6 years ago
Friends with the Best Benefits?

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The phrase ‘friends with benefits’ is commonly used by Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies in the ‘Arrangement I am Seeking’ section of their profiles on SeekingArrangement. Indeed, the idea of having a no-strings-attached quality friendship that includes benefits is synonymous with a NSA sugar arrangement according to many SD’s and SB’s.

Lily: “We are designed to be capable of multiple, quality friendships, and sugars are friends, after all. Friends with Benefits! If it was more than that, then it wouldn’t be an NSA sugar arrangement, it would be a traditional partner who you are auditioning for a live-in/full-time role, and the rules and expectations are certainly different for that.”

A new study led by Rebecca Plante of Ithaca College in New York which surveyed 14,000 U.S. University students found that ‘friends with benefits’ relationships (not treated with sugar), are usually ‘doomed to fail’.

Dr. Plante said: “The sexual context of ‘friends with benefits’ is largely undefined, which can make it very difficult to deal with when or if feelings change, such as when one of the pair wants to end the sex but remain friends or wants to become more than friends.”
[poll id=”14″]
While sugar relationships usually have a sexual context as well, they also involve other aspects, including different forms of compensation (financial, etc.) meant to ensure that the relationships are mutually beneficial.

Lisa: “FWB, friends with benefits, no money, no dinners, no spoiling, no thank you”

 

Friends with Benefits” starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kundis (in theaters now) is the latest flick to get mainstream audiences buzzing about a ‘taboo’ relationship lifestyle. Mr. Timberlake has received high praise for his performance in this latest addition to the Sugar Movie List.

 

How would you define the difference between sugar relationships and friends with benefits?

 

What’s the most important part of a sugar arrangement for you?

 

How has your sugar-daddying or sugar-babying been lately?  

 

***CHECK OUT the wonderful new blog by RC msb,Sugar Prose“: The endless ramblings of a retired sugar baby! Visit this and other sweeeet sugar blogs (and add yours) here!***

 

***STAY TUNED for a special sugar interview with Mike (sugar daddy) and Steve (sugar baby male) from ‘MTV True Life: I am a Sugar Baby’!***

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298 Responses to “Friends with the Best Benefits?”

  1. Winenut64 says:

    @storm-something or other..SORRY!! “Rocks your soul”? or rocks your pecker?.. I’m 47 and completely new to this blog AND whole SD/SB thing. I’ve been browsing and reading endless blogs and never felt as inspired as I do now to stop my quest for information, as I do now ( with a small shout out to @ kindred-spirit..u rock!) EVERY fiber of my body, soul, existance, yada, yada, f-ing yada, SCREAM… ” DON’T DO IT!!!”… get it together, stop being a Pussy, and smell the coffee (something Gail apparently doesn’t do enough of! lmfao!!!.. sorry, Gail, couldn’t resist calming my beast w/a lil’ humor!)… I don’t even know you and perhaps my “take” is unjustifiably presumptuous, but mark my words, SHE HAS AN AGENDA and if you indulge her, (and not to sound cliche) but, you will hate yourself in the morning! Find your Balls and move on. (no offense meant)… :/

  2. Tanya says:

    Midwest- ice cream was so his idea too. definitely scored a few extra points with me. well time to get ready for my nail apt then home to get ready for my date. Decided to change it from sushi to starbucks. I tore a stitch yesterday and a venti green tea frap with no whip sounds really soothing!

    talk to you guys on the new blog!

  3. Stormcat says:

    Enigma ~ It was an affair that I had that when it ended motivated me to try sugar dating. I look back wistfully at that time for all the reasons that you just stated. While she wasn’t as young as most of the SBs that I’ve met she was definately as beautiful and I knew that what we had was genuine. Like you,I paid for everything and gave her gifts but there wasn’t this negotiation hovering over it and every bit of help I gave seemed genuinely unexpected and appreciated. Gifts were always a pleasure to give because she always seemed so suprised to get them.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Enigma SD
      Today marks one month into having an affair. I have to say at this point that it is way better than sugar dating.

      It’s great to see that your affair is going well! I’m always interested in what other married men do outside of their marriage. Where did you meet her and how did you approach her to start the affair? One of the reasons I decided not to take that route is the slippery slope of emotional attachment I could get into. In sugar dating the arrangement is a way to establish and maintain boundary in the relationship. How often do you see each other?

      @Stormcat
      It was an affair that I had that when it ended motivated me to try sugar dating.

      I presume the affair was prior to your divorce. Why did it end?

      My ex SB just called. I felt like she only called because she was hurting for money this month…

      I know the feeling!! But before you tell her to get lost you should consider whether this is an one off occurrence or a pattern of behavior. If it’s the first time then you could consider giving her the benefit of the doubt. But if it’s a pattern then I’m sure you know what to do…

  4. Enigma SD says:

    Hey Midwest — always a pleasure to see you!

    Today marks one month into having an affair. I have to say at this point that it is way better than sugar dating. There is so much less drama and second guessing when there is no money commitment involved. (I do still spoil her with some gifts, but it is not required.) I love that I don’t have to worry whether she is genuinely interested in me. The one down side is that because she is married, it does require another level of planning and discretion, but at this point it is worth it. I also notice that our conversations are a little more personal, but I am ok with that too. Hopefully, I will still feel the same way about an affair versus sugar dating a few months from now.

  5. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Stormy – I’m with Enigma on this one. Drama free…stay detached from the outcome. I know you care about her, but it has to be a two way street. Didn’t you say she was coming to see you?

  6. Enigma SD says:

    Stormcat — almost every SD has been through this. I got lucky with a couple of SBs, and never felt that way with them. But with some other SBs, it eventually reached a point where it was quite obvious that it wasn’t about us. I recommend that you tell her that you won’t be able to help her and then move on. Cold perhaps, but if she really doesn’t care about your feelings, you aren’t obligated to care about her well-being IMHO.

  7. Stormcat says:

    My ex SB just called. I felt like she only called because she was hurting for money this month and was hoping to evolk my sympathy. I’m so GD torn because I have these feelings for her and want to help but I know that it isn’t about us, it is only about her. It really makes me feel kind of used and bitter. My law practice is going well but I’m still not flush right now and I don’t want to short circuit myself by sacrificing for something that has always proven to be futile in the past. I think that there comes a point where sugar is fake and I’m not going down that road again. I have always believed that many of the people participating in the sugar lifestyle were enlightened souls whio understood the basic essence of human gender interaction. But I have begun to doubt that position.
    Sorry to vent! Please forgive me.
    Well, later people, I’m off to pick up the pieces of my shattered life! lolol

  8. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Amelia – Thanks so much! I’m not going to sweat it. If he goes, he may not like it…who knows. I love hearing your advice to Honey! I’ve heard Singapore is a fashion mecca and is bigger than NYC…that’s intimidating!

    Tanya – hope you have a superb time! You’re getting creative with your meets since you’ve had your surgery :-) I love the idea of an ice cream date…a bit retro and fun! Plus, alcohol isn’t involved!

    Anna – Have a fab time! The good news is you don’t have to muddle through all the newness and you can focus on having fun!

    I’m off to chitown for a great weekend!!! Sheryl Crow tonight…Woot!

  9. Tanya says:

    I am meeting 2 pots tomorrow. One for a sushi lunch and another for dinner at Panera. should be interesting since I still have a mouth full of stitches haha. I do not have any others in ink on my calendar, only pencil. I will post Friday morning with how they go. i love first meets, they get my nerves going. :)

  10. Honey says:

    I’m told we are in Robertson Quay…. where is all that food located from there?How much do taxis cost Or the buses?

  11. Amelia says:

    Honey, when you are in orchard road or vivocity, if you want to sample more local food, eat in food courts instead of restaurants. They are cheap and pretty good. Of course, all locals have their favourite stalls. I think, if you go where the long queues are, you should do fine. Singaporeans are generally rather particular when it comes to food. I think the best food court for local food in orchard road is ‘ion’. The main one in basement 4 and my second favourite is the food court in takashimaya at basement 2. If you are going to sentosa (note the local food in sentosa is crap! really just afew times more expensive and taste altered for tourist. although there are some good restaurants there but they aren’t serving local food), you might want to have dinner or lunch in vivo city. the food court in vivo is good and ‘Boss’ restaurant makes a mean dim sum (more chinese than straits chinese).

    while chinese food are generally considered local food, there are proper chinese food which is highly similiar to food you get in hongkong and straits chinese food which are more of a hybrid type influenced by the spices of the region. that i considered more local singaporean food.

  12. Honey says:

    Amelia, I’m putting all your posts on virtual speed dial ! Thanks! I’m leaving thursaday!

  13. Naughty Molly says:

    Going out of town tomorrow for a little sugar fun! I hope all of you have a great week, well, what’s left of it anyway! 😀

    xoxo

  14. Amelia says:

    @midwest – hope all will go well with your bf. meanwhile, congrats on finishing your finals.

    @tanya – sounds like you are having a really exciting time coming up. Good luck!

  15. Amelia says:

    @honey – Whenever i go home, i would go to Dempsey Hills with my friends. You might like to try the Jumbo seafood restaurant there. They sell local food. They have plentry of restaurants there which i think is good but i assume when you are in Singapore you wouldn’t want italian food and bla bla… Hahas… They butter prawns and chilli crab are pretty decent. Also, another of my favourite haunt is Lau Pa Sat for SUPPER. But be warned! It’s not air conditioned. It’ll go there around 11, sit around the satays around and ordered loads of satays and just sit and chat away with my friends. Also, another of my firm favourite is Melben seafood for its claypot crab bee hoon(soup). Heavenly! Owen seafood restaurant at old turf club where you pick your own seafood from the tanks and choose a way of how you want it cooked. And local delights like chicken rice(i like 5 star chicken rice they have loads of branches), carrot cake(i recommend the black one, not white), roti prata, i can go on and on…

    Hope you enjoy your holiday in singapore and if you need any information at all, ask away!

  16. Amelia says:

    hahas…. Strange how so many foreigners think so. It’s urban myth!! It is not against the law to chew chewing gum in singapore!!! in fact, it’s not even against the law to bring one or two packets into singapore for personal consumption. It is however against the law to bring anything more than for reasonable personal consumption. And buying and selling of chewing gum in singapore remains illegal. Although (if i remember it correctly) around 8-10 years ago, the govt did ease up a little by allowing the sale of chewing gum for medicinal purposes, e.g. nicorette to help quit smoking and some sort that helps whiten teeth and bla bla… They are on sale in pharmacies. I remember when they first started selling it again, they ask for identification card numbers to register the sale as a deterrant in case people start throwing it on ground and etc. but think they don’t do that anymore.

  17. Anna Molly says:

    Honey ~ I believe it is true. It’s because Singapore doesn’t want people chewing gum then throwing it on the ground or sticking it under tables. 😀

  18. Honey says:

    Hello Everyone! Question? or urban myth?…Is it Against the Law to Chew Chewing Gum in Singapore?

  19. Anna Molly says:

    Where is everyone?!?

    Hi Enigma! How have you been? :)

  20. Enigma SD says:

    hello all — I tried two times to reconnect with former SBs — both times it didn’t work out. I tend to remember and focus on the good things about people, but when you start dating someone again, you quickly remember why you stopped dating them :)

  21. Tanya says:

    Midwest- Thanks for the advice. I looked into it and found the most convenient card with the least amount of fees.

    UPDATE: I have a coffee date tomorrow with a pot. He is relatively local (within a 1.5 hr drive) which for me right now is a must. Next week I have an ice cream date with one pot and drinks with another pot. All seem promising, but time will tell for sure. I have 3 more who want to meet for drinks and I am just waiting on their schedules. 6 potentials to meet and hope one fits. Sounds like I am shoe shopping haha.

    As for my recent dental work, it is healing slowly which means no dinner dates anytime soon unless I only eat soup. At least the swelling has gone down a bit so I look more human than squirrel-ish :)

  22. Honey says:

    I was just sayin….

  23. Honey says:

    Texas Sug, just look at the contract, you don’t have to accept it and it may be more generous than you might think…that’s all I’m saying,,,for now

  24. Naughty Molly says:

    I’m sure things will work out Midwest! Stay positive and I’m sending good vibes your way! xoxo

  25. Naughty Molly says:

    Thanks RC msb and Midwest! I’ve been on the Ideal Protein diet and LOVE it! 😀

  26. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Congrats AM! What’s the secret???

    I’ve had conversations with prior SDs about renewing our arrangement, but I opted against it. The reasons had more to do with “doing the right thing” and my comfort level with accepting funds when they could be better applied elsewhere. (Situational ending of arrangement) The question I always ask is “why did we stop the arrangement the first time” and go from there. Similar to traditional relationships, there’s usually a reason for the initial ending that you tend to overlook after time passes. I always believe it’s worth exploring…especially if it was a great arrangement chemistry/ experience-wise. I think SD Guru tried going back a time or two…look at his blog.

    Thanks LL! Finals are done and I can rest for a few weeks. One more semester and a lifelong goal will have been reached! Time to get that resume into lots of hands! There’s a job fair tomorrow plus I’m looking at internships. Gotta stay marketable!

    Another challenge looms ahead though…IRL BF is considering a big move. Why can’t I have a NORMAL relationship???? I can’t worry about it until he makes a decision, but it just seems to follow that saying…”life is what happens while you’re making plans”.

    Tanya – Look into the fees that come with prepaid cards. There are fees to load the card, fees to make withdrawals under certain circumstances, fees that chip away at the balance if you don’t use the card, etc. It can be a little ridiculous, so investigate those closely.

  27. RC msb says:

    [img]http://i51.tinypic.com/30b0lr9.gif[/img]

  28. Naughty Molly says:

    Good luck at the convention Red and thanks for the congrats! 😀

    • SD Guru says:

      Re: Sugar Contract

      This topic comes up from time to time, and some have mentioned OC and Shoogar Shoes had experience with it. I think Flo Rida was another one. I found this post from Shoogar Shoes last year discussing her contract.

      @texassugah
      I didn’t bring it up. He did.. twice

      Did you ask him for what purpose and in whose interest would the contract serve? Even though sugar contract may exist in some cases, it’s usually the exception rather than the rule. Anyone considering it should think long and hard about why it’s needed in the first place.

  29. RedMaru says:

    Hey sugarfam!
    Grats on your weight loss Molly 😀
    Been a while since I posted sorry been running like a chicken with head and wings cut off. I have a yearly convention I’m trying to get ready for with some big names in literary (and sci fi, comics and gaming to a lesser degree) that are going to be there and if I impress them, I’m one step closer to getting my work published and on the shelves and getting my name out there. Then trying to get my supplies squared away for the holidays for my candle business(planning ahead). All the while trying to round up the resources to do all these things and maintain sanity and strength day to day at the nine to five job……whew. I’m just tired and still no sugar luck in my search slim pickins in the local vicinity (joke daddies who want a lot for lil or nothing, arent real to begin with, or the legit few where I’m not their type) getting kinda discouraged but trying to keep chin up.

    I know I’m late but I’m with the consensus……cash is always good or a wire/deposit or a Paypal

  30. Naughty Molly says:

    or SBs…

  31. Naughty Molly says:

    I’m curious, how many sugars have gotten back together with their ex-sds and how did it go? Was it better than the first time around?

  32. Naughty Molly says:

    Okay, everyone knows I’ve been on a new diet for the last week or so. I’m happy to report that I’ve lost almost 10lbs already! 😀

    Yay me! Hahahaha… 😀

  33. texasugah says:

    Stormcat – You know.. I was thinking the exact same thing. The issue with me and the contract was that I don’t want this to come to light EVER. I plan on marrying well at some point and well you know men.. they want you to be awesome in bed but miraculously a virgin. And hey..whatever works. The last thing I need is for something to end up in court. But, I did want to discuss the pros and cons of the whole deal. Oh my gosh.. pay back.. NO REFUNDS. That’s awful. The thought.. Oh my.. HORRID.

    RC – well thanks.. Uber reflective mode. Dealing with the recession and not being able to find a position with all my education. Reconciling with having to continue at my present job. It’s fine.. I just could be doing more. But anywhoo…

    I so agree with the cash. I did have one that put money directly in my account. But.. I would really prefer using cash. You know exactly what you’re getting. I had someone steal my debit card number and my bank caught it. They didn’t call me, I called them when I couldn’t get gas. Luckily, I had cash from my sugar on me. Then, while waiting for another debit card, I had cash to handle everything else. Major things are drafted from the account and that wasn’t affected. Soo… CASH please.

    Have a great Monday y’all!!

  34. Naughty Molly says:

    Hi Stormcat! Of course I’m misbehaving, I’m always misbehaving! 😉

  35. Tanya says:

    I agree that cash is best, but one pot and I have been discussing prepaid visa cards. What does everyone think about those? Or green dot cards. For me cards are best to pay bills as I do not currently have a bank acct.
    I will finish updating later. Thanks everyone!

  36. LL says:

    Here ye here ye Lisa…..cash is king, nothing I like more than a stack full of bills in my wallet! My money is best suited in my possession rather than the greedy banks who require me to pay them even more just to get it back…ok I’ll stop now before I really get started on this one 😉

    BG – Sending the good vibes your way girl!

    Nico – waving your way too 😀

    MW aka Cougarlicious – Good luck on the finals!!!!!!!

    *waving at everyone else*

  37. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars! 😀
    Wow it really is be nice to Beach_Girl week lol…

    Storm~ Hi! and thanks… you are very sweet. 😀

    RC msb~ thanks for my week. I didn’t even thing about that calender, I think I saw it.. not sure, too much going on to remember stuff!
    Too much info in my brain, one month to go and school is DONE YAYAYAYAYAY I so can’t wait… I think I need a vacay, anyone willing to help send me on a vacay? hahahah It is be nice to me week lmfao joking hahhah Ok I might be very tired lol
    Night night sugars 😀

  38. RC msb says:

    Texasugah – If I remember right, Shoogar Shoes was the SB that had used a contract. Haven’t seen her in a while but she may be lurking.

