7 years ago
Intimacy with a twist? Or just twisted intimacy?

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Here on the Sugar Daddy Dating Blog, it may be worth noting that sex happens in most premarital relationships, and that an aspect of being a sugar involves acknowledging its existence (if present) within the context of a mutually beneficial relationship.

Seeking Arrangement is for those who seek relationships in which mutual respect is the presiding factor as to whether or not sex occurs.

To this end, sugars are part of the majority of people who claim to be sexually satisfied. According to the Durex 2010 Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey, 82% of respondents who claimed to be sexually satisfied said they feel respected by their partner during sex. “Mutual respect plays a vital role in a satisfying sex life”, according to the survey.

There are plenty of people who do want relationships in which sex is the only measurement of its success or completeness, and there are numerous sites out there catering to escorts and others who will have sex for a price, regardless of whether or not each partner feels respected.

Although as far as SeekingArrangement.com is concerned, escorts, pros, and those who seek them are not a part of the sugar family tree.

However, due to a particular dating site recently placing ads on Google stating that the ‘new wave  of escort’ are Sugar Babies, there has been some discussion over how intimacy and sex are two different things; one a required component of a mutually beneficial arrangement as defined by SA, and one not.

Now prepare to be astounded as the Seeking Arrangement Sugar Daddy Dating Blog endorses a quote from FocusOnTheFamily.com to illustrate the meaning of intimacy, and the difference between it, and sex:

“One evening over dinner with a friend, we spoke about intimacy and what it means. She shared a cute little phrase with me to remind me of intimacy’s true meaning. “It means ‘in-to-me-see,'” she said. Ah yes, it’s a blending of our heart with another’s, so we can “see into” who they really are, and they can “see into” us.

Being intimate involves the mixing of our life with anther’s, a mingling of souls, a sharing of hearts. Maybe you are wondering about sex. Granted, sex is a part of intimate expression, but it is not intimacy.

In his book, Soul Cravings, Erwin Raphael McManus writes:

Sex can be the most intimate and beautiful expression of love, but we are only lying to ourselves when we act as if sex is proof of love. Too many men demand sex as proof of love; too many women have given sex in hopes of love. We live in a world of users where we abuse each other to dull the pain of aloneness. We all long for intimacy, and physical contact can appear as intimacy, at least for a moment.”

Here are some more points of interest from the 2010 Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey:

  • 29% of people say they want their partner to have a higher sex-drive.
  • Globally, twice as many men (64%) as women regularly have orgasms.
  • Those over 65 are still having sex more than once a week.
  • Sexual priorities are changing. We are looking for the softer, more sophisticated side of sex quality time with our partners, romance and a sense of security within the bedroom.
  • Feeling close to your partner, feeling loved, respected and secure all impact strongly on our ability to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Is intimacy an ideal aspect of a mutually beneficial relationship  between a Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby?

How has your sugarlife been lately?

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864 Responses to “Intimacy with a twist? Or just twisted intimacy?”

  1. Amy says:

    Looking for an girlfriend

  2. John says:

    Looking for an girlfriend

  3. Improtec says:

    Sherry Yost, Layton UT
    In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.

  4. ntimacy depends, and much of the glass we look at it, what’s good for one person to another is a scandal. The escorts should know who they were going

  5. SoNJSugar says:

    @SD Twice Maybe because the way I’m going about this makes sense to ME. I’ve read many a profile when searching for a potential SD, so far I’ve learned to screen profiles of people who show some interest and trust my intuition, plus many of the SDs in waiting all want us SBs in waiting to be completely honest with what we put in our profile. I really can’t explain any further. Sorry.

    However, you are right when you say that when I do become available that the people available will be different. Once again, I stated all of that in my profile primarily out of honesty. If they don’t want to waste time waiting for me, then that’s fine. I also am working out now and cutting back on junk.

  6. Moon Patrol says:

    Men are naturally desiring to pursue many women instead of just one. That is the reward for being an SD. In traditional relationships we (men) have one partner at a time or face the music when we cheat.
    I have read and seen how marriage has changed many a young woman’s life when they end up single mothers. Its the myth that marriage is the end-all solution to life’s worries that betrays people.
    This site can be very fun for those lucky enough to succeed in it. Its a matter of being able to deal with whatever comes when it is over that might be hard.
    I prefer to find IRL women and never personally had much success with SA.
    Its a skill that I haven’t mastered yet: filtering out the wrong women and knowing when to say no. It is a thrill meeting someone for the first time. That’s a big plus for Men I think and it gets them addicted. Whether its right or wrong
    I don’t know. It is just something that happens.

  7. auletride says:

    hit post by accident, to finish up quickly…

    What you are being compensated for, as a SB, is a lack of accountability. SDs are not expected to meet your mother, to take you to therapy for your trauma issues, to give you a lift to the OBGYN or the drug store to get vagasil. That is the nitty gritty stuff of an actual, intimate relationship: the gross stuff, the uncomfortable stuff. SDs are not paying for intimacy. Intimacy means seeing the gross, awkward stuff, accepting faults, support through hard times, etc etc.

    SBs, just the same as people who get married or date for financial support, are WORKING. Sometimes work is something you enjoy, sometimes it is not. Regardless, when you are working, you can only be so vulnerable or honest about your motivations and desires.

  8. auletride says:

    So I got a few hundred posts into the comments, and then gave up, so forgive me if I’m being redundant.

    First of all, as this blog is run by Seeking Arrangement, it is thus a form of advertising for the site.

    Second, if you’re participating in a “mutually beneficial relationship” and think it’s something radically different than escorting, you are deluding yourself. It’s sex and/or companionship for money. SB/SD relationships may be longer term, which requires some sort of friendliness and maybe even respect between the participants, but the differences end there.

    Bringing money into the equation is a huge strike against any sort of intimacy, because it creates a power dynamic.

  9. Dandelion Wine says:

    Girly, in order for the computer to go into a lockdown you would have had to enter a wrong password 10 times. So it wasn’t just 2 attempts – you tried and tried. Locks are for a reason, would you go to someone’s house and try to pick a lock and then when caught be all like “oh, I just wanted to use a bathroom” ?
    If you want to return the money because you feel bad for f-ing up, go for it, but if you think that it’s gonna make him change his mind about you – don’t waste your breath.

  10. SD TWICE says:

    SoNJ, why are you making yourself available for contact when you won’t be able to meet for a while? Not only does it waste people’s time, but by the time you are available, the people available will be different.

  11. Michael Alleycat says:

    New blog subject

  12. Alice says:

    Also forgot to mention that in addition to my guy not sharing a pic, he wouldn’t even give me his full name before we met. Yeah, not gonna happen. Good thing I’m such a snoop…

  13. SoNJSugar says:

    I’m new to the sugar bowl. I’ve gotten some messages from pot. SDs, however, I’m also putting off potential SD meet & greets for until I’ve lost weight. Have any fellow sugar babies done something similar to that? I’d like some advice on that end. Thank you.

  14. Sara says:

    @TM – Really, even if he never mentioned all the pervy things he was thinking and was not a total creeper…he is still ANNOYING as hell, do you really want an sd like that?

  15. LKO says:

    Are there any posts where SBs say the average allowance they are getting depending on their area?

    Just wondering what most SBs are asking for from my area (North NJ/NYC) and beyond.

  16. v.badbunny says:

    oh and PS … wouldn’t even give me his real name. lmao

  17. v.badbunny says:

    hilarious.

    had a potential email that he wanted to “entice” me to visit him in a nearby city.

    when we talked on the phone, his idea of enticing me was to ask if i drove (yes), how long of a drive it was (just under 3 hours) and then to tell me that he was rich and famous and i should drop my weekend plans, bring my little car for a 3 hour drive on an icy highway and party with him.

    when i told him i’d need a rental car with winter tires, my own paid hotel room and advanced funds for gas and incidentals, he backpedalled so hard i heard the tires squeal!!!

    he then, in a wounded voice asked “what i wanted with a 53 year old man” like him. it made me feel like a lecherous pig making an attempt on his virtue!!

    what I want with HIM indeed!!

    good grief

  18. @TM

    Haha, that is almost ALWAYS the case when they are pushing for a same-night meet. One reason that I am glad SA doesn’t have an IM feature.

    So, I met my new SD in his city, halfway across the country. (This is the one that cancelled on me Monday and then rescheduled.) The man is oozing money, very sweet, has pretty simple needs, and is a clear communicator (this gets like a hundred points from me). BUT it was one of the most boring sugar dates I have ever been on. We didn’t go out anywhere and spent the whole evening in his apartment. He went home to go to bed way before I was tired and then I had to spend about five hours with nothing to do before I could fall asleep, and of course I could not go out anywhere with it being an apartment that I didn’t have keys to and not a hotel room. He held up his end of our allowance agreement without any problems and has started hinting at being generous in other awesome non-allowance ways. So all in all, I wanna keep him. But how in the world do I tactfully let him know that I was bored, or otherwise work toward not having a repeat experience? Anyone had this problem?

  19. TM says:

    WOW!

    Nvm you guys this perv just admitted he was so aggressive because he wanted to get his rocks off asap!
    Hahahaha wow what a piece of work.

    Forget I ever posted anything. 😛

  20. SD Guru says:

    @LadyIntim

    We all have our mid-life crisis every now and then. So does that mean your hubby SD is now history… or what? Inquiring minds want to know! :)

    Back in July I wrote some “food for thought” for you to ponder. And I concluded that post with “The emotional high of being in love can be fleeting and at some point you have to deal with real issues in the real world.” So does your mid life crisis have anything to do with what I mentioned, or something else?

    Note to Michael… how’s that for my killer memory? 😉

    @TM

    Don’t let anyone rush you into anything you’re not comfortable with (see my kumbaya post above). When someone says jump, do you say how high? Pushiness on his part should not be a cause to act on your part.

    Have a good night everyone!

  21. TM says:

    He just messaged me again! Really, he seems like a nice guy but why does he have to be so aggressive?! Especially after I let him know I wasn’t comfortable meeting….

    Maybe he’s pushing it because he’s here for business and it’s convienient for him but still…

  22. TM says:

    Hi all, I follow this blog occasionally and know that this is great place for advice. I recently signed up after my last SD and I parted ways. I have never met an SD online as I always came across them IRL. It was a little strange to me at first but I gradually eased into it. I thought I was doing a good job; deleting the creepy perverted messages, politely declining if we didn’t seem compatible, responding to the ones I liked. From this blog and life/SB experience, I learned it was not a good idea to meet someone the first time you start talking. A gentleman messaged me around 6 PST and told me he was staying near me and wanted to meet up later. I politely replied that it was a rule of thumb that I didn’t meet anyone the first time speaking, especially since I never even talked to this man before. He sent me another message saying we could talk through email/texting and to contact him so we could talk a little before meeting tonight. I never replied and since then he has messaged me 3 times. The subjects consisted of “so we’re not meeting?” and “now you’re just ignoring me”. I plan on replying tomorrow and letting him know I was put off by the aggressiveness, but by then will he just think I’m a flake? He seems like a good pot and I would like to meet him after we talk more. Also, I wait until I have conversed with someone on here for a little bit before seeing if I want to continue and give them my email/number. Does this give the message that I’m not serious?

  23. Jessie says:

    @Alice

    If I was close to you right now I’d give you a hug :) I was sooo worried that you were still planning on seeing him, and was just hoping that if you did you’d keep your wits around you.

  24. Alice says:

    Jessie – I think I’d be just as apprehensive if her were coming to visit me. Not only because he seems to have lied about his location, but in talking to him further (in between him hounding my phone all week when he knows I have finals) I realized what a difficult person he is and how much I can’t stand talking to him. So I’m just going to have fun with my best friends in the city this weekend!

    BiBaby – I hear you on the tuition thing. I’m 22, out of the parents’ house, and I’m still ineligible to file for federal aid independently. But I’ll stop now before I get on a rant about paying for education…

    On the topic of “commodities”, I have been trying to play up the whole “I work in a cupcake shop” thing, but I guess it’s time to exploit all of my other talents lol. Thanks for all the tips guys :)

  25. girly says:

    I know.. I never should have gone near. I honestly dont know why I didnt question myself at the time. I absolutely hate when people use drunkness as an excuse.. but in this case I really feel like it was the reason and i know its not a reason. Its a awful reason and I shouldnt have done it. should have just stayed in bed, and i totally wishi could take it back or make it up to him. I have been thinking about it nonstop and actually mademyself feel kinda sick and stressed out. Which isnt good. but im not the type of person to just say. oh well i guess i wont hear back from him. I need to make this better on some level.

    • SD Guru says:

      Is it just me or did everyone else ignored the fact that “girly” went to meet someone for the first time at his place, got drunk, spent the night, and got some money for it. How many red flags can you find in that sentence? Obviously what happened with the laptop was bad, but if that was the worst thing that happened then she should consider herself lucky.

      Never, ever use someone else’s laptop or mobile phone without permission. Even though it might seem innocuous, chances are you’ll come across things you’re not supposed to see.

      @Michael
      BUT I think she wants to fall in lerv. There was lots of batting of eyelashes, and embarrassed looks away.

      In that case she’s exactly your type. I foresee an arrangement that won’t last past Valentine’s day. 😛

      And she is 32, so somewhat age-appropriate.

      If your friends think 20 years of difference is age appropriate, then you’ve got some pretty cool friends! 8)

      @Lady Intim

      Welcome back! How are the nuptials coming along? :)

  26. Michael Alleycat says:

    People – NEVER use anybody else’s laptop. Ever heard of keystroke loggers? Almost impossible to detect, and if you check your email, bank account, sa.com acct etc etc, the person can go back at anytime and look at your activity. They will be able to see passwords, etc etc. Be VERY careful.

  27. Michael Alleycat says:

    @SD Guru – her little bum was perfect. BUT I think she wants to fall in lerv. There was lots of batting of eyelashes, and embarrassed looks away.

    As you know, the only way to find the perfect wave is to keep on surfing, dude.

    When people ask, how did we meet? I tell them we met on a site called gorgeousaustralianguys.com and leave it at that. And she is 32, so somewhat age-appropriate. My friends have started calling me “28” to make sure that I remember to date women older than 28. If only they knew…

  28. girly says:

    I did have one thought of something I could do that might be thoughtful tohim. He gave me some money that night. I was going to take that money and buy him something and get it sent to his office and send him a note or email saying sorry on it.. I just wasnt sure what to send since it was my first time meeting him and all. I know he likes cufflinks. and he collects wine.
    My only other thought was sending him a cheque with the amount he gave me. I cant really send cash in the mail so it would have to be a cheque. and just say something like im very sorry that i was overdrinking and blurred my thoughts. and that i cannot accept his money and that i feel aweful.

  29. BiBaby says:

    @Girly,

    I think where you went wrong was trying to guess his password…

    My SD left his (awesome!) iPad out while we were last together and he was showering but trust me, I didn’t so much as touch it even though I am FASCINATED by those so much. I waited until he got out and he was more than happy to show me all his neat do-dad applications and such (and I think he got the hint that is what I really wanted for Christmas/special occasion some day…). But my point is though I know you realize now what a dumb thing that was you did, why on earth would you ever attempt to log into someone else’s computer??? I keep a lot of intensely private stuff on my archaic laptop and I would be horrified if someone actually were able to get on and look around in my files.

    You can try to apologize but you told the truth already which is all you can do, I would more examine your boundaries more closely in the future as very few people I know would ever attempt to log into someone’s private computer, bored or not. Most people can access their email via smartphone login anyway, if he forgives you, maybe you could plead a case for getting the kind of phone that lets you view/reply to your emails and then you can truly promise him you’ll never have a reason to do that again? Good luck…

  30. Sara says:

    @ Girly- I suggest you give him a few days to calm down and than send him a well thought out email, and if he doesn’t respond I am really sorry hun, sometimes these things happen and it is dissapointing, but you move on.

    Good Luck.

  31. Sara says:

    @ Cleo- I love how we talk aout Midwest when she isn’t blogging. like WWMD (what would midwest do) lol.

  32. girly says:

    help !!
    dear sugar daddy’s and sugar baby’s

    I need your advice on what to do… Ill start from the beginning.
    I met a man 2 nights ago. He was very nice, very sophisticated and friendly. I was very nervous meeting him and he calmed me down, gotmesome really nice wine. we chatted as we drank more and more and more. he is diabetic and started to feel sick, he said his sugar was off and he needed to go to bed. i was still wide awake and drunk. I didnt want to wake him with the tv on so his laptop was turned on and sitting there so i thought i would check my emails. It was locked so i tried his name as the password then his company name it didnt work so i gave up and never thought anything of it again. I went and had a shower then went and tried to sleep. We talked in the morning as i was leaving and he was glad I came and said he wanted to see me again the next week. I was very excited .. however later that afternoon he sent me a text message “why would u try and log onto my laptop” i then rememberd doing this and wanted to kick my self. to make matters soo much worse. I guess since i guessed the wrong passwork his laptop had gone into lockdown mode and wouldnt let him log on. and he was about to go into a meeting with a potential client. which I may have cost him. I feel sooo aweful and sent a text back to him saying i was sorry and that i was honestly jsu going to check my emails. He didnt respond to this text or the one i sent later that night apologizing again. again no response. I feel aweful and its not like me at all to try and invade someones privacy. I really was not thinking when I did this. The guy was such a nice one. I want to make it up to him but I dont know how.. I need suggestions.. please help!!

  33. Sara says:

    @ Cleo – thanks! I made a lot of mistakes in life, someone might as well benefit from the lessons learned. lol

    @ Jessie – yeah it is bad, but could have been a lot worse. One of the support beams was a little charred and they said if it burned through the whole house would have come down. Thankfully no one was hurt, the damage is all fixable, very few of our belongings were destroyed and we CAN live in the house. I am just thinking of it as a great opportunity for home repairs and a good clean up (on insurance’s dime of course)

    @ Guru- not sure I am ready to take my chances with you quite yet! 😉

  34. Michael Alleycat says:

    Folks 78 here tomorrow, 82 Sunday. Welcome to Phoenix, Snowbirds!

  35. BiBaby says:

    SDGuru,

    1.) no financial aid applies for the tuition for this certification and 2.) DH is already busting his @ss working 2 jobs to pay bills…can’t ask more! He’s great. The whole reason I’m going back to school is to be able to help out more on my end after all.

  36. Lisa says:

    it’s 66 degrees here right now, I can hear my neighbor’s airconditioner running

  37. Lisa says:

    People wear flipflops year round in Houston.
    Jeans, tshirts and flipflops are standard everyday dress for many of the younger women, that abercrombie and fitch look my daughter lives in

  38. Lisa says:

    wow that’s a close one BiBaby, fingers crossed for you.

  39. cleo says:

    alleycat: rofl – dude, do what you gotta do

  40. BiBaby says:

    Alleycat,
    WTF is it warm enough to wear FLIP FLOPS in this country right now???

    It’s like 25 degrees where I am on the east coast…..brrr!

  41. BiBaby says:

    Ugh….need hugs.

    Studying for exams tomorrow. I’ve been studying for nearly 48 consecutive hours minus the 3hrs spent at the unemployment office getting my benefits reinstated since I’m in school. My first check for only ONE week comes Wed and I have to wait for them to review my request for the 5 weeks they missed paying me while waiting for approval to move up to the 2nd tier of benefits while in school. I may or may not get it they said but at least I kept good records so I have a case. But no decision likely until Jan and tuition is due by 1/15!!

    Oh man I need either 1.) one of my 2 SD’s to come through or 2.) the back pay to come to me, just in time to make tuition for my final semester.

    Keeping my fingers crossed I pass my tests tomorrow, my brain is completely shot. Forcing myself back to the books now…

    • SD Guru says:

      @Sara
      Guru- I plead the 5th.

      Don’t worry, I’m completely harmless. And I don’t bite unless you want me to! 😛

      @Michael
      SD Guru – I don’t want to hear it.

      Well, since you asked…

      I’m surprised that you haven’t offered her an arrangement already after a three hour lunch! I guess she’s the type you’d take home to meet mom?? How would you introduce her at the party… “Hi everyone, this is my soon to be sugarbabe”?? Or how would you answer when asked where you met… “we met on this dating site where rich older men look for hot young girls.” 😆

      By the way, how big was her “little bum”? Damn, where’s that perfect wave when you need one!!

      @BiBaby
      I need either 1.) one of my 2 SD’s to come through or 2.) the back pay to come to me, just in time to make tuition for my final semester.

      How about (1) financial aid, or (2) DH pitching in?

  42. Well, a very interesting lunch with a pot. She turned up in jeans and t-shirt and flip flops – wtf? I think that I need new photos – she went beetroot red straight away, she was very embarrassed about the way she dressed. 3 hour lunch. Works as front of camera MC, model, celeb / red carpet TV interviewer, but really quite shy, thought I was wonderful (well who wouldn’t).

    She asked me out for tonight, but I couldn’t make it. I am considering asking her to Christmas party tomorrow night where she would meet much of my community. Should I?

    SD Guru – I don’t want to hear it.

  43. Lisa says:

    good evening everyone
    Cleo I work in the drug department of a grocery store and believe me the merchandise can be heavy. cases of peroxide and alcohol are heavy, totes full of shampoo bottles are heavy. There drug stores near me are on the bad side of the freeway. I am lucky to work days at the store which is rare as most places you have to work some nites which is not an option for me for safety and tranportation reasons. 3 of the 4 bus lines in my area stop running around 730 and the one that runs till 10 runs through a less than safe area. I know i’m working at the best type of retail that I can but I just wish the stress was less and I had someone to do the heavy lifting. this job was not bad at all the first year and a half, actually everything went downhill when I got a new boss and we lost our male coworker (he did all the heavy lifting and had everything set out for us to stock).

    TexasSugah, where is wells clinic?

    ok off to take a hot bath

    Have a good night everyone

  44. Bela says:

    Cleo – You’re awesome because you at least TRIED the whole menu instead of not bothering.

  45. Jessie says:

    Hey guys :)

    @Sara
    Wow, that’s a lot of damage. Will you be able to reside there while the repairs are being done? I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, that the repairs will be done in an expedient manner. Perhaps it’s a good thing that you don’t celebrate Christmas huh? :)

    @Alice
    You posted that you think the guy you’re planning on meeting this weekend is in fact from a different state than the one he originally told you. Based on your research, would it have been easier if he’d agreed to visit you instead of vice versa? If this is true are you still planning on seeing him?

  46. cleo says:

    lily it’s both of you, she offered to lend me her camera to do it!

    *hugs* btw

  47. Lily says:

    Cleo, that was me. I’m the one who’s said that a bunch of times where you could hear it. Happy to be mixed up with Midwest though!

  48. cleo says:

    sandiego sb: you can have a lot of fun with a camera and a mirror or your own arm… there’s something really sexy about a well done bathroom mirror shit for example. it proves that you’re ‘real’

    :)

    midwest would tell you to get a camera with an autotimer that will take 10 shots at a time and just play

  49. SanDiego sb says:

    @cleo thanks, I have a facebook (outside of all of this) and to be honest , i just dont take alot of pictures lol, so the ones i do take, Im usually doing myself

  50. cleo says:

    *sigh* i go “to” not “too” as in as well. grr irked for typoing one of my major grammatical pet peeves.

    also good evening and hello and happy friday to you all

  51. SanDiego sb says:

    @sdT

    its not that i moved slow he just wasn’t willing to compromise meeting in the city in LA (he lives in malibu) and thats further than driving to west hollywood or hollywood, but just 20 mins for him, driving to malibu from my house is 3 hours.

    so it was just alot of back and fourth.

  52. cleo says:

    sara that is hands down some of the best advice i’ve ever seen on this blog that you gave to lisa
    .
    lisa i keep thinking you might prefer stocking in a drug store
    .
    san diego sb if you don’t mind a comment, your legs are awesome but the room behind you is bright and cluttered and your legs don’t look great in the shot… and they’re great legs. same with the pink shirt pic, i would recommend a photo with a big smile or something that shows you doing something or moving. something that shows your personality.
    .
    bela: i have a lunch/breakfast joint i go too but i’ve tried most in the area already and they accomodate my needs. that said, i have tried most of the menu and most of the specials at this point and rarely eat the ‘old favorites’ so i mostly agree with you but not entrely
    .
    SD Twice: is this where i tell you that i ate homemade organic vegetable stew while doing my christmas baking and looking ridiculously hot librarian in a floor length fleece skirt and a cute little top?

  53. TexasSugah says:

    Alice – Sweetheart you were me about a year ago.

    I am no where near a size 2 or a 6 or 10.. ok not far from a 10. I’m built like Mae West or Dorothy Dandrige and I play that up.

    Yes, there are many instances where I have run across the SWF only. And that’s really ok. If that’s what someone wants then ok. When there’s not a race specified I go for it. I totally may not be their type but.. hey.

    And Twice is so right. It took me a while to understand the whole deal of “the cookie”. Sweetie you know what I’m talking about. You have a commodity, think of the cookie as everything sweet about you (personality, education looks, sexuality). Men want and need that. They also have a commodity and it goes beyond just their wallets. Sugar dating is where we exchange those commodities. So, if the consumer (the SD) doesn’t know that your commodity is what he needs you need to at least attempt to. Advertise mija!

    Example, I have great knowledge of middle eastern culture. I’m looking at SDs that are based in the UAE. Why? There’s a direct flight on Emirates. If they are in Saudi, Saudi Aramco has lots of offices here. Another example, my ex was from Turkey. I speak Turkish so I’m working on maybe getting a SD from there. Were they thinking about a Chocolate SD? Probably not.. but they are now!

    On a side note.. why did this guy I’m supposed to meet tomorrow just ask me for what my mortgage costs? Nice.

    BTW have any US sugars had international SDs? One who says he’ll be here every quarter.

    Lily – that’s the difference between “thick” and “fat”. I had a guy tell me that I was thick, because I have the curve, a rack and junk in the trunk. LOL. He was a younger guy. He told me that “fat or big” is when there’s no shape and it’s all just “a big ol mess”.

    Lisa – Ok.. you can go to Wells Clinic.. it’s a 50 dollar flat fee. She is a nurse prac and will write scripts. My insurance doesn’t have a RX plan. I get generics.. they are 10 each. I don’t know what they would try to put you on that is 3 a pill. I have students who are on bipolar meds like, and I’m going to spell this wrong, depakote and ciraquil, that’s way cheaper.

    I go to CVS but I could get them even cheaper at Walmart at 7 bucks a script.

  54. SD TWICE says:

    Suppose you are a lousy cook right now. What if you took lessons and became a really good cook. Then you became the SB that cooks great meals for her SD. All the other SBs scrunching their noses at cooking for the SD, and you are offering that to someone that eats.

  55. SD TWICE says:

    SanDie, This is a lot more helpful, because I really didn’t think the whole problem was being a size 6 black woman. You don’t often get lucky with this kind of info unless you pursue it.

    Part of the problem is you moved slower than the size 2 white girl. Maybe you move slower than many of the girls you are up against on SA? So what could you do to move faster?

    See the answer isn’t just I’m X, so if they don’t like X forget them; but also how you can make yourself into X plus Y and Z… so all those guys that like Y or Z are available to you as possibilities.

  56. Bela says:

    I think the general categorization for anything is a bit sad. Opening yourself to something outside of what you usually have makes more sense to me. Kind of like how people go to the SAME restaurants and order the SAME food everytime. So boring.

  57. SanDiego sb says:

    prefer* wow … i cant spell today

  58. SanDiego sb says:

    soooooooo… an old pot just contacted me (this seriously made me throw my hands up in the air lol)

    i asked him how him and his sb were doing (she lived closer and jumped at the chance to be with him faster than i did)

    this was his reply: ” shes good, boring though, i really perfer a black sb”

    …….

    seriously…i just spent most of the morning racking my brain on what the hell is going on out there in all these sd’s brains… and after all of that someone says they perfer a black sb…

    my head hurts lol

  59. Sara says:

    @Guru- I plead the 5th. I get myself in enough trouble with pots, I don’t need to start on blog gods too.

  60. SanDiego sb says:

    @sd guru
    “Personally, I prefer having sex without sheet covers.”

    i can say i actually laughed out loud on that one lol

  61. Bela says:

    Not to be vulgar but during my undergrad, I interned for an OB/GYN. After that experience, I realized that when a sheet covers what we pay the most attention to, you can’t really see a difference between the races.

    • SD Guru says:

      @SanDiegoSB
      What happens when the choices your make are based on other peoples lies? lol

      Anyone can tell you anything they want. It’s still your choice whether you should believe them.

      @Sara
      Guru- I never pegged you for a holding hands around the fire kind of guy

      Really, so what kind of guy do you peg me as?? ❓

      @Alice
      It seems like most of the legit men that I’ve run into have explicitly stated that they want white women only…

      It’s their choice to prefer SWF or size 2, or whatever. It’s your choice to ignore them.

      @Bela
      Guru, where do you find these smiley’s

      It’s one of those mystical magical powers blog gods have. 😛

      I realized that when a sheet covers what we pay the most attention to, you can’t really see a difference between the races.

      Personally, I prefer having sex without sheet covers. :mrgreen:

  62. SanDiego sb says:

    @alice. ahhhh yes the men that would only compromise the ‘SWF’ for a asian girl, which is even crazier to me because its like night and day in my eyes.

    I have actually, one was supposed to fly in today, but as i said a few posts up he had to go to south america (or whatever lol)

  63. Alice says:

    San Diego – as I mentioned before, I’ve been having the same problem. It seems like most of the legit men that I’ve run into have explicitly stated that they want white women only, and sometime are even willing to compromise for asian, latina, or “light-skinned” women. It frustrates the hell out of me sometimes, because it sometimes sends the message that my intelligence, charisma, etc. don’t mean shit. Or maybe I’m just not as pretty as I thought I was lol.

    I also have a feeling that most guys don’t really know much about women’s clothing sizes lol. I’m a size 2, but I’m also 5’8″ and very small chested. So my size 2 isn’t going to look like curvy Kim Kardashian’s size 2 because she’s super short.

    But try not to get too discouraged, you’re gorgeous and you seem to have an eclectic, diverse personality. :) Have you tried searching for guys outside of your area?

  64. SanDiego sb says:

    I thought i was, and I’ve caught alot of them in lies, which is why it never goes any further.

  65. SD TWICE says:

    No Way! You need to learn to do much better than that. Pay really close attention and figure out whether there’s any truth or not. It might take you a lot of experiences to get good at that, I don’t know. But I think if yoiu really think critically about what you here, especially over time, it doesn’t have to take much experience to recognize the inconsistencies.

  66. Sara says:

    @ Guru- I never pegged you for a holding hands around the fire kind of guy. 😉

  67. SanDiego sb says:

    yep, and i don’t think anyone can blame themselves for that, when you can only go by what other people tell you about themselves for the most part.

  68. SD TWICE says:

    SanDiego sb says:
    December 10, 2010 at 11:22 am
    What happens when the choices your make are based on other peoples lies? lol

    —-

    Things don’t go so great. :(

  69. Bela says:

    lol Guru, where do you find these smiley’s

  70. SanDiego sb says:

    What happens when the choices your make are based on other peoples lies? lol

  71. Lily says:

    I didn’t realize how narrow a california gent’s idea of the feminine shape is. However, although I think all sizes are beautiful, I will agree that the most gorgeous thing is a woman with a waist which then makes the flare of her hips and bust all the more dramatic in comparison. I don’t have a size or weight in mind when I say this, could be a size 14 woman with an hourglass figure and serious ‘back’ and ‘rack’ but she’ll look very feminine and Jessica-Rabbit-y, whereas a gal who has kind of a less-curvy frame to start with and then gains weight to the point where she just loses a ‘shape’ completely, well, even if it’s only 10 pounds overweight, if that happens, and all hourglass-ness is gone, it just ain’t gorgeous.

