6 years ago
Having the Ultimate Sugarlife for You

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Being successful and attractive individuals, many sugars know very well how easily they could find a relationship with just anyone, and/or a relationship that wouldn’t work for them.

In an arrangement, sugars bring their positive attitude, attention, sweetness, spoiling, and/or any other unique aspects of themselves to the life of their sugar.

Some sugars say they’ve been called ‘picky’ by their friends or relatives when it comes to their dating life. Some have also been encouraged to be more, or less picky, about the people they pick to be in a sugar arrangement with.

There are many different views on whether a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby should ever settle for less than what they feel they deserve based on what they know they’re providing. Yet no matter what standards or limitations  a sugar may have, the ever-so-sweet sugar rush usually doesn’t come until each sugar believes they are truly dealing with the real deal.

Sugar Consulting: fellow Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby examples and advice

Many sugars consult the public blogs and Facebook pages of fellow SD’s or SB’s, to help them with their own private journey through Sugarland . Both SD’s and SB’s can click ‘View Similar Profiles’ on SeekingArrangement, which shows them members of the same sugar type… or as some have put it, the ‘competition’. While many sugars are content with going on their sugar search alone, many seekers have gotten to their sugar destination a lot more easily by consulting with fellow SD’s or SB’s.

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Finding a Sugar Who Fits your Arrangement

One of the benefits of sugar may be that it doesn’t take long to find out if your potential match will actually ‘be’ the person your looking for in a relationship. SD’s and SB’s aim to inform their potentials of the way they want to be treated in their arrangement from the start. Giving a gift on a first date is an example of a gesture that some sugars make to inform their potential of how they are going to treat them in the future. Being the first to suggest a venue for a first date, and the type of venue suggested, are other ways a sugar can indicate their long and/or short-term intentions.

As said by many sugars here, the presence of chemistry (a strong mutual attraction) upon meeting in real life is the best indicator of how good a potential arrangement would be. Yet just because someone may not be a match for you in a sugar arrangement, doesn’t mean they aren’t or wouldn’t be ideal for you in a different type of relationship.

Many here have also said that they would be open to having a more serious relationship with someone they meet via sugar, eventually. There are plenty of people who come to Sugar Land for it’s abundance of successful, attractive, and intelligent daters who are able to have a mutually beneficial relationship with them, and are open to ‘all the possibilities’.

Sugar dating is a way many people are collecting all kinds of experiences only possible with people as considerate, giving, and honest as themselves.

Is a sugar supposed to be ‘perfect’ in an arrangement? Is that not what the sugar, and its ‘short & sweetness’ is supposed to help facilitate?

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363 Responses to “Having the Ultimate Sugarlife for You”

  1. cleo says:

    DW i don’t mean that was okay, i mean that’s basically the worst story i can tell from going on a bunch of sugar dinner dates that didn’t lead anywhere. and even mr. grabsalot was really interesting in a total freak sort of way and i’m glad i met him.

  2. Dandelion Wine says:

    I don’t have a bf at home, although I don’t know how that would make piblic displays of ass-grabbing ok XD

  3. cleo says:

    i think i’m very different from y’all. i’ve never once regretted going to meet a pot, i’ve certainly disliked some of them but if nothing else there is always my story telling life right? i mean how else would i fill an awkward pause if not to tell the tale of the man who thought it was okay to put his ARM down my pants in a well lit RESTAURANT!

    no i don’t mean hand, yes i do mean arm. no, he didn’t ‘go for the girly bits’ just my ass.

    so many of these men it’s been a lovely dinner followed by a hug and a relatively platonic kiss and the good feeling of having enjoyed someone’s company. sure a lot of them have been losers but i don’t regret the meets.

    different if i had a kid or a boyfriend at home, then i might not be so ‘up for whatever the universe throws at me’

  4. Dandelion Wine says:

    I would go to a dinner with a *friend* who is in town.
    If I just want a meal and to be subjected to awkward sexual innuendos by someone I’m not involved with romantically, I can just go on a date with a young hot guy :)

  5. Diana says:

    Well hello NYgent :)

  6. Bela says:

    RTB – Yes, it’s better than just looking for a one night stand or bed buddy. You actually do care about the puppy, but there is a mutually agreed upon shelf life so there are no hard feelings when things are over.

  7. Sara says:

    @ Reach – I usually tell them I want to get to know them a little more first, in general. Because that is the truth. If a guy freaks out from that, I am pretty sure I was better off without them.

  8. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Sara – In most cases, you’re probably right. They want to “hit it” and go. They will meet some lady who’s desperate enough to believe it will lead to something more. Carebear’s tactic of making him wait will screen out those interested enough to get to know you. Act like a lady and they will treat you like a lady.

    Carebear – You’ve found yet another screening tool…they guy who gets excited when I talk about carrying on with another man. NEXT!!!

    Cleo = Quantity rarely equals Quality!

    Bela – “Puppy” = pick it up, play with it and put it back….lololol! Kind of like “cub” you cougar you!

  9. Sara says:

    @ Carebear/Reach the Beach- If they were looking for an #2 or #3 (someone they see every few weeks when they are in town), but not my main arrangement, I would entertain the idea. The annoying thing, I don’t think that is what they want. I think they want JUST a date/sex for the night they are in town. And that’s it. And since it is the first “date” or “meeting” it is pretty easy to not discuss compensation.

    P.S. Carebear, I owe you an email back.

  10. Sara says:

    @ Margot – I see your point except for the fact that they met me on a Sugar Daddy site, so it goes without saying what MY expectations are and that they always say something long the lines of “dinner and we will see what happens” or they are so bold as to say “some good food, good wine, and some NSA fun” (that was a direct quote). When I date in real life, I don’t give it away so easily, so I defiantly wouldn’t in the sugar world either.

  11. Beach Girl says:

    Happy Valentine’s day Sugars!

  12. Bela says:

    Basically a “pick it up, play with it, put it back” scenario

  13. Bela says:

    Yes. In Bela-land, a puppy is someone (usually younger) who can be there to entertain and keep you smiling. Not necessarily sexual, but it can help.

  14. cleo says:

    your puppy?

    i have no plans, home alone and all that. fortunate that that’s EXACTLY the mood i’m in!

  15. Bela says:

    Morning and Happy VD people. No SD to spoil, but my puppy is taking me to dinner. How adorable!

  16. cleo says:

    carebear what do you have fairy dust on your profile? if i said yes to every pot on SA i’d have one dinner or two a week! (not counting “wants to see your private photos” contacts since they’re lame)

  17. cleo says:

    sara/margot: actually some men totally get off on hearing about your other men… but they want to believe that they are the best is all. it’s hard to know but if you wait they out themselves.

    heck one sd, on the first date, asked me all about who else i was fucking and got visibly excited just asking the question! to him an essential part of an arrangement involves the sb either being fucked in front of him OR telling him all about the sex she had with other men when he wasn’t there.

    so i just don’t know that i’d say “all men” about anything

  18. Enigma SD says:

    Margot — if he asks, it is fine. If you bring it up, be prepared for a bad outcome, if not properly done.

    CareBear — other than one is a lot more emotionally draining, in the end, the outcome is the same I guess. I keep repeating to myself… it is all about fun and intimacy…. all about fun and intimacy…. all about fun and intimacy!

  19. cleo says:

    i actually just don’t answer questions i don’t want to answer. or i pick part of the question and go off on a tangent. rather than clearly avoiding the topic or saying it’s none of their business i just go sideways

    “how many men are you seeing on this site anyway?”
    ‘oh, i could tell you some stories….’
    “really? tell me some”
    ‘oh now aren’t stories better saved for in person…?’

    funny thing, i developed the skill while BABYSITTING!
    .
    lily: i had an ‘abuse me’ and ‘take my cheque and then give me an allowance’ type contact me on POF but he seemed about as quality as all the other losers on that site. okcupid skews younger and poorer and howaboutwe has nobody local on it … i tried sd4me at one point but that site really was filled with total ick at the time and i forget what other sites i tried but most of them wanted the ‘young and gorgeous’ (i know i know, i’m not young, heck i’m an old bag ;>) to pay for the basic membership
    .
    TLG: in some ways escorts are like the extreme sugarbaby. no matter what they will act like they like you and think you’re amazing, so your friend never did get ‘actual her’ at all, he got super willing and sexually liberated/excited her.. for all he knew she was totally miserable with pms that day or had a fight with her girlfriend or whatever.

    with sugar dating you get the real person just trying to be in a better mood or whatever but if she isn’t ‘up for it’ she’ll say so. and i don’t believe that a sugar baby can “fake” liking an SD for very long. maybe four or six meets but after that, if he’s paying attention, methinks he’ll figure it out. again i think this is the root of the ‘three month curse’ because i believe (from watching others, not from my own experience) that people can only keep up a persona for so long.

    this is not the same as “creating an oasis” for a man you genuinely like hey, just to be clear. [that said, i think with the ones an sb genuinely likes he probably gets pretty much her true self fairly quickly, warts and all :)] i’ve ‘created an oasis’ for boyfriends or whatever, just the idea that you want to give them a special evening or day or what have you.

    and i do believe that when an sb and an sd genuinely like each other they will both strive to give the other great experiences/memories just because they want to please teh other. that is the one quality i’ve noticed in a lot of sb’s … generally easygoing pleaser types. [then there’s the princesses, totally other thing lol]

  20. Margot says:

    Thanks carebear :)
    So he was asking to hear the opposite.

  21. carebear says:

    Sara – I was complaining about that a blog or 2 ago. I get that a lot around here. If someone mentions they ‘frequent the area’ often, then I say “that night is crazy busy for me while you’re here, aw bummer, but since you say you’re here every few weeks, we can get to know each other real well between now and then so by the time you visit again, we won’t have that awkward ‘you know we met online’ aura to the date!” Or instead of flat out rejecting their date, sometimes suggest every other day that week (which you know they are not in town for) so it seems like you’re making the effort. This is *IF* you actually think they may be worth it.

    When getting mail from pots, I always steer the conversation so it favors my schedule at least, sometimes I’ll flat out say “I expect my travel to be reimbursed”‘, which for me roundtrip can get towards $100, can’t go broke sugar dating! On my second date with my current SD, I mentioned I skipped a charity event at work but was already in overtime anyway so while the time and a half would have been nice, I was enjoying getting to know him. He handed me a fistful of giftcards.

    Margot – I agree along the lines of what Enigma said. No man wants to know about the other man, unless its a direct comparison of how large is…yacht…..is compared to the other man. Again as I mentioned to Sara, I start from day 1 telling these guys “I’m sure just as you have, I’m getting all kinds of attention on this site….good and bad…..but if I went to dinner or gave my phone number out to everyone that asked, I’d be eating 3 dinners a night and talking on the phone at the same time. BUT, I have a really good feeling about you, so I always look for your emails first when checking my inbox, ego stroke, you’re the man, etc etc”.

    Enigma – as long as you’re getting laid and not getting a second wife, whats the difference?

  22. carebear says:

    Happy valentine’s day Lily!

    What is your time difference? Check your wall

    I will respond to your question as I may have been at one time, a cute *natural* blonde, but thankfully the sun has *naturally* highlighted my hair and I am blonde once again! Its a miracle!

    I have a profile on em, again, short and to the point, cropped pictures…..I met one guy last fall who was all gung ho on “supporting me financially”, I dropped hints like about the car I have, the section of town I live in (expensive) and the faux credit card debt I’m in…..second date as dinner arrives, he rattles off “so you’re like my girlfriend then? I could put a couple hundred bucks in your account tomorrow” CHOKE I turned white.

    That was one of the last times I met someone without having the finances discussion first. Which I hate doing online or on the phone, but there aren’t enough days in the week to have dinner with everyone that asks and “wants to get to know each other first before we get into details”. Rookie mistakes.

    I get a lot of guys offering gifts/shopping trips, etc. My bf my age occasionally does that (after a bit of nagging) so its not much of an offer.

    Are you on the market specifically looking for something/someone? =)

  23. Margot says:

    Enigma SD.
    Isn’t that irrational? In my situation, I was asked if I had other dates planned with potential SDs, and answered him honestly. At the same time, I told that I was attracted and interested to continue with him to discuss the arrangement. After every date with others he sent me an email asking how it was. I was honest again – told him that I met a nice person who treated me very well, and nothing more. Finally he accused me in looking for highest bidder, and said – I am out.

    Should I lie him at the first place when he asked about having other dates? Like saying that I lost any interest in seeing others when I met him? Was that necessary to lie? I thought the sugar dating is about being honest.

  24. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Michael – Nobody falls for a white knight faster than me…you know you’re one of my faves! I just happen to be one of those 1+1 = omfg without the drama <3 My gent knows he is greatly appreciated!

  25. @RTB – oooooohhhh, harsh but fair …

  26. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Enigma, meet Michael :-)

    Margot – There may be some truth to that, but the stories I’ve heard suggest these men are trolling the site for a hot date and the potential for intimacy…not to find an arrangement. There’s no harm on going on an exploratory date, but it doesn’t really set good expectations for the future. If you’ll meet him once for dinner because he’s in town, he will expect the same in the future. If you tell him you’re looking for something more genuine, and he willing to explore an LDA, then there are different expectations.

  27. Margot says:

    Sara,
    What they actually offer is a dinner with no obligations. Nothing said about “getting laid while they are in town” or pay for play. Those men are ready to take you for dinner to a nice restaurant at your town, that’s all. And both sides may have their expectations. If yours include an arrangement, you would say so.

    I think that having dinner while in town with a beautiful girl like you is a pleasure for any man. I enjoy fine dining part of my sugar life, carefully select and can recommend best restaurants based on his preferences and do my best to make the date enjoyable for both of us. You never know – he might be a good pot SD.

  28. Enigma SD says:

    Margot — if an SB hinted to me that I was in competition with another SD, I would say NEXT! It is pretty much a given that an SB is exploring options until you have entered into an arrangement (and maybe even after). If she tells me I am in competition, it is somewhat insulting and makes me think that she is looking for highest bidder, which may or may not be reality.

    Lily — I found my first SB on CL about six years ago, and I would NEVER try that site again. It changed a lot since then. I met one woman IRL last summer, and had one sugar date with her, but her life was such a mess, I didn’t see her again.

    ok — kind of on topic now based upon Lily’s question …. how do you tell if you are sugar daddy or playing the rich boyfriend role? I seem to be flopping back and forth in my current “arrangement.”

  29. Lily says:

    I want a ‘happy vday!’ too, damn it! :)

  30. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day sugars! I’m blessed with an amazing mistress and an amazing gent!

    Quote: “If love is blind, why is there lingerie? ” – unknown

    Lily – Bottom line – the site your friend will meet this person will not matter. You can only screen for the type of man and hope for the best. Haven’t you been down this road before?

    Sara – Seems like there’s a theme going on. Just have some chocolate and block! There are women who reward their bad behavior so the rest will have to suffer.

    SD Guru – Do tell!!!

    TLG – Lily has a point. If he’s paying for her services, he may never know the real lady. If he’s still genuinely interested in seeing what she is like, perhaps a real date is in order.

    Kindred – Yay! Ben & Jerry’s rocks!

    Don’t lose hope, but definitely take a break if the search is getting to you. I can say firsthand there are amazing, quality SDs on this site. Sugar has changed my life!

    Diana, meet NYGent! Perhaps you two can swap stories <3

  31. NYC SB says:

    What did u do guru? You cannot half share!

    Wife – happy vday!
    Mistress – happy vday!
    Big sis – happy vday!

    Sugars… I hope today is super lovely for you (or yesterday for those partaking in mistress day)

  32. Sara says:

    Rant:

    Lately I have been getting a lot of emails from men who are “going to be in town from x to y next month and I would love a chance to take me out to dinner and “see what happens” ” (i.e. get laid while they are in town). There was no mention of compensation and no mention of an arrangement.

    First of all, I am not the type of girl interested in pay for play, If I am getting all dolled up, maintaining a yoga and waxing schedule, etc. Than I sure as hell better be in something stable.

    Secondly, even if I was one of the women interested in pay for play, they never mentioned any form of compensation. Where they thinking I would chalk it all up to “getting to know each other”? I honestly think they think since they will only be in town for a week they can get away with a one night stand, and since apparently all the girls they speak to on SD sights are so desperate for an arrangement they get disillusioned by the potential of one and it doesn’t occur t them that this man only asked to see you once, with no compensation.

    End rant.

  33. Lily says:

    He wouldn’t be finding out what he had missed out on before, if a relationship that exists also between the ears (and not -only- between the legs) was what he had been previously interested in having with her. If, on the other hand, he only had interest in exploring her orifices, he is obviously now able to freely explore that experience, for a fee, and it would probably satisfy his curiosity or ‘unscratched itch.’

    re: traditional dating sites….. you never know, right? only one or two of you have offered any first hand information, the rest of you are hypothesizing about why it wouldn’t work. I was curious to hear empirical data. :)

    spinoff question for the blog (and don’t leave me waiting over 24 hours 😉 this time, people—short attention span on cute blondes, hello???): what about seeking a rich boyfriend who will be generous in the gifts/travel/dining department, sans allowance….. I know, I know, we have seekingmillionaire.com but as most of us have been enlightened by first or second hand information, it’s the same profiles as on SA, just stripped away of any offered allowance (now *that* is tempting, boy, let me tell ya)…… so what about elite meeting dot com? What about established men? What about any other sites geared towards the gorgeous dating the affluent and enjoying his lifestyle on his amex while together?

    I was just curious as a sugar friend of mine was recently dipping her toes into dating a self-professed ‘not-an-SD-but-could-be-your-rich-boyfriend’ type of guy, and I wondered if any of ya’ll have ever taken a break from arrangements and dipped your toes into sugar-y (but not sugar) dating.

  34. The Lone Gunman in Australia says:

    SD Guru said:

    See my post above about a pot SB I met in the past ending up at the Bunny Ranch now.

    This brings up a question that interests me–if only because it happened to a friend several years ago.

    IF you had a pot, classmate, or former acquaintance who you ran across by chance years later and discovered was now a sex worker, what would you do? (This would be someone that you had an interest in, but were unable to act on it for some reason.)

    Do you just move on with your life, or do as my friend did and contract her services to find out what she was like and what he had missed out on before?

    TLG

  35. Dandelion Wine says:

    Hint, it does not involve a whip…
    —–
    Ok, so you probably weren’t riding a horse, and if you were it wasn’t too fast…

  36. SD Guru says:

    I did something new for the first time in my life this weekend. WOW!! Hint, it does not involve a whip… :mrgreen:

    @NYGent
    Thought I had a real potential til she sent me her phone # and a simple google search revealed her to be an escort.

    See my post above about a pot SB I met in the past ending up at the Bunny Ranch now.

