9 years ago
Lurker Sugars: Silent Mode

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Whether it’s on the blog or in the sugar fields of SA, some sugars lurk quietly before making their move.

Some enjoy keeping a profile on SA even when they’re not looking for an arrangement. These folks usually HIDE their profile and search without being seen. Others keep their profile visible but simply don’t respond to any incoming messages, unless, of course, someone piques their interest.

Some may go on lurk-mode because of their mood, financial stability, physical condition, etc.

Avoid becoming discouraged because of a few bad experiences – the best sugar comes to those who wait!

Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?

What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?

Do you think there should be a test for Sugar Daddies/Sugar Babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?


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315 Responses to “Lurker Sugars: Silent Mode”

  1. WAY says:

    Howdy All,

    Im still pretty new to the site, been on about 3 weeks now, ive seen several SM that i like but just kinda fearful to contact them, i just find my self just looking at the profiles rather than contacting them. Any Suggestions that could help?

  2. Ms.O says:

    I am starting to think that this site is a total scam… I understaand that people want to protect themselves, but “lurking” is just that… LURKING!!! It is quite creepy to think that just because one has the finances that they have the right to be rude, and not ever make any attempt to communicate. I am sure that there are many lovely sugar babes and guys who desrve to at least recieve a small comment or short e-mail. I would like to know how long you ar to wait till someone tries to contact you. I have been on many sites (3) and I have never had this kind of “silence”. What is going on here???

  3. Ms.O says:

    Hello all,
    I am new to the site as well. I was just wanted to know should I take it personal if I feel that I am the one sending more e-mails? I do not want to seem desperate… I am quite busy, but did so in the thought that it might be taken well????

  4. Sandy says:

    Hi all! New to this site and the whole sd/sb thing. Just wondering if anyone could offer me some advice or helpful hints. Everybody has been really nice so far and I thank you all for it :)

  5. London Loving American says:

    Spot on JohnQ

    I always insist that the fist date with a potential SB be a Saturday afternoon coffee somewhere popular. I restrict the time to around 30min to 1 hour. This gives us both the opportunity to walk away if there is no rapport or chemistry.

    If we like each other, sparks fly, I always insist that we both think about it for a couple of days before entering the arrangement.

    If we go ahead with an arrangement then second date is a daytime date (racing, tennis, or even just lunch and hanging out together) .

    Third date is an evening date .

    Fourth date is a weekend away somewhere sunny, hot, blue sea, cool drinks and bikinis (I know I’m a bad man…lol, but I’m not the only one that enjoys going down this road! lol )

  6. MALE_Sugar_Baby says:

    I might have mentioned this before, but I am very frustrated at not being able to find a SM — preferably, one that is married, for a long term relationship and who wants to take care of me.

    Does anyone know of a SM out there?

  7. gurlnextdoor says:

    Good evening everyone! :) Talked to my lover this afternoon and well I now know he is SD material. He told me to ask him for anything (money, gifts, etc) and if he could give it to me, he would. And first thing off my list is my car insurance which he has agreed to pay for along with some gas money and part of my airline ticket to go see my boyfriend this summer. Looks like I may just have a SD soon enough.

  8. lisa says:

    NYC SB thanks for letting me know. It’s good to have this blog to be able to compare notes. I didn’t like the sound of him and the idea of a dominant man scares me. I work so I can’t just travel and never on weekends. I’m looking for something local. Thanks for letting me know. I will send him a thanks but not thanks message.
    Going to the new blog now

  9. NYC SB says:

    Lisa – the DC lawyer contacted me couple of days ago. I talked to him… he is not looking for IM sex however his ideal arrangement is that you come one or two weekends a month and all he wants is sex… you will not say no to anything he asks you to do… so i asked him what is he into… he is into dominant behavior… looking for all sorts of insane stuff… NOT what I want…

    NOW SOME GOOD NEWS!!!! DRUM ROLL PLEASE!
    I have a new SD… last nights date was out of this world… he is such a sweet sweet guy… DC said it best “If he wasnt married I would love to date him”…anyways 😀 Since he is in Philly and I am in NYC he asked me to meet him in Philly … we went to this incredible restaurant… had an amazing meal… i ordered a dirty martini as my drink … and it comes out with blue cheese stuffed olives (I DIED! bc that is my all time favorite drink and they only have it at Asia de Cuba in NYC… he remembered me telling him this over the phone…awwww)

    After dinner and great conversation he told me that he could send me home with a car or just in case he got me a room… in which he wasnt going to say in … since he didnt want to be presumptious :)

    We went to the hotel had a few more drinks there at which point he handed me an envelope (YAY SUGAR) and told me that he would like to continue this with me… so far so good… he is incredible!

    on a side note he looks a bit like richard gere without the white hair… just a little resemblance 😀

  10. Scully says:

    Morning Everyone,

    DC I am so excited for you!!! I know as classy of a lady as you are, you’ll get it worked out ;).

    Have a great day all, I’m off to work on the book :)

  11. Lisa says:

    Im a lurker im not gonna lie. I’ve sent a few messages and the convos have just gone nowhere!!!

  12. lisa says:

    Gotta go, my best friend is stopping by. Glad i’m off from work and can sleep late tomorrow. Have a good evening everyone

  13. lisa says:

    I haven’t answered his last email as I am not interested in chatting right this moment. Sounds like he’s looking for IM sex. lol
    I just sent an email to my ex boyfriend telling him I need financial assistance. If he wants to get together again, he will have to fit into my new lifestyle , lol It;s like I dont care if I scare him away but if he offers, I will give it a try. He’s a great lover too but as I said before I dont’ need another man just for that, I need other stuff too, lol

  14. DC says:

    Yeah Lisa, probably some red flags there but couldn’t hurt to find out what his story is. And don’t sell yourself short….some young men really love older women 😉

  15. DC says:

    Thanks Nico! He seems like such a nice person….not full of himself at all. I feel very lucky. And he’s cute!

  16. lisa says:

    Good evening Nico

  17. Nico*213385* says:

    YAY DC ~ That is soooo awesome!!! *fingers crossed*

  18. lisa says:

    Let’s be realistic why would a good looking young man want to pay a woman old enough to be his mother 10k a month for 2 meetings? His profile says he wants to meet a young lady. I will send you his profile info DC, check your email in a few minutes.

  19. lisa says:

    ok I just heard from him and I guess his free messages must be over as he wants me to email him and he would like to IM right now. I don’t like to IM complete strangers, I never use IM.

  20. DC says:

    Wow Lisa, I hope he’s legit!

  21. lisa says:

    I just sent him a nice message, asking him about himself, what he has in mind, etc. I know he will never respond as he has probably sent the same form letter to everyone. lol Anyway I find it odd that he along with one of the other few messages I got called me by a nickname that I never use, very odd.

  22. lisa says:

    That’s great DC :)

    I’m just relaxing. Going to go to Target tomorrow to get some bright bath rugs and some toiletries. Just got an email (well actually the same email 3 times) from some guy in Washington Dc. Sounds fake. He’s a lawyer, single, in his 20’s and wants to chat with me. He is offereing 10k a month for 2 meetings but he has a free membership and the message was long but very impersonable. I find that when I write a long message to someone I usually ask them questions and personalize it. This message was just a repeat of what is said in his profile. I just don’t see this happening, looks like another danny

  23. DC says:

    Hey everyone-

    Just back from my date with a pot SD. Looks like I have found my SD! He is perfect….mutual attraction..great connection….we are so alike and I can already tell we will be great friends no matter what happens. He is the sweetest guy. This is the one that was so concerned I would be with him just for the $$ but I think I convinced him that I needed the connection to be there. And I wasn’t faking that..we had a real connection. Matter of fact, if he wasn’t married he would be someone I would love to date.

    Now we have to work out the details….the hard part..how often we get together and what he is offering..but he has an idea of what I need and what I am looking for so hopefully it won’t be too hard.

  24. lisa says:

    sending positive energy and a good generous sd to you Victoria, you will have to take some of the intense heat in return though

    Just got back from washing my fuzzy rug. It looks so nice after it’s laundered. It’s so hot outside and i’ve already used 750 kilowatts and I have another 10 days to go on my electric, I hate to see the bill and hope I can pay it.

  25. Victoria ♠302242 ♠ says:

    If this shows up three times…fml

    …Moderated… :-\

    Allo, sugar family! I hope everyone is well!
    I’ve been away for weeks, and miserable without my sugar family. I would love for some of you to email me, as I’m far more likely to respond. (demonaluv at y)
    I’ve been apartment/job hunting with some friends here in MS. The summer session I applied for at a college nearby starts next week, but things are really really hard. If we don’t get a place/jobs, we’re going to be under even more stress. That said, I probably won’t be back to the blog for another 3+ weeks. So, email me lovlies! And please, send me good energies, my friends and I are going to need it!

    All in all, I hope everyone is doing well and hope to hear from you all!

    Love and kisses,
    Victoria

    AND HERE’S THE BLOG:

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?
    I’ve been lurking for a while. I have an extremely shaky/unreliable connection, if any at all. So, I don’t want to get into any conversations and then get cut off and be unable to reply days or even weeks later.

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?
    Move on?

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?
    I’m actually not sure. I play everything by ear these days.

  26. …Moderated… :-\

    Allo, sugar family! I hope everyone is well!
    I’ve been away for weeks, and miserable without my sugar family. I would love for some of you to email me, as I’m far more likely to respond. (demonaluv at y)
    I’ve been apartment/job hunting with some friends here in MS. The summer session I applied for at a college nearby starts next week, but things are really really hard. If we don’t get a place/jobs, we’re going to be under even more stress. That said, I probably won’t be back to the blog for another 3+ weeks. So, email me lovlies! And please, send me good energies, my friends and I are going to need it!

    All in all, I hope everyone is doing well and hope to hear from you all!

    Love and kisses,
    Victoria

    AND HERE’S THE BLOG:

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?
    I’ve been lurking for a while. I have an extremely shaky/unreliable connection, if any at all. So, I don’t want to get into any conversations and then get cut off and be unable to reply days or even weeks later.

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?
    Move on?

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?
    I’m actually not sure. I play everything by ear these days.

  27. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    nico hit me up on messenger

  28. Nico*213385* says:

    Good evening my sug/fam :)

    NC ~ You still around?

  29. lisa says:

    faucet is fixed! Going to head over to wash my throw rug. Back later

  30. NYC SB says:

    getting ready for lift of sugars 😀 catch ya all tomorrow

  31. lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. Back from work. My water faucet is being fixed as we speak. finally :) mailbox still empty though :(

  32. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    LMAO@Gail,Yamine,SV,Kitty,SweetE,Bettie Says: Calling Sam. I miss him too :(

  33. goodgirl says:

    Ok JQ… you’re too good. 😉
    DC~ just wondering…in what ways is this harder? I have not regular dated on the internet. (although, i do admit, i created a profile on a couple sites to catch a cheater…never did, but…) LOL
    I really am enjoying my experience on my sugar journey!! I too am learnig a bit about negotiations. (among other things!) 😀

  34. DC says:

    Hey Apple- have fun! I love the Getty. Hi Trin!

  35. Trin says:

    JohnQ- That was some great advice! Had to chime in to say that….:)

  36. Apple-332079 says:

    Just popping in to check on how everyone is. Hello all! It’s been a busy week catching up with family and friends in LA. Off to the Getty now, I hope everyone has a lovely day!

