8 years ago
Avoiding Estrangement

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Seeking Arrangement Party April 27 2010
The warm-party season is kicking off to a sweet start, with sugar meeting places opening up their patios and letting the music play. Enjoy your weekend sugars!

Would you go to a sugar meet or party? Why or why not?

“Question: do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time…?” – Lily

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750 Responses to “Avoiding Estrangement”

  1. Stingray63 says:

    My Thanks goes out to those who welcome me to the SA Blog! I will DEFINITELY keep you all updated on my potential sb. Thanks again!

    Aloha, Stingray

  2. MindyNYC & her Tiara... says:

    Buxom – Agreed! The money means nothing if the other factor aren’t in place. Which makes the little things so important.

  3. MindyNYC & her Tiara... says:

    Darling Celeste, you did not offend me at all!! To anyone outside of NYC, I probably sounded crazy lol!!…I really appreciate that you took the time to read and understand the dilemma, and did not make any judgments about me. xo

    Pot dates mean nothing! I would rather have 1 ‘verified pot’ (date is just a formality) than a thousand so called pots. I usually don’t really waste my time with unverified dates, but I’m trying it the ‘blog’ way to see if I get better results. Hmm, may start calling dates Possible Pot, maybe PP for short…

    SSSD – See? bulk condoms totally make sense! I can respect that frugality, especially if it’s the Japanese ones!
    Have I caught Shoogar’s dementia? Is mattress code for sheets, and pea code for…Ok, I’ll take off the tiara until the true test can be arranged…

    Cleo – my pot date today hit 5.5 out of your 7 points lol.

    Ok, off to join you on new blog

  4. buxombeautylv says:

    SDinLA: “Drive-by” comment: Be careful of your criteria re: being cheap. I *never* valet when I am driving anything nicer than a big Benz/Range Rover. The valet guys will usually let you self-park up front if you’re in a Ferrari or other exotic and you tip them nicely to keep an eye on the car for you. You can use google to find examples of how valets abuse cars- Ferris Bueller was not too far off. I have a friend who owns large valet parking companies in LA, Vegas and Miami, and believe me, sometimes a resistance to using valet parking has nothing to do with a SD’s generosity! Sure, if SD prefers to tip valet for self-parking up front (which is quite common here in Las Vegas), in my mind that is still using valet – I don’t split hairs on the issue, it’s more a general rule of thumb.

    MindyNYC: buxombeautylv – ditto! It’s the little things. Like I said: speaks volumes! I always watch how service staff is regarded and treated – very important! I guess cab fare is my unconscious test for men. Sometimes it is not what a person does, but how they do it. One of the questions I always ask is “What was the intent”
    Just like SD’s say it’s our ‘little things’ like being courteous, reliable, prompt etc.
    EXACTLY. It’s about taking note of the overall attitude and intent and the little things speak volumes. Not to say I will write someone off for some trivial thing – on the contrary; as an example, I am understanding of the fact many people aren’t familiar with the way things are done in Vegas, but I watch a person’s attitude about it. Ie, if someone comments “boy everyone here has his hand out!” I know that person not only lacks generosity, but ALSO lacks appreciation for the services being provided. It’s not only about the money either, as a lack of appreciation for others carries into all aspects of a potential relationship. I place high value on being appreciated, as I appreciate what others do for me.

    Shoogar, absolutely, SDs are often much more gentlemanly than “regular” dates, which is one of the many reasons I prefer sugar dating. As has been said on the site and blog many times over, while the money is a necessary component, it is definitely not the only thing, not by a long shot.

  5. cleo says:

    SSSD: dude

    i mean…

    *shakes head*
    .

    also?

    NEW BLOG

  6. SSSD says:

    My bad, apparently Harry Harrison isn’t dead. To think that I almost killed Slippery Jim…

  7. cleo says:

    (yes, i have that book) but somehow didn’t get until RIGHT NOW that that was the book the movie is from (i should see that someday – and logan’s run)

  8. cleo says:

    i’m so behind

    on the cab fare thing… i was meeting a man for a first date at a resto near my house. it’s a nice 20 minute walk and he knew i was not using a vehicle to get there

    he texted me half an hour early to tell me traffic had been ridiculously light and he was there already and for me to arrive at will

    i texted back – just leaving, i can take a cab?

    he said ‘yes, i will reimburse you’

    so i did. took a 7.50cab and tipped to 10. walked in he stood up, hugged me, we sat down he handed me a 20 and said ‘put that in your purse’ and that was the end of it.

    that’s the kind of thing mindy was expecting. and i drive too :)

    it’s like the difference between meeting a man at his place to go out and having him meet you , with his car running, in visitors parking OR say “buzz me when you get here” and make you wait five minutes…

    that said, mindy, girl go out with him again… they get nervous too you know
    .
    warning signs i look for
    .rudeness to the waiter
    .rudeness regarding his exes
    .unwillingness to let me drive if he’s drunk
    .sexual pushiness (other than gently and playfully and still stopping at my lnes)
    .negativity
    .table manners bad enough to be gross (i mean like talking with your mouth full and gesturing with a food laden fork and spattering me and… yeah)
    .bad tipper – especially if i have to make it up
    .
    Yaz: i wish you were coming too babe.

    can’t get to midwest’s car huh?
    .
    shoogar: start a faq on your blog

    and post that comment as your first reply
    .
    SSSD: OMG HARRY HARRISON DIED???

    the stainless steel rat is no more????

    *shocked, dismayed and sad look with lingering glance at harrison section of her overflowing bookshelves*

  9. Celeste says:

    SSSD says: “You’ll have to do a lot more than that to earn my offense. 😉
    A LOT more! Preferably in public. And in a short skirt.”\

    I might be up for that Challenge 😉 or was that a Dare?

  10. SSSD – You only knew because you ATE me – hence, absorbing all of my knowledge. You aren’t allowed to answer my music or movie trivia from now on. 😉

    Um…I think we’re alone now…

    DANGER. DANGER.

    Back to writing articles.

    No, blogging is not my full-time job. Contrary to popular belief.

    OUT.

  11. SSSD says:

    SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!

    From “Make Room! Make Room,” by the late great Harry Harrison. Turned into a cheesy movie starring Charlton Heston (used to be available on Netflix Instant, don’t know if it still is).

    And I’ll say it again, Shoogar is delicious. Not at all like shoe leather.

  12. Oh, and one more thing.

    SSSD ate me?

    Um…

    Maybe I should have ended my message with: SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!

    and those who don’t get that? It means I’m old.

  13. Preface: I don’t know how long this is going to be because I have not yet typed it out, but warning you, it may be long. Although not a rant, it may come across as one.

    Here goes…

    I spent nearly 2 hours early this morning responding to “Dear Sex & the City” email I received through my blog. It is safe to say I respond to roughly 10-20 a week. First of all, thank you for trusting in me to reach out to me for advice. I am in NO WAY a complete expert in this field. Yes, my responses are often driven by my own arrangement experiences, but for the most part they are also scattered with REAL LIFE knowledge gained from experiences and emotions derived from events and relationships in my life outside of the arrangement world.

    All too often the messages (and even some of the blog topics) are focused entirely on allowance and “how can I get what I know I’m worth?” I do understand this important area of an arrangement. I get it. We are all choosing to be here as SBs for one reason or another and usually the predominant reason is for the financial aspect of it. BUT, I want to point out something very important here that I think SBs (inexperienced AND experienced) often overlook or don’t even consider.

    How about “What can I do to be a good SB?” “How can I make and keep my SD happy?” “How can I show my SD it isn’t just about the money only?”

    Remember ladies, if these men did NOT choose this lifestyle and put forth the monetary investment (and let’s not forget the emotional investment either), we would NOT even BE HERE. SA wouldn’t exist. We wouldn’t even have the opportunity to seek out a SD who wants to step in and help us in areas of our lives that are important to US. We simply just would not. I’m not bitching about one particular incident or one particular person’s post or email to me – at all. This message was mostly driven by the numerous amounts of messages I get that pertain to allowance only. Yes, I can help you in that area and yes, I am queen negotiator and don’t mind assisting in this somewhat sensitive and often times uncomfortable topic of discussion with your potential SDs, but please ladies, let’s not forget the SDs – their emotions and needs and the fact THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO.

    And I also get messages from SDs asking me about being good SDs too and okay, sometimes venting to me about feeling used by their SB.

    So, the short (and long) of my post here is full of good intentions for both sides. It was jokingly suggested to me that I hold a “SB Boot Camp” with Flo and some other SBs? Funny.

    End.

    And I swore I was staying off the blog for a couple of days.

  14. SSSD says:

    Time for me to fly.

    Later, SA blog!

  15. SSSD says:

    Anna Molly asked: SSSD ~ What have you done with Shoogar?

    I ate her.

    And she was delicious.

    But I’m still hungry…

    So I wonder: will you enjoy being eaten as much as she did?

    Yum.

  16. SSSD says:

    Mindy isn’t really taking any offense, methinks, right, Mindy?

    If it were me, I like to show my thrift and cheapskate tendencies to my potential SBs in more constructive ways. Like buying condoms in bulk. 😉

    Hey, Mindy, that tiara does not make you a princess. There is a tried and true test that I will be happy to administer: First you have to come over to my place and sleep in my bed. If you wake up sore, then you’re a princess!

    Hey, what? She’ll be sore because she felt the pea under the mattress! Get your minds out of the gutter, people! 😉

  17. Anna Molly says:

    SSSD ~ What have you done with Shoogar?

  18. SSSD says:

    Celeste wrote: I didn’t mean to offend you by my comment.

    You’ll have to do a lot more than that to earn my offense. 😉

    A LOT more!

    Preferably in public.

    And in a short skirt.

    BTW, Celeste, you can stop apologizing. Wait until you really offend somebody, then break out the mea culpa! 😉

  19. Celeste says:

    I am amazed by all you fortunate SBs to have so many pot’s .

    Mindy I’m sorry I surely didn’t want to offend you in any way. It was just my opinion, have a great lunch
    Anna Molly I am positive that your SD will send his Xs and Os

  20. MindyNYC & her Tiara... says:

    Ohhh no, not falling for that one again Anna Molly…see how well that worked out for me yesterday – got my integrity thoroughly assaulted lol.

    Not an SD, but sending you XOXO’s all the same…

    Running out to a pot lunch date.,..
    .
    Have a great afternoon all!

  21. Anna Molly says:

    Gosh, I’m the only one here…I wonder if SD is lurking around today? Are you there?

    XOXO SD…maybe I’ll get some X’s and O’s back 😉

  22. Anna Molly says:

    Another slow day in Blogville?

  23. Yaz says:

    Hi Sugar Fam! :-)

    Another busy day for me today! Don’t think I will be able to blog at all…

    I, personally, do not mind the constant flirting between SSSD and Shoogar lol They are quite entertaining and their comments give the blog this “ambiance bon enfant” that makes everyone smile. I’d rather see that than drama on the blog! :-)

    Cleo~ I soooo wish I could go to the Toronto meet. It’s going to be fun!!!

    NYGent~ It’s nice to see you on the blog from time to time! :-)

    I haven’t seen any posts from NCGent in a long time…I hope he is ok! Woohoo NC! ( . ) ( . ) That should do, I think haha

    Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho it’ off to work I go!

  24. NYGent says:

    Mindy; you may be right about the guy. let us know how it turns out if you do see him again.

  25. cleo says:

    midwest? that date isn’t booked for me but i have a conference in long beach on nov 4th so there’s a decent chance i can’t pay for it. but don’t change on my account, i’m as like to need a sponsor to make it as not….

    :) [no i am not caught up, i just searched my name]

    running out – for those who missed it i did send out a loose itinerary/ hotel/ airport info for toronto. if you are thinking of going and haven’t told me tell me fast or there won’t be room for any more seats at the table …

    :)

  26. Naughty Molly says:

    There is no such thing as flirting too much! 😉

  27. Celeste says:

    Also, SSSD: I do not think you are flirting too much. I didn’t mean to imply that you were only flirting with Shoogar. You might say I am a little jealous! It would be great if I could stimulate someone into flirting with me on a anonymous blog! I didn’t mean to offend you by my comment.

  28. Celeste says:

    SDinLA I know what you mean by valets abusing cars. I use to work where there were valets and let me tell you, Those poor cars. lol. From having Sensual fun to joy rides, it’s wasn’t all that pretty! Mind you my car isn’t anything amazing, but I wouldn’t want someone to “use” the back seat. Unless it was with me , of course :)

  29. Celeste says:

    Good morning,

    SSSD I think it was not so much shyness but maybe a little intimidated, I am not always sure I belong. I will let my presence known next time! :)

    Mindy I totally understand where you are coming from. I Think you wear that Tiara very well lol… And no you are not an entitled Princess.

  30. Anna Molly says:

    Morning all! Hope everyone had a good Tuesday. 😀

  31. Lily says:

    Mindy you are wonderful.

    NYC sb- I don’t know if he’s “into me” or not. He did keep asking me to sing more and more songs to him though.

    All – happy happy Wednesday!!! 4 hours left of London sightseeing with a sweet driver, and then back home to reality.

  32. MindyNYC & her Tiara... says:

    OMG! I’m finally able to explain it in a semi coherent way.
    .
    If the fare ended up being $19.50 and he’d given me a $20, it would not have bothered me (If I’d even gave it any thought – I’d assume it was innocent). But fishing through a full wallet to find the $10 and $5, did not sit well with me. If that makes me an entitled princess, then I wear my tiara proudly :)
    .
    Apologies all, I’m not a very concise writer. I hope I improve as my blog participate increases.
    .
    Now, G’night for real!

  33. SSSD says:

    …and don’t let shyness stop you, Celeste…

  34. MindyNYC says:

    Sorry, just refreshed and saw the new comments

    NYGent – my expectation (and you’re correct – it’s an expectation) is to be offered cab fare that is assured to have me arrive safely home.
    I did not meet him here. He has been nonsb dating (and having easy sex) successfully with women (younger and most likely prettier) than me, but has admitted (last email) the lack of substance and comfort keeps me at the forefront of his mind. I suspect he’ll be torn as to how much substance is ‘really’ worth to him – I suspect not enough.
    My true instinct is that he is stingy. It’s not beyond a reasonable doubt, so an expectations and allowances will need to be gracefully discussed, before we can move forward.

    If I decline or insist on taking the subway it is usually because the date did not go well, and I’ll go into my environmental speech lol if you keep insisting. If it is in the day and the subway is much easier at that hour, but the date went well and they are insisting,I will usually joke and say “Fine! I’ll take the money if you want, but I’m still taking the subway Hun.” We usually laugh, they put their money away and leave feeling secure.
    NYCSB – You totally get it, Darling…it had nothing to do with the amount…if he’s nickel and diming a cab fare, then he’ll be nickel and diming me. It may just be his ‘way’ and I respect frugality, but it’s too early to introduce it and isn’t going to work for me.

    Michael AZSD – you noticed my incoherence? opps! lol. Thank you (all) for muddling through it. After a good date with a man the last thing I want is to find a fault. But something just didn’t feel right, and it took me the ride home to put my finger on it. It is such a small thing, but it just kept nagging me.
    Michael! I wanted to give you a special “Hello” cuz I think you may have brought me some Aussie good luck! No sooner, did I say I hadn’t had luck with any Aussie SD’s, well a (possibly) potential one dropped in my lap today lol.

    buxombeautylv – ditto! It’s the little things. Like I said: speaks volumes! I always watch how service staff is regarded and treated – very important! I guess cab fare is my unconscious test for men. Sometimes it is not what a person does, but how they do it. One of the questions I always ask is “What was the intent”
    Just like SD’s say it’s our ‘little things’ like being courteous, reliable, prompt etc.

    Shoo – The resto would not be considered upscale, but that was fine. It was one of his fav spots and ambiance was perfect.
    I don’t think he was testing me, at that particuliar point, if at all (he was already smitten – happened sometime over dinner). Even if he was, what could I say “It may not be enough?”. I would never do that.
    I haven’t read the ‘test’ blog discussion yet, but I’ve never worried about ‘tests’ because I know I am not ‘high maintenance’ and I’m always gracious and classy, not to mention fairly easy going.
    (btw, pls let me know if you would prefer me to call you Shoogar. I just started calling you that without asking – think Shoo is such a cute name)

    Celeste – No tipping etc on POT dates! Unless, you’re in the unfortunate position (ie hell date) of making a point to teach the pot manners (to subtly let him know why you won’t be seeing him again). NYCSB is most likely right, but you won’t know until you try.

    SDinLA – But I’m sure you make a comment such as “I don’t trust those guys wit my car”, and not make a point to complain about the prices

    .
    Ok, my insomnia is in high gear … Off to bed soon
    G’night All! Wishing you sugar dreams!

  35. SSSD says:

    I am concerned from several comments here that I am flirting too much, and more importantly, perhaps, flirting too focused on Ms. Shoes.

    Apologies if this is the case.

    It’s just that she’s so easy to tease in this manner… 😉

  36. SSSD says:

    I agree with many of the SD posts here.

    On one hand, the gut feel is important, so I support counting that as an important factor.

    On the other hand, many of these “tells”, such as foregoing valet parking and so on, well, I can think of many occasions wherein I am guilty of this myself.

  37. SDinLA says:

    Must… resist… blog… too… addictive… and… time… consuming…

    “Drive-by” comment: Be careful of your criteria re: being cheap. I *never* valet when I am driving anything nicer than a big Benz/Range Rover. The valet guys will usually let you self-park up front if you’re in a Ferrari or other exotic and you tip them nicely to keep an eye on the car for you. You can use google to find examples of how valets abuse cars- Ferris Bueller was not too far off. I have a friend who owns large valet parking companies in LA, Vegas and Miami, and believe me, sometimes a resistance to using valet parking has nothing to do with a SD’s generosity! Then again, in NYC or Asia, I’m always riding in the back and parking is never an issue.

    ‘Night all

  38. MindyNYC says:

    Whoa NYGent! SLOW WAAAAY DOWN there! With all due respect, you completely missed the spirit of my post and the sentiment I was trying to convey.
    It had nothing to do with “the difference between $15 and $20 cab fare”, but more as Shoogar put it how fishing for a $5 bill to give exact change for cab fare made her (me) feel and the potential frugality displayed on his part (he had 20’s). The actual incident is the equivalent to an upper uptown v. lower downtown situation.
    $50 for a $10 cab ride home, and if I ever got wind that she complained about a lack of windfall” I NEVER claimed to expect or complained about a lack of any windfall! Kindly, remember I used $15 v $20 a fictional amount for example purposes, as the actual amount has never been the point of this discussion. I also NEVER said I expected him to give me $50!! In the past, most dates (sd or non) have given me a $50 for cab fare (that amount does not cover my actual 2 way fare). Some because they do not know the true fare cost (and may have included the fare to the location, which I do not expect), others simply because they are being generous. With the former, I will usually correct them and say ‘Thank you but it’s only $xx.00’, and ask if they have something smaller or decline all together (especially if I know I have no further interest). With the latter, (if interested) I say “Thank you very much” as the amount is much higher than $50 and obviously not strictly cab fare (Pot date last Friday tried to give me $300 for fare – obviously not just cab fare).
    I am also not quite sure in “which way I reacted” you are referring to? As you read, our date was a month ago (I thanked him and we’ve kept in contact since). He sent the ‘lovely’ email yesterday.
    “If I thought the cab fare was $12-$14 I personally would normally give a $20. Actually, I believe you would have probably given me $40 (as opposed to $30) to have covered the trip to the location, especially if you were not sure how much the fare was. But even with $20 you would have been assured of my safe arrival home, and known tip was definitely covered.
    Like I said, he couldve thought the fare was $10 – but I did not get that feeling and if so, he was being quite unrealistic. To be precise the amount he gave just covered the exact fare without tip. 1 more block and it wouldn’t have been enough lol. But that is still besides the real point.
    If we were already involved in an arrangement, receiving the exact amount would not be an issue.

    NYGent, your points are well taken and I appreciate you making me take a second look at the situation. You’re right, this may only be a pink flag. However, I do not appreciate the wide assumptions you’ve made and/or implied about me.
    A true Diva never acts like one :)
    .
    .
    Celeste – Your logic and train of thought is completely correct. I’m not sure where you are located, but the incident is a bit unique to NYC and it’s customs. I assume it would could be similiar to a man offering to pay your parking if you had to meet him downtown (?).

  39. Oh, I don’t know. I see all sides on this one, I guess. Bottom line I guess for me, if it takes too much brain power and causing me any kind of angst, just probably not a good idea. Go with your gut mentality.

    I guess I have not experienced some of the downsides in pot sugar dating – at least not in the testing for cheapness areas. Perhaps I have just been lucky in that regard? Don’t get me wrong, I have experienced other areas of disdain, but for most the most part, have never experienced signs of stinginess from SDs or pot SDs. Color me lucky? Yes, I have been spoiled, but don’t take it for granted. I spoil back. Trust.

    On another note, but somewhat the same note, when I gave myself a shot at IRL dating (after experiencing sugar), I did notice when those men did not provide the same type of treatment. Some of it in the financial sense (complaining about prices, not using valet when it was raining, etc) and some in areas that had nothing to do with money at all. Most SDs (or at least the ones I have encountered – minus the one who just popped the trunk and didn’t get out of his car at the airport) are true gentlemen.

  40. buxombeautylv says:

    Forgot to say, I agree that a man who complains about prices will try to lowball you or tell you you’re asking for too much at allowance discussion time.

    Michael AZSD, you bring up a good point. I don’t pay any attention to a man’s listed income or net worth but I do tend to look for those whose allowance budget is at least equal to my requirement. I see those who leave it “open to negotiation” as not really serious, unless they initiate contact (on the assumption they’ve seen my requirement and are ok with it).

    I am curious to hear more SDs stance on the decision to leave the budget line open or not.

  41. buxombeautylv says:

    Shooger: Regarding testing, I can somewhat understand if he wants to see whether a SB will agree to another date after the cab fare thing, but how would he know it wasn’t something else?? We all have our ways of “testing” potentials, whether consciously or not, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Furthermore, if someone would use such a nitpicky thing to purposely test me, I would have to say we won’t be a match – that screams manipulative to me.

    I don’t purposely perform little tests, but I do take notice when a gentleman acts disrespectful or cheap, particularly in the early stages. For example, I don’t expect to use valet every time, but it says something when a man won’t use it if I suggest we do so this time when we happen to be pulling into a venue a little short on time. Treatment of service staff shows whether he respects other people’s time and efforts.

  42. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Hey NYC SB
    Good to see you back! As a SD, I would not put my correct income and net worth out there. Just asking for trouble. But if a SB put our requirements for what they want, I would be all over it.

    Michael

  43. Celeste says:

    NYC SB I did not think you were harsh at all. I come here to hear what others have to say and I appreciate all the comments! you are just trying to help and I think you are very nice to do so.
    I hope your drama is not too serious? I know you are a strong women, you will get over this drama, it takes time

  44. NYC SB says:

    Celeste – maybe my comment was harsh… sorry personal drama influencing my blogging… if you get to the allowance stages then you will find out for yourself… remember never settle for anything less than your standards

  45. Celeste says:

    NYC SB we didn’t get to talk about allowance or anything else. I guess I need to re-read some older blogs

  46. NYC SB says:

    I doubt he was testing her… but what do I know

    SD complaining about prices? Guess what he is going to do when offering you an allowance… low ball you or tell you that you are asking for too much…

    Well its been a long and exhausting day… off to bed so I can make it to work tomorrow

  47. Celeste says:

    Shoogar somewhat, yes.

  48. Celeste says:

    You are right Shoogar, I think I remember that convo, maybe he was testing her. This is so complicated, why not just be honest?

    NYC SB maybe there is something to it when a man doesn’t offer? I just don’t know anymore!

  49. Celeste – YOU tipped the valet yourself? Was this a pot SD date?

  50. Celeste says:

    buxombeautylv very interesting : “I personally watch for things like how a person treats waitstaff (including tipping), whether he seems overly concerned about prices, and whether he refuses to use “trivial” services like valet parking. These are all indications of how a person may treat ME later.”
    I actually just had a date where I tipped the valet and he did complain about the prices. That is very interesting, I never thought about it that way, thank you!

  51. BUT…I’m going to recall a very important conversation had here not too long ago. Our very own Blog SDs admitted to testing SBs in subtle ways, remember? I don’t believe in ever testing anyone so I always take them at face value no matter what (that’s just me), but after being active on the blog, I must say one would wonder in Mindy’s case – if everything else was great and there was an amazing dinner (I’m assuming at an upscale place, didn’t scroll back up to see) and chemistry and everything else was there – was he just testing her? NYGent made me think about this…

  52. buxombeautylv says:

    The way I see it, getting to know someone is just as much about picking up on the little things as the big ones. Sometimes the little things are the biggest indicators of things to come. To me, being noticeably particular about fishing out exact change conveys a lack of generosity. Considering most SBs desire generosity in a SD, I would be a little put off by that too. Probably not enough to forego a second date, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he weren’t willing to be as generous as I like.

    Not to give the impression I am overly demanding – quite to the contrary, but as NYCGent says he would be unimpressed by a SB who worried about $5, by the same token, I would be equally unimpressed by a SD who seemed so concerned about $5.

    Aside from the general personality and chemistry, I personally watch for things like how a person treats waitstaff (including tipping), whether he seems overly concerned about prices, and whether he refuses to use “trivial” services like valet parking. These are all indications of how a person may treat ME later.

  53. Michael AZSD (looking for 1+1=omfg) says:

    Hey everybody –

    I think this is more about MindyNYC’s gut feel than about $20 vs $15 – I think that is what rang the alarm bells. Sometimes somethings do not feel right, and all you can do is hang it on something small.

    I am with MindyNYC. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If you cannot explain it coherently, that’s ok. I can’t type coherently, even on a good day… so don’t worry!!

  54. NYC SB says:

    MindyNYC – about the disposable income question… it really comes down to his generosity… he could make 4 million a year and have most of it to spend as he wishes, unless he is generous from within he wont be offering much. The cab fare indicates that he is not very generous. I can see him asking you to itemize your expenses to back up your allowance needs. Don’t most give you at least a $20 each way for a cab????? Come on

    Anne SB – I usually skip over profiles where annual income is less than 500k, especially if they are married. At one time I believed that this indicator can provide me with a min allowance of 5k per month. I came to realize that I was VERY wrong in trusting this indicator, for the reason given to Miss Mindy
    One last note regarding profile income – men downplay and man upplay… which one is a girl to trust? I highly doubt someone seeking an arrangement would grossly understate his income level but they are more likely to overstate. Of course women are more likely to email the high earner – we view it as high allowance. Also, I want someone who makes more than me (not that I make that much). if you are in NYC and making less than 100k then how can you be an SD offering anything over 2k per month (that’s me being generous)
    Lily – couldn’t Mr London man be that prince charming t fall madly in love with? I thought ultimately you wanted that… allowance does not keep you warm at night, however it does pay for the electric bills 😀

    NYGent – Knowing you… if you had a wonderful evening with a pot sb where chemistry was abundant I am willing to bet my louboutins you would give her the $50 bill to cover cab fare… but then again you are a Gent

    Celeste – I take the subway, its $2.25 each way… so really not a big deal… however, if an SD asks me how I am getting home and I say subway and he does not say “why don’t you take a cab” and offer to cover it, well in my head he is not concerned about my comfort. If he cannot “lavish”me with a cab then how will he lavish me with anything else… it really sets the tone for an arrangement. Just how in regular dating a man not holding the door for a lady is an automatic next for most women.

  55. Celeste says:

    Shoogar I know it’s common here to spank the boys!
    Wigs are very good! so is a little outfit or 2

  56. Celeste – Ok, but HERE, on the blog…spanking is a survival tactic. You MUST be spanked to fare well with this rowdy bunch! Fake it ’til you make it, baby! Wigs are good too. Really good!

  57. Oh, and “A fortiori” just made me think of foie gras and a sweet Bordeaux. MMmmmmm. And there’s my high maintenance side showing again.

  58. Celeste says:

    Shoogar I’m more of a Russian french, let’s dress up and put a wig on! not into spanking! P)

  59. NYG – You lost me on the first two (but they sounded sexy). Now Pig Latin, I got COVERED. You got me at hung. Ha ha ha!! Spring is in the air and Shoogar Shoes is feeling it! Isn’t everyone else?!

    Celeste – just talk about girl on girl or Latvian women or Anna Molly’s favorite topic, spanking and SSSD will hear you loud and clear. Trust me. ha ha. He is going to kill me when he signs on later…

  60. NYGent says:

    Shoogar: “res ipsa loquitur.” “Nunc pro tunc.” “A fortiori.” “Ung-hay ury-jay.” (oops that one’s pig latin).

  61. Celeste says:

    Shoogar I know I could of “intruded” but I’m sure SSSD would of ignored me :) He was too busy with you and all the other SBs!

  62. Celeste says:

    NYGent i get your point there. If they are using public transportation to get to the date, maybe it’s expected? I drive to where I am going, I don’t want to fell obligated in any way. For a first date to me, I do not ask for anything nor do I expect anything either.
    I think you are right, it is a case by case situation.

  63. Celeste – feel free to intrude when it strikes your fancy! We are all one big, happy, flirty sugar bowl! The more the merrier! (Or in this blog’s case…the sweeter!)

  64. Oooh, I love it when a man talks legal jargon. Keep going…

  65. NYGent says:

    Shoogar: we are talking civil not criminal so either “preponderance” or “clear and convincing.”

  66. Celeste says:

    You are welcome Shoogar, He does have a way… to push those buttons 😉
    I would of participated but didn’t want to intrude

  67. NYGent says:

    Celeste there are so many variables. If it’s daytime and she says I’ll meet you at such and such place I might not even bring up transportation. If it’s nighttime it is a different story. i blogged once about how if it’s a hot summer day I don’t really want an SB having to take a crowded, poorly air conditioned bus or train to meet me when she’ll be all hot and tired when she gets there. Some SBs wouldn’t think of expecting transportation money on a first date, at least to get there; some, even at night, will decline assistance and insist on taking public transportation home (although that’s when I usually assume the date didn’t go so well, they are kind of sending a bit of a message). Meanwhile others will bring down the guillotine if you don’t live up to their precise transportaion $$ expectations. It’s sort of a case by case, try to read the situation and person deal.

  68. Thank you, Celeste. All the SDs here are flirty and fun. SSSD, in particular, likes to push my….um….stilettos (buttons) though! That’s quite apparent. 😉

  69. Celeste says:

    Shoogar you do have a lot to offer us less fortunate SBs. And the SDs here as well.
    All the flirting, it’s very fun. Somewhat envious of you and SSSD 😉
    He seems like the real deal, as do all the SDs here.
    But I do have a virtual crush on SSSD, I must say.