  39. RC msb says:

    Texasugah – Fear not, I happen to have an inside track with the calendar pixie. I’m pretty sure when can get you back in the line up next month. :)

  40. RC msb says:

    Stormcat – “I don’t know why we need to have a Be Nice to Beach Girl Week . . . She is so easy to be nice to, that I feel like being nice to her all the time!”

    I agree Stormy, but ‘be nice to’ weeks aren’t about ‘need’ they are about ‘deserve’. I’m sure you would agree that a lady as nice as Beach_Girl ‘Deserves’ a special week all her own.

    Beach_Girl – You may have missed it, but I actually posted that calendar last month on the previous topic. You just happened to pop back in at the right moment. :)

  41. Stormcat says:

    texsugah ~ OMG that is even worse he can’t loose and you could get a lot of hassle. If a contract like that were ever adjudicated I predict that it would be invalidated and you could be easily ordered to repay all the money that you received. No don’t sign that paper!

  42. Stormcat says:

    On the subject of sugar contracts ~ If you had a clever attorney you might be able to make a writing to memorialize your agreement that would be enforcable. However, It is most likely going to be held as unenforcable under the legal principle known as “want of consideration” Generally, the whole idea of a sugar contract is so fraught with hazzards that I would think it is never going to be worth the effort. The only advantage that I can see to making a written agreement would be allow the SB and SD to be absolutely clear in the communication as to what is being agreed upon.

  43. texasugah says:

    I didn’t bring it up. He did.. twice

  44. texasugah says:

    Ah ha.. it was OC from two years ago.. OH BOY!!!

  45. texasugah says:

    Aurelia – I know exactly what you mean. I just recall someone saying that they had signed a contract and non-disclosure,

    No checks.. period. You can’t even give them at a restaurant anymore.

  46. Lisa says:

    a contract would leave a paper trail and wouldn’t be very discreet especially for a married sd.

  47. MIdwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    My memory may be a little taxed, but I recall that contract had more to do with business than it did sugar. I’m not familiar with any sugars who had a sugar contract. That wouldn’t be smart for anyone in my opinion.

  48. Lisa says:

    Cash is king, learned that 3 years ago after the hurricane.
    A check leaves a paper trail.

    Well the sky turned all gray for a couple hours but not one drop of rain.

  49. Stormcat says:

    RC msb ~ I don’t know why we need to have a Be Nice to Beach Girl Week . . . She is so easy to be nice to, that I feel like being nice to her all the time!

  50. Kes says:

    Thanks ladies. Midwest sb, a separate account for sugar is a great idea.
    And Aurelia, yea checks r no good

  51. Aurelia says:

    That’s an interesting idea, re: a sugar contract. I have a tough time believing an SD would sign a legally-binding contract though, as it seems to negate the idea of NSA (by which I mean exchanging mutual benefits only as long as it is mutually desired)?

  52. texasugah says:

    Sugars… I remember about a year ago that a sugar sister mentioned having a contract with a SD.
    Could that sugar come forward??

    I need a little advice

    TS

  53. Aurelia says:

    Kes, cash is always a good idea, especially since once you have it in hand you know you have it, versus a check which can bounce or be cancelled.

  54. MIdwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Kes – I had a different account strictly for sugar. Definitely do what works for you though.

    Texassugah – Ooooohhhhhh….sorry. Saw you two had lunch and that Honey was asking about Singapore. My brain is mush!

    Hi Nico!

    Lisa – Gladly!

  55. texasugah says:

    Hey ya’ll

    No I’m in Houston..

    Honey is the traveler. Not I..

    Oh crappal de dap.. I missed my be nice week going through my own little issues.

    Sigh lol

    T

  56. Kes says:

    Thanks for the advice about allowances. But I don’t like anyone to have my account #. Guess I’ll have to say cash or check only plz lol

  57. Nico says:

    WOW!!! The blog woke up!! 😀

    Gail THANK YOU…just lemme know how much I owe you *wink*

    Far too much to catch up on but I will try….HELLO to my sugar fam!! *waving madly*

  58. Lisa says:

    Midwest please send some storms our way, we are dehydrated here.

  59. MIdwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Morning sugars! Well, we tried to go camping, but Mother Nature had other plans :( Fortunately we were close enough to come home before the serious storms hit. Now, I have to go back and break down the site, all the while finals are lurking for Monday morning. Not going to stress….not going to stress!

    Thanks for all the kind words! Honestly, I learned all I know from the greatest sugars and a little luck, so certainly cannot take full credit.

    It’s so nice to see the blog up and alive again!!!

    Texassugah and Honey – are both of you in Singapore? That would be a great time! I believe WCSD spent a little time in the area last summer. Have fun!

  60. Lisa says:

    We were talking about the loud singing cicadas that are invading the trees here. Harmless but noisy. I like spiders though and never kill them.

    It is so hot here that I can get motivated to do anything, need to go over to the mall later for a soda but it is so hot that you get sweaty just opening the door.

  61. Beach_Girl says:

    RC msb~ hahhaha look at that, that is too funny! Thank you, I am working really hard and hope that it’s gonna pick up soon! 😀

    Lisa that is horrible, I hate spiders and such… why are we talking about bugs.. blergh…..

    I cannot seem to get into homework today, just so tired and blah… ah well, here another try!!!
    have a great sunday

  62. Beach_Girl says:

    RC msb~ hahhaha look atthat, that is too funny! Thank you, I am working really hard and hope that it’s gonna pick up soon! 😀

    Lisa that is horrible, I hate spiders and such… why are we talking about bugs.. blergh…..

    I cannot seem to get into homework today, just so tired and blah… ah well, here another try!!!
    have a great sunday

  63. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone
    Good to have a sunday off to rest.

    Hey Beach_Girl, RC msb

    Had a nice walk last night but a small bug (while we were on the subject of bugs) flew into my eye. I got most of it out, it stung so bad. But when I got home I found another small piece of the bug under my eyelid.

    No plans for today, just rest my arm

  64. RC msb says:

    Welcome back to you beach_Girl!

    And looky here, I checked out my trusty sugar calendar and I do believe you picked the perfect moment to return…

    [img]http://i56.tinypic.com/ax1kpk.jpg[/img]

    My goodness! It’s be nice to Beach Girl Week!

    Ta Da!

    So good luck in all you do, and wishing you the best.

  65. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!

    RC msb~ 😀 So happy to see you back… YAY…

    Haven’t read the whole scroll up, just wanted to say hi to everyone! Have a great Sunday

  66. texasugah says:

    Happy Saturday all..

    Usually Saturdays are very boring in the sugar universe for me. Why? My sugars are all with their families or what have you. I take the time to get things done, hang with the fam, and see friends.

    But it looks like it was a good one on the blog.

    Bugs.. the worse ever. They are far worse here in Houston than Central Texas. With the drought, I’ve got to get my pest company.. I saw ants the other day. Not cool.

    Hear, hear Molly.. there looks like a bunch of newbies.. listen to the blog convo. It really helps.

    Honey – Try tripadvisor. I used them when I went to Istanbul and it was great. Tons of great tips, traveler photos and reviews. The people who leave reviews will leave you phone numbers even public transportation routes if you need it. You are so lucky to go.. Oh you will have to let me know how the shopping is. Really is. I’ve heard things but.. just never know.

    Fall’s coming so I’m actually getting ready to slow the sugar rush down.

    Honey – think I might have found the one that I’ve been looking for.. I’ll email you.

    Sugary kisses
    T

  67. LL says:

    Stormcat – Please do! I’d like to see some of the artists work… 😀

    Lisa – Sorry to hear you had a crappy day…make the rest of it count to balance it out!, hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better for you 😀

  68. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. Home from a day of hell, days like this I wish my mom would have aborted me really. Arm is really hurting alot and going numb at times.

    On the subject of palmetto bugs aka flying waterbugs, the first time I ever saw one was when my mom and stepdad and I traveled down to Texas to meet his family. We were at his brother’s house in Houston when this huge thing came out from under the sofa and scared me half to death (I was 8 years old at the time). I had only seen german roaches up in Chicago so this thing was scary. Growing up in the rio grande valley of course these things are commonplace and I remember the flying ones (yikes) and the way they smelled, nauseating.

    Going to relax now, will take my walk this evening and listen to the cicadas singing in the trees along the way. This area is heavily tree’d so they are really loud.

    The scariest bug to me is the scorpion. We had those when I lived in brownsville, sometimes in the house! picked up my purse one day and there was scorpion sitting on it, I just froze. Of course we were quite poor and there was an open space between the sides of the house and the flat roof (at at angle) and at one time there was even a small snake slivering between the roof and the wall to my room. Lots of scary stuff in Texas.

    It seems sugar has turned to bugs, lol

    Need to eat somthing before I pass out, another day with no lunch break.
    have a good evening

  69. Sphinx says:

    Honey – I lived down south for three years and they had Palmetto Bugs everywhere. I did not like them much either. They just look like giant roaches. The first time I actually saw one inside led to me spraying a can of Raid for several minutes until I was absolutely sure it was dead. They are not as bad as spiders though *shudder*

  70. Stormcat says:

    LL ~ Are you sure? I bought one for my last SB and the price was <700. It was from a shop in Katona NY, so the next time I'm there I'll ask and post the artist's name. Then maybe you can get your SD to buy it for you.

  71. LL says:

    Glad you both enjoyed 😉

    By the end of the night it ended up crawling itself to an old dog bone I had lying around for when my parents visit and I was able to build up enough courage to quickly pick it up and fling it off the balcony…the worst did happen, as I threw the bone off the balcony the stupid bug came flying back at me before departing for good…I could have never done it if I didn’t know what it was…thanks be to thee internet 😀

    Stormcat – I’d love to get my hands on at least one of those fairy dolls..pass along the details Sir 😉

    Honey – if there is one thing worse in my mind than the freak of nature I just accounted it would definitely be cock-a-roaches……YUCK!!!!!!!!! I’ve literally got the shivers just typing the word….all the research and education in the world won’t be able to shift my mentality on this one 😉

    Serious professional help may be needed on this front 😛

  72. Honey says:

    Good story!! Reminds me of the first time I saw a “palmatto”? bug One of those giant prehistoric roaches, I think they are also called tree roaches. Big as your head! and they fly. When we moved from the north to the south we were skrirred!
    Happy Weekend!

  73. Stormcat says:

    Naughty Molly ~ What’s up? Do tell! Have you been missbehaving any lately?

  74. Stormcat says:

    LL ~ ROTFLMAO
    They are a bit strange, and somewhat disconcerting for the uninitiated, albeit harmless and sometimes even practical. I’ve had several cats who took great pleasure in climbing trees to capture them then bring them back to me as gifts with the creatures still buzzing robustly in their mouths. They are largely misunderstood especially the life cycle. Although they are 13 and 17 year cycles the broods are also alternating such that there are actually broods reaching maturation on every year. The closer to the equator the larger their size such that the wings of some tropical species are as much as 6 -8 inches in length. I know of one doll maker who uses the large yet uber-delicate wings of a South American tropical species to create the most beautiful and believable fairy dolls. lolol

  75. LL says:

    Mooooooorning!

    Cicadas – I had heard of these referenced over the years but had never seen one or even taken interest to figure out what they looked like.

    Two weeks ago I was out on my balcony having a smoke before bed with my cat – yes my cat WOULD smoke if it was physically possible for her to do so – insane I know. She started freaking out at something she found in the corner behind the BBQ. I went to check out what it was that she saw and WHOA BABY! I totally understood why she was fearful…..some big huge giant bug like thing that could probably take a sizable chunk out of my arm if I so allowed it to!

    I scooped her up, the cat, and barreled towards the door and slammed it shut behind – envision horror movie style! I just couldn’t believe my eyes on the mutation of the animal I had just witnessed; at first glance it looked like a cross between a toad (the face/eye placement) and an insect (the wings). The repulsion was so intense naturally as human nature goes I was compelled to check it out again, this time with reinforments at hand…I called my daughter to come take a look and was able to convince her to get out there and check it out….she too came barreling through the door in sheer panic that we would soon face an invasion of these weird unknown alien species 😛

    At the given moment it was just surreal, in my 33 years of existence I had never encountered such a creature, in my mind I needed to document this thing, scour the zoos and museums to figure out what this beast of the animal/amphibian/insect world this thing was. I sent for my girl to fetch the camera, perhaps if I could manage to get just one good shot I would be able to do a reverse image search for validation.

    Camera in hand, daughter gripping tight to my back using me as a human barricade, we exhausted every angle from inside the safety of our home to see if we could manage a good shot of the thing, to our avail it was an impossible task. There was only one alternative to our approach, the door had to be opened. Before sliding the door open and facing the risk of being attacked by the mutant we did a thorough check of the cam to ensure the batteries were charged, the macros, were on, the proper settings were all good; crouching down I give the go ahead to my girl to open the door just enough to pop on arm out..thank goodness for large LCD screens or I would have had to stick my head out with that thing too! I snap one shot, two shots, three, four, five, six, seven…as many angles as my little tiny arm protruding could muster.

    It was a wasted attempt as the lighting condition on the balcony was impossible to work with even with an adjusted ISO the quality was just to poor. I yank my arm in and yell for the sliding door to be closed, we take a moment to review the photos and sigh in defeat at our failed attempt. What to do next hmmmm….Eureka; I go running to my storage locker and rummage through the piles of crap tossing this box aside, and that luggage aside, finally reach to the back and pull out one of my old photography lights which has enough power to communicate with the astronauts circling the planet.

    Back to the door I go with the light in hand, I get it all plugged in and set up in the direction and height best suited for this mission and signal for the door to be opened again; eight, nine, ten more shots and the arm protracts back through the door narrowing missing amputation as the door slams shut. A secondary review of images takes place…much better photos however the focus just wasn’t good enough and we knew what needed to be done.

    Last time, door slides open, I jump out onto the balcony, snap pictures from every angle imaginable, telephoto shots, macro shots, birds eye view, profile shots, and as I’m about to jump back into the safety zone something pings me in the arm…I swing around to see two junebugs flying blindly at me (yuck!) so a bat them away as I retreat inside. SUCCESS! At closer view with the proper lighting our original repulsion turn out to be minor compared to our assessment of the documentation…it looked to be a cross between a fish (the body dynamics), toad (eyes), dragonfly (wings), grasshopper (legs)…impossible I thought for such a hybrid of a creature to exist!

    We uploaded that baby immediately and posted it out on Facebook asking if anyone knew WTF this thing was, within the space of literally one minute there were 25 responses back…all stating some sort of horrifying response, not one knew what this mutation was but were all glad it was over here and not in their own backyard. After about 10 minutes of discussions a friend from Florida concurred it was a Cicadas…at which point we googled to learn a little more about them…needless to say the thing wouldn’t have taken a sizable chunk out of my arm after all 😛
    And although I now know they are harmless, I don’t ever want to see another one again in my life!

    Thought it would be a funny story to share since the topic was brought up…thanks Lisa for generating this one 😉

    Happy Saturday Sugars!

  76. Sphinx says:

    Hello!

    Midwest, thank you for what you have written. I have been trying to figure out what exactly this sugar relationship is all about. Another site I am on has people pretty much pimping themselves out and when I told them that it didn’t seem right, I was told that it was just how that lifestyle is. So I left that group and created my own. :) What you have written here just makes so much sense! Thanks again. :)

    I have finally had the people emailing me slow down on their messages. I don’t get many responses from pot SDs (but I haven’t sent out many messages either). There is one who I have been chatting with for almost a month though. He seems real. He is just extremely busy. I can be patient.

    I keep changing my profile. I don’t feel it is quite right. I am very wordy, and it is long, but it pretty much explains who I am. How do you all fashion your profiles to be a success (and yes, I have read the articles to the right)? :)

  77. Naughty Molly says:

    Happy Saturday! 😀

    Welcome to all the new sugars here on the blog! Hope you stick around for a while and good luck on your sugar journey! 😀

  78. RC msb says:

    AutumnAmber –

    I think your profile does an excellent job of describing yourself and your interests. Some of it is excellent. Your profile photo presents you as attractive, intelligent and a bit retro,. All ideas that are echoed in the text, that works quite nicely. However as a whole I’m not sure your profile really ‘sells’ you as well as it could. You have clearly have a lot to offer and the potential to really grab the reader but that doesn’t quite gel in the text as well as it could.

    On the right of the screen under the heading:”Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” you will find an article called “Profile Tips” and another called “Marketing Yourself as a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby”. Both of these pieces have some useful tips for making your profile more successful. Please note the sections on ‘AIDA’, this is marketing gold.

    I am also in process of writing a series of articles for my personal blog on the subject of sugar profiles (my career is in marketing). It will probably be a few days before that starts in earnest though.

    Overall it’s a very good profile, I think that you have the raw materials to make it great.

    All the best.

  79. RC msb says:

    yaya – On the right side of the screen you will find a number of useful articles that cover the nuts and bolts of the blog as well as commonly asked questions. A good starter piece is called SA Blog Tips and Tricks.

    It covers linking photos to your name and various other useful tidbits. You can get there by clicking my name.

  80. Honey says:

    Gravatar, it’s listed here several times but if you are like me, you hardly ever scroll up to see all the previous comments..
    Ok what’s fun to do in Singapore? Or a really cool place to eat? I heard the zoo is cool…. Anybody..? Anybody?… Bueller? Bueller?

  81. yaya says:

    oh and how do I go about getting a little default pic ????