  37. DC says:

    Yeah, JohnQ…what Southern and Silly said LOL

    But seriously, that was excellent advice and pretty much the way I hoped it would play out. He has seen my pictures so he is seriously considering it. I don’t think I have over-valued myself. And I would not be lying when I tell him that I HAVE turned down other very generous offers because there was no attraction. Matter of fact I was compensated generously for just meeting someone for a drink, who slipped an envelope in my bag before he knew if I was willing to proceed. And when I realized it I offered to return the gift. So I will be sure that he knows this.

    I have been internet dating for years and I thought that was hard! This is 10 times harder….. but I am learning so much about being a good negotiator. For that reason alone I am enjoying it.

  38. Apple-332079 says:

    johnq – Wow. That was one of the best posts I’ve read on the SA blog, ever. Genuinely thoughtful, sound advice. I salute you, sir.

  39. SweetEuropean*264271 says:

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?
    Yes, i’ve been lurking for a few weeks now… Not much sugar in my life right now and i’ve been concentrating on other things so SA hasn’t been much of a priority.. I’m back for a while now, though!!!

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?
    Honestly? I have no idea!!

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?
    Hmm a test, interesting but what kind of test??! A SD can gain my trust simply by being who he says he is and showing me he is for real :-)

    Saaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!?

  40. Gail,Yamine,SV,Kitty,SweetE,Bettie says:

    ****SILENCE PLEASE*****

    SAM…. SAM….GRAND SD OF SA…PLEASE COME TO THE LIGHT. SUGARWORLD IS CALLING YOU…:)

    ****Thank you all for your time and Patience***

  41. SuthrnExec says:

    Yeah – what JohnQ said.

  42. Silly in Toronto #330786 says:

    well said John Q.. thanks ! good advice

  43. NYC SB says:

    Scully – im willing to split 50% 50% with you for my counseling sessions … and im cheaper than both NC and SE ;P

  44. Scully says:

    I know Suthern. I know, but if you raise your rates then I can get a better cut out of both of you :)……Onery lil thang aren’t I!!!

  45. DorkyGuy says:

    Can’t she just write that she promises to be attracted to him into a contract? 😛

  46. johnq says:

    The question arises, above, as to how an SB can convince a hesitant SD that she actually likes him for himself, rather than solely for his money. This is a classic issue in relationships involving a significant disparity in wealth or power.

    Clearly, most SBs are interested in a financial arrangement, otherwise they wouldn’t be here. That money is a necessary element for most SBs, however, does not mean it is sufficient.

    So the real issue for an SB confronting an SD who’s worried that she’s only interested in the money, is how to convince him that this isn’t true, and that she’s genuinely attracted to him even apart from the money

    In my experience, one successful tactic is for the SB to start off by making it clear that she has met with other potential SDs, all of whom were interested in and financially able to handle an SD-SB relationship, but she turned them down because she didn’t feel attracted to them. She should tell the pot SD that she’s willing to meet him casually, possibly for coffee or a drink, to see if there’s any attraction. She should then agree to a second, longer meeting, possibly for dinner, again to determine if there’s enough compatibility to proceed. She should not bring up specific financial terms during or prior to these dates, and if the pot SD does, she should deflect this, saying that she doesn’t think it makes sense to discuss money before she’s sure she’s attracted to him, and that there is no amount of money that would cause her to go out with him absent attraction.

    Following the second date (which shouldn’t involve sex), she should tell him that she finds him more attractive than the other pot SD’s she’s met with, and she’s willing to enter into an arrangement with him. At that point the financial discussion can take place.

    If done right, this will leave the pot SD with the impression that he’s passed an audition of sorts, that she is actually attracted to and interested in him, and that the money is a secondary (though necessary) issue. Moreover, the perception of exclusivity will probably make her more attractive in his eyes.

    I can say from personal experience that this type of approach is relatively successful at giving the SD the impression that she’s actually attracted to him (or that she’s willing to work hard enough at it that he’ll never tell the difference anyway, which in these types of relationships may amount to the same thing).

    Note, however, that for this type of play to work, the woman has to have qualities such that the pot SD will find it credible that she’s able to pick and choose among wealthy suitors. In other words, she should probably be both beautiful and articulate.

    I’m not positing this as the only way an SB can bring an SD to believe that she’s genuinely interested in and attracted to him. Women have been doing this with men for all of recorded history (and almost certainly before that), and literature and common experience provide innumerable examples of how it’s been done, both honestly and cynically. Nevertheless, under the right circumstances the described tactic has a good chance of working.

    JQ

  47. SuthrnExec says:

    Yes, but Scully you should know that my rates for counseling are not as high as NC’s!

  48. DC says:

    Sugarsweet- good for you! Wonder what his reaction will be. Let us know.

    Thanks Scully. I met him at a different NON SD site. I don’t think he’s trying to scam me though. He contacted me and saw I was looking for a SD even though it wasn’t a site specifically for that and I think he probably had a different conception of what an SD is …like many virgins. He is realy curious to see if this can work for both of us. Only time will tell.

    I am not going to give in, he knows what I need from him. I could have all the casual affairs I want with married men. I think he understands now why I do this

  49. Scully says:

    Oh and if he wants advice, send him over to Suthrn Exec or NC Gent for a counseling session 😀

  50. Scully says:

    Congrats DC!!! Ok, Imma chime in for a sec before I go back to work, DC you should never settle for anything less than what you deserve. If he is worried you’re only in it for the “compensation” ask him why he chose to be a sugardaddy. If he does know about the lifestyle, then the answer for him should be easy. If he doesn’t know about the lifestyle, invite him to read this blog, that’s what it’s for 😉

    Have a great day everyone, I’ll be back later!

  51. NYC SB says:

    sugarsweet – sorry to hear that :( there is someone better out there for you

  52. Gail says:

    See Dorky Guy….I told you there were good SBs watching and waiting…lol…

    Okay….who else is lurking and needs to jump in headfirst? Promise we won’t drown you!!!!

  53. sugarsweet says:

    Thank you all for your advice, Based on my sd’s prior unreliable actions, i have concluded that he is aiming for a free ride.

    When he told me, I almost told him that I too like him so much and that I would love to continue seeing him, but cannot offer intimacy because it just feels weird to give in so soon.

    But i have decided not stoop to his level. He shall be promptly and politely kicked to the curb.

  54. goodgirl says:

    Hey Dorky~ why don’t we meet…I can get you good and drunk, and you can send me to school…i’ll even take a Psych class for you 😉

  55. DC says:

    NC Gent- I hope that is the reason LOL! I’ll find out this afternoon….

  56. DC says:

    Hey DG-

    You and this guy probably have a lot in common.;) You may have discussed this before but why are you at this site? I assume you have tried traditional dating sites like Match? Is it because of your crazy schedule you feel like you can’t offer the kind of time for a traditional relationship that most women want? There may be a woman out there that is okay with that.

    I think what you need to realize is that this is hopefully mutually beneficial. You are helping each other out, it’s not one sided. You get the girlfriend experience without the drama and your SB shouldn’t complain about the amount of time you spend with her. The SB doesn’t get resentful about this because she is being compensated for her time and compensated to not take it personally and to live her life without expecting you to devote lots of time to her.

  57. Gail says:

    And by the way DorkyGuy…if you feel like you are drowning we are all here to save you!!!! It’s time to feel, taste and touch the SUGAR!!!!

  58. DorkyGuy says:

    LOL! Sheesh is right… I just need to get drunk and make a stupid mistake 😛 Will probably do me good!

  59. Gail says:

    Sheesh….Dorky Guy…jump in….headfirst…sort it out later….you are missing all of the fun! All of your thinking…is leaving you out of the action.

    On a serious note…I wish you the best…good SBs are watching you and waiting.

  60. DorkyGuy says:

    Gail, the insight I try to offer is as just as a normal guy trying to understand the SD/SB relationship, not as a SD. I know full well that the way I approach things is not representative of many SDs.

    The reason I have no SBs is that I’m on the fence. I know I need companionship… I know that this is an option for companionship… I know that I probably couldn’t maintain a traditional GF relationship… but I’ve got to work through the ethical issues so that I can feel good about what I’m doing.

    I am the kind of guy who really does wear his heart on his sleave. It is not possible for me to have a superficial relationship or casual sex, because I’m always seeking genuine connection. Sometimes it feels like this is a character flaw, and I’m just not suited to dating in a casual dating world.

    I strongly relate to DC’s post about the guy being insecure about the girl faking the relationship for the check. I also have strong feelings that I don’t want to be taking advantage of a girls’ financial hardship just to meet my needs. Those two issues more than anything keep me from moving forward.

    Thanks for a great question! Lol, I think maybe the answer might be to find a SB who is a psych major. I get too wrapped up trying to think things through, and I need to learn to live more in the moment I suppose.

  61. Gail says:

    NC-Yes…we will do that as soon as you land at the Sac airport, we go on a gem find,we meet at the hotel bar, and my giftcard arrives…lol…it’s wonderful knowing your history…p.s. I will never stand you up…ever!!! just look at my hands….lol….

  62. NC Gent says:

    Hey Gail — we need to sleep together some night lol

    Ok DC — maybe the dorkiness and being out of the game for a while explains it then…. humility is good :)

  63. DC says:

    Thanks Dorky Guy and Southern for your perspectives. That helps. I think I will just express in person what I have already told him via e-mail, and hopefully he will be able to tell if I am sincere. And basically I have always felt that words don’t mean much, it’s someones actions…so hopefully he will be able to tell by how I spoil him and how happy I am to see him that I am sincere.

    Thank you for the compliment Gail! Right back at ya babe!

    NC- I think he is around 45 years old and has been married for a while and probably has not been looking for too long. I met him at a non SD site. He says he is a bit of a dork LOL (his words) when it comes to women in general and wooing them. For me that is better than a guy who brags and thinks he’s God’s gift to women.

    All of this of course depends on their being mutual chemistry!

    Good luck tonight NYCSB!

  64. Gail says:

    NC…did sleep together last nite…we are thinking alike this morning..lol…

  65. NC Gent says:

    Welcome to the blog, Sugarsweet — I would tell him that if he isn’t willing to give you a monthly allowance, what is he willing to do for you, because it is a mutually beneficial arrangement. My first SB felt wierd taking cash so she would take gift cards instead — it didn’t make any difference to me. On the other hand, he may just be looking for a “free ride” and in that case, you will have to decide which way to go. Good luck!

    DC — how old is the guy? Seems like a mature, intelligent guy should be able to tell when a woman is genuinely interested in him. Maybe he is just looking for a freebie? I heard that happens sometimes here :)

  66. Gail says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I have been lurking….but just thought I would speak up on this one.

    Sugarsweet-lol…what is wrong with him? simple…. sounds like he just wants benefits without giving you the sugar. A true SD understands and follows thru with a SD/SB relationship.

    DC-Good Luck on convincing him…I have found that the ones you have to convince are always on the take. It took too much of my time and energy.
    I believe you are beautiful and you will find your special SD…he is out there : )

    Dorky Guy-Just wondering, as long as you have been on her and much great advice as you offer …why no SB? Are you really looking? or are you our resident SD adviser? Many great SB’s are interested in hearing what your story is…or did I miss it?