  37. Carebear says:

    Seems the general consensus here of the site/search is negative. Perhaps everyone should take a step back, re-evaluate what you want in someone, how you present yourself, and instead of ‘search’, just ‘browse’. Good things come with time.

  38. Diana says:

    I’ve been on SA since september and no luck with an SD for me. The gents that reach me speak of sex right off the bat. I’m not a prude but I’m not A prostitute!

  39. Gail says:

    Google me …I’m a professional too….just like Cleo : )
    (smile) How was your day Cleo?

    So sad….sorry NY gent. You have to keep turning over those rocks…maybe one day you will find her when you least expect it.

    Lisa? Where are you?

  40. Kindred Spirit says:

    Random Sweetness! Happiness is finding a mini-Cookie Dough Ben & Jerry’s hiding in the back of your freezer that you’d completely forgotten about stashing weeks ago!! 😀

  41. cleo says:

    i’m a professional, every day i get up and shower and get dressed for work and teach people pilates

    *grin*

    (sorry about your pot nygent)

  42. NYGent says:

    Thought I had a real potential til she sent me her phone # and a simple google search revealed her to be an escort.

    I’ve found lately that about 1 in 4 SBs on the site, and 1 in 2 of those who have real attractive qualities, are professionals of one sort of another.

  43. Kindred Spirit says:

    Ack, talk about forgetting to proofread. I know how to spell “seemingly”, etc. Oh well, I know you guys are forgiving on this blog…usually, lol.

  44. Kindred Spirit says:

    Question for other SBs: Is it typical to receive interest in waves? Like I will seem to hit off with a couple or so at a time, then either they are “Poof Daddies” or worse, get pissy and act jerky towards you, then leave. Silence for a week or so, chirp chirp sound the crickets. Then, seeming out of nowhere, more men want to get to know you or compliment your profile or something out of the blue! It’s like a euphoria wave, lol!

    I take it in stride, and in the talks with some potentials (that my actually work this time), but was wondering what others experience in their search? Oh, I should probably mention that my time spent on the amount of searching/messaging is steady and not sporadic. Just the responses and quality of them have been! 😀

  45. Margot says:

    DellaVoce, Sara – I’ve received exactly the same email too! Thank you for posting it here.

  46. Margot says:

    Lily, at a traditional site you will waste lots of time filtering. Many guys would not read your profile and contact you just because they see attractive pictures. Most of people certainly have no idea what sugar dating is – they confuse it with escort services or dinner dates. Spending time educating them doesn’t help much, because most probably they are not that generous.

    The lower expectations – the easier to find someone at a traditional dating site. Finding fine dining or travel experience is much easier than monthly allowance, for example.

  47. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Evening sugars! Studying my a** off and not absorbing a thing. I hope I ace this test!

    Lily – Ever since sugar, I’ve been off the other sites. Can’t say I’ve tried it.

    Margot – I know you said SDs, but I have to say that can backfire seriously. Just let the gent know you are taking your time in getting to know him before you commit to anything. It is NSA, but it might help to keep the information on an “as needed” basis.

    Hi Genuine! Hope you’re cozy and warm!

    Stormcat – You always bring up a new perspective!

  48. NYC SB says:

    Lily our sugar buddy mindy uses non sugar sites

    I have been approached on a traditional site but most men don’t have the generosity where I would like it to be

  49. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Carebear and others – do you get a good response from am? I have found it not v rewarding. Not that I have contacted anybody, but the profiles aren’t very good.

  50. Michael Alleycat says:

    Kindred – to scroll the chat box, you first have to click on the ‘expand window’ button on the lower RH corner (the arrow coming out of the box). You can’t do it on the iPhone though.

  51. Carebear says:

    Lily, word on the street is that lots of sb’s are trying am. I put up a bratty straightforward profile with cropped pics and out of every 200 msgs/pic requests/penis shots, there’s about 5 guys that ‘get it’ but usually their generosity falls short of my expectations. I’ve had one person match them but the fact that he found me on that particular site creeps me out a bit so I stopped responding.

    A lot of NYC matchmaking agencies and Escort services have contacted me on Sa, other than that, that’s all I have for experience.

  52. GenuineSD says:

    Lily… sorry !

  53. GenuineSD says:

    @Margot… Hmmm… Not sure. I have several thoughts:
    .. I think it depends on what you mean… hopefully not a highest bidder scenario.
    .. Absent that, I say it’s all NSA and everybody has their own set of criteria to select by so have at it..,
    .. There’s plenty of opportunity for all so why not ?
    .. I’ve seen commentary about some pot SDs reacting negatively though…
    ..
    @ Loly. Sorry, I have no experience at all…

  54. Margot says:

    I have a question for SDs – how would you feel about competition? I mean – if you know that your potential SB has other options to choose from.

  55. Stormcat says:

    Reading to catch up a little but realize it’s not going to be possible.

    @ Alleycat
    What’s this I read about your current situation.
    First: I don’t predict that you buy into the “there is a purpose for everything that happens” belief that most prescribe to everything. Karmic based belief systems break down in the face of discordant behavior-result expectations. The fact is that not every good behavior is rewarded, or bad punished. Most of the time something that’s resolved in peoples minds by accepting that they are unable to actually judge accurately which is the bad behavior and which is the good. In reality, there is no absolute connection. Bad things happen to both good people and bad people because bad things happen irrespective of the goodness or badness of the individual. Your #1 is in a tough situation and you are consequently dragged into it by mere association. Seems more like a result of misjudgment than an intentional attempt to extort. Sartre and Kierkegaard teach that in order to live life with passion we must accept the inevitability that the flow of life is unpredictable and will bring both good and bad, pain and pleasure, convenience and inconvenience etc. There is no grand plan, it is the acceptance of life as it happens and living it as such with passion that gives a life meaning. So ask yourself, will it be more meaningful to me to walk or to stay.
    Second: Relationships, of every type, change. They are never going to be static. You started this as an NSA drama free sugar relationship and it rapidly evolved into an GF/BF thing with support. But now it threatens to become something else, something that you may desire or fear. But you should also realize that it won’t stay like that for long either. It will evolve. It might become something even worse or something really fantastic. And if you end it now, you will never know. Your risk! Is the potential reward worth it?

  56. Lily says:

    I want ya’ll to answer my question…..!

  57. Carebear says:

    So who else is super excited that angry birds has a valentines day edition???? YESSSS

  58. Carebear says:

    Michael you read into things almost as much as I do.

  59. Gail says:

    Alleycat~I kinda think you love the red flags(more like red hearts)…the more the better. It captures your attention, and seems like no one does it better for your than her….lol : )

    Hello Cleo…I hope your day is going well. It’s beautiful here…I am going to get out and enjoy the sunshine and warm weather : )

  60. cleo says:

    alleycat it’s a fine line an sb walks between caring about her sd and *caring* about her sd. considering the drama and such you two have had lately i’m thinking she’s kinda attached to you… i’m thinking you’re kinda attached to her.

    i think that’s actually nice and not a red flag. but then hey, i make those jokes too and mean them a little.. at the time. but i never *mean* them for real…

  61. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hi guys – the chat is fine is you are in front of a computer. The scroll up-and-down function does not work on the iPhone, or am I missing something?

    I have 2 decorators at my home this weekend, SB is joking about being a little bit jealous of 2 other women being in my home …. there is always some truth behind every joke. Another red flag … lol.

  62. Lily says:

    Has anyone ever attempted to find sugar on non-sugar sites?

  63. Beach Girl says:

    Stephan, Guru, Brandon The chat is awesome! thanks

  64. Kindred Spirit says:

    It’s a Saturday night and also the Saturday just before Valentine’s Day. Of COURSE no one’s here!! lol Hope everyone is having fun no matter what the plans. Chilling out with my kitty at home, talking to a few potential’s over email a bit…cocooning, hibernating, etc. Excited when I meet the right SD and I can blossom as his butterfly and he my sunshine! Fun, bliss and excitement to be experienced…I know it’s coming!! *Grinning* I know I’m already a butterfly but it’s wintertime, there’s snow and cold…so I don’t mind the time alone right now.

    Everything will get better. It always does. 😀

  65. cleo says:

    i am always amazed how much goes by when i catch up on a few days or a week’s worth of posts. it’s freaking amazing.

  66. The Lone Gunman in Australia says:

    Hi gang!

    Just caught up with the blog this morning. Wowsers!

    TLG

  67. Dandelion Wine says:

    Carebear, that’s an even bigger buzz kill than Buzz Killington!
    Haha, now that I got you – let’s revisit the birth of the D’Oyly Carte Opera Company

  68. carebear says:

    But i thought he says ‘coo’ and then hhhhhwhip

    I guess my urban phonetics are wrong.

  69. NYC SB says:

    Lol guru.. I will dust of the hwip :p

  70. Dandelion Wine says:

    Better yet: cool hwip

  71. carebear says:

    cooh whip

  72. Lily says:

    I like the word “whip!”

  73. carebear says:

    is anyone available to fwd my email address to missdiiva or mademoiselle? much appreciated!

    i’m exhausted. dislike how the big bad city sucks the life outta ya.

    michael, you know lukla is the most dangerous airport in the world. take me with you, i wanna go just to see that =)

  74. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Margot – It’s his problem, not yours. It’s no strings attached unless you agree to have strings. He may have an issue with arrangements in general if he is pulling this nonsense already.

    Goldie – I’ve heard of it, some good…some bad. It is extremely rare, but once in a while it comes up. The good was that he did what he said he was going to do. The bad…he couldn’t have sex and didn’t want her having sex with anyone at all. She agreed for a bit, but when it became too much for her, it went bitter quickly. Settle all the expectations in advance. Definitely go back and read some of the older blogs and pages about screening, fake SDs, and negotiating an arrangement.

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      Now I know what to get guru for vday!

      You do?? Hint… I already have enough condoms!! :mrgreen:

      @Michael & Bela
      you could offer the Sugar Boot Camp as part of the SD / SB certification process that was discussed a couple of weeks ago. Even build an online version as well.
      I LOVE the idea of a boot camp. An online version would be very interesting and could very possibly draw a large crowd.

      Thanks for your input. An online version would be the starting point as it lowers the cost and is easier to participate. Later it could evolve into live workshops led by facilitators to whip the participants into shape! LOL… 😆

  75. Goldie says:

    Hello, you lovely information rich people.. I’ve been talking to a potential SD that is offering me a pretty great allowance for really never having to see him. He lives my my school and he want me to visit him for an hour a week, which seems like nothing at all. He’s 70 and he said he can’t have sex anymore, but he still thinks about other things. Has anyone had experience in an arrangement like this? I have no idea what to expect from him..

  76. Margot says:

    Have you ever been rejected by a pot SD, who felt like you would go to the highest bidder? I am confused. I thought it was OK to meet other people for lunch BEFORE making an arrangement.

  77. Dandelion Wine says:

    I just got reminded… Instead of most of the blogs out there I would recommend the newbies to read some classic literature. Guy de Maupassant has A LOT of stories about sugar relationships in 19th century France, some stories about pursuit of “better life” gone wrong, etc etc.
    “the false gems” is a rather interesting story about a married sugar baby and her husband finding out about her lifestyle after her death :) Funny, but it’s been one of my favorite GDM stories since I was probably around 10 years old lol

  78. DellaVoce says:

    Hi there! OK Sara, i had my email sent to a few people I’m not sure if these people got my profile number

  79. Rant to follow:

    LOL – Just received and IM from an old potSD who stood ME up on a first date (now he’s very sorry), I use exhibit A as an example of what not to do if you’re a SD and who not to waste your time with as a SB.

    leoabc777: hi leo here…super apologies and def willing to make amends
    me: well give me a good reason to why I should trust you this time after you stood me up last time.
    A woman of my caliber should never been stood up for 3 hours by a man.
    ever.
    It was embarrssing waiting at the restaurant.
    Sent at 2:52 PM on Friday
    leoabc777: goodness i am sooo sorry. no one should be ever treated that way most of all you
    i will definitely spoil extra extra first time….$1500
    Sent at 2:54 PM on Friday
    leoabc777: and shopping?
    Sent at 2:56 PM on Friday
    me: time today?
    leoabc777: no but definitely monday
    starting at noon
    sorry for delay as had client call
    Sent at 3:05 PM on Friday
    leoabc777: will do 1600 if you can wait
    Sent at 3:07 PM on Friday
    leoabc777: i need to go to client shortly
    my cell and i text: 2## 7## 8###”
    leoabc777: hi???
    please let me know
    and def weekly then and $3000 a month

    Okay here are somethings that scream FAKE.

    1) Improper grammar, I’m sorry to say it but grammar matters. At lease be able to put periods at the end of your sentences if you have a college degree.
    2) Putting a price on my company, he is definitely barking up the wrong tree.
    3) Previous actions, he never called me to tell me anything, just plain old stood me up.

    I was half tempted to leave the numbers up there. Men like that ruin it for alot of really good men out there. And SBs please watch out for men like this, I’ve been burned once and I promptly laughed and pressed “block”.

    End rant.

  80. Dandelion Wine says:

    Cleo, are you sure he had a good grasp of English?
    If yes, I shudder to think what he considers dirty

  81. cleo says:

    but i am sorry i squicked out the blog.

  82. cleo says:

    rofl – just demonstrating how delusional some folks can be…

  83. Reach the Beach SB says:

    TMI !!!!!

  84. Bela says:

    There aren’t enough muscles in my face to properly express how “eww” that actually is

  85. cleo says:

    bela: i also try not to let it get to that point but sometimes it does and then you learn something. i’ve never had a man get ugly when i insist on condoms but i’ve heard a lot of whining and blaming them for making it less fun.

    i’m thinking that boys should be grateful we want to shag them rather than sulk because we choose to protect ourselves while doing it. mucous membranes are far more useful for disease vectoring than skin is.

    i had one guy tell me he KNEW he was clean even if untested after telling me he watched his non-exclusive fwb shag a dog. (SO MUCH EWWWW)

  86. Bela says:

    Loving the converstion last night/tonday!!

    Guru – I LOVE the idea of a boot camp. An online version would be very interesting and could very possibly draw a large crowd.

    Cleo – Regarding the “slippery when wet” I try to not let it even get to that point, because depending on the guy, he may try to push anyway and then things get ugly. Pushing that line is not an option for me. Too traumatic with those sneaky little buggers.

  87. Beach Girl says:

    Cleo~ Pipe Dreams….. Hopefully they will come true 😀

    Hello Sugars!

  88. Sara says:

    Geez! What does a girl have to do around here to get some brownies?

  89. NYC SB says:

    I’m making both of you brownies … :)

  90. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Reach The Beach – will there be a ‘hands-on’ component of the workshop? Project-based work? Team-based activities?

  91. Muse says:

    RTB- You’re sending me brownies? Or is our little Betty Crocker making you some love too?

  92. Sara says:

    Good Morning sugars! Man I have been chatty lately. lol.

    @ Carebear- Um…Africa?!? please do explain!

  93. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Sugar Boot Camp – nice! I’ll teach the SDs :-)

    Cleo/ Genuine – Pipe dreams can come true!

    Muse – Guess who is getting brownies :-)

    Good morning sugars!

  94. cleo says:

    carebear if you ever get bored will you trade lives with me for a little while? :) cause man, africa… so cool

  95. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael Alleycat
    February 11, 2011 at 3:31 am
    @DW – plus anybody who WRITES in ALL CAPS in their emails to me gets ‘nexted’ immediately. It has DRAMA written ALL over it.
    ___________
    NOWAI!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! R U SERIOS???? HOO WULD DO SUMTN LYKE DAT ?!?!!
    XD

  96. carebear says:

    blogonites!

    sd is gone so sitting at the lounge catching up on email, about to leave the crystal blue waters of the caribbean for cold icy nyc.

    t minus 20 days till africa AHHHHHH

    =D

    can’t wait to take the 4 hours to catch up and read what everyone is arguing about on here lately.

    =D

  97. Muse says:

    Della Voce- Just because an SD is who he says he is and has the money/lifestyle he claims, it doesn’t necessarily make him a generous or good or sane person. I have been able to verify the authenticity of multiple pots who ended up being total jerks or cheapos or just nutjobs later on in the screening process. So please remember, money/lifestyle does not automatically equate to what you’re seeking and screen like crazy.

  98. NYC SB says:

    Now I know what to get guru for vday!

  99. Kindred Spirit says:

    Cleo and GenuineSD~ Why are they pipe dreams?

  100. GenuineSD says:

    @Cleo. Pipe dreams, indeed

  101. @SDGuru – you could offer the Sugar Boot Camp as part of the SD / SB certification process that was discussed a couple of weeks ago. Even build an online version as well.

  102. @DW – plus anybody who WRITES in ALL CAPS in their emails to me gets ‘nexted’ immediately. It has DRAMA written ALL over it.

  103. Lily says:

    Who is starting to feel the sexy valentines feelings!?

  104. Dandelion Wine says:

    @Michael
    we re-positioned the arrangement back to where it started – no drama, no aggravation.
    ——–
    AND you won a steak dinner from SD Guru! It’s a win-win XD

    • SD Guru says:

      @China_Doll_DC
      I swear, we should somehow offer how to be a SD/SB classes or something….

      Actually, I’ve been thinking about the idea of a “sugar boot camp” for prospective SD and SB’s. Anyone can put up a profile on sugar dating sites and call themselves SD or SB. But as we know that doesn’t necessarily make it so and the sugar world is not for everyone. A crash course to set the newbies on the right path could make their experience more enjoyable and make things easier for everyone in the sugar world.

      @DW
      AND you won a steak dinner from SD Guru! It’s a win-win XD

      Shhh…. don’t remind him!! 8)

      ———————–

      On a separate note, I found out that a pot SB I met in the past is now working as… um… drum roll please… a Featured Bunny at the Bunny Ranch!! When I mentioned the year of the rabbit this wasn’t quite what I had in mind… 😯

  105. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael Alleycat
    February 10, 2011 at 8:44 pm
    @DV – my BS meter is going off as well with this guy. Don’t bother engaging in a discussion with him – it will be drama and trouble.

    Steer clear, “next” him, and keep on searching and screening.
    ——–
    Golden advice. The less time you waste on losers, the more time you have to find a winner and/or pamper yourself

  106. cleo says:

    SD Guru: i write these things simply to torture you dear ;>
    .
    kindred spirit: that’s it exactly, i have a cautious but extremely giving and considerate nature. if you put two generous people together, especially when one could really use a little white knight treatment (me! me! me!) and the other really loves to charge in? imagine if two sane adults enacted that instead of two drama queens. they might forge a real and true friendship that is exactly what a real mutually beneficial arrangement is meant to be.

    imagine being able to give your generous and considerate side free reign with someone who loved to spoil you just to see the look on your face. there’s no way the two wouldn’t create fireworks right?

    ahhh pipe dreams ;>

  107. DellaVoce says:

    @Kindered Spirit-The entitlement thing freaks me out! You don’t even talk to little kids, family, business associates like that…much less women you want to “baby”. One guy was straight up. He sent a message saying, “700 bucks, oral sex, 2x a week, you in?” I barfed in my mouth. Especially disturbing since I’m this conservative girl who has only dated really nice guys. The world is foul :(

  108. Michael Alleycat says:

    @ChinaDoll – I try and meet them as soon as I can, without rushing it. A few emails to feel each other out, maybe a phone call or two if they are local and to test the connection, then meet for lunch to see if there is chemistry and a connection or not.