    Now back to Sandiego — you are rockin’ a lovely figure and should have no complaints. I don’t get it.

    • SD Guru says:

      Looks like it’s time to reprise my kumbaya post from the previous blog topic…

      Without sounding like a broken record, I’d like to repeat my golden rules of sugar dating:

      1. Don’t reward bad behavior.
      2. Don’t ignore warning signs.
      3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time.

      And since we’re in a group hug mode, let’s repeat these sugar mantras together:

      1. I ALWAYS have choices.
      2. I am RESPONSIBLE for the choices I make.
      3. I will NOT let anyone force me to do things I’m not comfortable with.

      Everyone’s experience in the sugar world will usually depend on the choices they make. Therefore, choose wisely and be ready to live with your choices. Now take a deep breath and think happy surgary thoughts!!

  72. Bela says:

    Just know that it’s not you. Letting that crap get to you will drive you nuts. Remind yourself that the ones who aren’t wise enough to recognize your beauty probably wouldn’t be able to handle your sexuality either.

  73. SanDiego sb says:

    @bela very true, i think im just frustrated that my IRL dating is going great, im still single and all, but theres less drama with whomever im seeing/dating/hanging out with then “pots”. I just never thought older or even middle age men would even act the way they do lol.

  74. Bela says:

    lol Your last post is the reason I tend to stay away from any men in California. I’m not saying that’s the only place where men solely desire everything I’m not, but it’s an overwhelming majority.

  75. Bela says:

    SanDiego – I’m sorry babygirl. I, unfortunately, know what you mean. It stinks that you realize how people know what they find attractive. You just sometimes wish you could find more men who weren’t so predictable. I still believe that not all are the same and there are still great ones who will prove me right :) I just don’t expect to find them tomorrow 😉

  76. SanDiego sb says:

    @sd he siad he had to go to south america and that threw a wrench in the rest of his month, which i don’t know that i completely believe.
    oh and he found me on the site, not vice versa.

    @lily, i dont think i was either, but in the sugar world apparently i am lol.

    and there are the ones out there that will give me one but you have to do everything they say, i mentioned this man on here a longgggg time ago, he wanted me to go blonde, which is ridiculous, and when i told him no he had one of my favorite lines from a sugar date that I’m prob always going to remember

    “uhmm have you ever heard of the golden rule? whoever makes the gold makes the rules”

    that is what im dealing with in california sugars lol

  77. Lily says:

    Sandiego- you’re not plus sized. I can’t see that being an issue….
    You should come here, you’d be eaten alive as gorg exotic!

  78. SD TWICE says:

    SanD, What happened to the fellow coming today?

  79. SanDiego sb says:

    Im looking for what every real non ‘user’ sb is looking for, a fun arrangement,monthly, you enjoy each other,great sex (hey im only human), but when your apart, you have separate lives,im not a robot i want tons of chemistry , like nyc sb says on her blog “jump him in the hallway” lol.

    @lily ,barbie..eh maybe.. brown skin is part of the reason why I’ve been having trouble.. just being honest.

    It doesnt so much as bother me that people have types, i personally dont especially when it comes to race, however the men in LA that “act” like they would give an arrangement to a girl, only want size 2 , or as one man said on his profile “if your above a size 4 please dont contact me”

    I dont want to send a million pictures before you decide you want to meet me, i have 2 others that ill send to his email and thats it, that should be enough, id rather meet and see each other in person.

  80. carebear says:

    what do you do when a pot emails you their pic for the first time and you are just not attracted to them at all but they relentlessly contact you via every e-portal possible??

    hmmmm.

  81. SanDiego sb says:

    did i really say “them men” haha oops i meant * the

  82. Sara says:

    @ SanDiego sb – well I will miss you doll. I could understand taking a break, brushing yourself off and than trying again in a little bit.

  83. SD TWICE says:

    SD, maybe you would share some details and a summary of what you’ve been looking for and what you have been finding.

  84. Lily says:

    You look like a brown skinned Barbie and *you* are having problems?! What chance do other southern Cali girls have???

  85. SanDiego sb says:

    because its been ALOT more bad than good, too many fakes, especially in souther cal, them men are AWFUL, they all want p4p, its just annoying, and im over it.

  86. Sara says:

    @ SanDiego sb- aww why

  87. SanDiego sb says:

    I can honestly say, i think i’ve given up on all of this

  88. Lily says:

    Nope, sweetie, I’ve never lived in London. I am in Europe, though. For a long time now, and permanently so. You’ll get my email address via Guru shortly, and I’ll be happy to dish the specifics with you in email/chat then….! I’ll be visiting Paris for New Years!

  89. Lily says:

    It’s the nicest thing in the world to have put the sugar hunt to rest and be able to use all that energy fielding/screening candidates towards other things.

    Like decorating my red/gold Christmas tree! yippee! My favorite time of year…..

  90. Cecile says:

    Lily- Nice! I would love love to meet up! Are you visiting or settling down? You’re based in London, right?

  91. Lisa says:

    oh and going to a regular doctor is unattainable since I don’t have money for the copay and if i’m out of work, no insurance and I check online at the cost of medication, well let’s say 3 dollars a pill is out of the question.

  92. Lisa says:

    actually I have been depressed since I was in junior high, over 30 years ago. but the only time I have trouble is when I’m at work and over stressed.

  93. Lisa says:

    TexaSugah, I had to sign a paper because it is employer mandated. they make it sound like they care about me (well the store manager doesn, my department boss I can tell could care less but she puts on the fake face in front of the big boss) but it is mandatory as I seen on the paper I had to sign and everything is written down and faxed to hr and I’ve got 6 sessions to get cured. but since I couldnt really reveal much of my real feelings the counselor (well it turns out isn’t even a doctor, she’s a social worker counselor, I guess the free coverage doesn’t cover that because there were several phychologists in that office) she has determined that i’m not depressed but just have anxiety and panic attacks and the employer put on the paper that I have anger issues although i’ve never been in conflict with anyone at work but I guess getting upset and crying and whatever I do at home when i’m angry is there business. I feel worse than ever now and my holidays are ruined. sad thing is the place they found me is in walking distance of me too.

  94. TexasSugah says:

    Lisa –

    Sweetheart, as a counselor I am outraged! That is a HAM! For them to say that they are going to report what you say to your boss is an OUTRAGE!

    The whole point of counseling is for there to be a safe place for you to talk about your issues. Midwest is right there are HIPAA laws that should protect you.

    It’s time to find another job. This is a hostile environment. Period. Have you considered seeing a regular doctor and get an antidepressant? You can see someone at one of the rediclinics and they will prescribe an antidepressant.. I am on one and a anxiety medication.

    It will take the red alarms out of what is going on with you. Clinical depression doesn’t go away. I am downright pissed off that you are going through this Lisa. This has been going on for a year.

    I think that you’re amazing to be able to go through all this and keep your head up.

    Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You are amazing darling, and I mean that.
    TS

  95. Bela says:

    too awesome :)

  96. NYC SB says:

    Day 19 … Still profitable :)

  97. Lily says:

    Cecile! Me me me!

    Guru, give Cecile my email.

    I’m soon in Paris!

  98. Sara says:

    @ Lisa – I agree with what everyone has been saying – about actively looking for a job now. And I know you mentioned a lot of various jobs that you feel are not right for your talents, but perhaps you could look for a similar job with a different store (like if you work at a grocery store, than a dfferent grocery store, etc.) It may be the same job but in a different atmosphere that makes you happier at work.

    * Just so you know if/when applying – even if this job wasn’t perfect, you can still put it on your resume and job history on an application. They can only legally say “Yes ____ worked her.Yes _____ worked here from this date to this date.” Period. They can’t even legally say if you were fired or left on your own accord. The only time they can say anything more is if you put them down as a reference. You also have an advantage by being currently employed there, because you can logically say you are not comfortable with them contacting your last emplyoyer, because you still currently work there.

    Lastly, I know you mentioned college and how it is too late for that, etc. but I never think it is too late.You could go one class at a time, or slowly work your way up to more. Once you are out of the 18-24 age bracket, scholorships and grant opportunities go through the roof (you could actually MAKE money going. I.e. you get a 500.00 grant and only spend 300.00 on the class you are taking – I did that in undergrad). If not a full 4 yr degree, looking into an associates or a technical degree or a certification (I got a certification in environmental law – but I have not gotten to law school yet). There is a website fastweb.com that you fill out a profile and it finds scholorships, internships and jobs for people.

    You seem like such a smart, lovely woman and I would just hate for you to not see your own potential.

    Best of luck doll.

    P.S. sorry for the rambling and sorry if my post was overly intrustive.

  99. Sara says:

    @ Jessie – We have to have the entire attic re done – entire ceiling re done – all electrical re done (because it was an electrical fire from the original installation 30 years ago) – all the duct work redone (because it was in the ducts all the ashes spread through out the insullation -cleaning (apparently soot is oily and ruins furniture and curtains and stuff) – walls repainted – it is going to be a good 4-6 wees of stuff. Insurance has been great and everyone seems cooperative thus far.

    Thanks for checking in on me!

    And don’t worry I will be around – winter break is just around the corner for my students.

  100. Carebear says:

    Bela, I count 5

  101. Cecile says:

    (but either way, we’re in a pretty win-win boat, I’d say!)

  102. Cecile says:

    ThirdWorld-I really loved your post the other day, and was 100% on board with you

    “Hey, there is nothing wrong with the exchange of sex for money. I feel like sometimes people feel the need to clarify that because there is such a societal stigma against that idea….It doesn’t mean that SB/SD dating is the same as escorting, but it doesn’t mean that “sex for money” isn’t a part of the equation either. I don’t think SB/SD dating is morally superior to escorting or morally superior to marriage, I just think it’s a different model that works better for me at this point in my life.”

    I meant to comment on it then, but was wrapped up in studying. I’m back on the books now, but I’m actually studying for a Psych Human Sexuality class, for a chapter about Porn & Sex Work and I just came across an excellent quote that I thought you’d enjoy:

    “The woman may suffer no loss at all, yet receive a generous reward, resembling the artist who, paid for his work, loves it so well that he would paint anyway. Purely from the angle of economic return, the hard question is not why so many women become prostitutes, but why so few of them do.”
    -Kingsley Davis (sociologist)

    I don’t consider myself a prostitute as an SB, but I wouldn’t be offended if someone were to call me one, as I don’t consider it an offensive line of work. As SBs I do think we offer something more than the average prostitute or escort. For one thing, most of us are looking for what an escort would call a ‘regular’, but on top of that, we intend to build some type of connection with our benefactors. They care about us to some degree, and we care about them to some degree. It’s up to us to determine what that degree will be in each relationship. The higher the degree, the more we separate ourselves from plain old prostitution.

  103. Bela says:

    wasn’t that Baz Luhrmann?

    I have that song on my mp3 player. It still makes me get a little misty.

    Happy Friday sugary people!

    Pot #2 called me last night as he was driving home DRUNK from the country club to tell me how f*cking beautiful I am. I feel like I’m in one of those seek and find games: How many red flags can you find?

  104. carebear says:

    BiBaby and Michael – dance even if you have on where to do it except in your living room

    my favorite

    =)

  105. Michael Alleycat says:

    Ding ding ding! And the prize goes to BiBaby! I love that song, all very solid advice. It is on high rotation on my iPhone.

  106. BiBaby says:

    @Michael Alleycat,

    Moisturize…

    Reminds me of that awesome 90’s song, the one that ends with “and always wear sunscreen”. It was one dedicated to a graduating class of seniors about life. Anyone remember this or am I alone here?? ;p

    Saw a very interesting “tagline” on an HR recruiters’ work email to me, it said “the secret to happiness isn’t in doing what one likes for a living but rather in liking what one has to do”

    sorry but that’s pretty darn depressing IMHO for a motto but I have to admire her candor…

  107. cleo says:

    every single moisturizer i’ve ever tried pisses off my skin or makes it look worse. i’m really starting to feel the lack

  108. @Tay – if you are still lurking, I found this great quote that sums up what I was trying to say earlier.

    “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” And that begins with education, travel and exploration.

    Just begin. And moisturize.

  109. Jessie says:

    @ Sara

    :) I’m gonna miss you when you go back to school next week.

    BTW, how are you doing with the adjusters etc. Do you have a lot of repairs to do?

  110. Sara says:

    @ Jessie- haha, I am glad you come on just to see what trouble I get into! I didn’t realize I was so entertaining.

  111. The Lone Gunman says:

    Lisa:

    Let me chime in with something that was said earlier–start looking for work NOW. The job you are in is trying to find ways to let you go, based on what you’ve said here.

    I find it incredible that the employer can not only mandate that whatever is discussed in the confines of a treatment scenario be made available to them (a clear violation of privacy if not HIPAA), but they can also mandate what that course of treatment is.

    Get out of there now while you still can. Don’t wait, stop making excuses for why you can’t act and take action.

    TLG

  112. Lisa says:

    i’d like to throw darts at here,
    I can’t really imagine myself somewhere else as i don’t have a desk job or office, i’m on my feet in the supermarket stocking shelves ,dealing with customers, and straightening up stuff. too much distraction for day dreaming. I try to avoid my boss but since she’s in the same department as me, it’s not easy.

  113. Jessie says:

    @ Sara

    “I totally understand not being able to bite your tongue. See what kind of trouble I got myself into! lol”

    Sara, I’m betting you’re one of those that trouble follows around :). I kinda logged in tonight to see how much trouble you got into today :).

    @ Lisa
    I’m so sorry that your workplace is one that’s stressful. Since it seems that majority of your stress occurs just from being there, I agree with BiBaby that you should start looking for a different job. If you can take yourself out of the situation, you stress level might become more manageable.

    I’m not sure if you’ll be able to do this, but I can imagine myself anywhere. Meaning, when you’re at work try and imagine that you’re somewhere else, preferable someplace you’d love to be. Avoid your manager as much as possible. If you need to speak to her, do so curtly with no additional comments and then just get back to what you were doing previously. If you start ignoring her, it might not bother you as much that she doesn’t like you, especially since she seems to spread the “hate” around. If she’s even discourteous to customers, it’s no one you want to share air space with anyway.

    In the meantime get a dartboard and blow up a picture of her, and start taking aim.

  114. carebear says:

    alice, yes thats the mark of a google #

  115. Lisa says:

    Alice that’s strange. are the states close together?

  116. Lisa says:

    BiBaby, i’ve struggled with depression for over 30 years. it went a way for a long time and really didn’t resurface till a few years ago. i’m fine on my days off but when I go to work, some days are good and some days are horrible. This job was great till last year when the best boss ever transfered to another store and the only male worker also was promoted and moved to a different store. The coworker that was never very friendly became dept head. I have observed her behavior towards people and she’s friendly and chatty to her peers but cold to me. And as far as customers are concerned, if a central american woman comes in and asks for help, she’s spend 30 minutes helping her whereas when an elderly person comes in , non hispanic, she will say “it’s over there and point and not even look at the customer. i’ve even had some of those customers tell me that they didn’t like her. when the vendors come in they think i’m the manager and when I take them over to her, they look kinda funny as she is not what they are expecting (looks about 16, cell phone in hand,etc)

    not sure what I can do as I have no college or anything and i’m limited on where I can work as the stores at the mall won’t hire me because I have credit card lawsuits with 5 of them so obviously I will never pass a credit check. I also have no transportation except the bus which in Houston is very poor.

  117. Alice says:

    So…I’m a bit concerned. I checked out the ip address of this guy earlier in the week, and it pointed to another state than he claims to be from. Now he’s texting me, and both his “nyc number” that I was given and an additional number show up whenever I receive messages (I think that this is typical of numbers masked by Google Voice?)…looked it up and it’s coming up as being from the same city and state that came up earlier in the week. This combined with his apparent lack of concern for the fact that I have more to lose out of this trip than him, I’m about ready to drop him once and for all. :(

  118. BiBaby says:

    @Lisa,

    I wish you the very best of luck ((HUGS)) but as a person who has worked in HR & retail management on the legal side, I would propose regardless of what you do, you consider the possibility of looking elsewhere for work *now*. Not because of anything you’ve done but because once something like this gets into a personnel record, it’s a scarlet letter from that point forward.

    I should know, I lost my job of 3 years earlier this year when they found out I was narcoleptic and legally disabled from this. I took medication and it never affected my job except for the fact I was always tired (duh) and I made the mistake of admitting in confidence to a supervisor my struggles with this. I wound up with a company investigation under the pretext of “accommodating my disability more fully” and ended up out of work a few months later. Not a good situation.

    A lot of employers are afraid of any health issues because of possible ADA lawsuits and concerns of the expenses covering those things, at least in the United States (not sure if you’re overseas).

    Good luck, remember when God closes a door that a window then opens…

  119. Lisa says:

    Sara the store management is always on her because she doesn’t get everything done, she’s under stress too as she’s too young to have that job, she’s young and likes to stay up late, comes in to work late, she has me coming in at 8 am and she doesn’t come till 11 am (you would think that the manager would come in first). they have no one else to do the job and I dont’ want and couldn’t handle it. I do well to make it through the 28 hours a week I work.

    They all tell me i’m a very good employee that is dependable and always completes my tasks and works very hard, but since it’s reported to HR, i’m in the hot seat.

  120. NYC SB says:

    NYCSB- you can’t fool us, we all KNOW you have 47 traders lining the block to your apartment just waiting for you to tell them what size louboutins you are 

    Now that my dear is the dream! A girl can only hope

  121. Lisa says:

    and HR is involved so the procedure is if i’m not fixed after a few sessions, I either continue by paying for my own (impossible since I make less than 900 a month, and any of that governement stuff is not going to be close to me like this one is and I have no transportation) or the company terminates me, it’s not up to the store manager.

  122. Sara says:

    @ Lisa- don’t they have one of those annonymous tip lines on a poster in the back to call for HR and complain? What your boss is doing is unprofessional and potentially against policy. Is she specifically targeting you? Have you asked what you are doing wrong so you can do better? It sounds like she abuses her power and doesn’t quite know what to do with it.

  123. Lisa says:

    my store managers care about me but my immediate supervisor doesn’t. She is always standing around with the other people talking and laughing but see they are all 20 somethings, all from central america, etc. she is a very cold person to me.

    I don’t know about starbucks, that comes back to dealing with long lines of people, I had to quit a customer service job because of the stress. I cannot multitask and cannot handle stress. and cannot follow directions if my life depended on it.

  124. cleo says:

    oh lord. i think even starbucks has to be better than that; and they have benefits…

  125. Alice says:

    Lisa – I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety throughout much of my life, and I know that it can be tough to put on a “brave face” just to be able to get through the day if something is seriously bothering you. Co-workers can be so judgmental sometimes, and think that they know what’s best for you based on assumptions and not actually understanding what you’re going through. But yours seem to really care about your well-being, and I wish you the best in your counseling sessions. :)

  126. Lisa says:

    the mandatory counseling is for anger management although I have never had a conflict with anyone at work . I just get upset and cry alot, I get along with everyone, my boss just makes me feel like nothing. she’s a 20 year girl who has never been friendly to me. Even if I try to engage her in conversation, she is non reponsive. We got a new girl working with us which I like alot, she’s very nice and although she’s a little slow, she is a big help to me. however she is intimidated by our boss too and the boss is quite critical of her so she’s thinking about quitting.

  127. Lisa says:

    Cleo our bathroom is public and since there is only one stall, there is no privacy (it is almost constantly occupied by customers) so there is no privacy in there. and really there is nothing to talk about other than work because that is the main source of my stress.

    what brought this on was when I had to work on thanksgiving and I was very upset, a customer was talking to me (he has known my family and I for years, not personally but he would see us out walking or in a store) and he was talking about how stores should be closed on holidays. he also was kinda asking me out in which i’m not interested because he’s kinda ugly, needs to wear more deodorant, etc . He asked about my weekends and I told him I had to work weekends. he said i should ask my boss for time off and I told him that I had trouble talking to my boss because she didn’t really like me (true). she was eavesdropping on me and came up and told me i needed to watch what I said because things go around. I burst into tears and spent the rest of the day very sad and tearful. worst thanksgiving ever.

  128. Sara says:

    @ Alice- I’ve been to college- it sucks – we have all been there. Let me know if it gets really bad (and don’t resort to a sort of sketch first meet out of desperation)

    While I have many talents, being internet savvy is not one of them. I have no idea how to message on someone’s blog. Do I have to be a member?

    Maybe the magical mods here (who I probably should bake cookies for or something, because they are so darn awesome) could send you my email info.

  129. Lisa says:

    midwest, I sign a document today agreeing that everything discussed would be reviewed by my company’s HR person and the store manager. I told them I never considered suicide although I do almost daily, that would cause problems. i’ve got 5 more sessions and then i’m probably be fired if I can’t put on a good act at work and pretend everything is ok. thing is today I was off work, got to sleep late, had a good day, no stress, no backache from work (I have a backache everyday when I get off work from lifting and pushing heavy merchandise), I was wearing my own clothes which I feel good in, I hate uniforms, i’m a different person when i’m not at work.

  130. cleo says:

    you could talk about things around your job that affect you though right? like not talk about hating it but talk about how tired your body is some days or being broke. i don’t know

    i’m glad you’re getting something, i wish you could make proper use of it. why does your job hinge on it?

    by the way, there are physical signs of a panic attack as it’s coming on; would your boss consider taking off for the bathroom to breathe an acceptable compromise if you learned to tell they were coming on?

    if so i can email you some physical information and sort of professional advice for HOW to do that breathing to calm down and the like (unless the blog is interested?)

  131. Alice says:

    Sara – You’re so sweet! But I couldn’t ask someone to do that, I’ve pulled myself out of some pretty spectacular screw ups before, I’ll figure something out. If you message me on my blog, I can give you my e-mail address so we can stay in contact though. 😀

    In regards to your last question, I’m going to meet him in NYC. I travel there a lot to visit friends, and I’m very familiar with the town. My friends know that I will be in town (though still unaware of the reason haha) and I plan on checking in and visiting with them on Sunday.

    Midwest – I agree completely. I’ve been trying to take my mind off of finances for the time being, so I can stay focused and not blindly jump into anything headfirst. :)

    Thanks so much for all of your input guys, really appreciate it!

  132. Midwest SB says:

    Lisa – I’m so glad you’re going…you’re employer has a vested interest in you and not telling the whole truth doesn’t benefit anyone. There are HIPAA laws that protect you. Please take advantage…this is an opportunity.

  133. Lisa says:

    thanks Sara It just stressed me out that I have to be careful what I say because it is being reported by to 3 different people, super stressful for me and kinda pointless. I can’t say I hate my job because that will cause problems (but really why would I love a stocking job, lifting heavy stuff all the time and having a snotty boss).

  134. Sara says:

    @ Lisa – I am so sorry that getting any kind of help or relief is such a stressful thing. You seem so sweet. Good luck with everything.

  135. Lisa says:

    Good evening everyone. Looks like we need a new topic? too much to scrow down on.

    for those who have known me for awhile, today I attended my first counseling session for depression (it is employer mandated and my job is actually hanging on the success of the program) i’m getting 6 employer paid sessions but everything I say is being reported back to my company. I had to sign to that today. if i’m not fixed after 6 sessions, of well, it’s hopeless. anyway since I can’t speak confidentally, I had to be careful with my words and not mention certain things. the counselor says i’m not depressed, just have panic attacks and suggests breathing exercise when i get stressed. not very easy to do when you have customers in front of you or a boss critical of you. so i’m finally getting help but since I cannot risk my job by being honest in some things, I don’t see how it is going to help. on the plus side, the place is a few blocks from me so it takes only a few minute to walk there.
    I just wish it weren’t employer mandated, now i’ve got to put on an act. today of course was a good day because I was off work and stressfree so it was hard to talk about the things that make me unhappy (being that I was away from the place that makes me unhappy and couldnt risk letting them know I hate my job.

  136. Sara says:

    ok..First of all: Woot Woot for all the JEWS!

    second:

    @ Cleo – Patti knows what’s up, it is all about the spinners 😉

    @ Cecile- We are happy to have you doll!

    @ NYCSB- you can’t fool us, we all KNOW you have 47 traders lining the block to your apartment just waiting for you to tell them what size louboutins you are 😉

    @ BiBaby- So glad to see you back hun, glad everything worked out…..sort of and glad you don’t deal with jerks who don’t understand the concept either 😉

  137. Arcadia SB says:

    Wow lots to catch up on since this afternoon, just made myself a healthy dinner (grilled salmon, sauted green beens w/ garlic and olive oil and lightly salted edamame, yum!) which I’m counteracting by crackin open a cold one.

    Cleo – I’m glad someone else feels that way :) There are very few places I feel like I can mention (or even joke about) gettin some action.

  138. cleo says:

    midwest: it’s the one with the woman from the real housewives of new jersey who hires patti for her sons…

  139. cleo says:

    midwest i had a near miss with someone in a very similar business situation and although we never quite had the arrangement we wanted i am deeply grateful for his friendship and feel lucky to know him.

    at the root of all this aren’t we supposed to be *friends* with benefits after all?

  140. Midwest SB says:

    Cleo – Is that the same guy who brought his ENTIRE family to pick the girl?

  141. cleo says:

    sara!! omg omg

    so i downloaded some of this season of millionaire matchmaker because you all keep talking about it and omg patti said a guy liked spinners and i died laughing! she looked so innocent somehow (season 4 ep 2)

  142. Midwest SB says:

    As many of you know, first SD and I split amicably after some troubles with his business. We are still very close friends and have a great deal of respect for one another. He even sent a Christmas gift and is helping with the job search. We’re very lucky to have met one another and realize it.

  143. cleo says:

    bela if i had a ‘no sex’ SD i would consider it an unusual life coaching scenario rather than an SD one you know? to me there is always an element of romance in the sb/sd dynamic and without touching and sexuality it would seem strange to me i think.

    but then, like arcadia, mama needs to get some boom boom once in a while!

    lol
    .
    FL-sd: it’s a lot easier to stay friends with a financially troubled SD who is straight with you from the get go than it is someone who isn’t. the difference is literally immeasurable between a trusted lifelong friend and a distant memoy

  144. Cecile says:

    The next time I get drunk I’m probably going to go mushy all over this blog. You people are so sweet & supportive. It’s tops.

  145. FL-SD says:

    @BiBaby:
    “but have any of you come back to a sugarbaby after things settled down and had it work out well? Would you go back to one who is waiting on you and keeping the friendship while things sort out in your life, is that a plus in any way that shows commitment in the arrangement should you resume??”
    It would mean a lot to me, personally.
    BUT.. some other thoughts just to offer other ways to look at this… It may be that he never does come back for multiple possible reasons. If that be the case, you should be continuing your search.
    OR He may re-enter the sugar world with a revised budget, or expectations, or a different interest. In which case you should be continuing your search.
    OR
    He may morph naturally and genuinely into a great friend because that’s the way the great universe wants it to happen. If that be the case you should be continuing your search.
    and of course(and I hate to go here…but) he could also have just changed his mind(or might in the interim) and will not resume with you… In which case you should be continuing your search.

    I guess my thought is that your interest, understanding and support mean a lot to a genuine SD who is just having a rough month/quarter…

    but your goals are important to you and you should seriously consider whether you can compromise them for this arrangement. In most cases it is understood that the SB is in the more exposed position and that the cessation of an allowance implies that she should initiate or continue(as the case may be…) the search..

    He sounds great and your understanding and support can be a huge ray of sunshine in his world… just don’t make yourself too exposed if things don’t resume for whatever reason the universe has in store…

  146. Bela says:

    Or having girls’ night out without cocktails.

  147. Bela says:

    In my opinion, there’s really no such thing as free sex. The idea of a sexless arrangement with an SD, no matter how much may be offered, doesn’t appeal to me. I’m a sexual being and not focusing that sexual energy on someone who obviously cares for me feels about as normal as skipping a conditioning treatment after washing my hair.

  148. cleo says:

    okay i’m still in the scroll and didn’t realize when i commented to alleycat… that said
    .
    WCSD i utterly agree. money is absolutely involved and sex for money is as well… the difference is a few factors; theoretically at least the sd and sb care about and for each other, both have ‘a say’ in whether or not or whatever which is VERY different for an escort and there is more to it than just sex. there are dinners and shared experiences as well…
    .
    okay off to finish the scroll

  149. cleo says:

    i’m with midwest alleycat, i think it’s one of those things where tone was utterly lost via text…
    .
    as for me? trying to make myself work and SO NOT in the MOOD!

  150. BiBaby says:

    @Midwest,
    yes, SD has been so sweet, a friend regardless of outcome I think which is nice. I’ve stayed friends with my earlier quasi-gift daddy and it’s been good.

    He’s a reservist, he has a real job (pot#2) as a design engineer for a jet manufacturer I believe so he’s not an actual full time enlisted, but just drew duty for 2 weeks which prevented us meeting as planned. I believe he is a captain in the naval reserve but he has an actual day job too and owns a vineyard so I suspect we’re ok. :)

  151. Midwest SB says:

    BiBaby- I was just wondering where you were! Congrats on SD returning…I’m glad he’s remained a gentleman through this.

    I’m wondering if Military pot actually has an income to support what you are asking? I was married to a military officer and even the single officers don’t clear what most SDs clear.

    It’s good to see your spirits up again!

  152. BiBaby says:

    Aurelia NC says:
    December 8, 2010 at 7:23 pm
    @Sara- I’m a Jew too haha

    Ha! I’m half Jew myself Aurelia! :) But since its my mother’s side, she says its 100% Jewish Princess because it’s a maternal lineage. DH agrees…

    Sara,
    Oh yes I’ve had men/pot SD’s try to make me feel bad about asking for allowance. My favorite remains “plastic sex” boy. He emailed me for 5 weeks trying to get me to fly down to Miami to see an NFL game (sweet!) and we get the date together and I ask him in an email about how he would like to do allowance and he replies “Oh, I didn’t know you were a PROFESSIONAL. I was thinking an NFL sideline ticket, roundtrip airfare, nice hotel and a great meal would be more than enough to have “plastic sex” (ie use a condom) with a bored housewife”

    To which I curbed my desire to reply viciously and told him thanks for the compliment that I look like a pro but honestly he is misguided and needs to take his meager offer to Ashleymadison dot com where it will be fought over by REAL bored housewives who think that sort of sh*t is awesome. I then proceeded to tell him it is obvious my looks are waaaaay above a bored housewife and he had the common sense to know I meant what I put out there as my allowance.

    I never heard from him again but to his credit, he DID remove his profile.

    On my SD front, my sweet SD I hadn’t heard from didn’t poof…his business suffered a huge setback and a deal did not close. So he is short nearly 6 figures going into the new year. since Xmas is coming he told me he could not in good conscience continue the arrangement and short his wife/kids but told me he was considering a nice gift as a good faith gesture and that he’d like to go forward as soon as things stabilize as he has a different deal underway (he is a venture capitalist, so I understand the instability of income….feast or famine).