    NYC SB-Have a wonderful sugar evening….wave to us while you are up there in the sky!!!

  67. CrèmeBruléeNY says:

    NYCSB – Likewise 😉 Be sure to ask the pilot to produce his license prior to lift-off.

  68. DorkyGuy says:

    lol, i’m a moron… will check in later when I’ve recovered some IQ points.

  69. SuthrnExec says:

    DC, certainly, in time he will be able to tell the difference between someone who is only in it for the compensation and someone who is really enjoying the relationship. I think in time this will take care of itself.
    In the meantime, if you haven’t said what you said in your post, tell him that. It sounds like you guys are communicating well – keep it up. That’s the best way that insecurities on both sides can be dealt with – as long as they aren’t at the disfunctional level.
    None of us should be complacent and so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little insecurity – it sort of insures that you will give, and get, the best treatment.

  70. goodgirl says:

    There is only 1 DC, Dorky…but I think we all know what you meant 😉

  71. DorkyGuy says:

    Of course the above needs to be genuine… but of course you know that. Just felt the need for a disclaimer that I’m not suggesting anyone decieve the guy into thinking there’s a connection when there’s not.

  72. DorkyGuy says:

    DC, I totally get where this guy is coming from. I wish I knew how to answer the question, and I hope some of the other DCs have some good advice.

    Whether it’s a SB relationship or any other relationship, a man with money is going to have insecurities about whether she’s just with him for the money.

    Maybe the way to do it is to talk about the emotions and insecurity you have now, and that it would mean so much on a personal level to you for him to provide you some security and peace of mind in a very hard time.

    Also, talk about other things that you hope to get out of the relationship… things you hope to experience together.

    Tell him that there’s something special you’ve always wanted to do but were afraid to (jetski, snorkel, etc), but you just haven’t found a person you feel secure enough to do it with, and you feel secure with him.

    Guys really do enjoy being a provider and being a rock of security for a woman. If you tell him about your insecurity and how secure he makes you feel, he’ll sense an emotional connection.

  73. NYC SB says:

    sugarsweet – something similar happened to my friend… GG is right… ask him to pay some bills and take you shopping… my friends SD was ok with that but he felt weird giving her an allowance in cash

  74. NYC SB says:

    OMG CB! haha it was awesome meeting you last night :)

  75. CrèmeBruléeNY says:

    NYCSB – Have a blast! 😉

  76. goodgirl says:

    Sugarsweet~welcome to the blog!!!
    ~tell him it’s fine if he can’t give you allowance, but ask if he’ll pay all your bills and give you some spending money. LOL :)
    or, tell him to move on. (unless, of course, dating him is what you want…)

  77. goodgirl says:

    GinaZ says:
    Maybe another blog, but I’m a single mom. How do the other single moms manage this site?
    ~ Fist off, Welcome to the blog!
    Be extra careful about who you let into your life and give details to. As a single mom myself, I think about that a lot. I ALWAYS tell someone where i’m going and leave a sticky note of where i went, with whom, and the time i was meeting. If possible, i leave when i was planning on being home. I won’t even consider meeting someone who doesn’t understand that she’s my #1 priority. Also, i only have 2 options for babysitter, so my ability to go out is hindered a little. Can’t just get a call to meet in an hour, can we? lol.
    I hope this answers your question, but please feel free to ask anything else you’d like to know.
    :)
    ~Good Luck tonight NYCSB!!!!!!!
    Suthrn~ i like the ANALogy…hehehehe 😉

  78. DC says:

    Morning all-

    I am meeting a pot SD today from another site. He originally wasn’t looking for a SB but was intrigued by the idea and we have been e-mailing for about 1 week now. I have been telling him what I know and about my experiences and he is both intrigued and weirded out by the whole thing. But he really wants to meet me and I think if he likes me he would want to have an arrangement.

    He is married and cute (in his picture at least) and smart and sounds like he could make the best sugar daddy ever. His main concern is that I will only be with him for the compensation and really wants me to get some enjoyment out of it.

    Question for the SDs. How can I convince him that I am with him for who he is, not just the compensation? I have tried to explain that he is not my only option and that I need to feel an attraction and connection with the SD or could not be with them. He is already endearing himself to me by his concern for me but at the same time I sense a real insecurity there. I can’t fake it with anyone so hopefully he will be able to tell by how I act when with him.

    How do you SDs deal with that insecurity? It’s an insecurity us gals have had to deal with most of our lives…is this guy just using me for the sex while he waits for something better to come along.

    I am also wondering if by expressing this insecurity he is hoping I will change my mind about wanting compensation, thus proving I really really like him. But I can’t do that do to the fact that he is married and there is no chance of him becoming a partner…plus I need the compensation obviously.

  79. sugarsweet says:

    Hi sugarland,

    I’m posting for the first time today. I’m confused about my sd. We had a great first month, and now going into the second month, he says that he likes me too much and that he would like to continue seeing me but will not offer the monthly allowance because it just feels too weird… !!!!!!? He did not even offer to discuss it.

    do i laugh at this point? Is he an idiot? Would appreciate any thoughts.

  80. jasmine says:

    good morning everyone :)

  81. NYC SB says:

    soooo super duper excited about tonight 😀

  82. SuthrnExec says:

    There- that’s better – at least you are being honest. lol

    My apologies in advance for using a “product” and “market” analogy, but just wanted to follow in the same vein as the honorable NC.

    For argument’s sake, let me take a little exception to that. If the product is viewed by the same people, I would agree. However, the product is continually viewed by new people all the time, there may not be such a need. The need to change/update is driven by response – not by time on the market. If after 3-4 weeks there is no response, change it. If the response is steady over time, it seems to me that the product is fine.

    And yes, I did see the disclaimer “there are always exceptions”.

  83. NC Gent says:

    Oooops sorry – I meant to add that I hope this offends SE :)

  84. SuthrnExec says:

    Morning! Ok NC, I’m offended. Thanks for not re-opening yesterday’s discussion! LOL

  85. NC Gent says:

    Good morning all! Nico if you are still reading I think it may be good to update your profile once in a while (or anyone for that matter). I am not trying to re-open the discussion from yesterday, but things that have been on the market for a year and have not sold make people nervous — houses are a great example of that. Of course, there are always exceptions. Sorry in advance if I have offended anyone with this comment.

  86. DorkyGuy says:

    Great idea! Maybe I should lie and say I’m married, and 5 years older!

  87. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone
    Getting ready to leave for work. More profile views and 0 emails. I never did this bad with response so I think I might be deleting my profile on here as it’s depressing. I would like to change my age to see if that would make a difference after all the sds lie on their profiles all the time. maybe 39? that’s just a few years.

    Have a great day everyone

  88. ginaZ says:

    Lurker?
    Yes a bit:) New on this site!

    New to SA, but I’ve had NSA arrangements before, more the financial assistance, dinners out type thing, 3X a month, “allowance.” Truthfully I’d love to find a real relationship, and I’m of the belief that SD>SB arrangements, fun though they may be, aren’t love, take all the money away and would it work? No.

    Maybe another blog, but I’m a single mom. How do the other single moms manage this site?

    I’m sort of lurking, upgraded my profile to hide my last visit. I’ve gotten offers, but, they’ve been from other states. One might have been a “poof” daddy. Or more so, a window shopper who enjoys dangling the carrot. And he seemed like a great one too, not just the money part, but her seemed cool. 3k-5k one weekend a month (sigh) Which brings up the whole “Hey send me more photos,” (which I did) but is followed by, “Hey I thought you would send some body shots.” I got frustrated. Was he just yanking my chain.

    signed SB in La la land

    OK so I’ve opened things up happy to share what I know, and I have questions as well.

  89. Trin says:

    Good evening everyone! Life has been crazy here so haven’t blogged as much but wanted to stop in! :)

  90. SF SD says:

    sweetredhead,

    You got my vote on both flexible and wiggle room. The only other thing I would add is that when it works, it’s sweet. That’s why they call it sugar. :-)

    Taking off for a few days, so handing the newbie writing mantle over to DG. Go for it, dude.

  91. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Well said SF SD. Many Sd’s are in powerful positions, they are used to taking the lead, they would not be in the positions they are in if they did not know how to control and lead. We as SB I think have to know what we want and stick to it. You can not be timid or you will be walked on and yes taken advantage of. Know what your expectations are and know your position. Don’t let anyone talk you into something you are not ready or willing to do. No amount of money or incentive is worth your self respect.

    I am not saying not to negotiate or compromise, that is what life is about. Being flexible is good. But know the basics of what you are looking for. Never compromise on those. There is always a little wiggle room. This is a mutually beneficial relationship there is a give and take on both sides.

  92. SF SD says:

    Silly in T,

    IMHO, it is very reasonable to do some socializing to determine whether you are comfortable with each other’s looks, personalities, and interests. However, an SD should not be offended at the suggestion that the details of the arrangement need to be worked out. I think Nico has it right in suggesting that the allowance discussion be separate from the *topic* of what you are going to do when. But do remember that he is not an SD, and you are not an SB, until an arrangement is in place.

    Guys look to women for cues as to what is acceptable in a given situation. Not wishing to be crude here, but if a guy thinks that you like him enough to go to bed before he’s committed to anything, he may just take you up on it. If you do like him, and you think that it’s reasonable to test out that special sort of chemistry, then that’s your call. But if you are hesitant about this, then you will enter the relationship (or not) with the feeling that you have been taken advantage of.

    If he wants an exclusive, then there should be a monthly allowance, because he is asking for control of what you do when he is not there.

    And I will echo NYC SBs suggestion in an earlier blog about STD testing, especially if you will be doing anything risky. Even in the puritanical United States one can obtain a test through a local lab with confidential results available online. A full battery of tests would include Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, HSV, HIV, and Hepatitis B and C.

    Sounds like this guy has potential. I wish you every success.

    There are SD here with other experiences and points of view — I’m ready to learn from you as well.

  93. DorkyGuy says:

    On the media coverage thing… There’s a prominent new SB profile from that local station’s area.

    I suspect it’s the reporter trying to take a sample of how SD’s approach SBs using a fake profile.

  94. DorkyGuy says:

    Silly, seems to me that reflects positively on the SD. He takes relationships and risks seriously.

  95. lisa says:

    make sure he is doing the same thing

  96. Silly in Toronto #330786 says:

    He doesn’t want me sleeping with anyone else, I’m guessing the STD thing, but I’m still planning on protection, either way.

  97. Nico*213385* says:

    DorkyGuy….it’s a case by case basis :)

  98. lisa says:

    If he won’t meet your requirements, you need to cut him into four pieces and drag him through the town square and hang his flesh to rot in the sun. oops sorry just an idea for a date to remember, lol

  99. DorkyGuy says:

    What does exclusivity mean in the SD realm?

    Does that mean he doesn’t want you to have any other SD’s so he’s not competing for time? Or does that mean that he doesn’t want you to have any other boyfriends at all, to protect from STD’s and such?

    Just curious.

  100. lisa says:

    if he wants to be exclusive, he must meet your financial requirements.

  101. Silly in Toronto #330786 says:

    oh and he also wants to be exclusive

  102. lisa says:

    I used to be a really nice girl who wanted a husband to spend the rest of my life with but after so many duds i’ve taken a lighter approach to men and am now just looking for fun as long as it lasts.