  70. In legal speak: Beyond a reasonable doubt? 😉

  71. NYGent says:

    also, Mindy’s gut level instinct about the guy being stingy may turn out to be completely right. I just don’t see, based on the evidence to date, a basis for concluding that definitively.

  72. Celeste says:

    NYGent I guess you could offer to pay for the cab if she was coming from far away. But, if she agrees to meet? Do you really have to pay for her cab? Maybe it’s just me. I know NYC is a big city and hard to get around. I just think that complaining about $15 versus $20 for a first date is not right. My opinion, don’t mean to offend Mindy

  73. WHEW. Thank you, NYGent. You have ‘known’ me long enough. I am certain you know my stance on appreciating your SD and never taking a person’s generosity for granted. EVER. I have been fortunate in my arrangement endeavors and perhaps a little spoiled at times, but I never want to give the impression to new SBs that there is a sense of entitlement that comes with this pursuit as an SB. (Not saying that you do, Mindy.)

  74. NYGent says:

    Celeste: I ALWAYS offer either a car service or cab fare home, and make it a point to offer sufficient cab fare erring on teh side of too much. But I don’t feel compelled to give a windfall profit ($50 for a $10 cab ride home, and if I ever got wind that she complained about a lack of windfall she’d be “NEXTED” before you could say “seeking arrangement”).

    As far as getting the SB to the date it depends. If she’s coming from afar I would arrange car or pay cab fare. If it’s from way downtown to uptown probably the same. If it’s a few blocks and a $5-$6 cab ride I almost feel like it’s getting too granular at that early stage to be offering to pay it, I just figure I will more than make up for it in other ways.

  75. Celeste says:

    I completely agree with NYGent, I just think that if you agree to meet him for a first date, wouldn’t you pay your own cab ride? I drive so, not a problem there. I have never accepted any money for a short ride to meet someone. Maybe I am wrong.. If I was traveling to him, different city, then yes, i would expect him to pay. just my 2 cents. Although; I might be wrong

  76. NYGent says:

    Shoogar: you did not come across as high maintenance at all. Just empathetic of another’s point of view. I am fairly certain you would not have reacted the same way had you been in those same sugar shoes.

  77. This is another reason the blog is a great learning ground for us all. Even those of us experienced with arrangements have room to grow. The voices of our SDs here are sometimes the most important for SBs – old and new. And I, for one, appreciate the reality check every now and then. (NY Gent has always been a great sounding board for this SB! Thanks, NYG.)

    Lovingly,

    Your sometimes coming across as high maintenance SB Friend

    :)

  78. NYGent says:

    If I thought the cab fare was $12-$14 I personally would normally give a $20. But I don’t always have a twenty — ATMs these days tend to give out $50s. Do we know for sure he specifically “fished” for a $5, as opposed to he had a $10 and $5 and a bunch of $50s? If all he had was $15 plus $50s should he have given a $50? Maybe so. Not totally sure I would.

    It was was, from what I can tell, a first date. He bought dinner (nice restaurant?) He was polite and charming and nice and there was great physical and mental chemistry. He sent a “lovely” followup email. Personally, under those circumstances, if I got wind that the SB the next day was complaining over the difference between $15 and $20 I might “NEXT” her (probably not though!). But given that this seemed to go so well I think both parties should at least give it another shot. If these two can’t meet again we are REALLY loading a lot of rigid social expectations onto what is supposed to be a fun and casual relationship, extremely early in the would-be relationship.

  79. Celeste says:

    Mindy I agree with NYGent , give him another chance.

  80. NYGent is right. Although, I do completely understand Mindy’s sentiments on how the act of the pot SD “fishing for a $5 bill” to give exact change for cab fare made her feel, I guess I overlooked everything else above and beyond that is important. Just reading her story and blending in with my own personal experiences, an entirely type of emotion was drawn from me and that was just absolute understanding of how she conveyed that little act made her feel. It isn’t about being a Diva or anything like that. Our feelings are generally conjured up based on personal experience and sometimes this can be a bad thing – when it equates to someone else not be given a fair chance.

    Back to my project…

  81. NYGent says:

    Mindy: I would give him another chance. You had a “wonderful evening” with “great physical and mental chemistry” and you are going to end it over the difference between $15 and $20 cab fare (when $15 as you say would have covered it in all events)? Methinks it’s a wee bit too rigid expectations at this point, maybe a yellow or pink flag but not red.

  82. Lily says:

    I can’t believe how much interest there seems to be for the euro meet. Any SBs who want to meet some euro SDs can come! Email me thru my blog for place/date. SDs are also welcome—my SB list is expanding exponentially, now by the minute. Strenuous criteria for them bring chosen to participate, too.

  83. Anne SB says:

    Whoa the blog exploded in the last like what 4 hours!??!

    Mindy: Good job on the flagging. Reminds me of my last pot date a few days ago. Blech.

    Has OC left the blog? :(!

  84. buxombeautylv says:

    Midwest, thank you. That was my first reaction but I suppose I’m second-guessing because a friend had a very very negative opinion of the situation. I’m not used to being postponed twice in a row. haha

    I absolutely responded with understanding as I know successful men are often busy, and things will come up. At this point, I’m glad I went with my instinct when responding to him. Thank you, I will give it a couple days.

  85. FLSB says:

    Hey Sugars!

    Going on my first potSD date tomorrow, excited but nervous at the same time. What do I do, what do I not do, and what do I look out for?

    SS- um…dog…….shelter……I was thinking the same exact thing! LoL So don’t worry, you don’t have dementia. Wait, unless I have it too……..at least you’re not alone :)

    WCSD-I was thinking about that today! if men downplay what they actually make because they don’t want to attract a certain type of woman (whatever type that may be).

    I think I said thinking a lot in this post~just a thought that I was thinking(must be the dementia)

  86. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks Shoogar 😉

  87. Sorry…posting that above was much easier than responding to each individual email and everyone is pretty much on this blog.

  88. Midwest says:

    Buxom – I’ve found that dates postponed because of work have always been very real circumstances and being understanding can go a long way. As long as he gets back to you in a day or two to reschedule, I would put on my best sugar graces and be very understanding. If he doesn’t get back, I will either send a friendly e-mail or move on.

    Mindy – You are working for the wrong agency…have Flo Rida and Shoo been influencing you? :-)

  89. Bloggers, Lurkers, Lily, Photo, Everyone – please be patient with me…I am getting to those email messages this week, I PROMISE. I know I have profiles to review, websites to look at, photos to approve, emails to respond to, etc. I have (in addition to blogging like a mad-woman, oops, time sucker and keeping up with the flirty antics of SSSD, of course), working on some very important projects with deadlines that are zipping by. Give me another day or two to respond to all of you.

    Love, kisses and Sugar!
    (And a spanking to grow on!) That was for AM. 😉

    SS

  90. buxombeautylv says:

    Actually, I would like to pose this question to the sugars here. If a pot SD seems like just your type and seems highly interested, but postpones a dinner date saying he is stuck at work, TWICE, then offers money to show he’s serious, what would your reaction be? Note we have not met in person yet, only emailed and had a few lengthy phone conversations.

    This is not my first rodeo but this one talks a great game. However he has already rescheduled twice and at this point I’m thinking he is just a time-waster.

  91. MindyNYC says:

    midwest says:I do find it interesting that he disclosed that info to you. What was his reason for sharing?
    Oh, you know… with a great smile, good wine and a bit of cleavage over the right meal you can find out anything about a man (wink)…

    SSSD – thanks for the input, yes you’re right too many other factors. I do know she was a housewife. He looks good on paper. I suspect he earns enough to meet my expectations, but as you can see from the above incident, may be too frugal for my tastes.

    Shoo – I know you get me on this one. Even ‘IRL non/sd nyc’ dating men give you close, but never quite so close, fare to go home if they don’t take you in the cab themselves.
    Most previous SD’s have used car service, and I’m fine with a cab when circumstances do not allow. I don’t think a pot has ever offered me less than $50 cab fare. It is up to me, as a lady, to take only the amount I need, if I see fit.

    I was afraid it may have been in poor taste for publicly calling out, an otherwise very nice man, on what some may consider a petty matter (whew! thanks guys). I’m a stickler for manners, and would hate to appear to be as tacky as he may have acted. It was a situation where the fare could have been $12-$14 (not using our exact numbers), he gave me $15, it’s more the fact that he didn’t just simply hand me a $20. I dunno, maybe he thought the ride was only $10? But even so, he still had to specifically find that $5 bill in his wallet ya know?

    It was just a sour note to an otherwise wonderful evening. He is not an SD, but very aware that I am an SB not open to any other type of arrangement. On our date, we shared great physical and mental chemistry. He just wrote me a very lovely email explaining that, although he has been enjoying dating, it is me (and an arrangement) he craves. So I’ve been contemplating if I should go on a second date. Regardless, the next convo if any, must be about my expectations. What I require is reasonable (by nyc standards), and I refuse to negotiate. I can already hear “I don’t think I can afford you” coming a mile away…

    I haven’t sugar searched on here in ages (last experiences were hilarious), but I would not skip a (well written) profile due to low annual income.

  92. Midwest says:

    Bill Gates an Warren Buffet are on CNBC. Tune in!

  93. buxombeautylv says:

    Would you go to a sugar meet or party? Why or why not?
    Yes I sure would. I am always up for meeting new friends!

    “Question: do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time…?”While a cushion would be very nice and I would enjoy it if offered, I wouldn’t expect it or ask for it. I think it’s a good idea for sugarbabies to be prepared for a relationship end with some savings and a backup plan.

    *sigh* I think I’m being flaked on by a seemingly fabulous potential SD. Oh well, the search continues!

  94. Lily says:

    This has been a very good day indeed, although running on zero sleep. I should try to sleep now, in my hotel room, but…eh. Like my date tonight said, I’m a force of nature.
    Interviewed a high-end SD here in London this afternoon to sponsor the euro meet. I don’t need another sponsor but it mostly serves to screen him for being elligible for the meet. My SB list has grown rapidly this week. Phone interviews next to see who is charming and clever. So far 5 of the SDs there have all gone on a ‘date’ (met once) with me, and that’s why they believe in the event enough to sponsor it. I love hitting it off so warmly (yet, platonically) that you establish an alliance of sorts in just one evening.

    Meeting some London pots tomorrow, to screen for meet worthiness.

    SSSD, Midwest is right! I can prospect and cut out the excess unsuitables, and whittle a list of people down to any size, with my wee little brainpower. But I don’t want the job. Man has got to do some things himself!

  95. Midwest says:

    PS – it will be like Cleo’s set-up: Friday night informal gathering and Saturday night the nice dinner.

  96. Midwest says:

    Photogirl – I’ll keep that in mind. If I get too many who can’t attend (so far, you and NC Gent) I will look at alternates.

  97. photogirl says:

    I never put too much thought on the incomes listed in profiles as some of the SDs here on the blog said they fudged their numbers.

    It isn’t ALL about the money… Since very few men post their photos, it is the content of the profile I paid attention to. If the guy is an @ss… no amount of money will make me like him.

    TLG – sorry to hear about the root canal… I dislike the dentist and usually have to be knocked out and drug up. I am sure your SB will take good care of you this weekend.

    Lily – Glad you had a good trip and congrats on the new biz work coming your way.

    Midwest – :( darn… I have a feeling already that date won’t work for me.

  98. Midwest says:

    SAVE THE DATE!!! Oct 22nd – Chicago Meet.

    Date has been determined to keep us from competing with Chicago events for hotel rooms and when the leaves will still be in full bloom.

    Those interested can reach me at chicagomeet2010 at the live place. I’ll keep the posts coming ocassionally as the date draws nearer.

  99. Lily says:

    Hey guys…..date over. Still in one piece.

    Burp.

    Shoo knows.’

    Cleo sorry to leave you high & dry on skype last night!! The celebration squad came in right when I messages you and I walked away to toast champagne to my developing career! But you liked my pot email to mcpoofer?

    By the way, mr. 9+ figure net worth date tonight was so handsome and cool. Had a great night. We seemed to click and everything but….he wants a gf not a sb and he travels 90% of the time. But what a host. 2 days of access to the nicest home i’ve ever been in, with a BMW 7 series to be driven around in by the sweetest man. Super hospitable.

    Did I mention he’s young and handsome? Sigh.

  100. Midwest says:

    TLG – Nobody deserves a great sb more than you lately! Congrats!

  101. The Lone Gunman says:

    Anne SB:

    From our emails, it appears to be mutual. :)

    I’m a happy man.

    TLG

  102. Anne SB says:

    TLG: Aw sweet, missing SB!

  103. cleo says:

    fyi – i’m not here until tomorrow

  104. cleo says:

    toronto meet email sent, please check your mail. if you don’t have it and you want it, email me

    toronto sugar meet at g male

  105. The Lone Gunman says:

    midwest says:

    TLG- loaded questions! If I may turn it around, what would make you happiest?

    Why, my SB being here with me right now!

    She won’t be here until the weekend, darnitall. Anticipation is KILLING me, after the root canal earlier!!!

    TLG

  106. NE sugar says:

    Hi everyone!

    It’s cold and rainy here, an excellent day to hide inside and have an excuse for keeping myself on the computer.

    responding to mindy’s question, yes I’m likely to. partially just because the search is exhausting enough with an income filter. I can only think there’s an even more likely chance of being wannabe daddys with a lower annual income.

  107. MindyNYC – I see nothing at all wrong with your red flag alert coming on. Especially since you have have had experience with a successful arrangement. You are accustomed to a different type of SD and there isn’t anything wrong with that. I don’t need the man to hire me a driver or doing any of those things, but the SDs I have been with (and even pots) have been the type who have so I would probably be uneasy with one who just threw me in a cab and gave me EXACT change. Not that I expect more, it’s just not what I’m accustomed to. Shoot, I live in cabs when I’m in the city so it has nothing at all to do with feeling I’m entitled or better. Just in my experiences, I am accustomed to a different caliber of man.

  108. WCSD says:

    Mindy – That is a much better way to see if he is a SD you are willing to continue with. There are lots of potential flagging points out there…and that example is definitely a huge one.

  109. MindyNYC says:

    I was asking more for curiosity sake, as I’m not even sure I’m going to waste my time discussing my allowance range with him…
    I had dinner with him about a mth ago – had a great time/good chemistry – he was smitten. For the 1st time in my entire NYC dating history (including non SD/irl), a man, he, gave me almost EXACT cab fare (not including tip) for the ride home! Forget the fact, that he did not include the ride there and he wasn’t short on cash. What made it even tackier, is that I had not told him how much the cab fare was! I took me a minute to put my finger on it, but when I did it was like RED Flag! I do not mean to sound petty or ungracious, but to me it spoke volumes. It’s not so much about his income, I think he may be generally stingy – yuck!

  110. WCSD says:

    Anne SB – No I wouldn’t. People lie about their needs and what they’ll give all the time. Some of it is a screening process (like a SB asking for more than they’ll actually take) and some of it is not wanting to make it public how much they make (A SD dowplays what they earn). Really the numbers mean nothing…unless you know their expenses, etc. you really have no idea how much discretionary money they have. Just know what you want, be justified in asking for it, and let the SD worry about whether they can afford it.

  111. Anne SB says:

    SSSD: Pretty informative on the divorce subject.

    All: Going back to Mindy’s question, would you skip over a profile if the annual income does not seem like one that can support a sugar lifestyle?

    HUGSSSSSS!!!!

  112. SSSD says:

    MindyNYC, depends on what kind of settlement he had on his divorce, whether there was a pre-nup, his ex-wife’s financial needs, their previous lifestyle, her career and other assets situation, to some extent how the breakup happened, and many factors we don’t know. At minimum he was probably making over twice that. But it could be much more.

  113. ESB says:

    I am TRYING to catch up, but it is impossible after being a way for a few days. HI Sugar Family! I’m going back to reading now..

  114. midwest says:

    Mindy- he could have other sources of income that he is able to conceal in the alimony/child support calculations. I do find it interesting that he disclosed that info to you. What was his reason for sharing?

    As long as you have justified your objectives within a pre-determined range and he agrees to it, there isn’t much more you can do but hope he fulfills the arrangement.

    Trust your instincts! Good luck!

  115. Anna Molly says:

    AM is chillin’ today as you can tell from my song selections. :)

    Wow, nice to see other comments besides my own…LOL. Hi everybody 😀

  116. Anne SB says:

    Mindy: Has he discussed an allowance yet? Don’t base what you ask for on his income, base it on what you think you’re worth. Don’t negotiate yourself.

  117. MindyNYC says:

    Here! (raising hand and waving)…Same dreary weather as Anna Molly. With Passover started it will be a slower than usual work week for me.

    SSSD, you’re great with numbers. Can you help me out with this one? If after 30 yrs marriage a man only has to pay out $120K/yr to his ex what kind of income was he making and what do you estimate his disposable income for an SB is?

  118. midwest says:

    I’m having a stellar day at work! Love it when the ideas are flowing and admin backs them 100%! SSSD- this could be right up you avenue…taking a local noniprofit national!

  119. SSSD says:

    I think they are working, or nursing what Shoogar called a blog hangover. :(

    What’s up with Anna Molly today? Other than evading ex-boyfriends? 😉

  120. Anna Molly says:

    Where is everybody today?

  121. Anna Molly says:

    It’s cool and rainy today so I thought it would be a good time to turn on some Coltrane, light some candles, and sip some hot chocolate. Too bad SD isn’t here to share with me :(

  122. Beach_Girl says:

    Off to work for me :(
    I so need a few days off and warm and sunny weather! 😀

  123. Anna Molly says:

    Hi SSSD 😀

  124. Anna Molly says:

    Hey BG 😀

  125. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ I agree! it was…

    JamesNY~ how have you been?

    Hey anna!

  126. SSSD says:

    No one said one of my girlfriends from NJ.

    One of? How many do you have?

    Strange interchange.

  127. Anna Molly says:

    No worries No one. Welcome to Blogville 😀

  128. Anna Molly says:

    oops *whisper*

    Oh man, a typo!

  129. Anna Molly says:

    Oh thank you James, this naughty girl has learned her lesson….for now 😉

    *in a wisper* Shhhh…your going to blow our….ummm, my cover!

  130. No one says:

    Sorry I didn’t mean to be creepy. I really thought it was one of my girlfriends from NJ

  131. JamesNY says:

    Little Miss Molly, you are released! I think you’ve learned a valuable lesson here — about how many naughty voyeurs are on this blog!

    Weird exchange with No one. Kinda creepy. Glad you didn’t mention your secret life as a Russian spy in New Jersey!

  132. midwest says:

    Hi AM/NM – how are the twins today?

    SG2 – nice to see you back. I suspected you would make an appearance when TNVolSB joined us 😉

    TLG- loaded questions! If I may turn it around, what would make you happiest?

    SSSD – re: screening for character…the questions I posed would help screen for character as well as personality. Example: Have you ever been fired? Yes. Why? I had a stupid boss. This shows a lack of accountability. Still need Lily to screen them prior to the phone call (at your own risk) :-)

    Flo Rida I hope you are well! Thinking of you!

    Back to day job…

  133. Anna Molly says:

    LOL…..I am not the girl of which you speak 😀

  134. No one says:

    Will someone delete this posts please?

  135. No one says:

    Phew. Ok! Seriously, you’re picture and your first name and the way you type match this girl I know. Except she is russian and is from NJ and I totally swore up and down you were here which made me feel weird.

  136. Anna Molly says:

    No…I don’t speak russian either.

  137. Anna Molly says:

    No, I’m not on facebook.

  138. No one says:

    Girl do u speak russian?

  139. Anna Molly says:

    Hmmmm, interesting…we could turn this into a guessing game. Are you a girl or a boy?

  140. No one says:

    Are you on facebook right now? I

  141. No one says:

    Yea…..um…if we do know each other u dont live in NYC. Unless the pic as ur icon is not of u.

  142. Anna Molly says:

    Hi No one! 😀

    I don’t live in the city, but travel there.

  143. No one says:

    Anna Molly, I think we know each other off the blog from NYC. And can still post be deleted?

  144. Anna Molly says:

    What do I do to keep SD smiling? Hehehehe, wouldn’t you love to know 😉

  145. The Lone Gunman says:

    Gooooooood Morning, Syugar Blog!

    Having dental work done today, so this must be

    Toothy Tuesday!

    What are you doing to keep yourself smiling during your Sugar Search?

    What do you do to keep you SB/SD smiling?

    TLG

  146. Anna Molly says:

    Have fun MAZSD! 😀

  147. Michael AZSD (looking for 1+1=omfg) says:

    At this stage, I think it is only fair to mention that I am 1/4 Latvian – my grandfather was born in Riga, and migrated to Australia by way of Shanghai and London.

    Morning all! Off to a breakfast fund-raiser.

  148. Anna Molly says:

    People to see…indeed :)

  149. SouthernGent2 says:

    I’m doing well. Have a busy day ahead. Places to go and people to see.

  150. cleo says:

    sam you mean a kept woman more than you mean a mistress i think

    later all, crazy day today

  151. Anna Molly says:

    SG2!! How are you this fine morning? Yes, Naughty Molly seems to bring the naughty out in everyone…hehehe.

  152. Anna Molly says:

    Hey Midwest!! Good to see you 😀

  153. SouthernGent2 says:

    Hey Anna Molly – you must have got the naughty out of your system. I see that I make one little flirty comment about needing to be bent over your sd’s knee, and from there the entire blog membership sounds like they want some of that action lol. What a kinky group we have in here 😉

  154. Midwest says:

    SSSD – Yes, the blog is very helpful and I’ve sought advice on ocassion from our blog gents. I’m talking a more personal “ono-on-one” coaching. A modern day Memoirs of a Geisha or My Fair Lady.

  155. Lily says:

    Set up for life? Sounds like a second, secret wife to me.

    London is sunny and I’m enjoying spending the day shopping with a driver. 1st time for everything!

  156. Anna Molly says:

    Good morning everyone! Happy Tuesday!!

    I wonder if James is still ignoring me today…. :(

  157. MindyNYC says:

    So sort of like a part time second marriage?
    It’s late but maybe we can pick this up tomorrow. Sweet dreams…
    G’night All!

  158. SSSD says:

    My view is that a mistress is not a one year commitment, but a long term one. It is a more European view perhaps. But one year seems like an arrangement to me. A mistress you set up for life.

  159. MindyNYC says:

    Shoogar Shoes says: MindyNYC – Um, I have to ask. When you say, “I will still help newExSD pick out a dog from the shelter next month….”
    By dog, do you mean new SB? And by shelter, SA?

    Good one, Shoo lol! No dementia Sweetie – quite the opposite. I’m just not as clever with words as you are…

    Michael AZSD & Cleo: could it be sense of charity, sense of socio-political justice and sense of humour? And let’s not forget sense of sexuality!

    Michael – lol @ your first 5 yrs of marriage…

    Cleo – wrt #3. It’s definitely a sexes thing. Languages and countries may change, but it’s all still confusion.

    SSSD I think your definition of a mistress is limiting. I think the term SB and mistress can most times be interchangeable. I consider myself both. The only real difference I see is that most mistress arrangements start with the intent to last at least a year. Each mistress/SB knows what allowance she requires to be comfortable to pay her rent or mortgage.

    Flo I hope you feel better soon…

  160. sugarbarbie says:

    Shoogar – Before he told me I was so scared. Each slice was 6 something. I about died. lol

  161. sugarbarbie – (aka: chocolate cake), that was a great bartending story! What a fun manager he was actually allowing you to do that! Sweet story. Literally and figuratively.

  162. sugarbarbie says:

    Lily – just saw where you mentioned the euro meet. I sooo would, but I can’t even make it to the DC meet right now. If luck waves its magical wand and brings me a SD I’m so there.

  163. SSSD: Your potential SB must have been suffering from (mild) dementia to miss out on dinner with you. I mean, 6 hours, 6 pairs of shoes… That would be OMGSHOEGASM. Some girls just aren’t too bright, I guess. High maintenance Asian women. My mom was one of those. My poor dad. Good thing I take after him. He didn’t look as good in stilettos as me though.

    Flo: Big hug to you. Please come to Toronto Meet. Please? If not, at least the one I am helping SSSD with? We will bring Love Potion No. 9.

    Lily: One word: garlic.

  164. SSSD says:

    Flo, hope you feel better soon.

    Lily, have fun. Congrats again. And I’m sure the blog will end up voting NYC in for the meet. At the very least to see you and Shoogar together, fulfilling the high expectations you have set over the past 72 hours. 😉

  165. SSSD says:

    Flo wrote examples of what amounts plus networking can land a retiring model: Why use a website when if you’re rich & powerful you can just network.

    This parallels my experience. I would add that the sum of $100k to $300k per year is about correct, although it is sometimes “in kind” (in particular in regards to real estate.) I tend to look at it this way, using the following rule of thumb: it costs condo ownership plus expenses to have a mistress (anything she earns on her own is bonus.) So it’s less expensive in Shijiazhuang than Shanghai, less expensive in Latvia than London, and less expensive in Madison than Manhattan.

    $120k is about the carrying costs for a condo plus reasonable expenses in a mid-sized city in the US. More in Manhattan. Call it about $4k per month in mortgage and related real estate expenses and another $6k for other expenses if she is a kept mistress and travels. As noted, it would be more in an expensive city.

    To me a key question is how does an Arrangement and mistress differ? The numbers above are my opinionated rule of thumb for a mistress. There is greater financing flexibility there since there is an implication of a longer term commitment. An Arrangement spans a much larger diversity of situations. So it is less clear. It is my opinion that many retiring models, actresses and other talent are seeking mistress situations or marriage (again with my caveat that I prefer not to play in that space).

    Context is key. In my humble experience there is no quality difference between a woman who is happy in Manila and one who is happy in Manhattan.

  166. SSSD says:

    Michael AZSD said: MindyNYC I agree – I tend to to gravitate to Oz/Kiwi/UK/Canucks in general – something is just so different.

    This post was quite funny. Particularly the credit card spending part. Though I think high maintenance Asian women have take the Gold Medal in that category.

  167. SSSD says:

    Shoogar said: Did anyone else wonder that or was it just me and my dementia?

    I have some unused meds for that.

    But I’m suffering blog hangover and blog overload.

    No cure for that, I’m afraid… except:

    Love Potion Number Nine…

    I still have to scroll up and read SSSD’s evening round-up. I don’t know why, but I have a sneaking suspicion I’m mentioned in it somewhere!

    Of course, my dear Shoogar, of course. I suppose I have to include “shoegasm” in the post to attract your attention directly…

  168. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi Lily~ glad things are going well for you

  169. Lily says:

    Flo – (((hugs))) I would come give you a real hug if I could come overseas. You’re always welcome to visit me if you want lipstick lily pampering!

    By the way. I’m seldom attracted to women. Especially the general SB types on SA (non-blog). Sssd has ungrounded fears.

  170. Lily says:

    I have a major fetish for Scottish, kiwi, Aussie, English, and Irish accents. Yum.

    On plane. Still haven’t slept. Still smiling from happy dance new job news!
    Tomorrow ends one chapter, and after Easter, my April springtime fabulous life is set to shower all over me! I have a very busy sugar schedule lined up, and by the time the springtime euro meet rolls around, I’m gonna vote off the nonsense from my sugar island and tell all the wishy washies to piss or get off the pot. I am just not gonna have the time to drop everything mid week and jetset to meet new pots. If the ones already in the pipeline don’t step up and steal the show and my attention from the others, they’ll get cut. I crave to simplify my sugar life!!

    But I love London. Even in the rain.

    And west coast?? C’mon guys, that’s brutal and unaffordable for me.
    I wanna do shoo/sssd’s meet but… *pout*

  171. Flo Rida says:

    NYGent – there are plenty of models who are ‘retiring’ looking for a IRL SD-boyfriends-married affairs and the entry fee is usually $120k-250k depending upon the model. They find there IRL men easily if they are attractive+well networked+have good personalities. There’s also an international ‘f-u-c-k’ club costing $120k per year which meets every 3-6 months (everyone gets tested) and you have to know someone to join. Why use a website when if you’re rich & powerful you can just network.

    I feel depressed today. Don’t mean to drag blog down so i’ll bid everyone adieu and sign off. x

  172. cleo says:

    re 3 – i put all my everything through my credit card and pay it off all the time. i don’t have equity but i am building a very good credit rating (and a little bit of equity at a time)
    re 2 – we say that about men all the time, is that a sexes thing, a people are different thing or a cultural thing?

    night all

  173. Michael AZSD (looking for 1+1=omfg) says:

    MindyNYC I agree – I tend to to gravitate to Oz/Kiwi/UK/Canucks in general – something is just so different.

    I was married to an American for 10 years – I spent the first 5 years scratching my head and thinking
    1. wtf? what did shen just say?
    2. wtf? what did she mean when she said that?
    3. wtf? how does one person spend so much on a credit card in one month?

  174. Michael AZSD (looking for 1+1=OMFG) says:

    MindyNYC – you have set my teeth on edge already….

  175. MindyNYC says:

    Michael AZSD,
    Did you say Aussie? Oh Gosh, the men…accent… just well… well … gosh … mmm Aussies…the men…what were we talking about again?
    Ok, I’m back from dreamland…
    I agree with you there is a def difference btwn US v Cdn women, and the same rule applies to men. I prefer European men in general, but in IRL I tend to date men from UK or DU, it feels culturally comfortable. But I have yet to meet (besides you – nice to meet you!) someone from the UK or DU who was open to an arrangement. They seem appalled by the idea…

    Oh, I remember it was an Aussie that told me the saying “Stick with a Canuck, if you wanna a good …” lol.

    NYGent – Sorry to hear about the show. After learning of your participation, I asked a friend to take me. Unfortunately it seems his schedule did not free up in time, but know my support was there in spirit.

  176. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi Anne~ how are you?

    NYGent~ good night, have a good sleep… I might not be going to TO… I have a job interview next week!!!

  177. NYC SB says:

    Anne – I never received anything… resend and I will be glad to help!

  178. Anne SB says:

    AH, I’ve been away from the blog too long to catch up.

    NYCSB: I e-mailed the e-mail address on your blog, I wanted to ask a question about a lounge in NYC.

    All: HEYYYYYYY LOVESSSSSS!!!!!!

  179. NYGent says:

    Beach: hi, good to see you. And bye, off to sleep. have fun in toronto!

  180. Beach_Girl says:

    SS~ ROFLMAO “By dog, do you mean new SB?
    And by shelter, SA?” that is too funny!

  181. MindyNYC – Um, I have to ask. When you say, “I will still help newExSD pick out a dog from the shelter next month….”

    By dog, do you mean new SB?
    And by shelter, SA?