    I hope he comes through as I replied I will keep in touch and think the world of him and it would be great if he wanted to get me a present, I would think of him looking at it and keep the friendship in mind going forward if things can improve on his end. I received the nicest reply that this meant the world to him and it reads sincere. I understand he has things going on, i just hope I can keep my own tuition etc going in the meantime, I can’t be mad at him about things beyond his control.

    pot SD#2 is a sweetie too, much younger but is military and just got activated for training for 2 weeks so he’s still stuck out west and we’ve still not gotten a chance to meet in over a month! We email every other day. Really would like to meet him as well, very nice person and generous on allowance, but same problem with logistics. Would suck if he’s the real deal and he gets shipped out on deployment *sigh* but being a high ranking officer, I think he’ll get some leave. I hope to at least meet him before he ships out and just see where it goes.

    any advice from the SD’s out there on these types of relationships? I mean I’m not stressing them and I don’t want to bring drama in anyone’s life and I know ultimately I’m responsible for my own tuition, etc…but have any of you come back to a sugarbaby after things settled down and had it work out well? Would you go back to one who is waiting on you and keeping the friendship while things sort out in your life, is that a plus in any way that shows commitment in the arrangement should you resume??
    Any advice?

  153. Cecile says:

    @Alice- No kidding, French is tough. I lived in Germany for a year, and that was so much easier to pick up. French is a mouthful, but after 2 years of immersion, I think I’m finally getting the hang of it.

    Crossing my fingers for you on your meet-up this weekend!

    Take it easy the night before, if you can. Beauty rituals and a long hot bath are the path I’d take. You’re sure to ooze charm if you’re feeling confident and well rested.

  154. NYC SB says:

    Sara – 47 pots … Lol I have none at the moment (well one but he might be crossing over to sd land)

  155. Sara says:

    @WCSD- I agree that there are just as many fake SB’s as SD’s – my personal compromise is to see eachother a few times before sex is involved (nothing ridiculous- maybe a first meet and dinner or two) that way when you officially reach an arrangement and it is time for an allowance (or time for sex) he is comfortable enough to trust you and you him.

    Another alternative I have heard – but not actually partook in- was a small amout of money or a gift as a “good faith gesture”. It says “I am the real deal and there is more to come”

  156. WCSD says:

    Midwest – “I’m not trying to contradict your views WCSD, but it’s a challenging area…especially when you’re new. I’m sure you wouldn’t want any of these ladies to be taken.” – I couldn’t agree more.

    Third World – I don’t think that could have been stated any better.

  157. Sara says:

    @ Alice – bottom line I care about the people in this blog more than some of my actual friends. I feel like we share a kindred that most people don’t. That said – I would rather be your temporary “sugar mama” (in a platonic sense of course) and help you with rent than see you get into a sticky situation. I don’t want to see you a. homeless or b. in a bad situation with a potential.

  158. Yaz says:

    Hey everyone!

    Lisa~ So nice to see you back on the blog :)

  159. WCSD says:

    Sara – I agree with your two distinctions. As for the logic for a fake SD, the same logic applies to a SD about a fake SB (not that I’m condoning ‘test drives’). As many who are much smarter than me have stated, it all comes down to trust, and both the SD and SB need to do everything they can to establish trust or else someone isn’t going to be satisfied…which isn’t very mutually beneficial.

  160. Midwest SB says:

    Alice – First meet “weekends” are typically disastrous! Just have a first meet drinks or dinner, then make plans for a second meet. Stand your ground and don’t let the need to pay rent encourage you to do something you will regret. WCSD brings up a good point in not having sex because it’s about the money. Have sex because you want to. To balance that a bit, sex does not guarantee an allowance, so don’t expect one unless you have agreed to the details. Even at that, there are men who have gone so far as to agree to terms and never come up with an allowance…this is why we encourage ladies to get the details taken care of first with some sign of good faith and a good feeling in your gut. Do not let a potential push you into something when you are not ready…he is not a true gentleman or SD…bottom line. Don’t let this scare you out of meeting him…just be careful and good luck!

    I’m not trying to contradict your views WCSD, but it’s a challenging area…especially when you’re new. I’m sure you wouldn’t want any of these ladies to be taken. Glad you’re back! How’s the fam?

  161. Hey, there is nothing wrong with the exchange of sex for money. I feel like sometimes people feel the need to clarify that because there is such a societal stigma against that idea. But in reality, most marriages worldwide (thinking of my own country as a particularly fitting example) are build on the idea that women must get married and have sex and bear children in exchange for lifetime financial support. Of course, no one says this directly, but when I tell my family here that I don’t intend to get married, their first question is always, “How will you support yourself?!” Our society is founded on the exchange of sex/intimacy/housework for financial support. Escorting is one alternative model, SB/SD Dating is another. It doesn’t mean that SB/SD dating is the same as escorting, but it doesn’t mean that “sex for money” isn’t a part of the equation either. I don’t think SB/SD dating is morally superior to escorting or morally superior to marriage, I just think it’s a different model that works better for me at this point in my life.

  162. Sara says:

    @Cecile- Hahaha I like you! Great addition to the blog!

  163. Cecile says:

    I read on one blog about an SD who was married and felt too guilty to actually have sex with his SB, but still craved the excitement of flirtation and regular meetings over dinner or drinks with a pretty girl. I guess I can soort of udnerstand that idea, but it’s definitely not anything I’d hold my breath for as an SB.

    On top of that, in my mind, an SB should, in theory, be young, attractive, hopefully intelligent, and enjoy sex. You’re treading on narcissism if you think you’re such an amazing conversationalist that men will float you loads of cash just to hear you speak.

  164. SD TWICE says:

    I suppose that would be NO SEX for NO MONEY

  165. Sara says:

    Haha @WCSD- I actually respect your comment and agree to some extent. The two key distinctions though are 1. I can and will say no. An escort doesn’t usually turn down clients and 2. It isn’t just sex. And it isn’t sex all the time.

    The logic behind not having sex until you get your allowance isn’t because you will only have sex if you get money it is so you don’t get used by fake SD’s.

  166. Midwest SB says:

    Arcadia – How long have you two been in the arrangement? Have you discussed exclusivity? Since he warned you about the commitment, has it diverted from anything he mentioned would happen? My thoughts are to give him the benefit of a doubt if you feel he is not phasing you out. It’s fine to see what’s out there, but I think he gets your first priority. Perhaps discussing a back-up plan for the allowance when “in-person” isn’t an option. If he is truly “Phasing you out” then by all means start looking.

    Cecile – I believe Lily may be nearby and I know she has visited Paris a time or two, so definitely reach out to her. She’s from the US too! As for long distance SDs, I had one who lived in AZ but traveled to Vegas and Florida often. I enjoyed the long-distance aspect, but you really have to mind the details and have a strong back-up plan each time you travel. Also, determine how many days/ month you want to travel to him and vice-versa if it’s an option. I like the long-distance simply because it’s easier to be the “dream girl” and to keep his/hers/our time more delineated.

  167. @WCSD – you’re a brave man ….

  168. WCSD says:

    Sara – ” I know it isn’t sex for money, but it is a “special friend” for “assistance”. ” I always find this comment funny. I mean I agree to the theory, but really, how often has it been stated on the blog ‘Don’t have sex with him until you’ve received your allowance’. Doesn’t that blatently state ‘sex for money’. In the end, it really is a bit of sex for money (I might get crucified for this one), but to me the important distinction is it isn’t ONLY sex for money.

  169. We have a saying in Australia – if you want a friend, get a dog.

    The ‘no-sex’ SB thing just leaves me scratching my head. I know it does work for some, and god bless ’em if it rocks their world. Just not mine.

  170. Sara says:

    @WCSD – no sex allowed sounds silly. I know it isn’t sex for money, but it is a “special friend” for “assistance”. So something has to make it special. I don’t cook elaborate meals in lingerie for my regular friends, lets put it that way.

  171. Sara says:

    @Alice- that makes me nervous! Where are you going to see him? Or have you just taking the time off, but staying local?

  172. WCSD says:

    Sara/Lisa – SDs also get contacted by SBs who want no sexual contact at all (the ‘other NSA – No Sex Allowed). It may work for some, but not for me. I don’t bother getting into a logical arguement with them about it as it truly is a waste of time (‘really, you mean I should pay you and spoil you to be my friend, really, I don’t have enough friends like that already that are truly my friends and I don’t need to spoil but I like to’).

    Arcadia – To me, it all comes down to your agreement with your SD on whether you are selfish or impatient. I’m never ‘exclusive’ with a SB, so I don’t care if she wants to find another SD (for any reason). I do require her to be available, and for me to not notice any difference (that she has multiple SDs or not) or else it introduces drama to OUR relationship, and that is not what I’ve signed up for. But for me, what you do on your time, is up to you. I know that this is NOT shared by all SDs, so it really comes down to what works for you and your SD.

  173. SD TWICE says:

    Shay, what happened with those meetings? Where did it fall apart? was it just on the money talk? How did you get to the long distance one without some feel for a deal being reachable?

  174. Alice says:

    Welcome Cecile! I’ve been studying French on & off for about 10 years, and I still can’t hold a proper convo haha. My school friend & I accidentally gave wrong directions to this French couple in NYC Chinatown a few years ago, so I’m even more hesitant to speak it now lol.

    Sara – yay, the more sugar friends the merrier!

    Getting increasingly nervous about my meeting this weekend, I think I’m putting too much weight on what will happen if this doesn’t work out. Irresponsible roommates have left me in a really bad position, and I might have to work straight through the holidays just to make rent…which means no going back to my hometown…now my mom wants us all to go to Orlando. :( At least I’d get the entire apartment alone for a few weeks until the Spring semester starts up, just me & my cat with endless boxes of cupcakes. <3

    But the guy has this idea that I "may or may not spend the entire weekend" with him depending on how well we click in the beginning…would have thought that my time was a bit more valuable. (especially since he knows that I'm taking time off of work to come see him.) Either way, I still have my friends to fall back on if I need a place to stay. I really hope it does work out, he seems like a nice guy with A LOT of potential for this to work out well for both of us.

    So much going on!!

    /end random rant

  175. SD TWICE says:

    I recommend not depending on any arrangement without very good reason. Continue your searches, but be clear about whether you are available now or not.

  176. I am totally not shaving my legs until I wake up in the morning to the discovery that he has *not* cancelled though…

  177. Hmm. Round 2 of attempting to begin travel arrangement is tomorrow. Seems like first cancel was probably legit. Fingers crossed.

  178. Cecile says:

    I get the feeling that a chatroom would be an excellent addition to this site.

  179. Cecile says:

    @Arcadia/Sara

    Personally I even prefer the idea of long distance SDs. The majority of my offers are from SDs who are often on business in Paris, and want the pleasant company of a familiar face when they do find themselves in town. I’m not looking to settle down or get tied up in emotional drama, so I think this is an ace way to keep things clean and light.

    All a matter of preference!

    Is your SD a one-at-a-time kind of guy, Arcadia?

  180. Bela says:

    Arcadia – I’m in your same position regarding long distance SD’s. Honestly, if your schedule permits it the frequency of how often he wants to see you will depend on him. Travel expenses can add up and it may or may not affect your monthly allowance (if you receive one.) Personally, I love to travel so the more often the better, but everyone is different. Like Sara said, having more than one helps when the inevitable fizzle occurs.

    Cecile – Welcome!! Glad to see a new face  Hopefully, all goes well for you.

  181. Cecile says:

    @Sara- Thanks babe! Raising my glass of red to a sugary friendship!

  182. Sara says:

    @ Arcadia – I had a pot that sort of “fizzled out” too….when I realized I was getting upset about it, I realized it was unhealthy and I needed to continue my search. You will meet someone else interesting in the next few days and it will be fine. It is possible everything he says is true and things will be fine in the future, but if not at least you jumped right back in. Also, it never hurts to have #2 or #3 (or #47 if you are lucky and successful as NYCSB)

    As for the long distance thing – the way I see it (and I think a lot of ladies do) is if he can afford you, he can afford to travel. It may be very worth your while. I am currently talking to a man in Ohio, and other ladies in the blog also have experience with long distance SD’s.

  183. I did my MBA in Singapore, focus was International Management. It was the Sgp campus of an Australian uni.

    It was interesting in that if it had been a quant-based MBA (economics, acctg, M&A etc) I would not have had a chance. But the MBA was focused on people development & business development, which worked really well for me. There seemed to be a lack of depth in Sgp with people with those skills, strangely enough. Plus the usual Sgp lack of creativity slowed the other students down.

    I always fantasized about applying to IIM and doing something there. Oh well, next life maybe.

  184. Sara says:

    @Cecile – you are gorgeous! I am more than happy to be your sugar friend.

    Magical Powers that Be- please send her my email address too

  185. @Alleycat

    Yeah, the education level here is insane. Smart kids here apply to MIT as a *backup* school.

  186. Cecile says:

    Excellent! Share away, gods & goddesses!

  187. Sara says:

    I LOVE how we have started referring to blog maintainers as all sorts of mystical, magical, god-like things hahaha

  188. Arcadia SB says:

    Cecile: Always up for more friends! perhaps the blog Gods/Goddesses would share my e-mail with you? Also, I may be moving to Scotland or London in a few months for school, so then i would be a European SB too.

  189. Cecile says:

    Hey Sugar friends,

    Scoped out the blog for the first time today. Had no idea there was such a whirlwind of conversation to be found in the comments! It’s excellent, because I’m just dipping into the sugar bowl, talking to my first pot SD. (Look at me go, I’ve been on the blog so long this afteroon that I’ve already learned your lingo!)

    Sara-Loved your posts, so I took your enthusiastic hints and ordered the book. It should make for an educational holiday read :)

    I’ve already got questions so it would be great to have a sugar friend to email now and again. Anybody up for that??

    Any European SBs on here? I’m in Paris. Far, far away from most of you, it looks like.

    Ok, be well, everybody,
    xCecile

  190. Arcadia SB says:

    So a two part question for everyone and part for those of you who have had long distance SDs:
    Firstly, I’ve had one SD, it’s been great, but he’s basically disappeared to work on a major project for work for the past two weeks. He warned me about it, but there’s still another week until the deadline and I’ve heard from him maybe three times since then and haven’t gotten my allowance because we do that in person. I think he’s pretty up and up and will probably see me again, but he may also be trying to politely phase me out. I’m sure I’ll get my December allowance, but am not sure about his continuing commitment (I mean, one e-mail a week? we were talking every day to every other day, since he is a few hours away, and were seeing each other twice a week). So I’ve restarted my search, partly because this is the longest I’ve gone without sex since I lost my virginity (oh, serial monogamy…so glad to not have a clingy boyfriend, but the costant supply of boom boom was great) and partly because I miss getting the nice gifts and having my allowance pushed back hasn’t been great for my finances. What is general blog opinion on this? Fair to be looking for someone new? or am I just being impatient and selfish?

    Secondly, since I’ve started looking again, I’ve gotten an e-mail or two from the west coast…which considering I’m in KY is pretty far away. He seems to be looking for a regular SB, not just a one time visit. Is a long distance thing like this possible or just more trouble than it’s worth? How have you wonderful and gorgeous blog SB’s handled such things?

    Thank you oh might blog spirits for all of your wonderful advice. I need to post more instead of just lurking, but I only seem to do it when i have questions…well part of that was jsut venting about my way to busy SD…you know…a woman has needs, and most of mine aren’t financial…makes me ALMOST wish I had a boyfriend again….almost.

  191. * consisting = considering. Dang iPhones.

  192. Michael Alleycat says:

    @thirdworld – I am going to be in Oz for christmas & New Year but have to get back to US to get my daughter to school. BUT I am thinking of detouring back to US for a week via sgp, train to Bkk, maybe Cambodia to show my daughter how other parts of the world live.

    As a sidebar, I have some indian malay friends who are seriously consisting their 12 y.o. daughter to school in India as they feel she is educationally disadvantaged in the US.

  193. Sara says:

    @ third world – I agree with you 100%, I wouldn’t want a SD who doesnt enjoy helping me or seeing me happy.

  194. Shay says:

    The problem is that the type of person who thrills to such things is not going to be interested in me specifically. Personality mismatch.

  195. @ Sara

    Exactly. Men with that kind of money usually like to spend it on things. Some want expensive cars, some want lush vacations, some want exquisite dinners, some want luxurious condos in the prime part of town, some want to spend time with beautiful women in the form of a sugar baby. Of course, some can afford multiple or all of these things, and some prefer to save their money, or choose something other than a SB to spend their money on. But for a lot of men, having a SB and spending their money that was thrills them.

    That’s kind of the only kind of SD I am interested in. I want supporting me to feel like a thrill to my SD, and I want my gratitude and affection to make him feel great. I don’t really want to have a SD who feels like this is the only way he can get laid discreetly and wants to fork a minimal amount of money so that he can focus the rest of his money on “worthwhile endeavors” like fancy cars, etc. This is why I really like much older men, though. They have usually finished paying for their kids’ college, are done with their fancy car phase, and want a SB truly because they get a thrill out of spoiling a young lady.

  196. Sara says:

    @ Shay – my only thought is that maybe this IS the lifestyle they want, so it is the cost of the lifestyle. Some men like to buy boats when they get good money….some like to have an incrediable woman in their life?

  197. @ Alleycat

    Haha. My love of trains was actually discovered in the US, funnily enough. But yes, totally in love with them. Choose them over flying anyway if time allows. I am also totally in love with the country, although there are a lot of challenges associated with living here that are probably less of an issue as a tourist.

    Any desire to come back and visit anytime soon? 😉 I’m planning to hit up the Himalayas sometime in January.

  198. Shay says:

    you know if there is one thing this whole thing has taught me… it’s what a precarious hold everyone has on stability. I used to consider someone making 200-500k/yr to be very well off, and of course they are, but it is not as great as I thought. Looking at SD Guru’s numbers and running some of my own calcs has really helped put things in perspective. Consider the taxes, then the cost of their lifestyle, and if they have a wife & kids to support it gets even worse. Asking even 4k allowance, well suddenly it’s like you’ve hired an entire employee who works for you only a few times a month, and then they want all these travel benefits and gifts on top, wtf? Their salaries are meant to elevate them to a higher lifestyle, but it’s very difficult to carry someone, and if they do carry it’s not going to be as far as they could go themselves on their own and they hurt themselves considerably in the process.

    Kind of interesting that anyone does it at all really. I wonder what the common link is.

  199. Sara says:

    @ Michael – your posts always make me want to be more adventurous!

  200. @ThirdWorld – I figured it was India, as no other country has such a great train network! You mentioned trains several times.

    It’s my favourite country ever – I used to live in Singapore so I would travel there for tech business, mainly Chennai and Bangalore, plus a bunch of private ‘off-the-beaten-track’ travel. Great people, stunning food, beautiful country. Have not been further north than Mumbai though, getting up to the mountains in the north is definitely on the list of things to do.

  201. Sara says:

    SIdenote everyone: I realize how much I have been talking lately, I don’t normally blog 24/7. My house had a fire last week so I took the week off to sit with insurance adjusters and restoration people and electricians, etc. lol

  202. Sara says:

    @ Michael – sounds like a lot of fun…..makes for some good “spark”

  203. ok ok ok it was a kinda cute comment.

    She actually goes to the same gym as I do, and has been doing so for the last 5 years, but I don’t remember seeing her! She is confident, has had a successful career in front of camera with good $$, so it will be a fun lunch I am sure.

    Her approach is interesting – she plays the cute innocent girl, giggles a bit, uses flattery, but I am know she is sharp as a tack. Lunch will be fun.

  204. Midwest SB says:

    Michael – I think it’s fun flirting and very enticing…not arrogant at all. Enjoy her confidence!

  205. Besides, looking good is the product of a lot of hard work. It’s like saying, “I’m in a good mood because I made a good business deal today.”

  206. Haha Sara that’s what I was thinking. Thinking you look good is way less dangerous than thinking you are fat!!

  207. Sara says:

    seriously! @Alleycat- would you prefer “I am at the gym, I need to lose 15 lbs before I meet you tommorow or you will run for the hills?”

  208. Bela says:

    lol Alleycat – At least she’s trying. Even if it was a little awkward :)

  209. @Alleycat

    Oh come on, nothing wrong with a little self-confidence! She’s probably just trying to entice you…

  210. Michael Alleycat says:

    Been talking and txting to a new pot SB, lunching with her tomorrow to see if we have a connection. She sent me a txt yesterday afternoon “Hello Michael. Here at the gym and thought of you. I look good today. Been working on my little bum!”

    Sure she’s cute but “I look good today”? Houston, we may have an ego problem. Told her I was looking forward to seeing her little bum.

    Daughter at school, puppy at doggy day camp, off to do some work. :-)

  211. Lisa says:

    wow why did you let that one get away, lol

  212. Also, it is getting “chilly” here. Winter is in full swing with highs of 85, and lows of 70 in the dead of night… I am totally thrilled that I can comfortably wear jeans and long-sleeve shirts again. Don’t even need to run the fans at night.

  213. Hahaha, ok, now I am going to give away which country I am in. I have removed my profile anyway, so I don’t feel too worried about it. Here’s how I pwn’d a SD who said something that I found to be incredibly annoying. PS this is from my early days and we met via CL.

    Him:
    “I used to have one Indian sugar baby graduate school in GT amazing on
    the bed yea since i am marrieg guy i like to use condom too but no
    kissing and oral. I used give her 150 per meet plus cover the hotel and some gift her birthday. We can meet this coming sunday 2 to 6pm , can u send me a pic? do you drive?”

    Me:
    “I am sorry, but I am looking for much more financial support than that, especially for such a large time commitment. I am looking for someone who will be generous with me all the time, not just on my birthday. If you are seeking an arrangement similar to what you had with your last sugar baby, I do not think we are a match.”

    Him:
    “If you live close by i can see you more often 150 per meet plus hotel
    125 plus gift ur birhtday we can meet 10 times per month 1500.00, i
    think quiet big amount if u multiple it by 45 rupes.”

    Me:
    “My last few sugar daddies have given me anywhere from $500-$1000 per meeting to help with my expenses and have bought me a very nice dinner and a gift each time they have seen me. Quite a bigger amount, even if you multiply it by 45 rupees.”

    ACK. He really pulled the “You’re from a third world country, right? This should be a lot of money to you!” card!!!

  214. Bela says:

    Sara – I know what you mean unfortunately, I’m lazy. When I get responses like that, I just switch back to robot mode and give the generic response (Sorry, you feel that way. Good luck with your search.)

  215. Sara says:

    @ Jessie – I totally understand not being able to bite your tongue. See what kind of trouble I got myself into! lol

  216. Jessie says:

    @ Sara
    That’s exactly how I’m feeling, and perhaps I should just walk away. But….it’s soooo very difficult for me to bite my tongue and not say exactly what’s on my mind :).

  217. Sara says:

    @ Jessie- you should be offended just for him “testing” you. Sheesh.

  218. Jessie says:

    Good Morning everyone.

    @ Sara

    I got a letter similar to yours yesterday, and like you I found it very hard not to respond. We only exchanged two emails before he apologized and stated that it was only an effort on his part to see if I was a “good” person.

    I’m still contemplating whether I should respond to that one or not.

  219. Midwest SB says:

    Gemi – I’d be happy to look at your profile if you like. Stephan, could you please forward her my e-mail? Thanks!

    I’ve run into the same “relationship-seekers” here and on other sites. I just block them without responding. It’s not worth getting worked up about. Truth is, there are women who treat it as a dating site too, so you can’t really blame the guys. I believe this would fall under Guru’s rule: Don’t reward bad behavior.

    Morning sugars!!!

  220. Lisa says:

    I wonder why someone has grabbed him up by now, lol

    just pay for a membership, drive to him at his convenience, sounds mutually beneficial to me.

    ok off to take a shower

  221. Sara says:

    @ Lisa – wow…sounds like a winner 😉

  222. Lisa says:

    good morning everyone. brr cold morning here, 37 degrees, just turned on my heat and not looking forward to getting out of bed.

    On the subject of men who are on sd sites and shocked by the financial aspects of it, there is a man on another site that I am on that keeps viewing my profile and sending me winks. I have blocked him and the other day I found he had two profiles with the same pics (they were one after the other on the “who’s view me” scroll.

    this guy says he is looking for an extramarital and indicates in his profile that he is not a sugardaddy and is looking strictly for an affair. at the same time he is not a paying member and puts up alot of requirements if you want to meet him. he says the only way this will work is if YOU are a paying member and also YOU need to drive to meet him and be respectful of HIS time. He is looking for someone between 18-60 (he’s in his late 50’s). I can’t believe this guy thinks there is someone on a sd site that will go to all that trouble and his demands to give him freebies. What an idiot. I would have loved to have been able to email him back but since he’s a freebie member, he can’t read the emails.

  223. Hmm… been chatting with a new pot in the US… =)

  224. Sara says:

    @ Alice- I just read your blog and I will totally be your sugar friend (I like them more than regular friends sometimes – since they see every aspect of my life not just the conventional one!)

    would the magical powers that be please magically send her my email adress (a.k.a. Stephan, OC, guru?, etc.) 😉

    thanks dolls.

  225. Sara says:

    @ Third World – It is true….If you look at Audrey Hepbur’s character Holly Golightly, in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (one of my all time favorite movies) – she used to say she dated for a living (men gave her 50.00 for the washroom and 50.00 for cab fare per date) and it was implied that, that amount wasway more than necessary for either of those things.

  226. @ Sara

    UGH that sucks. You responded well (given that you responded at all). I feel like it’s okay for men to be uncomfortable with money being a condition of dating, but 1) they should not be on a SD site if that is the case, and 2) the condition of financial assistance for dating is in no way prostitution!

    I actually think it’s kind of funny though, that “escorting” originally meant “money for dating” but has become a euphemism for prostitution these days. I feel like it used to be that women who were picky about who they dated for money, and charged for their time, which often included, dinners, etc, used to call themselves escorts instead of prostitutes, but now we use the word “escort” to essentially mean “prostitute.” I’d guess that this is because when the Supreme Court in the US clarified that escorting was legal but prostitution was illegal, all the prostitutes started calling themselves escorts and using that language to mean essentially the same thing… obviously being a SB is still different than even the traditional definition of escorting, because there is more of a relationship-y aspect to it, and mutual affection and respect is a much bigger part of the process, and there is none of this charging-per-hour business. But I do find the evolution of the language that we use to talk about these things to be pretty interesting.

  227. Sara says:

    @Alice- I am glad it isn’t just me! I didn’t even message him, he sought out me! p.s. I love cupcakes! and baking (I made a dinosaur cake for my godson the other day!)

    @Michael- I know I know, I suck, but I just couldn’t take being so disrespected. Especially because there is a whole community around this and HE is the one that got the concept wrong, not me. It isn’t like I said “it takes 5k a month to date me”, whatever I mentioned was because it was assumed (or at least I thought so) because of the nature of the site we met on. At least I refrained from several choice words and entire sentances that are 4 letters…..

  228. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Sara – best thing is don’t engage in discussion with idiots like that. As you said, you should have stopped 4 emails back. Just ignore them and they eventually go away. They are your choices, don’t let anybody try and make you feel bad about your choices. I have 2 words for people like that.

  229. Alice says:

    Sara – I recently joined another sugar site (I have a feeling that it’s the same one, full of low ballers lol) and had the same thing happen to me. I wrote a very nice, personalized introductory message to this guy, no mention of money or any other expectations, and he responded by saying something to the tune of “If you’d read my profile, you’d know that I’m not looking for a money-grubbing slut.” I usually don’t reply to messages like that, but in this case I really want to defend myself. But it turns out that he mistook my promise of “sweets” as something that it wasn’t (I work in a cupcake shop to pay the bills lol) but went on calling me a whore, etc. instead of apologizing. It was probably a fake profile used for trolling, pretty sure he is no longer a member on this particular website. 😉

    carebear – Responding now! Finals have me behind on every other part of my life haha.

  230. Sara says:

    grrrr- he apparently felt the need to respond:

    “Sorry you are burned by men. You are confusing Sugar Daddy with borderline Prostitution. I money comes with time as part of a natural process, it’s called a Sugar Daddy. If money is a condition to date, then it’s prostitution.”

    Aout four emails back is where I should have taken the high road and just ignored him – but I wasn’t a women’s studies minor for nothing and I feel like men like him, who call out woman who simply just know what they want set the feminist movement back like 100 years.

    Anyone else have a man try to make them feel guilty about their choices?

  231. Sara says:

    Ugh – I just woke up to the most annoying email. Way to start my day off wrong :(.

    I decided to try to up my game a little, so I looked around at some other SD sites and joined two just to see what I found. All I am finding is men looking for their next girlfriends and they think making 75k a year qualifies them to do so on a sugar site.

    One man was emailing and he asked what I was looking for, so I briefly said I wanted a traditional mutually beneficial arrangement. Then I asked him what he was looking for

    and he said this:
    ” I hate that question. Why do I have to be looking for something? Just meet you, have a good time and life will tell.
    Maybe you do have an agenda…”

    My response:
    “not an agenda – just a lifestyle. I dont have the energy to date anymore, which is why I like the sugar dating. I like that everything is at face value. Like we talk because it is stimulating, spend time together because it is fun, get presents because it makes you happy to see me happy, and have sex because it feels good. That is all it is…..and its as simple as that. No drama, nothing complicated. We do things purely because it is enjoyable. ”

    Than it gets interesting. He asked if I would do all those things without money or presents.

    so I said:
    “Potentially…..but I am just not looking for relationship. You can’t act shocked by the presents comment….. You know what kind of site we met on ;)”

    and this is what I woke up to:
    “Not shocked. I’m just not into having to buy a woman for her to like me.”

    At this point I got offended – he was treating me like a gold digger marrying the 90 year oil tycoon waiting for him to die (at best) and an escort (at worst)

    and sent this:
    “Ok, so I slept on it and I just don’t think you are right for me. I like the concept of a “mutually beneficial arrangement” (yes money or presents included), because it helps me and makes me happy. I am not a prostitute. It is not a man giving me money for me to spend time with them. It is a man who enjoys my company and cares about me enough to want to make sure my life is finacially stable and comfortable. I think it is a little audacious of you to go on a SUGAR DADDY SITE and try to make women feel bad about what they are looking for – a SUGAR DADDY. Good luck with life, try not to be a jerk and disrespect any more women. ”

    This CAN’T be good for my Karma. lol.

    Any thoughts sugar family?

    p.s. thanks for letting me vent and ironically this does pertain to the original blog topic in some capacity (it just goes in the far opposite direction) – not sugar vs. escort, but sugar vs. girlfriend

  232. Bela says:

    Morning!! I honestly don’t know how cold it is here in KY (I don’t want to know.) I just want someone to stop by every morning with a cup of coffee and motivation to get me out of my cozy, warm bed.

    More meetings for work today with the customer from hell. I think my boss is going to pull the plug on this project, since it’s been 5 times more hassle than planned. Ugh Does this mean no Xmas bonus??

    I may cry a little in my cocktail this weekend.

  233. Sara says:

    @Gemi – I would look at your profile. A SD’s perspective would be great too.

  234. Gemi says:

    NYC sb – Woohoo!! :)

    Cleo – meet and sniff… *dies of laughter*

    Hey are there any SD/SBs who will check out my profile and give me any tips/edits on it over email? I am hesitant to post my profile here in public (I like my privacy).