  103. lisa says:

    that “attention” can turn into disappointment and the feeling of being used if he decides afterward that your aren’t compatible, even if you are, he might be looking for free sex.
    I’m waving the bone in front of my ex now. He sent me another email tonight but he is short on words and said he’d try to help me. I will email him tomorrow and see where it leads. I’m trying for a flat screen tv,nothing big, just a 200 dollar one but I doubt i’ll get it out of him but he won’t get going with me again if he doesn’t make it up. I don’t expect a lasting relationship with him, just something untill I meet my next sd.
    I just hope that when my dad is talking spanish with my downstairs neighbors whenever he comes to visit that they don’t say anything about my many male visitors in the past year. lol

  104. Nico*213385* says:

    I would only suggest being careful then because you may have already opened a door with him in the *ahem* area, which may be mis-interpreted so, be ‘gentle’.

  105. Silly in Toronto #330786 says:

    thanks ! I will definitely broach it with him.. problem is I’ve told him that I’m, umm let’s say.. in need of attention and so has he. He’s definitely the mentor type, has TONS of experience to pass onto me.. ok.. I guess I’ll try to steer him in the right direction

  106. DorkyGuy says:

    @SF SD…. LOL!!

  107. lisa says:

    me lisa and i right gooder than anny of you gys. I make gooder grades in scool two. I looking four a goodest sugardady that wont waist my time.
    I cant weight too meat him

  108. Nico*213385* says:

    SF ~ reading your post hurt my head 😉

  109. DorkyGuy says:

    Maybe tell him that you would like to see if there is chemistry for you too. Maybe he will understand that means you want him to show that he is going to live up to his part.

    I also think it would be ok for you to say that you’re skeptical of potential SDs because of the many fakes, and that you won’t be intimate until you’re 100% confident they are not a fake.

    Just some random thoughts from a guy who has no idea what he’s talking about.

  110. Nico*213385* says:

    Silly ~ You’ve encountered the uncomfortable border/boundary of the SB/SD life. If you are attracted to him, would consider being intimate with him if he were just a boyfriend (although I know he’s not) then intimacy may come first.

    My very first arrangement was like that. My current arrangement we’ve yet to be intimate…it’s not a big need for him and there’s significant distance between us ~ that will not always be the case.

    I would suggest raising the issue of ‘allowance’ separate and aside from any other discussion and reaching a mutually agreeable amount….in advance of any intimacy. Preface it by saying, “I realize this is a difficult topic; however, it’s one that I would like to settle so this is not an ongoing matter and we can put the more ‘impersonal’ side of the agreement at rest and move on to enjoying each other’s company.”

    My two-cents but there are SD’s on the blog tonight that may have more of the ‘male’ insight. Good luck and congrats 😀

  111. lisa says:

    Nothing scares a fake sd faster than $$$$$ talk

  112. SF SD says:

    DG — U gotta start MiXinG Up cAseS & YooZing ALfaN00m3ricS B4 U cn convince me you didn’t pay attention in skool. 😉

  113. gurlnextdoor says:

    Silly in Toronto, I would only bring it up if he pushed the sex (or “chemistry”) issue again. Then I’d say something along the lines of “well I’d love to see if we have chemistry but at the same time I don’t want to be taken advantage of. So I’d prefer we have an arrangement established with a set allowance before we did anything sexual.” That way you’d be direct without being rude, and if he is a fake he’d probably disappear. All fakes disappear when you bring up the issue of money. :)

  114. lisa says:

    tell him to show you the money, lol DON”T get into any situation with him to get intimate till he spoils you. Many time they disappear after you’re intimate with them. My last sd did. :(

  115. Silly in Toronto #330786 says:

    Ok temporarily hijacking here.. NEED help !!
    so the pot SD and I met in person last night for a drink and he seems nice, he kissed me goodbye, which was nice. Here’s the thing, we’re having dinner tomorrow night and he said he was looking forward to seeing if we have ‘chemistry’ and I’m fairly sure he’s talking about sex. I initially said I was looking for $allowance per month and he didn’t say it was out of the question. We’ve been chatting now regularly for 2 weeks. How do I broach the subject that I don’t intend on sleeping with him if he’s NOT SD material ? I know/ understand he’s established etc.. but spoiling hasn’t come up since then.
    Ideas ???

  116. Nico*213385* says:

    LOL Dorky guy….through all your attempts to write bad, you still used the proper “too” in your sentence so ~ kudos 😉

  117. DorkyGuy says:

    SF DC do write good. I write good too sumday.

  118. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Time for me to go work out, and do some laundry. Yes the exciting life I lead lmao. Have a good night everyone.

  119. gurlnextdoor says:

    Thanks Nico it’s good to be back. :) I just had to take a small break for some time away from sugar dating and everything associated with it. But I’m happy to be back on the blog, although I’m not actively seeking a SD right now. But you know what they say, you get what you want when you least expect it or aren’t looking for it. :)

  120. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Aww didn’t work? Depends on the type of headache it is too. mostly works on migraines or stress

  121. gurlnextdoor says:

    DC I agree, well I’m not an older SB (only 19 although most people say I’m mature for my age 😉 ), but I think an older SB has alot to bring to the table. I mean they have lots more experience in life which usually breeds a maturity level most SBs in their 20s have yet to achieve.

  122. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I agree I will not settle. I know what I am looking for. If it takes while then so be it. I had a great relationship with my SD. WE still are friends. His time and mine don’t mesh anymore. Happens when they become even more successful then they were lol

  123. Nico*213385* says:

    LOL Red….you gave that advice many many months ago and I shared it with my daughter. She tried it and it didn’t work. Good luck gurl….good to see you btw :)

  124. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    gurlnextdoor Put your feet in a tub of hot water as hot as you can stand it, Put an ice pack around your neck at the same time. Do this for at least 20 minutes. guaranteed to get rid of your headache.

  125. gurlnextdoor says:

    Good evening all, I have a killer headache this evening but I’m hoping that some advil will do the trick with that. Now on to the subject about amount of time being on the site being relative to the quality of the SD/SB.

    I personally don’t think time has anything to do with it. I’d like to consider myself to be a good SB candidate but I was on the site for let’s see…. 5 months before I decided to temporarily put my search on hold. I found a few potential SDs, but none of them really did it for me and the one I thought I had found turned out to be an arrogant and obnoxious man who thought his money could buy some sex from me. Anyway, my point is as many have said before me, sometimes SBs or SDs can’t find the right fit within a few weeks or months. Sometimes it takes longer, and I personally would rather wait to find someone who’s almost perfect than settle for mediocre.

  126. DC says:

    SF SD- what a nice compliment! Thank you so much! Your SB is a lucky gal. I am thankful there are men like you out there who would not toss someone aside just because of their age. Of course there are men who would laugh at the idea of having a sugar baby my age, but they don’t know what they are missing. And I don’t feel like I am missing anything if they pass me up. And as far as the red flags go…..live and learn, right? It’s good to hear concerns from a SD’s point of view, thanks for sharing.

    Women can be fabulous at any age if they take care of themselves.

  127. Nico*213385* says:

    *HUGS* SF ~ I think you make a fine addition to the blog. Been here since last year myself and have made some amazing friends through the site.

  128. Nico*213385* says:

    LOL ~ not judging *picking up lil’ black book*

  129. SF SD says:

    Over the hill at 41? Hell, I’d take 41. I didn’t even figure out what was going on until I was 41.

    And thanks, Nico, for the vocalized observation. I like this blog a lot, and I do my best.

  130. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I still have my ex around to “pour” on me lmao. hey now don’t judge a girl has “needs” too lmao

  131. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    hehe I missed the “rained” innuendo lmao too funny!

  132. Nico*213385* says:

    LOL…that was a ‘side’ joke. But yes, I know what you mean 😉

  133. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    It seems to rain all around us, a few towns over they had bad storms last night. I think it is because were I am we are surrounded by water.

  134. Nico*213385* says:

    Haha….for me, it’s like walking uphill both ways. I hope to never slow down…although I must admit it hasn’t ‘rained’ around here in a while. LOL

  135. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    IDK but I am still peaking lmao

  136. Nico*213385* says:

    lol….aka over the ‘peak’ I messed up ~ now the moment’s gone

  137. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Nope, Just better with time like aged wine :)

  138. Nico*213385* says:

    ROFLMAO Red ~ does that mean you’re over the hill (aka over the hill) at 41?

  139. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Rains everyday here in Florida in the summer, granted not more than 10 minutes lol

  140. lisa says:

    I’m thinking I should roll back my age to 39? my last sd lied about his age by `2 years, said he was 53 and he was 65 and yes it did kinda make a difference for me.

  141. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    For SD’s info woman hit their sexual peak in their 30-40’s :)

  142. lisa says:

    Have a good evening Jasmine I will continue to sit here watching the grass dry up and the trees wilt, lol Send rain via western union NOW!

  143. Nico*213385* says:

    Ciao Jasmine :) Splash in the puddles for me…I know you hate the rain but it’s soooo much fun :)

    Sweetred….I know what you mean. This is a ‘milestone’ *ahem* birthday for me this next year.

  144. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I have a birthday coming up and I am NOT increasing my age on my profile lmao.

  145. jasmine says:

    well girls i have to leave,i have go out in the stinking rain talk to everyone later! bye! :)

  146. lisa says:

    I have noticed many times that the younger sbs post sexy pics and everything and then when you read their profiles, you find out they are a 20 year old unwed mother with 2 kids or they are looking for someone to help them fast. Many of them just don’t look classy enough that a professional man would want to be out with them as just because the woman is 20 years old doesn’t mean she’s a desirable sb.

  147. Nico*213385* says:

    SF SD ~ I really like the way you write. You’re one of the rare few that seem to be able to write well.

    ***said for no particular reason other than a vocalized observation*** :)

  148. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    SF SD thank you. Us older SB’s have a lot to offer and are passed up because of age. Wisdom, experience and yes self supportive. All we look for is life’s extra’s :)

  149. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I live there in 95 lol

  150. SF SD says:

    Hey, DC!

    If you don’t mind my saying so, I kind of think of you as a reason for why we should be flexible when considering our potential sugar partners. No slight intended to the 25-year-old hotties here, who are awesome in their own right. Just that “maturity” is merely one factor in a complex human equation. Something tells me that the man who clicks with DC will be the beneficiary of a very rich relationship indeed.

    To answer your question, though, one red flag in this particular case was coming up with a large, surprise expense two weeks into the game. This reminded me of an earlier situation where an SB was continually asking for her allowance early and constantly having emergencies like the car breaking down, check to the landlord bouncing, etc. After a while this fell into a pattern that was almost predictable, and I concluded that the “help” she was receiving wasn’t helping at all, just reinforcing a self-destructive pattern of life. So my reaction to this unexpected request was a big, unvocalized “uh oh.”

    The second red flag was a period of silence that was just a bit too long once the expense had been met. Turns out, I think, that being new to a sugar relationship she was a bit hesitant to ask for what she really needed and not aware of the “poof baby” concerns that this might arouse. We have since worked out some signals for making sure we communicate when we’re out of our comfort zone. As we’re “settling in” we no longer seem to need them.