    I like to get to a face to face within 2 weeks if they are local, otherwise it just drags out for too long. It is a good screening tool – if they want to meet, they will. If arranging the meeting goes well, odds on that that setting up other meetings will go well as well.

  109. China_Doll_DC says:

    @Della Voce – Woah babygirl hold you horses. You have plenty of time. I know you’re cautious, I know what its like to be new on this journey. I’m somewhat new, but have had a SD that I meet in real life before my searches using SA. So I’m like an old newbie, in a way, but you have to learn to protect yourself. Some of these men are into sending endless emails or free phone/email erotic discussions. Unless you have all the time in the world, I suggest that you don’t waste time with this. So far none of the guys that you have mentioned sound genuine.

    @Kindred Spirit – Sense of entitlement from wanna-be SDs, yes plenty, I’m usually really good at telling them that I am not an escort and am not paid for sex. And then usually they would follow with a strong of curse words. Luckily the majority of these people were weeded out by my screening process. I am of the opinion that if they are not a gentleman (believe me you’ll know it either way) then they do not have the right to call themselves SD. Real SDs treat women (not just potential SBs) very kindly.

    General Q: How long do ya’ll usually communicate with a potential SD/SB before you meet them? Just curious on how everyone operates

  110. Moon Patrol says:

    Dellavoice: You have been given advice from some real experts at this thing. I hope you listen.
    My belief from a male perspective who has made many mistakes; If everything isn’t perfect, then kindly exit the stage. Compromise is not where I would want to be in a mutual-beneficial relationship. Compromise is for married couples where they accept each others flaws. I don’t know but the fun factor has to be there and some kind of journey for the two of you where money is just a piece of equipment in your backpack.

    • SD Guru says:

      So much to get to in the blog, but so little time! Where should I start?? Sorry for the long post. :)

      RE: Allowance vs Need

      The allowance in an arrangement is whatever the two people involved can agree on, and it’s not necessarily based on need. Otherwise, those who are most needy and desperate would deserve the most, and of course that makes no sense. However, if having an allowance is important to a SB, then she should screen and weed out those pots who are not willing to provide an allowance. It doesn’t matter what their reason is so there is no need to get worked up over it. It’s simply not a good fit so just move on.

      Keep in mind there are SD’s who don’t provide an allowance but are willing to provide things such as gifts/travel and other finer things in life that a SB wouldn’t normally be able to afford on her own. There is a certain segment of SB’s that are attracted to this type of SD’s, so not all arrangements involve an allowance. As I mentioned in my blog, I started as a gifts/travel SD and didn’t become an allowance SD until the third year.

      @Arcadia SB
      “I need $500 tomorrow or I can’t pay my rent and I’ll be evicted”

      That’s a good example of desperation which usually follows this formula: I need (insert dollar amount) for (insert dire need) by (insert yesterday) or I’ll be (insert dire consequences).” Most SD’s would next that right away, but it could appeal to white knights. Which brings me to…

      RE: White Knights

      This is what I wrote back in October and I think it’s worth repeating:

      “Those who want to be a white knight usually set themselves up for disappointment and end up making poor decisions because of their emotions. But if it’s a price they are willing to pay and they can handle the consequences then why not.”

      Sooner or later the white knights will figure out that the price to pay is too steep and they can’t handle the consequences. So they will eventually learn their lessons and find a cure for their white knight syndrome.

      @Michael
      we re-positioned the arrangement back to where it started – no drama, no aggravation.

      Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out!

      @Cleo
      you know that little push men do when you’re making out naked… where they just “happen” to be poised at your entrance and they push just a smidgen and wait to see if you push back?

      That gave a whole new meaning to “slippery when wet”!! :mrgreen:

      @DellaVoce

      You’ve received lots of great advice from the the blog. But we can only show you the door, you’re the one that have to walk though it. You’re experiencing the ups and downs of a typical newbie and sometimes the best way to learn is through your own mistakes.

      Based on the 3 examples you gave, you have attracted the attention of pot SD’s who have red flags written all over them. Email me at the addy in my blog and I’ll be happy to take a look at your profile to see what kind vibe you’re giving out. I’d suggest that you take the time to read up on the blogs of experienced SB’s to give yourself a better chance for success in the sugar world. They have gone through a similar learning curve and you should be able to benefit from their experience. And don’t forget to screen relentlessly. Good luck!

  111. Kindred Spirit says:

    Ah, yes, I agree with the above advice on the relentless screening…and reading up on the older blog topics is super helpful, too. Yes, it’s typical to be a bit naive as a newbie (I’m fine admitting I am, ha), but nothing’s more important in this sugar world than also having a very, very firm footing on the ground, too (until I can give myself permission to fly, anyway!) 😀

  112. Michael Alleycat says:

    @DV – my BS meter is going off as well with this guy. Don’t bother engaging in a discussion with him – it will be drama and trouble.

    Steer clear, “next” him, and keep on searching and screening.

  113. DellaVoce says:

    @Sara-Not 3 suitors, just two. I posted the first one just to check if thiat crazy dude was for real. Who writes such a weird email lol

    I am being very cautious, as I am a skeptic at heart.

  114. Kindred Spirit says:

    To everyone who commented on my concerns about safe sex and protection…thank you. It came as a huge relief to me to read your smart sentiments. My gut agrees, but I needed to hear it from others, just as an additional boost. It’s harder to listen to my gut when I become quite impressed with someone I’m communicating with (and very attracted to, as well). However, his preference for condom-free sex just didn’t sit well with me. I will talk to him about it next time we talk. I hope with all hope he respects that and still wants to meet me….

    @Dellavoce, welcome! I am fairly new, too (on the site a nearly a month). This blog is SOOO informative, and best of all makes you think…and it’s fascinating, too, because of all the varying opinions on some topics. :)

    I’d love a white knight type of SD, and I don’t even really need to be rescued, per se! It’s just the beautiful, giving nature of them would fit well with mine. Just the very idea that a man really WANTS to whole-heartedly give you sweetness in sugar, because he knows he is well appreciated.

    It is a bit discouraging when potential SDs I communicate or meet have this sense of “entitlement” to them because of their wealth and use their money to be or sound manipulative. :( Don’t suppose other SBs run into this? (And not snubbing the SD side of it~ I know there are probably SBs (or wanna-Bs) that use their tearful debt or body to manipulate a man’s heart and “wallet-strings”, as well.)

    All in all, though, it is still a very fascinating time with this site, and I am fast collecting great stories (of horror, mainly so far) to learn from and chuckle about later! 😀

  115. NYC SB says:

    DellaVoce – if I may, please take a look at all of your comments today. Subjectively take a look at what you have written. Then ask yourself what would you think if you read these comments as a bystander. You are new at this, eager, and clearly clueless. Do yourself a favor and take a lot of time to learn about the lifestyle. Do not meet anyone until you have done so. In the long run this will save you a lot of trouble, a lot of headache and possibly heartache.

    For those of us who are more seasoned we can pin point all sorts of flags with the pots. You are new and somewhat naive. You believe in the fantasy which is sugar arrangements. Its not a bad thing but it opens you up to being taken advantage of.

  116. Sara says:

    @ Della – I am starting to worry for you. In the past 6 hours, you were ready to trust 3 different men, and had rationalizations for how they all “checked out” and all “seemed legitimate”, I think you just need to take it slowly…..screen relentlessly…..and talk to every man for a few days before jumping into anything. I know it is exciting and new, and a lot of these men can bring fantastic things to your life, but don’t get carried away by men promising you the world.

    Also, take all your research with a gran of salt, I once dirt searched myself, and apparently I have a suspended tractor license in Kansas, I have never even been there. A lot of people have the same name. Unless you have seen his picture and it matches a picture next to whatever proof you have found, I would consider it very likely that it may be a different “John Smith”. And even then a really sick fraud could steal pictures on the internet too.

    Like the story on yelp about a disgruntled SB, who wrote a bad comment about him, you made it all up that she was an SB. She MAY have been, but she also may have just been an unprofessional female client. My point is, there is no PROOF saying she was who you thought or that the girl on facebook is the same girl who made the comment. So yes, it is good to research, but don’t believe everything you read.

  117. DellaVoce says:

    @Sara-thanks for alllll the help! I had my email forwarded to you and I’ll send you my profile number tomorrow, when I get a minute off from schoolwork.

    UPDATE: I have a verified Sugar Daddy who has a well rated business (according to Yelp, reviews describe his perfectionist personality, which I totally felt upon talking to him), all stories check out, and get this, a girl wrote a review disgusing herself a “contractor”. It was funny, but in all seriousness, he was like a few days late for allowence and she freaked out and wrote that his business sucks and the business he owns smells like dog. LOL—-Then, she write under it, “I wish I could take this comment back, he is sweet, and it was the bank’s fault. His business is fine and I was just angry”

    Good lord, she went on a tirade and I knew she was a SB from little hints like “I was ina bad positiona nd a single mother”. Meh, she got her money apparently and I lookd her name up on facebook and she apparently lives like 20 miles away from me. lol

  118. Sara says:

    @ Della Voce – I appreciate your sensitivity to this man, but there are a lot of red flags. When a man says “I prefer rich bf” he is taking boundaries out of the equation, basically giving himself free reign of the arrangement. He can start by saying he doesn’t want to give you an allowance, because that is too much like paying you, but he will take care of bills. Than he can say he doesn’t want to pay one month or something, and you are not really in a position to discuss it, because that does not fall into the realm of “rich boyfriend”, that falls into prostitution or paying for affection.

    He wants attention, he is one of those men who feel that sugar is an necessary evil. They feel that for whatever reason (maybe they are ugly or socially awkward or something) that in order to get the relationship they want they need to pay someone, but they don’t like it. So they use money as leverage and will always hold it against you.

    You seem sweet and deserve the type of many who ENJOYS benefiting someone he cares about’s life, not some one who “understand it, because it is a necessary part of this situation.” and by saying he accepts it, is basically saying he will do it, but not happily.

    a few other things that struck me as off: “My reasons for being on this site are to find someone who would view me as a potential long term partner and not just as a walking ATM.”, so why advertise you have money to women basically looking for money? Why not just join match.com and not tell anyone you are rich. Or, at the very least join seekingmillionaire.com instead, which is geared towards dating not arrangements.

    And the part about him rationalizing what you want. Who is he to say that “20,000.00 is too much for a student” He is ALREADY holding his money over your head, and acting like he holds all the cards, before even meeting.

    Even if you think he is just a sensitive man looking for a connection. The psychological red flags are way too much. You would be entering an arrangement full of drama, the first few emails already show that……

  119. Reach the Beach SB says:

    NYGent!!!! My favorite white knight! How have you been?

  120. SA Email Exchange says:

    DellaVoce – Your e-mail has been forwarded to Sara and Dandelion Wine. We don’t advise putting your e-mail address on the blog to prevent unsolicited mail.

  121. DellaVoce says:

    @ Dandelion Wine-I think I am going to keep casually talking to him, but I will be wary for little details! I have googled him and I have his real name, company he owns’ name, and verified his phone number to his listed location. It checks out…for now. His stories about himself checks out as well. I hope he turns out to be the real deal…He has offered to fly me out, but (prob a big turnoff for pot SD’s Ive heard from so far) is that I have a real life and school, and it keeps me from visiting whenever he has the whim to see me.

    • Reach The Beach SB says:

      DV – There are links on the right side of the blog discussing travel safety, spotting fakes and some good basic information for new members.

  122. NYGent says:

    Going back a few posts I have to agree with WCSD and others about white knight syndrome being a rush and addictive, even if not totally rational. The desire to find a nice young lady to nurture and mentor assist in her life goals and dreams (financially and otherwise), is very powerful, and doing so offers its own inherent rewards, but an SD has to sometimes fight that urge because it often doesn’t end up well, for either party.

  123. Dandelion Wine says:

    DV, it’s your decision, but my BS radar is going off on this guy.
    He hasn’t even met you yet, how does he know he is gonna want you to to come visit a lot? It sounds to me like he is setting up the foundation for when he is going to ask you to prove to him that it’s true chemistry, and you are not in it “just for allowance” – i.e. have sex with him before discussing and ensuring the terms of the arrangement.

    And what Sara said:
    By saying things like “so tell me, are you looking for a rich boyfriend or are you willing to compromise yourself for a set fee”, he essentially saying if you don’t choose him, you are a prostitute or lack morals.
    ——–
    is completely true, moreover I would say that the man who says that couldn’t be considered a “rich boyfriend” either. It’s most likely some troll sitting in his mom’s basement and getting off on verbally abusing women he would never have a chance with

  124. DellaVoce says:

    @Sara (and everyone else giving opinions good and bad)-THANKS! I see what you are getting at! I totally felt a little residual upset/anger in te tone of the message, but my heart of hearts thinks he is just a sensitive guy on the inside and has been hurt before.

    Also, I forgot to make note, he is only in his early forties, so he probably has not had alot of time to try the whole sugar baby/daddy scene. I guess to his credit, at least he sounds educated enough to concoct a decent argument! lol

  125. Reach the Beach SB says:

    DV – Everyone wants chemistry. In addition, travel expenses should not be part of the allowance. Reference to being a “wealthy boyfriend” is a red flag. Saying he wants you to visit as often as your schedule permits is a bit premature considering you two haven’t met and it sounds somewhat controlling. Since these are excerpts, I may be taking them out of context, but this one has to be approached with care.

  126. DellaVoce says:

    Whoops, scatter brained, those two reasons were the same haha. I just think a faker would probably just accept the percieved “20k a month” and let me think I was going to get it and have over the moon so he would get what he wants.

    I mean maybe he has felt used before, who knows…I know he is divorced so he may feel a bit scornful at the thought of someone portentially ONLY finding his money attractive, not him.

    P.S.-He is not ugly by any means, it is just I’ve always thought about expanding my “type” pool to incorporate other types of guys. I have never traditionally dated a masculine man before, I usually like them slightly feminine lol.

  127. DellaVoce says:

    @DandelionWine-But it struck me as a gesture that he wants : A) A real chemistry driven relationship, not *just* an arrangement, although financial support is part of the equation In another email he states “I want you to come visit as much as our schedueles will allow and that means you will need to be getting an allowence, which I really wish to give you!”

    ….and B) I think he just wants to make sure I’m not JUST in it for the money

  128. Sara says:

    @ Della Voce – Even if what this second one is saying is legitimate, it sounds like he has a lot of personal and emotional issues with the standards of sugar, it also sounds like he has a very specific ideal of what sugar is, and if you ever step outside of that ideology, he has already deemed you “a glorified prostitute.”. He obviously knows exactly what he wants, so if you continue with him, be prepared to asses yourself and know if you do not fit his expectations to a T, it probably won’t work.

    It just seems that from the get go he is loading a lot of rules on and transferring a lot of personal feelings into the equation. I personally would not be comfortable with this person, because I am a free spirit and would not be comfortable with a man trying to use psychology to lure me in. By saying things like “so tell me, are you looking for a rich boyfriend or are you willing to compromise yourself for a set fee”, he essentially saying if you don’t choose him, you are a prostitute or lack morals.

    I say continue talking to him, but be aware of exactly what he is saying, and if you ever feel belittled or uncomfortable with him, know that that is his personality and not a reflection of you.

    He doesn’t seem to understand true sugar relationships, and that is ok, if you are comfortable with that, but be aware of that getting into it.

    • Reach The Beach SB says:

      DellaVoce – Some people copy/paste the hyperlink to your profile in the web address section when they are seeking help. Just know this is a public blog, so it gives anyone access to see your account. You can do it once so a few of us can look at the profile and offer suggestions. Otherwise, if you want specific people to offer suggestions, the blog moderators will share your address with whomever you request. Know that when you are new to the site, you get some men who take advantage of your lack of experience.

      Sara / DW – He does sound a bit passive/aggressive.

  129. DellaVoce says:

    OK, well can you help me make revisions to my profile then? I’m such an amateur (5 days and counting)!

    Basic info about me (not all of this on my profile): Early 20’s, curvy but thin, medium height, college student, I guess I’m considered beauty pagent pretty, but I’m bashful about it and don’t want to sound like an asshole but it may be a factor to consider, no kids, nothing remotely sluttly on my profile (couldn’t if I wanted to, the box is too small haha)

    HELP!

  130. Dandelion Wine says:

    Della Voce, to me it sounds like rationalizing and like he is leading you to a conclusion he would like you to make , i.e. “this guy is not disgusting, I am not a hooker/escort, I shouldn’t ask for an allowance”. Why would a man insult a woman he doesnt think is a hooker by implying that she could be one? And why would a man explain his philosophy on hookers to a woman he thinks is a hooker? If he was truly against hookers and was afraid you were one, he would ask you questions about you, like what do you do for living, what are your hobbies, etc etc and then if it sounded like you might be a hooker he would have just cut his losses and moved on, NOT tried to get into a “relationship” with a suspected hooker

  131. Reach the Beach SB says:

    He sounds like another relationship seeker. He’s obviously hung up on offering an allowance. $10K is a high request for someone who doesn’t live in a metropolitan area, so be aware that people are going to question it. I realize you’re using it as a tool to screen and perhaps it will work to an extent, however you are excluding yourself from truly genuine men who would offer $2K- $5K…is that an allowance that would work for you? Have you tried a different range and to put in your profile specifically what you are seeking?

  132. DellaVoce says:

    I feel bad, but I need advice one another pot SD that actually seems to take a big interest in me. Opinions/feelings/good or bad vibes?

    He sent me multiple looooooong emails, despite his profile saying he doesn’t like to. But a few signs that strike me that he is really, genuinely looking for a SB, are that he does not offer an outrageous amount, well, it is to some, but I mean more than a certain amount, and I think fakers usually let the woman feel like is winning the lottery. He also tried to explain to me the whole dilemna about prostitution, etc etc. It’s prob better if you guys read it:

    “In as much as I LOVE your photos, and you are an absolutely sexy hot cute girl (all rolled into one – an extremely RARE combination), and in as much as I would LOVE to date someone like you, I think we might be looking for slightly different things… and I think we might also have totally different understandings of the “arrangement” aspect of a relationship. ”

    ******He went on to state he was willing to support me up to 10,000 dollars per month, but he said 20,000 per month was a bit too much for a student. I never stated I wanted the later amount, but I noted it was in my profile to weed out very stingy men.I think he read it wrong*****

    He goes on to write:

    “My reasons for being on this site are to find someone who would view me as a potential long term partner and not just as a walking ATM. I absolutely understand and ACCEPT the concept of financial support and that’s what I’m prepared to do for the right person. However, the idea of excessive financial compensation strikes me more as “glorified prostitution” when there is nothing more outside of the exchange of money for companionship

    There is another aspect of this whole “arrangement” thing that comes to mind. How much is one willing to compromize herself? If I was 70 years old, shrivelled up stinky fat-ass, would you compromise yourself for $20k per month? And what if I was the man of your dreams – someone who had everything you would ever want from a partner – would you not date me if I didn’t “pay” you 20 grand a month, because I wouldnt want to feel used?