    If any interest is shown in helping….can Stephan or Guru give them my email address please? I’d really appreciate it, because maybe there is something someone else can add that would really make it pop AND help me find the perfect SD for me :)

  235. cleo says:

    arctic sd: there’s also the ‘meet and sniff each other’ and then see if there’s any point to having a negotiation…

  236. Nico says:

    Hi Villa….sorry for the delay. Long day in front of the computer….the quiting bell rang (figuratively) and I was DONE 😉 Good to see you and Lisa….I haven’t had a chance to say HI to you yet…so good to see you back online 😀

    NYC ~ CONGRATULATIONS :) *happin dancin’* for you 😀

  237. Sara says:

    @ NYCSB – whoo hoo! i get the insider info 😉 p.s. I was just kidding…i DO believe my headline say “smart ass with a cute ass”, I take that literally.

  238. NYC SB says:

    Sara – I emailedd u the news first :) before posting on the blog

  239. Sara says:

    @NYCSB – Geez, now I am feeling left out, that I don’t get a super secret cute code message 😉 lol. jk

  240. NYC SB says:

    In nyc it is 5 to 10 … K not degress … Nyc sb does it again! :: happy dance::

    Guru – a penny earned is a penny earned :p

    Vc – miss youuuuuuu!!!

    Midwest – loubies!

    Wife – birthday sex 😀

  241. Sara says:

    @ Midwest- hahaha how did you know that was my weakness!

  242. Midwest SB says:

    How to pick up women 102:

    * Hold the door open at the Victoria’s Secret or La Perla on N. Michigan Ave, Chicago

    * Offer free hang gliding rides to beautiful co-eds :-)

  243. Michael Alleycat says:

    @MidWest – thanks! Add to that – living in London for 3 years, Tokyo for 1 year, Singapore for 2 years, US for 11 years so far, Kilimanjaro, Bolivia, Peru, Brasil, India 5 times, Cambodia & Angkor Wat, Ukraine 6 times, China prob 6 times, Korea 3 trips, getting trashed and waking up in Indonesia, orang-utan rehab camp in Malaysia, spending 8 hours in a diving decompression chamber off Cairns (ooops), a winter in Vail, a summer in Maine at a kids camp teaching sailing, diving in Mexico Australia Israel and Caribbean, Petra, Angkor Wat, Mt Agung, Inca Trail, Galapagos Islands, been broke twice etc etc etc. Plus much more.

    Here’s the thing. You can do it too. Life is such a kick, every day.

    Sorry for the rant, had a great day. Tomorrow will be great as well.

  244. Sara says:

    Dammit! Me and my damn mouth – I always ruin everything! haha

  245. Sara says:

    @Aurelia – Oh JEW! I shouldve picked up on that sooner…..lol

  246. Aurelia NC says:

    @Sara- I’m a Jew too haha

  247. Sara says:

    @Aurelia – tribe? too much blogging, I can’t keep up! haha

  248. Sara says:

    @ Fl-SD – NOT MY PARTS haha. 39 degrees was cold enough mister! and nude hangliding was something my roomate and I did in college. There was a hangliding place near out college and if you do it naked it is free!

  249. FL-SD says:

    @Sara… FYI parts of our fair state were in the 20s this morning… !!!
    @Midwest & Sara what’s all this talk of nude hang gliding ? We want pictures !!

  250. Sara says:

    @ Midwest – pish posh its somewhere in the rural part of town. lol.

    • SD Guru says:

      Wow, there had been more than a hundred posts since my last post. Must be a busy day!

      @ElegantSugarBaby
      SDGuru, you better be around Monday!!!

      Geez, some people are so demanding!! 😆

      NYC SB
      Guru – shame on you! I want royalties

      With your forex trading prowess, who needs royalties?? Regarding the three month curse… curses are only for those who believe in them.

      @Stormcat

      Glad to see you post again!

      @Tay

      Give yourself at least a couple of years in the real world before you dive into the sugar world.

      ——————-

      Did somebody say naked hang gliding?? I want to see pics!! :mrgreen:

  251. Aurelia NC says:

    Sara- a fellow member of the tribe! I knew I liked you! :)

  252. Midwest SB says:

    Arctic – Well said! Screen relentlessly!

    Chicago with a sugarbaby was an absolute blast today whom I have now dubbed Classy and Sassy :-) Chicago is beautiful in December…N. Michigan Ave…VS…LaPerla…Nordstroms…especially from the Signature Room! More fun to be had!

    Sara – It’s one thing to go to a nude beach…it’s entirely another to hanglide naked in a major city!!!!!!

  253. Gemi says:

    Shay – “you know your subculture is tiny when the only chatroom you can find on the internet is the comment section of someone else’s blog” LOL too true

    Continental – haha it WAS dinner after work, lol.

  254. Sara says:

    @Midwest – OMG! you have not lived until you go naked hangliding! 😉 lol

  255. ARCTIC SD says:

    Gemi + Continental – Talking about a waste of time and energy for the first date, I still strongly believe that the initial screening process should encompass all aspect of each others expectation and needs before meeting. My take is that the first meet should be the final mean to verify each others identity and merely to confirm what was said and agreed upon over the phone/email/text etc in person. That first meet is also to find out if the chemistry is there and whether there is a conversation flow.

    Going to a first meet without that foundation often invite disappointments.

  256. Midwest SB says:

    Sara – Hangliding could be in my near future!

    AM – How are you? Healed up yet? You’ve been in my thoughts.

  257. Sara says:

    Thank goodness Florida gets to 39 at its worst.

  258. Lisa says:

    there are alot of creepy people in chatrooms

    here’s a warm thought, imagine Texas summers with 100+ temps every day and sweat running down your back when you walk across the street. Bring on the cold weather.

  259. ContinentalTravel says:

    @Gemi:

    The example of your first pot is the reason why some posters here are against formal dinners as first dates. When the numbers don’t match, you just wasted an entire evening, with all the prep work that goes into looking fantastic. I like NYC_SB’s approach: lunch or drinks after work.

  260. Lisa says:

    I’ve had to turn my heat on 3 times today. luckily the apartment holds the heat for several hours. later on I can take my laptop to bed and get under the covers.

  261. Shay says:

    you know your subculture is tiny when the only chatroom you can find on the internet is the comment section of someone else’s blog

  262. Anna Molly says:

    Hi everyone! I haven’t been around in such a long time!!!

    It is uber cold here, Lisa, low 20’s….too cold for me!

  263. Lisa says:

    This is it

  264. intirB says:

    lol… any actual chat rooms that anyone has found for SB/SD?!

  265. Lisa says:

    My mom has a snuggie and wants to buy another one.

  266. Lisa says:

    I’ll trade a Texas summer for a northern winter anytime. it’s easier to keep warm than cool.

  267. Midwest SB says:

    It’s 24 degrees…have my Snuggie from the Chicago Meet last year to keep me warm! Thanks James, JustBob, and SDNeOhio for that…Happy Anniversary!

  268. intirb says:

    Oh yeah???! Well just be thankful it isn’t 26 degrees there. :( I hate Michigan winters.

  269. Midwest SB says:

    intirb- VERY close…brrrrrrrrrrr. I think I’ve shoveled about a foot of snow.

  270. Lisa says:

    I’m freezing in Texas

  271. Midwest SB says:

    Aurelia – Indeed…it’s fun being the woman of his dreams! The contrast can be stark in his world!

    I love the helpful outlooks everyone gave Tay…this blog rocks! Bring us another life-changing question…we’re ready!

    Michael – LOVE the resume’…Some of those would be bucket-listed instead of pursued.

    Pictures – I have never worried about pictures, but only had to meet one without. It was not an issue and even a little fun letting the mystery build. Do have some background information on him or meet him in a very public place (which may be hard if he really is that high profile). Your safety comes first!

  272. intirb says:

    hello everyone… Anyone else in Michigan that’s freeeeezing right now?!?

  273. Sara says:

    @Villa and Carebear – today was a high of 66 and low of 39. I am so not used to this, I m STILL wearing a scarf (in bed watching tv). lol

  274. Lisa says:

    Good evening. Brrrr it’s cold here, 43 but going to drop to 36 tonight. so glad i’m off tomorrow and can sleep in. Beginning to feel like fall finally.

  275. VillaCypris says:

    ehiiiiiiiiiiiiii Nico!!!!!! :) :) :)

  276. Nico says:

    @SweetSugar ~ I had somebody once tell me that too. My response to him was, if you’re so high-profile then share a link…I’m not asking for photos of him with his family but he still declined….at which point I too declined the date. Not worth it. My first SD actually bought a scanner and learned how to scan photo just to share with me…LOL (well maybe not JUST with me but you know) 😉

    @ OC ~ I saw that episode. I’m not religious about watching it but if it’s on I’ll watch. That house??!! 60,000 sq ft?? Seriously?? I would absolutely LOVE to score a facial with that gal and would be just like the ladies on the show….running to the mirror immediately!!! 😀

  277. carebear says:

    sara-just a nice giftcard to warm me up! tell us more about your weather so we (me and villa) can vicariously live through you!!!

    online shoe shopping always makes me feel warm n fuzzy inside. so easily pleased.

    HA @ Gemi – ‘woof’ hahahaha I say that all the time and no one gets it. haha so funny.

  278. VillaCypris says:

    Gemi — but this is the internet! don’t you know that means every sort of human interaction is ‘short – circuited’??? there is no time to “get there”…. start sharing your fantasties and what you’re into sexually ASAP! *rolls eyes*

    i know exactly that of which you speak…. sorry! :(

  279. Gemi says:

    I should mention that the pot whos coming to visit me… it will be the 2nd date, but no arrangement is set yet, i’ve told him i need more time to get to know him better before I make my decision. plus we have not discussed an arrangement or terms yet at all.

  280. Gemi says:

    Woof, this is a busy blog!

    Had a first meet with a pot tonight. Nice enough guy but although I enjoyed chatting with him… idk… I’m sort of “eh”. Plus he asked me for my # and when I told him what I need and what it is going towards (savings for a nest egg, expenses, etc) and he told me his… well his is below mine by quite a bit. But I am supposed to consider his #… well what about mine, not worth considering for him?? lol

    Other pot is coming down to visit me in a few weeks. idk about that either, I’ve told him a million times I need to take it SLOW but he keeps speeding up into fantasy-land of lingerie and warm fireplaces in private rooms…. *bangs head on wall* that is all well and good but I need TIME to get there, and I’m not there yet.

  281. VillaCypris says:

    maybe this is why i do not have an SD….. the TUNDRA is a massive deterrent!!!!!

  282. VillaCypris says:

    carebear – wanna trade???? it’s 7 and the windchill is minus 6!!! i think we should go visit sara in FLA! :)

    STORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    great to see you again :)

  283. Sara says:

    @carebear – do tell! what did you get for christmas today? As a jew, I live viacariously through people who get christmas presents. lol

  284. carebear says:

    ps, its like 25 degrees with a 15 degree windchill. i want north carolina back now!!! =(

  285. carebear says:

    Alice-left you a comment on your blog =)
    did guy from this weekend give you his cell #? search and see if you can find a name, then search the name. its not too difficult. once you have one lead into someone’s ‘real life’ its just like playing detective.

    i’ve been working on the middle row of lights on my christmas tree for an hour. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    but i did receive a nice sugar/christmas gift in my email again today =)

  286. Alice says:

    On the picture issue: I’m traveling to meet my pot SD this weekend, but I’ll be staying with very close friends in the city afterward. He’s another one that doesn’t give out pics, but we’re meeting mid-day at a very nice, public place.

  287. Stormcat says:

    @Sara – I don’t think we disagree at all. I am not advocating complacency. Life should be experienced at its fullest and education should be sought at every opportunity. What I am saying is that we as adult humans should never peg our own worth to some level of experience, education, or notoriety! We are already there! Worthy of love and respect! Worthy of admiration!
    Alleycat is right on! Persue life at its fullest and take in all that it offers! The main thing is to begin the journey and remain open to all the comes to you!

  288. Sara says:

    @ Aurelia- P.s. I think I spell your name different each time! sorry

  289. Sara says:

    @Aurelia – I just wanted to make a point of saying that I respect you and think you are wonderful. It is obvious out views are different (this blog has gotten quite interesting lol), but The main point is that different things work for different people. Which is why the sugar world is so fun!

  290. @Auriela – I am so with you that any arrangement is basically a business relationship.

    I treat my arrangements just as I would any business arrangement – I choose my business partners with care, looking for specific requirements, discuss the opportunity with them, agree on the details, rights and obligations of both parties and the off we go! But yes, it is a professional relationship, and like any relationship I make sure that it works out above and beyond if possible what we had agreed to. Plus you make sure it is fun, and you enjoy the person you are in business relationship with.

    If there is a problem in the relationship, then sit down and talk about it and resolve it. If we cannot resolve it, then promptly move on.

    I really cannot understand why many SBs don’t understand this basic fact, even those who have been in business themselves.

    In my last marriage, my wife and I treated the marriage as a professional & business relationship. Both of us had rights and obligations in the relationship, and if all went well and we were switched on at the same time – particularly in a business setting – it was very beneficial for us, in so many ways.

  291. Jessie says:

    @ Aurelia

    Seems like I hit a nerve with you, which was not my intent.

    All I was saying is that your way seems to work fine for you. But it wouldn’t work for me. Was not trying to pass any judgement.

  292. Bela says:

    I guess the non-pic thing depends on how comfortable I feel. If it’s local, I probably would, but I wouldn’t travel without knowing what he looked like.

  293. NYC SB says:

    The pot I met last night was without seeing a face pic…

  294. Aurelia NC says:

    @Jessie- I have been doing the SB/SD thing for almost 3 years now and it has been extremely successful for me. I have gone into just a few of the details in my previous posts if you care to hear examples.
    Good for you for doing things your way, but please don’t place judgment on others if they do things differently. Independence has nothing to do with it. I am self-employed and have run my own business since I was 17, and I started a secondary business when I was 19. In the true spirit of entrepreneurship, I entered into the sugar world as a way to do something I enjoy that I could also profit from- just as was the reason I started my two businesses. So for me, I see a sugar relationship as a business. Just as I love my two businesses and they rarely feel like work, my sugar relationships are the same way. Most of the time very fun and enjoyable, but I never forget that we have an arrangement, and I always go above and beyond to hold up my end of the arrangement and it has paid off in more ways than you can imagine. It sounds to me that you treat an SB/SD relationship much like you would a regular relationship and if that approach is successful for you then more power to you. We are all different and find success in different ways. Please do not place judgment or make assumptions about people just because their choices may be different from yours.

  295. SanDiego sb says:

    Hey sugars hope everything is going good this week, i had a second date with IRL guy last night, and we are reallyy hitting it off, on the sugar end.. ehhhhhh, I’ve had to tell a few.. im not even going to say pots… because they really have no potential lol, that I’m not looking for a F**** buddy, and they were offended that, thats not good enough..i think some of these men need to read the description on what the site is again before they start messaging women lol,

    IRL Im the farthest thing from a gold digger (especially with IRL guy, hes a musician/artist) but i joined for a reason and I think men need to really get over the aspect that women are going to expect an allowance/gifts ect.

  296. Shay says:

    Hey guys I am doing a glamour series for a school project and I have to produce around 20 before & after images. I was just going to grab some stock images out of some graphics libraries but figure that’s kind of wasteful so figured I would extend the offer to the sugarbabies & sugardaddies of the blog :)

    So yeah if you want an image touched up just give me a shout. Image will not be posted anywhere on the web, it’s just getting sent to my teacher. No very small file sizes plz. Males or females ok.

  297. Bela says:

    oops moisturizer

  298. Bela says:

    Stormcat makes a very good point, but I was just referring to finding out what methods one might use to find out what career you want to take. That’s why the first two years of college are general studies. You have to take all the general crap in case you realize that something other than your major lights your fire. “Seeing yourself for who you are” is great, but when you don’t know what you’re actually looking at, it really doesn’t matter. As for education, that will come one way or another.

    Alleycat’s right. Lots and lots of moisterizer

  299. @Tay – I really want to say “well done” for thinking this through to start with, and coming to the blog and asking the questions before you jumped in. That was a really smart decision.

    Glad that you are listening to the advice you are being given here. There are a lot of very smart people, with great experience in a lot of areas.

    By the way, don’t be concerned if you don’t know what you want to do with your life just yet. The reality is that very few people actually do figure out what to do with their lives, find out what their passion is and pursue it. I didn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life until I was about 40. Most people drift along through their lives, and their work, friendships etc become habits rather than something they actively pursue.

    The message here is go and do something. It really doesn’t matter (within reason) what it is, but just start. It’s kinda like starting a journey. You don’t know if you are heading in the right direction until you actually begin. I started out doing a Science / Law double degree (at the same time). I got thrown out of law school, travelled the world, and became a very successful sales person and manager for a number of large technology companies. I have been an actor, salesman, business manager, real estate investment, entrepreneur, barman, waiter. It’s all good value. My favourite job? Working as a waiter in London, many many years ago. What a kick.

    Your career will be wide and varied. Just start something, be enthusiastic about it, commit to completing it, and your world will unfold.

    Oh, and don’t forget to moisturize.

  300. Aurelia NC says:

    @SD Twice- You are right on. That is definitley the number one reason why arrangements don’t last more than 3 months for most. Someone has to drag in the drama by that point. I have had 3 SD relationships, the first one was 14 months, the second was 6 months, and the only reason I ended both of them was because the guys were trying to marry me and it made me feel pressured and so I didn’t want to see them anymore. I am currently in the 6th month of my third SD relationship, so far so good. I doubt I will have that problem with him as he is married and my first two were not.

    @Midwest SB- I never thought about that, but you make a great point. Now that I think about it, I was always being the dream girl, so why wouldn’t he want to marry me? Sure, both guys knew me, (yes the real me!) but they didn’t know ALL of me. I am human- sometimes I am in a bad mood, sometimes I don’t want to dress up, and sometimes I don’t want to do what they want to do. But they never knew any of that, of course…so its no wonder they wanted to marry me. Makes total sense now.

    However, I still think behaving like the dream girl is the best way make an arrangement last, stay drama-free, and keep your SD happy…. having a guy want to marry you isn’t the worst thing that could happen, after all haha… Well… I am glad current SD is very married so I won’t have to deal with that problem again!

  301. @SweetSugar

    I did once, because I had a feeling that the guy was genuinely paranoid about being found out, and he had been super-accommodating otherwise. He suggested several nice restaurants across town, and I asked him to meet me in my neighborhood because of the long bus commute time to that section of town. He readily agreed to take me to dinner to a very nice restaurant in my part of town. I’m glad I met him!

    That said, it was a red flag for me, but I evaluated the situation and trusted my gut. He also did provide me with a physical description. I will say, however, that if he had been trying to meet me at a Starbucks, I would have NEXTed him in a heartbeat.

  302. Jessie says:

    @ Aurelia

    Previous post was sent before I was finished.

    I’m assuming that SDs on a whole would like to converse with someone who doesn’t agree with everything their SB says to them. It’s not like you share the same brain. And how bland would that relationship be if all your comments are “yes dear.”

    It sounds like it’s working great for you, but I’m wayyyy too independent to adopt this approach.

  303. Sara says:

    @ Sweetsugar- that would make me very uncomfortable. Trust your instincts girl!

  304. Sara says:

    @ Stormcat- I disagree, every job or career opportunity I have had has been differnet, and I have been able to take skills from all of them. The ability to gain specific skills from each and mold them into one unique skill set can make you a great canidate for future careers.

  305. Jessie says:

    @ Aurelia

    “I don’t pretend to be anything I am not…. I always compliment him and act like being with him makes me happier than anything in the world.”

    I like how you interchanged pretend for act :).

    It does seem a bit drastic to me that you’d have to pretend to even like his favorite food. So what does he care if you’re having cereal while he’s enjoying his wafles. Is that gonna make his day worst because you’re not partaking of the exact meahis

  306. SweetSugar says:

    ***QUESTION*** Any insight will be greatly appreciated!

    I have a pot SD who do not have a picture on his page. He also refused to email a picture because of his job. He asked to meet in a public place *starbucks* and told me he would find me.

    Needless to say I turned him down!

    Would you meet someone who did not want to show you his photos??

  307. Jessie says:

    @ Tay
    Also remember that in your first two years of college all you’ll really be doing is “general” education courses. You don’t have to define a major until you’re a junior. At that point you should have a clear picture of what you want to focus on. Choose something that you’ll love to do whether you were getting paid to do it or not.
    Best of luck!!

  308. Stormcat says:

    Sara Bela and Tay:
    Dabbling isn’t going to get you anywhere. You have to be goal oriented in order to advance in the career segment of your life. But career nor education defines you. Inner satisfaction with who you are comes only in the realization that, as an adult, you are already a whole and beautiful person, full of life and intelligence. Seeing yourself as you are in this way will allow you to move through your life story with ease and confidence. You don’t need to compare yourself to others. That will only make you vein or resentful. See yourselves for who you are at this moment, and at each moment as it happens, the wondrous being that of you is, is simply that! Wondrous and beautiful! Whole and complete!
    Education is not for anyone other than you! It will help you do better in the world. There is a component of competitiveness in education that gives the illusion of advantage in the world systems but that is artificial. The reality is that education is within the individual as knowledge plus intelligence. You already have your intelligence. Seek knowledge in anyway that you can. But don’t tie your value to it!

  309. SD TWICE says:

    Some comments about short term curses…

    Since I’ve been able to have arrangements last for a variety of lengths depending on the individual, what shortens an arrangement?

    1. Lack of ability to provide a drama free experience. (NSA might be included)

    2. Lack of interest on my part, esp. lack of a showing of some substance or initiative or drive.

    3. Substance abuse.

    4. Abusive behaviors – sometimes related to substance abuse.

    5. Lack of effort or contribution to the relationship. Related to 2.

    6. Poor social skills or poor relationship skills.

    7. Inability to stick to commitments. Related to 1, 4,5,6,8,11

    8. Lack of consideration, various forms of lack of respect. Often coupled with 4.

    9. Lack of gratitude, often related to 8.

    10. Lack of genuine involvement.

    11. Lack of character, honesty, integrity…often related to 10 and others.

    12. The other things I didn’t think of right now.

  310. Sara says:

    @ Tay – my offer for the book was serious. For someone really just learning I reccomend it. (Geez, I sound like I work for SA or something haha)

  311. Tay says:

    Thanks Sara and Bela!

    It sounds better to go out and dabble in a few things than just waiting for it to come to me.

  312. Sara says:

    @ Bela/Tay – Bela made a good point and just because you volunteer for free doesn’t mean it can’t boost your resume 😉

  313. Sara says:

    @ Tay – what about interdisciplinary studies? You take a little bit of 3 different degrees. In this economy, tailoring your degree to what works for you is sometimes better. I hav degress in Poli sci and International relations, but I also am working on my mba in environmental bussiness and land use, that way I can work in environmental policy or open up my own green bussines. Something with recycling and conserving. My brother is doing journalism and music theory – so he can work in the music industry or for a magazine/blog/etc.

  314. Bela says:

    Tay – Honestly, given your age, you shouldn’t feel too pressured to know exactly what it is you want to do with your life. One thing that helped me was volunteering with different organizations. Working in retail for years gave me awesome customer service skills, but I knew I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life. I saw how hard my sister worked as a waitress/bartender so I knew that wasn’t for me. I started volunteering at middle schools as a tutor, hospitals as a patient advocate, and the library too. I went through them pretty quickly but I think if I hadn’t, I would still be wondering about what was actually “me.”

  315. Tay says:

    OCSugarBaby:

    If it was so simple! :(

    I don’t have a clear grip of what I want to do. Therefore, I haven’t moved forward with extending my education yet. I’ve dabbled in a few ideas but nothing seemed like it was ‘for me’ you know? So I’m kind of just waiting for it to hit me and then I’ll return to school.

    Geez. I sound so lazy. :(
    I need to be more proactive.

  316. Tay says:

    Midwest SB, ElegantSugarBaby, Sara:
    Thank you ladies SO MUCH!

    I thought I was ready, but I guess I didn’t think it through as thorough as I thought. I also didn’t think my age would be an issue, but I can see where it would be. I guess I’ll live my life and make sure things are in place before I pursue a SB/SD relationship. Can you elaborate on what a platonic mentor is?

    I really appreciate the advice you’ve given me and will take it to heart. Hopefully, I can come talk here and learn from you ladies? :)

  317. Stormcat says:

    Hello Sugar-Cats and Kittens
    Can’t seem to keep my mind on work today, so, I thought I’d peek in and se how everyone is doing. Nice to see so many familiar faces back and it’s lovely that so many new people have joined the fray. I woke up this morning to 8 F (-13C) and have sandwiched myself between the wood stove and the fireplace to work. Even at that I can’t seem to get warm. I don’t suppose cold pizza and beer for lunch is going to remedy it. But 50 crunches and 30 min on the eliptic ought to get the circulation flowing.
    Well I guess I’m still an SD in spite of my financial crash. My SB has been so supportive and understanding that it boggles my mind. She is so very beautiful and sweet. I’m sure she could be with much better SD’s than I, yet she hangs in there with me. We’ve gotten into a nice schedule of meeting approximately once a week, and about half of the meetings are overnight trips to someplace interesting.
    It isn’t that everything is perfect. We both have our dissatisfactions. But the thing that makes it work is that we have gotten into a habit of not letting these things fester by talking them through. As Midwest always says, communication is the key. Sometimes we don’t even settle the conflict. But so far we have always acknowledged each other’s position, understood where the other is coming from, clearly agreed on what the other needs to do in order to live with the ongoing disagreement, and then accepted that as the status quo. I mean it is not like we are married or living together so by knowing and respecting what the other dislikes, the issues never come up when we’re together. That’s one of the benefits of an arrangement.
    My main fear at this point is that I am no longer at the support level that I consider sufficient to provide for her needs. So although she is patient with the situation, she might grow dissatisfied with the arrangement and seek a better situation. Yet I think that she values me for all the other qualities that I contribute.
    Getting here hasn’t been simple and everyone here has patiently helped me along the way. Alleycat taught me the principle of disconnecting from the outcome. It recently made the continuation of this arrangement possible. But I wasn’t able to maintain that posture for long as I began to care again. Rather than pretend, which would be manipulative, I told her how it had come about. Remarkably, the very act of telling her made me disconnected again and brought us back in line. It has been difficult for me to remain aloof but the results have reinforced the process and I am getting used to it. I’m even trying to carry that strategy over into my business dealings.
    Well I’ve rambled on enough for one post. Sorry!

    It is an inspiration to see a hawk soaring on a beautiful sunny day! But you should realize that hunting is better when clouds and rain eliminate the shadow!
    Stormcat

  318. Sara says:

    @ OC- Amen!

  319. ARCTIC SD says:

    NYC – have been a trader for the last 27 years and also a market analyst as well (last 20). My commodity is oil.

    Brains cells all almost short circuited and I frequently jump from my sleep when ever I “think” someone says BUY or SELL….:)

  320. Bela says:

    lol I have never in my life wanted to be a return….until now. Arctic and NYC SB are turning me on in a way that makes me question by traditionally, neo-bohemian nature.

    Hella busy day, but It’s flying by so that’s nice.

    Aurelia – I agree with you. I’d love to think I can do the “play the role of the dream girl,” but I don’t think I’ve been able to master that for the same reason I can’t master office politics – it feels so artificial. That said, I am more than capable of playing the role of the doting lover. Honestly, it’s fun to put my attention on someone other than myself.

    NYC SB – It’s definitely not you. I’ve had that happen before, but the ironic thing is that’s usually the longest I would ever allow an IRL relationship to last. It’s the Dating Gods getting me back 

    At the moment, the holidays are putting a bit of an obstacle in the middle of things for me. Pot #1 is in Florida and is having his grown children and their families coming in. The weekend he’s available is the weekend that I have to work on a project at my job. Pot #2 who lives in Georgia is on his business trip until this weekend and while I’d love to offer to meet him there, I’m not about to mesh a first meet into an out of town trip. Pot #3 is local, but from the way he talks about “his plans for me,” I don’t think this one is going to last much longer 

    Third World – I try not to be a grammar snob, but I can’t resist being turned off by horrible grammar. I know I’ve had to realize that money doesn’t buy class, but it’s more than that. Education is important to me and if simple communication becomes an obstacle, I’m more likely to move on to the next person. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect the other person to be either. However, whn ur msg iz jst this, I wnt 2 screem.

    I also get turned off when someone contacts me with one sentence messages. I’ll try to have a conversation, but if it’s just short answers and you obviously have nothing to say, why bother talking to me?

    Regarding the second section of your post, I sometimes wish men did address what exactly they’re looking for. I’ve spent a couple of days/almost a week speaking with someone to find out that they are travel SD’s. That’s fine, but when I’m looking for an allowance SD, it doesn’t work.

  321. ARCTIC SD says:

    Elegant + Cleo – I hear you both, loud and clear….:)

  322. Sara says:

    @Arctic- Uh oh! NYC may have her sights set on you now! lol.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      @ TAY Get an EDUCATION! Nothing sexier than a girl with looks and BRAINS! Play in the sugar bowl while you are in school, but get a direction set with education in the forefront…
      xoxo
      ~OCSugarbaby

  323. NYC SB says:

    Arctic – “we” does that mean you are a trader? But yes you are absolutely correct. Some thrive on the adrenaline but at the same time after the 3 month period is when feelings kick in and nsa is compromised which is why a lot of men decide to check out then

  324. Sara says:

    @Tay –
    I would listen to Elegant, she knows her stuff and she makes some good points.

    You learn a lot about yourself during sugar dating, because you are able to strip down a relationship (or arrangement) to just what YOU want. Once you know what you want it becomes easier.

    I say learn, stay on the blogs (and see what other people are experiencing and saying) and get the book Seeking arragements. The man who created this site wrote it and it has everything from the inception of this site to thing mentioned on blogs, etc. It was really good to learn from and hell, if you don’t want to pay the 20.00 bucks for it, I will even mail you my copy (its not like I need to read it again.)

    If you really have your heart set on this, you could dabble in it lightly (no one too old, stay local, small dates, etc.) Go to college, go on with your life and the rest will fall into place.

    Please please please don’t move anywhere for a SD. I won’t even move for a job without a commitment from the company and moving expenses. Being dependant on a man period is never safe, but being dependant on a man where it is suppossed to be NSA is even worse.

    Good luck doll, take things slow.

  325. cleo says:

    ElegantSugarBaby: glad it wasn’t just me *grin*

  326. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    ArticSD
    “In either case, we thrive on adrenaline when chasing the “returns”. It is a high that is very intoxicating”

    Never thought I’d say this, but I wanna be a “return.” JK…
    :)

  327. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    @ Tay
    Here is my two cents for what it is worth…
    Some might call me an “old” SB.. Meaning I have been around the term before the sites and the media and many other novelties of it now…

    Ok, I do not think you should dive into SB/SD dating…

    This being said, I don’t know much about you. I know only what you have said. But what you have said is enough for me to determine my opinion.

    For some clarification on why i do not think you are suitable for SD/SB dating…

    With someone of your age, and your maturity level, and with your current goals, I don’t think you would have much in common with the normal SD.
    Is that a problem? Not for some.. But this is where your age, and your innocense comes into play. There are a lot of pretend SD’s and it only takes one, to meet that will take advantage of your current situation, tell you he’ll pay for you to move or even move you somewhere, promise you everything and more, but they aren’t going to move you until they know if you are the type of SB they want.. Now your head is full of wants and promises he’s made, and you actually believe him. You sleep with him.. And then he up and leaves, and you find out he wasn’t a true SD at all.