    Agreed that GG is a potential SB extraordinare, and that KC had better wake up before it’s too late. GG, if you’re ever in SF, there’s a gelato here with your name on it. 😉

  151. Nico*213385* says:

    The wal-mart is up on Gladiolus (sp)…a bit further north. I bought the house Feb 2nd but didn’t move in until Mid March with all the reno.

  152. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I know :( How long have you lived there? I worked at the dennies after I left steves. You habng a right by the walmart.

  153. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    It is closed, it closed not to long after I left. I used to manage it :) Told him the new manager was going to put him under. The guy ripped him off. Warned him, he didn’t listen.

  154. Nico*213385* says:

    yeah but now you’re about 2 hours away *sigh*

  155. Nico*213385* says:

    LOL…it is a small world. Too many business going under though so Steve’s bagels could very well be closed by now.

  156. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    We lived less than 10 minutes from each other lol

  157. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    oops island park rd not Indian park

  158. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    OMG that’s the same area. I lived on lake front drive off Indian parks rd

  159. Nico*213385* says:

    Naw….don’t know that place. I am in South Fort Myers (San Carlos) just off Alico road / near the airport.

  160. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Wouldn’t if be funny if we lived in the same area when I lived there lmao. Do you remember a place it was in the public’s shopping center called steve’s bagels?

  161. lisa says:

    Percy is so picky he won’t eat anything but birdseed. Pigeons will usually eat anything

  162. lisa says:

    They are going to be lurking in the dark and they will find you Nico, they are probably on the blog now, lol

  163. jasmine says:

    :) war!

  164. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Nico I think your right,lol they are HORRIBLE!! Any water areas’ are covered with them in the summertime. When I lived in fort myers we lived near a lake. They would come over and spray but never did help much

  165. Nico*213385* says:

    You could send Percy here to eat up my house invaders!!! Just caught another one munching on my elbow. ….OKAY….IT’S ON!!!

    BBS

  166. lisa says:

    lol the mosquito the state bird. I think i’ll send Percy to replace the state bird. lol

  167. Nico*213385* says:

    I pulled a Rambo….they’re gone but now I’m freaked that they’re gonna be in other dark/remote areas *ICK*

  168. DC says:

    XSweetred- She lives in Delray Beach.

    And I hate to fly!

  169. Nico*213385* says:

    Lisa…..it’s the Florida state bird (I think) LOL

  170. jasmine says:

    nico watch urself,dont try to get bitten

  171. Nico*213385* says:

    I have NO IDEA….it’s weird. I would only have one or two at any given time. I would’ve guessed through the pipes except that I had just taken a bath last night so the drains had water run through them. It was the oddest thing I’ve seen!!

  172. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    She is 19 and lives in CT

    How did they get in the bathroom?

  173. lisa says:

    I can’t remember the last time I seen a mosquito.

  174. lisa says:

    It’s been a long time though. I left Brownsville a year after he died so it’s kinda haunted down there for me.

  175. Nico*213385* says:

    Red – where does your daughter live? How old is she?

    There was over 20 mosquitoes in my BATHROOOOMMMMM??????

  176. jasmine says:

    that sucks lisa

  177. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    That’s great Nico!! It’s nice when you actually enjoy your job and the people you work with.

    Hope you have a great time with your son. Trying to get my daughter to come to florida, but she is always too busy with her BF :(

  178. lisa says:

    It’s creapy to think I was in bed with him one friday night and he was in the mausoleum 2 weeks later on a friday night. eek

  179. lisa says:

    yes I met him when I was 15 and he was 23. He gave me a ride home form the school bus stop, called me for 3+ years and then I finally accepted. He turned out to be rich, son of a movie producer from Mexico city. We dated for about 6 months but he was a cheapskate. He bought a new ferrari in May, had a fatal accident in June, actually June 20 it will be 24 years. He was 27 the, he’d be 51 now.

  180. Nico*213385* says:

    YAY!!!! I know what you mean. My new position is equally as busy and I love it. The day goes quicker and I feel more mentally challenged (back in law firm again now).

    I am sooo happy things picked up for you :)

    My son is flying in on Monday and will be here for a month. Headed to the east coast to visit my SD over the weekend (son is flying in to Ft. Lauderdale) so the timing and ability to visit him is perfect 😀 He is having my new condenser put in on Monday too….I am very excited!!!

  181. jasmine says:

    oooo :(

  182. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I love my new job! It’s always busy and I am to tired to blog when I get home. But I love it :)

  183. Nico*213385* says:

    Is this the BF that died in the car accident? (Ferrari)

  184. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Gawd Lisa that is a terrible thought :(

  185. Nico*213385* says:

    meh….what matters is what you think 😉

    How you been? Work good? I haven’t been around online much because I am actually slammed at work now…it’s good though :)

  186. lisa says:

    lol that’s funny sweetredhead. I was talking about my boyfriend that is burried in Brownsville and he tried to get me to go out with him for over 3 years and I wasn’t interested. When I finally started dating him, he was dead in 6 months 😮

  187. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Me too, But he is actually funny with it, so it’s not so bad.

  188. lisa says:

    Some of those people have been dead for many many years.

  189. lisa says:

    I remember we used to walk down that street past the cemetery to a burger king that was across the street. there was a cemetery keeper that stayed then at night I guess because he has some laundry hanging out on some of the old tombstones one time. lol I know there had been some issues with vandalism in the Jewish section. I used to like to go up and look into the mausuleoms, I remember there is a Pinkerton one and a Mueller one. I love old cemeteries. We don’t have any in my area in Houston, they’re all modern. My boyfriend is burried in Brownsville and the cemetery he is in only has flat tombstones so it doesn’t look much like a cemetery from a distance.

  190. Nico*213385* says:

    Ooooh, the ego always gets in the way for me.

  191. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    He was always trying to get together with me and I was not interested back then. He is a great guy and very handsome with a BIG ego lmao.

  192. lisa says:

    He probably had to go to the bank to get your allowance, lol :)

  193. jasmine says:

    man thats cemetary freaks me out at night,im always thinking of zombies coming out at night lol :)

  194. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    He didn’t lol He just said he had to get back to work and will call me later :)

  195. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    What part of Fl DC?

  196. Nico*213385* says:

    ….and he said?

  197. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I am so excited talk to a friend I have not talked to in awhile he lives in CA. he is going to call me tonight. Was teasing him and asked if he wanted to be my sugar daddy lmao

  198. lisa says:

    I know where Kenmore is, it’s behind sherican someplace. I was 10 when we moved to Texas but I remember alot about the neighborhood. Crime wasn’t too bad, mostly personal stuff and fights among drunks. I used to like to go to Graceland cemetary on Irving park road. There used to be a restaraunt on irving park and sheridan that we used to go to for hot chocolate in the winter. It was call Crystal but has been gone for many years.

  199. jasmine says:

    tell me about it my ex husband car got robbed three times i used to live at 6110 N.Kenmore

  200. lisa says:

    I lived in some apartments on the 4100 block of north sheridan at gorden terrace. They were shaped like a “U” and there were two identical buildings. I lived at 4118 apartment 3E. I loved living there as a child although the neighborhood wasn’t too pretty.

  201. DC says:

    Hey Scully, Red!

    I have been here since the Times article came out, what is that…2 months now? I have met 2 pot SDs from this site and communicated with maybe 5 others who all flaked. 1 was not a good match for me and the other was but I think this will be a real sporadic thing for him. I think he is conflicted about the whole thing…being married….so I am still searching. This site is now dead for me. Hardly any views and no e-mails for about 2 weeks now so I moved on to another site. I don’t want to mention the name here as I might get banned but you can e-mail me at deco94123-alt at the Y if you want the name. I met another pot SD from that site and he is a possibility and meeting another tomorrow who seems more my type.

    But it’s certainly possible none of these will work out which means I may have my profile up here for 6 months.

    I am picky about my pot SD as I want there to be an attraction and compatibility, someone I would hang out with even if there was no financial compensation

    I think we all are in agreement…GG is awesome!

    My mom is not doing well (sciatica) and I may have to fly to Florida. I am not looking forward to one day in that heat.

    Hey SF SD- what were the red flags? Just curious.

  202. jasmine says:

    hey lisa on what part of sheridan road? i used to live on devon and sheridan with my soon to be ex husband

  203. SF SD says:

    The last couple of blogs have been great. I’ve had lots of thoughts on the various topics, but not a lot of time to write. And it was just too sunny and beautiful last weekend to sit in front of a keyboard. :-)

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?

    Right now I am only a lurker. I rejoined the sugar world a couple of months ago and found my new SB before I got around to joining SA. I still have one profile on a site that’s not very active, but the other accounts have been disabled. So I’m really just enjoying convo as I’m readjusting to life with an SB.

    Scully, IMHO you’re very right that being a Sugar Daddy or a Sugar Baby is work. I’d forgotten how much. You can say that it’s NSA, but any kind of a connection between two people requires a personal investment beyond the “terms of the arrangement.” There were a couple of rocky moments the first couple of weeks, as my new SB (inadvertently, I think) sent a few signals that have been danger signs in the past. And I know that she continued looking for a while. But it’s been smooth sailing since we’ve worked out some of the small, but important, things that were keeping us at loose ends.

    What has been most interesting is discovering the great variety of personal sugar experiences that the bloggers are sharing.

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?

    I guess the same way you handle the same thing in everyday life. People in general seem to have become less considerate. It seems as if not showing up, failing to return calls, leaving someone else holding the bag are now an accepted part of life. Things happen, especially in discreet relationships. I’m willing to cut some slack, but habitual lateness and no-shows without a call earn a polite nod and place on the “B List.” No point dissing or burning bridges. But no point wasting precious time.

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?

    There have been a lot of great ideas on this subject — and I can think of an exception for just about every rule that has been proposed.

    To me the up-front communication is very important. I like to think I can screen out the professional models/escorts and the obvious mismatches from the ads, but you can’t always tell. In general I don’t pay a lot of attention to short emails. But in one case I responded to “Found anybody yet?” and that led to a very thoughtful discussion about what we were both looking for.

    There are so many people here that you do have to filter things somehow. I do thing you can learn a lot from emails and phone calls before you meet, but for me a low key personal meeting is essential.

    Some of the rules are imposed on us. I missed contacting someone I might have been very interested in, had I set the age range on my search just two years higher.

    This is such a significant investment of time and money, that it’s easy to stick with people who are in our comfort zone. But there’s a real opportunity here to break out into a new type of life experience through and SB or SD who is different from the one we might have imagined.

  204. lisa says:

    I don’t like too much rain and that’s the problem when it rains in Houston, it floods. My street floods in minutes but it’s really dry now.

  205. lisa says:

    I think we all need an “ice daddy”

  206. jasmine says:

    well i tell mother nature to send some rain over there,u guys could have it.i hate rain! :(

  207. lisa says:

    Ha I lived in Chicago as a child (on north sheridan road) and before that Arlington Heights. I then moved to Brownsville. I think you are tracking all the places I have lived. lol

  208. Nico*213385* says:

    Hmmmm….Mojitos 😀

    Hello sug/fam!! Interesting discussion re: length of time on the site. Taking the message, personalizing it and desirous of beating a dead horse, I too have been on the site (on and off and for extended periods of ‘hidden profile’ time) for over one year. Does it make sense (if I were back on the market for a SD) to renew my profile? Thoughts?

