9 years ago
What Do You Expect?

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What Should You Get For What You Give?

Have you ever expected more, or frankly, less, from an arrangement than what you ended up receiving? Arrangements are supposed to be simple, easy, and most of all, fun. If the process becomes a process… then you’re probably not in the right lane. If you want to avoid running around in circles with a potential, you should plan the arrangement before you write the first message. What I mean by that is, have an idea of when you are prepared to start the arrangement, what benefit you think you can provide the other, and what benefit you think the other can provide you. If you do not have a clear idea of the previously stated “arrangement essentials” (time & mutual benefit), then you’re setting yourself up for possible headache.

A Sugar Baby wrote in to the blog this morning:

“I would like to know what the men think they are paying for and vice versa. Is it for sex? Companionship? Adventure they can’t get elsewhere? NSA? If NSA, what does that mean to each party and why must it be paid for. I know my married man thinks he would be paying for sex and also thinks he doesn’t have to. I keep trying to explain its not sex. But, let’s see what others have to say. Shall we?”

We have had some great conversations on this blog about what it means to be a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby. We’ve touched on the subject about what to ask for, how to ask it, and when to do the asking; but today’s blog is about what you think you’re getting VS what you actually receive.

Don’t assume that a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy will help you find time for an arrangement, or walk you through your own qualms about the concept of NSA, mutually beneficial dating. If you need some moral guidance, let it all out on the blog, or ask a trusted friend… but don’t expect a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby to convince you or persuade you to become a sugar dater. You must make that decision alone.

Most importantly, when the time comes to jump in the cold water, jump. But if you’re not ready, be honest with yourself and save an aspiring Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby the time, money, and discouragement. Don’t lead a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy to believe they found a match, only to find that what they really had was a pair of cold feet.

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157 Responses to “What Do You Expect?”

  1. Tristan says:

    Hi guys. Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
    I am from Pakistan and know bad English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “Low cost flights to top european destinations grab a deal that fits your easyjet airline company limited.”

    Thank you very much ;). Tristan.

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  9. John says:

    I know that some women and men here get stuck on the idea of “paying for sex”. Let’s be clear about that. On any of the online escort / craigslist erotic service sites, the going rate for 20 something beauties, is $180/hour on average, offering GFE. Booty calls for half that. So, this is NOT about “prostitution”. If sex is all anyone wants, it’s cheaper and less complex than the arrangements being done here. As was said very eloquently before, and need not be repeated again, there is a lot more than just sex involved.

  10. Blondie says:

    Expectations? Since we’re both busy people and don’t want to waste each others’ time, I always make my expectations clear upfront. I’ve been told that the men appreciate SB’s who dont play games and aren’t wishy-washy about their needs. The good guys appreciate honest women!

    Don’t give too much information; don’t give him the hard sell or pressure…but DO ask him about what his previous SB experiences were like…you can glean a lot of knowlege about him that way, and vice versa.

    I do expect a small gift on the first date, as a token of his appreciation for the time, expense and effort I put into our meeting. Might be cash, or a nice bottle of perfume, or a gift card, but I think most serious SD’s know that this is an important first step in showing us they are serious and interested. By the same token, if I’m interested in him, I always like to kiss, flirt with and touch him a lot on that first date to show some intent!

    From there, things usually progress pretty quickly: the experienced SD who is truly interested will be the first to step up and make you an offer in terms that are very clear, say for example: $5000/mo., paid on the 1st and 15th via wire transfer, we meet two weekends a month in his city, all travel & hotel expenses paid. ..Meals, shopping, extras, covered as well.

    It might seem a bit uncomfortable to talk about, but getting “business” out of the way upfront is really the best way to go. Both partners let their boundaries be known (emotional, time available, contact dos and donts, discretion, all need to be discussed), the finances are agreed upon…helps to avoid any possible misunderstandings later.

    Another important thing to discuss early on is how you both agree to handle the ending of the relationship when, heaven forbid, that time should come. Be realistic, and SB’s tell him clearly that you would expect some continuation of the allowance for x number of months afterwards. It is customary for the gent to do this as sort of parting gift that shows how much he valued the time and affection you gave him, and allows you to take some time to determine your next step or find another SD. (Of course, the smart SD’s also know that it’s better in the long run to take care of the lady for a few more months than to dump her with no warning/compensation and have to deal with a scorned woman’s wrath! Hey, if ya don’t treat her right in the end, she might turn all crazy psycho-stalker on your ass & do God knows what to get her “revenge”?)

    As for sex, and how soon…well, that is always a decision best left to those two involved and let chemistry take it’s course. SB’s, just always make sure that business is taken care of first, that you feel secure/safe with him, and that you are not being taken advantage of.

  11. Berri says:

    cre8tor~ thanks for the update and I’ll keep her in mind as the storm blows through. Let’s hope for strong trash winds…you’re too funny! I have 2 amazing dates within the next week so keep your fingers crossed for me. Kinda funny but if the potential SD made it this far…the only area left is attraction and chemistry. Damn, I am picky but I only want excellence. sincere_sd kinda knocked the wind from my sails by not wanting me…wink, wink. :) I still adore him as my fav sd blogger and my confidence has returned. (I REALLY hope you know that I am teasing) How are things with everyone elses adventures? Expectations, anyone? Mine are high! muah

  12. cre8tor says:

    Berri: Lisa was here but I think she might be in the middle of the storm right now. We’re awaiting her reappearance and hoping all the disgusting things around her apartment get blown away! Like maybe a few of the people. Welcome back

  13. Berri says:

    ahh, sincere_sd…..you coulda let a baby down easy…:(
    Lol. I appreciate the thoughts on my post. I’ll just keep searchin’ for my dream daddy…
    Btw, I’ve been out of town and just back and catching up. Has anyone heard from Lisa since her post on the 6th? It’s been a few days and she usually is on…geeze, I’m feeling a bit protective of her and want to make sure she had a fabulous time…anyone? the little SA family

  14. Ms. V says:

    CaliGirl? get ’em babe 😉 LMAO!!!

  15. sincere_sd says:

    Hi Berri,

    To address on your earlier post:

    Comment – In any relationship, it only works WELL if you are honest, open-minded, clear and express what you offer as well as what you expect ie.. your expectations, boundaries, desires…with class, finesse and manners. This makes it simple for both parties to decide if it is a fit or not.

    While I would tend to agree with you, it’s very difficult to generalize when dealing with human feelings, relationships and money. I may sound a “little” jaded here but my opinions come from practical experience and the school of hard knocks.

    I’ve found it’s essential to look beyond the words and size up a potential SB for personality and fit. For example, many SB do not know what they want from a relationship especially the younger ones. The expectations are further distorted by the Hollywood fairytails created by Pretty Woman, Working Girl, Red-Headed Woman, etc.

    Comment – Then communicate and move on from there. For example: If I know Tom seeks someone under 25 and skinny, I won’t waste my time or his. Information helps makes a more informed (and dignified) decision.

    Totally agree, but you would be surprised at the number of people that don’t read descriptions all that well or have a different opinion or perception of “qualifications” and fit. Even though, I have provides very clear guidelines on what the type of relationship and the type of person I’m looking for; however, I still receive many responses that do not fit my criteria.

    Comment – Anywho, this just goes to show, there is someone for everyone. And btw, I think sincere_sd is for me. The way you post your thoughts is direct, up-front and realist. You are rare indeed and you’re my kind of SD.

    Berri, you sound very nice yourself. However, I am currently in a SB relationship; although sadly, it may end when her work assignment finishes later this year and she has to return to her home country.

  16. AlaskanQT says:

    lisa: “woot! woot!” :) Rah Rah sis boom bah Get it girl :) I’m so glad to see a more chipper you. *hugs*

    I’m in a very good mood I just got a message from my SD and I’m happy now 😀

  17. cre8tor says:

    citychic48….we didn’t really get to your request for advice. I’ve had the situation where the man wants to give you “a little cash” when you are together but not set up an allowance/arrangement. He’s not a real SD and can’t afford to do it the right way. It you are attracted to this guy but really need an agreed upon arrangement, spend time with him but keep looking. Oh, you might want to let him know. It might inspire a second thought on the allowance issue on his part

  18. cre8tor says:

    YEAH!!!! I’m so very happy to hear all you just wrote. Congrats on the job and the confidence to just be you. Things are turning around for you Lisa and we are all rooting you on. You got it Honey!

  19. lisa says:

    I think I will go with the honest aproach. Afterall what can he do after we have been out already, take back the evening? lol I look at each meeting with a potential sd as a one time thing and I think it it works, that will be great, if it doesnt, well what would I have done if I hadn’t went out, sat at home, well I had nothing to lose. lol
    I will be starting a new job wednesday, well training for a couple days first, just a grocery store job, but at least I will have a paycheck again and the interview went well and they will pay me 8.25 hour because of my experience, so that’s more than I expected. I will till need a sd to help me make ends meet though.
    I talked more with this new sd and he seems down to earth and knows the area so hopefully it won’t scare him. lol
    I will tell you about my date tomorrow evening after I get home.

  20. Anonymous says:

    So Lisa…what will you do?

  21. AlaskanQT says:

    Lisa: honestly most Sd’s appreciate a few rules. They tend to look at you as less of a novice. Maybe we are two different people, but I woudl honestly tell him… ” Thank you for such a beautiful evening! You’re an amazing man. Woudl you mind sending me home in a taxi? While I’ve sincerely enjoyed your company, and I understand we live very close, I know that a few people where I live were planning a party and I’m not sure how out of hand it may be. I’d like to leave you with a good impression so we can continue having wonderful evenings. Beside I was too busy beeing nervous about meeting you and I didn’t have time to clean my apartment” With you refering to it as an appartment, and saying there is a party you are sort of hinting to your conditions and you can feel out how he’ll feel. Also by subtly asking him to send you home in a taxi you let the paying for it sort of unconsciously be his idea and maybe take the pressure off… The joke just lightens the mood back up too :) Hope I helped and good luck :)

  22. cre8tor says:

    Lisa: Hone, you driving me crazy! But, I must apologize as I’m working in an area that I consider a flaw for me. I need to just SHUT UP! I expect to see nothing but positive comments and a smiling face tomorrow when you tell us how it went. hugs

  23. cre8tor says:

    Well, Lisa. i guess you just have to do what you want. Asking for advice and then not accepting any suggestion is a bit of a waste of time and words. If you want him to come to your house, then allow him to do so. If you are embarassed about your living conditions, there isn’t anything you can do about that right now is there? It is what it is.

  24. lisa says:

    Yes but I know where he lives and where he works and afterall he will be taking me to the event in the late afternoon in his car as I can’t exactly get all dressed up and stand at a busstop without I want to arrive drenched with sweat from the heat. I am not trying to be difficult but sometimes when you make excuses and avoid stuff they think you are covering up something like a spouse or whatever. I want him to bring me home but I’m just embarrassed like I am always am when someone sees the kind of people I live around.
    It is kind of like when I used to have my married lover and he stopped by in the morning. We would be laying in my king size bed cuddling and enjoying bliss and all of a sudden the neighbors would be blasting music or their kids would start hollering or crying outside, kind of a mood breaker.
    This particular guy didn’t mind though because he had been through a lot worse with me that most married guys would have ran. He didn’t disert me even after my mom hired a detective to take pictures of us coming out of motel rooms or when my mom personally went phsycho and called him on his phone and actually tried to follow me when I went to meet him. My mom has this thing against sex. She thinks because I am divorced that I should spend the rest of my life single and celibate even though my husband is the one that diserted me.

  25. cre8tor says:

    if this is the first time you are to meet or even the second or third, it wouldn’t be too odd to want to feel safe and not let him know where you live. I would just say that I had a very good time, enjoyed his company but wanted to spend more time w/him before introducing him to my neighborhood. Problem solved Lisa. What is the alternative?

  26. lisa says:

    I would feel a little weird doing that since he lives not far from me, we are actually in the same zip code and this city has so many zip codes. It would like I am trying to avoid him or didn’t have a good time. I am nothing like the people that live here except on financial terms. I have had some great dates in the past (no sds, just regular guys) but when they found out I lived on the other side of the freeway and seen my complex (when I was living at another place) well they acted a little funny.
    It would be just odd for us to part downtown and I get in a cab and he gets in his car and drives the same direction, kind of odd like I was trying to hide something you know.

  27. cre8tor says:

    ask him for cab fare

  28. lisa says:

    There isn’t any way to avoid him seeing where I live. We are meeting early afternoon and I can meet him somewhere but the even is in the early evening, ending around 10 pm which means I can’t come home on my own (buses stop running at 8 pm on sundays and I cant afford a taxi for a 20 mile distance. I can’t have him drop me anywhere else because it isn’t safe to walk down my street at night, and sunday nights are almost deserted except for the scum after about 9. I sas another scary thing today. Someone has gone along the wall of a building that is being renovated down the street and obviously placed a gun against the wall and spraypainted over it because there are all the red guns spraypainted on the walls with the words “pull the trigger” under each one. A new crime element has obviously moved into the neighborhood. earlier today the narcotics squad was at my apartment complex arresting a couple guys.

  29. sweetbaby says:

    Lisa if he see’s where you are then hopefully he will sympathise with your situation and try and get you out of there!

    If he looks down on you then that’s not your fault but rather some personality defect he may have. I doubt he will judge you though.

    Is there anyway you could avoid bringing him to yours?

  30. cre8tor says:

    Lisa: can you just tell him that you are a bit uncomfortable showing him where you live? Or can he drop you somewhere close by? I would just warn him of the conditions and say its because of temporary setback. But. much luck. Sounds like you have something great going!

