, NSA doesn’t mean no feelings. When you spend enough time with someone then naturally some feelings are going to develop. The key is how you keep those feelings and emotions under control to make sure the relationship remains NSA. If he hasn’t changed after two years then he is not likely to change. Some people are just naturally more expressive about their feelings, while without realizing how it can impact others. Perhaps his expression of “love” means different things to him and to you. You can’t control what other people say or do, all you can control is how you respond and react to them.

  56. EllenSugarB says:

    Skip this everyone if you don’t want to read continuation of my situation noted above…:

    Thank you for your advice Blue Eyed Beauty. Yes my fear is falling for him (With him being married it’s just asking for trouble) Yes I have set boundaries and he is rattling the gates. Typically I would just cut it off because the person isn’t respecting my boundaries. In this case, there is attachment becsuse I met him soon after a bf went nuts and beat me badly, also he is one of my best friends and I would lose the friendship which would be a great loss. But you’re right, whether I cut it off or not, I’m lucky to have someone who cares.

    BEB, you and a lot of others on here are excellent armchair therapists! My IRL therapist is awesome too ( and expensive, sheesh) but she is booked til next week so here I am lol. Thanks!

  57. Circe says:

    @BEB…for whatever her personal reasoning, EllenSB wants to keep an emotional distance. That is up to her. Besides, we do not need to fall in love with every person we get close to. That’s only on crappy reality TV shows.

    @EllenSB….I will say this to you: You recognized a long time ago that his emotional attachment to you was at a different level than you wanted. You have always been clear that you do not want the same kind of emotional relationship that he now does. Yet you have stayed. Taken a break, yes, but you have stayed nonetheless. If you do not want to hurt him you should have left a while ago. If you do not want to hurt him further, you need to leave now.

    Good luck.

  58. Circe says:

    I would treat an arrangement between individuals who met in this visible/open forum similar to that of any other relationship. I consider it a matter of basic respect to not air dirty laundry at someones place of employment or frequent haunts. It’s that whole “Do unto others…” thing.

    However, there are instances when I feel it is appropriate to speak up. If someone is abusive or otherwise potentially a danger to themselves or others then it is more than appropriate to make others aware. If you are at a bar you alert the bartender; here, we have the moderators. I do of course think this is a minority of instances but they can occur. There is a difference between a bitter separation and an abusive relationship and thus each requires a different approach when being addressed.

  59. WCSD says:

    I couldn’t agree more with NC Gent. Keeping blog interactions off the blog is a necessity of any ‘blogmance’. Hearing about how bad, good a date was with some stranger is amusing and easy to give unemotional feedback. Hearing the same about someone from the blog that we all know (as well as we can know the people on the blog) brings in emotional responses, and the flamming begins. So, I understand Stormcat’s point of view. I think of it similar to getting involved with someone at work. Sure it could be spectacular, and it could end badly (as is a chance in every relationship), but the inherent messiness this causes after the ‘end’ doesn’t make it worth it in my opinion.

  60. Simplicity says:

    So I am sitting in anatomy class bores out of my mind and none of my favorite ppl are even on here to talk to me.

  61. blue eyed beauty says:

    Gotcha!! Good advice :-) hope to use it someday (you know who you are blog sds ;-))

  62. NC Gent says:

    @BEB — I love amusing stories about first time meetings. I have posted quite a few over the years. However, if the parties involved are bloggers, then I think it is best not to post it. I hope you had a good weekend!

  63. blue eyed beauty says:

    @nc gent – do you consider it bad form to blog the often times amusing stories of first time meetings with potential sds?

  64. blue eyed beauty says:

    @nc gent – I agree with you. You can tell A LOT about a man by the manner they treat/refer to their mother and exs.

  65. NC Gent says:

    Regarding blog romances, there have been a number of successful ones, you just have to redefine success when it comes to sugar relationships. Almost all relationships have a bit of a messy ending because there are emotions involved (yes even sugar relationships have emotions). I think it is best to keep a blogmance very discreet, because not many want to see the dirty laundry when they end. I don’t have much respect for people who choose to publicly bash a former romantic interest – relationships end every day – it says a lot about a person how they act after the relationship ends.

  66. NC Gent says:

    @Content — was perusing some old blog postings, and we have something in common – I am a huge Packers fan too! I always wondering why I enjoyed your posts, but now I know! l am looking forward to watching the game tonight!

  67. blue eyed beauty says:

    @contentsb – no offense taken beautiful. Just shining my facet of a many faceted world on the blog. It’s all good :-)

    VASD- I do hope I am included in your assessment of blog babies. If I ever pass through Dc I’d love to look you and simplicity up.

    Ellensb-why is it a bad thing he says he is in love with you. I think your fear is you falling for him. Perhaps you do crave falling in love in real life but you have set your own boundaries and he is rattling the gates which makes you feel uncomfortable. There are so few people that love us in this world. Bask in it’s light while you can. Feel like the lovable goddess you are. Many people don’t have anyone and are open to the experience and would trade places in a heartbeat just to feel the love of another human being. It is a gift. Cherish it. If I am way off base I apologize. It’s hard to be an armchair shrink 😉

  68. VASD says:

    Thanks for the sage advice, Stormcat, but been doing the SD/SB thing long enough to know to set and clearly communicate my wishes, boundaries and resources–and be true to my word and offer a rel and meaningful part of myself back. The babes from here that I have had off-blog contacts with have been nothing but polite, randy-but-respectful, fun and intelligent–delightful.

    Bless y’all, sugas.

  69. I LoveWestCoastGirl says:

    EllenSugar.

    StormCat.

    Coz he is known to cause STORMs on this blog :))

    he is sweet , intelligent , kind … he can not offend any girl (blog SBs) intentionally . :)

    he was probably just wanted to get all romantic and complain about his choices, experiences. but I let him speak for himself.

  70. I LoveWestCoastGirl says:

    SadSD.

    Both these guys 35 y old and clam income more than 1 mil a year.

    it is rarely realistic , usually a guy becomes so successful and a genuine SD Not at age of 35 . ?

  71. EllenSugarB says:

    Haha…wine. Wine is great :). Good idea Content, I’m going to pour a glass now!

  72. EllenSugarB says:

    Oops missed a sentence…it’s when I have expectations, we have cloudy communication, or someone is being deceptive when things feel tragic and unexpected when they end.

    Guru and others, I need help with something…above you mentioned the necessity of setting clear emotional boundaries. I agree. But I’ve been having some trouble doing this effectively with one particular long term (two year) sugar relationship. The man is married, his wife knows about me and she and I have been in contact before. He keeps telling me he is in love with me (for about a year and a half now). I don’t tell him I am in love with him because I am not. I do love him because I love most all my friends, but I am NOT in love. I keep telling him that it’s inappropriate to be telling me he is IN love with me because he is married and if he is married he won’t be able to give me what I need emotionally, and thus the expressions of love are causing confusion. So for a while he will respect what I ask and stop with the “I’m in love with you” stuff. But then at some point he always starts up again. This last time he went to the “im in love” thing again I actually got very angry. I don’t usually raise my voice, but I did this time and I was stern and said “NO. DO NOT say that to me. Do you want to put the idea in my head that being in love is about angst, and inner conflict and longing for something that is impossible? You love me so much and this is what you want for me?” I’ve dumped him a couple times before, for a month or so. I’m confused and I don’t know how to handle this. If it were someone else asking for the advice I’d probably have an answer, but being in the situation, I feel like I’m lacking some perspective.

    Maybe some of you could shed some light? Or Molly can give me a virtual spanking lol. Thanks!

  73. ContentSB says:

    ….ahhhh nevermind….can I blame that on the wine I’m drinking???

  74. ContentSB says:

    @BEB — I didn’t mean to make a big thing out of it…just wanted to show a possible different side of it. I’m sorry if anything I said offended you; I can assure you that wasn’t my intention!

  75. EllenSugarB says:

    In regards to the blanket statement about blog babies being “addicting” and the ending of relationships with blog babies being “unpredictable and tragic”…

    I would not take anything said on this blog personally. A statement like that is just a projection of said persons own reality. Our opinions are nothing more than our very own point of view. Not necessarily “true”.