    So the question is: Are you looking for a wealthy boyfriend who can (AND WILL) financially support you, or are you looking to compromize yourself for a set fee??
    Something to think about, isn’t it?? :)

    *****OK, opinions? Sorry I know a poster asked for excerpts instead of the full email, but I really need help and I did not post the whole thing anyways…just the parts in which I need opinions what others would do in this circumstance*********

  133. cleo says:

    dellavoce: i find it interesting that he is after a girl in the south when there are gazillions of hot sb’s in toronto. certainly adds fuel to the ‘not real’ fire

  134. Sara says:

    @ DellaVoce – I honestly don’t know if he seemed serious about meeting. I got a really bad feeling from him in my gut, so I just didn’t even bother with him. I will tell you though, that he had a temper and when I turned him down, he turned into a 5 year old and called me fat. He said “big girls need loving too”, keep in mind, I am 107 lbs. I am 4 ft 8 with big boobs, so defiantly curvy, but not fat. I assume he is used to women with lower self esteem? He also messaged me every few weeks after that pretending to not remember our conversation. My advice is, if you choose to ignore him, block him as well.

  135. Reach the Beach SB says:

    DellaVoce- There is at least one occasional, but long-time blogger who isnt too far from you. I am in the Midwest as well.

    Stay warm Moon Patrol!

  136. Moon Patrol says:

    Hello people(s) Happy cold Houston night!

  137. DellaVoce says:

    I live in the Kansas City area, so smack dab in the middle of the counytry.

  138. Reach the Beach SB says:

    DellaVoce- Welcome to the blog! The second scenario sounds like he is looking for a relationship…there is a lot of that here. If that is what you want, approach with care. Many who want a relationship don’t want to offer an allowance. If you have been following this topic over the past few days, you can see how the line between arrangements and relationships can get very muddy, become less sugary and allows for drama. What general area are you in? Perhaps sugars in your area can help you screen.

  139. DellaVoce says:

    Another newbie question/opinions welcome: What is the concensus for a pot SD that sends you big( think 4-5 large paragraphs), long (personalized to me, not cookie cutter for everyone) and actually sounds like he is being really friendly.

    He isn’t hinting at sex at all, and he already had discussed allowence, having direct deposits and his job, wants a long term kind of thing, wants me to like his cats, and hints for me to move there after I get done with school, which is this semester.

    P.S.-I googled his email address and yes, his pictures matched the ones on a bodybuilding site he is also listed under. Oddly enough, he said his apartment had 25 feet tall ceilings, and the pics on that site have him taking pics of himself in front of mirrors and the background seemd very normal, regular ol house, and sterile even.No furnature, no decor, nothing in the background. Seems almost as if he either just moved in or is lying about his house. Also, he noted (in which he has never mentioned to me yet) that his gf thinks he looks like a “greek god”. Hmmmm

    Bad sign?

  140. Dandelion Wine says:

    Also I don’t think it is kosher from a tax/accounting standpoint to file personal expenses into a business account.

  141. DellaVoce says:

    HA! I’m tired of getting paid to look at boobs, I wanna pay a girl a large allowence to show me.

  142. Dandelion Wine says:

    Della Voce, it sounds like a scouting call for fhm honeys/PB girls by an aspiring PB photographer at best (unpaid) and amateur porn at the more likely end. “Clubwear” and “classy woman” don’t really belong in the same piece of text. Men’s magazines photographers do not usually advertise to their potential love interest right away that they spend their days looking at titties.

  143. NYC SB says:

    Google fake sugar daddy and some will pop up

  144. DellaVoce says:

    Where are said “blacklists”?

  145. cleo says:

    (i only mean maybe post an excerpt next time, not don’t post at all!)

  146. NYC SB says:

    He is on numerous black list sites as someone who has no intention of meeting/being fake

  147. cleo says:

    “I must admit I do get a quiet sense of inner satisfaction when I look over at my companion and know that every single thing she is wearing is something I bought for her”

    i must admit that i feel incredibly hot knowing that every single thing i am wearing was bought for me with an eye to pleasing the man i am with (who bought said things) … so i grok what he is saying

    that said, if he is in an industry awash with beauty but tired of it, why is he sugar dating?

    that said, i think maybe posting someone’s entire email is a bit unfair to them…? i mean you never know who is reading right?

  148. Lily says:

    I have gotten it, too. I ended up with the impression that he’s not genuine.

  149. DellaVoce says:

    @MichaelAlleycat: So did I! I thought, who would take so much time to write such a personal (yet easily sent to many people) message?!?

    Oh yeah, it says on his profile that he would pay 10-20,000, which is lovely but I think he just wants to attract all the aspiring models/actresses.

  150. Michael Alleycat says:

    @DellaVoce – I actually giggled while I was reading his meesage to you. It seems too good to be true! In this case, it probably is.

    I see ‘fake’ written all over it.

  151. DellaVoce says:

    @Sara: Thanks! I knew it! Can I ask one question? Did he at least sound legit about meeting (I know you decided against it)? I have never met a pot SD but then again, I have only been on the site for about five days.

  152. Sara says:

    @ DellaVoce- I have received that email, and spoken with that man extensively for a few weeks/months. He probably DOES pre write it and send that to a lot of women (it isn’t uncommon here, and not necessarily a deal breaker) I am sure you write similar things to men on the site. It all depends on whether you are offended by a pre written email or not.

    As for whether he is legit or not, I can not say, at the end of the day I felt our personalities did not click and we would not get along, so I decided not to meet him.

    But good luck I suppose, sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.

    P.S. I am not going to disclose WHY we did not get along or if we hand any arguments or anything, because each girl is different and you two may get along much better.

  153. DellaVoce says:

    Sooooo…I’m a newb/lurker, but I got thos suspicious email, won’t say who it’s from just in case, but is it just me or either he spent ALOT of time typing this out OR had it pre-typed and just sends it to alot of girls. (His profile seems mildy too good to be true, but then again I am new at this whole SB thing!)

    Has anyone recieved the same message? Here goes:

    Just saw your profile and – needless to say -I was VERY impressed … with your appearance certainly but I also got the impression – just from your profile and picture – that you are also VERY intelligent!!

    I’m a photographer and videographer from TORONTO, Canada … I shoot for a number of major publications, most notably MAXIM, FHM and I do some work with PLAYBOY on their “Special Editions”. I travel extensively (USA, EUROPE and the CARIBBEAN mainly) and, while I work in an industry awash with beautiful women, I have grown increasingly disillusioned with the “shallowness” of it all. I am much more interested in spending my time with a woman who carries with her an aura of “inner beauty” as well.

    I LOVE anything to do with the water (beaches, swimming, scuba, sailing … hell, a kid’s wading pool if that’s all I got!!). I also enjoy fine dining, first-class travel and exploring exotic locales … off to Thailand and Bali next month!! I LOVE to PAMPER and PLEASE but, hey, I guess that goes with the territory on THIS site!! I’m 45, 5’10”, 170, brown hair, brown eyes … work out regularly and am fighting “Father Time” with all that I’m worth!!

    Although this would be a “Sugar-Daddy” type arrangement, I’m still looking for someone that I “click” with and have some chemistry with …. as I’m sure you are. You’re far too classy a woman to devote your time to someone who you don’t admire and respect … ditto for me. I am extremely picky about who I devote my precious little bit of spare time to so I would hope you see the fact that I have chosen to contact you as a sincere compliment.

    I would like to find someone who is available to travel and who enjoys the finer things in life …. fine dining, first-class travel, luxury hotels, shopping, etc. It’s not the ultimate but I must admit I do get a quiet sense of inner satisfaction when I look over at my companion and know that every single thing she is wearing is something I bought for her …. and I’ve been told I have EXCELLENT taste. I LOVE sexy clothes … lingerie …. clubwear, etc. ….. on YOU by the way (just making sure!!) and I’ve been told by women that I’m “the last of the romantics”.

    I travel approximately 7 to 10 days per month …. mainly the Caribbean and Europe …. and to California on business. I take care of all the travel arrangements, of course …. you just have to show up and look your best!! (Who says it’s a MAN’S world!!)

    I’m considered passionate, sensuous and giving …. I get pleasure by giving pleasure and I LOVE spending time with someone who does the same. I’m very supportive of those I choose to spend time with and I truly enjoy playing a “mentor” type role in the lives of my loved ones.

    As far as the “arrangement” side of things goes, what I did before with a former girlfriend seemed to work well, I just requested a Credit Card in her name but linked to one of my Corporate Accounts. There was a PIN number attached to it for when she needed cash and the bills went to my Accountant and were never seen by me. I think that’s a “system”, so to speak, that respects everybody’s dignity but I’m certainly open to other suggestions.

    If any … or all …. of this appeals to you, can you please contact me by phone or e-mail … or feel free to leave me a number where you can be reached. (A TEXT to my cell works fine to “break the ice” too.) Let’s get to know each other and see where it goes from there. (If you’re up for it, I’d actually prefer if you just give me a call … I’m not into endless e-mails back and forth and I’m a VERY easy person to talk to.)

    VERY BEST WISHES,

    (name)

  154. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Hey sugars!

    Feeling pretty rough today and have a pile of work to do…anyone want to help? :-)

    Michael – Glad it worked out! As Mr. Covey always says…seek first to understand. Glad to know you didn’t try to put up your daughter’s papers with US Durex…hilarious!

  155. cleo says:

    this is so weird, i just went to send 17 canadian dollars via paypal and it cost me 17.50 usd to do it.

    once in my life do i remember our dollar being higher than yours and now it’s like weeks of it. so weird.

  156. cleo says:

    oh my god awesome!

    do you have any durex?

    *dies*

  157. Don’t forget the beer called XXXX aka FourX.

  158. Sara says:

    @ Alleycat – That is amazing! Made my day!

  159. Bela says:

    LOL @ Alleycat – The difference in cultures is way too comical. Glad things worked out for the better!!

  160. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Sara – growing up in Australia, we had a brand of stickytape called Durex, it was almost the generic word for tape, like Scotch tape is here.

    Needless to say, there was some confusion on my first trip overseas ….

  161. Sara says:

    @ Cleo- I know I am one of the youngest people on the blog, and the sex ed stuff was literally DRILLED into our heads. My MIDDLE school had condoms in the nurses office.

  162. Michael Alleycat says:

    So had a heart to heart yesterday evening, all is fine. Without going into too much detail, we re-positioned the arrangement back to where it started – no drama, no aggravation. I also learned more about her background and life, so I understand much more about where she is coming from.

    We went through her plans for work, she has some good $ stuff coming up – she does a lot of front of camera work, and also has small indy movie coming up, filming in April, so the longer term looks better.

    Thanks for everybody’s comments and feedback, it was very useful!!

    And yes, we use condoms. Always have, always will. No exceptions.

  163. cleo says:

    i also think you’re right about the generations. i was in grade eight when aids started to hit, so my sex ed class even covered how important condoms were and this scary new disease (grade nine) so really anyone more than a couple of years my senior just wouldn’t have gotten the memo

    i mean the worst you could do before that was either get a non treatable non deadly disease (herpes) or a disease treatable with shampoo or pills. i mean really, why worry about that?

  164. Sara says:

    @ Cleo – Oh it is absolutely true, I totally haven’t been exclusive in the past year or two. haha

    p.s. very graphic for this early in the morning! lol. 😉

  165. cleo says:

    lily: you know that little push men do when you’re making out naked… where they just “happen” to be poised at your entrance and they push just a smidgen and wait to see if you push back? the one where they just ‘happen’ to not have a condom on yet?

    the SECOND a man does that he is in permanent condom land with me… forever because he is irrevocably dirty.
    .
    mademoiselle: i hear that, and i can’t tell you how many times this has happened “oh i’d love to date you but i’m not an sd anymore”

    but they figure since they met you on a sugar site that sugar protocol applies. that you’ll be available to them with little or no notice and put up with their schedules and ignore you when it’s not convenient for them but hey, no sugar because ‘i’m not really an sd’ but i want to treat you like an sb with none of the benefits

    so lame. get the hell off seeking arrangement if you’re an escort OR “not really an SD”

    fine sugar babies are hotter, but if you want to date sugar free in the sugar bowl you better be acting like the world’s finest gentleman to even get a chance
    .
    sara: i do that too “sorry i haven’t had my tests lately, it isn’t safe for you” – this has the added advantage of being absolutely true.

  166. Sara says:

    Goodmorning everyone, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but many SD’s are older than me (by a lot) and I am assuming there generation missed the “post 80’s AIDS scare, always use condoms, after school specials, drilled into their head thing” that many of us are used to. With that said, condoms are non negotiable, but I try not to look at them as skeevy pervs who think they are slick and are just trying to get away with not using condoms. Usually I blame myself, makes it easier for them, I say something like “In the past year I have not necessarily been exclusive and I find it hard to believe you were too. I always use condoms. period.” I don’t leave it open for discussion, a conversation about is not an option, and quite honestly I have never had anyone not agree. Maybe I was very lucky.

  167. mademoiselle says:

    @msdiiva.. ok then.. just email me at crosss my heartt at yahoo dot com. the first three words are actually one word.. and make sure you spell it with 3 Ss and 2 Ts. (just trying to make it a little less conspicuous!)

    and.. as far as a guy not providing the allowance because the girl doesn’t really need one… is this a joke? that’s starting to sound like a boyfriend.. and if i wanted a bf, i would look for one.. i would not look for a sd. i don’t think it matters if she really needs it or not.. the whole thing about relationships like this is that it’s about mutual spoiling.. and who cares if your allowance goes to buying a new hermes bag or paying her bills? frankly, i don’t think it’s any of their business. sorry if that comes across as bitchy…

  168. Lily says:

    If he takes a blood oath on his children’s lives, ALWAYS use condoms. The sugarbowl can simply not be a pristine one to play in, from a sexual health point of view.

    If a man has any extra money for sugar, & an account on SA, assume he’s gotten (& will likely continue to get) A LOT of tail from this site. And some of those were escorts (whether he knew it or not), who have a large pool of exposure. It continues exponentially until you can just about assume that any given SD has slept with the whole world (by 3 degrees of separation, tops).

    CONDOMS!!!!!!!!! Your health is just not worth taking chances with & YOU have to be your own safekeeper.

    ESPECIALLY if he attempts to not use condoms. If he tries to get out of putting one on, doesn’t do it until you tell him to, etc, then assume that he’s lax about it with everyone he gets with & has a much greater risk of comprimising your health so get extra NAZI about condoms with those guys. In fact, if he’s not a condom Nazi, then maybe just ‘next’ him for being too dirty & wait for the SD who is clean & fastidious about condom usage. They’re out there. *grin* ask me how I know…..

    Sugar is SWEET!!!!!!!!!!

  169. Jessie says:

    In addition to what Cleo says…if he tells you that he’s exclusive, be doubtful and ALWAYS USE CONDOMS.

  170. cleo says:

    omg ALWAYS use condoms

    if, after lots of months together and you believe you trust him and he you you can discuss mutual testing and exclusivity or lack of condoms or whatever

    but omg use condoms girl

  171. Kindred Spirit says:

    General questions, but something’s (or someone’s) bothering me right now….

    Do SDs/SBs feel they trust their SA partner *less or more* than a IRL traditional relationship partner when it comes to safe sex?

    I get that it’s the idea that a many people on SA may be polyamorous…and not “exclusive” (especially if a SB/SD relationship is long distance and you’d only see each other maybe twice a month so may have sex with another during other times for satisfaction)…. How do parties feel about using condoms, for example, to protect against STDs? I hate using condoms but feel like I want to when with an SD because of higher risks from multiple partners. I guess it comes down to this:

    Do SDs generally find it a deal-breaker if an SB requests they use condoms (especially when the arrangement is fresh)?? Or do they look at an SB with admiration for their sensibility? Or am I just square? lol

  172. NYC SB says:

    JWU – you do not need to disclose your true location ever… of course if you say you live in boston you should be willing to always meet your pot sds there … if things do become serious (allowance is established and an arrangement commences) then feel free to disclose your location. you will realize soon that most SDs do not disclose their true location either

  173. NYC SB says:

    China Doll – you are right… it makes no sense… of course when an SD uses an excuse of the SB being stable and not needing the allowance then it might just mean that he was never willing to provide an allowance regardless of her situation… Its best to move on… saves a lot of time and effort. We cannot turn a man into a generous SD unless he wants to become one, and of course just because a man is wealthy it does not mean that he is generous.

    on an unrelated note… i wish i can breathe… sniffles are NOT fun

  174. Jwublondie says:

    I have a question for the SB’s on here , Also SD’s as well. I live about 40 minutes outside of boston but decided to list my location as boston to change things up , i have friends that live in the city and am there a ton anyways. When should i mention to a pot sd i live a little ways outside the city? either way i wouldn’t be hosting but dont want it to come up i’m liying from the start , should i mention it in my profile or once i start emailing wiht someone i’m intrested in ?

  175. Lisa says:

    Hi BeachGirl, Gail, others
    daughter just left. she was using my computer to take an online class. Very cold night here. Hope the roads don’t freeze or i’ll have trouble getting to work tomorrow if the bus doesn’t run and we are going to have “rolling blackouts” which means the power goes off all over town for 30 minutes, on for 45, etc. The area I live in is exempt because we share the same grid as the hospital across the street but the store is in my old neighborhood. if the do the power outages, the traffic lights go out and it’s a mess of accidents. I can’t remember a colder february in a long time. All I can say is brrrrrrrrr.

  176. Sara says:

    @ cleo – haha, I like to think it doesn’t happen often, in an attempt to maintain the balance of the blog. But I am totally assuming everything thinks about things as hard as me.

  177. Beach Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!!!
    Interesting convo… so If I SB is having a hard time with her bills and such… most SDs don’t like that!!! If a SB loses her job than she loses her SD?!?!? hummm…. I am so not adding anything to this… sorry , I would probably get kicked off the blog! HA

    Cleo~ I love your addiction to this blog, I love reading your comments, Always!!! 😀
    WCSD~ nice to see you again, how you been?
    Lisa~ how have you been?
    Gail~ nice thought!