  31. MizzI says:

    Ha Ha MissV you make me laugh a lot. “Dont Make Me Write A Letter”

  32. lisa says:

    I need some advice, encouragement ladies

    I have talked to my potential sd and we are going out sunday evening. We are going to meet and he is going to get me an outfit to wear to the event we are going to, it is a high culture event and I am looking forward to going but am a little nervous. I have researched him online, looked at his professional page (many business professionals have linked in pages where you can read about them) He seems legit and everything checks out and I know his first and last name, where he works, etc. He is in a very high postition for the company he works for and it just happens to be located not far from where I live, actually on my street (my street runs several miles and goes from low income high crimes apartments like mine, to 300K homes, private schools, middle class homes, etc and then back to high crime area at the other end.
    I am a little nervous when he sees where I live although he knows I live in the area he works in but probably thinks I live in a nice place. I will meet him out somewhere but when he brings me home in the evening, I am going to be embarrassed when he sees all the men standing around the parking lot drinking and playing loud music and trash everywhere (the apartment crew doesn’t work on sunday and the place gets messy.
    I am afraid he will look down on me when he sees this.

  33. Ms. V says:

    oh to have the problem of choosing between 2 SD’s !! Do whatever your-um- heart tells you to do, CityChic. You already know what you want. don’t be bullied into something less than. Put ur pretty dress on and go on your next date 😉
    Lisa: still no luck? hmm. maybe we need some traveling pants!

    Anybody up for a collective intentions “focus group”?? everyone get together and focus the power of intent on each members need?
    had to ask…never know

  34. lisa says:

    edit “i WOULDN’T turn down a shopping trip

  35. lisa says:

    yikes that’s a difficult situation. I would keep the dress but avoid the guy after all you aren’t obligated to him because he bought the dress.
    the other guy, well if he isn’t giving you an allowance and you need cash, that isn’t going to be satisfactory. I am out of work and need rent money desparetely for October but the guy I met this past week was more into taking me shopping which was great but I still need cash bad. I would turn down a shopping trip if I don’t have better options though, another words not going out with the guy who wants to take you shopping, isn’t going to mean you will find a guy who will pay the rent. You should keep looking though for the guy that will pay the allowance, that’s what I need too.

  36. CityChic48 says:

    Thanks for the advice guys. I met a guy on Saturday and he wanted me to choose the restaurant and I did. He met me there this past Saturday and the lunch was great, we had a couple glasses of merlot and pomagrante martini. We ate and talked for over an hour. We then went to Michigan Ave and he bought me a really nice Betsey Johnson dress. However, he was too touchy feely for me. He basically got hard after seeing me try the dress on and was all over me in the fitting room. The fitting room just had a curtain and the store is very very small maybe 700 sq feet. PLus the store was crowded. I don’t know if I want to see him again. He wants to get together this weekend and order in and “intimate times”. I really love the dress its great, but I just want him to pay my rent…That will really make a woman happy.

    So I went on the look out and I met this other guy who I am really attracted to younger than the last one. I’m 23 and the other guy is 43. The guy that I’m hanging out with tomorrow is 30 owns a huge company, we talk all day everyday for the past 4 days. He says he isn’t into a monthly allowance, but more of giving one when we hang out.

    I’m skeptical of every guy but who knows. What do you guys think I should do?

  37. Ms. V says:

    I just want the cash, a good time- lots of laughs (comedy club, anyone?), and chemistry. Shoes? I really don’t want my SD to watch me handle the rude females in the stores. I will buy my own, come with the cash Papa.

    Why TALK about sex? Dude, if it’s gonna happen, then it will be fire on my part- just bring your A game…let’s talk about something else! Now, AFTER sex, we can talk about more sex and I can explain the best position for my short stature, but my gawd- really? cyber-sex? phone-sex?

    Talk about that $5.99 a minute I should be getting paid to indulge you, let’s talk about that, hon’. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about that Severe Penalty for early withdrawls- and the repurcussions for a dissatisfied customer…shit, I feel like somebody should be giving me a refund up in here! Don’t Make Me Write a Letter! LMMFAO!!

  38. cre8tor says:

    its a bit like a job interview. No expectations except to meet for the chemistry and look-see test. It might be the quality or age of the SD you are attracting, Lisa. I, too, have had those that flake or want just a cup of coffee. If they can’t meet for a good amount of time, I know they aren’t really serious or not the right match for me….”delete”. If they even suggest a cheap date, they aren’t serious or not the right match for me….”delete”. If they aren’t consistent with the emails and at least one phone call, they aren’t really serious or not the right match for me…”delete.” Get the picture? The “gifts” I have received come at the end of the date and when we have established a mutual attraction and interest to reconnect. It is usually a small amount of cash. I did recently have a gentleman send me pics of some VERY expensive shoes and asked me to pick out what he should bring to our first date. After being quite specific about the expectations of that date (meet and greet not meet and ya know), he backed off. Sometimes that gift can be the worm on the hook for his physical expectations.

  39. lisa says:

    I hear about all these sds that bring a gift to the first meeting but in my experience it hasn’t happened. I have met 3 guys on here. First guy brought nothing and date was short, led to a regular date and then a partial allowance. Second guy, short meeting and nothing, agreement to meet again, and then he broke contact with me. Third came with a plan and fullfillled that plan with dinner and shopping. Most of these guys want to wait weeks and weeks before meeting, and then they want to meet for coffee. I think the anticipation of many weeks or months before meeting should require a little more than a cup of coffee after all you kind of set aside time to meet them and keep in touch with them during those weeks or months, it should be worth something,

  40. cre8tor says:

    If you have read some of the comments by real SD’s, if they are serious about a relationship, they will bring something to the first meeting. Don’t expect an allowance right away, but if the chemistry works on the first date or two, they should be able to take the lead and set up the timing. If they are inexperienced, just ask what works for them and then suggest what works for you. If they hedge, I would wonder what it is they are really after. Its a very awkward part of the process. Most experienced men handle it quite well.

  41. lisa says:

    I would suggest weekly or twice a month that way if the relationship ends early, you don’t get ripped off as bad as if it is at the end of the month. What if he breaks off with you the last week of a month and you get nothing? At least weekly, you have only one week to possibly lose. If he insists on waiting till the end of the month to make sure the situation is going to work, take the time to get to know him platonically and do not get physical till you see proof that he isn’t just baiting you. In an arrangement, both sd and sb have to give a little to get a little, and it shoud go hand and hand. If the arrangement is going ok and trust is built then you can do monthly or end of month but it must work for you too, not just him.

  42. citychic48 says:

    I have been talking to a few potential sugar daddy’s and I was wondering how do I go about getting my monthly allowance. It seems as though many sugar daddy’s don’t want to give the monthly allowance at the beginning of the month. When should I start receiving my monthly allowance from a sugar daddy that I just met? A few are talking about splitting the money for time we spend together?

    I’m confused by this situation. Any Advice?

  43. MizzI says:

    SouthernGent2- It will definitely be a public place. I emailed him back and let him know that I could meet him for breakfast at a cafe if he liked to meet. I also said I require a full body photo of him as he did of me. Ha, I imagine I said everything possible to run him off. But I just felt might as well let him know right up front what I expected. That included telling him I could provide papers showing I am STD free and I’d like to see his. The photo is simply my way of knowing if he is serious or not, if he can’t send a photo my experience is he can’t keep a meeting date.

    lisa – I am not going to get tricked. My expectations are where they are because that is what I am comfortable with. I stick to them. I was more so asking if my expectations were reasonable.

    cre8tor – Not as if I haven’t had the opportunity to have sex. And I am not a saint but I sure do appear to be one. =] . I find the opportunity to give it up to a gentleman and score a arrangement that could make me very happy just as good as any other. This is the type of relationship I want period. I am happy that I know what I want. I plan on meeting a SD I care for. I care for people very easily. Its like any other relationship, just with a guarantee to leave with something.

    lisa – Sorry about your bad experiences. I hope you find what you are looking for.

  44. lisa says:

    I reallly don’t see any difference in whether it is a sugardaddy or a boyfriend because men today usually don’t marry or commit to a woman just because they are the first so we end up being hurt by someone we thought cared about us. It’s kind of like the reason I have given up looking for mr right. I meet a guy and then he lets me down so I would rather find someone to have some fun with benefits and with no expectations of love or committment.

  45. cre8tor says:

    why do you want to let something very special like the first sexual experience go to a superficial relationship as a sugarbaby? The first experience isn’t that great to begin with. Don’t you want to at least have someone you care about with you when you do the act?

  46. lisa says:

    Mizzi

    Don’t get tricked into sleeping with some guy who sugests that to make sure an arrangement would work. He is just loooking for free sex and of course will say he thinks you aren’t compatitble after he gets a sample.
    There are alot of fakes on this site as well as on any site.

  47. SouthernGent2 says:

    Whew Mizzi, that is an interesting situation in that last paragraph. First meeting should be in a public place. Anything else should not be a consideration.

  48. Ms. V says:

    Blondie & Creator: Thanks guys- my ego needed boosting today!
    Creator- what is a TT? oh, Tummy tuck- geez I’m slow today. Yeah, I’m using the insurance companies words against them to turn all of their rules around and show them that they really are required to pay for it! Almost there. Research writing sucks, but is very exciting at the same time. WISH ME LUCK!!
    I have a few sassy- “you fuc*** up” poems published, and a company actively trying to scam me into signing a publishing contract…haha! I’m intelligent, too…writing is my 2nd fave thing to do… oh the freedom to do as we please. Surely mine is on the way- freedom, that is.

    well, glad to see that I am not annoying everyone with my posts- I kinda digg it- this blog thing.

  49. MizzI says:

    I laid out my expectations and availability very clear. To let you know its 2k$ a month and available two mornings or evenings a week. I have exchanged a few emails with a gentleman who is looking for someone to attend events, dinners, and potential clients with him. And of course satisfy his sexual needs and desires. I am a full time student and work part time. But I did let him know that I could be persuaded to take a study semester off. But of course if he required more time, esp getting all done up so I look nice and appealing next to him on these outings, then I’d be expecting more to spend on myself. I wont have a problem making that clear, he him self has already said “we also need to come to an agreement on your salary and how it will be distributed”

    He also said “I think what I would like to do is have you stay the night one night and see what we think and also get a clear understanding of each others part in our commitment” . Uhm… yeah shame on me if I am jumping to conclusions but I felt that sounded like “how about you come over one night and we have sex and we can go from there” — I personally don’t want the first time I meet him to be at his home, at night. I am going to lean him more towards a cafe for brunch or a park for a walk.

    Where I would like to get some advice is that I am a virgin and I am trying to figure out if this is something I should keep to myself or no? There are pros and cons to telling and not telling. In a effort not to get lengthy what I was thinking is it might help to start the arrangement off the way I’d like to. A “trial start” where he pays for self prepping my self up to attend a few outing with him and after a month or so he can decide if he’d like to go ahead with the allowance, “GIFTS!” (I’m looking forward to gifts haha) and I could make my self more available sexually.

    Thoughts? SD’s would this expectation be reasonable to you?

  50. Berri says:

    Excellent posts!
    In any relationship, it only works WELL if you are honest, open-minded, clear and express what you offer as well as what you expect ie.. your expectations, boundaries, desires…with class, finesse and manners. This makes it simple for both parties to decide if it is a fit or not. Then communicate and move on from there. For example: If I know Tom seeks someone under 25 and skinny, I won’t waste my time or his. Information helps makes a more informed (and dignified) decision. In the business world, I am in marketing. There are many cataories and questions for creating a better profile than by ranking others. Any SD interested in a partnership to develop an amazing website????? lol… take it easy, Stephan, I promise to hire you as the Blog Man! Kisses

    Anywho,this just goes to show, there is someone for everyone. And btw, I think sincere_sd is for me. The way you post your thoughts is direct, up-front and realist. You are rare indeed and you’re my kind of SD…yes, I sure am flirting!

  51. cre8tor says:

    Miss V………..You are hilarious! Love reading your comments. Turn it into something moneymaking honey and buy your own TT. I too was married to a man that had less than low libido and I can RELATE to your comments, Honey. Give me the man of confidence trembling inside when you are within eyesight. Play the time out until you forget everything and just must have it. I’m living that right now and it is addicting.

  52. blondiebabynyc says:

    Damn Miss V, you can write! Do yourself and the world a favor, sit down and write an outline for a novel and chapter synopsis, then start writing! C’mon, you know you have a best seller in you. Get to it!
    Lisa- I know you don’t want to hear it, but please get your pretty little as to the labor board and talk to a lawyer. Lisa THINK POSITIVELY!

  53. lisa says:

    no strings attached

  54. ~Rogue~ says:

    I have a random question – what is NSA?

  55. lisa says:

    Right now I would settle for a man who would help me pay my rent. I have heard nothing from my job applications. I work low paying jobs anyway so even when employed, I struggle. And when I get an interview, by the time I get the drug test, background check, and actually get hired and begin working, and get my first check, it will be way too late for my rent. I have a couple potential sds to meet this next month but they are dragging their feet just like the other ones and no I haven’ told them anything about my situation so I am not coming across as desperate. We have just exchanged a few friendly emails for the last 2 months! I try to think positive but become disouraged at how slow these men move.
    As far as money, why can’t we ask upfront after all the men are upfront about what they want.

  56. Ms. V says:

    Ooh, one more thing (or 5) Why can’t we ask for our money in a nice little envelope- up front? Is that bad etiquette? Or what is wrong with (like one Gentleman professes) expecting a sparkly,or paper, or plastic token of intention at first meet? I mean, he doesn’t have to rise when you enter the room and shove a diamond bangle in your face, but at the end of the meeting, he could have something ready to present to you if he decides that he would like to seduce you. AND OH YES, BABY- I do not care one bit about the situation- mama wants to be pursued!

    Don’t you miss being around a man who is confident about everything, but unsure of you…meaning, he is constantly leaking pheremones(and you are leaking something-somewhere else) you try to be all adult and restrain yourselves, but you both know that after all day foreplay, that when you get within sight of a flat surface, it’s gonna be on!