    Did anyone else wonder that or was it just me and my dementia? But I’m suffering blog hangover and blog overload. I still have to scroll up and read SSSD’s evening round-up. I don’t know why, but I have a sneaking suspicion I’m mentioned in it somewhere!

    Have no fear, guys, I’m traveling again soon so just getting my blog-fill in now while I’m grounded.

  182. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi everyone!

    SSSD~ you asked a SB out and she said no??? what was she thinking??? if you asked me i’d say YES!!! 😀 lol

    Hi NY, how have you been?

    Sugarbarbie~ I agree a mentor as a SD would be best!!!

  183. sugarbarbie says:

    Chocolate cake shots…omg. I was working as a bartender and this group of 24 people come to the restaurant after a wedding. I ask a guy at the bar if I can get him anything. he asked to see a menu. I give him a sec and as he was ready to order and he says “Give me (he counts the people) 24 chocolate cakes.” I say You want 24 slices of cake?….but he cut me off mid sentence and says yeah 24 chocolate cakes bring them right here. Well I go to the kitchen and put in an order for 24 slices of chocolate cake and had them brought out. The guy started to laugh hysterically because he was talking about chocolate cake shots. The word shots would have been helpful. Being I was a new bartender everybody (including the owners) knew but me that he meant the shots. They let me do it anyway and made him the shots while I was in the kitchen. My nickname was chocolate cake for months. I asked the owner why he let me order all them cakes when he knew. He said ” because trial and error is a beautiful thing”

  184. sugarbarbie says:

    SD’s I want a Sugar Mentor! Love that idea. 😉

  185. NYGent says:

    NYCSB: yes it’s official. my co-investor and I are now less successful than “the producers.”

    As for the $10K plus SD club: your statement that “I have not run across [them] on SA… in real life, they exist but they are rare… very very rare like a flawless diamond” is no doubt accurate. The notion that they are plentiful on SA is preposterous and creates false expectations, all of which is unnecessary since the site is just fine without such hype.

  186. SSSD says:

    …and I’m done.

    Thank you for tuning into the SSSD evening roll up. I hope you’ll tune in again, on another night when I have this much free time (because a certain potential SB did not take my invitation out…)

    😉

  187. SSSD says:

    Shoogar wrote in response to photogirl’s obeisance to her: I LOVE being your SB mentor…sans chocolate cake shots, of course. Because then I just sit yoda style and use yoda-speak and that is so not sexy.

    And I know you are Yoda, because you are a master of The Force: you can raise me up just by waving your hands. Um, big parts of me!

    And you have a better command of English syntax. (Except, apparently, when you are hazy-eyed and drunk.)

    And I imagine you are much prettier!

    And you get away with puns like BONE-US.

    BTW, you two, were those chocolate cake body shots? Please?

  188. SSSD says:

    Did you know that you can receive a message from the blogging software: You’re posting comments too quickly. Slow down.

    😉

  189. SSSD says:

    SD+SB+sex+MEP+$ = OMFG

    It also asymptotically approaches LTR, which can be a problem.

    (I would have done this in equations but TeX isn’t supported here.)

  190. SSSD says:

    Midwest wrote: I’m curious – why don’t the sbs have a sugar mentor? SDs can mentor someone they wouldn’t normally consider as an sb and guide them to success. What say you men?

    Isn’t that what the blog is for?

    Last year Kitty (one of the SBs who attended a Las Vegas meet) set up a board on the Internet that allowed a more private exchange of information. I think that was a good forum for mentoring messages, since having all the information out in the open (as it is here and in other blogs) is problematic. Unfortunately Kitty posted earlier this month that she forgot the password to that particular site.

    A site like that might be useful.

  191. SSSD says:

    Cleo, Shoogar, Midwest, Photogirl and others, yes, it is that inner girl, the softness, and even the vulnerability that so many of us SBs adore and want to protect. It is the eyes of that woman that rewards us.

    At other times it is the independent, strong, wise woman that appeals.

    Hey, who said it would be easy?

  192. SSSD says:

    Everybody on the blog wrote: Lily should screen for you.

    Ok, ok, I get the picture. BUT my issue with having Lily screen… I mean, I was ready to ask… but then that story about the Latvian and the thoughts of kissing and Lily and my mutual attraction to Shoogar… all this just tells me… just feeds my big issue with using Lily to screen my potential SBs:

    I’m afraid Lily herself will spoil and steal the best ones!!

  193. SSSD says:

    Ok, gather ’round for the SSSD roll up!

    Here it goes…

  194. TNVolSB says:

    Wow Mindy, thank you for that insight! A great way to end my 1st night on the blog :) Be back tomorrow night!

  195. MindyNYC says:

    TNVolSB saysThis is obviously my inexperience talking, but what’s an example of an SB not performing well? I can see differences in personality coming b/t SB’s and SD’s, but I think performance may mean something different.

    Hee hee, no I don’t mean it that way…In that case I should definitely get a bonus (j/k)
    I mean perform well as in terms of being reliable, prompt, well maintained, flexible, no drama, respectful of privacy etc. Whatever he specifically stated he was looking for when we were in the getting to know each other process. Basically an SB performs well by living up to the expectations and standards her SD says he requires prior to the arrangement starting. A lot of it has to do with friendship, respect and consideration.

    Last Friday, I broke things off with my SD of over a year. I ended the arrangement because HE was the one who was no longer living up to our agreement (not strictly the financial factor). In January, he started to become invasive, inconsiderate, clingy, dramatic and very demanding, not at all what we agreed to when our arrangement started. He confessed that it was because he had started falling for me (he’s married!!) and did not know how to deal with the emotions.
    He is giving me a cushion. His exact words “by being everything I promised him I was and more. Continuing to remain honest and classy no matter what”. I did not ask for it and did not expect it, but quite frankly I feel I deserve it (no, not being entitled). I ‘performed’ well. I met and maintained all of the prior expectations he set forth, throughout our entire time together. We both know that if he had been able to maintain the friendship/mentoring factor of our arrangement I would not have felt the need to end things – we had a nice lil’ thing going. I couldve just continued along collecting my allowance knowing that my feelings and desire for him had changed. I respected us enough to address the situation and end things before our friendship was ruined.
    Sry, I rambled (as usual), but I hope I answered your question…

    ShoogarShoes says “and if the SD has performed well, should he get a parting BONE-US? Just sayin’’… ha ha. I’m silly”.

    Ya know someone brought something like that earlier up the page, and it did make me do some thinking. Hmm, if the chemistry is still there I’d consider throwing him a parting one or two -rotfl! But seriously, I have no issues fulfilling any (non sex) obligations. I will still help newExSD pick out a dog from the shelter next month.

    You are ALL my mentors! Newbies and experienced – I learn so much! Thanks!

  196. NYC SB says:

    Shoogar – pivot tables YAYYYY hahaha I play with them all the time… also my company is hiring and SA blog is blocked so send your resume I can pull some stings… but then again PIVOT TABLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NYGent – I have not run across him on SA… in real life, they exist but they are rare… very very rare like a flawless diamond

    Sorry for being the bearer of bad news… i read about it on perez hilton… so it must be legit… next time invest in SBs… and lets not forget what NSA truly means

    Midwest – SD mentoring an SB… splendind idea! Although you will always have me and my silly advice that I write to you when I am under the influence of patron

  197. cleo says:

    MichaelAZSD i know what you mean, the aussies and teh canucks have a long history of getting along a treat

  198. TNVolSB says:

    photogirl – aaaahh well that must be nice as well. I thought it was a mentor in a professional/career aspect.

  199. Michael AZSD (looking for 1+1=OMFG) says:

    Hey MindyNYC (and Cleo if you are still lurking)

    I am Australian, moved here 11 years ago. I find a those HUGE difference in American vs Canadienne women – Canadiennes have such a different mindset, v similar to us from Down Under (hereafter called DU). I find I have a stronger connection with those of the Commonwealth. (Having said, that I was with an American girl for 12+ years)

  200. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=OMFG says:

    Please review and approve revised name.

  201. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Shoogar – you got it!!

    SD+SB+sex+MEP+$ = OMFG. This is what we are all searching for.

    (I was too polite to add the F in our blog discussion yesterday..)

  202. Lily says:

    I still haven’t slept. Celebrating my new job with one of my best friends + champagne. Have to go to airport in 20 minutes!!! We laughed all night long.

    And Again I missed so much fun!

    And yesyesyes I’m the best for prospecting (SBs, whatever).

  203. photogirl says:

    TNVolSB – I should have phrased that differently. It is a SD that I have become friends with… who has been a sugar search mentor to me.

  204. TNVolSB says:

    SS – your Yoda-speak is making me giggle. I <3 Star Wars, so yes I'm a nerd. 😛

    Photogirl – a mentor SD? That sounds like a very lucrative bonus to a standard SD/SB relationship. Or is it usually the standard?

  205. NYGent says:

    NYC SB: “thanks” for the “news” about All About Me. (jk). Oh well. And there goes my SB budget for the near term . . . I could have had 5 SBs, or one SB at $5K for 5 months, for what that “investment” cost me . . .

    You can’t take it with you.

  206. photogirl says:

    Midwest – I also failed to mention that I have had SD mentor/friend. He has been great with answering my questions and giving me feedback and guidance :)

  207. photogirl says:

    SS – hehehe…still laughing at your yoda speak

    Midwest – She had fair warning to keep me AWAY from seafood while drinking!

    Although I did have scallops for the first time recently…with wine…and I was fine 😉

  208. Midwest says:

    Photogirl – I’m impressed! Must’ve been the lobster \:-)/

    Off to bed sugars!

    Don’t forget previous inquiry:
    I’m curious – why don’t the sbs have a sugar mentor? SDs can mentor someone they wouldn’t normally consider as an sb and guide them to success. What say you men?

  209. NY Gent – 2.3 minutes. Thankyouverymuch. I know. I know. Believe it or not, I can work and blog at the same time! I should work where they block the blog. But, I work for myself. So…

  210. photogirl – yes, chocolate cake shots AND lemon drops AND abunchofothershiznit shots. Then came the point in that fun evening where I looked at you hazy-eyed and said something like, “SB Photogirl, listen me you will. Once you start down the dark path with wrong SD, forever will it dominate your sugar destiny, consume you it will.” Or something like that. Then you took my keys away.

  211. NYGent says:

    Photogirl: good to see you, we’ve both been away for a while. Hope all is well.

    Anna Molly: same

    shoogar: same (although you’ve been away for what, three minutes?) (!)

  212. MindyNYC says:

    Funny story I met a man whose range was 5-10k, we got along great, he said we wouldn’t be exclusive (fine by me) and then said that his budget was 8k for ALL of his sbs and it really came out to $500 per night. Im sorry but I do not do pay per play…
    NYCSB, I truly had an LOL moment after I read that.

    New rule: “If I can make the per diem equivalent of the allowance offered by bartending for a night than he is not an SD but a John” Agreed!

  213. TNVolSB says:

    Shoogar – ha!

    NYC SB – Wow, your coming home from work at midnight story is my life! Silence IS golden sometimes.

  214. NYGent says:

    NYC SB: if you of all SBs, ione of the most successful of all SBs, in NYC, the most expensive of all cities with more wealthy men than just about anywhere, have never run across an SD who will pay $10K a month on a sustained basis, then I think we can truly and safely say that the notion that there are a bunch of such SDs on this site is “an Urban Legend.”

  215. photogirl says:

    Is THAT what we had? Chocolate cake shots? I am getting very strange looks at my laughter over ‘yoda style/speak’

  216. MindyNYC – and if the SD has performed well, should he get a parting BONE-US? Just sayin’… ha ha. I’m silly.

    photogirl – I LOVE being your SB mentor…sans chocolate cake shots, of course. Because then I just sit yoda style and use yoda-speak and that is so not sexy.

    NYC SB – I love excel too, but don’t want to wear the crown. I will gladly offer you Patron for some help! Pivot tables. Ick.

    New Bloggers – welcome! Kick your stilettos off, let your hair down and enjoy the ride!

  217. TNVolSB says:

    This is obviously my inexperience talking, but what’s an example of an SB not performing well? I can see differences in personality coming b/t SB’s and SD’s, but I think performance may mean something different.

    Thanks for the welcome, MindyNYC :)

  218. MindyNYC says:

    Opps! Welcome DLS and TNVolSB!! I’m new here also (slightly experienced SB)

    TNVolSB – I agree with you exactly about the cushion. If the SB has performed well, she should receive a parting bonus.

  219. TNVolSB says:

    Photogirl – thanks for the welcome :)

    Shoogar – Yes, oh yes! Or in internet slang is that YOY? ;> Anyway, I def want some emp as well as $! I came here for both :) Love the mathematical way you articulated yourself 😛

  220. NYC SB says:

    I should really proof read

  221. NYC SB says:

    Well sugars one may never know just how much of a time suck this blog is until it gets blocked! I did SO much today at work … nuts
    SSSD – you are super fun off meds… save yourself some money and do not refil 😀 Also… NYC Meet is soooooo much fun!
    Shoogar – I am the excel queen and payment in patron is an excellent bribe… let me know when and where. Also… the Vegas man? He roams in NYC as well 😉 I believe I blogged about him.
    “I have a VERY strong shell and I recognize this and don’t want to lose that femininity so this exercise of making myself cry is a gentle reminder that I’m still soft inside.” – Wow does that hit a chord … off to write I go
    LASB – the love equivalent of foreclosure is the lack of forever more… give it time… feelings will subside and then the mind will take over the heart… I promise
    JamesNY – overconfident a**holes… aka traders… I absolutely love them… no idea why but I do. However, I don’t sleep with them that night and hit them with trading terms and they are smitten… so that’s really my niche
    MindyNYC – ahh the silence… broke ex bf never understood that. I would come from work at midnight and he would be waiting for me wondering why I am not overly hyper to talk to him… I just need 15 minutes of silence please… if he ever gave me that my mood would be much better… silence is golden after all

    NYGent – Sorry about the show… I heard the last performance is april 4th 
    Also your statement regarding the SDs offering high allowance… im yet to meet one on SA that will fork up over 10k per month in support and keep it up for a significant period of time. Funny story I met a man whose range was 5-10k, we got along great, he said we wouldn’t be exclusive (fine by me) and then said that his budget was 8k for ALL of his sbs and it really came out to $500 per night. Im sorry but I do not do pay per play…

    New rule: “If I can make the per diam equivallent of the allowance offered by bartending for a night than he is not an SD but a John”

    Ok finally caught up

  222. Anna Molly says:

    Hello to all the new bloggers! 😀

    Hi everybody!

    NYGent ~ good to hear the show is holding it’s own :)

  223. Wow, that was good (if I do say so myself). I should write a book. My book title of choice, “Sugarbabe”, is already taken though. According to our SA Blog AAL, NY Gent.

  224. MindyNYC says:

    Cleo, do you ever think it’s the Cdn in us (yes, I’m Cdn too – I just connected the dots and further realize why I admire u so, lol)? Our culture is pretty progressive and stresses a very independent woman. I know how to change a tire, get a car started under almost any circumstance. Not to mention take care of most ‘masculine’ jobs. My American gf’s, although impressed, look at me like I’m crazy sometimes lol.
    Living here, I’ve learned that these are not the most desirable traits in a woman. Seems like men want vulnerability, and to feel like you ‘can’t’ do it without them. It’s a contradiction – be independent/smart/confident, but not so much so that you do not need me. It’s a tightrope I’m learning to walk. When I get ‘caught’, I just explain it away by saying “Oh, that’s just the Cdn in me”

    SSSD: I like these women. As long as they still need men.
    A comment I’ve heard from so many men, even outside the sugar world.

  225. photogirl says:

    SD+SB+sex+MEP+$ = OMFG

    LOVE IT

    Hi NYGent… good to see you!

  226. Yes, TNVolSB, of course the pampering is nice…BUT, there’s more to it than that. There’s mental and emotional pampering too (hereto known as MEP). The formula goes a little something like this…(kick it!)

    SD+SB+$+sex = eh. it’s a’ight. next.

    SD+SB+sex+MEP+$ = OMFG.

    And therein lies the only time in history I have used Internet abbreviated slang twice in one day.

  227. photogirl says:

    My apologies… welcome DaddysLittleSecret and TNVolSB :)

  228. photogirl says:

    Hi Midwest! Just remembered those dang snuggies!

    Shoogar doesn’t know it but she is my secret sugar mentor 😉

    SS – I have done the same thing in regards to movies… Actually, it has kind of become a little ritual with my girls and I. Not a bad thing at all. And I always feel better afterwards.

    I’ve had a few of those mucky layers peeled off recently and it feels sooo good :)

  229. TNVolSB says:

    Shoogar – I completely agree with you – I’ve never had anyone else to take care of me – I’ve always been the one to handle everything. I feel pretty empowered most of the time, but there is always that girl inside of me who wants a little pampering from someone else. (or lots – ha!)

    Midwest – Hi back :)

  230. photogirl said: “SS – Layers of muck indeed(coming from someone who has always taken care of herself)… but sometimes those layers only get peeled off for special people”

    Yes, and those people come along when you LEAST expect it. Some are fast peelers too!!

  231. NYGent says:

    Midwest: show is hanging in there, some so-so reviews but we are hoping for the best.

    You need no introductions, you will do fine for yourself in the “midwest.” If you’re in search of an SD who will pay you the equivlalent of half a million a year, just move to the West Coast, apparently there are lots of SDs from the site out there who will gladly do so. LASB, who’s as savvy as they come, can confirm that the SDs out there are just lining up to throw half a mill a year at their SBs, none of this “pay for your own tea.” It’s as easy as pie, right, LASB? (jk)

  232. Midwest says:

    Hi Photogirl!

    Time for me to retreat *blushing* . My newbie is showing! I forget with whom I share the blog.

    I’m curious – why don’t the sbs have a sugar mentor? SDs can mentor someone they wouldn’t normally consider as an sb and guide them to success. What say you men?

  233. Sometimes I will put myself in front of a movie that I know makes me cry uncontrollably or I will pull out photos of my dad and write about him until the tears pour. I have a VERY strong shell and I recognize this and don’t want to lose that femininity so this exercise of making myself cry is a gentle reminder that I’m still soft inside. Sounds kooky (who needs meds now?), but it works. This is why I love strong men. And I don’t mean beefcake strong. I need the masculine polarity to subdue my strength as a woman. I don’t want to be hard.

  234. Midwest says:

    NYGent – Introductions please…pretty please :-) How is your show doing?

  235. photogirl says:

    TLG – goes both ways :)

    MindyNYC – Nahhh not corny…very sweet and sexy

    DUDE…. Always brings Fast Times at Ridgemont High to mind
    or stoners during my juniorhigh/highschool days… shoot… I did grow up in CA… samething I suppose

    Cleo – Well said regarding wanting/needing a man!

    Midwest says:
    SSSD – SincereSD seems to have a “carpet bombing” technique that could work for you.

    Chuckling here… I believe Sincere picked up that technique from SSSD :)

    SS – Layers of muck indeed(coming from someone who has always taken care of herself)… but sometimes those layers only get peeled off for special people :)

  236. Midwest says:

    Shoogar – You are absolutey correct! I’ve quoted it before Always keep your childish innocence; it’s the most IMPORTANT thing.

  237. NYGent says:

    OC: just catching up with your comments about the “ultra” SDs (from the site) who provide $10K-$20K per month. Obviously you’re in an area where they are more plentiful than most. Even there, one needs to be careful to distinguish between SDs who “claim” to provide that (talk is cheap) and those who provably, verifiably do so (as confirmed by their SBs and not just by the SDs) on a sustained basis, not just a month or two. I think the SBs on this blog would be surprised (and thrilled!) to know that there are lots of SDs on this site who are ready, willing and able to provide, on an annual basis (not just a month, which a lot of guys can do), an allowance of $10-$20K a month which is $120K-$240K a year which is the pre-tax equivalent of $200K-$400K a year which woud put them in the top .01% of income earners in this country (and .000001% in the world), and that’s not even counting travel, gifts, etc. on top of the allowance.) If it’s true that there are plentiful such SDs left and right on this site, and if the SBs on the site are fortunate enough to land such an SD (again, from the site, not IRL) then more power to them!

  238. cleo says:

    Midwest: AAA costs sheckles cleo doesn’t really have

    and i believe it, so should you
    .
    shoogar

    oh shoogar

    yes.

  239. Cleo/Midwest – I have HAD to take care of myself…most of my life (with or without BF, husband, SD…not all at the same time, of course), but still have not lost the softness that we inherently have as women; that vulnerability at our core that remains no matter what. That bit that piece inside us that wants protection. Wants that masculine voice telling us, “everything is going to be okay.” The GIRLS in each one of us. I just think women bury that softness a bit through their hardships and are afraid to peel the layers of muck off sometimes and let it out.

  240. Midwest says:

    Shoogar – Just setting expectations :-)

    Cleo and Shoogar – AAA

    TNVolSB – Welcome!

    Cleo – Gorgeous inside and out (so I am told )!

  241. Midwest says:

    SSSD – SincereSD seems to have a “carpet bombing” technique that could work for you. Or…Lily could screen them. She’d probably be able to give them a test drive to make sure everything is in order (Teasing Lily…sort of :-) )

    If finding a good sb was easy, it wouldn’t be an adventure. The men who thrive on adrenaline rushes and success wouldn’t be challenged otherwise…and the sugar wouldn’t be as sweet.

    Cleo – Well said. It’s a difficult balance to be the women who often HAS to take care of herself vs. the woman who wants to submit and be taken care of by a gentleman. We all have a story of coming up through the abyss to try to make a good life. It shows our strength which is sometimes our weakness.

  242. TNVolSB says:

    PS: How do I load an avatar on this site?

  243. TNVolSB says:

    New to the sugar world, and pretty nervous! I’ve been reading the blogs and you all seem very experienced, and its a bit intimidating! I’ve only been e-mailing pot’s on the site, and no dates have been set yet. Only been on for about a week, so I don’t think that’s unusual. (is it?)

    As for the question, if my *future* SD and I had an agreement that the arrangement would last a certain amount of time, and he cut it off early, not as a result of anything I had done, then I think a ‘cushion’ would be warranted, but still not expected by myself. Otherwise, I feel its just a good idea for any SB to use his/her allowance wisely.

  244. Mallet? The guy who came out to jump my car last Friday night had a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back! True story.

  245. cleo says:

    [is this why firemen tell me that i’m intimidatingly self-sufficient?]

  246. cleo says:

    shoogar: both :)
    .
    ps i would LOVE it if a man stopped to help me change a tire, but it has never happened. one time two guys stopped and asked for a light and then drove off.

    i learned to do it in a freezing rain storm in november

  247. Oops. DLS not DSL. We all know what that means. It ain’t no shipping fleet either.

  248. cleo says:

    shooger the truth is the same thing has happened to me twice (but now i know what tool to get)

    i get everything done, nuts off, car jacked, spare out and checked and then i can’t get the tire off. the first time the guy hoofed it so hard he nearly knocked the car off the jack – didn’t want to let me pay because i ‘did all the work’ so we argued and i made him take half. the second time he had this cool mallet that he used and wham off came the tire.

    both times i had to call for assistance because i couldn’t KICK something hard enough. seriously.

    but my new car has another nearly 2 years of assistance (i learned AFTER I GOT THE CAR IN THE AIR!) and i thought it only had 12mos so i have time to get that mallet

  249. cleo – at my “dude” posting inspired by you or Midwest’s greeting to DSL? Or both?

  250. cleo says:

    midwest: what you aren’t gorgeous? :)
    .
    shoogar: yeah i laughed out loud for real

  251. I will admit. I need a man to change my tire. Thank goodness for Roadside Assistance. That’s all I can say!

  252. Midwest said: “We’ll guide you away from the losers most of the time.”

    Ha ha ha!! Best greeting yet.

  253. Midwest says:

    Chitown – ArtistSD texted you Sat night to go out Sat night? I don’t consider that gentlemanly although I do believe in flexibility. Still, that could be mistaken as something else altogether. I may be old school too :-)

    Cleo – Thanks sweetie *blush*

  254. cleo says:

    SSSD: it’s certainly sufficient to idly wave a hand and have one’s minions deal with the attacking beast while one continues dinner… but macguyver is the hottest hot there is so… yes.

    as to needing men, that’s a hard one. i certainly need someone to hold hands with and sleep beside/with and soothe the ills of a day in the world with and just generally share time with. i love men and i need and value their different but excellent energy.

    but i don’t need you to change my tire for me, i’d love it, but i still know how to do it myself. i think the kind of woman i describe loves and wants men but can take care of herself.

    hmm i forget that my story is amazing you know…

    ps i’d offer to help with that oozing thing but that might just make it worse?

    pps i repeat, get lily to pre screen for you

  255. Midwest says:

    Daddyslilsecret aka DSL – Welcome! The blog is invaluable. We’ll guide you away from the losers most of the time.

  256. I was just randomly reminded of something. Strange how my brain functions.

    I’m not a user of the word “dude” but didn’t want to be annoyed by my 30-something aged friends’ use of the word so did some research on it to give myself peace of mind. I found there was a famous linguist (I’m sure he was cunning) who became known for writing a scholarly paper deconstructing and deciphering the word “dude”, concluding it was acceptable to use even if you weren’t a surfer…or a pilates instructor from Canada.

    Historically, dude originally meant “old rags” — a “dudesman” was a scarecrow. In the late 1800s, a “dude” was akin to a “dandy,” a meticulously dressed man, especially out West. It became “cool” in the 1930s and 1940s, according to Kiesling. Dude began its rise in the teenage lexicon with the 1981 movie “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”

    I believe he said those who used it possessed cool solidarity… or something like that.

    That’s my random bit of useless trivia for today. Inspired by cool cleo.

    WELCOME, daddyslilsecret! Cute name.

  257. SSSD says:

    Midwest said: SSSD – Tip for screening – use the bigger head. Close your eyes when you talk to her on the phone.

    I don’t have trouble with screening for personality once I’m engaging with them directly. My point was that to get to that stage is painful, whereas scanning a bunch of photographs (or even people in a crowd) is easy. As I noted earlier, I interacted with — by more than five rounds of meaningful email, by phone, or in person — over 140 potentials when I tried this in 2008. The number of initial site contacts was even higher. Too much overhead.

  258. SSSD says:

    Lily the Latvian Hunter said: No. One. Goes. to. Riga. Without. Hanging. Out. With. Me. First.

    I’m trying to figure out if that is a promise or a threat. Maybe both.

    Because I was there. But. it. Was. Before. I. Knew. You.

  259. SSSD says:

    Cleo observed, in her e.e.cummings way: nice girls are a challenge. the idea of debauching an elegant and classy lady and turning her into a whore? far more seductive to a certain brand of man than an already ‘fallen’ woman…

    And then there is the white knight brand of man who wants to do the reverse, rescue the fallen woman and turn her into an elegant and classy lady.

    I know both types and have even found both in the same person relatively frequently.

    Cleo then recounted an amazing story, and added: …i suddenly realized just what kind of woman i had been striking blindly in the dark to try and become. they are strong and smart and capable and comfortable in their skin. they are confident and powerful without pretending to be men; they heal and help and support and glow from within with an inner calmness and sense of purpose that i see in few others… and you remind me of them.

    I like these women. As long as they still need men. 😉

    Accordingly, Cleo then posted: JamesNY that’s it exactly. we want our men to love us and spoil us and indulge us and still be able to slay the attacking beast. a little bit of ‘not too nice’ is a great thing for a nice man to have.

    Hmm… I’m going to hope that MacGuyvering the attacking beast will be sufficient.

    Cleo then added: oh dear SSSD i thought you got that oozing thing taken care of!

    I did get it taken care of, but then you had to go stimulate it again…

  260. SSSD says:

    Mindy, sounds sexy to me!

  261. cleo says:

    Mindy: it’s funny, i tried and tried to get an ex to understand “dude i JUST finished work three minutes ago, please give me ten minutes to leave work” (i work in my living room) and he’d sulk

    if i were gay i’d court you for that alone

  262. MindyNYC says:

    ^ was responding to
    What special things do you do to take care of yourself and that special Sugar in your life?
    TLG

  263. MindyNYC says:

    SSSD/TLG – As of last Friday I am officially sans SD. Like LASB said it’s paying attention to the little things. Taking care of the details so he doesn’t have to. Creating a ‘no stress’ environment that fosters relaxation. In a past relationship I accompanied my SD on most of his business trips. I would always bring candles and incense. I tried to make sure he left in the morning very *happy*. I learned how to make his favourite drink perfectly, and pack whatever I needed to make it with in my luggage. When he walked through the door I would greet him in lingerie (even though I know I’ll be going out to dinner later) favourite drink in hand, newspaper. And then what did I do? I left him alone! I’d stay in another room and let him take all the time he needed to unwind. Sometimes, he would tell me to stay and we’d read in comfortable silence. Usually, after 45 min I would hear him say “So, what did you do you feel like doing tonight?”. Taking my cue I’d sit on his lap and I’d present him with well researched options I know he’d prefer. Some nights I’d urge him to stay in and run him a hot aromatherapy bath – something he would never do on his own lol. Crazy, but he later said that those 45min of ‘no pressure silence’ made him feel more cared for than any gift I’d ever given him.

    Gosh, why does that whole scenario sound so corny now that I’ve written it?

    Lily – Great news! Congrats! Let me know when you open your NYC branch…Good luck on London date.
    Shoogar/SSSD – an NYC meet would be great. Count me in. I vote for May or June. Oh, and thanks for taking it on.
    Cleo – It’s mutual. I’ve got girl crushes on you and all the other women in here. Fabulous.

    SDinLA said “Cleo is right, some of those guys relish the challenge of turning the elegant lady into a de facto whore, but from what I’ve observed, sometimes it’s as simple as the guy in his own mind thinking he’s above hiring a hooker, and pay-to-play with someone who doesn’t do that as a regular source of income means that in his mind he’s not stooping to such actions since she does not meet his definition of a “pro.”
    So true! It’s the only explanation I can find for these fauxSD’s that should clearly be on CL.

    Not surprised at all by Tiger, John Edwards (mmm, I’d be his SB in a minute lol) or even as surprised as I should be by Jesse.

  264. cleo says:

    oh and go to gravatar dot com for the lil pic

    and welcome :)

  265. cleo says:

    dude most of the blog isn’t around right now, i don’t have a lot to say to your question so i’m letting it lie but it should get answered. the general advice is to write in complete sentences, proofread, spell well and use sexy rather than slutty photos

    :)

    enjoy uour shower

  266. wow no response…no matter, I will go soap up in the hot steamy shower and check when i get back…by the way, how do I put the picture in the lil square?

  267. cleo says:

    oh dear SSSD i thought you got that oozing thing taken care of!