  178. cleo says:

    hi my name is cleo and i have an intermittent addiction to this blog, i was clean once for 47 days but then….

    *giggles*

  179. cleo says:

    gail i am consistently surprised at how FEW blog matchups there are… unless we just never hear about them… but mostly i think it’s as simple as location and opportunity. the truly wealthy SD doesn’t care about the lady’s location i imagine but for the rest of them i expect that airfare eats a huge amount of their ‘sugar budget’

    for example wcsd, maybe he finds me attractive but maybe it’s my toronto location that isn’t… or say um (have NO idea how tall you are okay?) enigma thinks i’m a babe but i’d be taller than him in heels and he doesn’t like it or maybe guru would be so all over that if he weren’t perfectly happy with his current sb or alleycat might like me if i were more needy or ny gent might prefer me if i were younger or…

    *tongue planted FIRMLY in cheek*

  180. Gail says:

    Afternoon All~

    China Doll, Lisa, Cleoand WCSD~I think it would be a great idea if all SD selected their SBs from the blog. It sure would shorten your search time : ) Just my 2 cents of course….

  181. WCSD says:

    China Doll – I constantly run into SBs who are indecisive about being a SB….they don’t fully understand this world and many times will decide it isn’t for them (or have just completely unrealistic expectations). But, if finding a SB was easy then there really wouldn’t be a need for this site would there??

  182. China_doll_DC says:

    Wait hold up ppls, there are SDs out there that will negotiate and refuse to give allowance because a SB doesn’t”need” it?!? What’s wrong with this picture? Okay someone is somewhat delusional. Part of the SD experience is to allow the opportunity for the young lady to experience a nicer life style than previously experienced. Am I missing something when I say that any potential SD who would even entertain the idea of not offering allowance I will boot out?!? A true SD is a gentleman right down to the very Armani shoes that he is sporting. He helps because he truely cares (as everyone else has been saying). Has anyone else ran into someone who is very indecisive about even being a SD/SB? That completely irks me because its like you’re on the site why would you do this if you have no idea what you’re doing. I swear, we should somehow offer how to be a SD/SB classes or something….

    It seems like we have beautiful, educated and mannered ladies on here. Which makes me happy. However as it appears by the horror stories that some of the SDs have told not every SB is like this… which messes it up for the rest of us :(

    BTW: Any other SB in the DC area? I would love to have emails or something to share stories :)

  183. Lisa says:

    Brrrrr I’m freezing here.
    I think arrangements should be about fun, sd should provide an agreed allowance but I find nothing wrong with helping someone with additional funds on occasion. Michael mentions his sb has 3 children, not sure what state she is in, but in Texas, she would be receiving 50 percent of her ex husband’s income in child support. A woman should seek child support or additional help from her ex husband before asking another man to help. I never received child support from my ex husband because he was a danger to my daughter, I worked 2 jobs when she was little and got help from parents. Sugar relationships should be primarily about the adults involved. Nothing wrong with helping a sb with children though, that reflects positively on any man.

    Waiting for daughter to come over to use my internet. Have a good evening and someone please send warm weather.

  184. WCSD says:

    Cleo – haven’t we all spent long time with people we should have not taken so long with? Whether it is girlfriends, SBs, business partners, or so-called friends…..we do it.

  185. cleo says:

    (for the record i’ve spent long swaths of time with men i should have left, totally not immune to this!)

  186. cleo says:

    WC SD i think i prefer your kind of sb or at least that’s the kind i want to be. the only time paying my rent has ever been an issue was the time i failed to get lost wages for a mid week trip. i will negotiate more smartly next time, but even then it’s my fault right?

    i want to swoon over anything i do with my sd, whether it’s dinner out or an adventure or shopping or just hanging out together on a couch with popcorn and a movie… if i’m not swooning i really believe we’re not right for each other.

    i mean after all we should like each other right? it’s just hard to straight up look an SD in the face and say “i need xxx even though you have given zzz which is awesome” – as far as i can tell, most of you want to give what you want to give…

  187. WCSD says:

    I would also say that I prefer the independant SB who isn’t scraping by, and will be homeless without the allowance, but I disagree with Michael that we don’t like to be a ‘White Knight’.

    I think being that special person who you can make happy with a gift/allowance (being the White Knight) gives most SDs (ok, me anyway) a big rush. Sure I’d rather it be her swooning because we are going skiing in Whistler, or taking a trip to Cabo, or getting those shoes she wants, or paying off her student loan a little faster, etc. vs. food on the table, rent, cell bill, etc. but it is still a ‘gift’ that only I can provide. And that ‘White Knight’ syndrome is pretty addictive. Now all of us SDs have gotten caught in the drama of being the White Knight when we need to be ‘the heartless bastard and get out of this crazy relationship’.

  188. Bela says:

    So true DW

  189. Dandelion Wine says:

    BTW, I am not criticizing Michael, I have my own fair share of bad calls. All the heartbreak that ever was came from people I really really like(d) despite their shortcomings. People whom you don’t really really like can’t hurt your feelings.

  190. Lily says:

    I can’t wait for the 2nd half of February!!

  191. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lily, I’m not saying that he isn’t. But if she is not sticking to the arrangement THAT is the main point in this context, not her history and not her spending habits. Michael gets with these airheaded women because I imagine they are more spontaneous and exciting and make him feel more alive. Unfortunately one of the unpleasant side effects of such spontaneous exciting personality is wastefulness with money and impulsive behaviors. Acting all surprised and turned off about it is like getting on a rollercoaster ride an then whining that your perfect hairstyle is ruined.
    Besides, we all remember how bored he was with the “perfect (but boring) SB”.
    I don’t see a problem with him ending the arrangement, I see the problem with him rationalizing it into looking like he got mistreated somehow.

  192. Bela says:

    Regarding Christina’s Anthem: Very sour. I don’t know who her so-called friends are, but that hair has got to go!

  193. LASB says:

    Lily – What ever happened to your blog? Do you still have it?

  194. Lily says:

    GOD, sugar is *sweet*……

  195. Lily says:

    I wanna go to Vegas !

  196. Bela says:

    lol exactly

  197. Jessie says:

    @Bela – I can just see it now…”Your honor he led me to believe that I could take advantage of him…forever” Or, “Your honor, he said that dreaded word…no…twice.” :)

  198. Bela says:

    Alleycat – You make a very good point regarding the traveling expenses. Good luck today. I hope all goes well for the two of you. Be careful though! I worry about her (alleged) tendency to resort to legal action when things don’t go her way.

  199. Enigma SD says:

    RTB — indeed, it appears we have made it past the dreaded 3 month curse, but not without some struggles. I actually feel better about our potential longevity now than I did at the start… go figure.

  200. Michael Alleycat says:

    Afternoon all. Am meeting my SB this afternoon to have a heart to heart with her.

    LASB hoped that I wasn’t feeling attacked – not at all!! I am in a situation that I don’t like, and I came here to ask for comments and feedback about it. Most of the comments were great, some of them quite pointed, but none to take offense at, or feel attacked by. There are a lot of very smart people with a lot of life experience. That’s why I asked.

    Re White Knight – I hate it. I generally keep away from enquiring about someone’s financial status, but make it clear during discussion that this is meant to be something extra, and should not be their main income. My previous #2 (the hospice nurse, and she is still contacting me!) earned $75k+, the Canadienne psych earned the same, my ex-#3 from LA earned $100k the previous year. I keep AWAY from financial drama, I get really twitchy about it.

    Self-sufficiency & independence are very attractive attributes in anyone!!! and I steer clear from anyone from has is not self-sufficient or independent, in sugar, IRL dating and my friends.

    To answer the question above, the allowance is not predicated on the SBs income – it is totally unrelated. I set up an allowance, depending what we negotiate together.

    Another quick point – it may seem that I have paid out extra to the SB, and I am getting milked, getting her set up. On the flip side, we have not done any trips together. A single night for both of us in Vegas would cost $3k or more if you look at airfares, hotel, show, dinner, drinks, gambling, shopping, and that’s a quiet evening.

  201. Bela says:

    Spray paint is way too much fun :) Actually most any paint!

  202. Bela says:

    I think in many of us (men and women alike) there is a natural desire to feel needed/wanted. For women, they call it maternal or nurturing. For men, it’s called being supportive or protective. We like to think that the other person relies on us for something. Honestly, I love when a man looks at me and I know that I give him pleasure and his happiness is, in part, because of me. It makes sense up to a point.

  203. Arcadia SB says:

    Though I must say the “wear something people hate to get new stuff” has been a very successful trick for me. When I’m not working in an office or out somewhere nice I generally dress like the mid-20’s psuedo-hippie artist that I am…sure I bought the jeans when I was 15, but they still fit…and I really love sarcastic/artsy tshirts…my mom HATES how I dress, so she started taking me to macys or banana republic for clothes once a year…she still does it :) So I guess you could say I do have a “Sugar Momma” and a closet full of nice clothes I’ve accumulated.

    It’s funny I love dressing up, but when you’re playing with art supplies and hardware all day there’s no reason to look nice. I think my mom figures if she keeps slipping me a nice blouse occasionally I won’t show up to her house covered in wood chips, spray paint, and who knows what else :)

  204. Arcadia SB says:

    I think the blog attracts the strong, independent, intelligent ladies who aren’t dependent on an allowance. My last SD (ok, only) told me the stories about his past SBs and they were all “I need $500 tomorrow or I can’t pay my rent and I’ll be evicted” or something along those lines. I’m more of a “I would really like a burberry purse because I would never buy one for myself” and allowance helps me pay down my debt from being an undergrad faster.

    However, I suspect that since I am independent it gives an SD the ability to not feel as … hmm… committed? not quite the word I want, but close. EG: if I don’t desperately need my allowance I might have to ask for it or remind him.

    My last SD gave significant sums above the allowance to his former SBs (to hear him tell it) to “rescue” them, but I just got my allowance (which is great, I’m happy with that, I don’t ask for more than what we agreed upon, once I did get a present to replace something I had that he didn’t like). However, if I couldn’t pay my rent I would have gotten another $500 or $1000 dollars a month. I’m never going to be in that situation.

    It doesn’t bother me other than to wonder why guys would keep getting in that situation. I mean, I’m notorious for dating major losers IRL…so I guess it makes sense…oh well, rambling now. I think the white knight complex is a major factor for SDs though….it makes an SB “more attractive” in some way, even though their mind says “BAD IDEA”

  205. Bela says:

    Right now, I have my eye on an amazing exercise bike that I could convince myself enough into thinking I “need” it. lol

  206. NYC SB says:

    I say “I don’t need to be with a man with whom the relationship has no potential of having any future” or if he is really being a dbag then I say “I don’t need to be with someone who is old enough to be my dad” yup… Bitchy :)

  207. Sara says:

    @ Cleo- I am pretty sure we need to stick Carebear in the list of self sufficient ladies who just really like shoes. 😉

  208. Sara says:

    @ Bela – I like your out look. I always counter it with, “Well no, I do not NEED an allowance, but imagine how much more successful I could be if I had one?”

  209. Reach the Beach SB says:

    GenuineSD – If Godiva chocolates were a controlled substance, you would see this addicted lady on Intervention! Had some with my coffee this morning!

  210. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Enigma SD – Communication helped you and your SB get to a comfortable point. It takes two to make sugar fantastic and it sounds like you have found that balance. You two may have passed the three month curse if I remember correctly! She was very good at putting things into perspective by relating sugar to having a second job…but I’m sure she enjoys the benefits of sugar more than any job could provide :-)

    There is something to be said for feeling the pressure to be an SBs sole provider. It no longer feels like sugar, but more like marriage. There are the few occasions where I have heard of offers to become a sole provider, but they usually have many strings attached and is typically accompanied by a very controlling SD. In a Dom/ Sub scenario, that may be a win-win for both parties…all depends on what you want.

    Bela- I’m RTB and I’m addicted to this blog! Just next the ones who question you…not every potential is a good potential.

    Cleo- we are the rare gems who are self-sufficient, seek to learn, please others, and stand up for ourselves! It’s wonderful that we can take different scenarios and turn them into learning experiences though. Now that I am less self-sufficient than before, I have learned to 1) accept help when it is typically an impossible thing for me to do and 2) continue to maintain the balance that keeps it so sweet.

  211. Bela says:

    lol I was hoping for something a little more diplomatic than what I used, so yours is better :)

  212. Enigma SD says:

    Hi Bela — I wasn’t answering your question when I posted my comment above, but I like Lily’s viewpoint on the situation and would respond along the lines…. if you want an SB, then you are going to have to become an SD. That is how it works. I liked your response also though :)

  213. Bela says:

    That makes sense, but what do you say when you don’t require a second job? When the pot says, “Well, I don’t see the point of an allowance when you don’t even need it.” I countered with, “you don’t need this relationship, but here we are.” I know I just sounded like a bitter, gold-digger, but it was the truth. lol That’s mainly why I’ve paused the search for now.

  214. Enigma SD says:

    Sara – I prefer SBs who don’t need my money to get by – there is a lot less pressure on the arrangement then. It also makes me feel like they aren’t seeing me for the money alone. I have to admit that sometimes I don’t like being an SD. I actually had a long conversation with my SB about money, both of our relationship desires, etc. I found it quite comforting when she said, “plain and simple, if you don’t provide me with an allowance, it is unlikely that I will have time to see you, because I would need to find a second job.” It gave me a new perspective on the allowance.

  215. Bela says:

    I find these convos so intriguing. More reason I’m so addicted to this damn blog 😉 I haven’t even been searching for an SD, but I still enjoy reading.

  216. GenuineSD says:

    @ Cleo – Good points…. and agreed !

    and to Michael, I *do* hope you feel the support from all here…. It’s hard when sugar goes bad, for all concerned and we genuinely wish for your happiness…

  217. cleo says:

    reach the beach i would never treat a man that way either, that said, men like alleycat don’t date sb’s like me. i agree that she isn’t a reasonable partner i really do, that said, he has to some extent set himself up for this.

    you, sara, me, lasb, nyc sb, etc are not the “norm” in the sugar bowl with our pride and our self sufficiency… are we?

    i hope he doesn’t feel attacked, i was referring at least as much to my own situation as his!

  218. GenuineSD says:

    I agree with Enigma and RTB, et al.. Being a gentleman carries with it a degree of civility and respect for everyone’s need for closure. A conversation to end it and some explanation provide that. That’s the respectful thing to do… Even if the reason is that reason is diplomatically phrased or is a bit nebulous, at least there is the respectful goodbye….

    Regarding the non-allowance SD discussion… I find it odd that someone would refuse to provide an allowance just because the SB isn’t in serious need…. I don’t doubt that it occurs, it’s just that allowance can improve *everyones* condition and therefore I don’t think it’s “need based” whether it be paying off student loans or buying the child braces, or getting a new pair of shoes… it’s all of benefit and who am I to judge ?
    My approach has always been that, once given, allowance is NSA just like everything else…. unless I became aware that it was causing harm (e.g. funding a substance abuse problem) I don’t concern myself with the way it’s being used or why. (BTW, I exempt Godiva from the subdtance abuse list…)

    @ Sara: I agree with you – In a similar vein I wouldn’t ever question a ladies reason for wanting a sugar relationship any more than I would wnay my reasons questioned. It is, what it is.

  219. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Cleo – I see your frustration with the situation. However, even as a spouse, girlfriend, casual lover, I would never treat my man that way! I doubt you would either! Mistakes were made on both sides and that has been made eminently clear and Michael has taken everyone’s constructive criticism without excuses. IMHO – she’s not a reasonable partner regardless of the circumstances in which they met.

    We are always going to meet people who try to change the rules here and in life. It sucks when a man calls you a prostitute because you are asking for an allowance. It sucks when a woman uses a man as a walking ATM because he is a nice guy. It gets confusing when men and women use SA as a dating site, however SM can cause some distorted views. We can try to guide the new people to screen properly or to have a more appropriate view of an arrangement, but other than that, we have to just let some things go. We may not always agree, but all we can do is provide the constructive feedback when asked.

  220. cleo says:

    reach i’m not saying alleycat’s sb is a victim, i am saying that he himself has blurred the lines from basically the first day and thus it is easier to understand how she might then act less than appropriately as an sb. i mean i gotta admit if a man introduces me to all his friends on the second date and introduces me to his kid and meets mine?

    i might think of him as ‘more’ than ‘just an sd’

    that said, she is definitely asking for too much and failing to take care of herself… that said, perhaps the inability to care for herself is what he ultimately found attractive about her

    i know that i am told somewhat regularly that i am intimidatingly self sufficient and most of the sd’s that contact me seem to want to date me rather than sugar date me. which, really frustrating for me but what am i to do about that?

    i agree with lily, most of the men who contact me want to date a sugar baby but they don’t want to think of themselves as sd’s

    “i am not an sd, i just like to take care of my girl” – um, so what are you doing on SEEKING ARRANGEMENT???

  221. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Sara – Yes, you are right. It’ would take twice as long without sugar. However, it does provide a certain amount of validation that helps a man overcome the stigma of providing an allowance. There is a great deal of pride when men provide an allowance and personally, I think it’s up to us to “steward” that relationship properly. Not to bring up the exhausted conversation of sex for money, some people think in very black and white terms and old perceptions are hard to overcome. If he thinks he is truly improving your quality of life defined by both of you, then it’s a win-win. I do know of men who enjoy buying jewelry, nice shoes, etc because it makes their lady happy. However, even that should have a balance. Most of these men work very hard for their income and prefer to see it used responsibly.

  222. Sara says:

    @ Reach the Beach- we are in similar situations. I could USE the help with student loans, grad school tuition, saving for my future, etc. But i don’t NEED it, and neither do you. Worst case scenario, you have been mature enough to plan for yourself and while it might be less fun to only buy essentials until you are in a better financial place, it isn’t out of the question. Correct me if I am wrong, but if you had no man there you would still be ok, correct? I get annoyed when they want women who want to be saved.

  223. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Sara, NYC SB, et al – I’m typically a financially-independent lady, but I also need to catch up on securing retirement/ reducing my student loan obligations. I’ve had a few men who didn’t want to pay an allowance, but I don’t think it was because they felt I didn’t need it, but because it was something they weren’t comfortable doing. I just move on and haven’t really had any issues meeting great, amazing, wonderful, generous SDs who understand my goals and want to help me provide a great future for my family and move ahead in my career. I realize how lucky I am, but I’m certainly not the only one!

  224. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Good morning sugars!