    You remember having that man who growled just the right way, and gripped ur hair in both hands while he, um…is rearranging your interior furnishings…(you like that, huh? I know) 😉 I’m silly, don’t pay any attention to me. But, really- I’m talking about the sex that was so good, you would hide in the bathroom just to get a minute of peace to relive it. and DON”T act like I’m the only one who has done that! (“Leave me alone, I’m thinking!!”)

    Oh, a girl can dream can’t she? I have just finished reading 2 books by Karen Moning- the Dark Highlander, and Highlanders kiss_or something like that. Man. I. hmm.
    The Highlander of note tells this girl: I’m going to love you now, slow and sweet, but after you come I’m going to fuck you like I need to.

    WTF? Where’s my damn highlander?! (that’s my profile heading on here, too!) Let me tell you, I spent about an hour standing in my dining room with my hand on my hip- MAD…looking at my husband like – I DARE you to say something foul! I can’t get the good stuff, but you can say something backwards about me always doing homework or taking the kids somewhere? You had better either put me to sleep or shut.your.mouth.
    LMAO!!!

    Okay,okay- I am too goofy. I’m going to get off of here and figure out how this Forex crap works. I get it…but, I don’t. I like playing with Cenimar’s fake money and predictions much more.

  57. Ms. V says:

    Hey Hey QT!!
    Thanks girl! I was wavering for a minute here…Just have a few desires that require a different type of man to fulfill, ya know?

    You get that “what are you” question, too I see 😉

    It is a bit frustrating that after all of the public comments (embarassing ones- in front of other people, no less) “girl, I’ll drink yo bath water”, or “ooh mama, why don’t you use that strut to walk all over me”, that there are not many who can afford to pay the water bill for the type of baths I take_much less be qualified to be in my vicinity when I am taking one!

    Truly, I am alright with me- Heck, I think I’m pretty fantastic (23 days a month), but I almost get the feeling that there aren’t actually many men on here looking to do as the site suggests. ahem. Sugar Daddying is serious sport, you see? I came to play the game. It’s exciting, too…but, damn slow at present.

    My husband is watching Family Guy, I just finished another PPT Presentation for class about some environmental crisis that hasn’t happened yet, and my children are asleep, and all I can think about is building positive cashflow- of my own. Apartment complexes, a luxury community with “extras- at a lower price than normal?? come on, man!!! People would be lined up just to get a few dollars off the rent! a Krystals or Dicks Wings franchise over here in my part of town….People are really STILL lining up at McDonalds and Jack-in-the Box??? Man, either one of those places would see profit within 2 years…

    Girl, my toes are curling! But, I keep logging on to the Univ of Phoenix, and I keep cooking my Texan food, and I keep acting like a big goofball with my outstanding little people, and I keep being the Lady- nah, forget that…I’m SuperWoman… and I know that I will exceed everything I have ever imagined, but HAVE YOU GOTTEN A LOOK AT THE BRAND NEW CADILLAC? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING FABULOUS MY ASS WILL LOOK IN “SKINNY JEANS”,IF i COULD GET A DARN TUMMY TUCK? I’m all lusciousness, but it don’t make a lick of difference if I cannot put on these thigh-highs and garter belt with fierceness instead of…well, instead of thinking of my scar as a BATTLE SCAR or a FUCK TROPHY (my sister called it that, and I bout lost my mind rolling all over the floor laughing!)

    Mama wants her goodies NOW!!! Where oh where is my Sweet Sugar Stallion?? shit, I probably ran him off just now, eh?

    take it easy ladies.
    til next time.
    V
    and oh my goodness, babygirl- what if I

  58. Ms. V says:

    You guys crack me up! Lisa:LEAVE THAT GUY ALONE, UNLESS…he puts you on his life insurance policy!
    Also, I know it is a vicious cycle to be in- “I can’t do this, because I don’t have that, and I can’t get that, because I have no freakin idea how to do this”… yep, I have been there, but may I (in the midst of all of your storms) suggest that you indulge yourself in a mental break? AGAIN, I say: I know what you’re going through, but just for one day- envision your life as it should be- not the way it is. Be mindful of the emotions that accompany each vision, and toss it if it makes your stomach clench or your heart break.

    What would you devote your life to if you had more than enough money, were all finished seeing the countries of the world, had 3 pair of shoes/bras/panties for every outfit, and were now so bored with shopping and relaxing that you simply MUST find something to do that brought only joy- only an honest desire to drop to your knees…and say “Thank God for this life” (you thought I was gonna say some freaky shit, didn’t you? 😉 ) heh.
    What would you do with your time, then?

    Make your thoughts reflect on that, feel THAT emotion, surf the web for that kind of job, ya digg? Just one day. Give yourself One day to appreciate the fact that you are a warrior, and dammit you have made it this far! You will win, honey.

    I learned this “release technique” that is fantastic beyond measure for helping yourself get out of your own way! (guilty, again). Maybe it could help you clear your heart and mind enough to see another path??
    Let me know if ur interested…I paid big bucks for the course and have no problem typing the steps out here on the Sugar Daddy dating site! LMAO!!!

    I know it’s hard to change your thinking when your heart is hurting or your life shows brokenness, but it really IS what is required for progress, my love.

  59. lisa says:

    I don’t trust the guys that cancel dates and make non stop excuses. They would probably be full of excuses of why they can’t give you your allowance till next month too.

  60. lisa says:

    I have blond hair and blue eyes and have received a few messages from black members but have yet to meet one, or to meet anyone on this site actually. Most of them have been from other states and wanted to talk about an arrangement but when I wrote back, just like the white ones, they disappeared. That disappearing act the guys do on here. One of my recent potentials that couldn’t make our date because of a serious car accident he was in, he was in icu (but managed to visit this site at the same time) and all is recovered from that now but is now down with the flu. He expects to have it till mid september. And I bet he will have some other life event then, what’s next, his house burns down, is sent off to work in another country, or gets in a plane crash?

  61. AlaskanQT says:

    LMAO lisa!

    Ms V. I am also multi-racial. I have darker (not dark skin) and curly dark hair… I try to not talk about race. I have found (through much experience… ) the less important it is to you the less important it will be to them… and if it is they will ask. but most serious SD’s will take the tiem to really getto know you before they hound in with questiosn of “what are you anyway” =)

  62. lisa says:

    Please stick with us Ms. V. We are a fun supportive crowd of a few.

  63. lisa says:

    Hey send that guy with the dog poop to me. I need money bad, no word from any of the job applications I have put in yet and I’m running out of time. Top it off with my employer took way too much withholding out of my last check, it should have been 22 dollars , they took 110.00! anyway I will even push him in the dog poop if he wants and clean his shoes. Heck I have a bird, I’m used to cleaning up messes. lol

  64. Ms. V says:

    See? You guys made me feel special already!
    I might continue my membership just to come and “see” you all!

    I was responding to someone elses comment, when I mentioned the aspect of perfection. I do not aspire to be that media type of perfect, but I have my own finish line I intend to cross.

    I rather digg the label I get-sexy- as opposed to cute or whatever else might be used. You all seem like a decent mix of real-life people…who knew I had to find ’em online?! LMAO.

    Anyone have any advice on a multiracial SB trying to “market” herself on this site? There are a few specific requests for white females or asian ladies…It’s a bit discouraging here lately, especially being new to the online search for what is lacking in my areas of desire. I am not super ghetto (but I do have the attitude to adjust that at the appropriate times! 😉 ) so, other than skin color(I’m probably of a more fair complexion than a good many of you ladies- go figure) what is there that I can tweak in my profile that might pique the curiosity of those SD’s who ARE interested in a woman like me?

    I admit, I had to change my profile to quit getting stupid responses and requests for how I would use some guy to clean dog shit off of my shoe (yes, I am serious!), but I don’t feel negativity vibrating off of my page.

    I am just trying to figure out if I should stay or move on to another site.
    Any advice is appreciated in advance.
    Thanks.
    V

  65. AlaskanQT says:

    cre8tor: Thank you so much for agreing… A good mind is so much more attractive than a nice hair cut…. Didn’t a rather amusing comedian once say, you can dye her hair, you can fix her breasts, you can get her lipo… but lets face it… You can’t fix stupid!

  66. cre8tor says:

    Age? Size 2? Great body? As most likely the oldest SB here (50ish), I hold my own okay. I’m not interested in the cute, young man and many of the older men really do appreciate my life experiences, ability to speak of intelligent subjects, that I’m comfortable in my body and keep it in very good shape. Its not always just the outside.

  67. sincere_sd says:

    Ben, to answer your questions about allowances:

    Question – “One SB just recently said give me $X dollars each time we get together – and I have to say while this sounds and looks a lot like money for sex, it actually doesn’t need to be – and it is safer for both sides. If it isn’t money for sex – if you really like the person and are attracted to him/her then this isn’t so bad. I liked the idea – she said it was sort of shopping money etc. I mean, paying an allowance once a month may have the appearance of not being a direct trade more than this per-time is …”

    I’m not a big fan of the “pay for visit” as it has the feel of an escort visit or shows a certain lack of trust. I prefer a monthly or semi-monthly allowance. Sure, there’s a risk of your SB running out on you and the disadvantage of handling a wad of big bills but I want to show that I trust and respect my SB. Psychologically, I don’t like to be reminded that I’m paying for female companionship (and sex).

    On a side note, I have talked to several SB where the arrangement had the feel of an escort-client encounter. Visits are defined down to the length of time, no social activities in public, have to be very discreet, payment per visit, may not be ongoing etc. WTF!

    Comment – ” but in my view if the SB is just faking it and putting up with you and you really don’t like her and are just using her for one reason then it doesn’t matter when the money comes – and I think the same is true on the flip side.”

    It depends on the situation and whether the SD is a significant part of the SB’s income. Cash flow requirements spike upward at the end of the month when bills and rent are due. As her SD, one of my main roles is to ensure my SB is financially secure and not have to worry about her finances; therefore, I’m flexible on the timing of the allowance.

    IMHO, the timing of (and need for) finances is the greatest, and most apparent, at the end of a relationship. Unless the SB ends the relationship badly, I have provided several months allowance to help her make the transition. It’s a small price to pay for the friendship and good times you had together. Afterall, financial obligations don’t stop if you are not part of her life anymore and it takes time to find another SD.

    Question – “Getting a decent hotel room though could cost $100-$200 a pop – and 1-2 times a week this could add up. Should SBs without a place of their own thus be less demanding or maybe usa part of an allowance to pay for one?”

    As you know, there aren’t set rates for these arrangements. It’s really a case of whether both parties are “satisfied” with the benefits of the relationship. However, students tend to have less financial needs until they need to pay back student loans, although as you pointed out, you have to factor in the cost of accommodations or find a SB with her own place. If the cost of hotels are an issue, you may want to find room with day rates or use priceline.com to bid for hotels where you can get 4* rooms for $50-70 but you lose than that ability to be spontaneous.

    While we are discussing the cost of arrangements, I should probably add that one should factor in the cost of gifts, entertainment, food, travel, hotels, etc. In the SD community, you have to pay to play!

  68. AlaskanQT says:

    LOL so after a great weekend with my friend… I seem to be out of the loop for when he is visiting again in 10 days….. I think the crutches and knee imobilizer that I will be sporting along with my mini and heals might be unnattractive LOL

    For the record, to the lady who was talking about perfect bodies and age… i turn 29 later this week. I am not a size 3, I am not perfect… But I do take good care of myself. I think I’m hot and I dress for my body size. I’m a size 8 and very crvy… Men like women… Some like one type some like another… your limits are not set by their wallets but by taste and chemistry. Men like not perfect women too… Even Sd’s :)

  69. Ms. V says:

    Under 25, skinny, and pretty. Whew! How many of you ladies fit that description? Not I, not I… Well, I am kinda pretty- if I do say so myself (for once, lol) but, well I can’t change my 27 years, nor the size of my bra and panties. hmm. is there hope for a real world gal?

    No, sir I am not fat and I do not look like someone beat me in the face with a bag of “hell naw”, but man… I am as cool as a fan and funny and a lot of other great things….hmm. Yeah. I’m good

  70. stephan says:

    HunnyBabe: We’ve been wondering where you were! Glad to know you haven’t vanished completely :o) Keep us posted… how are things with you and your SD?

  71. lisa says:

    If a sugardaddy doesn’t want to take you shopping or buy you nice things, it kind of makes the deal sour. I can find plenty of guys on the other websites that are cheap.

  72. Sisi- P*$$ed says:

    THX : P*$$ed

  73. Sisi says:

    SD AND SB RELATIONSHIP:

    for SD: as womens we do feel the need for basic freindship, companionship, mentoring and a feel of security that you actually care about us. First and for-most a financial agreement has to be met though. I dont discuss such things on email and phone. I dont like to be sooo casual about this type of relaitonship. a certain level of respect is lost for one another. Its something to discuss in person. DONT EXPECT SEX ON THE FIRST DATE

    for SB: DONT EXPECT “funds” ON THE FIRST DATE. SD’s dont want to hear your sad story. dont want to ask for sex, dont want to wait for sex… they do that with their wives, hence ur available. NOT every SD wants to take you shopping/ weekened get aways and flash you. Some SD’s would rather meet for lunch and go seperate ways from there. meet at his place and occasionaly take daylong escapes together.

    this is what ive learnt from beeing on here.

  74. Blondiegirl says:

    Im so glad everything went well in respect that he was a gentleman and trustworthy. Sounds like he was very accomodating to that, which is great. Thats exactly what I would need since i would be so nervous and scared about meeting the man. Hope your decision making goes well.