    The ending of any relationship of any kind could be “unpredictable and tragic.”. For those among us who are especially sensitive, romantic, and emotionally invested in the people around us, breaking up can have a more significant, and lasting, impact. I myself fall into the “emotionally invested” group. That’s just me. And I like me. I try to just love for the sake of loving and care for the sake of caring, because that what makes me happy. (“Try” being the operative word) It’s when I have expectations, or cloudy communication (or just plain deception)

    I also don’t see that Stormcat (Tomcat Sr. If you rearrange the letters :) ) was being picked on. I do see that some girls on here took offense to the statement and reacted accordingly. I have seen people spit daggers on this blog, call women names, trash their character, and worse. Nobody called these bullies out for their distasteful childish behavior (which only made them look foolish, but whatever) , so why call someone out now for defending themselves? Just sayin’

  76. ContentSB says:

    Guru, duh!! :)Who’s the TA??

  77. Tina says:

    So, who’s teachin’ this thing? 😉

  78. Tina says:

    **puts hair up in messy yet sexy bun with pencils**

  79. Circe says:

    **Grabs sexy nerd glasses and prepares to note observations**

  80. Tina says:

    @Circe: You and me both sista! Here’s to the scientific method! 😉

  81. Circe says:

    Well, at one point I had planned on going through the whole thread and catching up but goodness the blog seemed to explode!

    Exit plan? I think I need an Entrance Plan first…What I have at the moment is more an an Entrance Hypothesis…

    As far as everything else that I saw as I scanned through here…Yes, Entomology has been discussed as has decapitation. But that was another blog post.

    Hello again Midwest! Good to see you are still alive and kicking. Grad school can take it out of you. Which is why I am here perusing the blog instead of working on my thesis.

    And all “arrangements” have risk; be it the SA variety or dating some guy you met in a bar.

    Happy Autumn All

  82. Tina says:

    Hiya Molly! It seems that Stormcat has lived up to his name and created a nice little storm on the blog :) (And @Stormcat, although I disagree with your opinion, I still think the world of you!)

    @VASD: If I get the interview my personality will show my love of life ‘n all that! 😉 And I don’t bite on the first date……..just nibble a little…..

  83. Nawty Molly says:

    Evening Sugars!! How is everything? :)

  84. blue eyed beauty says:

    Blog or not arrangement, some are not meant to be, blog having nothing to do with it.

  85. ContentSB says:

    @BEB — It’s not just one man’s sole experience…there have been a few. Regardless, I agree that no arrangement (blog or otherwise) comes with a guarantee. We all have opinions based on personal experiences, and often times try to help each other out here by telling our “been there done that” stories. At the end of the day we can take those stories collectively and decide what’s best for us. Nobody has said ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE A BLOG ARRANGEMENT!!!! I think instead it was more of a “hey, for what it’s worth, blog arrangements haven’t worked well for me. Take it or leave it.”

    There’s a great group of people here with varied experiences. Yay for differing opinions! :)

  86. blue eyed beauty says:

    There is no guarantee in any arrangement. To imply blog arrangements are less predictable based on one man’s sole experience is unfair. I have crushes on many blg SDs and would jump at the chance to explore an arrangemen with them. Cynacism from the gallery should be taken with a grain of salt. I would hope none of my arranngements end ‘tragically.’

  87. ContentSB says:

    I think people are being a bit harsh on @Stormcat for his blog baby comment. I know of a few people who have paired off from the blog, and it didn’t end well. I don’t think Stormcat was speaking ill of any of the blog SBs, but rather giving a word of caution about looking for an arrangement on the blog, and encouraging us to think twice about it. He never said this group of ladies is anything less than totally awesome.

    Sometimes we need to give each other the benefit of the doubt here :)

  88. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Blog babies??? Heck!! I think we are the creme de la creme!!! We are smart and here to learn. We know what we want and won’t accept any less. You’d be lucky to have any one of us (there’s always a few exceptions but it seems the moderators have been better lately turning the swine away from the buffet) as your SB. Blanket statements are foolish, naive and lazy.

  89. VASD says:

    Errr…GOOD luck!

  90. VASD says:

    Tried to get Tina to include some of her blog postings in her job ap to show off her color and joie de vivre… Alas, she didn’t bite.

    @Tina My pleasure to help. Goof luck!

  91. Grasshopper says:

    Sleep thee well, Tina :) Guten Nacht

  92. Grasshopper says:

    @Tina – yup, it’s sometimes the little things that make the biggest difference.

    AND…As per your request –
    ::: shows you the crack (_i_) :::

  93. Tina says:

    Okey dokey, time for bed since my work week starts tomorrow (boooo)

    @ Grassy: Hasta la vista crack baby! 😉 <—– done in my best Ahhhhhhnold impression

  94. Tina says:

    @ Grassy: SHOW ME THE CRACK! teehee

    And thanks! It’s weird, but it gave me a real nice little boost of confidence. This incident, plus a nice little compliment on my profile, made me renew my SD search and send out a few e-mails to see if I get a little fishie to bite 😉

    Well, I’ll start with just a little nibble for now…….

  95. Grasshopper says:

    @ Tina – You had me at Grass Crack <3

    Good luck with the new and improved resume! Go get 'em, Killer!

  96. RussianSB says:

    Thank you, ladies, to share bad apples, let’s keep it that way ! Not find any active blacklist.

  97. Tina says:

    @Grassy: you complete me! (Cheesiest line EVER, but I couldn’t HELP it!)

    And I just wanted to post a special public thanks to Jack and VASD for helping me edit my resume and cover letter for a fantastic job posting I just applied for. I really do appreciate the help you gave, and your patience with the many iterations!

    No, they weren’t perfect and could probably go through about 50 more edits, but I had a recruiter in the field look them over and got a pretty dang good blessing.

    Now let’s just hope that they garner some attention :) Wish me luck! You guys are gems! :)

  98. Grasshopper says:

    To all those that do not get my humor…I have one thing to say – Kiss my grass!

    Haha…I can’t help but “crack” myself up, sometimes ^_^

  99. Grasshopper says:

    @Tina – LMFAO!!! ^_^

  100. SadSB says:

    This guy is fake too. Just a creepy pic collector: 1181750
    And this guy is a horny perv whose entire profile is a lie: 698658
    Both of them contacted me.

  101. Tina says:

    Grass Crack Hopper?

    Haha, Grass Crack…..

  102. Grasshopper says:

    My middle name is Crack (Ironic, I know…)

  103. Simplicity says:

    Stormcat —I would greatly appreciate you taking the time to get to know me before passing judgement on aspects of my character. Sorry about your heartache, but if you would have finely tuned your social skills, been a better judge of character,or even gotten to know her better I’m sure the situation would not have played out the same way. Let a bad situation teach you things but don’t let it jade you.

  104. Tina says:

    @Stormcat: hey now, generalities are not nice. *sniff sniff* ANY arrangement can be unpredictable and end tragically, regardless of how they start.

  105. Tina says:

    I’m in north Austin near Lakeline Mall. There is a SD population here, but most are married. I prefer to not have a married SD – I have issues with married men already in my personal life 😉

  106. Sasha says:

    Hey Tina! Where in Austin are you located? I’m here in Houston and the SD population here is like 0 to none Lol.

  107. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ You seem like a rare grace for the blog recently . . . must be the trials of grad school kickin in. Good to see you! :) At least can get in a peep here and there!

    VASD ~ Be careful . . . It’s easy to get addicted to blog babies . . . But the consequences are totally unpredictable and often tragic (speaking from experience) . . . Best for your individual expactations to rely on the good old advanced search perameters that polls the general SB population.