  268. Ok so I just spent the last 2 hours reading the whole weekends blogs. I would say how pathetic is that except that it was good readin’!
    Shoogar with her wit, cleo with her wisdom and SSSD with nothing but oozing charm…
    I am new to this website. In my 20’s I was an exotic (ok erotic) dancer ( and one hell of a show guys). I took a break to date some of those guys that your blog so delicately described as winners (LOL) and have come back to my senses. I once had a wonderful older SD and would like to find another arrangement. I am so ready for a man that understands just how much a woman loves a spa and shoes! Just wondering what would be some pointers to be more “exposed” (gee i wonder if that play on words might lift an eyebrow?!) I am in northern IN and wonder if my location will be a problem…not for a real man…

  269. The Lone Gunman says:

    Your SD mentor can give you guidelines, but ultimately you must choose your sb and be happy with her.

    Very true. I would also add that making HER happy is important too–it is, after all, a mutually beneficial relationship, right?

    TLG

  270. Midwest says:

    SSSD – Tip for screening – use the bigger head. Close your eyes when you talk to her on the phone. Ask her about her family, pet or favorite memory and her response should give some insight (or lack of) to her character. Has she ever been fired? How did she react?

    “Beauty comes from within”

    “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”

    Your SD mentor can give you guidelines, but ultimately you must choose your sb and be happy with her.

  271. cleo says:

    hmm somehow that came out wrong

  272. cleo says:

    everyone who wants to see shoogar spank herself raise a hand!

    *hand hits the air*

  273. Urgh. Lily. I know. I spanked myself for that one. 😉

    cleo – it was hot. Please finish…and let me know where to read the xxx version.

  274. cleo says:

    shoogar: i know, but i don’t whip out the smut voice for just anyone.. that one needs to be tidied but i should save it and finish it.

  275. No. One. Goes. to. Riga. Without. Hanging. Out. With. Me. First.

    It’s too darned close by to miss out on a chance to meet me. 😀

  276. cleo – this would be a good time to go to the lesson of “remember SDs are important businessmen – extremely, extremely busy running multinational companies, operating large firms (or fleeing from the paparazzi?) and have little time for play. 😉

  277. cleo says:

    harrumph

    *snotty look*

    *nose in air*

  278. SDinLA says:

    cleo: lol, sorry, I didn’t refresh the blog until I hit “Submit Comment.” Must run, appreciate the writing sample etc.

    😉

  279. cleo says:

    SDinLA: see if i ever answer you at length again 😛

    *g*

  280. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: Au contraire, I only copied your Latvian from above. My Rosetta Stone Latvian material has not yet arrived.

    The job offer stands, Japanese and Mandarin translation required. Look for the guy with the grenade launcher boarding the Global Express on the ramp at KVNY (don’t want to say which FBO here, damned paparazzi are everywhere you know), we leave late the night of April 9th, returning in a week unless we detour through Riga on the way back. 😉

    Have a wonderful evening all, no more time for posting today.

  281. cleo says:

    SDinLA my sex blog has a google page rank of four… but that doesn’t help with the need to be pithy.

    as for paying my proofreading dues… a sampling, if you will, of the writing you all won’t read here.
    .
    ‘you have to be punished you know’ he said matter-of-factly to the hanging locks of hair veiling her features with their silken darkness. she nodded once, abjectly.

    ‘you knew the rules, you know i have to… i don’t want to of course but i must…’ and he gestured to the wall for that paddle. the one with the nasty patterns that never left a beautiful warm stinging behind. the one that skipped all pretense of pleasure and went directly for pain.

    the one she didn’t have erotic dreams about.

    he gestured and felt her flinch but his features showed no trace of pity, only sternness. she nodded once more and turned to fetch the implement of her punishment. nay torture.

    etc etc…

    sorry had to keep it g-rated you know

  282. cleo says:

    oh and on a very old note

    JamesNY that’s it exactly. we want our men to love us and spoil us and indulge us and still be able to slay the attacking beast. a little bit of ‘not too nice’ is a great thing for a nice man to have.

    just nice enough…

    a sweetheart with a practical joke side might work but really i just don’t want to be able to walk all over you. have a spine, if you don’t i won’t respect you and then i CAN’T love/want you.

  283. Ha ha. Never mind. I am the one who taught you that! I’m so fired.

  284. SDinLA – Yes, I think that would be male egoism at its finest! And then there are people who just want to perform an absurd act … just for the sheer experiential heck of it.

    So, I see you learned Latvian in just a few short hours. Job offer has been taken off the table now, hasn’t it? Darn.

  285. SDinLA says:

    Molly: I think you mean “sapliķēt sapliķēt”

  286. Ha ha ha. I love how Naughty Molly makes her unannounced appearances! Not that any of us can announce our appearances before showing up on the blog, but you know what I mean.

    cleo. mail.

    I’m sending you a four page letter, and I enclosed it with a kiss…

    Sorry. In case you haven’t noticed, I break out in random songs quite often.

  287. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: Anyone who is friends with someone like your erstwhile “Gentleman”, or part of his entourage, is highly likely to be a Neanderthal as well, and for them it would just be another notch in the bedpost.

    For the “Gentleman” himself, his actions do not necessarily speak of generosity towards his friends, but of his establishing his dominance as the Alpha Male of his pack. They can sleep with you, AFTER he does. Who gets the Big Dog’s sloppy seconds? It’s all about feeding his male ego.

  288. Naughty Molly says:

    Spank, Spank 😉

  289. SDinLA says:

    cleo: I did not mean to imply that you had agreed to any such thing.

    I was merely pointing out what Molly was doing to help satisfy the prurient desires of the blog readership, and wondering aloud what proverbial bone you might throw to the baying hounds… 😉

    Re: being paid to be pithy, it’s possible. In this day and age the signal to noise ratio is awfully high (Twitter? Seriously? Why?), but if you can consistently produce enough pithiness, you can build an audience, which is what you need to do first in order to monetize said pithy.

  290. cleo says:

    shoogar i only ever call it like i see it… and due to my profession i can only tell the truth. i need people to trust me and for that i need to be honest to a fault (like “i’m gonna be straight with you here john, the best thing you can do for your back is to lose 40 pounds, but you still need to fix your stabilizing structure so let’s get started) and kind at the same time.

    so, that’s some truth from my side of the screen :)

    okay now i feel challenged to find the GOOD karaoke *g*

  291. Wow, cleo. I actually don’t know what to say…

    I’m touched. Really.

    April 29th. You. Me. Karaoke.

    A tear in our beer?

    That was s.o. sweet.

  292. So…

    (Not so Gentlemanly) Gentleman says: “Hey guys, guess what?! I’m going to bring a date to Vegas and if you think she’s hot, you can go ahead and scr*w her too! She’s okay with it. Don’t worry, she’s not a hooker so you’re safe.”

    Guys in the room: “YEAH!”

    Mob mentality much?

  293. cleo says:

    SDinLA: show me where i agreed to those terms…
    .
    shoogar: i rarely proof much… usually i catch my typos as i make them

  294. cleo says:

    shoogar: do you think anyone would pay me to sit around and be pithy? personally i think i’m better than most of the advice columnists out there… but then i feel ego-filled and laugh.

    darlin’ you should feel flattered and blush. i think you’re excellent and that you and i have potential to be friends for a good long time.

    you remind me of this group of women… here, i’ll start at the beginning.

    when i got in the car accident that led to the whiplash and the fatness (235 lbs – 170 today – yes that’s down 18 from my xmas embarrassment) and the body failing to work i was very, very, very, very lucky to be sent to my teacher for three reasons

    the first is that she put me back together when few could have (i’ve had whiplash 7 times and my body sorta stopped working [so like ten women in toronto, maybe 20 at most could have done it… i think i could fix me if someone like me came in my door now… but only recently have i become good enough {would that i could afford the 3yr – one weekend/month – master’s certification in PHILADELPHIA i want to take and have qualified for already!}])

    the second is that she inspired a calling

    the third is that she, and her fellow teachers, showed me a woman i had never met before, i suddenly realized just what kind of woman i had been striking blindly in the dark to try and become. they are strong and smart and capable and comfortable in their skin. they are confident and powerful without pretending to be men; they heal and help and support and glow from within with an inner calmness and sense of purpose that i see in few others… and you remind me of them.

    these inspiring women that make me better because i want to live up to their example. there are several of them in this group and you are most definitely one of them.

    now? now you should blush

  295. SDinLA says:

    Cleo: Molly gets a spanking for her typos…. just sayin’…

    Shoogar: Cleo is right, some of those guys relish the challenge of turning the elegant lady into a de facto whore, but from what I’ve observed, sometimes it’s as simple as the guy in his own mind thinking he’s above hiring a hooker, and pay-to-play with someone who doesn’t do that as a regular source of income means that in his mind he’s not stooping to such actions since she does not meet his definition of a “pro.”

  296. cleo not proofreading?! What up wit dat?

  297. cleo says:

    sigh – it’s called proofreading BEFORE posting cleo.

    days not dats

    and stellar moral character not stellar more character which makes, at best, no sense.

  298. Cleo said: “nice girls are a challenge. the idea of debauching an elegant and classy lady and turning her into a whore? far more seductive to a certain brand of man than an already ‘fallen’ woman…”

    I have a crush on your writing, cleo. That’s for sure! And I’m a tough crowd.

    SweetE – I know. Real classy, huh? And this was without seeing photos of me or anything. This is why I feel it was a ‘form’ letter sent out to many!

  299. I would be there as HIS date, he said, HOWEVER, should any of the other guys want to ‘hook up’ I had to do so – but only if he approved.

    So he basically wanted to hire you for his friends?? :-/

    Wow, quite the Gentleman!

  300. cleo says:

    Lily SSSD doesn’t have a crush on me, he kneels at my feet as to an oracle or guru… but i think he has a crush on a few of you for sure *g*
    .
    MindyNYC you have just joined my girl crushes, just like that.

    thank you! *blush*

    now to find someone to pay me to sit around and give advice on the internet…
    .
    SDinLA: not surprised by the tiger stuff at all

    surprised we don’t hear more of it… but then, the press is owned by a pretty small group with very deep pockets these dats. i’mma gonna shut up before i start ranting about the deplorable state of the ‘free’ press.
    .
    Shoogar: i’m cleaning, but it’s not my first choice… if i had one

    as to the ‘gentleman’ of less than stellar more character, i used to waitress in a strip joint but never strip. i got offered 500/1000 dollars to strip more than once.

    hookers are easy

    nice girls are a challenge. the idea of debauching an elegant and classy lady and turning her into a whore? far more seductive to a certain brand of man than an already ‘fallen’ woman…

  301. cleo – you and SSSD make me blush. In a sweet and innocent “come hither slither” kind of way. (I wish I knew how to insert a blushing emoticon here…)

    I recalled an absolutely hilarious moment from the blog today while I was working a photo shoot and I could not stop laughing! I think LASB will remember because we had fun with it for TWO days: someone said they did not understand lingerie on women; that they looked like clown suits?! Does everyone remember that? I couldn’t even sanely tell the story to anyone else and that’s when I appreciated all of my blog friends!

  302. MindyNYC – It certainly WAS hot in here, indeed! Going back to what TLG said earlier, “Spring is in the air!” This has been quite apparent over the past two days with all the “randyness” going on here. I guess this weather makes us want to do one of two things. I don’t know about you guys, but cleaning does not take the lead.

    SDinLA – I am completely with you on the Tiger Woods scandal. Though, I don’t think it was so scandalous, rather expected, but keeping in line with what the media has called it and all you know.

    Speaking of debauchery, I had a gentleman (I’m only using that word to be nice because he certainly did not have chivalrous qualities), offer me a crazy sum of money to go on a weekend trip to Vegas. He said it would be him and 10 other guys, but I would have my own room. I would be there as HIS date, he said, HOWEVER, should any of the other guys want to ‘hook up’ I had to do so – but only if he approved. (There’s the chivalry?) Needless to say, I ignored and blocked. It made me wonder how many other profiles he contacted with the same offer and if anyone took the bait. I mean, it’s VEGAS. That’s easy to find! Why contact someone on an arrangement/dating site for something like that???

  303. cleo says:

    SSSD I’m glad you realize that we’d both be all over Shoogar, since, even though i’m pretty str8, i have a little girl crush on her….
    .
    Shooger the shoegasm has a close relative. generally, but not always, inspired by a pedicure

    aka the footgasm

  304. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: I can imagine the stories, she must have some really good ones that she can’t share even with you too. When you spend time around a lot of people with nine zeros in their net worths, you come to see the levels of depravity that are often reached in an effort to maintain that frisson of excitement in a world where money is no object and no rules apply.

    If a guy needs to be betting millions of dollars on cards or a golf game to get a thrill, or his next yacht has to be as big as Larry’s, or Paul’s or Roman’s, it doesn’t take much of a stretch to imagine the kinds of acts that guy requires to get a thrill in the bedroom because he’s probably seen and done it all before.

    I am actually bemused when people are shocked by stories of debauchery amongst the rich and famous. People really thought that Tiger Woods didn’t sleep around? I’d have been more surprised to hear that TIger didn’t do as he did and really was a devoted family man. Maybe I’m just jaded and cynical from growing up in those circles :-/

  305. MindyNYC says:

    Hi All!
    Wow! Just got all caught up. What a hawt blog weekend it was mmm…Now, for some reason I can’t get that Nelly song “It’s gettin hot in here” out of my head lol.

    Cleo – I just wanted to add that every answer you wrote was spot on, and eloquently delivered. You write so well. Couldn’t (literally) have expressed it better myself.

    Hope everyone is having a great Monday. It’s a dreary wet day here in NYC. Wish I had a fireplace to curl up to.

  306. SDinLA – I just read your dominatrix story! Hilarious!! I have a friend who is a sex therapist. Her specialty is sexual deviance. Oh, the stories!

  307. I know, it seems so, lately. I enjoy it though, if its’ less than 3 hours in a plane, and a city I *want* to go to. Even if it’s a first date without any guarantees of anything promising coming from it.

  308. You’re up in the air more than I am, Lily! And I mean in the literal sense, not figuratively…although I have been known to be indecisive at times.

    SSSD – Dinner? Sure. But, I let my friend borrow the jet for the week. Next time! 😉

  309. I mean nonstop flight. obviously round trip as i wouldn’t be staying in NYC forever. Sigh. I’m tired. it’s only 10:30pm but I gotta get up in 7 hours to go to the airport.

  310. Well, I have been assigned (summoned? punished? inflicted?) with the task of helping the Honorable (or is he?) SSSD coordinate a NYC Meet (or whatever location everyone decides) so I would love to gather input!

  311. Do NYC, do NYC, then I can come and not be exhausted beyond exhausted! Just a roundtrip flight. I can steal my red coat back while I’m at it.

  312. SSSD says:

    SSSD – I thought we were keeping our blogmance (ahem…blogquickie) a SECRET.

    You know the deal, six pairs of shoes, six hours in the alley. No secrets.

    And if six hours is a quickie for you, well that 40 mm grenade launcher must be small potatoes.

    Feel like having dinner tonight? I’m free… and off meds! 😉

  313. Naughty Molly says:

    NC and I were discussing an NYC meet, but no set date. Could use some input.

  314. Mwahahahaha……. :) SSSD is so crushin’ on every single one of us. So silly.

  315. SSSD says:

    Ok, gotta go attend some meetings!

    L8R

    Meanwhile, are there particularly good or bad dates for a NYC meet? I see an upcoming Toronto and Europe meet. Maybe a more west coast location would be better, since we have a Toronto one? Like Vegas, Los Angeles, or San Francisco?

  316. SSSD – I thought we were keeping our blogmance (ahem…blogquickie) a SECRET.

    Naugty Molly – please spank the man.

  317. SSSD says:

    You know, “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets”…

    That wasn’t what you were saying last night…

    …in that darkened backstreet alley…

    …after our wild night of shoe shopping…

    …in fact, all I could hear were screaming four letter words…

    …in my dreams…

    😉

    So join them in the corner for the spankings. In fact, while we wait for LASB to offer her expert spankings, you guys can practice spanking each other.

  318. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Happy Dance for Lily!! Woohoo!

  319. Naughty Molly says:

    My, my, are we being bad this afternoon?

  320. SSSD – maybe your potential found out your prescription ran out? That’s why she couldn’t make dinner? Little does she know what WE know. You use your powers for GOOD.

    Lils – I wouldn’t have you any other way. So, when can I have you?

  321. I’m not on the streets, though. I’m in the privacy of Blog-ville where apparently I play it fast and loose. I’m a wild card poster with a rough style—I thought that was common knowledge. I have to live up to that reputation once in awhile, ya know? 😉

  322. SSSD says:

    Lily wrote: Where the fuck is my happy dance???? *blows kisses sweetly*

    I’m not the only one that needs meds today. 😉

    Lily gets additional spankings for naughty language and indiscriminant kiss blowing.

  323. H A P P Y D A N C E for Lils!!!

    That language should be reserved for the sheets, young lady.

    You know, “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets”…

    Naughty will be here soon to spank you for winning the lyrics contest and for your bad behavior.

  324. SSSD says:

    Congratulations, Lily!!!

    Celebratory spankings for all!

  325. The perfectionist in me wishes we could edit after posting. Forgetting to close the tag is a pet peeve of mine! Grrrrrrr.

    Take your meds today, SSSD? I think the blog is in favor of you saying, no.

  326. I could have another you in a minute, in fact he’ll be here any minute, baby……

    Irreplacable, Beyonce, from Bday.

    interruption for temper tantrum:
    Where the fuck is my happy dance???? 😉 *blows kisses sweetly*

  327. SSSD says:

    I have a lot of time to blog yesterday and probably some today. Tonight I had reserved a dinner for a potential, but she wasn’t able to make it. I’ll be back to regular hours after that…

  328. Did someone say SHOEGASM????

    This would be one of those very rare occasions where I will actually use Internet abbreviated slang…

    O M G!!!

    Shoegasm. Shoegasm. Shoegasm. Just rolls off my tongue so nicely. LOVE IT. My new favorite word (of the day). Thanks, LASB!

    Can you guys see a trend here of certain key words that pull me away from work?

    SDinLA – “grenade launcher” in Latvian = oooh la la!

    I owe, I owe, it’s back to work I go!

    Hi, everyone! Bye, everyone! Oh, except for you…the one I’m ignoring…what’s yer name again?…OH, yeah, SSSD! “You must not know ’bout me, you must not know ’bout me…”

    5 points and 10 spankings from Naughty Molly for the first one who can call out which song I was just singing!

  329. Um, happy dance for Lils anyone?

    I’m not only starting my own company (yay business accounts and entrepreneurial efforts!!), but I got signed by ‘the big boys’ (same field) today to work for them, too!!!!! They are totally happy to give me the freedom and flexibility to work under their umbrella and lead some very interesting projects and learn from their years of experience, but pursue my own ventures under the name of my own business, simultaneously. They will pass some business on to me, as it makes sense, and I’ll be bringing work to them (that’s more than I can chew) when I need support.

    God I’ve come a long way from two months ago when I was the sniveling, unemployed, desperate, ‘smitten-on-McPoofer-with-no-other-pots’ type of gal that you first met in mid january. No? :) yay!!!!!!!!!

    And I leave in 8 hours to go to London to have dinner with a single, 40 year old englishman I have been in contact with for two months from SA. Finally our schedules coincided for a freakin’ meal.

    Safety fearmongers: 😉 I have a BLOOD RELATIVE there, who I can hop in a taxi and be near (within thirty minutes) at any point if he’s weird, but the hotel and airline res. info is booked and paid for in my name, and anyway I can easily afford to financially absorb any possible mishap. I know the city and I don’t worry about it one bit if we hang out in public spaces.

    He is so freakin’ hot, too. Rarrr…….

  330. SSSD says:

    LASB echoed other suggestions that I should move upscale in age, and added: And at least here in LA, and I’d imagine in the warmer climates too, we have a long enough bikini season that we are continuously working out and preserving our youth.

    Just make sure you don’t forget diligent skincare. Body shape is often good from the sunny states, but the sun ruins skin in a bad way. I can usually spot this from 50 yards. I’m partial to the sunless vampire look with adequate D-3 over the tanned beach bunny look.

    I am open to trying arrangements with potentials in their 30’s and beyond if they match my other criteria. At this age it may even be better if they have children particularly if they are out of the house, just to get that out of their system.

    At the same time I am intrigued by the young. Some years ago in Asia I met an amazingly talented 19 year old who had accelerated through school. She decided wisely to go to graduate school. I have met many highly talented and accomplished young women, but almost all of them have been in entertainment (where early accomplishment is easier than in, say, sciences or business) and I generally stay away from that industry for arrangements.

  331. SDinLA says:

    Since SSSD and Shoogar are bringing the BDSM kink:

    I have a friend who was a dominatrix in San Francisco (with some pretty well known subs as clients.) She had some guys who liked to be dominated 24/7, so when they were apart she would send them instructions via SMS or email.

    One time she instructed this guy to do something really humiliating via email on a Friday evening when he got home, and then got distracted by a family emergency and forgot about it. Sunday evening she gets an email, “Mistress, it’s been two entire days now, I haven’t eaten anything, I am dehydrated, I am about to pee in my panties, and I have to go to the office in the morning, can I PLEASE stop now?”

    Funny thing is, she didn’t lose him as a client…

  332. LASB says:

    SSSD says:
    I have generally pursued in the 23 to 28 age range…

    …I have found, however, that my methods resonate better with women in their mid to late 30’s.

    How do you screen or filter for these characteristics without spending hours and days? And why is it so difficult to filter the twenty-somethings in email? The more experienced women seem to get a point, have a point, and get to the point more quickly and efficiently.

    Am I focused on the wrong targets entirely?

    Perhaps. Why not find a 30something with a youthful look and view on life? Not all of us are jaded and/or dried up or looking to marry off and start families. In many ways, we get less serious, as we stop sweating the small stuff and learn how to just enjoy the journey. We have more confidence than we did right after college, as the world gets less scary with every failure and recovery. And at least here in LA, and I’d imagine in the warmer climates too, we have a long enough bikini season that we are continuously working out and preserving our youth. Just a thought.

  333. LASB says:

    SDinLA – ONE SPANKING?!! Methinks *you* just made a typo. It should read “One spanking session.” For days, NM will feel the heat on her red hot bum every time she sits down. I’m sure that will be enough to correct such behavior. (Or cause more of it. hehe.)

  334. SDinLA says:

    LASB: Missed your shout out above. Right back at ya’ I don’t think there is an emotional equivalent to foreclosure, but it sounds like you may have to act in your own best interests and pull a “strategic default” if things get too messy. 😉

    Shoogar: If you’re offering translation services too, can I hire you for my next trip to Asia? What does the ECTACO translator spit out for “grenade launcher” in Latvian?

    Molly: Isn’t the rule “one spanking per typo that Molly makes?”

  335. LASB says:

    NyGent – “Bottom line: it’s true, buy a woman enough
    dinners and material things, and she may begin to
    feel some AFFECTION for you. But meals and
    presents will never lead to ATTRACTION.”

    Obviously this guy has never heard of the shoegasm.

  336. LASB says:

    SSSD/NM I would be happy to help you out here. I loooooove to give spankings. There is an art to a very hot, sexy, yet punishing spanking, and it is definitely in my skill set.

  337. LASB, I want to learn more languages too!

    I’ve been trying to learn Italian by going to Italy alot and making Italian friends but so far I understand more than I can actually speak, which is frustrating!

    …And Russian, but I don’t know any Russians so it’s very hard to practice!

    Japanese must be fun! :)

  338. SSSD says:

    Shoogar then claimed: I would plop down next to SSSD and cleo, but alas, work to do outside of the office, but we know that really if she sat between Cleo and myself we’d just molest her all day, no work would be done, and three persons’ productivities would be shot.

  339. SSSD says:

    LASB recounted What special things she does to take care of that special Sugar in your life. LASB, that recounting was really hot. Really. For me it rivals Lily’s Latvian story, though in a different way of course. Hearing about the way you care for your SD is causing me to fog up my computer screen.

    Any oth

  340. LASB says:

    NYGent – OK, I had to totally crack up at that email you posted. I love the line about showing up late to tea to save those 3 bucks. I wonder if that’s what Namaste had in mind for our Starbucks date. Except that his plan would have been foiled because by the time I went to the bathroom to remove my panties, I’d have been 5 minutes late too. HA!!!

  341. SSSD says:

    Mistress Shoogar meted her punishment for me last night. I’m only now recovering. Yes, James NY understands this punishment, the worst kind… being ignored. All night.

    One is almost tempted to take matters into one’s own hands…

    Speaking of which, everybody is lining the stands to watch Naughty Molly’s spanking, but nobody is actually doing the spanking! So…

    Good Golly, Miss Molly, where’s your schoolgirl outfit? There’s only one acceptable scenario wherein you can forego the schoolgirl outfit…

    …and that’s foregoing any outfit at all!

    I may have to double your punishment, Miss. Because you are a bad girl, a very very bad girl, aren’t you? You and your foreign tongues for spanking…

    And your spelling on the blog seems to be worsening. Almost as if you are typing with one hand. What is that other hand doing, Miss?

  342. LASB says:

    Hi Lils and Sweet Euro!

    I want to learn more languages. I just downloaded some of the Rosetta Stones. They’ll be great for the long flights. I think Latvian would be pretty tough for me, though. I’ll stick with Japanese, German, and the romance languages.

  343. Hey,

    I just spent 30 minutes catching up on here, I always seem to miss the good stuff… Damn time difference!!

    How was everybody’s day? I had a spa day today, fantastic start to the week, I feel so good! :)

  344. :) I wish I could speak Latvian. I know who I would use it on…….

  345. LASB says:

    Hi Shoogar! Let’s meet so you can sapliķēt mani. 😉

    To answer the cushion question of the blog, I would never expect one. I’m a saver by nature anyhow. BGGBF is not providing support, but since I’ve spent so much time with him, it actually has lowered my expenses a little. That extra money is NOT going towards buying more shoes. For now Income and property taxes are both due and my recent mediation “winnings” have yet to arrive. Hopefully by next year, I will have enough cushion for an emergency fund. Then I would like to regrow my investment portfolio.

  346. Naughty Molly says:

    *Naughty*…sorry, my mind is wondering 😉

  347. Naughty Molly says:

    Hi LASB! Yes, Naughtt has come out to play and I’ve already gotten myself into trouble…hehehe 😈

  348. LASB says:

    cleo says:
    i don’t know you guys, the whole exclusive and not thing is really hard to fathom. if my sd were married i might like to have two men just to help me split my focus and not drown in the feelings

    I am trying to negotiate something like this, but BGGBF (Bill Gates Generous Boyfriend) wants me drowning in the feelings. He has a very hot, fun single friend that I keep asking to meet. And of course BGGBF won’t let this guy near me with a ten foot pole. (or at least what is rumored to be one. 😉 )

  349. English to Latvian for “spank me” = sapliķēt mani

    ECTACO online Latvian to English translation says so!

    This particular topic seemed important enough to sway me away from work for a sec.

    Back to work…

  350. LASB says:

    Slowly catching up. Wow, you sugars had quite the convo!!!

    Hi Naughty Molly. I like when you come out to play. :)

  351. Naughty Molly says:

    I can’t speak Latvian, but I can speak a little German….just not very well.

  352. SDinLA says:

    Gah…. delurking here is a recipe for creating a major timesink! I feel compelled to respond to comments in order not to seem like I am ignoring anyone.

    Shoogar: You’re welcome for the Bitter:Sweet memory jog, hope your bath was hot, bubbly and full of daydreams of running off with SSSD.

    SSSD: Understood. If you’re sick of the school issues, that definitely reduces the applicant pool of younger women who would be of interest.

    SincereSD: regarding IRL vs. online, I don’t mean in terms of sheer numbers in terms of “easier”, I just mean in terms of ease of vetting. I can usually tell within the first few minutes of conversation if there is any potential, and obviously IRL beats photos for the initial/physical attraction issue. Alas, I’m not sure there’s much I can write that would be helpful, I think my situation is fairly specific in that there are factors in my life which mean I am exposed to tons of college students in major cities and in settings where it’s perfectly normal for me to be chatting with them (and *not* in a bar/club environment where women are expecting to be hit on.) Plus, I am divorced, the calculus gets much harder for those here who are married.

    What time is Molly being disciplined? It’s too early for popcorn, so I’ll grab some coffee and join the audience for the show… anybody know how to say “Spank me” in Latvian?

  353. RedMaru says:

    Wow I missed alot! I see a new person Welcome NE Sugar to the sugarfam! Great to have you

  354. LASB says:

    BeachGirl – I can relate. I’m always late to the party. Must be the SoCal in me. Never on time. :(

    Lone Gunman – Medical Monday makes me think of something else. Must be the SoCal in me. Ha!

    How are you feeling now that Spring is in the air?
    Awesome but sneezy. Darn these allergies. Slathering on the sunscreen and cranking up the AC.

    What special things do you do to take care of yourself and that special Sugar in your life?
    Well, he’s a busy workaholic, thinking-too-much as it is guy. So I plan everything we do so he can just let go and relax when we are together. I’ve learned what he likes down to what his design sensibilities are for hotel rooms. If we are staying somewhere, I show up first and change the room if things aren’t just right. Then he shows up and goes, “Wow this is a great room!” “yeah, I know. I changed it after looking at 3.” He loves that I pay attention.
    Lately, I also order his food. I know what he likes to eat and it’s become our funny Domme game. I love it when he looks at me and says “So what am I having?” to which I reply, “You’ll see.” However, he’s a wine expert, so he always chooses that.
    This week we are doing a staycation in LA. I said I would NEVER do the afternoon delight thing. So tacky! But I guess he changed the rules again. It’s hard to turn down 2 days worth of spa time at the nicest hotel in town. So maybe luxury, spoil me rotten tacky makes it ok?

  355. The Lone Gunman says:

    GOOOOD (checking) MORNING SUGAR BLOG!

    Got back from another doctor visit, which makes this

    Just another Medical Monday!

    How are you feeling now that Spring is in the air?

    What special things do you do to take care of yourself and that special Sugar in your life?

    TLG

  356. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi everyone, Wow… lots of fun happened and I wasn’t here :(

  357. sugarbarbie says:

    Hey everybody

    James Ny – That’s how I know of him, as an internet guru. I have been following his works closely and held him at high regard….the above passage kind of tainted that respect. I don’t think he writes the columns anymore for DD. Last I heard he has a large staff…But I may be wrong. The above quote totally contradicts his philosophy for the internet side. Oh well. Whatever he is doing is working for him. I thought he was now single.

  358. wait, is my new name “the dark side”, Shoo? 😉

    I like it.