  75. AlaskanQT says:

    update :) After going and getting my nails done adn having a very nice lunch at one of my favorite places, I have not decided to enter into a long term arrangement with this gentleman. He is traveling through right now and will be back on his way through in a week. After a long discussion between us, he was disappointed that I had not made up my mind yet, but also said that he was greatful taht I had not taken him “for an expensive shopping spree befroe telling him I was still unsure” We talked at length about what he does and what his available time would be. I guess I’ve always been more of a spoil me rotten when we are together kind of gal and I’m unsure if there is enough “together” in every other month at times :) I liek the opportunty to get to really know my SD.

    We are still talking adn I am still debating. He is 100% respectful of that and we will go to dinner when he comes back through and HOPEFULLY I will be able to make my mind up…

    To those of you who say an arrangement is liek speed dating I agree… but remember I’m a girl who takes 10 dates to decide in teh regular world so I’m affored threein this world right :)

    We will see where this all goes :) and I will of course keep you updated :)

  76. Stephanie_SB 95709 says:

    Wow..I have really been enjoing reading this entire thread so I thought I would put in my 2 cents.. I have been a member of 3 sites of this sort since a friend told me about them. My own sister did the same and I thought they were nuts! I went through the moral issues as I am sure most of the True Sb’s out there do and then after hearing about and watching the things they got to do and enjoy I decided to give it a shot. I have had several different experiances and Maybe a few of them can help some of you SB’s and SD’s alike.

    Now first off I am not an under 25 barbie doll as someone up there mentioned thats the ones that they pick. I have always been drawn to older men though as they know what they want and are looking for more than just sex but someone that is not involved with their day to day life and none of the drama a true romantic relationship brings. I always am very up front about who I am and what I am. I am 38 years old..and on the thicker side..although I think I look pretty good for my age hehe as I do get hit on freqently. I also try to be extreamly cautious…although I DO NOT force the SD’s to come to me. Espcialy if you understand that these men if they are NOT married which would make a trip out of town more difficult most of the time have very busy schedules too. I just make sure that I am emailed a departure and most importantly a return ticket and I verify that it is valid with the airlines before I go anywhere. And a paid hotel reservation also sent to me via email so I can make sure I am taken care of no matter what and the only thing my name is on is the reservations not the billing so I am not responsiable or get stuck.

    Now let me tell you first I have not done this lots of times but just a few and have had some WONDERFUL and some very interesting experiances. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how many questions you ask..there are always ones you wish you had but would never have thought of..hehe

    I have had a total of 4 SD’s meetings. 2 of them were WONDERFUL men and 2 of them were interesting but just not for me although I did have a good time. I got very lucky as my very first adventure as I like to call it was from a Phenominal Man I met via this site who lived in Beverly Hills. Now being a Northern CA girl that wasnt to far for me to worry about. After a drive to the airport it was only an hour flight to LAX where he met me and proved to me after the extended messenger and phone conversations we had had that he was just as my gut told me a wonderful man. He was very aplogetic as his buisness had suddenly gotten very busy and we had planned to spend the whole next day together and that was not going to happen..but to make it up to me he took very good care of me. We went to a very expensive restruant both nights I was there. Places I could never have imagined going in my life by the way. Put me up in the Beverly Hill’s hotel and the day I was alone most of the day I was told to take advantage of any of the services provided by the hotel so I had myself a little spa day with a wonderful hot rock pedicure, got my hair done, had lunch at the world famous Polo lounge and was nice and relaxed and ready for him to pick me up that evening for dinner to another AMAZING place. He was handsome ( I thought) and sweet and NOT married by the way. The day I left he again as not able to drive me to the Airport but arranged for a car for me for the next morning and some cash to have a little fun on Rodeo Drive before I went home via the hotel Limo. Just so you know I asked for NOTHING… and was treated like a princess. A girl from a town like I come from is not used to something like this and I had the time of my life..but the best part of it was.. I made sure he was someone I truly WANTED to meet not because of what he had but beause of Who he was. I had no idea where I would be staying and no idea of the money he would be spending or leaving me. Unfortunatly for me this wonderful man was in the Tax Buisness and his season came up right after that and he got so busy our relationship kind of faded away due to his business commitments. I can tell you that even if I had not been treated so wonderfully I would have loved to see him many more times as I just enjoyed being with him and if he ever called me again I would be there in a heartbeat just to spend some time with him.

    There are also men out there that even if they have money I have found do not like to spend it..haha Guess thats why they have so much.. but I did find a man who was very concerned about my physical welfare because I didnt have health insurance and paid to make sure I did. He did not take me to fancy places, we went to Olive Garden, Chilli’s etc and bought his hotel rooms on Priceline. ( he lived within a few hours of me and did come to me) But he was a warm and caring man who just wanted a good person to spend time with and I very much enjoyed the time we did spend together. No he did not take me shopping everytime or even give me money again I NEVER ask for anything But if he knew I had an issue he would be there for me just as I was for him.

    Now..I had an well..uncomfortable situation come up once where I met another man on here.. flew to see him and broke my own rules which I knew I never should have done. Instead of getting me a room he insisted since he lived on the Beach in LA I should stay with him. But again since he was also in the same state as me I would have no problem hopping a greyhound home if needed or taking a taxi to the airport in Long Beach. I got to go the Garth Brooks Concert that was happening that weekend at the Staples Center ..and being a fan I was thrilled to go the the only concert he had preformed in 12 damm years so I was in heaven.. Here was my problem..we did have a good time.. he did take me shopping for a few nice little things and take care of all of my expenses..but this is where the questions I NEVER knew to ask happened.. he did NOT live alone in this house..his 30 year old son was there which was very uncomfortable for me. I found out his sexuality varied if you know what I mean…and that also made me very uncomfortable as reckless people can kill you ya know even with protection nothing is 100%! So I made the decision after I came home that he was not someone I wanted to continue seeing and would not sleep with him which made hiim very angry. But everyone needs to be careful out there.

    So after this long drawn out answer to this question which was “what to expect” I can tell you… I have learned to never EXPECT anything! If I have a man who comes right out and asks me what I want..I can tell them its the same thing on my profile. I live paycheck to paycheck and want to experiance things I could never do on my own..but these women who think they are going to get an allowance of as much as 5000 a month or more as far as I am concerned are HOOKERS and thats the only word for it as far as I am concerned! I am not a lady of the evening but just a lady who has no children at home anymore and am looking to enjoy life. If a man demands me to tell him a price..honestly..I tell them I cant do that and if thats what they need then they need to tell me what they would like to do and I can spoil myself..lol

    I have seen some incredible things on these sites good and bad..and had some fantastic things happen to myself and heck my sister met a muliti millionaire who wants her to move to LA and move in with him..and he is a great guy! So I am thrilled for her.. just do what I do..dont count on anything and expect the unexpected..talk to people that make you comfortable and you really enjoy spending time with..SD’s or SB’s. There are some very scary people out there.. hence Mister Pig Farmer I have been reading about and thank you for the warning by the way..If a man immediatly starts asking about my sexual desires, my fantasy’s or tells me things about him or sends me ponographic photos then I know immediatly he is not someone I would enjoy myself with or be comfortable spending time with. But again these are just my prefrences.. I am a lady in public and a tiger in the bedroom..but only with someone I am WANTING to be with. So everyone out there please just realize these sites are good and bad as they are an outlet to find people to enjoy and not have the drama other parts of life bring..but it also an outlet for some not so nice and not so honest people too…

    Everyone should be cautious and only do or plan things that make you comfortable. I have yet to find the right one for a long term SD relationship as my sister has and have no prospects right now.. but I feel people out.. and am extreamly choosy. You need to be too! Every moment of your life is precious so choose to spend the moments you do with people you enjoy.

  77. HunnyBabe says:

    AlaskanQT : Im so curious about what happend with thr SD…please keep us posted!!!!

    LOVE
    HBxxx

    Steph: Im sorry i havent posted a lot…but i always read though :)

  78. Ben says:

    So – making another entry here and admitting I’m not doing anything more exciting this afternoon, lol. I’m kind of on kid duty so this works. Somebody mentioned that this is not really like dating per se, but like speed dating and I think this is exactly right. Even though I haven’t done the speed dating thing, I have heard about it – about how you have to size up the person and the situation and your chemistry very quickly. I think it may be as though 1 date in the SB/SD world = 3 regular ones. My recent date with the young woman who has an ex con ex-bf was interesting because she kept saying, “Okay, I’m down (this is what 20-somethings say when they mean ‘up’ apparently, lol) for anything. It was like she was ready to just jump in right then – not all bad. I don’t know if I was.

    As for the pig farmer – I actually tried to bring that profile up unsuccessfully because I was curious. The SA folks may have suspended it. Maybe instead of ratings the SA folks could just make judgements about whether to suspend someone based on a complaint. The one risk might be that unhappy SDs and SBs might just file complaints if they feel rejected etc. – but I actually don’t think this would be a big issue. I’ve had a few dates that I didn’t want to go past the 1st one and I think I’ve been decent about them – maybe not always perfect etiquette in saying, thanks but no thanks – but usually pretty good communication. I’ve certainly never dropped somebody at the airport with a fake flight # and no money. That just sucks. I think P*$$ed could easily prove that she had to pay for her own flight back etc. and the other unfortunate details – so maybe this guy’s profile has been suspended. We can only hope.

    As I mentioned in another blog on the opposite side of P*$$ed experience – the woman I mentioned who wanted $1,000 cash on a Friday afternoon the day after we’d met for dinner (and nothing more) had suspended her profile briefly, but is back out there likely trying to find some other guy that might fall for her story (I didn’t). I considered reporting her to the site, but have not. It still blows my mind how people can rationalize such awful behavior – treating other people like this – but of course this is nothing new to human history unfortunately.

    This is a ramble – but I couldn’t stress enough how you should use your gut and intuition as Cre8tor says. Don’t believe the words too much – words are cheap – it all comes down to actions. As they cliche goes – actions speak louder than words – and often say 1,000 or more words at once. I think if you really tune into to your gut and intuition (and maybe what pals on the blog say : ) this can be a really good guide.

  79. P*$$ed says:

    just wanted to try to post the guy’s name and sd number again, looked like it was blocked. he goes by d a v i d on this site, and his sd # is 1 3 3 4 7 4. Hope this helps some one. I would never want anyone to experience what i did.

  80. Ben says:

    Whew – don’t know where to start. You know Cre8tor – I had a SB cancel a date on my at one point because she said she had to take her daughter to the emergency room (forget the reason – I think it was a bad fever). I notice a lot of the SBs say they don’t want any drama, lol – but this kind of drama makes me skeptical. How do you challenge this type of claim without sounding totally heartless?
    In answering my own question I guess I’d say that I work on trying to pick up on verbal and non verbal cues and my own intuition (male intuition, lol) about people. I think in this case my SB was truthful as she is very young, but it was after a number of postponements and cancellations I told her that I didn’t think she was really ready for this sort of thing.

    I noticed somebody here posted census data on incomes and I think this is a good point. A lot of the SBs here want $3K, $5K, even $10K and the likelihood of finding somebody who is 1) Real and not a fraud who can afford this and 2) Isn’t over 60 – because it requires a lot of wealth to afford this is going to be very hard. At least that’s just my humble opinion. I am the real deal, but can’t afford $3K – but I can guarantee an amount less than that. The thing is – SBs have no way of telling a fake SD who promises that much from me.
    I also think that the SBs have to realize that most of qualified SDs will be married. One SB just recently said give me $X dollars each time we get together – and I have to say while this sounds and looks a lot like money for sex, it actually doesn’t need to be – and it is safer for both sides. If it isn’t money for sex – if you really like the person and are attracted to him/her then this isn’t so bad. I liked the idea – she said it was sort of shopping money etc. I mean, paying an allowance once a month may have the appearance of not being a direct trade more than this per-time is, but in my view if the SB is just faking it and putting up with you and you really don’t like her and are just using her for one reason then it doesn’t matter when the money comes – and I think the same is true on the flip side. If you enjoy the person and it is a true SB/SD relationship you should be able to figure it out and not stress about how it all might look.

  81. cre8tor says:

    have to say the pig farmer is a very sad story indeed. Maybe next time you should have the man come to you so you aren’t stranded. excuse the pun but WHAT A PIG! I met someone here a bit ago that also was a faker. I should have known though. We had very pleasant conversations. Talked for hours. clue 1. He said he sent me a photo many times but I never received it. Now, that isn’t unusual for my emails so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, we had great phone chemistry lol. clue 2. He made time commitments to get together but it seemed something always prevented that from happening. Things like “my daughter just got in a very bad accident. They had to kill her in order to bring her out of her coma….ya think I would have run at that point. The more elaborate the story, the bigger the lie. But no, how could I accuse someone of lying when it involved his daughter! Or, I had to spend New Year’s Eve in Puerto Vallarta for business. It was nice of him to previously provide me w/the PV phone number. You think he was there? Okay, so now I’m getting the clue but want to force his hand as I’m a bit upset at this point. He invites me to PV (thinking of course that I’ll say no). I’m on a plane and on my way before he can think of another excuse. I go with the intention of having a good time because we do have fun on the phone. What is there to lose? Clue 3. Well, when we meet, its obvious why he didn’t provide a picture. He’s my age, but looks like a little old man with a limp and a slur. And he’s staying in a free hotel room next to a very loud construction zone. Is he for real? Check the clothes, shoes, watch, etc. Nope, doesn’t work. But he is very nice and takes care of my needs except that my luggage was lost and he certainly didn’t help get me any clothes to wear. I must say though, he did pay for my ticket. The stories were wonderful, the promises for a future together were exciting. Jewelry, clothing, travel, etc. I did tell him, though, that I didn’t see a romantic future w/him (he was interested in more than a SD/SB relationship). In any case, the story is long and we ended on a very bad note and I lost quite a bit of money. But, I learned a bookful of things from that experience. Listen to your gut, not your heart and don’t be wooed with promises of material things. Wait for them to appear.