    Enigma SD – I agree wholeheartedly. A gentleman would provide some sort of constructive explanation and some would go so far as to have a pre-arranged exit clause or some sort of nice way to end an arrangement before it even starts. That said, I personally believe that because this is sugar, drama should be kept to a minimum on both fronts. Excuses, drawn-out explanations that can be insulting, ranting texts and the like are typically not constructive. It’s likely that the end is irrevocable, so why fight? There’s a certain level of respect that I would hope to receive from, and extend to, my SD. If I’m not holding up my end of the arrangement, it will not come as a surprise that he does not want to continue…no explanation needed…nobody to blame but myself. I’m sure Michael’s SB is aware she has gone past sugar, but continues to push anyway. I don’t see her as a victim. As far as the gray area b/w sugar and relationships…we are adults here. Everyone has their level of tolerance and learning curves. Usually an arrangement has it’s fair share of mistakes on both sides…nobody is perfect, but some are very close! :-)

  225. Sara says:

    I agree with NYCSB (and everyone else who also faces this problem). I find that the thing many SD’s find attractive about me, becomes a problem.

    Let’s face it, I have 3 bachelors, a job, I am in grad school and have plenty of future opportunities. I am financially sound and I don’t make poor financial decisions (i.e. not using credit cards or spending beyond my means). I don’t need to be saved, and quite frankly, I never will need to be saved. If anyone is going to “save me” it is going to be my parents, not a man who may or may not be married and may or may not have told me his real name.

    Many SD’s have told me they love how intelligent and independent I am. So when the question comes up about why I would want or need an SD, it becomes an issue. How exactly do I say I just want one? Or I like shoes…..a lot. Without sounding like a spoiled brat?

    Usually I explain that the money isn’t the only aspect of sugar I enjoy. I like it being light and fun. I like that it does not take a ridiculous amount of my time. I like that if I get busy and don’t call for a week no one gets upset. I like that it is a stripped down form of dating, where the focus is on pleasure (conversation, good food, shopping, sex) and there is zero focus on drama and long term things.

    I know I am blessed to have had some good luck in life, loving parents who helped me through college and some very generous SD’s. But I also know that I have a good head on my shoulders (as do many of the other SB’s on this site) and I hate that that becomes a flaw. At the end of the day, yes I would love some white shining knight to swoop down and pay off my student loans, but if he never shows up, I know I will be perfectly capable of paying them myself. I guess sugar is equal opportunity, some men enjoy the damsel in distress, and I hope some men like the girl who can take care of herself too.

  226. Enigma SD says:

    RTB — I guess either party can end it at any time and without any reason given. Just like, either party can stop replying to communications, or not show up for dates, or send a text message saying “bye, nice knowing you”, etc. IMHO, just because it is NSA doesn’t mean there isn’t a certain level of civility required. Closure is good for mental health, and different people require different levels of closure, which can include a reason for the ending. Ending ANY type of relationship is delicate. I just try to treat people the way I would like to be treated in this situation. If there has been a multi-month relationship with intimacy, I think a conversation is appropriate.

  227. Bela says:

    Good Morning!!

    I had an SD with the “White Knight” Syndrome. Because of him, I learned how to become my own “White Knight.” 

    On the flipside though, I come across exactly what NYC SB was saying. The SD’s I meet now feel that an allowance is not an option. I would have thought that having a drama-free SB at a lower allowance would be preferable to one who has a crappy credit score and a mountain of bills.

  228. Cecile says:

    I’m with Lily, DW, the issue is not that Michael’s SD has ‘fallen on hard times’, it’s how she’s handling her tumble. Rather than cutting back to cover her bases, she’s getting him to cover her bases so that she can continue to live lavishly. He’s already rushed to her aid more than enough times. He’s going above and beyond his end of the arrangement, while she’s heavily slacking on her end. Kids on a SD/SB date? Way out of line. An SB with children should always have a handful of reliable back up sitters on hand.
    Time to move on to some more responsible, considerate sugar.

  229. Lily says:

    Michael’s a sweetie, DW, don’t be so hard on him. His SB is not sticking to the arrangement and deserves to be dropped if she doesn’t shape up, quick-like. Full stop.

  230. LASB says:

    Ok, I was supposed to be in lurk mode. I’m not doing a very good job. I suppose I should go get a life about now. :)

  231. LASB says:

    Lils!!! Babe, how are you?!

    “…wanna date SBs but do not actually wanna be SDs”

    Boy oh boy, does that sum it up!!!!

  232. Lily says:

    There’s somebody for everybody.
    If a gentleman wants to sugar date women ‘in need’ of financial assistance, he has the right to pursue that dream.
    There are TONS of SDs who will ‘next’ you precisely because of any financial ‘need,’ and do not feel comfortable getting entangled with the drama of an SB who is *not* doing fine on her own.
    I would argue that far more SDs prefer the self-sufficient SD who wants but doesn’t need sugar, than those who prefer to date needy charity cases.

    Keep in mind, some men may just not be generous or interested in paying an allowance, and they may use your financial security as an excuse to skip it, while remaining in the sugarbowl, as we all know so many do (wanna date SBs but do not actually wanna be SDs).

  233. LASB says:

    NYC SB – Funny, I was gonna hit you up privately on that one, since I figure you’ve experienced the same. Annoying!

  234. NYC SB says:

    Lasb – most sds feel that if you are doing fine on your own you are somehow unworthy of an allowance… I honestly hate dealing with that.

  235. Msdiiva says:

    @ Mademoiselle eh how do I send it to you lol I don’t want to blast my e-mail on here..

  236. LASB says:

    I have a question for the SDs. Do you typically only give allowances to SBs who display some sort of need? Have you ever had an SB who was doing fine on her own, but you just wanted to spoil her and/or give her an allowance anyhow?

  237. LASB says:

    Cleo, I’m with you. Not only is my phone off, but you can’t even leave a voicemail. I decided that voicemail is a big waste of time. Ok, there’s one on my business line, but everyone else can email or sms.

    Michael – You and the other blog daddies are very kind and chivalrous. I hope you don’t feel like we’re attacking you. I think most on here just want to protect you, and hate to see you getting taken advantage of.

  238. Kindred Spirit says:

    @ MissmilanDC~ I read your sugar experience from the last blog and am very impressed with what I’d define as a real gentleman in how he treated you! He made sure you’d feel comfortable with everything. The whole “meeting as friends first”, the gift card with no expectations upon the first meet, giving you your own room and space, just…wow all of it. That’s the very experience I’ve always dreamed of!! You are so lucky and I’m very happy for you (ok and naturally a little envious, lol).

    I wonder…is that typical with what sugar is about, coming from an SD? I mean…of course shown in his own unique way, but still. Can sugar really be that sweet??

    *Feeling dreamy and wistful* :)

  239. ARCTIC SD says:

    The White Knight complex is a gift bestowed upon some small minority of men but they must all understand that it is a gift which can be both a blessing as well as a curse.

    To all those fellow SDs who are blessed with this gift, please use it wisely as it is only YOU who has the power to give or to withhold.

  240. cleo says:

    reach the beach: i think we all appreciate how sweet micheal or many of the men here can be; that said, alleycat has some common themes just like all of us do and some people are commenting on that.

    i have seen first hand how wonderful a white knight complex can be for the girl on the receiving end but alleycat, at least, is making himself available to people who are not necessarily earning the niceness they’re getting…

  241. Kindred Spirit says:

    Reach The Beach SB~ So looking forward to meeting one of these wonderful SDs someday! The men who blog on here help remind me they are out there…. Lot of frogs to meet/kiss first, just like in any type of dating! 😀

  242. cleo says:

    DW: my ringer wouldn’t even have been ON at that hour let alone replying to calls!

    • Reach The Beach SB says:

      My phone is always on, but I rarely have to bail my friends out of difficult situations. I know that if I had a flat tire, I can call AAA…but it may be an hour or two before they arrive. I know it’s wonderful that any of our guys on the blog would be there to help any of us at a moment’s notice if it’s within their power. Why would we punish them for being so sweet. The only unfortunate thing is that they get taken advantage of by women who have no appreciation for how wonderful these guys are. Give ‘em a break already :-)

  243. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, therein lies your problem – why in the world would you even answer your phone at 8 am unless it’s business? I personally would let it go through to voicemail, then call 3-4 hours later “oh hai, I noticed you called, do you still need help with gas?”

  244. Michael Alleycat says:

    oh and plus the monthly allowance.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Michael

      I understand the issues you’re facing. If the issues weren’t clear to others before then it should be pretty clear now. Been there done that and never again. I feel your pain!! 😥

  245. Michael Alleycat says:

    @SD Guru – I am walking with my nephew and his girlfriend, I climbed Kili with him 4-5 years ago. Their schedule perfectly aligned with a long school trip my daughter is taking. They are also going on a tiger spotting trip afterwards. Just the timing that worked for everybody, and yes it will be dry, but cold. -15C at night, +5 daytime as we get close to base camp.

    @DW – I am not concerned about the $160 for the cell phone, nor the $600 to get the utilities turned on, not the $500 for utility deposit, nor the security deposit for her rented house, nor being asked for $1k for the deposit on her car (which was based on her buying a different & cheaper car) nor being called at 8am “I’ve run out of gas in my 2009 Merc and I have no money” etc etc etc.

    This is not a 2 month itch problem, this is a “she prefers to buy a nice car, but does not have money to put food on the table for her kids” problem. And is looking to me to solve it for her, which I am not going to do. Her problem, not mine.

    Anyway, next subject.

  246. SoNJSugar says:

    @Michael It seems to me that she also has some issues with spending, amongst other things.

  247. SA Email Exchange says:

    LASB – Your e-mail has been sent to Arcadia SB

  248. Lisa says:

    lol I did the dirtsearch thing and my score was 16. Most of the info was about someone by the same name. If it is me, then I have unpaid property taxes in the the uppper left corner of Texas (i’ve never even been there and have never owned property), a facebook page comes up for me and I live in the middle east ( not surprising as I have a middle eastern last name). the only legit thing that comes up is my address history and age and all. Also links my ex husband of 18 years as a relative (well not in a long time).
    Those searches are interesting but you can’t judge a person on the results as much is outdated and matched due to similiar names.

  249. mademoiselle says:

    @Msdiiva send me your email address, i’ll email you :)

  250. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Does a man/ woman need an excuse to end a sugar arrangement? As Cleo pointed out, there are plenty of reasons, but do any of them matter. It’s true in real relationships as well. If one party is unhappy, there is no need to move forward. I know this simplifies it dramatically, but all a reason does is place blame which is hurtful and unnecessary (and sometimes misplaced).

    Sara – Congrats! Celebrate! Woo Hoo!

  251. LASB says:

    Hi Bloggers! Just lurking. Today’s discussion is great! A lot of good content. Had a pot date yesterday. It was lukewarm. Cute and nice, but maybe too boring.

    Michael – I agree with a lot of what has been said here on both sides of the coin, but in the end, NSA means you can walk away any time for any reason. If that was what your agreement was, then I think it’s ok if that’s what you want to do.

    Guru — The weather on Everest is supposed to be nice this time of year. From what I understand that region has monsoon season and dry season, and monsoon season starts in July. At least on the Tibet side, they say December through April are good months to go, and that December is not much colder than in the spring months.

    Blog Gods, (or anyone else with my email address) feel free to hook Arcadia up with my email.

  252. MissmilanDC says:

    Happy Tuesday …
    @care bear….you asked me in the last blog if his name started with an “A”… And it does :)

  253. Lily says:

    You actually are on fire, girl!!!

    I don’t mind you spilling my story re: sparkling water. :)

    It’s hilarious to me, every time, to
    Imagine sugar dating with concern for the price of sparkling water when going out together….

  254. cleo says:

    jessie: i am? funny i thought i was just commenting on the topic! lol

  255. Jessie says:

    @Enigma – You answered both Cleo’s comments/questions as well as Genuine’s qestions based on your scenario. Both you and your sb want out because of a “sticky situation.” She, however, will have a much harder time finding another sd, and therefore will be more inclined to overlook/live with the situation for much longer. While you, if your date had worked out okay last night, would probably already be on your way to another relationship.

    BTW, Cleo, girl are you on fire or what? *said with a huge grin on my face*

    @Sara – congrats!! You’re really living up to the title of your blog aren’t ya :)

  256. cleo says:

    guru one of my sugar friends and i came up with the term A+ SD to define the ones who don’t make you ask for your allowance, who do remember to pay your cab fare to the airport even if they don’t see you pay it, who send you random gifts just because and who like and respect you and don’t run for the hills at the first sign of trouble

    but very few SDs are A+ so for most sb’s the questions is more “do i take this B- SD and enjoy it for what it’s worth or do i stick to my sugar free life?”

    it’s really not an easy question for her now is it? i mean as micheal has so aptly demonstrated there is ALWAYS another sb willing to put up with the vagaries of an SD…

  257. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, then her godfather felt she was trustworthy enough and should have that car, in which case it is really none of your business :) it’s not like she asked you to co-sign.
    If the extra $100 or however much her cellphone bill is stresses you out so much, just say no. You can also say “I’m sorry, but all this feelings stuff makes me uncomfortable and confused, let’s not change anything”. If you are having your 2 month itch again just admit it and split, that will make you more of a gentleman than trying to manipulate the situation and make it look like it’s her fault you don’t want to stay in an arrangement.

  258. Sara says:

    P.S. Guess who just got into grad school and the Leadership program? Only 50 students get into it.

  259. Sara says:

    Am I the only one that does not think it is a problem that Michael is looking for an excuse to leave the arrangement? Yes, I get the feeling he has a tendency to do this, but sugar is easy come easy go, so If he is no longer happy, than thats it. If she is as pretty and smart as he says, she will bounce back quickly.

    @ Michael – I don’t know if I didn’t read it all clearly or what, but it DOES sound like things have changed. Especially with the bringing the kids to sugar dates, etc. Do what you got to do doll.

    I would suggest offering to remain friends, but I have heard horror stories of SD’s getting calls every once and while from on old SB’s, coming out of the woodwork, desperate for $200 to cover their electric bill.

  260. Enigma SD says:

    OK Michael — that makes sense then. Just to come clean, I have been in the position of looking for excuses to end things…. that is probably why I had that perception :)

  261. SA Email Exchange says:

    Arcadia – Are there any sugars in particular you would like to hear from?

  262. @DW – the allowance has not changed, but I did pay her phone bill yesterday. Am not looking to split this up, just want to get rid of the “I miss you, I need your help” conversations and get it back to where it should be. That will be the conversation with her.

    @Enigma – just discovered dirtseach 2 weeks ago, that is when all this started unravelling.

  263. Arcadia SB says:

    Randomly interrupting the topic at hand (because I haven’t managed to read down that far yet today) I have a question I would like to pose to the group, but not so publically as on the blog. I don’t mind which sugars respond (SB’s or SDs) and realized I basically don’t have anyone’s e-mail address, except guru’s, which might be all I need :) …would any sage advice givers shoot their e-mail address my way (or have the blog gods do it). I would appreciate it. Hope everyone is having a fabulous tuesday, it’s snowy in KY.

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      Playing hooky from work… And being rewarded with sushi! Guru – sometimes bad behavior is rewarded :p

      No taunting the Guru with sushi… unless you’re going to feed him some! :mrgreen:

      @Cleo
      none of those are deal breakers if you have a good sd, they’re things you put up with right?

      Actually, no. If a SD can’t be reliable with the allowance and isn’t holding up his end of the arrangement, then he is not a good SD.

      @Sara
      what if you rewarded GOOD behavior?

      By being reliable and living up to his end of the arrangement, as well as doing the little thing to make a SB’s life easier, a SD is in effect rewarding good behavior.

      @Michael
      SD Guru – yep, let’s have that dinner towards the end of March, I will be back from Nepal by then.

      I take no pleasure in foreseeing the outcome, but I’m looking forward to that steak dinner! You’ll probably have a new #1 by then, so I’ll bring my SB along to meet her. 😛

      Nepal is a good place to clear your head and re-assess your priorities in life. But I’m not sure why you chose to go there now instead of during the calmer and warmer summer months.

      They are actually good rules to follow at school and in the playground.

      And you wonder where I got the inspiration for those rules from… Which makes you wonder, is dealing with immature SD and SB’s kind of like dealing with kids? 😆

  264. Enigma SD says:

    Hi all – know it is a little late but I agree with SD Guru on this. Also, as RTB somewhat suggested, the time to do the dirtsearch is when the arrangement is in the screening process, not after you have been in an arrangement for a while. To me, that looks like you are digging for excuses/rationalizations for ending it.

    I had a good date with my SB this weekend. We hit a rough patch, and we were both looking but still seeing each other. She took her profile down Monday. I had a date last night with someone that I contacted during the rough spot. She had nice pics, but no body shots. She listed her body type is “average,” but when she showed up, she was 5′ 5″ and about 200 pounds on a normally small frame. I was cordial at dinner, but didn’t express any interest. When I got back to my hotel, I deleted my profile also. Some times an unpleasant reminder can be good!

  265. Michael Alleycat says:

    @DW – she got her godfather to co-sign on the loan.

    Yep, I obviously made the mistake of breaking down the boundaries, in the mistaken view that it would lead to a better understanding and appreciation of each other. No more.

  266. Bela says:

    AWWW I ran mine and forgot that I have the same name as a minor celebrity. I’m so boring. :(

  267. Reach the Beach SB says:

    I ran my own name on dirtsearch and found out I’m supposedly on the local most wanted list! There goes my dirty, little secret! (Actually it’s true, just not for anything illegal :-) )

  268. NYC SB says:

    Playing hooky from work… And being rewarded with sushi! Guru – sometimes bad behavior is rewarded :p

  269. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Awwwww….I’m so lucky! Godiva baby!

  270. Dandelion Wine says:

    Michael, are you having to provide more allowance or you are just trying to find a good reason to split and feel good about it?
    I don’t see how her situation affects you.
    You can politely let her know that you are happy with the arrangement the way it is and not looking for a renegotiation.
    Sounds like you confused her into getting all emotional by breaking down the boundaries and introducing her to your kid and she has this expectation that you would go an extra mile for someone you like enough to be mixing your life with, vs. a playmate.
    BTW unless she has a very unique name, dirt search may have turned up someone else, I mean how would she get approved for another car if her credit shows repossessions and collections?

  271. Beach Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!
    Another day, Another snow storm here… will it ever end!!! I can’t take it anymore!

    Cleo~ Hope you are well
    RTB~ I will hold you to that invite 😀 this snow is making me crazy!

    Hope everyone has a great day!!!

  272. cleo says:

    michael: maybe if you took longer to introduce your sb to your friends/family/daughter(!!) that would allow a slightly less soft boundary. i mean if she meets yours why can’t hers come along… oh look he’s my boyfriend…

  273. Michael Alleycat says:

    @SD Guru – yep, let’s have that dinner towards the end of March, I will be back from Nepal by then.