  359. Lily says:

    Welcome, NE Sugar!

  360. NE sugar says:

    Oh no, I may be proof that the a**hole mentality does work.

    Although I really think a few more steamy tales of sex and seduction will get everyone wanting in on the fun 😉

  361. cleo says:

    shooger i’m off to the dctor myself

  362. cleo says:

    hey NE and welcome!
    .
    JamesNY anyone who uses hostility to meet people probably has some deep seated misery of his own.

    are you sure sure you can’t come party with us in toronto?

  363. Sooo…THAT’S what it takes to pull SBs/SDs out of lurk mode??? Let’s see…

    – Talk about sex in combative gear
    – Take away everyone’s meds
    – Throw in some Sir-Mix-a-Lot
    – Allow all of our normally sweet SDs to become a*holes
    – Wine (not to be confused with whine) & hot baths
    – Latvian seductress tales from the dark side

    All of the above duly noted. Welcome, NE Sugar! Enter with caution and a high libido.

    I would plop down next to SSSD and cleo, but alas, work to do outside of the office. Have a great day, everyone!

    Is there such a thing as a blog hangover? I have one.

  364. Naughty Molly says:

    Welcome to Blogville NE Sugar! 😀

  365. NE sugar says:

    This blog has been too much fun to read over. You all truly made my morning and convinced me to crawl out of the dark lurking corner and introduce myself.

    I’m new to the sugar world and admittedly, a rather young SB. I’ve had interesting conversations so far and arranged a couple meetings with potSD though I think it may take some time to find the one. ‘Tis all a good learning experience though, right?

  366. Naughty Molly says:

    Ignore me!?! What happened to the spankin’!?! Awwww :(

  367. JamesNY says:

    NM, following the hook-up guy’s manual, the best way for me to punish you would be to ignore you for a while! Not so much fun ….

  368. cleo says:

    *plops down beside SSSD*

    sorry still too weak for spanking games… i’ll have to hide in the peanut gallery

  369. Naughty Molly says:

    Sounds like I’m in serious trouble! What do you think my punishment should be?

  370. JamesNY says:

    NM, you’ve got some ‘splainin to do, little missy!

  371. JamesNY says:

    Just to add, “too nice” to the point that it comes across as weakness.

  372. Naughty Molly says:

    Oh..the principal, I’m on my way 😉

  373. JamesNY says:

    Just catching up on a busy blog weekend …

    NY Gent, I know that guy — well, I haven’t met him, but I know the woman he’s now with, who happens to be the best friend of an ex SB of mine, and I know quite a bit about him. He makes a lot of money off that persona, but he has another name that he uses as an internet marketing guru. He’s been getting into David Deida himself, which is another take on masculinity, a bit more evolved and more to my taste. Until recently, at least, he was personally miserable.

    Those techniques seem to work for picking up available young women in bars — I’ve known a number of young women who will admit they are attracted to “overconfident a**holes.” They get the guy laid that night, but rarely is there any follow-up. Ultimately I think there’s some kind of weird aggression/hostility towards women in the hook-up addicts. The one thing they can teach “nice” guys like us — Deida says it too — is not to be too “nice” at first because it’s self-defeating. Women are programmed to respond to a man who is capable of defending her and their offspring, or something like that.

    This is a subject I could go on about, obviously.

    NM, you’re wanted in the principal’s office!

  374. RedMaru says:

    You and me both Naughty Molly 😉

  375. RedMaru says:

    Hey Yaz have a good day at work and dont forget the lunch I packed you! 😀

  376. Yaz says:

    Morning Sugar Fam! :-)

    Last night was fun indeed lol. I agree SSSD should totally forget about taking his meds lol

    Heigh Ho Heigh Ho it’s off to work I go! 😉

  377. Lily says:

    It’s 5pm and dusk here!

  378. Naughty Molly says:

    Oh yes Red, I woke up in a Naughty Mood….I need my SD 😉

  379. RedMaru says:

    Whoo is somebody being naughty this early in the morning 😉
    I wanna see!!

  380. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugarfam! Good Monday to you! I have a four day work week so the week’s starting out good. Still no sugar ;(

  381. Naughty Molly says:

    SSSD ~ Naughty Molly decided to come out and play this morning 😉

  382. SSSD says:

    I would distinguish between finding any potential SBs and filtering them. SA and the Internet generally is more efficient in finding potential SBs. As Sincere points out, trolling bars, campuses and so on is difficult. On the other hand, I’ve found that filtering them (for personality, c.f. above) is more difficult on the Internet than IRL. Which is why I end up meeting them. Which is time consuming on the scale of SA.

    Good morning, all. I see we’re starting with a good ol’ spankin’… I’ll just sit over here and watch…

  383. SouthernGent2 says:

    And I always thought you were so innocent. My heart is broken.

  384. Naughty Molly says:

    I’ve always been Naughty SG2 😉

    Oh no, a spankin…mmmmmm 😉

  385. SouthernGent2 says:

    Molly – when did you become naughty? Maybe your sd needs to turn you over his knee to correct your behavior? 😉

  386. Naughty Molly says:

    Hi SG2!! Happy Monday 😀

  387. SouthernGent2 says:

    Interesting comments above about finding a SB IRL approach. I’m certain it can be done. There are certain spots in the metro area where I live that have reputations for attracting the type of girls looking for wealthy men, i.e. a certain restaurant bar in a popular area of town on Tuesday nights.

    Personally I think SA is much easier and more efficient. One can use filters to weed out the “undesirables” (not trying to be ugly). SA affords one the opportunity to search locally or long distance. There are so many options that the site offers.

  388. Naughty Molly says:

    LOL….Baby Got Back. I haven’t even thought of that song in years!!

    “Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt…it is so big!”…..LOL

  389. Lily says:

    I missed all the fun, too! I totally would have added to the ridiculous party! Damn my time zone.

    That said, kenyan pal’s profile got approved in 5 hours flat. Rock on. Sugarbarbie, come to my euro meet!!!!

    hey just got an email from McPoofer this instant…. off to read it.

    (Shoo, I know all the words to baby got back too! Memorized them at age 10)

  390. Naughty Molly says:

    Looks like I missed all the fun last night :(

  391. LASB says:

    Shoogar Shoes — I loved Falco. As a kid I wore out the 45 and had to buy another one. Such a sexy song!

    Hi SDinLA. Just wanted to say hello to a fellow Angeleno in the sugar bowl. And yes, I appreciate your handle being something other than LASD. :) It would get confusing as bloggers occasionally mistype my name, calling me that.

  392. LASB says:

    Hi Sugars! Haven’t had much time for the blog amidst this roller coaster of emotions and adventures. BGpotSD is no longer that. He’s somewhere between very generous BF, love of my life, and on the chopping block. I hate being in love with a married man. He is terrified that I will leave him. I wish I could, but I haven’t figured out how, as I’m underwater, emotionally speaking. I wonder what the love equivalent of a foreclosure is.

  393. SincereSD says:

    The above reply was in response to SDinLA’s comment shown below:

    SDinLA says: I share your experience that it is much easier to find what I am looking for IRL versus online. I have never met a SB online. What you need to do is start a foundation that gives you reason to spend time on campuses. 😉

  394. SincereSD says:

    SDinLA, I am surprised at your comment that an IRL search for SB is easier than online. Perhaps you could share your IRL search techniques with us.

    Intuitatively, it seems to be matter of odds. Where would you look for women who are interested in a NSA relationship with an intelligent, affluent married man who is 20 years older? Sure I can have an affair with someone at work; cruise the bars known to attract women looking looking for wealthy professional men; frequent nightbars with my exotic sportcars and buy random women drinks or what not; put profiles up on Ashley Madison or Lavalife; etc. But what is the probability that I will find someone is open minded and interested in a MBR in those venues?

    My point is that SA and the other online sites have made finding a sugar match much easier and much more efficient. For all its drawbacks (which are common to all online dating venues), I have had the best results on SA. There are lots of women looking for or interested in exploring the sugar lifestyle. I’ve found it to be the most time efficient and lowest cost way of finding a good sugar match.

    Sure there are lots of fakes and flakes here but you have know what you are looking for and how to navigate the waters. (NCG, help me here with a fishing analogy … it’s too early in the morning to be creative).

  395. Ok, Crazy…I mean….photogirl – come on over and I can remedy that great loss you feel and smother you with plenty-o-spreadsheets and word docs galore! I will pay you with Patrón XO Café. Ooh la la.

    Good night. Really.

  396. photogirl says:

    Call me crazy but I kind of miss the days when I had spreadsheets, word docs and access smoothering the bottom of my screen.

  397. What is m, SSSD?

    Observation: Lots of SSss and Mmms on the blog tonight. Hmmm. This would be an appropriate time for Anna (Naughty) Molly to step in with a parapraxis.

    photogirl – let’s not discuss productivity right now…as I continue to type away aimlessly and NOT walk away from the blog.

    But in all honesty, I AM walking away.

    Good night, Sugar Fam. What a fun day and definitely worth the many hours I lost here. (Actually, I did get some work done. I am multi-tasker extraordinaire. The bottom of my screen has 10 spreadsheets and 5 word docs active & open, I swear!)

  398. cleo says:

    photogirl: you’re right, he should skip the meds

  399. cleo says:

    er that last bit? that was to SSSD
    .
    and i mean lots of haha and a little nuts

  400. photogirl says:

    methinks SSSD should forget about taking his meds… just sayin’

    Glad I am not the only one up at this hour!

    SS – I have a list of things for the site I told you about :) Atleast I am being productive so late…er early in the morning.

  401. cleo says:

    shooger: i know! and my sleep schedule is totally baffed after this cold i’m recovering … this feels like nine pm!

    and i know, an easy sd who licks, hard to turn down!

    hee
    .
    (um, you suck at it)
    yeah yeah guys like you never apologize, or treat a lady right. i know your type… [*hides secret drool and hanging tongue*] next!

    i’m vi and bash… but really i’m not a nerd anymore, i’m a former nerd :) er computer nerd, i’m not a computer nerd (what? there’s only three working OSes in the house, the other two are totally busted and it’s not nerdy at all to have three broken computers AND three working computers in the same apartment!) i’m an anatomy nerd now…

    what’s m?

  402. SSSD says:

    Lick what???

    Ok, good night. Finally…

  403. SSSD says:

    Hmm. I was saying:

    And do you mean funny “ha, ha” or funny “nuts-y cuckoo?”

  404. SSSD says:

    Oops, I forgot, Cleo:

    I wasn’t apologizing. Let’s make it clear. I did it on purpose. Just deal with it. And I think you should buy me the drink, babe.

    (I’m working on that “you won’t want to see me any more” angle. Give me some time to get good at it.)

    I’m emacs and bash.

    And do you m

  405. cleo claimed: “*runs off giggling and considers trying to sleep*

    Yeah, right. How’s that going for you, dear cleo? Considering sleep, I mean. How can ANYONE sleep with prescription-less SSSD running around here talking about licking and being easy???

    Oh boy, the other bloggers are going to wake up and either thank us or curse us for running amok on the blog today. Geez. We all need medication.

    FLSB – I know all the words to “Baby Got Back” – and other Sir-Mix-a-Lot songs – and yes, that IS a fun one. Oh, the things I shamelessly admit on this blog. Is it a redeeming quality at this point to say I also enjoy Tschaikowsky’s 1812 overture? Especially while cleaning. It makes me dust with purpose.

  406. cleo says:

    sssd: i may forgive you. you’ll have to show up at a meet i’m at and buy me a drink though *g*

    vi

    bash or tcsh? what’s your favourite prompt?

    atomize… hmm… i’m so enjoying smithereens though, i mean we’re talking decent amounts of money i had in the bank at the time (well decent for me lol)

    *i will not check thesaurus dot com*

    i want to say plundered but, not the right word :)
    .
    is it me or is the blog extra funny today?

  407. SSSD says:

    Sorry for the misattribution, Cleo.

    So… vi or emacs? Wanna trade bindings?

    And how about atomize instead of decimate? Or disintegrate?

    adhd = arrangement deficit hyperactivity disorder.

    Ok, Mistress Shoogar, now you are beating me up and verbally abusing me… More, please?

  408. cleo says:

    shooger i think irlsd had ADHD for sure *g*

    wonder how he is…

  409. cleo says:

    that said *tongue very firmly in cheek* i do want to set up a group to help accident victims deal with insurance. nobody is giving them any advice and there they are all broken and making bad decisions and they don’t even know their real rights.

    i financially decimated myself for no reason. no wait, decimate means cut to a tenth… what’s smashed to utter smithareens? (but still with phenomenal credit funny thing)

    *runs off giggling and considers trying to sleep*

  410. cleo says:

    *snicker*

    i’m telling you, hire lily to do your initial weed… send her 20-40 profiles you like and pics you like and tell her why and let her at it.

    she rewrote my profile to exactly what i would have said and it’s much better (not linked here though, that’s a blogger profile now)

    she can set you up a few dates and you guys can fine tune. still costs money but doesn’t cost time

  411. Yes.

    adhd = arrangement deficit hyperactivity disorder.

    methinks.

  412. cleo says:

    now we all want to know what the prescriptions are for… but from that one comment i’d hazard a guess that it might venture into adhd territory ;>

  413. cleo says:

    SSSD that is NOT SDinLA, that’s me

    and i have an antique freebsd 4-stable on my server and had pcbsd on my desktop til the buggy killed me. ten years ago i was gifted with a sweatshirt with a daemon on it… now i have ubuntu (trying it anyway) on the desktop

    i got a laptop at xmas with windows on it, is that ever weird…

    i su -m *g*

  414. SSSD says:

    Scanning back all I’ve posted in the last 48 hours… I gotta say…

    That’s what happens when my prescriptions run out. 😉

  415. SSSD says:

    SDinLA called out: *sexy nerd raises hand* i read comics and play video games and blog and use unix… *g*

    Ah, but which distro of Unix? And do you sudo?

    Shoogar volunteered herself and me as “we” and then said: Well, now I’m acting like one of “those” women and speaking for the man too. Ooops. My hotness factor just dropped several notches.

    No, command me my sexy shoe mistress! I am unworthy to lick your… um, wait, we’re in public? Er, got carried away there for a moment…

    Shoogar: But hey, if blog sucking is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

    I’m not going to take this bait. You’re making it too easy on me!

  416. FLSB says:

    Whoa this blog is extra sexy tonight! can’t believe I missed it!

    Lily- my karaoke suggestion would have been, “baby got back” by sir mix a lot…….always a fun one :)

    SS- thank goodness for that block button! & I guess you and SSS always have a backup plan with each other ; )

  417. cleo says:

    chitown that sounds convenient like “are you free right now?” rather than being willing to plan

    bit of a flag hey?

  418. Chitown SB says:

    Midwest- Thanks! I hope it can work out with ArtistSD too. He ended up texting me Saturday night at the last minute (and after I had already tried to set up a date several days prior) but I was out with friends. I told him as much and that I regretted he got back to me so late, but would be happy to see him Sun am instead…never heard back. Ah well, as you advised, I am not going to obsess.

    Hello to everyone else who may be lurking!

  419. cleo says:

    never do it on the weekend! we think no one is there

  420. sugarbarbie says:

    OMG I updated my profile on Sat eve and it is still pending approval :( The system must be slammed.

  421. sugarbarbie says:

    Cleaned out my storage today and found some hilarious old school pics. thinking about putting a couple on my profile hehe

  422. cleo says:

    hey SSSD more competition, MAZomg has a crush on all of us too!

  423. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Hey everybody – thanks for a very fun few hours. I love this place.

  424. Lily says:

    You guys were having SO MUCH FUN without me!! I was busy doing karaoke and then doing photo shoot and profile writing for my friend, since she is finally convinced to try her hand at my sugar ways.

    Cleo said:
    hell you could pay Lily or someone like her to do it for you!

    Hells yes. I’m getting good at finding cool SBs. I’m screenin through em for the euro sugar meet, via one SD’s profile he gave me total access to. :)

  425. Sweet dreams, Yaz! :)

    I am stepping away from the blog merriment myself to finish a very important project that I promised would be completed by COB tomorrow.

    Have fun without me, my shining blog-crush-ellas!

  426. cleo says:

    sssd be careful, i’m going to start thinking you mean it!

  427. Yaz says:

    It’s bedtime for me sugars! Good night :-)

  428. photogirl says:

    Well Cleo, that would certainly resolve your 2nd date dilemma now wouldn’t it?

    I know… I am NOT helping.

    SSSD says to SS: You’ll run in your high heels, and I’ll keep tripping you and laughing. I cannot stop laughing :)

  429. Yay, and along comes that doe-eyed photogirl!! Hey, if SSSD and I need to keep coming up with songs to bring you out of hiding, we will do it! Well, now I’m acting like one of “those” women and speaking for the man too. Ooops. My hotness factor just dropped several notches.

    Thank goodness I have work activities outside of the office tomorrow. This blog does suck your time away before you know it! But hey, if blog sucking is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

  430. SSSD says:

    Cleo clarified: geeze you guys, if i’m going to have a one night stand i need to have mad pheremones and a hint of madness.

    Ok, deal. I’ll bring the pheromones and drugs.

  431. cleo says:

    SSSD: interesting… and i think i see it, you’ll like my age when you’re in your fifties instead…

    awww sssd you can’t just have us all with a snap of your fingers, that wouldn’t be any fun now would it?

  432. SSSD says:

    Shoogar suggested: I suppose we could both dump our promising situations and run for the arrangement border, BUT darn it all, we are just too respectful, honest and intelligent to do anything of the sort…

    I just finished explaining to Cleo that I’m actually nothing like that. I’m a rude, arrogant, mean bastard. So ring that Taco Bell and let’s head for the hills. You’ll run in your high heels, and I’ll keep tripping you and laughing.

    This explains why so many SDs are a*holes. There is too much upside to it!

  433. SSSD says:

    Cleo advised: sssd a thought, why not up your age range nearly as much as you’ve aged since you started sugar dating.

    Actually it’s going backwards: I started with women who were usually older than me. Sadly, as Flo surmised, it does appear to be evolution’s invisible hand. As SDinLA implies, I may be trying for the young ‘uns while I still can.

    But it’s totally my choice, after all.

    SDinLA, I pursue post school women to make space for projects. The projects are not exclusive to me, they are usually important to their self development, career, and goals. But it is something we both learn from. School is not such a thing, so I no longer support schooling (been there, done that.)

    Shoogar announced, and Cleo seconded: I think I have a crush on you ALL.

    Great, now I have competition. And it’s EVERYBODY, damn it!

  434. cleo says:

    geeze you guys, if i’m going to have a one night stand i need to have mad pheremones and a hint of madness.

    rare conditions indeed, but lovely when it happens.

  435. photogirl says:

    SSSD and SS… you two keep getting songs in my head… the latest?

    Changing Teacher for Shoogar of course 😉

    Ow! Got it bad,
    Got it bad,
    Got it bad,
    I’m hot for Shoogar!
    I’ve got it bad, so bad
    I’m hot for Shoogar!

  436. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Shoogar – I agree. I just love the people on this blog. Just a great variety of beautiful clear voices, with so much humour and wisdom.

    Cleo – I’m an a*hole too!

  437. SSSD says: “But Shoogar missed a key member of her list: SSSD ’cause SSSD is definitely HOT for Shoogar!”

    I suppose we could both dump our promising situations and run for the arrangement border, BUT darn it all, we are just too respectful, honest and intelligent to do anything of the sort…

  438. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    cleo says:“…a brainy beauty is the sexiest thing there is… to a man secure enough not to be afraid of her”

    My list of Hot (for me)
    brains
    doing something with said brains
    beauty
    humour
    confidence
    trustworthy, respectful, sincere
    positive attitude
    the scars of a life well-lived
    scars on those scars
    the ability to laugh about the scars
    appreciation for arts
    appreciation of the body beautiful, and looking after said body through exercise
    love of family

    Not Hot (for me)
    ‘I’m so beautiful you owe me something” attitude
    disrespect
    dishonesty
    flakes
    no sense of humour
    I could go on, but basically the opposite of the above

  439. cleo says:

    sssd a though, why not up your age range nearly as much as you’ve aged since you started sugar dating. you’re growing up, maybe you want your sugars a bit more grown up too?
    .
    SDinLA: *sexy nerd raises hand* i read comics and play video games and blog and use unix… *g*

    i suspect that sam might consider a doctorate a ‘project’ ?

  440. SDinLA says:

    SSSD: One hundred and forty potentials to find one? Oy vey. You’ve got way more patience than I do.

    I agree with what everyone writes re: the beautiful young women most often ending up entitled- much like the star athlete or jock who has always gotten his way. My screening mechanism has been to look for the “late bloomers.” They were not the popular girls in HS, and are usually not party animals and often the “sexy nerd.”

    I share your experience that it is much easier to find what I am looking for IRL versus online. I have never met a SB online. What you need to do is start a foundation that gives you reason to spend time on campuses. 😉

    I like your approach of having a “project”, but that would eliminate pretty much all of the SBs I have had- they are way too busy with school, and very focused on their educations- no time for a meaningful “project” or business.

    TBH, although I am in my mid-40s, I look 10-15 years younger, and I don’t want to be one of these dirty old men who is with a woman who looks young enough to be his granddaughter, so I’m going to take advantage of my youthful appearance while I can. I figure I’ll have plenty of time to date the wiser women in a few years. :-)

  441. cleo says:

    shoogar i KNOW right? i really do have a crush on the bloggers en masse

  442. cleo says:

    sssd rofl!

    awesome. and sure. but i reserve the right to like you in spite of yourself.

  443. Ha ha ha. I cannot keep up. This blog is filled with brains, beauty, humor, sex, love, rock and roll…

    I think I have a crush on you ALL.

  444. SSSD says:

    Cleo confessed: the amount of time i wait before having sex with you is inversely proportional to how much effect you’re going to have on my life. in other words, if i sleep with you the day i meet you i probably don’t want to see you again.

    Cleo, I have to confess to you that I am the biggest a*hole on the planet. A real jerk. You really, really won’t ever want to see me again. Really.

    Now can we meet?

  445. Yaz says:

    SSSD said:

    “But Shoogar missed a key member of her list: SSSD ’cause SSSD is definitely HOT for Shoogar!”

    Haha I like that! :-)

  446. cleo says:

    Flo Rida asked “how long to you wait before intimacy?”

    the amount of time i wait before having sex with you is inversely proportional to how much effect you’re going to have on my life. in other words, if i sleep with you the day i meet you i probably don’t want to see you again.
    .
    shoogar arrogance is such a fine line from confidence… and sometimes can only be told in person. but you are dead on nonetheless

    i have another one, but it’s long term: flash anger.

    as in instant rage. i’m always immediately over people who get scary ragey at me, especially if i’m still being pretty calm and not yelling or whatever.

  447. SSSD says:

    Shoogar listed her hot and not criteria. Hmm, let me see…

    HOT (for Shoogar)
    Brains — hmm, check, yep, got me some of those.
    Honesty — check, got that, I love that song.
    Confidence — check, got that song, too, by Julie Andrews.
    Respect — check, Arethra Franklin, but a bit out of my range.

    But Shoogar missed a key member of her list: SSSD ’cause SSSD is definitely HOT for Shoogar!

  448. cleo says:

    sometimes, when people repeat the things i say? i’m amazed how well i speak sometimes (and how totally inept i am at others of course!)

    it’s like “i wrote that?”

    “cool!”
    .
    well okay here are some thoughts then?

    you CAN screen for:
    negativity
    illiteracy
    thoughtfulness
    odd interests via code words in sentences
    level of attention they pay

    that last one, an example:

    i had this horrid cell phone with only a number pad AND had just gotten it and never texted before. i told him this as a funny story on our first date and asked him to email me. the next day he texted me… we chatted a bit, confirmed a date, i asked him to email. couple days later i asked him again. and then again.

    he never did anything but text. made me nuts. so stupid to be annoyed by that but i asked him FOUR times. (i didn’t have his email, he had mine)

  449. Yaz says:

    SSSD and NYCSB~ Thanks. You guys are far too kind….Love you both!!
    :-)

  450. SSSD says:

    NYC SB wrote: maybe SA can borrow e harmony’s 17 dimensions of compatibility test?

    😉

    The problem with most such approaches is that they purport to match people. By comparison, filtering for looks is by a photo. The photo does not purport a match. Instead it gives you (the observer) some information by which you can make your own decision.

    This is why networking is so much better than Internet profiles, as many of you have pointed out.

  451. HOT (for me)
    Brains
    Honesty
    Confidence
    Respect

    NOT (for me)
    Arrogance
    Rudeness
    Demanding

  452. NYC SB says:

    SSSD i agree re yaz – I think she is very beautiful and has a matching personality 😀 love ya girlie

  453. NYC SB says:

    SSSD – of course its hard to filter for depth… maybe SA can borrow e harmony’s 17 dimensions of compatibility test? sorry that commercial always cracks me up

    Cleo – that is helpful as well… and i think really until you spend time getting to know someone you wont get a sense of their character (and even that is a hit or miss)

  454. SSSD says:

    Cleo: looks are easy, how do you screen for character??

    Yes, thank for putting it concisely.

    What’s the Hot or Not of character?

  455. SSSD says:

    Cleo wrote: yaz you have the benefit of choice, and a brainy beauty is the sexiest thing there is… to a man secure enough not to be afraid of her

    Nice, Cleo. But I’ve met Yaz and she has nothing to worry about. She has all the sexy brainy beauty she needs. Now it’s patience, focus and a bit of luck, methinks.

    Cleo then added: i don’t know what to say, i find SA to be a giant time suck you can only hope is worth it in the end

    You’re channeling the wisdom of the gurus tonight! Yes, SA is almost as much of a time suck as this blog!

    😉

  456. Yaz says:

    Good question!

  457. cleo says:

    nycsb btw i agree with you – but even screening for the Ivy colleges would help him. or for ladies doing a second degree…?

    so the question i think is this

    looks are easy, how do you screen for character??

  458. SSSD says:

    Cleo: they don’t have to be in their 30s to have beauty scars sam, they have to be in their 30s to have healed from them

    Precisely my point. Though there are many who haven’t healed at that point and are nearly psychotic. And that’s another story. A drama which often in hindsight can be considered a comedy, but while on-going feels more like horror.

    Shoogar: I know some men who like the snotty, “me, me, me” 20-something woman.

    Is she hawt? If so, then I could like her…

    …for an evening. 😉

    I understand your point, Cleo. I have met women who are stunningly beautiful and have that lonely character. Some of the most interesting are those who chose to embrace that loneliness and found their own identity rather than using beauty to define themselves. They became more independent that way.

  459. cleo says:

    SSSD: get your current sb to screen down to 20 for you?

    offer to pay them an extra three months to help you search after you’re done?

    from the way it sounds like your arrangements work i imagine i could like you enough to do it for you at the end of it. heck i emailed an ex once and sent him a couple of photos i had taken and suggested he change his profile pics on a dating site to better reflect how cute he really was (and still goofy which is his fave trait about himself and SOOO exhausting for everyone else…)

    hell you could pay Lily or someone like her to do it for you!
    .
    shoogar: spoken like a brainy beauty indeed *g*

  460. cleo says:“…a brainy beauty is the sexiest thing there is… to a man secure enough not to be afraid of her”

    BING-O!

    …and BINGO was his name-O!

  461. cleo says:

    sssd i’m not going to put on my profile that i was far more mature than most people my age because of my mother’s ongoing struggle with mental illness and my social issues in school. that ain’t hot.

    perhaps filter less for age and more for profile words? style of picture? mood? reject for any whimsy that occurs to you?

    i don’t know what to say, i find SA to be a giant time suck you can only hope is worth it in the end

  462. cleo says:

    yaz are the outfit girls pretty or beautiful? i ask because beauty tempers like chiseling a statue from jade. pretty just fades.

    they may know they only have a little wee window to be pretty in… those cute, round young things who are pushing maximum density while looking pityingly at chubby older women as though they aren’t on a direct train to the same station.

    furthermore, IF you have brains and beauty you can choose to be beautiful, if you have brains and character your face will evolve to be ever more fascinating, beautiful or not. if you only have the pretty?

    you better make the most of it while you can… and there are a lot of statistics about college and marriage.

    yaz you have the benefit of choice, and a brainy beauty is the sexiest thing there is… to a man secure enough not to be afraid of her

  463. SSSD says:

    I had asked a question to the blog. Cleo responded: i would say not so much wrong as overly narrow.

    But that exacerbates the conundrum: in late 2008 for my last SA attempt, I interacted with over one hundred forty potentials to narrow it down to one. It was exhausting and consumed a massive amount of time and money. I’m lazy. Or, more charitably, too busy.

    Flo, writing from the dark side, thank you for the advice. Although if evolution is the invisible hand pushing me, well, who am I to argue against hundreds of million years of progress?

    NYC SB, resenting my statement of difficulty, proposes I look for immigrants. Yet I don’t see that as particularly easy to do on SA or elsewhere because it’s less about being an immigrant as the manner in which they handled the challenges of immigration. I maintain: good filtering criteria for depth are difficult.

  464. Yaz says:

    NYCSB said:

    “I resent that statement! Great way to find this without spending hours upon hours filtering is to look for a woman that immigrated to the US from a foreign country and had to work extra hard to get through what is usually handed to most… Her maturity levels would me much higher and she would appreciate someone helping her out… ”

    So true….So true

  465. SSSD – from a woman’s viewpoint, some of the most beautiful women (and men, for that matter) I have met in life are those who have gone through hardships in life and remain beautiful inside and out – without becoming cynical.

    Of course, I believe individually we have to grasp the true nature of what constitutes beauty for each one of us. For me, it goes beyond the parameters of pure physical appearance. Age, weight and height go out the door for me and other positive human characteristics are more important for me: intelligence, sense of humor, honesty, sincerity all take the lead.

    Bottom line, I think it’s all individual preference.

    I know some men who like the snotty, “me, me, me” 20-something woman.

  466. cleo says:

    SSSD then goes on to discuss beauty

    i’m not even in the supermodel looks category and i would state categorically that my looks have been a problem for me… and a help

    i didn’t understand that i have the kind of looks that a certain percentage of men find breathtaking (the rest don’t even notice, i’m pretty all or nothing it seems) until i was in my thirties and that in itself was a huge part of the problem. but i was an extremely socially awkward kid and the butt of many jokes, most related to how ugly i was (how was i to know what that actually meant? i was a kid!)

    because of that i didn’t learn to use my looks to my advantage until i was much older. being striking and occasionally beautiful does NOT WORK if you aren’t using it. it’s wrong, it’s like a swan trying to live with ducks.

    i mean wrong from the perspective of the people looking rather than the person inside. i was going along having a fun life as a tomboy :)

    i finally got it though, i’m not a duck and i make the ducks uncomfortable :)

    that said, the old saw “if you want to know who the loneliest person in the room is, look for the most beautiful” is an old saw for a reason. i’ve never looked like heidi klum, but tyra would have cast me way back when i was modelling age and i’ve certainly been the loneliest person in the room most of my life.

    they don’t have to be in their 30s to have beauty scars sam, they have to be in their 30s to have healed from them
    .
    Flo Rida: good point about the friends… and worth remembering that most great beauties were butt ugly in school

  467. Jade says:

    I notice younger guys are more exciting than older as far as personality and overall ” coolness ” goes. I tend to get a bit bored with older men at times and they do seem to have way to many “past relationship” problems / kid drama.