  82. cre8tor says:

    AlaksanQT: Congratulations! Sounds like your time went well. How exciting! Keep us posted.

    sincere_sd: I understand everything you said and agree that all the details should be upfront. I have, however, met quite a few SD’s that get a bit squeemish when it becomes a business deal discussion. I have found it easier during the get to know you and understand the relationship stage to focus on the fact that we must have chemistry to make an “arrangement” work. Using that word keeps the understanding where it should be. As we talk more and meet and develop a relationship and find chemistry, its easier for both parties to become specific in their requirements. Also, if the SD is self employed and can make you an employee for some expenses like car, health insurance, and then provide a credit card or cash for the balance, it helps both parties with IRS issues.

  83. lisa says:

    Yikes a pig farmer! This is one of the reasons I will not travel to meet a sd. I have no money in savings to take with me so I would not be able to get home if I got stranded. He must come to my city or preferably live in my city so I can get home, and if it is late night, at least a taxi isn’t going be as much as a plane ticket.

    Wow Alaskan Qt sounds like you done very well. I would like to find one of these sds like that. I have 4 prospects but all of them are putting off meeting until next month so I’m left hanging now and lacking cash.

  84. sincere_sd says:

    Hi JetSetBaby,

    IMHO, the rules of ‘conventional” dating don’t necessarily apply to SD dating. I would compare SD dating to speed dating where the goal is to get “engaged” or someone “proposes” after a few (1-3) dates. Since the rules of engagement are different and you have limited time, you will have to get comfortable being more direct to qualify a potential SD. I’ll try to answer your questions and concerns below but these are probably good topics for this blog to get different input.

    Question – “So how do i know if I’m dealing with a real potential SD or just another guy wanting a date with a hot chick?”

    I would suggest you spend a bit of time getting to know the potential SD before you meet him. This can be through several email exchanges, phone calls or IM. This way you can eliminate SD that you are not interested or time wasters. Learn to ask probing, open end questions such as, What are you looking for in a SD relationship; How will you choose your SB (follow-up this question with when).

    Question – “It seems any guy can say they’re willing to shell out 5-20k a month for an “allowance” but how do you know if he’s for real or just using it as bait?”

    You will have to learn to look for the telltale signs and ask turnabout questions about his lifestyle to validate. Be careful how you ask; there are ways to tell but they are not always accurate. For example, you can ask lifestyle questions … what kind of car(s) he owns, what his hobbies are, which sports clubs belongs to, or more direct questions … how much taxes he pays, what his stock portfolio returns (and what he’s invested in), why he’s a SD (and how he can afford to be one), etc.

    Not to sound like a wet mop but there are very few SD that can afford this type of assistance and most likely he will be married (and be very clever to hide this amount of money from his spouse). Look at US census data to get an idea … 1.17% of US population earned $250,000 or more; 5% of people earned more than $166,000, and of that, 85% were married. Remember allowances are paid in after-tax dollars so the SD would have to make about double that money (and be willing to spend it) on an after-tax basis. $5,000/mo allowance translates to $120,000 of yearly after-tax earnings that the SD can spend after his financial obligations.

    Question – “How do the rest of you bring up the financial part?”
    Easiest question you asked so far. You can ask directly or walk the potential SD into the answer. Start with “what are your expectations for a SB relationship” (frequency of meeting, schedule, activities, etc) and follow-up with what benefits he is providing. You can also state your expectations directly (a range) or indirectly by stating you have to cover your expenses like rent, car and loan payments, insurance, bills, etc. but only make X. The more SD you talk to, the more comfortable you will be in bringing up this topic … especially if you’re not that interested in the person, go on too many unproductive dates or need to weed out the time wasters. Personally I like to discuss this in person but if pushed on the topic, I will provide a soft answer that will provide a good indication and say we will discuss in person as it depends on the specifics of the relationship.

    BTW, thanks for your feedback. I hope your post helps other SD understand what women go through to prepare for a date.

  85. AlaskanQT says:

    ok my update…. after a very nice meet at the bar of our resturaunt of choice ( I was early) we sat at a table… We had a phenomenal steak dinner. I unfortunately had an attack of allergies to teh flowers at our table and the waitress was nice enough to go get me allergy meds from teh store next door. We had both ahd a little wine so we took a cab to a local night spot… at the end of that he gave me a “gift” and tehn said he wanted to meet me for shopping tomorrow before he left town When I said ok he gave the cab taht was waiting on me $40 bucks and said take me home. He was 100% respectful of my boundries and even took care of bringng up terms. He offered both an exclusive and a non exclusive term base… exclusive was $3500 a month non exclusive was $2500 a month with the idea that I had to drop if he wanted to visit. I tol dhim after we went shopping tomorrow I woudl decide which option I wanted…
    For the record he did notice my nails… we are going to get them fixed at 10:30 am tomorrw :)

  86. P*$$ed says:

    I don’t know exactly where this should be posted, but I would just like to post my experience with a so-called wanna be sugar daddy on this site. I visited this guy, he is a pig farmer, and his house is disgusting. There are 2 dogs, 4 cats, and the whole house reeks of feces. There are dog feces everywhere around the house. The whole place is a stinking, rotting mess, and should be condemned. The guy farms pigs for cryin out loud… He will tell you that he’ll put you up in a 5-star hotel, and will fly you in from anywhere. Well the last half of that is true. He will tell you that a plane ticket home is availible if you guys don’t click, and things don’t go right. Well, if you decide (like any sane person would) not to have sex with him within the first 3 days, then he will promptly drop you off at the Seattle airport, leave you with a fake flight confirmation number, and let you figure it out from there. If this is the scenario you would like as a sugar baby, then GO FOR IT. Just remember that he totally renigs, and will leave you stranded, with nothing. You need to have money for a plane ticket home if you talk to this guy. Beware the headline… I guess it speaks for itself. If you are looking for a live-in situation, let me tell you that the place is absolutely filthy and stinky. If that is what you like, then go. I feel very sorry for the girl living there, because this probably happened to her, and that is probably why she is still there. She seemed very depressed an unhappy, as I was for the brief 3 days I spent with him. BEWARE

  87. lisa says:

    Just go with it girl! Go with a positive attitude, treat him really nice and he won’t notice your nails. I’m soooo jealous that you actually found someone that wants to meet and go out. I’m still on hold while the 4 guys that are interested in meeting me are trying to find time to come meet me in the next month. :(

  88. AlaskanQT says:

    LOL as if my nerves weren’t racked enough! The weather and my hair aren’t working. My freshly manicured nails chipped and my dog bit the shoes I had planned on wearing tonight… thank goodness I have another pair that work with the black mini I’m wearing!!!!!!!

  89. Blondiegirl says:

    AlaskanQT… Im excited for you.. be sure to tell us how it all goes.

  90. AlaskanQT says:

    Oh he and I have already talked about how at teh end of the night we would both go out separate ways and if tonight went well maybe we could meet up tomorrow for drinks or dinner before he left on Monday morning. ARGH! just nervous!

  91. cre8tor says:

    just keep the state of mind that you are committed to having a good time. If the chemistry isn’t there, it just isn’t there but go knowing you expect to have a nice time. no expectations beyond that then you won’t be disappointed. And make sure to try to have time by yourself rather than spend the entire 2 days together. Helps to sit with the emotions a bit. Hope it works out!

  92. AlaskanQT says:

    I am taking a chance with a first meet from this site tonight. I have spoken to thi sgentlemen a few times at both my last state of residence and this one. I am surprised because he arranged for a 2 day layover here in Anchorage on his way to another trip so he could meet me. We talked a little bit about expectations for the night and his words “you won’t do anything you don’t want to” have set my mind a bit at ease. Any advise that ya’ll may have for me that might put me a little ahead of the game mentally? (this is my first internet drawn SB/SD date so I’m a little nerve racked)

  93. AlaskanQT says:

    Also, as an SB in the past, one of my SD’s said that the most amazing thing that any SB had ever done was my action. It was hi sbirthday and I took him out… treated him to a nice dinner… and even bought him a spa day (he had never had a pedicure) He said that was teh most amazing thing. I would think that after a certain amount of time beeing with an SD, there comes to be a certain level of reciprocation. I do not thing that after 15 stays in amazing hotels paid for by an SD that an SB offering to pay for one night (when she is given an allowence… not in a gift only relationship) is almost expected. then the SD can choose to either allow her to do this or he can say “no sweetie I want to do this”

  94. AlaskanQT says:

    Ben: i am not sure if this is an option for you but this is what a good friend of mine does (not my SD but the SD of a very good friend) he figured out the financial logistics an dbought a small condo in his home area. He uses the condo for many things. He uses it to put business asscoiates up in, family that is vsiting from out of town, friends who want to have a drunken bachelor party (long story on that one for a completely different thread) or most importantly so he can enjoy private entertaining away from his wife when he chooses to. Again he is not my SD but a good friend and I have stayed in this place with my girl friend and a few of our other friends a time or two. It seems to work for him and it takes a lot of the pressure off of the hotel thing. He’s had a few SB’s and he says taht it was really nice when he encountered an SB who wasn’t quite ready for intimacy or had had too much to drink. They were able to occupy different rooms and bed and start it over in the morning :)

  95. lisa says:

    Ben I think you are a very considerate man. Why would a potential sb get insulted about getting a little cash gift? Is sounds like the man hating women are getting into this lifestyle. A sb should appreciate any give a sd gives her, even if he doesn’t want to see her again at least he was considerate of her valuablel time.
    As far as where to go to be alone that can be a problem to a traveling married sd. I was in a situation with my married lover where I didn’t have my own place and couldn’t sneak anyone in as those I lived with were very religious and anti-sex. We just went to a motel for a couple hours. It might sound a little sleazy but we only spent 2 hours together and after coming into contact with the tackiests of tacky men who want to do it in the car (I never did this), I appreciated the man who paid for the motel. There are some decent motels in most cities and if you were to ask me and I didn’t have my own place which I do, I would rather stay at a moderate hotel or motel (one of the chain ones) and receive a bigger allowance. No matter how expensive the hotel, you can’t take it home with you. If the sd was wealthy and could afford an allowance and a nice hotel, that would be a bonus.

  96. anny mous says:

    I meant to write that the male members of SA read the blogs..

  97. anny mous says:

    since we’re having a discussion about sb/sd expectations, and I really hope that male members do so, someone here please explain why there are members who simply write call me with their phone number and expect a response? Do they think that we’re all paid escorts, or stupid? If they’re that disrepectful in an email, can one im gine what they’d be like in person. I’m quite serious about hearing the male perspective on this and other types of terse emails to women on this site

  98. Ben says:

    Interesting stuff. I think on both sides – how to mention wanting/needing money and how to mention for the first time sex or intimacy is tough. One thing I wanted to mention though is that I have made it a policy to give a SB a little gift of cash (I usually just roll it up and place it in her hand and say it is a donation to her) and 2 of the SBs reacted sort of strangely. One was almost flat out insulted saying, “I can pay my own way…” She calmed down when I just said that I appreciated her time and was really just trying to be thoughtful – and of course that since we met here I should fulfill the expectation that I’m a SD. The other one sort of said, “So, you don’t want to see me again?” and I said – no, that’s not it. Maybe it is about class – I’m not sure. I think it is just about being decent – I think if this were my sister or some friend – I’d hope that they guy she meets would do what I do on a 1st date and beyond whether things worked out or not.

    So – another question for the group. Assuming things get rolling with a SD/SB relationship any thoughts about the best place to go to get some private time? Some of the younger SBs I know don’t have a place of their own, yet being attached I can’t exactly (unless I am really reckless, lol) bring her back home. Getting a decent hotel room though could cost $100-$200 a pop – and 1-2 times a week this could add up. Should SBs without a place of their own thus be less demanding or maybe usa part of an allowance to pay for one?

  99. lisa says:

    Much experience I think you understand the concept of being an sd. The lady met you and spent several hours with you. You didn’t feel there was a connection and you were honest, you didn’t say “well I’m busy till october, let’s discuss it more in october”, and then disappear. A sd is supposed to be paying for the time a woman spends with him, regardless of what is done. It’s a numbers game and sometimes we find ourselves with 2 or 3 men that want to meet at the same time and we have to decide which to meet, which means we might pick the right one or we might pick the one that stands us up and prevents us from meeting the other person.
    Men on here are afraid of losing money but they need to realize they are on an sd site and they are claiming to have money so it isn’t going to be a big loss to give someone a couple hundred dollars for taking the time to meet because afterall the lady did spend some time with you in conversation. If you want to avoid feeling obligated, a guy needs to end the date after about half an hour so that the lady can do other things with her day. I can’t believe how many men on here claim to make 500k-1 million a year and are afraid to loose a couple hundred or in alot of cases, they choose a cup of coffee over a lite meal at a casual cafe.
    What discourages me the most is when I am put on wait for a month or two before meeting someone and then we only meet for quick cup of coffee. I would think that the long correspondence would at least be worth a lunch or dinner together. The longer you wait for something, the better you expect it to be.

  100. Much Experience says:

    JSB & lisa, I’m sorry to hear about your experiences. Obviously, I can’t speak for the guys who strang you along, but I can definitely say that in my years of experience, some kind of assistance is requested, offered & taken in *every* real sb / sd encounter, unless the sb has declined to make a request.

    If your mileage has varied from this, then it sounds like something has been going wrong. I’m sorry, but you have to be brave enough to ask yourself (and the guy) “WTF?” when you get into awkward situations like what you both described.

    The premise is supposed to be that the guy has money, right? If you’ve been totally on the level, but the guy can’t at least pull out whatever for your time & effort, basically with minimal prompting from you, he either doesn’t actually have much money at all to spend, or he’s got some twisted emotional issue that you should be avoiding. (I’m open to a reality check on this, by the way. Does anyone dispute this?)