  274. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Sara – exactly the point, it flipped from wanting the allowance to needing the allowance, and she was not backwards in pointing out her situation. And the whole txting thing yesterday was not the best thing. It’s at a point now where I have lost respect for her. Lost respect = lost attraction. I do enjoy the time with her, but a week ago for our scheduled dinner she turned up with 2 of her kids. Baby sitter problem. Great kids, but ummmm, no, this is not how it is meant to work.

    @SD Guru – ok, I got it. No big $ upfront, no soft boundaries. I think she wanted me to be her bf, and was trying to move me into that direction, with not much subtlety. I actually have your 3 rules up out fridge, as guidance and discussion with my 12 y.o. daughter. And me as well I guess, huh. They are actually good rules to follow at school and in the playground. I’ll have to add the fourth rule.

    @Jessie – “So basically nothing from an arrangement standpoint has changed” – Well, as far as I am concerned, it has basically changed. We had discussed the ground rules right from the start. Michael’s 3 Rules – no drama, no aggravation, let’s just go and have a good time. Getting a txt at 8pm saying her license is suspended, cannot get her mail, and someone’s been using her bankcard is definitely drama and aggravation.

    @GenuineSD – I will have to do better screening, I know.

    @RTB – I just found out about dirtsearch.org a couple of weeks ago, someone here on the blog mentioned it.

    Thanks for everyone’s comments, appreciate the feedback.

  275. cleo says:

    (i hope no one minds me using their stories as examples, i’m pretty sure they were all told on the blog…)

  276. cleo says:

    @Cleo. A really interesting discussion kernel in there. I may be naive, but it does trouble me to think of my SB actually looking at the arrangement as part “saccharin” and sort of suffering along in silence out of need for the allowance. I understand the need and desire to overlook the small things or keep it light and simple, etc…. But how common is it for an SB to really be “putting up with” an SD because of allowance concerns? Does the scarcity of SDs create actresses ? Or is it really just a case of understanding that you bring your sugar personna when you meet your SD ?

    well i can’t answer how common it is because i don’t know, but i can tell you that i know a few sb’s who have discussed concerns like this. say (for example)

    – he’s always late with the allowance
    – he doesn’t reimburse your hotel costs when a booking error forced you into another hotel than his
    – you always have to ask for the allowance
    – he gives you generous gifts but doesn’t want to give you an allowance at all
    – he says he’ll pay for something and then forgets
    – he is happy to fly you to him for a first meet but not to pay lost wages because he wants you to also “have some skin in the game”
    – etc

    none of those are deal breakers if you have a good sd, they’re things you put up with right? how are you supposed to approach him to talk about any of those sorts of things, all of them make you seem ungrateful when really you’re now screwed to pay your bills.

    these are totally different from putting up with weird personality or bedroom quirks… those are where the ‘sugary personality’ come in. i think most of us strive to genuinely like our sd’s and i think when we don’t that that is another way the three month curse hits. if you don’t really like someone you can’t fake it for long can you?

    most sb’s, especially in newer arrangements, really are stuck between a rock and a hard place if they have a problem. we’ve all read the tales of girls dumped on the second or fourth date for something lame or silly… heck lily lost one because she loves sparkling water and he thought that was financially wasteful!
    .
    michael: i agree with jessie. get out of her finances, get out of her ‘life’ and start treating her like an sb. as an sb she’s perfect now isn’t she?

  277. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Sara – Good ideas with rewarding positive behavior! Nice suggestion!

  278. Gail says:

    Michael~Is your heart swimming with emotion? I sometimes tend to think with my heart, and love with my mind. I have found it works better the opposite way.

    You have been a great SD : ) What every you decide I wish you the best…in the end it will all work out!

  279. Sara says:

    @ Michael – as an SB, I have always prided myself on WANTING an allowance, not NEEDING it. It ruins the experience for both parties. If she is solely concerned with her finances and taking care of her children, she may ignore aspects of the arrangement SHE isn’t happy with, because she can’t afford to walk away and if you are too concerned with her financial well being, you may also ignore warning signs that you are no longer happy. In addition to that, the stress of this whole situation is an added dissatisfaction in itself.

    I agree with NYCSB, if she is still a good SB and you enjoy your time with her, than just continue and enjoy, but be VERY clear that nothing will change because of her situation. Meaning, if you find yourself in a position where you would walk away under normal circumstances, than you are still going to walk away now, and that if she finds herself in an even LESS favorable financial situation than now, than you are not going to bail her out.

    An interesting thought on Guru’s rules “Don’t reward bad behavior”, what if you rewarded GOOD behavior? Like if she gets a few interviews, buy her a new interview outfit. Or if she lands a job, take her somewhere nice for a weekend getaway, etc. A. It is positive reinforcement, B. It is better for bother parties if she gets rewarded for something good she did and not given things out of pity. Rewards are always better feeling than charity.

  280. Bela says:

    De-lurking alert!!!

    NYC SB – I don’t think it’s bitchy (although maybe I’m just bitchy, too. hmmmmm)

    Aussie Alleycat – I really hate that this is going on for you, but I agree with Genuine SD and NYC SB. Whatever her situation, if the actual relationship remains good, that’s the important part. Of course, it doesn’t sound like this is the case. You noted her tendency to make poor decisions a while ago, and she hasn’t shown much improvement. Her children, of course, will suffer for her choices, but that is her responsibility. Not yours. The main reason you feel conflicted is because you’re a good father and you would hate to imagine your daughter having to put up with adult b.s. Good luck baby!

  281. Jessie says:

    @ Alleycat – This says it all. “My #1 and I are getting along well, dinners are great, private time is great, arrangement is well structured and going well blah blah blah.”

    If your relationship was ONLY sugar, and TRULY NSA as both Lily and NYC SB said you’d have absolutely no problem. You haven’t increased the allowance, and I didn’t hear you mention that she even asked you to. So basically nothing from an arrangement standpoint has changed.

  282. Moon Patrol says:

    Take option 1 and remember you helped someone in need. But to continue would be to enable her and keep her erroneous thinking alive.

  283. Msdiiva says:

    I have had a few situations where I found myself depending on an allowance but I didn’t make it a monthly thing. Some months you just find yourself in a messy situation and that’s normal, you’re suppose to learn from that. I soooo need a class on money management, my whole family keep telling me that.

    Question: How many times does an SD have to disappoint you till you realize enough is enough?

  284. NYC SB says:

    Michael – so she lost her income… Is she still a good sb? If so then no need to break things off… If things do turn sour then walk away… It is her responsibility to take care of herself and her kids… Not yours. If you decide to provide her with a severance package that’s great but not necessary. She put herself in this position and I’m sure she will get herself out of it. Harsh? Sorry just in a bitchy/hungover mood this morning

    • SD Guru says:

      @Michael
      So there is a major attitude issue here, including entitlement, conflict and blame. I’ll talk with her but there is clearly a pattern of behaviour here that one discussion from me is unlikely to fix… Maybe I have a pattern of behaviour that i keep running as well.

      At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’ll repeat the following Guru-ism:

      1. Don’t reward bad behavior
      2. Don’t ignore warning signs
      3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time.

      And in Michael’s case, I’ll add:

      4. Don’t let her problem become yours.

      As NYC SB said, “she put herself in this position and I’m sure she will get herself out of it.”

      This is what I wrote back in early December about Michael’s new #1: “I foresee an arrangement that won’t last past Valentine’s day.” We even wagered a steak dinner over this. Why did I write that? It’s because I didn’t see anything different about his approach, and therefore history will tend to repeat itself. As Genuine SD said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”.

      I wrote about “What is NSA?” in my blog, and one of the rules I mentioned is to keep the relationship simple. Based on what Michael described, the relationship is no longer simple and it may not be easy to end it. But it seems that some type of ending is probably inevitable, and I hope he can do it in a graceful way so that both parties can walk away with their dignity intact.

      What could have Michael done differently? Here are two posts I wrote about the warning signs back in December. The first one was about his SB seems to be dumping all her problems on him: “it seems you have a hunch that she could be the “now that I have a found a SD to pay my bills, let me dump all my problems on him” type I mentioned in my blog.” The second one was about the risk of his “soft boundary” approach: “your approach with a “soft” boundary and mixing personal and sugar life is more likely to lead to the kind of drama that you’re trying to avoid.”

      To have a different outcome, I’d suggest that Michael doesn’t rush into an arrangement during the euphoria in the early stage of sugar dating. He should take his time, have a trial period, and let her true character reveal itself over time. Or, if he enjoys looking for a new #1 every few months, then that’s fine too!

      Where are we having that steak dinner?? :mrgreen:

      By the way, there are great questions in the blog topic and I’ll address them in a later post.

      @Mademoiselle

      Feel free to email me at the addy in my blog. Same goes for everyone else too!!

  285. Reach the Beach SB says:

    China, Genuine – If an SB doesn’t allow herself to be in a situation where she depends on an allowance, then she has the freedom to remain or exit an arrangement. I’ve always believed sugar was meant to help achieve goals…not to pay your monthly bills. Even though I’m unemployed, I have severance and unemployment to cover the basics. It’s so important to realize sugar is just that…something that makes life sweeter.

  286. China_doll_DC says:

    @Michael and the commentators – Well Micheal seems like he has gotten himself into a bigger pile of stuff than he bargained for. Yes say may be young and beautiful and what not, but that does not entitle her to use it and abuse it, which it seems like she is clearly using. She clearly has no sense of what it is to be a adult. And I may be young but I can recognize that reckless spending especially in times of losing a job may not be the wisest of things. Perhaps you shouldn’t “poof” that would not be the gentlemanly thing to do. But this is no longer sugar for you. SD/SB arrangement = sugar for both sides involved. Not just one. Easing your way out of it and leaving her with like some means to support herself for big might be a good choice. You are NOT her counselor and even if you’re her “boyfriend” what girlfriend would be this disrespectful to someone that she cares about as to abuse him for his money? I’m sorry if I sound quite harsh and come across as harsh especially against SBs but I tend to hold women to higher standards. Afterall the SD/SB arrangement is about making a safe haven for your SD because there’s a reason why he (at least at one point) enjoyed your company.

    @Genuine – its interesting that thought that you proposed. As for putting up with SDs because of allowance concerns, I can’t say that I have done it personally, but I have thought about it heavily myself. (ie someone being too pushy and what not)… any thoughts the rest of the SBs?

  287. GenuineSD says:

    @Cleo. A really interesting discussion kernel in there. I may be naive, but it does trouble me to think of my SB actually looking at the arrangement as part “saccharin” and sort of suffering along in silence out of need for the allowance. I understand the need and desire to overlook the small things or keep it light and simple, etc…. But how common is it for an SB to really be “putting up with” an SD because of allowance concerns? Does the scarcity of SDs create actresses ? Or is it really just a case of understanding that you bring your sugar personna when you meet your SD ?

  288. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Michael – I think giving her two months at a lower allowance, but ending the arrangement is the way to go. I’m laid off, but I DECREASED my expenses, have interviews lined up (very close to new opp) and am taking a few classes covered by Pell. I’m sure a few of our ladies can say they are doing the same. I feel bad that kids are involved…perhaps you can fund their school lunch accounts directly, pay up her utilities and rent directly and give her a grocery store gift card as parting gifts to be sure they have they basics . Truthfully, based on what I see here, she will not learn any lessons, and it is definitely not sugar.

    As for screening, did you do the dirtsearch search before you met her? Were there any red flags at the beginning? Much of screening is listening to those warning signs as well as some research. Whatever happens, I hope it’s drama free and that she doesn’t try to take further advantage of you. You definitely walk the line between arrangements and relationships, but as a single man, I’m sure it’s tempting to be hopeful that something from sugar can develop into something more. Good luck!

  289. GenuineSD says:

    @Michael… First let me say that I’m sorry the sugar has gone out of this for you, but….
    1) I think you’re signing up for a huge long project if you think you’re going to grow her out of what is obviously a life-pattern of attitude, values and behavior. Your screening missed this, it’s sad, but cut your losses… As I understand it, this has not been a long term arrangement? I’d suggest you provide a graceful exit package and move on. You aren’t going to change all that stuff. It is who she is….
    2) As others have suggested, too, it may be time to drop back and assess what you want and how to screen for it. There are recurring similarities in the arrangements you have issue with….
    “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. So goes the old saw…. That is, your results continue to be similar, maybe it’s time to examine the methodology….
    3) How much screening ? Well, rather than details about siblings , job, etc… I tend to focus on values… How differences are approached – right there, @ dinner… What is her reaction when there’s a difference of opinion? Anger?, silence?, curiosity about your viewpoint? I get a lot out of the root cause exploration rather than the checklist approach… But that’s just me… I strive to understand… Not saying you don’t.. Just that perhaps there’s a desire to rescue despite warning signs? Or a desire to not look for that which might be a warning flag?
    Good luck, my friend… Been there, done that, there’s no joy in this situation..

  290. Msdiiva says:

    @ Michael, I agree with Lily, you are pass the point of sugar dating up to where you’ve taken a husband role by having to provide her with so much and dealing with her drama. Sure you want to be there for her, but if she’s not trying to learn and move past her mistakes to better herself she’s just using you up until someone better comes along that’s also ok with accepting her the way she is.

    As far as better screening goes, I always bring up questions about relationship status/kids/work and such, that helps a lot
    Try #3 and if in a couple of months you see no changes, I’d say go with 2

    @Reach, yes! school is just so much right now but I enjoy learning. And glad it’s my last semester as an undergrad.

  291. Lily says:

    Sorry, Michael, to be so harsh!

    But you are not sugar dating. This is not NSA fun. Even you guys talking about any of that stuff or you digging & finding out & thinking about any of that stuff is non-sugary.

    What happened to a blissful escape from reality, an oasis where both check their drama at the door and enjoy being hedons together? You use an allowance as a carrot to get younger, hotter girlfriends than match.com was easily digging up, and then you proceed to traditionally dating them. She even declared that you were her boyfriend, not SD, on the 2nd date & you went along with it.

    Try keeping it light & simple next time.

  292. Michael Alleycat says:

    Just to clarify, I am not giving her a higher allowance now that she is unemployed.

    The arrangement was to provide for those extra things, now it is basically her entire income as her main income has disappeared. I have done a couple of smaller things – paid her cell phone plus one other thing, but that’s it.

  293. So the other question is how much screening do you need to do? some things don’t come out during discussions and meetings, no matter how much time you spend talking.

  294. @Lily – ouch.

    I’m not going to poof. But finding myself as the main provider for her and her 3 kids is not what I had bargained for. In the meantime, she has a very nice 2009 Mercedes that she bought and picked up 5 days after she lost her job. She could have backed out of the purchase but decided to buy it, co-signed by her godfather. Previous 2 cars were expensive cars and they were both repo’d.

    Plus she forgot she had a court appearance today for a driving offense and has probably got her license suspended.

    Plus she is is trying to sue her ex-employer for back wages, with lots of attorney letters back and forth. I did some deep digging tonight, found she had also sued her pevious business partner for ownership of assets (an expensive car) when their business failed. Plus had to take her ex to court for child support. Plus 6 speeding tickets, and today she told me she doesnt talk to 2 of her siblings. Plus her last relationship she had a restraining order on him. Plus she went to court multiple times for custody of her kids. Gotta love dirtsearch.org And that’s just what I was able to find in digging for a couple of hours.

    So there is a major attitude issue here, including entitlement, conflict and blame. I’ll talk with her but there is clearly a pattern of behaviour here that one discussion from me is unlikely to fix.

    Maybe I have a pattern of behaviour that i keep running as well.

  295. Lily says:

    Michael – yes, #3 ….and please do not use her losing her job as an excuse to poof and start searching for a connection as mind-blowing as that with the Canadienne. You are addicted to the hunt, sir, and only a situation where you are losing yourself and falling in love holds your attention longer than 8 weeks.

  296. Jessie says:

    @Alleycat – I think the time for heeding guru’s warning have looooong passed :). Based on how carefully you screen, and know all the warning signs to look out for, I find it difficult to believe that you haven’t painted yourself in this corner all by your lonesome. By providing 75% of her income, you in a sense, allowed her to believe whatever bad decisions she’s making is okay by you, because you choose to “bridge the gap,” causing her to continue living the way she’s accustomed to.

    A talk is in order. However, you know it will be a hardship to just walk. Therefore, it would be more beneficial to her if you choose your option # 3. You already know what it’s like to be in debt and work your way out of it, so perhaps you can give her a valuable lesson on how to get her house in order. This she’ll be able to use to improve her situation for years to come.

    Chances are the relationship won’t last much longer, because it’s starting to sound like a looooot of strings instead of NSA. But the lesson you leave with her should be lasting. Walking right now, won’t help to make her a better person, or a more stable provider for her children.

  297. China_Doll_DC says:

    @MoonPatrol – I am so sorry that you have to deal with that, I feel like a real SB should understand the delicacy and balance of the SD/SB type of arrangment. And let it go when either party wants out.

    @MichaelAlleycat Well it seems like to me she has a lack of respect for you and your limits. You are NOT her personal ATM. I repeat you are not her personal ATM nor should you be treated as one. Yes she will have difficult times, but so is the rest of America. You’re here to provide her help and only a part of her help. She’s a grown woman who hopefully should understand that sometimes you have to bit the bullet and sacrifice a little to pull through. I would say talk with her because she may not understand what she is inherently doing, but if she doesn’t change her demand than do a stage left and bolt.

    As for the topic on hand: As for letting go potential SDs on basis of physical appearance. Yes, well of course. Just like any other relationship, if there can’t be physical attraction on some sort of level, no matter how hard I try to make it seem like I really care about him that way it just doesn’t work. He doesn’t have to look like Brad Pitt’s brother, but he does have to be true to his picture and be somewhat within the weight range. Is this a bit shallow? Well yes, but I don’t think many of my potential SDs would contact me if I was even the slightest bit out of the weight range.

    As for plans for Valentines day? I don’t know, perhaps I can have a sugar date that would be rather nice. Otherwise its going to be a girlie celebration of singlehood by choice (or not as the case might be) complete with champagne, karaoke and lingerie modeling.

  298. “Do I like her, nut I feel like I got walked into thus corner, and I want to fo the right thing.” = So I like her but I feel like I got walked into this corner, and I want to do the right thing”

    As Carebear so eloquently pit it, “iCrap”.

  299. Ok folks – have a situation and a question.

    My #1 and I are getting along well, dinners are great, private time is great, arrangement is well structured and going well blah blah blah.

    But she has made a series of unfortunate financial and personal decisions, and has not much income and 3 kids to feed and clothe. When we met she was working but that position recently disappeared, so I find myself in the position of providing 75% of the family income. If I decide to move on, I know it will be very difficult for them. I try to do the right thing but I am feeling just that little bit uncomfortable at the moment.

    I am having a hardcore come-to-Jesus meeting with her in the morning. “Lift your game or I am out of here”. Do I like her, nut I feel like I got walked into thus corner, and I want to fo the right thing.