    I find that most younger SB’s ( I was one once too), get taken advantage of, because they are ill-informed, or they aren’t used to this sort of lifestyle. they have their heads in the clouds, and want this or that but don’t think they should provide anything in return… No hunny, I am not just talking about sex. I am talking about conversation, intrigue, life goals…

    If I were you, I would sit down and think really hard, about what and where your life is going.

    I know I probably sound like your mom right now. Just hear me out..

    Start college, who cares if you don’t know what your calling is, you have the rest of your life to find out. Noone can take the opportunity from you to pursue or find your dreams. However, I do notice that the longer you withhold from trying to pursue or find them, the less likely you are to ever do so.

    With that being said, apply for financial aid, many aid programs and loans do not require repayment until after you graduate, and a couples years into college when you are more in tune with your self, and if you then decide you need a SD or want one, then go for it, and think about having him prepay your loans off.

    Right now at 18, you can not legally drink. Many SD’s like having wine or cocktails out.. This means you won’t be able to. And quite frankly I don’t know too many SD’s who will go out and buy wine etc and bring it back to drink with an 18 yr old. That is taking a risk, especially while you live at home. I mean most SD’s can’t take you back to their place, and if they could, would you feel comfortable? That being said you can’t take him back to your place, so you ned up in a rut…

    Overall, I greatly encourge you to learn, learn, learn and read up as much as possible! Read anything, read everything, watch the news, watch the weather, watch sports. I love Time magazine. All you can do is better yourself right now. The more you learn the more you have to talk about with your SD. And the longer your SD will stick around to teach you in turn.

    I would suggest starting school and waiting until you are 20-21 before thinking about joining sugar… just my two cents….

    It sounds glitz and glam to have an SD, but there is a lot more than that involved, and it does require a certain clear set understanding of what the lifestyle involves. And you have to understand and know what to look out for, and what you want from your friendship…

    Stick around learn what you can, but never stop progressing forward.
    Being at a stand still in life, won’t help you grow as a person or an SB.

  328. ARCTIC SD says:

    NYC + SARA – there are many types of traders but if you go for those who work as specs, then their mentality is “you are only as good as your last trade”. Basically they get out when the going is good and they do not hang around on one instrument to trade on. Coffee today, forex tomorrow and pork bellies the next day after. See the pattern relating to sugar?

    Then you have the Institutional Fund traders who are there for the long run on one instrument.

    In either case, we thrive on adrenaline when chasing the “returns”. It is a high that is very intoxicating.

  329. Sara says:

    @Arctic – I don’t think NYCSB is capable of staying away from traders 😉

    @Third World – I don’t have set rules for how I handle emails and situations, it just depends on an overall feeling. I go with my instincts. If I feel uncomfortable than I just move on. If their spelling or grammar is so awful that I need to re read it to understand what he is saying, I feel like I am talking to a 7 yr old, or I feel like it has so much “text message slang and abbreviations” he is stuck in 16 yr old mindset, I usually move on quickly. But that is just me. I have 3 degrees and am working on my masters, I love politics and reading and I could not see myself enjoying a conversation with a man like the ones I mentioned above. So I couldn’t see myself in an arrangement with them. Many of the ladies here are educationed (whether is be book smart or street smart) and need someone intellegent to enjoy time with.

    As for men who start off right away with what they are looking for, again it goes with how I feel after reading the email. I have had men give me a laundry list of sexual things they “require” in the first email. That was an automatic delete. However, I have also had men just simply write their schedule and what sort of time commitment/arrangement they are looking for. That I don’t mind. I appreciate them not wanting to waste anyone’s time (for example, if I can’t fly to Denver twice a month and he can’t come to Florida – it jsut simply won’t work, and sometimes it is better to get that out of the way early on). If the rest of the email says stuff about why they were intersted in me, etc. than that is fine.

    It all depends on the person. If their email didn’t totally turn you off, you might as well hear them out, it will come up if they are just looking for P4P pretty quickly.

  330. SD TWICE says:

    Well, 3rd, when you converse with them…what do they turn out to be?

    I think that being very early and direct about terms in filtering is a good thing not to be ignored. If the person isn’t making you sick with their questions…keep going.

    Bad grammer, ‘hey’, ‘y’all’ and some other things get ignored or at best downgraded several notches.

  331. NYC SB says:

    Arctic – I try but I’m addicted to trader boys … First step is admitting you have a problem :)

  332. SD TWICE says:

    I have not been stuck in N month curses; I’ve had an array of experiences that depended on the individual. I don’t feel I have a good description of the tendencies that lead to shorter arrangements in mind right now.

  333. Okay, question. Do y’all tend to ignore emails that include improper spelling/grammar? Also, do you think if a pot’s first message includes ONLY references to how often they’d like to meet per month, their need for discretion, etc., that it is likely just someone looking for P4P? Or do you think some people just sort of start off talking about that kind of stuff to narrow down who they are putting effort into having conversation with?

    I sorta feel like if all someone has to say to me is “Can we meet X times per month? Can we meet discreetly? I am married, hope that’s okay. We can meet discreetly, right? You can introduce me to _______ cuisine. Okay, let me know,” then they are probably not really looking for an arrangement that involves giving me an allowance. I never know whether to spend time conversing with these people or not. I usually DO, because I don’t get so many messages that it is a problem, but I was wondering what more experienced SB’s thought.

    @TexaSugah

    Aw, thanks! It was pretty shitty at the time, yes. Luckily, that is the worst experience that I’ve had. So far. -knock on wood-

  334. SD TWICE says:

    Three month curse – I was in an arrangement briefly with someone that used that form of birth control.

  335. ARCTIC SD says:

    NYC – perhaps you should stay away from day traders…:):)

  336. NYC SB says:

    Continental – this may be true … Most of my SDs have been a traders of sorts thus a 3 month is considered a long term capital investment

  337. Sara says:

    So THAT is what it is! a curse! My pot isn’t fizzling out- it has just been 3 months and I was unaware of such curse 😉

  338. ContinentalTravel says:

    @NYC_SB:

    Maybe the 3 month curse is just the curse of NYC? Kinda like the “New York Minute” joke. I do find that guys in the “fast and loose” side of finance seem to have trouble holding interest in something for long, while your typical corporate CEO/CFO types often maintains a mistress for quite a long time.

  339. VillaCypris says:

    Midwest + Aurelia ….. lucky!!!!!! I love guns, too! No photos of me shooting any however… a pink one, wow! cool! 😉

    little sis —- please… you are never the problem… :)

  340. NYC SB says:

    Frustrating doesn’t begin to describe it … Glad I’m not the only one experiencing it aka I’m not the problem

  341. cleo says:

    nycsb ahh the dreaded three month curse i hear speak of… i’d like to make it that long *g* but i understand it must be hella frustrating!

  342. NYC SB says:

    Aurelia – I do have success but each relationship has been in the 3 month or there about mark long

    Guru – shame on you! I want royalties

  343. Midwest SB says:

    Off to Chicago!!

  344. Midwest SB says:

    Aurelia – I have pics of me shooting an AR-15 Military Rifle…very cool! I can’t imagine a pink one!

  345. Midwest SB says:

    Gemi – have a blast! I know it sounds silly, but there’s this fun little cafe’ close by that’s independently owned, has quiet talking areas and GAMES! You can learn a lot about someone in a game of Battleship and you can tap into his inner child :-)

  346. NC Heels says:

    @Carebear
    Very sad about Elizabeth Edwards… in tears last night. I read an article today that doesn’t mention some of the scandal with her husband at all- very classy

  347. Midwest SB says:

    Tay – I am the last person to discourage anyone from the sugar bowl, but your comments tell me that until you have a better grip on what you want and some focus, you may not be ready. In addition, there are men (not SDs) who may prey on your youth and virginity. You could benefit from a platonic mentor, so if you do decide to move forward, perhaps take that approach. I know of a few ladies who have had these types of arrangements for whatever reason. They are rare, but out there.

    Aurelia – I love all your comments and agree fully. To answer your original question about men falling for you. I’ve experienced the same thing and learned that they fall for the woman you share with them, not the whole person. It’s easy to fall for the perfect woman who doesn’t show you any drama, mood swings, and dirty dishes in the sink once in a while. It is important to give your SD fireworks, but the balance is maintaining reality.

  348. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Good Morning!!!

    SDGuru, you better be around Monday!!!

  349. Sara says:

    @carebear- I am pretty devastatd. She was a wonderful women in her personal and political life; and it is a shame that her passing will be marred by all the gossip surrounding her husband/exhusband.

  350. carebear says:

    any other north carolinians as torn up about edwards as i am? cant stop thinking about it.

    =(

  351. Gemi says:

    Morning Ladies and Gents. I need ideas for a 2nd sugar date. while I would like to stop for dinner, I’m thinking maybe a walk around my town…check out the shops, the galleries, talk talk talk might be more constructive to getting to know someone than over a dinner table. I wish there was more to do, but my town is small and its freezing out.

  352. SD TWICE says:

    Under no circumstances ever send money to someone you don’t know. That doesn’t just come from me, its one of the primary warnings on the SA home page.

  353. Tay says:

    Hi all! I’m new to this SB/SD arrangement, though I’ve thought about it for a while. I’m just looking for some advice and would really appreciate it if you helped me. :)

    Even though I’m young (18), I feel like I’m ready for a SB/SD relationship. I’ve prepared myself and thought about all the aspects that come along with it. I am not looking for a cash cow or someone to feed my shopping habits, but I am looking for someone to take care of me and help me financially. I kind of picked up not to have any expectations in these types of arrangements and to be flexible so that both people are mutually satisfied. This is the type of relationship I would like to have with my SD. Now on to my dilemma…I have some concerns and general questions that I hope you’ll help me with.

    1. I still live at home and my parents don’t like me being out too late or going in and out at random times. How would this work in a SB/SD relationship?

    2. I wanted to move to L.A. in Feb., but I don’t have enough to move out…not even close! Would it be too much to ask a SD to provide an apartment or rent money + an allowance? If I had my own place I feel like it would be better for the arrangement, but I feel as though this is alot to ask for.

    3. I don’t like asking for things. I feel uncomfortable when I do, especially when it comes to money. I would never just outright say “Can I have $1000?” to anyone, let alone a SD. It’s too awkward for me. I know that it’s standard to establish an allowance beforehand, but how do I negotiate? And how do I approach the $$ situation without feeling guilty?

    4. I just graduated high school and haven’t yet figured out what I want to do. I want to go back to school, but for what, I don’t know. I know alot of SBs have degrees and are in pursuit of their dreams, but I haven’t found my calling yet. Would this be a turn off for potential SDs? I don’t want to seem like some free loading bimbo who shops and sleeps all day with no life goals.

    5. Since I’m young, my interests are still young lol. My music taste is uncommon. I have a tattoo on my forearm and would like to get more, not as big and open as that one though. High end shops and restaurants are not my forte, I’ve never been on a proper date, The only nightlife I’ve experienced is house parties, and I haven’t even been out of California. I would like to experience a more mature lifestyle, but maintain my true self. I feel like I’m not SB material?

    6. I’m a virgin. I’m not waiting for marriage or a serious long term relationship, I just haven’t found anyone yet that I felt was deserving. Even though I’ve had plenty of chances, I didn’t want to throw it away by doing it with someone I didn’t really have a connection with. Intimacy, I assume, is part of the SB/SD relationship. I have no problem with this, but until I feel comfortable with someone, it’s not going to happen. Would this affect my chances of being an SB? Also, if we do become intimate, would my inexperience be a turn off?

    7. The last one…with high school relationships, it was pretty simple. “You’re pretty and I like you. Let’s go out.” With SB/SD relationships, it seems so much more complex. There are alot of factors involved and you actually truly care about each other (I hope). How do you establish a solid arrangement? What if you have nothing in common? How is it first meeting your SB/SD?

    That was alot, I know. I hope you can answer my questions as I would truly appreciate it.

  354. Dandelion Wine says:

    Good going, blog killer! XD

  355. Sara says:

    500! (sorry, couldn’t resist.)

  356. Sara says:

    @ Aurelia – That is SO funny. I am a vegetarian, tree hugging hippy! haha. That was just an arbitrary example. Had no idea it was so spot on. No hard feelings doll.

  357. Aurelia NC says:

    @NYC SB- you seriously aren’t successful being an SB? From your posts it sounds like you are, and I glanced over your blog and it seems like you have multiple SDs! Maybe I need to read more entries? lol

  358. Aurelia NC says:

    @Sara- definitley don’t wanna start an argument with you, but I think you’ll find this kinda funny, at least I hope you will! I am a lifetime member of the NRA. My SD loves guns too- and he knows pink is my favorite color- he got me a pink AR-15!!! And shotgun!!! If you know what those two guns look like, especially the huge AR-15, its a pretty funny sight, little me firing off a huge pink weapon!! haha

  359. Sara says:

    @Aurelia – that makes much more sense, I guess it got blown out of proportion. I just meant, I am not suddenly going to become an avid supporter of the NRA or something for a SD. lol

    • SD Guru says:

      @Michael
      do you keep a spreadsheet, do a ton of research or just have a killer memory? Jeez…

      Yes.

      you mean that place in Vegas, off the strip?? Great ice-cream, crappy part of town

      Yup, that’s the place. Many fond memories for such a hole in the wall!

      SD Guru, I don’t want to hear it. Again.

      Sounding like a broken record is my specialty!

      @NYC SB
      If you cannot afford something better than a 5 dollar coffee then you probably won’t be able to afford me

      I have never spent more than $5 at Starbucks! 😛

      Guru – they stole MY salsa moves on tonight’s millionaire matchmaker… WHAT!

      Ooops, forgot to tell you that I sent in the video of you dancing the night away…

      @Shay
      From now on I’ve had two previous SDs in longer term arrangements who both paid me what I want when I wanted it.

      And you wonder where stories of 5-10k/month allowance came from… 😆

      ———————-

      Coffee and spicy food, anyone?? :mrgreen:

  360. Aurelia NC says:

    Honestly, politics was probably a bad example, as every SD I have ever had has always shared my very passionate political views…. I guess a better example would be this. My SD likes trucks more than cars. He has the Hummer truck and the Porsche SUV. He is almost always driving the Hummer truck. I would prefer him to have a sexy sports car, but why say anything? I mean, it doesn’t really matter. I’m not going to marry him. It would just start a pointless argument.

    Another example- I prefer comfortable bras to sexy bras but I always make sure to have on sexy lingerie if he is coming over. Oh and another one- I usually cook him breakfast or dinner depending when he comes over and I always make his favorite foods, even though some of them I don’t particularly care for. I mean, lets be honest- he is giving me 5k per month and paying for this gorgeous apartment I am cooking him breakfast in….. ummmm yeah, I think I can pretend I love waffles as much as he does (I can’t stand them!) if only all problems were that easy to solve!

    Going with the flow on little things like that is what makes an SB/SD relationship last a long time…. if not, those are the things that after 2 or 3 months people start to fight about…. I make sure there is never anything to fight about 😉

  361. cleo says:

    i’m somewhere between the two of you, i can certainly bite my tongue and hrm… with age i have learned the value of the euphemism.

    it’s like if the truth as i see it is 2/10 harsh to whomever i’m with i’ll just tell it. but if i see the 10/10 and i know they can’t handle it i’ll gently lead them to the 2 or 3 that they can.

    i won’t lie to people, especially not about themselves, but i will absolutely be hrm far more about him than i would be in a different kind of relationship. depends on the man too… some of them inspire more devotion than others…

  362. Sara says:

    @ Aurelia – it is obviously working for you, and not working so well for me….so maybe I could pick up a tip or two. lol

  363. Sara says:

    I get it Aruelia and more power to you, I just don’t think I could do it. I am certainly not negative around a SD, he doesnt need to waste his limited/valuable time with me being whiny, but I can’t keep my mouth shut about politics. lol. My degree is in poli sci after all.

  364. Aurelia NC says:

    I don’t pretend to be anything I am not…. I just never whine or complain about anything when I am with him, I act totally focused on him no matter what else is running through my brain, if he says something I disagree with I just keep my mouth shut (politics or whatever, I act super into sexual stuff even when I am not in the mood (although I would never, ever, do anything I wasn’t comfortable with), I always compliment him and act like being with him makes me happier than anything in the world, I always have my hair and make-up perfect and dress my absolute best around him… He is a nice guy and I do enjoy his company… but I do play up everything and always look my best and keep the focus on him… as I said in earlier posts, I don’t talk to my SDs much outside of when we are together so its pretty easy to keep the dream girl persona up… I only see him when he comes to my apartment (3 bedrooms- one for me, one for me and him when he comes to see me, and one to use as a huge closet) he comes there 2-3 times per month for a few hours in the morning, and then I usually go on a business trip with him once or twice a month, either one 4 day trip or two 2-day trips. He flys me out to wherever he is. So I only see him about 4-6 days per month. December marks my 6th month with him and so far so good, for Christmas he is getting me a new Lexus… I highly recommend being his dream girl if you want a long term SD… its not hard at all, I am used to it, behaving that way around him comes naturally to me, and honestly, if you act happy, you will feel happy! So its a win-win!

  365. cleo says:

    nyc sb i am certainly sweeter on a sugar date than i am in real life; my problems remain my own but i’ll discuss my finances if asked. that said i am also most certainly myself.

    i know women who are more able to mirror their companion and it’s a brilliant skill to have. i watched shooger shoes flirt with a man and i was amazed at the smooth and sexy but never rude way she did it. i suspect aurelia can do it as well.

    i get the concept but it’s still not something i can do. i’m a genuine, caring, generous and kind person with wit and a brain that slurps everything and draws some surprising conclusions. that gets some men’s attention, just not all of them.

  366. Sara says:

    I just don’t think I have the energy or talent to play a part….it took me 23 years to figure out who I am, I can’t imagine trying to figure out someone else to be on top of that. I would totally slip up or something.

  367. cleo says:

    sara i don’t really have the sugar blues, i just expect nothing from sugar and keep working to make my self support myself. it would be so nice if my credit card magically owed nothing again but otherwise i’m okay.

    i surf the site and send winks and favorites and the occasional email; go on the occasional date and enjoy the great friends and inspiration that i found here…

  368. NYC SB says:

    I am not sure I agree with that… maybe thats why I have not been successful in this SB thing… I am who I am, and while I hold back on the negative when in a sugar relationship (and play up the sexual fun) I do not pretend to be someone’s dream girl. If there is a fit with personalities then it will work, otherwise it wont.

  369. Aurelia NC says:

    @ContinentalTravel-

    “Why do I care what her “true self” is? Here’s my view: if she’s a good enough actress to fool me for 2 weeks, she’s probably good enough to fool me for 3-6 months. And that’s enough to start a sugar relationship.”

    Love this! I couldn’t agree more. Not enough women grasp this concept. You know what you want- and he knows what he wants- if you expect to get what you want, you better learn how to be a darn good actress! Or as I like to say, always behave like his ‘dream girl’…. there is a reason my SD gives me 5k cash per month, got me a 3 bed/2 bath apartment where he pays rent and all utilities, and takes me shopping and on business trips every month… I assure you he wouldn’t do any of that if I didn’t act as though his dream girl should.

  370. NYC SB says:

    Guru – they stole MY salsa moves on tonight’s millionaire matchmaker… WHAT!

  371. NYC SB says:

    Aurelia – yes thats what he said (banking reference) and yes he was a total gentleman and a pathological liar… however, he was still an awesome sd and introduced me to some amazing connections

    Sara – yeah totally creepy … i think this might be the only trader i do not like (WHOA DID I JUST SAY THAT)

  372. Sara says:

    @cleo- I am totally getting the sugar blues too! My #1 pot is fizzling out, and I definantly need a little bit to pick myself up and dust off my ego before looking again.

  373. cleo says:

    Continental Travel/ Aurelia: the only time i consider travelling is if it’s for a travelling arrangement. at that point i have to figure out the pros and cons and if it’s worth it. it might be, especially if i get time to myself while there to do the internet stuff that my business needs and that i often don’t find time to do when i’m here.

    i’d have to like him more though. i definitely wouldn’t travel for an SD i didn’t really like unless the allowance was amazing. and even then if i don’t *like* him at least somewhat what’s the point?

    that said, CT is right, we aren’t looking to get married so him snoring or whatever isn’t nearly as big a deal…

  374. cleo says:

    sara: i seem to be safe from all the men.

    lol – okay not true at all but some days it feels that way!

  375. ContinentalTravel says:

    I don’t do tests. Too many wannabes use “tests” as an excuse for their lousy behavior. Plus, I’m not trying to find a wife to marry tomorrow. Why do I care how she behaves under stress? Why do I care what her “true self” is? Here’s my view: if she’s a good enough actress to fool me for 2 weeks, she’s probably good enough to fool me for 3-6 months. And that’s enough to start a sugar relationship.

    I agree that SBs should generally avoid travelling to another city for a first meet. On the other hand, it may be worthwhile to plan a vacation at the city you “fish” at, and schedule a few sugar meets all within a day or two. A simple “I’m stopping by your city, would you like to buy me lunch?” can work wonders.

  376. Sara says:

    @NYCSB – yes he is a trader….but isn’t he the “creepy” one (according to Patti)

  377. Sara says:

    @ Cleo – you get the guys who want beautiful amazon women, and I get the kinky creeps who want spinners, so I guess we are safe from all the men drooling over NYCSB!

  378. Aurelia NC says:

    @NYCSB- there are great SDs in Charlotte, it is the second largest banking city in the country after NYC. Glad you got to experience one of our southern gentlemen! They are the best! One of my current on-the-side SDs is a hedge fund manager from Charlotte, he travels to Asheville for a few days each month for work so I see him once a month for dinner and other fun while he is in town :)

  379. Aurelia NC says:

    @cleo- I suppose for me most of the reason I will not travel to them is because I see time as money. I am on this site to meet nice men I can have a great time with, but yes, I am also on here to make money.

    So why would I waste an entire day or days traveling just to meet someone when I could be with someone who I didn’t have to travel to, or better yet, be at home working on new ventures for my business? To me, unless travel is for pleasure, it is simply a hassle, and I do not see a bright future for any first date that starts as a hassle.

  380. NYC SB says:

    Aurelia – so right… if he truly wants to meet you he will come to you… heck my ex sd was from NC and he flew in for a day to meet me… his line “Charlotte is only a 2 hour flight from NYC” – good line … plus tickets were hella cheap to go see him (not that i was paying) but its an additional selling point if you NC ladies are looking at NYC potentials

  381. NYC SB says:

    aww you guys… no! i dont even know if this guy liked me! i did thank him for an awesome evening and the gift so hopefully he gets back to me

    oooo a trader on millionaire matchmaker… instant panty dropper 😀

  382. cleo says:

    sara: *snicker* i was thinking that too

    but then i seem to appeal to a very small market… it’s that freakish height thing…

  383. Aurelia NC says:

    Gentlemen- will you please help me tell the ladies here- if he is a real SD he will come to you. If he honestly cannot come to you, he will offer to buy you a plane ticket and send you money via Western Union or Paypal BEFORE you get on the plane to cover the time you are taking out of your life to meet him and to make you feel more comfortable about getting on a plane to meet a total stranger.

    Real SDs have the means to travel frequently, it is no trouble for most of them to drive or fly to your city to see you. If they truly can’t find time, if they are a real SD money is not an issue so if they were serious about you why wouldn’t they buy you a $300 plane ticket and send you $200 bucks? $500 bucks is next to nothing if the guy is who he says he is. Its not much of a risk at all for him.

    SDs, help me talk some sense into them! I don’t want to see any of you ladies ending up in a bad situation or compromising what you want or feel comfortable with.

  384. Sara says:

    GREAT! With NYCSB back on the market the rest of us don’t stand a chance 😉

  385. NYC SB says:

    Mademoiselle – if you click on my name it takes you to my personal blog… my email can be found there :) looking forward to hearing from you (or anyone else who wants to reach out)

  386. NYC SB says:

    also… millionaire matchmaker is on at 11… lets see if any other tests were borrowed

  387. NYC SB says:

    I must make a confession … about two weeks ago I created a new profile on SA and have been searching very lightly…

    Tonight was my first date off the site… Allow me to say that my fair has been restored in SA… this man was GORGEOUS (think a 40 year old man suit catalog model)… he was pleasant, charming and generous… I hope I met his expectations and get to see him again

  388. Aurelia NC says:

    @NC Heels- I’d say ditch him or tell him to let you know when he will be in town and that you would love to meet him then. That is what I do when schedules don’t match up rather than risk traveling to someone or waste time waiting around to meet them when they could turn out to be a dud.

  389. VillaCypris says:

    hello hello!

    texaSugah – I’m here! thanks for asking about me… nearly frozen in the tundra, but thawing out at the moment.

    lisa- thanks for the heads up :)

    guru – got your email, grazie!

    ARCTIC — guess what I did today…. :)))))) cross country ski …. first one to cut the tracks thru the pine forest and rolling meadow. the snow was fantastic!! fresh, fluffy, brilliant blue sky and sunshine… hope you had an equally great first time out this weekend!

    lots to catch up on it looks like….

  390. Sara says:

    @Dendelion Wine- sometimes pure genius comes up on the blogs. You my dear are giving Aurelia a run for her money

  391. Dandelion Wine says:

    If he starts bickering, just next him. A gentleman will certainly appreciate that you’ve been willing and able to work around his schedule and will be more than happy to reimburse you and most likely would even bring a small gift to the meeting. Even pizza delivery charges a delivery fee and it is customary to offer a tip, so why would a potential SB be treated worse than a pizza driver ?

  392. Dandelion Wine says:

    NC Heels, say: no problem, I understand about your limited availability, and would be happy to assume the flexible role. On the day of our meeting the costs associated with accommodating your schedule will be as follows: 1 day off work @ (pay rate of $XX.XX per hour times 8 hours ) plus travel expenses in the amount of ($0.50 per mile times 130 miles). As per HR guidelines, I must submit a request for time off N days before the off day, therefore the costs associated with the meeting would have to be covered N days in advance by: personal check/western union/(whatever you are comfortable with).
    Best Regards and looking forward to meeting you soon.

  393. Lisa says:

    Villa get on the blog, they’re looking for you.

  394. Sara says:

    @ Texs – Thank you so much doll!

  395. Sara says:

    @ Aurelia – I let the bitch comments roll off….I even had a pot call me fat once. I finally said I wasn’t comfortable with how pushy he was and that I didn’t have the time he wanted for a SB so he started to say that “big girls need love too” lol. I hope he didnt think that as going to change my mind!

  396. Aurelia NC says:

    @Sara- you are smart not to travel to them for the first meet. As women we can never be too careful and a real man will always respect your desire to feel safe and will be more than willing to accommodate that request. Any man who would call you a bitch because of this is a complete jerk and not someone you ever want to be involved with. Imagine how awful it would be if he ever had a real reason to get mad at you! Sheesh. You are way better off having never met those jerks. It would have been a waste of your time. You deserve way better than that.

  397. Midwest SB says:

    Yikes! I spoke too soon…stupid tree fell over :(

  398. TexaSugah says:

    Evening all!

    Has anyone heard from Villa?

    Well our weather is going to swelter on.

    3rd- I just read your blog. Dearest, that’s a mess!! I’m so sorry that happened to you. What a pendajo!!! I mean really.

    Alice…. I’d love to be your sugar friend. I can’t really talk to my friends about this either.

    Michael-you are a bit like me. Moving right along. Good on you!!

    Ok so why has every pot I ever knew come out of the woodwork? Talking about a pot from Miami called. We chatted a year ago and then on and off. He wants to give me a vacation/graduation trip down to see him. No expectation. Even said I could bring my son ( didn’t want that as an excuse). I wouldn’t tho.

    One local who is in Florida on vacation but wants to negotiate again. He did keep my son in summer camp with no hanky panicky just wanted a buddy.

    Finally my guy is coming in tomorrow. Going to talk face to face. Oh boy!!!!

    Oh, I just started looking at the blue names.. Cleo and Sara … Lovely!!!

    Going to Check out some other blue links.

    Night all!

  399. Bela says:

    lol Should’ve known with an Aussie.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      @ adoc…hmmm my good friend from SA just moved back to Australia for a bit. Hope he hasn’t been naughty!

  400. Sara says:

    SIDENOTE: This is a crazy active blog week!

  401. Sara says:

    @Michael – atta boy!

  402. Thanks Sara, I am over it already. I am having lunch with a pot on Friday. My grieving is complete. :-)

  403. Sara says:

    I am not too worried about Michael, he obviously bounces back quick 😉

  404. Midwest SB says:

    I’m sorry too Michael. I love how you move forth with abandon and trust you know what works for you.

  405. Bela says:

    I’m sorry Alleycat ((hugs))

  406. Ok so I am totally done with #1 now. She txted me this afternoon to reschedule her visit here from tomorrow to Thursday. Ummmm a phone call would have been nice?

    The new day actually suits me better but that is beside the point. Last week, she suggested Wednesday, we agreed on it. Then she changes it the day before. I think every single time we have met has been re-scheduled at least once. Not interested any more, too difficult.

    SD Guru, I don’t want to hear it. Again.

  407. NC Heels says:

    @Midwest SB

    Yes, you definitely have a point. That is really my primary concern with the inflexibility. The way my job is structured, I work with one dept 3 days a week and the other 2. He basically wants Thursdays or Fridays, preferably Fridays. I figure at best I could do one Friday afternoon a month, but it really really depends on how good the connection is and if it seems worth it. I am definitely keeping one eye open here. No expectations going in, I will just call in sick this time (I want the day anyway). He wants 1-2 times a month, but it definitely wouldn’t really be an “experience.” I think I will have a better idea about the situation when I meet him.

    I am considering casting a wider net, though I can’t travel that easily. I have been talking to many relatively close pots only to be rejected when they ask me to come to them and I try to ask them to come to me, at least for 1st meet. Learning all the time…

  408. Bela says:

    (((hugs)) to Shay – Yes, it can be a mind game, but growing a thicker skin will pay off in more ways than one :)

  409. Midwest SB says:

    Operation Christmas Tree is a success!!!

  410. Bela says:

    lol Third World – It’s funny you say that. Spicy food does that to me. No idea why, but it does.

    Now I want to watch Pretty Woman!!!

  411. Midwest SB says:

    San Diego – Woo Hoo!

    Guru – Thanks for the relocation insight…it’s greatly appreciated!

    BTW – NYC gets the hot, yogalicious, uber-intelligent discounts :-) It’s not that I’m free, I just have a girl crush!

    Shay – (((hug))) . The good news is you still have your dignity, saved lots of time and energy, and more potentials are on the way. Don’t let these first few experiences taint your overall search.

    Test, schmest – you guys make difficult decisions on a daily basis and you have to “test” her to see if she’ll behave when dinner will be postponed? I left that mess back in high school.

  412. Midwest SB says:

    NC Heels – I still have a little catching up to do, but wanted to warn you to be wary of office politics and taking steady time off. When I had my travel SD that I was meeting twice a month, I had to take Fridays off twice a month. This didn’t bode well in our small office. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong for your colleagues to care, but it can cause interference. As far as quality prospects go…I bet there’s at least one SD in NYC or LA who would fly you in once a month or come to see you without hesitation. Perhaps casting your net a little wider will prove to be more beneficial. Frankly, this potential sounds like afternoon delight. Are you going to be satisfied with a few hours in a hotel room once a week? SDs are so amazing when they share new experiences and opportunities. Don’t sell yourself short because the prospects are slim.