  82. yaya says:

    To comment on the subject of fwb vs Sugar is really depending on the individual and the type of relationship expected, i find that everyone looks for a benefit ‘a self interest’ aspect from the person they intend on having a relationship with so to suggest that a sugar relationship is different is to not truely understand either relationship. Yes a FWB is seen as mainly a sexual exchange and nothing more but if you factor in the different types of benefits one could have have from a relationship the door is left wide open for interpretation. If you are familiar with transactional analysis you will see in theory it is relatively similar but nothing is at seems *this is my 2cents, my opinion and nothing more* SORRY im reading some psych books so im over analyzing lol

  83. yaya says:

    Hi all,
    I’ve been lurking I cant help it 😉 but i just want to say for a newbee i appreciate the SB/SD perspectives on beginning arrangements as I am unsure how to initiate such a conversation but i guess it’s time for me to put on my big girl hat!!!![img]IMG_1098[/img]

  84. Honey says:

    There are two different cicada cycles; a 13-year cycle and a 17-year cycle. Cicadas of the latter variety are generally found in the northern United States.

    While they arrive every 13 or 17 years, that doesn’t mean they won’t be seen in a particular state again before then. (They made news in the Midwest in 2007.) That’s because within the species there are different broods, each with a different timeline. Hence, the next emergence of cicadas in Tennessee, Brood XXIII, will happen in 2015. That brood will mostly be isolated to the western part of the state.

    Cicadas usually arrive in early May, after surviving underground by feeding on tree roots. They emerge from the ground when the soil temperature where they live reaches 67 degrees. Four or five days later, the males begin their “chorus” and mating begins. Good luck sugar babies and cicadas daddies!

    • SD Guru says:

      It’s great to see some intelligent discussion in the blog!! I had wrote about “Trust, Allowance and Intimacy” in my blog. The bottom line is, there is no one size fits all approach and we will do what we’re comfortable with based on our experience and risk tolerance.

      @Stormcat
      I’m working to lose the heart-on-my-sleeve thing and vying for converting to closet romantic like SD Guru!

      I’m glad to see that you’re doing well and contemplating a return to the sugar world. I didn’t know a closet romantic is something to aspire to! 😆

      As I described in parts 4-6 in the “Evolution of a Sugardaddy” series in my blog, I was emotionally involved three times before I finally learned my lesson. It’s great that you’re returning to the sugar world with a good understanding of your vulnerability. I’m sure you’ll figure out what’s the best way for you to avoid the slippery slope of emotional attachment. Good luck!!

  85. AutumnAmber says:

    Hello Everyone! I was just wondering if you would mind looking over my profile & giving me some feedback on it? I know I need some full-body photos and maybe activity shots, but how is it otherwise? I’m new to the site (Joined Monday). I just got this cute little dress on clearance at the mall, planning to wear it for my full view photos! ^_^

  86. Aurelia says:

    Just the sound of cicadas makes me feel hot and sweaty….so intrinsically tied with the heat of summer.

  87. Honey says:

    I saw the carcass of a cicada today on my walk, (I live in the Museum District) but haven’t heard them yet. Are these the 17 year ones or the 5 year ones or what?

  88. Anna Molly says:

    Evening all!

    Just dropping by to say hello! I’m hoping to catch the meteor shower, but, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get up that early. I’m gonna’ try though! 😀

  89. Lisa says:

    Aurelia I have to agree with you. Giving of oneself is a personal thing, money can be made up for (wealthy people find ways to make up for their loses) but self respect can’t. sex carries certain risks even when precautions are taken. And if a man lies about an allowance to get free sex, what else is he lying about (maybe he sexual health?)

    In many causes people are more apt to give a donation to a cause than to volunteer or give of themselves, money is easier to give than one’s time or body(whether it be sex or physical labor for a cause).

    Quiet night here except for the thousands of cicadas singing loudly in the trees.
    Have a good night everyone

  90. RC msb says:

    Kindred Spirit –

    You should be proud of your writing, you are quite good at it. You also have the ability to take problems apart and see interesting new perspectives.

    Point of fact, one of the things I missed most about not being on this blog was the quality of writing and thinking that many on this blog routinely bring to the table. We have at least a dozen really sharp writers on this blog and it’s a joy to see the gems that pop up on a regular basis. One need only go back 24 hours to see a number of very insightful and well written posts, and this hasn’t exactly been rush hour on the blog.

    And make no mistake, everyone here brings their own gifts to the blog. I enjoy hearing from each and every person. There is a level of exuberance an honesty that makes this a very fun place to visit.

    Some come for what they need and move on, some come and go, and others are constant. It creates an ever changing tapestry of thoughts and ideas.

    I like it.

  91. Aurelia says:

    I still think that money is, ultimately, “just” money (particularly for a rich man) while giving your body to someone is something on a different level (unless of course you are an escort or similar). You could say that an SB has unlimited sex to give and an SD has unlimited money to give, but if you look at it like that, then you are essentially viewing SBs as escorts rather than women that have a right to be discriminating in choosing their partners and desire not to end up with hundreds of sexual partners as a casualty of their search for a true SD.

    I think maybe the fly in the ointment is the number of fakes on the site. If (hypothetically) the site were populated purely by real SDs and real SBs, then trust would be easy. Intimacy would always lead to sugar if the SD promised it, etc. The problem is that, from my personal experience and from reading the blog, women are constantly getting played by men who go to great lengths to seem like nice, caring legit SDs. You can know someone for months and not know if they are truly what they say they are unless they perform. That means that, if I were to follow the logic of “building trust,” etc, I could think that I have built trust (con artists are clever after all) only to find that I’ve been deceived. Even if he buys a nice dinner or buys me a pair of shoes here or there, I’m still going to feel played if I give it up and then he disappears. The fact of the matter is that fake SDs (and I’m sure fake SBs as well) are so rampant on the site that I could rack up 50 or so sexual encounters with fake SDs before I found a real one. This would entail a real loss of respect for myself and disgust with the whole process. Since fake SDs can be so convincing, and will be as patient as required to fool an SB, the only way I’ve found to spot a real, chivalrous SD is to find one who will pay the allowance up front. A real SD should be able to afford that anyway, and should be chivalrous enough to offer it in order to make the SB feel good about moving the relationship to the next level.

  92. Honey says:

    Texas Sug, you beat me to the punch on telling everyone how cool I found you. I do hope we will be able to get together more. It was great talking to you, thanks for letting me ramble on!!

  93. Kindred Spirit says:

    RC- your nod to my post(s) made my day, thanks. 😀 Checked out your blog yesterday…and loved the bit about how awful in general profiles are (save many of us SA bloggers, ha). You are SOOO right on!!!! People are so generic and forgettable on their profiles, ya know? It amazes me, too….
    ———————-
    (Back to the blog and more thoughts after reading today’s comments):

    SEX the first time…are we just talking intercourse here?? Why jump straight to home plate for the first time with intimacy? Personally, it works great for me to take each of those bases one at a time (1st, kissing/making out, 2nd base, whatever you decide is next, heavy petting…manual stimulation, etc…3rd, oral? and etc 😉 ). The trust and caring part definitely is important, and each “base” has its trust/chemistry factor. There’s no list, per se, to check off, it’s just taking it one step at a time, not rushing, and TRUSTING YOUR GUT! 😀

    If you aren’t feeling IT to begin with after a few meets/conversations/kisses, it isn’t gonna be worth your time (or theirs, respectfully) to continue forward!!

    Money before sex, sex before money…boy doesn’t that sound ______?! Seriously, if I were an SD and a potential was saying she wants to see the money beforehand, before anything, I’d wish her happiness and goodbye (just how does that make the SD feel special for who he is?). Same with vice-versa and mandating sexual-intercourse test drives…or well mandating anything.

    Yes, it’s a sugar relationship, but it’s also a relationship and part of that is the “relating” with each other and building that bond. :) It is still a bit (heh, or a lot, depending) like dating. Personally, it seems to fall into place for me with the building trust, caring, a little time, clear communication and happily hitting those “bases” together (oh yes and of course the SD would be giving gifts/something to show he is serious with each base, too.) After trust is established, I’m not concerned much about who “goes first”, but maybe it’s because I always listen to my gut and it has never once failed me…in anything in life.)

    Forever worth repeating: screen, screen, screen, be as much of your sweet, cool self as you can in their presence and…of course leave the venting, negative attitudes and entitlement pretenses elsewhere (I don’t say leave it at home because I don’t think your kids or pets or roommate wants it either, lol).

    Everyone, men and women, want to feel respected and liked for who they are and what they have to offer. We are all human and this talk of one sex having more power over the other is BS. Who has power over you? YOU DO. 😀

  94. texasugah says:

    Hey all..

    Wonderful conversation going on….

    There’s so much to read here. Looks like Friday is the day for excitement on the blog!

    I was able to meet with Honey. Awesome lady! Thank you so much sweetheart for the lunch and the insight.

    I’m going to try it out tomorrow. I needed to talk with someone who “gets” me in real time.

    Refreshing!!!!

    Talk soon

  95. Enilga says:

    Sugar Daddy is not a friend with benefits. From my point of view, Sugar Daddy–Sugar Baby type of connection is a much healthier arrangement because both parties have a very well defined expectations and honesty right from the start. In contrast, friends with benefits lack that level of openness and might harbor hidden disappointments, which, most likely, would lead to a unpleasant ending or a long-lasting bitterness…Additionally, I believe that once friends become friends with benefits, their friendship is doomed because the connection that has existed between the parties when they have been just friends has mutated into something new, something that they have not experienced yet. But a relationship that starts with “benefits” has more chances to evolve into a good friendship or more because people in such arrangement test their compatibility on the most sensitive of all levels of compatibility.Friendship comes easy after such test…

  96. WCSD says:

    Aurelia – I understand where you are coming from, but I’m confused why it hurts the SB more to be lied to, than if the SB lies to the SD? Is it just the fact that he has money, and so what? In theory, the SD has lots of money so losing a little won’t hurt him, but looking at it the same way a SB has lots of sex to provide, so losing a little won’t hurt her either (using the same logic). In the end, it isn’t acceptable for either party to be lied to or manipulated, my point is that if one side (or the other) takes a stand that X doesn’t happen before Y, then someone is going to lose out, because in the end, one party has to take the big leap of ‘faith’.

    Is half the first month’s allowance what it takes to ‘earn the trust’? Or is it the pair of shoes on the wish list, etc? Really, what it takes to earn trust is different for each person (note I’m saying earn trust, not to get or be trusted, you have to earn someone’s trust), and if the cost of earning the trust is too high, the other party may decide it isn’t worth it (as an example, if a ‘test drive’ is needed to earn the SD’s trust, most SB’s will run for the hills, as they should!). But for it to be successful, each party must earn the other’s trust (eventhough it may take little to earn the trust of one side of the party, but not the other side, but again, that is the personal unique situation).

    I also find it quite funny the comment that SB’s have to give up time for SD’s. Do you think that SD’s have an abundance of time? We sit around on our couches waiting for a pot SB to allow us to take them out? Or do you think that most successful, real SDs are actually extremely busy with their businesses, etc. that getting ready and doing a meet date is actually quite difficult to schedule in.

    Anyway, just my opinion, which only matters to me….

  97. Aurelia says:

    Also, with the idea that an SB should wait until she genuinely wants to sleep with the SD, and then there is no harm done if he doesn’t hand over the allowance—–well, actually even in that case there is quite a bit of harm done because if he doesn’t hand over the allowance as he said he would then he is lying, which makes him a very different person from the person the SB became attracted to, trusted, and decided she really wanted to sleep with. It is a rare SB indeed who will be so attracted to an SD that she doesn’t care at all if he lies to her and doesn’t give her an allowance, because the intimacy was just that good. If that were the case, she would be on a regular dating site, though actually even that wouldn’t be true because people on regular dating sites don’t care for deception either.

  98. Aurelia says:

    Hmm, an interesting question regarding the relative timing of first intimacy and receiving allowance. I’ve had one arrangement and I received the first months allowance first, which allowed me to relax and enjoy the intimacy knowing that I wasn’t going to get played. I think that an SD should offer at least half of the allowance upfront, since this is a business transaction at least to some degree (otherwise we’d all be on Match) and it’s a cost of doing business. I think someone mentioned this on here a while ago, but both SDs and SBs must absorb the cost of doing business in order to succeed: SBs have the resource of time, so they spend time dating potential SDs (often traveling long distances to them in order to do so) as well as considerable time and effort getting ready for each date, and once an arrangement starts they will spend lots of time with and traveling to their SD. The SD has the resource of money and so uses it to pay for dates during the screening process and later uses it to pay for an allowance or gifts when the arrangement starts. That said, during the screening process an SB may spend a lot of time getting ready for, traveling to, and going on a date only to find that she isn’t compatible with the SD: that’s the cost of doing business. Likewise, an SD may pay an allowance only to find that the SB runs off with the money or doesn’t perform as expected in bed: this is also the cost of doing business. In both cases neither loses something irreplaceable. The SB loses several hours of her time and the SD loses an amount of money that shouldn’t amount to much if he really is wealthy. If, however, the SB sleeps with a guy and doesn’t receive the allowance (which seems to happen A LOT since there are so many fake SDs), she will feel used and humiliated, and may start to fear for her safety around men since at least one has taken advantage of her under false pretenses. A wealthy SD who has lost a couple thousand is not affected in nearly the same way as a woman who has essentially been physically taken advantage of. I think that offering half of the allowance upfront is a good compromise.

  99. Poised PYT says:

    Honestly I do not know what I would do without you guys! Thanks so much!!

    @Midwest- Stormcat is right you should definitely have workshops!

    @Midwest & Stormcat & WCSD- Thank you both for putting things into prospective for me. I so agree that it should be dating with perks! In my traditional dating life I like to let things develop perhaps at a slower pace than others my age because I think a person’s personality and having a level of respect/caring is so important before I get intimate with someone. I have been getting frustrated with the difficulty of transitioning a fancy for someone’s profile to a deeper liking for the actual person. I think some of my pot SDs thought it odd that I needed another meet to feel them out before I could agree to an arrangement. I think the problem was that I was getting caught up with adhering to some hypothetical and probably non-existent “SD/SB gold standard of arrangements” when I should just be focusing on my needs and what arrangement works best for me,

    @Amelia- Congrats on your sugar bliss! I cannot talk about financials I get so bashful when it inevitably comes up during meets. Ya I agree too that I have a lot of pride and hate feeling like I have been made a fool of.

    So I recently had a first meet which lasted much longer than I thought it would! Definite good SD material here for me! He is closer to my age and we have definite chemistry. He is comfortable traveling to me and he is totally fine with us takings things slow! I am comfortable with him and my instincts tell me he is the real deal after our talking. He is kind and generous and I think things are going in a great direction!

  100. Amelia says:

    @RC & Midwest – Thanks!!! I hope it stays that way. Midwest, i understand where you are coming from. This is where i am always second guessing. (i.e. if i’m spending too much / too little time)Spend too much time and worry over being too ‘availiable’ and clingy. Otherwise, i’ll worry over appearing to be playing games, playing hard to get or lack of interest. Will bear that in mind and try to keep a healthy balance.

    @Poised – I have the exact same problem too!! Many people advice that until you get the sugar, do not have sex with him. And i think that’s wise too. But whoever open their mouth when things are happening and go: STOP! Now that we are getting intimate, show me the money before we go any further!! I’m sure some people have a very nice way of asking for it but i just find it hard to discuss financials. I went by my instincts and thank god both men honoured their words and it sort of just work itself out despite the fact that we had a very very vague discussion over it.

    I agree with midwest and WCSD that ‘don’t have sex unless you want to have sex so that when he poof, so what, you wanted to do it.’ That is what i tell myself both times but at the same time, i know that if he poofs i will totally regret it as it will make me feel like the biggest moron and being taken advantage of. The fact that i am attracted to them and do want it doesn’t really matters anymore at that point (i think).

  101. Anna Molly says:

    Stormcat ~ I will certainly give Naughty the message my dear. 😉

  102. WCSD says:

    Midwest – awesome advice as always! Way to go!

    Poised – The arrangement beginning is always a sticky situation. In my mind, it should never be a “I won’t do X until you provide Y”. And that goes both ways (SD’s should not hold out money until sex (test drive) and SB’s shouldn’t hold out sex and affection until ‘paid’). In the end, Midwest is completely right, don’t have sex until you want to have sex. Regardless of being in an ‘arrangement’ or not, if you wanted to do it, and he happens to poof, then so what, you wanted to do it. The reality is that for you to want to do it, trust and chemistry needs to be there. For the trust, you have to trust that the SD is going to follow through with what he has said. If you only go by his word, in some cases you will be burnt, and the next time you won’t be so trusting. Same goes for the SD (if the SB just runs off with his money). So in the end, both parties of the ‘contract’ (as Stormcat calls is) must trust that they are entering into a fair contract, and that takes work from both parties to earn that trust.

  103. Lisa says:

    ok back from getting some groceries. i’ll be glad when fall comes and I can start going to the regular grocery store again, I don’t get much for my money at target. I work at a grocery store but the prices are too high and i’m in a hurry to catch my bus when I get off, just want to get away from that place, lol

    cold water? brr I always thought it was the opposite, cold water warms you, hot water cools you? I’ll have to try that while we still have free use of water, suppposed to go on mandatory water conservation in the city next week.

  104. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ Point of grammer (although I’m more idiot than savant in that regard) It is not beckoned call nor, as others believe beck and call, rather it is more like a two word hyphenated noun, beckon call. Defined as a person’s call that irresistably beckons another to come without delay and without regard to his or her will.

  105. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ You are a sugar genius! Perhaps you ought to offer workshops and personal consultation.