  468. Yaz says:

    SSSD said:

    “The conventional wisdom is that certain things become too easy for beautiful young women, which is reflected in their character.”

    Many young beautiful women have this ” I deserve it because I am beautiful” attitude which is a real turn off to many SDs. They get everything and MORE handed to them and they do not feel a need to work for anything or accomplish anything on their own. Their favorite excuse? ” It is not my fault if I am beautiful!”. No wonder some SDs prefer older women because they know how to appreciate what is given to them.

    I, personally find myself average looking. Some men find me pretty and some men would not even consider me if I was the last woman on earth ( I have actually been told that) but one of thing I am most proud of is that I will never have a “Me, me, me!!” attitude. While my stunningly beautiful friends are busy trying to figure out their outfits for the next party, I am busy trying to figure out to make enough money to keep going to school ( SD or no SD).

    I have learned a GREAT deal from the more experienced and older women from this blog sometimes I do wish I was a bit more like them because they seem to have so much to offer to the right SD! Wisdom truly is everything.

  469. NYC SB says:

    SD in LA Thankfully, there are plenty of women out there who aren’t like that, usually some life experience helps, but I prefer my SBs to be younger, and despite fishing in the Sea of Youthful Cluelessness, over the years have had a half-dozen great (and exclusive) arrangements with smart, cultured, extremely attractive women who have all been students at Ivies or equivalent institutions and have no interest in boys their age or the inane predatory dating games that prevail these days.

    How absolutely true this statement is…

    SSSD It is also difficult to find depth in a twenty-something.

    I resent that statement! Great way to find this without spending hours upon hours filtering is to look for a woman that immigrated to the US from a foreign country and had to work extra hard to get through what is usually handed to most… Her maturity levels would me much higher and she would appreciate someone helping her out…

    Flo – How long do I wait for intimacy? With you I would say 3 minutes (just enough to get out of my corset) :p I hope you are well my dear!

  470. cleo says:

    SSSD says “am i focused on the wrong targets entirely?”

    i would say not so much wrong as overly narrow. there are so many amazing women in their thirties who have finally learned to own their sexuality, who are mature enough to handle the kinds of terms you require without turning into emotional basket cases (assuming you select for sanity) and who are busy reinventing their lives. Most of them take better care of themselves than the young ones and are more apt to share interests with you…

    I, for example, can state almost categorically that I ain’t your type – but that’s based more on your words than anything else. persnally i find your nerdy ways hot…

    that said, i’m busy trying to grow a business with no help but what my own two hands can provide.

    midwest is a gorgeous lady who is trying to restart her life and deal with college bills and being in her forties.

    i’m equally certain that miss shoogar would love to have her image business be one of your ‘projects’ as the help would be invaluable.

    i could go on but the point is made?

    so no, not so much wrong as… overly limited

    ps that whole gun thing? hot

  471. Flo Rida says:

    SSSD – a beautiful woman who has only beautiful friends may be shallow. A beautiful woman with plain or frankly unattractive friends sees real people and not just surface beauty.

    Age and life experiences teaches all women – not just beautiful women.

    Flo from the dark side of the force. Also signing off as i’m pooped.

  472. Flo Rida says:

    SSSD – it is evolution subtly forcing you to be attracted to 20 somethings. These women want to be romanced, have a princess attitude and have no problem in receiving $10k+ without obligation.

    The only way to screen is ‘recommendation from trusted SD’, deep questions about previous SB-SD experiences or deep questions about ‘what are you looking for’ ‘romance’ etc.

    Separate q to sugar family – how long do you wait for intimacy (weeks – months)? also how much effort do you put into romance?

    Flo from the dark side of the sugar force.

  473. SSSD says:

    My mentor was talking to me about why some SBs I picked were not incredibly breathtakingly beautiful. Or they were older than “prime” (which was generally considered early twenties). This was one reason I gave:

    Although this smacks of unfair stereotyping (so warm up the flame tanks), it is a clear statistical “fact” in my experience that a depth of personality and character is more difficult to find in a young woman if she is popularly considered very beautiful. Less popular and the odds become more favorable. The conventional wisdom is that certain things become too easy for beautiful young women, which is reflected in their character.

    Interesting that often, several decades later that very same beauty turns out to have created hardships in life (often involving men but sometimes other work, sex, or drug factors). Such experiences, if they have not created deep scars, add significant wisdom and depth making them incredibly interesting. So the odds again become more favorable.

    Anybody else find this to be true?

  474. My hot bath just turned into a cold shower. I know, typically a GUY thing, but seemed appropriate after reading about pump action, straps and exotic hardware while in the solitary confinement of my quiet office with no man around.

    SSSD says: “Too bad I’m already in a promising situation: I’d enjoy showing you my combat experience; perhaps I could interest you in trying out some more exotic hardware.”

    Yes, too bad. I am a one man woman and my promising situation seems to be a one woman man. Ah, but to dream…

  475. Yaz says:

    ESB~ I hope the date went well!!!

  476. Yaz says:

    SSSD said:

    “How do you screen or filter for these characteristics without spending hours and days? And why is it so difficult to filter the twenty-somethings in email? The more experienced women seem to get a point, have a point, and get to the point more quickly and efficiently. ”

    I say, you should give the more experienced women a chance then! :-)

  477. Yaz says:

    Good evening sugar Fam! :-)

  478. Naughty Molly says:

    Another one of my favorites ~ Stardust by Hoagy Carmichael :)

  479. SSSD says:

    Now to more serious stuff. SDinLA observed: Thankfully, there are plenty of women out there who aren’t like that, usually some life experience helps, but I prefer my SBs to be younger, and despite fishing in the Sea of Youthful Cluelessness, over the years have had a half-dozen great (and exclusive) arrangements with smart, cultured, extremely attractive women who have all been students at Ivies or equivalent institutions and have no interest in boys their age or the inane predatory dating games that prevail these days.

    This is an excellent insight. I have found this as well, but they are few and very far between. Which leads me to my question.

    I have generally pursued in the 23 to 28 age range, post schooling, preferably with some real world experience under her belt. I have found, however, that my methods resonate better with women in their mid to late 30’s. It is also difficult to find depth in a twenty-something. It’s true, they have little time to experience enough to gain sufficient depth (without deep collateral damage, which I also don’t want), but they do exist.

    How do you screen or filter for these characteristics without spending hours and days? And why is it so difficult to filter the twenty-somethings in email? The more experienced women seem to get a point, have a point, and get to the point more quickly and efficiently.

    Am I focused on the wrong targets entirely?

  480. SSSD says:

    First, let’s get the fun stuff out of the way.

    Lily declared: And this kinky meet? I’m so in.

    But am I in? And if so, what is it exactly that I’m in? In the bath, well it’s hot water, I fear. 😉

    Shoogar revealed: We have to be equipped with ruck sacks, bayonets and M-79 grenade launchers. And she separately warned: Time for me to get creative! Be afraid.

    As you know the M-79 is a grenade launcher that handles 40mm ordnance. Is that the size you prefer, hmm?

    I am curious: Are you satisfied that it is single shot? Sure you wouldn’t prefer a pump action or, say, some fully automatic hardware?

    It is a bit outdated as well. By contrast the M-203 straps onto a full auto piece of more modern hardware that can go 20 or 30 rounds, at least. Sure you wouldn’t be interested in an upgrade?

    Too bad I’m already in a promising situation: I’d enjoy showing you my combat experience; perhaps I could interest you in trying out some more exotic hardware. 😉

  481. ESB – You seem smitten! Let us know how the match dot com date turns out.

    FLSB – the BLOCK button is one of the most important features on the SA site. Glad you found it.

    Blowing TLG a raspberry…or 2 or 3~~ ~* * *

  482. Allow me to “jot it down” on the blog record that…

    Lily + Karaoke + Toni Braxton tune + drink in hand = ADORABLE.

  483. FLSB says:

    TLG- found it, Thank you :)

  484. The Lone Gunman says:

    OH–and Midwest: Healing continues, just slow. Have Doc appt on Monday for update on progress.

    TLG

  485. The Lone Gunman says:

    FLSB:

    If you have one of his emails open, look at the far left hand side; there should be a Block button that you can click on. (This is assuming that the emails is coming to you through SA.)

    TLG

  486. FLSB says:

    Jade-I didn’t see it, oh well he has to stop eventually right? lol

  487. Jade says:

    FLSB – I think you click on his profile and look for the block feature.

  488. FLSB says:

    Ok, some disgusting guy keeps harrasing me, and calling me names because I didn’t see one of his IM’s come through! How do I block him?!

    insert-(little smiley face with devil horns)

  489. Lily says:

    Shoo – a clip of me singing Toni Braxton is in your email.

    Waiting to sing makin’ whopee.

  490. The Lone Gunman says:

    Try as I might, the only person I can think of with the initials DD is Dirk Diggler.

    You may all now blow me a raspberry.

    TLG

  491. Lily says:

    Bitter:sweet not on list, makin’ whoophee is.

  492. ESB says:

    Shania Twain, Honey I’m Home. Love that one!!

    Hey Sugar family. Well, believe it or not, I have a date tonight. Met him on Match.com. He is GORgeous. Seriously. His first email was “you are NOT from around here, girls don’t look that good from this area.” Ahh.. what a cutie. So, we meet for drinks in an hour or so… should be fun. He already makes me laugh hysterically, so that is a good thing.

    I’ve put my sugar search on hold. Had a bad experience, going to back off. I do have one I’m meeting with this week, but we have become more friends than anything, just want to talk to him, let him know what has been going on, get some “big brother” advice. He is moving, so doubt we can have an arrangement now… guess things will work them selves out there. I’m going to miss him though. Very sweet guy, just couldn’t get our timing right.. the meeting guy!

    Anyway, you all have been having fun today!!

  493. Alluring Anna says:

    How about “Rapture” by Anita Baker. Always liked that song.

  494. sugarbarbie says:

    Shania Twain – I feel like a woman

  495. I think Bitter:Sweet will be the music selection for tonight’s bubble bath! Love, love, LOVE Bitter:Sweet!! Thanks for the reminder, SDinLA!

  496. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: Yes, “Get What I Want” would be perfect. I suspected you might come back with that because my musical tastes are as eclectic as yours, and I also have a tendency to be all over the map with what I’m listening to in any given hour…

  497. Lyrics to “Get What I Want”…

    “Hold the door, while I let myself in
    I’m tired boy, need a drink, need a man
    I’m not looking for trouble, I just want someone to tease

    Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll show you what I’ve got
    But let’s get one thing straight dear
    I get what I want

    Here there boy, I am not like the rest
    Let’s have a dance, while our souls get undressed
    I don’t care much for small talk, there’s no need to say a thing more
    I can make you feel something lovely, that you’ve never felt before…”

  498. Naughty Molly says:

    Midwest ~ Either one works for me 😉

  499. OR…”Get What I Want” also by Bitter:Sweet!! Perfect!

  500. Midwest says:

    Lily – “Makin Whoopee” Michelle Pfiefer in The Fabulous Baker Boys\

  501. Naughty Molly says:

    “Makin’ Whoopee” Eddie Cantor 😉

  502. Midwest – that is GREAT that you are teaching your son how to be a gentleman!!

    Jade – I had one ask me if I was into Greek sex in a first email. I was thinking he meant with grape leaves and feta! I had to look it up to learn what it meant. He was blocked.

  503. SDinLA says:

    Lily needs to do a seductive version of “Dirty Laundry” by Bitter:Sweet

  504. I think it would be appropriate for Lily to sing a seductive version of Frank Sinatra’s “Strangers in the Night.” Just sayin’…

  505. Jade says:

    I have been finding many of the sugar daddy on the sites like to take a seriously rude approach so you end up having to block 60-70 percent from simply being rude. NEVER ask a girl if she is into anal first email !

  506. sugarbarbie says:

    Lily – “I will always love you” – Whitney H.

  507. Naughty Molly says:

    SDinLA and SS ~ I think you both are right 😉

  508. Midwest says:

    I have seen that approach in action and all I could say is “How is that working for you?” Thank goodness I’ve seen the newsletter before the approach. The fact that it does work shows a fundamental flaw in society…too many women throwing away traditional expectations in the name of success in the corporate world. There must be a balance. I am always showing my son how to open a door, give a firm handshake and use his manners. We should be teaching any young lady whom we can influence to have strong self esteem and to stop watching “The Bachelor”!

    Off to play with a gentleman-in-training!

  509. Methinks Naughty Molly made a Freudian slip perhaps? With all this steamy talk today of hot bubble baths, seductress Latvian women and explosives in the bedroom…can we blame her???

  510. SDinLA says:

    Anna Molly: I thought you were suggesting something else by writing “afternood” (I understand nood = nude in Latvian)

  511. sugarbarbie says:

    I never read the dating advice of DD, but am a huge fan of his other work and hearing the advice he gives shocks me. I figured him to be much different based on his other works… a giving person. weird

  512. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: …and *when* you take it off. I’m not sure how I would interpret the intentions of a woman bearing a M79 into the bedroom. I guess some guys might find that to be a turn on.

    Maybe I should mention to a few of my designer acquaintances the potential that seems to exist for haute couture that doesn’t clash with military hardware. 😉

  513. Anna Molly – I LOVE “At Last” by Etta James. GREAT REQUEST.

    Lily – we want VIDEO!

  514. SDinLA – it’s okay. A little clashing works sometimes. Remember, it’s not always what you wear, it’s how you take it off. 😉

  515. Anna Molly says:

    LOL…*afternoon*

  516. Anna Molly says:

    At Last by Etta James

  517. Anna Molly says:

    Oh yes, older men are so sexy 😉

    Hi everybody! Lazy Sunday afternood here 😀

  518. Lily says:

    At a karaoke bar & lurking.

    Requests, pleeeeease!!!

  519. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: Don’t forget your body armour! I imagine it’s hard to find Louboutins or Jimmy Choos that don’t clash with M-79 grenade launchers…

  520. SDinLA says:

    Michael AZSD: and that description applies even more so to the male gender. Which is why the smart women like the ones here are interested in older gentlemen like us! 😉

  521. I’m loving your new handle, MAZSD 1+1=omg! Real cute.

    SDinLA – as a single woman, I can say that entering the dating scene these days is like entering the jungles of ‘Nam. We have to be equipped with ruck sacks, bayonets and M-79 grenade launchers.

  522. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    “fishing in the Sea of Youthful Cluelessness” – SDinLA, you just hit several nails on the head.

    That is one of the funniest – and most accurate – descriptions I have read for a long time!!

  523. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    I got this guys newsletters for a while, but I just could never approach a woman like this and be rude right out of the gate! He calls it “cocky and funny”. Nah – what goes around, comes around.

    If you want to get laid easily, it might work. But if you want to find a great relationship, this ain’t the way….

  524. cleo says:

    SDinLA sometimes i wonder how i still date… but then i have a good one

  525. …well, it works on a particular type of woman and I think we are all on the same page in saying that it works on women with low self-esteem. It also works on women who want/need the challenge and feel they can “change” a man. I admit, I like a challenge in some areas of life – but not that kind of challenge.

  526. SDinLA says:

    NYGent,

    I am in the same boat as you re: just not being capable of acting as the “guru” in your email advised. As Lily states, it really does seem to be the norm for young people today. My psychotherapist mother would attribute the success of such methods to the innate insecurities and lack of self-worth of many women.

    It’s always been like this to a degree: the smart, educated woman who should know better but is terminally attracted to the “bad boy” because she somehow believes she can change him, or the married man who is more attractive to a certain woman because he is unavailable and because the attractive wife validates his desirability, i.e. “If he’s good enough for a woman like that to marry, he’s good enough for me.” This whole “dating guru for guys” subculture that has arisen is just a more codified, exploitative way to push those buttons: act like you don’t care to seem interesting, “He doesn’t want me ergo I must pursue him.”

    Thankfully, there are plenty of women out there who aren’t like that, usually some life experience helps, but I prefer my SBs to be younger, and despite fishing in the Sea of Youthful Cluelessness, over the years have had a half-dozen great (and exclusive) arrangements with smart, cultured, extremely attractive women who have all been students at Ivies or equivalent institutions and have no interest in boys their age or the inane predatory dating games that prevail these days.

    I have a tremendous amount of empathy for women on the dating scene, if I had been born on the distaff side of the equation I think I’d have joined a convent. :-)

  527. SweetEuropean – I don’t get it either. I would witness him in action (I was his wingwoman on many nights out) and here is one scenario that made my jaw drop:

    He would order a woman a shot of chocolate milk and send it across the bar to her. It was a cute icebreaker, BUT, when the woman would come over and say, “Why don’t you buy me a real drink now?” He would literally say something like, “Because you look like the kind of woman who can’t handle her alcohol. Why don’t you buy us each a shot and show me you can?” Sure enough, the woman would laugh and buy him a shot just to prove she could drink a shot! The shots would continue (on her tab) and he would continue talking down to her. I asked him about this tactic and he told me it was a 2-part test. One, did she have a sense of humor and two, how would she handle his blatant rudeness.

    I was always against his approach and would talk to him about it, but he was adamant about testing women in his rude ways. He was never short of dates and never went home from the bar alone so we can see it works!!

  528. cleo says:

    the pattern is full…
    .
    SE i have…but never to excess. you have to like you first is truer than a lot of people believe

  529. if this is the same DD I am thinking of (author of “Double Your Dating”), he also wrote an article about “How to Treat Beautiful Women” and it was quite appalling. His underlying lesson was to make fun of a woman if she is beautiful because this will cause her to lose her power. Wow. He is something else…

    I once met somebody who actually tried this on me once, he made fun of me and tried to put me down etc.. I called him out on his behaviour right away!

    It won’t work unless the person being made fun of has low self esteem, which I don’t, and I’m sure many of the bloggers here don’t!

  530. cleo says:

    or i nice them to death

  531. I had a male friend who used this approach and true, women would literally FLOCK to him

    I will never understand women who allow themselves to be treated like this…!

  532. cleo – RIGHT. The sum of two negatives = NEGATIVE, Ghostrider.

  533. cleo says:

    shoogar when i get a neg i give it back – harder

  534. cleo says:

    shooger: thank you, that’s what i was trying to say.. no it isn’t, it’s the rest of it :)
    .
    michael it targets the playboy but not a man who genuinely likes women who like themselves.
    .
    nygent: this applies to you a little too maybe? i think you are a touch too nice…

  535. NY GENT – if this is the same DD I am thinking of (author of “Double Your Dating”), he also wrote an article about “How to Treat Beautiful Women” and it was quite appalling. His underlying lesson was to make fun of a woman if she is beautiful because this will cause her to lose her power. Wow. He is something else…

  536. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Cleo – “it works on the kind of woman i don’t want to be” – exactly.

    The guy who offers the advice targets those who are lacking in confidence or are easily intimidated. Somehow I don’t think that describes any of us here either…..

  537. On the topic of self-centered, rude mannered dating:

    I had a male friend who used this approach and true, women would literally FLOCK to him. Turns out though, the relationships with those women never worked. One day, he met a woman who wouldn’t give him the time of day because of this approach. She ended up being the one he fell for and talk about a complete turn-around in his mannerisms! I called him out on his 180 change (in a good way) and he simply told me he didn’t respect the women who allowed him to treat them so poorly. He is from an upper class family, went through charm school, raised by a very elegant woman and knew all the right ways to treat a woman, he just simply chose not to do it until he found a woman who respected herself enough to subtly demand the right treatment.

  538. Jade says:

    Did you know most men have learned to ask ladies out to drinks simply to avoid having to pay for a dinner?

  539. Lily says:

    And this kinky meet? I’m so in.

  540. Lily says:

    NYGent, you just described the predominant dating culture of twenty-something and most thirtysomethings in this country.

  541. NYGent says:

    Shoogar: no not Tucker Max. Initials D D which I’ll leave it there.

    The problem with the advice is not that statistics don’t show it doesn’t work, but for some people, we are just constituitionally unable to follow it even if we wanted to.

  542. cleo says:

    or to put it another way… quality vs quantity and you sssd and nygent have made it abundantly clear that you do not prefer quantity

  543. cleo says:

    nygent/sssd it works on the kind of woman i don’t want to be

    i don’t mean i won’t pay for my own tea of i get to our first meet in a coffee shop first. but a gentleman would be there early with a table ready, grin with delight to see me and say ‘what can i get for you’ after taking your coat.

    and you won’t lose any points for being on time and thus allowing me to buy my own coffee… but you won’t win any either.

    that said, i was taught to respect myself, to stick to what works for me, not to allow people to pressure me into things and not to have sex with anyone whose children i wouldn’t willingly have.

    that guy? we might date but in the long run he’d be out for having no manners. i have manners, i take care of my partner, i take care of myself and dress to please my partner because getting your partner off is the best thing ever AND LEADS TO YOU GETTING OFF MORE TOO, i do little things they might not even notice but that make their lives better every day.

    buying me dinner… again, you don’t have to (you do on a sugar date but even so i can imagine buying breakfast for my sd no problem) but if you do i will know that you are taking me seriously and choosing to do nice things for me…

    sure you don’t have to have manners, but their lack will kill us in the end.

  544. NY Gent – was that email, per chance, from Tucker Max? Just sayin’….

    Anna Molly wrote: SS and SSSD ~ the two of you are so flirty, hurry up and meet already and Lily added: Seriously, you two get a room!

    SSSD responded: Anna Molly and Lily, will you be in the room as well? I’m greedy. Hey, sometimes it can be a virtue…

    SSSD – I think this puts an entirely new spin on our future Sugar Meet planning. I envision more SDs RSVPing, don’t you? This might put a damper on your virtuous greed factor being fulfilled though. Hmmm. Time for me to get creative! Be afraid.

  545. SSSD says:

    NY Gent, in the last decade many books have come out that purport a more aggressive, self-centered, rude manner of dating. It appears to work very well with many young Western women. I’ve read several and have acquaintances who swear by the approach. A key part of it is to deal with a lot of rejection to screen for willing candidates. The “payoff” is that willing candidates will move to sex rapidly and with enthusiasm.

    I find the approach personally distasteful, but it is difficult to argue with the statistics. I have accompanied persons who practice this technique and I admit I am always impressed with how well it works (and confused about why).

  546. SSSD says:

    Michael wrote: If you have an arrangement, and the possibility of an excellent IRL relationship arose, would you leave the arrangement to pursue the relationship? Conversely, if you were in an IRL relationship and an outstanding arrangement opportunity came along, would you pursue the arrangement?

    I choose to intrepret your IRL relationship scenario as something as serious as marriage. This is quite unlikely to happen to me, but if it did I would prioritize a marriage relationship over an arrangement romance. My arrangement contract would continue to pay out for the duration, but the romantic side would end.

    Realistically I don’t see, if things are going well romantically, how that scenario could play out that way for me. SA romance is real life romance. That’s why I do it. Otherwise there are too many other kinds of resources available.

  547. NYGent says:

    I received the below junk email today from a self-styled “dating guru.” It appears to be the “anti-SD” approach (sort of like the famous Seinfeld episode where George decided to do “the exact opposite” of all his instincts.)

    Here is the email — what do people think? (edited for length):

    “Here’s the shocking (and
    slightly counter-intuitive) fact:

    PAYING A WOMAN’S WAY ON A DATE ACTUALLY
    *DECREASES* YOUR CHANCE OF SUCCESS WITH HER.

    For our purposes, I want you to consider
    “traditional dinner dates” to be a thing of the
    past. History. As far as we’re concerned, they’re
    now officially EXTINCT.

    Why?

    Because when you ask a woman out and then pay
    for the date, you’re making her think of you in
    THE COMPLETELY WRONG WAY.

    1) You’re starting off the relationship RIGHT
    FROM THE BEGINNING by offering to buy something
    for her, and more importantly YOU’RE SETTING AN
    EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this,
    you’re setting an expectation that you’re going
    to do this from NOW ON.

    2) You’re subtly saying, “I feel like I need to
    use a bribe to get you to see me again”.

    3) Once you “take a woman out” and prove to her
    beyond the shadow of a doubt that you like to pay
    for things, you set a whole series of other
    subconscious expectations in place. Without going
    into detail, most of these other expectations
    will only lead her thinking of you in the “nice
    guy” category, and costing you time and money
    that you might as well have thrown down a rat
    hole.

    In the meantime, what’s the fastest path to
    becoming the kind of man women not only feel
    attracted to, but couldn’t resist if they tried?

    As I said earlier, a great place to start is
    NOT ASKING WOMEN “OUT” at all ANYMORE. I mean,
    not EVER AGAIN.

    Instead, just say, “Do you have email?” If she
    does, hand her a pen and say, “Great, write it
    down for me.” Then, follow up by inviting her to
    join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating
    conversation.

    Then, if you’re REALLY cheap, show up 5
    minutes late so she buys her own tea and is
    waiting for you. You can even say, “How
    inconsiderate of you… where’s mine?”

    Bottom line: it’s true, buy a woman enough
    dinners and material things, and she may begin to
    feel some AFFECTION for you. But meals and
    presents will never lead to ATTRACTION.”

  548. SSSD says:

    Anna Molly wrote: SS and SSSD ~ the two of you are so flirty, hurry up and meet already and Lily added: Seriously, you two get a room!

    Anna Molly and Lily, will you be in the room as well? 😉

    I’m greedy. Hey, sometimes it can be a virtue…

  549. cleo says:

    all together now

    ewwww

    (hiya nygent)

  550. NYGent says:

    The NY post also has a story inside today about a 43-y.o. Australian former SB who has a book coming out this summer about her experiences entitled “sugarbabe.”

  551. NYGent says:

    Life imitates art, or somethign like that . . . no sooner do i say that an SD is unlikely to sue his SB than the NY Post today has a front page story of a business exec (divorced) who paid (he says “loaned”) an escort 100K on the stipulation that she end her escort ways and (later) marry him.

    I still think a married SD who’s been trying to keep the arrangement secret is very unlikely to sue.

  552. cleo says:

    to be fair we were half ignoring each other :)

  553. Lily says:

    Midwest- *giggle*

    yes, I guess it was. Although funnily enough, in jeans and cowboy boots + fitted red sweater. Very casually dressed for the setting. Thought no one would notice. But a good hair day, I admit. Cutrin makes a rescue hair mask that, when combined with 4 hours of video skyling with Cleo while it soaks in, adds up to very silky locks.
    Plus I’m loving dior’s lip maximized collagen activ gloss. Makes your lips mirrored glossy+ actually tingle with freshnesss. I felt ripe for the kissing!

  554. cleo says:

    oh dear, i’m still sick. i want my mommy :)

    or a hot male to come and nurse me back to health *g*

  555. Michael AZSD says:

    Sleeping Beauty has arisen – gotta sign off for a couple of hours.

    Have a great day all!

  556. TexasSugah says:

    Happy Sunday everyone

    Michael AZSD – wow what a story. I guess since I haven’t a true arrangement, just guys who want a GF. I think that, right now where I am,I’m not ready for a real relationship. I would opt for the arrangement. Perhaps next year my answer will be different.

    With all that is going on in my life, I haven’t pursued any SD seriously. The personalinfo SD is looking for a LTR.

    FLSB – he didnt’ ask for the information. He simply said that the bank had asked himn for it but he told them to leave it blank. I reread some of our texts.. he said that he was tying my card to an account that he has. It has a limit on it and he would pay for it. He’s single so he doesn’t mind that our names are co-mingled.

    Reading the texts, he said that the bank said that they wanted the information , I guess really for his protection, in case I ran up a bill and took off. He told them leave it blank.

    I guess we’ll just have to see if the card comes. He said it would take about 10 days for me to get it from the bank. It’s been about a week since he first mentioned it.

    I agree with Anna Molly.. SS and SSSD… make it happen!

  557. Michael AZSD says:

    Midwest – I agree with you. I was tempted away as the existing arrangement was not that strong, and was on it’s way out.

    As I said, still looking for the OMG factor. Tried the traditional dating sites – what a seriously unpleasant experience! Ended up here – the conversations tend to be much more direct, and hence the whole relationship is much more relaxing as a huge amount of guesswork is taken out of the relationship.

    As Shoogar says, this is “an accelerated way of dating and a way of lining yourself up with someone you are compatible with”.

    No hidden agendas or games – us men tend to be a bit thick and linear at times, so this approach really suits me.

  558. NC Gent says:

    and to answer the question — Yes I would go to a meet, and in fact, NY Gent and I “sponsored” one in December. Can’t wait to do it again. I have also met several SBs just as friends. I love meeting other people, especially the bloggers.

  559. FLSB says:

    AM- it must be those spedos he wears 😉

    NC-is it gloomy there? the weather is awful here….hmm what do you do on gloomy days? You must have a tennis court in your house lol.

    Okay, I must go, the previews are starting!

  560. sugarbarbie says:

    would I go to a meet – Yes, If I could.

    cushion period… I would try to get support for a exit plan in some situations. Of course I would try to plan for this myself regardless. However, I feel my companion and I will be so sincerely concerned about each other that he would want to make sure everything is ok instead of leaving me out to dry if I needed a little cushion. Of course it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.

  561. NC Gent says:

    awwww thank you AM and good morning.

    Midwest — I agree with yuo. If I am satisfied with what I have, I am not one to wander.

    Good morning Cleo :)

  562. cleo says:

    jade there are a lot of hot women on this blog without men in real life…
    .
    i don’t know you guys, the whole exclusive and not thing is really hard to fathom. if my sd were married i might like to have two men just to help me split my focus and not drown in the feelings

    maybe this is, again, where it’s about who is coming to the table…

    i have been a serial monogamist my whole life but i think i would explore having two SDs if the opportunity presented itself… and i hadn’t agreed to be exclusive…

  563. Midwest says:

    Good morning..err afternoon sugars!

    TLG – How’s the healing?

    Shoogar – I am as eclectic about my music as you are! Why limit yourself?

    MAZSD – If I may, the fact that one can be tempted away from an arrangement/ IRL partner tends to reveal there are weaknesses in the current relationship. When I’m with someone who is “1+1=OMG!” then nothing can tear me away :-)

    That said, I have unfortunately dated men who have an incurable case of dating ADHD…bah!