  108. Iluvdiamonds says:

    oops sorry 2chic…I read it wrong…AT THE PLACE YOU WENT TO NEXT DOOR…reading comprehension FAIL on my part. Forgive me. hahahah

  109. Iluvdiamonds says:

    2chic were you at the right party? You werent the only one dressed up so Im not sure where you are getting that from. All the girls were in dresses and heels and men in suits…so where are you getting this CASUAL thing from. It is unfortunate that is ended early….but I went to an after party and danced at a club. I didnt like the fact the media was literally in your face every second. I ended up taking a photo. =/ I hope that doesnt come back to bite me. Im actually REALLY GLAD I didnt take my mask off just generally speaking. It’s nice getting a refund, but I rather have had the event last the entire time. (but maybe Im glad it didnt once again because I want to be discreet and would not have wanted to take my mask off)

  110. Tina says:

    Hi Sasha – I’m in Austin for the moment :)

  111. Sasha says:

    Are there any Houston/Dallas/Austin/San Antonio SBs out there that would like to network?

  112. Unhappy Sugarbaby says:

    Ok I would just like to warn all potential SBs about this “fake” SD.

    Here is his profile number: 153980

    Don’t be sucked in. That is him in his picture but it’s an old picture and he looks NOTHING like that now.
    He is not a real SD! He won’t help you out! He’ll say that he’s “treating you like a real gf” and that’s his justification.
    Pretty much everything he says in his profile is a lie. He’s also rude, spiteful, self centered/entitled, and if there’s a problem he just tries to avoid it instead of talking about it. He also has a tremendous amount of baggage.

    Potential SBs! Stay away from this guy! He profile looks enticing but it’s all an act! He’s not what you’re looking for!

  113. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Happy Fall to you Midwest x

    Sorry to hear about the mishap at the party 2Chic but it sounds like you had fun afterwards. I was really looking forward to how it went.

    Are there any other bloggers from the UK who may wish to network with me. I am finding hard to find any other SB’s from here to potentially chat with?

    Enjoy your weekend everyone !

    LV x

  114. Tina says:

    @2 Chic – I’m sorry to hear that the party was not what you expected, but am SO happy that you made the most of the night!

    @Midwest – Hiya babe! Long time no chit chat! :) I hope the master’s program is treating you well, and that the kiddies are doing well with their own schooling! I’m SO excited about fall being here, I LOVE Halloween!

    I think we really should start to think about some of us having a small get together, after holiday when there isn’t much going on……hmmmm….

  115. 2Chic says:

    @ Midwest… H’ya … yes I think a small gathering would be so much better.

    Yes I had to make the most of my night, there were women from Vegas, Texas, and all over. I hate that it ended in such a dramatic way.

  116. Midwest SB says:

    Happy first day of Fall everyone! Think I’ll gather some leaves and dress as Eve for Halloween :-)

    2Chic- Hi!!!!! Glad you made the most of the situation! I miss the smaller gatherings that used to take place amongst our blog friends. No cameras, no worrying about opinions…just friends getting together. Sigh.

    AM – You have mail from last week. Perhaps it got filtered. Hope you are well!

  117. 2Chic says:

    excuse the typos… I am still sleepy, but wanted to give you guys a run down.

  118. 2Chic says:

    Hi All,

    Well let me say… the Fifty Shades of LA was an utter disappointment. It was totally not what I expected. I did meet some really cool ladies, but it also looked like there was quiet a few ladies of the evening as well. As it began to pick up, and the time of unmasking approached, the LAPD shows up and tells everyone to leave for there were no drinking permit. It was an extremely humiliating ordeal. There were cameras all over the place, and it just became worse by the minute. I did meet Brandon briefly and introduced myself. He is a very sweet guy, and offered to refund everyone their money back. I feel that someone set the ambush up, just seem very well planned out. My suggestion is to hold such events in Vegas. Seriously. As for the guys… well it was not the best situation to have to cops show up. I was not interested in meeting any of the guys, and I think my body language spoke volumes. ..LOL . For some reason I could not get comfortable, call intuition but now I know why. So my fellow sugar sashayed on over to the party next door and I danced it up a bit. Hey I was quiet out of place in my slinky gown while every one else was in casuals..LOL. By that time, I was like I am just make the most of the night, I did get a list of phone numbers from young guys…LOL

  119. Tina says:

    DOH! Must…..not…post……dirty comment……..GAAAAAAAH!

  120. Simplicity says:

    DC needs a guru sprinkle really bad

  121. Melissa says:

    Why is finding a NORMAL SD so hard?????? How frustrating!

  122. Tina says:

    @BEB: there’s an idea: clone Guru into tiny particles, and sell like a salt shaker. Tag line? “Missing a good SD in your area? Sprinkle a little Guru around, pamper, and the rest will come”

    Hehehehehehehe, million dollar ideas – I’m FULL of ’em 😉

  123. Simplicity says:

    Good morning everyone!

  124. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Simplicity – OMG!!!! I’m a Mini Wheats girl too!!! :-)

    I do love when SD Guru agrees with me :-) :-) All hail SD Guru!!! Is there any way you can clone yourself SD Guru and pepper yourself throughout the sugar world, more specifically in southern New Brunswick :-)

  125. Unhappy Sugarbaby says:

    Is there a way to warn other sugar babies about a guy on this site? I’m sure this has been asked before. But I want to protect other girls from this guy. This guy is not a real sugar daddy.

  126. Grasshopper says:

    I gotta have my Kix ;p

    • SD Guru says:

      Interesting chatter on the blog today…

      @BEB & Simplicity
      “If you are going to date, at least have something to offer besides money.”
      “Without good conversation and intelligence what is the point of even talking to the man?”

      Expecting a pot SD to bring something to the table besides money is the right approach, and you can’t put a price tag on having that chemistry and connection. That’s not being picky, that’s just being smart!

      “When you find a SD… maybe we can tag team him.”

      Now you’re onto something… :mrgreen:

      @NorthernSD

      You’re welcome, I’m glad to see that you’re having a better experience. Please keep us posted!

  127. RussianSB says:

    Please, forgive me my broken English, everybody.
    Sorry – I am not going to exit Sugar lifestyle. It is Dream World of shiffons and tuxedos…
    blue diamonds and azzure waters, marble palaces and ballrooms full of exotic flowers,
    walts and cortesy. It is fairytale, not life. People don’t want play that game anymore,
    it needs a lot of efforts both from man and woman. Girls choose carrier, Nikes and ponytales. Boys choice I leave here without comments. Sugar will fade away soon ( in 30 years maybe ). I have been trophy wife, princess, but feel like sugar lover more. And ideal format of relationship for me – travel partner. It is easier for both be fabulouse for one week. I accumulate all my beauty looks, good moods, and sparkling for one week.
    But I cannot sparkling everyday 24 hours. All my life I am Sugar and in 90 y.o. I will be Sugar. I am not buy myself diamonds – I can afford that, but I think it is simply bad tone .
    My two cents about terms of arrangement. Two years is very popular. Busy men REALLY busy (and lazy) to change girls every two month and they are REALLY looking for long-term , it depends on woman how long she able to keep that fire of interest in her.
    But at the end of year two they get bored. Is seems not so bad while Frederique Begbeder decide that any lovestory live 3 years :))) Some friends of mine have their SDs
    for 10 years and more. Very difficult to poof when you provide lady with several houses and toys, doesn’t make any sense, really, to part with someone you INVEST money such long period. Not all have nerv for it.

  128. Tina says:

    I guess I should have put it “Trix are for kids! Tricks are for older kids!” 😉

  129. Simplicity says:

    Lmao I’m way too old then I prefer mini wheats :(

  130. SadSB says:

    I would love to have an exit plan but I haven’t met an SD! I’ve met two guys who wanted to have sex right away, and they both lied about their appearance. Naturally, I walked away. But I was wondering if it had anything to do with my race. Please continue reading before you call me a racist.

    Everyone has a preference, which is fine, I have mine too. But I think a lot of guys here are looking for the tall, blonde model. I am the opposite: avg. hight, brown hair, black female. And I see a lot of guys who state in caps they are not interested in black women.

    I don’t think these guys are racist, everyone is entitled to what they want. But where can a smart, beautiful, black girl like me, find great SD? I’m not having any luck at all. It’s been 6months or so.