  106. Stormcat says:

    Poised ~ You are on the verge of delineating the essence of contract law. The issue is that upon mutual promise of performance, who goes first. In the law, the issue is most often solved by performance being simultaneous. In sugarland the issue is complicated by the realization that it is impractical to try and enforce an arrangement contract through ajudication.
    Additionally, and I’m probably in the minority in thinking this way, I don’t believe that the essence of the arrangement is allowance in exchange for sex. I think it is mutual caring, for each other, with financial support, consortium, quality time spent, and physical intimacy as manifestations of that careing. If an arrangement is as it should be those things are given naturally without expectation of compensation or reward. However, I have yet to discover how one goes from “Hey How are you. Your profile looks lovely!,” to a state of mutual caring without a lot of time, effort and discussion in the interum.

    AM ~ How are you darling? I wonder if you would be willing to give a message to your sister. Tell her that I’ve discovered a body of water that by swimming naked therein all injury and illness is healed. I wonder if she might like me to guide her there.

    Lisa ~ Fill your tub with cold water and get in. It will lower your core temp, and you’ll be able to sleep.

  107. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Poised PYT – It’s different for everyone. Communication and instincts are VERY important here. Bottom line is a gentleman would proactively discuss the terms of the arrangement and provide some sense of his genuine intentions. This can come in the form of a gift, shopping, monetary arrangement, etc. It’s important that he know what kind of arrangement you seek. Many will disappear once you mention an allowance, but you just go on to the next. If you are only looking for gifts and travel, then discuss it as such. I have had these conversations over e-mail suggesting that we get the details resolved so that we can focus on our time together. Do NOT be afraid to ask for what you seek and be told no. You may even be called unfortunate names from those who have an attitude or don’t understand the nature of the sugar world. Let it roll off an press on. If you don’t ask, you will likely end up disappointed. Follow the mantra that “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is”. Many will talk a big game and never come through. Those who brag less about their assets seem to be the most generous. You will pick up signs as you spend more time together. Lastly, don’t sleep with him until you WANT to…regardless of the terms. You are not a $3 hooker…you’re a lady. Flirt, gradually increase the sexual interactions, but do NOT treat this like a business transaction. It’s dating with perks, if that helps.

  108. Poised PYT says:

    I have been reading the posts above and below me and wow…congrats to everyone with their successful sugar endeavors!

    @RC no problem with the amen to Midwest she did an excellent job!!

    @Midwest thank you so much for answering my questions. I really appreciate your detailed answers and the red flags I should look for. You brought up the very good point: “Make sure the arrangement is in place before you head towards intimacy.” I think that is my biggest fear that an SD will just poof on me after we are intimate, but Im confused as to what constitutes an arrangement being in place? Is it as simple as my allowance for the month being paid upfront? Would an SD be worried that I would just disappear with that first allowance never to be heard from without the sex?

    If any of you could shed some more light on the specifics of how the initial financial arrangements occur. I would be so grateful. I really do not want anyone to take advantage of my greeness in this area….

  109. Lisa says:

    weekends suck

  110. Lisa says:

    The heat index will be 100 at 11 am

  111. Anna Molly says:

    Mornin’ Sugars! The weekend is here! 😀

  112. Lisa says:

    Good morning stormcat unfortunately it wasn’t that type of heat, more like the 90 degree room temperature from the extreme temps here. I kept waking up every two hours, going and standing in front of the fridge for a few minutes (not snacking, lol) and going back to bed. I have a ceiling fan and room fan but they blow nothing but hot air. Looks like no relief in sight for months, heat and no rain

  113. Stormcat says:

    Wow, I pose a simple task of avoiding attachment and out pops a discussion on love and sugar. I’m not going there anymore. I’m working to lose the heart-on-my-sleve thing and vying for converting to closet romantic like SD Guru!
    My potential solution is perhaps to OPENLY have two or even three equally attractive intelligent interesting SBs that I alternate between; so that I won’t get hooked on any one of them. I could even imagine that if “feelings” start to develop . . . automatic grounds for discontinuing the arrangement! Maybe even the one who falls is obligated to help the other find a replacement. . . . Well, maybe not!!!
    btw Thanks for all your thoughts, I’m enjoying all the comments!

    Lisa ~ 10 hours in bed with a lot of heat! No wonder you’re exhausted! Do tell, who’s the lucky guy?

  114. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone. Went to bed at 10:15 but didn’t sleep well. Kept waking up every two hours because of the heat. Still trying to get out of bed, exhausted after over 10 hours in bed.

  115. Tanya says:

    So.. should be an interesting next few weeks. I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled today and am talking to a few individuals and have 2 anticipating my return from lala land. 😛 Both seem genuine and I will be meeting them late next week or the week after. Have 5 or 6 others who have been emailing me but are less definite. I will email them again early next week and see if I can’t set up meetings with them as well. I will update Monday on all the above.

    I will be back to see what I miss in a few days. Best wishes to all and I hope sugar sprinkles down on each of you! I see the sugar sparkle up ahead, lets hope its is soon :)

  116. RC msb says:

    Midwest – I was being factious of course, the Blog Gods have been exceedingly kind to me and I understand they have other things to do.

    They have in fact published at least four of my posts over on the right, and advertised my blog at the top of the page, I think they do a great job. :)

    Poised PYT- While it may just seem like the easy way out, I’m just going to say Amen to Midwest’s post on the subjects. She covered it quite well.

    I would only add that while I personally don’t have any particular screening questions I do spend those first meets with my BS detector running at full power. I consider a general level of honesty a better indicator than the answer to any specific questions might reveal.

  117. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Good morning sugars! Coffee is brewing, so bring your cup and sugar!

    Love and sugar? I’ve always been a little wary of the idea. The main reason is that sugar dating is not like IRL dating. We have an arrangement that is NSA and no drama. We put on our sexiest outfits, leave the everyday life at home, bring fireworks and fun to the time spent with our partners. Since we leave the bad at home and only bring the good, there is a little deception about who we are and what really goes on in our lives (intended in a way). Therefore, our partners do fall easily simply because they only see the good. They find sugar to be a better way to go and let themselves believe that this is how their partner is all the time. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a facade, but it’s just not the whole picture. If you bring love into the mix, then you have to bring in everyday life…kids, exes, pms, work, stress, financial issues, school, etc., etc. and suddenly the sugary sweetness isn’t there anymore. Make sense? All that said, people do meet and fall in love occasionally…just make sure it’s for all the right reasons.

    Poised PYT – Welcome! You posed some great questions and it sounds like your search is going well. Just a few words of caution before I attempt to answer them…as a new SB, some men will have dishonorable intentions, so please, please, please trust your instincts. Men who want to meet ASAP, or are eager to enter an arrangement would cause a red flag in my book. Make sure the arrangement is in place before you head towards intimacy. Don’t fall for the old “test drives” bit. An SD should behave like a gentlement…not like a john.

    Do you find traveling being an integral part of an arrangement to be overly difficult if you have a busy schedule? I prefer traveling with my schedule. My last two arrangements were I travel to him for a 3-4 day weekend, we stay at a nice place or plan a mini-vacay, then I see him in another 3-4 weeks. It’s the same amount of time you may normally spend together, but lumped into one visit. It keeps the weekends special, gives you time to plan unique things to do together, keeps the travel costs down (one trip instead of several) and is less exhausting on your schedule. Plus I love getting out of town as it gives me permission to put my everyday life on hold for the weekend while we enjoy our time together. At first, my gents were hesitant, but once they tried it, they were very pleased.

    What questions should you use to screen a pot SD over email to see if he is the genuine article? There are some great links on the right including screening, traveling, etc. Read them as there is a wealth of information. There are definitely red flags to watch for…particularly being too preoccupied with the sex conversation. It’s one thing to flirt, but others are just wanting to get you in bed. The travel piece if VERY important. They are quick reads.

    Where do you personally draw the line between looking for Mr or Ms right SD/SB and being TOO picky? Sugar has taught me that great interactions come in all forms. It’s kind of like the old saying: “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. That said, you MUST be physically attracted to him or it’s just not going to work and it’s unfair to pretend. Attraction can grow with enjoying one’s sense of humor, personality, etc., so if you’re not sure, give it another date or two before you decide.

    an SD or SB suspect that his or her ideal endgame differs from his pot SB or her pot SD (continuing a long term relationship vs. going separate ways after a period of time), but their idea for the short term arrangement is completely in sync, should that SD and SB still enter such an arrangement? It’s nice to discuss the endgame, but do it without expectations. Truthfully, many men say they will do one thing, but often do not. Stick to “no drama” right up to the end so you can feel like you did your part in the arrangement. It’s part business, part relationship, so you always want to do the right thing. A good practice is to go into the arrangement with the intention of lasting 3-4 months, then agree to go over what works/ doesn’t work and see if you want to keep going. Many arrangements end around the 3-4 month period for a variety of reasons (emotions get involved, too many fish in the sea, personal obligations, etc). So don’t feel like you’ve done something wrong if that happens.

    Good luck!

    Amelia – Congrats sweets! As long as you’re enjoying yourself, then go for it. My only caution is that since it’s sugar, you don’t want it to “burn out” too quickly. Keep a little anticipation and don’t always be at his beckoned call. Yay you!

    RC – I’m sure some e-mails will get exchanged :-)

  118. Poised PYT says:

    Hey sugars! I love reading all of your posts on this blog. Im a new SB and I have a bit of a dilemma that I hope you all can help me out with.

    So I call one place home (which is where I am for the summer), but go to school out of state (and far from home) for most of the year. My changing locale poses a bit of a problem when choosing an SD. Should he be from my home? Near my college? Or perhaps somewhere else entirely? Also, I have a very demanding schedule at school so I would really only have time to devote myself entirely to one special SD. So I have some options to consider:

    1. I have been talking and going to first meets for drinks/coffee/dinner with some pot SDs in the area that are comfortable with traveling on little gateways together are flying me back to him for a long weekend. I recently went to drinks with an intelligent and nice gentleman who is eager to enter into an arrangement with me. I would not say is my physical type, but he has a kind, honest heart and seems generous. (there was a Breakfast at Tiffany’s moment- think Holly Golightly getting a little something to go to the powder room with…) I also have a coffee date today so we will see how that goes.

    2. I also just recently changed my profile location to where I go to school and now the SDs in that area are knocking on my door. One guy recently piqued my interest going off of his photo. He is younger than the other guys I have interacted with on the site, which is a little suspect but I will dig further to see if he is the real deal.

    3. Also another SD from an entirely different locale basically wants to wife me in all but name and wants me to fly in ASAP.

    So I have a couple of questions for you seasoned SDs/SBs that could help me in my quest to find a good SD fit:

    Do you find traveling being an integral part of an arrangement to be overly difficult if you have a busy schedule?

    What questions should you use to screen a pot SD over email to see if he is the genuine article?

    Where do you personally draw the line between looking for Mr or Ms right SD/SB and being TOO picky?

    If an SD or SB suspect that his or her ideal endgame differs from his pot SB or her pot SD (continuing a long term relationship vs. going separate ways after a period of time), but their idea for the short term arrangement is completely in sync, should that SD and SB still enter such an arrangement?

    I’d love to hear any of your feedback!

  119. RC msb says:

    Kindred Spirit – Excellent points across the board as usual. 

    I will note that at least some of the sugars with profiles here on SA are pretty explicit that they are ‘open’ to a more involved relationship. At the same time it’s fair to point out that a significant number of people on SA seem to think they are on match Dot com. As far as ‘real’ sugars I tend to agree, most aren’t really looking for love per se.

    As for your question about spotting when relationships start to become boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. The defining moment I’ve noticed in both others and myself is the moment you begin lying to yourself about the relationship. For example when someone says “I don’t care what he does when he’s not with me”, but they are clearly lying. That’s it. Bingo. That’s the moment when the earth is starting to move. That’s the first thing people do when they begin to fall against their will. Denial.

    Thanks for the welcome back. I always love seeing your posts.

  120. Kindred Spirit says:

    Re-marring…I meant re-marrying. hehe

    Stephan, any chance we can have the authority to edit our own posts after posting? Please???

    😀 😀 😀

  121. Kindred Spirit says:

    I’m with WCSD on this one…need my solid sleep on my king-sized bed. lol
    Physically I get too hot when cuddling in bed, so once it’s time to fall asleep, I need to cool off/have space.

    Stormcat~ physical touch can certainly draw you closer to someone, especially if it’s your #1 “Love Language”. Throw in tons of time doing just that and…hmmm. Uh-oh 😉

    (General thoughts here)
    Whether you notice it much or not, that close friendship can just keep growing closer with time and shared experiences…and isn’t that only natural? Only…no, I don’t think that means it will necessarily turn to being In-Love. I guess I just rely on staying focused and centered on why I am sugar-dating, why my partner is sugar-dating, and staying very much in the present with the mutual-pleasing aspect. :)

    Can we really prevent falling in love, if we’re just absolutely smitten? *Scratching head*

    To me, falling in love = drama. Even that great “high” feeling is a dramatic stimulation (or infatuation?) within one’s body. Still equals “drama” to me, all those crazy feelings…and if not requited, then it morphs into a painful feeling. :(

    In the sugar world, I don’t want that. I’ll go into the deep end when I’m interested in eventually re-marring someday. :) Until then, I’m enjoying keeping it light, but fulfilling.

    Great, caring and special friendships, but at the end of the day (or weekend, or…) we will bid each other well and go off to our separate lives, until next time. No muss, no fuss. Weeeeellll, come on, it should be that easy! 😉 Why not?

    If an SB and SD fall in love together, does that change the structure of their sugar relationship? Sure it does, but if both are crazy about each other, who cares? That said, I haven’t heard of anyone seeking a sugar relationship who is also looking to fall deeply in love. So the catch is deciding how to respond to those growing feelings inside of you…and whether you really want those feelings and change the dynamics of the relationship (which your partner may not be so keen on doing).

    My best tip: Consciously try to keep your feelings in check and focus on the present~ your heart IS at risk in the sugar world, just like IRL…especially if you don’t take a step back once in a while to note how things are going…for both of you! 😀 Evaluate, refresh, then move on to which ever direction is next (which may still be the same, but at least you noted it). That’s how I keep my sanity and stay plenty happy. :)

    RC~ cool to see you back! Not all bloggers are active in the sugar world, so feel free to write in anytime!!

    Another question, up in the air~ How much time spent together is “too much”…where it can no longer feel like a sugar relationship but starts feeling like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? Sure it varies with every individual, but are there some commonalities to that varied answer? What do you think?

  122. RC msb says:

    …And some joined, some left, and the cycle continues..

    Enormous thanks to those of you who had kind words while I was gone, Amelia, Rachel, Lisa, and any I might have missed.

    Awwww LL, your so sweet. I missed you loads cool babe.

    And no, the Blog Gods never shared our email’s.

    …AND NO, THE BLOG GODS NEVER SHARED OUR EMAIL….

    Is there an echo in here?

    Anyway, I hope you have a super hot date tonight.

    …AND NO, THE BLOG GODS NEVER SHARED OUR EMAIL….

    It’s be nice to Texasugah week everybody! Good luck with all you pursue Sugah!

    Amelia Good luck with your new SD, Very happy for you!!

    Hope everyone has a rip roaring fun evening.

  123. Amelia says:

    Hi everyone!

    I’ve just deleted my profile in SA! Things seems to be going exceedingly well with my SD. In fact, I’ve just spent FIVE consecutive nights with him (OMG!!!) and still think we’re not spending enough time together!! Think i’m getting too attached to him! Oh no!!!

    The annoying thing is that i accidently blurt out that i have a blog and now, i’m closing it since i can’t be posting (or moan. lolx) anything knowing that he will be reading. There goes my blogging plan to pen down all my sugar encounters…

    @Midwest – Good luck with your exams! Mine’s in 10 days time and it’s making me so miserable! =(
    @RC – Missed you too! There’s no need to stay away from the blog!!
    @Stormcat – If i like the person, i would very much prefer to spend the night with him. And i agree wtih you that spending the night together brings 2 person closer very quickly. I dont really like the spend the day: dinner/entertainment/sex, then go home alone for the night as i remember it leaving me with an empty feeling after that. Doesn’t feel good.
    @Lisa – Enjoy your dinner!

  124. Honey says:

    Honey gets sugar, but gives advice only when asked.. Sug, keep me filled in!

  125. Lisa says:

    wifi is so slow here. heading back home soon. had a nice dinner but my back is hurting and the wifi is too slow here

  126. Lisa says:

    I’m having the baked potato soup and a caramel latte. nice hot food for a hot day. lol I don’t really like their sandwhiches but lover their soups. takes forever to get on their wifi though

  127. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    I love Panera…their chicken salad is one of the best out there!!! Enjoy Lisa!

    I’m taking a break from studying for finals…after Monday, it’s ONE more semester!!!! Soooooooo very excited! Then I get a well-deserved two week break that includes catching up with some very special ladies. I cannot wait!

  128. Lisa says:

    Midwest the closest thing i’m got to sugar these days is the panera giftcard I earned online. walking over there in a minute to have some dinner. lol

  129. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hey RC!!!!! To hell with rationalizations…who needs ’em!

    You know, when the blog is really hoppin’ is when everyone is sharing their search stories and talking about their dates. Does this mean nobody is searching and dating, or nobody is sharing? Has the process been mastered and nobody has any new ideas? Any more news from WYP? Come on ladies…let those of us who aren’t in sugar live vicariously through you!

  130. Lisa says:

    Hey welcome back RC msb :)
    The blog is addictive, you would need to have therapy to quit, lol

    I wish Houston was as quiet at the blog has been several murders per day, fires, now water restrictions coming(goodbye beautiful green grass :( ) Hello dry grass that will catch on fire and then the fire department will have to use all the water we saved to put out the fires. No relief in sight either

  131. RC msb says:

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    IS THIS THING ON? CAN YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE?!!!