    Lily – Your sugar is showing! What if the Latvian woman was royalty?

  564. Anna Molly says:

    Knowing NC, he won’t be sans SB for long 😉

  565. NC Gent says:

    Good morning SS. Hi Michael AZSD. Hello FLSB — I saw your post from yesterday or Friday. I am currently sans SB :)

  566. “Looking for 1 + 1 = omg! this is great!”

    How perfect. I love that, MAZSD! You know, my dad used to say, “The grass IS greener on the other side. They just use a different type of manure.” Well, it was something like that…

  567. Michael AZSD says:

    I think it has very much have to do who you are with at the time. I was in an arrangement last year and an outstanding (or so I thought) IRL relationship opportunity came along.

    So I exited the arrangement gracefully, giving an extra 2 of months support, and pursued the IRL relationship. What a HUGE mistake. Two months later, the IRL blew up, and my SB had moved on. Totally my fault, talk about a big lesson. Having said that, the arrangement I was in was fading away – we both knew it so I didn’t feel bad about ending it before I pursued the IRL.

    To Shoogar and FLSB’s point, I think it depends on the relationship at the time. I treat all of my relationships with trust and respect, and to drop one to pursue the green grass on the other side of the fence is just a wrong thing to do.

    To me, the arrangement – like all relationships – has to be based on mutual trust, respect and connection otherwise it will have a short life. I think that you have to approach all friendships and relationships as professional relationships – treat your friends, business partners, co-workers and relationships with the same level of integrity. SD / IRL is no exception to this.

    Looking for 1 + 1 = omg! this is great!

  568. Everything above I just wrote explains exactly why I did not renew a contract with my first SD – every other need was met (financial, mentoring, etc), but the lack of romance was the missing factor in the overall formula. I want 1 + 1 to equal 3. SYNERGY.

  569. FLSB says:

    AZSD- If I were in an IRL and he supported me emotionally, doesn’t even have to be financially, and I truly loved him, I wouldn’t pass him up for an arrangement. But if I didn’t love the man in my IRL I would most likely pass him up for an arrangement.

    Now, if I were in an arrangement and a potential IRL relationship came along I would probably choose the arrangement if it benefited me more at the time and in the long run.

  570. Lily – I agree with you 100% about chivalry not being dead. I have met many men (through SA and IRL) who have been perfect gentlemen in every sense of the word. Even though some of us (i.e., ME) approach arrangements with more of a business mindset, we still want and need romance – it is part of our emotional DNA.

    MichaelAZSD – Once I am in an arrangement, I treat it with the exact same respect I would a traditional relationship. It is a commitment I have chosen to make and hopefully with someone I want to be with on all the same levels as a IRL relationship. I view arrangements as an accelerated way of dating and a way of lining yourself up with someone you are compatible with who just happens to be at a different income bracket than what you may normally meet every day – with the ADDED understanding that he is there to assist in some way with your future goals. Where that may eventually happen in a traditional relationship, it usually doesn’t take place until months after the fact. With an arrangement, needs (financial and otherwise) are discussed up front and agreed upon. Also, for me, I am at a point in life where I do not want the pressure of “happily ever after” and an arrangement allows me that space (hence, my desire for an expiration date). IRL relationships never outline an expiration date.

  571. The Lone Gunman says:

    Goooood MOOOOOrning, Sugar Blog!

    It’s Sleepy Sunday, when we all take a moment in the moirning to rest from the prior night’s revelry/activities.

    Did you make a Latvian girl’s dream list?

    Is this morning a Sweet one, or is next week looking brighter and Sweeter for you?

    TLG

  572. FLSB says:

    Happy Sunday sugars!

    Lily-I’m off to see Alice in Wonderland! It was my favorite movie as a kid, aside from the little mermaid of course!

    Can anyone recommend an at home wax? I’ve been using the bliss poetic wax but just ran out and don’t think it’s that great to begin with.

  573. Anna Molly says:

    hehehe 😈

  574. Lily – I think YOU got the steam started with your late night pillow-talk story of the hot Latvia girl seducing you…

  575. Michael AZSD says:

    Here’s a question I have grappled with a couple of times. This question applies to both SBs and SDs.

    If you have an arrangement, and the possibility of an excellent IRL relationship arose, would you leave the arrangement to pursue the relationship? Conversely, if you were in an IRL relationship and an outstanding arrangement opportunity came along, would you pursue the arrangement?

    Thoughts? Comments? Too early on a Sunday morning for this?

  576. Lily says:

    No way, chivalry ain’t dead. Gosh, the SDs I date are so darned well-mannered, it’s leaving me spoiled. I love those little thoughtful gestures. They don’t cost a thing and they mean so much.

  577. Lily says:

    Seriously, you two get a room! 😉

    and you got a witness right here, Shoo! :) Amen.

  578. Anna Molly – Flirty?! Moi?! NEVER. This is one of those times a proper “hee hee” with the red devil emoticons would be appropriate. (6)

  579. Michael AZSD says:

    Lily wrote: I will take an older, non-gym-rat, eloquent English speaker with manners anyday!!

    How about a partial-gym-rat, who also meets the above criteria?

    Chivalry is also a great attribute I think – and no, chivalry is not yet dead, though it is coughing and spluttering a bit….

  580. Lily says:

    SSSD, if a new arrangement kept me busy & supported enough, I’d sever the romantic portion of my existing alliances with current supporters. Why do you think I keep searching SA for a ‘bigger fish’, so to speak? 😉

  581. Anna Molly says:

    SS and SSSD ~ the two of you are so flirty, hurry up and meet already 😉

  582. SSSD – I will karaoke sans liquor. I know. Some would say it’s a sickness.

    Bubbles in the bath. I will take bubbles in the glass too. Add fresh raspberries, even better. Sade in the CD player, though I would take her in that hot mermaid suit she wears in the video, “No Ordinary Love.”

  583. SSSD says:

    Shoogar requested, in her manner: As to the hot, steamy bath? Yes, was lovely! Candles, wine, bubbles and Sade. Men – these are all aphrodisiacs. Trust me. Can I get a witness, ladies?!

    Is that request only open to ladies? I’d be happy to witness your hot, steamy aphrodisiac-laden bath. I might even add to the steam (though, sadly, not to the hotness, I’m afraid.)

  584. SSSD says:

    Shoogar asserted: Candles, wine, bubbles and Sade. Men – these are all aphrodisiacs.

    Ok, I’m taking notes… candles, check. Wine, check. Bubbles… um, are they in the bath or in the wine? Sade… uh, is she in the CD player or the tub?

    And you singing la Bamba… how liquored up does your date need to get you before that happens? (I love karaoke, just not in public.)

  585. Sincere SD says: Touche SS, you have a way with words. Affirmative to the paddles but were you referring to shabu or the techno group, Crystal Meth????

    Um, I would say NO to both. Definitely no to shabu (have you seen Amy Winehouse’s skin? That alone would make me never want to touch the stuff. Yes, vanity is drug prevention for me.) Crystal Method, the techno group, I can tolerate in a Miami South Beach night club for a song or two.

    SSSD says: Shoogar, ok, Sade, that I can tolerate. A step up from your other two musicians of the day.

    My vast music collection scares most people. I can go from Louis Armstrong to Bob Marley to Beatles to Eagles to Roger Miller to Fergilicious in a 1 hour time span. I prefer Weezer (“Buddy Holly”) while on the treadmill with a mix of Cake’s “Comfort Eagle”. Oh, and it isn’t just a rumor I know all the words to la Bamba and it’s a favorite karaoke selection of mine (even though I don’t speak spanish), but most don’t believe it until they hear for themselves.

    As to the hot, steamy bath? Yes, was lovely! Candles, wine, bubbles and Sade. Men – these are all aphrodisiacs. Trust me. Can I get a witness, ladies?!

  586. Anna Molly says:

    I’m not in bed, but I’m being lazy…I’m still tired from my trip to the City. I went to bed at 2:30am on Friday morning, woke up at 4:30, and didn’t go to bed until 2:AM on Saturday morning.

  587. SSSD says:

    Jade wrote: SSSD – How are you guarding the sugar baby vagina to be sure she is staying exclusive? All the hot girls I know have a man already in real life.

    Jade, I don’t guard, I trust. For a year it seems doable. If it isn’t doable, it’s over. If she starts with a man in real life, then it doesn’t even begin. Many focused women which are the type I prefer are without serious relationships although they are surrounded by opportunity.

    NYC SB, I believe Brookstone recently switched to carry OSIM, which are pretty good. But they don’t carry the top models, like the Sogno (I may have that misspelled.) I like the Panasonics (and Sanyo has one I liked at a friend’s place) but like many household devices the Japanese models are different from what’s available in the US. I would not recommend importing one since then it is impossible to have it serviced.

    You might try visiting a Relax the Back or similar store (unfortunately they don’t have one in Manhattan) to try Sanyo and Human Touch. But you won’t be unhappy with OSIM, they are fine massagers.

  588. NYC SB says:

    Hi AM! weekend is good and yours? im just being lazy in bed right now

  589. Anna Molly says:

    Hi NYC SB! How’s your weekend going?

  590. Anna Molly says:

    Good morning everyone!

    Shoogar, I love my bubble baths…L’Occitane is my fave bubble brand 😀

  591. NYC SB says:

    Good morning everyone!

    SSSD – japan’s massaging chairs… i need more info desperately… SD has offered to purchase the brookstone one for me, but if there is something better than that well I want it!

    Also, you 1099 your SBs! I hope you would consider adding a disclaimer that the taxes on those at around 40% Federal for the SB… just so they know and can save accordingly… OUCH… I think 1099s should be outlawed, but the benefits for the company from there are immense

    Flo – I am also fully committed to getting crazy super fit… so yesterday my work out consisted of: 5 mile run, cardio x (48 minutes), legs and back x (58 minutes), and ab ripper x (16 minutes)! Go us!

    Sincere strikes with his humor again… love it!

  592. Jade says:

    SSSD – How are you guarding the sugar baby vagina to be sure she is staying exclusive? All the hot girls I know have a man already in real life.

  593. SSSD says:

    Lily wrote: I will take an older, non-gym-rat, eloquent English speaker with manners anyday!!

    To quote Shoogar, I resemble that remark!

    Ah, but I require exclusivity. How sad, how sad.

    Hey, Shoogar, how was that steamy hot bubble bath? The mental imagery from the blog is definitely heating up.

  594. Lily says:

    SSSD, when you decide to establish an office in Helsinki or nearby (Riga!), let me know (my email is on my blog), and I will submit my CV & maybe contribute in some way.

    I’ve never been to Riga. 30 minute flight and never gone. For shame.

    I was at a house after party and they had a chocolate fountain. Dipped fruit into the warm, flowing chocolate…… Mmmmmm.
    Incidentaly, there was a very tall, burly, blonde hunk there that I had to do a double take at, looks wise. Very handsome and built like a pro football player. It entertained my mind to consider flirting with him. Then he owned his mouth. Sigh. Maturity of a frat boy and used a teasing style method of flirting with me that I vaguely remembered from having my braids pulled in sixth grade. I mentally ‘next’-ed him and chatted with the ladies.

    I will take an older, non-gym-rat, eloquent English speaker with manners anyday!!

  595. SSSD says:

    Lily wrote: I highly doubt you, or most SDs have much interest in a northern European sugar.

    Well, I have two branch offices of my company in northern Europe, each quite new. In working on establishing these offices and the deals that support them I visited northern Europe every month or two over almost two years and even had a “home” in one country for a year. Now that the offices are established and populated I visit much less…

    Your other post is a hot story. I like women from Latvia physically, and the ones I have met generally have few sexual inhibitions or hangups, which can be an exciting change from Americans. I was in Riga last year looking at doing business there. One of my (very well-off) coworkers was a big fan of having a company there due in part to the combination of economic malaise and the quality of women.

    Flo, I didn’t realize you meant buying a modeling agency in Asia. Although, again, it’s pretty easy in Asia to meet models through standard corporate entertainment if you are a socially connected businessman. Many if not most models in Asia routinely date businessmen if not “talent.” It is a business edge. Or more appropriately, it is a handicap if you don’t bring a model. My SD mentor is like this. He often criticizes my choice of SB because they usually are not what he feels to be model quality.

    Shoogar, ok, Sade, that I can tolerate. A step up from your other two musicians of the day.

    cunning linguist – great quote for the context, SincereSD. Were you quoting James Bond or the joke?

  596. MindyNYC says:

    Wow! Just catching up on all the comments. Not much to add at the moment. Just stopping by to say ‘HI ALL’ :) and now G’night.

  597. DC says:

    I’m sure she was a cunning linguist.” – SincereSD

    ^^ This was brilliant. Seriously.

  598. DC says:

    NYCSB – Thanks babe. I will send you an email off blog tomorrow (to gossip girl of course). Fo sho.

  599. SincereSD says:

    Lily says: Major language barrier (she’s from Latvia), but no matter.

    Probably doesn’t matter. I’m sure she was a cunning linguist. 😛

    Shoogar Shoes says: And the moral to Sincere’s story: Say NO to Crystal Meth and YES to paddles.

    Touche SS, you have a way with words. Affirmative to the paddles but were you referring to shabu or the techno group, Crystal Meth????

  600. Michael AZSD says:

    Goodnight Shoogar Shoes, and everyone else….. I am off to dreamland myself.

  601. Lily says:

    FL SB – Alice in Wonderland was everything I hoped for in such a flick.

    Shoo – you may be right.

    I am pretty straight forward in life, and certainly with men it is me who is targeting and finding them. I heartily believe in the concept/phenomena of adverse selection, and how in the social marketplace, the undesirables just overwhelm you completely and drown out any hope of noticing/finding quality. (exception: having a SA profile where you are listed as being located in a remote and small country)

    Therefore, my policy is to put up barriers to the general population (don’t make eye contact, ice queen attitude if necessary), and target what you want for yourself, and come up with ways to get past their general barriers/defenses they have to *their* overwhelming flood of interest. Be clever, creative, think outside the box, and appeal to their interests.

    Then once all this crazy economic behavior is out of the way and you have a good connection established between two people with equal amounts of relative ‘value’ to bring to the table, then you can get to the good stuff. The messy, intangible, taxing, emotional, scary, genuine, human part that is the stuff of sincere friendships and loyal relationships.

    But this game (this hide & seek, lure & find, push & pull, to & fro, gradual establishment of even basic mutual trust) is tiring, no? I both love and hate the first dates with new pots. They are exciting but I grow weary. I sense and know that they are coming to a close and I will get more settled with my sugar landscape as it crystalizes into place and gets more clear to me, for a long term setup. But I may always search men on SA just for fun.

  602. Ok, guys. I am stepping away (really). With the exception of an outdoor lunch and dinner with family this evening, I have been on my computer allllll day. Writing, writing, writing (and blogging for breaks). Productive. Accomplished a ton, but now time to STEP away. A glass of red wine, steamy hot bubble bath and some Sade…all three are calling my name. Good night, all. :)

  603. FLSB – the arrangements I have been in have been through SA. It is the only site I have used and the only one I would use again if I decided to put a new profile up. I’m not familiar with the others, but have heard enough unsavory stories to keep me away.

  604. FLSB says:

    Haha I heard a PSA for crystal Meth for the first time today by a 17 year old~scary!

  605. FLSB says:

    Shoogar- do you meet most of your SD’s IRL or online?

  606. And the moral to Sincere’s story:

    Say NO to Crystal Meth and YES to paddles.

  607. SincereSD says:

    Flo Rida:

    Saw my esthetician today and mentioned your concern about respiratory side-effects. She explained there were classes of equipment used for microdermabrasion, Crystal Methods and Non-Crystal Methods, and she uses the latter.

    (Disclaimer – shamelessly plagiarized from some website)

    ‘Crystal Methods’ utilize aluminum oxide or other ‘particulate’ matter to effectively ‘blast’ off the dead cells of the face. These crystals, as well as the removed cells, are then vacuumed off by a suction device attached in the hand piece of the microdermabrator.

    Non-crystal methods, also called ‘non-particulate’ methods, will often utilize abrasive paddles or diamond coated paddles that superficially remove the dead cells. These are passed over the treatment areas, with the abrasive paddle removing the dead cells. Some physicians prefer this method as it does not introduce external matter onto the skin.

  608. Lily – methinks you like to be the pursuer, NOT the pursued when it comes to women?

  609. FLSB says:

    Lily- that’s HOT! How did you like Alice in Wonderland? I’m going to see it tomorrow

  610. Flo Rida says: Shoogar – for your first SD were you his ‘beard’?

    No, it is publicly known that my first SD is in an open marriage. Has been for 10+ years and he is 100% heterosexual. He just had specific preferences and handled his arrangements in a business-like manner. It’s funny because he unkowningly (or maybe it was intentional) created a competitive atmosphere for some of his SBs – they all wanted to be selected (or promoted, as they saw it) to attend the black tie affairs. It was known that one of his past SBs met and married a millionaire from being his date at one of these events so many of the SBs were salivating to be exposed to this environment. One weekend he asked me to help him with a “seminar” for his SBs. Some of them were either really young or just inexperienced with the type of circle he runs with. He rented private space at a resort for 2 days and selected some of the SBs to attend. During this “SB Retreat” my responsibility was to help him narrow his selection to one SB that he would move into the position of “event SB” – he was about to lose one due to their contract ending and needed to replace her. After we narrowed it down to one, he asked me to help polish her up and prep her for the role. It was a very interesting experience and worked out quite nicely as I did bring value to the table for him as he did for me. A very unique arrangement, indeed. He is a wonderful man and one of the most interesting people I have ever known. He is currently working over-time to help one of his SBs marry a millionaire. That is her goal in life and he agreed to help her make this happen before she turns 36 – she is 35.

  611. FLSB says:

    Wow, I just lurked on here for 45min. to get caught up.
    hope everyone is enjoying their evening!!!!!

    Texas- I think it’s strange that he asked for your socail and your mothers maiden name. Is that a security question if someone is trying to access your account? Just a thought.

    ESB- congratulations!

    James- any twenty something whose par….err relatives who have good taste in music will know exactly who those people are :)

    Yes, I would LOVE to go to a sugar meet even though I’m new at this.

  612. Lily says:

    Flo – she leaned straight for me, for a kiss I believe, at one point, and I quick-like leaned towards her ear to tell her/ask her something (cant’ remember which). I’m chicken. I went to a total lesbian school for college, and I occasionally sleep with women, yet, still…. I get shy and awkward about any sexual activity (even kissing) with a woman! Tonight was weird in that I was so smooth in indicating interest, from a distance, but as soon as it appeared she was at least as interested in me, I clammed up a bit and didn’t ‘go in for the kill’ (i.e. a kiss on the dance floor) when it would have been theoretically easy. I was totally sober all night, so inhibitions on full blast, I suppose.

  613. TexasSugah says:

    Lily- one word…WOW!

  614. Flo Rida says:

    Lily – Latvian women are gorg. You should have kissed her ‘and the crowd goes wild’.

    What light from yonder window breaks it is the East and Lipstick Lily is the sun.

  615. Flo Rida says:

    NYGent – SD can write in a liquidated damages clause and also place amounts in escrow to be time delay released. Finally SD if he is powerful can harm SB reputationally in professional circles.

    SSSD – SD bought an interest in modeling agency in Asia and you know how Asian businessmen like meeting models & going to parties with models – very helpful business edge.

    Errata – warm down was after work out not before. I can’t get over how cold the ice bath is, i’m pooped & going to bed

    ciao

  616. Lily says:

    So here’s a break in our regularly scheduled programming.

    I went out with friends to dinner & Alice in Wonderland (3D). After to a nightclub. I sat with my handsome platonic male friend and we scoped the dance floor. One girl was just stunning in an eastern European kind of way and an amazing, sensual dancer. Whipping her shoulder length auburn hair around and flashing her dazzling smile. I watched her dance for awhile, and then her eyes met mine. I stared directly and unwaveringly and let my face break into a slow, bright, mischevious smile. She didn’t get embarassed or look away. Just smiled even more knowingly and kept dancing seductively. I started mouthing the playful lyrics to the song and slightly changed my posture into the stance of content voyeur, since permission was obviously there. Then someone spoke to me and this was all broken. But five minutes later, my gorgeous male pal asked her over to speak. She answered his questions and then looked into my eyes and told me, “You are so beautiful.” I got flustered to converse not in English but quickly found the words to communicate, “you are more beautiful!” and she asked me to dance. She was the most attractive specimen according to my opinion, in the building, and as we danced and touched slightly, every pair of male eyes stared nearly in disbelief. My pal was pissed. She asked me to go somewhere quiet to speak and she asked for my number and expressed that she found me extremely beautiful (again), and said she wanted to see me again. She is 6 years younger and when she found this out, she couldn’t and wouldn’t believe it. She kept dancing with me for another hour while my hot male friend tried in vain to get her attention off of me (and other men tried to get my attention, or hers), but she and I paid no heed. Very hot close dancing, without being lewd or over-the-top.
    We hugged goodbye and started texting immediately our sweet dream messages.
    Very sensual evening with crackling attraction.

    Major language barrier (she’s from Latvia), but no matter.

    Back to your regularly scheduled sugar blogging…

  617. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – for your first SD were you his ‘beard’?

    I just completed a 3 hour workout preceded by a 1hr warm up and a 1 hr warm down. i’m going to commit to getting into excellent physical shape. my buddy thinks it’ll take 30days – my lower back hurts, my knee hurts and my fingers hurt. tomorrow i’ll do a budget with a cash burn rate – life after SD – what joy.

  618. TexasSugah says:

    Welcome Stingray and Sweet in SB. You’ll enjoy your stay on the blog.

  619. FL-SD says:

    cleo – You’ve got mail

  620. Lily says:

    Sweet in Santa Barbara & Stingray, welcome!!

    SSSD, I would have been weeded out of your pool before you clicked ‘search.’ I highly doubt you, or most SDs have much interest in a northern European sugar. Exceptions obviously exist, if he lives in Europe or seeks a part-time, ‘x trips per year’ arrangement, and he doesn’t mind absorbing exhorbitant airfare.

    Thanks for noticing my evolution.

  621. Alluring Anna says:

    Hi Stingray, welcome to Blogville! I hope everything works out for you :)

    Hi all!

  622. SSSD – You remind me of a song, but Weird Al style…”You were contracting when contracting wasn’t cool.” Ha ha. The real song is “I was country, when country wasn’t cool.”

  623. SSSD says:

    Cleo wrote: SSSD any advice you care to give me on meet hosting i would deeply appreciate. sorry you can’t make it to toronto, maybe next time

    I’m not a good host. That’s why I’m asking Shoogar for assistance. At the Vegas event I had a professional help me and I just spent a lot.

    And Shoogar’s last post on her contract and arrangement is very compatible with my approach. As appears to be Lily’s evolution. I used to think my approach was fairly unique but it appears to be gaining traction.

  624. SSSD says:

    NYC SB wrote: maybe bc i want that brookstone massaging chair sooo bad…

    The best ones are from Japan and aren’t generally available in the US. Hands down. Ditto for toilets and some other personal items. They have a fetish for comfort.

  625. SSSD says:

    Lily also wrote: Lily: My reason for placing such a high expected budget for an arrangement is to filter out gift/travel/dinner daddies (who would not be interested in any amount of direct financial contribution in addition to the expenses of dating me),…

    It would probably weed me out. Although I am financially capable of high renumeration (particularly when investment, travel and other expenses are factored), the high listed number would signal something that is, in your case, unintended, but that I use to filter out. How unfortunate that would be. 😉

    To address a point from James, I pay as a contractor with a well-stated legitimate commercial (or non profit) project, so renumeration is not a gift. There is a tax section in my contract that specifies that the contractor (SB) is responsible for any taxes.

  626. For me, the contract is more for peace of mind as well as being a testament of my commitment to the arrangement. Peace of mind in knowing how to budget personally and a commitment to the SD that he can count on me for an ‘x’ amount of time, which I think traveling and extremely busy SDs find important.

    Sweet in SB – I am hoping to add more content to my blog that will be helpful to SBs and SDs both, just finding the time lately has been challenging. I guess I could spend more time there and less on this blog?

    Hi Stingray – congrats, good luck and keep us posted!

  627. SSSD says:

    Lily wrote: Lily: So really, sans a contract which indicates start & end dates, my arrangements are becoming shockingly like yours. Right now I have clearly defined goals and tasks to do, with BaldHottieSD, and he is sending my firm business through hsi, as well as paying my bills personally, and eventually zazazoomSD and I will have a much more task-oriented relationship, with the romance being the after-hours perk for both of us.

    Yes, this is my preference. And to Santa Barbara, I’ll say that my contracts are work contracts oriented around the for-profit or non-profit project I share with my SB. It has no personal, romantic, or other parts. It is substantially the same contract used for other work contractors and is legally enforceable, although that isn’t the point.

  628. SSSD says:

    Shoogar also wrote: Yes, let it go down on the books that I, Shoogar Shoes, have now quoted Shakespeare, Mark Twain and suburban lyrical rapper, Vanilla Ice all in the same week. I have no shame-eth.

    One of those things is not like the other…

    I would like to say my masquerade ball obsession began after watching Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, but truth be told, it was after Austrian pop singer, Falco recorded “Rock Me Amadeus. Again, I have no shame.

    Just when I was getting over your mentioning Vanilla Ice. I am seriously concerned. Intervention may be required…

  629. SSSD says:

    Shoogar wrote: And YES, SSSD, I am still on board to plan a meet with you. Wouldn’t it be fun to make it a Masquerade Ball type of dinner party? Like the one Carlos de Beistegui hosted at the Palazzo Labia in Venice back in the 50’s. It was dubbed “the party of the century”.

    He, he, he, she said labia. He he he.

  630. Stingray63 says:

    I was in Palm Springs California a few weeks ago. I had a meet and greet with a potential sugar baby. She’s a model. We are planning another date soon.

  631. NYGent says:

    TLG: my recollection is that the palimony suit generally requires co-habitation, although there may be exceptions. Most SD-SB relationships are not cohabitation arrangements, although some may be in part.

  632. The Lone Gunman says:

    NYGent:

    Your explanation reminds me of the ‘palimony’ suit brought by Lee Marvin’s alleged common-law wife, Michelle Triola (Marvin). Would this be in any way similar in how it would/should play out for the SB?

    TLG

  633. NYGent says:

    I should amend my statement somewhat. I cannot imagine an SD who is well known nationally or in his local community suing to enforce one fo these contracts (esp. if he’s married). Even if there’s an NDA clause, what good does suing do — it just widens the disclosure and defeats the whole purpose.

    I can more easily imagine a suit by an SB if she gave up a promising carreer (e.g. model, local TV personage, whatever) on the “promise” of a certain amount of $$ over a certain # of months. The theory of the suit would be less breach of contract than promissory estoppel (a legalistic term). Again, a court would hestitate to enforce the promise if part of the “consideration” was expressly or impliedly intimacy, but under the right circumstances (if her career path was somehow irrevocably harmed — a hard thing to prove) she MIGHT have a colorable case. But then again, if she has a reputation to uphold, suing might as easily defeat the purpose.

    Bottom line: an SB who “breaches” the contract runs almost no legal or practical risk. An SD who “breaches” by cutting off $$ support faces some theoretical risk but I would characterize it as remote.

  634. cleo says:

    michael AZ i must have done something wrong, i could not figure out how to do it for free… so i paid off all my domains for years :)

  635. NYGent, This is interesting thank you for sharing your knowledge.

  636. Shoogar, It would be interesting to read about all these different ‘types’ of arrangements in your blog. This might be helpful for many SBs and SDs as being able to classify the type of arrangement might help in clarifying terms and make sugar search process easier in general.

  637. Thank you, NY Gent. I was hoping you would HEAR us calling you. :)

    Midwest is correct in stating the arrangement with my first SD was almost an employment-type arrangement. (And I think these are very rare – especially to find on SA.) The one I went into immediately following that one was very different. There was not a written contract and there was intimacy involved. It was more of a traditional type of relationship, but with parameters. We very much followed the my life, your life, our life credo. Even though there was not a written contract, being the excel spreadsheet kind of girl I am, I outlined my financial needs rather than stating one specific number as an allowance expectation. His expectation was two trips a month – the trips varied in length, but the allowance stayed the same. We reached understanding of needs/expectations via email so I sort of had in writing what our agreement terms were. All of this was discussed and agreed upon prior to us EVER meeting.

  638. TexasSugah says:

    Hey ya’ll ( no I don’t have a Texan accent just type like I do)

    Shoogar – so I’ve always wondered about contracts. Very interesting. I wonder how prevelant they are.

    Michael – oh no. Of course not! Just suprised that he even mentioned that they needed or wanted it. He told me that this card, if I ever see it, has a spending limit.. it’s pretty high.

    James – you’re right and I did open an account for another pot SD. It went so fast. He asked if I would like something and the next day he said he had ordered the card and that it would take about 10 days to get to me since it would be mailed from the bank.

    IDK.. but I’ll update.

  639. NYGent says:

    shoogar and sweet: i am not a domestic law expert but I suspect these contracts would be viewed with suspicion by the courts. Of course employment and personal services contracts are generally legal binding (but generally NOT specifically enforceable, meaning that if one party breaks the deal the other cannot legally force them to remain “employed” — involuntary servitude was outlawed by the 13th Amendment. Any hint of sexual services in the contract would render the contract void as against public policy, and even without any such hint, a court MIGHT consider the contrac against public policy (and unenforceable) if they thought it was a disguised form of sexual service contract. Furthermore, even if the agreement is totally above-board, if one of the two parties is married a court might void the agreement if it thought the agreement threatened to disrupt an otherwise satisfactory marriage.

    The practical reality is almost no one would ever publicly sue to enforce any such contract, the contract serves mostly as a deterrent. In rare cases if one party could show that the others’ breach caused substantial monetary ore reputational injury, a suit for damages or libel might be brought. Again, I’m not an expert and this will vary state by state (in California there is the whole issue of palimony agreements, community property, etc. which complicates things). So the real value of the contracts is in defining expectations and creating at least a moral incentive for each party not to breach.

  640. Midwest says:

    SSB – Shoogar’s arrangement was quite different from mine. She does bring up some excellent points about appropriate clothing on a per event basis and the specifics when with an extremely busy man. Her experience is also with a high profile SD who required an almost employment-type arrangement that included other sbs. Mine was less defined, but still allowed us to set expectations about allowance, availability, flexibility, exclusivity, other (gifts, travel, etc) at SD’s expense. Understand some men feel those additional expenses are included in the allowance while others see it as a bonus. There is an option to “renew” or “re-evaluate” the arrangment to make any modifications.