    Cleo – I love the new pics!!! The first one is beautiful!

  413. Sara says:

    @ Third World – that is hilarious

    @ San Diego – Congratulations doll!

  414. @SadDiego SB

    Congrats!

    I am going to a beach town with notoriously cheap alcohol with some of my besties! =)

  415. (re: first date conversation)

    Haha. I actually can not drink coffee because that much caffeine makes me /incredibly/ horny! So Starbucks would be a terrible idea for a first date for me! I would probably have a really difficult time concentrating on whatever we were supposed to be talking about.

    I once told someone that and his response was, “So the way to get into your pants isn’t to get you drunk, just take you for coffee… interesting…”

  416. SanDiego sb says:

    hey sugars! hope everyone is doing great today.

    I just got a phone call that i got the job that i wanted,so i can leave the one im at now (too much drama and not worth it) a couple of pots lined up.

    very good week so far and its only tuesday :)

    whats everyones plans for NYE?

  417. adoc says:

    @Michael: the calling thing would irritate me too. I just knocked off a pot awhile ago because he never rung when he said and cancelled first meet plans 3x. He was an austrailian…….figures ;).
    TO me: its a bad indication of a lack of respect for the other persons time.

    @all: best wishes for the holiday season and sugary goodness. :). Im not really looking, but semi addicted to the blog :P. Uni is over tommorow- so very excited to get a break!!! :).

  418. msdiiva says:

    Hey all, hope everyone’s doing well. It’s hard to keep up with the blogs since I didn’t get a new laptop yet, my SD and I were suppose to take a little trip to NYC tmrw for a few days and that was going to be out big finish up for the month and I was suppose to recieve my Christmas gift and more since Christmas coming up but he cancelled. I was highly upset, and with that said, I’m getting back in the market looking for a second one :)

  419. carebear says:

    shay-been there, tried that, and it worked….use the personal blogs to gain ideas on how your experience with a ‘previous relationship’ worked, and sound confident.

  420. Shay says:

    Turned down pot#1 for lowballing me. He upped his offer which I also rejected. Back from my trip visiting pot #2.

    Was disappointing overall. He high pressured me a lot after dinner for sex. I said no but pretty displeased with this turnout. Up until then I liked him a decent amount. Enough that his behaviour alone doesn’t absolutely disqualify him but not looking good so far. negotiations to follow.

    I think I am done telling pots that I am new. From now on I’ve had two previous SDs in longer term arrangements who both paid me what I want when I wanted it. So sick of people trying to mess with me and mindcontrol me.

    can someone give me an internet hug :(

  421. Sara says:

    @ cleo- I think we need to meet, just to take a photograph haha

  422. Sara says:

    @ Cleo- haha wow – that is nice. P.S. I KNEW you would love that! I JUST got that email and thought of you…. poor guy just doesnt know when to stop talking. lol

  423. cleo says:

    sara i was offered an honorarium for a date once and he was so clearly giving it to me JUST to thank me for being who i said i was and for showing up that i accepted it with gracious thanks and then ordered my dinner.

    he was so clear about lack of expectations that i would have felt rude to say no.
    .
    sara 2: omg really??? that’s so funny. way to illustrate my exact point about BOTH OF US!

  424. Sara says:

    maybe I should point at that in South Florida most starucks have outdoor seating, so its very conducive to conversation and usually I suggest it, so I cant say the man is cheap

  425. SD TWICE says:

    Screws up = the meeting doesn’t happen for some reason

  426. SD TWICE says:

    When someone “local” screws up their first meet with me I offer to meet them at the Starbucks down the street from my apt. some other time. ‘Maybe’

  427. NYC SB says:

    I have had one starbucks meet … The place is not very conducive for conversation… Everyone can hear you talking … So I refuse starbucks meets … If you cannot afford something better than a 5 dollar coffee then you probably won’t be able to afford me

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Yo Viv! The only coffee I enjoy is the one that is served to me in bed 😉

      okay really going now, this place is like super glue sometimes … closing browser will help!

  428. Nico says:

    @OC or should I say, “Vivian” 😉

    First meets. I think I would have to take into consideration many different factors. If the gentleman I am meeting is from my town and we’ve chatted for a while then a nice glass of wine with the possibilities of dinner or, if we’ve not chatted much then coffee would be appropriate. I don’t have an issue buying my own coffee…it’s likely I was headed there anyway 😀 I’m not certain the location itself speaks to who I am as an individual/SB but making the first meet simple for my SD would be higher on the list.

    If my pot is from out of town then most definitely, a nice dinner – cuisine of his choosing and I would do the research, make the reservations etc.

  429. Sara says:

    @ OC – both route serve their purposes…. i guess i Just like to do the “surprise I really am who I say I am” thing. Than get to know eachother more the second date. It is the analytical side of my type A personality that sometimes gets the best of me.

  430. @SD Guru – you mean that place in Vegas, off the strip?? Great ice-cream, crappy part of town.

    @Toughie – that’s actually a pretty good test. I might put that into my bag. Thanks

  431. Sara says:

    sidenote: @ Cleo – you will appreciate this. This is an actual email I got from a pot: “Im not weird or anything but overall im into shorter girls than freakishly tall girls. Sometimes I’ll see a cute short girl and would love to try see if i can lift her off the ground. Ha…maybe that does make me weird.”

  432. Sara says:

    @ OC – I totally get your point, but for me I think a lot of the stress in sugar dating comes from first meets. It is a lot of pressure (on both sides), so I like to get it over with, quick and simple….than on to the fun.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      @ Sara that I can understand. Hmmm what about slowing down the process and enjoying the lingering of it all. If you are nervous just consider taking the time to plan a super fun first meet. Even something casual like hot drinks and a walk around a art exibit or cultural event. Finding out what the person likes and interest are helps ease the pain of a first meet. Just my 2 cents. But your coffee dates quick and simple work, don’t change a thing!

      Okay, back to work. Lunch is consumed and blog entertainment was wonderful as ever…

  433. @SD Guru – do you keep a spreadsheet, do a ton of research or just have a killer memory? Jeez….

    Just to set the record straight, the hospice nurse got shuffled to #2 pretty quickly (took less than a month, but she is still there at #2) so I didn’t count her as a #1.

  434. ToughLove says:

    Just wanted to add: the BIGGEST headaches I’ve ever had in my personal or professional life came from violating my own litmus test…

  435. NC Heels says:

    @Michael Alleycat

    Well, I dont want to be his beck and call girl or just his call girl…ooooh BAD joke!!

  436. NC Heels says:

    @Michael Alleycat

    “NC Heels – if he really has limited time and really can’t cone to you, I guess you have to travel to him, this once. Otherwise, you may end up doing all the traveling, and at his whim. Be wary, as he may be using this as a power thing.”

    Also a good point. I definitely don’t want to be a beck and call girl- I want a little respect and some effort from him in this. We shall see…

  437. ToughLove says:

    @NYC SB

    Well, it’s more about “drama” than changing schedules. People are usually on their best behavior during a first meet. The “delay” is just the stimulus to provoke a “real” emotional response that gets behind that first date “mask”. (Kind of like poking an animal with a stick…not that I’ve ever done that…) For example, the petite Mexican girl immediately started doing shots of tequila and was eliminated from the running because of it. If you want to find out what someone’s really like, observe them when all hell breaks loose. Or see what choices they make when they think no one is watching.
    BTW, my litmus test for ALL personal and most business relationships came from a B-school professor and it has served me well (when I follow it) Basically, “if our plane were to crash in the middle of nowhere with little chance of rescue, would this person be an asset or a liability to survival?” Assets cultivated, liabilities eliminated. Those that fail rarely make it beyond one or two meetings.

    @Michael
    Missed the Branson show unfortunately. I remember after the first season of the Apprentice, billionaire-based reality shows seemed to come out of the woodwork.

  438. Sara says:

    @ OC baby- I prefer the starbucks meet, because it is no pressure. I also never take money (even if an allowance had been mentioned) on a first date. The way I see it, if we don’t like eachother, we brush off our egos and go our seperate ways. No money lost, very little time spent, etc. At the end of the day, I don’t want to dissapoint someone and if I do, I certainly don’t want him to give me a gift on top of that. If he likes me and and wants a second date- than he is more than welcome to pull out all the stops.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      @ Sara– just talking about first meet venue. Gifts, arrangement specifics, not on the topic for discussion. But that makes a great second DEBATE!
      Sugar dating comes in all the colors of the rainbow, no right, no wrong. just a beautiful site any way you look at it. I have my rainbow colors set at a very vibrant setting! But again, my settings are mine to adjust and enjoy :)
      Nothing wrong with coffee. But for me, not in my rainbow. Not saying it has to be elegant dinners every time, I have taken some to some crazy little unknown spots for the most amazing dim-sum. It was standing room only and we fed each other (we were standing so close due to lack of room that was the only way we could get the food in our mouths). One time I was out riding PCH with my SD and he asked me if I had my “bad ass game on today”… we had the coldest beer known to man at the wildest biker bar in LA. Fun, fun, FUN!

  439. NC Heels says:

    @Michael Alleycat
    Yes, I am pretty much in the mindset that this is an opportunity cost.

    @SD Guru
    Very good point and food for thought. Long term is the big picture, not just the first meet. This all depends on whether or not we even like each other or want to enter into an arrangement. It is not impossible for me to take an afternoon off here and there, but the arrangement terms would have to be good. I could pull it off once a month for sure, but beyond that would be harder. NC local quality is really tough, and he reminds me of a few guys I’ve met that are the real deal, but want what they want.

    @SD Twice

    Yes, NC quality is pretty tough and I suspect there are beautiful, articulate NC SBs without SDs. I probably have to accept more opportunity cost here than if I lived in NYC…or even DC or Atlanta. I’m willing to do this once and fully expect to eat it, but beyond that, he would have to make it worth my while if he wanted to continue. I think it’s only fair and any real SD would make sure it worked that way.

    @NYC SB
    Good point about making up hours, though in my case it wouldn’t be as useful. Still, I don’t expect arrangements to last forever so I could do it until I couldn’t work it anymore, should it all work out. If not, then I’ll have a really nice lunch!!

  440. Sara says:

    @ SD Twice- personally, I am almost never comfortable enough to travel for a first meet. It is a safety precaution in my eyes. But if you make sure everything is safe and you won’t be in a bad position (i.e. stuck somewhere having to pay your own flight – which I know is not the case in your situation- etc.) and you feel like this person is worth traveling for, than go for it. But don’t make it a habit. If you end up in an arrangement with this person, make sure it is fair. And if you move on to the next, I wouldn’t make a habit out of traveling to them.

    • SD Guru says:

      @OC
      Guru don’t pick on Michael…

      Of course I’m not picking on him… I’m just refreshing his memory in case he lost track of his #1’s. 😉

      I also feel a good blog debate brewing… “First date Meets”

      One of my all time favorite first date meet was at a hole in the wall ice cream stand called “Luv It”. Anyone know where that is? It was her idea, so I can’t take credit for it! :)

  441. Sara says:

    @ Cleo – I wish I had the luxury of being a performer. Unfortunantly I am a high school teacher. So men AND my students get a kick out of it. And walking into a bar….that is a whole other story. I was actually KIDNAPPED by an entire bachelor party once….like they literally picked me up drunkenly and brought me somewhere else in the bar. lol.

  442. SD TWICE says:

    When will Shay be reporting in?

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      If someone is late for a first meet without a txt or call letting me know (traffic in LA sucks)… Will automatically land this person a detour to the bar for a ” I am so happy to see you. but…” I have to be honest and say that we are not going to be a good fit. This has only happened a few times in my sugar journey and each gentleman has asked if it was due to their being late. I answer honestly that yes it was the reason but the determining factor was that a successful sugar relationship for me comes down to good communication and respect. Both tried to change my mind, but even small subtle games do not fit into my personal sugar life. We each determine our boundries in the sugar realm. What are yours?
      Some might say I am too hard on them, but “I say who and I say when and I say who” (best line from my all time favorite sugar movie). I will always be in control of my sugar journey not someone who tests me. SDs may out number the SBs but the stellar SBs are the rarest of them all.
      Did you see the face of the girl who was chosen on the last RHNJ? She was livid that he was the millionaire and that she was played. But come on she was not about to say on TV that she was upset. I would have politely declined the date. But that’s just me. I am shocked that the queen of matchmaking would plot such games. Wouldn’t there be a better way to screen these women for the millionaires? Why start out anything being fooled or having someone think they can fool you with the greatest of ease?

  443. SD TWICE says:

    A few more things things to consider before going the distance to meet someone:

    Are you actually the person you’ve told them you are? Are you the age you’ve revealed? Have they seen pictures that look just like you, and seen enough of you to not be surprised, or have you described to them acurately what they will see when they meet you?

    Are you really as X as you’ve told them you are?

    Can you really give them what they are looking for and what you’ve told them you can in exchange for what they can offer and what you’ve told them you need?

  444. Speaking of tests, anybody ever see the Richard Branson reality show?

    In the first episode, he was disguised as taxi driver that picked up the contestants from the airport, to see how they would treat the taxi driver. He used it to get a real sense of the person as opposed to the ‘face’ that the contestants would put on later during the filming. He eliminated 2 people immediately, based on their behaviour and comments to him in the taxi.

  445. NYC SB says:

    Guru – how can I be an SM if they are paying me for mentorship … Just saying!

    Tough Love – yup with the two sons from the real housewives of nj … Such a silly episode … But yeah they were testing if the women would be into the sons without fame rather than putting on an act for them if they know they were the millionaire candidates … Your delay test is if she will throw a hissy fit when you change schedule? Maybe I misunderstand your delay test? Otherwise it is two different tests

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      Guru – how can I be an SM if they are paying me for mentorship … Just saying!

      So you mean your mistress is turning into your SM?? Gosh what a twisted world we live in! 😉

      @Michael
      only two #1s this year. It’s the #2 that I keep shuffling around….

      If I recall correctly, your OMFG #1 ended in July. Then the new #1 who was a 28yo hospice nurse started in August. By end of Sept you talked about the “perfect wave” and had a new new #1 who was a “cougar”, and now she’s apparently soon to be history.

      At this rate I think your new new new #1 will be checking in soon and lasts until about Feb or so. I can’t keep up with your #2’s, let alone #3’s. 😛

      He used it to get a real sense of the person as opposed to the ‘face’ that the contestants would put on later during the filming.

      Tricks like that are pretty common in reality shows. You’d think the contestants would have it figured out by now!

      @SD TWICE
      A few more things things to consider before going the distance to meet someone:…

      I agree, and that’s why I have always said a first meet mainly serves 3 purposes:

      1. Will he/she show up as planned
      2. Will he/she be as advertised in the profile
      3. Will there be compatibility and chemistry to take things further.

      Anything else that happens is a bonus. Meeting for drinks/coffee or a casual lunch/dinner should accomplish those goals. Save the more elaborate fancy stuff for the next meet if things go well. This is easy to do when both parties are local. If travel is involved by either party, then making a decision to meet would require more thought and planning. But the underlying purpose should remain the same.

      @ToughLove
      However, you did warn me about posting “secrets”.

      Hey, your memory is as good as mine!! 😎

      • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

        @ Guru don’t pick on Michael, he is just a uber loving sugar’y sugar’y sugar he loves women!
        I also feel a good blog debate brewing…
        “First date Meets”
        Vote:
        Starbucks with the bill being paid with a Starbucks giftcard? Hahaha Kidding about the giftcard.
        – Here is the issue with the coffee meet, it is just so vanilla. Do you want to be remembered as vanilla?
        – Also if the SB arrives first does she go ahead and just buy her own coffee or wait for you?
        Elegant Dinner this choice comes in many different tiers (depends where you live).
        – Now this is how I like my sugar to be melted 😉

        VOTE and BE Heard… lol (game on!)

  446. cleo says:

    guru: ahh, an easy test to pass with a fun partner, a tough one with someone rude
    .
    sara i knew a woman like you; she is a performer and circus artist and sort of took back ownership of the term. that said, i was using it in it’s worst way with you to indicate that i’ve actually seen the treatment you describe.

    i’ve had not one but two best friends that hit 4’11 and both fell victim to this a lot!
    .
    midwest: well, i think you see why i suggest that sd’s arrange the meets? or sponsor it with a clear organizer who is in control of the money (perhaps with his aye/nay) and gets a small gratuity. (none of which happened at the meet i arranged… silly thing cost me money)

    i’ve heard that as well, that everyone gives up right now but that people are still hiring. you write well and present well so i imagine you’ll do okay eventually.
    .
    Tough Love: well, i have it on good authority that i light up any room i enter, so maybe i can keep you warm? *g* thanks, i’m pretty happy with where my body has ended up, not entirely sure i like the fetish implications of my current pics though…

    as for those men, i don’t get it. it’s like they believe that if they just push a little more while mouthing ‘all the right things’ that i’ll just fall at their feet in a swoon.

    far better to woo me than push me.
    .
    Aurelia: i’ve travelled for first meets with no problem. that said only when i had my expenses in my hand in advance such that *I* booked my flight and the funds i received for ‘incidentals’ would have come damn close to covering my hotel and for sure a hotel at the airport.

    if they want you to feel safe you will and them why not travel to them?

  447. @SD Guru – only two #1s this year. It’s the #2 that I keep shuffling around….

    @Aurelia – you asked a couple of days ago if we have multiple SD/SBs. I typically have two SBs at any one time, unless my #1 and I negotiate exclusivity, or I want to be. I typically ask my #1 to be exclusive (as in only one SD), but for some reason they never ask me to reciprocate exclusivity. Never can figure that out.

    If they do ask me to be exclusive, I am generally happy to do so. Everything is negotiable, just has to be discussed openly and honestly.

  448. ToughLove says:

    @ Guru

    Acknowledged. (And clearly I have no idea how many people read this blog…for better or worse. However, you did warn me about posting “secrets”.)

  449. ToughLove says:

    @ NYC SB

    It was the episode with the two sons from the Real Housewives. They didn’t name it but the set up was ridiculously familiar. It had the desired effect and made it very easy for them to tell which women were there for the right reasons (the whole point of the test.) Thanks for the heads up as a viewer. I’ll file it in the “maybe” rather than “discard” pile.

  450. NYC SB says:

    Also… Killed it again with a usd/jpy rebound … 12 consecutive days of profits … Go me!

  451. NYC SB says:

    NC – your driving time round trip is about 3 hours or so… Then you need to spend some time with him so that’s about 2 hours. You are looking at taking a half day each week to see him. Rather than taking time off or using vacation days is there a way you can make up the hours missed? Just something to think about.

    Of course all of this is point moot until you actually meet and determine whether there is a connection

  452. Nico says:

    Hello Midwest…I guess you could say the *ick* message encouraged the post. I had to purge. I’ve been lurking for quite sometime though. I don’t always get a chance to keep up with the blog so, for the most part, I refrain from posting. It’s good to see so many of my sugar fam from way back 😉

  453. SD TWICE says:

    Have you already discussed with him what you would need to do to meet him regularly down their at his convenience? Have you discussed any benefits which would make it attractive?

  454. Sara says:

    Good morning everyone else! (minus Michael Alleycat – who couldn’t sleep this morning, just like me)

  455. SD TWICE says:

    NC Heels, Don’t let hype convince you to flush opportunity down the drain. I’ve met and spoken with plenty NC women who can’t get anywhere with SDs in their area.

    You are not even losing pay from work – just taking a little of your paid time off. Have you told him what the length of your trip is and that you are using paid time off? What has been his reaction?

    If you have searched for a while, and this is what you’ve come up with as a good offer, and you’ve checked it out, and as best you can at this point think its worth a try, don’t mess it up. Go and do it.

  456. Sara says:

    @Aurelia- love the advice – makes total sense. I am just not sure I have it in me to be nonchalant! Something to strive for – who says the sugar world isn’t good for life lessons? lol

  457. Michael Alleycat says:

    NC Heels – if he really has limited time and really can’t cone to you, I guess you have to travel to him, this once. Otherwise, you may end up doing all the traveling, and at his whim. Be wary, as he may be using this as a power thing.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Michael
      I’m a bit unsure about current #1. The getting to know you process for her took a long time… Keep uncovering things about her that make me go hmmm.

      If I remember correctly, she’s your third #1 this year (or fourth?). You’ve said that you have no problem going into an arrangement right away if the first meet goes well, and you like to “pay it forward”. Since the “getting to know you” phase usually takes more than one meeting, perhaps a different approach is needed?

      If you keep doing the same things then you shouldn’t expect a different result. As I’ve said before, SD’s shouldn’t be looking for SB’s that they can take home to meet mom (or daughter). But then again, maybe some do.

      @Midwest SB
      How do you overcome the employer thinking it’s an issue if you are not local?

      That depends on how soon you can start working at the new location and how demanding you are about relocation. If you position yourself favorably compared to local candidates on those two fronts (assuming it doesn’t cause undue burden on your part), then that will make it easier for your prospective employer to think it’s less of an issue that you’re not local.

      @Aurelia NC

      Now here’s a SB who sounds like she knows what she’s doing, and as a result she’s having success despite her location. Look forward to reading your elaboration!

      @NYC SB
      Whispers to Guru – not only is she free but she is will to pay ME … Game :p

      That’s why I said I see being a sugarmama in your future! LOL…

      @ElegantSugarBaby
      Now Guru, If I allow you into our marvelous lifestyle choices, and you were to take photos, then you truly would be a “pic collector.”

      I do take pretty good pictures, and I do come with pretty good references! 😉

      @ToughLove
      the real issue to me is now that it’s appeared on national TV, that particular tactic is no longer USEFUL.

      You think there are more people watching that show than reading this blog?? :) Just because it’s out there, it doesn’t mean people will actually recognize it when it’s happening to them. I’m sure that tactic will continue to be useful so it should be pretty safe for you to keep on using it.

      @NC Heels
      He expects day meets and only on certain days, and he expects me to come to him. I tried to suggest a compromise but he pretty much left the ball in my court as he tells me his time is so limited.

      I’d suggest that you think beyond the first meeting in making your decision. If his availability is that limited, how would an arrangement actually work? Would he continue to expect you to take time off from work to go to him? If so, how often? What kind of allowance would make it worthwhile for you to do that? Practically speaking, does the prospect of an on-going arrangement look that attractive? If not, is it worth the opportunity cost for you to go meet him? I hope this helps in your thought process.

      @VillaCypris
      Send me an email! or NYCSB has all my information…. real email/mobile. Would be fun to ‘catch up’ after all this time!

      I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, but here it goes! :mrgreen:

  458. NYC SB says:

    Tough love – I watch that show all the time and the “delay test” didn’t ring a bell… So to say its no longer useful is silly. Not everyone watches the show and those who do may not remember it .

  459. Michael Alleycat says:

    NC Heels – I would view the first meet as an opportunity cost. Of you do strike an arrangement, make sure it includes your opportunity cost for not being at work, travel time and expenses etc.

    For my first meets, they have either been local, or i have driven to Tucson to meet for lunch (200 mile round trip). I have flown to LA a couple of times to meet pots for lunch or dinner. No biggie, as I am in the situation where I can do this. The other person always appreciates it, and sends a very clear message that I am serious about the meet.

  460. TexasSugah says:

    Blog help…

    How do I ….

    Get blog entries sent to an email addy. I miss tons during the day.
    Get bold type and smiley faces

    Help!!!

  461. NC Heels says:

    130 miles round trip, that is!

  462. ToughLove says:

    @ Cleo

    It’s too bad some guys don’t know the difference between “leading” a woman to a sexual encounter vs “mauling”. Then again, if everything were that easy….

    Love your new pics BTW. Canada’s looking better and better…now if it weren’t so damn cold…

  463. NC Heels says:

    @Aurelia I am in NC too…love Asheville. I think the NC SBs are pretty great so far! Your pics are beautiful! Nice to hear you are having good luck.

    @everyone. Aurelia was talking about making (or highly suggesting) your potentials come to you. I have a little dilemma. I have a potential lunch date on Thursday. So far, I like the guy and he checks out on a few things. He gave me his full name (this is big to me), company info, real email, phone, and has been kind and respectful. He is taking me to a really nice place for lunch. The only issue is that he is about 1 hr 20 min away. He expects day meets and only on certain days, and he expects me to come to him. I tried to suggest a compromise but he pretty much left the ball in my court as he tells me his time is so limited.

    I am choosing to do this because he is the strongest candidate with an actual meet date that I have so far. I do work 9-5 so I am taking paid time off and driving 130 miles to see him. My question is, how do I bring up compensation for my time off and travel for this meet? He has not brought it up and I am a little concerned. I can eat it as an opportunity cost if I have to, but I would resent it and an arrangement would not be on my mind! If it did go well, I would consider taking some time off for the arrangement, but it would really have to be right. So, do I bring it up now before the meet and risk turning him off by asking for money or do I use it as a test?

    My assertiveness and negotiation skills need some work, I know. I have learned this at work too.

    Just wanting a really nice gentleman!! Once I find that, I’m his!  Thanks all, love the blog!

  464. ToughLove says:

    @Guru

    Regardless of whether some production assistant snag the idea from the blog or not, the real issue to me is now that it’s appeared on national TV, that particular tactic is no longer USEFUL.

  465. SouthernGent2 says:

    Aurelia – I sent you a message on the site.

  466. VillaCypris says:

    NYCSB – I’ll pay you to mentor me, too! :)

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Good Morning Everyone!
      @Aurelia NC You are wise beyond your years. Sure you are only 23? lol
      Just take into consideration for most, the sugar arrangements come in many different shades of the rainbow. Nothing is right or wrong. Well, I take that back some things are totally wrong. But for the most part we each make and accept sugar into our lives that makes us happy. Sounds like you have found the perfect mix of sugar for your situation. Juggling as you stated, I will stand next to you on this one sugar sis’ta, having more than one sugar is not that uncommon. Most are not comfortable stating that they are. Welcome!

  467. VillaCypris says:

    Good morning!

    @SDGURU – said
    @VillaCypris
    didn’t the figment of our imagination say a meeting might be arranged?

    Maybe you should talk to your figment of imagination and see what happens. Can’t make any promises though!

    Send me an email! :) or NYCSB has all my information…. real email/mobile. Would be fun to ‘catch up’ after all this time!

    ———
    Midwest SB says:
    December 7, 2010 at 6:06 am
    Guru – Those scars have healed quite nicely thank you…I’m still a little hesitant to arrange another meet. However, I do have LOTS of time on my hands!

    awwwwww c’mon Midwest!!!! you can do it!!!! :) heh heh

  468. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    SDGuru… Ahhhh the time before facebook, and blogs, and myspace…
    Wow.. I feel so old… The nostalgia is kicking in and I feel so old…
    :) Good thing, I am like fine wine.. JK…

    Now Guru, If I allow you into our marvelous lifestyle choices, and you were to take photos, then you truly would be a “pic collector.” because there is no way you would want to share them once you took them!!! :)

    I think we should do lunch!!! Officially say hi, after gulp so many years…

    :)

  469. NYC SB says:

    Midwest – you want to pay me for mentoring you? Aww how sweet

    Whispers to Guru – not only is she free but she is will to pay ME … Game :p

  470. Aurelia NC says:

    @ SouthernGent2 – thank you for the compliment. Where are you located? From the name I would guess somewhere in SC, perhaps Charleston?

    @SD Guru and others- I will elaborate more in another post, but to answer your question briefly, I would say the reason I can ‘juggle’ them as you put it, is because of two reasons.

    First of all, I am self-employed. I do work quite a bit, but other than about 18 ‘fixed’ hours a week where I do need to physically be at my business, the rest of my work I can work around whatever else I need to do- that includes making time for my SDs when is convenient for them.

    Second (and I think mostly important) I don’t talk to my SDs much. It isn’t very time consuming to have a full-time SD and two on the side. When we are together, its great and its like we saw each other yesterday. But I don’t email them, call them, or text them, other than to set up the next time I am going to see them. Same goes for them. Quite frankly, if thats what they wanted they would probably get a real girlfriend (and I’d get a real boyfriend.) On occasion they might send an ‘I miss you’ text or forward me a funny email, but thats it. There isn’t daily communication or pointless phone calls or emails. Real SDs don’t have time for that and neither do I. If I want to meet a guy on the site, I make it clear in either the first or second email that I would love to meet him and when can he come to Asheville so we can discuss this in person? I almost always meet potential SDs within a week of the first communication. I have no time for games or endless chit chat and a real SD doesn’t either.

  471. Midwest SB says:

    “Will you still need me,
    Will you still feed me
    When I’m 64?”

    Love The Beatles!

  472. Midwest SB says:

    Guru – Those scars have healed quite nicely thank you…I’m still a little hesitant to arrange another meet. However, I do have LOTS of time on my hands!

    BTW – 12″ of powder here ski friends! I’m half-tempted to skip the errands and phone calls and hit the bunny slopes :-)

    Cleo – Thanks for the hugs goddess! I’ve completed about 15 online applications/ e-mails in the past two weeks. The Ladders.com consultant suggested I send about 5 per week so the recruiters find you more easily. It’s slim pickings, even on a nationwide search. My plan is to see how the resume works in it’s current form and to see if i need to tweak anything. I have an amazing contact down south who is networking like crazy. I’ve also been told to take advantage of the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Many job hunters put off applying during this time of year, so you aren’t buried in a pile of resumes.

    On that note, if anyone knows of a non-profit looking for talent please let me know. I’m open to relocation preferably south or east. Ideal locations would be South FL, Atlanta, TN, NC etc. Also, when you are looking for opportunities outside of your region, do you change or omit your address on your resume/ cover letter? How do you overcome the employer thinking it’s an issue if you are not local?

    NYC SB – I may be free for now…just wait until WE start trading! Nothin’s for free… :-)

    Sara/ VC – I like driving down A1A best, but between lights and snowbirds, don’t be in a big hurry.

    Michael – Vegas baby!!! As for your #1…I’m torn but mostly because I know you want more than an SB. In a long-term relationship, I might be a little forgiving on punctuality, schedule changes, etc. (That’s when you learn to tell her reservations are at 6:30 when they are for 7) In sugar, I wouldn’t consider treating my SD this way. As for decisions like the MMA logo…I say pick your battles. In the end, it’s a mostly-permanent mark on her skin…not anything that endangers her family, wrecks her credit score or has major consequences.

    Nico – Did it take an icky message to get you back here?!? No matters…so glad to see you again!

    Spending a day in Chitown tomorrow to meet one of our own! Hmmmm…just might do a little lingerie shopping while I’m there 😀

  473. carebear says:

    Michael, you’ve been back and forth about #1 for a while now….I know I was supportive in the past, but I have to change my vote now.

    =(

  474. Bela says:

    SDTWICE is right, but I can see why you like her

  475. SD TWICE says:

    Mikey, this one’s not for you. There are 100 others begging; go get one.

  476. Sara says:

    @Alleycat- It sounds like these are all poor judgement calls that you are not comfortable with, not ones that are so disasterous they affect her life and/or career. It could just be a clash in personalities. Like she doesn’t value punctuality and maintaining plans like you do. In which case, she could be the most mazing woman in the world, but not the right one for you.