  131. Tina says:

    Tricks are for kids! Really old kids! :)

    Nekkid tricks are for the bad little boys and girls who need spankings! 😉

  132. Grasshopper says:

    @BEB – haha! You said “tricks”! =X

  133. Grasshopper says:

    ::gets naked::

  134. Tina says:

    WHOHOO! nekkid SBs on the blog! And where are all the SDs when it’s the most fun? Eeeeeh, nevermind, we don’t need’em 😉

  135. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Does that mean ‘yur nakid?’

  136. Simplicity says:

    Lmao it’s ok I had to take it off anyway

  137. Tina says:

    Oh crap, it was wasn’t it! That’s what I get for commenting on the blog while being distracted by working on a cover letter! BAH!

    aaaah, so many ladies here with significant boobage…….. 😉

  138. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    It was Simplicity who drowned her boobs….It would take more than a giggle to drown MY boobage 😉

  139. VASD says:

    Are you sure that was drink?

  140. Tina says:

    Awwww VASD, you made BEB drown her boobs! BOOOOOO! But you DID get her all wet and sticky! :)

    (Sorry, couldn’t help myself)

  141. Simplicity says:

    Lmao and there went my drink all down the front of me.

  142. VASD says:

    A fella could DROWN.

    BbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBb

  143. Tina says:

    Haha, BEB did the “that’s what SHE said” line….teehee…..

  144. Tina says:

    Mutual SIMULTANEOUS spewage is the BESTEST! :)

  145. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @ VASD – That’s what I said the first time lol

  146. VASD says:

    Yes, I’ve known ladies who spew from the damndest places…

    ‘Where the hell did all THAT come from?!?!’

  147. Tina says:

    True…..mutual spewage is the best!

  148. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Women have been known to spew by times…. so I’m told 😉

  149. Tina says:

    @BEB: if things went right, I think it was VASD that was spewing things……

  150. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Did VASD make you spew your drink lol

  151. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    ‘Get a chat room will ya!!!” haha

  152. Tina says:

    @Simplicity: no worries my dear, I’m no shrinking violet 😉 And yes, a chat room is a definite “to do ” list item. Ahem, Brandon? You there? 😉

  153. Simplicity says:

    VASD- at least the breathing issues I have with you around are enjoyable

  154. Simplicity says:

    Lol sorry Tina. As I said sa needs a chat room

  155. Tina says:

    *rubs eyes* oh my, the visuals I’m getting are quite……well, just quite…….interesting……..

  156. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @VASD – My SD used to live and practice in DC. You’d have lots to chat about while us girls ummmmm…..play 😉

  157. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Better come soon as we are snowed in until May lol

  158. Simplicity says:

    Ok I will go pack

  159. VASD says:

    @BEB If she’s having trouble breathing, the last thing she needs is me around.

  160. VASD says:

    Don’t die, Simplicity, we may yet become lovers and flit off to Bangor. I think I’d be right at home–they got backwoods hicks up there too–‘cept they speak a little funny.

  161. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @VASD – Would you get over to Simplicity’s and make her feel better!!! Poor baby girl. :-(

    @Simplicity – Yeah….he is a card isn’t he….and very cute too. We might have to jello wrestle for him if he ever breaks his code. But he might call it a tie….and I’d be fine with that 😉 I think we could all be fast friends.

  162. Simplicity says:

    They need a SA chat room so the blog does not get flooded with one liners

  163. Simplicity says:

    The places that hold my student loans will be very angry if I die before they get to bill me.

  164. Simplicity says:

    Lmao you are going to kill me VASD

  165. Simplicity says:

    BEB you don’t know the half of it. His personality is amazing off blog as well.

  166. VASD says:

    Who said I was intelligent. I jes a backwoods hick.

    Came back from the urologist Dr. the other day—my boss asked me why I was wearing a tux. “Well–if I’s gonna be im-po-tant, well I’s gonn look im-po-tant, too!”

  167. Simplicity says:

    Ya’ll are making me break out into hysterics which is putting me into coughing fits…. Damned bronchial pneumonia.

  168. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @VASD – You just come on here and tease all us signs of intelligent life starved SBs. Not FAIR!!!

  169. Simplicity says:

    I wanna be your lover but you won’t let me. You and your damned morals lol

  170. VASD says:

    How do I get myself into these things…?

  171. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Simplicity and VASD – Sounds like the makin’s of a good time had by all :-)

  172. VASD says:

    BbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBb

  173. VASD says:

    @Simplicity Undercover?? Why, it was all over the blog! But you know I play both sides of the aisle. I’m not one of those that believes you shouldn’t fraternize with the other side just because of their political beliefs. Some of my best friends and lovers are Republicans!

  174. Simplicity says:

    Damned aftershock.

  175. Simplicity says:

    Lol BEB that would be a very interesting time. Hmmmm my legs are beginning to shake at the idea of it.

  176. VASD says:

    Direct flights from DC to Bangor on USAir…

  177. Simplicity says:

    VASD– hello darling, I have missed you dearly. Yes stubborn men are very common in the DC are I believe it is because the are undercover dems lol j/k

  178. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @VASD – Well technically I’m offering to share myself with Simplicity for my SD’s pleasure 😉 Care to watch?

  179. Simplicity says:

    Hmmm Maine I could do. Lol

  180. VASD says:

    Well hello again Ms. Simplicity! Good to see you back. Interesting to see BEB offering to share her SD with you.

    P4P morons are all over the place, and some of us are like brick walls–why even in the DC area. I agree with the statements above that you just go with what feels comfortable, fun and good–human–but don’t lose track of your goals.

    And–color me rude, but–just cuz some bozo sends you a message doesn’t mean you need to respond to it.

  181. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Actually he’s in Maine :-)

  182. Simplicity says:

    Lol once again to my misfortune I’m sure he is in Canada which is not exactly local lmao

  183. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Simplicity – Then you would like my SD :-) I’m sure he’d love to meet you. He loves a sexy smart woman.

  184. Simplicity says:

    Well if I every get lucky enough to find a man with a brain that can function on the same level as mine or higher I will be glad to give it a go.

  185. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Tina – Stay the fuck out of Dodge.

  186. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Simplicity – I agree. Lucky for me my SD is a retired construction law trial lawyer with a keen interest in the arts. We are perfect for each other. If I can find someone up here in the hinterlands…you are bound to find someone too…eventually. I believe I am incredibly lucky with my SD and he thinks the same of me. Don’t get me wrong…he’s as cute as can be but his mind is really what turns me on. When you find a SD…maybe we can tag team him. lol I know my SD would die to see me with another woman but I have never gone there….but you are making me rethink my boundaries 😉

  187. Simplicity says:

    Unfortunately BEB I am getting to the point where I am filtering through pots like my undie drawer. I have been told I am too picky so many times and now I am starting to believe it. I can’t find a guy on here that can connect with me on the important levels… Without good conversation and intelligence what is the point of even talking to the man? Most of the meetings have ended with me thinking I could carry on a better conversation with a brick wall. The sad thing is I’m not even particular on looks it’s the mind that matters to me and not many on here know how to use theirs.

  188. Tina says:

    @Simplicity: then they’re morons – NEXT!

    @BEB: EEEEEEESH! (and I’m currently cancelling all plans to EVER visit Dodge 😉 )

  189. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Simplicity – How’s tricks? 😉

  190. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    @Simplicity – You are too smart to every be happy with a rambling idiot. Click ‘next’.

    As for P4P, if there’s a good match, go with it for a bit but let them know that an allowance is your ultimate goal. That’s what happened with me and it’s worked out wonderfully. Mind you we are on a schedule so it wasn’t like ‘Hey wanna come over and fuck…I’ll leave the money on the bedside table.” We see each other every other week for a couple of days or more and voila, money appears in my pay pal account with a nice message from my SD. It has evolved over time. I now have a Tahoe, beautiful shoes, purses, perfume, makeup etc. and he’s even mentioned his will. I never ask for anything. We have a deal in place so it doesn’t have to be discussed again.