    Hi all.

    Yes, Yes, Obviously my resolve has the strength and fortitude of Silly Putty.

    You will be thrilled to know that you all have a full 24 hours to make any smirky comments you like about my will of iron….

    ..and the timer starts…………………NOW!

    Tick

    Tick

    Tick.

    Hey, shoot me, I couldn’t stay away. I missed you all terribly.

    Besides I came up with several juicy rationalizations as to why it’s OK for me to keep my toes in the door of the blog even though I’m no longer a sugar.

    For now, I’m going to catch up on whatever transpired in my absence (at least I avoided lurking) and I shall return later.

  132. texasugah says:

    Hey all…

    As to the finance discussion… I’m like Lisa. I don’t make a lot of deposits. I tend to want to save the money that I worked my day job for and use that for things like mortgage,elec. etc. My sugar money goes for the things that I would usually swipe a debit card for. There’s not a trail on my end.

    The two sugars.. foot guy had to go. Too many issues.
    The other was fantastic.. and very generous. I’m pleased.

    Sugary hopes for all

    Honey.. I’ll be calling you in a bit about tomorrow!

  133. Lisa says:

    Hey LL it has been very quiet lately.

    Everyone in Houston is busy killing each other and fight fires. This city is going crazy
    Glad to be home from work, what a day from hell. glad i’m off tomorrow

  134. LL says:

    *Crickets*

    ……..*Crickets*…….*Crickets*…….

    Enjoy your day sugars…I know I will…just about to get ready for a smokin hot date 😛

  135. Honey says:

    Good morn, eve or wherever ya’ll are. Just stopping by to say hello.

  136. Lisa says:

    hey that’s supposed to be the temperature, not a zip code

  137. Lisa says:

    [img]http://www.weather.com/weather/today/77024[/img]

    Please someone throw ice cubes at me

  138. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Stormie – since my SDs were long distance, we not only had overnights, but over-weekends :-) My gents did agree that they preferred this way over the dinner/ show/ sex type of get-togethers. It’s nice to have enough time together that you get to plan something unique and wonderful and that nobody is looking at their watch wondering when he/she is going to leave.

    All that said…you do tend to wear your heart on your sleeve, so would it really matter ? Just sayin’ :-)

    Cleo – Sounds like you’re having a great time, so don’t change a thing!

    Hey sugars!

  139. WCSD says:

    Stormcat – Not sure I’m much help. I do the overnight thing, but I’ve never been a cuddler, so the ‘one or two complete nights just physically holding each other’ has never happened to me (in any type of relationship). Hell, I’m on the king, and she may be in it, but I’d almost not even know…until the morning 😉

  140. Southbymidwest says:

    @Stormcat — Ive had 2 successful long term SD/ SB relationships over the years , I stayed the night with them all them all the time . Over intimacy was never a problem , we just looked forward to the next time we were together . we still each very much had our own lives to go back to . Maybe just limit the amount of times a week or month youre seeing her , if youre seeing her 2 nights a week and spending the night , that could be a bit much . It really just depends on what kind of realtionship youre looking for , for a traditional GF/BF relationship 2 nights a week is nothing . .

  141. Stormcat says:

    Hi everyone. My work seems to be going well and my finances are lookin up to the point where I’m starting to think about looking for another SB. However, I don’t want to get into the emotional turmoil that happened last time so I have been thinking about how that happened and it brought up a question that I thought might be discussed here. Once a relationship has developed to the point where intimacy has become a part of it, is it common to spend the whole night together or more desirable to simply spend the evening then split for the sleeping part of the night? Just wondering what other people experience. I feel that part of the reason we got so close was because we were always one or two complete nights just physically holding each other.

  142. cleo says:

    midwest: zilch – actually i’d say right now i have not a single SD in my pipeline… no pots, no dates, no nothing. (i mean sure there’s a couple i’ve been emailing but once you hit 2 months worth of email with no word about scheduling a meet you figure they’ve put you in the “buddy zone” and you just move on and be happy someday if you’re wrong)

    that said, i’m having a phenomenal month and business is great even in a traditionally crappy month and i have several irl dates to go on and my birthday is this month… so you know…. i can’t complain.

    and in fact wouldn’t if i could! :)

  143. BellaSavantNYC says:

    Hello Sugars!!

    Happy August! Hope everyone has been well. I’ve had a very busy past few weeks with a new SD with very little time online. Things are going great and it’s one of the better arrangements I have had in a while. I thought I would update and share my experience for all the new bloggers.

    We met actually on the site. He approached me. Our first date was a lovely night out for cocktails and conversation. We quickly connected and shared many of the same lifestyle interests. I am the quintessential NYC lifestyle woman (fine dining, events, summer in Hamptons, winter in St. Barts etc.) so it was great that he was the male version of me! He asked me out for dinner the following week at one of NYC’s finest restaurants and since then I have seen him at least once or twice a week all based on his request. I tend to never invade or ask for their time. We solidified an arrangement on our third date. We have been shopping as he loves that I have a keen fashion sense. We have not been intimate beyond kissing and touching (tmi..lol) however that will surely be remedied (haha) when we travel on vacation next week.

    I’d like to address the question posted about depositing allowances (@Kes) – in general I am either given cash or money that is deposited directly into my account. Never in large sums at once, however I receive a fairly generous allowance.

    So far it has been a fabulous summer …I hope everyone is enjoying the same.

    xx

  144. AutumnAmber says:

    Hi everyone! Another new face here, lol.

    I hadn’t seen any of the articles or videos about sugar life until after I found this site, actually. I have been trying to make-over my life and realized I can’t do it on my own on my GI Bill housing allowance. I’m enjoying reading the blog so far, I may ask you all to review my profile after I get more photos up.

    ^_^

  145. vino sd says:

    Kes- i am not aware of any key number that triggers greater scrutiny with regard to deposits unless you are depositing cash. then, 10k is that level at which the bank has to file a report. if your SD gifts you over 13K in a given year, he is responsible for paying a gift tax to the irs. One exception to this is if the gift is for tuition.
    i’m not an accountant or tax attorney, so see a pro to be sure.

  146. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hey Cleo! Are you getting any foot fetish guys with that avatar?? :-) It’s pretty hot! I might want to drink champagne out of those sweet pumps!

  147. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    PS – My other SDs would just give me cash that I deposited. It was a non-issue (guess that proves I never had $10K to deposit at once…..shucks :-) )

  148. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Evening sugars!

    southbymidwest – Welcome! Good for you for keeping it low key. There are those who like to have their cake and eat it too…just be safe in every way.

    Kes – As long as you keep the deposits below $10K and you’re good. Don’t do 9,500 or something close, because that triggers it too. As for taxes, you’re SD bears that burden, you are fine. I kept a separate sugar account that I opened online (mainly because I only had one branch in my area, but he had many). The one challenge he had was that when he made deposits with the tellers, they would get the manager because it was an online account. They were trying to protect him from fraud, but it made him a little uncomfortable for discretionary purposes.

    I’ve been in a little funk lately…mostly just busy. Can’t wait to have some girl time very, very soon!

  149. Lisa says:

    You don’t have to deposit it in the bank. When I had an allowance, I just held on to it till I spent it.
    As far as paying bills, I’ve always paid my bills with money orders since I don’t have any checks. Not a big deal to meal since I have few bills anyway.

  150. Kes says:

    Hello ladies
    I have a question for the women that have had success with a sugar relationship: If you receive an allowance or flat out cash from your SD, how do you go about depositing money in your bank account without attracting the bank and/or irs attention? Do you deposit in smaller amounts? Do you all use money orders to pay for bills and etc?

    As you can see I’m very curious!
    All help is appreciated. Thanks in advance 😉

  151. southbymidwest says:

    Thanks all.

    Actually Im already over it . I just wish he wouldnt have tried to make me exclusive to him if he wasnt going to do the same . Id ideally just like ONE really great SD , but Id be fine with us having multiple SDs/ SBs , but I just think whats good for the goose is good for the gander :-)
    I actually do have a few cards to hold 😉 Im not a supermodel ( ie not 6ft and 100lbs ) but I do model. LOL
    So i decided not to confront and just ride it out , and went back on the site myself .
    Thanks for all the advice :-)

  152. texasugah says:

    Hi all..

    First Justwonderin’ I agree with what you say. It really is true that they hold the cards.. not all but most. And he very well might be just playing around. You know it’s like that on regular dating sites.
    I don’t send crazy emails.. why? I just post crazy things on my blog. LOL

    Well… the sugar thing went well.

    Both men want an arrangement. One has suddenly decided that he wants to try for a real
    relationship.. I just don’t get it. But ok…
    The other is.. well we shall see…

    Sugary kisses
    TS

  153. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon

    Hey gail sorry I missed you

    Just got home, starving, need to eat as I didn’t get to take a lunch break, spent my day sweating in a tiny hot room with the light constantly going off (motion activiated) looking for face creams and lotions,), scanning and putting in alarmed lock boxes and to the shelf.

  154. WCSD says:

    Southbymidwest –

    I’m not sure you can tell much by your SD having a premium account and a blocked last login. Maybe he paid for 6 months of premium service right after he initially met you, and hasn’t been back online. Maybe he uses it for entertainment, or maybe he has 3 or 4 SBs, and 4 more Pots on the go. Really unless you have an exclusive relationship, there isn’t anything you have the right to do. In the end, the Sugar world is to be drama free. And inherently with the NSA nature of it, it will mean that the SD (and/or the SB) will have more than one person on the go at once (hell, maybe he has you as a SB, also a girlfriend and a wife!). So, in my opinion you need to get over it. Be confident in yourself, and remember the only person who can hurt/effect you is you. It is only your reaction to the outside world that effects you, and you get to control that reaction, so therefore you control what effects you. Really living this last statement is the key to a dramaless life for me anyway.

  155. justwonderin says:

    Southbymidwest-

    My opinion is to never, EVER confront them. I know it is frsutrating and you want closure but if you don’t hear from them for a while consider it a done deal. It’s over. Sometimes they pop back up out of the blue and sometimes (rarely) they have a really good excuse like they had a car accident and were in the hospital but for the most part, the SDs hold all the cards,. Unless of course you are a supermodel and in that case you probably hold all the cards.

    I have learned the hard way not to confront them for bad behavior. It does absolutely no good and usually you won’t hear from them again anyway. I think men in general hate to hurt a woman’s feelings and its so much easier to just ignore you. Write them a crazy angry e-mail and good luck hearing back. and you’ve just branded yourself crazy in their eyes.

    If you haven’t heard from them and a friend saw them trolling the site its because they are like kids in a candy store and get bored easily. Most of the excitement is about the chase. So when it comes down to the actual meet, they are already bored and looking at the next hottie.

    Like I said this is just my opinion and what I have experienced so please feel free to tell me I am wrong

  156. southbymidwest says:

    @vino SD and LASB —

    Yes we had an agreement , ( no other SD/ no other SBs ) , and weve been seeing each other about 6 months so not like its new . And hes a “premium ” member so he blocked his last log in , but that does mean hes still actively paying for his membership. I think it maybe time for me to do the same thing . I dont even know if confronting him would help the matter , may be better to just do what hes doing .

  157. cleo says:

    i thought i would be days and days behind but i’ve been really making an effort to spend my weekends offline this summer. an EXCELLENT choice might I add :) i see that i’m not so i guess most everyone is doing the same lol
    .
    LL: i am so down with you hooking me up cause that would be a lot of fun :)

  158. Gail says:

    Good Morning Everyone : )

    Yes…I mean everyone. Welcome all newbies and those in lurker mode.(smile) It’s Tuesday and the world has so much to offer today. I am looking forward to finding out what it will be.

    Nico~I loved hearing about your negotiation process. I am helping my daughter buy her first new car. We bought a new 2011 SUV over 3 1/2 weeks ago. Last week she was told that she didn’t qualify for the rebates which was over $3,000 because she was a first time buyer. 2 salesmen and the manager told us she did. The car dealership called her and told her she had to come up with the $3,000 difference after having the car this long. Of course Mama was not happy with that. We had a credit union approval before we came to the dealership, and they encouraged us to finance the car with the manufacturer for at least one month to take advantage of the rebate. When we went back to meet with them again, they said that they got her financed with a credit union, at a higher interest rate and at 72 mohth. My branch credit union offered a lower interest rate at 60 months. When we told them we were going to go ahead with my contact from same credit union and accept their offer of financing, they were not nice and kept pressuring us to sign the paperwork there at the dealership. We walked of course. The very next day they sent a letter saying that the dealership wanted to rescind the contract due to unacceptable finance terms. This time we only test drove and looked at the cars. That way we could take our time and make sure that we are in control.

    By the way it nice to see you posting again. Wishing you a wonderful SD!!!! You so deserve a great one. By the way quality SDs if you are reading this contact Nico!!!! (huge smile)

    Morning Lisa : ) I am back on track now…waking back up at my regular schedule. Have a great day!!!

    LASB~I had the same experience with my ex SD…I found him logging in as well. I was doing the same. Finally he asked me who I was looking at online.I told him YOU : ) lol…. Our BF/GF relationship is strong as ever. I have too many other things in my life to think about now, like where we are going for vacation at the end of the month. I am happy for you : )

    Have the best day ever Sugars!!!!

  159. LASB says:

    South X Midwest – To answer your questions:
    Yes there are SDs on here.
    Yes that happens.
    Yes that is common too.
    I don’t know why they poof.
    Confronting him depends on your agreement and whether you can do it in a “drama free” way or not.
    I think you should do what Vino said, but maybe make a new profile first so he doesn’t see you looking, unless it’s truly over or you didn’t have an exclusivity agreement.
    Keep in mind that sometimes guys just look, and then they decide that they don’t like anything else out there anyhow.
    My now ex, also known as BGBF, was logging into his account all the time after we first met. Then he had a date with a woman, but was so bored out of his mind that he cancelled his account shortly after. In that case, it was good that he looked long enough to realize that there was no need to keep looking.

  160. Blue Skies says:

    @LL i concure!!!!

  161. Blue Skies says:

    hellllllllllllo Sugars!

    @texas suuugaa… you crak me up and are an inspiration.
    @Lisa… you can’t keep a good woman down. Hang in there sister.
    @ anyone who has inspired me and welcomed me… thank you!

    Here’s to the good life!!!!
    xo!

  162. vino sd says:

    @south- if you have an agreement for exclusivity, i’d confront him; if not, i’d say its time for you to be back on the site as well. i’ve seen this from the other side where i learned she was still looking for, i assume, a bigger wallet.

  163. southbymidwest says:

    Do any of the gentlemen ever comment on this blog or is it all just us ladies ? lol

    Had a few interesting conversations lately with some potential SDs . Has anyone else ever had a guy make it sound like they were doing you a favor by even talking to you ? does anyone else seem to notice that when it come time to set up the first date , 75% of them drop off the face of the earth ? Im a real person and I truly am everything I say I am . and dont want a cyber relationship , why do they fear the face to face so much ? Also has anyone started an arrangment/ relationship with someone , gotten off the site , only to hear a friend say ” Oh I think I saw ________ still on the site ” sure enough , it was him . Confront him ? Let it go ? what do ya’ll think ?

  164. Lisa says:

    No caffeine, no sugar, no carbs? Count me out, lol

  165. Anna Molly says:

    LL ~ Hi! I’ve been talking with my ex-sd. Nothing major to report on that front. We’ve had lunch once and dinner once, so, we’ll see.

    I’ve also started a new diet, no caffeine, no sugar, low carb and high protein. I feel like crap right now, but, I know it’s temporary.

  166. Lisa says:

    LL they have an inventory company coming in to scan but I have to make sure alll the stuff is on the shelf in the right place, alot of climbing and reaching which I really don’t need with my arm. It’s been going numb on me alot and is affecting my work. I could tell my boss wasn’t happy with me yesterday, thinks i’m working too slow but it’s all I can do to move it at all. It’s so much stress for me which always gets me into trouble. Last time we had inventory (february) I got so stressed out that the store manager almost sent me home.

    ok i’ve got to get out now and get some household stuff. i’m on my last 2 advil, need another bottle, i’ve taken 5 since midnight.

    Have a good day everyone.

  167. LL says:

    Good morning Lisa and AM 😉

    Lisa – Ouch…inventory time suck’s…better you than me I always say 😛 I used to plan out the YE inventory schedules for 300 locations in addition to freight in transit..daunting task but I was always content knowing I wasn’t the one actually counting…hope they at least have scan systems in place for you 😉

    Whats new in your world AM?

  168. Lisa says:

    Good morning

    TGIM
    Still have this headache lingering

    Thanks Anna Molly, this is inventory week which is going to be rough. Going to try to enjoy today before the next 3 days of hell start.

    Looks like another dangerously hot day here. 2 people have already died here because of the heat and lack of ac. My apartment gets very hot too, fans don’t do much when there is nothing but heat being circulated around. I”m so ready for October

  169. Anna Molly says:

    Hey Beach! I’m doing well!

    Lisa ~ I hope you have a good week darlin’! :)

  170. LL says:

    Why thx KS! 😉

  171. Kindred Spirit says:

    Well-analyzed and written, LL! 😀

  172. LL says:

    Toni – I agree…but with the increase of joke daddies there will also be an increase of scammer babies and I think it will continue to balance itself out.