    Do do I 1) walk 2) give her 2 months notice or 3) work with her to grow out of this or 4) listen to SD Guru “don’t reward bad behavior” and “don’t ignore the warning signs” and do an “exit, stage left”?

    Comments please. Btw she is v cute, smart as a whip, but has an attitude which is causing all her problems.

    @SD Guru – I don’t want to hear about it.

  300. Moon Patrol says:

    I tried to walk away from an SB and she calls me about once a month and wants me to take her out on her birthday.
    So I’m supposed to be able to walk away if i get the urge?

  301. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Cleo – you’re so right about SDs being able to walk away if the slightest thing strikes them the wrong way without apologies and without waiting for the next one. Most of the SDs that have posted here seem to do just the opposite though. Do you think we’re imposing that on ourselves or is it really true that they bail at the first glimpse of displeasure? Communicating early has been a terrific bonding experience.

    “Interesting” sugar experiences sounds like your luck is changing! Do tell!!!

    Msdiva – School is pushing my limits, but in a good way! I love the classes and it’s fun to work on the project with this particular group!

  302. cleo says:

    CultureDaddy: well, if you consider me a babe and trust that i have good taste i can tell you there will be at least two hellacious women there… but it seems more like a dozen, and one gay man

    so like, you coming to toronto for the weekend then? :)

  303. CultureDaddy says:

    @cleo: sounds like my kind of party. Me and lots of hellacious women! [dreamy look]

  304. Msdiiva says:

    Hello Sugars!
    Haven’t visited the blog for awhile. So busy with school/work/grad apps blah blah blah
    Christina A. needs a vacation after messing up the lyrics to the national anthem. She looks like she’s going through some things.

    @mademoiselle I’m in CT! pretty close to nyc actually I’m looking for a sugar sister also!

  305. mademoiselle says:

    hey guys…

    @sd guru.. would love for you to check out my profile n give me pointers.. would you mind if i send you the number via your blog? not sure how i feel about airing it out all over the forums just yet. 😀

    annnddddd… @NYCSB lol mama emailed you like 2x more.. i think you are a very busy girl! i didn’t get a response…

    so, that being said.. i’m in NYC and i think it would be fun to have a sugar sister! is anyone interested?? xx

  306. cleo says:

    Is a sugar supposed to be ‘perfect’ in an arrangement? Is that not what the sugar, and its ‘short & sweetness’ is supposed to help facilitate?

    i don’t know. i think there’s a real tendency among some sugars to be so busy worrying about the experience or what they want to give to their sugar that maybe they miss actual needs… i know i’ve spoken to sd’s who told me that random comments had their sb’s terrified that they were about to get dumped or sb’s too terrified to tell their SD that they need something other than the SD is choosing to provide. it’s a very tough road to hoe because there is always another sb on the road but sd’s are hard to come by so the sb is far more likely to accept the occasional dose of saccharine than the sd.

    do you know what i mean?

    either way, without sensible communication strategies i’d say the three month curse gets you every time. i mean people do need to learn to deal with the little things without letting them become big things.

    Are you supposed to feel like you’re ‘trying’ in a sugar relationship? If you feel like you’re trying to be satisfied by your sugar, does that mean that the benefit isn’t enough, or simply isn’t possible, from the sugar you’re with?

    again this is, in a lot of ways, a question for an SD. an sb has to figure out what she can and can’t handle, will or won’t put up with but in a sense her ‘job’ is to try and fulfill his needs. so i guess the SD has to decide if the benefits are enough while the sb has to decide if the sugar is sweet enough…?

    Do you you communicate with potential SD’s or SB’s who don’t have a profile photo?

    almost always. i don’t care about photos (or really looks) but i do care about personality, wit, brains, generosity, listening skills, compassion, chemistry etc…

    Have you ever had to let a potential or actual sugar daddy or sugar baby go because of their age or physical appearance becoming a ‘sticking point’ for you?

    no, but i’ve been let go lots of times for being too fat or too tall or something…

    How has your sugarlife been lately? What are your plans for Valentines Day, or Mistress Day?

    my sugar life has been interesting and filled with delicious potential, but so far nothing concrete… as for valentine’s i think a friend is having a party that it seems will have ZERO men at it (*shakes head* how is that possible??? they’re invited and she’s hellaciously hot but no men are attending?)

  307. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Let’s bring this baby to life! I’ve heard some controversial viewpoints on “trying” …where are those fearless bloggers who dare to disagree :-)

  308. GenuineSD says:

    @ Kindred & RTB Thank you for those kind words.

  309. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Jury duty over! Yay!

  310. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Hellooooooo sugars!

    Jury duty starts today and I think I know the case…thank goodness he already admitted his guilt. Please let it be a short one!

    Kindred Spirit – He’s a genuine, one-of-a-kind, gentleman!

    Have fun Carebear!

  311. Kindred Spirit says:

    GenuineSD, About this part:

    “I take great pleasure in making each meeting something special… I look forward to creating those special memories that last. That takes some effort sometimes – but the anticipation and reward of fulfilling that special moment is what makes sugar special for me. That’s the good kind of “trying” IMO.”

    You give me hope that there are more men out there who share that sentiment. Thank you for that!! :)

  312. Bela says:

    Morning sugars!!! Crazy snow here. Everyone be safe 😉

  313. GenuineSD says:

    Good morning all ! Hope you all survived the SuperBowl….

    To answer the topic questions…
    Is a sugar supposed to be ‘perfect’ in an arrangement?

    I think sugar is supposed to be a little oasis of mutual enjoyment in each partner’s life…. but it *is* a relationship to some extent, so there can and will be imperfections or misunderstandings… I think good sugar arrangements are good because the partners find a common ground and a common language to straighten out those miscommunications, In my experience, the better the communications, the better the arrangement.

    Are you supposed to feel like you’re ‘trying’ in a sugar relationship? If you feel like you’re trying to be satisfied by your sugar, does that mean that the benefit isn’t enough, or simply isn’t possible, from the sugar you’re with?

    I think that if you’re trying to find enjoyment in the arrangement – if you’re struggling to find that which you entered the arrangement to fulfill, then something’s wrong.

    On the other hand, I think that putting effort into the arrangement – trying – to fulfill or exceed your committments to the arrangement are what makes arrangements complete and rewarding.
    I take great pleasure in making each meeting something special… I look forward to creating those special memories that last. That takes some effort sometimes – but the anticipation and reward of fulfilling that special moment is what makes sugar special for me. That’s the good kind of “trying” IMO.

    Do you you communicate with potential SD’s or SB’s who don’t have a profile photo?

    When I am in a search, I usually filter for photos only…. but have been approached by ladies without photo and don’t find it an issue. I understand and appreciate the need for discretion.

  314. Lily says:

    You better have fun, c-bear.
    Email me!!!

  315. Carebear says:

    I’m too excited for my vacay to sleep! Ahhhhhh!

  316. Muse says:

    Back to back Pretty Women on TBS!!!

  317. Carebear says:

    Stephan n Sara sittin in a tree

  318. stephan says:

    Did anyone catch the sugar I mean Super Bowl? Who were you rooting for? Or were you watching Pretty Woman on TBS?

  319. Sara says:

    @ Stephan – haha, I dig. 😉

  320. stephan says:

    @ Sarah – Thank you! It was something I picked up from wise and gracious sugarblog gods :)

  321. Sara says:

    OOOOH look at you Stephan, very professional looking!

  322. carebear says:

    Lily!!!! Sorry my messenger closed and my facebook just kicked me and my email won’t load =(

    wahhhahhahaha I wanted to talk to you more.

    Emailing later.

  323. Lily says:

    Gail – I normally don’t disclose identifying details of my life on the blog if I can remember not to, so you can email me privately and ask! sugarbaby sa at live

  324. Texasugah says:

    SAEmailXchange – Thanks!

    This prompted me to update my blog on the subject! I hope she’ll write!

  325. SA Email Exchange says:

    TexaSugah – Your e-mail has been sent.

  326. TexaSugah says:

    Lisa- I’m hoping so.

    I’m sorry for what happened with your ex. I’m divorced and can completely understand.

    Gail and Stephan – I would like to speak with the sugar that is having problems. I can definitely understand where’s she’s coming from. I didn’t see the post, but have heard this more than once about SA.

    Could someone share my email addy with her?

    Thanks
    TS

  327. Lisa says:

    TexaSugah, sounds like you’re headed to the Galleria (Tiffinay’s)
    Valentines’ day for me will be the 20th anniversary since my ex husband left me. holidays are not good for me.

    The perfect sugar arrangement is one where both parties benefit from spending time with each other yet maintain their own separate lives. It should be something that one looks forward to and not feel like an obligation. It should be a short escape from the day to day grind. My last arrangement was like that, we met every friday and spent a few hours together. He had his life, I had mine. We both came into the arrangement with different needs.

    Sugar relationships are not about getting deeply involved (especially if the person is married) as when you get deeply involved, it’s not a sugar relationship anymore because then the day to day grind takes over, spending too much time together can provoke conflict. Arrangements should be an escape from who left the tube off the toothhpaste, dealing with children, and work. They should be fun and most important and escape from the day to day grind.

    Of off to get some things done on this half way decent weather day.

  328. Texasugah says:

    Is a sugar supposed to be ‘perfect’ in an arrangement? Is that not what the sugar, and its ‘short & sweetness’ is supposed to help facilitate?

    If sugar is a fantasy world of two people who are completely superficial, then yes, it can be perfect. If you are two people who have decided that you enjoy each other company and there are perks involved, then imperfections are fine.

    Are you supposed to feel like you’re ‘trying’ in a sugar relationship?

    If you feel like you’re trying to be satisfied by your sugar, does that mean that the benefit isn’t enough, or simply isn’t possible, from the sugar you’re with?

    I completely agree with this statement. The benefit isn’t worth the bullshit. And quite frankly if you associate the world bullshit with a sugar.. it’s time to move on.

    Do you you communicate with potential SD’s or SB’s who don’t have a profile photo? Yes, I don’t expect men to post a photo.

    Have you ever had to let a potential or actual sugar daddy or sugar baby go because of their age or physical appearance becoming a ‘sticking point’ for you? I had a sugar last summer. I just couldn’t take his age any longer, which he lied about. Actually, he was an alcoholic for much of his adult life and it took a toll.

    How has your sugarlife been lately? What are your plans for Valentines Day, or Mistress Day?

    My sugar life has potential.

    I’m still with my PartTime Sugar although we haven’t seen each other in about 2 weeks. A Christmas pot suddenly resurfaced, and I’m waiting to see if my personal Mr Big will show next week.
    Mistress Day will be at a 10 course dinner and Valentines is supposed to be shopping at Tiffany’s. *fingers crossed*

  329. Lisa says:

    I drank it black, yuck but at least the caffeine has hit me.
    ok gotta run over to mcds for a burger, that one waffle didn’t fill me up.
    Nice day here but it’s supposed to turn ugly again early this week

  330. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Baileys works for me when I’m out of cream :)

  331. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Happy Super Bowl Day Sugars!

    Thanks to all of you for your sweet word of congratulations and helpful advice!

    Gail- Thank you letters make a HUGE difference. It’s a great way to remind them of the reasons you are well-suited for the position, but also show your ability to do so in your relationship management skills while working.

    Kindred – Make sure you put the at the end of the sentence to close out the bold font. Great points on your responses. There are people who are naturally very accommodating and there are some who are very strong personalities who have to work at tempering it at times. It’s worth it though! Totally agree about pessimism and negativity being a drain and not belonging in the sugar bowl.

    Lisa – Mmmmmm…waffles! Laundry day for me too.

    Muondo and whitelillies – Welcome! Muondo, I’d love to hear more about your comment…it could be translated in so many ways.

    Beach Girl – Stay warm kitten! When I get to the beach, I’m sending you an invitation!

  332. Lisa says:

    I really don’t like coffee without cream. I need some caffeine to wake up, drank my last soda last night, need to get my butt over to target to pick up some more. Need to get my butt out on the track and walk today too, haven’t done it in over a week, cold weather is making me lazy

  333. Gail says:

    Thank you Stephan…but I still can’t see it : (
    Thanks for the love….I am overwhelmed with love in my life today….got to share it with others.

    Lisa…drink the coffee. Mine is always black with sugar. Try it…you will like it…lol….

  334. SA Article links says:

    hi Gail, found it, here’s the link. Thanks for the TLC :)

    Here’s a link to a story in Essense magazine. It’s a good read and has lots of interesting insights from the author’s research, as well as members she interviewed from SA.
    Here’s a link to a previous blog post with discussion about the article.

  335. Lisa says:

    I’m awake Gail, just got up, doing laundry and eating a waffle. Out of cream so no coffee

  336. Gail says:

    Good Morning muondo, White Lilies and Lily~ It’s a beautiful day in Calif…the sun is out…warm short, and flip flop weather : ) The coffee I brewed is GREAT!!! I hope all of you are feeling good too.

    Welcome new bloggers. It nice to have new faces come out of lurk mode.

    Lily~Where did you go? I love traveling and the last place I went to was Atlantic City, New Jersey. The friendly skies are calling me. But I am definately avoiding cold weather.

    RTB~I am happy for you. You are such a wonderful person, I too am hoping that you get this job: ) Be sure to send out the thank you e-mails to the people you interviewed with before your next step in the process. The visibility will set you out amongst the rest of the other candidates.

    I was going to respond to a post last nite from a new blogger about S A prejudice against black sugar babies…but the post mysteriously disappeared. I was wondering whether the subject was too controversial, that it was deleted? It sounded like she was very frustrated, and need to vent. To me she was Kissing a lot of frogs. I wish the post was not deleted so we could have been supportive and helped her. Did anyone else see it, or was I dreaming?

    NYCSB & RTB~I have a new Saturday workout program. It’s called Gardentime. My 3 hour work out was as intensive as both of yours : ) I know my muscles are killing me this morning.

    Wake up Lisa : ) Find a way to Enjoy what life offers everyone!!!!

  337. Kindred Spirit says:

    Gah! My attempt in bolding just the questions did not work, sorry. :(

  338. Kindred Spirit says:

    Is a sugar supposed to be ‘perfect’ in an arrangement? Is that not what the sugar, and its ‘short & sweetness’ is supposed to help facilitate?

    If you discuss the specifics of what you want/would expect from an arrangement, the more perfect it will be due to lack of guessing games. The first step of that is actually really knowing what you want and desire for yourself, and what you’d have to offer another.

    Are you supposed to feel like you’re ‘trying’ in a sugar relationship? If you feel like you’re trying to be satisfied by your sugar, does that mean that the benefit isn’t enough, or simply isn’t possible, from the sugar you’re with?

    Sure it’d be ideal to not have to “try” in a sugar relationship, but it IS about pleasing the other…if it comes effortlessly for you, then I’m envious! :) That said, a nice balance of give and take helps to keep both parties satisfied…unless the arrangement is mutually set up differently.

    Do you you communicate with potential SD’s or SB’s who don’t have a profile photo?

    All the time. At least half of SDs don’t display a photo, but they are almost always willing to give me one over regular email if there is mutual interest on both sides from reading the profiles. My belief is that with sugar, looks do matter, and with the ratio of SBs compared to SDs so opposite, it would be more beneficial for a SB to post a photo vs. not. You can still be discreet with the photos but at the same time show a few things about you, such as hair color, height/figure, smile, etc.

    Have you ever had to let a potential or actual sugar daddy or sugar baby go because of their age or physical appearance becoming a ‘sticking point’ for you?

    Nope. It’d more likely be due to their annoying, overly-cocky personality! lol Or if they are naturally negative in their views of life. Pessimism repels and drains me to be around, and doesn’t belong in the sugar bowl anyway.

    How has your sugarlife been lately? What are your plans for Valentines Day, or Mistress Day?

    In the works with making plans to meet a potentials soon! No plans for V-Day….

  339. Lily says:

    RTB – I’m home surrounded by my people. :) But the visit was great while it lasted.

    All – Good morning!!!

  340. whitelillies says:

    Good morning everyone! NYCSB- Always wanted to try hot yoga! Unfortunately, no where near where I live offers it.
    Sara- Congrats!

  341. muondo says:

    famous,respect.i like it!

  342. Muse says:

    Fifth….out of the shadows from lurking too long.

  343. Muse says:

    Fifth and out of the shadows and lurking……

  344. Arcadia SB says:

    Congrats RTB!

  345. Beach Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!! Crazy freak storm tonight… blizzard like, crazy!

    Genuine SD~ I only got one dollar in my red envelope … 😀

    Reach the Beach~ YAY for the job… hope all works out for you…

    Have a great night everyone!!!

  346. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Congrats to you and your students Sara! Sweet dreams!

    NYC – :-)

  347. Sara says:

    oh yeah….fourth

  348. Sara says:

    @ Reach – Congrats on your first first! haha (oh and the job luck).

    Going to pass out after a long day, I have 12 students who qualified for states! Goodnight all.

  349. NYC SB says:

    I am so happy midwest was finally first :) going to hot yoga tomorrow and taking my favorite man with me (brother) will be fun

  350. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Is a sugar supposed to be ‘perfect’ in an arrangement? Is that not what the sugar, and it’s ‘short & sweetness’ is supposed to help facilitate? I’ve always felt that sugar is the chance to fulfill some fantasies on both sides and to create a persona he finds completely irresistible. He loves the attention and wants to be the hero in my life. It’s not always perfect, but it’s as close to perfect as two people can be before real life gets in the way :)

    Are you supposed to feel like you’re ‘trying’ in a sugar relationship? If you feel like you’re trying to be satisfied by your sugar, does that mean that the benefit isn’t enough, or simply isn’t possible, from the sugar you’re with? Sugar does take effort and that’s just fine with me. A gentleman is looking to me to ease his stresses, provide that oasis and give him a break from the typical drama found in traditional relationships. We overlook some things because it is sugar. My arrangements consist of less visits for an extended period of time, so I try to make each visit special and memorable. This isn’t work, kids, school, make dinner, make love and go to bed. It’s sugar and the effort is absolutely worth it! If you feel the arrangement is lop-sided, then it’s time to either discuss the arrangement or move on. This is not just about compensation or gifts…it’s about respect and appreciation as well. Nobody wants to feel used.

    Do you you communicate with potential SD’s or SB’s who don’t have a profile photo? When I was searching, I never gave much thought to the photo or lack thereof. It allowed me to focus on the correspondence and the personality instead of overlooking someone because they weren’t tall, dark and handsome. I have to admit, I’ve never been disappointed by someone’s distorted age, height, size, or lack of current photos.

    Have you ever had to let a potential or actual sugar daddy or sugar baby go because of their age or physical appearance becoming a ‘sticking point’ for you? No. I’ve only met a few and all of them were dashing in their own special way.

  351. GenuineSD says:

    Second. Really….

  352. Reach the Beach SB says:

    First? Really?

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