    As I write this, I’m thinking of a first date I had one afternoon with a potential SB, and I couldn’t really make up my mind, even after 2-3 hours together. At the end, I said “I’m really sorry, but maybe not.” She responded, “OK, but you know I made an effort and I’ve spent several hours with you, so..” And that just made total emotional sense to me, so I pulled out a few hundred dollars and gave it to her, which she was very happy with.

    I had taken a risk, it didn’t work out, so there was a minimal cost that I had to pay. No big deal, right?

    I hope this makes sense to everyone as far as how “expectations” on both sides can be handled so that no one feels misused.

  101. lisa says:

    I agree that we spend alot of time and money to look good. I remember when I used to do maintream dating and I would pick out a nice outfit, make sure nails were done, hair looked decent (I can’t afford professional care but I keep my roots covered and my hair neat), put on nice makeup, perfume, etc and then I would come face to face with my date who had on sweatpants or shorts and looked like he was in the middle of running errands. Made me feel I wasn’t worth the effort.
    I have met one guy on this site that was my sd for a short period and I have met another guy who set up a meeting date to talk about the arrangement only to disappear, and a few guys that no showed me, one of them 3 times!
    I want to look good for my man and make him feel good but I do need a little help to be able to do those things, not to mention keep my living expenses up as it’s hard to feel sensual towards a man when you are late on your rent and all he wants to do is meet for a talk and makeout with no mention of assistance. We are told over and over to let the financial part come gradually but then I believe the sexual part should come gradually. Too many men expect sbs to give them intimacy and then they will decide if the arrangement is going to work, kind of like people who buy clothes, wear them once and return them.

  102. JetSetBaby says:

    Sincere-

    Its nice to see a SD on the site that understands that being a SB isn’t exactly cheap or just a well kept up lady for that matter. Many of us girls spend a lot of money on hair, nails, personal trainers, gym memberships, tanning, childcare, etc.. The list goes on. Not JUST for our SD’s or potentials but to just take care of ourselves. It seems that theres so many guys that want to meet after their first message but its tough to know who’s for real and who just wants a free date without the mutually beneficial part of the arrangement. I’ve only met 3 people total from the site. Where yes i did have to take time from work and of course make sure my nails looked great, get a deep conditioning treatment and heck a hot new pair of jeans! Just to meet a guy that had no interest in talking about any sort of arrangement… EVER… Yet want more and more dates… I mean i just lost money from taking off work, spent money making sure my roots were colored or whatever else i spend money on to really just be lead to a dead end. Sure i’d like to make sure a guy covered these expenses for me so i didn’t have to worry about it, but it seems most guys (at least from the forums) don’t think thats necessary until after the first couple dates and they know you’re the right SB.. So how do i know if i’m dealing with a real potential SD or just another guy wanting a date with a hot chick? It seems any guy can say they’re willing to shell out 5-20k a month for an “allowance” but how do you know if he’s for real or just using it as bait? I tried to make my profile very well… up front cause i don’t want any gray areas. Its tough to bring up the financial part of things once you start talking to someone especially being a girl cause well no one wants to sound trashy.. But isn’t that why we’re all here? NSA is kind of the whole point. Sure maybe down the road i’ll think about being someone’s trophy wife but right now i don’t want anything serious just some serious fun for the both of us and a nice allowance to make sure i’m well spoiled and taken care of.. How do the rest of you bring up the financial part?

    I’ve had one real SD and one that i didn’t realize was even a SD though it wasn’t very consistent (we’d see each other once or twice a year) and the SD that i had i met through a friend not online. So the online thing is completely new to me.

  103. lisa says:

    I agree with you Bob. Many guys on here don’t know what a sugar daddy is. It’s kind of like the difference between someone who has grown up rich and the other who grew up in a somewhat trashy environment and made it big and became rich. Class comes from upbringing and can’t be learned just because someone makes it rich and there are many men who have money who have no respect for women. There are alot of guys on this site that are nice but really don’t understand the concept and are really just looking for a lady to spend time with, and have no intention of spending money. I have came across men on other sites that will put their profile on every site they can, whether it be Christian dating, mainstream dating, erotic encounters, sd sites, etc, as they are just using all their options available.

    I prefer a man who pays weekly as it is better for all involved.

  104. Ben says:

    Good points all. I agree with Much Experience though on rankings and I have to say even a comments or feedback system like eBay I think would be very hard for this site the more I think about it. SA is all about discretion and the rankings and comments on eBay are very public. The only way to possibly make this work would be to allow for maybe each person to have a feedback section with a voting sort of button. I’d say you’d need to provide SA and the person being evaluated with the day and time you met up in person and then maybe you could vote on categories, photo (real/fake), showed up/no show, followed through on commitments/did not. In my mind – these 3 categories cover a lot – from being stood up to being promised an allowance or intimacy never to see it happen etc. So – for the SB I met who took an allowance advance and disappeared – I’d vote – real photo, no show, and commitments not met.

    Anyhow – just my 2 cents.

    As for making payments/funds. I have thus far just paid cash weekly which is kind of a pain, but I think protects both sides. Other thoughts are to purchase prepaid Amex or Visa cards if you don’t want to carry cash. I know some folks have used paypal – and even in some cases I know some SDs with busineses simply put their SBs on the payroll as employees. Thanks.

  105. Much Experience says:

    Stephan, about your suggestion of possibly adding a ranking mechanism: personally I feel rankings would probably *not* be appropriate for SA. What would be the point of ranking members? General “hotness”? Please, leave that to the high-school & college age-level sites. I think SA is a great site, but it’s a site very much for grown-ups. As we’ve discussed, there are improvements to be made, but IMHO the focus should be on things that help each member make better choices for him/herself, individually…

  106. Bob says:

    Nice to have this blog. Gives us all a chance to see how others are thinking.

    Interesting topic as well. As to the original topic, what do we look for? Well, from SD viewpoint, I believe, generally speaking, what we SD’s are looking for is intimacy. Bottom line. Whether that be sexual, confidante, friendship, travel partner. Whatever. It is that intimacy that you have with someone who is “familiar”, and not just a stranger. If it were solely about the sex, well there are easier and, quite frankly, cheaper means to get my needs fulfilled without having to jump thru the hoops here on the site. Open a phone book, go online, and within an hour that’s taken care of. You know? What a SD wants is to be with someone familiar, someone with who they are comfortable. That being said, I acknowledge that there are a few guys who just want to get as many as they can. Some bad fruit will spoil the bushel if you let it.

    Lisa asks why do guys here want to wait to meet when on real dating sites guys want to meet the next day. Simple, money. On a dating site, there is no money consideration between adults; here there is. I think most of the guys Lisa mentioned get that confused, and don’t want to go forward because that money issue will come up right of way, and I believe a good deal of guys here don’t quite measure up to the SD standard and really have no intention of giving anyone money. Just my thoughts.

    As to the rating system: BS. You leave a black mark against me? Guess what, I just create a new profile anyway. You put up a rating system then you just encourage this type of behavior. Limit remarks to the specific group, i.e. SD ratings only SB’s can access? I am sure half the people here have a profile as either a SD or SB. I did because I wanted to see how other guys presented themselves to the group since starting out I really had no clue. A ratings feature is a useless feature. Perhaps change the search features a bit: if you are not a paying member you can’t filter searches. If a non-paying SB is looking for a SD, they can only go to recent logons or newest memberships site-wide, which leaves a lot of noise you have to filter thru to find what you want, or search by location, which will place me further down on the list as newer members join, and again more noise that a potential SB has to filter thru. I think there has to be a better way to raise revenue for the site without crippling the search feature, limitations I might add which are not on other sites.

    One last thing I want to “vent” about: compensation. Yes, most people would prefer to be handed cash instead of checks. In fact, site even recommends that you be wary of checks. I agree. But as the amt. of consideration is increased, it becomes even more difficult for a SD to transport and even account for, both for him and for you. You want 10k a month? Should I visit you with that 10k in my pocket? How do you put it in the bank w/o raising suspicions? There is one profile where the young lady demands greater than 40k a month. How you going to transport that or even hide the expenditure from others? And as the amt increases, the costs to the SD increase greatly too: 5k a month equates to 100k a yr. How? Tax consequences. At a general overall tax rate of 40% (+ or -) 100k after taxes is 60k, or 5k a month. For someone making 500k a yr, that’s 20% of his/her earnings. What I am getting at is that if your needs are on the higher side of life, then you should be prepared for the tax consequences as well. After a certain point, cash is no longer a viable option.

    Apologies for the length but there were so many good points raised that I wanted to share my thoughts. Cheers.

  107. lisa says:

    Good evening. Yes there are alot of fakes on here. I am finding myself very active this week with the fakes. This is a record week for me in getting messages from guys, chatting with them and then they want to meet later in the year. I can’t understand the way the men on here are. I was on a couple regular dating sites a few years back and I found you could hardly talk to any guy on there without he wanted to meet the next day and it was me that was wanting to talk to them at least a couple days before meeting but on this site, the men seem so reluctant to go past emailing. The claim to be busy and not quite ready to start and sd relationship yet then are online every night and they aren’t answering my emails, they are on here contacting other ladies which is odd if they are too busy why are they putting so much on their plates?

  108. Blondie_NYC says:

    Stephen – I think a place to comment on fake photo etc., or just a fake or an escort is definitely worthwhile. On a different dating site I met three men in a row who had used fake photos. And no, they didn’t seem upset when I left them after 10 minutes.
    The ability to contact a member directly from the blog is also a good idea. Whether it’s one Sb who needs to get advice from another, or an SD who’s interested in an Sb, this is much easier than scrolling through a city or state to try to find them.
    Regarding etiquette- now there are many SD’s out there and I’m sure a few sb’s who ask for someone’s photo, it’s sent and the other person is never heard from again. If someone takes the time to mail you their photo at least have the courtesy to write back and say no thanks. I had one guy who tracked me down from a blog entry, asked me for my photo and disappeared right after that. The irony is that he’s always on the blogs complaining how women are using him for cash. Well, he’s not a youngster and like Tom is on the hunt for an under 25 year old model. The other irony is that if I had found his nickname first before sending him my photo, I wouldn’t have bothered. He’s not my type. And no, I’m not in it for the money, I would like to meet a man who not only enjoys the finer things in life but isn’t just window shopping i.e. he enjoys all that life has to offer. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.
    I don’t have the time or inclination for a full-time relationship, but knowing that someone’s out there for me is a lovely thing.
    the problems with dating guides is that few people read or adhere to them. We’ve gone over so many topics and deviations of topics here on the blogs, that I think if someone really was inclined to understand what it’s all about, they’d come here and root around. That’s what I did.

  109. Craig_M says:

    Ben: Good point. There are some weird sugar babies. Infact there is one that demanded $1000 upfront and her profile sounded more like an escort. We exchanged numbers and I found that she had quite an impressive rap sheet mostly for theft.

  110. lisa says:

    The sd that I had just gave me cash. It wasn’t a lot but it was always cash. I would think it would be just like buying entertainment as most sds wouldn’t declare movie tickets or shopping on their income tax to save money, so it would be just like him spending money and as far as the sb, it would be unreported income I would presume and really no different than not reporting the money your parents gave you as a gift or anything of value that anyone gives you that is not traceable. I mean a car would have to be reported to tax because after all it involves a title and the purchase is recorded. If you were to report your sb income, you would have to pay income tax and self employement tax which would take a big chunk of it.

  111. cre8tor says:

    I have a question on another subject. How does a sd take care of the transfer of funds to his sb and avoid the income tax payment to Mr. IRS? Credit card w/monthly limit? Cash under the mattress?

  112. Ben says:

    Good ideas about feedback. I wanted to respond to Much Experience’s comment – first, it is sad to hear that SBs have misled, stood up or dumped. Just sucks. I think I can speak for the SDs on this site as we’ve had our own issues. I had one SB who flat out stood me up after I had talked to her only 2-3 hours prior to meeting for dinner. Her profile is still up. I had anther SB who took an allowance advance and just disappeared. I also have met a lot of great women here and had a nice SB here for a bit that just didn’t work out – think she may have been too young.

    I think the challenge will be that in order to maintain discretion the identities of the people posting ratings or comments will probably not be public. However – what may work is for the identities of evaluators to be shared privately – so that those evaluated can contest the comments and ratings – and maybe even they can contest the comments publicly.

    I know the woman that I mentioned in the other blog (actually this is another site) who wanted $1,000 the day after we met – and offered really nothing in return – suspended her profile for a day or two, but is back on that site again no doubt asking other SDs for cash up front. For all I know – this just may be her strategy.

    I also had 2 SBs write to me – giving me IM accounts only to find that they are really just young women trying to promote their webcam businesses. A waste of time. Overall I should say the majority of SBs I’ve met are great – sweet and interesting women who I usually like to hear from.

    Stephan – keep us posted. Thanks All.

  113. Much Experience says:

    Stephan, thanks for your comments. I’m glad to hear you guys are kicking around some ideas for improvement. I also understand your concern that user-reviews are a touchy subject given your committment to discretion.

    So why not just keep this very simple..? You could offer a very limited set of feedback choices, based on very specific scenarios like Fake Photo / Stood-Up on Date / etc. So for example if SA is getting a lot of complaints about no-shows, then give users an option to report somebody for “no-show”.

    Anticipating that there may be disagreement, make each report a threaded discussion that everyone can follow. She says, he says, she says, etc.. Change the site’s terms of use to “99% discretion guaranteed” 😉 so that people understand that there may be consequences for bad behavior.

    Again, this is all about setting up some basics for sd / sb expectations.

  114. cre8tor says:

    I have been on another site (not a sugardaddy based site) that uses a comment section. One can put comments up about anyone that all members can read. The only drawback I find in that if offers an arena for disgruntled members to voice negative experiences that might not be true in all experiences. Something along that line happened to me. I was to meet a potential date in Denver, flew there, he got the room and then blew me off. I was responsible for the room costs as well as all flight costs. When I posted a negative comment about him, he fired one right back. I don’t really know what it is I did but he had to defend himself. They now put a statement to contact a member for details and don’t allow the posting of negative experiences.