    My perspective is that with the recent sugar dating awareness taking place in the media is that…

    1.) A lot more “SB’s” will flock to the site and perhaps adopt the P4P mentality since this is what the media is portraying sugar dating to be
    2.) A lot more jokedaddies will flock to the site in search of willing P4P “SB’s” again due to the media
    3.) No.1 & 2 will accept each other
    4.) True SB’s and SD’s are familiar with appropriate screening techniques to filter out most of the bad seeds, are also a step ahead by having a clear understanding of the lifestyle and direction they plan on pursuing, usually carry a motivating factor, and most likely live with some degree of integrity when it comes to taking on lovers 😀

    Yes the sugarbowl is about to explode with a new dynamic of individuals, this we can not control – regardless of the media coverage – but as always it’s up to our own discretion of who we permit into our lives as an individual who makes independent choices for ourselves based on the information we gather.

    The way I see it, we contended with the mentally challenged every day…we ourselves could appear to be mentally challenged to others too 😉 It’s about finding the mentally challenged who you feel sits on the same level you perceive yourself on 😀

    Just my two cents…cause that’s all I have 😉 hahaha

  173. Toni says:

    Texas and Tiffany, how I see it is that we’ll get more SBs with an influx of fake daddies thinking they can take advantage of women “desperate due to student loans”. We;ll see.

  174. LL says:

    Here’s LL back on the blog today……I hope everyone is doing fan-F’n-tastic this weekend!

    Hi to all the newbies 😀

    I haven’t read the recent articles so I am not going to comment but I do believe in quality over quantity 😉

    Whats new with me…..
    My current arrangement is still in progress and I am slowly seeing my debt reduced…poor guy has had to contend against a brain full of stress the first few times we’ve dated…no matter how much I tried to focus solely on having fun and enjoying it just wasn’t possible, it HARD to silence the brain! I may even be able to convince myself to use a small amount of the next allowance to treat myself to a haircut and a few small personal necessities or something 😛 Looking forward to the upcoming week since we may be able to pull off meeting Thursday and Friday 😀

    I have two other scheduled meet and greets – one from SA and the other from EM – the one from SA I am definitely keen on meeting as our personalities seem to match quite well on paper.

    There was a gentleman who searched me out and has been trying to connect with for some time now, we arranged to meet for lunch last Thursday (I ended up cancelling as my current arrangement wanted to meet up…and then that was cancelled too…boo!) and rescheduled for Friday…ended up missing out on that as well…I was there, he was there but we didn’t end up connecting…long story. Anyway, turns out that he wants to introduce me to his long time biz partner of 40 years as he himself admits to probably being a serial philanderer and his partner is only looking for one SB. Bonus is that his partner is a few years younger AND a little more appealing..I found out when he sent me his company link to check him out. These guys are the founders of a Mortgage Fund and Commercial Mortgage Lender with a portfolio of over $600M and are obviously very affluent men in the metropolis…..CHA-CHING!

    Cleo girl – You KNOW I’m hooking you up if things work out on this front! I can see it now…Cleo and Logic running the city in style 😛

    RC baby – i hope you are lurking out there…I miss you! I don’t know if blog gods ever sent you my email addy…hope so…please keep in touch…and I do read your personal blogs 😉

    Cheers!

  175. Poised PYT says:

    Hey sugars!

    I am a newbie SB that joined a couple days ago and just wanted to introduce myself because I really enjoy reading this blog and could definitely learn a thing or two from you all!

    Tiffany and Texas~ both of you bring up the valid point that more press attention regardless will bring more traffic to the site. I am living proof of this since I joined SA shortly after reading the Huffington Post’s article by chance. Even though it might have not painted the prettiest picture of Sugarland, I could still see within the article many of the merits and meaningfulness that could come with a SB/SD relationship that led me to this site.

    SD Guru~I really enjoyed your review of the Huff Post article. After, I read your post “Questions Newbie SB’s Should Ask.” In it you mentioned that in your opinion at least one of the parties (SB or SD) should be experienced in order for the arrangement to have a better chance for success. I have been on the site for 3 days and already I am in talks with a couple of pot SD’s for a long term arrangement. Since I have zero experience as an SB, I was just wondering if you had any advice for how to proceed if one of my pot SD’s turns out to be just as inexperienced?

    I was also just wondering if any of you had your own advice/Do’s and Dont’s for a green SB gearing up for her first meets to get to know a pot SDs?

    And also if you think an arrangement can work if both the SD and SB are inexperienced in the sugarbowl?

    Thanks all and truly I cannot get enough of this blog!!

  176. Nico says:

    OOoh ~ Gail. I love that part!! I bought a new/used car a couple years back. I used my own financing (credit union) and had them mail ME the check…not the dealership. I found out how long they had my new/used car sitting on their lot and knew they needed to move it so I played hardball. I walked in with the check (made out to me which I was to sign over to them) and before the end of the transaction (they finally agreed to my terms) I managed to get them down by another $1,500.

    Of course, I don’t negotiate like that with a pot…lol…that’s personal and handled with finesse 😉

    Welcome Tiffany and HELLO to all my fellow sugars!!!!! HAPPY SUNDAY!!!

  177. Gail says:

    Morning Tiffany and Kindred Spirit : )

    Tiffany~you are not stepping on toes here. We appreciate hearing your veiw, especially if you are a newbie. By the way after awhile you’ll no longer be a newbie…jump in and comment to your hearts content : )

    Lisa~I drank the whole pot of coffee this morning..So I am really energixed now. We are looking for a new car again. I hate the negotiation crap that goes along with it. Talk to you soon!!!!

  178. Kindred Spirit says:

    Welcome, Tiffany! 😀

  179. Tiffany says:

    I would be inclined to agree with Texas (don’t mean to step on any toes because I am very new here) but if it brings more awareness and therefore brings more people…that’s really a fair trade. When people get here they will read what it’s really all about but the point is…it brings awareness and gets them thinking.

    Either way…I’m extremely new here and in all fairness really just wanted to say Hello…so “Hello”.

  180. texasugah says:

    oops…

    past the tipping point. It’s moving more in the main stream and there’s comments about it. What this will do is to bring more men into the arena for us. So let them talk.

  181. texasugah says:

    Hello all..

    Geez everyone’s a critic. I guess that’s what I get for putting my blog out there.

    Point on the blog.. I enjoy writing and a good portion of my blog is fiction and fantasy. It’s not all informational. I had thoughts about not inviting sugars to the blog but.. now I’m pretty sure.

    *** blog mods.. please remove my blog from the listing of sugar blogs.. thank you****

    Anyhoo… From the last post to my blog all can guess that the sugar I was talking with flaked. It was actually comical and so.. the post. But the positive is that I have two sugar meets tomorrow.. from SA! Shocking since I only use the blog here. I used the free time that I had set aside for the meet to look around, wink a bit and viola!

    Plus a little shopping with a good friend.

    As to that discussion about sugardaddies.. I wouldn’t sweat it. Read Gladwell’s Tipping Point. The Sugar Daddy phenomenon has just p

  182. Toni says:

    I guess I see it was the best rep SO FAR but I kinda wish for more “aggressive” SBs who will answer these slick/snide questions withmore of a bite than just laughing off the obviously rude questions/comments being made by these people.

  183. Toni says:

    No but see they kept trying to make sure it was for student loan, when she said “shopping and clothes” the guy was so quick to jump and say “But that cant pay for student loans!” Ugh it’s like people HAVE to hide behind student loans just to make it seem ok in the eyes of others, when we all know that’s not the reason many get into the bowl.

  184. Nico says:

    Toni – agree with your view; however, all things considered, certainly the most positive representation of sugar thusfar. Sugar is (as we’ve discovered) different for everybody – in this interview the emphasis was on student loans, another could’ve been shopping (emphasis) or $ for investments etc. There was mention of mentoring as well….all in all, I think positive.

  185. Toni says:

    I didnt like the interview. I dont know..just alot of judging and weirdness. and this whole pay off student loans crap had me laughing..some of us just want mutually beneficial interactions..they just keep harping about loans, “are you sure this is about student loans” blah blah stfu, I dont know it was annoying. Personally I dont like how the publicity, the equating it to prostitution, I dont think sBs are doing a good job at explaining the difference. Meh.

  186. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!
    Been a crazy week and more of the same to come for me 😀 all work and no play… it needs to change soon…
    I have no idea what the interviews are, but glad it was better than that article, omg, how to make sugar look bad!!!!
    Lisa~ You need to drink lots of water, keep hydrated girl!
    Midwest~ Hello Kitten!
    GenuineSD~ summer is ok, nice to see you back here ! I am not on that much, to much going on and don’t really have time for sugar although I so need it! but I did get to see a few shows… it was nice!
    Vino~ is a background check really necessary? I mean, I use to work for a company that did all the checks and finger prints etc… the whole thing, made me feel like a bad person… it was an awful feeling to have that done… I’m sure you can come up with some way to make it seem like a nice thing, hopefully…
    AM~ hey girl, how have you been?
    well back to studying… I can’t wait to get a break, a much needed break!

  187. texasugah says:

    Just updated my blog..

    A little something dediated to the flakey, fake Poof Daddies.

    I hope you get a little smile..

    http://texasugah12.posterous.com/dear-mr-flake#

    *turn down your volume*

  188. texasugah says:

    Hi all..

    Been away dealing with some things. Just need to get my mind right.

    I hope everyone is doing well.

    Kisses
    T

  189. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone
    woke up with a slight headache, must have got to much heat during my walk yesterday.
    Fridge is empty, need to brave the blast oven and get down to the store.

    Anny Molly, i’m always ready for the weekend to be over, looking forward to monday

    I’m going to strap on a block of ice and head out now

  190. Anna Molly says:

    Happy Friday sugars! Hope all of you have a fun weekend planned! 😀

    Welcome to all of our new family members! 😀

  191. @vino veritas – just explain that to SB then. If she understands why you need the information, I am sure that she would be cooperative. Or scare her off – either way, you get the desired result!

    @Stormy – grasshopper! Remain detached from the outcome – people cannot resist it! It is so very powerful and very peaceful.

  192. vino sd says:

    Thanks to all who offered some perspective on the background check issue.

    @LASB – i should have been a little more specific in terms of what i am asking and not asking. def not asking for SS# or DL#. am just looking for last name and d.o.b. and this is only after a first date where we decide we want to see each other again with an intent to formalize an agreement. appreciate the suggestions for websites to look for information.

    i work in an industry with significant governmental oversight (incl. DEA) and just cant have an association with anyone with issues with controlled substances; past or present.

  193. Lisa says:

    wow just got back from my 2+ mile walk, can’t believe the heat index is still 100 at 830

  194. Nico says:

    Tanya….you’re very well spoken. Very good representation and not thrown off course with some of their ‘harder’ questions!! Thank you!!

  195. Kindred Spirit says:

    Tanya (and Victoria) both did a great job on the radio show (just finished listening to it)! It’s one of the most positive media segments I’ve ever heard on sugar arrangements, and the kinship they describe enjoying with a man is exactly what I agree with, as well. Beautifully done!

    Upon reading the Huffington Post article, well, it just made me feel sad and disappointed! Boo! :(

  196. Tanya says:

    I am happy to hear all the positive feedback on my radio interview! Thanks to everyone! I was definitely being truthful and shining a positive light on our lifestyle. So much negativity out there right now.

  197. pb says:

    Heyyy Sugars!!!

  198. WCSD says:

    Here is a link to a ‘discussion’ on the Today show about the whole sugar daddy lifestyle (obviously not too flattering).

    http://jezebel.com/5827680/nancy-snyderman-if-you-have-a-sugar-daddy-you-must-be-a-hooker

    As I’m sure most in this lifestyle is concerned, this is really just good advertising for more people to check out the site…

  199. Stormcat says:

    Hey everyone
    I’m doing fantastic. I’ve been following Alleycat’s teaching of not being vested in the outcome and people seem to be flocking to me. I’ve now been asked to organize an Indy rock festival performed completely on the water! We have several gigantic construction barges that we can rotate like movable stages. All the boats will link up so that people can walk from boat to boat. We’ll outfit jet skis with hot waitresses to go around and take orders for the various sponsoring pubs and restaurants and shuttle the orders back. I’m still working on the logistics of event ticketing. Stephan, maybe you have some advice for me.
    Anyway my ex SB (soul mate) is coming up to spend a week with me (her idea) so I’m cautiously optimistic. We’ll take in a day at the track and go to a polo match. This will be the first time since I finished the house that she’ll be staying there so I’m hoping that it means something has changed between us. But I remain skeptical. At the very least I’m happy to be spending time with her again. It’s just that she really rocks my soul but I don’t want to revisit the kind of emotional turmoil over her that I was in last winter.
    Advice anyone?

    • SD Guru says:

      Tanya’s interview can be found here.
      She sure sounds a lot more experienced on the radio! :)
      I’ll include my take on the interview in the write up I’m doing on the Huffington Post article.

  200. kushiels dart says:

    I know! I haven’t read the Namaah series, but I have all the Kushiel books and recently reread them from for fun.

  201. LASB says:

    Hi Sugars! My month is off to a way better start! Yaaaay! At this rate, returning to my slacker lifestyle should be right around the corner. :)

    Vino – Thanks for the heads up on the podcast. I just downloaded it, but haven’t listened yet. In terms of running a background check, maybe see if you are at least on the same page in terms of allowance and such. If a pot said, “Before we even decide whether we are looking for the same thing, I’ll need enough info to do a background check,” I would be suspicious that it would be a ploy for identity theft. And actually, after what happened with Elegant Sugar (blackmail-ish retaliation) I try to minimize what info I reveal in the early stages. As others have said, Google and Dirtsearch are good sources of info. And if you tell someone, “I’m going to Google you,” you can probably get quite a bit of info just by watching their reaction. I have good credit and no criminal records, so it’s not a big deal to me. But giving up my SS#, DL#, etc, would just not happen.

    My personal take is that if a pot SD wants too much personal information early on, I next him. Changing the mind of someone who comes into the relationship with an overly suspicious or jaded attitude is not something I want to deal with. I do empathize with you on needing to feel safe, particularly after being burned, but I’m not sure that a full background check is appropriate, especially if you haven’t figured out if you agree on the arrangement details. I mean, if you run the check and then she says I expect 20K and you are a 3k guy, wouldn’t that be a lot of work for nothing?

    A question to all bloggers: What do you need to hear or see from the pot SD/SB in order to feel safe going into the relationship? I’d love to hear what others have to say on this issue.

    I really hate the Huffington Post article, by the way.

  202. Lisa says:

    I hope so Tanya. This creepy guy used to be in the I used to work in all the time, I think he is on every dating site there is, I used to see him all the time with a different woman at starbucks. weird guy used to come in wearing a straw hat tied around his chin sometimes. He is a professor at the university I think, weird guy, seems very cheap (he gave me one of his vista print (aka free) business cards one time and he had crossed out numbers and wrote new info instead of ordering new cards. Anyway though after that incident with him, a month later my 8 month drought stopped and I was soaked in sugar for about a year after that. Right now i’m soaked in sweat, might have 110 heat indexes here today. I need to strap a block of ice to my back to keep cool

  203. cleo says:

    man that kushiel series is one of the most amazing things i’ve read this decade… do you like the namaah ones?

  204. Tanya says:

    Lisa- I hope that will bring positive energy your way again. If so tell him to come pay me a visit haha.

  205. Lisa says:

    Last time I seen him was 2 years ago when he tried to solicit me at starbucks, funny thing a month after that I met a sd and 2 more in the next year, maybe it’s a sign, I hope. I am sooo bored, need some retail therapy and some healthy food.

  206. Lisa says:

    ewww creepy that guy that tried to solicit me for 100 dollars about 2 years ago just passed by me at starbucks. He used to come into a store I was working at years ago and walk down the aisles and fart. yuck, weird guy walked up and said hello and went on.
    He had a profile on SA awhile back but is not a sd, lol

  207. Tanya says:

    Lisa, I guess that is as sweet as it gets haha. I added extra to my iced tea. We do what we can :)

  208. Lisa says:

    Tanya I put an extra packet of sweet and low in my coffee, lol

  209. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone
    Yawn the blog has been dead the last couple days.
    Wake Up Gail! I’ve already finished my coffee

  210. Tanya says:

    Vino- Thank you so much. I have listened to it again and I sound like a whiny little kid haha.

    Sugar update… Last night was going so well but after I left I get an email stating that there must not be a connection and he wished me luck. I had a feeling that was coming after he promised shopping and that never came about. Oh well. I am hoping to meet a pot this Monday, or Wednesday if his wife cancels her plans with her girlfriends and stays home. I would hate to be the little home wrecker :) So with him is it lunch and talk about the possibility of an arrangement and all the fine details. Fingers are crossed and I am getting some dental surgery done next week and had to take a loan out to do it. I can not afford my bills with that added on so a little more help is greatly in order haha.

    Hope everyone else’s lives are sugary sweet currently!

  211. kushiels dart says:

    @vinosd I guess from my perspective, I would not mind exchanging info with an SD once we have agreed to enter an arrangement if it is intended to be a long-term one. Tons of people have trouble with the law at some point, but it would reassure me if there were no violence or drugs involved in his past. I would want him to trust that I am not going to disappear and he would be less inclined to pull any “dick-moves”. However I would not exchange my info with someone just to get them to talk with me or meet me or if it is for a summer fling.

  212. kushiels dart says:

    Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well. I have a couple of questions and any answers would be really helpful :)

    The first is I have been on the site for about 5 days now and have 3 SDs who are trying to see me. The thing is that they all live far(the closest one is 5 hrs away by car) so we would have to travel to see each other. I am not uncomfortable with the thought of them coming here to see me I am just not sure how long of a visit I should suggest since I will be their sole reason of coming. Also, when is the best time to discuss our arrangement? I have a range listed on my profile and one of the SDs has offered a lot more if we have an arrangement, but the other 2 haven’t broached the subject. Not that I mind at all, I am just wondering if it’s something I should discuss before they come or if I should just leave it to when they bring it up.

    The second question is I tried to register for the blog but I never got the email link and when I try to have it resent via the “I forgot” link, I get an error message. It would be great if I could fix it, because I am looking forward to sharing my experiences and learning as I go with everyone here.