    Some of you may recall I am looking for one more SD….well I met someone recently who I have been communicating with for months. I should have paid attention to my instincts (famous last words). I asked him if he drank or was on medication and he denied both. Something about the cadence of his speech told me something was off. He’s a neurosurgeon and jazz musician so I chalked it up to being tired or just having that musician’s swagger. Well did I get a eye opener. The man is a complete depressive and shouldn’t even be on this site. He is drugged to the gills and has the shakes. Needless to say I got out of Dodge as fast as I could (we spent one night together and he was even weirder in the middle of the night…nothing happened…I then told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him and even cancelled 2 nights at the only 5 star hotel in my province because I couldn’t bear to be with him for another minute) and ran back to my SD, thanking my lucky stars for him (he knows I am looking for one more SD). Whew!!! Not sure if I’ll be up for meeting anyone else for awhile. There are some WEIRD people in this world. Don’t get me wrong….I feel sorry for the guy but THAT is NOT what I signed up for. If you are going to date, at least have something to offer besides money.

  191. Simplicity says:

    BEB- god I have missed you! My life just has not been the same lol

  192. Blue Eyed Beauty says:

    Glad to see the gang’s all here :-) Hugs and Kisses to all the blog SDs and to the blog SBs “You are lookin’ mighty fine girlfriend.” 😉

  193. Simplicity says:

    I have said things very similar if not verbatim and then I get no response or in one case “wow that was rude” lol

  194. Tina says:

    @Simplicity: I would simply respond to those that ramble with a polite e-mail stating something like “Wow, that was a lot of information packed into one e-mail. But, I’m still wondering who you are, what you like and what you’re looking for….” Then ask some specific questions. Most people don’t quite know what to say (hell, we see it here on the blog ALL the time!), and they have a lot of opinions on what they are looking for, but it just gets jumbled. Ask the specific, open ended questions that you’re looking for, an it will direct the conversation.

    As for the screening of the P4P, I’m going to leave that up to someone more experienced in the matter.

  195. Simplicity says:

    So I have a few questions… How can a SB eliminate the guys that a p4p without elimination true pots?

    Also, have any of you ladies come across the SD’s that leave you thinking ” ok and your point is?” how do respond to their messages without sounding like a total bitch? In case you are not getting the question I am referring to guys who ramble on but don’t say much of anything pertinent.

  196. Simplicity says:

    Hello all. I see you have been very busy.

    Tina- for me stupid things seem to run in slow mo all the time and maybe a fifth of the time I catch myself before the end result.

    Molly- good morning love how are you today?

    VASD- hey darling how are you doing?

  197. Tina says:

    I hate it when I do stupid things, and hate it even more when I see myself doing it in slow motion but can’t stop. I just burnt the piss out of a knuckle because I hit it against the side of a hot stove. Dammit.

    Ok, rant over.

  198. Tina says:

    Good morning to you dearest Molly! :)

  199. VASD says:

    Thank you @Guru.

  200. Nawty Molly says:

    Good Morning Everyone! 😀

  201. Tina says:

    @Guru: thank you dearest, you are the best! :)

  202. northernsd says:

    @SD Guru
    I just wanted to drop a note of thanks as I took your advise and after learning (and being entertained) from your blog I went on two micro dates this week with much better results and with 1 it looks like a possible match with future date planned already.

  203. NC Gent says:

    Circe – as long as you have your expenses covered, and you feel comfortable, enjoy your trip to Vegas! Women have flown to meet me for the first time after we “knew” each other a while. Trust your instincts and be safe :)

  204. JustAThought SD says:

    @Dulce

    Noooooooooo, I wasn’t suggesting break your fast. I hope that’s not what I conveyed.

  205. Circe says:

    Thank you NC Gent, VASD and Ellen SB…I inquired about expectations, etc tonight and we had a good, long conversation.

    I think I actually feel more comfortable going to Vegas than having him come here? Why? I have no idea…well, no rational/logical ideas anyway. Besides, I like to travel. No, I do not know anyone in Nevada but I didn’t know anyone in Winnipeg and all I had with me was my car, my tent and a couple hundred bucks to cover expenses. What I had was an amazing weekend on my own at a Blues fest. My trip there was personal, not SB related. As long as I he covers my base financial needs prior to departure, I would be fine with going to him. In theory anyway.

    Well, still have not read through everything but I’ll get to it. Now it’s time for bed…Thanks again for your insight, even if it didn’t cost anything.

    Happy Autumn everyone.

  206. Tina says:

    Jack, you sorta have mail! :)

    • SD Guru says:

      It’s been a very active day on the blog today! All email exchange requests have been taken care of (I think).

      @Content SB
      “The issue/problem is largely jealousy, and frustration with reality.”

      One of my rules for sugar dating is “Don’t get emotionally attached, especially with a married man.” I know yours is not a sugar relationship, but perhaps having clear emotional boundaries will keep you out of trouble.

      “It was a moment of weakness. It happens.”

      Yup, being human we all have our moment of weakness. Just recognize it for what it is and move on, which I guess you’ve already done.

  207. Grasshopper says:

    ::grabs a mop..cleans up slobber::
    Grrr..I lose so much time having to clean up my puddles all damn day… :/

    For the record – that was SUPPOSED to read “knuckles”

    Grassy NO LIKE stuck qwerty keyboard on phone…Grassy need NEW phone with no more stuck!!!

  208. Tina says:

    Jack, that would be absolutely WONDERFUL! Thank you! Dearest blog gods, could you please exchange our e-mail addresses so that I can possibly find a wonderful new job?

    Thanks! :)

    (And Jack, I owe you! :) )

  209. Jack says:

    Tina,

    I’ll be happy to look at your resume. I have looked at hundreds and employed dozens of folks in my business life, so I may be able to shed some light on it for you.

    Jack

  210. Tina says:

    @Content: since you’re already in the complex, I would say if it meets your monthly budget sign a one year lease. It will at least give you a place of your own, and the best way to decide if you like the complex / area is to live there. With the rental house I’m in I would have never even thought of living in this part of town, but moved in due to necessity. I’ve come to absolutely LOVE it here! :)

  211. ContentSB says:

    @Tina — They do, but that jacks the price up by $150-200/month. I don’t really love that lol. When I was in college my parents were “helicopter parents” and tried to have a say in everything. But, now that I have my degree they’ve FINALLY backed off…except when I actually want advice I get answers like “you’ll make the right decision.” So annoying!!!

  212. Tina says:

    Grassy, git back here ‘n clean up yur slobber! Yous gunna make me falls ‘n break a hip er sumptin! 😉

  213. Nawty Molly says:

    My goodness! Thanks everyone! *Blush* :)

  214. Grasshopper says:

    me smart…me important! ::slobbers..skips away – knuckes dragging on floor::

  215. Tina says:

    @Content: they don’t have month to month options? They’re usually a little more expensive per month, but can give you an idea of possibly signing a longer term lease after a few months once you get comfortable :)

  216. ContentSB says:

    @Tina — Yes! It sucks!! And then I find one that looks awesome, but then start reading reviews and by the time I’m done with that I either hate it or am terrified of mold/bugs/druggies/thieves. I’m crashing with a friend right now, and I have a meeting with her landlord tomorrow to view a 1 BR. I think I’m happy with this complex, but signing a lease just freaks me out. Evidently I’m a commitmentphobe in all areas of my life :)

  217. Tina says:

    @Content: I know the feeling! When I left my college town and moved down here, it shocked the ever living crap out of me that I couldn’t find a two bedroom, 1000 is square foot apartment for less than $1000 a month, when I was paying about $550 a month total in college. Eeeep!

    And just FYI, any of the wonderful SDs that would like to help me redo my resume and a specific targeted cover letter would be my hero! I have a few job opportunities that I want to make sure I am 110% ready for and picked for an interview. :)

  218. ContentSB says:

    OY!!! I haven’t missed having a SD until recently when I started apartment hunting. My super cute apartment (725 sq ft, with W/D in unit, secure building, underground parking, AND central air) only cost me $650 in the city where I went to college. Now, I have to pay at least $900 for the same amenities. *Sigh* I need a grown-up job fast…serving isn’t cutting it in the cities with my expensive taste :)

  219. Tina says:

    Haha she said “beefcake” teehee

    @Grassy, you is smart, you is kind, you is important! 😉

  220. Grasshopper says:

    TINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!…

    haha..did you see what I did there?! I wrote “ay” instead of “ah”…I’m SO clever that way, sometimes!
    *teehee* ;D

  221. DULCE says:

    I know I’m soooo late but thanks @ Just a thought SD for your wonderful advice 3 blogs ago.You are so full of wisdom.
    It’s soooo hard to keep up with the post! I’m Busy busy busy! I will totally be back with some updates. And you are right- I might break my fast, and finally wrap my lips around some tastey beef cake!