    Hello Sweetred…it’s been over 100 deg down here…and the humidity *ugh* don’t get me started *rolls eyes*.

  209. lisa says:

    please, please, please send some rain to Houston, we need it badly.
    Well the apt people decided to come try to fix my water leak while I was at work today, they cannot come when i’m home. I went to talk to them and they’re suppposed to come tomorrow at 430 when I get home from work to fix the leak and friday afternoon to clean the “air ducks” I told them they could come in while i’m at work but oddly they don’t have a key to my apartment because it was lost in the fire last year. I guess it’s good they don’t have a key to my apartment, odd though

  210. jasmine says:

    hey at least it aint raining! its pouring over here in chicago,well i let the sd know to have a bucket of ice ready once i get off the plane

  211. DorkyGuy says:

    Scully,

    Couldn’t agree with you more about GG! If she were in a big city that had more SD’s (NYC?), she would be snapped up just like that. She is a treasure!

  212. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Try the Fl heat ughhh its HOT today. I hate summer in florida!

  213. lisa says:

    I lived in Brownsville for 11 years. I went to school there. Pack yourself in ice, lol

  214. jasmine says:

    i have a pot sd from brownsville,tx

  215. jasmine says:

    i know my dad told me all about texas heat

  216. lisa says:

    bring plenty of sunscreen and a bucket to pour yourself into when you melt from the heat, lol

  217. jasmine says:

    hey lisa i might be heading ur way nxt wk! lol :)

  218. lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. back from work and a walk with my parents. I took my umbrella, drank fluids but i’m still overheated and feeling light headed. More views and no messages for me :(.
    I just sent my ex boyfriend and answer to his email about us being lovers again. I asked him what he was going to do to make my life better. I am not going to date a man who is driving a 50k mercedes while I walk in the hot sun.

    As far as length of time on this site. Being that sbs outnumber sds by a large scale, it isn’t a big deal for a sb to be on here along time, I have been looking for over a year. There are many beautiful woman on the site where as the number of legit sds is low and any legit one should be able to find one easier than a sb finding a sd. Just like in the real world there are many more beautiful young women who want to be spoiled than there are wealthy men who want to spoil.

  219. NYC SB says:

    scully – i am jealous of those blueberry mojitos you and gg had… now i want some…

  220. sweetredhead*269443* says:

    Sorry Hi everyone!! sorry only been lurking for while. Busy busy :)

  221. sweetredhead says:

    NC I do not have unrealistic expectations and I have been on the site a little less than a year. Now I have had an sd.(6 months) Which did not work out only because his practice got really busy and we live 2 hours away from each other. We are friends now. I also had an Sd (well sort of) WE talked all the time on the phone for many months and planned to meet (I stopped my search during this time) But he had some family issues and we have not been able to get together. So yeah I have been here while but I don’t think that should rule me out as a pot sb. you really have to ask questions :)

  222. DC says:

    NC Gent- we are on the same page really. I agree….. if someone is here a long time they probably are a bit too picky for whatever reason just not necessarily for negative reasons.

    I have a male friend who was telling me that he won’t date women over the age of 40 who have never been married because they obviously have issues. Like with your comment you could argue both sides of the coin here. Are they still single because they are pickier than most people or are they unmarried because their issues are so obvious to everyone that no one would ever ask them to marry them. Of course there are people who have been married 3 times who have issues but does it make them more desirable because 3 people found them desirable enough to marry?

    Is an SB who finds an SD within 2 weeks of signing up more desirable than one who has been searching for 6 months?

    But I agree, we all are entitled to whatever screening process we choose.

  223. Scully says:

    Wow I just read alot of the posts! Okies, strictly my opinion, I’ve perused a bunch of profiles, both sexs because I like to look and see what the trend is on this site for things like “help” and what the guys are saying.

    To be very honest to be a sugar baby or a sugar daddy is work. It’s not a given that you will land the perfect one. And if you’re surfing and still one who keeps an active profile on the site, you can’t expect the person you’re talking to to hide theirs when they have no idea what your expectations are.

    I’ve met several potentials and I’ve always walked away with a smile and a handshake if nothing else, but they knew what my expectations were and I laid the invitation out there for negotiations and let them know that if they found this unacceptable, then this is ok, we can at least part nicely.

    I think a few profiles on the site, just as any other site have very unreasonable expectations. I find that most of the SD’s I’ve at least talked to, want their baby to have a life of her own and not use them as their only means of income.

    Strictly my opinion! BTW, I met GG and she is tooooooooo coool!!!!! That and she’s one hot lil dish, half the guys in the restaurant kept staring at her.

    Ok, so where’s Stormcat, Panther, Red Maru, DC and everyone at???

  224. jasmine says:

    mode i meant

  225. jasmine says:

    its okey scully i think everyone left or they are in the lurking mood

  226. Scully says:

    Hey Everyone,

    How’s the day going?

  227. jasmine says:

    where did everyone go? :)

  228. jasmine says:

    at least u dont have to take the bus there,the rides can be so dreadful

  229. NYC SB says:

    there is a helicopter pad (i think thats what its called) couple of blocks from my job… and the trip is 30 minutes… which saves me the 2 hour bus ride … i am BEYOND excited!!! I have never been in a helicopter before

  230. jasmine says:

    That would be cool if the helicopter comes and pickes u up from there…

  231. NYC SB says:

    well im officially back in the SDSB dating pool… got an amazing potential on Wednesday… and get this! He lives in PA but is sending a helicopter to pick me up from NYC … is this for real?

  232. jasmine says:

    good afternoon everyone what did i step into? :)

  233. johnq says:

    NCG:

    I suspect that any SD who’s legitimate will find more quality SB’s on this site than he can deal with. By “quality,” I mean women who are completely qualified using any criteria you find useful.

    That being the case, SD’s necessarily use screening criteria that have tangential or no relevance to quality. I personally use timing. If I get two responses, I’ll set up a meeting with whomever responded first. If I’m in a relationship I consider interesting, I’ll stop looking, thereby excluding any later entrants in favor of the current SB.

    Timing is no more relevant to the underlying worth of the individual SB than is the amount of time she’s been on the site, and is almost certainly less so. The point, however, is that when you have multiple good options, it probably makes more sense to make an arbitrary choice than to agonize over whether one pot SB looks slightly better on paper (or pixels, or whatever), than another.

    This probably seems dehumanizing to SB’s, and in fairness it probably is dehumanizing. I’m just not sure there’s any alternative, and I’m also not sure that it’s more dehumanizing than most other first date selection criteria (e.g., surface physical attractiveness).

    JQ

  234. NC Gent says:

    Thanks OCSB — you are soooo cool :)

  235. OCSugarBaby says:

    NC! I thought your opinion was NOT harsh. One SB on your side 😉

  236. NC Gent says:

    Dorkyguy — I hope SBs don’t screen me out for living in my mom’s basement :)

    Thank you JohnQ – you are right, I may be wrong, but it is a screening criteria I use — not a strong one, but one I use.

  237. NC Gent says:

    DC — I never said the SB was undesirable because they were looking for a long time — I said maybe unrealistic expectations…. like waiting for Brad Pitt to come give them $10k a month to be his SB — they could be extremely desirable just with unrealistic expectations.

  238. johnq says:

    NCG:

    I suspect your opinion is “harsh” to those who would be screened out by your analysis. I personally don’t pay attention to the amount of time someone has been on the site, and don’t have enough information to know whether you’re right. Nevertheless, whether you’re correct or incorrect is sort of irrelevant, in my opinion. If you’re using time on the site as a screening mechanism, it’s likely that others are as well, and SB’s should understand that this is going on.

    I’m entirely for shooting the messenger in all appropriate circumstances, but discounting the message is senseless.

    JQ

  239. DorkyGuy says:

    Is it so unrealistic to expect a SB to hang out at my place, in my momma’s basement? :(

  240. NC Gent says:

    Ok — I re-read my post — I said “MAYBE she has unrealistic expectations” maybe as in expressing some lack of surety….

  241. NC Gent says:

    Why is that harsh — it is just an opinion? I didn’t single anyone out or anything — that is just my observation – it could be wrong, it could be right… but it is merely an opinion and I don’t see why it is harsh.

  242. Manwhore says:

    Lurker – yes
    Why – guess I like to see and not be seen?

    Can’t say I have any experience with “Poof Momma’s” as I was fortunate to land one right out of the gate 6 months ago.`

    Dorky Guy= VERY valid point with the SD vs BF or even a potential significant other for that matter.
    Hard call as every situation is different, plus add that sticky, ever present thing lurking in the shadows called “emotional attachment”

    How does one handle that situation when being “found out” or inversely a person finding out that a S.O. is indulging in the SD/SB/SM lifestyle?
    Much as we try to lead that “other” life it’s bound to happen.
    That might make a good new topic as I am sure we all have or will have it happen to us in some point and time.

    Off to meet my Momma for dinner tonight!

  243. OCSugarBaby says:

    NC Gent is not harsh, he is a realist. I love your style! To some extremes, anyone who is on here for super extended periods of time and has not found the right one, it is just a flag, not a show stopper. Most flags come from a gut instinct, so the length of time searching is not the full flag.

    Many other factors go into the ability to find that perfect fit.

  244. Regina *337921* says:

    Tnkx DC :)
    So… Wich site is it???

  245. DC says:

    NYCSB I agree with you. The length of time someone is at this site is not a good indicator of their desirability. They might just be really picky. And while I got a lot of e-mails at first, now weeks have gone by without a single e-mail. I have moved on a to different site now where I get a lot more responses but I will keep my profile up here as well. And like some of the SBs have mentioned, they might live in an area with hardly any options SD-wise

    Regina- your English is fine 😉

  246. Regina *337921* says:

    I’m with you NYC SB! 😉

    I do live in Rio de Janeiro, in July I’ll be in California on College vacations on some brazilian friends house & it’s difficult to find a SD near me so… I only recieved mail till I mention that I was going to Newport Beach. It’s complicated even that I’ve mention on my profile that I could relocate on my hollidays (July, January, February & weekends) :(

    Now the fun thing started quick… 😀
    Lot’s of mails, lot’s of offers but we know most of them they’re not looking to have an SB/SD relationship so… I just say polotely that I’m not into it.
    There’s a man that keeps calling me every single day with a horny voice like he was W**k*ng!!! 😀 The stange this is… That he seemed ok… Nice guy… lots of stuff in common till he calls me. He is allways saying that he’s going to spoil me with money & things that I want (I never asked). Still I dont know what 2 say… We speak but i start to realise that he’s horny I dont know what to say LOL 😀
    Besides that… Some mails… They look like their trying SB’s to see how far we can go.
    I did recieve 2 mails now, be back in some minutes to share.
    See ya! 😉

    PS – Sorry my bad english

  247. NYC SB says:

    NC gent – thats kind of harsh… if an SB has been looking for a while it just means she hasnt found the right match… especially if she lives in an are without many SDs

  248. NC Gent says:

    Hi all — hope all is well. I have had a few poof babies… signs I look for now… things like … just seeing what is out there… in the profile. That seems to be a sure sign that they aren’t serious about the whole thing. Also, if an SB has been looking for about a year and has never found someone, that seems to be a sign that maybe she has unrealistic expectations. just my two cents :)

  249. SuthrnExec says:

    Keep your head up Lisa – have a good day at work!