    Thanks for reading :)

  213. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Vino – I think running a criminal background check in theory is a great idea, but many people would be uncomfortable providing you with that level of personal information and some would be quite offended at the need to go so far. Try dirtsearch dot org, google and even ask your fellow sugars (online or off) if they know your pot. I know it isn’t fookproof, but it’s a start. There are some blacklisted sites (typically used by the pros), but you’ll have to search for them. When you’re searching, do a run on the e-mail in quotes, the screen name if it’s unique, company name and of course the real name.

    Morning sugars!

  214. vino sd says:

    @Gail, Midwest- thanks for the welcome.

    @Tanya, well done on the radio interview. it is podcast on their website.

    so, i have been devouring anything i can read about sd/sb relationships. like many newbies, have made maddening errors in the first and vowed not to be repeated. as i venture into another, some 6 months later, am i being unreasonable to expect to be able to run a background check (needing legal name. d.o,b) on a pot before we starting talking details on allowance/expectations? i certainly dont mind; i think it lends credibility.

  215. baby. says:

    i would love something close to home myself, or a man who would see me more often. nothing like being a sugar baby with out the sugar, lol .

  216. Tanya says:

    Thanks you guys for the advice. much appreciated and improved! Love ya guys for it!

  217. CardsFan SD says:

    @Tanya —

    And being overly paranoid — “Also, I prefer to be met close to my home.”

    Have places you are willing to meet in mind, but “close to my home” — why do they need to know what’s close to your home, or not? Maybe you prefer close to work, they have no idea. That’s too much personal information in my opinion. None of their business. Leave the place you meet for the discussion, not the profile.

    Good luck.

    <3 Midwest! So sorry for your car….

  218. Lisa says:

    I was just reminded that this is “Be Nice to Rachel Week”.

    Rachel, hope you’re having a great week

  219. Kindred Spirit says:

    WCSD: Very, VERY much liked your statement, that it bears worth repeating, because it really does come down to what any two people want together, and yep, there is no right or wrong way about it, just personal preference. I just Love the way you wrote this!! Well said:

    “As for the P4P aspect, I’m sure it happens, and as has been talked about at great length on the blog, there are pros and cons to smaller payments up front vs. monthly allowances right away. In the end, neither are ‘good’ or ‘bad’. It all comes down to what you personally and in that particular unique case is confortable and happy with. If two people are happy with a particular mutually beneficial relationship (in whatever form) then that is all that matter. I personally have had a fairly wide mix of relationships (gift, or travel, or allowance, or even ‘gasp’ a few that could be considered P4P…) and I honestly don’t think any one is better or worse than the other, they just happened to fit the situation.”

    @GenuineSD: 😀 Best wishes to you, too!!

  220. Kindred Spirit says:

    @ Midwest: Thank you for the kind comment…

    @ Nico and Toni (“what says you, Kindred spirit, her travelling 3 hrs to see him and not even a small token of appreciation?”): I can relate about driving out to see a potential on my own accord and desire. Not something I’d do regularly w/o sweet compensation, but there’s something about those first couple of dates that I don’t mind driving out of my own pocket. It’s like a treat to myself, in a way, to drive off to a possibly thrilling adventure!

    Would I love the man to take care of those expenses straight away? Of course. However, I don’t hold it against him if he doesn’t offer and just give him the benefit of the doubt the first time (perhaps he’s a newbie?). There’s a reason I’d go out to see someone and not worry about that sort of thing right off the bat– I’ve got a good and smart feelin’ about him!! 😀 Never have had any regrets. However, flying out to meet someone on my own dime? Now THAT’S another story. lol 😉

    Cool Nico, three hours in the mountains…hmm…Aspen-area? Hope things work out well with him!

  221. Lisa says:

    Good evening everyone. Home from a rough day at work.

    I have been contacted by that papi guy in the past as well as a friend of mine that was on the site a couple years back. He contacted me way back when I first joing in 2008 so he has been on the site forever. He creeps me out.

    ok time to take a hot shower and rid myself of this day

  222. WCSD says:

    Tanya – One other thing with your profile, I have never liked the statement of ‘I don’t have sex on the first date, or second, etc.’. In my mind, we are all adults, and if the connection is there for the both of us, then it happens, whether that is the first date, or the 5th. I know you are just using that to ‘weed’ out the one night stand people, but why not say ‘I only have sex when I feel a special connection with someone’ or something along those lines. Makes it much less ‘hard rule, I withold sex etc.’ to a much more ‘I want a connection and chemistry’ before that happens. Just my opinion…. (and apparently I have time to give it today….).

    AM – It is always a pleasure to see you around!

  223. AlexisNexis says:

    Yes, he is very creepy but I see that the messages he sends me get more normal each time. I ALWAYS ignore him though. I was thinking it was some kinda joke…hmmm…strange.

    While I’m here though, I do have another q. What is up with the picture cropping? It does not ever allow me to post my entire pic, only a portion and then it widens and distorts it. I’m wondering why, and this is not like some huge pic r something. Anyone know how to solve this? Please help! Thanks all:)

  224. cleo says:

    alexisnexis: i’ve gotten that email, how deeply creepy is he? i don’t generally dis sd’s but man, he’s got such a serious thing for really young girls who have daddy issues that it creeps me out

    no idea why he emailed ME
    .
    nico? how about you agree to a biweekly rather than monthly allowance at first… meet in the middle as it were?

  225. Anna Molly says:

    Hey Stephan! Good to see ya darlin’! 😀

    Hi WCSD! Good to see you too Sweetness! 😀

  226. Tanya says:

    WCSD- Deleted. Thanks for your advice :)

  227. WCSD says:

    Midwest and Beachgirl – Thanks for the welcome back! It has been a while since I’ve participated in the blog. All is going very well, really can’t complain at all.

    As for the article, it doesn’t really surprise me that the SD/SB lifestyle is doing ‘better’ during hard economical times. As for the P4P aspect, I’m sure it happens, and as has been talked about at great length on the blog, there are pros and cons to smaller payments up front vs. monthly allowances right away. In the end, neither are ‘good’ or ‘bad’. It all comes down to what you personally and in that particular unique case is confortable and happy with. If two people are happy with a particular mutually beneficial relationship (in whatever form) then that is all that matter. I personally have had a fairly wide mix of relationships (gift, or travel, or allowance, or even ‘gasp’ a few that could be considered P4P…) and I honestly don’t think any one is better or worse than the other, they just happened to fit the situation.

    Tanya – a really quick glance from me – get rid of the picture of you holding the bear (or replace it). I love that picture of you (smile, look, etc. is GREAT!) but the bear makes me think that I’m looking at a little kid, which is not what I look for in a SB (now, that may attract some others, but I’m not sure what your target market is).

    Hope all are having a wonderful summer!

    WCSD

  228. Tanya says:

    Stephan- Thank you bunches!

    I was wondering if I could have a review of my profile, thanks loves! 511280 is my number.

  229. AlexisNexis says:

    Hey all, I have a q. Well first let me say that I’m a lurker…lol anyway I just created a new profile as my search is on for a 2nd sd. Who is this “Papi” guy? Everytime I attempt to use this site and make a new profile I get a long email from this guy telling me to “Come play in Papi’s Paradise”. Is this some kinda joke? It really makes me doubt the quality of the site/it’s users. Have other girls gotten this email? Or? And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve looked @ the resort he invites chicks to and it looks amazing.

  230. stephan says:

    Hey Anna Molly! 😀

    Tanya, you were amazing on the radio interview!! :)

  231. Anna Molly says:

    Hey everyone! I hope all of you are having a fantabulous day! 😀

  232. Tanya says:

    Wow that was a bit nerve wracking! To the other SB from here who was on there with me, thanks!

  233. Tanya says:

    I just realized I put the time wrong, I will be live on 790 KABC- am in about 10-15 mins!

  234. Tanya says:

    Midwest- I definitely would not complain haha.

  235. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Goooooood morning sugars! Happy Tuesday!

    Tanya – Have fun! Perhaps some wonderful SD will hear you on the radio and will want to meet you! :-)

    GenuineSD – Thank you…it’s great to hear from you again! How have you been? Is the path with your business taking you where you ultimately want to go? I hope all is well with the rest of your world. (((hugs)))

    Vino SD and Brandon – Welcome! Brandon – We’ve had a few male sbs and they seem to be doing well. Go back about 4 topics and you will see some lively conversations. Apparently, the male sbs have to do as much or more screening than the ladies and have to fight the same misconstrued ideas about what sugar is all about from their potential SDs, but it seems to be worth it!

    NYC SB – I could never do P4P. I think we can still set our goals higher, even if it is the norm. I may have to wait a little longer, but I’ve never been in a huge hurry to meet an SD. Guess it’s just not my style! Glad he is treating you well…life is good! :-)

    Hi Gail, Lisa, Amelia (car is fixed), Nico, BellaSavant, Beach Girl, Guru and Realdeal (et al)! Hope you have a superfantabulous day!

  236. Tanya says:

    I am happy that SA and the Sugar world in general are getting positive light lately. At 9:30 this morning I will be live on KABC (am radio station) out of la LA doing an interview on my Sugar life. If anyone is in the are and would like to tune in please do. I want to hear what other people think of my interview. I must admit that I am nervous as all get out!

    Also excited for my second date with my pot SD tomorrow!

  237. NYC SB says:

    Hi all!

    I guess the article confirms that pay per play is the norm now rather than a one off… Sad! Counting my blessings that I’m out of the bowl and with my mr wonderful :)

  238. GenuineSD says:

    Greetings all.
    @KindredSpirit: Greetings ! I hope all is well with you. I do lurk from time to time – just not as often or as regularly. Business calls right now, so I’m devoting most of my energy to that endeavor.

    @Midwest. It sounds like you’ve found an awesome path to follow. I’m so happy to hear the contentment in your posts.

    @BeachGirl Hey ! Good to see you here again. How’s your summer ?
    Hey Cleo and Molly !

  239. brandon says:

    hey I am new to the site and i guess you can call me a sugar baby, but I have read and imagine that being a male sugar baby is difficult because of the huge supply and lack of demand

  240. Lisa says:

    Hey Gail

    i’m over at panera having a mocha, darn wi fi wasn’t working in the mall by the fireplace and now it’s loading slow here.

    Hope you have a great day

  241. Gail says:

    Lisa!!!!! You are my savior. My weekend was hectic….I am having a hard time kickstarting my day. I drank a cup of tea and its not working!!!! I am gonna drink the entire pot…ok? lol…..

    Good Morning Sugars!!!!! Greetings Nico, Midwest, Amelia and Vino SD.

    Vino SD you must love wine? yes? no?

    • SD Guru says:

      “Top story at Huff post this morning…4 pages on SB/SD w/ SA as its primary site of discussion. this is getting a little mainstream discussion.”

      Here’s the link to the article. I’ll come back with my take on it later.

  242. vino sd says:

    Top story at Huff post this morning…4 pages on SB/SD w/ SA as its primary site of discussion. this is getting a little mainstream discussion.

  243. Lisa says:

    Good morning

    Wake up Gail! I just put on the coffee

  244. amelia says:

    @Nico – I have an almost similiar situation as compared to yours just a month ago. This guy, whom i met a few times and spent hours chatting with over msn wants a trial run. To a certain extend, i do like him. He is actually the first guy i met on SA who shows a real interest in me, wanting to know all about me, even the little details. I showed me pictures of his children, even told me where he’s living! I feel like, i can really communicate with him and am rather keen on starting an arrangement with him.

    When i tell him that i don’t want a trial run, i mean, what if he tried it and then decide that he doesn’t like it then what!?!? He went on a long speech on how he have friends whom he thinks he have great chemistry with and can really talk with but in bed, they are just not compatible and he is most concerned if we are compatible in bed. He’s willing however, to give me a pro rate thing for one session then if we are compatible, he’ll start the arrangement. He is the one and only person i went into lengthy discussion with over financial arrangement.

    Well, i decided against it in the end. My main reasoning is this: He should have enough money to be generous to say, if he gives me the first month allowance to try out. And if it doesn’t works then it’s just one month allowance. If he’s too cheapskate for that, wanting to make sure that he is getting every cent of his money worth then i think even if i really did start an arrangement with him, it wouldn’t go well. Coz he will be overly concern with getting his money worth.

    I go with my gut instincts. If i think that guy is worthy to be my SD, whom i think is generous, can afford a consistant allowance and fulfill the personality compartment, i am willing to risk it by not asking for money upfront when things just happens. But i am very turned off with men asking for specifics, like, do you do anal sex, do you bla bla… and just, making me feel like an object, wanting to make sure he gets every penny worth. Just classless.

    That’s what i think. But then again, i make silly decisions all the time.

  245. amelia says:

    Hi everyone! Hope you all had a great weekend!

    @Realdeal8888 – I actually think a sugar relationship is so much harder than normal dating. I am every more careful about what i say because unlike normal dating, the guy already knows quite abit about me already and like me to a certain extend, that’s why we are dating. And because of that, i am constantly worrying between hassling him too much and spook him off with too many text messages and showing too little interest.

    Also, one main thing is that the trust issue. I am constantly thinking if he’s lying, if he’s just trying to take advantage of me, so on and so forth….

  246. amelia says:

    @Gail – thank you for reading my blog. I’m happy to know that you like it. =)

    @Midwest – Sorry to hear about your car. Well, at least your romance is going great. And the best of all, you have a SD as a back up plan should you decide to have your cake and eat it! =)

  247. BellaSavantNYC says:

    @ Nico…I would have to agree with Toni. Although you enjoyed the ride seems a bit inconsiderate for him not to offer to cover a bit in return. I had a pot who simply wanted me to meet him for lunch downtown and offered to cover my cab fare. Simple gestures like that says a lot about how a pot will be in a relationship.

  248. Nico says:

    Toni. Sometimes I, thinking something is worth the investment, will take the time without consideration of anything in return. After all, I really did want to share my day with him. The drive was lovely (through the mountains) and again….no expectations. While some SD’s on this board or those that I’ve met would’ve given a little something ~ that wouldn’t have been (wasn’t) a deal breaker for me. I only suggested that had he actually made such a gesture, it would’ve gone a long way to set my mind at ease.

    <~~~this is me beating a dead dying horse…sorry guys.

  249. Nico says:

    MW ~ HUGS!! Thank you sister!! I am sooo incredibly selective that I cannot (will not) sleep with somebody if there wasn’t the possibility of it being something more than…. It’s a tough situation cuz I like this guy….we’ll figure something out (hopefully).

    Realdeal (SD?) Thank you for the perspective. I am used to ‘that’ very same mindset when meeting with a pot. I would love to find ‘that’ man again :)

  250. Toni says:

    ‘Second meeting I drove to him (3hr round trip). No consideration for travel time/gas etc.”

    Nico, Personally I dont like him already because of this

    what says you, Kindred spirit, her travelling 3 hrs to see him and not even a small token of appreciation?

  251. BellaSavantNYC says:

    Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well and ready for a good week. I know you’ve missed me and my saucy comments…haha j/k. I’ve been busy locking in a new arrangement that just got solidified with an amazing man. We have great chemistry and lots of fun!! Should be a fun ride with shopping, travel and a very generous allowance.

    And to touch on the point of “test driving” I personally do not give up the “goods” until he has shown he is serious about an arrangement. You have to value yourself and your worth and any respectful SD is going to know that you are worth the wait if the chemistry is right.

    Wishing everyone a beautiful and successful week!!

  252. Realdeal8888 says:

    Ladies!
    IMHO any SD worth his salt should be perfectly willing to come up with an appropriate and agreed upon up front amount before ANY “test drive” lol. Even if PFP is not on the agenda. Guys who think they should get a taste for free are not serious and good potential long term SD’s.
    My two cents.

  253. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Heyyyyy sugars! Fun-filled weekend gave me the attitude adjustment I so desperately needed!

    LASB – So sorry that you’ve had such a hard time lately. I know you will always land on your feet, so I’m glad all this nasty stuff is out of the way. Now, go put on your favorite song and dance around the room unabashedly! :-)

    Beach – Hi kitten!

    Nico, Moon Patrol and WCSD!!!! So nice to see you back! Hope you are doing very well!

    Kindred Spirit – You really nailed the between stages of pre-arrangement dates and intimacy. I handled mine the very same way. You can be very flirtatious and warm during the dates (you don’t even have to go as far as a major make-out session unless you want to) and let him know you find him attractive and are a passionate woman. Being subtly sexy is very effective. As I say….leave him wanting more. (“Give him fireworks” is after the intimacy :-) ) It’s a matter of being classy while not having to apologize or justify your decisions and him being enough of a gentleman to appreciate these qualities in a woman.

    Nico – This sounds like a great connection, but it does bother me how he feels justified to ask for a test drive. Next time he says something, be firm, but sweet explaining that you understand his position, but will not compromise your values. Let him know with a deep, lingering kiss and nice e-mails/ texts that there is a smoldering woman under those values!

    Tanya – I believe there’s a link on the right to a post about a compromise to pay for play. It’s a combination of a “retainer” per se with a little bonus if you get to see each other more than the minimum. It gives both a sense of equality and security. See what you think.

    Kindred – I agree about the lurkers. I wish they would come back too!

    I need a vacation from my weekend, but off to 8 hours of school tomorrow. Sweet dreams sugars!

  254. Nico says:

    Hi Kindred and thank you for your thought out response. As for a $1k allowance in place prior to moving forward. I would probably have to say yes….at least in my case. I personally will not enter into an arrangement for less and I would much prefer to have the allowance discussion out of the way. As much as he wants to know sexual chemistry I too want to confirm we’ve discussed the details of the arrangement. For me P4P is not an option (my preference).