  222. EllenSugarB says:

    So excited about the Despicable Me II…And I also love nerds.

  223. Tina says:

    GRASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

  224. Grasshopper says:

    “(It’s like) taking sand to the beach”..haha…I’ve never heard that particular saying before, but I’m diggin” it!

  225. Tina says:

    @Ellen: did you know that Despicable is going to have a part II? Oh yeah! Animation is SO fascinating to me, and brings out the fun side! I love nerds :)

  226. EllenSugarB says:

    You’re pretty hot, too, Tina :) And your avatar is SO cool. Despicable me is such a good and funny movie.

    California SB – are you still wearing the red Versace dress and silver heels to the sugar baby party in LA? I was trail running yesterday and was trying to visualize what it looks like. If someone says Herve Leger, I know what the dress will look like. But Versace has so many different cuts in his designs – which style of dress are you wearing? Just curious…

  227. Tina says:

    @Ellen and VASD: Yup yup! I love me some sexy Molly :)

  228. VASD says:

    I think we all have crushes on Molly, Anna, Nawty or otherwise.

  229. EllenSugarB says:

    I don’t even know what she looks like and I think she is SUPER SEXY!!!

  230. EllenSugarB says:

    Right Tina?! I have a crush on Molly too!

  231. Tina says:

    @VASD: veeeeeery promising!

    @Nawty: oh girl, you know I have a crush on you too! You bring out my “nawty” side 😉

  232. EllenSugarB says:

    Circe – I agree with NC Gent above to have him travel to you first, unless you have friends or something else to do in Vegas, where he lives.

    Webcam chat ONLY after you’ve spoken on the phone to the extent to which your instincts tell you that you can trust this stranger. Personally, I don’t do webcam chat until AFTER I have met man in person. Why? Because I have found that some (a lot) of guys on here are just plan creeps, some are bored of staring at the same computer screen and find it exciting to see an actual person on the screen, and some will use webcam chat to fill their pit of loneliness and since your little webcam experience fills that need for then they won’t ever make the effort to meet you (and thus, are a waste of time and just using you without reciprocity). On the flip side, I have no problem meeting a guy face to face for coffee or lunch without the expectation of a gift.

    Also he lives in Vegas, you say? Tread lightly with this one. Vegas guys are sketchy. It’s a stereotype, but it’s an accurate one. Sorry if any of you live in Vegas – – then again, if you live in Vegas, you already know that Vegas guys are sketchy. Come on now…importing a girl to Vegas?…taking sand to the beach. Just Sayin’

  233. VASD says:

    Circe–I echo NC Gent–he should come to you first, or at least verifiably guarantee a neutral first meeting place if you go to Vegas first.

  234. NC Gent says:

    Hi Circe — before you invest too much more time, I think you should have a discussion on expectations/needs/wants. It may save both of you a lot of wasted time. After that, you might want to consider a webcam “meeting” so you are both comfortable with appearance (unless that isn’t important to you at all). Finally, I would recommend that you have him travel to you the first time. If he is truly into you and has financial resources, he will likely make that happen. Hope that helps, and consider what you paid for my opinion :)

  235. Circe says:

    I was hoping to solicit the advice of the SD/SB crowd here if you do not mind. I have had a few conversations with a pot SD and he seems nice. On the first call he mentioned feeling a “connection” with me which is fine. I don’t really at this point but that is not indicative of anything really…I’m not one to feel connections/attachment right away. He seems nice and someone I could get along with and am not opposed to seeing how things go. Con’s…he lives far away (Vegas…I am in Ohio). I would be fine traveling on occasion. He also implied that he has not been in a SD/SB arrangement before and even mentioned something about “it is what it is” in reference to money.

    I have not brought it up at all, I am just feeling things out at this point. I want to know that this is someone I could feel a connection with and enjoy spending time with. I also want to make sure I am right for him as well. I would hate to get going into this and he does develop an attachment or something only to realize that it’s not a good fit.

    Anyhoo…I’ve read through a number of the previous blog posts and found some useful information, especially in relation to traveling and vetting out potential SD’s and vice versa. But I am still unsure of how to progress into these next few stages. Any advice is most welcome.

    Thank you all in advance. And once I get back from lecture I will have to read through what I’ve been missing on this post. I’ve been BUSY!!!

  236. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    This is what I want. I want a man who knows how to have a good time, treat a woman right, a man who is honest in words and actions, helpful, a stand-up guy, considerate, helpful, funny, and just fun to be with! That’s what I want, and, if I find it, I will stick with that person as long as possible! I’m not a shallow type person and find all of the above attributes so important! If I find a man who can treat me right and a guy who will be honest and happy with me, I feel no need to find anyone else. A bird in the had is worth two in the bush…right?? 😀

  237. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    I may refer to my ex and I apologize, but, it’s helpful in learning about the male physiology.:D

  238. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    VASD ~ Why NOT long term? What if she was EVERYTHING you ever wanted in a SB? What then? When it comes to men who don’t feel like they can do the long term SB thing, I feel it’s more of a commitment thing. No one is asking you to marry them, but, if they have everything you’re looking for and more, why look elsewhere?

    I’m not doggin’ on ya’, I’m just curious. 😀

  239. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    Tina ~ You ARE amazing! You’re funny, happy and interesting. If I were a guy I would totally be into you..hell, I’m a girl and find you extremely intriguing 😉

    I’m into all who belong to the human race. Women are so soft and sensuous though! Women have the softest and most supple lips I’ve ever tasted….MMM, HMMM 😉

  240. VASD says:

    @Tina I most certainly do swallow.

    @Nawty I have circumstances in which I neither can nor want to do anything long-term–and am straight forward about that from the start–but as indicated, I do often keep up on friendly terms with SBs long after the fling is gone. I’d rather put a limit on it and adjust outward from there than imply a possibility of long-term when it isn’t really an option.

  241. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    Tina ~ You ARE amazing! You’re funny, happy and interesting. If I were a guy I would totally be into you..hell, I’m a girl and find you extremely intriguing 😉

  242. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    Entomology! Eww! I’m into all kinds of history (especially Egyption), but, bugs!?! Not sure. I have eaten Crickets before though. I was at the Insectarium in Montreal and they had a special event going on where you could taste certain insects in foods. I had Cricket Cornbread. I gagged bacause their little legs got stuck in my teeth…it was not delicious or appealing. 😀

  243. Tina says:

    @VASD: there’s a comment for you that I left on the workout plan blog – feel free to move that entire conversation over to this blog too….multiple blogs are such a hassle! 😉

  244. Tina says:

    @Nawty: and you know I’m just amazing, so I might change his mind 😉 Kidding, I’m kidding….no one flame me…..

    And not just head chewing either……but I won’t go into any details here……

  245. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    VASD ~ What is wrong with a long term SB?? If you find a girl that AMAZING, why ruin things by telling them it’s not long term? Long term doesn’t have to mean exclusive or anything like that, but, if you really click with someone, why put a time limit on it?? That’s MHO. 😀

  246. VASD says:

    Just some head chewing, N/A Molly. And Entomology lessons.

  247. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    What is going on with everyone?? Any new blogmances going on??

  248. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    I really need to catch up on the blog! It’s good to be “BACK IN THE LOOP”, well, sort of. 😀

  249. VASD says:

    No worries @Tina. I can take as good as I give.

  250. Tina says:

    @VASD: I was just teasing, my dear. I respect your positions……and hopefully many more 😉

  251. VASD says:

    @Tina At least I’m a known quantity–honorable in that I say what I mean and mean what I say. And only enage with th utmost in joy, intellectual curiosity, and respect.