  250. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Getting ready to go to work. Meeting parents after work. Still 0 emails in my box :(
    Have a good tuesday everyone

  251. Michael SD says:

    Hi,

    I am a lurker, partly because I am currently very busy, so setting up anything would be difficult. I do expect that to change over the summer, and hope to contact at least a few SBoys by then. I also wanted to get used to the site. you can learn a lot by watching it over a few months, esp if you are not letting your hormones interfere with your observations!

  252. DorkyGuy says:

    Natasha, I understand it’s hard.

    If you want the BF, you’re going to have to cut the SD off cold turkey. If you want the SD, then you need to let the BF go. You’re not being fair to him by cheating.

    Ya gotta make a decision with your head (not your feelings) about what’s best for you… and then stick with it. No matter what.

  253. Trin says:

    Hi JWAN! Welcome! Hope we can get your perspective more on the blog!

    Natasha- That is a tough one but it is eventually going to go down a bad road. I think if you are really serious about your boyfriend then the SD is going to have to step aside…Just my 2 cents. :)

  254. jasmine says:

    alright then good night and good luck on the test tomorrw.

  255. Regina *337921* says:

    hahaahaha
    Sorry… I do have an Algebra exam tomorrow @ 7:30am…
    I’m sad to leave you here but I have 2 go.
    Tomorrow we talk.
    Have a nice sleep 😉

  256. jasmine says:

    dont fall asleep on my butt now!!!! :)

  257. Regina *337921* says:

    I think it’s just me here Jasmine & I’m allmost sleeping… LOL
    So… We’re lucky… No puff SD

  258. Regina *337921* says:

    Woooowwwwwwwwwww… I miss fish sticks!!! (stoped eating because I’m on a diet)
    I miss fat bood!!! :(
    I’m with you girls : ChiGirl, Goodgirl & NYC SB. It’s better to explain what you really need that start to sell or retourn the presents that he gave ou might give you.
    I just recieved a new mail… I Dubai SB… He seems good… Sent a great mail (interesting one explaining what he’s looking for & why), Like the same things as I do but… He’s not my type.
    Sad…

  259. jasmine says:

    where is everyone tonite?

  260. jasmine says:

    good evening everyone!!!

    havent been a lurker on the blog,once i seen the blog,i joined very quick.

    i havent bump into a poof sd yet,so i dont know

  261. lisa says:

    I’ve only received 2 messages, both from perpetual members that have contacted me along time before.

    I’ve got to get to bed soon. Luckily my friend had to hang up as she stopped at a friend’s repair shop to have her car looked at after business hours. Having problems with the car she just spent all her savings on.

    Have a good night everyone. Gotta work tomorrow and then meet parents for a walk.

  262. lisa says:

    Nitemare I was indicating in my profile the various times I’m available being that I dont’ work a normal 9-5 schedule. I am available to go out in the evenings and my schedule gives me a couple daytimes during the week which might work for a married sd. I don’t plan to give all that time to anyone, it’s just a generalization. For example if the sd wants to meet evenings, he has a few to choose from and if days are the only thing that work for him, I have a couple to choose from.
    I don’t want to change my profile right now as it takes forever to be approved everytime you change it.

    I’m still trying to think of how to deal with my ex’s last email. Any suggestions? should I ignore him, be very cold to him, or treat him like a potential sd and ask him what he has to offer me?

  263. NitemareSD says:

    Lisa, I think you should proof read your profile for inconsistencies. In particular, tonight’s problem about meeting 2-3 times a week is invited by your description of being available most evenings and a couple days a week.

    Really think about your true expectations – which you display very clearly here on the blog – re-read your reactions to the various proposals you have gotten, and rethink what your entire profile really should say.

  264. Natasha says:

    hey sugar fam!!! i havnt been on in a while and wanted to stop by to say hello. I have actually stopped sugardating. decided to go into a serious relationship which started about a month ago. everything is going great we are planning already on moving in together. there is one interesting piece of my new life….maybe a blog will be made out of this. I have not stop seeing my sugardaddy. we are addicted to eachother. we try so hard to not see eachother but we just cant. he knows i have my boyfriend and does not care. he tells me many will come and go but he will stay forever. the more we sleep together he tells me the more he feels attached. he keeps lieying about his marriage. he says he is divorcing but i hear him talk all lovey dubby to his wife. i guess we both now are in a “having an affair level” instead of sugardaddy dating. I am so scared that my boyfriend finds out that i am cheating. I just cant get rid of SD we feel so connected and perfect when we are together. there is a whole lot of emotions and each time we see eachother it keeps getting better and better which scares me. I guess for now we both cant let go. any advice girls??

  265. lisa says:

    I’m beyond being hurt and I don’t take any relationship serious. I’m on the phone with my best friend so I will sign off now as she stays on the phone forever, lol

    Good night everyone

  266. NYC SB says:

    miss lisa… while i realize that revenge is sweet… this man dumped you and he has come back… say no and shut him out… do not feed into him because you might end up hurt again

  267. lisa says:

    Yes I know but after living as a goody two shoes for over 14 years as I did when I was with my family, I found that the straight and narrow doesn’t always guarantee security and good things. I have made a 360 turn in the past years and am enjoying life more now.
    But I say as any advisor will tell you, pay your basic bills first, food and shelter are most important. I tried working out a 5 dollar a month payment for all of them but they wouldn’t accept that and started threatening me so there was no reason to continue paying the 5 dollars.

    ok what to do with this ex boyfriend. I need to toy with him. The ball is in my court and I really don’t need him now so I can make my desires known to him. He needs to know i’m not the same woman he dumped a year ago. :) but I will wait till late because if I email him now he will be at my door to “talk” and I don’t want to deal with him tonight.

  268. Nico*213385* says:

    I can understand and respect your decision Lisa ~ to each their own; however, globally suggesting people quit paying their credit card, without knowing the situation is silly.

    Just my two cents…..

  269. lisa says:

    seriosly I didn’t agree to them raising my interest from 15% to 30% when I paid on time every month for 10 years. It was a matter of pay the cards and be homeless in 2 months or stop paying and have money to survive for 6 months. The credit cards were used for shopping, yes but also dental surgery that had to have twice and I had no insurance, living in a hotel for month when I had to move out from my family in 3 days time.
    They sent preapproved credit cards to someone with bad financial habits, kinda like taking an alcoholic to a bar. Anyway I chose paying rent over paying the cards. I have had to do alot of stuff in the past years to survive on my own.

  270. Nico*213385* says:

    Ok ok okay…seriously Lisa? On the credit cards??? You’re kidding right? When you get a credit card and you USE the credit card you’re agreeing to the interest rate so, if you pay too much interest then don’t put charges on it. I hope you’re kidding.

    As for the X ~ I like your response.

  271. lisa says:

    another way to eliminate debt is to stop paying your credit cards. They have ripped you off for years with their high interest and you’ve paid more that what you have bought even if you have a high balance. I was paying 180 a month with 165 being interest. 2 and a half years ago I walked away from all my credit cards and focused on paying rent, buying food, etc

  272. lisa says:

    I LOVE SHOPPING :) I’m trying to think of something smart to say to my ex. I want to answer his question with something like “will you buy me a new flatscreen tv?” I know he won’t because even though he drives a 50k car, he has an old tv and is not into buying alot of stuff.

  273. NYC SB says:

    ChiGirl… i am with you on that… shopping is nice but its even nicer to eliminate debt… save some money and get ahead in life… tell your SD he will respect you for it

  274. lisa says:

    ok I just got another email from my ex boyfriend “can we be lovers, I miss you” lol

  275. goodgirl says:

    Good evening sugar fam!!! :)
    I’m coming out of lurk mode just for a second 😉 i’ll answer topic questions later…promise!
    I feel the same way ChiGirl. I’ve always been a solitary shopper when it comes to buying for myself. My mother is the only other person i’ve ever really shopped with. Ha! As for the bills part, just say that while you love love love shopping, you’d feel guilty getting luxeries before you take care of the nessisities like your bills. Any real SD will understand this.
    BBL~ going to make dinner… my daughter wants fish sticks tonight. lol

  276. JWAN says:

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?

    I’m a lurker on SA (hidden profile) mostly because I am very picky and prefer to control who can see me, but also to protect my own privacy. If I want to bookmark someone to possibly email them later or else I want them to have access to my profile I will add the person to my favourites page. Up until now I’ve been lurking on the Blog as well. As a male SB I’ve been waiting and hoping for articles on the Gay Blog Page but I will not hold my breath.

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?

    I’ve had 2 of these. When that happens I put them away in the friends forever category from which no one can escape without a large amount of hard work (read:nothing to do with money). When they’re “just friends” I don’t get offended as easily and make the same amount of effort as they do to stay in touch. The first one is now actually a decent friend with whom contact is still very unpredictable. The second I will no longer be contacting until he contacts me after having given him far too many chances (read – having a conversation with myself for far too long as a sane person)

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?

    I hate the idea of testing someone and basing a decision on one “performance”. I never play games as every situation is different and I always give at least one second chance. (This goes for all my relationships with all human beings) My trust is gained when someone’s actions match their words or they acknowledge each time this matching does not occur.

  277. ChiGirl says:

    I have a question for the SB’s: I LOVE shopping, and am a totaly girlie girl, however at this time i’m more interested in paying bills. Alot of the potential SD’s I’ve been in touch with have mentioned shopping as one of the luxuries they would offer. I don’t want to be rude and say “i’d rather have an allowance”. I also would feel kind of wierd going shopping together, wondering what the budget is and where to shop- plus,aside from being at Victoria Secret, what guy wants to sit around while I try on clothes? Although, if the budget was high enough- I’d head straight into Tiffany’s no problem! I guess what i’m looking for is a balance of dinners,allowance,shows, quality time etc. Does anyone else feel the same as i do when it comes to the shopping and it being kind of awkward? I’ve always preferred to shop alone, or with a girlfriend.

  278. lisa says:

    I think I might be boiling and evaporating like a poof daddy.
    I am walking with my parents to the store after work tomorrow. 7 blocks and back, must remember to take plenty of soda to drink as my parents wont and they are elderly.
    At least percy is cool. He’s a lucky bird not to have to be out in this heat.

  279. OCSugarBaby says:

    News Headline
    Miss Lisa Penelope melts from Sugar to Syrup….. Still sweet as ever! 😉

  280. lisa says:

    Hi I’m back. wow it’s so hot, I almost melted walking across the street to the bus stop. And the bus stop is in the blazing sun. Metro keep removing shelters. Good to be back in and have my ac working half way, well it’s 90 in hear and 100 outside.

  281. OCSugarBaby says:

    Ok….cricket cricket cricket

    Where did everyone go? Don’t tell me you are all off writing those email questions! :)

  282. gurlnextdoor says:

    Yep OCSugar, happy to be back. :) Now I gotta go back and read up on the previous blogs some so I can know what’s going on lol.