  477. Michael Alleycat says:

    Plus some small stuff that is important to me. Says she will call at 2, doesn’t call until 5. Changes plans fairly frequently. I know that life happens, but it is an indicator of not being in control, or has too much going on and is swayed easily by events.

    On the plus side, has had a good career as VP Sales for real estate development company, is successfully self-employed in an area that I think is worthwhile, has solid values and enforces them, loves her kids deeply, generous with friendships, is focused and committed to achieving great results in all her endeavors, is committed to the arrangement with me and is exclusive etc etc.

  478. Gemi says:

    jumping in here…

    @Alleycat- And more importantly, how many times in the last few months has she exhibited poor judgement??

    I knew a girl once, sweet as pie, but she was on a slip-n-slide track of poor judgement calls. There was drama brewing on all sides of her, and you could just see it coming.

  479. Sara says:

    @Alleycat – how recently were these decisions? When was last poor judgement?

    Honestly, it isn’t looking good doll.

  480. Bela says:

    hmmm…not trying to judge, but perhaps that could be categorized as a poor choice. At least I would consider it a poor choice if you are interested in dating men who prefer classy women.

  481. Michael Alleycat says:

    Example – getting a tattoo of the logo of a MMA (mixed martial arts) clothing line. She was buddies with the owners. I was like – wtf?

  482. Sara says:

    @Alleycat – fair enough. Like I said, I don’t know the situation accurately. The only example I know (the cage fighting ex husband) I don’t think is so bad. I have dated and been in love with some men who, in retrospect, were questionable. But if there is more, especially things that affect your trust of her, I totally understand.

  483. Bela says:

    Understandable Michael. There’s a difference between a person who made a poor life choice 15 years ago, but has learned from it and is moving on and the person who made a poor life choice 15 years ago….and 10 years ago, and 5 years ago and 5 months ago.

  484. Michael Alleycat says:

    My point is that a pattern of (to me) questionable life decisions make me concerned about the long term viability and quality of the arrangement. If I don’t agree with or respect some of the choices that have been made, that impacts the respect I have for her. Downward spiral from that point.

  485. Sara says:

    so my point michael (I just realized I was rambling) is that if your time together is special, who cares about the other stuff?

  486. Sara says:

    well, i don’t know the history of you two, but she obviously was #1 for a reason and part of the reason I was attracted to the sugar lifestyle was because everything is at face value. I am at a point in my life where I physically can’t bring myself to date anymore. But I love that in Sugar dating everything is what it is. We spend time together because it is fun, we have sex because it feels good, he buys me nice things because he likes seeing me happy, I dress up for him because he enjoys it, etc. It just feels so easy. If I am comfortable with someone and enjoy their company than that is it…..and it doesn’t need to be any more.

  487. Bela says:

    Alleycat – Have you ever had a boring sb? Yours sound like they could write a few books :)

    Good Morning!

  488. Michael Alleycat says:

    It takes a while for things to come out. I knew she was divorced less than a year ago, and had married him young, no biggie. The cafe-fighting thing just makes me go hmmm.

    She’s really nice, cute, v smart, great sex etc but there are a couple of life choices she (and some of her family) has made that are slowing me down a bit.

  489. Sara says:

    Yeah, I need to get up in about an hour, but this Florida girl woke up way too cold! Had to go put more clothes on.

    Your #1 married a cage fighter? – you could get beat up! haha.

    But in all seriousness, how did she make it to #1 with so many reasons for concern?

    I completely understand the perfect wave. I am very picky in this process and have only seriously considered one pot – and he goes and decides to be a gentleman (telling me he is afraid I will regret that he is married and he doesn’t want to be someone I regret.) lol

  490. Michael Alleycat says:

    Must be almost time for the start of your day, Sara?

    Been talking to a pot earlier this evening. Still searching for the perfect wave. We’ll talk today on the phone, then probably have lunch to see if we have a connection.

    I’m a bit unsure about current #1. The getting to know you process for her took a long time as she was sick for a while, had to cancel a few times due to family issues etc. Keep uncovering things about her that make me go hmmm. For example, ex-husband is a part-time professional cage fighter. Meeting her again this week, so we’ll see how that goes.

  491. Sara says:

    actually yes michael….I can’t sleep either.

  492. Michael Alleycat says:

    Ugh, can’t get back to sleep. Anybody there?

  493. Sara says:

    @cleo- I DETEST the term “spinner” – It is like someone coined a word for it and suddenly all the men into it came out of the woodwork. I’m short with big boobs- not some creepy porn fantasy.

    @guru- aww looks like we might have hit a sensitive spot here 😉

  494. SanDiego sb says:

    picture collectors are defffffff on the prowl right now , no relation to you @guru lol

    a year being involved in the sugar world, im happy i can spot them fairly quickly now, so my time isn’t wasted, and the 5 mins i spend looking,and sending a picture i wont regret never getting back lol

  495. cleo says:

    SD Guru: thanks! and please enlighten me as to what the ‘delay test’ even is?

    and should i really be watching millionaire matchmaker?
    .
    TLG: hey nice to see you!
    .
    OC: oh i LOVE LOVE LOVE when people hang care packages on my door when i’m sick. it’s so much better than when they visit!
    .
    midwest i’m really sorry to hear that you got laid off. good luck babe *hugs*
    .
    michael all of us want to go to all the meets but few of us can afford them. so then it’s a question of who to sponsor and how. i’d love to come but i couldn’t pay my own way and i’m sure i speak for many of us
    .
    Guru i wasn’t in the sugar world then but i know that irc and mirc aren’t the same thing… and i remember bbses…

    *snicker* awesome skiing avatar

    • SD Guru says:

      @Cleo
      please enlighten me as to what the ‘delay test’ even is?

      Here’s the post by TL that discussed the “delay test“. As you can tell he was very proud of that post and he thinks the matchmaker show stole his idea!

      Have a good night everyone!

  496. cleo says:

    Sara: OMG i’m SO sorry you’re a spinner! that must be freaking torture!

  497. cleo says:

    ToughLove: thank you for the welcome; i felt encouraged to put my energies elsewhere, which i did to some good fortune. but there’s a new catsuit pic up until i get a non-hallowe’en current body shot…
    .
    Midwest: i’m curious, when you’re looking how many emails do you send in an average week?

    incidentally, i am starting to think i should become 40 instead of 39. everyone says i should say 32 but i’m thinking 40, what do you think?
    .
    LKO: it’s rare but it’s been known to happen
    .
    shay: yeah but you have to feel good about it too!

    also? me too what you said to toughlove. you can wrap my brain up and twist me in the wind and i won’t catch you at it? freaking doubtful but SOOO hot if it’s true…
    .
    toughlove: i turned a man down because he would stop french kissing me in a public restaurant five blocks from my house. god that wasn’t even all *snicker*

    treating us with disrespect and disregarding our wishes. totally different from hrm… working around barriers you see forming up.

  498. Sara says:

    @cleo – I am 4 ft. 8! I get all the men with their “toss around the tiny girl” fantasies. Plus I have pretty large boobs – so the combination can bring out some of the strangest men. I feel your pain

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      But maybe he is just a picture collector! (Sorry I just had to)

      Ha! Last week I was a horny dingbag, and this week I’m a pic collector… what should I be next??

      did you ever go by the handle explorer … Old bloggers would appreciate the reference

      I had to go back more than a year and half on the blog to see what you were talking about. Sorry that wasn’t me! When ElegantSB said we go way back, I mean waayyy baaack before the days of Facebook, Twitter, and Blogs. I know for some of you it’s hard to imagine there was an online sugar world then, but we were the pioneers and we’ve got the arrows on our back to show for it! I’m sure your big sis knows what I’m talking about… :)

      @Sara
      clearly all the ladies love you – very lucky man

      Um… I don’t know about that. I’m sure some would like a piece of me, but I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing!

      @VillaCypris
      didn’t the figment of our imagination say a meeting might be arranged?

      Maybe you should talk to your figment of imagination and see what happens. Can’t make any promises though! 😛

      @ElegantSugarBaby
      If you are in Florida, while we are there, you better come say Hi!!!

      You know I’m not very good as a third wheel, and you and your SD may not get out of bed anyway… But I could come by and take some pics! 😆

      @BG
      we will have more of this white sh!t tomorrow and a huge storm for the weekend, over 10 inches of snow

      When there is that much snow you know it’s time to hit the slopes!!

  499. cleo says:

    FL-SD: i am also in serious lust for the ipad and the dreaded angry birds… that said, i am not sure i *need* it. i had this little shoe accident the other day so i might have to put my credit card in the freezer…

    you know once i started applying the mirror test and the slime test (do you feel slimed or dirtied when they touch you?) life got a lot nicer!
    .
    Bela: you bet it did! i really enjoy him. i was a bit kidding about the escort thing but i just wanted to chill it out a little with the ‘never on the first date’ thing. it’s a great rule of thumb but you can give yourself permission to break your own rules if you want to.

    :)
    .
    TexaSugah: yeah i know what you mean. i wouldn’t mind a few months or a few years where the money i make on the business could go back IN TO the business. i mean i kid about my shoe shopping accident but nothing fits since i lost all my weight and my two most frugal friends agreed that it was a worthy shopping accident.

    anyway, i overspend a little and then i cut back drastically and get back to the pink from the red but god, i don’t even spend that much i just don’t make much. that said, the new clients i got last week? *I* did that.

    me. and damn skippy i’m proud!

    so yeah, easier days would be nice but still… something there.
    .
    Alice: recently i went out with an asian sb. she’s tiny and quiet (but not really) and i’m this super tall amazonian thing. we were laughing because she gets all the petite and geisha type fetishes that creep her out and i get a lot of ‘topple the amazon’ crap on my end.

    it seems like no matter what if you aren’t that one look that’s in you’re a fetish. it must be horrible to have that happen so much more with your skin colour; there’s not THAT many tall fetishists (although man a lot of men freaking HATE that i’m taller than they are… cuts my odds a LOT)

  500. Mademoiselle says:

    @NYC .. what’s your email? I will shot you one.. got a lot of questions to ask you… Hope you can help me. I’m a newbie in this whole game. I think you are more experienced than me 😀

  501. carebear says:

    Aurelia – I miss asheville! my first ‘sd’ worked for the company that put in all those new fancy shopping centers 😉

    glad to see someone from the homestate is racking up!

    <3

  502. VillaCypris says:

    Or they are all over on the A1A going 10mph and staring at the ocean! :) either way, good idea… US1 is the way to go!

  503. Sara says:

    Villa – you are RIGHT! I dont even go on 95. I take US1 like it is going out of style! The beauty of it, it is parallel to 95, so it takes me the same places with no difference in time (they are literally next to eachother) AND no one else wants to take a state road when they can take 95, so it is deserted!

  504. VillaCypris says:

    BG – oui! quelque jour!! :)

    Sara- i used to live in Palm Beach and will agree, the drivers in Florida are horrendous! (How’s that for a vast generalisation????) especially on I-95 however. I used to avoid that whenever possible!

  505. BG says:

    Sara~ hahahha, I wish I had great driving conditions… AH well, some day!
    Good night sugars! Working tomorrow and with this snow… I had to get up earlier to shovel again!!!

  506. Sara says:

    @BG – you have NO idea. A. I was spoiled with easy driving conditions. B. I am pretty sure I just naturally a bad driver. lol. I once had a pot offer me a car, and I told him don’t waste his money, im THAT bad of a driver. lol.

  507. BG says:

    Sara~ hahhah that reminds me of a friend in Cali, he can’t drive in 1/2 in of rain,,,, they get that in a few days and they call it a storm lol

  508. BG says:

    VC~ yes, girl you totally owe me! 😀 lol…

  509. Sara says:

    @BG- I LOVE snow, but I also never have it. And I am a terrible driver, so its a good thing Florida is nice and flat and snow free

  510. VillaCypris says:

    dohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry BG!!!!!! if i lived closer i’d come over and help you shovel!! :)

  511. BG says:

    Sara~ 5 inches of snow!!! that’s why, oh and shoveling it… And the fact that we will have more of this white sh!t tomorrow and a huge storm for the weekend, over 10 inches of snow…. I work on the road, it was awful driving today! wish I had your sunny weather! 😀

  512. Sara says:

    @BG- aww why did your day suck?

  513. BG says:

    Arctic~ We got more than 5 in of snow all ready, they say another 3-4 in for tomorrow… I am not happy, it ruined my day. I just got in and have to shovel snow, since the snow plow passed! it’s up to my hips

    VC~ yeah, you could of kept your snow! 😀

    Hi everyone, hope you all had a great day!
    Mine sucked…. I hate snow :(

  514. Sara says:

    Oh Lord Tanya – i do NOT miss crazy roomates. All 4 years of college, I had at least one insane roomate (never fails) – makes you a stronger perosn – I promise.

  515. TexaSugah says:

    Hey Tanya

    You did the right thing. I would have done the same thing. I work in mental health and have referred people for safety evaluations by psychs too many times over the years.

    I don’t blame you for jumping ship. She needs help, period. She is away from immediate danger and with her family. If they aren’t part of the problem then they may hold part of helping her find the solution.

    Care for her, but if you are done….break camp.

    Rest easy. You did the right thing.

    TS

  516. Lisa says:

    I spent my entire extra paycheck for december (5 paycheck month) on my daughter’s gifts, nothing left for me. Plus my daughter borrowed a little black dress of mine (one that I purchased for a night out on the town in NY last year, that didn’t happen) to go to a christmas party, brought it back to me and the little sparkly belt ornament had broke off :(
    I never even got to wear it.

    yes retail takes all the joy as i’ve gotta work holidays instead of spending it with family. I’m always glad to see them over with.

  517. carebear says:

    Lisa- I feel ya….retail in holidays sucks =(

    I bought all of my Christmas gifts in july and now I can’t find any of them =( Super bummed!!

  518. Tanya says:

    So, I have been posting off and on on here and just need to half vent half hear what everyone else thinks about my weekend.

    It started off amazing with a female friend of mine. I like her and she likes me. I am a girl by the way… just to clarify haha :) Anyways, I came back home Sunday to chaos. I am paid through the end of the year in my apt, with my ex, and she is in the process of getting her life together and moving out. But I get home and she freaks out. Says the only way I can leave her is if she kills herself. So I call 911 and get her put in protective custody. She was about to take a ton of pills and said she was going to take my Shun knives to do various things to herself. So she spent last night with her family. I care about her, but not enough to put up with her bs any more.

    So did I do the right thing? She is being forced to take anger management and see a therapist. I know she will get help. I think I did the right thing. Drama, I am allergic… Achooo!!!

    After all this I fell down the stairs and severly hurt my knee after it went through the wall at the bottom. Don’t I have the luck!

    On the sugar front, the local SD (SD1)I have been talking to is finally around. Well local for him is 3 hours away from me. I have been talking to another SD (SD2), even more local, and he has to settle his divorce first. He lives in the very same town as me. SD1 is a bit difficult as with my new work schedule, yes I finally found another job, I do not have enough time to drive to him, visit, and drive back. I have just sent him a message explaining this. If he can not drive to me should I give up or try and find another way to meet him? Its hard for me to drive that far anyways, but he seems genuine. So many people have not passed this far with me. Would kinda suck if the one good one out of a hundred floats by.

    Ok thanks for listening loves and I hope everyone is having a great night!

  519. Lisa says:

    My holiday traditions went in the trash when I started working retail

  520. Sara says:

    @ Texas – Nothing would make me happier than to just hang out all day looking cute and cooking/baking for people.

  521. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    Nico, I don’t understand why men do that (or do it and *tell* a woman they are doing it, or did it, whatever.) Recently a very attractive young man in his 20’s did similar to me via text on my Google voice #. I received it in the middle of preparing a Thanksgiving meal, no less.

    We hadn’t met yet, and now we’re not going to. He can just have the fantasy now. (not a pot SD, but the same idea… even with NSA a level of manners and charm will go a long way, fellas.)

    NYC I do Krav Maga too! It’s a killer workout, and so useful, I think every woman should take some classes. :)

  522. Lisa says:

    TexaSugah, I just wish the cold weather would be on my days off so I could wear my sweaters and boots and stuff. can’t wear any of it to work.

    Everyone think positive thoughts for Villa as she’s in the dark, power went out.

  523. TexaSugah says:

    Hey all!!!

    A lot has happened on the blog today. I always seem to miss the action. I guess it’s because I post directly on the blog when I get home.

    Today was a much better one. Thanks for the love. Took care of the rogue, and my ex husband who continually harasses me for half of the child support back. Yep. Loser!!!

    I got out there and sent emails. Got one response but he’s half a world away. Not sure how that would play out. As to my issue, I’m going to talk to him face to face this week.

    Lisa-today was a bit cooler. I have a light sweater ready for the AM.

    Alice -good luck sweetie!!! It’ll go well. Like I told “dude” if Throm Thurman could keep a black mistress AND a child; we’ll be fine. Lol

    Sara – minestrone ??? Cupcakes. Oooo I want!!

    San Diego – totally Agree on the holiday pick up. That’s in all cultures. In the Islamic community, Ramadan was the time to go husband hunting. I think it’s all the images we see of social interactions this time of year. Imagesof Christmas past with family. And holidays are traditions which, until, recently were largely oral. Sooo makes total sense.

    3rd- give him a chance. Keep looking around but don’t count him out.

    SD Guru- thanks for the welcome.

    Back to the hunt on my iPad, really wanted one, got it through a penny auction. Lol. For under 5 bucks. Gotta love that!!

    Huggs y’all

  524. FL-SD says:

    @Sara & NYC SB
    … I totally rock a pair of Louboutins 😉

  525. FL-SD says:

    @Sara. Thank you.

  526. Bela says:

    Maybe I need to start looking for a pilot SD. Too many fun things to want to join!

    No snow here, but still VERY cold.

    SandiegoSB – I know what you mean. My inbox has also been more active lately causing me to check it more often. I’m not complaining. Perhaps I can be an official baby again by next year :) Hope so, I’ve got nice lingerie that I REFUSE to waste on a booty call.

  527. Third World SB says:

    Gemi, I might be interested at a future date. When I am in the US I tend to be in that area.

  528. Sara says:

    I would definantly do DC – I go there alot with my students. But I take two chapereones, so I could totally take some time off for a lunch/or dinner with fellow sugar ladies.

  529. Gemi says:

    Nico – ew and double ew.

    Well I just got gifted early for X-mas and am still trying to get my jaw up and off the floor. $ugar rush, woah!!

    Well I hear there is going to be a FL meetup! Awww, I miss all the fun! Anyone want to do a DC/MD/VA meet, let me know, lolol!

  530. Lisa says:

    I miss having flowers around

  531. Well, if you guys are having a FL meet, I think it is time for a west coast meet!!

    I am in AZ, but can get to LA / SD / Vegas with a bit of notice. Who’s in?

  532. VillaCypris says:

    THanks Lisa! Wouldn’t wish a fall on the ice for you…. but yes, the roses are gorgeous, equally divided between red, coral and dusty pink! :)

  533. SanDiego sb says:

    @sara , veryyyyyy true

  534. Sara says:

    SDGURU- I do hope to meet you at the Florida meet! It would be so nice to meet everyone.

  535. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    SDGuru!! If you are in Florida, while we are there, you better come say Hi!!!

    Otherwise, I will officially chalk you up as a SB pic collector.. (Since so many Sb’s send you photos) (I feel left out!)

    Joking!! : )

  536. Lisa says:

    Good evening everyone

    Glad to hear you had a better day Villa, I need to fall on the ice to get some roses, wait we dont’ have any ice. really cold here though 40’s brrrr

  537. stephan says:

    @ ARTICSD: Your private email has been forwarded to MichiganDaddy :)

  538. VillaCypris says:

    Nico!!!!!!! Ugh, that is nasty!!! next indeed!

  539. VillaCypris says:

    NYCSB — awwww thanks!!! I miss you too l’il sis! the month is young, maybe I can get to NYC before xmas!!! didn’t the figment of our imagination say a meeting might be arranged? 😉

    ARCTIC – you are welcome!! I’ll take the heat from BG… enjoy the snow and cross country skiing!!

  540. Sara says:

    @San Diego – It is just like flirting with fat or ugly guy – everyone does it, no one admits to it – but it always perks up your day a little.

  541. Sara says:

    @NYCSB- accusing him of being a picture collecter is the lowest of low! those people make me so mad.

  542. SanDiego sb says:

    @ sara, dont be, never said it was attention by the ones i want lol

  543. NYC SB says:

    Elegant – he keeps telling me he is a pigment of my imagination … But maybe he is just a picture collector! (Sorry I just had to)

    Guru – did you ever go by the handle explorer … Old bloggers would appreciate the reference

  544. Sara says:

    @Guru – clearly all the ladies love you – very lucky man.

  545. Nico says:

    @ Guru….I wish I could figure out how to assign a dollar figure to something like that but I cannot :( I would rather not think about it *ick*shivers*

  546. Sara says:

    @sandiego sb – I think congrats and I am jealous haha. I have almost given up on dating of any kind. lol

  547. SanDiego sb says:

    something sort of weird happened in the past couple days, didn’t necessarily give up on looking for a sd, but haven’t really tried, i dont know if its the holidays or what, but the inbox is getting more action than normal, and guys IRL have been stepping it up by asking to go on more dates than usual .

    I know women usually get where they want to be with someone around valentines day, but it seems like men want a significant other/arrangement/relationship ect around the holidays.

    what do you all think?

  548. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    NYC I am talking about going back years with Guru..
    Like back when I first got on these sites… LOL
    But no, he has never been my SD, nor have we met in person..
    Just a great mysterious online friend!!

    • SD Guru says:

      @ElegantSugarBaby
      I am talking about going back years with Guru.. Like back when I first got on these sites

      Oh boy, now the skeletons are coming out of the closet!! 😛

      He has seen a pic of me before. But no I don’t regularly send him pics…

      Hey, but you could! 😆

      he has never been my SD, nor have we met in person.. Just a great mysterious online friend!!

      Gosh, I keep on telling people I’m just a figment of their imagination and nobody believes me!! 😎

      @Sara
      look how lucky you are doll! Now I am feeling left out.

      I’m lucky? How? Please don’t feel left out!! LOL…

  549. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    NYC SB He has seen a pic of me before. But no I don’t regularly send him pics.. LOL.. But he and I have known of each other for a very long time :)
    He is great to go to for ideas… :) Great guy!!!

    Sara Sure, I’d love to meet up with you while I am there.
    I’ll be there Sunday Am-Tuesday Night. Email me and we can discuss…
    :)

    If anyone else is in town, maybe we should all try and meet up..
    Could potentially be a blast… :)

  550. Sara says:

    @fl-sd – I almost forgot – as my male SD friend, send me an email sometime.
    THANK YOU DOLLS.

  551. Sara says:

    @guru- look t how lucky you are doll! Now I am feeling left out. lol

  552. ARCTIC SD says:

    Villa – Ty for sending the snow. We are getting 6-8 inches by the weekend…..weeeeeee!

    Oops, BG is going to be mad…:):)…. Cross country sking season starts this weekend.

  553. NYC SB says:

    Guru – you get free sexy pics … So you are well on your way :p

    ElegantSb – are you another which sends guru pics? Just based on his comment (gossip girl wants to know)

    Well sugars done with work… Now off to krav maga followed by spin class (the spin class instructor looks so much like VC thus my motivation to go)

    Miss my big sis

  554. Sara says:

    @ Sd Guru- with pleasure.

    @ Nico- In 10th grade a boy named Jason sent me an IM on aim telling me he jerked off to my 9th grade yearbook picture. I think we need to put your pot in the Jason File.

  555. NYC SB says:

    Nico – ewww … He told you that he was pleasing himself to your pictures? Class act

  556. Sara says:

    NYCSB- I like the way you think, I think everyone would welcome FL-SD in Louboutins and a black dress 😉

    Elegant Sugar Baby- if interested in meeting up when you are in town let me know

  557. Midwest SB says:

    FLSD – You are more than welcome to join us :-)

    ESB – When I visit….very close. This weekend is out though. Have a great time in one of my fave cities!

    Sara – Chicago is fabulous in the summer, but brutal in the winter!

  558. NYC SB says:

    Flsd – who uninvited you? Just bc its an all girls meet doesn’t mean you cannot attend … Of course that means you will need to dress up as a girl :p

  559. Nico says:

    My ‘funny’ for the day.

    Chatted with a pot on a couple of occasions now. We got to the discussion of previous arrangements (mind you, his range states $3000-$5000). I shared a bit about my past experiences…both of which were within that range…first was the higher end with two visits per month with an overnight since he lived about 3 hours away and the second the lower end (combined allowance/gifts) but we only saw each other once per month.

    So, this pot is local to me and he wants 2x/week and offered $1000. I started to laugh but quickly caught myself and thought….okay, this is the negotiation process so I mentioned how I traveled a lot for work and 2x/week was impossible….and not for $1k/mo. I didn’t even counter when he lowered his visits to 4x/mo.

    I didn’t say no but did tell him I had to think about his offer. I don’t need his finances to cover expenses….it’s going toward investments so I don’t feel pressure to compromise. It was my intention to take the time to ‘think’ about it and devise a well thought out counter when I saw I had missed a phone call.

    It was HIM, leaving me a message while pleasing himself and looking at my pictures!!!!!!!!

    Going to go get a shower now….*NEXT*

  560. Sara says:

    @ ElegantSugarBaby- I am very close to West Palm Beach

    • SD Guru says:

      Did somebody say a FL meet?? Too bad I’ll be a bit farther south though…

      @NYC SB
      Guru – me a sugar mama? No sir … I’m too pretty for that… Plus the wife and mistress are free :p

      You’re too pretty for a lot of things… The wife and mistress are free?? So that’s what I’ve been dong wrong all these years!! 😯

      @ElegantSugarBaby
      Off to Florida with my Sugar this weekend/next week… I’d love to meet a few fellow SB’s…

      Based on what you’ve planned, I don’t think you’ll ever get out of bed to meet fellow SB’s!! Your SD is a lucky man… :mrgreen:

      @Nico
      It was HIM, leaving me a message while pleasing himself and looking at my pictures!!!

      What a joker, you should send him a bill for that!! 😛

      @Midwest SB
      I still have scars from the Chicago meet!

      I thought those scars were well taken care of?

      @Sara
      I think everyone would welcome FL-SD in Louboutins and a black dress

      Please take lots of pictures and share with the blog!! 😆

  561. Sara says:

    @Fl-SD- aww tough break, better luck next time. lol

  562. FL-SD says:

    @Sara… I was uninvited.
    Sounds like it’s an all-girls meet

  563. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    How close are you ladies to West Palm Beach?!
    I’m coming in a few days… :)
    I’d love to meet a few fellow SB’s…

  564. Sara says:

    @SG2/Alleycat – agreed

  565. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sara – while safety is a big consideration, it is Aurelia’s flexibility and way of looking at different possibilities that I find very attractive. Makes her very smart, and smart is attractive.

  566. NYC SB says:

    P.s. Only one suitor at the moment (non sugar) keeping life drama and heartbreak free in 2011

  567. Sara says:

    NYC- looks like you have your whole family set up

  568. NYC SB says:

    Guru – me a sugar mama? No sir … I’m too pretty for that… Plus the wife and mistress are free :p

  569. Sara says:

    @ NYCSB- it is very sugary convo! I am jealous of how good you are with this!

  570. Sara says:

    Thanks OC – and I will definantly save a cupcake for ya 😉

  571. Sara says:

    OC Sugar – please do change the location….. I didn’t think anyone local would really be blogging, but you are right. The email address too if you dont mind. I didn’t realize u guys could help with the email….plus I just feel so annoying doing that. haha. But thank you, I appreciate it.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Sara, you are most welcome. We watch out for ‘ya sugar! Plus better safe than sorry later. Yes just ask us to share your email listed on your blog login and we will send it to your request. They can then take it from there and contact you back if desired. Anytime!

  572. NYC SB says:

    Bela – which comment exactly? I’m chatty cathy today

    Sara – good advice … I’m going the non traditional route via investments after my 401k lost money … Again! Lol if things go well I’m going to take the account and make it self directed (after I quit my job and roll it into an ira) … Super sugary conversation huh?

  573. Sara says:

    @SouthernGent- I second that! Just checking! P.S. I totally agree with, I have been called a bitch by quite a few pot’s, but I’m not compromising my safety or comfort.

  574. Sara says:

    @Midwest- you being the non florida resident is why you get to call the shots my dear!

    How bad could Chicago have been? It is one of my favorite cities after all!

  575. Midwest SB says:

    Sara – FYI I don’t live there…yet. I’m from there and stuck in the cold for the moment.

    Hmmmm….I see we’ve opened a can of SBs needing to get out of the cold! I still have scars from the Chicago meet! Of course, I would love to see everyone though!

  576. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sara – the obvious five star is Aurelia’s. She gets it…………

  577. Sara says:

    P.S. I have spent the entire day cleaning, making home made minestrone soup and cupcakes – I am not normally this blog-annoying.

  578. Sara says:

    So who was interested in the Florida meet? Midwest, Bela, me, Fl-SD (?) anyone else?

  579. Sara says:

    @Bela- good to know talking about investments get you all hot and bothered haha

  580. Sara says:

    @ NYCSB- not sure where I got the account. I turned 21 a few years ago and my grandmother decided I needed two things that age. A watch and investments. Apparently no classy 21 year old goes without those two.

  581. Sara says:

    SouthernGent2- which post would that be? Give credit, where credit is due.

  582. VillaCypris says:

    Happy Monday all!

    My internet is back up and running…. my knee feels a little better….and one of my friends just dropped off two dozen roses as “get well” for falling on the ice! A good day so far…. :)

  583. SouthernGent2 says:

    I’m giving a five star rating to one of the posts above. One of the best I have ever read on this blog.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Shay
      SD Guru – what? who is it!! spill the beannnnnnnns pretty please

      I should let him introduce himself, or maybe one of your SB friends could whisper in your ear…

      @NYC SB
      you should talk to the wife … She apparently has an array of bikini shots that I sent her during the summer days … Apparently she saves EVERYTHING… not sure if you are aware but midwest and I come in a 2 for 1 deal … She is my mistress after all

      Is your wifey aware of your mistress? You’re more prolific than some SD’s! Let’s see, you’ve got a wifey, a mistress, a line up of suitors, an overflowing inbox, a burgeoning forex, a full time job, and you give sugar and investment advice on top of all that… Did I miss anything? Me thinks being a sugarmomma could be in your future… :mrgreen:

      @Aurelia NC
      currently have a great SD along with two others who I see occasionally…

      You gave some pretty good advice and I look forward to reading the rest. How do you find time to juggle multiple SD’s plus your work/career?

      • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

        Hi Sara and welcome! Just a short word of caution, you stated earlier you location and also have your profile linked. Not a good idea if you are trying to not share your identity. The blog does get a great deal of readers that never post and it is an open forum to non SA members. Just saying… If you want I can change your post about location to state Florida. Also if you want to share your email addy with some just hollar and we can assist you :)

        Save me a cupcake!!! ~OC

  584. FL-SD says:

    Sara – Offer accepted… I’d be happy to be an SD-friend of yours.
    – Looks like it’s just you girls meeting… I feel left out… :(

    NYC SB – My imagination swirls with the possibilities !

  585. Bela says:

    NYC SB – I don’t know what you just said, but it got me hot. Should I be worried?