  252. Tina says:

    @VASD: ooooh, so you’re not an honorable SD? Now THAT’S appealing! (sarcasm should be dripping from that last comment….).

    See, that’s what you get for getting me started! 😛

  253. VASD says:

    Excellent topic–as will be the SD equivalent. As I’ve put up here before, I’m only a sometime SD and only engage in relationships with durations defined up front. We might, of course, re-engage at some point in the future–and I’ve done that with special and fun SBs–but anyone having anything to do with me will know from the get-go that they shouldn’t expect anything long-term. A fun fling for a weeked or a month–then I’m your guy. Something more long-term, better go with one of the excellent and honorable SDs I see writing here.

  254. Tina says:

    @Treasured: congrats on the SD and the happiness! Best of luck with your studies! :)

  255. Treasured says:

    Hi everybody :)

    Haven’t been on here long. Have started my studies, so am uber busy.

    BUT: I have been having a good time. Am happy with my SD :)

  256. Lady Vuitton says:

    Thanks EllenSugarB for answering my question.

    Hope everyone has an enjoyable day.

    x

  257. EllenSugarB says:

    Jack,

    I grew up in the peninsula where you lived. It’s a beautiful area.

  258. EllenSugarB says:

    You can stalk whoever you want to on Facebook. That’s why I keep my page empty :) If they don’t want to be stalked then they shouldn’t put their life on a public webpage.

  259. ContentSB says:

    @California — I understand where you’re coming from, and agree that it’s “not cool.” I’m not sure what the dynamics are for others in this type of relationship, however we’ve had a comfort level with each other since Day 1 that has given him the freedom to talk openly about his family. It’s very normal for me to hear stories about his children on any given day; it doesn’t bother me, and in fact I’m glad we’re able to talk about anything and everything. I know this sounds incredibly weird, but like I said before, we’ve managed in our own way to flourish within the relationships limitations. That openness is part of what works so well for us and can give us an odd sense of normality.

    “You are only bringing grief to yourself and him” — To myself, yes, absolutely. To him? Not at all. I didn’t mention it to him because I knew it wouldn’t serve any purpose. I dealt with it myself, and vented here instead.

    “You are trying to belong to his other universe.” — No, not so much. Because I hear stories about his family on a regular basis, I think curiosity got the best of me. Lesson learned (the hard way, of course). Coming from “the other woman” I realize how this will sound, but I have too much respect for him and his other universe, as you call it, to try and belong to it. I’m happy with our universe and what we share for now. When that changes I’ll gracefully bow out.

    It was a moment of weakness. It happens.

  260. California SB says:

    Content…. I know you know this but you broke the rule number one when dating a married guy: don’t ever EVER look at his wife’s or his children’s facebook page. It is HIS world. You know well that this parallel universe of his exists and you need to stay away from it. You are only bringing grief to yourself and him. He is doing what he needs to do, which is to have a girlfriend on the side without having to interfere with his marriage. If I were you, I would stop everything right now. You are trying to belong to his other universe which is not going to happen. If you are tired of being the other woman, walk away. Don’t stalk his family on facebook, dear. It not cool.

  261. Tina says:

    Jack –

    The minion moniker fits me better than any picture I can provide :)

    Yuck, divorce legaleaze……..’nuff said.

  262. Jack says:

    Tina,

    Feel free to pop in (via my profile) and say hi so I can put a face to a name.

    Actually, most of the work that I did during the divorce was ON the divorce itself, which had complicated property-related issues (I’m primarily a real estate investor) as well as custody threats which never materialized (but required a lot of prep for).

    But all of that is ancient history and I am very much looking forward to waay more play time as my work schedule goes under 40 hrs per week next year.

    Jack

  263. Tina says:

    @Jack: all of the above is QUITE achievable, assuming that the spankings are negotiable, of course 😉 (I’d LOVE to be able to go back to get my MBA, but I digress….)

    Wow, just 40 hours a week? That WOULD be nice…..aaaaah, dreaming of that now……and sometimes work is a nice distraction when going through a divorce. Helps keep you out of trouble…..well, sometimes 😉

  264. Jack says:

    Tina,

    Yes, can do on the adoption request. All adoption applications must be submitted via my profile (#989322). Please note that if you are adopted, you will have to get straight A’s, clean your room and be nice to your newly-acquired 6 and 8-year-old sisters. An additional disadvantage of being adopted by me (although there ARE many pluses, of course) is that I almost never spank my daughters.

    Of course, I might make an exception for you, if desired.

    Total LOL, of course (I gotta say that so that nobody flames me for some perceived faux pasin my comments!)

    As to needing the cruise at Xmas–hell, I already need it now! All kidding aside, I am making very good headway on my 5-year plan to decrease my working hours from 100 hrs per wk (I kid you not!) in 2009 and early 2010 (much of that courtesy of the divorce), to 80 hrs in the rest of 2010 and early 2011, to 60 hrs/wk the rest of 2011, down to 50 hrs now, and down to 40 hrs per week by mid-2013.

    By the time I get to 40 hrs per week next year, THAT will feel like a vacation!

    Jack

  265. Nawty Molly *1176145 * says:

    Exit plan?? Oh, I’ll give you an exit plan! Hehehe 😉

  266. Anna Molly *1176145 * says:

    New Blog! I came back just in time! Now, I just need to go back and actually read what the topic was…lol. 😀

  267. ContentSB says:

    @EllenSugar & @Tina — Thanks ladies!! I really appreciate the solid advice and have definitely taken it to heart. In the words of Meredith Grey (yeah…that’s the best I can do at the moment) “Stupid boys and their stupid boy penises!” :)

  268. Tina says:

    @ Jack: can you adopt me? Please? I’ll be a good girl, I promise! :)

    In all seriousness, I’m so happy that you had a great vacation! Now you’ll need that cruise at Christmas just recover from your coming back “party” your businesses are throwing you :)

  269. Tina says:

    @Content: oh sweetness, I know how you feel! Although I’m not in a relationship, there’s something unfortunate starting to bud between me and a married coworker, so I actually know how you feel.

    Ellen SB has some WONDERFUL advice for you above. I would like to reiterate a few points she made. First, DON’T let this cause your walls to build back up, Just remember that you’ve had some wonderful times, something some people never really find, and knew going in that it was temporary. Just think of what you would have missed if those walls were up.

    Now, onto the meat of the issue. I would be jealous too, and get that way from time to time with someone I haven’t been intimate with, so I can relate. For one thing, I would actually not celebrate anymore anniversaries, since it can trigger something like this. I would let him know how you feel (once you’ve calmed down, of course); tell him that you know what the situation is, but that sometimes feelings can creep up. Just let him know that you cherish the time you spend together, and want to celebrate for no good reason – celebrating just living, being and loving.

    With your situation, you can only live in the moment, which you already know. So focus on that. Enjoy being with him when he’s available, and stay off his wife’s FB page. You can’t be in that part of his life, so don’t even go there.

    When you do get frustrated, physical activity is a wonderful outlet. I would get a Nerf gun, tape a picture of him to the wall, and shoot the hell out of it until I feel a little better. He never needs to know that you’re feeling that way, but it will help deal with the lingering resentment.

    Whatever way you handle it, just please make sure that dealing with the resentment is your target. Having that in your head will sour something that is oh-so-sweet right now :)

    And take care of yourself sweetie! :)

  270. Jack says:

    EllenSugar,

    I know that coastline well. I lived in the mid-Peninsula (San Carlos and Woodside, near Palo Alto) for almost 20 years and would sometimes ride my bike in the Carmel/Monterrey area.

    And I did my pediatric internship in LA, so I know Malibu as well.

    Jack

  271. EllenSugarB says:

    Content – Work on your exit strategy 😉

  272. EllenSugarB says:

    Content SB – I’ve been in a very similar state to that which you are in now. My concern right now is that you may be building back up those very same walls that he helped you break down – Then what would all of this have been good for? To get you right back to the very place you started from? I think not.

    Don’t look at Facebook if it makes your eyes bleed. Facebook is drama. (My opinion.)