  641. Oh, and yes, Sweet. I do define my terms as well. Usually though, the SD has more at risk and higher stakes so I think the contract protects them more – as it should. And while I may seem experienced with ‘sugar dating’, I am actually experienced with one TYPE of sugar dating, which is truly in line with what a traditional arrangement is – in the historical sense. (A relationship with guidelines and protective measures.) Just like there are many types of SDs and SBs, there are many types of arrangements.

  642. Sweet – I’m not an attorney (NY GENT is though), however, I do know for a contract to be legal and binding, it must have some form of consideration. This means that all parties involved must receive consideration or something of value.

    Most contracts include the following:

    * Obligations and Conditions of the Contract — what each party needs to do to fulfill the terms of the contract
    * Performance — how well each party performs the terms of the contract * Payment Terms — a schedule that specifies when all payments are to be made
    * Liabilities — defines the liability of each party in terms of the contract
    * Breach of Contract — what will happen should either party fail to fulfill their end of the agreement

  643. Sweet in Santa Barbara says:

    Thank you Shoogar Shoes. This is all very interesting. Out of curiosity, is this contract legally binding? Now that you are more experienced do you find yourself defining more of your own terms? You obviously know a good amount about sugar dating and I have many questions I would love to ask you but I’ll go take a look at your blog which seems like it will give me some insight.

  644. Hello Sweet in Santa Barbara –

    I think you will find most arrangements do not use a written contract and most are verbal. I prefer written. This may not be the best example as I have heard my first arrangement is a very uncommon kind, but I will share a bit…

    The arrangement I had with my SD was a six month contract. The contract itself protected us both and pretty much outlined the scope of expectations and spelled out the terms of our arrangement/agreement. Within this six month arrangement-relationship, I agreed to be his ‘date’ to Black Tie affairs and charity functions. The contract outlined that we would both review at 5 months and decide then if we would renew after six months. In the 5th month, he and I decided this was not the type of arrangement I wanted and we did not renew. I had the option to not commit to further functions in the six month and spend that time seeking a new arrangement (or make other plans) and still receive the monthly stipend. He and I had become friends (and even business associates) throughout those 5 months, so I continued and sill committed to the events in that sixth month. Some of the terms outlined within our contract:

    -Absolutely NO PDA (our arrangement was not one based on sex/romance at all. We linked arms and held hands, at the most.)

    -I had to review his social calendar at the first of each month and let him know by the 3rd if I would not be available to attend an event. I was only allowed to switch nights with another SB with prior consent as not all of his SBs were contracted for these types of high society events. Some were under contract as casual dinner dates and some for various other reasons.

    -I could not cancel more than two times in one calendar month. (Unless an illness or something beyond my control was the cause.)

    -In the event he wanted to end our contract, I would still receive a monthly stipend to the end date of the contract. If I wanted to end, I would receive one more month.

    -I could not wear the same dress twice to a Black Tie event. If I did not have a new dress to wear, he would provide me with the funds to buy one or pick one out and send it to me. I was allowed to switch for another if I did not like it as long as it were the same type of dress (i.e. strapless, long gown vs. short cocktail). There were certain functions we attended that I could not have bare shoulders because it would have been inappropriate attire depending on the culture of some of the guests- that would be an example of why the dress type was important.

    There were many more, but I also signed a NDA and the above is probably all I can divulge as these are things we talked about openly with others and he was okay with my sharing all of the above with new pot SBs. I met most of his SBs as well as pot ones – and I still do. We are both active in some of the same causes locally and are still wonderful friends.

  645. Michael AZSD says:

    Cleo – PayPal is no charge if you use personal transfer out of account. If it comes from a c/card account, I agree, costs a ton. Once something gets going, a relationship gets going it is easy to set up a recurring transfer.

  646. Flo Rida says:

    NC – i’ll come clean i’m at the Atlanta Athletic Club not the Masters. Though i’m moving on to the Master’s later. Why waste the tickets

    OC – Thankyouveramuch Thank you.

    Cleo – Midwest – hmmm technically no but I doubt that he’d sue me. I want to hang out in Georgia (Hawks MAGIC, Atlanta Athletic Club, Augusta) then head to NY then ‘move’ to Flagler Beach which will be quite emotionally and physically exhausting.

    Methinks i’ve spoken frequently about separating the blog side from the arrangement side.

    At least Realistic could take a joke, part of me misses him.

    Cleo – apologies but can you email me date, logistics details Toronto meet. Tx darling.

  647. Midwest says:

    SSB – Welcome! There are lots of conversations on prior blogs with respect to expectations, but the bottom line is this…does what you are looking for match what he is willing to offer? Sometimes that area gets grey, compromises are made and someone ends up unhappy. Define what you want / need to accomplish, how long you think you would want to be in an arrangement to accomplish those goals, and what you are willing/able to offer to your SD. The last is the MOST important in my book! Keep the allowance expectations realistic if you are in a suburban area vs a metropolitan area. Hopefully that will give you a great start!

    Also, click through to NYCSB, Lily and other’s names and you will find their blogs that address many questions. Happy searching!

  648. Sweet in Santa Barbara says:

    Hi every one. I am new to this blog and site and was curious about the ‘contracts’ some of you have been mentioning in this and previous blog topics.
    In regards to arrangements I am flexible and open to seeing what the other party has in mind but would like to be prepared. I would love to hear a little more about the nature of these contracts. Are these actual written contracts or just theoretical. Does anyone have a template they would be willing to send me?

    Thank you very much for your help sugarland!

  649. Midwest says:

    It’s been a quiet few months without IRLSD/Realistic. Thanks Redondo for reminding us how sweet it is to keep the drama to a minimum Find you happy place and an sb who appreciates what YOU have to offer.

  650. Midwest says:

    Flo Rida – A Toronto meet could be just the support a lady needs :-) Good call Cleo!

    Chitown – Hang in there with ArtistSD. They do tend to disappear for days and sometimes weeks, but I find that 80% of them do stay in touch. It’s always a pleasant surprise when you stop wondering when he will contact you and suddenly he does :-) !

    In general, It’s so important to relax and not let the potentials occupy our every thought. Until he’s an SD, enjoy the adventure!

  651. Lily says:

    If a budding arrangement between a gentleman and I failed to really get off the ground, and I ended things cleanly & then broke communications, I’d be horrified if the gentleman came here to post his side of the story, in hopes of getting my attention and as a way to vent frustrations. Just wanted to say that.

  652. cleo says:

    (Flo Rida)

    am i the only one thinking that Flo is now free to join us at a meet?

    :)

  653. RedMaru says:

    Hey sugarfam! Hows everybody this weekend. Its mild a bit chilly here in Georgia but a nice clear day and I passed my second weekend at my new home.

    Would I go to a sugar meet party?
    Sure if they had one here in Atlanta

    Do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time?

    I feel its my responsibility to save so I’m not expecting a parting sum.

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Flo I am sorry to hear the news. COME to LA LA land! Where the men are plenty 😉
      My thoughts are that you have amazing survival skills to kick past this and
      on to bigger and greater adventures.

  654. Chitown SB says:

    Would you go to a sugar meet or party? Why or why not?
    If I could afford it, absolutely! After meeting one fellow SB who was a total gem, I’m dying to meet more.

    “Question: do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time…?” – Lily
    It would be a lovely and enticing offer, but by no means something I would expect or feel entitled to. I view sugar relationships as something with an end date, and as such all things end on that date. The cushion is up to me to create.

    Maybe that’s why I feel like I am perpetually searching?

    Still no word from ArtistSD. He ended up having to go into work Thusday, so wanted to re-schedule for Mon. Problem is, I will be out of town next week until Fri. I tried to get him to meet with me this weekend, but as I said, no word. I don’t want to seem annoying or desperate.
    Also no word from SushiSD, beginning to lose hope.
    NiceGuySD is still on the periphery and want to fly me out to see him. We are talking about potential travel dates. He was endearingly dorky the first (and only time) we met, and made me laugh…. I appreciate that.

    Sigh

  655. Midwest says:

    Would you go to a sugar meet or party? Why or why not? Of course I would! Heading to #3 in another month! It truly is more about putting names to faces and deepening the bonds that have formed here. Whenever I explain a meet to a newbie I always point out that very little of it is about meeting your new sb/sd. Some get it…others not so much, but they will!

    “Question: do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time…?” – Lily It would be nice, but I think it should be offered and not expected. This also brings to mind the issue of when to resume your search. If the arrangement ends unexpectedly, it takes time to find a new sb/sd, so it would be nice to get an early start on the new search. Some take on the mindset to never stop searching. What are your thoughts?

    ESB – Congrats! Live it up!

  656. cleo says:

    james.m : oh geeze, i don’t know if i can top that…
    .
    chi: got it, will do a bout of answering in the next day or so

  657. Chitown SB says:

    Cleo: Midwest and I already chatted about me arriving with her, and I just emailed you. Thanks!

  658. james.m says:

    Cleo – at the midwest meet we ended up at a “dueling pianos” bar. they had 2 pianos, a guitar, and a drummer. 4 people rotated among all the instruments. We couldn’t stump them on anything. JSO even tried some TX songs (I think they’re songs) and they knew them. One lowlight was 7 of us and 6 people in another group singing Queen songs, including Rhapsody and my personal favorite, fat bottomed girls, very loudly!

  659. I just posted something and it is awaiting m o d e r a t i o n. Weird. Is it because I used rapper slang?

  660. cleo says:

    chitown: midwest is driving, talk to her

    and i’ll keep you in mind if a sponsor appears :)

  661. cleo says:

    Michael paypal charges an arm and a leg to retrieve money though. Can’t you usa residents email money yet? many of my clients pay me that way
    .
    james.m: i think it’s a singer thing rather than a woman thing. people who sing a lot in bands/shows/karaoke/etc end up with a catalogue and (if they’re any good) they usually have the chorus and the ‘gist’ of the verses halfway through the first hearing of whatever it is. i mean if they’re listening.

    like any other skill i think you build it :)

  662. Chitown SB says:

    Good Morning/Afternoon Sugars… depending on where you are today.

    James- love the slinky comment. I had to teach one of the 10yr olds in my cast the slinky down the stairs trick- I was appalled he didn’t know it. I was proud to have added such valuable knowledge to his life.

    Cleo- Emailing you now about the meet. Unless some serious sugar or a kindly sponsor comes through I probably can’t make it, but I’d love to have the info in hopes that something did pan out.

    ESB- SO Happy for you! Congrats on a new job you actually enjoy doing!

  663. cleo says:

    shoogar: will you light my candle? *grin* (please please hear rent in your head when reading that)

    it’s funny, i don’t think my internet speak is so odd but everyone comments on how unique my ‘voice’ is. in fact someone did once find my sex blog and call me out on it (in private) because they also read my ‘regular’ blog (neither of which has been posted on in ages.)

    cleotionary *snicker* i have to email you something that will crack you up, and i want the secret ingredients!

  664. james.m says:

    Why do women always remember lyrics from songs, and most men can’t? Is there a part of your brain that works different from ours?

    **ducking for cover after lobbing that softball**

  665. james.m says:

    Shoo – you are right about 2007; get ’em now while you can.

    OK, Wine Spectator (another magazine, so I shouldn’t believe anything they say) says the following about California cabernets:
    2004 was a 95 in napa and an 85 in Sonoma
    2005 was a 92 and an 85
    2006 was a 95and an 86 (please disregard my comment above; it’s the 2003 to avoid in Napa)
    2007 was a 94-97 and an 87-88
    2008 was a 90-92 and an 94-86

    The last two years haven’t been finally rated yet.

  666. Michael AZSD says:

    TexasSugah – never give your SSN to anybody!!

    Bank account #, routing # and name is all that is needed to do a wire. A debit card can be purchased with cash, easy. Or set up a PayPal account! PayPal is no charge, easy to set up, and funds get delivered next day generally.

    Redondo – welcome to the blog, always great to have positive, friendly input to our lives. But – as a general rule in life – some things are best not discussed in public. They may come back to bite you.

  667. cleo – LOVED your recipe. More so loved your “cleotionary” way of describing. Sounds almost like mine, but I have found some delicious secret ingredients. Not anything rare that you have to climb Annapurna to find or anything…so no worries.

    Out, out brief candle.

    Ciao.

  668. FL-SD says:

    “Question: do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time…?” – Lily

    from an SDs point of view, I think that it’s a little situation-dependant, but assuming that this ending is not otherwise pre-defined, or handled another way, I think some transition assistance would be appropriate. It would recognize the value of the relationship and be a gesture of friendship/ assistance for the future. If I’m genuinely interested in helping improve my SBs quality of life, a separation plan helps preserve whatever benefit occurred, right ?

  669. cleo says:

    later shoogar, i await your soup recipe (you did see mine on the other blog – lol)

  670. So funny, I JUST realized the lyrics from “Time of the Season” is sort of fitting for this blog and SA, “What’s your name? Who’s your daddy? Is he rich like me? Ha ha.

  671. Thanks, Anna! That wasn’t the one, but that’s a fun one. I finally found it! The one I’m thinking is Melanie Fiona’s “Give it to me Right.” I LOVE “Time of the Season.” One of the sexiest sounding songs ever recorded (in my opinion).

    NYC SB – you kill me. I can picture you roaming around in the CLT in your Louboutins looking for some plush, rocking massaging chair and then seeing the big, hard wooden Cracker Barrel rockers and being hugely disappointed. It’s like that scene in Lion King, “We’re fightin’ your uncle for THIS?” ha ha ha.

    On that note, I am going outside to play in the sun now myself!

    Enjoy your day, all! :)

  672. NYC SB says:

    Shoogar – yes those! when flo said it i imagined some sort of fancy massaging rocking chair… not that she said any of that but this is where my mind went… maybe bc i want that brookstone massaging chair sooo bad…

    i should stop blogging and go outside to play in the sun 😀

  673. ESB says:

    Thank you, thank you everyone for the well wishes, and making me feel so good… I’m heading out to do some “pretend” shopping with BG. Hitting the outlets. Took her to eat and a movie last night. uh… Bounty Hunter was OK, but should have waited for it to come out on DVD. Meh, it was better than sitting home doing nothing.

    Have fun, see y’all in a few days!!

  674. NYC SB says:

    ESB – that is super exciting… I am so glad you are loving the new job… good things are coming your way

    DC – thank you for addressing that… I read Redondos comments and i barely contained myself from commenting… its terrible to bash an SB or an SD who did nothing wrong… she was acting in her best interest… just because she may be broke that doesnt mean that she should not have a standard when it comes to an SD and a desired allowance…

  675. Anna Molly says:

    Shoogar ~ Mook and Fair’s “Who’s Your Daddy” ? Maybe, not sure.

  676. Thanks, james.m for the TAMI info AS WELL AS the wine. I think we have a Costco somewhere in our area. I do know we have a BJ’s and Sam’s Club. I will have to do a quick search. 2005 was a GREAT year (for Napa Cabs) and I have heard 07’s are supposed to be out-doing the ’05’s and it would be a ridiculously bad decision not to stock up on 07’s now.

  677. cleo says:

    shoogar i don’t but i have this friend… i’ll get back to you.
    .
    FL-SD lovely to hear sir, it’s gorgeous looking here today but i can’t leave the house :(

  678. cleo says:

    james.m: i KNOW and it ALWAYS posts the one where you see what came out badly just AFTER you hit submit – can’t ever lose that one for some reason

  679. cleo – I just listened to “Under Pressure” by Queen. One of the BEST songs ever. Speaking of mash-up type songs, I have been searching like crazy for the song/remix/mash-up an artist recorded using the Zombies, “Time of the Season”, but no luck. Anyone know what song I’m referring to? It’s driving me crazy.

  680. FL-SD says:

    Good afternoon all… It’s a beautiful day in the Sunshine state !

  681. cleo says:

    Would you go to a sugar meet or party? Why or why not?

    i’m hosting one but i’m not paying for dinner ;>

    may 1 in toronto, informal activities the night before and maybe brunch the day after… day of i’m willing to play tour guide to anyone who asks – or shopping guide :)

    if you want to come: toronto sugar meet at the g male
    .
    “Question: do most of you hope for a cushion period or parting sum at the end of an arrangement, or do you feel it’s your own responsibility to plan for such lapses in sugar when you are between arrangements, and absorb your expenses during that time by having saved up ahead of time…?” – Lily

    hmm, i think it depends on the arrangement, the people involved, the duration of the arrangement and the reason for it’s end.

    it further depends on how much of her life she put on hold to BE his sb (which also determines allowance somewhat – sure i will leave my life to travel the world with you but i need support to rebuild my dead business when i get back) and how hard reintegrating into her previous life will be. if all they did was meet once a month somewhere exotic it’s nothing to her, if she traveled with him 24/7? not so easy

  682. james.m says:

    Shoo – would you believe I got TAMI at Costco this morning for $12? By the way, they also had a 2004 Chateau St Jean Cab and a 2004 Chateau St Jean Cinq Cepages for $39. I’ve seen them for up to $100. Just make sure it’s the 2004 (very good year) or 2005 (great year) not the 2006, which was in the same bin, and is barely worth the $39.

  683. james.m says:

    Cleo – I feel for you: if you have awesome comments, they are extinguished. If they are mediocre, they are posted. How do it know?

  684. Jade says:

    Redondo – I hope you did not do one of those seriously illegal pay per play deals !

  685. ESB – so happy for you and your new job! You go, girl!

    james.m – Wow. I would LOVE to watch that concert. Where can you buy this DVD??? You DO mean Smokey da Bandit, right? The rapper? Just kidding. I really don’t listen to rap music.

  686. cleo says:

    dammit i made all these comments and then i refreshed and chrome, unlike firefox, doesn’t keep your words!!!
    .
    SSSD any advice you care to give me on meet hosting i would deeply appreciate. sorry you can’t make it to toronto, maybe next time :)
    .
    photogirl: download “under pressure” by queen and david bowie as well as “play that funky music white boy” by wild cherry and your vanilla ice woes will be ended
    .
    texas sugah: ask him which bank, open an account and give him the number.
    .
    ESB: YES!
    .
    james.m: i’ll reverse date myself and tell you that that would be the most amazing concert ever.

  687. Lily says:

    James.m – love it.
    And….pssst, awesome theory on the extra l. Now my privacy is protected!! Woohoo!

  688. james.m says:

    Shoo – don’t forget the famous: “under the spreading chestnut tree, the village smithy stands…”

    OK, we’ve got to move on!

    I picked up the new DVD of the TAMI Show from Oct 1964. Previously only available in bootleg versions, it is one of the great concerts, featuring the Stones, Marvin Gaye, Supremes, Beach Boys, Smokey Robinson, and more. James Brown was the final act of the night, in what Rolling Stone Magazine called “the single greatest rock ‘n roll performance ever captured on film.” Now I am dating myself. (I hope no 20 somethings here embarrass us by asking who these people were.)

  689. ESB says:

    good Morning Sugar Family… been a little busy the last few days with MY NEW JOB!! I am loving it! The boss is so cool about everything!! I get to wear my Levi’s and Nike’s, and pretty much have to. Teh office is full of dirt, from the nursery, and it is EVERYWHERE, but the work it easy, but challenging at the moment, learing all the ins and outs of this new place. I’m going to have to brush up on my spanish, the workers all speak it, and mine is minimal! BG is helping me with that though.

    Anyway, so sorry I missed all the drama… lol… AGAIN!! oh well, not everyone can be happy all the time…

    Going to be gone again for a few more days. Just dont’ have the time for this anymore. Got some great things going on in my life. Just to be working again!! Makes me feel so good.

    james. m: LOVE IT!! lol

    Sugar HUGS!!

  690. james.m says:

    Shoo – and don’t forget to factor in the tolerance of the department store security guard who’s sent to figure out what you’re doing!

  691. james.m – I like the idea of a slinky on the escalator. Non-stop fun? I researched this once and there’s a lot involved though to keep it going. Has something to do with kinetic energy combined with gravitational potential energy and net motion or something (or other). Did I just take the fun out of your joke? ha ha. My geekitude is showing.

  692. yaz.....at work says:

    DC~ I understand!

    James M~ Love it! :-)

  693. james.m says:

    Blog thought for the day:

    Some people are like Slinkies. They’re really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

  694. james.m says:

    Texas – I would suggest you not give him any information. why not go to your bank and open up an account and get a debit card. He can fund it by putting money in your account via ACH. All he needs is the bank, routing number and account number. since you aren’t putting any money in, all he could get by accessing the account was anything you hadn’t spent yet. And you can transfer it out as received if it worries you.

  695. james.m – so funny. You are once again right. Perhaps you are referring to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, a poet whose works include “Paul Revere’s Ride” and “The Song of Hiawatha”? My dad used to say to me, “You’re a poet and your feet show it because they’re Longfellows.”

  696. DC says:

    Also, yaz – I’m not upset with you at all.. sorry if it came off that way. No, no.
    I only bring the claws out when we’re discussing my good blog friends here. Rawrr.

  697. DC says:

    Yaz, I am not trying to start drama – he was. I merely wanted to defend my friend.. who clearly has no idea that he’s come on the blog just to say hurtful remarks where he KNOWS she’ll read – solely because she’s not responding to him.

  698. DC says:

    James.m – thanks for the clarification, like I said – I had quite a few glasses of wine =) I totally get it now..
    Someone asked what wine I drank?
    Well I started with a champagne.. a Phillipe Gonet. Then wine changed with the courses and it all becomes a blur after that.
    But Riesling (German) and Merlot (France), and I also had a sweet wine for dessert from France, they didn’t have any Eyce Wine (which is my favorite, from Germany).

  699. yaz.....at work says:

    No no no DC I am not chewing you out!!!! I am just saying this might start a whole lot of drama on the blog thats all….Ok let me just leave this one alone. I tried.

  700. james.m says:

    Lily: the extra L is a disguise.

  701. DC says:

    Yaz, I didn’t start anything. But someone doesn’t get to come on this blog, blast my friend – no one says anything. Then I get chewed out for telling him his comments were inappropriate.
    So, thanks but no thanks- I don’t need to take time out of my day to email him off the blog. I said what I said, and now I’m done.

  702. yaz.....at work says:

    DC~ I understand that you are trying to protect your friend but it will be best to contact Redondo off blog if you can…
    This might get a bit nasty if he tries to reply and defend himself…He was wrong for pointing out that his ex SB was a fellow blogger but lets just keep private matters off the blog…

  703. james.m says:

    Shoo – I’m pretty sure the doggeral “I’m a poet and don’t know it” predates Vanilla Ice, since my parents used it when I was growing up, and that was long before VI.

    Also Shoo – I grew up in St. Louis, so I also visited Hannibal on school trips. Of course, I’m so old that Mr. Twain was still living there then. (And old enough that all of your kind comments about the virtues of 50 and 60 year old SDs were appreciated.)

    SSSD – the Forbes list IS very inaccurate. I worked for a member of the Forbes 400 many years ago, and they weren’t within shouting distance of his correct wealth. Forbes subsequently did a follow up article on this man, and I provided information. They called prior to publication to check their facts. About 30% were right. I corrected the others, and when the article came out, every single number was wrong! Subsequently, whenever a magazine has an article about which I actually know something, I’m amazed at the mistakes. Which leads me to wonder: why do I believe anything I read in either the newspaper or a magazine? And yet I often do…

    DC and Michael – Mike’s math is what I had in mind. $5 K per month is 60K per year. With personal income tax at 35%, and state at anywhere from 3% to 9%, it takes earnings of about $100K to have your SBs allowance. It is a little lower if the money comes from capital gains. But, that also excludes the gift tax, which I suspect not many SDs pay. that’s 50% over $12K unless you haven’t used your lifetime excusion, and are willing to explain to your kids where it went when your estate tax rolls around! Now that, I’m sure, qualifies as TMI!!

    But thanks for your better explanation Mike.

  704. cleo says:

    shoogar / redondo i responded to you on the last blog
    .
    off to read

  705. TexasSugah – There are a lot of wonderful men and women here on the blog. I didn’t know the blog even existed until 2 months ago. Even though I have had more good than bad situations occur for me in this pursuit, I definitely could have used some words of wisdom in some areas in the past. Until I met other bloggers here, I didn’t have a single person IRL I could discuss any of this life decision with. Glad you are choosing to ask questions before delving into situations and learning the harder way by making mistakes – but as we all do, you will probably need to go through some of those too. It is also nice you have your mom to open up to about these decisions too.

  706. DC says:

    On a side note, Redondo – she never came on the blog exposing that night or blasting you.
    If anyone is a coward – it’s you.
    You don’t put private “she’s good in bed” “she’s not youthful” “she’s in massive debt” comments on a public blog. It’s disgusting.

  707. DC says:

    Redondo, I know of who you speak of. She’s a great friend of mine.
    You my dear, are no SD. You should not even be on the site —
    I told her this before she even met you. What you offer, you can find a girl on Craigslist for.
    And the “and some” – 60 bucks more? Wow.. really blowing the bank there dude.

  708. TexasSugah says:

    Shoogar – See that’s why I LOVE this blog. You ladies really give a care about everyone. It’s just awesome. I mean really….. it’s rare.

    I actually had to tell my mom about you, Lily and Gail. I told her that I was kinda looking into this and had some guidance from good people..

    Yeah, I didn’t give him any info and he didn’t ask. He just mentioned it. I emailed him and told him my concerns about it all. He’s in transit right now abroad. I guess I will drop him an email tonight.

    Thanks again.. really

  709. Lily says:

    They have them in Tennessee, as well. Didn’t know any other states (i.e. North Carolina) had the rocking chairs in the airport. Cool!

    re: high allowance

    I put 10-20k/mo on my profile, and I contact those who can likely afford that amount (or have indicated directly on their profile that they are seeking to spend that amount on an arrangement). This narrows my field WAY down, but I enjoy that extra filter.
    My reason for placing such a high expected budget for an arrangement is to filter out gift/travel/dinner daddies (who would not be interested in any amount of direct financial contribution in addition to the expenses of dating me), and also because the expense of dating me, given my geographical location, is enormous. I expect that part of his budget will be absorbed by the high costs of flying back and forth to meet, and there needs to be something left over for nice hotels, entertainment, dining, shopping, and -yes- direct financial investment towards me or my comapny. So it’s really only makes sense for me to begin talks with men who are in a certain income/net-worth bracket, because how high all of this adds up, when you are far away from North America. I explain to the 3-5k/mo or ‘Open’ daddies right away that I’m not expecting a 5 digit sum wired to me on the first of every month, that I’m highly flexible in factoring in everything to come up with an arrangement that would be mutually beneficial for both of us, but that given certain realities, I prefer to err on the side of having a hefty sum listed right on my profile, to deter those who just don’t have the disposable income to enjoy an arrangement with someone so very far away.

    Also because my SD dance card is nearly full at the moment, time is limited, and it’s my personal choice and perrogative to do so. Just like it’s the potSDs perrogative to ignore me if he’s put off by that. Ce la vie. Plenty o’ fish in the sea. Now who’s the poet & damn if she already knew it?

  710. NYC SB – the large white wooden rockers are ALL over CLT. How are you missing them?? Walk a little slower in those Louboutins, my dear! 😉

  711. TexasSugah – Upon reading your situation again, it sounds like he is trying to open up an account for you in your name. Probably a good guy, but you NEVER know these days. There are ways for him to help you and provide you with a monetary gift without getting all of that personal information. Besides, he is still just a pot and you are not in an arrangement yet. That is a lot of personal information to give out so early on… (my opinion!)

    Lily Seuss – Nice. Do you like green eggs and ham? (Oh, maybe that should be a question for SSSD?)

    SweetEuropean – You are right, there are quite a few IRL SDs out there, but I think the meets are more for camaraderie then they are to meet pots. But maybe I am wrong? I was approached IRL many times before sites like this ever existed and before I understood what an arrangement was. But I must say, sites like SA and others helped to open my mind up a little more to arrangement type relationships.

  712. Lily says:

    I had to give my street address, too, to have funds wired to me from the US.

  713. NYC SB says:

    I have been away from blog because it has been blocked from my job. Too many head honchos indulging in the SA services I guess.

    Let me address the 5k allowance equalling 100k pre tax earnings tid bit

    Sure most SBs do not need THAT much money. But really is that the issue??? An SD that is able to provide a high allowance wants to do so to better the SBs life more than because its justifiable that she needs that much in support. In all honesty any pot SD who makes me justify why I want a high allowance is not someone I want to be involved with because clearly he does not get the concept.

    Think of it this way. When you are making a donation to a charity you donate because you believe in the cause and want to help out. Same principle applies when you provide for an SB… you want to take care of her and better her life…

    Shoogar – where are these chairs at the Char airport????? I have not been able to locate them

  714. Lily says:

    calling you a blabber?

    I sho’ am, Shoo. Whatcha gon’ do? Who you callin’ a foo’? Do you ever eat moo shoo? Do you luv the color blue? When yous was lil’ did you ever wear a tutu? Word that you lost your flu.

  715. TexasSugah – DO NOT give out your SSN to a pot or anyone for that matter. NO. NO. NO. Never give out that info. Even asking for your mother’s maiden name is odd. I understand in some situations, but not in this one. All that is needed for a bank wire is account no., bank address and routing number.

  716. Would you go to a sugar meet or party? Why or why not?

    Yes, of course! The best way to meet potential SDs is IRL. As fabulous as our profiles are, you can never really know what somebody is like until you’ve spoken with them and had a conversation face to face.

    I also attended the Vegas meet hosted by SSSD last year and it was fantastic… There weren’t any SD present, apart from Sam, but it was great to meet fellow SBs and swap stories and discuss all things sugar! :)

  717. TexasSugah.. has a question says:

    Hey ya’ll.. since I answered the question I have one…

    Ok so here’s the skinny.. I’ve been away because I have family in the hospital.. ICU.

    Ok I met this guy on another SD site. We chatted and he said he wanted to meet me. Ok next day he send me his eticket confirmation for a 1st class ticket here. Cool..

    Now today he says that he can’t make it. Yeah I’m dissapointed. He asked for my address to send me something. He asked if I needed anything.. like “please ask for something so that I can send it to prove I’m interested”.

    I asked about the debit card we had discussed, which he has updated me on daily. But when we were chatting online this morning.. (he woke me up at 0530) he said that he went through his bank. Something about a gentleman’s agreement and an account.. i dunno.. his first language isn’t English. Then he told me….. the bank asked him for my personal information which he didn’t provide.. you know SSN, mother’s maiden name. He told them to leave it blank.

    What kinda debit card is that?????? He said that he had made an arrangement.

    That just struck me as odd. He didn’t ask for my personal information but that the bank had.

    Does it sound like a bunch of hooey…..?????????

    He’s going to be abroad for a minute.. and he asked me to meet him there but I was like… WHATEVER! </