    To answer your other question, yes, I am attracted to him. His ‘brain’ is equally attractive to me. I really do like the idea of getting to the heavy petting level…this is a huge indicator as to whether he would want continued intimacies (testing the chemistry) without me subjecting myself to a possible >poof< after the goodies have been tested. Nice compromise and something I could certainly present as an option. I will also need to clarify the issue of allowance and perhaps this is something we can discuss further in person…not likely how the email conversation is going. We're both fact writers and have a tendency to eliminate the human component in emails (oops)….in person (I think) would be better.

  255. Lisa says:

    Hi to Sweetredhead if you’re lurking, miss your posts too but I know you were ran off the blog :(

  256. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon from hell (I mean Houston, lol) Started adding a second shower everyday, as soon as I get in the door from work. so now i’m taking 2 showers and 1 bath a day, so much for water conservation

  257. Honey says:

    Hi Blog!! Cleo is a Trekkie!!!

  258. Kindred Spirit says:

    There are a few people who have been gone from the blog quite a while whose posts I found enlightening. In case you are lurking and read this, I do hope you come back sometime, as I’ve always enjoyed reading what you have had to say:

    SweetRedhead (loved your stories, and you have a keen eye when it comes to human relations)

    GenuineSD (great wisdom and insight, miss you!)

    DallasSugarbaby (enjoyed reading your varied tips, and experiences)

    😀

  259. Kindred Spirit says:

    Nico, his intelligence sounds pretty sexy. Are you attracted to him? Have you two kissed yet and found chemistry there?

    And a general question to all SBs (NOT saying, Nico, that you are this way): Must a $1,000-or-more-dollar allowance be in place before ANY intimacy happens?

    … …

    I don’t sleep with a man on the first date, and actually won’t at all unless an arrangement is really going to happen and decidedly begins, BUT if chemistry’s there I have been open to kissing, fondling, and even possibly manual/oral pleasuring. “Play for Pay”, or p4p, as it’s called, I suppose. The gentleman was fine with the p4p approach in the beginning because it left us both feeling great. The intent was to possibly start an arrangement of shared interests and desires, so it never felt like prostitution. If things are going great that way then trust can build to the point of an allowance. In my case after a few dates it became apparent whether we’d want an allowance-type arrangement, p4p OR if this just wasn’t going to work at all. In the end neither of us had any regrets.

    Personally, I can see where this guy (and others like him) are coming from. However, of course he should NOT expect anything intimate without your final “yes, I want to, too”. Point is for it all to be mutually beneficial. I figure you already know that, Nico, not preaching…just noting I don’t approve of “test drives” either, but there can be mutually open shades of grey regarding it all. :)

    Does anyone else understand what I mean? Don’t have to agree; just want my words to be making sense.

    Also in the earliest stages, (assuming there is attraction from sight, speech and mentally) getting close to each other physically with hugs and kisses should be a first indicator if physical, sexual attraction is apparent…their natural scent and friendly touch ideally would leave you wanting more, right? 😉 Maybe just explore that part a few dates, with cuddling a bit. Not heavy public displays of affection, haha, but in using subtle body language and flirting, ya know?

    (Btw, my post is general, not at all assuming that you, Nico, are like any of this. I’m not judging you and applaud that you keep your wits about you! Your situation just brings up some thoughts, which is why I’m posting… :) )

    So yep, no one should ever feel played. There are ways to minimize the risks with SD/SB dating, and being open to those shades of grey can be sugar-sweet in and of itself in getting to know someone (if intelligence and closeness-factors align favorably, of course).

    Open, friendly communication can find you both ideas you may not have first thought of, but would work just fine at the beginning. This approach has worked nicely for me, even though I’ve yet to have had a monthly-allowance-type-arrangement (nor would it have to be for me to be happy). I’ve only been on SA for six months and there’s no hurry. I’m totally enjoying the journey, while being positive-minded and safe. 😀

    **Not trying to create an oxymoron (or something) but in all that said of being open-minded, of course remain selective, picky, and don’t compromise your comfort-level, both SBs and SDs. No one knows you better than you know yourself.**

    !!Happy Sugar Sunday!!

  260. Nico says:

    Toni…..above was my response indicating I didn’t feel test drives were the only/appropriate way to test chemistry. His response, received this am, “But yes, availability and sexual chemistry and compatibility are my issues. I understand your points and this is why I go slowly. I never want to put a lady off or make her feel cheap by forcing or rushing a situation. That said, I have begun allowances in the past and had the agreement not work for both a lack of availability as well as a lack of sexual chemistry.”

    I understand it’s a stale mate and not 100% certain how to proceed. The first two meetings were great. Good conversation, good chemistry but we didn’t get into the details of anything. He’s far more methodical than anybody I’ve met in the past and therefore really taking his time. Perhaps it’s the ‘different’ approach that has me questioning. Second meeting I drove to him (3hr round trip). No consideration for travel time/gas etc. I didn’t ask for it or expect it…however, it would’ve gone a LOOONNNGGG way to making me feel more comfortable that he was sincere.

    Gentlemen bloggers? Would LOVE your input too…please 😀

  261. LL says:

    Morning 😉

    Moon Patrol – Whoa..who said anything about the M word…nah honey that’s WAAAAAAY out of the question, baby steps with me sweetheart I do one day at a time and highly value my independence (his line of work we would only see each other every other month so lots of independent time for us both…just not in the sexual sense with other men) Ownership issues on his part – absolutely – it’s hard not to be addicted to LL…..I’d like to see you try 😉 Let me figure out if 20 days at a time will work before I give thought to 20 years!

    Cleo dah-ling! – You know it girl! And you know I’m an upfront chic with a “this is me, take it or leave it” persona! That said…the guy has accepted it and is fine with me doing what I’m doing until we – well really me :p – actually does commit.

    The problem with the situation is that he tends to be a fast mover…..I being the opposite when it come to matters of the heart, I find exercising caution when a man moves too fast is the safest practice….I’m well schooled that once you put you words out they can be used as a navigational tool for the manipulators…therefore I guard well. And anyway…what the rush? 😉

    I’m still maintaining my sugarlife until the time feels right to move on!

    Here’s to enjoying Sunday…cheers!

  262. Toni says:

    after you made it clear that you dont do test drives, nico what was your response

  263. kushiel's dart says:

    Hi everyone!! I discovered this blog a few hours ago and wanted to say thanks for all the information!

  264. Nico says:

    Lisa…thank you and I agree with you. It’s a difficult balance and had he not said he was ‘interviewing’ me and others I might’ve felt a little differently. I feel, for the most part, I make very sound decisions. This one I won’t budge on. Not for the sake of ‘testing the chemistry’ as he suggested.

  265. Nico says:

    Beach *waving hi* message me anytime. You will NEVER see me logged in because I’m *invisible*. If I am logged in though your message will come through :)

  266. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!!!
    Wow, it’s been a while since i’ve been here, hope everyone is well
    I just got back from going to Cirque du Soleil, what an amazing show again this year! I had a blast… and it was such a beautiful day, so much fun! 😀
    Nico~ nice to see you on here! I never seem to catch you online :( soon, we will need to catch up
    Lisa~ nice that you and your family are getting along
    Rachel~ YAY be nice to you week, hey girl!! all the best
    RealDeal8888~ you shouldn’t of paid her off, did she try anything else? best of luck
    WCSD~ hi!!! it’s been so long, how have you been?
    Anna~ what happen that was so Great? do tell 😀
    Everyone and Anyone I missed sorry!

  267. Lisa says:

    Good evening

    Nico, as I always say, when a man puts forth some cash before intimacy, and then is not satisfied, he has lost nothing, as if he is wealthy, that cash is a drop in the bucket, he will make up for it if he is a savy businessman. HOWEVER, when a woman gives intimacy first before receiving her part of the arrangment, she gives of herself something she cannot get back. She feels used and resentful and there is no way to make up for that.

    Ok i’m back to watching “straitjacket” on youtube. Great movie from the 60’s, no blood, black and white but really scary.

    Have a good night

  268. Nico says:

    Wow, ya know, regardless of how many times you have the ‘talk’ it never gets any easier. Him, ‘how do I know if we’re sexually compatible’….me, ‘I don’t give test drives’. I know this has been discussed ad nauseam but really….how do you get beyond that??

    “I can understand your desire to know better the sexual chemistry and compatibility; however, we may need to chat a bit more about how we move forward from here. I am hoping you can see my perspective on this matter. I am very very selective about who I chose to become intimate with….being intimate as part of an ongoing ‘interview’ process makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Honestly, it opens me up to being very vulnerable….it would be easy to say, ‘thanx but no thanx’ afterwards leaving me to feel…

  269. LL i know, it’s like to you admit to the irl man that you sugar date or do you treat it as an affair and be a cheater… it’s kind of a kobayashi maru really…

    i would say that until you agree to exclusivity you can do what you want but after that… tough call

  270. Moon Patrol says:

    Hmm LL .. How does marrying this guy change anything? You will still be getting things and all you give up is your independence. I have not had much luck with the IRL world and have been working so much I don’t go out much. Sounds like the guy wants to own you. Would you want top spend the next 20 years with him?

  271. LL says:

    Heeeeyyyyyy sugars!

    Just thought I’d pop in to say hi *waving at everyone* 😀

    I can’t believe I haven’t had a chance to read the blog or participate…I missed everyone! Life has been BUSY these last few weeks….current arrangement is going well…if you’re out there reading then I’m waving your way too 😉

    I have a few others I am interested in but there one who wants to give IRL a go and the chemistry between us is great. Trying to play slow with this one though, he knows I need the allowance I’m getting right now but wants me out if we decide to give a real relationship a shot..tough choices….loose everything I worked hard for over the years or risk loosing everything on a good vibe…I’m torn because I want both 😀

    Anyway, just wanted to pop on the blog to say hi!

  272. Moon Patrol says:

    I would also say that not following through on what you say is what ruined a lot of relationships for me. I guess that when I pay a woman’s rent she should at least answer the phone the few times I call. That is the past and now I am in IRL status with a couple women but am not getting what I want so I may go back to SA

  273. Lisa says:

    wow sorry to hear about your month LASB :(

    I am going to start making 50 a month payments next week (don’t have any agreement or anything and have not even received copy of the judgement yet) but if I don’t i’m scared they’ll come after me. What bothers me is I sent them a payment last month before the court and they have never acknowleded it, I can’t afford to send it certified mail nor can I walk a 6 blocks to the post office in these 100+ degree temps. Anyway the 50 a month is devistating to me, it means no ac, have to keep my electric bill under 40 dollars.

    things are getting a little better with my family though, see them a couple times a week, go walking with mom, talk to daughter a little. Work is getting tougher though as now we have to fill out a form everyday with details of everything we did and how long it took us, even have to list time spent in the bathroom, because it gets in the way of productivity, crazy stuff. So I spend about 20 minutes of my work filling out that stupid paper when I could be working.

    Hopefully August will be a better month for us all, 2011 has been a horrible so far.

  274. Tanya says:

    Toni- He explained he is looking to do so. He and I agreed that sometimes a fixed amount doesn’t work when you are not sure how often you will be able to see each other. I have ill family that does require me to take a step back for days or even weeks at a time.

    WCSD- I explained to him that there is nothing for free so to speak. He and I are willing and are understanding that the process will be a bit slower.

    I am meeting with him for a business dinner Wednesday with a client of his and his ‘date’. I will post how things go. I am hoping as well as last night had!

  275. WCSD says:

    Tanya – In my experience, the gift/travel/generic spoiling relationship (vs. allowance relationship) really all comes down to trust from the SB side, and generosity from the SD side. I’ve had this type of relationship before, and haven’t had any complaints, but I also like to think it is because I made sure there would be nothing to complain about (put in a big effort to make sure the gifts, exotic travel, etc. kept on coming).

    So, the hard thing for a SB, is how do you ‘trust’ that your SD is going to keep up to what you are expecting without ‘giving up the goods’ and him running away? In my experience, these relationships tend to evolve a little slower because trust needs to be built (I have to earn the SB’s trust, and I also have to trust that she is worth the gifts/attention that I am willing to provide). I would assume your (potential) SD understands this as well, and acts accordingly.

    My two cents anyway – WCSD

  276. Toni says:

    Tanya is he the one that mentoned the types of sugvar he could provide then told you it would exclude allowance or you made suggestions?

  277. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Who had a blond moment today? Three guesses! I know there’s a 3ft. pole in the parking lot. I go in reverse to go around it. I don’t see it, so I go forward. Crunch goes my radiator and ac condenser :((( Between unexpected car repairs, regular maintenance (tires) and broken toes, it’s going to be a tough semester for the final stretch. Then I see a 10 y.o. boy in a wheelchair smiling and having a good time with his family and my problems just don’t seem to matter anymore. I’m sure it’s happy hour somewhere!

    As for the blog questions:
    Friends with benefits is nothing like sugar in my experience. Even the NSA aspect is a facade. You have sex with someone because you like them. So, ultimately it becomes a drain on the person who has an emotional attachment. Plus, it eventually becomes what Lisa described…no dinners, no gifts, no thank you. If all you need is a little satisfaction, see B.O.B. or go on vacation.

    The most important aspect in sugar? It’s hard to narrow it down to just one, but I’d say the aspect of doing what you say you are going to do.

  278. Lisa says:

    Hi Rachel, I agree if a pot can understand the situation, he is probably selfish and demanding.

    Just got back from running errands, there were dark clouds all over my neighborhood, it must have rained a little while I was inside, at least the temps cooled a little.

  279. Rachel says:

    Hey all! Hope everyone is doing well… sorry I poofed for a week, my best friend’s father passed and I’ve been helping her with everything. But, I’m back in time for….”Be Nice to Rachel Week”!

    In my week and a few days of being absent from the sugar email world (still in the prospective hunting phase) I have missed out on several potentials. Most think I am a flake for not emailing them back, frankly… with what was going on… the sugar world took a back seat. Those who seem sincerely interested in me, I will respond to saying there was a situation with my friend I needed to help with… if they give me the benefit of the doubt great… if not… no skin off my teeth… not meant for me! :) The way I see it is… life happens… if a potential SD can’t understand that, then he is probably too selfish for me.

    Ok, time to catch up on the blog and see what y’all have been up to in my absence…

  280. Tanya says:

    Good morning! I have returned to the blog, as I do every month or two to put in my 2 cents :) I met with a SD last night for drinks and was pleased with the way the evening had turned out. He and I seem to be looking for the same thing, which is hard to find non p4p men out there, and we both agreed that we would like to see each other again. With myself starting the fall semester in August and him being busy with work in the fall our schedules will be tight, but we are both optimistic. So i guess my sugar has been getting sweeter lately.

    I do want to ask fellow SB’s something. This arrangement is not for a fixed amount. We had talked about shopping, dinners, occasional monetary gifts, etc. This is totally fine with me. My bills are covered with my own separate income and I am simply seeking a little extra in return for helping someone escape the stress of every day life. Does anyone have experience with this type of arrangement and if so how did you move forward with it? My SD’s in the past were p4p, never again, or a set allowance each month. A transition to this may prove to be difficult and I want to ensure it is smooth and easy. So far things feel very natural, but I want to make sure it stays that way. I hope you know what I mean :)

    Thanks everyone and I hope the morning is great for you all!

  281. Anna Molly says:

    Wow, I have had a *very* interesting week!

    Happy Friday everyone! :)

  282. Lisa says:

    Be patient Gail! I just turned on the coffeemaker, it’ll be a few minutes, lol

  283. Gail says:

    Morning Lisa : ) I finally woke up too…and I am late again : ( That’s two days in a row : (
    I need my coffee….I need my coffee!!!!

  284. Lisa says:

    FWB would probably work best between two married persons who are happy with their home life but looking for something a little extra

  285. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone. Well it looks like the panic at the store yesterday (it was swamped with people buying water, batteries, flashlights, etc) was for nothing. Everyone acts so crazy when there is a storm in the gulf. I never really prepare (can’t really afford to stock up, was unemployed a month before ike hit us) but survive just fine. If we are lucky we will get some rain, but it’s going further south.

    Friends with benefits is nothing more than two people getting together occasionally for casual sex. There is no sugar involved. It’s not something I would be the least bit interested in.

    ok need to get my tired self out of bed, still exhausted from the last couple days and my 2 mile walk yesterday. It was so hot even at 8 pm that when I got home I gulped down 2 cans of coke in minutes.

    Have a great day everyone.
    Gail wake up!

  286. pb says:

    FWB really does not work, someone almost always ends up getting attached.
    Trust me, I think majority of us been there.

    It only works when one individual is strong enough to know that spilling feelings would only cause trouble.
    GM to all the SD/SB’s !

  287. Evening all, hanging in MN for a few days. Need to catch up on last blog!

  288. Toni says:

    lol that aside, the difference is obvious. regular FWB, 2 people are getting off sexually. they’re usually friend who decided to add sex to the equation, SD/SB is more than that, the woman treats the man like a “king” almost,. tending to his needs, being there emotionally and sometimes physically, helping him forget the woes of the world and more likely than not, goiing out and travellng together. Most FwB relationships are somewhat secret. They are all over themselves at night but in public they act like there’s nothing between them.
    I agree with Lisa, NO THANK YOU.

  289. Realdeal8888 says:

    The most fantastic thing about a sugar “relationship” is the freedom! And by that I mean freedom from the games of normal relationships, the freedom to just be yourself. If the other party doesn’t like who you really are, then it simply won’t work. No problem, thanks a lot, take care. In a dating scenario people are SO careful about what they say and do…. With a sugar one can just relax. And THAT is very refreshing!

  290. Realdeal8888 says:

    Well somebody has to be first! LOL

  291. SA Moderator Team says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

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