    Maybe you feel anger and frustration because something about this situation is causing you fear? Identify the source of fear and identify a corrective action.

    Try to find an outlet for your frustrations, like exercise, or a a hobby you enjoy. Writing in a journal is also good because it may give you perspective, and also be a good outlet. You cold even write him a letter bitching about everything irking you — then throw it away. Or, if you’re just super pissed off and feeling in a destructive mood – go throw expired eggs, one by one, at the inside of a dumpster, or throw some old dishes.

    Try not to let yourself get consumed by resentment. Write all of your resentments down on a piece of paper (you may be surprised how long the list can get!). Then, burn the paper, flush it, throw it in the ocean, discard of it however you please and let the resentments go with it. Why? Because holding on to those resentments will only cause you harm. Hold tight to the positive things that this man has brought into your life, let go of the rest.

    Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Annoyance or disdain will only drain your precious energy. You knew why you got involved in the first place and you got what you wanted out of it. I repeat, keep those good things, let go of the rest. Practice detachment. Re evaluate your situation, identify your wants and needs, be honest with yourself about those which he can/cannot provide. Set healthy boundaries.

    I wish I were a better writer to give you something more composed – but hopefully you can find at least something in there that helps.

  273. ContentSB says:

    @Guru — When I looked at her FB page I saw pictures of them taken together on Sunday. The issue/problem is largely jealousy, and frustration with reality. When I get in a mood like this I’m annoyed with everyone who played a role in creating this situation. I’m irrationally annoyed with his wife for having medical issues that led him to look elsewhere to fill the void of intimacy (yeah…I realize how stupid and insane that sounds), I’m annoyed with him for approaching me in the first place, and I’m annoyed with myself for getting involved. That slap of reality across the face is sometimes necessary to keep things in perspective, but it can be a total mood killer.

  274. ContentSB says:

    Gaahhhhh! I need to vent!! Although it’s not sugar related, it is married man related, and I know some of you have either dipped your toes into those waters, or dove in completely. In the last week I “celebrated” a six month mile marker with the man I’ve been seeing (I still think it was SUPER lame to celebrate, because in my mind it only makes sense to celebrate an anniversary when there’s a future…but hey I’m always down to party) which was a WONDERFUL night, and just returned tonight from a quick business trip with him, which was of course wonderful as well.

    Now, idiot that I am, I decided to look at his wife’s facebook page (what part of me thought that would be a good idea? I have no idea) annnnd now I kind of despise not only myself, but him too. I think I’ll get over it, but I’m just…a whole lot of different emotions right now….pissed, sad, guilty, idiotic, etc.

    This man has been SO good to me. Several different bad relationships (sugar and IRL) made me so jaded and cold towards men, but he patiently knocked down my walls (holy cliche!!!) and has reminded me how I deserve to be treated. I was also struggling through my last year of school and his encouragement was monumental in helping me actually graduate. My life has turned around in great ways; I would be a fool to think his influence had nothing to do with that. Oddly enough we’ve managed to flourish within the relationship’s constraints and limitations while respecting those boundaries.

    It can just be SO DAMN frustrating to battle those pesky negative feelings that have a way of occasionally creeping in…sometimes because of my stupidity (i.e. looking at the wife’s FB page!!). I guess the point of this long-winded post is to voice frustration over something that can be so good, but also have moments that feel crappy. As great as this is, I’m looking forward to an eventual relationship that can have a real future.

    *End rant* — Thanks for letting me get that out of my system…I have several friends who know the ins and outs of this situation, but I don’t like speaking negatively about the relationship because they all stem from my choices which I’m sure is incredibly annoying for them to listen to. It’s nice to have this place as an outlet every now and then! Thanks loves :)

    • SD Guru says:

      This is a great blog topic!! The concept of exit strategy has been mentioned in the blog from time to time, and it’s nice to see a blog dedicated to the topic. I look forward to the discussion and I’ll post my thoughts later.

      @Content SB
      “now I kind of despise not only myself, but him too.”

      I’m glad you got a chance to vent!! But… why do you feel that way and what’s the problem again??

  275. EllenSugarB says:

    Thank you, Jack. That was very nice of you to say. I enjoy reading your posts, as well. I live in California in a small coastal town between Monterrey and Malibu.

  276. Jack says:

    Hi Tina,

    Our vacation time was beyond awesome, although being away from multiple businesses for almost two months is not recommended, they say! (And they are right!)

    Trip #1 was to Disneyland, then to visit my parents in La Jolla. Girls (6 and 8) had an awesome time, and truth be told, so did their old-fart Dad! Disneyland is so cool, especiallt the “Soaring Calif” ride!

    Trip #2 was to the east coast–to see my bro in Norfolk, then a few days in Virginia Beach (love the place) and a few days in Wash, DC (gotta get back there–I could spend a week at the Smithsonian all by itself). Girls became professional boogie boarders–Dad’s very proud! Dad also captured a 1-foot-long horseshoe crab–the pic made a great show-and-tell at school–and then released him, of course. Very cool.

    Trip #3–5-day RV trip, girls learned to dive (pretty decent form, I would say!) and we climbed on the roof of the motorhome, saw lots of movies and got some awesome tans.

    We’ll cap the year off with a cruise for the Xmas break–my parents sure didn’t entertain me like this when I was growing up, but they are good girls. Of course, occasionally they are cranky because Daddy is making them do something they don’t want to do and they complain to me about how “life isn’t fair,” to which Daddy responds, “You’re right, life isn’t fair. If life was fair, you guys wouldn’t have already been on 8 cruises by age 8, you wouldn’t each have a room of your own plus a third room in the house as your dedicated playroom, you wouldn’t have a motorhome that’s nicer than many people’s houses, etc.”

    As you can imagine, they don’t make the “Life isn’t fair” complaint very often any more. LOL.

    Jack

  277. Tina says:

    Hi Jack! How was the vacation? Hope you and the kiddos had fun!

  278. Jack says:

    EllenSugar,

    I always seem to nod my head (in agreement or in positive recognition) when I read your posts.

    I have discovered that my primary interest here is to find women who are self-sufficient but who are looking for a mentor and sugar perks (rather than sugar necessities) from an SD. The damsel in distress is not who I seek.

    Where do you live, EllenSugar?

    Jack

  279. California SB says:

    I think I am the pampered princess gold digger. But at the end of the day, when all the sugar is gone… I’d lovingly share a half sandwich with my broke and handsome hard working boyfriend. hahah I know, I’m so bad… 😛

  280. EllenSugarB says:

    Good article!

  281. EllenSugarB says:

    I’m a bit of a combo…Goal Digger/Sugar Lover. I have two college degrees, a career, and I’m entirely self sufficient from a financial standpoint, but I enjoy the mentorship that comes from sugar dating and I’m lucky that the people I’ve chosen to sugar-date have my best interests in mind (and I theirs). I think I default to being a Sugar Lover because I generally have a lot of love for the people in my life – and, yes, I need a real man.

    In regards to saving – if sugar comes in the form of money, I save it. ALL of it, if I can.

    Lady Vuitton – “Is there an age where you may be classed as too old for this site as a sugar baby?” No. It is up to the babe to decide if it’s time for her to exit. And it is up to the man to decide if she doesn’t fit his age requirement.

  282. Dulce says:

    Im Definitely a Sugar Lover! Love me sexy old man. Yum!

  283. Lady Vuitton says:

    Hi Bellamorous

    I hope you find what you want and achieve all. Have fun at the party!

    Now a question….
    I too have goals but is there an age where you may be classed as too old for this site as a Sugar Baby?

    Enjoy all x

  284. Bellamorous says:

    I’m all over this one!!! I’m definitely a “goal digger.” I am seeking a mentor-type sugar daddy. It’s nice to be pampered, travel, go shopping, etc., but at the end of the day I dont want it to be a dream vacation experience…I want that to be MY life! A mentor could help me to get out of debt, get my masters degree, connect me with the right people and basically set me up to be successful and happy for life.

    Hoping I meet my perfect SD at the party this Friday!!!! Flying in from SF…yayyyyyy!!!

  285. Jennifer says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

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