  283. OCSugarBaby says:

    Girl, what I love about SD’s who know how to spoil, they just DO it! I am glad you are back. Now the fun begins! 😉

  284. gurlnextdoor says:

    Thanks OC, yeah I know that’s true. Can’t make a zebra change it’s stripes as the old saying goes. But he’s the one that’s been pushing the “I want to spoil you” thing. I didn’t even ask to be spoiled by him, so maybe he’ll become my SD without having the title of SD. I think that might work. 😉

  285. OCSugarBaby says:

    Later Miss Lisa! *Hugs ~OC

  286. OCSugarBaby says:

    Welcome back Girl! Word to the wise, you can never change someone. lol

  287. gurlnextdoor says:

    OCsugar those are great suggestions I think. Hmm I might have to use them when I start back up my search. And welcome to the blog Panda! :)

  288. lisa says:

    Lisa’s answers

    1. city stay
    2. steak
    3. classic movie
    4. coffee
    5. fun filled day

    gotta go now

  289. gurlnextdoor says:

    Bye lisa, see you later. :)

    Yeah I think it might actually be possible with this guy. I mean he wants to take me out for dinner, take me shopping, etc. Not to mention the fact that our chemistry is great together… I think I’m starting to miss him already, lol. So yeah, if he did become my SD, I’d be in SB heaven sipping on strawberry margaritas with a sugary coated rim. :)

  290. OCSugarBaby says:

    Panda: I agree to be yourself or even a sexier version of yourself if you desire. Becoming an SB gives you the ability to set free the side of yourself you may not normally let out. Not in a sexual way, but in a more assertive kind, gentle, sassy, professional, sophisticated daring kind of way (I could go on and on here).
    In your emails make them TRUE for starters. Don’t lie; speak as you would like to be spoken to. Talk about what interests YOU, ask questions but do not Drill them. They will reveal information as you both feel more comfortable. That goes for you too. Make it like you were introducing yourself to a new friend. Keep out the mundane and end it with a question. Second email I like to be playful and ask 5 questions. I like to call it what would you prefer…
    1. Beach Vacation or City stay
    2. Sushi or Steak
    3. Classic Movie or New Spidey Thriller
    4. Coffee or Tea
    5. Sunday afternoon spent lounging around or fun filled day packed with a million things to do.

    Make sure you also answer those same questions below in the email. It just shows your fun side and that you want to gain some insight as to how he acts or re-acts in and on a daily basis. This is fun and flirty without feeling pressure to answer the direct questions right away.
    Have fun and Welcome to the blog! ~OC

  291. lisa says:

    gurlnextdoor that sounds great. I wish I could turn my lover into an sd but after 4 years it’s not gonna happen. He paid my rent last year when I was out of work that month but hasn’t given me anyting since then. Too bad as we have great chemistry.

    Gotta go for a few minutes to meet my daughter at the busstop across the street. She has to take a connecting bus now that the bus routes have changed and the stop is in front of my apartment. She doesn’t want to have to wait there by herself, too many perverts. Be back in a little while

  292. gurlnextdoor says:

    Ok and now on to my update. :) While my search for a SD is on a hiatus at the moment, I’ve found someone who could be SD material. He’s a great guy, treats me well, and is currently at the moment just my lover. But this is where things get interesting. He wants to do more for me. He wants to take me shopping, out to eat at restaraunts, and “spoil me” (his words not mine). I’m thinking he’d make a great SD since he has both the means and the will power to do so. And he’s crazy about me, doesn’t mind my having a boyfriend, and treats me like a friend and not just a sex object he comes to hop in the sack with whenever he needs to get his rocks off. I’m gonna see how things go with him though, and maybe, just maybe, I can turn him into a SD. That is if he doesn’t turn himself into one first, lol.

  293. lisa says:

    Hi OC I was off saturday and had a nice day with my family.
    I sent this guy an email saying I had a job and couldn’t meet 2-3 week. I also told him I prefered meeting near me and having lunch or coffee as I do not drink on first meets (I only have about one drink a year and then that one drink usually makes me drunk and I do not want to be impaired on a date with a stranger, I didnt’ tell him this part) Well he read my email and hasn’t writtten back, just like the last time he wrote me last year, I remember because he’s a doctor.

    my days off are gonna suck cause I gotta stay home all day one day so they can come clean my ac ducks (this is how they spelled it, lol) and they will not give me a specific time. I went over today and said they could come today since I am home all afternoon but they wouldn’t come. Also no mention of fixing my 3 week nonstop running bath faucett. So I will have to spend one day at home doing nothing and one day doing all my errands and seeing my lover so I wouldn’t have time for a sd date this week anyway, I gotta sit home all day waiting for the duck cleaner.

  294. gurlnextdoor says:

    Well everyone I’ve been gone for awhile, but I’m back. I took my profile off the site for awhile, since I’ve put my search for a SD in suspend mode. But, I decided to still keep with the blogging. I do have one update to report, but I’ll do that after I answer these questions.

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?
    I’m a lurker on SA now because I got tired of having guys think I was gonna be their personal prostitute. It doesn’t work like that in my world, sorry boys.

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?
    How to avoid them? Well I’d say to screen your first emails. If someone emails you a one liner or a paragraph that seems like it’s a copy and paster, don’t even bother to respond. Secondly if a SB emails a SD and just asks “how much are you gonna pay me”, then move on. And if a SD emails a SB asking for erotic pictures in the first email, move on. And if that still doesn’t work and you meet a poof daddy or poof baby, then be glad you figured out that’s what they were in the beginning before you put too much effort into the arrangement.

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?
    Yes there should be, and that test should be the first meeting. If they show up and show up genuinely interested, then they’ve passed part 1 of the test. And if they can verify they are who they say they are, then they’ve passed part 2.

  295. OCSugarBaby says:

    Lisa Penelope! Girl if this gentleman wants to meet 2-3 time a week, he sounds more like he is looking for an escort not a SB. Hard to weed out the sex seekers from the gentleman SD’s. I guess they have a hard time as well. But someone one who walks and talks non stop about sex is seeking an escort. Same goes for an SB who just talks about money.
    How was your weekend????? ~OC

  296. lisa says:

    NYV SB I hate those ones that email and email and then the night before the meeting, they disappear and you don’t know if you are still meeting or not. I had one of those. I went not hearing from him and he stood me up, I came home and emailed him and he was like Duh I didn’t know we were meeting today. Rescheduled for next day (this was back when I worked nights so I had all days free) and he stood me up again yet swore that he was there all along although I seen no one that looked like him. He said he saw me but still he couldn’t describe what I was wearing. I was wearing a pink dress and he was like “you had jeans and a sweater” He obviouly wasn’t there

  297. NYC SB says:

    Are you, or have you been a lurker on SeekingArrangement? The blog? Why?

    Been lurking for a while… then I joined in the fun… im also going to reactivate my account :D. I lurked on the blog bc I had nothing to say… I lurked on the site bc my SD at the time told me to keep my profile hidden and then asked me to close the account all together…

    What’s the best way to avoid or handle poof daddies or poof babies?

    HMMM… i remember a poofer… he would email me the nicest things ever and make plans to meet but then he would ignore me the day of meeting… best way to deal with it is to ignore them… always confirm the date a day in advance and if no response then dont bother showing up 😛

    Do you think there should be a test for sugar daddies/sugar babies? How does a sugar gain your trust?

    A test… that would be good. Trust is gained by the SD following through his promises and makes the SB feel comfortable… trust takes time however

  298. Trin says:

    Hi Everyone! New blog and about lurkers…well I wasn’t shy I joined SA in May and was posting on the blog soon after. I have to say that I learned a lot from this blog and those that post here. :)

  299. lisa says:

    urghh! well I just lost one of my days off. I got a note on my door from the apartment office that they’ve been trying to get in to clean my air ducts but no one is home. I was home all day saturday waiting for them to fix my running faucet (starting week three of non stop running) and they never showed up. I told them they could come now since i’m home from work but they won’t come when i’m home. They are acting like some of these sds thinking I don’t have to go to work. I told them they could come on thursday so there goes my plans for thursday as i’m stuck home all day waiting to see if they show up. I asked for a particular time so I could plan my day but they said they couldn’t give me a specific time. Urgh I hate wasting my days off

  300. ChiGirl says:

    I have been reading the blogs for months and have had a profile up for quite a while, but haven’t met anyone yet. The hardest part for me has been finding a SD that i’m attracted to physically!

  301. lisa says:

    I just sent him an email explaining that I work so I am only looking to meet once a week and prefer lunch or dinner or coffee as I don’t drink on first meets.

    I haven’t had a drink since last August and I think that was the only time I had a drink in 2008 so i’m really not into it. I just don’t like it and being that my best friend has a drinking problem (had a accident that killed someone a few years ago) I never suggest drinking to her, it’s strictly soda.

  302. NYC SB says:

    this blog should be titled: NYC SB’s advice collumn hahaha
    sorry everyone… i dont mean to take over the blog

    xoxo NYC SB (former lurker)

  303. NYC SB says:

    Lisa – dont burn your bridges. Simply tell him that you do not have the availability to meet 2-3 times a week. If he is ok with that and still wants to meet you then meet him you can drink whatever non alcoholic beverage you enjoy most 😀

  304. Panda says:

    Thank you so much NYC you gave me the courage to stop lurking ahah!!

  305. lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. Just got in from work. Another scorcher outside.
    I have never been a lurker, I discovered the blog last year when it was dead. I don’t think it came to life till about August.
    I currently have a profile on here.

    Just got an email from a potential but I know he contacted me a long way back. Wants to meet for a drink and well I rarely drink and never with a stranger as I don’t want to put myself in a situation where i’m vulnerable and after one drink, i’m tipsy because I just don’t drink. I need to send him a thanks but no thanks email but i’m not sure what to day. He is looking for someone to meet 2-3 times a week and that’s definately NOT what i’m looking for as I do have a life and will not give up all my free time. So many sds don’t want a woman who doesn’t work yet they expect you to be able to meet several times a week, and well with my job, I just don’t have the time.

  306. NYC SB says:

    stephan should be my SD LOL

    Panda… you dont want to come off as desperate :) clearly thats unattractive… just let him know you are interested in getting to know him… why you think you and him are a good match… if he is interested he will write back and if he is a true SD he will bring up the arrangement part 😀

    best of luck

  307. stephan says:

    tacy: If you hide your profile, you will no longer be seen in SEARCH results, but You can still contact someone you find interesting. This might be a better approach if you’re not wanting to turn many eager SD’s down if you’re not ready to respond yet. Just a thought :)

  308. tacy says:

    i have been trying to figure out what i want from an SD and what the arrangement will be…should i hide my profile if i’m not ready to respond yet?

  309. Bird says:

    I have confessed to being a lurker mainly on the blogs. I found the site out of curiosity, I have not checked out any profiles but stayed hidden because I have never been in an SD/SB relationship. I’m new to this all and thought I would get some insight to help me decided if I would like to get involved in a relationship. Everyone seems so welcoming and I’m looking for guidance so I wanted to speak up.

  310. Panda says:

    I think I’m just scared of being practically like yeaah you should give me your money!
    Either that or not saying enough.

  311. NYC SB says:

    panda… be yourself… tell him why you think he is perfect for you 😀

  312. Panda says:

    I’ve been lurking, slightly.
    Only because I’ve been trying to find the right words to say.
    There’s one SD profile which seems so perfect.
    But I have no clue what to put in my first message, can someone help!
    xx

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