  586. NYC SB says:

    Fl sd – not sure if you are aware but midwest and I come in a 2 for 1 deal … She is my mistress after all

    Sara – lol email me but yeah your money market is yielding more than a well diversified stock portfolio at this time … Stay put and let me know where I can get such a rate of return! My money market is barely 1%

  587. Bela says:

    :) Sara – Actually it doesn’t have to be Orlando. I was just thinking I could do a tour of FL since I also have family there.

  588. Sara says:

    @Bela – would LOVE to meet you! Florida meet would be awesome. But why Orlando? I went to college there and all it does is remind me of ex boyfriends and hangovers! haha Send me an email.

  589. Bela says:

    Busy day at the office. Just wanted to pop in and catch up. Traffic moves fast here :)

    Midwest, I definitely follow up. Like you, I hate appliying online because it feels so impersonal.

    If there is a FL meet, I may have to crash. Any excuse to get out of the cold. Plus I have a pot in Orlando so that could work!

  590. Sara says:

    P.S. all- SInce Midwest is turning out to be a wonderful future friend and sugar babe to bounce ideas off of, I would love a sugar daddy friend to bounce ideas off of too and get some input from too. A platonic Sugar Daddy – who would have thought? lol

  591. Sara says:

    @ Fl-SD- don’t get too excited, Midwest is in charge of the plans, since both of us are already in Florida already….

  592. Sara says:

    @ SanDiego sb- Good luck! I have always been too nervous to have a first meet out of town.

  593. Sara says:

    nycsb- not 401k – I am only 23 and work for a public school – they pretty much do it for me. I have a high interest savings account (4.3 %) and a money market – but I am looking for a good starter investment – basically like stocks with training wheels. Thoughts?

  594. SanDiego sb says:

    hey sugars, hope everyone is having a good monday my pot from FL is comming to meet me on friday for the weekend, any tips on how to handle an out of town pot?

    Im usually the one going to see them if he’s not in my town ( usually just about two major cities up, LA)

  595. FL-SD says:

    @ Sara, Midwest…
    Woohoo ! A mini-meet ? I’m all for that ! It just so happens, I know a great place…

  596. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    hi Sugars!!!!

    Hope everyone is having a great week…

    Off to Florida with my Sugar this weekend/next week.. :)
    Can’t wait to get away from the cold here in Ohio..

    Still contemplating ideas for our trip…

    :)
    Whats on your Sugar minds?!

  597. NYC SB says:

    Sara – not pots … Advice mail from the blog … And sure but be warned I cannot align my 401k to save my life

  598. Sara says:

    @ nyc sb – I am so jealous, I have 1 1/2 sugar pots Im working on (very hard I might add), I would love to be swimming in emails 😉

    p.s.- mind if I pick your brain about some investment options when my work winds down for the holidays?

  599. Aurelia NC says:

    @SD Guru – you are right, I don’t live in a major metro area… oh, I can only imagine the adventures I’d have if I did! But yes I have had lots of success with the site and currently have a great SD along with two others who I see occasionally… not matter how great the arrangement, I find it best not to put all your eggs in one basket. Asheville is 1 hour from Greenville SC, 2 hours from Charlotte NC, and 3 hours from Atlanta GA. All much larger cities than Asheville. All my SDs and potential SDs have been from those 3 cities, only 3 potential SDs have been from Asheville and one of them I did not meet online (more on that later.)

    Ladies, a lot of men travel for work, please keep that in mind- men from larger cities may pass through your small town once a week or once a month so if you can be open to different arrangements seeing a traveling businessman once a month can be excellent. Also ladies, never travel to him. If he is serious he will come meet you. I promise. Do NOT compromise on this one. I always tell them, if you come to Asheville and there is chemistry and we can agree to an arrangement, I would like to see you next time to begin the arrangement in Asheville and then after that I am willing to travel to you (all expenses covered in addition to arrangement.) Be very clear and direct about what you want. Even though every situation is different, think clearly about the pot SD and the ideal situation you would like to have with him before you head out on your date. Then be sweet but firm that this is your proposal and it is not up for negociation. Most of these men are successful for a reason, trust me, they know how to negotiate. If you aren’t confident about what you want, he will try to talk it down. Think about it from his perspective- can you blame him?

    I definitley have a lot more tips that I will share in my next post, but I need to be heading out soon. Have a great day everyone!

  600. NYC SB says:

    I need an assistant to reply to my sugar emails … Drowning and my internet is being annoying ….

    At least the forex market likes me … Killed it on a usd/jpy trade… Happy dance

    Guru – I never promised pics :p you should talk to the wife … She apparently has an array of bikini shots that I sent her during the summer days … Apparently she saves EVERYTHING

  601. Sara says:

    Something has got to make you stand out, Good luck!

    p.s. sent you an email back doll

  602. Midwest SB says:

    Sara – Success rates are what matter! Thanks for the heads up!

  603. Sara says:

    @midwest – that sucks, I used to do marketing and become a teacher (go figure) lol. It is the economy. I always call to follow up, sometimes I send follow up emails too – usually referencing the job and things I could specifically do for the company. I know my tactic is borderline obnoxious, but I have a great sucess rate 😉

  604. Midwest SB says:

    Sara – I was laid off a few weeks ago, so I am seeking my next amazing career opportunity, but the online applications are sooooooo anonymous. Makes me crazy.

    All – When you are applying to positions online, do you still call to follow up on the application status to show your level of interest?

  605. Shay says:

    @ SD Guru – what? who is it!! spill the beannnnnnnns pretty please 😀

  606. Sara says:

    @midwest – anonymous, amazing candidate applying online to secure your future? Please do explain doll.

  607. Midwest SB says:

    OC – He would never…!

    Sigh….love being the anonymous, amazing candidate applying online to secure my future. I miss the old days!

  608. Sara says:

    @Midwest- Defiantly! Send me an email

  609. Midwest SB says:

    I’m thinking a visit is in order! We’ll leave FLSD to wonder for the first visit so it can be just us girls :-)

  610. Sara says:

    midwest – Im in Florida – pretty close missy

  611. Midwest SB says:

    Sara – Just north of WPB.

  612. ContinentalTravel says:

    @Shay:

    Looks like you truly understand the work involved in a somewhat long distance sugar relationship, and has anticipated the problems. Chances are, the logistics would be easier than you expectd, if you already expect the problems. I agree that pickings are slim in Vancouver, BC: taxes and types of local industries doesn’t support a lot of SDs.

  613. Sara says:

    P.S. Midwest- FLSD claims he lives about 10-15 degrees norther, I suggest we both plan a visit to him 😉 Since it is winter break for my students, I have lots of free time!

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      @ Guru – well I see you did not have that heart attack! Thanks for the Wow :) Stop adding/revising your original post, I am notorious for doing that! I picked up one of Stephan’s habits :)
      @ Midwest – that better not be a WOW meaning Guru shared the picture with you!
      @ Sandy – you guessed it right… Fashion Island is a mystical magical place 😉
      @ Gemi – I am not a huge fan of VS or really expensive lingerie, however I have my fav’s that fit me well and show off my assest. This new habit we now share in common is naughty fun! We need to give it a proper addiction-label. Hmmm?
      @NYC SB– nothing better than pretending to need your man to take care of you or put your chair together! Win/win on both sides. But yes you are right with the why would you want to come over when you are sick…. First off that would mean you would have to brush your teeth. I do however like when they bring “get well” goodies and leave them at the front door and txt me to tell me! Glad you are feeling better :)

      Ok, off to my first of a million meetings today at work! Au revoir xoxo OC

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      Guru – lucky dog! All these women sending you provocative pics …

      Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good!! I’m still waiting for your pics… 😛

      @Gemi
      is there a better way to present my work/time schedule without making it seem like I don’t have “time” for an arrangement.

      Sure, you can always use “the blog told me so…” as an excuse. LOL… But seriously, you simply explain the time that you do have for an arrangement and let the pot decide whether that works with his schedule. If you don’t have much flexibility due to work or whatever reason, state that as well. You convey this in a “matter of fact” tone and not in a “take it or leave it” tone. Most SD’s who knows what they’re doing will understand and decide for themselves. Some SD’s may have to pass due to your schedule, and that’s just how it goes.

      I’m notorious for snapping photos of myself (and sending them to certain people) when trying on delectible lingerie.

      OC can tell you where to send the pics to! :mrgreen:

      @Shay
      Not like I’m going out of my way to find an out of town SD, but seems like slim pickings for my kind of guy in my own city…

      I guess you haven’t met the blog’s very own resident SD from Van?? Maybe an intro is in order!! 😉

      @OC
      that better not be a WOW meaning Guru shared the picture with you!

      What picture? It self destructed five seconds after I looked at it and I survived the blast!! 😎

  614. Sara says:

    Midwest – Mind if I ask what your hometown is? I put Ft. Lauderdale because it is the closest metropolitan area, but since I am a teacher I didn’t put the actual location.

  615. Midwest SB says:

    Third World – Since he is already trying to reschedule, then I find it to be legitimate. I understand the challenges it poses to you, but turn it into a plus. You will become proficient at short-term travel changes :-)

    Sara – You come up here and I’ll hang out with FLSD! I’ll even leave my sweaters and coats to expand your wardrobe! BTW – You’re close to my hometown and I try to get down there a few times a year. May be coming down b/w Christmas and New Years. We need to visit!

    OC – WOW! Just WOW!

  616. Mmmm. We are supposed to reschedule for later this week. Wouldn’t be annoyed if he lived in my city, but making arrangements to fly to another city for 24 hours is a little bit more disruptive to my life and harder to make room for in my schedule. As long as he’s not just being flaky, though, I’m sure I won’t be too annoyed about it once I am wallowing in sugar-y goodness!

  617. The Lone Gunman says:

    Michael Alleycat says:

    Back in Phoenix now. Whoever told me about diving near Cancun (Toughie?), thanks and yes it was great.

    You’re welcome! Only wish I could have gone with you and done underwater video of your diving so you could show other folks how cool that area is.

    TLG

  618. Shay says:

    morning bela! 😀

  619. Bela says:

    Third World – Don’t jump just yet. Personally, I allow two reschedule/cancellations if they’re given with notice. Life happens and doesn’t always go according to plan. Plus, if you’re patient with him, it can pay of for you in the long run :)

    I had an SD who had a very crazy schedule and rainchecks were unfortunately very common. I only got stern with him once early in the relationship. We resolved that while they were inevitable, he would be as respectful as possible. He kept his promise and always made up for when I was left without a plus one :) Also, it taught me to always have a back up plan so you don’t find yourself all glammed up with no place to go.

    Morning!!

  620. Shay says:

    @ Continental – re logistics for sugardaddy three hours away: Since he did already say he would come to visit me, I know he is willing to make some effort, I believed him when he said it, etc. That said my schedule is highly flexible, his is much less so, and I do not mind accommodating him there, being the one to travel etc, and expressed as much. I think he really appreciated that.

    As for last minute changes, if I drove out and something came up wherein he could not see me, it would be ok with me. Certainly I have my own list of pet peeves that mess up my day but honest to goodness last minute changes of circumstance are not one of them. I have been in long distance relationships with two diff people so pretty familiar with the pros-n-cons and probably pretty well suited towards it in general. Not like I’m going out of my way to find an out of town SD, but seems like slim pickings for my kind of guy in my own city, so don’t have an issue expanding my search even to those who are a flight away.

  621. Gemi says:

    Third World SB – Ah, bummer! He might be sick though and not want to get you sick. During the winter season I always appreciate that. Don’t give me your germies yo! 😉

    Guru – Gemi- Have other SBs encountered this problem and how do you deal with it?? Guru – It’s his problem, not yours. Next!!

    Oh I completely concur that its his problem and not mine. BUT but but but….is there a better way to present my work/time schedule without making it seem like I don’t have “time” for an arrrangement. I’m really asking for this from the SDs perspective, since ya’ll are the ones I’m trying to entice 😉 Or from a SBs in a similar situation as mine…because I know you ladies are out there…

    Have a great week everyone!! :)

  622. SD TWICE says:

    Too soon to worry about it. See what happens and stay gracious.

  623. Third World SB says:

    Cancelled! I’m a little annoyed. And after purchasing a plane ticket and everything… Expensive cold feet?

    His PA says he has a fever and wants to reschedule. Maybe that’s legit, but in my experience, early cancellations are never a good sign…

  624. NYC SB says:

    Guru – lucky dog! All these women sending you provocative pics …

  625. @Carebear – I sent no more than 40 …

  626. NYC SB says:

    Mademoiselle – I will most likely not be in attendance … I think they changed the location of the party to a location I am unfamiliar with (plus no name of establishment was listed) so out of my comfort zone … Shoot me an email maybe we can meet up at a different time

    OC – bad girl indeed

    In unrelated news I was bored so I assembled my work chair all by myself … Go me

  627. Step away for a few hours and the blog explodes (again)?

    What, nothing better to do on a Sunday than blog with a bunch of smart, focused, funny people intent on helping each other?

    Back in Phoenix now. Whoever told me about diving near Cancun (Toughie?), thanks and yes it was great. Saw 2-3 good size bull sharks (12′), HUGE moray, turtles etc. V cool.

  628. Sara says:

    @ FL-SD…. I don’t think you understand….. I live for cold weather. I own far too many sweaters, scarfs, and little jackets for any girl that lives in South Florida. lol

  629. FL-SD says:

    @ArcticSD I’ve been dreaming about warm fireplaces and an SB(or is that a warm SB and fireplaces?..)…

    @Sara.. You’re a little farther south than me… so we get a taste of cold weather at times. I’d gladly trade places!

    @BG.. I don’t do snow anymore… I’m a northern transplant… I’d move to Key West if I could!

  630. SanDiego sb says:

    p.s.

    im sure who ever you sent the picture too (@oc) prob had a mild heart attack 😉

  631. Gemi says:

    @ OC- I’m notorious for snapping photos of myself (and sending them to certain people) when trying on delectible lingerie. I’d like to say that it is a habit I’m trying to break, but I’d be lying. Its fun and freeing, plus I know that at that moment, I look super hot. :) Glad you got a chance to free the naughty OCsugarbaby lolol

    So quick question… as a mainly VS girl, is the more expensive stuff really THAT much better???

  632. Lisa says:

    omg, I can’t believe my neighbors are running their ac in this weather… I had to turn my heat on for a little while earlier and they’ve go the air running almost nonstop (the units are outside under my bedroom window aka behind my head)

    Have a good night everyone

  633. SanDiego sb says:

    uh ohhhh, looks like someone was at fashion island today @ocsb 😉

  634. Lisa says:

    Gemi Villa is experiencing a internet outage in her area, not sure if the snow is causing it. Does anyone want the 77 degree weather we have coming this friday? I was hoping to get to wear some of my winter clothes that day but it looks like i’d be overdressed.

  635. Gemi says:

    Can someone (Villa??) send me some snow too? We had flurries today, but I want some real snow accumulation…. I’ve got the ski-bug! :)

  636. ContinentalTravel says:

    @Shay:

    At 3 hours drive, your pot does present some logistical challenges. Have you discussed who is going to drive to who? Who is going to accommodate the other person’s schedule? What happens when there’s an last minute change? Not being in the same city does make “taking it slow” a little more challenging, as each meet carries more time investment from both parties.

    Anyway, your next pot seems much more promising. Your own hotel room, travel expenses etc. Seems like plenty of good will gestures to me.

    • SD Guru says:

      Seems that over the weekend both MichiganDaddy and Shay’s situations have been dissected and discussed thoroughly so I don’t have much to add.

      In MI’s case, it appears that he was hoping to solve the problem by throwing money at it. As I’ve said before (and repeated by TL), when it comes to sugar relationships, throwing more money at a problem won’t necessarily solve it. And the corollary is, if a problem can be solved by money then it’s an easy problem to fix.

      As for Shay, it was her first ever meeting with a pot SD so let’s not make it out to be more than what it was, a learning experience. She will have many more learning experiences, both good and bad. I’m sure she has the smarts to blaze her own trail in the sugar world.

      On to the blog topic of Escort vs SB’s… it’s been one of the most controversial topics in the sugar world. Some people don’t see the difference, some people see it as black and white, and some understand there are many shades of grays. Here’s my take on it in my blog. As for the other site advertising SB as escorts, it’s a site I have always thought was more suitable for “hook ups” like AFF than for the typical SD/SB relationship.

      Weather wise, I want the sun, the sand, and the snow. That’s not too much to ask, no? 😆

      @ToughLove
      Guru, I learned my lesson since the Millionaire Matchmaker used my “Delay test” on a recent episode. So no more details on the blog.

      Really? I didn’t realize you were the inventor of the “delay test”. I’m surprised that no one else thought of it before. Did you copyright it?? 😛

      @Cleo & TexasSugah

      Welcome back!

      @Aurelia NC
      I have met some great guys on this site over the past two years. My experience with SA has been very positive.

      That’s wonderful! Can you share your secret for success despite not located in a major metro area? Many SB’s in the blog have often lamented that their lack of success was largely due to their location. Perhaps you can shed some light on how to overcome that issue.

      I have a question for the sugar babies- Do you prefer your SD to be married, single, divorced, or does it not matter one way or the other to you?

      That’s another popular topic in the sugar world. Here’s my take on it in my blog.

      Do most of you only have one SB/SD at a time? Or do you have a few? If you do have more than one, do you let them know they are not the only one? Or would they be mad if they found out?

      If you can handle more than one, then more power to you! Shhh… don’t ask don’t tell… 8)

      @NYC SB
      Also what is it with men wanting to come over and take care of me? Its not like I will be able to return the favor. In the words of samantha from sex and the city “honey I can barely blow my nose yet alone blow you”

      I guess you have never heard of “get well” sex?? I’ll be happy to demonstrate… :mrgreen:

      @Gemi
      I think what he really meant was “…those times don’t work for my schedule. but I’ll put the blame on you instead. ”… Have other SBs encountered this problem and how do you deal with it??

      It’s his problem, not yours. Next!!

      as a mainly VS girl, is the more expensive stuff really THAT much better???

      That depends on who’s paying for it! 😉

      @OCSugarBaby

      I have only one word for you… WOW!! Actually, I’m waiting for the OC gone wild video… :mrgreen:

  637. Midwest SB says:

    Aurelia- exclusivity is usually one of the arrangement discussions. Everyone feels differently and you two should agree. Personally, I like to give ALL my attention to one man who is all things…friend, lover, mentor, benefactor…than to split it among many. It works for me and is greatly appreciated.

  638. Lisa says:

    Thanks BG, i’m tired of the summer weather, we have had no fall here and it’s only months till the heat returns (Mays have been scorchers the past couple years).

  639. BG says:

    FLSD~ it’s 24F with light snow, blah…. it’s way too cold!

    Lisa, I would send you all this white crap if I could girl…

    Arctic~ there can be snow only on the 24th after 4pm to the 27th, then it has to go….

  640. Midwest SBl says:

    Bela- (((hugs))). Its true…shhhhhh!

    Arctic- I’m a S Fl girl heart and soul, so this is gorgeous even to me. I will allow it to snow until Jan w, then back up to 70s :-)

  641. Sara says:

    50’s in Florida!?! Here in Ft. Lauderdale it was 75 today…..Everytime I get excited for a sweater it warms up :(

  642. ARCTIC SD says:

    FL-SD – best time to light up the fireplace and get the SB to snuggle up.

    • OCSugarBaby ♥ says:

      Ohh! OCSugarbaby was baaad today…
      I did something SO out of character and it
      felt GOOD!
      Ok, so I was out Christmas shopping and found
      myself standing in the lingerie section of Neiman’s.
      Ooogling all the pretty things was just not cutting it,
      so I went to try them on. Let’s just say the sales girl
      started to get worried I was in there so long! But hey,
      the new additions are still a sheer wonderment to me.
      Well, I got the wild idea to send someone who asked
      for a picture of my new additions… click, sent (wearing
      a striking electric blue bra). Very liberating, my conservative
      persona was no where to be found! Merry Christmas Guru!!!
      Hahaha! I heard that this happens, but never thought I would
      be a common statistic. It was kinda fun! No worries, no OC gone
      wild video’s on the horizon.

  643. ARCTIC SD says:

    BG – not sure I like that idea of snowless downtown especially when they light up the Christmas tree at PVM. The ambiance is just not the same.

  644. FL-SD says:

    It’s cold here too !! 40s & 50s tonight… Brrr
    😉

  645. Lisa says:

    You can completely cover downtown Houston, it sucks as there is nothing worth going there for.

  646. Lisa says:

    Please send some of that snow (not much because the drivers here don’t know how to drive in it) to Houston. 29 tonight, 50’s tomorrow but back to near 80 on friday.

  647. BG says:

    Arctic~ well, lets make downtown snowless too lol…

  648. ARCTIC SD says:

    BG – Lets compromise, the snow line is at the Champlain bridge. You have snowless South Shore and I have my snowy West Island.

  649. BG says:

    VC~ Keep your snow girl…. I don’t need it, thanks!

    Arctic~ We don’t need snow! if you want to ski, you can always go to the Alps, they have snow!!!!

    Sorry, I hate snow…. too much trouble, there should only be snow in the Mountains…. not in cities!

  650. ARCTIC SD says:

    Villa – you are lucky. I am looking at the golf course in front of the house and there is no golf to play (closed for the season) and no snow to ski on it, just a barren empty waste land all greeensh brown. Then I look over to the south side and the St Lawrence river looked too cold to kayak in it. What to do other than to go jogging along the water’s edge…..boring after a while.

  651. Lisa says:

    yes cold….. well cold for us, lukewarm for our northern friends.lol
    But darn by the time i’m off from work again, it will be warm again so I don’t get to wear my nice sweaters and coats :(

  652. mademoiselle says:

    HEEEYYYY

    @NYC SB–will you be at the NYC party this week?? Would love to meet you. I secretly spy on your blog 😉 Plus I wouldn’t mind a “big sister” to give me sugar advice. It seems that you know what you’re talking about. Me, on the other hand, I have had NO LUCK (in big letters).

    xx

  653. TexaSugah says:

    Villa- ouch my dear… I hope you’re well soon.

    Lisa-cold??? Really??? Yippee!!!!!

  654. Sara says:

    @ Gemi – I think he may have meant “I want someone hot to be at my beck and call”. That is usually the vibe I get when a guy finds out my work schedule (I am a high school debate coach – so I teach during school hours and take the kids to tournaments on Saturdays) – It isn’t every Saturday, but a lot.

  655. VillaCypris says:

    YEY! :)

    yeah, OUCH is right! good thing we both had our momma-s to take care of us!

  656. NYC SB says:

    I am feeling much better than I did last week … Will be brand new tomorrow :)

    Big sis – ouch!

  657. VillaCypris says:

    ARCTIC – YES! It snowed at least 6 inches here Friday night, maybe more…. so tomorrow I’ll go to my parents and ski thru the woods and meadows :) probably stay off the lake, as I don’t think it’s quite frozen enough yet. will send some on to Montreal!

  658. Lisa says:

    Gemi I am very clear on my profile that I work every weekend and also that I cannot travel more than one week a year yet I get messages from men who want to meet this weekend or those who talk about looking for a sb to travel with. Whereas I have no love for my job, I do need the paycheck and cannot afford nor would I be able to take off a weekend or a few days together. I work in retail so i’ve got 2-3 weekdays free rather than weekends but still I get the travel sds and the weekend sds. this is why I would prefer a married sd as they can’t meet on weekends but if you work a 9-5 job, the only time you really have is weekends or evenings after you have time to relax and freshen up. some guys don’t listen though it seems

  659. Gemi says:

    Bah. I had a potential (whom I’ve been chatting with for awhile) now say that “he’d like to meet me, but apparently I don’t have the time for this kind of relationship”. Since he and I were trying to do a first meet and I was completly honest and upfront about when I’d be available and he couldn’t give me hard-and-fast dates and times, I think what he really meant was “…those times don’t work for my schedule. but I’ll put the blame on you instead. ”

    idk. I’m always upfront that I have a full-time job that I love. but some of these guys can’t seem to wrap their heads around that I have a 9-5 job, and that yes, that means I’m busy 9am until 5pm, or longer if you add in my commute time. Have other SBs encountered this problem and how do you deal with it??

    Maybe I’m not cut out for this like I thought I was. Pity party for one please. Make that wine a double.

  660. ARCTIC SD says:

    Villa – you have snow!!!! Send them my way.

  661. VillaCypris says:

    Thanks Lisa!

    Thanks ArcticSD! That’s what I get, as I was planning on going cross country skiing today but then decided to wait til tomorrow…. and therefore, fell on the ice. lovely.

  662. ARCTIC SD says:

    Villa + NYCSB – Get better soon.

  663. ARCTIC SD says:

    Midwest – I am jealous. I have my cross country skis all waxed and ready to go but no snow accumulation. The ground is greenish brown.

  664. Bela says:

    Midwest, you are so adorably romantic! Warm fuzzies for everyone!

  665. Lisa says:

    Sorry to hear that Villa, I was about to mention that you had the hot soup. best solution is to move away from the snow and ice. of course it will be a cold night here, in the upper 30’s I think

    off to take a hot bath now

  666. Third World SB says:

    @Shay

    Now that’s some resolve! Good for you, I mean it. Do what feels right to you. Ultimately, if you do what you feel comfortable with, the only thing you are playing with is your time.

  667. VillaCypris says:

    Midwest – thanks! Coincidentally my mom dropped off homemade vegetable soup for me at 1530, as she felt bad they had an event tonight, so not family dinner! So perfect, i’m having that right now, and just put some lavendar oil on my knee. That should help, but damn it hurts!

    Don’t fall while shovelling or on the ice there! :)

  668. Midwest SB says:

    Villa & NYC SB- Oh noooooooo….this is the perfect opportunity for an amazing SD to call, send flowers with all-healing chicken soup and a foot rub. Think it applies in both situations. Feel better soon. (If it helps, I just got in from shoveling 6″ and nearly did the same thing.)

    Alice- Noon first date? If it’s warm, cute casual dress that shows off your figure. If it’s cooler, I like the dark jeans and sweater with a knock-out cami showing. If a little dressier…the sweater dress is always a hit. Boots or pumps will finish it nicely.

  669. VillaCypris says:

    Aurelia – I agree with Sara. You are stunning!

  670. VillaCypris says:

    Shay – sounds like a wonderful ensemble! Bet you looked beautiful!

    NYCSB – hope you’re feeling better. :)

    I finally fell on the ice while walking, that felt SO awesome. So i’m sitting here with an icepack on my right knee, as there is a huge blue knot on the bone under the knee cap. :(

  671. Aurelia NC says:

    @Sara- thank you! I just saw your comment :)

  672. Alice says:

    Probably should have mentioned that it’s at noon hehe, but I do love bebe!

  673. Aurelia NC says:

    @Alice sexy little black dress. Its always a safe bet- classic and always hot. You can’t go wrong with that one! Or any dress from Bebe as all their dresses are ridiculously sexy!

  674. Alice says:

    This would probably be a good time to ask, what should I wear on a first date?

  675. Aurelia NC says:

    Do most of you only have one SB/SD at a time? Or do you have a few? If you do have more than one, do you let them know they are not the only one? Or would they be mad if they found out?

  676. Alice says:

    FL-SD – thanks for your insight :)
    TexaSugah – Good luck on your new search, I’m rooting for you!

    Speaking of colds, I had a nice outfit all ready for when I’m in the city next weekend but it doesn’t look like the snow is going to let up anytime soon. :( Maybe thinking of swinging by the SA party on Wednesday too, if I’m in town to get some early shopping done so I have more options.

  677. Sara says:

    @ NYC SB – I just watched that episode! ” I can find 100 guys to screw me, but no one to screw my curtain rods”

  678. Bela says:

    lol nyc sb – Sorry to hear you were sick :( Wishing you a quick recovery for your hot date!

  679. NYC SB says:

    Also what is it with men wanting to come over and take care of me? Its not like I will be able to return the favor. In the words of samantha from sex and the city “honey I can barely blow my nose yet alone blow you”

  680. TexaSugah says:

    @ Tough Love- well that’s that. And you know, you are correct on the pillow talk. It’s all about what happens in the light of day.

    @ SD*2- I’m done. I’ll let him know why I’m chucking the duece on the relationship.

    I dread doing the hunt again but…c’est la vie, asi es la vida, them’s the breaks.

    Moving on and it’s going to be marvelous

  681. NYC SB says:

    Ha new blog! No wonder why no one was posting on the other one :)

    I had a sickly weekend so I went home to mommy … Now I’m finally home wrapping bday gifts for my wifey :)

    Then an awesome long bath and beauty treats for me … I have an awesome date lined up for tomorrow and I will look hot …

  682. Shay says:

    @ SD TWICE – sure, I know… you said, wait til I am ready. You told me, not to try to renegotiate prior commitments, which sounds like good advice, thanks for the headsup :) I meant to say that so far I’m not renegotiating because I haven’t committed to anything.

    @ Midwest – aw ty :) ya what can I say, them americans are just a touch less polite 😛 hehehehe. I don’t mean to say that no man would ever try to argue the point, just that any smart one is unlikely to. Plans for communication are probably emails where I will try to be Assertive Shay and get down to the bottom of things regarding my end of the sugar. And in the meantime I have a date with a different pot on Monday! He is also from out of town, I am going to him, I said dinner only. Three hours drive to me, he said he would put me up in a hotel room of my own so that I could crash and drive back the next day. He offered to pay for the hotel and my travel costs without any word from me. He has never been an SD before and so initially I thought that would be an issue but he seems to have an idea of what to do. No discussion of allowance etc, figured I would wait for him to initiate or bring it up after we spent some time together. Talked on the phone with him, he is very easygoing, gentlemanly, funny, interesting, effortless conversation etc. And he is sexy.

    @ Tough – it does seem unlikely given that such a person would prolly be more likely to mindcontrol girls into sleeping with them than offer them any kind of mutually beneficial arrangement! why do you bother and how do I find someone like that who is able to mindcontrol me? and what kind of person/mindset do you think is naturally most resistant to such tactics?

  683. Sara says:

    sidenote: Aurelia- you are ridiculously gorgeous!

  684. Sara says:

    Hey Sugar Dolls,

    Been MIA for a while, so I am not even going to try and read 145 posts and respond to them lol 😉

    To me sex is pretty much a part of any relationship…so in a sugar relationship (where the individuals more clearly and openly define what they offer the other person and how they enhance their life) it obviously comes up more. I personally understand it is implied, but don’t like to discuss it too much. Than it gets into the realm of me feeling like a hooker. It may be overly utopian, but I like to think that even in the sugar lifestyle, the man cares about me and appreciates me to some extent and it isnt just sex (because lets be honest, there are cheaper and easier ways to find that.) So I may flirt about it here and there (little comments like it “may be hard to keep my hands off of you at dinner”), but I don’t like logistics (I.e. I will see you twice a week, at least one of those times includes, sex, etc.). That is just what I am more comfortable.

    As for how my sugar life has been, It has been pretty shitty (but than again so is my regular life – we had a pretty big fire in my house and everything is ok but it is a nightmare to deal with insurance, damages, cleanup, etc.) I think I may be back in the sugar bowl for a while. My most recent pot seems to really care about me but has some guilt issues. He says “it is easier when a girl just wants money, but because you have a personality and a brain it is much more difficult to be ok with this. I don’t wan