    I would rather see a common courtesy guide about dating rather than an area to vent negative comments.

  115. stephan says:

    Much Experience: as far as the functionalities of the website itself — stay tuned for more features allowing members to screen, report and possibly rank other members. Though many members have suggested we limit such critique and ranking as to remain as discreet and impersonal as possible. We work hard to provide a service that is 100% DISCREET, while also allowing as much flexibility as possible. The concept you mentioned has been on the table over here for a while. I’d love to hear what other sugar babies and sugar daddies think about a possible “ranking” or “judging” system, in which sugar babies or sugar daddies on the site can tell other members what their impression was or is of you through an ‘amazon.com’ or ‘ebay’ style ranking system? If you would like to remain anonymous, feel free to send suggestions, comments or questions about SeekingArrangement.com to support (at) seekingarrangement.com.

  116. sincere_sd says:

    Tom,

    Regarding your comment – “Not to sound depressing, but I received over a hundrer emails last week. So of course I chose the most attractive SB’s: for me (I think most men would agree) it means younger than 25, skinny and pretty.So of course I chose the most attractive SB’s: for me (I think most men would agree) it means younger than 25, skinny and pretty.”

    I suppose it depends on what you are looking for in a sb relationship.

    Personally, I’m looking for an ongoing relationship with someone who I can share good times and common interest with in and out of the bedroom. While physical appearance is important, that can wear thin very quickly and there’s anyways another attractive female available.

    At the risk of stereotyping, I prefer not to see the model-type and early 20 y.o. students. I’m tired of the high maintenance types who think they deserve to be treated like a princess just because they are “hot”. I know more about rap music, designer labels, rave clubs, etc. than I care to admit. Of course, there are the quiet snickers and unwanted attention when you are seen out together in public.

  117. Much Experience says:

    Yet another really great blog discussion! Thanks everyone for all your points of view. I sympathize with all the sb writers who feel they’ve been misled and/or dumped unceremoniously by poser sd’s. This is an awful way to be treated, and frankly *note to Stephan* this will tend to hurt the site’s reputation over time. Stephan, you & management really need to listen and think here, b/c your users are indirectly pointing out a limitation of the site. It sounds to me that if it were put to a member vote, there might be an overwhelming mandate to implement some kind of member feedback / ranking / commentary system, a la EBay. SB’s should have the ability & the option to black-mark (or at least question-mark) disrespectful SD’s, that’s only fair.

    Stephan, please, do some brainstorming / research other social networks / solicit ideas from users, etc. I presume the site is way cash-positive, right? Hopefully you guys are already working on a SA 2.0 that has member-on-member feeback implemented. Getting back to the blog topic “what do you expect?” I think the first thing sb’s need to be able to expect on the site is decent & respectful treatment from their potential sd’s.

    All comments appreciated..

  118. sincere_sd says:

    This is my first post on this blog as I’ve been looking for a thread where I can add valuable feedback as an experienced SD. Many of the topics are interrelated but I’ll try to keep it focused on the key theme of the question.

    Comment – “If you do not have a clear idea of the previously stated “arrangement essentials” (time & mutual benefit), then your setting yourself up for possible headache.”

    This is great advise and a worthwhile exercise for both sd and sb alike! I know this sounds cold and callous and more of a business transaction than a relationship but it’s important for both parties understand the extent of their relationship and whether they agree. Time and money/benefits are the key variables.

    I was involved in a relationship where the expectations were not well understood and the gap was one of the factors that lead to our breakup … she thought I wasn’t giving her enough benefit and taking too much of her time and I thought the opposite. The details aren’t important but the lesson here is to be upfront with expectations so both parties know the boundaries. SD/SB relationships can be very complex and the bonds can be very fragile especially if the the sd feels like a walking wallet and the sb feels like an escort or either party feels they are being screwed (no pun intended).

    On another note, I am surprised at how badly most sb understand their financial needs. Having learned my lesson that generosity isn’t always a benefit, I always try to understand financial needs of a potential sb. In probably 3/4 situations, I find that the sb isn’t asking for enough for meet her financial needs, especially when it comes to paying back credit cards or other debt (and no, I’m not falling prey for sucker stories).

    Most sb are very surprised when I offer more than what is being discussed. I may be overly generous but my philosophy is a happy sb is going to make her sd very happy.

    Sb should think about the time commitment. If you are involved with a married man or have a child, schedules can be tough to co-ordinate. Also you need to consider the time and cost it takes to get ready for your sd … getting dolled up, shopping for extras (food, lingere, wine, etc.), picking up the babysitter, etc.

    Good luck to all in their quest …

  119. lisa says:

    Letty you are not alone. I have only met 2 sds on this site out of all the ones I have “exchanged emails with” One never got backwith me and the other became my sd for short period before he moved out of state. The past week alone I have had contact with about 6 or 7 potential sds and even planned to meet this week BUT everyone of them turned out to be a flake. I got so many wild excuses and one had to go out of town to visit a dying relative but still manages to be on this site everyday, several times a day. 0 out of 6 is not good odds.

  120. Tom says:

    cre8tor: I had a SB before, but I met her in real life, so there was none of those awkward first date issues. Interestingly, it was one of the most emotionally fulfilling relationships I ever had with a woman :) Who would have thought?

    I have been on this site for only 1 week or so. I have 6 dates with potential SB’s this weekend, I’ll post my experience here!

    Not to sound depressing, but I received over a hundrer emails last week. So of course I chose the most attractive SB’s: for me (I think most men would agree) it means younger than 25, skinny and pretty.

  121. Letty says:

    I’ve never been on a website that every man on it took so long to meet

  122. Letty says:

    Is their any serious S.D.’s?

  123. lisa says:

    Thanks Angie. Actually I am a very positive person to people in general, my worries come when I am sitting home alone at night. Oddly the past few days I have been free from my work related stress and have began feeling kind of warm and cuddly again among other things. I hide my feeling well except to the people that hurt me. I maintained a long relationship with a married man for several years and although I went through many problems in that time, including unemployement and family issues, I kept it covered from him and besides when I am with someone I enjoy, I forget my problems. As odd as it might seem, I am quite a quirky person, joke alot, and am well liked by the people who know me.
    I just get discouraged by the fakes on here but I dont give up and I keep trying, being friendly, and give no hint of my problems. I am a bit shut up though because I haven’t the funds to do anything to entertain myself and my neighborhood isn’t nice for walks or leisure. I am justing looking to find a man to treat me good, help me with my money issues so I don’t fall into a hole and never come out (I haven’t got a job yet and even when I get one, by the time I get a paycheck I will behind on bills.), and someone to have that special relationship I had with my married lover, sharing our interests and having that post passion pillow talk, etc.
    I am making contact with guys and exchanging emails but it seems it never gets past that.

  124. Angie says:

    Lisa I agree with Be_A_Star. You have to be more positive if you want to meet a sd. Iread many of your posts and you are bitter and angry at the world. People sense that, and especially successful men that know how to read a person.
    What you are going through with your job and all is very unfortunate, but you need to stay positive. Negativity will only attract more bad things to you.
    I am new to the entire sd/sb scene, but frankly, if I was a man, sd or not, I wouldn’t want anything to do with you because by reading your posts, I can picture you as somebody that whines and complains about everything, all the time. Whereas a sd, and a man in general, is looking for somebody to have a great time with, somebody who’s company he would enjoy.
    Even more important, NEVER depend on anybody. If you find a sd that will give you nice things, take you nice places and even an allowance, great. But don’t count on it. Enable yourself and you will see that you will handle your search with more ease. And then, you will meet him.
    I don’t mean to be harsh or offend you in any way, but if you want to be successful in this, and in life in general, loosen up. Put a big smile on your face, go work out, relax, feel better and then start talking to potential sds. And if they don’t respond to you after a few emails, then perhaps they were fakes. And if they were not…. their loss. Move on… there is plenty fish in the ocean

  125. cre8tor says:

    Tom: I misunderstood and agree with your “marriage” without the paper. I’ve done the traditional marriage thing and really don’t need or want to do it again. But a long term relationship w/a man that I like to spend time with (just not all of it) and enjoy all the wonderful things that come with a man/woman relationship is the goal. Have you had a sb before? If so, can you fill us sb’s in on how you think the beginning of the relationship should best be handled?

  126. Darrah says:

    I have been involved in a few SD/SB relationships. I have yet to find one on this site, in part because I have one major expectation (rule). I have never asked for upfront money or gifts. Honestly I feel very uncomfortable with that concept because there may not be chemistry and I would never want to do anything out of obligation. I do however ask that a first meeting be on my grounds. A friend who has for many years been an SD (but in an arrangement with a friend) told me a little tidbit of advise. He told me never travel to an SD even if he pays for your expenses until after you have met them in person. He argued that a serious SD would happily come to you and that if you traveled to him there would be no promise of chemistry posibly leaving you without accomodations or the such.

    I guess he made sense to me. While I have been involved with SD’s in the past, I find myself at a loss now. My question is: “Is this an unreasonable expectation?”

    I pride myself on my career and maybe haven’t looked very hard because I don’t NEED this relationship. I would like to meet a man who knows how to treat a lady and I’d like to share my compasion and intellect with somone who could appreciate it. I believe another poster (in a diffferent topic) said the money from an arrangement shoudl be the fluffing on your lifestyle.

  127. BrainyBarbie says:

    Thank you for all of your responses. They were truly helpful. I am an eternal people pleaser so that is just what I needed to hear to wake me up.

  128. Tom says:

    Cre8tor: I have heard this talk so many times from family / friends 😉

    I am a business man, and I was successful by not following social standards, and doing things my own way!

    I can spot an awful deal when I see one, and marriage is certainly one of them.. for me at least!

    I have friends who have a perfect family life withour being married. It’s just a piece of paper – I think it’s time we get over it.

  129. cre8tor says:

    Tom: hmmm, seems their could be some financial protections for you. And, although it is good to understand the realities of divorce, they aren’t quite as one sided as you might think. But you are still young and have plenty of time to fall head over heels in love and change your goals. And, what if the love included a woman your equal in her ability to generate income? Could happen you know. But i enjoy your feedback and perspective on this subject.

  130. lisa says:

    I do think men get better with age. I dated a man with grey hair (he was only 39 but prematurely grey) and I became attracted to men with grey hair, then I had an affair with a man who was almost bald, and I became attracted to bald men. I am not really into the 20 year old beach boy type, although I am too old for that now I was never attracted to that when I was younger.

    I agree with you Ben about a person being courtious enough to say not interested instead of leaving up hanging. I had 3 potential sds in the past month that did that. They were supposed to come into town on business but somehow they were never able to make it or something came up, and they are still on the site. I would have appreciated a simple “I don’t think it will work because of distance” rather than just being left to hang. I take to time to look my best for a potential sd and set aside plenty of time for him and it ticks me off when one cancels at the last minute.

  131. Tom says:

    Craig: I am 30 and own my own business.

    Marriage and divorce would most likely mean for me: $1+ million in losses, the end of my business, being kicked out of my own house, and never seeing my kids (if any) again. Not to mention, that being married, knowing all I could lose, would make the relationship very asymetrical, and make me an easy target for abuse.

    I think that if you are making more than $100k (which you should if you are on this site), you are better off going with the SB lifestyle. It will save you money on the long run and your sanity!

  132. Ben says:

    Whew – a lot going on here. Great stuff. I guess I need to respond to Anna’s comments about men being delusional. Frankly – these seem to be a bit rude and over the top given the civil nature of discourse here. Obviously money makes men (and women) more attractive and that’s the main reason why women are here in many cases. If it were meaningless I don’t know why then so many women would ask for pictures – and while most have wanted to meet up after getting them some have not. I got a note back from one woman saying, “Sorry – but you aren’t anything close to my type.” LOL. This was actually refreshingly honest. I don’t want to be left hanging either. I’d be interested in SBs comments on this, but as a relatively young SD, I think I have a lot to offer beyond just money than most guys that are 15-20 years younger – and more than I did when I was that age as well. If we don’t get out of shape and lose too much hair – don’t men get better with time? I feel more secure, confident, accomplished and in many cases fun than I did when I was younger.

  133. Craig_M says:

    Tom: How young are you? What do you do?

  134. lisa says:

    I agree Crystal. I had a long term relationship with a married man and understood the bounderies but found myself longing for more but after having 2 relationships with single men who were somewhat obsessed with me for a few months only to just drop me like a hot potato with no explanation (I never asked or took any money from either of these men, so I didn’t come across as needy) I have decided to no longer waste time on that and want to find a sugar daddy to have a light hearted relationship and financial gain from. Money is an issue with me though since I can’t not really get into a hot torrid relationship if I don’t even have money to eat. lol

    One good thing about the married man is that I didn’t have to worry about his taxes or house payment or anything else that he might have done. When you get involved with a single guy, especially one my age that most likely has been married and has kids, you have to deal with his past, his obligations to his family, and if you ever get married, if he has been financially irresponsible in the past, it might come back to haunt you, or in some cases, although I watch too much tv, even a criminal past. With a married man, you can enjoy your time with him and take him for what he is.

  135. Crystal says:

    In response to lisa, I agree with everything you said. I think no matter what situation your in, the woman often gives up more, regardless of the money. You have to establish with yourself that a man is not going to leave their wife for a SB. Once that is set in stone, there could be good entertainment. However, I find myself falling for the person, and could never seperate those feeling from the aggreement. Maybe I’m looking for a relationship or maybe not…

  136. ann y. mous says:

    Steph- got a question for you- in the advanced search section, why can’t you search by profile name? Or specific likes or dislikes??

  137. SouthernGent2 says:

    Goddess – I think most potential sb’s don’t think about the type of man they are about to meet. I own a business. I’m not going to be seen with someone that shops at Wal-Mart (no disrespect intended), has no poise or polish, etc. She has to carry herself well, not look cheap, and most importantly know how to carry on a conversation. If she can bring all that to a first meeting, then I will likely be interested. If she simply prepares herself to show she is polished and that she knows how to act with a successful man such as myself, then that is enough to show me she is serious.

  138. Goddess says:

    BrainyBarbie: You ask how you know he’s not going to just sleep with you and never fulfill his end of things. Easy answer – you’re not going to sleep with him until you’re sure he’s serious and that you and he have compatible goals. Why would you sleep with a man you don’t trust yet? Wait until you’re ready, don’t feel you have to rush into bed just because he’s a potential SD. There are a few men on here and every other site who pose as potential SDs, lie about who they are, and make promises they can’t keep. They exist – that’s just a fact of life. Chances are, those guys will find a woman gullible enough to fall for it and sleep with him, maybe even a few times. Or maybe he’ll just convince her to waste countless hours entertaining him with sexy emails. You are the one who decides whether you will be that gullible woman or not.

    SouthernGent: I’ve got a lot of respect for your approach of bringing a gift to the first meeting. Do you have any advice on something that the woman can do at a first meeting that similarly demonstrates that she’s serious?

    Be A Star: I’d love to help re-write your profile. I’m not sure how I’d find you, though. I could probably use a hand with mine too, as I’ve been getting very few contacts on here. Oh, good advice given on keeping a positive attitude, too.

  139. cre8tor says:

    Anna: I wish you luck.

  140. cre8tor says:

    SouthernGent2 you’re back! I was wondering where you had gone. I enjoy your elegant, mature and respectful approach to this whole thing. It seems reasonable to meet first to see if there is even a connection to build on. Some of the subscribers here have brought the level of this whole process to something that is somewhat crass and based only on money for action. Might as well hire someone off the street in that case.

    BrainyBarbie: if you have been talking for some time, you should have a sense of what he is about. And, you are right if he has continued to pursue you, there is obviously something there. If he’s coming to your town, let him get a hotel room for himself and if things change after meeting and you both are comfortable with something intimate, its available. If you want to wait, do not feel pressured to do so. As to the arrangement details, if he suggests going to his room, tactfully ask what his expectations are for the “arrangement”. Call it an arrangement so that he understands that is what you want him to clarify. Does that help?

  141. BrainyBarbie says:

    Hello all…. I’ve been reading the blog since last week and I have to say it’s been so insightful! My question for all of you is related to expectations. I have been talking to a man for quite some time now… off and on. We were going to meet once but my nerves got the better of me. He lives in NYC which is about 1hr 45 min from me. I think it was the idea of traveling that made me chicken out. He has since offered to come to my city and have dinner with me. Since we have been talking for awhile he’s mentioned getting a hotel room to “spend more time together” which i’m a little concerned about. How do I know he’s not just going to sleep with me and never fulfill his end of things? I don’t think this would happen because why would he have continued to talk to me for all of this time? My second question was he was concerned that my nervousness was with the moral end of this arrangement… how do I convince him it is not?

    Thanks!

  142. Be_A_Star says:

    Lisa I hate saying this but I’m going to. You will never meet an SD at this given time because your attitude is very poor.
    Even if you don’t tell these potential SD your thought, what you’ve been saying on these blog will come out in the energy you project. Whether you realise it or not people are going to pick up on your current negative vibe you are trying to hide.
    Until you can curb some of unhealthy energy, you are going have to fight to get anyone to stay around.
    What we believe and conceive, we create in our lives.
    Currently you mention alot of negative feeling and ideas on SDs on this site, so naturally all you will attract are time waster and the like.
    Till you can honestly believe you will find the perfect SD on here for you and see the positive of some of the men on here, you will keep turning up duds.
    I only say this because I was once where you are, slightly different but my world didn’t change till I start to have a more positive attitude toward it and then what I attracted into my life added to that positivity and it became self creating. The more I was positive the more wonderful thing started to occur.

    Smiles B

  143. lisa says:

    I just wish that when a man meets a potential sb and he sees no chemistry or isn’t interested in a second meeting, that he would just say it was nice meeting you at the end of the meeting or be honest instead of suggested a possible second meeting in the future (like a month or two) and say that an arrangement can be worked out at that time. I have met guys that I have not mentioned anything about an allowance with (I have never mentioned it) and they will bring up the subject themselves and suggest discussing it in the future. But they have no intention of meeting again.

  144. lisa says:

    I agree Anna, it is clearly laid out what we are to do on this website, it is not a dating site but some men seem to want to use it as a way to get a date, offer an allowance and then say they want to date seriously, when actually they just want something for nothing.

  145. SouthernGent2 says:

    Bind and Lisa – I have to disagree with both of you about making agreements beforehand. While I do take an approach of bringing a gift to show I am serious to a first meeting, I am really meeting her to determine if she is someone with SB potential for me. I want to see how she carries on a conversation, if she has a good personality, how she acts in public, is she polished, and of course her appearance too. I want to know if this is someone I can be with and take places with confidence.

    The way I see things, we both know why we are on this site. All of that discussion can come on a second meeting. The first meeting is just to determine if there will be a second meeting and arrangement discussions. I tell everyone that I will make no promises up front, and that I am very particular in what I am looking for.

    I realize this drifted a bit from the actual topic at hand, but I felt adding an opinion would not hurt.

  146. Anna says:

    Men are delusional… this website is for a specific purpose with all rules and expectations clearly laid out. After reading and posting your personals why do you think that some gorgeous woman has nothing better to do than babysit you and your fantasies??? Hoping that gorgeous central will want to “have chemistry with you” (ie., fuck your brains out for free because that is of course her sole purpose in life) is not only delusional but dysfunctional. We all know you marrried men would be in a hot tub with Beyonce (you have her on speed dial) if it were not for that “bitch” you live with now. Come on – grow up!

  147. Tom says:

    Ben: I am actually a young man who has no intention of ever getting married, and considers the SB reltionship as an alternative to marriage.

    I wonder if there are other SD like me on the site ??

    I saw too many of my friends’ lives thoroughly ruined by divorce, to even consider marriage as an option. There is no free lunch :) The so-called “commitment” sounds like not much at first… but in the long-term it ends up costing a lot more (emotionally and financially) than a SB. And a SB is a lot more fun anyway 😉

  148. Be_A_Star says:

    Cre8tor and Goddess, maybe you guy could give me a hand to re-write my profile? I know I’m a pretty wild child, but I’m also honest and lots of fun. I just seem to write a terrible profile, to wordy and it feel wrong but I just don’t know how to make it sound like me. Maybe Stephen could ochestrat an email exchange system between the three of us. You appear to be interesting ladies and I can relate to what you say it would be nice to get it sounding better.

    Smiles B

  149. Be_A_Star says:

    Thank Goddess, I love what you wrote! Beautifully put.

  150. cre8tor says:

    Very eloquently put Goddess and I agree.

  151. lisa says:

    I agree with bind. It is best to discuss it upfront so that the rules are set. I have had too many guys suggest discussing it when we get together again (after our coffee meeting) and they were never to be heard from again. It would have been more considerate for them to just say they weren’t interested than to leave me hanging. These guys are still on this too.
    It seems too many guys want to avoid the subject of finance but have not problem talking about intimacy.

  152. bind says:

    I would expect, a SD or SB to come to a mutual agreement beforehand.
    Anything agreed on, goes.
    Anything not agreed on, is a NO untill further discussions.

  153. Goddess says:

    Several years ago, when out of town on a business trip, I met a fellow traveller in the hotel lounge who invited me to join him for dinner. Very fascinating and interesting gentleman, we lingered over dinner for hours. During a lull in our conversation, I noticed him watching me and smiling. He said “I like to watch you eat.” I looked at him quizzically and he went on to explain that it makes him happy to see a woman eat food that he’s provided for them. From what I understood, fulfilling the provider role made him feel fulfilled as a man.

    More recently, I had a conversation with a very successful gentleman acquaintance who mentioned a young woman in his life. This may or may not have been an intimate relationship and I doubt that either party recognized it as a SD/SB relationship. He spoke with great pride of the business that she’d recently opened, and that he’d offered the financial backing (a gift, not a loan or investment) and some mentoring to get her started. He was obviously getting a lot out of the relationship from what he was able to do for her, rather than simply by whatever she was offering to the relationship.

    And in my own relationships, the gentlemen I’ve spent my time with have expressed as much appreciation for listening and being a supportive friend as they have for my gifts of intimacy. As a woman, it makes me feel fulfilled to see the gifts of my time and sensuality enjoyed by the man I choose to give them to.

    Anyone who believes that what we’re talking about here is simply quid pro quo, cash for NSA, is rather mistaken. That’s not a relationship, that’s an escort on a retainer. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not what I’m personally looking for and not what this site is about.

    In a true SD/SB relationship, many gifts are offered from each side, many of them intangible. While it is smart to make expectations clear on both sides and quantify issues that should be quantified, quid pro quo is not what it’s all about. I think it’s more like Ben described, how the man supports the woman similarly to how he would a wife, just not at the same level and without that commitment of forever offered. And the woman should be attracted enough to the man that the gifts are not the sole motivating factor in spending time with him.

  154. Divo says:

    Male sugardaddies gay/straight and those mommies that venture into this lifestyle to pay for what??? If your daring enough to seek the affair or the lover then your daring enough to do what it takes to keep them. For some it’s a new car, house, expenses paid, and trips around the world…For what a night of sex and a goodbye when one better comes along…I personally ventured into wanting a mentor and someone to help me through school along with companionship or whatever else may come along, but it seems hard to get just that.. What do daddies really want is the question I have to ask and what do we have to give to get that?? Communication is key and when I write a nice hello to a daddy maybe it’s to much and 2 nice, but isn’t that how we want things to be?? Real and not fake? Please let me know what does a daddy want and what do I have to give? Will there every be a mentor or benefactor to open that xoxoxo Ciao!

  155. stephan says:

    Ben: i hear ya :)

    stay tuned for possible blog makeovers and restructuring to come…

  156. lisa says:

    as a sb I expect to have a mutual agreement where we both give each other what we need. It would be similiar to the relationship I had with a married man who was not a sd. We seen each other weekly and kept in touch by email almost daily, even if just to say hi. I talked to him lightly about my problems but never let him know when I had serious issues in my life, and he told me about his problems, his wife, his family, what he was having done to remodel his house, etc. We had a relationship of passion and excitement and he was the best lover I ever had. I met him online, met him in person and we went to a motel the same day. That is not something I recommend but at the time I had been celibate for like 10 years and my past relationships had left alot to be desired. This man fulfilled all my fantasies without me saying a thing, it’s like he could read my mind. I loved being with him, and just hearing from him. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him and if it wasn’t for me needing money (which he never offered) I probably would have never considered finding someone else.
    I want to find that kind of relationship with another man, preferably married because it sets a natural limit on things as I feel that if I got involved with a single sd, I would feel rejected when he someday broke off with me to marry or share his life with a girlfriend. I do need to have an allowance, though, as when I began my search, I had a job and was making it barely, but I was surviving but lacking a little fun and excitement in my life.

  157. Ben says:

    As a married SD I think the big thing that men are paying for is to have a relationship with a woman and not have her necessarily be the primary person or thing in his life with a future. In other words (and I’m kind of a Finance guy) when a woman dates a man seriously, she has sort of a long term option and right to his wealth, income, and companionship – a.k.a. palimony lawsuits and such. When you get serious with somebody you are sort of giving the option that you’ll be with that person long term. I think some women obviously don’t want ot stay with some SDs long term, but I’d say women want long term relationships more than men do – and they are giving up being #1 and being a wife per se. I look at the SB/SD relationship much as a man and his mistress – a complex relationship that is on multple levels, emotional, sexual and maybe even spiritual if you can make that connection. A mistress or courtesan relationship is one where you basically have a long term emotional and financial attachment. I sort of see it – that just like you support a wife in many cases – you support a mistress, although women these days have many more options than in 19th century England etc. I guess I think that if I were single I wouldn’t necessarily looking for the same type of SD/SB relationship because I’d be able to commit myself to somebody long term – and I’d hope (although I might be overconfident, lol) that my prospects for landing an attractive younger woman would be better if I were single. I would hope that a young attractive woman would like the possibility of marrying a slightly older, stable, wealthy, confident man who is great with kids. Given that I can’t do this at present – the money in my mind makes up for the difference. It is not money for sex – very different in my view.

    The other part of it is maybe a little bit of extra spoiling to make up for the age difference etc. However, I really wouldn’t want to be with a SB that chose me for my money and just “got past” my looks or personality. I should be somebody she would date – and the $$ is just extra.

    For SBs – I think they get financial support, mentoring, friendship and somebody who truly does care about them and may even love them. (I have an easy time loving women – they are wonderful. I’ve fallen a bunch of times, lol). I think the SBs get stability, obviously sex – and hopefully a mature and experience SD really knows what he’s doing vs. younger men : ). In general they get the companionship and attention, not to mention financial support and gifts of a more confident, yet older guy. Sorry this is so long – I guess I have a lot to say.

    One other thought is that I think SBs and SDs sort of need guidelines as to what is appropriate. This might help things a bit. I was imagining a SB/SD society, lol. Really though – while on the one hand it should be whatever the two people come up with – I get emails now and then from women saying they have no idea what to expect and what to do. As we’ve seen on the blog, many women have been taken advantage of or been treated poorly – and many men – myself included have been the victims of scams or potential scams. I have trouble with the word scam – as it may be that some of these SBs just don’t want to take a risk and want a lot of money up front NSA before they will get serious. I had a woman very recently just email me and say, “As a SD you are supposed to pay my rent and I’ll be your SB on the side…and don’t ask me any other questions..” This was after I just basically said hello – but honestly this may be how she thinks things work.

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